1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,440
# We're not going out
2
00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:02,360
# Not staying in
3
00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:05,240
# Just hanging around
With my head in a spin
4
00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:08,000
# But there is no need
to scream and shout
5
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:11,080
# We're not going out
6
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:14,200
# We are not going out. #
7
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,960
HUBBUB
8
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,720
I can't believe how much this pub
has changed.
9
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,840
I might be wrong,
but isn't that the exact spot
10
00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:28,120
where I asked you to be my wife?
11
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,640
It's a totally different shape
to what it used to be.
12
00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,080
Yeah,
but you're great with the kids.
13
00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:34,640
Look at me and smile.
14
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:36,280
I can't do both.
15
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:38,840
Sorry, a quick reminder,
all phones need to be put away.
16
00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:40,440
Oh, sorry.
17
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,480
Are you sure that this is what you
wanted to do
18
00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:44,640
on our tenth wedding anniversary -
a pub quiz?
19
00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:48,680
Yeah, I told you, I just want
a relaxing and casual night.
20
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:50,840
Relaxing? With Anna and Toby?
21
00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,440
Promise me we'll never end up
like those two.
22
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:54,880
We won't.
23
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,080
We'll divorce
long before it gets that bad.
24
00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:59,760
Are you still writing
for Clinton Cards?
25
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,400
Oh, for God's sake, Toby,
we're late again.
26
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,400
Who still uses an A-Z?
27
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:07,280
Research suggests that using
navigation apps
28
00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:09,320
increases the risk of dementia.
29
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:10,760
Really?
30
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:13,480
I make a point of using Google Maps,
but it's no good -
31
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,600
I still keep remembering
we're married.
32
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:18,640
BOTH: Happy anniversary!
33
00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:20,120
Are we quorate?
34
00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,920
If that's the team name you're
suggesting, we've already got one.
35
00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,000
Quiz De Burgh. Oh, actually, no,
36
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,920
apparently
Quiz De Burgh's already been taken.
37
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:29,760
Aw, who by?
38
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,280
Um, I don't know, that lady in red?
39
00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:35,720
Well, let's go with Quorate, then.
Whatever that means.
40
00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,760
Oh, that wasn't a team name
suggestion.
41
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:41,520
Quorate is Latin - it means
enough people to begin proceedings.
42
00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:45,080
That is why we're going to win,
with our secret weapon, Toby.
43
00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,040
Why's Toby the secret weapon?
44
00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,840
Yeah, what about me?
45
00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:52,200
Well, and you as well, of course,
Anna.
46
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,680
Toby is the secret weapon,
47
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,720
but you're more
of an obvious weapon, like a...
48
00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,640
Weapon of mass destruction.
49
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,040
Just because he's a doctor,
50
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,760
everyone assumes he's the brains
in the relationship.
51
00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:04,160
It's infuriating.
52
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,960
I think you're both equally
going to win this for us.
53
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,600
Both? What am I?
Just the eye candy?
54
00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:12,560
I always beat him
at Trivial Pursuit, you know.
55
00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:13,760
Tell her.
56
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,480
Tell her what? That I always
beat you at Trivial Pursuit.
57
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,480
You have literally just told her.
58
00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:20,280
I'm sure she remembers.
59
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,280
Even without the piercing eyes.
60
00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:26,240
The two of you are going to be
our secret weapon.
61
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:27,560
Can you actually see me?
62
00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:31,240
Sorry, yes, and you are also
our secret weapon.
63
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:32,520
Like a...
64
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,600
I don't know,
something unexpected and deadly.
65
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:37,200
Like a silent fart.
66
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:40,760
I am just as clever as you lot,
you know.
67
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,760
What, even the great Dr Toby?
68
00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:44,520
I'm sorry if I offended you, Anna.
69
00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:47,280
And what about me, do I get
an apology? What for?
70
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,400
For calling me thick.
I DIDN'T call you thick.
71
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,560
You didn't need to call me thick,
it's obvious.
