1
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* Going out tonight, I'm feeling all right
2
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* Going to let it all hang out
3
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* Wanna make some noise, even raise my voice
4
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* Yeah, I wanna scream and shout
5
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Morning, Sheldon. Come dance with me.
6
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No.
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Why not?
8
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Penny, while I subscribe to the "Many Worlds" theory
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which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons
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in an infinite number of universes, I assure you that in none of them am I dancing.
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Are you fun in any of them?
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The math would suggest that in a few I'm a clown made of candy.
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But I don't dance.
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Alright, want some French toast?
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It's oatmeal day.
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Tell you what, next French toast day, I’ll make you oatmeal.
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Dear Lord, are you still going to be here on French toast day?
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Morning.
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00:01:10,250 --> 00:01:13,020
Look, Leonard, Penny made French toast.
20
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Sorry, I haven't given her your schedule yet.
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It's an iCal download. She can put it right in her phone.
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And I thought we agreed that you'd have your conjugal visits in her apartment.
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We did, but there were extenuating circumstances.
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I see. Did her abysmal housekeeping skills finally trump her perkiness?
25
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No, her bed kind of... broke.
26
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That doesn't seem likely.
27
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Her bed's of sturdy construction.
28
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Even the addition of a second normal size human being wouldn't cause a structural failure,
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much less a homunculus such as yourself.
30
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A homunculus?
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Perfectly formed miniature human being.
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Oh, you're my little homunculus.
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- Don't do that.
- Sorry.
34
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Okay, who wants syrup and who wants cinnamon sugar?
35
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I want oatmeal.
36
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Yes, well, I want a boyfriend whose room-mate isn't a giant pain in the ass.
37
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I'm sure that will happen soon enough.
38
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But in the meantime, I still want oatmeal.
39
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You know what, I give up. He's impossible.
40
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I can't be impossible, I exist.
41
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I believe what you meant to say is, "I gIve up, he's improbable."
42
00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:33,690
Sheldon, you really need to find a better way of dealing with Penny.
43
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What am I supposed to do--eat French toast on a Monday?
44
00:02:37,330 --> 00:02:39,710
Now, that would be impossible.
45
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:43,750
I'm just saying, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
46
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You can catch even more flies with manure. What's your point?
47
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It's a...
48
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Boy, that does smell good.
49
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Too bad it's Monday.
50
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-=http://sfile. ydy. com=-
proudly presents
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-=http://sfile. ydy. com=-
sync:ãÿã‡ãˆã¢ãˆã¢
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The Big Bang Theory
Season 03 Episode 03
'The Gothowitz Deviation'
53
00:03:26,870 --> 00:03:29,190
Okay, Kim the night manager went on maternity leave,
54
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and her husband's name is Sandy, right?
55
00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:36,790
So get this-- her replacement is a woman named Sandy whose husband's name is Kim.
56
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:44,310
I know. What are the odds?
57
00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:48,950
Easily calculable. We begin by identifying a set of married couples with unisex names.
58
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,060
We then eliminate those unqualified for restaurant work--
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00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:54,980
the aged, the imprisoned and the limbless, for example look at...
60
00:03:54,990 --> 00:03:59,330
Sheldon-- it's an amazing coincidence. Can we leave it at that?
61
00:04:00,710 --> 00:04:02,340
I'm sorry.
62
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Ooh, Penny, it's just if The Cheese Cake Factory is run by witches.
63
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:13,860
Sheldon, it's as if you don't think I'll punch you.
64
00:04:15,390 --> 00:04:17,190
Come on, you guys, let it go.
65
00:04:17,210 --> 00:04:19,150
Fine, whatever.
66
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Are you finished?
67
00:04:21,230 --> 00:04:23,910
Well, thank you. How thoughtful.
68
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Would you like a chocolate?
69
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,970
Um, yeah, sure.
70
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Thanks.
71
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:37,800
What was that?
72
00:04:38,220 --> 00:04:40,050
You said be nice to Penny.
73
00:04:40,060 --> 00:04:43,850
I believe offering chocolate to someone falls within the definition of nice.
74
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:48,210
It does. But in my experience, you don't.
75
00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:52,030
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
76
00:04:52,050 --> 00:04:53,990
than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
77
00:04:54,270 --> 00:04:57,390
Now that's you, obnoxious and insufferable.
