1
00:00:02,795 --> 00:00:04,663
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
2
00:00:04,665 --> 00:00:06,231
You work the lunch shift?
3
00:00:06,233 --> 00:00:09,167
Yeah. I've got eight pounds of
salmon that's about to go bad.
4
00:00:09,169 --> 00:00:10,704
Do you know
how to cook it?
5
00:00:10,706 --> 00:00:12,272
- Not really.
- Damn it.
6
00:00:12,274 --> 00:00:15,009
Should have liberated
the iffy chicken.
7
00:00:15,011 --> 00:00:18,446
What are you and Professor
Fussyface up to tonight?
8
00:00:18,448 --> 00:00:21,148
Star Wars on Blu-ray.
9
00:00:21,150 --> 00:00:24,117
Haven't you seen that movie,
like, a thousand times?
10
00:00:24,119 --> 00:00:26,252
Not on Blu-ray.
11
00:00:26,254 --> 00:00:28,287
Only twice on Blu-ray.
12
00:00:28,289 --> 00:00:30,689
Oh, Leonard.
13
00:00:30,691 --> 00:00:34,992
I know, it's
high-resolution sadness.
14
00:00:34,994 --> 00:00:38,161
Well, I'm going to take myself
out to a movie tonight.
15
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:39,362
You want to go?
16
00:00:39,364 --> 00:00:40,796
Really? Do we do that?
17
00:00:40,798 --> 00:00:42,364
What do you mean?
18
00:00:42,366 --> 00:00:44,267
You know, we haven't spent
time alone together
19
00:00:44,269 --> 00:00:45,768
since we broke up.
20
00:00:45,770 --> 00:00:47,671
Oh, it's not a date, Leonard.
21
00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:49,124
It's just a man and a woman
hanging out, not having sex
22
00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:50,542
at the end of the night.
23
00:00:52,411 --> 00:00:55,111
Sounds like
most of my dates.
24
00:00:55,113 --> 00:00:59,449
Oh, dear Lord, get away
from me, you monster!
25
00:00:59,451 --> 00:01:01,751
What is that about?
26
00:01:01,753 --> 00:01:03,653
Well, he's smart
and crazy enough,
27
00:01:03,655 --> 00:01:05,721
he may have actually
created a monster.
28
00:01:05,723 --> 00:01:09,125
Shoo, shoo!
Be gone!
29
00:01:09,127 --> 00:01:10,527
What the hell is going on?
30
00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:13,830
There's a bird outside the
window, and he won't go away.
31
00:01:13,832 --> 00:01:15,832
That is the hell
that is going on.
32
00:01:15,834 --> 00:01:18,302
We have no worms or seeds here.
33
00:01:18,304 --> 00:01:19,770
Shoo, shoo.
34
00:01:19,772 --> 00:01:23,707
Really? On top of everything
else, you're afraid of birds?
35
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:26,009
It's called ornithophobia.
36
00:01:26,011 --> 00:01:27,544
And someday it will
be recognized
37
00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:30,314
as a true disability, and the
landlord will be required by law
38
00:01:30,316 --> 00:01:32,315
to put a giant net
over the building.
39
00:01:33,417 --> 00:01:36,753
Which is unfortunate, because
I have a fear of nets.
40
00:01:36,755 --> 00:01:39,255
So movies, yes or no?
41
00:01:39,257 --> 00:01:41,090
Movies, yes.
42
00:01:41,092 --> 00:01:42,925
Great. I'll see you later.
43
00:01:42,927 --> 00:01:45,394
And remember, he's more afraid
of you than you are of him.
44
00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:46,328
That doesn't help.
45
00:01:46,330 --> 00:01:50,866
No, I was talking
to the bird.
46
00:01:51,834 --> 00:01:56,737
Go away, bird. Go away, bird.
Go away, bird.
47
00:01:56,739 --> 00:01:59,439
Sheldon, just ignore him.
48
00:01:59,441 --> 00:02:03,310
Good idea.
Attention is what birds want.
49
00:02:04,479 --> 00:02:07,715
Oh, much better. All right.
50
00:02:07,717 --> 00:02:09,984
Now I'll just get along
with my life.
