1
00:00:01,556 --> 00:00:04,391
All right, I'm ready
for my next question.
2
00:00:04,392 --> 00:00:08,145
In a world where rhinoceroses
are domesticated pets,
3
00:00:08,146 --> 00:00:10,147
who wins the Second World War?
4
00:00:12,450 --> 00:00:14,351
Uganda.
5
00:00:14,352 --> 00:00:15,352
Defend.
6
00:00:15,353 --> 00:00:17,204
Kenya rises to power
7
00:00:17,205 --> 00:00:18,822
on the export of rhinoceroses.
8
00:00:18,823 --> 00:00:21,024
A Central African
power block is formed,
9
00:00:21,025 --> 00:00:23,127
colonizing North Africa and Europe.
10
00:00:23,128 --> 00:00:26,547
When war breaks out, no one can
afford the luxury of a rhino.
11
00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:28,933
Kenya withers, Uganda triumphs.
12
00:00:30,969 --> 00:00:32,052
Correct.
13
00:00:32,053 --> 00:00:33,370
My turn.
14
00:00:35,039 --> 00:00:39,410
In a world where a piano is a weapon,
not a musical instrument,
15
00:00:39,411 --> 00:00:43,197
on what does Scott Joplin
play "The Maple Leaf Rag"?
16
00:00:43,198 --> 00:00:45,983
Tuned bayonets.
17
00:00:45,984 --> 00:00:47,051
Defend.
18
00:00:47,052 --> 00:00:47,985
Isn't it obvious?
19
00:00:47,986 --> 00:00:50,554
You're right. My apologies.
20
00:00:52,057 --> 00:00:55,576
What the hell are you guys playing?
21
00:00:55,577 --> 00:00:57,328
It's a game we invented.
22
00:00:57,329 --> 00:00:59,530
It's called Counterfactuals.
23
00:00:59,531 --> 00:01:01,899
We postulate an alternate
world that differs from ours
24
00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:04,418
in one key aspect and then
pose questions to each other.
25
00:01:04,419 --> 00:01:06,253
It's fun for ages eight to 80.
26
00:01:06,254 --> 00:01:07,705
Join us.
27
00:01:07,706 --> 00:01:09,206
All right.
28
00:01:09,207 --> 00:01:10,674
I like a good brainteaser.
29
00:01:10,675 --> 00:01:12,259
Give it a whirl.
30
00:01:12,260 --> 00:01:13,844
You're in luck;
this is an easy one.
31
00:01:13,845 --> 00:01:16,897
In a world where mankind is ruled
32
00:01:16,898 --> 00:01:19,416
by a giant intelligent beaver,
33
00:01:19,417 --> 00:01:21,885
what food is no longer consumed?
34
00:01:21,886 --> 00:01:26,790
Uh... a BLT where the
"B" stands for beaver?
35
00:01:26,791 --> 00:01:28,008
I don't know.
36
00:01:28,009 --> 00:01:30,093
Leonard, be serious.
37
00:01:30,094 --> 00:01:31,862
We're playing a game here.
38
00:01:31,863 --> 00:01:32,813
(clears throat)
39
00:01:32,814 --> 00:01:33,930
I can figure this out.
40
00:01:33,931 --> 00:01:34,965
Let's see.
41
00:01:34,966 --> 00:01:37,735
Um, well, beavers eat tree bark.
42
00:01:37,736 --> 00:01:41,121
The only tree bark I know that
humans consume is cinnamon.
43
00:01:41,122 --> 00:01:42,740
So, I'll say cinnamon.
44
00:01:42,741 --> 00:01:43,774
Incorrect.
45
00:01:43,775 --> 00:01:47,261
Obviously, the answer
is cheese Danish.
46
00:01:47,262 --> 00:01:48,612
What?
47
00:01:48,613 --> 00:01:51,332
In a world ruled by a giant beaver,
48
00:01:51,333 --> 00:01:54,618
mankind builds many dams to
please the beaver overlord.
49
00:01:54,619 --> 00:01:57,004
The low-lying city of
Copenhagen is flooded.
50
00:01:57,005 --> 00:01:58,288
Thousands die.
51
00:01:58,289 --> 00:02:02,743
Devastated, the Danes never
invent their namesake pastry.
52
00:02:04,546 --> 00:02:06,347
How does one miss that?
53
00:02:07,866 --> 00:02:09,733
This is ridiculous.
54
00:02:09,734 --> 00:02:11,268
You're just making stuff up.
55
00:02:11,269 --> 00:02:13,587
Is he always like
this when he loses?
56
00:02:13,588 --> 00:02:15,005
Oh, yes.
57
00:02:15,006 --> 00:02:18,842
You should've been here for the
great Jenga tantrum of 2008.
58
00:02:20,478 --> 00:02:22,896
You bumped the table
and you know it.
59
00:02:26,334 --> 00:02:28,919
Perhaps it would be
kinder to play a game
60
00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:30,954
more suited to his abilities.
61
00:02:30,955 --> 00:02:34,758
We'll close our eyes and
count to ten while you hide.
62
00:02:34,759 --> 00:02:37,428
I'm going to my room.
63
00:02:37,429 --> 00:02:38,679
Very good, Leonard.
