1
00:00:09,981 --> 00:00:12,348
Howie? Howie, wake up.
2
00:00:12,350 --> 00:00:13,649
It's time.
3
00:00:13,651 --> 00:00:15,318
Oh. Did your water break?
4
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:16,819
No.
5
00:00:16,821 --> 00:00:18,721
Are you feeling
any contractions?
6
00:00:18,723 --> 00:00:20,656
No.
7
00:00:20,658 --> 00:00:22,291
Wait. Well,
where are you going?
8
00:00:22,293 --> 00:00:23,659
To the hospital.
9
00:00:23,661 --> 00:00:27,530
Today's my due date,
and this crap needs to end now.
10
00:00:28,633 --> 00:00:32,068
Honey, babies don't
always come on their due date.
11
00:00:32,070 --> 00:00:34,470
Halley was two weeks late.
12
00:00:35,373 --> 00:00:37,774
But this baby's a boy.
13
00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:39,876
They don't take
as long to get ready.
14
00:00:41,045 --> 00:00:42,645
What are you doing?
15
00:00:42,647 --> 00:00:45,081
I'm making the situation
better with humor.
16
00:00:45,083 --> 00:00:47,550
Are you?
17
00:00:48,653 --> 00:00:51,587
Would you rather me
make it better with magic?
18
00:00:51,589 --> 00:00:54,323
- Go back to sleep.
- Ta-da!
19
00:01:02,367 --> 00:01:04,834
You know, I hear
that sex can induce labor.
20
00:01:04,836 --> 00:01:07,003
Anything for my family.
21
00:01:08,306 --> 00:01:11,941
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
22
00:01:11,943 --> 00:01:15,278
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
23
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:16,813
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
24
00:01:16,815 --> 00:01:19,549
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
25
00:01:19,551 --> 00:01:22,118
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
26
00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,787
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
27
00:01:24,789 --> 00:01:26,689
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
28
00:01:26,691 --> 00:01:26,758
♪ Bang! ♪
29
00:01:26,759 --> 00:01:30,759
♪ The Big Bang Theory 11x16 ♪
The Neonatal Nomenclature
Original Air Date on March 1, 2018
30
00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:32,560
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
31
00:01:32,624 --> 00:01:35,019
I believe today is
Bernadette's due date.
32
00:01:35,021 --> 00:01:36,487
Yeah.
33
00:01:36,489 --> 00:01:37,689
How do you know that?
34
00:01:37,691 --> 00:01:41,159
Easy. 40 weeks from the date
of her last period.
35
00:01:42,796 --> 00:01:44,896
And why do you know that?
36
00:01:44,898 --> 00:01:48,099
Well, excuse me for taking
an interest in people.
37
00:01:49,235 --> 00:01:51,135
So, any day now.
38
00:01:51,137 --> 00:01:52,437
Oh, I don't know.
39
00:01:52,439 --> 00:01:53,771
We went to the doctor
this morning,
40
00:01:53,773 --> 00:01:56,040
and she said it could still
be another week or two.
41
00:01:56,042 --> 00:01:58,009
How's Bernadette holding up?
42
00:01:58,011 --> 00:01:59,977
It's pretty rough.
43
00:01:59,979 --> 00:02:02,780
She's having a hard time.
44
00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:05,883
Why are you smiling?
45
00:02:05,885 --> 00:02:08,586
I had sex twice
last night.
46
00:02:08,588 --> 00:02:10,388
That's not fair!
She's on bed rest.
47
00:02:10,390 --> 00:02:12,190
She can't run away.
48
00:02:12,192 --> 00:02:14,192
It was her idea.
49
00:02:14,194 --> 00:02:16,160
She read that it
can start labor.
50
00:02:16,162 --> 00:02:17,628
Hmm. Is that true?
51
00:02:17,630 --> 00:02:18,963
Well, I would have Googled it,
52
00:02:18,965 --> 00:02:21,399
but I was busy
taking my pants off.
53
00:02:22,969 --> 00:02:25,770
Yeah, not to brag, but
Amy's last birthday
54
00:02:25,772 --> 00:02:28,139
brought my coital tally
up to four.
