1
00:00:02,901 --> 00:00:05,120
Oh, my God.
I love this chicken.
2
00:00:05,122 --> 00:00:06,705
Oh, you know
what they say,
3
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:10,208
best things in life
are free.
4
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:12,177
Okay, you're right.
I eat your food a lot.
5
00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:13,128
Now, how about this?
6
00:00:13,130 --> 00:00:14,929
You can raid my fridge
anytime you want.
7
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:16,715
Oh, that's
very kind of you.
8
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:19,884
Next time I have a hankering to
wash down a D-cell battery
9
00:00:19,886 --> 00:00:21,553
with a jar of
old pickle juice,
10
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,972
I'll come a-knockin'.
11
00:00:23,974 --> 00:00:26,141
Hey, Raj, you didn't
send your RSVP in.
12
00:00:26,143 --> 00:00:29,060
I'm suppose to ask you if you're
bringing someone to the wedding.
13
00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:30,862
I'll let you know.
14
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,197
Well, can you make it soon?
15
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,232
There's a battle royale going on
over the seating charts.
16
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:37,935
In one corner, Bernadette's mom,
in the other three, mine.
17
00:00:37,937 --> 00:00:40,789
Yeah, I hate
wedding receptions.
18
00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:42,207
Yeah, I wish the bride and groom
19
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:43,625
would take a cue
from Bilbo Baggins.
20
00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:46,795
Slip on the ring, disappear,
and everyone goes home.
21
00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:49,631
Mm, you liked
Professor Geyser's wedding.
22
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:52,200
They had a
make-your-own-sundae bar.
23
00:00:52,202 --> 00:00:54,586
Oh, that was
a night to remember.
24
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:59,090
Do you know, on one trip,
I just had a bowl of nuts.
25
00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:01,843
Anyway, you got to let me know
if you have a plus one.
26
00:01:01,845 --> 00:01:04,145
Because if not, my mom's trying
to sneak in the doctor
27
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,598
who sucked the fat
out of her neck.
28
00:01:10,152 --> 00:01:11,653
All right, uh, fine.
29
00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:13,655
I'm coming and
I'm bringing somebody.
30
00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,106
Uh, Koothrappali plus one.
31
00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:15,973
Who you bringing?
32
00:01:15,975 --> 00:01:17,075
Who are you bringing?!
33
00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:20,362
He's bringing me;
who are you bringing?
34
00:01:20,364 --> 00:01:24,148
Wow, what a bunch of
Nosey O'Donnells.
35
00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:25,683
Come on, who is it?
36
00:01:25,685 --> 00:01:27,535
I'm not telling.
37
00:01:27,537 --> 00:01:30,588
I'm from Asia,
I'm mysterious, deal with it.
38
00:01:31,657 --> 00:01:34,342
Howard aren't having
a make-your-own-sundae bar?
39
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:36,177
I don't think so.
40
00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:37,212
Well, you should.
41
00:01:37,214 --> 00:01:39,264
50% of marriages end in divorce,
42
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:43,084
but 100% of make-your-own-sundae
bars end in happiness.
43
00:01:44,169 --> 00:01:47,605
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
44
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:51,226
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
45
00:01:51,228 --> 00:01:52,777
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
46
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,096
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
47
00:01:55,098 --> 00:01:57,732
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
48
00:01:57,734 --> 00:02:00,468
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
49
00:02:00,470 --> 00:02:02,353
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
50
00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:04,622
♪ Bang! ♪
51
00:02:04,647 --> 00:02:07,947
The Big Bang Theory 5x20
The Transporter Malfunction
Original Air Date on March 29, 2012
52
00:02:07,948 --> 00:02:11,248
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
53
00:02:11,267 --> 00:02:13,401
Hello, Mummy, Daddy.
How are you?
54
00:02:13,403 --> 00:02:15,486
Pretty good.
Can't complain.
55
00:02:15,488 --> 00:02:17,055
Oh, I'm sure you can.
56
00:02:17,057 --> 00:02:19,724
Just give it a minute.
