1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,440 # We're not going out 2 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:02,360 # Not staying in 3 00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:05,240 # Just hanging around With my head in a spin 4 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:08,000 # But there is no need to scream and shout 5 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:11,080 # We're not going out 6 00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:14,200 # We are not going out. # 7 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,960 HUBBUB 8 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,720 I can't believe how much this pub has changed. 9 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,840 I might be wrong, but isn't that the exact spot 10 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:28,120 where I asked you to be my wife? 11 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,640 It's a totally different shape to what it used to be. 12 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,080 Yeah, but you're great with the kids. 13 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:34,640 Look at me and smile. 14 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:36,280 I can't do both. 15 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:38,840 Sorry, a quick reminder, all phones need to be put away. 16 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:40,440 Oh, sorry. 17 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,480 Are you sure that this is what you wanted to do 18 00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:44,640 on our tenth wedding anniversary - a pub quiz? 19 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:48,680 Yeah, I told you, I just want a relaxing and casual night. 20 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:50,840 Relaxing? With Anna and Toby? 21 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,440 Promise me we'll never end up like those two. 22 00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:54,880 We won't. 23 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,080 We'll divorce long before it gets that bad. 24 00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:59,760 Are you still writing for Clinton Cards? 25 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,400 Oh, for God's sake, Toby, we're late again. 26 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,400 Who still uses an A-Z? 27 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:07,280 Research suggests that using navigation apps 28 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:09,320 increases the risk of dementia. 29 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:10,760 Really? 30 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:13,480 I make a point of using Google Maps, but it's no good - 31 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,600 I still keep remembering we're married. 32 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:18,640 BOTH: Happy anniversary! 33 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:20,120 Are we quorate? 34 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,920 If that's the team name you're suggesting, we've already got one. 35 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,000 Quiz De Burgh. Oh, actually, no, 36 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,920 apparently Quiz De Burgh's already been taken. 37 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:29,760 Aw, who by? 38 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,280 Um, I don't know, that lady in red? 39 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:35,720 Well, let's go with Quorate, then. Whatever that means. 40 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,760 Oh, that wasn't a team name suggestion. 41 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:41,520 Quorate is Latin - it means enough people to begin proceedings. 42 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:45,080 That is why we're going to win, with our secret weapon, Toby. 43 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,040 Why's Toby the secret weapon? 44 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,840 Yeah, what about me? 45 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:52,200 Well, and you as well, of course, Anna. 46 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,680 Toby is the secret weapon, 47 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,720 but you're more of an obvious weapon, like a... 48 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,640 Weapon of mass destruction. 49 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,040 Just because he's a doctor, 50 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,760 everyone assumes he's the brains in the relationship. 51 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:04,160 It's infuriating. 52 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,960 I think you're both equally going to win this for us. 53 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,600 Both? What am I? Just the eye candy? 54 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:12,560 I always beat him at Trivial Pursuit, you know. 55 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:13,760 Tell her. 56 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,480 Tell her what? That I always beat you at Trivial Pursuit. 57 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,480 You have literally just told her. 58 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:20,280 I'm sure she remembers. 59 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,280 Even without the piercing eyes. 60 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:26,240 The two of you are going to be our secret weapon. 61 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:27,560 Can you actually see me? 62 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:31,240 Sorry, yes, and you are also our secret weapon. 63 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:32,520 Like a... 64 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,600 I don't know, something unexpected and deadly. 65 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:37,200 Like a silent fart. 66 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:40,760 I am just as clever as you lot, you know. 67 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,760 What, even the great Dr Toby? 68 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:44,520 I'm sorry if I offended you, Anna. 69 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:47,280 And what about me, do I get an apology? What for? 70 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,400 For calling me thick. I DIDN'T call you thick. 71 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,560 You didn't need to call me thick, it's obvious. 72 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,440 Do you need me in this conversation? 73 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,120 I don't know, do you need me in this team? 74 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:57,440 Course. 75 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:00,560 Yes, the Beatles wouldn't have been the Beatles without Ringo. 76 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:04,560 Ohhh, get a room. 77 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,840 A little library room full of books about Latin. 78 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:10,560 Just the two of you, it'd be a nice, little quorate. 79 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,000 Quorum. 80 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,560 Quorate is the adjective, quorum is the noun. 81 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,320 Oh, BLEEP off. 82 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,720 And why is it just the two of them, Lee? 83 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:23,800 Why am I not allowed in this library of cleverness? Oh, I see, so you're 84 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,800 bothered by your own absence, but mine makes complete sense, does it? 85 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,520 Go where you like. It's YOUR bloody library. 