1 00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:11,463 Whoo! 2 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:36,491 - Hey, beautiful. - Are you talking to me? 3 00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:38,823 No, I'm talking to your friend Jon Lovitz here. 4 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:41,287 Fuck, yes, I'm talking to you. What's happening? 5 00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:42,539 Asshole. 6 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:46,043 Oh, come on, don't call me an asshole. They sell sunscreen to everybody. 7 00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:51,002 I got a question for you. And that is, why am I so damn hot in here? 8 00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:53,042 Yeah, what you know about money, girl? 9 00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:54,876 What you know about money, girl? 10 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,633 - We should go. - Yeah. Yeah. 11 00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:01,300 Let me just break it down for you. Before you make yourselves look stupider. 12 00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:03,435 I'm a closing pitcher for Texas, girl. 13 00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:06,017 And I close in more ways than just on the mound. 14 00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:09,937 Well, that's good news, because I don't date athletes. 15 00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:13,945 Oh! Not yet you don't. Right? First time for everything, huh? 16 00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:18,900 Go on. Go, go. 17 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:27,660 Hey, hey, slow down. Wait up. Look, hey. 18 00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:30,249 I'm drunk, okay, and Fm, uh... 19 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:33,836 I was acting like a jerk, and that's-- That's not me. I mean-- 20 00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:38,720 I mean, it is me, I'm a baseball player, but I'm not a dumb jock, and I... 21 00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:42,008 Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that stuff. 22 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:45,223 I was, I was really nervous, and... 23 00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:47,938 It's because... 24 00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:49,973 ...I like you. 25 00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:55,688 Okay? 26 00:01:58,326 --> 00:02:01,068 Oh, my God! Shit! 27 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,872 Oh, shit, no, no. 28 00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:08,750 - Somebody call an ambulance! - What are we gonna do? 29 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,958 We got playoffs, B. Playoffs! 30 00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:13,998 I'm fine. 31 00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:56,627 Hey, you. It's kind of quiet without little dude here, huh? 32 00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:59,589 It's fucking awesome. Finally shit's back to normal. 33 00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:02,800 I'm once again a single, thick-dick, swinging bachelor... 34 00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:06,057 ...no dumb baggage to fucking carry me down. 35 00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:09,640 Thank you, Christ, for allowing all this awesome stuff to happen. 36 00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:13,273 Kenny, I was thinking, If you want, Maria and I could do some redecorating. 37 00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:16,811 Maybe swap out some of these hot babes for some new hot babes. 38 00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:18,604 So when Toby comes back to visit... 39 00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:20,897 ...he's got some new shit to get baby hard to. 40 00:03:21,075 --> 00:03:24,033 I wouldn't hold your breath on that. The kid's gone. 41 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,366 The sooner we accept that, the better we'll be. 42 00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:28,871 As soon as we get this changed back into my dojo... 43 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:32,831 - ...I can get my shit fucking ripped again. - Okay. Aye, aye, captain. 44 00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:34,752 What the fuck is that? 45 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,252 Fuck. 46 00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:41,339 Holy shit. It's Spurgen, the hermit crab. 47 00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:46,222 He lives in a fucking bowl? He must be getting high as fuck. 48 00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:49,009 Now I gotta figure out what to do with this dumb thing. 49 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:53,055 If I were you, I would smash the fuck out of that crab with a hammer. 50 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,849 - No. - No, this is Toby's favorite pet. 51 00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:58,314 He probably misses him. Maria, feed this fucking crab. 52 00:03:58,863 --> 00:04:00,103 Okay. 53 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:02,814 - Love you! - Love you too. 54 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:05,408 Seems like you guys are happy again. 55 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,319 Mm-hm. This is awesome. 56 00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:09,362 Awesome. 57 00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:18,501 Peekaboo. Just kidding. Psych your mind, it's me. 58 00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,712 You wanted to see me? 59 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:21,966 What do you want to do? 60 00:04:22,136 --> 00:04:25,424 Offer your franchise star player a blow job/hand job... 61 00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:27,760 "for saving your stinky ass? 62 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,299 Star player. 63 00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:32,310 That's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. 