57
00:02:19,726 --> 00:02:21,142
Listen, uh,
58
00:02:21,144 --> 00:02:23,361
there's something
I want to talk to you about.
59
00:02:23,363 --> 00:02:25,914
I wasn't ready until now, but...
60
00:02:25,916 --> 00:02:27,481
I think it's time.
61
00:02:27,483 --> 00:02:29,033
It's finally happening.
62
00:02:29,035 --> 00:02:31,636
You're coming out of
the closet, aren't you?
63
00:02:32,688 --> 00:02:35,540
We love you, and we accept
your alternate lifestyle.
64
00:02:35,542 --> 00:02:38,860
Just... keep it to yourself.
65
00:02:38,862 --> 00:02:41,579
No, I'm not gay.
66
00:02:42,298 --> 00:02:44,682
If anything, I'm metrosexual.
67
00:02:44,684 --> 00:02:45,817
What's that?
68
00:02:45,819 --> 00:02:47,518
It means I like women
69
00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:49,771
as well as
their skin-care products.
70
00:02:49,773 --> 00:02:51,489
Well, if you're
not coming out,
71
00:02:51,491 --> 00:02:54,425
why did you call us during
the cricket semifinals?
72
00:02:54,427 --> 00:02:57,562
I'm tired of trying
to meet someone,
73
00:02:57,564 --> 00:03:01,282
and I think I'd like you
to help me find a...
74
00:03:01,284 --> 00:03:03,151
a wife.
75
00:03:03,153 --> 00:03:05,169
And just to clarify...
76
00:03:05,171 --> 00:03:06,938
a female wife?
77
00:03:06,940 --> 00:03:09,290
Yes!
78
00:03:09,292 --> 00:03:12,293
Matchmaking--
very smart move, son.
79
00:03:12,295 --> 00:03:14,445
Much better than
marrying for love.
80
00:03:19,251 --> 00:03:21,853
We married for love.
81
00:03:21,855 --> 00:03:25,523
And it's been
wonderful!
82
00:03:27,810 --> 00:03:32,046
Quantum physics
makes me so happy.
83
00:03:32,048 --> 00:03:33,398
Yeah, I'm glad.
84
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:36,084
It's like looking
at the universe naked.
85
00:03:43,860 --> 00:03:45,743
Hi. Guys got a minute?
86
00:03:45,745 --> 00:03:46,995
Sure. What's up?
87
00:03:46,997 --> 00:03:49,563
Well, I was thinking about
Sheldon's little joke
88
00:03:49,565 --> 00:03:51,699
the other night about me
eating all your food.
89
00:03:51,701 --> 00:03:53,868
Oh! That was no joke.
But...
90
00:03:54,753 --> 00:03:55,870
I understand your confusion,
91
00:03:55,872 --> 00:03:57,956
as I am our group's
resident cutup.
92
00:03:59,591 --> 00:04:00,692
I'm sorry,
93
00:04:00,694 --> 00:04:02,593
you are our resident cutup?
94
00:04:02,595 --> 00:04:04,929
Yes.
95
00:04:04,931 --> 00:04:06,914
Oh, prove it.
96
00:04:06,916 --> 00:04:07,966
Knock-knock.
97
00:04:07,968 --> 00:04:09,634
- Who's there?
- Interrupting physicist.
98
00:04:09,636 --> 00:04:12,553
Interrupting phys...
Muon!
99
00:04:15,307 --> 00:04:17,925
Anyway, I got a little residual
check from my commercial,
100
00:04:17,927 --> 00:04:20,078
and I thought, hey,
how about I get the guys
101
00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:22,430
a little thank you
to pay them back?
102
00:04:22,432 --> 00:04:23,264
So, Sheldon...
103
00:04:23,266 --> 00:04:25,066
ta-da!
104
00:04:25,068 --> 00:04:27,768
A vintage mint-in-box
105
00:04:27,770 --> 00:04:30,771
1975 Mego Star Trek
Transporter
106
00:04:30,773 --> 00:04:32,240
with real transporter action.
107
00:04:32,242 --> 00:04:34,108
Hot darn!