51
00:02:12,923 --> 00:02:15,991
Make a pot of tea, Leonard.
It's going to be a long night.
52
00:02:17,126 --> 00:02:20,829
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
53
00:02:20,831 --> 00:02:24,132
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
54
00:02:24,134 --> 00:02:25,767
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
55
00:02:25,769 --> 00:02:28,302
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
56
00:02:28,304 --> 00:02:30,971
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
57
00:02:30,973 --> 00:02:33,641
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
58
00:02:33,643 --> 00:02:35,542
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
59
00:02:35,543 --> 00:02:36,550
♪ Bang! ♪
60
00:02:36,551 --> 00:02:40,536
The Big Bang Theory 5x09
The Ornithophobia Diffusion
Original Air Date on November 10, 2011
61
00:02:40,537 --> 00:02:44,537
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
62
00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:04,245
The bird's still there?
63
00:03:04,247 --> 00:03:06,714
Quick, what does
a hawk sound like?
64
00:03:06,716 --> 00:03:08,482
I don't know--
65
00:03:08,484 --> 00:03:11,485
scree-scree.
66
00:03:11,487 --> 00:03:12,787
Please, that's a seagull.
67
00:03:12,789 --> 00:03:15,156
If you're not going
to help, don't help.
68
00:03:15,158 --> 00:03:17,892
Sorry. Do you think
I'm overdressed?
69
00:03:17,894 --> 00:03:20,195
It depends on the activity.
70
00:03:20,197 --> 00:03:21,796
For a prostate exam, yes.
71
00:03:21,798 --> 00:03:26,368
If you're playing Vegas,
I'd add sequins.
72
00:03:26,370 --> 00:03:27,937
I'm going to the movies
with Penny.
73
00:03:27,939 --> 00:03:30,673
I don't want her to think
that I think it's a date.
74
00:03:30,675 --> 00:03:32,308
Do you think it's a date?
75
00:03:32,310 --> 00:03:34,844
No, but she might think I think
it's a date even though I don't.
76
00:03:34,846 --> 00:03:37,246
Or you might think she thinks you think
it's a date even though she doesn't.
77
00:03:37,248 --> 00:03:40,382
- Are we overthinking this?
- Not at all.
78
00:03:40,384 --> 00:03:42,784
You're right. I'm fine.
I'm wearing this.
79
00:03:42,786 --> 00:03:45,820
Really? A blazer?
All right.
80
00:03:51,993 --> 00:03:53,560
Yes, hello.
81
00:03:53,562 --> 00:03:55,496
This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
82
00:03:55,498 --> 00:03:58,365
I'm at 2311 North Robles Avenue.
83
00:03:58,367 --> 00:04:01,135
I'd like to report
a dangerous wild animal.
84
00:04:01,137 --> 00:04:03,338
A blue jay.
85
00:04:03,340 --> 00:04:06,141
I'm sorry, this is
Animal Control.
86
00:04:06,143 --> 00:04:08,344
I don't understand the laughter.
87
00:04:08,346 --> 00:04:10,813
No, the bird is not in my home.
88
00:04:10,815 --> 00:04:14,751
If he was in my home, I
obviously would have called 911.
89
00:04:14,753 --> 00:04:16,719
Sir, I have no doubt that
there are things
90
00:04:16,721 --> 00:04:18,521
that you're frightened of.
91
00:04:18,523 --> 00:04:21,624
Being stuck in a dead-end
public service job.
92
00:04:21,626 --> 00:04:23,226
Or your wife stepping out on you
93
00:04:23,228 --> 00:04:25,995
because you're stuck in
a dead-end public service job.
94
00:04:25,997 --> 00:04:28,898
Or spiders.
95
00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:31,233
Don't you think I tried
making cat noises?
96
00:04:35,671 --> 00:04:38,640
Too casual?
97
00:04:38,642 --> 00:04:40,542
For an audience
with the queen, yes.
98
00:04:40,544 --> 00:04:43,077
For an evening of passing
a bottle of fortified wine
99
00:04:43,079 --> 00:04:45,646
around a flaming trash can,
you look great.
100
00:05:02,497 --> 00:05:05,032
What am I thinking?
