1
00:00:01,833 --> 00:00:04,773
"The entrance to the dungeon
is a moss covered door.
2
00:00:04,774 --> 00:00:07,241
"You manage to open it
only to find yourself
3
00:00:07,243 --> 00:00:10,044
"face-to-face with a hideous,
foul-smelling,
4
00:00:10,046 --> 00:00:11,729
moss-covered ogre."
5
00:00:11,731 --> 00:00:13,864
What do you do?
6
00:00:13,866 --> 00:00:16,767
I say, "Hey, Ma,
what's for dinner?"
7
00:00:19,371 --> 00:00:21,655
Seventeen.
8
00:00:21,657 --> 00:00:25,659
The ogre is amused by your joke
and allows you to pass.
9
00:00:26,411 --> 00:00:29,497
By the by, I liked it, too.
10
00:00:31,049 --> 00:00:32,783
How go the wedding plans,
Howard?
11
00:00:32,785 --> 00:00:34,752
Great.
We spent five hours last night
12
00:00:34,754 --> 00:00:36,504
at Macy's registering for gifts.
13
00:00:36,506 --> 00:00:37,955
Looks like I'm finally going
to have
14
00:00:37,957 --> 00:00:39,790
that darling little earthenware
asparagus dish
15
00:00:39,792 --> 00:00:40,958
I've always wanted.
16
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,459
See, this is the good thing
17
00:00:42,461 --> 00:00:45,095
about having a girlfriend
9,000 miles away.
18
00:00:45,097 --> 00:00:47,798
I can spend my nights
doing whatever I want.
19
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,700
You mean like playing nerd games
with us
20
00:00:49,702 --> 00:00:53,136
and then taking
a suspiciously long shower?
21
00:00:55,824 --> 00:00:58,025
Maybe.
22
00:00:58,944 --> 00:01:01,645
We enter the dungeon.
23
00:01:01,647 --> 00:01:03,447
You see a dragon.
24
00:01:03,449 --> 00:01:05,950
Really? So we're playing
Dungeons & Dragons
25
00:01:05,952 --> 00:01:08,669
and we walk into a dungeon
and see a dragon?
26
00:01:09,738 --> 00:01:12,172
Isn't that a little
on the nose?
27
00:01:12,174 --> 00:01:14,708
When you play Chutes and
Ladders, do you complain
28
00:01:14,710 --> 00:01:17,044
about all the chutes
and all the ladders?
29
00:01:18,162 --> 00:01:21,348
Are you gonna eat
that whole pie?
30
00:01:21,350 --> 00:01:23,634
Maybe. Why not?
31
00:01:23,636 --> 00:01:26,670
Who do I have in my life
to watch my figure for?
32
00:01:27,973 --> 00:01:30,057
Oh, God, did you watch
Bridget Jones again?
33
00:01:30,976 --> 00:01:33,727
No, it's just that
everybody's got someone.
34
00:01:33,729 --> 00:01:36,363
Sheldon's with Amy,
Howard's getting married,
35
00:01:36,365 --> 00:01:37,848
you're dating my sister.
36
00:01:37,850 --> 00:01:39,483
Now that Howard's
getting married,
37
00:01:39,485 --> 00:01:42,185
maybe he'll inflate one of
his old girlfriends for you.
38
00:01:43,521 --> 00:01:45,239
You know who I blame
for my loneliness?
39
00:01:45,241 --> 00:01:46,523
The United States of America.
40
00:01:46,525 --> 00:01:49,543
Your movies and your TV shows
promised streets paved
41
00:01:49,545 --> 00:01:52,997
with beautiful blonde women
with big bazongas.
42
00:01:53,965 --> 00:01:56,584
Eat another pie,
you'll have your own bazongas.
43
00:01:57,502 --> 00:01:58,702
That's cruel.
44
00:01:58,704 --> 00:02:00,421
You know it goes
straight to my hips.
45
00:02:01,473 --> 00:02:02,973
Gentlemen, please focus.
46
00:02:02,975 --> 00:02:05,476
You're facing
a fire-breathing dragon.
47
00:02:05,478 --> 00:02:07,144
I don't know if I want
to play anymore.