72
00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,440
Do you need me in this conversation?
73
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,120
I don't know, do you need me
in this team?
74
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:57,440
Course.
75
00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:00,560
Yes, the Beatles wouldn't have been
the Beatles without Ringo.
76
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:04,560
Ohhh, get a room.
77
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,840
A little library room
full of books about Latin.
78
00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:10,560
Just the two of you,
it'd be a nice, little quorate.
79
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,000
Quorum.
80
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,560
Quorate is the adjective,
quorum is the noun.
81
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,320
Oh, BLEEP off.
82
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,720
And why is it just the two of them,
Lee?
83
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:23,800
Why am I not allowed in this library
of cleverness? Oh, I see, so you're
84
00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,800
bothered by your own absence, but
mine makes complete sense, does it?
85
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,520
Go where you like.
It's YOUR bloody library.
86
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,240
Thank you very much.
If you need me,
87
00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:33,120
I'll be in the children's section,
with a copy
88
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,960
of Peter And Jane Go To The Beach.
Won't be reading it,
I'll be licking it.
89
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,320
That's not funny.
YOU said it!
90
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,360
I am much cleverer than you, Lucy,
91
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:42,720
you...bimbo.
92
00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:46,040
I beg your pardon?!
93
00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:48,000
Oh, sorry, do you not understand
English?
94
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,160
Toby, could you translate it for her
into Latin?
95
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:51,520
Ego melor...
96
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,000
Oh, shut it!
97
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,920
You're not cleverer than me.
98
00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:56,960
Well, let's find out, shall we?
99
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:58,480
Where are you going?
100
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,520
To be my own team. Team Lee.
101
00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:02,800
Then we'll find out
who's the stupid one.
102
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:06,400
Yeah, the person sitting at a table
alone on his wedding anniversary.
103
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,440
It's not a fair contest
if it's three against one, Lee.
104
00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,120
It will be if I join him.
105
00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:14,000
Makes sense.
106
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,160
The best and the worst against
the middle two.
107
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,360
And who says you're number one
and I'm number two?
108
00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:21,760
Oh, I see, so I'm automatically
number three, is that it?
109
00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,320
And yet not a single debate
about number four.
110
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:26,120
Well, I'm certainly not number four.
111
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,440
Why? Why can't YOU be number four?
112
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:29,800
You know.
113
00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:32,880
Oh, I see.
114
00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,920
Right, well, if I'm definitely
number four
115
00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:37,360
and I go with number one,
it would be a fair contest.
116
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,560
Agreed?
Agreed.
117
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,200
Right.
118
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,200
The question is,
who do you want on your team, Lee?
119
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:45,640
Who's number one?
120
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:51,600
Oh, what are you waiting for, Toby,
you moron? Come on.
121
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:52,840
Sit down!
122
00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:54,720
That is SO rude.
123
00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:58,120
I'M number one, and that is why
I am going with Thicko.
124
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:09,840
And don't forget, tonight you're
playing for the grand prize of...
125
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,280
..a yard of Twix.
126
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,440
Ooh, that'll save me
a trip to the airport.
127
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,320
I don't care about actually winning.
128
00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:20,800
As long as I beat Toby,
I will personally buy you
129
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,760
a metre of Twix,
130
00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:25,480
and that's even longer than a yard.
131
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,400
I know I'm being patronised,
but can I have this in writing?
132
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,920
Don't worry,
I don't care about winning either.
133
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:34,760
I just want to beat Lucy.
134
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,520
Good. Do you know
HOW we are going to beat them?
135
00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:38,960
Teamwork.
136
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,080
Yes. Teamwork.
137
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:42,840
I'm going to give you
all the answers,
138
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,280
and you're going to write them down.
139
00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:49,000
And I do not want to lose points
because of your spelling.
140
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,360
You really are a condescending cnut.
141
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:58,800
Right, everyone, here we go.
Round One, question one.
142
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:01,280
The lateral epicondyle bone
can be found
143
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:03,240
in which part of the human body?