108
00:04:34,110 --> 00:04:36,744
Where did you get that?
109
00:04:36,746 --> 00:04:38,212
From Stuart,
at the comic book store.
110
00:04:38,214 --> 00:04:41,299
You went to the
comic book store by yourself?
111
00:04:41,301 --> 00:04:42,967
Yeah. It was fun.
112
00:04:42,969 --> 00:04:46,304
I walked in, and two different
guys got asthma attacks.
113
00:04:47,306 --> 00:04:49,290
Felt pretty good.
114
00:04:49,292 --> 00:04:51,809
This calls for an
expression of gratitude.
115
00:04:51,811 --> 00:04:54,562
Ooh, am I about to get
a rare Sheldon Cooper hug?
116
00:04:54,564 --> 00:04:56,898
No, not this time.
Then they wouldn't be special.
117
00:04:56,900 --> 00:04:58,299
Thanks, Penny.
118
00:05:00,185 --> 00:05:01,652
You're welcome.
119
00:05:01,654 --> 00:05:03,654
Don't worry,
I didn't forget about you.
120
00:05:03,656 --> 00:05:04,972
Oh...
121
00:05:04,974 --> 00:05:07,191
Leonard, I got you...
122
00:05:07,193 --> 00:05:09,093
a label-maker!
123
00:05:14,983 --> 00:05:18,152
Wow...
124
00:05:18,154 --> 00:05:19,537
No, it's great.
125
00:05:19,539 --> 00:05:22,490
- Also mint-in-box.
- Mm.
126
00:05:22,492 --> 00:05:24,842
And I got you
a transporter, too!
127
00:05:24,844 --> 00:05:26,377
Awesome!
128
00:05:29,882 --> 00:05:32,133
Look, it was actually
designed for
129
00:05:32,135 --> 00:05:33,667
my vintage Mr. Spock
action figure.
130
00:05:33,669 --> 00:05:35,920
Oh, that's great! Let's open
them up and put him in there.
131
00:05:35,922 --> 00:05:37,972
- Open it?!
- Oh, good Lord, no!
132
00:05:37,974 --> 00:05:40,191
Why? They're just toys.
133
00:05:40,193 --> 00:05:42,360
- They're collectibles.
- They're mint-in-box.
134
00:05:42,362 --> 00:05:44,112
Come on. Can't we open
one up and take a look?
135
00:05:44,114 --> 00:05:46,347
No, don't!
136
00:05:46,349 --> 00:05:49,484
Once you open the box,
it loses its value.
137
00:05:49,486 --> 00:05:52,820
Yeah, yeah. My mom gave me the
same lecture about my virginity.
138
00:05:54,623 --> 00:05:56,824
Gotta tell you,
it was a lot more fun
139
00:05:56,826 --> 00:05:59,010
taking it out
and playing with it.
140
00:06:01,413 --> 00:06:04,365
Are you sure you want us here
when you meet this woman?
141
00:06:04,367 --> 00:06:05,333
Oh, yes.
142
00:06:05,335 --> 00:06:06,501
In my culture, it's expected
143
00:06:06,503 --> 00:06:08,503
to have a chaperone
to oversee a first date.
144
00:06:08,505 --> 00:06:11,089
Plus, I want to make a good
impression, and no offense,
145
00:06:11,091 --> 00:06:14,842
but with you guys here,
I look like I'm six-two.
146
00:06:16,345 --> 00:06:19,347
The nuns always chaperoned
the dances at my high school.
147
00:06:19,349 --> 00:06:23,484
They used to make us leave room
between us for the Holy Spirit.
148
00:06:23,486 --> 00:06:25,019
Uh, Hindus do the same thing.
149
00:06:25,021 --> 00:06:28,022
Except they leave room
for a cow.
150
00:06:28,024 --> 00:06:31,576
Listen, I love your charming
racist humor, but any chance
151
00:06:31,578 --> 00:06:33,945
you could not mock
my religion while she's here?
152
00:06:33,947 --> 00:06:36,164
Yesterday, you made fun of me
for eating lox.
