1
00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:04,839
♪ We're not going out

2
00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:06,719
♪ Not staying in

3
00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:09,599
♪ Just hanging around
With my head in a spin

4
00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:12,399
♪ But there is no need
to scream and shout

5
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:15,479
♪ We're not going out

6
00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:18,640
♪ We are not going out. ♪

7
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:26,319
HUBBUB

8
00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,079
I can't believe how much this pub
has changed.

9
00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:31,239
I might be wrong,
but isn't that the exact spot

10
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,479
where I asked you to be my wife?

11
00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:34,999
It's a totally different shape
to what it used to be.

12
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,479
Yeah,
but you're great with the kids.

13
00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:39,039
Look at me and smile.

14
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,639
I can't do both.

15
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,239
Sorry, a quick reminder,
all phones need to be put away.

16
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:44,799
Oh, sorry.

17
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,839
Are you sure that this is what you
wanted to do

18
00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:48,999
on our tenth wedding anniversary -
a pub quiz?

19
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:53,079
Yeah, I told you, I just want
a relaxing and casual night.

20
00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:55,199
Relaxing? With Anna and Toby?

21
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,839
Promise me we'll never end up
like those two.

22
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,239
We won't.

23
00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:01,439
We'll divorce
long before it gets that bad.

24
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,119
Are you still writing
for Clinton Cards?

25
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,799
Oh, for God's sake, Toby,
we're late again.

26
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,759
Who still uses an A-Z?

27
00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:11,679
Research suggests that using
navigation apps

28
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,719
increases the risk of dementia.

29
00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:15,119
Really?

30
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:17,839
I make a point of using Google Maps,
but it's no good -

31
00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:20,040
I still keep remembering
we're married.

32
00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:23,039
BOTH: Happy anniversary!

33
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:24,479
Are we quorate?

34
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:27,319
If that's the team name you're
suggesting, we've already got one.

35
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,359
Quiz De Burgh. Oh, actually, no,

36
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:32,319
apparently
Quiz De Burgh's already been taken.

37
00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:34,159
Aw, who by?

38
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,639
Um, I don't know, that lady in red?

39
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:40,079
Well, let's go with Quorate, then.
Whatever that means.

40
00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:42,119
Oh, that wasn't a team name
suggestion.

41
00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:45,879
Quorate is Latin - it means
enough people to begin proceedings.

42
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:49,520
That is why we're going to win,
with our secret weapon, Toby.

43
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:52,439
Why's Toby the secret weapon?

44
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:54,199
Yeah, what about me?

45
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,599
Well, and you as well, of course,
Anna.

46
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,039
Toby is the secret weapon,

47
00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:00,160
but you're more
of an obvious weapon, like a...

48
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,039
Weapon of mass destruction.

49
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,399
Just because he's a doctor,

50
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,159
everyone assumes he's the brains
in the relationship.

51
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,519
It's infuriating.

52
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:11,319
I think you're both equally
going to win this for us.

53
00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:13,959
Both? What am I?
Just the eye candy?

54
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:16,959
I always beat him
at Trivial Pursuit, you know.

55
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:18,119
Tell her.

56
00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,879
Tell her what? That I always
beat you at Trivial Pursuit.

57
00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:22,879
You have literally just told her.

58
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,679
I'm sure she remembers.

59
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,720
Even without the piercing eyes.

60
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:30,639
The two of you are going to be
our secret weapon.

61
00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:32,000
Can you actually see me?

62
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,639
Sorry, yes, and you are also
our secret weapon.

63
00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:36,879
Like a...

64
00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:39,999
I don't know,
something unexpected and deadly.

65
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,640
Like a silent fart.

66
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:45,159
I am just as clever as you lot,
you know.

67
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,159
What, even the great Dr Toby?

68
00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:48,879
I'm sorry if I offended you, Anna.

69
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:51,639
And what about me, do I get
an apology? What for?

70
00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:53,759
For calling me thick.
I DIDN'T call you thick.