64 00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:36,515 You are no longer the star player of the Mermen. 65 00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:41,444 What the fuck are you talking about? After I just saved your asses at the game? 66 00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:43,730 You don't even play for the team anymore. 67 00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:45,865 What the fuck are you talking about? 68 00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:48,402 Because you're playing for Texas. 69 00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:51,947 I'm what? 70 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,161 You're getting called up, Kenny. 71 00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:58,961 You gotta be shitting me. 72 00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:05,465 I mean, finally, motherfuckers. I knew this was gonna happen. 73 00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:09,176 I just can't believe it took these dudes this long to figure it out. Christ. 74 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,596 Their closer got hit by a truck. 75 00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:15,804 Now that Ivan fucking sucks, I'm the logical choice. 76 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,644 I've been wanting to kick your old, Worthless ass... 77 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:21,276 muff my team for such a hang time. 78 00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:25,235 Well, I look forward to never seeing your wrinkly fucking face again either. 79 00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,115 Fuck you, you fat fucking honky. 80 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,777 And fuck you too, you black dick-licker. 81 00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:34,747 - You shits licker! - Fuck you! 82 00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:36,999 Oh, fuck you and your mama too! 83 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:40,663 - I hope you get AIDS. - Bye-bye, motherfucker! 84 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,832 These vessels follow the same course as your harmonious arteries. 85 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,466 But they return the blood-- 86 00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:47,968 Everybody be cool, this isn't a school shooting! 87 00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:49,755 It's something far more fantastic. 88 00:05:49,932 --> 00:05:52,094 - Sir? - Sir, yourself. Where's Andrea? 89 00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:54,600 You can't keep storming into my classrooms. 90 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,934 - We're broken up. - What? No, no, no. 91 00:05:58,107 --> 00:05:59,472 That breakup wasn't real. 92 00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:01,853 Sure, you betrayed me and my party... 93 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,360 ...but that breakup was spoken In anger. 94 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:06,441 And I'm sorry for that. It didn't count. 95 00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:09,233 - It didn't? - No. 96 00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:12,027 This is the breakup that counts. 97 00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,195 You're an asshole. 98 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,034 Easy, let's not get bitter, okay? 99 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,700 I know a lot of you guys are looking at me and saying: 100 00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:21,211 "Hey, there's a dude who is exactly my same age." 101 00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:25,085 Well, truth be told. I'm a grown-up, real person. 102 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,967 Sure your bodies might be tight. 103 00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:30,629 You might like to have sex in amazing, cool, intricate positions. 104 00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:33,674 But besides that shit, y'all don't have a fucking clue. 105 00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:36,510 The shit y'all are doing, the fucking Facebook shit... 106 00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:38,644 ...the Internets, the fucking DVDS. 107 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:42,024 That's all bullshit. Your shit isn't real. 108 00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:43,809 But from where I'm standing... 109 00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:47,729 ...a full-grown man who has achieved his dreams. 110 00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:50,274 Yeah, that's right. I'm going back to the majors. 111 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:53,284 My shit is about as real as it gets. 112 00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:59,666 And besides, I can out-party, out-drink, and out-fuck each of you. 113 00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:02,203 Youth can suck my dick. 114 00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:08,709 So unless you have anything to add, then consider this relationship over. 115 00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:13,009 Have a nice life. I'll never forget you. 116 00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:15,423 And I know you won't forget me. 117 00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:17,091 Because I popped that cherry. 118 00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:20,641 That's right, I tore it out for all you young guys. 119 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:47,130 Saying goodbye to you is gonna hurt. 120 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,042 I ripped up a lot of awesome waves on this boogie board. 121 00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:52,381 Basically owned this goddamn beach. 122 00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:54,091 Adios, friend. 123 00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,599 We had a good time here in Myrtle. 124 00:07:57,768 --> 00:08:00,556 But now it is time to say goodbye to your glorious shores. 125 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,889 So crazy that this is the end. 126 00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:07,479 It's not a bad thing, though, Stevie. Don't be sad and fucking melancholy. 