78
00:05:04,420 --> 00:05:07,030
What's going on, day dwellers?
79
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:11,250
Oh, man, did the Kiss Army repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"?
80
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:18,190
No. Raj and I are going to a Goth club in Hollywood to hang with the night people.
81
00:05:19,660 --> 00:05:21,070
Anybody want to come along?
82
00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:23,500
Oh, wow, you're actually going out like that?
83
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:27,240
No, no. I'm going out like this...
84
00:05:29,610 --> 00:05:31,120
Howard, what did you do?
85
00:05:31,150 --> 00:05:33,800
They're called tattoo sleeves. Look.
86
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:37,670
I got them online. Raj got a set, too.
87
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,260
Fantastic, right?
88
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:45,340
Put them on, have hot sex with some freaky girl with her business pierced,
89
00:05:45,380 --> 00:05:48,620
take them off, and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetery.
90
00:05:50,380 --> 00:05:53,060
You know, I've always wanted to go to a Goth nightclub.
91
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,210
- Really?
- Bazinga!
92
00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:00,450
None of you ever see my practical jokes coming, do you?
93
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:05,110
Okay, how about you two? Look, I've got some extra tat sleeves.
94
00:06:05,860 --> 00:06:07,340
Why are you carrying extras?
95
00:06:07,350 --> 00:06:10,240
In case I snag one on someone's nipple ring.
96
00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:13,710
Uh, yeah, I think we'll pass.
97
00:06:13,980 --> 00:06:17,550
Oh, is the missus speaking for the couple now?
98
00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:21,190
In this case, you bet she is.
99
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:27,880
Yes, she's pushy, and yes, he's whipped, but that's not the expression.
100
00:06:31,950 --> 00:06:35,640
Come on, I want to stop at Walgreens and pick up some more eyeliner.
101
00:06:40,460 --> 00:06:43,260
They're gonna get beaten up at that club.
102
00:06:43,540 --> 00:06:46,930
They're gonna get beaten up at Walgreens.
103
00:06:49,330 --> 00:06:52,010
Oh, sorry, Sheldon. I almost sat in your spot.
104
00:06:52,390 --> 00:06:56,630
Did you? I didn't notice. Have a chocolate.
105
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,440
Thank you.
106
00:07:12,570 --> 00:07:14,750
I think we're fitting in quite nicely.
107
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It'd help if you weren't drinking light beer.
108
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What's so gothic about vodka and cranberry juice?
109
00:07:23,090 --> 00:07:25,780
Hello? It looks like blood.
110
00:07:25,790 --> 00:07:29,140
Did you even read the "Wiki how" link I sent you on being Goth?
111
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,770
No, I'm behind on my Wiki-reading.
112
00:07:31,780 --> 00:07:34,510
I'm kind of on a John Grisham kick right now.
113
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What?
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I finished reading the Pelican Brief
115
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And loved it so much, I dived right into The Client.
116
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He was a lawyer himself, so his novels are accurate as well as entertaining.
117
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Just remember we are lost boys, children of the night.
118
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Great. Lost boys, children of the night. Got it.
119
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Can you pass the chex mix, please?
120
00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:00,990
Thank you.
121
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We are lost boys.
122
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Good for you.
123
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I'm actually much more lost than he is.
124
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- Nice ink.
- Thanks.
125
00:08:18,020 --> 00:08:19,940
Can we buy you ladies a drink?
126
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Two light beers.
127
00:08:22,610 --> 00:08:26,570
Light beers. Well, Wiki-how about that.
128
00:08:27,130 --> 00:08:28,710
- What’s your names?
- I’m Howard.
129
00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:30,390
- Raj. I’m Bethany.
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00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:31,580
Nice to meet you, Bethany.
131
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Yes, very nice.
132
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- Nice to meet you, too.
- I’m Sarah. Not that anyone cares.
133
00:08:41,820 --> 00:08:45,240
Do either of you ladies enjoy the novels of John Grisham?
134
00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:56,970
What's this cartoon called again?
135
00:08:56,990 --> 00:08:59,880
Demon samurai.
136
00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:03,930
It’s not a cartoon. It's anime.
137
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:08,810
Anime. You know, I knew a girl in high school named Anna May.
138
00:09:09,470 --> 00:09:12,400
Anna May Fletcher.
