1 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:16,390 Holy shit! That was incredible. 2 00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:18,767 You want a sip? 3 00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:22,604 No. I can't drink spirits if I'm gonna be driving, Kenny. 4 00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:27,609 Oh, fuck. I'm so drunk I feel retarded. 5 00:00:27,777 --> 00:00:28,986 I fucking do. 6 00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:34,283 I know I shouldn't use that word, but that's how I feel right now, man. 7 00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:38,912 You're so fucking badass, Kenny. Man, you're so fucking... 8 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:44,585 You say, "You fucking mess with me, I throw a brick in your face!" 9 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,670 Smashing a brick through a dude's window... 10 00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:49,423 ...is nothing compared to the things I've done. 11 00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:51,175 And I've killed people. 12 00:00:51,342 --> 00:00:52,885 You know what I wish? 13 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:56,221 I wish I could just hang around you all the time... 14 00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:59,725 ...and just, like, do whatever you do... 15 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:03,854 ...and just, like, learn from you and aid you. 16 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:06,523 - Aid me? - Yeah, you know, like... 17 00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:11,528 Like a good friend that will be there for you always. 18 00:01:11,696 --> 00:01:14,782 - Like an assistant? - Yeah... No... 19 00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:18,285 Yeah, or like... Like a... Like a best friend. 20 00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:21,163 Fuck, dude, an assistant. 21 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:23,582 I mean, dude, that could be just the fucking key. 22 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,751 I'm trying to get back into the big leagues. 23 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,586 That's a huge task. 24 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,005 I could use somebody like you. 25 00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:33,258 Just do all my bullshit. My fucking running around. 26 00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:37,596 Then I can just have time just to focus up on the day-to-day. 27 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:42,101 Motherfucker! That's Clegg in my fucking truck! 28 00:01:42,268 --> 00:01:43,852 Hold on to your dick! 29 00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:57,199 Hey. Yoo-hoo. 30 00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,827 You still with us, buddy? 31 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,372 What...? What happened? 32 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,791 You were driving and you smashed into this boat... 33 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,584 ...because you were drunk. 34 00:02:07,752 --> 00:02:10,546 No... What...? You were driving. 35 00:02:10,713 --> 00:02:12,965 You were driving. I was in the passenger seat. 36 00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:16,969 - I'm lucky to be alive. - No, you... 37 00:02:17,762 --> 00:02:20,389 You were driving, because you're my assistant... 38 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,349 ...and that's what my assistant does: 39 00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,560 He drives me around when I get shit-hammered. 40 00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:28,689 What...? Am...? Am I really your assistant? 41 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:33,402 I don't know. That depends. Were you driving? 42 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,406 Yes. 43 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,992 Yes, I was driving. 44 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,578 Yes, of course you were. Of course you were. 45 00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:48,000 All right, well, I'm gonna split because I got priors... 46 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,334 ...but see you at school. 47 00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:58,427 What in the hell? 48 00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:10,105 All right, now, I want this stuff categorized, inventorized... 49 00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:13,025 I'm not paying y'all 2 bucks an hour for nothing, all right? 50 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,944 That is a foam middle finger. How many of those do we have? 51 00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:17,779 - We have 16. - Sixteen. 52 00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:19,573 This is worth millions of dollars. 53 00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:22,409 I don't want sweat and little-kid fingerprints on it. 54 00:03:23,953 --> 00:03:26,747 What's this thing doing out in the driveway? 55 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:31,084 People will buy this shit. Sixteen or 17? Sixteen? 56 00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:32,961 - Kenny, what...? - What's up, Dustin? 57 00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:34,588 What's all this junk doing here? 58 00:03:34,797 --> 00:03:37,424 Dustin, this "junk" is the answer to all our prayers, man. 59 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:40,052 I'm gonna sell this memorabilia. We can make millions. 60 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,221 Millions of dollars? Toilet seat, Kenny? 61 00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:45,098 Well, this toilet seat is a collectors' item. 62 00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:47,559 It's valued at over $2000, I have a thousand. 63 00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:50,103 Look: Opens up, you take shits through the middle. 