71
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,959
You didn't need to call me thick,
it's obvious.

72
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,799
Do you need me in this conversation?

73
00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:00,519
I don't know, do you need me
in this team?

74
00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:01,799
Course.

75
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:05,000
Yes, the Beatles wouldn't have been
the Beatles without Ringo.

76
00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,919
Ohhh, get a room.

77
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:12,199
A little library room
full of books about Latin.

78
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,959
Just the two of you,
it'd be a nice, little quorate.

79
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,359
Quorum.

80
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:19,959
Quorate is the adjective,
quorum is the noun.

81
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,760
Oh, BLEEP off.

82
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,079
And why is it just the two of them,
Lee?

83
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:28,159
Why am I not allowed in this library
of cleverness? Oh, I see, so you're

84
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:31,159
bothered by your own absence, but
mine makes complete sense, does it?

85
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,879
Go where you like.
It's YOUR bloody library.

86
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,599
Thank you very much.
If you need me,

87
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,439
I'll be in the children's section,
with a copy

88
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:40,400
of Peter And Jane Go To The Beach.
Won't be reading it,
I'll be licking it.

89
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:43,719
That's not funny.
YOU said it!

90
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,759
I am much cleverer than you, Lucy,

91
00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:47,160
you... bimbo.

92
00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,399
I beg your pardon?!

93
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,359
Oh, sorry, do you not understand
English?

94
00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:54,559
Toby, could you translate it for her
into Latin?

95
00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:55,919
Ego melor...

96
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:57,399
Oh, shut it!

97
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,319
You're not cleverer than me.

98
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,359
Well, let's find out, shall we?

99
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:02,879
Where are you going?

100
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,879
To be my own team. Team Lee.

101
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,159
Then we'll find out
who's the stupid one.

102
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:10,759
Yeah, the person sitting at a table
alone on his wedding anniversary.

103
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:13,839
It's not a fair contest
if it's three against one, Lee.

104
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,560
It will be if I join him.

105
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,359
Makes sense.

106
00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,519
The best and the worst against
the middle two.

107
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:22,719
And who says you're number one
and I'm number two?

108
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:26,119
Oh, I see, so I'm automatically
number three, is that it?

109
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,719
And yet not a single debate
about number four.

110
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,519
Well, I'm certainly not number four.

111
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,839
Why? Why can't YOU be number four?

112
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,240
You know.

113
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,239
Oh, I see.

114
00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,279
Right, well, if I'm definitely
number four

115
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,719
and I go with number one,
it would be a fair contest.

116
00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:43,959
Agreed?
Agreed.

117
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:45,559
Right.

118
00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,599
The question is,
who do you want on your team, Lee?

119
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,080
Who's number one?

120
00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,999
Oh, what are you waiting for, Toby,
you moron? Come on.

121
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,239
Sit down!

122
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:59,079
That is SO rude.

123
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:02,560
I'M number one, and that is why
I am going with Thicko.

124
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:14,239
And don't forget, tonight you're
playing for the grand prize of...

125
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:15,720
..a yard of Twix.

126
00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:19,839
Ooh, that'll save me
a trip to the airport.

127
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:21,679
I don't care about actually winning.

128
00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:25,199
As long as I beat Toby,
I will personally buy you

129
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,159
a metre of Twix,

130
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,920
and that's even longer than a yard.

131
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:33,759
I know I'm being patronised,
but can I have this in writing?

132
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:37,319
Don't worry,
I don't care about winning either.

133
00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,119
I just want to beat Lucy.

134
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,919
Good. Do you know
HOW we are going to beat them?

135
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,359
Teamwork.

136
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:45,439
Yes. Teamwork.

137
00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:47,239
I'm going to give you
all the answers,

138
00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:48,720
and you're going to write them down.

139
00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,440
And I do not want to lose points
because of your spelling.

140
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,800
You really are a condescending cnut.

141
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:03,159
Right, everyone, here we go.
Round One, question one.

142
00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,679
The lateral epicondyle bone
can be found

143
00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,639
in which part of the human body?

