1
00:00:01,931 --> 00:00:03,198
Hey, you guys ready to order?
2
00:00:03,234 --> 00:00:05,002
Uh, sure.
Okay, Priya?
3
00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:06,100
Uh, I'll have
the shepherd's pie.
4
00:00:06,101 --> 00:00:07,335
You want to split
that with me?
5
00:00:07,336 --> 00:00:09,136
Oh, no, no, no,
he doesn't.
6
00:00:09,137 --> 00:00:10,171
Why not?
7
00:00:10,172 --> 00:00:12,340
Well, you have milk in
the taters,
8
00:00:12,341 --> 00:00:14,175
milk in the gravy,
parmesan crust.
9
00:00:14,176 --> 00:00:15,910
Your lactose-intolerant
boyfriend will turn
10
00:00:15,911 --> 00:00:18,313
into a gas-filled
Macy's Day balloon.
11
00:00:20,316 --> 00:00:23,450
Not quite accurate. The Macy's
balloons are filled with helium,
12
00:00:23,451 --> 00:00:26,353
whereas Leonard produces copious
amounts of methane.
13
00:00:31,927 --> 00:00:34,361
So, no, on the shepherd's pie.
Can we move on?
14
00:00:34,362 --> 00:00:36,363
Yeah, a little tip:
he says he can eat frozen yogurt.
15
00:00:36,364 --> 00:00:38,732
Do not believe it.
16
00:00:38,733 --> 00:00:41,535
Sea bass!
I'll have the sea bass!
17
00:00:41,536 --> 00:00:42,970
You gotta like this,
18
00:00:42,971 --> 00:00:45,139
the girlfriend and the
ex-girlfriend bonding
19
00:00:45,140 --> 00:00:47,308
over your rooty-tooty
stinky booty.
20
00:00:48,643 --> 00:00:50,177
Kill me.
21
00:00:50,178 --> 00:00:52,813
It wouldn't help.
The human body is capable
22
00:00:52,814 --> 00:00:55,982
of being flatulent for hours
after death.
23
00:01:00,687 --> 00:01:03,089
Guys, sorry I'm late.
I have amazing news.
24
00:01:03,090 --> 00:01:05,091
Bernadette, before you
change the subject,
25
00:01:05,092 --> 00:01:07,093
does anyone have any
final comments on
26
00:01:07,094 --> 00:01:09,028
Leonard's faulty
digestive system?
27
00:01:09,029 --> 00:01:11,130
So, what's your news,
Bernadette?
28
00:01:11,131 --> 00:01:15,301
The thesis committee accepted
my doctoral dissertation.
29
00:01:15,302 --> 00:01:17,070
I'm getting my PhD!
30
00:01:17,071 --> 00:01:18,738
Wow!
Oh, congratulations.
31
00:01:20,307 --> 00:01:23,542
Wow, so that means you're a
doctor, you're a doctor,
32
00:01:23,543 --> 00:01:26,045
you're a doctor,
you're a doctor,
33
00:01:26,046 --> 00:01:29,515
and Howard,
you know a lot of doctors.
34
00:01:32,386 --> 00:01:34,186
Congratulations, honey.
35
00:01:34,187 --> 00:01:35,788
Thank you.
36
00:01:35,789 --> 00:01:37,890
So, Howard, tell us,
how's it feel knowing
37
00:01:37,891 --> 00:01:39,492
that when you two get married,
38
00:01:39,493 --> 00:01:41,727
you'll be referred to
as Mr. and Dr. Wolowitz?
39
00:01:42,962 --> 00:01:44,864
Unless he takes Bernadette's
last name.
40
00:01:44,865 --> 00:01:46,465
And considering
her advanced status,
41
00:01:46,466 --> 00:01:48,801
that could open
some doors for him.
42
00:01:48,802 --> 00:01:51,724
Please, this isn't about me.
I'm proud of you.
43
00:01:51,725 --> 00:01:53,817
Well, you'll be
really be proud of this.
44
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:56,690
I was headhunted by a big
pharmaceutical company.
45
00:01:56,826 --> 00:01:58,757
They're gonna pay me
a buttload of money!
46
00:01:59,281 --> 00:02:00,382
What?
47
00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,381
Bernadette, that's great.
48
00:02:02,382 --> 00:02:04,182
Howard, do you make a buttload?
49
00:02:04,183 --> 00:02:07,352
Better than what you've
got a buttload of.