144
00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:05,280
Nice, easy question to start.
145
00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:06,640
Exactly!
146
00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:12,800
I know it, I just can't remember
how to spell it.
147
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,200
L-E-G?
148
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,640
Maybe you should just write
the answers.
149
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:24,160
Oh, for God's sake, biology -
Toby's bound to know this.
150
00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:25,960
Put fingers.
151
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,560
Is it fingers?
152
00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:30,400
I've no idea, but there's
loads of bones in there.
153
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:33,000
Well, on that basis,
I could put the British Museum
154
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,480
or Dewson's the family butchers.
155
00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:37,240
I'll put fingers.
156
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,240
Question two is on sport.
157
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,720
Yes!
158
00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:42,680
The sport in question is badminton.
159
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,200
Oh, for f...
160
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:45,600
Badminton isn't a sport.
161
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,440
It's a hobby for middle-class people
who are too weak to play tennis.
162
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,240
Bloody hell.
163
00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:53,000
Toby LOVES badminton.
164
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,720
QUIZMASTER: When playing a singles
or doubles game in badminton,
165
00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:57,400
how many points do you need to win?
166
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:00,040
Are you sure?
167
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,560
I play badminton every week.
I love it.
168
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:04,560
And I love YOU, Toby.
169
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:07,440
Please don't show me any affection.
170
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:08,720
It'll throw me.
171
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,440
Lee won't know this.
172
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,880
I bet he thinks the question
is about the game you play with
173
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,920
shuttlecocks and a racquet.
174
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:17,280
It is.
175
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:21,440
Oh, I thought it meant
the horse trials.
176
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,560
How can that be doubles?
177
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:25,560
You can fit two people on a horse.
178
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:27,840
They're massive.
179
00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,200
Question three coming up.
180
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,120
What should I put? Four. Four?!
181
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,360
It'll be more than that to win
a game of badminton.
182
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,720
Is it? Well...put 100.
183
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,840
It won't be THAT much. OK.
184
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,480
Five.
Should I just put "fingers" again?
185
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,560
Look, we're going to get hammered.
No, we're not!
186
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,640
Toby's been lucky with the first
two, but it can't go on like this.
187
00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:53,240
In Latin...
Oh, for God's sake.
188
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:04,600
Right, once my glamorous assistants
have finished collecting
189
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:07,560
the answer sheets, I'll go through
the answers for Round One.
190
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,480
I reckon we got all ten.
191
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,200
And when I say "we",
I do of course mean you.
192
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,720
It was a team effort.
193
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:15,720
You got the one on Celebrity Juice.
194
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,520
That's Lee's favourite programme,
not mine.
195
00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:21,960
He thinks if he watches Keith Lemon,
it counts towards his five-a-day.
196
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:25,760
Well, THAT went well.
197
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:28,880
What kind of quiz asks questions
that I don't know the answer to?
198
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,600
It's just someone talking,
and me having to listen.
199
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,920
I appreciate that must be
new territory for you.
200
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:39,640
OK, all your papers are in,
so here are the answers.
201
00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,880
Question one - the lateral
epicondyle bone
202
00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:44,280
can be found in which part
of the human body?
203
00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,120
L-E-G spells...
204
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,120
Arm.
205
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:49,760
Arm?
206
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,200
I will also accept...
207
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:52,400
Leg.
208
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,720
..elbow.
209
00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:56,520
How can you not know that?
210
00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:57,960
You're a doctor.
211
00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,640
I'm a gynaecologist.
212
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,640
You don't really come across
many bones.
213
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:06,400
Question two was the badminton
question, and the answer was
214
00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:08,080
that you need 21 points to win.
215
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,520
21? You put 7.
216
00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:13,600
I-I got confused between badminton
217
00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:15,200
..and dwarfs.
218
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:20,120
How can you not know the scoring
system if you play every week?
219
00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:23,600
I let the umpire take care of that -
I just concentrate on the game.
220
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,040
That cock's not going to shuttle
itself.