144
00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:09,679
Nice, easy question to start.

145
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:11,080
Exactly!

146
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,240
I know it, I just can't remember
how to spell it.

147
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:19,640
L-E-G?

148
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,080
Maybe you should just write
the answers.

149
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,559
Oh, for God's sake, biology -
Toby's bound to know this.

150
00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:30,359
Put fingers.

151
00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:31,919
Is it fingers?

152
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,759
I've no idea, but there's
loads of bones in there.

153
00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:37,399
Well, on that basis,
I could put the British Museum

154
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:38,920
or Dewson's the family butchers.

155
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,639
I'll put fingers.

156
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:43,639
Question two is on sport.

157
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,119
Yes!

158
00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,079
The sport in question is badminton.

159
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:48,599
Oh, for f...

160
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:49,959
Badminton isn't a sport.

161
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,880
It's a hobby for middle-class people
who are too weak to play tennis.

162
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,639
Bloody hell.

163
00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,359
Toby LOVES badminton.

164
00:06:57,360 --> 00:07:00,119
QUIZMASTER: When playing a singles
or doubles game in badminton,

165
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,840
how many points do you need to win?

166
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,399
Are you sure?

167
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,959
I play badminton every week.
I love it.

168
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,959
And I love YOU, Toby.

169
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:11,839
Please don't show me any affection.

170
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,160
It'll throw me.

171
00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:15,799
Lee won't know this.

172
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,279
I bet he thinks the question
is about the game you play with

173
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,319
shuttlecocks and a racquet.

174
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,720
It is.

175
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:25,839
Oh, I thought it meant
the horse trials.

176
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,959
How can that be doubles?

177
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,000
You can fit two people on a horse.

178
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:32,280
They're massive.

179
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,599
Question three coming up.

180
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,479
What should I put? Four. Four?!

181
00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,759
It'll be more than that to win
a game of badminton.

182
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,119
Is it? Well... put 100.

183
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,280
It won't be THAT much. OK.

184
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,920
Five.
Should I just put "fingers" again?

185
00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,919
Look, we're going to get hammered.
No, we're not!

186
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:54,999
Toby's been lucky with the first
two, but it can't go on like this.

187
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,680
In Latin...
Oh, for God's sake.

188
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,959
Right, once my glamorous assistants
have finished collecting

189
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:11,959
the answer sheets, I'll go through
the answers for Round One.

190
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,839
I reckon we got all ten.

191
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,599
And when I say "we",
I do of course mean you.

192
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,119
It was a team effort.

193
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,079
You got the one on Celebrity Juice.

194
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,879
That's Lee's favourite programme,
not mine.

195
00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:26,400
He thinks if he watches Keith Lemon,
it counts towards his five-a-day.

196
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:30,119
Well, THAT went well.

197
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:33,239
What kind of quiz asks questions
that I don't know the answer to?

198
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:36,040
It's just someone talking,
and me having to listen.

199
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,279
I appreciate that must be
new territory for you.

200
00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:43,999
OK, all your papers are in,
so here are the answers.

201
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,239
Question one - the lateral
epicondyle bone

202
00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,679
can be found in which part
of the human body?

203
00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:50,519
L-E-G spells...

204
00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,519
Arm.

205
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,159
Arm?

206
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,599
I will also accept...

207
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:56,799
Leg.

208
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,160
..elbow.

209
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:00,919
How can you not know that?

210
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:02,359
You're a doctor.

211
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:03,999
I'm a gynaecologist.

212
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,080
You don't really come across
many bones.

213
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,799
Question two was the badminton
question, and the answer was

214
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,479
that you need 21 points to win.

215
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:14,919
21? You put 7.

216
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,999
I-I got confused between badminton

217
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,640
..and dwarfs.

218
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:24,479
How can you not know the scoring
system if you play every week?

219
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:28,040
I let the umpire take care of that -
I just concentrate on the game.

220
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,480
That cock's not going to shuttle
itself.

221
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,600
What's going on, Toby?

