1 00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:28,652 - Burn them all. - Kenny, what are you doing here? 2 00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:32,072 I need a tape recorder with a microphone. I need to record something. 3 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,116 I have a cracked version of Logic Pro 8... 4 00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:37,453 - I don't fucking care. Just set it up. - Okay. 5 00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:40,330 I'm so glad you came over. 6 00:00:40,498 --> 00:00:43,208 Okay, so I can have the EQ optimized for what you wanna do. 7 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,461 I just need to know, are you gonna be singing? 8 00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:47,755 I'm not gonna be fucking singing, all right? 9 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,299 I'm laying down my new audio book. 10 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:54,303 No writing, just spoken words. The old-fashioned way. 11 00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,805 There anything special you want me to name the file? 12 00:00:57,140 --> 00:01:00,559 Name the file "Press record now before I smash your fucking face in." 13 00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:02,644 Okay. And we're rolling. 14 00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:10,569 When my ass was 34 years old, I quit professional baseball. 15 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:14,782 I haven't played professionally for several years now... 16 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,992 ...but in my heart... 17 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,495 ...I quit for real this time. 18 00:01:19,662 --> 00:01:21,371 Tonight. 19 00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:25,751 It's time I accept the fact that the glory days of my life... 20 00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:27,336 ...are now behind me. 21 00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:31,340 Just like Neil Armstrong... 22 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:36,261 ...I went to space and now I'm back and nobody gives a shit. 23 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:43,143 Therefore, I will now settle into this new life. 24 00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:48,690 I will find new ways in which to use this arm. 25 00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:52,569 I will take my current responsibilities seriously... 26 00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:56,532 ...and try to do them the best that I possibly can. 27 00:01:56,699 --> 00:02:00,494 And realizing that the love of my life has chosen another... 28 00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:03,789 ...I will move forward... 29 00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:06,041 ...without her. 30 00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:10,295 I do all these things not because I want to... 31 00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:12,756 ...but because I have to. 32 00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:16,051 From this moment forward... 33 00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:20,389 ...Kenny Powers is just like everyone else. 34 00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:22,599 Normal. 35 00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,185 Not special. 36 00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:27,563 No hopes. 37 00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:29,565 No dreams. 38 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:34,820 Pretending to be happy when he's really super sad. 39 00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:39,741 Just an average guy with exceptional hair... 40 00:02:40,034 --> 00:02:43,245 ...nothing more and nothing less. 41 00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:47,416 From this moment forward... 42 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,751 ...the people's champion... 43 00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:52,629 ...the Shelby Sensation... 44 00:02:52,797 --> 00:02:54,756 ...the Reverse Apache Master... 45 00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:56,842 ...the man with the golden dick... 46 00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,846 ...Dr. Cock 'n' Balls... 47 00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:04,266 ...that Kenny Powers... 48 00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:07,269 ...is now dead. 49 00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:11,773 And he will never pick up a baseball... 50 00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:17,196 ...ever fucking again. 51 00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:24,786 Chapter two: 52 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,497 "The Next Chapter." 53 00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:34,713 Well, she's hot but she's a bitch. 54 00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:37,299 Yeah, but it looks like you got... Gave her muscles. 55 00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:39,051 No, no, she ain't got no muscles. 56 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,261 You should make this tit bigger than that one. 57 00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:42,804 No, that's... That's... That's... 58 00:03:43,097 --> 00:03:46,725 - Excuse me. Dusty Powers? - Yes, ma'am. 59 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:50,562 Why is this indigo tile darker than the indigo tile that I ordered? 60 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,482 Darker? I ordered the product number you gave me. 61 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:59,529 So this tile right here looks just like what we ordered? 