221
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,160
What's going on, Toby?
222
00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,040
OK, fine.
223
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,920
I'm sorry, Lucy,
I deliberately gave wrong answers.
224
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,080
I'm playing against Anna.
225
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,960
Anna has to win.
226
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,600
Is this why she always wins
at Trivial Pursuit?
227
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:47,640
Of course it is.
228
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:51,360
Trust me, to her,
board games are extremely untrivial.
229
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:54,440
Once, I almost beat her at Cluedo.
230
00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,720
Do you know what she did?
What?
231
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,080
She almost beat me.
232
00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,760
In the conservatory
with the lead piping.
233
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,600
And finally, question ten,
234
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:07,640
the presenter of Celebrity Juice
is Keith Lemon.
235
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,960
Thank God one of us watches ITV2.
236
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:13,440
I don't even watch ITV1, I can
only imagine the horror of 2.
237
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,720
There is an ITV3 and 4 as well.
238
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,360
Good God.
239
00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:22,360
How many sticky toffee cheesecakes
do Iceland need to sell?
240
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:26,800
So, the scores after Round One...
241
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,920
In reverse order.
242
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:32,440
Well, this is going to be
humiliating. In last place...
243
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,760
..on one point...
244
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,400
Just pull the trigger.
245
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,200
..it's Team Lucy.
246
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:44,800
I won't point them out,
don't know who they are.
247
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,720
She's there.
That's Lucy over there!
248
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,800
In second-last place, on two points,
it's Team Lee.
249
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,600
Yes! Get in there, my son!
250
00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,640
Whatever.
It's just a bit of fun, innit?
251
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,840
So, pens at the ready for Round Two.
252
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,440
How did they do so badly
in that first round?
253
00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:19,280
I've no idea, but never look
a gift horse in the mouth.
254
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:21,440
I've never understood
that expression.
255
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:23,680
You never look a horse in its mouth,
ever.
256
00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:25,400
You look in its eyes.
257
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,040
You kiss its mouth.
258
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:29,880
Give that to me.
259
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,240
Now, you listen to me, Toby,
and you listen carefully.
260
00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,480
I absolutely have to beat Lee.
261
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,480
He called me a bimbo.
262
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,120
I'm sorry, Lucy,
our priorities are misaligned.
263
00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:43,120
You're looking for revenge,
264
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,760
I'm looking to survive.
265
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,760
If you don't start playing properly,
do you know what I'm going to do?
266
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:54,760
I suppose it's optimistic to think -
take pity on a man who is
267
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,520
clearly traumatised, help him go
into hiding from his wife
268
00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,880
and get him enrolled
in the witness protection scheme?
269
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,800
I'm going to walk over to that table
270
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,960
and I'm going to tell Anna that
not only are you letting her win,
271
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,520
but you've been letting her win
at everything for years.
272
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:12,160
And I will say it loudly,
so that everyone in the pub hears.
273
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,040
And it will humiliate her.
274
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:15,680
And she will never forgive you
275
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:18,480
for the life-scarring
embarrassment it caused her.
276
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,240
And if you think
she makes your life hell now,
277
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,120
you wait until you see the pain
and trauma she will
278
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:28,320
inflict on you for the rest of
your sad and pathetic little life.
279
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:31,240
Because she will make you wake up
screaming every morning
280
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,360
for the blessed relief of the grave,
and you will trace it
281
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:38,600
all back to the decision
you are making right now,
282
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,720
you spineless prick.
283
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,440
You don't hear Bradley Walsh talking
to people like that.
284
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,560
You really want to beat him,
don't you?
285
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,480
Like you wouldn't believe.
286
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,200
Blimey.
I thought Anna and I had problems.
287
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:57,800
Round Two, question one.
288
00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:05,720
And the final question of Round Two
is about pie.
289
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:08,880
Yes! Don't get excited, you
fatties, I'm talking about maths.
290
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:10,880
I hate this man.
291
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:15,400
Pi is 3.14,
but what is next in the sequence?