50
00:02:10,689 --> 00:02:13,658
Hey, if I roll down the windows
in the car, everything's peachy.
51
00:02:13,659 --> 00:02:15,827
If you do it,
you're still not a doctor.
52
00:02:17,063 --> 00:02:19,031
Yeah, just a heads-up
on the car window deal.
53
00:02:19,032 --> 00:02:21,166
It helps, but everything is
not "peachy."
54
00:02:22,802 --> 00:02:26,171
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
55
00:02:26,172 --> 00:02:29,507
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
56
00:02:29,508 --> 00:02:31,209
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
57
00:02:31,210 --> 00:02:34,378
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
58
00:02:34,379 --> 00:02:37,348
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
59
00:02:37,349 --> 00:02:39,383
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
60
00:02:39,384 --> 00:02:41,452
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
61
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,120
♪ Bang! ♪
62
00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:46,121
♪ The Big Bang Theory 4x24 ♪
The Roommate Transmogrification
Original Air Date on May 19, 2011
63
00:02:46,122 --> 00:02:48,522
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
64
00:02:48,556 --> 00:02:51,291
♪ Oh, if there was a problem,
you can't solve it ♪
65
00:02:51,292 --> 00:02:53,527
♪ Check out the hook
while my DJ revolves it ♪
66
00:02:53,528 --> 00:02:55,895
♪ Ice, Ice, baby ♪
67
00:02:57,298 --> 00:02:58,798
♪ Ice, Ice, baby ♪
68
00:03:02,101 --> 00:03:04,370
Oh, God, I feel
ridiculous in this dress.
69
00:03:04,371 --> 00:03:08,307
You look beautiful,
Lieutenant Uhura.
70
00:03:08,308 --> 00:03:11,277
Now prepare for... inspection.
71
00:03:13,380 --> 00:03:15,514
Shh, my brother's
going to hear you.
72
00:03:15,515 --> 00:03:16,882
Relax, he's got
headphones on.
73
00:03:16,883 --> 00:03:20,519
And we're ten miles above
Earth in a starship.
74
00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:21,620
Really, ten miles?
75
00:03:21,621 --> 00:03:23,922
You're orbiting inside
the atmosphere?
76
00:03:23,923 --> 00:03:25,757
Moron.
77
00:03:25,758 --> 00:03:27,985
I can't believe
I'm wearing
78
00:03:28,010 --> 00:03:30,475
my brother's Halloween costume.
79
00:03:30,563 --> 00:03:33,731
I can't believe you think
he only wears it on Halloween.
80
00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:38,469
Open the landing bay doors,
shuttle craft approaching.
81
00:03:38,470 --> 00:03:40,137
Okay, gotta go.
82
00:03:46,412 --> 00:03:47,878
Hey, what's up?
83
00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:52,550
Is that my future
daughter-in-law, the doctor?!
84
00:03:54,453 --> 00:03:56,654
No, Ma! It's Raj!
85
00:03:56,655 --> 00:03:58,956
He's a doctor
too, right?!
86
00:03:58,957 --> 00:04:00,725
Yes!
87
00:04:00,726 --> 00:04:03,094
Like Leonard and
the skinny weirdo!
88
00:04:05,062 --> 00:04:07,130
Sheldon, yes!
89
00:04:07,131 --> 00:04:09,299
Everybody's a doctor but me!
90
00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:12,869
Well, whose fault
is that?!
91
00:04:13,971 --> 00:04:15,205
What's up?
92
00:04:15,206 --> 00:04:17,907
Leonard's putting disgusting
memories in
93
00:04:17,908 --> 00:04:20,477
my memory foam mattress.
94
00:04:20,478 --> 00:04:21,845
Can I stay here tonight?
95
00:04:21,846 --> 00:04:24,448
Sure, but I'm going out
with Bernadette.
96
00:04:24,449 --> 00:04:26,082
It'll just be you and my mother.
97
00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:27,651
I guess that's okay.
98
00:04:27,652 --> 00:04:31,288
Ma, can Rajesh sleep over?!
99
00:04:31,289 --> 00:04:34,057
Of course, he and I
can play doctor!
100
00:04:37,761 --> 00:04:39,928
She's kidding, right?
101
00:04:39,929 --> 00:04:42,498
I don't know, she's pretty
feisty since
102
00:04:42,499 --> 00:04:44,667
they put her on
hormone-replacement therapy.