62 00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:03,742 - Yeah, it... - Are you retarded? Are you stupid? 63 00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:08,497 Are you...? Are you an idiot? What the fuck are you staring at me for? 64 00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:13,669 Listen, Dusty, I flip houses for a living. 65 00:04:14,003 --> 00:04:18,632 They are going to do a reality show on me once the market, you know... 66 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,385 - But anyway, I use a very specific... - Sorry about that. 67 00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:24,012 - What? - I said, I'm sorry about that, the show. 68 00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:25,681 Are you smart-mouthing me? 69 00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:29,685 No. That... He... I'm sorry too. A reality show would be really cool for you. 70 00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:33,021 How am I gonna take care of this? Know how much this is gonna cost? 71 00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:34,481 Yes, ma'am. 72 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:38,652 I'll accept full responsibility and cover any cost on the tile. 73 00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:41,989 How am I supposed to flip this thing if I have the wrong tile? 74 00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:44,658 You gave me a product number, and that's what I ordered. 75 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:47,119 - That's Aubergine... - Sorry, I have to take this. 76 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,122 Sure. Aubergine 316. 77 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,623 Kenny Powers, can I help you? 78 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:55,502 - What's up, dawg? - Goddamn it, this isn't a good time now. 79 00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:56,670 Oh, really? 80 00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:59,381 I thought it was always a good time to get rich. 81 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:02,718 - What are you talking about? - Got a call from Ashley Schaeffer today... 82 00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:05,012 ...and he was talking big money, Kenny. 83 00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:09,391 I'm talking $500, half of that in cash... 84 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,436 ...half of it in coupons to local businesses, baby. 85 00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:14,396 Cancel it. I'm not interested. 86 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,690 Okay, well, he thought you would say that... 87 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,401 ...and wanted me to tell you he has security footage... 88 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:23,322 ...of you throwing that cinder block through that BMW window. 89 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,491 Okay, on second thought, tell him I will take that meeting... 90 00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:29,411 ...but make sure he knows I'm not coming there for business. 91 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:32,414 I'm coming there as Kenny Powers the man, not the legend... 92 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:35,417 ...the one he's pissed at. - Okay. Good strategy, Kenny. 93 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:38,170 I appreciate you picking up when I called too. 94 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:41,340 Kenny? 95 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:49,556 Wow, pretty impressive. 96 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:52,976 Too bad all these people showed up to see a man who no longer exists. 97 00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:56,104 - Don't be afraid to look at the cars. - Oh, shit. 98 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:58,023 - There you go. - Who's Reg Mackworthy? 99 00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,192 My arch fucking nemesis. Come on, let's bolt. 100 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:05,280 There he is, the man with the golden arm. Kenny Powers, how the hell are you? 101 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:08,283 Schaeffer, you asshole. What is all this shit? You set me up. 102 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:11,620 Hey. Kenny Powers. How's it going, man? 103 00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:14,790 - Pretty good until I saw your black ass. - Oh, now. 104 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,292 It's been a long time since I've seen you around. 105 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:20,587 Matter of fact, last time I saw you, I ended your career. 106 00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,339 - Oh, yeah. - No, you didn't. 107 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:25,967 I ended my career myself a week ago, on my own. 108 00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:29,554 - Oh, so you double-retired? - Whoo-hoo-hoo! 109 00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:32,641 Can you feel the tension? I can. 110 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:37,813 I can feel it down in my plums. They're getting a nice bluish hue. 111 00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,315 Getting ready to take them to the farmers' market. 112 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,818 If I recall correctly, the last time you guys met... 113 00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:44,486 ...one of you hit a grand slam. 114 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:48,240 The other one walked out of baseball forever. 115 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:51,159 And now here you are, reunited. 