86 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,240 Thank you very much. If you need me, 87 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:33,120 I'll be in the children's section, with a copy 88 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,960 of Peter And Jane Go To The Beach. Won't be reading it, I'll be licking it. 89 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,320 That's not funny. YOU said it! 90 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,360 I am much cleverer than you, Lucy, 91 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:42,720 you...bimbo. 92 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:46,040 I beg your pardon?! 93 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:48,000 Oh, sorry, do you not understand English? 94 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,160 Toby, could you translate it for her into Latin? 95 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:51,520 Ego melor... 96 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,000 Oh, shut it! 97 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,920 You're not cleverer than me. 98 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:56,960 Well, let's find out, shall we? 99 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:58,480 Where are you going? 100 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,520 To be my own team. Team Lee. 101 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:02,800 Then we'll find out who's the stupid one. 102 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:06,400 Yeah, the person sitting at a table alone on his wedding anniversary. 103 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,440 It's not a fair contest if it's three against one, Lee. 104 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,120 It will be if I join him. 105 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:14,000 Makes sense. 106 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,160 The best and the worst against the middle two. 107 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,360 And who says you're number one and I'm number two? 108 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:21,760 Oh, I see, so I'm automatically number three, is that it? 109 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,320 And yet not a single debate about number four. 110 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:26,120 Well, I'm certainly not number four. 111 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,440 Why? Why can't YOU be number four? 112 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:29,800 You know. 113 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:32,880 Oh, I see. 114 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,920 Right, well, if I'm definitely number four 115 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:37,360 and I go with number one, it would be a fair contest. 116 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,560 Agreed? Agreed. 117 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,200 Right. 118 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,200 The question is, who do you want on your team, Lee? 119 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:45,640 Who's number one? 120 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:51,600 Oh, what are you waiting for, Toby, you moron? Come on. 121 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:52,840 Sit down! 122 00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:54,720 That is SO rude. 123 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:58,120 I'M number one, and that is why I am going with Thicko. 124 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:09,840 And don't forget, tonight you're playing for the grand prize of... 125 00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,280 ..a yard of Twix. 126 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,440 Ooh, that'll save me a trip to the airport. 127 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,320 I don't care about actually winning. 128 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:20,800 As long as I beat Toby, I will personally buy you 129 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,760 a metre of Twix, 130 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:25,480 and that's even longer than a yard. 131 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,400 I know I'm being patronised, but can I have this in writing? 132 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,920 Don't worry, I don't care about winning either. 133 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:34,760 I just want to beat Lucy. 134 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,520 Good. Do you know HOW we are going to beat them? 135 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:38,960 Teamwork. 136 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,080 Yes. Teamwork. 137 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:42,840 I'm going to give you all the answers, 138 00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,280 and you're going to write them down. 139 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:49,000 And I do not want to lose points because of your spelling. 140 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,360 You really are a condescending cnut. 141 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:58,800 Right, everyone, here we go. Round One, question one. 142 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:01,280 The lateral epicondyle bone can be found 143 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:03,240 in which part of the human body? 144 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:05,280 Nice, easy question to start. 145 00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:06,640 Exactly! 146 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:12,800 I know it, I just can't remember how to spell it. 147 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,200 L-E-G? 148 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,640 Maybe you should just write the answers. 149 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:24,160 Oh, for God's sake, biology - Toby's bound to know this. 150 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:25,960 Put fingers. 151 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,560 Is it fingers? 152 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:30,400 I've no idea, but there's loads of bones in there. 153 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:33,000 Well, on that basis, I could put the British Museum 154 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,480 or Dewson's the family butchers. 155 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:37,240 I'll put fingers. 156 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,240 Question two is on sport. 157 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,720 Yes! 158 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:42,680 The sport in question is badminton. 159 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,200 Oh, for f... 160 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:45,600 Badminton isn't a sport. 161 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,440 It's a hobby for middle-class people who are too weak to play tennis. 162 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,240 Bloody hell. 163 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:53,000 Toby LOVES badminton. 164 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,720 QUIZMASTER: When playing a singles or doubles game in badminton, 165 00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:57,400 how many points do you need to win? 166 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:00,040 Are you sure? 167 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,560 I play badminton every week. I love it. 168 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:04,560 And I love YOU, Toby. 169 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:07,440 Please don't show me any affection. 170 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:08,720 It'll throw me. 171 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,440 Lee won't know this. 172 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,880 I bet he thinks the question is about the game you play with 173 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,920 shuttlecocks and a racquet. 