55
00:02:29,109 --> 00:02:31,409
Whatever you're doing,
it's not bragging.
56
00:02:32,812 --> 00:02:33,978
- Hey, guys.
- Hey. - Hey.
57
00:02:33,980 --> 00:02:35,279
- Hey.
- Hey, I was just
58
00:02:35,281 --> 00:02:36,347
talking about you.
59
00:02:36,349 --> 00:02:37,715
Oh, should I ask?
60
00:02:37,717 --> 00:02:39,817
You should not.
61
00:02:39,819 --> 00:02:42,153
I'm trying to get
our grant proposal together.
62
00:02:42,155 --> 00:02:43,721
Any chance you've finished up
those mechanical drawings?
63
00:02:43,723 --> 00:02:45,656
Oh, sorry.
I was gonna do it last night,
64
00:02:45,658 --> 00:02:46,891
but I got kind of busy.
65
00:02:46,893 --> 00:02:48,960
Yeah, you did.
66
00:02:50,497 --> 00:02:52,096
What are they talking about?
67
00:02:52,098 --> 00:02:53,364
I'll give
you a hint.
68
00:02:53,366 --> 00:02:56,434
It's something
that we have done four times.
69
00:02:56,436 --> 00:02:58,136
Watched La La Land?
70
00:02:58,138 --> 00:03:00,772
What? No. No.
71
00:03:00,774 --> 00:03:03,107
I've not watched
La La Land four times.
72
00:03:03,109 --> 00:03:05,076
If you find the
soundtrack on my phone,
73
00:03:05,078 --> 00:03:07,712
that's just 'cause
our iTunes accounts are linked.
74
00:03:08,848 --> 00:03:10,515
Looks like I might have
a little more time
75
00:03:10,517 --> 00:03:11,783
before the baby gets here,
76
00:03:11,785 --> 00:03:13,651
so why don't we just stay late
and get it done?
77
00:03:13,653 --> 00:03:15,953
Well, I don't want you
to leave Bernadette alone.
78
00:03:15,955 --> 00:03:17,755
Oh, we can hang out
and keep her company.
79
00:03:17,757 --> 00:03:20,158
- Yeah, absolutely.
- See, see. Look at my Netflix queue.
80
00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:21,125
There's two documentaries
81
00:03:21,127 --> 00:03:22,693
and the movie
Friends with Benefits,
82
00:03:22,695 --> 00:03:24,162
which I thought
was a documentary
83
00:03:24,164 --> 00:03:26,764
about employer
health care plans.
84
00:03:28,668 --> 00:03:31,068
Hey, Bernie, it's me.
85
00:03:31,070 --> 00:03:32,970
I let myself in.
86
00:03:32,972 --> 00:03:35,573
Hey.
87
00:03:35,575 --> 00:03:36,741
What are you doing?
88
00:03:36,743 --> 00:03:38,910
I thought you were supposed
to be on bed rest.
89
00:03:38,912 --> 00:03:40,545
That's done,
but I've been on stair rest
90
00:03:40,547 --> 00:03:42,246
for the last 45 minutes.
91
00:03:42,248 --> 00:03:44,148
Here, let me help you.
Yeah.
92
00:03:44,150 --> 00:03:46,484
If you really want to help,
put on a rubber glove,
93
00:03:46,486 --> 00:03:48,886
reach on up there
and start pulling.
94
00:03:48,888 --> 00:03:51,088
I know you're joking,
but I grew up on a farm.
95
00:03:51,090 --> 00:03:52,089
I'll do it.
96
00:03:52,091 --> 00:03:54,592
Oh, I just want
this to be over.
97
00:03:54,594 --> 00:03:56,661
You know, when
my yoga instructor was pregnant,
98
00:03:56,663 --> 00:03:58,596
she told me
there are tons of poses
99
00:03:58,598 --> 00:03:59,997
that put her right into labor.
100
00:03:59,999 --> 00:04:01,332
I'll try,
101
00:04:01,334 --> 00:04:04,735
but I feel like bendy poses
are what got me into this mess.