48
00:02:07,146 --> 00:02:09,930
Because you don't have
a girlfriend?
49
00:02:09,932 --> 00:02:11,565
Well, good Lord,
if that becomes a reason not
50
00:02:11,567 --> 00:02:14,602
to play Dungeons & Dragons, this
game's in serious trouble.
51
00:02:15,687 --> 00:02:19,106
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
52
00:02:19,108 --> 00:02:22,576
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
53
00:02:22,578 --> 00:02:24,278
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
54
00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:26,563
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
55
00:02:26,565 --> 00:02:29,283
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
56
00:02:29,285 --> 00:02:32,086
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
57
00:02:32,088 --> 00:02:33,625
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
58
00:02:33,626 --> 00:02:34,337
♪ Bang! ♪
59
00:02:34,338 --> 00:02:37,838
The Big Bang Theory 5x03
The Pulled Groin Extrapolation
Original Air Date on September 29, 2011
60
00:02:37,839 --> 00:02:41,339
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
61
00:02:42,678 --> 00:02:45,639
Now, I assume we use
this same wax later on
62
00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:47,940
to neaten up
each other's bikini regions.
63
00:02:47,942 --> 00:02:51,110
Yeah, my bikini region
is fine.
64
00:02:51,112 --> 00:02:53,462
Who's shocked? I'm not.
65
00:02:56,234 --> 00:02:58,600
So, Bernadette, how's the
wedding planning going?
66
00:02:58,602 --> 00:03:00,953
And I'm not asking
as a prospective bridesmaid.
67
00:03:00,955 --> 00:03:03,489
Pick me! Pick me!
68
00:03:04,658 --> 00:03:08,294
We went cake-tasting yesterday.
69
00:03:08,296 --> 00:03:09,611
Raj came along.
70
00:03:09,613 --> 00:03:12,948
He cried and ate half
the samples.
71
00:03:12,950 --> 00:03:15,084
Oh, the poor guy's so lonely.
72
00:03:15,086 --> 00:03:16,919
We should set him up
with someone.
73
00:03:16,921 --> 00:03:20,455
You know, I met
a really cute girl at work.
74
00:03:20,457 --> 00:03:23,392
She's married to a guy
in one of our drug trials.
75
00:03:24,394 --> 00:03:26,111
Well, hello?
76
00:03:26,113 --> 00:03:27,529
She's married.
77
00:03:27,531 --> 00:03:29,315
Yeah, but her husband is in
78
00:03:29,317 --> 00:03:31,300
serious congestive
heart failure,
79
00:03:31,302 --> 00:03:36,488
and a little birdie told me
he's in the placebo group.
80
00:03:38,141 --> 00:03:40,609
Okay, so future
grief-stricken widow
81
00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:42,161
is the one to beat.
82
00:03:44,447 --> 00:03:46,365
Are we ready to order?
83
00:03:46,367 --> 00:03:47,333
One moment.
84
00:03:47,335 --> 00:03:49,201
I'm conducting
an experiment.
85
00:03:49,203 --> 00:03:53,172
With Dungeons
& Dragons dice?
86
00:03:54,341 --> 00:03:56,959
Yes. From here on in,
I've decided
87
00:03:56,961 --> 00:03:59,828
to make all trivial decisions
with a throw of the dice,
88
00:03:59,830 --> 00:04:01,180
thus freeing up my mind
89
00:04:01,182 --> 00:04:04,767
do what it does best--
enlighten and amaze.
90
00:04:05,935 --> 00:04:10,356
Page 14,
item seven.
91
00:04:10,358 --> 00:04:11,890
So, what's for dinner?
92
00:04:11,892 --> 00:04:15,060
A side of corn
succotash.
93
00:04:15,779 --> 00:04:17,279
Hmm. Interesting.
94
00:04:17,281 --> 00:04:20,515
Um, Howard, can I see you
for a minute, please?
95
00:04:20,517 --> 00:04:22,818
I don't want to show any more
of your friends
96
00:04:22,820 --> 00:04:26,155
how I can fit
in the booster seats.
97
00:04:26,157 --> 00:04:29,191
Uh, no, that's not it.
Just come with me, please.
98
00:04:30,860 --> 00:04:34,196
Let's see what I'll be washing
that succotash down with.