103
00:04:45,969 --> 00:04:49,572
Paging Dr.
Cutie Pie!
104
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,876
I must say, Amy,
I was very impressed
105
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:56,879
to see that Bernadette got
her PhD.
106
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,581
It's indeed admirable.
107
00:04:58,582 --> 00:05:01,417
Although, it is...
microbiology.
108
00:05:01,418 --> 00:05:04,887
Your doctorate is in
neurobiology.
109
00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:07,221
I fail to see the distinction.
110
00:05:07,222 --> 00:05:08,490
I'll make it simple for you.
111
00:05:08,491 --> 00:05:10,425
I study the brain,
112
00:05:10,426 --> 00:05:12,560
the organ responsible for
Beethoven's Fifth Symphony.
113
00:05:12,561 --> 00:05:14,095
Bernadette studies yeast,
114
00:05:14,096 --> 00:05:16,598
the organism responsible
for Michelob Lite.
115
00:05:18,233 --> 00:05:20,134
Is there something wrong
with your neck?
116
00:05:20,135 --> 00:05:22,203
It's a little stiff.
117
00:05:22,204 --> 00:05:24,406
What a remarkably fragile
structure
118
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:27,709
to support
such a valuable payload.
119
00:05:27,710 --> 00:05:32,781
Not unlike balancing a Faberge
egg on a Pixie Stick.
120
00:05:32,782 --> 00:05:34,616
Have you considered massage?
121
00:05:34,617 --> 00:05:37,217
I'd like to respond
to that sarcastically:
122
00:05:37,218 --> 00:05:40,821
Yes, I relish the thought
of a stranger covering my body
123
00:05:40,822 --> 00:05:42,856
with oil and rubbing it.
124
00:05:42,857 --> 00:05:46,727
I was proposing you massage your
muscles with your own hands.
125
00:05:46,728 --> 00:05:50,163
Still sounds like a lot
of unnecessary touching.
126
00:05:50,164 --> 00:05:53,534
Trust me. With your right hand,
locate the spot
127
00:05:53,535 --> 00:05:55,803
where the scapula meets
the acromion process.
128
00:05:58,139 --> 00:05:59,906
All right.
129
00:05:59,907 --> 00:06:02,242
Now push your third finger along
the ridge of the shoulder blade,
130
00:06:02,243 --> 00:06:03,744
making a small rotation
as you do so.
131
00:06:03,745 --> 00:06:07,314
Rotating.
132
00:06:07,315 --> 00:06:09,081
You should feel
a small node-like object
133
00:06:09,082 --> 00:06:10,916
rolling back and forth along
the bone.
134
00:06:10,917 --> 00:06:13,018
You mean the myofascial point?
135
00:06:13,019 --> 00:06:16,055
Obviously.
136
00:06:16,056 --> 00:06:18,758
Now bear down on it like
the seventh grade noogies
137
00:06:18,759 --> 00:06:20,760
we all know too well.
138
00:06:22,429 --> 00:06:26,399
Oh, dear Lord, yes, yes,
oh, yes!
139
00:06:28,134 --> 00:06:30,236
Amy, I've never been touched
like this before!
140
00:06:32,506 --> 00:06:36,242
Oh! My hands are magic!
141
00:06:36,243 --> 00:06:37,810
Don't flatter yourself.
142
00:06:37,811 --> 00:06:40,178
Your hands are blunt tools
guided by my knowledge
143
00:06:40,179 --> 00:06:41,413
of the nervous system.
144
00:06:41,414 --> 00:06:45,584
I could just as easily have
paralyzed you.
145
00:06:46,753 --> 00:06:49,020
There's someone at my door.
146
00:06:49,021 --> 00:06:50,756
That doesn't interest me.
Good-bye.
147
00:06:56,061 --> 00:06:58,829
- Can I sleep here tonight?
- Why?
148
00:06:58,932 --> 00:07:00,492
Leonard's having
astronomically inaccurate
149
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:03,623
Star Trek sex with my sister.
150
00:07:03,703 --> 00:07:06,104
I can see how that would be
upsetting. Come in.
151
00:07:07,339 --> 00:07:09,340
I'll get the sheets
and blankets for the couch.
152
00:07:09,341 --> 00:07:11,709
Oh, don't bother.
I'll just sleep in Leonard's room.
153
00:07:11,710 --> 00:07:13,277
No, I can't authorize that.