292
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,080
3.147? No?
293
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,840
3.145...?
294
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,160
Is it definitely a number?
295
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,120
I'll shut up.
296
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:28,160
What kind of boring old fart
ever knows more than 3.14?
297
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,320
3.141.
298
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,680
Is this going to go on all night,
Lucy?
299
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,280
You've questioned every answer
I've given you this round.
300
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,680
If you've been lying again, Toby,
I swear I'll...
301
00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:40,600
You won't to be able
to pull anything off.
302
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,040
There's nothing left.
303
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:49,040
OK, we've got all your sheets, so
here are the answers for Round Two.
304
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:52,240
Question one -
what is Mars the Roman god of?
305
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,240
The answer is war.
306
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,720
Yes!
307
00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,640
Question two,
the capital of Somalia is...
308
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,520
..Mogadishu. YES!
309
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,120
I'm going to stop doing that.
310
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:19,120
So, after five rounds,
here are the scores on the doors.
311
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:21,800
In first place at the moment,
on 47 points,
312
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,600
Quiz Teama Aguilera.
313
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,880
In second place, on 43 points,
it's Team Lucy.
314
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:28,920
You're quite the brains when you
make the effort, aren't you?
315
00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,360
And by "when you make the effort",
you do of course mean
316
00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:34,480
"when you are threatened by an
overly competitive psychopath".
317
00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:37,360
Still, nothing
compared to the mothership, though.
318
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,240
Ah, look at her smug face.
319
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:49,400
Dear God, even Toby seems to have
a spark of hope in his eyes.
320
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,080
Haven't seen that look for years.
321
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,280
On 28 points, it's Team Lee.
322
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:57,400
Ugh, we're never
going to catch them now.
323
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:01,760
Yes, we are.
324
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,640
How?
325
00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:08,720
By getting the remaining questions
right.
326
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:10,960
Genius.
327
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,720
We are going to google the answers.
328
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,480
You mean, cheat?
329
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,160
It's my wedding anniversary.
330
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,040
Please help me to crush my wife.
331
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,320
God, Lee, you sound like me!
332
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,480
I LOVE it!
333
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:31,800
Well...?
334
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,320
What?
335
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,000
Get your phone out.
336
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,040
The battery's dead.
337
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,680
Earlier today,
I was recording a row with Toby,
338
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:44,360
so I could replay it later
and prove I was right.
339
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:47,360
Where's yours?
340
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:49,680
It's in Lucy's bag.
341
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,680
The quizmaster said
we had to put our phones away.
342
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,520
Well, that was
an inspired suggestion.
343
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,160
Any other business,
or shall we just break for tea?
344
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,520
I've got an idea.
345
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:07,560
Can you tell me
346
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:10,640
your plans without breathing
in my ear like a St Bernard?
347
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:23,080
Is this a social visit
or do you need another crayon?
348
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,000
May I?
349
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,040
We've come to apologise.
350
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:31,160
Haven't we, Anna?
351
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,240
Yes.
352
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,640
Once more, with feeling.
353
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:44,120
I...acted rudely before, Toby,
it was wrong of me.
354
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:45,960
I'm sorry.
355
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,200
And...
356
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,480
I love you.
357
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,040
And I love you, my darling.
358
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,120
I've been such an idiot.
359
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:14,400
What was I thinking?
360
00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:18,240
Why do I do it?
361
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,920
I've always got to prove a point,
haven't I?
362
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:24,280
Why can't I just let things go?
363
00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:29,360
Supposed to be a lovely night out,
364
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:32,600
but I've completely ruined
this anniversary, haven't I?
365
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,000
And why? Why?
366
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,880
Because I have to be the best.
367
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:39,680
Why do I have to be the best?
368
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:43,120
Why? Why? Why?
369
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:46,920
Why?
370
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:51,480
I've got it!
371
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:54,480
It's because...
372
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:56,760
..I'm...
373
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,520
..an idiot.