99
00:04:37,083 --> 00:04:38,884
A pitcher of margaritas.
100
00:04:40,670 --> 00:04:42,755
Do you really want that?
101
00:04:42,757 --> 00:04:44,223
That's the great thing.
102
00:04:44,225 --> 00:04:45,557
It doesn't matter.
103
00:04:45,559 --> 00:04:49,144
My mind is freed up to think
about more important things.
104
00:04:49,146 --> 00:04:51,013
What's it thinking
about now?
105
00:04:51,015 --> 00:04:53,432
Hamburgers and lemonade.
106
00:04:54,601 --> 00:04:58,070
Um, Raj, there's someone
I want you to meet.
107
00:04:58,072 --> 00:05:00,606
This is my friend Emily.
I know her from my spin class.
108
00:05:03,443 --> 00:05:06,478
Raj, relax.
She can't hear you. She's deaf.
109
00:05:07,330 --> 00:05:11,733
Emily, this is
our friend Raj.
110
00:05:12,702 --> 00:05:14,536
Oh!
111
00:05:14,538 --> 00:05:17,572
Look at you guys
just hitting it off.
112
00:05:17,574 --> 00:05:19,241
I am so good.
113
00:05:25,048 --> 00:05:26,598
Hi.
114
00:05:28,768 --> 00:05:30,419
She says, "It's
nice to meet you""
115
00:05:30,421 --> 00:05:31,637
Does she really mean that
116
00:05:31,639 --> 00:05:33,355
or was she signing it
sarcastically?
117
00:05:34,858 --> 00:05:39,027
Raj says it's nice
to meet you, too.
118
00:05:39,029 --> 00:05:41,447
She says she has to go
back to her family,
119
00:05:41,449 --> 00:05:43,649
but Penny has her
number if you want
120
00:05:43,651 --> 00:05:45,534
to text her and
get together.
121
00:05:45,536 --> 00:05:47,769
Okay, I'm going to play it cool.
122
00:05:47,771 --> 00:05:52,207
Tell her,
"Maybe. Whatever, babe."
123
00:05:54,110 --> 00:05:56,128
He'll text you.
124
00:05:58,665 --> 00:06:01,383
Look at that. I have a date.
125
00:06:01,385 --> 00:06:02,951
I love America again.
126
00:06:06,673 --> 00:06:08,307
And now for dessert...
127
00:06:08,309 --> 00:06:11,293
Come on, hot fudge sundae,
come on, hot fudge sundae.
128
00:06:11,295 --> 00:06:13,312
Bam!
That's what I'm talking about!
129
00:06:16,483 --> 00:06:18,650
Okay, as soon
as she gets here,
130
00:06:18,652 --> 00:06:20,352
so she knows
I'm cool with it,
131
00:06:20,354 --> 00:06:22,654
I'm going to make a joke
about her being deaf.
132
00:06:26,025 --> 00:06:29,278
I was thinking, "Hey,
did you hear the one about...?
133
00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:31,146
Oh, no, I bet you didn't."
134
00:06:33,283 --> 00:06:37,419
Maybe we should revisit
your lonely fat guy plan.
135
00:06:37,421 --> 00:06:39,421
Oh, she's here.
136
00:06:39,956 --> 00:06:42,624
No joke.
137
00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:48,480
She says she's sorry
she's late.
138
00:06:48,482 --> 00:06:49,932
Tell her
it doesn't matter.
139
00:06:49,934 --> 00:06:53,018
Tell her, her eyes shimmer
like opalescent lilies
140
00:06:53,020 --> 00:06:57,272
in the lake of the palace
of the celestial maidens.
141
00:06:58,391 --> 00:06:59,942
Really?
142
00:06:59,944 --> 00:07:01,894
That's the first thing
you want to say?
143
00:07:01,896 --> 00:07:03,645
I worked on it all night.
Use it.
144
00:07:03,647 --> 00:07:05,731
Look, I don't know the
sign for opalescent.
145
00:07:05,733 --> 00:07:06,865
Then spell it.
146
00:07:06,867 --> 00:07:08,233
I don't know how to spell it.
147
00:07:08,235 --> 00:07:10,018
You're blowing this for me!