64
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,848
But next time, don't tell
us where you're hiding.
65
00:02:43,802 --> 00:02:47,438
♪ Our whole universe was
in a hot, dense state ♪
66
00:02:47,439 --> 00:02:50,758
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
67
00:02:50,759 --> 00:02:52,393
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
68
00:02:52,394 --> 00:02:54,928
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
69
00:02:54,929 --> 00:02:57,614
♪ We built the Wall ♪ ♪ We
built the pyramids ♪
70
00:02:57,615 --> 00:03:00,267
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
71
00:03:00,268 --> 00:03:02,169
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
72
00:03:02,170 --> 00:03:03,138
♪ Bang! ♪
73
00:03:03,148 --> 00:03:06,548
♪ The Big Bang Theory 4x03 ♪
The Zazzy Substitution
Original Air Date on October 7, 2010
74
00:03:06,558 --> 00:03:08,558
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
75
00:03:08,576 --> 00:03:09,343
Did you guys see the paper
76
00:03:09,387 --> 00:03:11,438
in The American Physics
Journal on supersolids?
77
00:03:11,439 --> 00:03:12,639
It's pretty interesting.
78
00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:13,874
This guy's working from
a hypothesis where...
79
00:03:13,875 --> 00:03:15,859
Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert.
80
00:03:15,860 --> 00:03:17,644
What? Don't ruin it for me, man.
81
00:03:17,645 --> 00:03:20,480
I printed out a PDF
to read on the potty.
82
00:03:20,481 --> 00:03:21,531
On the potty?
83
00:03:21,532 --> 00:03:22,582
What are you, five?
84
00:03:22,583 --> 00:03:24,568
It's a potty. What do you call it?
85
00:03:24,569 --> 00:03:25,585
Toilet.
86
00:03:25,586 --> 00:03:26,570
That's a little vulgar for
87
00:03:26,571 --> 00:03:27,704
the dinner table, don't you think?
88
00:03:27,705 --> 00:03:29,823
Oh, and "potty" is okay?
89
00:03:29,824 --> 00:03:30,824
"Potty" is innocent.
90
00:03:30,825 --> 00:03:31,942
"Potty" is adorable.
91
00:03:31,943 --> 00:03:34,711
What do you do in the potty,
wee-wee?
92
00:03:34,712 --> 00:03:37,047
If I don't have to boom-boom.
93
00:03:38,049 --> 00:03:39,416
Greetings.
94
00:03:39,417 --> 00:03:41,585
You all remember Amy Farrah Fowler.
95
00:03:41,586 --> 00:03:42,802
Nice to see you. Hello.
96
00:03:42,803 --> 00:03:44,838
Sorry we're late.
97
00:03:44,839 --> 00:03:45,889
I must take responsibility.
98
00:03:45,890 --> 00:03:47,557
I had to stop for
feminine hygiene supplies.
99
00:03:47,558 --> 00:03:48,725
Aha. Okay.
100
00:03:48,726 --> 00:03:50,894
I believe she's
experiencing her menses.
101
00:03:51,846 --> 00:03:53,146
Actually, I'm not.
102
00:03:53,147 --> 00:03:54,898
In order to avoid surprises,
I wear them all the time.
103
00:03:54,899 --> 00:03:56,099
Aha. Okay.
104
00:03:57,068 --> 00:03:59,486
"Toilet's" sounding
pretty good now, huh?
105
00:04:00,605 --> 00:04:02,906
Hey, look, it's Shamy.
106
00:04:02,907 --> 00:04:04,241
Shamy?
107
00:04:04,242 --> 00:04:07,410
A juvenile amalgamation
of our names.
108
00:04:07,411 --> 00:04:09,946
Sheldon, Amy-- Shamy.
109
00:04:09,947 --> 00:04:11,281
Oh.
110
00:04:11,282 --> 00:04:12,282
I don't like that.
111
00:04:12,283 --> 00:04:13,333
Don't do that.
112
00:04:13,334 --> 00:04:15,068
(awkward chuckle)
113
00:04:15,069 --> 00:04:16,419
All righty. What's new?
114
00:04:16,420 --> 00:04:19,005
Well, just recently, I learned
that you refer to us as Shamy,
115
00:04:19,006 --> 00:04:20,240
and I don't like that.
116
00:04:20,241 --> 00:04:22,075
I got it.
117
00:04:22,076 --> 00:04:24,861
But what I was going for was,
you know, how's your life?
118
00:04:24,862 --> 00:04:26,680
Like everybody else's.
119
00:04:26,681 --> 00:04:29,799
Subject to entropy,
decay and eventual death.
120
00:04:31,185 --> 00:04:32,485
Thank you for asking.
121
00:04:32,486 --> 00:04:34,271
Why is she not taking our order?
122
00:04:34,272 --> 00:04:35,472
I should've warned you,
123
00:04:35,473 --> 00:04:38,942
one has to navigate a
labyrinth of social nonsense
124
00:04:38,943 --> 00:04:40,610
before one can be fed here.
125
00:04:40,611 --> 00:04:41,945
AMY: Really?
126
00:04:41,946 --> 00:04:43,647
I assumed an establishment called
127
00:04:43,648 --> 00:04:46,449
the Cheesecake Factory would
function more efficiently.