139
00:09:12,710 --> 00:09:15,190
She was born with one nostril.
140
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:18,980
Then she had this bad nose job and basically wound up with three.
141
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:26,680
You're here a lot now.
142
00:09:27,940 --> 00:09:30,920
Oh, am I talking too much? I’m sorry. Zip.
143
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Thank you. Chocolate?
144
00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:36,880
Yes, please.
145
00:09:43,130 --> 00:09:46,090
Hey, Kim. Yeah, I...
146
00:09:46,450 --> 00:09:50,120
You know what, hold on. Let me take this in the hall.
147
00:09:56,540 --> 00:09:59,470
You'll never guess who they got to replace you at work.
148
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,650
Okay, I know what you're doing.
149
00:10:05,660 --> 00:10:06,720
Really?
150
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:13,080
Yes, you're using chocolates as positive reinforcement for what you consider correct behaviour.
151
00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:18,210
Very good.
152
00:10:18,690 --> 00:10:21,680
- Chocolate?
- No, I don't want any chocolate!
153
00:10:25,330 --> 00:10:29,450
Sheldon, you can't train my girlfriend like a lab rat.
154
00:10:30,470 --> 00:10:33,250
Actually, it turns out I can.
155
00:10:33,710 --> 00:10:35,660
Well, you shouldn't.
156
00:10:36,060 --> 00:10:38,310
There's just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard?
157
00:10:38,330 --> 00:10:40,880
You weren't happy with my previous approach to dealing with her,
158
00:10:40,910 --> 00:10:43,860
so I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques,
159
00:10:43,870 --> 00:10:46,320
building on the works of Thorndike and B F Skinner.
160
00:10:46,340 --> 00:10:49,900
By this time next week, I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool,
161
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,810
balancing a beach ball on her nose.
162
00:10:53,590 --> 00:10:56,290
No, this has to stop now.
163
00:10:56,320 --> 00:11:00,090
I'm not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool.
164
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,450
I thought the "bazinga" was implied.
165
00:11:03,870 --> 00:11:05,660
We're just tweaking her personality.
166
00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:10,230
- Sanding off the rough edges, if you will.
- No. You’re not sanding Penny.
167
00:11:10,860 --> 00:11:15,170
Are you saying that I am forbidden from applying a harmless,
168
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scientifically valid protocol that will make our lives better?
169
00:11:18,740 --> 00:11:21,650
Yes. You’re forbidden.
170
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:26,720
Bad Leonard.
171
00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:36,220
So, what do you guys do?
172
00:11:36,260 --> 00:11:40,380
Oh, you know, Goth stuff. Goth magazines, Goth music.
173
00:11:40,390 --> 00:11:42,420
Goth food.
174
00:11:42,430 --> 00:11:44,860
What's Goth food?
175
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,890
Blackened salmon?
176
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:52,440
No, I meant what do you do for jobs?
177
00:11:52,460 --> 00:11:56,670
- Oh, we're scientists.
- Yeah, you know, the Dark Sciences.
178
00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:58,980
What are the Dark Sciences?
179
00:11:59,990 --> 00:12:04,350
Well, I am an astrophysicist, and a lot of that takes place at night.
180
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When there are vampires and miscellaneous undead out and about.
181
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Oy vay.
182
00:12:14,490 --> 00:12:16,390
That sounds really cool.
183
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,770
Does it? Okay. If you like space stuff,
184
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:23,380
I design components for the International Space Station, which is in space.
185
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,820
Where, as I'm sure you know, no one can hear you scream.
186
00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:31,320
So, what do you gals do?
187
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:33,710
- I work at The Gap.
- really?
188
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,440
How about that? I've been to The Gap.
189
00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:36,690
I've been there, as well.
190
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:38,870
I like your t-shirts with the little pocket.
191
00:12:40,030 --> 00:12:43,950
I work there, too. Not that anyone cares.
192
00:12:45,710 --> 00:12:48,590
You know, this place is boring.
193
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:52,380
Yeah, why don't we go somewhere else and have some fun?
194
00:12:52,390 --> 00:12:54,790
- Okay.
- Sure, we like fun.
195
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:58,230
- We are fun people.
- Dark and fun.
196
00:12:58,770 --> 00:13:01,350
Come on. I know a place you'll really dig.