148
00:07:12,021 --> 00:07:13,739
He likes your eyes.
149
00:07:13,741 --> 00:07:16,191
You're making me sound
like a caveman.
150
00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:19,411
She says, "Thank you.
You have nice eyes, too."
151
00:07:19,413 --> 00:07:22,080
Really? Ask her how many
children she wants,
152
00:07:22,082 --> 00:07:25,384
and whatever number she says,
say, "Me, too."
153
00:07:28,204 --> 00:07:29,721
No.
154
00:07:29,723 --> 00:07:32,724
Fine. Tell her I have a deep,
sexy voice
155
00:07:32,726 --> 00:07:34,676
like James Earl Jones.
156
00:07:34,678 --> 00:07:38,514
She doesn't know what James
Earl Jones sounds like.
157
00:07:38,516 --> 00:07:41,817
Great.
Then she won't know I'm lying.
158
00:07:43,937 --> 00:07:46,989
Let's see, what else
can I tell you about me
159
00:07:46,991 --> 00:07:51,326
that would make you
like me?
160
00:07:51,328 --> 00:07:52,778
Ooh, I love music.
161
00:07:54,113 --> 00:07:55,747
Do you love music?
162
00:07:55,749 --> 00:08:00,035
You really want
to ask her that?
163
00:08:00,037 --> 00:08:02,838
You're right.
Everyone loves music.
164
00:08:04,841 --> 00:08:07,426
She says, "Do you play
an instrument?"
165
00:08:07,428 --> 00:08:09,077
No,
166
00:08:09,079 --> 00:08:10,429
but when I was
six years old,
167
00:08:10,431 --> 00:08:12,464
I tried to start
a boy band called
168
00:08:12,466 --> 00:08:15,217
Frankie Goes
to Bollywood.
169
00:08:17,887 --> 00:08:20,589
But I couldn't get
any other boys to join,
170
00:08:20,591 --> 00:08:22,558
so my parents asked
the servants
171
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:25,027
to be my backup dancers.
172
00:08:25,029 --> 00:08:26,428
Wait, when you sign
"servants,"
173
00:08:26,430 --> 00:08:27,613
don't sign it
like I'm bragging.
174
00:08:27,615 --> 00:08:29,481
Sign it in a way
that I sound humble
175
00:08:29,483 --> 00:08:34,536
with just a hint of
"That's right, I had servants."
176
00:08:35,404 --> 00:08:37,456
Do you hear yourself
177
00:08:37,458 --> 00:08:41,209
Yes, but she doesn't.
So get signing, hand monkey.
178
00:08:44,964 --> 00:08:49,617
I think I wrote a letter
to Santa Claus every day.
179
00:08:49,619 --> 00:08:51,136
And then on Christmas morning,
180
00:08:51,138 --> 00:08:54,055
under the tree is
a little puppy
181
00:08:54,057 --> 00:08:56,307
with a red ribbon.
182
00:08:57,427 --> 00:08:58,676
What are you doing?
183
00:08:58,678 --> 00:09:00,845
Texting Bernadette that
I'm gonna be late.
184
00:09:01,463 --> 00:09:02,647
Dude, what is she saying?
185
00:09:02,649 --> 00:09:04,516
It's a funny story
about a puppy.
186
00:09:04,518 --> 00:09:06,134
Just smile and laugh.
187
00:09:08,737 --> 00:09:10,738
- Quick, quick, stop smiling.
- What? Why?
188
00:09:10,740 --> 00:09:12,941
The puppy died-- it
choked on a doll head.
189
00:09:12,943 --> 00:09:14,526
Sad face, sad face!
190
00:09:17,613 --> 00:09:19,864
It's a little hard
to see with the city lights,
191
00:09:19,866 --> 00:09:23,484
but that W-shaped constellation
is Cassiopeia.
192
00:09:23,486 --> 00:09:26,654
And she was the mother
of Andromeda who's over there.
193
00:09:27,923 --> 00:09:30,875
Look, pretty stars.
194
00:09:33,512 --> 00:09:36,998
This is her car.
195
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,550
She hopes she can see you again
sometime.
196
00:09:38,552 --> 00:09:40,301
Good, good.