64 00:03:50,271 --> 00:03:51,772 Did you fall and bump your head? 65 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:54,316 - What are you talking...? - Gotta be out of your mind. 66 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:55,901 Who's gonna buy this shit? 67 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,987 Excuse me for being a fucking businessman, Dustin. 68 00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:01,531 You could learn something instead of just criticizing. 69 00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:05,911 Or just stay good at what you're doing, which is, I guess, being poor. 70 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:10,165 If you really wanna sell this stuff, just put it on eBay. I could list it for you. 71 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,376 Don't put yourself through something with him. 72 00:04:12,543 --> 00:04:15,587 I don't appreciate your tone with me. Cassie, fantastic idea. 73 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:18,465 I would love to talk to you one-on-one about said proposal. 74 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:22,552 - Minus dickhead here. - No, Cass. 75 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,639 Well, look at that. 76 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:29,935 Wayne's Triple H sweatshirt just sold for $15. 77 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,853 Oh, I love that. 78 00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:34,773 Gives me a little charge. That's so fun. 79 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:38,151 Okay, so basically, we're gonna post your things online... 80 00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:42,656 ...and people will make bids on them. You know, kind of like an auction. 81 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:45,367 And then the highest bid wins. 82 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:48,745 Cassie, I know how the fuck eBay works. What I wanna know is how much. 83 00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:50,205 Okay, well, here's the thing. 84 00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:52,374 You don't know what the market's gonna be... 85 00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:55,002 ...until you actually do post your things online. 86 00:04:55,169 --> 00:04:58,880 I'm talking about how much. How much for you? What's your commish? 87 00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:03,135 - What's the damage? - Kenny, I don't want anything from you. 88 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:06,346 - Okay? I'm not gonna charge you. - Then why are you doing it? 89 00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:11,310 Loved ones, such as yourself, are a blessing to me in our family... 90 00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:16,356 ...and we bestow our feelings of love towards you... 91 00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:20,193 ...by being generous and blessful. 92 00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,362 I don't know. Sounds a little fishy. 93 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:28,618 Look at that. You see that? That's where my dick goes through. 94 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,413 Okay, you know what? 95 00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:34,416 I'm starting to see what's possible here. 96 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:37,210 I mean, maybe this is fate. You know? 97 00:05:37,378 --> 00:05:40,464 I mean, maybe it is fated that you are here on this earth... 98 00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:43,342 ...to move these treasures for me. I mean, think about it. 99 00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:45,886 What are the chances that I'd have all this stuff... 100 00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:50,640 ...be staying here with you guys, and then you know how to do eBay good? 101 00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:54,603 Maybe this is what God wants. 102 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,981 Maybe God wants us to get rich as hell off of this shit. 103 00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:00,359 Well, that certainly would be nice, wouldn't it? 104 00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:03,362 Fuck yeah, it would be nice. I will be generous with my wealth. 105 00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:06,198 I will help out, obviously, with things around here. 106 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,117 I'll pay for those extra channels that I've subscribed to... 107 00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:13,413 ...on the satellite thing. I will also help out with the boys. 108 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,791 Maybe open up a checking account in their names... 109 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,627 ...that I could have access to. You know, just to... 110 00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:21,213 ...drop monies into, make contributions. 111 00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:25,759 Maybe even open up a credit card in their names and my names. 112 00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:29,137 I don't think we're gonna open a credit-card account for you... 113 00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:30,514 ...in my children's names. 114 00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:34,559 Okay, well, let's... We should do the checking-account thing though. 115 00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:37,187 Let's start listing the first stuff. 116 00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:42,192 I've been blessed with many things in this life: 117 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,653 An arm like a damn rocket, a cock like a Burmese python... 118 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:46,738 ...and the mind of a fucking scientist. 