197
00:13:04,610 --> 00:13:06,500
- Did you bring the black condoms?
- In my fanny pack.
198
00:13:06,510 --> 00:13:08,520
Let's go.
199
00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:17,350
Are you happy now?
200
00:13:19,220 --> 00:13:21,880
Not particularly.
201
00:13:25,020 --> 00:13:27,410
My God, she didn't!
202
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,910
What could she possibly be talking about for so long?
203
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:36,870
Obviously, waitressing at The Cheese Cake Factory is a complex socio-economic activity
204
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:40,500
that requires a great deal of analysis and planning.
205
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,900
"Bazinga. "
206
00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:49,150
You know, using positive reinforcement techniques,
207
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,800
I could train that behaviour out of her in a week.
208
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:53,330
No.
209
00:13:53,370 --> 00:13:56,930
If you let me use negative reinforcement, I can get it done before we go to bed.
210
00:13:57,430 --> 00:14:00,160
You're not squirting her in the face with water.
211
00:14:00,170 --> 00:14:02,150
No, of course not.
212
00:14:02,170 --> 00:14:04,810
We're talking very mild electric shocks.
213
00:14:05,150 --> 00:14:07,480
No tissue damage whatsoever.
214
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:09,090
Forget it.
215
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,670
Oh, come on. You can't tell me
216
00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:15,400
that you're not intrigued about the possibility of building a better girlfriend.
217
00:14:15,410 --> 00:14:17,150
I'm not.
218
00:14:17,170 --> 00:14:21,510
Well, and Penny's qualities, both good and bad, are what make her what she is.
219
00:14:25,170 --> 00:14:28,210
You mean, like that high-pitched, irritating laugh?
220
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:30,480
Yes.
221
00:14:30,490 --> 00:14:33,450
You wouldn't prefer a throaty chuckle?
222
00:14:33,460 --> 00:14:35,830
You're not changing how Penny laughs.
223
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:38,400
No, that would be incongruous.
224
00:14:38,430 --> 00:14:41,690
I was going to lower the whole voice to a more pleasing register.
225
00:14:42,730 --> 00:14:46,550
Sorry, guys. That girl is freaky.
226
00:14:47,710 --> 00:14:49,280
Come again?
227
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,540
- Freaky.
- Freaky?
228
00:14:51,550 --> 00:14:54,010
Yeah, freaky.
229
00:15:01,380 --> 00:15:03,390
Have a chocolate.
230
00:15:04,110 --> 00:15:06,670
Thank you.
231
00:15:13,670 --> 00:15:17,530
Are you seriously going to deface your body just for the possibility you could have cheap sex
232
00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:19,840
With a strange girl you met in a bar?
233
00:15:20,970 --> 00:15:23,170
Yeah!
234
00:15:23,180 --> 00:15:24,970
What is your mother going to say?
235
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,640
She's not going to see it.
236
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:29,560
She takes my temperature orally now.
237
00:15:32,500 --> 00:15:33,940
What are you going to get, Howard?
238
00:15:33,980 --> 00:15:37,260
Well, I can't really decide between a screaming devil,
239
00:15:37,290 --> 00:15:40,880
this mean little skull, or Kermit the frog.
240
00:15:41,310 --> 00:15:45,630
- Kermit the frog?
- You know. I’m on Howard’s butt.
241
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:50,610
Get the mean little skull, and I'll see if I can make him smile.
242
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:53,310
Yeah, I'd like the mean little skull, please.
243
00:15:54,090 --> 00:15:56,310
What are you going to get, Raj?
244
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,940
With my luck, hepatitis.
245
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:02,340
Okay, here we go.
246
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:05,550
That's just rubbing alcohol.
247
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:07,930
I know, but it was cold.
248
00:16:09,780 --> 00:16:11,420
I'm putting on the stencil.
249
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:13,310
What comes after the stencil?
250
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,260
This.
251
00:16:19,620 --> 00:16:22,580
Okay, that's it. No needle. No pain. No tattoo.
252
00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:24,560
What's the big deal? You’ve done this before.
253
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,650
No, I haven't. Look.
254
00:16:28,790 --> 00:16:31,800
I'm sorry. I’m a fraud. He’s a fraud.
255
00:16:31,810 --> 00:16:33,000
We're both frauds.