154
00:07:13,278 --> 00:07:16,113
Well, he's in my bed.
Why can't I be in his?
155
00:07:16,114 --> 00:07:18,649
The Hammurabic Code is
"an eye for an eye,"
156
00:07:18,650 --> 00:07:20,718
not "a bed for a bed."
157
00:07:20,719 --> 00:07:23,454
Come on, dude, I'm exhausted,
and Tyra Banks says
158
00:07:23,455 --> 00:07:25,656
the most important item in your
makeup bag is
159
00:07:25,657 --> 00:07:27,090
a good night's sleep.
160
00:07:30,862 --> 00:07:32,396
All right.
161
00:07:32,397 --> 00:07:35,900
This is a form
indemnifying me
162
00:07:35,901 --> 00:07:40,404
from your use of
"Leonard's bedroom."
163
00:07:40,405 --> 00:07:42,371
Sign here, indicating
that I tried to stop you
164
00:07:42,372 --> 00:07:46,843
and did so using
a stern facial expression.
165
00:07:49,947 --> 00:07:51,614
Good night, Sheldon.
166
00:07:51,615 --> 00:07:53,015
Wait. Not yet.
167
00:07:53,016 --> 00:07:54,484
We still have to go over
safety procedures.
168
00:07:54,485 --> 00:07:57,520
Now, the apartment has three
emergency exits located
169
00:07:57,521 --> 00:07:59,221
here, here, and here.
170
00:07:59,222 --> 00:08:01,658
In the event of a power outage,
171
00:08:01,659 --> 00:08:05,094
luminous paint will guide you
to the nearest exit.
172
00:08:05,773 --> 00:08:06,806
You're kidding.
173
00:08:16,838 --> 00:08:19,672
I never kid about safety.
174
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:33,055
What are you doing here?
175
00:08:33,056 --> 00:08:34,423
I was sleeping.
176
00:08:34,424 --> 00:08:35,624
In my bed?
177
00:08:35,625 --> 00:08:37,326
Well, I would've slept
in my own bed,
178
00:08:37,327 --> 00:08:39,395
but it was being used
to bring shame to my family.
179
00:08:40,530 --> 00:08:44,099
And the memory
of Gene Roddenberry.
180
00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:45,700
Oh, you heard?
181
00:08:45,701 --> 00:08:49,604
"Scotty, I need more power."
182
00:08:49,605 --> 00:08:52,907
Sorry. Does Sheldon know
you're sleeping in here?
183
00:08:52,908 --> 00:08:55,143
Are you kidding?
He made me sign a waiver,
184
00:08:55,144 --> 00:08:57,312
participate in
an emergency fire drill
185
00:08:57,313 --> 00:09:00,748
and take a refresher course
in CPR.
186
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,783
Thank God he had a dummy.
187
00:09:02,784 --> 00:09:05,820
Oh, yeah.
Mouth-to-Mouth Mona.
188
00:09:05,821 --> 00:09:08,456
You know,
she used to date Howard?
189
00:09:08,457 --> 00:09:11,792
Oh, my God, she's that Mona?
190
00:09:11,793 --> 00:09:15,329
Why can't you and my sister
spend your nights here?
191
00:09:15,330 --> 00:09:17,431
We tried. She doesn't get along
with Sheldon.
192
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:19,866
Sheldon doesn't get along
with Sheldon.
193
00:09:19,867 --> 00:09:22,602
It's still no reason
for me to have to listen to you
194
00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:25,406
arm your
photon torpedoes every night.
195
00:09:25,407 --> 00:09:28,708
Okay, well, how about this:
until Priya gets her own place,
196
00:09:28,709 --> 00:09:30,977
you stay here and I'll stay at
your apartment.
197
00:09:30,978 --> 00:09:34,915
Can I bring girls here?
198
00:09:34,916 --> 00:09:37,418
You?
199
00:09:37,419 --> 00:09:39,486
Sure. Bring as many as you want.
200
00:09:39,487 --> 00:09:42,256
Okay, deal.
201
00:09:44,526 --> 00:09:46,259
Just not against their will.
202
00:09:52,428 --> 00:09:54,596
You really think you should be
eating that cake?
203
00:09:54,597 --> 00:09:55,564
Why?
204
00:09:55,565 --> 00:09:56,866
If you're gonna be
205
00:09:56,867 --> 00:09:58,567
a trophy husband
for a rich wife,
206
00:09:58,568 --> 00:10:01,103
you might want
to watch your waistline.