222
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:37,480
OK, fine.

223
00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:41,360
I'm sorry, Lucy,
I deliberately gave wrong answers.

224
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,520
I'm playing against Anna.

225
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,319
Anna has to win.

226
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,999
Is this why she always wins
at Trivial Pursuit?

227
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,999
Of course it is.

228
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:55,800
Trust me, to her,
board games are extremely untrivial.

229
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,799
Once, I almost beat her at Cluedo.

230
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,119
Do you know what she did?
What?

231
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,520
She almost beat me.

232
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,200
In the conservatory
with the lead piping.

233
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,959
And finally, question ten,

234
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:12,039
the presenter of Celebrity Juice
is Keith Lemon.

235
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:14,319
Thank God one of us watches ITV2.

236
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:17,880
I don't even watch ITV1, I can
only imagine the horror of 2.

237
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:22,119
There is an ITV3 and 4 as well.

238
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:23,719
Good God.

239
00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:26,800
How many sticky toffee cheesecakes
do Iceland need to sell?

240
00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:31,199
So, the scores after Round One...

241
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,279
In reverse order.

242
00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:36,880
Well, this is going to be
humiliating. In last place...

243
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,159
..on one point...

244
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,799
Just pull the trigger.

245
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:43,640
..it's Team Lucy.

246
00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:49,159
I won't point them out,
don't know who they are.

247
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:51,160
She's there.
That's Lucy over there!

248
00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:56,199
In second-last place, on two points,
it's Team Lee.

249
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:59,040
Yes! Get in there, my son!

250
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,080
Whatever.
It's just a bit of fun, innit?

251
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:18,199
So, pens at the ready for Round Two.

252
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,799
How did they do so badly
in that first round?

253
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:23,639
I've no idea, but never look
a gift horse in the mouth.

254
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,799
I've never understood
that expression.

255
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,079
You never look a horse in its mouth,
ever.

256
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:29,799
You look in its eyes.

257
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:31,480
You kiss its mouth.

258
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:34,320
Give that to me.

259
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:38,639
Now, you listen to me, Toby,
and you listen carefully.

260
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,879
I absolutely have to beat Lee.

261
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:42,839
He called me a bimbo.

262
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,519
I'm sorry, Lucy,
our priorities are misaligned.

263
00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:47,519
You're looking for revenge,

264
00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:49,200
I'm looking to survive.

265
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:56,119
If you don't start playing properly,
do you know what I'm going to do?

266
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:59,119
I suppose it's optimistic to think -
take pity on a man who is

267
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:01,879
clearly traumatised, help him go
into hiding from his wife

268
00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:05,279
and get him enrolled
in the witness protection scheme?

269
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,159
I'm going to walk over to that table

270
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:10,319
and I'm going to tell Anna that
not only are you letting her win,

271
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,879
but you've been letting her win
at everything for years.

272
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:16,559
And I will say it loudly,
so that everyone in the pub hears.

273
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,439
And it will humiliate her.

274
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,039
And she will never forgive you

275
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,839
for the life-scarring
embarrassment it caused her.

276
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:25,599
And if you think
she makes your life hell now,

277
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,479
you wait until you see the pain
and trauma she will

278
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:32,679
inflict on you for the rest of
your sad and pathetic little life.

279
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:35,599
Because she will make you wake up
screaming every morning

280
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,719
for the blessed relief of the grave,
and you will trace it

281
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:42,999
all back to the decision
you are making right now,

282
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,160
you spineless prick.

283
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,880
You don't hear Bradley Walsh talking
to people like that.

284
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:53,959
You really want to beat him,
don't you?

285
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,839
Like you wouldn't believe.

286
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,640
Blimey.
I thought Anna and I had problems.

287
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:02,240
Round Two, question one.

288
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:10,079
And the final question of Round Two
is about pie.

289
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:13,279
Yes! Don't get excited, you
fatties, I'm talking about maths.

290
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:15,239
I hate this man.

291
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:19,799
Pi is 3.14,
but what is next in the sequence?