Whiskers.
101
00:05:08,889 --> 00:05:10,027
Oh, hey, if we hurry,
102
00:05:10,028 --> 00:05:11,844
we can make the new
Jennifer Aniston movie.
103
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,045
Oh, yeah, sure.
104
00:05:13,139 --> 00:05:15,472
There's also
an amazing documentary
105
00:05:15,474 --> 00:05:18,809
about building a dam
on a river in South America.
106
00:05:18,811 --> 00:05:23,346
Okay, but the Jennifer Aniston
movie has Jennifer Aniston,
107
00:05:23,348 --> 00:05:25,782
and she's not
building a dam.
108
00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:27,750
Can't argue with that.
109
00:05:27,752 --> 00:05:30,052
- I'll get the tickets.
- Okay.
110
00:05:31,021 --> 00:05:33,956
Actually, you know what?
111
00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:36,859
I think it's about time
I picked a movie we see.
112
00:05:36,861 --> 00:05:39,261
You pick plenty of movies.
113
00:05:39,263 --> 00:05:41,330
No. You always picked,
114
00:05:41,332 --> 00:05:42,898
and it was always the same.
115
00:05:42,900 --> 00:05:45,133
An hour and a half of
beach houses in the rain
116
00:05:45,135 --> 00:05:46,712
until the woman turns
around and realizes love
117
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:48,228
was here all along.
118
00:05:49,673 --> 00:05:53,742
Come on, that is a great movie,
and it starts in ten minutes.
119
00:05:53,744 --> 00:05:55,510
I hate those movies.
120
00:05:55,512 --> 00:05:57,479
- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.
121
00:05:57,481 --> 00:06:01,249
The only reason I went is
because you wanted to see them,
122
00:06:01,251 --> 00:06:03,284
and I wanted to have sex.
123
00:06:03,286 --> 00:06:06,086
To this day, I can't see
a Sandra Bullock movie poster
124
00:06:06,088 --> 00:06:08,855
without getting both
bored and aroused.
125
00:06:08,857 --> 00:06:10,590
Okay, so while we
were going out,
126
00:06:10,592 --> 00:06:14,360
how often would you pretend to like
things just to have sex with me?
127
00:06:14,362 --> 00:06:16,629
All the time.
128
00:06:16,631 --> 00:06:19,532
You're kidding.
129
00:06:19,534 --> 00:06:20,967
Does this sound familiar?
130
00:06:20,969 --> 00:06:23,970
I'd love to go
shoe shopping with you.
131
00:06:23,972 --> 00:06:26,205
Hiking? It's great.
132
00:06:26,207 --> 00:06:29,868
It's 2:00 a.m., of course I want
to go to Korea Town and sing
133
00:06:29,893 --> 00:06:30,956
karaoke with your friends.
134
00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:32,623
Who wouldn't?
135
00:06:33,246 --> 00:06:34,712
Okay, we were going out.
136
00:06:34,714 --> 00:06:36,447
You were going
to get sex anyway.
137
00:06:36,449 --> 00:06:38,791
Really? You would have slept
with me after a three-hour
138
00:06:38,816 --> 00:06:40,675
documentary on dams?
139
00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:45,321
No. No woman would.
140
00:06:45,323 --> 00:06:47,991
See? Now, that's
the great thing.
141
00:06:47,993 --> 00:06:49,859
We're out as friends.
This is not a date.
142
00:06:49,861 --> 00:06:51,327
Sex is off the table.
143
00:06:51,329 --> 00:06:53,930
So, let's go learn how
hydroelectric power
144
00:06:53,932 --> 00:06:57,301
might not be the environmental
bargain you think it is.
145
00:06:57,836 --> 00:07:01,339
Sorry. Spoiler alert.
146
00:07:02,141 --> 00:07:04,542
All right, fine.
147
00:07:04,544 --> 00:07:06,311
Thanks.
148
00:07:06,313 --> 00:07:08,147
Tickets are 11 bucks.
149
00:07:10,918 --> 00:07:14,052
Not a date.
150
00:07:17,123 --> 00:07:19,490
Come on, Sheldon,
Star Wars.