116 00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:54,496 - It's like a goddamn Greek tragedy. - What you talking about, Ash? 117 00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:58,667 Some sort of pitching competition, some shit straight out of The Natural: 118 00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:02,421 Whammer and Hobbs, right here, right now. 119 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,172 - Ashley Schaeffer BMW. - Hell, yeah! 120 00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:08,760 Ashley Schaeffer BMW! Ashley Schaeffer BMW! Whoo! 121 00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:12,389 No, there's not gonna be any goddamn face-off, all right? 122 00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:15,684 I've quit baseball. I've retired, put that behind me. 123 00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:19,229 I'm just a regular American, just like the rest of y'all. 124 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:20,689 So no pitching. 125 00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:24,151 Throw the ball, I knock it out of the dealership. 126 00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:27,279 - Everybody's happy. - Give them a show, Powers. 127 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,364 Yeah! Burn his ass, Kenny. 128 00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:32,200 Kenny Powers' days of burning ass are done. 129 00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:34,327 And that's not a homosexual reference. 130 00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:35,745 I made a promise to myself... 131 00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:38,623 ...and I'm not gonna break it for the sake of capitalism. 132 00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:41,710 - So sorry. - Come on. 133 00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:43,420 Kenny. Hey, hold on, man. 134 00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:49,426 I know where you at, man. You had it all, and now it's gone. 135 00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:53,722 It's torn a hole in your soul bigger than my Escalade. 136 00:07:54,015 --> 00:08:00,061 So you turn to the drugs, the alcohol, the pornography... 137 00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:02,898 ...freebasing with O. J... 138 00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:05,150 ...human trafficking... 139 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:08,445 ...dogfights/orgies... 140 00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:09,696 ...darkness. 141 00:08:10,114 --> 00:08:15,035 Let me tell you something as a man who's come through the dark and into the light. 142 00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:19,539 I can assure you that the will of the Lord is not limited to just me. 143 00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:21,750 If you need me, I'm here for you. 144 00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:24,586 Not just as a friend... 145 00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:26,254 ...as a brother in Christ. 146 00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:32,677 That's his enemy. His enemy. 147 00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:35,597 And that's the compassion he shows for him. 148 00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:38,391 The man you're trying to save is dead. 149 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,644 You're wasting your time. 150 00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:45,607 You're a good man, Kenny Powers. God loves you. 151 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,318 - He's gotta open his heart. - No, thanks. 152 00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:52,197 That was amazing. You gotta make a tape series out of that. 153 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,783 If you need financing for that, you tell me. 154 00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:02,332 Stevie, this new direction my life is taking me is really... 155 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,625 It's got me thinking. 156 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,127 - About what? - About me and you. 157 00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:07,337 Really? I like that. 158 00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,589 Like, in a good way, you're thinking about us? 159 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:10,966 I wouldn't say that. 160 00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:15,136 I think I'm gonna have to let you go. 161 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:20,183 Kenny, don't do this, okay? This isn't happening. 162 00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:23,144 The important thing is for you to know this isn't your fault. 163 00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:25,146 This is not about you, it's about me. 164 00:09:25,314 --> 00:09:29,526 It's all an extension of me finally realizing I'm not the man I thought I was... 165 00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:31,611 ...and just kind of moving on from there. 166 00:09:31,779 --> 00:09:34,698 Okay. Fine. 167 00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:40,370 I am not your assistant anymore. I will just be your friend. 168 00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:43,331 I wish it was that easy, but if we were to hang out again... 169 00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:46,585 ...I would just constantly be tempted to get you to do shit for me. 170 00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:48,295 I'd have to fight that real hard. 171 00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:51,047 Right now that's a battle I don't think I can win. 172 00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:53,758 I hope we get in a car wreck right now, I do. 173 00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:57,512 I hope we get in a fucking car wreck. 