374
00:17:58,520 --> 00:17:59,840
You just said that.
375
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:02,480
I know! But I'm saying it again.
376
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:08,240
I just really want you to know,
Lucy, that I am an idiot.
377
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:09,800
I know you are.
378
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:17,840
Come on, Anna.
379
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:29,640
In which country would you expect
to find a car with the vehicle
380
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,440
registration code V?
381
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,560
Any ideas? Venezuela? Vietnam?
382
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:39,160
Is the actual answer
you're looking for,
383
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,240
"I haven't got a bloody clue, Lee"?
384
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,160
Correct.
385
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:46,640
Well, then, I think it's time
for another crisp, don't you?
386
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:48,480
Yes, I do.
387
00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:01,320
My phone's going to stink
of cheese and onion for weeks.
388
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:04,480
That's giving it a nice break
from your pocket.
389
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,080
PHONE VIBRATES
390
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:07,560
Not now, Dad.
391
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,280
LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
392
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,960
Bloody sinuses playing up again.
393
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,200
NASAL MOANING
394
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:26,920
Vatican City.
395
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:31,320
Hang on, Vatican City?
Is that a country?
396
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,480
Oh, Anna, course it is.
397
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:38,320
It has been since the Lateran Treaty
of 1929 established it
398
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,480
as independent elasticated state.
399
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,000
You mean "ecclesiastical".
400
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,680
Give me a break, there's grease
all over this screen.
401
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,760
So, just a moment or two, now,
before we announce the all-important
402
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,240
final scores.
403
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,360
How the hell did those two manage
to catch up so much?
404
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:06,320
Maybe the quizmaster gave
Anna all the answers
405
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:09,160
cos they're having an affair
and she's going to run off with him.
406
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,760
They managed to get...
Hang on, Lucy, let me enjoy that.
407
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,920
It's going to be close.
408
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,960
How do you think they did
in that final round?
409
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:18,320
Not sure.
410
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,240
Toby won't have got
the Barry White question
411
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,280
or the one about Indian ghee.
412
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:24,800
He's not a fan
of sex music and butter.
413
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,520
That's certainly burnt
onto my retina.
414
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,600
Talking of things that help you
out of a tight spot.
415
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,240
Please don't.
416
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,800
What? I appreciate the last few
hours have bonded us a little, Lee,
417
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:40,080
but don't assume from here on in
it's open season
418
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,120
for your other crass banter.
419
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:44,240
I'm going to miss you, Anna.
420
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:50,440
And, so, the final scores are in,
can I get a drum roll, please?
421
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,920
Ladies and gentlemen,
in first place,
422
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,920
on a very impressive 72 points,
the winner is...
423
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:05,000
..Team Lee!
424
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,880
YE-E-ES!
425
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:08,560
I beat her!
426
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,160
Oh, this is the greatest day
of my life!
427
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:13,960
And, yes, I am including
the birth of my children!
428
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,160
And in JOINT first place...
429
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,440
I'm actually going to kill him.
430
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,360
..also on 72 points, it's Team Lucy!
431
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,920
Yes!
432
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:25,840
In your face, dickhead!
433
00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:29,360
Sorry.
434
00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:32,600
Which means, of course, that it's
time for a sudden-death tie-breaker.
435
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,440
ALL: Oooh!
436
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:37,200
Can each winning team please
send up one member to play?
437
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:42,000
Where are you going?
Well, it has to be me, obviously.
438
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:45,480
You can't bring your crisp packet
to a sudden-death shoot-out.
439
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,320
You're not Gary Lineker.
440
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:50,880
Might be one I know the answer to.
441
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,200
I admire your optimism, Lee,
442
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,480
but we've already had a question
about Scooby-Doo.
443
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:57,280
Well, off you go.
444
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,000
No way.
445
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,240
I'm not beating Anna
in front of everyone.
446
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:03,480
My life would not be worth living.
447
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:07,680
It's already borderline.
Oh, well,
448
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,880
I hope the tie-breaker question is
"what is an invertebrate?"