197
00:09:40,303 --> 00:09:41,936
Oh, boy,
198
00:09:41,938 --> 00:09:42,887
help me out here.
199
00:09:42,889 --> 00:09:44,672
Does she want me
to kiss her or not?
200
00:09:44,674 --> 00:09:47,341
I speak sign language,
I don't read minds.
201
00:09:47,343 --> 00:09:48,560
If you were me,
would you kiss her?
202
00:09:48,562 --> 00:09:51,012
Yeah, but I'm a make out king.
203
00:10:00,656 --> 00:10:04,192
I was so smooth
on that date.
204
00:10:04,194 --> 00:10:06,711
You? I made
you smooth.
205
00:10:06,713 --> 00:10:08,079
You were an idiot.
206
00:10:08,081 --> 00:10:09,547
Whatever, dude.
She kissed me.
207
00:10:09,549 --> 00:10:11,132
It might've been
on your lips,
208
00:10:11,134 --> 00:10:12,417
but it was my kiss.
209
00:10:12,419 --> 00:10:14,886
Oh, fine. Let's agree
she kissed both of us.
210
00:10:16,589 --> 00:10:18,206
Okay.
211
00:10:23,770 --> 00:10:26,521
Mustache is looking good
there, Sheldon.
212
00:10:29,580 --> 00:10:31,131
Don't thank me.
Thank the dice.
213
00:10:31,133 --> 00:10:34,584
They told me what percentage
of my face to shave.
214
00:10:34,586 --> 00:10:36,386
Why are you still doing this?
215
00:10:36,388 --> 00:10:37,837
Because it's working.
216
00:10:37,839 --> 00:10:39,472
In the past few weeks,
217
00:10:39,474 --> 00:10:41,341
unburdened by
trivial decisions,
218
00:10:41,343 --> 00:10:43,176
I've co-authored
two papers
219
00:10:43,178 --> 00:10:44,260
in notable peer-reviewed
journals,
220
00:10:44,262 --> 00:10:46,980
and I'm close to
figuring out why
221
00:10:46,982 --> 00:10:48,398
the Large Hadron
Collider has yet
222
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,683
to isolate the Higgs
boson particle.
223
00:10:50,685 --> 00:10:53,052
You left out,
got chafed testicles
224
00:10:53,054 --> 00:10:55,655
because you no longer
wear underpants.
225
00:10:58,392 --> 00:11:01,561
The dice giveth
and the dice taketh away.
226
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:05,165
Is Raj out
with Emily again?
227
00:11:05,167 --> 00:11:07,167
Yeah, every night
for the last month.
228
00:11:07,169 --> 00:11:09,252
Wow, can't believe
he has a girlfriend.
229
00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:12,622
Me neither.
230
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:16,909
Here's some other fun news
on the Raj/Emily front.
231
00:11:16,911 --> 00:11:20,346
He gave her a pair of diamond
earrings and leased her a car.
232
00:11:20,348 --> 00:11:21,764
You're kidding.
233
00:11:21,766 --> 00:11:23,716
You think she's taking
advantage of him?
234
00:11:23,718 --> 00:11:24,934
Oh, of course not.
235
00:11:24,936 --> 00:11:26,636
She wouldn't do
something like that.
236
00:11:26,638 --> 00:11:28,354
She's deaf.
237
00:11:30,224 --> 00:11:33,309
Deaf women can't be
gold diggers?
238
00:11:33,311 --> 00:11:35,395
Handicapped people
are nice, Leonard.
239
00:11:35,397 --> 00:11:37,697
Everyone knows that.
240
00:11:38,566 --> 00:11:41,734
Yeah, I actually
have information about Raj
241
00:11:41,736 --> 00:11:43,820
that would be helpful
with this discussion.
242
00:11:47,491 --> 00:11:50,543
Could you tell us?
243
00:11:50,545 --> 00:11:52,745
Let's see.
244
00:11:54,632 --> 00:11:56,799
Snake eyes. Sorry, bud.
245
00:11:58,002 --> 00:11:59,335
Wait, hang on.
246
00:11:59,337 --> 00:12:00,720
Doubles.
Roll again.
247
00:12:03,674 --> 00:12:05,341
Okay, get this.