174 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:17,280 It is. 175 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:21,440 Oh, I thought it meant the horse trials. 176 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,560 How can that be doubles? 177 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:25,560 You can fit two people on a horse. 178 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:27,840 They're massive. 179 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,200 Question three coming up. 180 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,120 What should I put? Four. Four?! 181 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,360 It'll be more than that to win a game of badminton. 182 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,720 Is it? Well...put 100. 183 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,840 It won't be THAT much. OK. 184 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,480 Five. Should I just put "fingers" again? 185 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,560 Look, we're going to get hammered. No, we're not! 186 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,640 Toby's been lucky with the first two, but it can't go on like this. 187 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:53,240 In Latin... Oh, for God's sake. 188 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:04,600 Right, once my glamorous assistants have finished collecting 189 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:07,560 the answer sheets, I'll go through the answers for Round One. 190 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,480 I reckon we got all ten. 191 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,200 And when I say "we", I do of course mean you. 192 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,720 It was a team effort. 193 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:15,720 You got the one on Celebrity Juice. 194 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,520 That's Lee's favourite programme, not mine. 195 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:21,960 He thinks if he watches Keith Lemon, it counts towards his five-a-day. 196 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:25,760 Well, THAT went well. 197 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:28,880 What kind of quiz asks questions that I don't know the answer to? 198 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,600 It's just someone talking, and me having to listen. 199 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,920 I appreciate that must be new territory for you. 200 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:39,640 OK, all your papers are in, so here are the answers. 201 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,880 Question one - the lateral epicondyle bone 202 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:44,280 can be found in which part of the human body? 203 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,120 L-E-G spells... 204 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,120 Arm. 205 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:49,760 Arm? 206 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,200 I will also accept... 207 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:52,400 Leg. 208 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,720 ..elbow. 209 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:56,520 How can you not know that? 210 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:57,960 You're a doctor. 211 00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,640 I'm a gynaecologist. 212 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,640 You don't really come across many bones. 213 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:06,400 Question two was the badminton question, and the answer was 214 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:08,080 that you need 21 points to win. 215 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,520 21? You put 7. 216 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:13,600 I-I got confused between badminton 217 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:15,200 ..and dwarfs. 218 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:20,120 How can you not know the scoring system if you play every week? 219 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:23,600 I let the umpire take care of that - I just concentrate on the game. 220 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,040 That cock's not going to shuttle itself. 221 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,160 What's going on, Toby? 222 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,040 OK, fine. 223 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,920 I'm sorry, Lucy, I deliberately gave wrong answers. 224 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,080 I'm playing against Anna. 225 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,960 Anna has to win. 226 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,600 Is this why she always wins at Trivial Pursuit? 227 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:47,640 Of course it is. 228 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:51,360 Trust me, to her, board games are extremely untrivial. 229 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:54,440 Once, I almost beat her at Cluedo. 230 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,720 Do you know what she did? What? 231 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,080 She almost beat me. 232 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,760 In the conservatory with the lead piping. 233 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,600 And finally, question ten, 234 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:07,640 the presenter of Celebrity Juice is Keith Lemon. 235 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,960 Thank God one of us watches ITV2. 236 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:13,440 I don't even watch ITV1, I can only imagine the horror of 2. 237 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,720 There is an ITV3 and 4 as well. 238 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,360 Good God. 239 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:22,360 How many sticky toffee cheesecakes do Iceland need to sell? 240 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:26,800 So, the scores after Round One... 241 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,920 In reverse order. 242 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:32,440 Well, this is going to be humiliating. In last place... 243 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,760 ..on one point... 244 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,400 Just pull the trigger. 245 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,200 ..it's Team Lucy. 246 00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:44,800 I won't point them out, don't know who they are. 247 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,720 She's there. That's Lucy over there! 248 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,800 In second-last place, on two points, it's Team Lee. 249 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,600 Yes! Get in there, my son! 250 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,640 Whatever. It's just a bit of fun, innit? 251 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,840 So, pens at the ready for Round Two. 252 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,440 How did they do so badly in that first round? 253 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:19,280 I've no idea, but never look a gift horse in the mouth. 254 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:21,440 I've never understood that expression. 255 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:23,680 You never look a horse in its mouth, ever. 256 00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:25,400 You look in its eyes. 257 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,040 You kiss its mouth. 258 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:29,880 Give that to me. 259 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,240 Now, you listen to me, Toby, and you listen carefully. 260 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,480 I absolutely have to beat Lee. 261 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,480 He called me a bimbo. 