128
00:04:46,450 --> 00:04:47,767
It's how they lure you in.
129
00:04:47,768 --> 00:04:50,036
I believe it's called "
bait and switch."
130
00:04:50,905 --> 00:04:52,906
Okay, I'm just gonna walk away,
131
00:04:52,907 --> 00:04:54,991
'cause... I don't want to be here.
132
00:04:58,829 --> 00:05:00,931
So, this is nice.
133
00:05:00,932 --> 00:05:02,782
First time we've all
gotten together to eat.
134
00:05:02,783 --> 00:05:06,069
You're right, he's a
festival of humdrum chitchat.
135
00:05:07,288 --> 00:05:09,055
Okay, that's all I got.
136
00:05:09,056 --> 00:05:11,308
Howard, you're up.
137
00:05:11,309 --> 00:05:14,811
Um... tell us about your work, Amy.
138
00:05:14,812 --> 00:05:16,513
I doubt you'd understand.
139
00:05:16,514 --> 00:05:19,266
Sheldon tells me you only
have a master's degree.
140
00:05:21,068 --> 00:05:23,653
Raj, do you have any
questions for Amy?
141
00:05:26,473 --> 00:05:30,060
I'm curious as to why
we're not eating alone.
142
00:05:30,061 --> 00:05:32,128
They can't function without me.
143
00:05:32,129 --> 00:05:36,983
I'm the social glue that holds
this little group together.
144
00:05:36,984 --> 00:05:38,451
You're welcome.
145
00:05:40,838 --> 00:05:43,707
Listen, can I talk to you
about your girlfriend?
146
00:05:43,708 --> 00:05:45,508
She's not my girlfriend.
147
00:05:45,509 --> 00:05:47,460
She's a girl and she's my friend,
148
00:05:47,461 --> 00:05:51,181
but there's no touching or
unsanitary exchange of saliva.
149
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,050
Got it.
150
00:05:54,051 --> 00:05:56,019
Although, for the record,
on one occasion,
151
00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:58,671
she licked her thumb to
remove raspberry jelly
152
00:05:58,672 --> 00:06:00,523
from the corner of my mouth.
153
00:06:00,524 --> 00:06:02,942
It's an action we both
regret to this day.
154
00:06:02,943 --> 00:06:04,027
Uh-huh.
155
00:06:04,028 --> 00:06:06,363
Anyway, I'm not sure
she's the best fit
156
00:06:06,364 --> 00:06:10,016
for our little-- how should
we call it-- rebel alliance.
157
00:06:10,017 --> 00:06:13,403
Oh, I never identified
with the rebel alliance.
158
00:06:13,404 --> 00:06:15,822
Despite their tendency
to build Death Stars,
159
00:06:15,823 --> 00:06:18,074
I've always been more
of an empire man.
160
00:06:19,994 --> 00:06:21,027
Yeah, not my point.
161
00:06:21,028 --> 00:06:22,245
I know what your point is.
162
00:06:22,246 --> 00:06:24,297
You're intimidated
by Amy's intellect.
163
00:06:24,298 --> 00:06:26,750
To that I say, buck up.
164
00:06:26,751 --> 00:06:27,967
Okay, let me just
165
00:06:27,968 --> 00:06:29,052
get right to it.
166
00:06:29,053 --> 00:06:32,389
Amy is judgmental,
sanctimonious and frankly...
167
00:06:32,390 --> 00:06:35,659
just obnoxious.
168
00:06:35,660 --> 00:06:37,427
So?
169
00:06:37,428 --> 00:06:39,813
So we already have
you for all that.
170
00:06:41,182 --> 00:06:44,401
Are you suggesting I terminate
my relationship with Amy?
171
00:06:44,402 --> 00:06:45,819
No, no, of course not.
172
00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:48,905
Just have your relationship
someplace else.
173
00:06:48,906 --> 00:06:52,525
May I point out that
for eight long months,
174
00:06:52,526 --> 00:06:55,395
I suffered in silence
as your female companion
175
00:06:55,396 --> 00:06:57,614
filled our apartment with her
176
00:06:57,615 --> 00:07:00,450
off-key country music caterwauling,
177
00:07:00,451 --> 00:07:01,901
the unappetizing spectacle
178
00:07:01,902 --> 00:07:05,588
of her grinding a pumice stone
against her calloused feet
179
00:07:05,589 --> 00:07:07,207
in our living room,
180
00:07:07,208 --> 00:07:10,576
and night after night of
uninformative TV documentaries
181
00:07:10,577 --> 00:07:13,129
about the Jersey Shore.
182
00:07:14,632 --> 00:07:17,434
Suffered in silence?
183
00:07:17,435 --> 00:07:19,436
Yes.
184
00:07:20,921 --> 00:07:23,723
And I'd thank you to do the same.
185
00:07:25,559 --> 00:07:27,644
Reall-- Silence?!
186
00:07:30,815 --> 00:07:32,432
(sighs): Ah.
187
00:07:32,433 --> 00:07:34,234
Nothing makes beer
taste better than
188
00:07:34,235 --> 00:07:38,221
cool clear Rocky
Mountain spring water.
189
00:07:38,222 --> 00:07:40,340
Where are the Rocky
Mountains, anyway?