151
00:07:19,492 --> 00:07:21,625
I'm pushing play.
I mean it.
152
00:07:21,627 --> 00:07:22,726
If we don't start soon,
153
00:07:22,728 --> 00:07:26,029
George Lucas is going
to change it again.
154
00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:29,432
This would go a lot faster
155
00:07:29,434 --> 00:07:31,567
if you put your trade school
diploma to work
156
00:07:31,569 --> 00:07:34,503
and helped me set up this
high-frequency tone generator.
157
00:07:34,505 --> 00:07:37,706
I have a Masters degree
from M.I.T.
158
00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:39,341
Yeah, but you've got
a can-do attitude
159
00:07:39,343 --> 00:07:41,010
and that's what's important.
160
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:45,348
I really don't get
your problem with birds.
161
00:07:45,350 --> 00:07:47,284
The question you
should be asking
162
00:07:47,286 --> 00:07:49,887
is what is their problem
with me?
163
00:07:49,889 --> 00:07:54,124
My first memory: A hummingbird
dive-bombing my stroller
164
00:07:54,126 --> 00:07:57,428
to get at the apple juice
in my sippy cup.
165
00:07:57,430 --> 00:07:59,263
Hummingbirds are pretty.
166
00:07:59,265 --> 00:08:03,400
Hummingbirds are the vampires
of the flower world.
167
00:08:04,635 --> 00:08:07,903
Still my first choice
for an ankle tattoo.
168
00:08:09,172 --> 00:08:12,740
Or a dolphin--
I go back and forth.
169
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:16,177
Age seven, a blood-thirsty
chicken chases me up a tree.
170
00:08:16,179 --> 00:08:21,515
Age 12, a magpie tries to steal
the retainer out of my mouth.
171
00:08:21,517 --> 00:08:25,954
Age 16, a parrot in a
pet store calls me fat ass.
172
00:08:26,722 --> 00:08:28,590
Need I go on?
173
00:08:28,592 --> 00:08:30,424
Yes, please. This is way better
than the movie.
174
00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:32,927
All right, Sheldon,
175
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,662
your bird death ray is ready.
176
00:08:34,664 --> 00:08:36,197
It's not a death ray.
177
00:08:36,199 --> 00:08:38,499
It's just a little ultrasonic
blast to scare him off.
178
00:08:38,501 --> 00:08:40,435
Trust me, if I had a death ray,
179
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,136
I wouldn't be living here.
180
00:08:42,138 --> 00:08:44,606
I'd be in my lair
enjoying the money
181
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:47,642
the people of Earth gave me
for not using my death ray.
182
00:08:47,644 --> 00:08:49,677
All right, and in three,
183
00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:51,846
two, one.
184
00:09:00,389 --> 00:09:03,791
That is one
tough birdie.
185
00:09:05,027 --> 00:09:07,128
Come on, you enjoyed
the movie.
186
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,631
I saw you tearing up
when the village got flooded,
187
00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:11,399
and everyone
had to relocate.
188
00:09:11,401 --> 00:09:14,535
No, I was thinking how come
they get to leave and I can't.
189
00:09:15,370 --> 00:09:17,438
I'm going to get some fries.
190
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:18,639
You want anything?
191
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:20,240
- Uh, no, thanks.
- Are you sure?
192
00:09:20,242 --> 00:09:23,377
You always say no, and then
you eat half my fries.
193
00:09:23,379 --> 00:09:25,879
I just eat the little crispy
ones you don't like.
194
00:09:25,881 --> 00:09:28,548
No, I love them.
I save them for the end,
195
00:09:28,550 --> 00:09:30,717
but they're gone
because you ate them.
196
00:09:30,719 --> 00:09:32,119
And why did
197
00:09:32,121 --> 00:09:33,253
I let you eat them?
198
00:09:33,255 --> 00:09:35,255
- To get sex.
- Exactly.
199
00:09:36,458 --> 00:09:38,292
But this is
not a date.
200
00:09:38,294 --> 00:09:40,661
So I ask again,
would you like anything?
201
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:42,497
All right, I'd like
an order of fries.
202
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:45,000
Great. That'll be five dollars.
203
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:49,038
I am having the best time.