248
00:12:07,261 --> 00:12:09,562
It doesn't matter if
he's showering her with gifts,
249
00:12:09,564 --> 00:12:12,798
because the Koothrappalis
are vastly wealthy.
250
00:12:13,651 --> 00:12:15,018
What do you mean
"vastly wealthy"?
251
00:12:15,020 --> 00:12:17,320
Well, "wealthy" means
a lot of money.
252
00:12:17,322 --> 00:12:18,521
"Vastly" means even more.
253
00:12:18,523 --> 00:12:20,857
I'm not sure
what's tripping you up.
254
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:24,027
Look, I know they have money.
I don't think it's that much.
255
00:12:24,029 --> 00:12:25,311
No, you're wrong.
256
00:12:25,313 --> 00:12:27,980
As you know, a few years ago,
I achieved one of
257
00:12:27,982 --> 00:12:30,617
my lesser dreams
and became a notary public.
258
00:12:30,619 --> 00:12:32,085
Well, from
time to time,
259
00:12:32,087 --> 00:12:35,622
I notarize
banking documents for Raj.
260
00:12:35,624 --> 00:12:40,326
The Koothrappalis aren't just
rich, they're Richie Rich rich.
261
00:12:41,545 --> 00:12:43,463
Well, so how much is that?
262
00:12:43,465 --> 00:12:47,217
About halfway between
Bruce Wayne and Scrooge McDuck.
263
00:12:48,102 --> 00:12:49,068
What the hell?
264
00:12:49,070 --> 00:12:50,687
The last time
we went to the zoo,
265
00:12:50,689 --> 00:12:53,356
that son of a bitch
made me buy him a churro.
266
00:12:53,358 --> 00:12:55,892
Listen, guys, I'm sorry,
I don't mean to be rude,
267
00:12:55,894 --> 00:12:59,479
but I need to go call Raj's
sister, who I love so much.
268
00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:03,866
So vastly much.
269
00:13:05,703 --> 00:13:10,707
Okay, so he's got money,
and it's a few gifts and a car.
270
00:13:10,709 --> 00:13:12,792
And she got him to pay off
all her credit cards.
271
00:13:12,794 --> 00:13:15,695
What? He paid off
her credit cards?
272
00:13:15,697 --> 00:13:18,631
Damn it, I could've dated Raj
for a couple months.
273
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:22,468
But I-I wouldn't have, because
I'm not that kind of girl.
274
00:13:22,470 --> 00:13:24,304
We should really talk to Raj.
275
00:13:24,306 --> 00:13:27,140
He's not going to listen,
he's in love.
276
00:13:27,142 --> 00:13:28,841
Can't figure out what to do?
277
00:13:28,843 --> 00:13:31,060
I remember those days.
278
00:13:31,062 --> 00:13:34,397
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to...
279
00:13:34,399 --> 00:13:36,482
stay right here.
280
00:13:39,603 --> 00:13:41,237
Yeah, this is a bad idea.
281
00:13:41,239 --> 00:13:42,438
- We should go.
- No.
282
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:44,073
I'm the one that
introduced him to her.
283
00:13:44,075 --> 00:13:45,608
I've got to
say something.
284
00:13:48,445 --> 00:13:50,079
Wow.
285
00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:53,899
You're engaged
to my friend.
286
00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:56,235
Hey, Bernadette doesn't mind
where I get my motor running,
287
00:13:56,237 --> 00:13:59,405
as long as I park
in the right garage.
288
00:14:01,542 --> 00:14:04,243
I can't believe
you're engaged to my friend.
289
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,830
Oh, here she comes.
290
00:14:07,832 --> 00:14:10,233
Smart. Whisper so the deaf chick
can't hear you.
291
00:14:14,972 --> 00:14:16,005
Hi.
292
00:14:16,007 --> 00:14:17,690
Oh, hey, hi.
293
00:14:17,692 --> 00:14:18,775
Nice to see you.
294
00:14:18,777 --> 00:14:22,111
Um, can we talk
to you about Raj?
295
00:14:23,247 --> 00:14:24,781
She says, "Sure,
what about him""
296
00:14:24,783 --> 00:14:27,367
Okay, um, gosh,
how do I start?