153
00:06:36,166 --> 00:06:38,166
It's different, your people
don't worship lox.
154
00:06:38,168 --> 00:06:41,219
Clearly, you've never been
to brunch with my cousins.
155
00:06:42,337 --> 00:06:44,122
So, arranged marriages--
the parents just decide
156
00:06:44,124 --> 00:06:45,923
and then you have
to get married?
157
00:06:45,925 --> 00:06:47,842
No, no, I get a say in it.
158
00:06:47,844 --> 00:06:50,044
But I'm sure whoever shows up
will be better company
159
00:06:50,046 --> 00:06:51,379
than the threesome
I've been having
160
00:06:51,381 --> 00:06:53,931
with Aunt Jemima
and Mrs. Butterworth.
161
00:06:55,851 --> 00:06:57,552
Excuse me, are you Rajesh?
162
00:06:57,554 --> 00:06:58,436
Ah, yes.
163
00:06:58,438 --> 00:06:59,470
You must be Lakshmi.
164
00:06:59,472 --> 00:07:00,754
Uh, nice to meet you.
165
00:07:00,756 --> 00:07:02,223
Nice to meet you, too.
166
00:07:03,109 --> 00:07:04,592
Oh! These are my friends.
167
00:07:04,594 --> 00:07:06,277
- This is Bernadette.
- Hello.
168
00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:08,146
- And this is Howard.
- Nice to meet you.
169
00:07:08,148 --> 00:07:10,698
- You, too.
- Please, have a seat.
170
00:07:10,700 --> 00:07:13,401
I'm thinking double wedding.
171
00:07:17,739 --> 00:07:20,825
Dr. Cooper.
172
00:07:22,628 --> 00:07:25,763
Dr. Cooper?
173
00:07:25,765 --> 00:07:26,998
Is someone there?
174
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,600
Down here.
On your desk.
175
00:07:33,455 --> 00:07:35,289
Spock?
176
00:07:35,291 --> 00:07:38,159
I need to speak with you.
177
00:07:38,161 --> 00:07:41,295
Fascinating.
178
00:07:41,297 --> 00:07:44,649
The only logical explanation
is that this is a dream.
179
00:07:44,651 --> 00:07:47,485
It is not the only
logical explanation.
180
00:07:47,487 --> 00:07:50,054
For example,
you could be hallucinating
181
00:07:50,056 --> 00:07:54,559
after being hit on the head
by, say, a coconut.
182
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:58,312
Was I hit on the head
by a coconut?
183
00:07:58,314 --> 00:08:02,283
I am not going to
dignify that with a response.
184
00:08:03,535 --> 00:08:04,735
Now to the matter at hand.
185
00:08:04,737 --> 00:08:07,305
You need to play
with the transporter toy.
186
00:08:07,307 --> 00:08:08,756
But it's mint-in-box.
187
00:08:08,758 --> 00:08:09,907
Yes.
188
00:08:09,909 --> 00:08:11,993
And to open it
would destroy its value.
189
00:08:11,995 --> 00:08:14,946
But remember, like me,
190
00:08:14,948 --> 00:08:17,014
you also have a human half.
191
00:08:17,016 --> 00:08:21,001
Well, I'm not going to
dignify that with a response.
192
00:08:21,003 --> 00:08:23,421
Consider this.
193
00:08:23,423 --> 00:08:25,289
What is the purpose of a toy?
194
00:08:25,291 --> 00:08:26,691
To be played with.
195
00:08:26,693 --> 00:08:29,694
Therefore, to not
play with it would be...?
196
00:08:29,696 --> 00:08:31,195
Illogical.
197
00:08:31,197 --> 00:08:34,848
Damn it, Spock, you're right.
198
00:08:34,850 --> 00:08:37,118
I'll do it.
199
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:38,686
Sheldon, wait.
200
00:08:39,605 --> 00:08:41,239
You have to wake up first.
201
00:08:41,241 --> 00:08:43,357
Oh, of course.
202
00:08:43,359 --> 00:08:46,677
Set phasers to dumb, right?
203
00:08:47,663 --> 00:08:49,363
Goodie, goodie, goodie!