119 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:50,784 So people often ask me, "Kenny, what are your weaknesses? Do you have any?" 120 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:53,370 I would say that my biggest flaw, my Achilles heel... 121 00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:56,456 ...is my tireless work ethic. People say Kenny is a woman hater. 122 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,500 That's not true. I love women. 123 00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,086 Every fucking one of them, even the ugly-as-shit ones. 124 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:04,965 But don't ask me to trust them, even nuns, because every pair of tits... 125 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,801 ...comes with a gaping hole in need even Kenny can't fill. 126 00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:10,178 I never bought into native American mythology. 127 00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,597 You can smoke a pipe till your dick falls off... 128 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:15,559 ...but I'm not dancing with wolves no matter how high I get. 129 00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:20,230 Not that I get high, but if I did, my shit would still believe in Jesus Christ. 130 00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:23,191 One thing I hate, it's losing. If there's two things... 131 00:07:23,359 --> 00:07:25,819 ...it's losing and getting cancelled. 132 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:45,255 - What are you looking at? - Your nice hair, asshole. 133 00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:48,425 Yeah, nice job making 3 bucks a week, you dipshit. 134 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:51,428 Sell weed, you'll make more money. 135 00:08:12,074 --> 00:08:14,743 Here's what I need you to do. Call Kevin Nakashi in Seattle. 136 00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:17,204 He runs Happy Farms, an organic beef distributor. 137 00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:19,915 - I don't have his number. Find that too. - Okay, got it. 138 00:08:20,082 --> 00:08:23,376 Have him make shipments of the Kobe beef to Louis. 139 00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:25,754 It's gonna cost more, but if you drop my name... 140 00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:28,089 ...you should get a discount. - Okay, cool. 141 00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:30,133 Hey, has the petty cash come through yet? 142 00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:33,136 I'm still waiting on a check, so I need you to keep floating. 143 00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:34,930 - Okay, I... - But save your receipts. 144 00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:37,140 - I will reimburse you. - Very cool, very cool. 145 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:38,433 Finally... 146 00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:40,769 ...I need you to find out who Pliny Caldwell is. 147 00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:41,978 Pliny Caldwell? 148 00:08:42,146 --> 00:08:44,356 Yeah, he's some hotshot pitcher trying to be me. 149 00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:46,358 Trying to bite the Powers fucking style. 150 00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:49,611 I wanna know when he plays. See what this imposter's working with. 151 00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:51,947 - But he's in high school. - So what? 152 00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:54,783 He wants in the big game, and so do I. He's my competition. 153 00:08:54,951 --> 00:09:00,330 - A casualty of my fucking war. - Hey. Consider it done. 154 00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:17,472 Are you ready to learn some next-level shit? 155 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,308 - Yes, sir! Yes, sir! - Yes, sir! 156 00:09:20,476 --> 00:09:23,728 From this moment on, you guys are no longer little kids. 157 00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:27,148 You're cold, calculated murderers. 158 00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:30,777 This is the mindset you gotta be in if you wanna be a champion. 159 00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,195 You got me? 160 00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:34,364 Cutty, what do you need, bro? 161 00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:37,158 Oh, no, I'm just observing the class. Carry on, please... 162 00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:38,994 ...because I am awfully intrigued. 163 00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:43,582 Class, do we want the principal of the school... 164 00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:46,001 ...in our secret meeting of learning? 165 00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:48,169 Hell, no! 166 00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,424 Well, it's really not up to any of you guys. 167 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:55,176 It's just part of my... I have to observe my teachers. 168 00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:57,846 The people have spoken, Cut. Hit the halls, baby. 169 00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:00,557 Okay, let's just try and clean up some of our language. 170 00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,142 And I'll just stand over here. 171 00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,769 - That's fine with me. - That would be great for me. 172 00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:08,356 I'll tell you, most teachers don't have a problem with me observing, but... 173 00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:12,110 Well, you're about to find out that I ain't like most of these damn teachers. 174 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:13,445 Okay. 175 00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:16,865 How's that? Am I out of your peripheral? 