190
00:07:41,842 --> 00:07:44,010
Philadelphia.
191
00:07:44,011 --> 00:07:45,028
Really?
192
00:07:45,029 --> 00:07:46,463
I thought they were
out West someplace.
193
00:07:46,464 --> 00:07:47,614
Think about it, Raj.
194
00:07:47,615 --> 00:07:50,984
Where did the movie
Rocky take place?
195
00:07:50,985 --> 00:07:53,553
Philadelphia.
196
00:07:53,554 --> 00:07:55,505
Okay, now I get it.
197
00:07:56,891 --> 00:07:58,091
So this is the plan?
198
00:07:58,092 --> 00:08:00,059
From now on, we're just
gonna hide out in here
199
00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:02,228
to avoid the Shamy?
200
00:08:02,229 --> 00:08:03,813
I'm very comfortable here.
201
00:08:03,814 --> 00:08:08,351
Penny, dear, why don't you shoot
another silver bullet my way?
202
00:08:08,352 --> 00:08:10,403
Get one yourself.
203
00:08:10,404 --> 00:08:13,656
Ooh, somebody's been
taking bitchy pills.
204
00:08:13,657 --> 00:08:17,310
God, he's an ass when he drinks.
205
00:08:17,311 --> 00:08:18,661
Oh, he's an ass when he doesn't.
206
00:08:18,662 --> 00:08:20,864
You just don't hear it.
207
00:08:20,865 --> 00:08:23,816
Think we need to start
entertaining the possibility
208
00:08:23,817 --> 00:08:25,668
that the Shamy could
go on for years.
209
00:08:25,669 --> 00:08:28,371
Well, if that's the case,
Penny will have to get satellite TV
210
00:08:28,372 --> 00:08:31,090
and maybe once a week run a
vacuum through this place.
211
00:08:35,179 --> 00:08:37,130
I thought you were going
to talk to Sheldon.
212
00:08:37,131 --> 00:08:38,998
I did. Well, what'd he say?
213
00:08:38,999 --> 00:08:41,134
Well, he pointed out that
he kinda sorta had to...
214
00:08:41,135 --> 00:08:42,602
put up with you.
215
00:08:42,603 --> 00:08:44,554
Kinda sorta had to?
216
00:08:44,555 --> 00:08:45,855
I didn't agree with him.
217
00:08:45,856 --> 00:08:46,856
Well, you defended me, right?
218
00:08:46,857 --> 00:08:49,692
I tried, but...
219
00:08:51,812 --> 00:08:56,015
...he made a fairly
well-reasoned argument.
220
00:08:56,016 --> 00:08:59,285
You're not doing that right.
221
00:08:59,286 --> 00:09:00,286
What?
222
00:09:00,287 --> 00:09:01,521
Gimme.
223
00:09:01,522 --> 00:09:02,739
No. Trust me.
224
00:09:02,740 --> 00:09:05,458
No! I do this for
my mom all the time.
225
00:09:07,361 --> 00:09:08,628
See?
226
00:09:08,629 --> 00:09:10,747
With the grain.
227
00:09:10,748 --> 00:09:13,366
Wow, that is better.
228
00:09:13,367 --> 00:09:16,052
And someday, when you
have varicose veins,
229
00:09:16,053 --> 00:09:17,971
I'll show you how to massage them.
230
00:09:21,642 --> 00:09:24,894
Oh, God, never again.
231
00:09:24,895 --> 00:09:27,880
I assume by "never again,
" you mean never again will you drink
232
00:09:27,881 --> 00:09:30,266
all of Penny's beer,
then run down to the gas station
233
00:09:30,267 --> 00:09:32,485
for a couple of 40s,
a box of Slim Jims
234
00:09:32,486 --> 00:09:36,406
and the latest issue of
Bombay Badonkadonks.
235
00:09:37,274 --> 00:09:39,592
I was homesick.
236
00:09:39,593 --> 00:09:41,694
The highlight of the evening
was when you showed us
237
00:09:41,695 --> 00:09:43,780
your Bollywood break
dancing skills.
238
00:09:43,781 --> 00:09:45,999
(humming Indian music)
239
00:09:51,422 --> 00:09:53,540
That's very offensive.
240
00:09:53,541 --> 00:09:55,625
Yeah, we all thought so.
241
00:09:55,626 --> 00:09:57,927
LEONARD: Oh, no.
242
00:09:57,928 --> 00:09:58,928
What?
243
00:09:58,929 --> 00:10:01,297
It's John and Yoko.
244
00:10:01,298 --> 00:10:04,050
More like Yoko and Yoko.
245
00:10:04,051 --> 00:10:05,751
Greetings. Hey.
246
00:10:05,752 --> 00:10:06,970
I brought Amy here
247
00:10:06,971 --> 00:10:09,222
to show her some of
the work I'm doing.
248
00:10:09,223 --> 00:10:11,608
It's very impressive,
for theoretical work.
249
00:10:13,394 --> 00:10:15,762
Do I detect a hint
of condescension?
250
00:10:15,763 --> 00:10:17,964
I'm sorry, was I being too subtle?