207
00:10:01,104 --> 00:10:02,304
He's right.
208
00:10:02,305 --> 00:10:05,307
A minute on the lips,
a lifetime on the hips.
209
00:10:05,308 --> 00:10:07,176
Yeah, ha-ha.
210
00:10:07,177 --> 00:10:10,746
First of all, I'm not threatened
by my fiancée's success.
211
00:10:10,747 --> 00:10:11,847
I'm proud of her.
212
00:10:11,848 --> 00:10:13,515
And secondly,
I have my own career.
213
00:10:13,516 --> 00:10:17,652
Until you have kids.
214
00:10:17,653 --> 00:10:19,453
Good news, Raj.
215
00:10:19,454 --> 00:10:21,355
I got the blood work
back from the lab.
216
00:10:21,356 --> 00:10:23,992
You're okay to stay for a while.
217
00:10:23,993 --> 00:10:25,560
When did you take my blood?
218
00:10:25,561 --> 00:10:27,796
Not important.
219
00:10:27,797 --> 00:10:30,631
Your sugar was a little high.
220
00:10:30,632 --> 00:10:33,201
I'd follow up
with your regular physician.
221
00:10:33,202 --> 00:10:34,969
In the meantime, I have some
paperwork here
222
00:10:34,970 --> 00:10:36,204
for you to go over.
223
00:10:36,205 --> 00:10:37,238
What the hell is this?
224
00:10:37,239 --> 00:10:39,007
Boilerplate stuff.
225
00:10:39,008 --> 00:10:42,276
A modified roommate agreement
for a temporary house guest.
226
00:10:42,277 --> 00:10:46,046
And a living will and durable
power of attorney.
227
00:10:46,047 --> 00:10:49,684
This says you can make
nd o of li" decisions for me.
228
00:10:49,685 --> 00:10:53,554
As your friend, let's hope it
doesn't come to that.
229
00:10:53,555 --> 00:10:54,755
Please sign.
230
00:10:54,756 --> 00:10:56,591
Did you sign this?
231
00:10:56,592 --> 00:10:58,125
There's a reciprocity
clause.
232
00:10:58,126 --> 00:10:59,993
You get to pull
the plug on him, too.
233
00:11:01,296 --> 00:11:04,332
Well, that seems fair.
234
00:11:04,333 --> 00:11:07,868
Congratulations and welcome
temporarily aboard.
235
00:11:07,869 --> 00:11:09,403
Here's your I.D. card,
236
00:11:09,404 --> 00:11:14,342
your key and your lapel pin.
237
00:11:14,343 --> 00:11:16,877
Which Leonard was
too cool to wear.
238
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:22,749
FYI, part of your
responsibilities
239
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:25,352
as roommate pro tem
will be to drive me
240
00:11:25,353 --> 00:11:28,154
to and from work, the comic book
store, the barbershop
241
00:11:28,155 --> 00:11:32,626
and the park for one hour every
other Sunday for fresh air.
242
00:11:32,627 --> 00:11:35,262
Bring a ball or a Frisbee,
243
00:11:35,263 --> 00:11:37,564
you know, something
he can chase.
244
00:11:37,565 --> 00:11:40,800
Also, you're tasked
with bringing home
245
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:41,968
all takeout dinners.
246
00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:43,336
Tonight is Thai food.
247
00:11:43,337 --> 00:11:45,972
You'll find the standard order
in appendix B
248
00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:48,408
or downloadable
from my FTP server.
249
00:11:48,409 --> 00:11:49,776
If you have
any questions,
250
00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:51,277
here's the FAQ sheet,
251
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:53,845
or if you prefer
the human touch,
252
00:11:53,846 --> 00:11:55,681
I do a live web chat called
"Apartment Talk"
253
00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:57,949
on Tuesday nights.
254
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:02,621
No backsies.
255
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:09,361
Sheldon, dinner!
256
00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:17,969
What is this?
257
00:12:17,970 --> 00:12:20,773
This is the difference
between
258
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:22,808
eating and dining.
259
00:12:25,711 --> 00:12:30,115
Remarkable.
I'm just realizing how much
260
00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:33,285
Leonard's been skating by
all these years.
261
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:35,687
It's not a big thing.
262
00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:39,024
Just think of me as
a brown Martha Stewart.
263
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,493
Hey, Sheldon,
264
00:12:42,494 --> 00:12:43,962
did you change
your Wi-Fi password again?