262 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,120 I'm sorry, Lucy, our priorities are misaligned. 263 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:43,120 You're looking for revenge, 264 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,760 I'm looking to survive. 265 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,760 If you don't start playing properly, do you know what I'm going to do? 266 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:54,760 I suppose it's optimistic to think - take pity on a man who is 267 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,520 clearly traumatised, help him go into hiding from his wife 268 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,880 and get him enrolled in the witness protection scheme? 269 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,800 I'm going to walk over to that table 270 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,960 and I'm going to tell Anna that not only are you letting her win, 271 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,520 but you've been letting her win at everything for years. 272 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:12,160 And I will say it loudly, so that everyone in the pub hears. 273 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,040 And it will humiliate her. 274 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:15,680 And she will never forgive you 275 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:18,480 for the life-scarring embarrassment it caused her. 276 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,240 And if you think she makes your life hell now, 277 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,120 you wait until you see the pain and trauma she will 278 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:28,320 inflict on you for the rest of your sad and pathetic little life. 279 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:31,240 Because she will make you wake up screaming every morning 280 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,360 for the blessed relief of the grave, and you will trace it 281 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:38,600 all back to the decision you are making right now, 282 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,720 you spineless prick. 283 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,440 You don't hear Bradley Walsh talking to people like that. 284 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,560 You really want to beat him, don't you? 285 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,480 Like you wouldn't believe. 286 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,200 Blimey. I thought Anna and I had problems. 287 00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:57,800 Round Two, question one. 288 00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:05,720 And the final question of Round Two is about pie. 289 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:08,880 Yes! Don't get excited, you fatties, I'm talking about maths. 290 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:10,880 I hate this man. 291 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:15,400 Pi is 3.14, but what is next in the sequence? 292 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,080 3.147? No? 293 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,840 3.145...? 294 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,160 Is it definitely a number? 295 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,120 I'll shut up. 296 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:28,160 What kind of boring old fart ever knows more than 3.14? 297 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,320 3.141. 298 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,680 Is this going to go on all night, Lucy? 299 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,280 You've questioned every answer I've given you this round. 300 00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,680 If you've been lying again, Toby, I swear I'll... 301 00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:40,600 You won't to be able to pull anything off. 302 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,040 There's nothing left. 303 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:49,040 OK, we've got all your sheets, so here are the answers for Round Two. 304 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:52,240 Question one - what is Mars the Roman god of? 305 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,240 The answer is war. 306 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,720 Yes! 307 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,640 Question two, the capital of Somalia is... 308 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,520 ..Mogadishu. YES! 309 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,120 I'm going to stop doing that. 310 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:19,120 So, after five rounds, here are the scores on the doors. 311 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:21,800 In first place at the moment, on 47 points, 312 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,600 Quiz Teama Aguilera. 313 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,880 In second place, on 43 points, it's Team Lucy. 314 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:28,920 You're quite the brains when you make the effort, aren't you? 315 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,360 And by "when you make the effort", you do of course mean 316 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:34,480 "when you are threatened by an overly competitive psychopath". 317 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:37,360 Still, nothing compared to the mothership, though. 318 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,240 Ah, look at her smug face. 319 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:49,400 Dear God, even Toby seems to have a spark of hope in his eyes. 320 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,080 Haven't seen that look for years. 321 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,280 On 28 points, it's Team Lee. 322 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:57,400 Ugh, we're never going to catch them now. 323 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:01,760 Yes, we are. 324 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,640 How? 325 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:08,720 By getting the remaining questions right. 326 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:10,960 Genius. 327 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,720 We are going to google the answers. 328 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,480 You mean, cheat? 329 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,160 It's my wedding anniversary. 330 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,040 Please help me to crush my wife. 331 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,320 God, Lee, you sound like me! 332 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,480 I LOVE it! 333 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:31,800 Well...? 334 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,320 What? 335 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,000 Get your phone out. 336 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,040 The battery's dead. 337 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,680 Earlier today, I was recording a row with Toby, 338 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:44,360 so I could replay it later and prove I was right. 339 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:47,360 Where's yours? 340 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:49,680 It's in Lucy's bag. 341 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,680 The quizmaster said we had to put our phones away. 342 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,520 Well, that was an inspired suggestion. 343 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,160 Any other business, or shall we just break for tea? 344 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,520 I've got an idea. 345 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:07,560 Can you tell me 346 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:10,640 your plans without breathing in my ear like a St Bernard? 