127 00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,519 Maria, you must be happy though, huh? 128 00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:12,735 Texas has a fucking weather climate very similar to Mexico... 129 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:16,118 ...except it doesn't stink like fucking buttholes and donkeys. Ha, ha, ha! 130 00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:22,245 Don't think I just didn't catch that fucking non-verbal loaded exchange, there. 131 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,085 Permission to speak freely, Kenny? 132 00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:27,670 Permission granted. 133 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:31,333 You know how you always say we're like astronauts, or lead guitarists... 134 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,218 wand we're not cut out for family? 135 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,837 I said that about myself, but continue. 136 00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:40,009 Okay, well, I'm just starting to think, like... 137 00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:44,976 ...maybe I am one of those pussies that does like family. 138 00:08:45,816 --> 00:08:47,978 What the hell are you saying, Stevie? 139 00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:51,732 Kenny, Maria is pregnant. 140 00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:56,153 How can you tell, man? I mean, she always looks like she's pregnant. 141 00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:59,786 She pissed on one of those sticks. I held it under her pussy myself. 142 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,367 It's legit, man. 143 00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,990 Well, what the fuck? We're gonna have to go... 144 00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:06,330 ...and investigate options. An abortion clinic. 145 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:09,872 The last thing we need in Texas is another goddamn baby dragging us down. 146 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,461 Did you not learn anything from our time with Toby? 147 00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:16,253 Kenny, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. 148 00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:21,633 We're not going to Texas with you. We're gonna stay here... 149 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:26,146 ...and we're gonna build a life together, Tn Myrtle. 150 00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:32,982 Have you thought this through? You're willing to forgo... 151 00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:35,772 ...all the status that will come with being my associate? 152 00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:40,410 Give up your possible fucking co-starring role in the reality series Tm developing? 153 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,240 Yes. 154 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:48,206 What? You're" You're thinking about it? 155 00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:51,622 I've thought about it. Kenny, we're staying Tn Myrtle. 156 00:09:56,679 --> 00:10:01,924 Well, I suppose if you're gonna do that, you're gonna need this. 157 00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:07,679 What is this? 158 00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:10,731 It's the keys to the Panty Dropper. 159 00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:13,188 If you're gonna stay in Myrtle and become a man... 160 00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:16,775 ...then you're sure as hell gonna need a man's water-recreational vehicle. 161 00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,111 - I don't know what to say. - I do. 162 00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:21,901 Steven Bernard Janowski... 163 00:10:22,371 --> 00:10:25,363 ...you are hereby relieved of your duties as my assistant. 164 00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:27,908 You have served me well, hombre. 165 00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:31,794 And I give you the right to name your child after me. 166 00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:32,999 Regardless of gender. 167 00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:36,674 - For real? - For reals, dog. 168 00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:41,008 Come here, you two. Come here. Come here. 169 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,103 It's a special moment, guys. 170 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:16,836 Kenny. I wasn't expecting to see you again. 171 00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:18,795 Yeah, well, surprise, surprise. 172 00:11:18,969 --> 00:11:21,051 How's it feel to have your mind blown? 173 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:25,340 I'm moving to Texas. Got called up to the majors... 174 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:28,643 ...so gonna go live a life of being much richer and famouser. 175 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,895 So you really got called up? 176 00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:34,808 Yup. I put in the hard work, and did all the shit... 177 00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:37,898 ...and I beat this Russian. And I earned my spot. 178 00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,571 Congratulations. 179 00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:42,197 I just stopped by actually... 180 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:46,032 "because I found something that I think Toby's probably gonna want. 181 00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:49,948 A marijuana pipe? 182 00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,868 Well, technically I use this pipe to smoke DMT. 183 00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:56,249 But now it's the home to Spurgen. 184 00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:58,001 His hermit crab. It's a pet. 185 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:02,256 Is it cool If I enter your domicile to return to him his property? 