265
00:12:43,963 --> 00:12:47,565
Yes, it's "Penny, get your
own Wi-Fi." No spaces.
266
00:12:47,566 --> 00:12:49,301
Thanks.
267
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:51,536
Wow! What's with
the fancy spread?
268
00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:54,239
My new roommate
is bending over backwards
269
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,841
to ingratiate himself to me.
270
00:12:55,842 --> 00:13:00,177
Uh, nice touch,
by the way.
271
00:13:00,178 --> 00:13:02,346
What do you mean "new roommate"?
What happened to Leonard?
272
00:13:02,347 --> 00:13:04,681
The same thing that happened
to Homo erectus.
273
00:13:04,682 --> 00:13:07,351
He was replaced
by a superior species.
274
00:13:08,386 --> 00:13:10,520
I'm the new Homo in town.
275
00:13:13,992 --> 00:13:15,692
That came out wrong.
276
00:13:15,693 --> 00:13:18,162
All right, let me try this
again. Where's Leonard?
277
00:13:18,163 --> 00:13:20,497
He's living at my place,
so I'm living here.
278
00:13:20,498 --> 00:13:22,532
You're living here
provisionally.
279
00:13:22,533 --> 00:13:25,002
But I must say
it's looking good.
280
00:13:25,003 --> 00:13:28,072
Oh Leonard and Priya
are living together?
281
00:13:28,073 --> 00:13:29,073
That's big.
282
00:13:29,074 --> 00:13:34,043
No. Origami napkin swans...
283
00:13:34,044 --> 00:13:36,880
that's the headline.
284
00:13:36,881 --> 00:13:39,816
It's a good thing.
285
00:13:41,185 --> 00:13:44,120
So do you know what kind
of research you'll be doing
286
00:13:44,121 --> 00:13:45,722
at this pharmaceutical
company?
287
00:13:45,723 --> 00:13:48,458
Well, there are a couple of
opportunities available,
288
00:13:48,459 --> 00:13:52,496
but I volunteered for the
premature ejaculation project.
289
00:13:56,300 --> 00:14:00,403
I mean, it's not like either
one of us has heart disease.
290
00:14:04,107 --> 00:14:06,842
Oh, I almost forgot.
I got you a little present.
291
00:14:06,843 --> 00:14:09,612
Oh, Bernie, no.
You didn't have to.
292
00:14:09,613 --> 00:14:11,914
I wanted to.
Come on, open it.
293
00:14:14,451 --> 00:14:18,387
You bought me a Rolex?
294
00:14:18,388 --> 00:14:20,589
How much did this cost?
295
00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:22,691
Oh, you let me worry
about the money.
296
00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:27,830
I just want my baby
to have pretty things.
297
00:14:32,768 --> 00:14:34,302
More wine?
298
00:14:34,303 --> 00:14:36,638
Oh, no, no, no. I've had
way too much already.
299
00:14:36,639 --> 00:14:38,907
Here's an interesting
fact about alcohol...
300
00:14:38,908 --> 00:14:40,575
Hit me.
301
00:14:43,378 --> 00:14:46,748
Man is not the only species
302
00:14:46,749 --> 00:14:49,617
that ferments fruit
in order to become intoxicated.
303
00:14:49,618 --> 00:14:51,285
Can you guess what the other is?
304
00:14:51,286 --> 00:14:54,221
sometimes they pack
the alcohol
305
00:14:54,222 --> 00:14:56,357
in their trunks.
306
00:14:56,358 --> 00:14:58,460
Monkeys.
307
00:15:01,497 --> 00:15:04,765
When does a monkey
have a trunk?
308
00:15:04,766 --> 00:15:08,001
When a suitcase just won't do.
309
00:15:10,538 --> 00:15:12,873
Mmm, all right.
310
00:15:12,874 --> 00:15:14,942
It would appear as if alcohol
311
00:15:14,943 --> 00:15:16,977
is playing keep-away
with your intelligence.
312
00:15:16,978 --> 00:15:18,879
Good night.
313
00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:21,147
Please note,
it is now past 10:00 p.m.
314
00:15:21,148 --> 00:15:23,784
Per our roommate agreement,
kindly refrain
315
00:15:23,785 --> 00:15:25,185
from raucous laughter,
316
00:15:25,186 --> 00:15:27,855
clinking of glasses,
and celebratory gunfire.