204
00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:53,167
This is wrong, this is wrong.
205
00:08:53,169 --> 00:08:55,720
I'm so excited,
but this is wrong.
206
00:08:58,590 --> 00:09:00,341
I'm going to do it.
207
00:09:00,343 --> 00:09:02,093
I'm doing it.
208
00:09:02,095 --> 00:09:04,145
I did it.
209
00:09:08,718 --> 00:09:11,569
That's what I always thought
1975 smelled like.
210
00:09:14,656 --> 00:09:17,992
One to beam down,
Mr. Scott.
211
00:09:17,994 --> 00:09:19,827
Aye, aye, Mr. Spock.
212
00:09:19,829 --> 00:09:21,362
Energize.
213
00:09:25,083 --> 00:09:26,851
Energize.
214
00:09:36,878 --> 00:09:38,462
No. No.
215
00:09:38,464 --> 00:09:40,464
Don't be broken.
216
00:09:40,466 --> 00:09:43,100
Oh, please, don't be broken.
217
00:09:44,919 --> 00:09:48,055
What did you make me do?!
218
00:09:48,057 --> 00:09:51,359
Okay, okay, think.
219
00:09:57,783 --> 00:09:59,984
It's only logical.
220
00:10:04,686 --> 00:10:05,572
My goodness,
221
00:10:05,573 --> 00:10:07,189
that was delicious.
222
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:10,992
Well, I hope you saved room
for chocolate lava cake.
223
00:10:10,994 --> 00:10:12,543
Impressive.
224
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,997
What goes into
making something like that?
225
00:10:14,999 --> 00:10:16,715
Well, you start
out by trying to
226
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:19,768
make chocolate soufflé,
and when it falls, you panic,
227
00:10:19,770 --> 00:10:22,671
quickly change the name,
and voila, lava cake.
228
00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:26,975
I bet our parents are dying to
know how things are going here.
229
00:10:26,977 --> 00:10:28,927
Well, let's see.
230
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,097
Yep, three missed calls.
231
00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:33,899
Four missed calls,
two text messages
232
00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:35,967
and a failed video chat.
I win!
233
00:10:37,521 --> 00:10:40,239
So, what are
we going to tell them?
234
00:10:40,241 --> 00:10:43,075
I'd like to tell them
things are going well.
235
00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:44,243
Me, too.
236
00:10:44,245 --> 00:10:45,911
But before we get
their hopes up,
237
00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:48,363
we should probably make sure
we're on the same page.
238
00:10:48,365 --> 00:10:50,282
Okay.
239
00:10:50,284 --> 00:10:52,668
What page are you on?
240
00:10:52,670 --> 00:10:53,952
I'm on the one
241
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:56,121
where I'm under
a lot of pressure
242
00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,657
from my parents to get married
and settle down
243
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,292
and have a family,
244
00:11:00,294 --> 00:11:03,445
and I'm going to do it
so they don't find out I'm gay.
245
00:11:05,114 --> 00:11:07,516
Say again?
246
00:11:07,518 --> 00:11:08,850
I'm gay.
247
00:11:08,852 --> 00:11:11,620
Like... dude-on-dude,
248
00:11:11,622 --> 00:11:14,256
but with women?
249
00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:16,725
I know a fake marriage
isn't an honest way to live,
250
00:11:16,727 --> 00:11:19,177
but you of all people
should know how difficult it is
251
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,679
to come out in our culture.
252
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:23,515
Why me of all people?!
253
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,968
Well, there's a rumor
back in New Delhi that you're--
254
00:11:25,970 --> 00:11:27,469
how shall we say--
255
00:11:27,471 --> 00:11:30,122
comfortable in a sari.
256
00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:32,207
I'm not gay!
257
00:11:32,209 --> 00:11:33,709
Really? The chocolate lava cake,
258
00:11:33,711 --> 00:11:36,378
the little soaps
in the bathroom, and I'm sorry,
259
00:11:36,380 --> 00:11:39,081
but you're wearing
more perfume than I am.