102
00:04:06,172 --> 00:04:09,507
Okay, we're gonna start with
some nice breathing exercises.
103
00:04:11,411 --> 00:04:15,813
Sorry. I can't think of anything
except how flat your belly is.
104
00:04:15,815 --> 00:04:17,648
Oh, thank you.
105
00:04:17,650 --> 00:04:20,418
Go put on some more clothes,
you bitch.
106
00:04:25,658 --> 00:04:28,726
Okay, we go down...
107
00:04:28,728 --> 00:04:30,928
and back up.
108
00:04:35,168 --> 00:04:36,234
And back up!
109
00:04:36,236 --> 00:04:38,536
Yeah, hearing you
is not the problem.
110
00:04:41,307 --> 00:04:42,940
Put that phone away!
111
00:04:42,942 --> 00:04:44,108
Smile.
112
00:04:46,512 --> 00:04:48,846
I'm telling you,
there's an acupressure point
113
00:04:48,848 --> 00:04:51,816
right above your ankle
that can induce contractions.
114
00:04:51,818 --> 00:04:53,684
All right, but
just a warning.
115
00:04:53,686 --> 00:04:55,286
My feet are a little swollen.
116
00:04:55,288 --> 00:04:56,687
Oh, please, Bernadette.
117
00:04:56,689 --> 00:04:58,990
I'm sure this-- okay.
118
00:05:00,260 --> 00:05:01,459
What?
119
00:05:01,461 --> 00:05:04,829
Nothing. Your ankles look fine,
and not at all
120
00:05:04,831 --> 00:05:07,531
like I just popped open
a can of crescent rolls.
121
00:05:09,602 --> 00:05:12,169
My mother believes that if
you're not prepared mentally,
122
00:05:12,171 --> 00:05:14,372
it can delay your body
from going into labor.
123
00:05:14,374 --> 00:05:16,741
So what are you trying to say?
It's my fault?
124
00:05:18,244 --> 00:05:20,878
Raj is crazy.
125
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,980
Your ankles aren't that gross.
126
00:05:27,854 --> 00:05:29,820
Hello.
127
00:05:29,822 --> 00:05:32,924
Let me guess. You're here to
try to get me to go into labor.
128
00:05:32,926 --> 00:05:35,893
Oh, please. I'm disgusted
when people sneeze,
129
00:05:35,895 --> 00:05:38,296
and that's just stuff
coming out of their nose.
130
00:05:38,298 --> 00:05:40,531
No.
131
00:05:40,533 --> 00:05:43,467
I am here to sit with you
and keep you company.
132
00:05:43,469 --> 00:05:44,902
Oh, that's nice.
133
00:05:44,904 --> 00:05:47,872
Yeah, by playing
the most complicated board game
134
00:05:47,874 --> 00:05:52,243
ever invented:
Campaign for North Africa.
135
00:05:52,245 --> 00:05:53,811
I bought it off eBay.
136
00:05:53,813 --> 00:05:57,114
It smells a little like chili,
but all the pieces are there.
137
00:05:58,751 --> 00:06:00,618
Come on, baby.
138
00:06:00,620 --> 00:06:03,721
Get out here right now
and I'll buy you a pony.
139
00:06:06,192 --> 00:06:09,226
Are there any engineers
on the grant committee?
140
00:06:09,228 --> 00:06:10,895
I don't know. Why?
141
00:06:10,897 --> 00:06:12,396
I didn't have time to figure out
142
00:06:12,398 --> 00:06:13,664
the three-input
hydraulic manifold,
143
00:06:13,666 --> 00:06:15,900
so this diagram is really just
a flux capacitor
144
00:06:15,902 --> 00:06:17,635
from Back to the Future.
145
00:06:17,637 --> 00:06:21,005
I'm sorry this is
on such short notice.
146
00:06:21,007 --> 00:06:23,641
Hey, I just wish I could be
there when you present it.
147
00:06:23,643 --> 00:06:25,076
That's okay.
148
00:06:25,078 --> 00:06:27,278
It's more important that
you spend time with Michael.
149
00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:29,447
Who's Michael?
150
00:06:30,616 --> 00:06:31,649
Uh, your son?