174 00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:00,724 A motherfucking car wreck, and we both die... 175 00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:03,184 ...and then we can live in heaven. 176 00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:06,521 I'm not gonna get into a car wreck, because I'm an excellent driver. 177 00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:09,357 You're excellent at everything. I fucking hate it. 178 00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:12,694 I think maybe we should just sit here quietly now, not say anything... 179 00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:16,072 ...and let you just contemplate on the news I just dropped on you... 180 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:19,993 ...and let me kind of just contemplate on my own pains and sorrows right now... 181 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:22,537 ...perhaps while I listen to this music. 182 00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:49,856 - Enjoy your books. - I will. I appreciate it. 183 00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:53,568 - Hey, Kenny. - Hey, how's it going, April? 184 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:56,404 - You got glasses. - Yeah. 185 00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:58,073 They make you look different. 186 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:01,618 Yeah, well, they're not real. I just figured I might as well look the part. 187 00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:02,994 The part of what? 188 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:06,706 Just a normal, regular teacher with no hopes or dreams... 189 00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:10,251 ...absolutely nothing, just waiting to die. 190 00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:14,631 - Just like you guys. - Hey, listen. 191 00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:18,968 We haven't had a chance to talk about what happened at the whole cookout. 192 00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:20,136 No reason to. 193 00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:23,723 A lot's changed since then, so we don't really need to rehash all that. 194 00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:26,017 I just want you to know I'm not mad at you. 195 00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:30,146 April, stopping that night when I did, that was the right thing to do. 196 00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:32,399 - I realize that now. - You didn't really stop. 197 00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:34,275 I did. I made a moral choice, April. 198 00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:36,111 - But you didn't really stop. - I did. 199 00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:40,365 - I stopped before things got out of hand. - A lot of men do what you did, so... 200 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,451 - Make moral decisions? - Fuck you, bitch! 201 00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:46,746 Girls! Girls! 202 00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:49,624 Enough. Right now. Enough. Ugh! 203 00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:52,669 Hey. Hey. Chill, chill, chill. 204 00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:55,463 You do not hit a fucking lady, do you hear me? 205 00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:58,466 - Now apologize to Miss Buchanon. - Sorry. 206 00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:01,720 You wanna fight, do it on your own time, in a parking lot somewhere. 207 00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:03,805 Not in a school, surrounded by books. 208 00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:07,225 You okay? 209 00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:09,477 Where'd they get you? 210 00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:10,687 By the mouth. 211 00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,690 - Right here. - Right there? 212 00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:16,526 Oh, my God, April, what happened here? Are you all right? 213 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:17,694 - No. - Oh, no. 214 00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:21,322 - Yeah, those bitches hit her in the face. - Those are students, so... 215 00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,408 She's in your hands now. 216 00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:27,328 - So treat her right. - Okay, I will, Kenny. Thanks. 217 00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:30,457 She's a princess. She deserves to be treated like one. 218 00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:34,002 Oh, of course. I understand that. Yes. Yep. 219 00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:38,548 You gotta respect her mind just as much as her body. 220 00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:41,676 Oh, yeah. Well, I can do that. 221 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:44,095 I appreciate this talk. That's great. 222 00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:45,680 - You'd better remember it. - Yeah. 223 00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,849 Because I won't repeat it. 224 00:12:48,684 --> 00:12:50,185 What? 225 00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:52,187 What's happening right now? 226 00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:02,947 I've been doing a lot of thinking lately... 227 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:07,702 ...about how, basically, I'm in the autumn of my life and it's high time to get serious. 228 00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:09,746 This may sound crazy... 