260
00:11:39,083 --> 00:11:43,552
That's Unbreakable
by Khloe and Lamar.
261
00:11:43,554 --> 00:11:46,254
And for your information,
it's unisex.
262
00:11:46,256 --> 00:11:47,973
Fill in the blank.
263
00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:49,708
I love the nightlife...
264
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:51,159
I like to boogie.
265
00:11:51,161 --> 00:11:52,210
Got you.
266
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:55,847
With women! I like
to boogie with women!
267
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:57,783
That's disappointing.
268
00:11:57,785 --> 00:12:00,485
You were exactly the kind
of phony-baloney husband
269
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,054
I was looking for.
270
00:12:02,056 --> 00:12:03,722
Thank you.
271
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:07,693
And once again, my
baloney likes girls.
272
00:12:07,695 --> 00:12:10,061
W-W-Wait!
273
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,280
You don't want to put a
bite of that in your mouth
274
00:12:12,282 --> 00:12:14,716
without trying my
homemade Chantilly cream.
275
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:18,387
Yeah, okay,
that time I heard it.
276
00:12:30,633 --> 00:12:34,019
Oh, dear.
277
00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:37,522
Two suns and no sunscreen.
278
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:43,595
Hello again, Sheldon.
279
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:48,467
What is it now, Tiny Spock?
280
00:12:48,469 --> 00:12:50,535
I am very disappointed in you.
281
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:53,138
You broke your toy
and switched it with Leonard's.
282
00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:55,507
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
283
00:12:55,509 --> 00:12:58,243
You're the one who told
me to play with it.
284
00:12:58,245 --> 00:13:00,545
If I told you to jump off
the bridge of the Enterprise,
285
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,013
would you do it?
286
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:04,916
Oh, if I got on the bridge
of the Enterprise,
287
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:07,502
I would never, ever leave.
288
00:13:07,504 --> 00:13:11,656
Trust me, it gets old
after a while.
289
00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:15,160
You must right
your wrongs, Sheldon.
290
00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:17,128
Why? I got away with it.
291
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:20,649
Leonard has his toy,
and he's never going to open it,
292
00:13:20,651 --> 00:13:22,434
so he won't know it's broken.
293
00:13:22,436 --> 00:13:24,770
And I have a toy
that isn't broken.
294
00:13:24,772 --> 00:13:26,104
Everybody's happy.
295
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,856
Well, I am unhappy.
296
00:13:27,858 --> 00:13:30,792
I thought where you come from
they don't have emotions.
297
00:13:30,794 --> 00:13:35,363
I come from a factory
in Taiwan.
298
00:13:36,265 --> 00:13:37,833
Now, do the right thing.
299
00:13:37,835 --> 00:13:39,501
You know what you are?
300
00:13:39,503 --> 00:13:42,654
Well, you're
a green-blooded buzz kill.
301
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:45,156
Perhaps it's time
you beam on out of here.
302
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,091
Fine.
303
00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:48,243
I will just use
the transporter.
304
00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:49,511
Oh, right.
305
00:13:49,513 --> 00:13:51,947
You broke it.
306
00:13:51,949 --> 00:13:54,132
Very well.
307
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:57,219
Cooper to Enterprise,
one to beam up.
308
00:13:57,221 --> 00:13:59,354
Energize.
309
00:14:10,551 --> 00:14:13,502
Tiny Spock, help.
310
00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:19,708
Ready for lunch?
311
00:14:19,710 --> 00:14:21,159
Yeah, one sec.
312
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:23,378
Oh, good.
Ma would've killed me
313
00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:26,748
if she found out
I broke my retainer.
314
00:14:28,184 --> 00:14:29,634
Hey, uh...
315
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:32,036
can I run something by you?
It's about Lakshmi.
316
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,922
Yeah, sure.
How are things going?
317
00:14:33,924 --> 00:14:35,724
We hit a couple
of bumps.
318
00:14:35,726 --> 00:14:36,892
She lives
over in Manhattan Beach,
319
00:14:36,894 --> 00:14:39,010
so it takes, like, an hour
to get there.