347 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:23,080 Is this a social visit or do you need another crayon? 348 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,000 May I? 349 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,040 We've come to apologise. 350 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:31,160 Haven't we, Anna? 351 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,240 Yes. 352 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,640 Once more, with feeling. 353 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:44,120 I...acted rudely before, Toby, it was wrong of me. 354 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:45,960 I'm sorry. 355 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,200 And... 356 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,480 I love you. 357 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,040 And I love you, my darling. 358 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,120 I've been such an idiot. 359 00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:14,400 What was I thinking? 360 00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:18,240 Why do I do it? 361 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,920 I've always got to prove a point, haven't I? 362 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:24,280 Why can't I just let things go? 363 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:29,360 Supposed to be a lovely night out, 364 00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:32,600 but I've completely ruined this anniversary, haven't I? 365 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,000 And why? Why? 366 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,880 Because I have to be the best. 367 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:39,680 Why do I have to be the best? 368 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:43,120 Why? Why? Why? 369 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:46,920 Why? 370 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:51,480 I've got it! 371 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:54,480 It's because... 372 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:56,760 ..I'm... 373 00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,520 ..an idiot. 374 00:17:58,520 --> 00:17:59,840 You just said that. 375 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:02,480 I know! But I'm saying it again. 376 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:08,240 I just really want you to know, Lucy, that I am an idiot. 377 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:09,800 I know you are. 378 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:17,840 Come on, Anna. 379 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:29,640 In which country would you expect to find a car with the vehicle 380 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,440 registration code V? 381 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,560 Any ideas? Venezuela? Vietnam? 382 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:39,160 Is the actual answer you're looking for, 383 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,240 "I haven't got a bloody clue, Lee"? 384 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,160 Correct. 385 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:46,640 Well, then, I think it's time for another crisp, don't you? 386 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:48,480 Yes, I do. 387 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:01,320 My phone's going to stink of cheese and onion for weeks. 388 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:04,480 That's giving it a nice break from your pocket. 389 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,080 PHONE VIBRATES 390 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:07,560 Not now, Dad. 391 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,280 LAUGHS NERVOUSLY 392 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,960 Bloody sinuses playing up again. 393 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,200 NASAL MOANING 394 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:26,920 Vatican City. 395 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:31,320 Hang on, Vatican City? Is that a country? 396 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,480 Oh, Anna, course it is. 397 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:38,320 It has been since the Lateran Treaty of 1929 established it 398 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,480 as independent elasticated state. 399 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,000 You mean "ecclesiastical". 400 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,680 Give me a break, there's grease all over this screen. 401 00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,760 So, just a moment or two, now, before we announce the all-important 402 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,240 final scores. 403 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,360 How the hell did those two manage to catch up so much? 404 00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:06,320 Maybe the quizmaster gave Anna all the answers 405 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:09,160 cos they're having an affair and she's going to run off with him. 406 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,760 They managed to get... Hang on, Lucy, let me enjoy that. 407 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,920 It's going to be close. 408 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,960 How do you think they did in that final round? 409 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:18,320 Not sure. 410 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,240 Toby won't have got the Barry White question 411 00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,280 or the one about Indian ghee. 412 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:24,800 He's not a fan of sex music and butter. 413 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,520 That's certainly burnt onto my retina. 414 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,600 Talking of things that help you out of a tight spot. 415 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,240 Please don't. 416 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,800 What? I appreciate the last few hours have bonded us a little, Lee, 417 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:40,080 but don't assume from here on in it's open season 418 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,120 for your other crass banter. 419 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:44,240 I'm going to miss you, Anna. 420 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:50,440 And, so, the final scores are in, can I get a drum roll, please? 421 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,920 Ladies and gentlemen, in first place, 422 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,920 on a very impressive 72 points, the winner is... 423 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:05,000 ..Team Lee! 424 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,880 YE-E-ES! 425 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:08,560 I beat her! 426 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,160 Oh, this is the greatest day of my life! 427 00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:13,960 And, yes, I am including the birth of my children! 428 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,160 And in JOINT first place... 429 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,440 I'm actually going to kill him. 430 00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,360 ..also on 72 points, it's Team Lucy! 431 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,920 Yes! 432 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:25,840 In your face, dickhead! 433 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:29,360 Sorry. 434 00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:32,600 Which means, of course, that it's time for a sudden-death tie-breaker. 