229 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:13,124 ...but maybe it's time me and you take this thing to the next level. 230 00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:17,712 Settle down. Who knows? Maybe even have a kid. 231 00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:20,215 I got a kid. 232 00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:22,634 - You have a kid? - I got two kids. 233 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,303 I got Kendra and I got... 234 00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:29,224 I got Efrain. Fuck, my pussy itches. 235 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,601 Let's put a pin in this, shall we? 236 00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:36,481 Just... We'll just... We'll come back to this, okay? 237 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:41,528 - SoCo? - No. A warm glass of wine. 238 00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:44,614 - We don't have wine here. - Clegg here? 239 00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:48,326 - The fuck do you want? - You Clegg? 240 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,579 Maybe. 241 00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:54,833 Then again, maybe not. 242 00:13:57,086 --> 00:14:00,463 I will fuck you up, motherfucker. 243 00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:03,216 That's not what I was insinuating by my body language. 244 00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:08,054 I was just saying, welcome to Shh-Boom Shh-Booms. 245 00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:12,433 Now, look, whichever of you two faggots is Clegg... 246 00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:13,601 ...I got the money. 247 00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:17,188 - Oh, wait, you're the bodyguard. - Yeah, yeah, that's right. 248 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:18,523 - Bodyguard. - Listen, now. 249 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,692 Can we take care of this shit out back? 250 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:24,112 This bar smells like an old lady farted piss. 251 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,947 That's gross. 252 00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,616 Hey, just out of curiosity... 253 00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:31,202 ...whose body needs a dude like you to guard it? 254 00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:37,166 Well, lookie here. Mr. I-Done-Turned-My-Life-Around. 255 00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:41,129 I thought you were Christian now. What the hell are you doing buying cocaine? 256 00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:43,631 Fuck all that bullshit. That's just theatrics. 257 00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:46,718 People don't wanna see a washed-up party animal. 258 00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:49,137 They want a story about redemption. 259 00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:51,264 I knew you were working some kind of angle. 260 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:54,809 You're goddamn right. Near lost my money after the league kicked me out... 261 00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:57,812 ...for them bullshit-ass gambling charges. 262 00:14:58,105 --> 00:15:00,064 My paper looking real good nowadays. 263 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,692 You know what I'm saying? 264 00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:05,236 Hell, Ashley gave me 10 grand. 265 00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:08,364 - Ashley Schaeffer paid you $10,000? - Yeah, nigga. 266 00:15:08,782 --> 00:15:09,991 That's cool. 267 00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,660 I'm not into whoring myself out for money. That's just me. 268 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,579 Well, I'm happy for you, Kenny, man. 269 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,582 Apparently you got over all this baseball shit, man. 270 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:21,002 Good for you. Looks like you turned over a new leaf. 271 00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:23,963 I did. You should try it sometime. 272 00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:25,965 Let me ask you one question, though. 273 00:15:26,133 --> 00:15:28,134 When did you become... 274 00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:30,345 ...such a pussy? 275 00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:34,015 Like, I mean, you was always, like, a pussy, don't get me wrong. 276 00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:36,643 But now you're just like a vagina with a mullet... 277 00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:39,562 ...just walking around this motherfucker. 278 00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:43,399 Forecast is for snow treats. Let's roll, baby. 279 00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:46,402 Yeah, let's get the fuck up out of here. 280 00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:50,782 Oh, by the way, I'm signing autographs at the dealership all week... 281 00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:53,534 ...so come on down if you decide to grow a pair. 282 00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:57,372 Or if you just want an autograph. I'll sign you something. 283 00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,001 Let's go. 284 00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:03,544 Peace. 285 00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:06,214 Peace, pussy. 286 00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:15,932 I think it's coming along pretty good. What do you think? 