251
00:10:19,233 --> 00:10:21,401
I meant compared to the
real-world applications
252
00:10:21,402 --> 00:10:23,436
of neurobiology,
theoretical physics is--
253
00:10:23,437 --> 00:10:25,638
what's the word I'm looking for?--
hmm, cute.
254
00:10:25,639 --> 00:10:27,574
(Leonard and Wolowitz oohing)
255
00:10:27,575 --> 00:10:31,327
Are you suggesting the
work of a neurobiologist
256
00:10:31,328 --> 00:10:34,697
like Babinski could ever
rise to the significance
257
00:10:34,698 --> 00:10:38,051
of a physicist like
Clarke-Maxwell or Dirac?
258
00:10:38,052 --> 00:10:39,752
I'm stating it outright.
259
00:10:39,753 --> 00:10:41,754
Babinski eats Dirac for breakfast
260
00:10:41,755 --> 00:10:44,657
and defecates Clarke-Maxwell.
261
00:10:46,493 --> 00:10:48,661
You take that back.
262
00:10:50,481 --> 00:10:51,531
Absolutely not.
263
00:10:51,532 --> 00:10:52,765
My colleagues and I are mapping
264
00:10:52,766 --> 00:10:54,734
the neurological
substrates that subserve
265
00:10:54,735 --> 00:10:55,885
global information processing,
266
00:10:55,886 --> 00:10:57,987
which is required for
all cognitive reasoning,
267
00:10:57,988 --> 00:11:01,691
including scientific inquiry,
making my research ipso facto
268
00:11:01,692 --> 00:11:03,026
prior in the ordo cognoscendi.
269
00:11:03,027 --> 00:11:05,728
That means it's better
than his research,
270
00:11:05,729 --> 00:11:07,747
and by extension, of course, yours.
271
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,535
I'm sorry, I'm-I'm still trying
272
00:11:12,536 --> 00:11:16,839
to work on the defecating
Clark Maxwell, so...
273
00:11:17,841 --> 00:11:21,377
Excuse me, but a
grand unified theory,
274
00:11:21,378 --> 00:11:23,963
insofar as it explains everything,
275
00:11:23,964 --> 00:11:27,016
will ipso facto
explain neurobiology.
276
00:11:27,017 --> 00:11:28,635
Yes, but if I'm successful,
277
00:11:28,636 --> 00:11:31,137
I will be able to map and
reproduce your thought processes
278
00:11:31,138 --> 00:11:33,022
in deriving a grand unified theory,
279
00:11:33,023 --> 00:11:35,892
and therefore, subsume your
conclusions under my paradigm.
280
00:11:35,893 --> 00:11:39,445
That's the rankest psychologism,
281
00:11:39,446 --> 00:11:41,848
and was conclusively
revealed as hogwash
282
00:11:41,849 --> 00:11:43,967
by Gottlob Frege in the 1890s!
283
00:11:43,968 --> 00:11:47,070
We appear to have
reached an impasse.
284
00:11:47,071 --> 00:11:48,738
I agree.
285
00:11:48,739 --> 00:11:52,375
I move our relationship
terminate immediately.
286
00:11:52,376 --> 00:11:54,377
Seconded.
287
00:11:54,378 --> 00:11:55,478
There being no objections...
288
00:11:55,479 --> 00:11:58,214
ALL: Uh-uh.
289
00:11:58,215 --> 00:11:59,916
...the motion carries.
290
00:11:59,917 --> 00:12:01,884
Good day, Amy Farrah Fowler.
291
00:12:01,885 --> 00:12:03,886
Good day, Sheldon Cooper.
292
00:12:08,375 --> 00:12:09,892
Women, huh?
293
00:12:09,893 --> 00:12:11,427
Can't live with them,
294
00:12:11,428 --> 00:12:14,847
can't successfully
refute their hypotheses.
295
00:12:14,848 --> 00:12:17,016
Amen to that.
296
00:12:22,638 --> 00:12:24,005
Hey, Sheldon.
297
00:12:24,006 --> 00:12:25,640
Hello.
298
00:12:26,759 --> 00:12:29,394
I hear you broke up with Amy.
299
00:12:29,395 --> 00:12:33,815
A breakup would imply
she was my girlfriend.
300
00:12:33,816 --> 00:12:35,433
She was a girl who was my friend
301
00:12:35,434 --> 00:12:38,870
who is now a girl who
is not my friend.
302
00:12:38,871 --> 00:12:42,457
Wow. That's like the
worst country song ever.
303
00:12:45,110 --> 00:12:46,944
So, how are you doing?
304
00:12:46,945 --> 00:12:48,212
Regarding what?
305
00:12:48,213 --> 00:12:49,347
Amy.
306
00:12:49,348 --> 00:12:51,449
I don't follow.
307
00:12:51,450 --> 00:12:56,671
Well, breakups-- or whatever the
hell this is-- can be tough.
308
00:12:56,672 --> 00:12:58,673
Penny, I assure you, I'm fine.
309
00:12:58,674 --> 00:13:01,843
My relationship with Amy
was purely intellectual,
310
00:13:01,844 --> 00:13:04,295
There were no emotional bonds,
311
00:13:04,296 --> 00:13:06,630
the severing of which would
cause me any discomfort.