292
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:22,479
3.147? No?

293
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:25,239
3.145...?

294
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:26,600
Is it definitely a number?

295
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:29,479
I'll shut up.

296
00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:32,559
What kind of boring old fart
ever knows more than 3.14?

297
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:34,760
3.141.

298
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:38,039
Is this going to go on all night,
Lucy?

299
00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,639
You've questioned every answer
I've given you this round.

300
00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,039
If you've been lying again, Toby,
I swear I'll...

301
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:45,040
You won't to be able
to pull anything off.

302
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:47,480
There's nothing left.

303
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:53,399
OK, we've got all your sheets, so
here are the answers for Round Two.

304
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,639
Question one -
what is Mars the Roman god of?

305
00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:58,639
The answer is war.

306
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,160
Yes!

307
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:05,039
Question two,
the capital of Somalia is...

308
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,960
..Mogadishu. YES!

309
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,560
I'm going to stop doing that.

310
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:23,479
So, after five rounds,
here are the scores on the doors.

311
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:26,199
In first place at the moment,
on 47 points,

312
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,959
Quiz Teama Aguilera.

313
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,239
In second place, on 43 points,
it's Team Lucy.

314
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:33,279
You're quite the brains when you
make the effort, aren't you?

315
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:35,719
And by "when you make the effort",
you do of course mean

316
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,839
"when you are threatened by an
overly competitive psychopath".

317
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:41,800
Still, nothing
compared to the mothership, though.

318
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,680
Ah, look at her smug face.

319
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:53,799
Dear God, even Toby seems to have
a spark of hope in his eyes.

320
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,520
Haven't seen that look for years.

321
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,639
On 28 points, it's Team Lee.

322
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:01,840
Ugh, we're never
going to catch them now.

323
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,200
Yes, we are.

324
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,080
How?

325
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:13,160
By getting the remaining questions
right.

326
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:15,400
Genius.

327
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:20,119
We are going to google the answers.

328
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,879
You mean, cheat?

329
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,559
It's my wedding anniversary.

330
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,480
Please help me to crush my wife.

331
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,760
God, Lee, you sound like me!

332
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:32,920
I LOVE it!

333
00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:36,199
Well...?

334
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,760
What?

335
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,399
Get your phone out.

336
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:43,399
The battery's dead.

337
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:46,039
Earlier today,
I was recording a row with Toby,

338
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,800
so I could replay it later
and prove I was right.

339
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:51,759
Where's yours?

340
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,039
It's in Lucy's bag.

341
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:57,039
The quizmaster said
we had to put our phones away.

342
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,879
Well, that was
an inspired suggestion.

343
00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:02,600
Any other business,
or shall we just break for tea?

344
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,960
I've got an idea.

345
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,919
Can you tell me

346
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:15,080
your plans without breathing
in my ear like a St Bernard?

347
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:27,520
Is this a social visit
or do you need another crayon?

348
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,440
May I?

349
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,439
We've come to apologise.

350
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:35,600
Haven't we, Anna?

351
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,680
Yes.

352
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:42,080
Once more, with feeling.

353
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:48,519
I... acted rudely before, Toby,
it was wrong of me.

354
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,359
I'm sorry.

355
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:51,640
And...

356
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:57,920
I love you.

357
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:01,480
And I love you, my darling.

358
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,519
I've been such an idiot.

359
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,840
What was I thinking?

360
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,599
Why do I do it?

361
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,319
I've always got to prove a point,
haven't I?

362
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:28,720
Why can't I just let things go?

363
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,719
Supposed to be a lovely night out,

364
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,999
but I've completely ruined
this anniversary, haven't I?

365
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,399
And why? Why?

366
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,279
Because I have to be the best.

367
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,079
Why do I have to be the best?

368
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:47,560
Why? Why? Why?

369
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,360
Why?

370
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:55,920
I've got it!

371
00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:58,920
It's because...

372
00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:01,159
..I'm...

373
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,919
..an idiot.