186 00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,429 Come on in. 187 00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:09,055 Hey, what's up, you little jerk? 188 00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:12,061 I got something for you. It's Spurgen. 189 00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:15,815 It's your pet hermit crab. You remember him? 190 00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,648 I also wanted to have a man-to-man talk with you... 191 00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:21,733 ...if that was cool. 192 00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,407 Due to some recent events... 193 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,786 ...I don't think I'm gonna be able to be around you, as" 194 00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:31,243 As much as I have been in the past few weeks. 195 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:34,079 I've got an incredible job opportunity... 196 00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:40,124 ...that is going to force me to relocate to a much drier, more arid climate. 197 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:44,878 But I hope that you know that, while Fm gone... 198 00:12:45,055 --> 00:12:47,922 ...all the wealth that I will acquire... 199 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,933 ...all the fame and fortunes... 200 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,185 ...and all the women that I will bed... 201 00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:56,097 ...I will be doing all that stuff... 202 00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:58,391 ...so that you'll be proud of me. 203 00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:01,770 So that you can be proud of your dad. 204 00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:05,565 Kenny. 205 00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:11,367 Just wanna thank you for coming by. 206 00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:14,206 When you left me... 207 00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:19,291 ...when we were gonna go to Tampa, it hurt a lot. 208 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:24,589 And I know when I left you, it hurt you too. 209 00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:27,925 And I just wanna say I'm sorry. 210 00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:32,637 I didn't just come back for Toby. 211 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,600 I mean, I did... 212 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:40,225 ...but I also came back for you too. 213 00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:49,529 Well, your timing kind of sucks. I'm getting ready to move to Texas and shit. 214 00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:52,369 Right. 215 00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:57,417 Not gonna really... Not gonna be around. 216 00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:03,752 I'm gonna go. 217 00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:07,085 See you, Toby. 218 00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:11,381 Adiós, April. 219 00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:09,943 How you doing, Kenny? 220 00:15:10,117 --> 00:15:11,323 Yeah, Fm doing good. 221 00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:13,568 Well, there's no time for a pep talk. 222 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:18,286 I would like to take a knee here with you and say a prayer. 223 00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:20,291 Will you pray with me? 224 00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:23,286 - To Jesus? - Yes, sir. 225 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,250 Okay, yeah. 226 00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:29,383 Dear Jesus, we come to you with gratitude... 227 00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:33,421 ...on this evening, with thanks for shepherding this man... 228 00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,681 ...Kenny Powers, to a personal victory. 229 00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:40,061 The fact that we sit here now with you, Lord, in this clubhouse... 230 00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:44,940 ...is proof that Kenneth Powers has successfully... 231 00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:46,942 ...sucked his dream's dick, Lord. 232 00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,065 Thank you, Jesus. 233 00:15:49,239 --> 00:15:50,479 Thank you, Jesus, for that. 234 00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,400 Kenny sucked, Kenny stroked. 235 00:15:53,577 --> 00:15:56,410 Kenny learned how to breathe through his nose while doing it. 236 00:15:56,580 --> 00:16:00,369 Kenny found a free finger to touch ass along the way. 237 00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:04,126 And that took commitment, Lord. But you and I... 238 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:07,584 ...and Kenneth know that there is much more to come. 239 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,049 - The finish line, Jesus. - Hallelujah. 240 00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:13,962 Give him strength of fist to stay among the stroke. 241 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,971 That you relax his throat... 242 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:18,508 ...to embrace this bulging opportunity. 243 00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:22,099 - Give me strength, fucking Jesus. - Give him his strength, Lord Jesus. 244 00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:23,933 Endless strength, fucking Jesus. 245 00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:28,397 He's gonna bring a fortified ejaculation. Tonight, for the first time... 246 00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:34,156 ...in his own public demonstration in front of you and the world, Jesus. 247 00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:35,816 Super chill, Jesus Christ. 248 00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:38,490 It's cum time. 249 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,328 And it's up to you, Kenny. 250 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:45,459 Spit... 251 00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:48,462 ...or swallow? 252 00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:51,583 You know the answer. 