151
00:06:31,651 --> 00:06:33,451
No, it's not.
152
00:06:33,453 --> 00:06:35,653
My son doesn't have a name yet.
153
00:06:39,359 --> 00:06:41,625
Okay, well, then,
Bernadette's son.
154
00:06:43,496 --> 00:06:44,862
I can't believe her.
155
00:06:44,864 --> 00:06:48,032
She knows I don't want
to name the baby after her dad.
156
00:06:48,034 --> 00:06:50,368
- What did you want to name him?
- I don't know.
157
00:06:50,370 --> 00:06:52,703
We were gonna wait until
we saw what he looked like.
158
00:06:52,705 --> 00:06:54,638
Well, it's a baby.
159
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,173
Her dad's
a wrinkly bald man.
160
00:06:56,175 --> 00:06:58,309
That wasn't gonna
break your way.
161
00:07:07,420 --> 00:07:09,820
Ah, come on!
162
00:07:11,557 --> 00:07:15,192
Welcome to the next five to
eight weeks of your life.
163
00:07:15,194 --> 00:07:17,795
Sheldon, I said
I didn't want to play your game.
164
00:07:17,797 --> 00:07:20,231
Well, then don't
think of it as a game.
165
00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:21,565
Think of it
166
00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:23,501
as a source of information
167
00:07:23,503 --> 00:07:27,171
about one of the lesser known
campaigns of World War II.
168
00:07:27,173 --> 00:07:28,906
You're right.
169
00:07:28,908 --> 00:07:30,875
That's so much better.
170
00:07:30,877 --> 00:07:32,843
I know, right?
171
00:07:32,845 --> 00:07:36,047
Okay, first, we need to roll
to determine the weather.
172
00:07:36,049 --> 00:07:39,183
It's a desert.
Isn't it gonna be hot?
173
00:07:53,866 --> 00:07:56,267
Yes.
174
00:07:59,572 --> 00:08:02,306
Michael? Really, you think
we're naming him Michael?
175
00:08:02,308 --> 00:08:03,941
Not now, Howard.
176
00:08:03,943 --> 00:08:06,911
I'm in the middle of a game.
177
00:08:06,913 --> 00:08:10,247
You wish. You are hundreds
of hours away from the middle.
178
00:08:15,338 --> 00:08:18,973
I can't believe you're trying
to hijack our son's name.
179
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:21,765
Bernie?
180
00:08:22,768 --> 00:08:25,969
This is as fast
as I move! Calm down!
181
00:08:33,746 --> 00:08:35,679
So you're just gonna
name him Michael?
182
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:37,547
Were you even
gonna tell me?
183
00:08:37,549 --> 00:08:38,949
I told you.
184
00:08:38,951 --> 00:08:40,517
When?
185
00:08:40,519 --> 00:08:43,320
Oh, right. That was Amy.
186
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:47,424
What's wrong with Michael?
It's my dad's name.
187
00:08:47,426 --> 00:08:50,827
I don't want to name our son
after your father.
188
00:08:54,066 --> 00:08:56,733
I didn't want to say
this, but he's dying.
189
00:08:56,735 --> 00:08:59,236
He is?
190
00:08:59,238 --> 00:09:02,739
Eventually. I mean, you
see the way the man eats.
191
00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:05,709
Okay, is this the hormones,
192
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:08,245
or have you always been
a lunatic?
193
00:09:08,247 --> 00:09:10,747
I don't even know anymore.
194
00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:14,851
Bernie, this is our kid's name.
195
00:09:14,853 --> 00:09:18,121
I think we should both agree.
196
00:09:18,123 --> 00:09:20,390
You're right. We
both made this baby.
197
00:09:20,392 --> 00:09:22,392
Thank you.
198
00:09:22,394 --> 00:09:24,294
And I carried it, had to
stay in bed for four months,
199
00:09:24,296 --> 00:09:25,662
sacrificed my body and my job,
200
00:09:25,664 --> 00:09:27,631
and soon it's gonna
burst its way out of me
201
00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:30,400
like the Kool-Aid Man.