435 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,440 ALL: Oooh! 436 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:37,200 Can each winning team please send up one member to play? 437 00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:42,000 Where are you going? Well, it has to be me, obviously. 438 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:45,480 You can't bring your crisp packet to a sudden-death shoot-out. 439 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,320 You're not Gary Lineker. 440 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:50,880 Might be one I know the answer to. 441 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,200 I admire your optimism, Lee, 442 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,480 but we've already had a question about Scooby-Doo. 443 00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:57,280 Well, off you go. 444 00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,000 No way. 445 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,240 I'm not beating Anna in front of everyone. 446 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:03,480 My life would not be worth living. 447 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:07,680 It's already borderline. Oh, well, 448 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,880 I hope the tie-breaker question is "what is an invertebrate?" 449 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:12,840 because I think I know the bloody answer. 450 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:18,520 Hang on. 451 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,000 Lucy's going up. So? 452 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,400 So, if you get up there, 453 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:26,120 she'll always be able to say that it was you that beat her, not me. 454 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,040 I have to do the right thing. 455 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:33,400 I have to get up there and slam my wife into the ground. 456 00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:35,920 That's beautiful. 457 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:43,920 I have no idea how you did it, but if I ever find out you cheated, 458 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:47,000 I will rip your Adam's apple out and shove it up your arse. 459 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,840 Happy anniversary, my love. 460 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,560 OK, it's on music. 461 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:55,160 I'm going to ask you one question, and one question only. 462 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,240 I want you to write your answers on your card. 463 00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:58,760 All you need to do is tell me 464 00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,880 what this popular song is from a series of clues. 465 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:03,440 Feeling lucky? 466 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:06,160 Actually, I'm feeling hungry - can I get my crisps? 467 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,760 Here we go. The first clue. 468 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:14,120 This song was number one in the UK Singles Chart ten years ago today. 469 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,240 Right, they're both looking pretty confident, 470 00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:21,040 not even waiting for the other clues. 471 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:23,320 I think you might need to ask us another. 472 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:24,720 We both know this one. 473 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:26,160 Do you? 474 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:29,480 Ten years ago today was the day we got married. 475 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:31,720 So, today is your wedding anniversary? 476 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,600 Yeah. ALL: Awwww! 477 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:37,880 Who goes to a pub quiz on their wedding anniversary?! 478 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,360 I bought her the hotpot. 479 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,320 So, you both know the answer, then? 480 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:43,920 How could we not? 481 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,800 After the wedding reception, we went straight to the honeymoon suite... 482 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,120 Whoa, whoa, whoa, where's this leading? 483 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:53,480 We went straight out onto the balcony and we looked at the view. 484 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:57,200 The sun was setting, and Lee wrapped his arms around me, 485 00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,160 and the radio was playing that week's number-one song. 486 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:05,200 And we said, "We'll never forget this day, this moment, this song." 487 00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:07,720 APPLAUSE 488 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:12,640 I'm sorry I called you a bimbo, Lucy. 489 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,120 I love you. And I love you too. 490 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:25,680 And I'm sorry as well. 491 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,080 Me too. 492 00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:29,920 Don't make this about you, Toby. 493 00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:35,000 Go on, then, give us the correct answer, in three, two, one... 494 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,120 Uptown Funk. Stay with me. 495 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:42,600 It was Stay With Me. No, it wasn't, it was Uptown Funk. 496 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:45,280 Why would Uptown Funk be our song? 497 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:48,160 Because it was number one in the charts the day we got married. 498 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,360 Yeah, that's right, Lee, I remember now. 499 00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:52,000 You placed your loving arms around me, 500 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,680 we looked at the beautiful sunset, 501 00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:55,800 and that's when you uttered those romantic words, 502 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:59,360 "Girls hit you hallelujah, woo, cos uptown funk's going to give it to you." 503 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,800 Trust you to forget our special song. 504 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:06,200 And trust you to assume I'M wrong because you can't remember. 505 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,480 You unfeeling...moron. 506 00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,560 You self-righteous...bimbo. 507 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,040 Stop it! 508 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:21,320 You're both wrong. 509 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,680 It was Cheryl Cole, Crazy Stupid Love. 510 00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,280 BOTH: Oh, yeah! 511 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:30,880 Let's just call it a draw, shall we? 512 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:35,560 Promise me we'll never end up like those two. 513 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:37,960 PHONE VIBRATES 514 00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,480 # We're not going out 515 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,160 # Not staying in 516 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:01,320 # Just hanging around with my head in a spin 517 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,120 # But there is no need to scream and shout 518 00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:07,120 # We're not going out 519 00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:10,080 # We are not going out. #