297
00:14:27,369 --> 00:14:31,103
Um, see, Raj is
kind of naive.
298
00:14:31,105 --> 00:14:33,539
I mean, he hasn't dated
a whole lot of women.
299
00:14:33,541 --> 00:14:37,410
And I'm concerned that,
without meaning to,
300
00:14:37,412 --> 00:14:38,961
you might be
taking advantage of him.
301
00:14:38,963 --> 00:14:41,614
You know, by letting him buy you
a bunch of expensive things.
302
00:14:41,616 --> 00:14:42,715
And I-I...
303
00:14:42,717 --> 00:14:44,467
Howard, focus.
304
00:14:44,469 --> 00:14:45,835
Tell her what I'm saying.
305
00:14:45,837 --> 00:14:46,836
Right.
306
00:14:46,838 --> 00:14:48,638
Are you a gold digger or not?
307
00:14:50,708 --> 00:14:52,508
Oh, uh, something,
something,
308
00:14:52,510 --> 00:14:54,410
who the something do
you think you are?
309
00:14:54,412 --> 00:14:55,978
Mind your own
something business
310
00:14:55,980 --> 00:14:58,681
and go something
yourself.
311
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:00,350
Oh.
312
00:15:00,352 --> 00:15:02,735
Wait, I got
this now.
313
00:15:05,489 --> 00:15:06,972
I'm so mad at you!
314
00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:08,107
Okay, wait...
315
00:15:08,109 --> 00:15:10,076
How dare you ambush my
girlfriend at the gym!
316
00:15:10,078 --> 00:15:11,744
We didn't mean
for it to be an ambush.
317
00:15:11,746 --> 00:15:15,581
Just, it's kind of impossible
not to sneak up on deaf people.
318
00:15:15,583 --> 00:15:19,252
And hey, since when
are you so chatty?
319
00:15:19,254 --> 00:15:20,486
I'm hammered.
320
00:15:20,488 --> 00:15:21,954
Raj, come here.
321
00:15:21,956 --> 00:15:24,874
This girl is trouble.
322
00:15:24,876 --> 00:15:26,592
I mean, what kind of
relationship is it
323
00:15:26,594 --> 00:15:29,128
where you buy her gifts
and she gives you sex?
324
00:15:29,130 --> 00:15:31,931
The best one I ever had!
325
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,267
Okay, come on.
326
00:15:34,269 --> 00:15:35,802
You know you
can do better.
327
00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:38,337
Aha.
328
00:15:38,339 --> 00:15:39,972
I see what's going on here.
329
00:15:39,974 --> 00:15:43,059
You and I had
our crazy night together,
330
00:15:43,061 --> 00:15:45,812
and now you can't stand
to see me with another woman.
331
00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:47,697
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- It's okay.
332
00:15:47,699 --> 00:15:49,432
I can't get mad
at your feelings.
333
00:15:49,434 --> 00:15:50,700
I don't have feelings.
334
00:15:50,702 --> 00:15:51,684
Yeah, that's good.
335
00:15:51,686 --> 00:15:53,786
Keep telling
yourself that.
336
00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:57,623
He is cuter
now that I know he's rich.
337
00:16:01,412 --> 00:16:04,196
I have a surprise
for you.
338
00:16:04,198 --> 00:16:05,465
Cover your eyes.
339
00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:09,752
Open them.
340
00:16:19,096 --> 00:16:21,347
It's a real ruby.
341
00:16:21,349 --> 00:16:24,150
It was a little
expensive,
342
00:16:24,152 --> 00:16:28,020
but no one can put
a price on love.
343
00:16:28,022 --> 00:16:31,491
Although, the people at Cartier
took a pretty good shot at it.
344
00:16:38,115 --> 00:16:39,415
Oh, Mummy, Daddy.
345
00:16:39,417 --> 00:16:40,783
What a nice surprise.
346
00:16:40,785 --> 00:16:44,470
No, it's not a nice surprise,
it's a bad surprise.
347
00:16:45,639 --> 00:16:46,572
Penny called us.
348
00:16:46,574 --> 00:16:47,673
Penny?
349
00:16:47,675 --> 00:16:49,058
She told us
you're spending all our money
350
00:16:49,060 --> 00:16:50,226
on your new girlfriend.