204
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:52,041
I'm so glad you suggested
we do this.
205
00:09:52,043 --> 00:09:54,143
Oh, sorry.
206
00:09:54,145 --> 00:09:56,078
No problem.
207
00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,213
What you writing there?
208
00:09:58,215 --> 00:09:59,881
A screenplay.
209
00:09:59,883 --> 00:10:01,882
Its about a guy whose
roommate is having sex
210
00:10:01,884 --> 00:10:05,987
and tells him to go to a bar
and work on his screenplay.
211
00:10:05,989 --> 00:10:09,323
"I Hope Alex Gets Crabs:
The Movie."
212
00:10:09,325 --> 00:10:12,759
- It's a working title.
- Oh.
213
00:10:12,761 --> 00:10:13,927
- I'm Kevin.
- Oh. Penny.
214
00:10:13,929 --> 00:10:15,028
Nice to meet you.
215
00:10:15,030 --> 00:10:17,030
I'll let you get
back to your date.
216
00:10:17,032 --> 00:10:18,798
Oh, no, no.
This isn't a date, no.
217
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,934
Right?
218
00:10:22,736 --> 00:10:24,236
Uh... right.
219
00:10:24,238 --> 00:10:26,806
So have you written anything
I might have seen?
220
00:10:26,808 --> 00:10:29,843
That depends. How much time
do you spend on Yelp?
221
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:44,660
This is ridiculous.
222
00:10:44,662 --> 00:10:47,029
I'm a grown man from Texas.
223
00:10:47,031 --> 00:10:50,666
This isn't a terrifying bird
like a swan or a goose.
224
00:10:52,570 --> 00:10:54,469
It's just a blue jay.
225
00:11:00,008 --> 00:11:02,143
That's a pretty big blue jay.
226
00:11:20,296 --> 00:11:21,963
One...
227
00:11:21,965 --> 00:11:23,031
two...
228
00:11:23,033 --> 00:11:24,233
three.
229
00:11:25,068 --> 00:11:28,036
Go! Shoo!
Am-scray, ird-bay!
230
00:11:28,038 --> 00:11:30,939
Bird in the apartment!
231
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:32,274
Bird in the apartment!
232
00:11:32,276 --> 00:11:34,777
No!
233
00:11:40,097 --> 00:11:43,666
So it is an amazing
documentary.
234
00:11:43,668 --> 00:11:47,503
They need the electricity from
the dam, but at the same time,
235
00:11:47,505 --> 00:11:51,207
they want to preserve
the environment.
236
00:11:51,209 --> 00:11:54,176
You're kidding me.
237
00:11:56,479 --> 00:11:58,814
Uh, can I see you
for a sec over here?
238
00:11:58,816 --> 00:12:00,516
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Just one sec?
239
00:12:00,518 --> 00:12:02,551
No problem.
240
00:12:02,553 --> 00:12:03,552
What's up?
241
00:12:03,554 --> 00:12:04,753
I know what you're doing.
242
00:12:04,755 --> 00:12:06,522
- What am I doing?
- You're going out of your way
243
00:12:06,524 --> 00:12:08,858
to talk to that guy because
I said we weren't on a date.
244
00:12:08,860 --> 00:12:10,726
No, I'm talking to him
because he's cute.
245
00:12:10,728 --> 00:12:11,894
Come on, he's not that cute.
246
00:12:11,896 --> 00:12:13,262
Yes, he is.
247
00:12:13,264 --> 00:12:16,999
With his dorky T-shirt
and his little hipster glasses.
248
00:12:22,839 --> 00:12:25,006
I wear dorky T-shirts
and glasses.
249
00:12:25,008 --> 00:12:27,809
Yes, but when you're tall
and have great cheekbones,
250
00:12:27,811 --> 00:12:29,544
you're doing it ironically.
251
00:12:31,546 --> 00:12:34,248
If that's so, what if I
start talking to a girl?
252
00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:35,783
You should!
253
00:12:35,785 --> 00:12:37,050
I'm serious.
I'll do it.
254
00:12:37,052 --> 00:12:39,653
Good! Go! There are some
girls right over there.