312
00:13:06,631 --> 00:13:09,300
The relationship simply
outlived its utility,
313
00:13:09,301 --> 00:13:12,270
and I'm continuing on
with my life as before.
314
00:13:12,271 --> 00:13:14,155
Okay. Good.
315
00:13:14,156 --> 00:13:17,992
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm off to buy a pussycat.
316
00:13:20,245 --> 00:13:21,863
I gotta tell you guys,
317
00:13:21,864 --> 00:13:23,448
I'm a little worried about Sheldon.
318
00:13:23,449 --> 00:13:26,284
We're all a little
worried about Sheldon.
319
00:13:26,285 --> 00:13:29,320
No, I mean since the
Shamy hit a reef.
320
00:13:29,321 --> 00:13:31,589
Oh, I thought you were just
making a generalization:
321
00:13:31,590 --> 00:13:33,007
"You know,
I'm worried about Sheldon
322
00:13:33,008 --> 00:13:35,209
"someday setting off a
low-yield nuclear device
323
00:13:35,210 --> 00:13:37,962
because the cafeteria
ran out of lime Jell-O."
324
00:13:38,764 --> 00:13:40,348
What does "hit a reef" mean?
325
00:13:40,349 --> 00:13:41,883
Uh, went splitsville.
326
00:13:41,884 --> 00:13:42,884
Pardon?
327
00:13:42,885 --> 00:13:45,470
Turned to boom-boom.
328
00:13:45,471 --> 00:13:47,221
Ah.
329
00:13:47,222 --> 00:13:49,690
I think Sheldon really misses Amy.
330
00:13:49,691 --> 00:13:53,961
You should lend him your copy of
Bombay Badonkadonks.
331
00:13:53,962 --> 00:13:56,147
He got a cat to keep him company.
332
00:13:56,148 --> 00:13:57,148
You're kidding.
333
00:13:57,149 --> 00:13:58,399
He takes it everywhere:
334
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,251
to bed, to the bathroom.
335
00:14:00,252 --> 00:14:02,203
He takes the kitty to the potty?
336
00:14:02,204 --> 00:14:04,822
I thought we discussed the P-word.
337
00:14:04,823 --> 00:14:06,390
Don't try to change me, dude.
338
00:14:06,391 --> 00:14:08,376
I am what I am.
339
00:14:08,377 --> 00:14:11,695
Oh, gentlemen.
340
00:14:11,696 --> 00:14:13,748
Hey. Aren't you going
to introduce us
341
00:14:13,749 --> 00:14:15,416
to your little friend?
342
00:14:15,417 --> 00:14:16,884
My apologies.
343
00:14:16,885 --> 00:14:21,656
Raj, Howard, I'd like you to meet Dr.
Robert Oppenheimer.
344
00:14:22,624 --> 00:14:24,926
Hello. Hi.
345
00:14:24,927 --> 00:14:26,210
Now, if you'll excuse me,
346
00:14:26,211 --> 00:14:29,730
the father of the atomic
bomb wants a saucer of milk.
347
00:14:31,567 --> 00:14:33,851
Okay, I get it.
We're worried about Sheldon.
348
00:14:33,852 --> 00:14:35,319
Yeah.
349
00:14:38,423 --> 00:14:40,158
Hey.
350
00:14:40,159 --> 00:14:42,677
Oh, no.
351
00:14:42,678 --> 00:14:45,279
Robert Oppenheimer was lonely.
352
00:14:45,280 --> 00:15:01,078
So you decided to get the
whole Manhattan Project?
353
00:15:01,079 --> 00:15:03,598
but he's so zazzy.
354
00:15:05,934 --> 00:15:08,769
Okay, we need to talk.
355
00:15:08,770 --> 00:15:10,021
About what?
356
00:15:10,022 --> 00:15:11,639
Cats, Sheldon.
357
00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:13,641
You're clearly upset
about Amy being gone,
358
00:15:13,642 --> 00:15:16,360
and you're trying to replace
her with a bunch of cats.
359
00:15:16,361 --> 00:15:17,945
Clowder. What?
360
00:15:17,946 --> 00:15:21,315
A group of cats is a clowder.
Or a glaring.
361
00:15:21,316 --> 00:15:22,366
Okay, yeah, fine.
362
00:15:22,367 --> 00:15:24,068
It's the kind of thing you ought
363
00:15:24,069 --> 00:15:25,736
to know now that we have one.
364
00:15:25,737 --> 00:15:28,990
Terrific. My point is,
you need to face up
365
00:15:28,991 --> 00:15:30,958
to what you're feeling
with this breakup.
366
00:15:30,959 --> 00:15:32,210
It wasn't a breakup.
367
00:15:32,211 --> 00:15:34,111
A breakup would imply that
Amy was my girlfriend.
368
00:15:34,112 --> 00:15:36,631
Okay, I got it, I got it;
she's not your girlfriend.
369
00:15:36,632 --> 00:15:37,999
Now listen to me.
370
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,586
I know about loneliness.
371
00:15:41,587 --> 00:15:43,921
I know about trying to replace
someone with other stuff.
372
00:15:43,922 --> 00:15:46,807
When I broke up with Penny,
I got back into my cello,
373
00:15:46,808 --> 00:15:48,926
I built a bunch of model rockets,
374
00:15:48,927 --> 00:15:53,447
I got those weightlifting gloves
and that five-pound dumbbell.