176 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:20,285 Anyway, so besides getting shot in the back of the head... 177 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,912 ...do you know what else Abraham Lincoln did? 178 00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:28,418 He was a champion wrestler in high school, and I'm not making that up. 179 00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:31,046 You know what? Could you go back behind the door... 180 00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:35,216 ...because I was on a good run and now I've just lost it. 181 00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:38,136 - You want me out in the hallway? - That would be fantastic. 182 00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:42,807 Behave yourselves. 183 00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:46,353 Don't try to tell my warriors what to do. 184 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,566 All right, fuck him. So here we go, guys. 185 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:54,736 Name of the game, kids: Thunderdome. 186 00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:59,032 Two men enter, one man leaves. 187 00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:02,994 Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! 188 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:04,746 Yeah. Yeah! 189 00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:05,997 Get up! 190 00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:10,543 Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! 191 00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:18,426 Dude, I'm so sorry about splitting with your truck the other night, man. 192 00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:21,763 I was drunk. I had a chance to get laid. 193 00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:24,933 - My hands were tied, man. - I understand. 194 00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:27,352 I'd probably have done the same thing. 195 00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:39,864 We're square on the truck... 196 00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:41,783 ...but I need you to do something else. 197 00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:45,120 - And you can't fuck this up. - Whatever you want, Kenny. 198 00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:47,580 I need you to score me some juice. 199 00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:50,083 - You mean, like, from the store? - No, motherfucker. 200 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:53,628 I'm talking 'roids. Don't act like you don't know about drugs. 201 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:57,924 - I don't know anybody that sells steroids. - That black dude that had all that Cialis? 202 00:11:58,092 --> 00:11:59,676 - Marcus? - Yeah. 203 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:04,681 Yeah, maybe, but, and I'm not trying to be a dick here... 204 00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:07,934 ...but how's taking steroids gonna get you back in the big leagues? 205 00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:11,062 I mean, I thought they tested pretty hardcore for that shit. 206 00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:14,232 Obviously, I'm not gonna need steroids once I'm fucking in shape. 207 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,110 This is just to kick-start the training, dude. 208 00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,155 I'll see what I can do. 209 00:12:20,322 --> 00:12:23,992 I want my monies. Show me them monies. 210 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,745 Put it up Dustin's butts. 211 00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:30,457 - What all you got up there so far? - Well, just a few things. 212 00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:32,000 Here, let me pull one up. 213 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,336 Five thousand dollars? 214 00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:39,841 Did the damn zero key get stuck, honey? Good Lord. 215 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,926 No, Dustin, the zero key didn't get stuck. 216 00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:44,554 - I don't know what the fuck is so funny. - Well, just... 217 00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:46,181 Kenny... 218 00:12:46,348 --> 00:12:49,017 ...who do you think is gonna pay 5 grand for a broken bat? 219 00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:52,353 A lot of people, Dustin. That's the bat I hit my only home run with. 220 00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:55,815 I don't know why you're being a bitch. I'm trying to make my life better. 221 00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:59,861 Okay, you know what, Kenny, rather than asking for the top price... 222 00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:03,490 ...maybe we should use the bids to, like, drive the price up. 223 00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:07,368 I don't know what that means, Cassie. 224 00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:09,370 Well, we will lower the asking price... 225 00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:12,999 ...and then people will compete for the items, thus driving the price up. 226 00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:16,044 So let me get this straight. You want me to lower the prices... 227 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:19,214 Basically give shit away. - So people can just go for the... For... 228 00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:22,050 Get it for the price that was higher? 229 00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,262 If that's what you think. You're the expert. 230 00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:29,224 - I've never done this eBay shit. - I know. 231 00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:31,768 All right, fine. We'll lower the price of the bat... 232 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,812 ...but I'm not gonna budge on the pillow. 