374
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:04,239
You just said that.

375
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,839
I know! But I'm saying it again.

376
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:12,639
I just really want you to know,
Lucy, that I am an idiot.

377
00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:14,240
I know you are.

378
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,280
Come on, Anna.

379
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:34,039
In which country would you expect
to find a car with the vehicle

380
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:36,839
registration code V?

381
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:40,000
Any ideas? Venezuela? Vietnam?

382
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,559
Is the actual answer
you're looking for,

383
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:45,639
"I haven't got a bloody clue, Lee"?

384
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:47,519
Correct.

385
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:51,039
Well, then, I think it's time
for another crisp, don't you?

386
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:52,920
Yes, I do.

387
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,679
My phone's going to stink
of cheese and onion for weeks.

388
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,879
That's giving it a nice break
from your pocket.

389
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:10,479
PHONE VIBRATES

390
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:11,959
Not now, Dad.

391
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,679
LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

392
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:16,359
Bloody sinuses playing up again.

393
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:18,640
NASAL MOANING

394
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,360
Vatican City.

395
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,719
Hang on, Vatican City?
Is that a country?

396
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:38,839
Oh, Anna, course it is.

397
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:42,719
It has been since the Lateran Treaty
of 1929 established it

398
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,920
as independent elasticated state.

399
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,440
You mean "ecclesiastical".

400
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,120
Give me a break, there's grease
all over this screen.

401
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,159
So, just a moment or two, now,
before we announce the all-important

402
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:05,599
final scores.

403
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,719
How the hell did those two manage
to catch up so much?

404
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:10,679
Maybe the quizmaster gave
Anna all the answers

405
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:13,519
cos they're having an affair
and she's going to run off with him.

406
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,200
They managed to get...
Hang on, Lucy, let me enjoy that.

407
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,279
It's going to be close.

408
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:21,359
How do you think they did
in that final round?

409
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:22,679
Not sure.

410
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,639
Toby won't have got
the Barry White question

411
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,639
or the one about Indian ghee.

412
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:29,159
He's not a fan
of sex music and butter.

413
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,960
That's certainly burnt
onto my retina.

414
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,999
Talking of things that help you
out of a tight spot.

415
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,599
Please don't.

416
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:41,159
What? I appreciate the last few
hours have bonded us a little, Lee,

417
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,479
but don't assume from here on in
it's open season

418
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,519
for your other crass banter.

419
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:48,680
I'm going to miss you, Anna.

420
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:54,880
And, so, the final scores are in,
can I get a drum roll, please?

421
00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:59,279
Ladies and gentlemen,
in first place,

422
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:02,360
on a very impressive 72 points,
the winner is...

423
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,399
..Team Lee!

424
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,279
YE-E-ES!

425
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:12,919
I beat her!

426
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:15,519
Oh, this is the greatest day
of my life!

427
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:18,400
And, yes, I am including
the birth of my children!

428
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,559
And in JOINT first place...

429
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,839
I'm actually going to kill him.

430
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,759
..also on 72 points, it's Team Lucy!

431
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:28,319
Yes!

432
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,280
In your face, dickhead!

433
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,719
Sorry.

434
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,999
Which means, of course, that it's
time for a sudden-death tie-breaker.

435
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,799
ALL: Oooh!

436
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,640
Can each winning team please
send up one member to play?

437
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:46,359
Where are you going?
Well, it has to be me, obviously.

438
00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:49,879
You can't bring your crisp packet
to a sudden-death shoot-out.

439
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,760
You're not Gary Lineker.

440
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:55,279
Might be one I know the answer to.

441
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:56,559
I admire your optimism, Lee,

442
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,920
but we've already had a question
about Scooby-Doo.

443
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:01,679
Well, off you go.

444
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,359
No way.

445
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,639
I'm not beating Anna
in front of everyone.

446
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,920
My life would not be worth living.

447
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:12,039
It's already borderline.
Oh, well,

448
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:15,239
I hope the tie-breaker question is
"what is an invertebrate?"