287 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,767 Yeah, it looks pretty awesome. 288 00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:21,604 All right, down here at Ashley Schaeffer BMW all day... 289 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:24,232 ...where prices are being slashed all over the place. 290 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:28,277 If that's not enough, this is the last day we got Reg Mackworthy. 291 00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:31,572 So bring your butts on down to Ashley Schaeffer BMW. 292 00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,408 Outstanding. Reg, I heard a rumor... 293 00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:36,035 ...about some pitch-off between you and Kenny Powers. 294 00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:37,620 The rumors are just rumors, man. 295 00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:40,206 We asked Kenny to come down, help me with a demo... 296 00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:45,128 ...but, you know, let's just say Kenny Powers is crippled by fear. 297 00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:46,546 Javier, no music. 298 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,218 - It's cool. - No. No, negatory there, Javier. 299 00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:55,471 El "pository," Javier. Keep it on. 300 00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:59,434 Don't turn that shit off on account of me. I don't care what they're saying. 301 00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:01,769 - What's this about a pitch-off? - Nothing. 302 00:17:02,479 --> 00:17:04,981 You know, just something from my old life. 303 00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:08,776 But I don't compete anymore. Just not gonna do it. 304 00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:12,780 I'm just like you now, Dustin, just kind of calm and weak. 305 00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:16,325 You think I like busting my back and taking shit... 306 00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:18,119 ...from rich motherfuckers all day? 307 00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,955 - Because I don't. - Can we please just drop this? 308 00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:24,667 - I'm trying to move on. - Move on? Move on to what, Kenny? 309 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:30,298 - Teaching school? - Well, if it isn't Ass and Wipe. 310 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:36,012 Can one of you pig-fuckers please tell me why I'm looking at two-by-fours... 311 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,972 ...instead of paint and trim? 312 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:43,019 Must I remind you to stop messing around? This isn't Dollywood. 313 00:17:43,687 --> 00:17:46,147 I believe the reason you're looking at two-by-fours... 314 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:47,815 ...is because of fuck you. 315 00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,695 - You can't talk like that. - I'll talk any way I want. 316 00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:56,407 Want that job done faster? Do it your fucking self. We're leaving. 317 00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:59,202 - What about my sunroom? - Fuck your fucking sunroom. 318 00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:02,497 Javier, Tom, no más tomorrow. 319 00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:07,543 Where do you think you're going? 320 00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:10,588 Ashley Schaeffer fucking BMW. 321 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,173 Whoa, whoa, we're going? 322 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:13,674 Come on, Kenny. All right? 323 00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:16,511 - To BMW? - Hell, yeah, let's go. 324 00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:20,181 - Hey. Hey. - "Hey" nothing, you city bitch. 325 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,016 Fucking rednecks. 326 00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:25,186 I'm tired of having to correct you guys' mistakes. 327 00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:29,690 Did you guys not get that memo? Yeah, I said no fucking clowns. 328 00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:32,276 Fuck, everyone's here. 329 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:35,696 Oh, shit. I can't do this. I'm about to have a fucking panic attack. 330 00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:38,741 - I need four Xanax and two Miller Lites. - No, you can do this. 331 00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:43,496 Listen, you haven't seen my pitch. I have. My pitch fucking blows, okay? 332 00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,957 - I'm gonna get killed. - No, listen. 333 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,542 - Lookie here. - Hold on. 334 00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:50,002 Look whose mama let him come out and play today. 335 00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:52,088 Well, well, well. 336 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:55,633 The former star decides to take once more to the sky. 337 00:18:55,801 --> 00:19:00,012 Shut the fuck up, Ashley. This isn't about you. It's about me and him. 338 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:03,474 It's always been about me, Kenny, your entire career. 339 00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:05,935 It would be my honor to end it twice. 