375
00:15:53,448 --> 00:15:56,817
You didn't break up,
she dumped you.
376
00:15:56,818 --> 00:15:58,769
She didn't dump me.
377
00:15:58,770 --> 00:16:00,154
It was mutual!
378
00:16:00,155 --> 00:16:01,822
I was there. She dumped you.
379
00:16:01,823 --> 00:16:03,207
Okay, fine.
380
00:16:03,208 --> 00:16:04,492
Live with cats.
381
00:16:04,493 --> 00:16:05,776
Be like my Aunt Nancy.
382
00:16:05,777 --> 00:16:07,144
She had dozens of them.
383
00:16:07,145 --> 00:16:09,614
And do you know what happened
after she died? They ate her.
384
00:16:09,615 --> 00:16:12,283
You don't have to sell
me on cats, Leonard.
385
00:16:12,284 --> 00:16:13,501
I'm already a fan.
386
00:16:17,923 --> 00:16:22,176
All right, fellas,
who's in the mood for Fancy Feast?
387
00:16:22,177 --> 00:16:25,162
Well, that's not fancy at all.
388
00:16:29,935 --> 00:16:31,519
Hi, Mrs. Cooper. Thanks for coming.
389
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:32,603
Where is he?
390
00:16:32,604 --> 00:16:33,771
He's in his bedroom.
391
00:16:33,772 --> 00:16:36,557
Now, when you said on the phone
392
00:16:36,558 --> 00:16:39,060
he broke up with a girl,
you meant an actual girl,
393
00:16:39,061 --> 00:16:41,562
not something you kids
whipped up in a lab?
394
00:16:41,563 --> 00:16:43,114
No, she's real.
395
00:16:43,115 --> 00:16:45,149
Did they sin?
396
00:16:45,150 --> 00:16:47,184
No, no, it's not like that.
397
00:16:47,185 --> 00:16:49,287
It's, uh...
398
00:16:49,288 --> 00:16:50,988
I don't know what it's like.
399
00:16:50,989 --> 00:16:52,907
But there is something I
should prepare you for.
400
00:16:52,908 --> 00:16:56,577
Oh, relax, Leonard,
I have raised that boy.
401
00:16:56,578 --> 00:16:59,130
I've seen him at his best,
I've seen him at his worst.
402
00:16:59,131 --> 00:17:01,749
There's nothing he can
do that'll surprise me.
403
00:17:01,750 --> 00:17:03,584
Hold on to that thought.
404
00:17:03,585 --> 00:17:04,969
(knocks)
405
00:17:04,970 --> 00:17:06,387
Come in.
406
00:17:06,388 --> 00:17:10,174
(cats meowing)
407
00:17:10,175 --> 00:17:12,376
Surprise.
408
00:17:12,377 --> 00:17:15,179
Mom, what an unexpected pleasure.
409
00:17:15,180 --> 00:17:19,016
My, my, that's a powerful smell.
410
00:17:19,017 --> 00:17:23,020
I'd like you to meet Oppenheimer,
Frisch, Panofsky,
411
00:17:23,021 --> 00:17:24,739
Feynman, Weisskopf...
412
00:17:24,740 --> 00:17:25,906
Yeah, I get it.
413
00:17:25,907 --> 00:17:27,692
You got a lot of cats
414
00:17:27,693 --> 00:17:29,710
and you gave 'em cute Jewish names.
415
00:17:29,711 --> 00:17:31,579
What are you doing here?
416
00:17:31,580 --> 00:17:32,830
Leonard called.
417
00:17:32,831 --> 00:17:36,066
And he said that you were
pining for a young lady.
418
00:17:36,067 --> 00:17:37,868
Oh, that's preposterous.
419
00:17:37,869 --> 00:17:39,904
I'm not pining over anyone.
420
00:17:39,905 --> 00:17:43,007
Oh, lambchop, we can
quibble what to call it,
421
00:17:43,008 --> 00:17:46,577
but I think we can
both agree it's creepy.
422
00:17:46,578 --> 00:17:48,679
I do not agree.
423
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:51,032
Cats make wonderful companions.
424
00:17:51,033 --> 00:17:55,303
They don't argue or question
my intellectual authority,
425
00:17:55,304 --> 00:17:57,188
and this little guy here,
426
00:17:57,189 --> 00:18:00,441
I think you'll find
to be quite zazzy.
427
00:18:01,777 --> 00:18:05,229
You should have called sooner.
428
00:18:06,315 --> 00:18:08,566
Shelly! Dinner's ready!
429
00:18:08,567 --> 00:18:09,600
SHELDON: Coming!
430
00:18:09,601 --> 00:18:10,868
No cats!
431
00:18:10,869 --> 00:18:12,286
Aw...
432
00:18:16,325 --> 00:18:17,825
What is she doing here?
433
00:18:17,826 --> 00:18:19,126
I called her.
434
00:18:19,127 --> 00:18:20,177
Your mother thinks
435
00:18:20,178 --> 00:18:22,129
you might be losing
your mind over me.
436
00:18:22,130 --> 00:18:24,782
As a neurobiologist, I was curious.