253 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:59,098 - Thank you, Jesus. Amen. - Fuck, yeah, Jesus. Amen. 254 00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:03,970 Take it down. 255 00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:36,427 Kenny, Kenny, Kenny. 256 00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:40,632 One's the fucking fastball, two's the curve ball. 257 00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:43,050 You got it. Let's do it. Let's go. 258 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,971 That was the moment I realized I achieved... 259 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,390 ...everything I worked so hard for. 260 00:19:12,776 --> 00:19:17,020 Despite the countless obstacles and adversities I faced along the way. 261 00:19:17,197 --> 00:19:20,315 It was that exact moment, when I looked into that batter's eyes... 262 00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:23,121 ...and I saw stone-cold, childlike fear. 263 00:19:24,039 --> 00:19:27,417 For the first time in so many moons, I felt I was in total control. 264 00:19:28,794 --> 00:19:32,381 I held my own destiny in my hands, as sure as I held that baseball. 265 00:19:33,382 --> 00:19:38,345 My future, everything, comes down to one final pitch. 266 00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:12,796 What the fuck? What the fuck, Kenny? 267 00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:24,850 - Where the fuck you going? - Home, motherfucker. 268 00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:30,522 I'm in a fucking Cameron Crowe movie! Whoo! 269 00:20:33,859 --> 00:20:36,903 Holy shit. Holy shit! 270 00:20:39,156 --> 00:20:40,741 Fuck me! 271 00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:52,127 Ooh, they gonna be pissed. 272 00:22:07,661 --> 00:22:12,374 One of baseball's greats, Kenny Powers, has perished in a horrific car accident. 273 00:22:12,541 --> 00:22:15,502 A pitching phenomenon and a controversial figure... 274 00:22:15,669 --> 00:22:17,921 The moments directly following a comeback... 275 00:22:18,088 --> 00:22:20,715 ...are hands-fucking-down the sweetest part. 276 00:22:22,676 --> 00:22:25,971 When everybody you've ever known, the whole world, in fact... 277 00:22:26,137 --> 00:22:28,640 ...celebrates your success. 278 00:22:32,769 --> 00:22:34,813 Everyone gets some. 279 00:22:34,980 --> 00:22:39,317 The little people who acted as stepping stones on your path to success... 280 00:22:41,736 --> 00:22:44,906 ...they can brag to their children about how they aided you. 281 00:22:48,743 --> 00:22:52,998 Even if it was only in some stupid, insignificant way. 282 00:22:58,837 --> 00:23:00,964 Even the enemies you've made along the way... 283 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,178 ...they have to begrudge the fact that you've shoved their jealousness... 284 00:23:07,345 --> 00:23:09,222 ...lack of faith and spite... 285 00:23:09,681 --> 00:23:12,767 ...right back in their fucking hater faces. 286 00:23:24,029 --> 00:23:28,158 But I imagine it's probably sweetest for those that truly believed in you. 287 00:23:31,202 --> 00:23:34,039 Those that stood by you through the good times... 288 00:23:38,418 --> 00:23:40,879 ...and the not-so-good times. 289 00:23:50,138 --> 00:23:52,766 Standing by a champion is a feat unto itself. 290 00:23:52,933 --> 00:23:55,936 I mean, it's not as much work as actually doing the comeback... 291 00:23:57,020 --> 00:23:59,356 ...but it still should count for something. 292 00:24:11,576 --> 00:24:14,412 I hope this inspirational story helps give you inspiration... 293 00:24:14,579 --> 00:24:16,998 ...in your attempts to stop being a regular person... 294 00:24:17,165 --> 00:24:19,376 ...and to start being a champion instead. 295 00:24:19,542 --> 00:24:22,379 Dreams and riches do come true for some people. 296 00:24:22,545 --> 00:24:26,299 Take it from me, Kenny Powers. I'm out. 297 00:24:26,466 --> 00:24:29,636 The end of the book. 298 00:24:38,937 --> 00:24:42,565 I cannot find my phone. I think I left it in my purse. 299 00:24:57,747 --> 00:24:59,499 Big Cannons. 300 00:25:05,672 --> 00:25:07,340 What in the fuck? 301 00:25:08,925 --> 00:25:10,885 I'm alive. 302 00:25:12,512 --> 00:25:15,932 I... I can see that. 303 00:25:16,725 --> 00:25:19,227 - The news said-- - I know what the news said. 304 00:25:19,394 --> 00:25:23,064 I'm sorry. I would've been here sooner, but I had to get my truck back. 305 00:25:23,857 --> 00:25:27,652 Kenny, what is going on? Your hair is bleached. 306 00:25:27,986 --> 00:25:30,321 I know, it's to conceal me. Now, just calm down. 307 00:25:30,989 --> 00:25:32,574 Hear what I have to say. 308 00:25:32,866 --> 00:25:35,285 When I came back from Mexico, I made you a promise... 309 00:25:35,452 --> 00:25:38,913 ...that I would do whatever it takes to make this thing work. 310 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,332 And I failed you on that promise. 311 00:25:41,750 --> 00:25:46,421 I was hypnotized by my vast fame and my immense power. 312 00:25:46,755 --> 00:25:49,841 My incredible ego had gotten the better of me. 313 00:25:50,008 --> 00:25:53,428 I used to think that the only way to live was by winning. 314 00:25:53,928 --> 00:25:57,515 And now I realize that sometimes losing is cool too. 315 00:25:58,433 --> 00:25:59,934 How do you mean? 316 00:26:00,268 --> 00:26:01,603 Well, like, having a family. 317 00:26:01,770 --> 00:26:03,813 I mean, not that having a family is losing. 318 00:26:03,980 --> 00:26:06,524 I mean, it's winning, kind of, but you know what...? 319 00:26:07,859 --> 00:26:09,319 The bottom line... 320 00:26:09,778 --> 00:26:13,156 ...I wanna be there for you, April. I wanna be there for Toby. 321 00:26:14,074 --> 00:26:16,576 I wanna be there for our fucking family. 322 00:26:17,577 --> 00:26:21,081 Kenny, everybody thinks you're dead. 323 00:26:21,247 --> 00:26:23,917 I know. This was the only way. 324 00:26:24,084 --> 00:26:26,294 The press would have never left us alone. 325 00:26:26,711 --> 00:26:27,754 Really? 326 00:26:28,254 --> 00:26:29,714 Mm-hm. 327 00:26:30,090 --> 00:26:34,094 You couldn't have just stayed in the majors and me and Toby could've come with you? 328 00:26:36,346 --> 00:26:37,931 Uh-uh. 329 00:26:38,139 --> 00:26:40,475 Just-- No, I don't think that-- 330 00:26:40,642 --> 00:26:42,519 I don't think that would've worked. 331 00:26:42,685 --> 00:26:45,730 I'm pretty sure this is the right choice for our family. 332 00:26:54,489 --> 00:26:57,575 Come inside, you son of a bitch.