340 00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:08,521 - Look him in the eye. - Oh, I'm looking him in his eye. 341 00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:10,982 - It's all in the eyes. Don't blink. - What you got? 342 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,109 - Stone-cold. - Yeah, they are. 343 00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:14,527 Piercing through your ass. 344 00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:18,406 This is what I'm talking about, a fucking showdown. 345 00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:21,492 Potential Ashley Schaeffer BMW buyers, is that what you want? 346 00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:24,245 Is that what you want? 347 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:27,582 - I don't cry, motherfucker. - Let me tell you something. 348 00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:30,376 I had a dream about this moment... 349 00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:34,589 ...when I was making love to my wife, Darla... 350 00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:36,757 ...on top of her... 351 00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:41,762 ...powerful thrusts filling the sultry night air. 352 00:19:42,055 --> 00:19:44,140 Heavy breath. 353 00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:48,394 My son Gabriel walked in. Little boy. 354 00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:50,771 My wife sprung out of bed, said, "Gabriel, leave." 355 00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:54,609 I said, "No, honey. Shut your mouth. Let him watch. 356 00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:56,944 Let him watch what is being consecrated here." 357 00:19:57,112 --> 00:20:00,198 And I want the people to watch what's gonna be consecrated here. 358 00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:03,743 And I will bring my son down here and he will watch. 359 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:07,747 He will watch you two battle it here... 360 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,708 ...you two becoming one. 361 00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,585 Okay? 362 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,630 This isn't a game anymore. 363 00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:19,467 - This isn't a game. - You sure you wanna do this? 364 00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:22,595 Whatever needs to be set up for a pitching contest... 365 00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:24,805 ...set that shit up. 366 00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:29,310 The rumors are true. In one hour... 367 00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:30,728 ...Reg Mackworthy will be facing off... 368 00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:33,022 ...against Shelby's bad boy, Kenny Powers... 369 00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:35,650 ...right here at the one and only Ashley Schaeffer BMW. 370 00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:37,610 Slap those saddles. Get on down here. 371 00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:39,654 - You're listening to 103.5. - Get my ears. 372 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,782 Oh, boy, that B12 shot is really kicking in right about now. 373 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,826 I just feel loose and limber. I feel like Superman. 374 00:20:46,161 --> 00:20:47,745 - Well, you're gonna be great. - I know. 375 00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:50,039 - I'm the only real athlete here. - Well... 376 00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:52,583 So glad I shaved down. That was a good move, right? 377 00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:55,169 - Me too. I'm glad too. - Yeah, well... 378 00:20:56,755 --> 00:20:59,090 Well, I will see you in an hour 12. 379 00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,758 - All right. - Maybe an hour 11. 380 00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:02,969 - Okay, good luck. - Okay, goodbye. 381 00:21:03,136 --> 00:21:04,595 I'm not gonna need it. 382 00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:08,432 Competitors, take your starting positions. 383 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,476 On your mark. 384 00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:12,270 - Get set. - You ready? 385 00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:14,730 - Go. - Now. 386 00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:36,085 - How much you putting down? - Reg. Reg all the way. 387 00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:38,462 You get those fucking 'roids? 388 00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:42,383 No, but I got something a little better. 389 00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:45,678 What is it? Don't keep me in suspense. I got a fucking duel to go to. 390 00:21:45,846 --> 00:21:49,724 Just a little piece of heaven I like to call OxyContin. 391 00:21:50,058 --> 00:21:52,059 - Clegg, OxyContin? - Yeah. 392 00:21:52,227 --> 00:21:55,813 Man, I'm not trying to get fucked up. I'm trying to strike this motherfucker out. 393 00:21:56,106 --> 00:21:58,399 Well, man, that shit's hard to get on short notice. 394 00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:00,985 - Know what? Fuck this. - Clegg, wait. 395 00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:03,571 I didn't mean I didn't want some for later. 396 00:22:08,243 --> 00:22:10,036 Think it'll keep fresh in my sock? 397 00:22:10,203 --> 00:22:12,580 - I don't know. Do you get sweaty? - Sometimes. 398 00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:13,998 Kenny. 399 00:22:18,795 --> 00:22:21,464 - You came back for me. - No. 400 00:22:21,631 --> 00:22:23,090 I never really left. 401 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:27,803 It's illegal. We shouldn't have it just out. But thank you. 402 00:22:29,556 --> 00:22:32,266 What a great day to be here, huh? 403 00:22:32,434 --> 00:22:35,478 Come on, everyone, I can't hear you. I can't hear you. 404 00:22:37,147 --> 00:22:41,108 Shut up. Okay, shut up. Shut up, I'm in control. I'm in control. 