437
00:18:24,783 --> 00:18:28,469
Well, rest assured, I am in
full possession of my faculties.
438
00:18:28,470 --> 00:18:31,589
(sneezes): 25 cats!
439
00:18:31,590 --> 00:18:34,892
Oh, God bless you, dear.
440
00:18:34,893 --> 00:18:37,261
Sheldon, sit down. Let's talk.
441
00:18:37,262 --> 00:18:40,064
All right, but you're
not fooling me.
442
00:18:40,065 --> 00:18:41,282
Whenever you say we have to talk,
443
00:18:41,283 --> 00:18:42,516
it means you want me to listen.
444
00:18:42,517 --> 00:18:43,517
Then stop talking.
445
00:18:43,518 --> 00:18:45,319
Yes, ma'am.
446
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,438
Now, the reason I
called Amy over was
447
00:18:47,439 --> 00:18:49,990
to find out what type
of person she is.
448
00:18:49,991 --> 00:18:51,659
And after chatting a bit,
449
00:18:51,660 --> 00:18:53,994
I have to say that while she is a
450
00:18:53,995 --> 00:18:57,498
perfectly unique young woman,
451
00:18:57,499 --> 00:19:01,018
you two are definitely not
suited for each other.
452
00:19:01,019 --> 00:19:03,821
That's a peculiar conclusion.
453
00:19:03,822 --> 00:19:06,273
By any standard,
Amy is more similar to me
454
00:19:06,274 --> 00:19:07,591
than anyone I've ever met.
455
00:19:07,592 --> 00:19:10,394
Oh, I'm sorry, Shelly,
I can't see it.
456
00:19:10,395 --> 00:19:13,297
Well, whether you see
it or not is irrelevant.
457
00:19:13,298 --> 00:19:15,299
I can't see subatomic particles,
458
00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:17,151
but nevertheless, they're there.
459
00:19:17,152 --> 00:19:18,269
Excellent point.
460
00:19:18,270 --> 00:19:20,003
A physics point.
461
00:19:20,004 --> 00:19:22,540
Touché.
462
00:19:22,541 --> 00:19:24,875
Well, putting aside the pig Latin,
463
00:19:24,876 --> 00:19:26,710
it's a good thing that
464
00:19:26,711 --> 00:19:28,662
you two decided to
end the relationship
465
00:19:28,663 --> 00:19:31,115
so I didn't have to end it for you.
466
00:19:33,602 --> 00:19:35,136
Amy, after consideration,
467
00:19:35,137 --> 00:19:37,338
I believe we may have acted rashly.
468
00:19:37,339 --> 00:19:39,206
I propose we resume
our relationship
469
00:19:39,207 --> 00:19:41,709
and attempt to resolve
our differences.
470
00:19:41,710 --> 00:19:43,661
I'll agree to that only
if you'll stipulate
471
00:19:43,662 --> 00:19:45,763
that 80% of our difficulties
were caused by you.
472
00:19:45,764 --> 00:19:47,548
I'll go as high as 40. Sixty-five.
473
00:19:47,549 --> 00:19:49,083
Done.
474
00:19:49,084 --> 00:19:51,085
You understand that moving forward,
475
00:19:51,086 --> 00:19:54,572
we deal with the fact that my
mother does not approve of you?
476
00:19:54,573 --> 00:19:57,541
I do. I find being cast
477
00:19:57,542 --> 00:20:00,227
in the role of bad
girl oddly titillating.
478
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:03,647
Would you like to see my cats?
479
00:20:03,648 --> 00:20:05,766
I would. I love cats.
480
00:20:05,767 --> 00:20:07,101
They're the epitome
of indifference.
481
00:20:07,102 --> 00:20:10,921
Ah, then you may find
Zazzles a little cloying.
482
00:20:11,990 --> 00:20:13,774
I saw what you did there.
483
00:20:13,775 --> 00:20:15,860
He thinks he's such a smarty pants.
484
00:20:15,861 --> 00:20:17,244
He's no different from any man.
485
00:20:17,245 --> 00:20:19,613
You tell 'em not to do
something, that's all
486
00:20:19,614 --> 00:20:20,581
they want to do.
487
00:20:20,582 --> 00:20:22,082
If I hadn't told my brother Stumpy
488
00:20:22,083 --> 00:20:24,068
not to clear out the
wood chipper by hand,
489
00:20:24,069 --> 00:20:25,619
we'd still be calling him Edward.
490
00:20:27,255 --> 00:20:28,405
Now, don't you move.
491
00:20:28,406 --> 00:20:30,007
I'll bring over all the food.
492
00:20:30,008 --> 00:20:32,109
No, no, no, I can do it.
493
00:20:33,245 --> 00:20:36,113
Well, isn't that sweet?
494
00:20:36,784 --> 00:20:40,684
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
495
00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:42,875
Thank you, Amy.
496
00:20:42,876 --> 00:20:44,376
Here's your cat.
497
00:20:45,462 --> 00:20:47,179
And here's your $20.
498
00:20:48,098 --> 00:20:49,799
AMY: Next!
499
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,750
Thank you, Amy.
500
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:52,935
Here's your cat.
501
00:20:53,804 --> 00:20:55,771
And here's your $20.
502
00:20:56,481 --> 00:21:00,381
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --