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Previously on
The Big Bang Theory:
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00:00:02,100 --> 00:00:04,551
Guess who I found at LAX.
My baby sister Priya.
3
00:00:04,552 --> 00:00:06,703
It's really nice
to see you again, Leonard.
4
00:00:06,704 --> 00:00:08,572
Yeah, it's good
to see you, too.
5
00:00:08,573 --> 00:00:09,640
Here you go.
6
00:00:09,641 --> 00:00:10,808
Thanks.
7
00:00:14,442 --> 00:00:15,859
You slept with
my sister?!
8
00:00:15,860 --> 00:00:17,110
Yeah.
9
00:00:17,111 --> 00:00:19,246
This is a terrible
betrayal of my trust!
10
00:00:19,247 --> 00:00:21,114
Would it help
if I told you
11
00:00:21,115 --> 00:00:22,783
that I offered
her my heart,
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and she kinda
stomped on it?!
13
00:00:24,619 --> 00:00:25,902
How hard did she stomp?
14
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Very hard.
15
00:00:27,121 --> 00:00:29,489
Okay, I'm good.
16
00:00:34,996 --> 00:00:36,697
What's so funny?
17
00:00:36,698 --> 00:00:38,932
Nothing. Just thinking
18
00:00:38,933 --> 00:00:42,369
about the noises people
make during sex.
19
00:00:42,370 --> 00:00:45,405
I do sometimes get a bit
carried away, don't I?
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00:00:46,941 --> 00:00:48,392
It's cute.
21
00:00:48,393 --> 00:00:52,145
You sound a little
like a drunken monkey.
22
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Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!
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00:00:57,018 --> 00:00:59,920
You know it's meant
as a compliment.
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00:00:59,921 --> 00:01:01,521
That's how I take it.
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00:01:01,522 --> 00:01:04,024
This is perfect.
26
00:01:04,025 --> 00:01:06,960
I hope this moment
never ends.
27
00:01:06,961 --> 00:01:08,528
Me, too.
28
00:01:11,032 --> 00:01:13,100
Well, gotta go.
Oh!
29
00:01:16,070 --> 00:01:18,121
Already?
Why don't you stay over?
30
00:01:18,122 --> 00:01:20,540
I'd love to, but you know
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00:01:20,541 --> 00:01:23,627
my mother needs me in
the morning.
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00:01:25,913 --> 00:01:29,683
I think the woman can manage
to put a wig on by herself.
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It's not just the wig.
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00:01:32,453 --> 00:01:34,621
It's pinning her hair up,
drawing on her eyebrows.
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00:01:34,622 --> 00:01:36,189
It's a two-person job.
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00:01:38,092 --> 00:01:41,028
It's just, when you leave right
after we make love,
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00:01:41,029 --> 00:01:42,629
it makes me feel...
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00:01:42,630 --> 00:01:43,897
cheap.
39
00:01:43,898 --> 00:01:45,932
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
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00:01:45,933 --> 00:01:47,567
What can I do?
41
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Stay.
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Okay.
43
00:01:56,577 --> 00:01:58,879
Like, what, another five,
ten minutes?
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00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,415
Go home.
45
00:02:01,416 --> 00:02:02,666
Your call.
46
00:02:06,087 --> 00:02:07,387
Howard...
47
00:02:07,388 --> 00:02:11,558
have you ever considered us
living together?
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Boy, I don't know.
49
00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:16,863
You, me, Ma living
under the same roof?
50
00:02:16,864 --> 00:02:20,634
No, I mean just you and me.
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You can move in here,
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00:02:21,903 --> 00:02:23,837
or we can find a place.
53
00:02:23,838 --> 00:02:25,639
I've got a better solution.
What?
54
00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:27,707
We wait for my mom's heart
to explode
55
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from all the salt she eats.
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Then we just stick her in
the ground, flip her mattress
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and move into the big bedroom.
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Great.
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00:02:35,783 --> 00:02:39,786
Look at us planning
a future together!
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Who's there?!
61
00:02:46,661 --> 00:02:48,495
Are you a
sex criminal?!
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00:02:50,465 --> 00:02:54,000
Sex criminals
don't have keys, Ma!
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Where were you
so late?!
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00:02:56,904 --> 00:02:58,305
I was out with Bernadette!
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I know what
that means!
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00:02:59,740 --> 00:03:03,276
I watch Dr. Phil!
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00:03:03,277 --> 00:03:06,847
I hope to God
you used a condom!
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00:03:06,848 --> 00:03:09,616
I'm not having this conversation
with you, Ma!
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00:03:09,617 --> 00:03:14,654
God forbid you get one of
those new fancy sex diseases!
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00:03:14,655 --> 00:03:17,124
Nobody has a disease!
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00:03:17,125 --> 00:03:18,592
I hope not!
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00:03:18,593 --> 00:03:21,828
I share a toilet
with you!
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Is that what
you want?!
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00:03:25,333 --> 00:03:27,801
To give your
mother herbies?!
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00:03:27,802 --> 00:03:30,303
That's it!
I don't have to take this!
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00:03:30,304 --> 00:03:34,874
Good luck with your eyebrows in
the morning!
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00:03:40,481 --> 00:03:41,748
Who's there?!
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00:03:41,749 --> 00:03:43,884
Are you a
sex criminal?!
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00:03:43,885 --> 00:03:46,720
I'm still leaving!
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00:03:46,721 --> 00:03:48,605
I just forgot my Claritin!
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♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
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00:03:53,244 --> 00:03:56,863
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
83
00:03:56,864 --> 00:03:58,731
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
84
00:03:58,732 --> 00:04:01,434
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
85
00:04:01,435 --> 00:04:03,637
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
86
00:04:03,638 --> 00:04:06,439
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
87
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,441
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
88
00:04:08,442 --> 00:04:09,506
♪ Bang! ♪
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00:04:09,606 --> 00:04:13,606
♪ The Big Bang Theory 4x16 ♪
The Cohabitation Formulation
Original Air Date on February 17, 2011
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00:04:13,706 --> 00:04:16,806
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
91
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Hey, what's up?
92
00:04:18,018 --> 00:04:19,719
I need a place to crash.
93
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:20,486
Uh, sure.
94
00:04:20,487 --> 00:04:22,555
Why?
95
00:04:22,556 --> 00:04:24,423
Big fight with my mother.
96
00:04:24,424 --> 00:04:28,661
Still arguing over
which CSI is the best?
97
00:04:28,662 --> 00:04:32,698
No, we agreed they all have
their merits.
98
00:04:32,699 --> 00:04:34,767
This was about Bernadette.
99
00:04:34,768 --> 00:04:36,869
What's going on?
100
00:04:36,870 --> 00:04:37,970
Howard's gonna sleep here
tonight.
101
00:04:37,971 --> 00:04:39,355
He had a fight with his mother.
102
00:04:39,356 --> 00:04:42,575
Did you offer him
a hot beverage?
103
00:04:49,016 --> 00:04:51,417
No.
104
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:56,021
Leonard, social protocol states
when a friend is upset,
105
00:04:56,022 --> 00:04:58,257
you offer them a hot beverage,
such as tea.
106
00:04:58,258 --> 00:05:00,960
Tea does sound nice.
107
00:05:00,961 --> 00:05:03,212
You heard the man, Leonard.
108
00:05:05,799 --> 00:05:08,234
And while you're at it,
I'm upset
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00:05:08,235 --> 00:05:11,637
that we have an unannounced
houseguest, so make me cocoa.
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00:05:14,207 --> 00:05:16,342
Point of inquiry,
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00:05:16,343 --> 00:05:18,978
given that Leonard is
your secondary friend
112
00:05:18,979 --> 00:05:21,380
and Koothrappali is
your primary friend,
113
00:05:21,381 --> 00:05:23,649
why didn't you seek refuge
under his roof?
114
00:05:23,650 --> 00:05:24,884
There's no room.
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00:05:24,885 --> 00:05:26,285
His sister is staying with him.
116
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Wait, wait. What?
117
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Cocoa, Leonard.
Focus.
118
00:05:29,706 --> 00:05:32,425
I'm down in
the dumps here.
119
00:05:32,426 --> 00:05:35,244
Priya's in town?
120
00:05:35,245 --> 00:05:36,946
Yeah, some work thing.
121
00:05:36,947 --> 00:05:40,032
Anyway, my mother seems
to think that Bernadette...
122
00:05:40,033 --> 00:05:42,134
Hold on.
When did Priya get here?
123
00:05:42,135 --> 00:05:44,170
I don't know.
A couple of days ago.
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00:05:44,171 --> 00:05:47,123
The thing is, Bernadette doesn't
like that I have to take care
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00:05:47,124 --> 00:05:49,809
of my mother, and my mother
doesn't trust Bernadette...
126
00:05:49,810 --> 00:05:50,960
Yeah, that's a real pickle.
127
00:05:50,961 --> 00:05:52,178
Bye.
128
00:05:55,882 --> 00:05:57,216
Don't worry.
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00:05:57,217 --> 00:05:59,101
As your tertiary friend,
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00:05:59,102 --> 00:06:02,154
I am prepared to step in
and comfort you.
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00:06:02,155 --> 00:06:04,407
That's not really necessary.
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00:06:04,408 --> 00:06:05,975
No, no. I'll finish
making the tea,
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00:06:05,976 --> 00:06:07,977
while you narcissistically
ramble on
134
00:06:07,978 --> 00:06:10,029
about whatever's troubling you.
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Thanks.
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00:06:11,932 --> 00:06:15,001
That's what
tertiary friends are for.
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00:06:18,538 --> 00:06:19,739
Who is it?
138
00:06:19,740 --> 00:06:20,940
It's Leonard.
139
00:06:20,941 --> 00:06:23,442
You can't come in.
140
00:06:23,443 --> 00:06:25,678
I just want to talk to her.
141
00:06:25,679 --> 00:06:27,113
I forbid it.
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00:06:27,114 --> 00:06:28,464
Open the door,
Rajesh.
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You heard me.
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00:06:29,633 --> 00:06:31,817
I forbidded it.
145
00:06:31,818 --> 00:06:33,619
"Forbidded" it?
146
00:06:33,620 --> 00:06:35,554
"Forbaded" it?
147
00:06:35,555 --> 00:06:38,224
Get out of the way.
148
00:06:38,225 --> 00:06:40,226
What are you doing here?
149
00:06:40,227 --> 00:06:41,660
What are you doing here?
150
00:06:41,661 --> 00:06:43,029
I have business in Los Angeles.
151
00:06:43,030 --> 00:06:44,530
Why didn't you call?
152
00:06:44,531 --> 00:06:46,098
Clearly, she was
sending you a message
153
00:06:46,099 --> 00:06:48,367
to take a hike, Mike.
154
00:06:49,603 --> 00:06:51,170
I'm sorry.
I thought about calling,
155
00:06:51,171 --> 00:06:54,173
♪but I just wasn't sure if
seeing you was such a good idea.
156
00:06:54,174 --> 00:06:56,609
I know. Last time
I came on too strong.
157
00:06:56,610 --> 00:06:57,910
Can we talk in private?
158
00:06:57,911 --> 00:06:59,979
No!
Sure.
159
00:07:01,198 --> 00:07:02,948
It's completely inappropriate
for a single woman
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00:07:02,949 --> 00:07:04,250
to entertain a man in private.
161
00:07:04,251 --> 00:07:07,152
If you insist on talking,
you must do it on the couch!
162
00:07:08,221 --> 00:07:10,523
All right, you may talk in
the bedroom,
163
00:07:10,524 --> 00:07:12,892
but I want this door
to remain open!
164
00:07:12,893 --> 00:07:15,878
All right, just this once
you may close the door.
165
00:07:15,879 --> 00:07:18,330
But keep in mind
I'll be right out here
166
00:07:18,331 --> 00:07:19,932
monitoring the situation!
167
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Oh, damn it.
168
00:07:35,148 --> 00:07:38,417
Leonard, when you get this
message, call me.
169
00:07:44,691 --> 00:07:47,660
Priya, this is your brother.
170
00:07:47,661 --> 00:07:50,596
When you get this, tell Leonard
to check his voicemail.
171
00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:56,168
Would you be sleeping over
again this evening?
172
00:07:56,169 --> 00:07:57,636
Because you're welcome to.
173
00:07:57,637 --> 00:07:59,805
That's very nice of you,
but I made other plans.
174
00:07:59,806 --> 00:08:02,942
Well, just keep in mind that
should you ever need
175
00:08:02,943 --> 00:08:08,147
a slightly apathetic tertiary
friend, I stand at the ready.
176
00:08:08,148 --> 00:08:10,048
Hi, Howard.
Hi, Sheldon.
177
00:08:10,049 --> 00:08:11,049
Hello.
Hey.
178
00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:12,768
Why are you
holding hands?
179
00:08:12,769 --> 00:08:14,753
I forbid you to hold hands.
180
00:08:14,754 --> 00:08:18,240
Rajesh, you know Leonard and I
spent the night together.
181
00:08:18,241 --> 00:08:19,925
Yeah, but you were just
sleeping,
182
00:08:19,926 --> 00:08:22,461
because I forboded you
to have sex.
183
00:08:23,497 --> 00:08:25,164
The word is "forbade""
184
00:08:25,165 --> 00:08:28,434
You sure?
That doesn't sound right.
185
00:08:28,435 --> 00:08:30,636
Listen, Rajesh, Leonard and I
have decided
186
00:08:30,637 --> 00:08:32,071
to see each other again,
187
00:08:32,072 --> 00:08:33,839
and you don't get
to tell me
188
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,675
who I can and can't have
a relationship with.
189
00:08:36,676 --> 00:08:38,110
Actually, he can.
190
00:08:38,111 --> 00:08:42,581
The Hindu Code of Manu is
very clear in these matters.
191
00:08:42,582 --> 00:08:44,216
If a woman's father is
not around,
192
00:08:44,217 --> 00:08:47,686
the duty of controlling her base
desires falls
193
00:08:47,687 --> 00:08:52,525
to the closest male member of
her family, in this case, Raj.
194
00:08:52,526 --> 00:08:53,759
The code also states
195
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:56,128
that if she disobeys,
she will be reborn
196
00:08:56,129 --> 00:09:00,933
"in the womb of a jackal
and tormented by diseases."
197
00:09:01,801 --> 00:09:03,369
If true,
198
00:09:03,370 --> 00:09:05,804
that seems
like an awfully large gamble
199
00:09:05,805 --> 00:09:08,007
given that the prize is Leonard.
200
00:09:12,612 --> 00:09:13,946
There it is, Priya.
We're Indian.
201
00:09:13,947 --> 00:09:15,981
We believe this stuff.
202
00:09:15,982 --> 00:09:19,218
I think it also says that
if you eat beef,
203
00:09:19,219 --> 00:09:21,387
you need to live with cows
for three months
204
00:09:21,388 --> 00:09:22,555
and drink their urine.
205
00:09:22,556 --> 00:09:25,925
Some of it makes sense,
some of it's crazy.
206
00:09:25,926 --> 00:09:28,861
My point is, you can't go out
with Leonard.
207
00:09:28,862 --> 00:09:30,296
Who can't go out with Leonard?
208
00:09:30,297 --> 00:09:31,530
My sister.
209
00:09:31,531 --> 00:09:34,099
Penny, this is
Raj's sister, Priya.
210
00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:35,467
It's very nice to meet you.
211
00:09:35,468 --> 00:09:37,803
Oh, yeah, you, too.
212
00:09:37,804 --> 00:09:41,073
Priya, if you're experiencing
any tension or awkwardness,
213
00:09:41,074 --> 00:09:44,159
it may stem from the fact that
Leonard and Penny used to--
214
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:47,813
if I may quote Howard--
"do the dance with no pants."
215
00:09:52,586 --> 00:09:53,919
Sheldon!
216
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:55,154
Really?
217
00:09:55,155 --> 00:09:57,873
Hey, Bernadette, can I
talk to you for a second?
218
00:09:57,874 --> 00:09:59,992
Sure.
219
00:09:59,993 --> 00:10:02,261
Penny, you became disenchanted
with Leonard
220
00:10:02,262 --> 00:10:03,329
as a lover.
221
00:10:03,330 --> 00:10:05,631
Would you please tell
my sister why?
222
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:08,684
Listen, my mom's
going to Palm Springs
223
00:10:08,685 --> 00:10:10,002
to visit her sister.
224
00:10:10,003 --> 00:10:11,437
That's two whole nights
in a row I can sleep over
225
00:10:11,438 --> 00:10:13,405
with you
all the way to morning.
226
00:10:13,406 --> 00:10:14,773
Unless the desert air
dries out her sinuses,
227
00:10:14,774 --> 00:10:16,058
in which case I'll have
to schlep out there
228
00:10:16,059 --> 00:10:17,977
with the big humidifier.
229
00:10:17,978 --> 00:10:20,179
That's it?
230
00:10:20,180 --> 00:10:22,014
That's your big solution
to all of our problems?
231
00:10:22,015 --> 00:10:25,384
If your mom's nose holds up,
we get two nights together?
232
00:10:25,385 --> 00:10:27,620
Isn't that great?
233
00:10:27,621 --> 00:10:29,872
No, it's not great.
234
00:10:29,873 --> 00:10:31,123
You need to make a choice.
235
00:10:31,124 --> 00:10:32,358
Me or your mother.
236
00:10:32,359 --> 00:10:34,226
Uh...
237
00:10:34,227 --> 00:10:35,360
Wrong answer.
238
00:10:35,361 --> 00:10:36,712
No, wait.
239
00:10:36,713 --> 00:10:38,080
You didn't let me finish.
240
00:10:38,081 --> 00:10:39,665
I'm listening.
241
00:10:39,666 --> 00:10:41,333
Uh...
242
00:10:50,037 --> 00:10:54,106
I came as quickly as I could.
243
00:10:54,351 --> 00:10:56,020
Okay.
244
00:10:56,044 --> 00:10:58,045
Why?
245
00:10:58,429 --> 00:10:59,735
To comfort you, of course.
246
00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:02,569
Sheldon told me about Leonard
dating Rajesh's sister.
247
00:11:02,592 --> 00:11:04,059
So I high-tailed it over here
248
00:11:04,060 --> 00:11:06,562
to pick up the pieces
of your broken heart.
249
00:11:06,563 --> 00:11:08,664
Amy, I'm fine.
250
00:11:08,665 --> 00:11:11,800
You don't have to
be strong for me.
251
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:14,320
Now let's talk about Priya,
that man-stealing bitch.
252
00:11:16,139 --> 00:11:17,906
What?
253
00:11:17,907 --> 00:11:19,575
In situations like this,
254
00:11:19,576 --> 00:11:22,111
best girlfriends are often
catty about the other woman.
255
00:11:25,582 --> 00:11:28,534
Really, I am not upset
about Leonard and Priya.
256
00:11:28,535 --> 00:11:33,122
Oh. Then perhaps you don't
understand what's going on.
257
00:11:33,123 --> 00:11:34,990
Your former boyfriend
has replaced you
258
00:11:34,991 --> 00:11:36,859
with what appears to be
a very suitable mate.
259
00:11:36,860 --> 00:11:39,361
Arguably much
more suitable than you.
260
00:11:41,297 --> 00:11:43,732
Oh. Well, good for him.
261
00:11:43,733 --> 00:11:45,567
Hey, what do you mean,
"more suitable"?
262
00:11:45,568 --> 00:11:49,004
Well, granted, Penny, your
secondary sexual characteristics
263
00:11:49,005 --> 00:11:51,707
are reasonably bodacious.
264
00:11:51,708 --> 00:11:53,242
But Priya is highly educated,
265
00:11:53,243 --> 00:11:54,777
she's an accomplished
professional,
266
00:11:54,778 --> 00:11:57,112
and she comes from the culture
that literally wrote the book
267
00:11:57,113 --> 00:11:59,214
on neat ways to have sex.
268
00:12:00,750 --> 00:12:03,585
Whereas you, on the other hand,
are a community college dropout
269
00:12:03,586 --> 00:12:06,388
who comes from the culture that
wrote the book on tipping cows.
270
00:12:06,389 --> 00:12:08,724
Yeah. Okay, I got it.
271
00:12:08,725 --> 00:12:10,025
I got it.
272
00:12:10,026 --> 00:12:12,828
So... what is
all that stuff?
273
00:12:12,829 --> 00:12:15,030
This is a portable
electroencephalogram.
274
00:12:15,031 --> 00:12:17,583
I'm doing research
on emotions and brain activity.
275
00:12:17,584 --> 00:12:18,934
So when you start crying,
276
00:12:18,935 --> 00:12:21,270
I can see which region
of the brain is activated.
277
00:12:22,238 --> 00:12:24,373
Then I'm going to stimulate
the analogous area
278
00:12:24,374 --> 00:12:27,209
in the brain of a rhesus monkey
and see if he cries.
279
00:12:28,311 --> 00:12:30,446
Cool, huh?
280
00:12:45,128 --> 00:12:47,262
I choose you.
281
00:12:47,263 --> 00:12:48,931
Really?
282
00:12:48,932 --> 00:12:50,799
Yep. I moved out
of my mother's house.
283
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:51,867
Cord is cut.
284
00:12:51,868 --> 00:12:54,069
I'm all yours.
285
00:12:54,871 --> 00:12:56,422
What did she say
when you told her?
286
00:12:56,423 --> 00:12:59,374
I don't know. She hasn't
responded to my email yet.
287
00:12:59,375 --> 00:13:02,111
This is so great.
288
00:13:02,112 --> 00:13:04,179
I love you, Howard.
289
00:13:04,180 --> 00:13:05,464
I love you, too.
290
00:13:05,465 --> 00:13:06,882
So what's for dinner?
291
00:13:08,584 --> 00:13:10,719
Well, I don't really have much
of anything in the house.
292
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,621
That's fine.
293
00:13:12,622 --> 00:13:14,857
Why don't we go fool
around in our bedroom?
294
00:13:16,526 --> 00:13:18,026
And then you
can go shopping.
295
00:13:20,830 --> 00:13:23,816
I thought maybe after we eat,
we could see an early movie.
296
00:13:23,817 --> 00:13:25,100
I'd love that.
297
00:13:25,101 --> 00:13:26,735
I love the way you say,
298
00:13:26,736 --> 00:13:29,338
"I'd love that."
299
00:13:29,339 --> 00:13:31,507
She says it the same way I do.
300
00:13:33,076 --> 00:13:35,010
"I'd love that."
301
00:13:35,011 --> 00:13:37,012
Everybody in India
says it that way.
302
00:13:37,013 --> 00:13:38,514
It's not a big deal.
303
00:13:39,299 --> 00:13:41,633
Rajesh, don't be a child.
304
00:13:41,634 --> 00:13:42,718
I'm not being a child.
305
00:13:42,719 --> 00:13:44,086
Leonard, I swear to God,
306
00:13:44,087 --> 00:13:45,304
if your sister
ever comes to town,
307
00:13:45,305 --> 00:13:47,022
I shall have my way with her.
308
00:13:48,091 --> 00:13:51,193
My sister's 38 and married.
309
00:13:51,194 --> 00:13:52,845
All the more shame
that will fall
310
00:13:52,846 --> 00:13:54,863
upon the house of Hofstadter.
311
00:13:57,167 --> 00:14:00,018
Ooh, I thought I smelled pizza.
312
00:14:00,019 --> 00:14:01,170
That's remarkable.
313
00:14:01,171 --> 00:14:03,438
If pepperoni
were an explosive substance,
314
00:14:03,439 --> 00:14:05,073
you could replace
German shepherds
315
00:14:05,074 --> 00:14:06,975
at our nation's airports.
316
00:14:07,861 --> 00:14:09,378
Hi. Penny, right?
317
00:14:09,379 --> 00:14:11,280
Oh, yes. H-Hi. I'm sorry.
318
00:14:11,281 --> 00:14:13,415
I didn't know you had company.
I don't want to impose.
319
00:14:13,416 --> 00:14:15,334
No, no. It's not
an imposition.
320
00:14:15,335 --> 00:14:18,687
At this point, in our ecosystem,
you are akin to the plover,
321
00:14:18,688 --> 00:14:21,690
a small scavenging bird
that eats extra food
322
00:14:21,691 --> 00:14:23,659
from between
the teeth of crocodiles.
323
00:14:25,428 --> 00:14:28,664
Please, fly into our open maw,
and have at it.
324
00:14:30,867 --> 00:14:33,368
If I had more than a box of
baking soda in my refrigerator,
325
00:14:33,369 --> 00:14:34,736
I wouldn't have to take that.
326
00:14:37,140 --> 00:14:40,342
Hi, bestie.
327
00:14:40,343 --> 00:14:41,743
Hi.
328
00:14:43,580 --> 00:14:46,014
So, um, Priya,
329
00:14:46,015 --> 00:14:47,316
you're a lawyer, right?
330
00:14:47,317 --> 00:14:49,017
I know. Pretty boring, huh?
331
00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:52,254
Oh, come on.
It's not boring at all.
332
00:14:52,255 --> 00:14:55,657
She's currently helping set up
a secondary derivative market
333
00:14:55,658 --> 00:14:58,160
which would allow
overseas car firms
334
00:14:58,161 --> 00:14:59,628
to hedge their investments
335
00:14:59,629 --> 00:15:02,297
against potential advancements
in battery technology.
336
00:15:02,298 --> 00:15:03,582
Hmm?
337
00:15:03,583 --> 00:15:05,133
Thank you, Leonard.
338
00:15:05,134 --> 00:15:07,502
That doesn't make it
sound boring at all.
339
00:15:09,072 --> 00:15:11,607
So, how you holding up?
340
00:15:11,608 --> 00:15:14,943
I'm fine.
341
00:15:14,944 --> 00:15:16,711
Oh, who are you kidding?
She's breathtaking.