255
00:12:43,357 --> 00:12:44,590
What are you waiting for?
256
00:12:44,592 --> 00:12:47,159
They're in a group.
I'm scared.
257
00:12:48,328 --> 00:12:50,897
Sheldon, what do you
expect us to do?
258
00:12:53,034 --> 00:12:54,468
You're biologists.
259
00:12:54,470 --> 00:12:56,303
Biology is the study
of living things.
260
00:12:56,305 --> 00:12:58,606
That's a living thing;
get cracking.
261
00:13:00,476 --> 00:13:02,744
I specialize in microorganisms,
262
00:13:02,746 --> 00:13:04,479
and Amy studies brains.
263
00:13:04,481 --> 00:13:07,416
Yeah, neither of us
minored in bird-shooing.
264
00:13:07,418 --> 00:13:09,451
Oh, come now.
265
00:13:09,453 --> 00:13:11,320
Your undergraduate work
must have included
266
00:13:11,322 --> 00:13:13,589
a varmints and critters class.
267
00:13:13,591 --> 00:13:16,492
Come back in, Sheldon,
he's not going to hurt you.
268
00:13:16,494 --> 00:13:19,128
He looks friendly.
269
00:13:19,130 --> 00:13:21,296
I think he might
be someone's pet.
270
00:13:21,298 --> 00:13:22,731
No, Bernadette, don't be a hero!
271
00:13:22,733 --> 00:13:26,101
Oh, he's a sweetie.
272
00:13:26,103 --> 00:13:28,003
Yes. It's very sweet.
273
00:13:28,005 --> 00:13:30,439
Now, slowly and carefully,
274
00:13:30,441 --> 00:13:33,276
flush him down the toilet.
275
00:13:36,448 --> 00:13:38,716
Sheldon, the only way
to get past this fear
276
00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:40,017
is to interact with it.
277
00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:42,954
Just like you did
with the mailman.
278
00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:48,059
Every year tens of people around
the world are killed by birds.
279
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:52,097
I'm not going to be
another statistic.
280
00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:55,300
Look how sweet he is.
Come over and say hi.
281
00:13:59,304 --> 00:14:00,905
Come on.
282
00:14:00,907 --> 00:14:02,039
You can do it.
283
00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:03,307
Don't be scared.
284
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:04,941
Come on.
285
00:14:07,545 --> 00:14:10,013
Oh, just pet the bird,
you big baby!
286
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,090
I did it!
287
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,028
I actually did it.
288
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:25,364
Okay, now flush him.
289
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:30,435
So, Leonard,
what do you do for fun?
290
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,503
I'm... let's see.
291
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:34,705
Hiking.
292
00:14:35,673 --> 00:14:37,874
Karaoke in Koreatown.
293
00:14:38,942 --> 00:14:41,143
Any Jennifer Aniston movie.
294
00:14:41,978 --> 00:14:44,379
Hey. Sorry I ditched you.
295
00:14:44,381 --> 00:14:45,780
- No, it's fine. You can ditch away.
- Oh, no, no.
296
00:14:45,782 --> 00:14:47,582
We said we were going to
hang out, let's hang out.
297
00:14:47,584 --> 00:14:49,383
It's cool.
Go back to Kevin.
298
00:14:49,385 --> 00:14:51,052
Oh, he had to leave.
299
00:14:51,054 --> 00:14:52,453
Interesting.
300
00:14:52,455 --> 00:14:54,856
So now that he's gone,
you want to hang out with me.
301
00:14:54,858 --> 00:14:56,457
- This must be Penny.
- Yep.
302
00:14:56,459 --> 00:14:58,826
I totally get it.
303
00:15:01,664 --> 00:15:03,598
Huh? I'm sorry, get what?
304
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,333
Don't worry about it. You know,
there's some guys over there.
305
00:15:05,335 --> 00:15:06,468
You should go talk to them.
306
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,404
No, no. I want to
know what you told her.
307
00:15:08,406 --> 00:15:10,606
That's kind of
between me and...
308
00:15:10,608 --> 00:15:12,608
- Laura.
- Laura.
309
00:15:12,610 --> 00:15:14,143
Oh. Okay, I see.