449
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:17,280
because I think I know
the bloody answer.

450
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:22,879
Hang on.

451
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,399
Lucy's going up.
So?

452
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:26,759
So, if you get up there,

453
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:30,560
she'll always be able to say that it
was you that beat her, not me.

454
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,399
I have to do the right thing.

455
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,840
I have to get up there
and slam my wife into the ground.

456
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:40,360
That's beautiful.

457
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:48,279
I have no idea how you did it,
but if I ever find out you cheated,

458
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,399
I will rip your Adam's apple out
and shove it up your arse.

459
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,280
Happy anniversary, my love.

460
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:56,919
OK, it's on music.

461
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,519
I'm going to ask you one question,
and one question only.

462
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:01,639
I want you to write your answers
on your card.

463
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:03,119
All you need to do is tell me

464
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:06,279
what this popular song is
from a series of clues.

465
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:07,799
Feeling lucky?

466
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,600
Actually, I'm feeling hungry -
can I get my crisps?

467
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,119
Here we go. The first clue.

468
00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:18,560
This song was number one in the UK
Singles Chart ten years ago today.

469
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,599
Right, they're both looking
pretty confident,

470
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,399
not even waiting
for the other clues.

471
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,719
I think you might need to ask us
another.

472
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:29,119
We both know this one.

473
00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:30,519
Do you?

474
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:33,839
Ten years ago today
was the day we got married.

475
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,079
So, today is your
wedding anniversary?

476
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,959
Yeah.
ALL: Awwww!

477
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:42,279
Who goes to a pub quiz
on their wedding anniversary?!

478
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:43,800
I bought her the hotpot.

479
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,719
So, you both know the answer, then?

480
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:48,279
How could we not?

481
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,159
After the wedding reception, we went
straight to the honeymoon suite...

482
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:53,479
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
where's this leading?

483
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:57,839
We went straight out onto the
balcony and we looked at the view.

484
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:01,559
The sun was setting,
and Lee wrapped his arms around me,

485
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:04,519
and the radio was playing
that week's number-one song.

486
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:09,599
And we said, "We'll never forget
this day, this moment, this song."

487
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,160
APPLAUSE

488
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,999
I'm sorry I called you a bimbo,
Lucy.

489
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,560
I love you.
And I love you too.

490
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,120
And I'm sorry as well.

491
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:32,479
Me too.

492
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,360
Don't make this about you, Toby.

493
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:39,399
Go on, then, give us the correct
answer, in three, two, one...

494
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,560
Uptown Funk. Stay with me.

495
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,999
It was Stay With Me.
No, it wasn't, it was Uptown Funk.

496
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,639
Why would Uptown Funk be our song?

497
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,519
Because it was number one in the
charts the day we got married.

498
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:54,719
Yeah, that's right, Lee,
I remember now.

499
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:56,399
You placed your loving arms
around me,

500
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:58,039
we looked at the beautiful sunset,

501
00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:00,119
and that's when you uttered
those romantic words,

502
00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:03,800
"Girls hit you hallelujah, woo,
cos uptown funk's going to give it
to you."

503
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:07,159
Trust you to forget
our special song.

504
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:10,599
And trust you to assume I'M wrong
because you can't remember.

505
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:12,879
You unfeeling... moron.

506
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:16,000
You self-righteous... bimbo.

507
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:24,439
Stop it!

508
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:25,760
You're both wrong.

509
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:30,120
It was Cheryl Cole,
Crazy Stupid Love.

510
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:33,679
BOTH: Oh, yeah!

511
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:35,320
Let's just call it a draw, shall we?

512
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,959
Promise me
we'll never end up like those two.

513
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:42,400
PHONE VIBRATES

514
00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:00,879
♪ We're not going out

515
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:02,519
♪ Not staying in

516
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:05,679
♪ Just hanging around
with my head in a spin

517
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,519
♪ But there is no need
to scream and shout

518
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,519
♪ We're not going out

519
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,520
♪ We are not going out. ♪