342
00:15:18,982 --> 00:15:20,882
So, Penny,
343
00:15:20,883 --> 00:15:22,718
Leonard tells me
you're an actress.
344
00:15:22,719 --> 00:15:24,820
That must be
pretty exciting.
345
00:15:24,821 --> 00:15:26,188
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's real great.
346
00:15:26,189 --> 00:15:27,823
Today I drove to Van Nuys
for an audition
347
00:15:27,824 --> 00:15:29,691
I thought was going to be
for a cat food commercial.
348
00:15:29,692 --> 00:15:31,660
Turned out to be porn.
349
00:15:33,463 --> 00:15:35,530
Did you get the part?
350
00:15:37,867 --> 00:15:39,268
I didn't do the audition.
351
00:15:39,269 --> 00:15:40,836
Given the state of your career,
352
00:15:40,837 --> 00:15:43,005
can you really afford
to be picky?
353
00:15:45,441 --> 00:15:47,843
I took acting classes
when I was at Cambridge.
354
00:15:47,844 --> 00:15:49,011
I loved it.
355
00:15:49,012 --> 00:15:50,579
We did Taming
of the Shrew.
356
00:15:50,580 --> 00:15:52,881
Oh, wow. I love
Taming of the Shrew.
357
00:15:52,882 --> 00:15:54,616
I did a paper
on it in high school.
358
00:15:54,617 --> 00:15:58,086
"Who knows not where
a wasp does wear his sting?
359
00:15:58,087 --> 00:15:59,121
In his tail."
360
00:15:59,122 --> 00:16:01,156
"In his tongue""
"Whose tongue?"
361
00:16:01,157 --> 00:16:03,025
"Yours, if you
talk of tails,
362
00:16:03,026 --> 00:16:04,309
and so farewell."
363
00:16:04,310 --> 00:16:06,311
"What, with my tongue
in your tail?"
364
00:16:13,703 --> 00:16:15,404
I'm regretting
my earlier cattiness.
365
00:16:15,405 --> 00:16:18,173
She is an
absolute delight.
366
00:16:22,278 --> 00:16:24,463
Wow.
367
00:16:29,686 --> 00:16:31,887
Wow, indeed.
368
00:16:33,022 --> 00:16:35,223
I can't believe we're
finally living together.
369
00:16:35,224 --> 00:16:36,825
Yeah.
370
00:16:36,826 --> 00:16:38,660
You know what would make
this moment perfect?
371
00:16:38,661 --> 00:16:39,828
What?
372
00:16:39,829 --> 00:16:43,031
A little snack.
You got any string cheese?
373
00:16:43,032 --> 00:16:44,766
No.
374
00:16:44,767 --> 00:16:46,468
I-I might have some cheddar.
375
00:16:46,469 --> 00:16:48,337
Not as good.
376
00:16:48,338 --> 00:16:51,073
You can't make strings with it.
377
00:16:51,074 --> 00:16:53,208
Remind me to put it
on your shopping list.
378
00:16:53,209 --> 00:16:55,510
Okay.
379
00:16:55,511 --> 00:16:57,245
You have
hypo-allergenic detergent?
380
00:16:57,246 --> 00:16:58,413
No.
381
00:16:58,414 --> 00:16:59,831
Better put it on the list.
382
00:16:59,832 --> 00:17:01,783
If you wash my underwear
with regular soap,
383
00:17:01,784 --> 00:17:04,319
I get little red bumps
on my tuchus.
384
00:17:07,507 --> 00:17:09,257
Wait a second.
385
00:17:09,258 --> 00:17:10,692
I'm doing your laundry?
386
00:17:10,693 --> 00:17:14,363
Well, honey,
it's not gonna do itself.
387
00:17:14,364 --> 00:17:15,997
Oh, before I forget,
388
00:17:15,998 --> 00:17:17,883
tomorrow morning, you're
driving me to the dentist.
389
00:17:17,884 --> 00:17:19,834
I have to take you?
390
00:17:19,835 --> 00:17:23,138
You don't have to take me.
You get to take me.
391
00:17:24,474 --> 00:17:26,191
Wait a minute.
Are you telling me
392
00:17:26,192 --> 00:17:28,610
your mother usually takes you
to the dentist?
393
00:17:28,611 --> 00:17:30,178
It's not weird.
394
00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:32,914
There's lots of kids there
with their moms.
395
00:17:32,915 --> 00:17:36,118
I can't believe this.
396
00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:37,786
What? It's fun.