310
00:15:14,145 --> 00:15:16,412
So while he was telling
you things, did he mention
311
00:15:16,414 --> 00:15:19,448
he owns, not one,
but two Star Trek uniforms?
312
00:15:19,450 --> 00:15:21,584
- Really?
- Yeah. Wears them.
313
00:15:21,586 --> 00:15:23,987
Not just for Halloween.
314
00:15:25,690 --> 00:15:27,424
Hey, pal.
315
00:15:28,726 --> 00:15:31,328
You didn't see me telling
Kevin that you thought
316
00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:34,565
cold wars were only
fought in winter.
317
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:38,401
Okay. Then I'll return the
favor, and I won't tell...
318
00:15:38,403 --> 00:15:39,770
- Laura.
- ...Laura
319
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:44,107
that half the dirty movies
you own are animated.
320
00:15:48,012 --> 00:15:51,314
When you were telling Kevin
about your acting career,
321
00:15:51,316 --> 00:15:54,184
did you mention your
long-running role as "Waitress"
322
00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:57,453
in a local production of
The Cheesecake Factory?
323
00:15:57,455 --> 00:16:01,056
Did you tell her about
your lucky asthma inhaler?
324
00:16:01,992 --> 00:16:04,593
Oh, yeah? Spell "asthma."
325
00:16:06,662 --> 00:16:08,964
A-s...
326
00:16:08,966 --> 00:16:11,066
Take me home.
327
00:16:11,068 --> 00:16:13,035
Maybe I'm not done
hanging out with...
328
00:16:16,072 --> 00:16:17,372
You're right,
it's getting late.
329
00:16:23,913 --> 00:16:25,780
It's remarkable.
330
00:16:25,782 --> 00:16:28,116
All that time spent in fear.
331
00:16:28,118 --> 00:16:29,984
And for what?
332
00:16:29,986 --> 00:16:32,754
He's magnificent.
333
00:16:33,723 --> 00:16:35,023
Oh, dear.
334
00:16:35,025 --> 00:16:37,725
I just realized I haven't
offered you a beverage.
335
00:16:43,499 --> 00:16:47,969
Oh, it's just like my grandma
with her parrot.
336
00:16:47,971 --> 00:16:51,639
And after she lost her marbles
with her remote control.
337
00:16:52,774 --> 00:16:56,010
My phone's on the desk
over there.
338
00:16:56,012 --> 00:16:57,944
Take a picture of us together.
339
00:16:57,946 --> 00:17:00,079
Make it good enough
to go on a mug,
340
00:17:00,081 --> 00:17:02,014
a mouse pad, and a calendar.
341
00:17:07,587 --> 00:17:10,221
If you were a dove,
I'd call you Lovey-Dovey.
342
00:17:10,223 --> 00:17:12,290
Oh. Who am I kidding?
343
00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:14,525
This isn't a moment for strict
adherence to the literal.
344
00:17:14,527 --> 00:17:17,629
You're just my little
Lovey-Dovey, aren't you?
345
00:17:19,064 --> 00:17:20,298
Guess you gotta
have hollow bones
346
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:22,500
to get some sugar around here.
347
00:17:24,636 --> 00:17:27,838
I still think he looks
like someone's pet.
348
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:29,806
Maybe we should put up posters.
349
00:17:29,808 --> 00:17:32,241
Yes. It should have
a big picture of him,
350
00:17:32,243 --> 00:17:36,711
and the words, "Is this
your bird? Not anymore."
351
00:17:38,180 --> 00:17:40,581
We're going to have
so much fun together.
352
00:17:40,583 --> 00:17:43,317
You can carry messages
to all my enemies.
353
00:17:44,619 --> 00:17:48,789
I can tie a string to your leg
and fly you like a kite.
354
00:17:48,791 --> 00:17:50,891
If you're keeping him,
I've got a cage you can borrow.
355
00:17:50,893 --> 00:17:52,959
One of the test monkeys
slipped on a banana peel
356
00:17:52,961 --> 00:17:54,194
and broke his neck.
357
00:17:55,630 --> 00:17:58,866
It was both tragic
and hysterical.
358
00:18:01,236 --> 00:18:02,537
Nonsense.