317
00:15:30,792 --> 00:15:31,925
Okay...
318
00:15:31,926 --> 00:15:33,826
explain something to me.
319
00:15:33,827 --> 00:15:37,297
You watch Leonard put up with
that guy for years and years.
320
00:15:37,298 --> 00:15:40,367
What has to break inside
your brain for you to think,
321
00:15:40,368 --> 00:15:43,169
"Oh, Krishna, I've got to
get me some of that"?
322
00:15:44,705 --> 00:15:46,873
Well, it's a lot better than
323
00:15:46,874 --> 00:15:49,175
having to wear noise-cancelling
headphones in my own apartment.
324
00:15:49,176 --> 00:15:51,511
What? Oh, God, yeah. Yeah.
325
00:15:51,512 --> 00:15:54,080
Leonard's a noisy little dude
in the sack.
326
00:15:54,081 --> 00:15:56,416
Every night.
Really?
327
00:15:56,417 --> 00:15:58,418
Even during allergy season,
when he has to alternate
328
00:15:58,419 --> 00:16:00,387
between kissing and breathing?
329
00:16:02,089 --> 00:16:04,590
It's my sister. Can we not
talk about this anymore?
330
00:16:04,591 --> 00:16:07,726
Yeah. Sorry, sorry.
331
00:16:07,727 --> 00:16:09,728
Can I tell you a secret?
332
00:16:09,729 --> 00:16:11,163
Yeah.
333
00:16:11,164 --> 00:16:13,365
I screwed up.
334
00:16:13,366 --> 00:16:14,699
Leonard's a great guy.
335
00:16:14,700 --> 00:16:17,669
Never should have
broken up with him.
336
00:16:17,670 --> 00:16:20,772
Well, uh, to paraphrase
337
00:16:20,773 --> 00:16:23,142
"It's better to have
loved and lost
338
00:16:23,143 --> 00:16:24,910
"than to stay home every night
and download
339
00:16:24,911 --> 00:16:28,313
increasingly shameful
pornography."
340
00:16:30,450 --> 00:16:33,785
Ohh... you poor baby.
341
00:16:33,786 --> 00:16:35,254
What's wrong with me, Penny?
342
00:16:35,255 --> 00:16:36,487
Nothing, nothing.
343
00:16:36,488 --> 00:16:37,955
You know, if we weren't friends,
344
00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:41,092
and you hadn't brought up
that creepy pornography story,
345
00:16:41,093 --> 00:16:42,493
I'd be on you like
346
00:16:42,494 --> 00:16:44,762
the speed of light squared
on matter to make energy.
347
00:16:44,763 --> 00:16:47,532
Hey, you totally got that right!
348
00:16:47,533 --> 00:16:49,067
"E=mc2."
349
00:16:49,068 --> 00:16:50,268
I listen.
350
00:16:50,269 --> 00:16:53,171
I have no idea what it means,
but I listen.
351
00:16:54,206 --> 00:16:55,874
To friendship.
To friendship.
352
00:16:57,240 --> 00:17:00,075
Would you booze hounds
please stop that infernal clinking?!
353
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:06,850
And the answer
was elephant!
354
00:17:08,219 --> 00:17:10,720
Mmm.
355
00:17:10,721 --> 00:17:14,157
Mmm.
356
00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:17,827
Leonard, sweetheart, we're
kissing, not eating hot soup.
357
00:17:18,862 --> 00:17:20,464
Sorry.
358
00:17:24,435 --> 00:17:26,369
That's my parents
on video chat.
359
00:17:26,370 --> 00:17:27,837
Go hide
in the bedroom.
360
00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:29,206
Oh, come on!
361
00:17:29,207 --> 00:17:30,673
Why don't we just tell
them that we're dating?
362
00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:32,742
Oh, we've been through this.
It's not the time.
363
00:17:32,743 --> 00:17:33,776
When is the time?
364
00:17:33,777 --> 00:17:35,412
I've got five brothers
and sisters.
365
00:17:35,413 --> 00:17:36,779
One of them is bound
to screw up real big,
366
00:17:36,780 --> 00:17:39,315
and then I'll tell my parents
about you. Now, shoo.
367
00:17:39,316 --> 00:17:41,751
Fine.
368
00:17:41,752 --> 00:17:45,054
Hello, Mummy. Hello, Daddy.
369
00:17:45,055 --> 00:17:47,189
We heard there was a tornado
in Kansas City.