202
00:09:30,402 --> 00:09:33,103
Exactly. Fifty-fifty.
203
00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:38,842
I think I got
Bernadette in trouble.
204
00:09:38,844 --> 00:09:39,876
Maybe we should go.
205
00:09:39,878 --> 00:09:41,111
I-I can't.
206
00:09:41,113 --> 00:09:43,413
She and I are playing
Campaign for North Africa.
207
00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:47,551
She doesn't want to play that.
Hmm?
208
00:09:47,553 --> 00:09:49,886
Neither did the Egyptians,
but that didn't stop Rommel.
209
00:09:51,123 --> 00:09:54,091
Hey! I brought Chinese.
210
00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:56,293
And I brought Indian.
211
00:09:57,930 --> 00:09:59,529
What are you guys
doing here?
212
00:09:59,531 --> 00:10:00,497
Sheldon texted and said
213
00:10:00,499 --> 00:10:02,199
Bernadette wanted us all
to come over.
214
00:10:05,437 --> 00:10:09,039
The game's best with
five to ten players.
215
00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:14,144
Okay, if it's not Michael, then
what do you want to name him?
216
00:10:14,146 --> 00:10:17,314
Harry, like Potter or Houdini.
217
00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:20,384
It doesn't bother you that
I have an old boyfriend
218
00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:21,618
named Harry?
219
00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:24,688
Okay.
220
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:27,724
How 'bout Al or Max or...
221
00:10:27,726 --> 00:10:29,893
Ted or Kevin?
222
00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:31,561
Same answer.
223
00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:34,297
Hey, Bernadette,
it's your turn.
224
00:10:34,299 --> 00:10:35,499
Penny's air force
225
00:10:35,501 --> 00:10:38,802
is strafing
your supply line in Tobruk.
226
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,103
We're kind of busy.
227
00:10:40,105 --> 00:10:42,773
Oh. 'Kay.
But you're being pretty rude.
228
00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:45,208
Everyone did come over
to play this game with you.
229
00:10:47,946 --> 00:10:51,148
You know, I always thought
Christian was a nice name.
230
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:52,149
I don't know.
231
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:55,886
Sounds a little
too uncircumcised.
232
00:10:56,855 --> 00:10:58,321
Bernadette, it's your turn.
233
00:10:58,323 --> 00:10:59,289
What about Greg?
234
00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:00,791
All right,
I'll just roll for you.
235
00:11:02,327 --> 00:11:04,294
Ooh! That is a good one!
236
00:11:04,296 --> 00:11:06,696
Your troops' morale rating
is pretty high.
237
00:11:06,698 --> 00:11:08,432
Now, Leonard, as the defender,
238
00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:10,500
we need to subtract
your morale rating
239
00:11:10,502 --> 00:11:11,902
from Bernadette's
to get a final
240
00:11:11,904 --> 00:11:13,703
adjusted morale rating
for the assault.
241
00:11:13,705 --> 00:11:16,740
And I will just check
the assault differential column.
242
00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:19,743
Ooh! Who said war was hell?
243
00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:21,845
Yeah, that's
a rhetorical question.
244
00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:23,647
Sherman said it.
245
00:11:23,649 --> 00:11:24,648
What about Sherman?
246
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:26,550
Like, Sherman Wolowitz.
247
00:11:26,552 --> 00:11:30,120
Yeah, that's a kid who's gonna
take his mother to prom.
248
00:11:31,356 --> 00:11:33,323
Hey, Howard,
you did that, right?
249
00:11:34,259 --> 00:11:37,227
I didn't take her.
She chaperoned.
250
00:11:37,229 --> 00:11:40,397
We slow-danced once.
251
00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:43,200
What about Paul?
252
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:46,169
Paul. Paul Wolowitz.
253
00:11:46,171 --> 00:11:47,671
I like it.
254
00:11:47,673 --> 00:11:49,639
Ooh, like "Koothra-Paul-i."
255
00:11:51,076 --> 00:11:53,510
Okay, you ruined it.
256
00:11:54,713 --> 00:11:57,380
All right, that moves us on
to the tactical shipping phase.