233 00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:36,439 Anyone who wouldn't pay that price is a fucking idiot. 234 00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:39,067 It's a goddamn steal. 235 00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:41,903 All right, cool dudes. 236 00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:43,279 Behold, gentlemen. 237 00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:46,658 I offer you a once in a lifetime investment opportunity. 238 00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:49,828 Each of these balls were thrown by this fucking hand... 239 00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:53,331 ...in the goddamn World Series. I've autographed each of them. 240 00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:56,000 I'll even throw in the Halliburton case. 241 00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:58,920 - What do you say? One thousand dollars. - A thousand dollars? 242 00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:00,922 The whole goddamn thing, a thousand bucks. 243 00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:05,009 Come on. I don't have that kind of money. Just sell me one ball. That's all I need. 244 00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:06,928 I can't sell one. It's part of a set. 245 00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:09,430 You gotta buy them all. It's all balls or no balls. 246 00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:11,933 Dude, it ain't happening, man. Come on. 247 00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:15,562 - I thought you said he was serious, man. - Chaz, you need to get to class. 248 00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:17,021 Kenny, what is this? 249 00:14:17,189 --> 00:14:19,274 You messing around with black-market shit now? 250 00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:22,277 No, not black-market shit, just regular-market shit. 251 00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:25,029 What? You guys can sell tickets to a cancer-kid dance... 252 00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:27,031 ...I can't sell shit for my own things? 253 00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:29,784 On school grounds, I'm sure there's a rule against that. 254 00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:32,912 Oh, what are you gonna do? Tell your boyfriend about it? 255 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:36,457 - So, what is this stuff anyway? - Oh, change the subject. 256 00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:40,336 I can roll with that. Well, April, since you're so concerned... 257 00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:45,008 ...these are the priceless heirlooms from my reign as king of the ball field. 258 00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:48,720 - All for sale. - How much is that mask? 259 00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:51,222 - This one right here? - Mm-hm. 260 00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:55,143 Funny you ask. You obviously have an eye for quality. 261 00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:57,478 This mask is valued at over 600 bucks... 262 00:14:57,646 --> 00:15:00,607 ...but I'll be willing to give it to you for four hundy. 263 00:15:00,774 --> 00:15:03,109 - Can I try it on? - Yes, you may. 264 00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:05,486 Put it on. 265 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,449 - See, you're being rough with the hat. - I'm just trying to put it on. 266 00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:12,660 Well, you're almost messing it up. Look at that, huh? 267 00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:14,996 - As handsome as me. - Fuck you, I'm Kenny Powers. 268 00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:17,206 - You bet your ass you are. - You know it. 269 00:15:17,374 --> 00:15:19,584 - Now, that, that's how you do? - That's how I do. 270 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,837 You know, if I took you from behind right now, I'd be fucking myself over. 271 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:28,009 You look like a retarded Michael Myers. Uh-uh. It's not a good look. 272 00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:33,348 What do you say? We got a deal? 273 00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:35,642 I can't pay 400 bucks for that shit. 274 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,353 You can't or you won't? 275 00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:42,190 - I won't. - I know why you won't. 276 00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,651 - Why? - Because you hate me. 277 00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:48,738 Don't be late for school. 278 00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:53,326 Don't tell me what to do. 279 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,829 Clearance sale. 280 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,902 Stevie, this better be good. 281 00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:12,613 I'm in the middle of some intense goddamn training. 282 00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:16,284 Oh, it's good, Kenny. I found the boy pitcher. 283 00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:20,204 - Caldwell. - Oh, for real? 284 00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:23,624 Man, I am so excited, I can't wait to see you to... 285 00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,799 Strike three! You're out! 286 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,969 A perfect pitch. 287 00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:36,596 He threw a perfect pitch? 288 00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:40,141 Well, technically, yes, but dude's got dick for style. 289 00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:42,810 He's got no showmanship, no personal pizzazz. 290 00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:45,605 It's like watching a fucking pitching machine. 