370
00:17:47,190 --> 00:17:48,825
Is that close to you?
371
00:17:48,826 --> 00:17:50,627
No.
372
00:17:50,628 --> 00:17:51,628
Where is your brother?
373
00:17:51,629 --> 00:17:53,429
Out with friends.
374
00:17:53,430 --> 00:17:55,999
I don't like it, a young girl
alone in an apartment.
375
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,868
I'll sleep so much better when
you move back here next month.
376
00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,369
You're moving
back to India?!
377
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:01,871
Who's that?
378
00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:03,773
Oh, my God! There's someone
in your apartment.
379
00:18:03,774 --> 00:18:05,274
Call the police in America!
380
00:18:05,275 --> 00:18:07,877
When were you going
to tell me about this?
381
00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:10,078
Oh, hello, Leonard.
382
00:18:10,079 --> 00:18:11,579
What a pleasant surprise!
383
00:18:11,580 --> 00:18:14,883
Mummy, Daddy, you remember
Rajesh's friend Leonard.
384
00:18:14,884 --> 00:18:17,218
I thought you said Rajesh
was out with his friends.
385
00:18:17,219 --> 00:18:19,454
He has many friends.
386
00:18:19,455 --> 00:18:21,056
Rajesh has many friends?
387
00:18:22,692 --> 00:18:24,993
Why are you lying to us?
388
00:18:24,994 --> 00:18:27,295
She's lying because she doesn't
want you to know we're dating.
389
00:18:27,296 --> 00:18:28,797
Leonard!
390
00:18:28,798 --> 00:18:30,365
Well, what difference
does it make? If you're
391
00:18:30,366 --> 00:18:32,668
moving back to India,
we're obviously breaking up.
392
00:18:32,669 --> 00:18:33,768
You know what?
393
00:18:33,770 --> 00:18:35,391
I don't want to deal
with this right now.
394
00:18:42,711 --> 00:18:45,379
So...
395
00:18:45,380 --> 00:18:48,248
Hot in India?
396
00:18:48,249 --> 00:18:51,618
Of course it is.
It always is. It's India.
397
00:18:53,221 --> 00:18:55,289
Now, what do you have
to say for yourself?
398
00:18:55,290 --> 00:18:57,291
Uh...
399
00:18:57,292 --> 00:18:59,560
That is a beautiful tapestry.
400
00:19:33,934 --> 00:19:36,635
Oh, God.
401
00:19:41,174 --> 00:19:42,775
Oh, God!
402
00:19:44,044 --> 00:19:45,210
Oh.
403
00:19:46,312 --> 00:19:47,813
Okay, look.
404
00:19:47,814 --> 00:19:49,314
This never happened.
405
00:19:49,315 --> 00:19:51,049
Do you understand me?
406
00:19:53,351 --> 00:19:56,020
Really?! Still
can't talk to me?
407
00:19:59,792 --> 00:20:01,726
What are you
doing here?
408
00:20:01,727 --> 00:20:02,860
What?
409
00:20:02,861 --> 00:20:04,762
I said, what are you doing here?
410
00:20:04,763 --> 00:20:06,030
I live here.
411
00:20:06,031 --> 00:20:09,366
I have paperwork
that says differently.
412
00:20:11,203 --> 00:20:13,404
Priya's going back to India.
413
00:20:13,405 --> 00:20:14,973
Irrelevant.
414
00:20:16,308 --> 00:20:18,309
Rajesh and I have
a good thing going
415
00:20:18,310 --> 00:20:19,844
and you're not going to ruin it.
416
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:24,681
What are you doing here?
417
00:20:24,682 --> 00:20:26,683
I've been up all night.
418
00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:28,885
- I had a fight with Bernadette.
- Why?
419
00:20:28,886 --> 00:20:31,855
She gave me
a beautiful watch.
420
00:20:34,492 --> 00:20:36,727
Leonard, do you
understand this?
421
00:20:36,728 --> 00:20:38,161
Yes.
422
00:20:38,162 --> 00:20:39,696
Talk to him.
423
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:50,040
Damn.
424
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:53,209
What's going on?
425
00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:55,545
Oh...
426
00:20:55,546 --> 00:20:57,813
It's-it's not what
it looks like.
427
00:21:01,118 --> 00:21:02,852
What does it look like?
428
00:21:02,853 --> 00:21:05,121
== sync, corrected by elderman ==