257
00:11:57,382 --> 00:12:00,383
Penny, I believe, as
logistics commander, that's you.
258
00:12:00,385 --> 00:12:03,520
Okay. I surrender.
259
00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:05,021
Nice try, Penny.
260
00:12:05,023 --> 00:12:07,090
It takes more
than everybody not enjoying it
261
00:12:07,092 --> 00:12:09,493
to stop a game
with Sheldon Cooper.
262
00:12:10,762 --> 00:12:12,596
Sheldon, we're talking
about something important here.
263
00:12:12,598 --> 00:12:13,964
Fine.
264
00:12:13,966 --> 00:12:16,500
If you pick a baby name,
can we get back to playing?
265
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:17,300
Sure.
266
00:12:17,302 --> 00:12:18,435
All right, here we go.
267
00:12:18,437 --> 00:12:19,970
Ranatanata.
268
00:12:22,407 --> 00:12:24,341
You can't name him Ranatanata.
269
00:12:24,343 --> 00:12:26,576
Oh, right, it's a boy.
That'd be ridiculous.
270
00:12:27,513 --> 00:12:29,646
What about Ozymandias?
271
00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:33,783
Are you making these up
or having a stroke?
272
00:12:33,785 --> 00:12:37,320
Ozymandias is from a poem
by Percy Bysshe Shelley.
273
00:12:37,322 --> 00:12:39,289
Oh, oh! Bysshe Wolowitz.
274
00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:40,891
Solved. Back to the game.
275
00:12:42,394 --> 00:12:44,394
Heyo! Sandstorm!
276
00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:48,598
Some people name their
kids after places.
277
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,568
Like what, Walla
Walla Wolowitz?
278
00:12:53,505 --> 00:12:56,540
If you think that is better
than Ozymandias Wolowitz,
279
00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:58,108
then you have been breathing in
the poisonous gas
280
00:12:58,110 --> 00:12:59,976
that my troops
illegally dispersed.
281
00:12:59,978 --> 00:13:01,545
Ooh!
282
00:13:01,547 --> 00:13:02,779
You okay?
283
00:13:02,781 --> 00:13:04,447
Uh, I think that was
a contraction.
284
00:13:04,449 --> 00:13:07,450
Is it time? Do we need
to go to the hospital?
285
00:13:07,452 --> 00:13:08,485
No. We've been
through this before.
286
00:13:08,487 --> 00:13:10,554
My water
hasn't even broken yet.
287
00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:11,755
Never mind your water.
288
00:13:11,757 --> 00:13:14,191
Has your mucus plug popped out?
289
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:16,326
Ew, no!
290
00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:17,460
Oh, you're right.
291
00:13:17,462 --> 00:13:19,496
We probably would've heard that.
292
00:13:19,498 --> 00:13:20,697
It's not a champagne cork.
293
00:13:20,699 --> 00:13:24,768
Although that
would be festive.
294
00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:26,269
You know what,
maybe we should go.
295
00:13:26,271 --> 00:13:28,004
Did you have
another contraction?
296
00:13:28,006 --> 00:13:29,606
No. I'm just worried
that Sheldon's gonna say
297
00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:31,942
"mucus plug" again.
298
00:13:31,944 --> 00:13:35,679
And I'm worried
one's gonna hit me in the eye.
299
00:13:35,681 --> 00:13:36,680
Yep, it's time.
300
00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:38,215
Should we take
two cars?
301
00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:40,250
Uh, actually, could you
stay here and watch Halley?
302
00:13:40,252 --> 00:13:42,352
That way we don't have to wait
for Bernadette's parents.
303
00:13:42,354 --> 00:13:43,553
Yeah, you guys go.
We'll take care of her.
304
00:13:43,555 --> 00:13:45,522
You have nothing
to worry about.
305
00:13:45,524 --> 00:13:47,958
Well, not nothing.
There are U-boats approaching
306
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,393
the Suez Canal.
307
00:13:50,395 --> 00:13:51,962
It's too late for us.
Go, go!
308
00:13:51,964 --> 00:13:54,130
Save yourselves!
309
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:58,268
Suez? Birth?
It's a big night for canals.