449
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:12,840
because I think I know
the bloody answer.
450
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:18,520
Hang on.
451
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,000
Lucy's going up.
So?
452
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,400
So, if you get up there,
453
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:26,120
she'll always be able to say that it
was you that beat her, not me.
454
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,040
I have to do the right thing.
455
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:33,400
I have to get up there
and slam my wife into the ground.
456
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:35,920
That's beautiful.
457
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:43,920
I have no idea how you did it,
but if I ever find out you cheated,
458
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:47,000
I will rip your Adam's apple out
and shove it up your arse.
459
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,840
Happy anniversary, my love.
460
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,560
OK, it's on music.
461
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:55,160
I'm going to ask you one question,
and one question only.
462
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,240
I want you to write your answers
on your card.
463
00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:58,760
All you need to do is tell me
464
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,880
what this popular song is
from a series of clues.
465
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:03,440
Feeling lucky?
466
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:06,160
Actually, I'm feeling hungry -
can I get my crisps?
467
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,760
Here we go. The first clue.
468
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:14,120
This song was number one in the UK
Singles Chart ten years ago today.
469
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,240
Right, they're both looking
pretty confident,
470
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:21,040
not even waiting
for the other clues.
471
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:23,320
I think you might need to ask us
another.
472
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:24,720
We both know this one.
473
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:26,160
Do you?
474
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:29,480
Ten years ago today
was the day we got married.
475
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:31,720
So, today is your
wedding anniversary?
476
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,600
Yeah.
ALL: Awwww!
477
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:37,880
Who goes to a pub quiz
on their wedding anniversary?!
478
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,360
I bought her the hotpot.
479
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,320
So, you both know the answer, then?
480
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:43,920
How could we not?
481
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,800
After the wedding reception, we went
straight to the honeymoon suite...
482
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,120
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
where's this leading?
483
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:53,480
We went straight out onto the
balcony and we looked at the view.
484
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:57,200
The sun was setting,
and Lee wrapped his arms around me,
485
00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,160
and the radio was playing
that week's number-one song.
486
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:05,200
And we said, "We'll never forget
this day, this moment, this song."
487
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:07,720
APPLAUSE
488
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:12,640
I'm sorry I called you a bimbo,
Lucy.
489
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,120
I love you.
And I love you too.
490
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:25,680
And I'm sorry as well.
491
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,080
Me too.
492
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:29,920
Don't make this about you, Toby.
493
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:35,000
Go on, then, give us the correct
answer, in three, two, one...
494
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,120
Uptown Funk. Stay with me.
495
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:42,600
It was Stay With Me.
No, it wasn't, it was Uptown Funk.
496
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:45,280
Why would Uptown Funk be our song?
497
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:48,160
Because it was number one in the
charts the day we got married.
498
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,360
Yeah, that's right, Lee,
I remember now.
499
00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:52,000
You placed your loving arms
around me,
500
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,680
we looked at the beautiful sunset,
501
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:55,800
and that's when you uttered
those romantic words,
502
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:59,360
"Girls hit you hallelujah, woo,
cos uptown funk's going to give it
to you."
503
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,800
Trust you to forget
our special song.
504
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:06,200
And trust you to assume I'M wrong
because you can't remember.
505
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,480
You unfeeling...moron.
506
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,560
You self-righteous...bimbo.
507
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,040
Stop it!
508
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:21,320
You're both wrong.
509
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,680
It was Cheryl Cole,
Crazy Stupid Love.
510
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,280
BOTH: Oh, yeah!
511
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:30,880
Let's just call it a draw, shall we?
512
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:35,560
Promise me
we'll never end up like those two.
513
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:37,960
PHONE VIBRATES
514
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,480
# We're not going out
515
00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,160
# Not staying in
516
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:01,320
# Just hanging around
with my head in a spin
517
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,120
# But there is no need
to scream and shout
518
00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:07,120
# We're not going out
519
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:10,080
# We are not going out. #