291 00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:49,358 - Fuck this kid. - Totally. Fuck him. 292 00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:52,403 I knew we were wasting our time coming down here, Kenny. 293 00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:53,654 Stevie, first of all... 294 00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:56,991 ...don't ever fucking second-guess me, all right? Rule number one. 295 00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:58,159 Kenny Powers? 296 00:17:58,994 --> 00:18:01,871 - It is you, man. How you doing? - Who's asking? 297 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:06,584 I'm Allan Hicks. I'm a college recruit from UNCW, man. 298 00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,127 I know you don't remember me. 299 00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:11,506 I watched you whip the cracks off of Wilkes Central's butts... 300 00:18:11,673 --> 00:18:13,174 ...when you was a sophomore, man. 301 00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:15,635 That's some of the best pitching I have ever seen. 302 00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:18,638 - You had a lot of talent back then. - Hey, he still does. 303 00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:21,891 Yeah, I'm pretty much re-engineering man's approach to pitching... 304 00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:25,186 ...if you wanna get down to brass tacks. - Well, that's impressive. 305 00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:29,941 They said you was around, but teaching school or something? 306 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:33,194 I'd focus on the "something" aspect of that. Yeah, I'm teaching. 307 00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:36,697 That's out of the kindness of my heart. The real deal is the training. 308 00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:40,201 - You're training again? - Bet your ass. Morning, noon and night. 309 00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:43,329 I'm two days away from being in the best condition of my life. 310 00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:46,541 Well, that's good for you then there, Kenny. 311 00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:49,794 I always thought it was a shame how things turned out for you. 312 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,213 Didn't turn out too bad. You know, I'm sober now. 313 00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:55,383 It's crazy what two years sober will do. Living totally clean. 314 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,593 Honest, just straight. 315 00:18:57,803 --> 00:19:00,388 Kind of makes you see what's really important, don't it? 316 00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:02,723 - It does. Most definitely. - Yep. 317 00:19:02,891 --> 00:19:04,892 Word is Kenny Powers is coming back. 318 00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:07,562 - Good luck, yeah. - Help me out. 319 00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:09,605 With what? 320 00:19:09,773 --> 00:19:11,732 With your connects, motherfucker, come on. 321 00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:14,819 Oh, Kenny, I'm a college scout. I can't... 322 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,529 Come on, man. You know people. 323 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:18,531 No, I... 324 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:20,700 I don't know that many folks that... 325 00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:23,536 No, I'm just not the guy to help you. Wish I could though. 326 00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:27,373 But you'll help this fucking needle-dick Caldwell. 327 00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:31,252 I don't know if I appreciate how this conversation's turning, son. 328 00:19:31,461 --> 00:19:33,921 - You don't got a clue, bro. - No, I got the clue. 329 00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:36,257 Let me go back up and do what I came here to do. 330 00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:39,427 Oh, and what's that? Looking at a bunch of boys throwing balls... 331 00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:42,555 ...instead of getting onboard my shit and seeing real talent? 332 00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:44,807 Watching high school kids is my business, son. 333 00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:46,851 Ooh, well, that's fucking terrific. 334 00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:50,021 My business is being a goddamn powerhouse and making millions. 335 00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:53,149 I hate to break this to you, you arrogant piece of shit. 336 00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:55,234 The big leagues never would take you back. 337 00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:58,029 You're too old, you're too fat and you're too damn stupid. 338 00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:00,489 That's not true. I don't give a fuck what you say. 339 00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:03,993 I'm coming back whether the big leagues want me or not. 340 00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:08,623 It was real nice meeting you, Kenny. Watch it, prick. 341 00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:11,375 Watch it, ass blood. 342 00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,975 Cassie, get up. 343 00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:31,437 Cassandra, get up. 344 00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:34,315 Cassandra! 345 00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:37,652 Oh, my God. Kenny, what is it? 346 00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:40,863 There's an emergency. I need to see you in the computer room now. 347 00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:43,741 Jesus, Kenny. It's the middle of the damn night. 348 00:20:43,951 --> 00:20:45,326 Now, Cassie. 