310
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:04,241
How you feeling?
311
00:14:04,243 --> 00:14:05,508
Eh.
312
00:14:05,510 --> 00:14:09,112
But I am really excited
to meet our son.
313
00:14:09,114 --> 00:14:11,948
Me, too. I thought
I'd be super freaked out.
314
00:14:11,950 --> 00:14:15,252
But I'm ready for this.
315
00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:17,487
Well, not the part
where you're in labor
316
00:14:17,489 --> 00:14:20,557
and you squeeze my fingers
till they turn blue.
317
00:14:20,559 --> 00:14:22,092
I'm sorry.
318
00:14:22,094 --> 00:14:25,795
That must be
really painful for you.
319
00:14:26,632 --> 00:14:27,797
It is.
320
00:14:27,799 --> 00:14:29,266
I mean, last time, I...
321
00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:30,267
Okay,
322
00:14:30,269 --> 00:14:32,102
I see what you're doing.
323
00:14:32,938 --> 00:14:35,338
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
324
00:14:35,340 --> 00:14:36,906
It's a big one.
325
00:14:36,908 --> 00:14:38,875
Just breathe.
326
00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:41,811
Okay.
327
00:14:41,813 --> 00:14:44,114
Okay, I'm good.
328
00:14:45,183 --> 00:14:48,351
I'm sorry I tried
to sneak the name past you.
329
00:14:48,353 --> 00:14:49,552
That's okay.
330
00:14:49,554 --> 00:14:53,423
I'm sorry I used up
so many good names in college.
331
00:14:54,793 --> 00:14:58,528
I was really competitive
with my roommate.
332
00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:02,132
Forget about it.
333
00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:04,434
Please.
334
00:15:06,204 --> 00:15:07,370
You know what,
335
00:15:07,372 --> 00:15:09,306
maybe we're putting
too much pressure on this.
336
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:10,674
It doesn't matter
what we name him.
337
00:15:10,676 --> 00:15:12,275
He's gonna be amazing.
338
00:15:12,277 --> 00:15:13,777
You're right.
339
00:15:13,779 --> 00:15:17,080
This kid is part
you and part me.
340
00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:21,051
Yeah. He's gonna be smart
and kind and funny.
341
00:15:21,053 --> 00:15:23,286
If he cracks five-foot-six,
it'll be a miracle.
342
00:15:25,857 --> 00:15:27,824
I've always liked
the name Elliott.
343
00:15:27,826 --> 00:15:30,393
Sorry, can't have it.
That's my boy name.
344
00:15:30,395 --> 00:15:31,728
I said it first.
345
00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:33,697
It's not like calling dibs.
346
00:15:33,699 --> 00:15:35,532
Yes, it is.
It's exactly like that.
347
00:15:35,534 --> 00:15:37,534
Dibs on Elliott.
348
00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:40,170
I-I'm just saying,
we might get there first.
349
00:15:40,172 --> 00:15:41,671
You only have sex
once a year.
350
00:15:41,673 --> 00:15:43,340
I'll probably
have sex tonight.
351
00:15:44,743 --> 00:15:47,410
Fine, you can have Elliott.
352
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:51,281
When did you pick out
our kids' names?
353
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:53,283
Remember that day
you moved into the building?
354
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,951
Yes.
355
00:15:55,854 --> 00:16:00,056
A non-creepy amount of time
after that.
356
00:16:01,226 --> 00:16:02,892
Yeah, I like the name Elliott.
357
00:16:02,894 --> 00:16:04,728
That wasn't on my
list, but I like it.
358
00:16:04,730 --> 00:16:07,697
We've heard your names.
They're ridiculous.
359
00:16:07,699 --> 00:16:10,700
And I have a cousin named Dilip.
360
00:16:10,702 --> 00:16:13,436
Well, I wasn't going to give
them any of the good names.
361
00:16:13,438 --> 00:16:15,205
I'm saving those for us.
362
00:16:15,207 --> 00:16:18,274
Really? You've thought
about our kids?
363
00:16:18,276 --> 00:16:21,678
Of course. I think you and I
will have exceptional children.