397
00:17:37,787 --> 00:17:39,054
If I have no cavities,
398
00:17:39,055 --> 00:17:41,323
afterwards,
we go out for a treat.
399
00:17:42,725 --> 00:17:45,527
All right, Howard, let's get
something straight right now.
400
00:17:45,528 --> 00:17:47,462
I'm not going
to be your mother.
401
00:17:47,463 --> 00:17:48,797
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
402
00:17:48,798 --> 00:17:50,866
Where did that come from?
403
00:17:59,108 --> 00:18:00,208
Who's that?!
404
00:18:00,209 --> 00:18:03,678
Is it a
sex criminal?!
405
00:18:03,679 --> 00:18:07,349
Nobody wants to do
that to you, Ma!
406
00:18:07,350 --> 00:18:09,584
Where were you?!
407
00:18:09,585 --> 00:18:11,019
Didn't you read my email?!
408
00:18:11,020 --> 00:18:14,289
You know I can't turn on
that ferkakta computer!
409
00:18:15,658 --> 00:18:18,527
I left you some brisket
on the kitchen counter!
410
00:18:18,528 --> 00:18:20,195
Thank you!
411
00:18:20,196 --> 00:18:21,563
Remember
to floss after.
412
00:18:21,564 --> 00:18:25,117
We have the dentist
in the morning!
413
00:18:28,638 --> 00:18:30,005
Oh, hey.
What's up?
414
00:18:30,006 --> 00:18:31,373
I just wanted to
check in on you.
415
00:18:31,374 --> 00:18:32,441
Why?
416
00:18:32,442 --> 00:18:34,142
It seems like the
appropriate thing to do
417
00:18:34,143 --> 00:18:36,078
when one's best friend
finds herself replaced
418
00:18:36,079 --> 00:18:37,679
by a smart, beautiful woman
419
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:41,416
with the smoldering sexuality
of a crouched Bengal tiger.
420
00:18:41,417 --> 00:18:45,053
I already told you,
I'm okay with it.
421
00:18:45,054 --> 00:18:48,223
I mean, if anything,
I'm quite pleased
422
00:18:48,224 --> 00:18:49,608
that Leonard
has found someone
423
00:18:49,609 --> 00:18:52,611
that makes him so happy.
424
00:18:52,612 --> 00:18:55,197
It's okay, it's okay.
425
00:18:55,198 --> 00:18:56,331
Thank you.
426
00:18:56,332 --> 00:18:57,966
Now, let's get these
electrodes attached
427
00:18:57,967 --> 00:19:00,652
and see what's going on in that
pretty little noggin of yours.
428
00:19:00,653 --> 00:19:02,871
Okay.
429
00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:13,727
I smell Chinese food.
430
00:19:13,728 --> 00:19:16,196
It's actually Thai.
431
00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:18,298
You're slipping.
432
00:19:18,299 --> 00:19:20,434
Are Leonard and Priya here?
433
00:19:20,435 --> 00:19:22,603
They went to Catalina
for the weekend.
434
00:19:22,604 --> 00:19:23,937
Oh. Where's Raj?
435
00:19:23,938 --> 00:19:26,840
At home, forbidding it.
436
00:19:26,841 --> 00:19:28,242
How about Howard?
437
00:19:28,243 --> 00:19:29,443
I'm given to understand
438
00:19:29,444 --> 00:19:32,646
his mother grounded him
for running away.
439
00:19:32,647 --> 00:19:35,783
Oh, okay.
440
00:19:35,784 --> 00:19:39,620
Well, I guess it's just
the two of us, huh?
441
00:19:39,621 --> 00:19:41,889
Actually, it's
the three of us.
442
00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:44,191
AMY
What up, bestie?
443
00:19:46,094 --> 00:19:47,428
Good news.
444
00:19:47,429 --> 00:19:49,897
Thanks to you, I was able
to make a rhesus monkey cry
445
00:19:49,898 --> 00:19:52,066
like a disgraced televangelist.
446
00:19:53,168 --> 00:19:54,902
Great.
447
00:19:54,903 --> 00:19:56,170
So, you feeling better?
448
00:19:56,171 --> 00:19:57,271
Not really.
449
00:19:57,272 --> 00:19:59,907
Sheldon, you have
a guest who's upset.
450
00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:01,909
Right. I'll make tea.
451
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:04,461
- Sweetie, it's okay. I don't want tea.
- I'm sorry. It's not optional.
452
00:20:04,462 --> 00:20:08,047
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==