359
00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:05,640
No. Lovey-Dovey doesn't
sleep in a cage.
360
00:18:05,642 --> 00:18:09,410
No. Lovey-Dovey sleeps
in his very own nest,
361
00:18:09,412 --> 00:18:11,512
which I'm going to get
off the windowsill
362
00:18:11,514 --> 00:18:12,980
and put in my room.
363
00:18:12,982 --> 00:18:15,482
Isn't that right, LD?
364
00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:20,887
No.
365
00:18:20,889 --> 00:18:22,555
Where are you going?
366
00:18:22,557 --> 00:18:24,623
Come back, Lovey-Dovey!
367
00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:26,225
This is your home now!
368
00:18:26,227 --> 00:18:30,930
I already ordered 20 pounds
of bird feed off of Amazon!
369
00:18:32,199 --> 00:18:33,266
He's gone.
370
00:18:33,268 --> 00:18:35,535
I'm sorry, Sheldon.
371
00:18:35,537 --> 00:18:37,670
How could he do this to me?
372
00:18:37,672 --> 00:18:41,842
Get back here, you stupid bird,
so I can love you!
373
00:19:20,732 --> 00:19:23,232
Okay. So...
we went out,
374
00:19:23,234 --> 00:19:25,935
saw a movie,
met some nice people,
375
00:19:25,937 --> 00:19:28,271
said horrible things
about each other in public...
376
00:19:28,273 --> 00:19:30,439
all in all,
a pretty magical night.
377
00:19:31,275 --> 00:19:32,709
Okay, I'm not innocent
in all this,
378
00:19:32,711 --> 00:19:37,314
but you basically called me
stupid, you asthmatic dumbass.
379
00:19:37,316 --> 00:19:40,517
I know, I-I-I crossed a line.
380
00:19:40,519 --> 00:19:42,252
And I'm sorry.
381
00:19:42,254 --> 00:19:44,388
No, no, no, hang on.
I really mean it.
382
00:19:44,390 --> 00:19:46,891
And it's not like when we were
going out, I'd just apologize
383
00:19:46,893 --> 00:19:49,428
for everything
so we could end up in bed.
384
00:19:50,830 --> 00:19:52,331
This is a 100%
385
00:19:52,333 --> 00:19:55,134
sex-is-off-the-table
"I'm sorry."
386
00:19:55,136 --> 00:19:57,369
All right. Thank you.
387
00:19:57,371 --> 00:19:58,470
I'm sorry, too.
388
00:19:58,472 --> 00:20:02,475
Just to be clear,
sex is off the table, right?
389
00:20:02,477 --> 00:20:05,211
Way off.
390
00:20:05,213 --> 00:20:09,281
Maybe we're not ready
to hang out as friends.
391
00:20:09,283 --> 00:20:11,617
I don't know.
Up until the last part,
392
00:20:11,619 --> 00:20:13,719
I was kind of enjoying
take-charge Leonard
393
00:20:13,721 --> 00:20:14,820
with a little backbone.
394
00:20:14,822 --> 00:20:17,423
Picking the movie,
knowing what he wants,
395
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:19,124
a little cocky.
396
00:20:19,126 --> 00:20:20,760
- Really?
- Yeah.
397
00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:25,232
Well, then, I'm putting
sex back on the table.
398
00:20:27,068 --> 00:20:30,338
What do you think about that?
399
00:20:30,340 --> 00:20:32,106
Ooh. Maybe I like it.
400
00:20:32,108 --> 00:20:34,475
You do? Because if that's what
you like, I can be that guy.
401
00:20:34,477 --> 00:20:36,377
I swear, I'll be anything
you want me to be.
402
00:20:36,379 --> 00:20:38,546
Good night, Leonard.
403
00:20:43,219 --> 00:20:46,721
I am such an asthmatic dumbass.
404
00:20:48,223 --> 00:20:50,024
I had a weird night.
405
00:20:50,212 --> 00:20:52,219
Mine was great.
406
00:20:52,220 --> 00:20:54,788
I'm going to be a mommy.
407
00:20:54,790 --> 00:20:58,790
== sync, corrected by elderman ==