349 00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:46,744 - Kenny... - Okay. 350 00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:49,413 - Don't go with him. - It's okay, it's okay. 351 00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:51,499 Come on. 352 00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:55,169 Go back to sleep, Dustin. 353 00:20:56,463 --> 00:20:58,172 Don't go, baby. 354 00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:04,637 You butt-fucked me, Cassie. Out of $4993. 355 00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:08,015 What are you talking about, Kenny? 356 00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:10,184 The Internet. 357 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,730 Oh. Okay. Well, that's good. You sold your bat. 358 00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:19,860 - Congratulations, sweetheart. - Congratulations, my ass. 359 00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:26,534 Okay, you need to calm down and tell me what's going on. 360 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:28,744 You wanna know what's going on? 361 00:21:29,746 --> 00:21:33,457 This bat we sold? This bat is my home-run bat. 362 00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:36,377 Do you know how many pitchers hit home runs in the majors? 363 00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:40,214 Practically almost zero, but I did it. 364 00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:44,885 Now with your help, I sold it for 7 fucking bucks to some asshole. 365 00:21:45,053 --> 00:21:49,015 So you're upset that your bat sold for 7 bucks. 366 00:21:49,182 --> 00:21:51,809 It's not just the bat, Cassie. 367 00:21:52,019 --> 00:21:54,061 Why doesn't anybody want this shit? 368 00:21:56,189 --> 00:21:59,400 Kenny, let's be honest here, okay? 369 00:21:59,609 --> 00:22:02,737 It's been a while since you've been on top. 370 00:22:02,946 --> 00:22:05,740 Doesn't mean that you've been forgotten or weren't any good. 371 00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:09,201 And it's not an insult to the talent that you had... 372 00:22:09,369 --> 00:22:12,246 ...but time changes people's memory sometimes... 373 00:22:12,414 --> 00:22:14,206 ...for good and bad. 374 00:22:16,918 --> 00:22:18,753 Well, fuck time. 375 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,756 I know my past is more valuable than 7 bucks. 376 00:22:21,923 --> 00:22:25,885 Yeah, sure, your past is valuable, because it made you who you are today... 377 00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:28,429 ...but you need to start thinking about your future. 378 00:22:29,056 --> 00:22:30,765 Okay? 379 00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:34,977 I just so happen to see more in you, Kenny. 380 00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:41,067 What do we do with all this awesome, unwanted Kenny Powers shit? 381 00:22:41,234 --> 00:22:45,196 Well, I can think of two people in this household who'd certainly love it. 382 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:51,827 One thing each, boys. Wayne, one thing, not two. 383 00:22:51,995 --> 00:22:54,080 Ask anybody out there... 384 00:22:54,247 --> 00:22:57,291 ...and they'll tell you that the foundation of a baseball player... 385 00:22:57,459 --> 00:23:00,795 ...starts with an understanding of some basic fundamentals. 386 00:23:00,962 --> 00:23:02,588 Any one thing. Choose wisely. 387 00:23:02,756 --> 00:23:05,508 Running, stretching, physical conditioning. 388 00:23:05,675 --> 00:23:09,136 I'd get maybe one of them Kenny Powers condoms... 389 00:23:09,304 --> 00:23:11,305 ...to have for when you're older. 390 00:23:11,515 --> 00:23:14,809 Wayne, you might... There's some Kenny Powers cookies in there. 391 00:23:14,976 --> 00:23:17,061 These are the things that prepare your body... 392 00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:20,272 ...for the many challenges a baseball player faces. 393 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:23,567 I heard that bullshit thrown at me all my damn life. 394 00:23:23,777 --> 00:23:25,986 You know what Kenny Powers says? 395 00:23:26,154 --> 00:23:28,572 "Fundamentals are the crutch for the talentless." 396 00:23:28,740 --> 00:23:31,325 One coach tried to put me on a weight-training program... 397 00:23:31,535 --> 00:23:34,453 ...and I was like, "You and your weights can fuck off somewhere. 398 00:23:34,621 --> 00:23:36,455 I'm not lifting that shit. It's heavy. 399 00:23:36,623 --> 00:23:39,041 Tell me why I need training when I'm strong enough... 400 00:23:39,209 --> 00:23:43,796 ...to throw a goddamn 100-mile-per-hour pitch. Fuck that." 401 00:23:45,841 --> 00:23:49,427 See in life, when you have talent, all the other shit doesn't matter. 402 00:23:51,346 --> 00:23:54,765 If we were on an island with no weights and no running drills... 403 00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:56,183 ...who would be on top then? 404 00:23:56,810 --> 00:23:58,727 The guy with the talent. 405 00:24:04,734 --> 00:24:06,110 Hey, Caldwell. 406 00:24:06,278 --> 00:24:09,113 Kenny Powers says good luck with your fucking career. 407 00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:11,949 I'm gonna break your arm. 408 00:24:12,701 --> 00:24:14,118 It is, isn't it? 409 00:24:15,495 --> 00:24:16,829 I have a knife! I have a knife! 410 00:24:16,997 --> 00:24:20,207 In a nutshell, you can train all you want. 411 00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:24,170 You can work on your catching, on your throwing, on your running. 412 00:24:24,337 --> 00:24:27,006 Hell, it might even be enough to get you into the majors. 413 00:24:27,174 --> 00:24:29,258 Hey, April, I'm gonna hit the stationary bike. 414 00:24:29,426 --> 00:24:33,179 - Do you need anything? - No, thanks, sweetie. 415 00:24:33,346 --> 00:24:35,431 I love you, April. 416 00:24:36,349 --> 00:24:38,392 I love you too. 417 00:24:44,441 --> 00:24:50,446 But in order to be a standout, an all-star, a champion... 418 00:24:50,614 --> 00:24:53,240 ...you need more than hard work and dedication. 419 00:24:54,618 --> 00:24:57,578 You need something that you can't work for. 420 00:24:59,789 --> 00:25:02,750 You need a blessing from God almighty.