405 00:22:41,276 --> 00:22:44,362 Let me explain what's going on. This is a contest of skill. 406 00:22:44,529 --> 00:22:47,740 Sixty feet 6 inches from the rubber mound... 407 00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:51,118 ...all the way to the plate there, okay? 408 00:22:51,286 --> 00:22:53,829 One at bat. Three strikes, four balls. 409 00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:58,501 - Hey, no bunts. No bunting. - Nobody gonna bunt. 410 00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:02,671 - I'm gonna knock it to the fucking moon. - Yeah, you got this, baby. 411 00:23:02,964 --> 00:23:07,051 If Powers strikes him out, then 40 percent off a pre-owned BMW. 412 00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:09,178 - How does that sound? - Forty percent. 413 00:23:09,346 --> 00:23:12,473 You're gonna have to pay 40 percent, man, 40 percent. 414 00:23:12,641 --> 00:23:14,767 If Mackworthy knocks it out of the lot... 415 00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:19,688 ...then the same everyday Ashley Schaeffer BMW famous low prices, okay? 416 00:23:19,981 --> 00:23:23,150 Either way, you're a winner. Either way, you're a winner. 417 00:23:23,318 --> 00:23:25,236 I'm losing money right now. 418 00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:27,113 So, what are they doing? 419 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,657 - It's a pitch-off. - What's that mean? 420 00:23:29,825 --> 00:23:31,992 Kenny gets a second chance to smoke this prick. 421 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,286 Let's get this thing going. Come on. 422 00:23:34,830 --> 00:23:39,166 Lord, give me the strength to knock the demons out of that ball. 423 00:23:39,334 --> 00:23:41,168 - Amen. - Amen. 424 00:23:41,336 --> 00:23:42,837 Come on, Kenny. 425 00:23:46,174 --> 00:23:47,842 All right, Kenny! 426 00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:51,720 Come on, Kenny. Go, Kenny. 427 00:23:53,348 --> 00:23:56,684 Hey, hey, hey. 428 00:23:58,603 --> 00:24:01,689 Uh-uh. Uh-uh. 429 00:24:02,023 --> 00:24:05,192 Hey, Powers, you know I'm the one you're supposed to throw it to, right? 430 00:24:05,735 --> 00:24:08,529 - Right here, come on. - Good luck, Kenny. 431 00:24:08,697 --> 00:24:11,115 I feel 10 feet tall right now... 432 00:24:11,783 --> 00:24:14,201 ...and strong as an ox. 433 00:24:14,369 --> 00:24:18,289 - Who the fuck is this guy? - Hey, who the fuck are you? 434 00:24:19,332 --> 00:24:22,626 - Who the fuck are you? - Okay, I like it. All right. 435 00:24:22,794 --> 00:24:24,378 Keep it down, man. 436 00:24:25,422 --> 00:24:27,298 - Come on, Kenny. - Whoo-hoo! 437 00:24:38,059 --> 00:24:39,393 Hey. 438 00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:42,229 Come on, you sack of shit. 439 00:24:42,814 --> 00:24:45,608 Throw him something he's got an honest chance of hitting. 440 00:24:45,775 --> 00:24:48,027 Unless maybe you can't anymore. That's my game. 441 00:24:48,195 --> 00:24:49,653 Dick-slapping's my game. 442 00:24:50,405 --> 00:24:53,699 It's all right, everyone. Come on. It's all right. Here we go. 443 00:24:54,534 --> 00:24:56,118 Sorry about that, Reg. 444 00:24:57,496 --> 00:25:01,415 Trash it out. Here we go, Kenny. 445 00:25:01,583 --> 00:25:04,418 - You came. - Here we go, Kenny, here we go. 446 00:25:04,586 --> 00:25:06,253 I heard it on the radio. 447 00:25:07,047 --> 00:25:11,300 - So does this mean? - Here we go, Kenny, here we go. 448 00:25:11,468 --> 00:25:14,053 I just want you to know that I've been thinking a lot... 449 00:25:14,221 --> 00:25:17,097 ...about, you know, what happened at the cookout. 450 00:25:17,265 --> 00:25:19,725 Can we talk about it later, when everyone's not around? 451 00:25:20,018 --> 00:25:22,436 We were there, and then we were touching each other... 452 00:25:22,604 --> 00:25:25,272 ...and I saw those tits and I started feeling your ass... 453 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:28,192 ...and I started breathing heavy and almost got a headache. 454 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:31,070 Then my vision started to go all colorful. 455 00:25:31,238 --> 00:25:34,782 - Then I just came in my pants. - Okay. 456 00:25:36,785 --> 00:25:38,285 But I won't do that again. 457 00:25:38,453 --> 00:25:41,747 Can we finish this or are you just gonna yackety-yak with Tits-And-Legs? 458 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:45,584 Hey, she's more than a pair of tits with legs, Mackworthy. 459 00:25:45,752 --> 00:25:48,629 - Oh, yeah? - Maybe after I hit this shit to Beijing... 460 00:25:48,797 --> 00:25:50,798 Yeah. ...I'll see what else she got. 461 00:25:51,132 --> 00:25:53,801 - Yeah, that's right. - And I'll show you how a real man comes. 462 00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:56,804 You premature ejaculator. 463 00:25:57,722 --> 00:25:59,473 Throw the fucking ball, man. 464 00:25:59,641 --> 00:26:02,476 Let's go. Bang on. 465 00:26:08,483 --> 00:26:11,151 Come on, Kenny, strike his ass out. 466 00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:17,324 I want it. I need it. 467 00:26:40,307 --> 00:26:41,807 One hundred and one. 468 00:26:42,392 --> 00:26:43,642 God, help him. 469 00:26:43,810 --> 00:26:46,812 - Motherfucker. - You okay, Mackworthy? 470 00:26:49,190 --> 00:26:51,358 You knocked his fucking eye out. 471 00:26:52,736 --> 00:26:56,030 You're goddamn right I did. I was aiming for his fucking eye. 472 00:26:56,197 --> 00:26:59,033 - I got my pitch back. - Yeah! 473 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:00,576 Goddamn deal's off. 474 00:27:01,202 --> 00:27:04,079 No discount on account of tragedy. No discount. 475 00:27:04,247 --> 00:27:06,582 Get paper towels and ice from the snow-cone machine. 476 00:27:06,750 --> 00:27:09,418 - Clean that eye up. - Schaeffer! Suck a fat one! 477 00:27:12,088 --> 00:27:13,130 Fuck you.