364
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,380
Aw.
365
00:16:23,382 --> 00:16:25,648
Well, I think so, too.
366
00:16:25,650 --> 00:16:27,350
How many kids do you guys want?
367
00:16:27,352 --> 00:16:29,819
- Two.
- 15.
368
00:16:31,590 --> 00:16:32,956
- What?
- Don't worry.
369
00:16:32,958 --> 00:16:34,991
I don't expect you
to bear them all.
370
00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:38,395
I'm sure we can find a
suitable uterus to rent.
371
00:16:39,598 --> 00:16:42,365
- No!
- Uh-uh!
372
00:16:42,367 --> 00:16:44,434
We weren't thinking
about you.
373
00:16:44,436 --> 00:16:45,769
Of course not.
374
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:47,203
I am going to
the kitchen.
375
00:16:47,205 --> 00:16:48,505
Can I get anybody anything?
376
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:49,939
Penny, nice glass of milk
377
00:16:49,941 --> 00:16:52,342
and a multivitamin?
378
00:17:01,834 --> 00:17:03,734
Guys.
379
00:17:03,736 --> 00:17:05,402
Guys, wake up.
380
00:17:05,404 --> 00:17:06,303
Terrible news.
381
00:17:06,305 --> 00:17:07,605
Oh, my God.
What, what, what?
382
00:17:07,607 --> 00:17:08,572
Is it the baby?
383
00:17:08,574 --> 00:17:10,007
No. No, no, we miscalculated
384
00:17:10,009 --> 00:17:11,742
our unassigned
armor class units.
385
00:17:11,744 --> 00:17:13,377
We need to start over.
386
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,079
What?
387
00:17:15,081 --> 00:17:16,313
Oh, no, no, no,
not from the beginning.
388
00:17:16,315 --> 00:17:18,048
Just from when the tanks
started moving.
389
00:17:18,050 --> 00:17:20,651
That was five hours ago.
390
00:17:20,653 --> 00:17:23,220
Mm, no.
No, that was two hours ago.
391
00:17:23,222 --> 00:17:25,823
It only feels like five.
392
00:17:25,825 --> 00:17:27,024
What time is it?
393
00:17:27,026 --> 00:17:28,492
It's almost 2:30.
394
00:17:28,494 --> 00:17:30,027
Don't you think
we should've heard something?
395
00:17:30,029 --> 00:17:31,529
I'm sure they're fine.
396
00:17:31,531 --> 00:17:33,197
I'm calling them.
397
00:17:35,835 --> 00:17:36,901
Hey!
398
00:17:36,903 --> 00:17:37,968
Hey, everything okay?
399
00:17:37,970 --> 00:17:41,405
Yeah! The baby was born
about an hour ago.
400
00:17:41,407 --> 00:17:44,341
Dude, why didn't
you call me?!
401
00:17:44,343 --> 00:17:47,177
The only way I would
see my son for the first time
402
00:17:47,179 --> 00:17:49,346
and immediately think
"I need to call Raj"
403
00:17:49,348 --> 00:17:51,815
is if he came out brown.
404
00:17:52,885 --> 00:17:55,586
You know, it can take some time
for pigment to form.
405
00:17:55,588 --> 00:17:57,221
You're still not
out of the woods.
406
00:17:57,223 --> 00:17:58,219
Congratulations!
407
00:17:58,243 --> 00:17:59,640
Yeah. Hey,
what'd you name him?
408
00:18:00,326 --> 00:18:01,859
Neil Michael.
409
00:18:01,861 --> 00:18:03,861
Neil for Armstrong,
410
00:18:03,863 --> 00:18:05,229
Gaiman, and Diamond.
411
00:18:05,231 --> 00:18:08,999
Michael because Bernie
had to get six stitches.
412
00:18:09,001 --> 00:18:11,335
Neil-- that's cute.
413
00:18:11,337 --> 00:18:12,970
But we're calling him Michael!
414
00:18:12,972 --> 00:18:14,838
I'm not gonna fight her.
415
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,608
That kid's head was the size
of a cantaloupe.
416
00:18:19,277 --> 00:18:26,177
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man