256
00:16:33,030 --> 00:16:35,870
- Yeah, I think I covered that.
- But I was summing up.
257
00:16:38,270 --> 00:16:39,780
We're not Goth.
258
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:42,170
We're just... guys.
259
00:16:42,180 --> 00:16:44,350
Very, very smart guys.
260
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:47,590
- So you were totally scamming us?
- Yes.
261
00:16:48,410 --> 00:16:53,040
And I wouldn't blame you if you walked out of here and never wanted to see us again.
262
00:16:53,590 --> 00:16:58,770
Unless, of course, our bold honesty has suddenly made us attractive, huh? Anything?
263
00:17:01,780 --> 00:17:03,600
I'm leaving.
264
00:17:07,370 --> 00:17:11,440
I'm leaving, too. Not that anyone cares.
265
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:21,550
When we tell this story, let's end it differently.
266
00:17:22,490 --> 00:17:25,520
What are you thinking? Maybe a big musical number?
267
00:17:29,110 --> 00:17:33,690
Well, I’m going to make some warm milk and then turn in.
268
00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:37,790
I trust if you two are planning on engaging in amorous activities,
269
00:17:37,810 --> 00:17:40,220
you'll keep the decibel level to a minimum.
270
00:17:40,490 --> 00:17:42,850
- Of course.
- Thank you.
271
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,120
These are so good.
272
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,170
Unbelievable.
273
00:17:52,540 --> 00:17:53,720
What?
274
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,360
I-I was just thinking we should probably turn in, too.
275
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:58,610
Well, you know, my new bed got delivered.
276
00:17:58,630 --> 00:18:01,360
If you come over and put it together, you can stay at my place.
277
00:18:01,370 --> 00:18:03,640
Really? That’s a lot of work, and it's kind of late.
278
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:07,000
- Yeah, but if we stay there, we won't have to be quiet.
- Let’s go.
279
00:18:10,140 --> 00:18:12,120
Interesting.
280
00:18:12,150 --> 00:18:16,300
Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behaviour.
281
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,850
I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that.
282
00:18:28,970 --> 00:18:30,660
Okay, wait. How about this?
283
00:18:30,670 --> 00:18:33,110
We say there were four Goth girls.
284
00:18:33,140 --> 00:18:35,480
The two girls in the club had two friends.
285
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,330
I like it, I like it.
286
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:39,850
Did they smell good despite their Goth-like nature?
287
00:18:40,670 --> 00:18:42,250
What's that got to do with the story?
288
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,090
Engaging my olfactory sense helps make it real for me.
289
00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:46,470
Fine, they smelled good.
290
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:50,180
Oh, they did. Like jasmine and honeysuckle
291
00:18:51,410 --> 00:18:52,060
Whatever.
292
00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:55,600
And then they held hands and did a sexy, demonic, hokey pokey for us.
293
00:18:56,340 --> 00:18:58,560
No, no. Look, let me just say my story all the way through
294
00:18:58,570 --> 00:19:00,190
And then you can say yours, and then we'll pick.
295
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:01,530
- I’m sorry. Go on.
- Okay.
296
00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:05,020
We got tattoos, and then the four girls took us to their place.
297
00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:08,260
But we don't have tattoos. What if someone asks to see our tattoos?
298
00:19:08,270 --> 00:19:11,450
We say they're in a very intimate area.
299
00:19:11,460 --> 00:19:14,080
Oh, we are bad boys, aren't we?
300
00:19:14,690 --> 00:19:16,930
Right, right.
301
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:21,080
So, we go back to their place and then the six of us end up in a hot tub.
302
00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:24,870
But we just got tattoos. Wouldn’t we be concerned about bacterial infection?
303
00:19:26,210 --> 00:19:28,240
True. Okay. Forget the hot tub.
304
00:19:28,540 --> 00:19:33,290
The point is, we each had a menage with sexy Goth girls.
305
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:38,330
What a great night.
306
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,960
Yeah.
307
00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:48,970
Hey, want to try a country bar tomorrow night?
308
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:51,910
Maybe we'll get lucky with some sexy cowgirls.
309
00:19:51,930 --> 00:19:53,620
Could happen.
310
00:19:55,970 --> 00:19:58,060
I wonder how they smell.
311
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312
00:20:01,980 --> 00:20:05,600
Corrected by honeybunny
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