351
00:16:50,994 --> 00:16:53,596
I just got her a
couple of things.
352
00:16:53,598 --> 00:16:55,781
She gives me things, too.
353
00:16:55,783 --> 00:16:56,966
Yeah, yeah, I'm
a gynecologist.
354
00:16:56,968 --> 00:16:59,669
I know exactly
what she gives you.
355
00:17:00,771 --> 00:17:04,106
You need to find a nice
Indian girl from a good family.
356
00:17:04,108 --> 00:17:06,425
If you keep seeing this woman,
you're cut off.
357
00:17:06,427 --> 00:17:09,412
What? You're going to make me
choose between the woman I love
358
00:17:09,414 --> 00:17:13,483
and the money I... have
very strong feelings for?
359
00:17:13,485 --> 00:17:15,451
It's up to you.
360
00:17:16,854 --> 00:17:19,388
Well, I choose love.
361
00:17:19,390 --> 00:17:21,073
You're an idiot.
362
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,411
Love doesn't last.
363
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:35,054
Well, he's going to
find out eventually.
364
00:17:35,056 --> 00:17:36,556
Think about it.
365
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:46,482
My parents are making me
choose between money and you.
366
00:17:46,484 --> 00:17:48,851
I choose you.
367
00:17:51,137 --> 00:17:54,106
No, I think we'll have
to return the car.
368
00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:57,493
And that necklace,
yeah, that, too.
369
00:17:57,495 --> 00:17:59,662
But none of those
things matter,
370
00:17:59,664 --> 00:18:02,365
because we have
something better.
371
00:18:02,367 --> 00:18:04,483
We have love.
372
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:17,697
Oh, Penny, I
hurt so bad.
373
00:18:17,699 --> 00:18:19,298
I know, I know.
374
00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:21,300
Sometimes I put
the TV on mute
375
00:18:21,302 --> 00:18:23,519
just to pretend
she's still with me.
376
00:18:29,643 --> 00:18:33,362
But I can't watch the closed
captioning without crying.
377
00:18:35,198 --> 00:18:37,850
Oh, I'm so sorry.
378
00:18:37,852 --> 00:18:39,852
I wish I could
make you feel better.
379
00:18:39,854 --> 00:18:41,571
Seriously?
380
00:18:41,573 --> 00:18:43,706
I'm heartbroken and
you're hitting on me?
381
00:18:43,708 --> 00:18:45,408
What?! No!
382
00:18:45,410 --> 00:18:47,910
Look, Penny,
you're great,
383
00:18:47,912 --> 00:18:50,129
but I had a long talk
with my parents,
384
00:18:50,131 --> 00:18:53,916
and they said if I date an
Indian girl, I get a Maserati.
385
00:19:00,218 --> 00:19:00,984
Mmm.
386
00:19:00,985 --> 00:19:02,185
Oh, cheesecake,
387
00:19:02,187 --> 00:19:03,719
you're just as good as a woman,
388
00:19:03,721 --> 00:19:05,655
even though I can't
have sex with you.
389
00:19:07,457 --> 00:19:09,659
Try throwing it in the microwave
for a few seconds.
390
00:19:14,832 --> 00:19:17,867
Should I use the rest room
or wait until we get home?
391
00:19:17,869 --> 00:19:20,586
Come on, papa needs
to void his bladder.
392
00:19:20,588 --> 00:19:23,673
Oh, that's not what you want
to see after three buttermilks.
393
00:19:25,092 --> 00:19:26,259
Here you go, boys.
394
00:19:26,261 --> 00:19:28,077
I'll pick it up
when you're ready.
395
00:19:28,079 --> 00:19:29,428
Thanks for dinner,
buddy.
396
00:19:29,430 --> 00:19:31,214
Yeah, real big of you.
397
00:19:31,216 --> 00:19:33,199
Hurry, hurry, hurry.
398
00:19:34,143 --> 00:19:35,292
Oh, and don't cheap
out on the tip.
399
00:19:35,294 --> 00:19:36,710
We all know
you're loaded now.
400
00:19:36,712 --> 00:19:40,712
== sync, corrected by elderman ==