320
00:14:39,729 --> 00:14:41,446
And she's a lesbian.
321
00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:44,599
What do you mean,
"she's a lesbian"?
322
00:14:44,601 --> 00:14:46,852
Well, you know how
whenever you and I would try
323
00:14:46,854 --> 00:14:49,220
to hit on women in bars
and they'd blow us off
324
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,406
and then we'd tell each other
they were probably gay?
325
00:14:51,408 --> 00:14:52,407
It's like that.
326
00:14:52,409 --> 00:14:55,393
Except this time, it's true.
327
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,729
Then why did she even
go out with you?
328
00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,030
She was looking
329
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:01,416
for a husband so she can
appear to be straight.
330
00:15:01,418 --> 00:15:02,667
And, you know,
331
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:05,287
it sounded crazy
to me at first...
332
00:15:05,289 --> 00:15:08,406
but I'm actually
thinking about doing it.
333
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,927
Okay, so the reason
that might sound crazy...
334
00:15:11,929 --> 00:15:14,296
is 'cause it's crazy!
335
00:15:14,298 --> 00:15:16,298
Look, Howard,
you're in a relationship.
336
00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:18,800
You know you have
to make compromises.
337
00:15:18,802 --> 00:15:21,520
Yes, but my compromises
are about which bedspread to buy
338
00:15:21,522 --> 00:15:24,139
or whose turn
it is to do the laundry,
339
00:15:24,141 --> 00:15:26,057
Bernadette's or my mom's.
340
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:31,196
It's a great deal.
341
00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:32,931
We both get our parents
off our backs,
342
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:35,534
I don't have to come home to an
empty apartment every night.
343
00:15:35,536 --> 00:15:38,203
Plus, once I'm married, I
can finally eat carbs again
344
00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:40,956
and let myself go.
345
00:15:40,958 --> 00:15:43,274
Why don't you
tell your parents
346
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,660
you want to try
to find someone else?
347
00:15:45,662 --> 00:15:48,713
Maybe one who hasn't slept with
more woman than you.
348
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:51,333
Because this one
wants to marry me.
349
00:15:51,335 --> 00:15:54,285
I might never find
another one who does.
350
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,471
So you're seriously thinking
about marrying someone
351
00:15:56,473 --> 00:15:58,473
you're never gonna
have sex with?
352
00:15:58,475 --> 00:15:59,925
I can't believe your attitude.
353
00:15:59,927 --> 00:16:03,011
I thought you were in favor
of gay people getting married.
354
00:16:04,947 --> 00:16:07,265
Yes, to other gay people!
355
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:11,453
Do you hear how
homophobic you sound?
356
00:16:51,727 --> 00:16:54,679
Oh, I don't want a broken toy.
357
00:16:57,617 --> 00:17:00,535
Nothing!
358
00:17:00,537 --> 00:17:02,037
What?
359
00:17:02,039 --> 00:17:04,239
Nothing. I said nothing.
360
00:17:04,241 --> 00:17:05,240
That was weird.
361
00:17:05,242 --> 00:17:07,575
Really? I don't
even notice anymore.
362
00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:11,529
I cannot believe you guys
aren't gonna play with these.
363
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,531
Well, I told you, you don't.
It's mint-in-box.
364
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:16,368
I don't know.
I just think it's a waste.
365
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:24,375
Relax. I'm just
looking at the box.
366
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,061
Perhaps you should
look with your eyes
367
00:17:26,063 --> 00:17:29,380
and not your muscular
Nebraska man hands.
368
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:32,383
What is your problem?!
369
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:35,553
My problem is that I don't want
you to break Leonard's toy.
370
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,439
Which you probably
did by shaking it!
371
00:17:37,441 --> 00:17:40,275
She shook it,
we all saw her.
372
00:17:40,277 --> 00:17:41,576
Leonard, I bought you this
373
00:17:41,578 --> 00:17:43,611
'cause I wanted you
to have fun with it.
374
00:17:43,613 --> 00:17:45,580
I don't want it
to sit in this box.
375
00:17:45,582 --> 00:17:48,199
You know,
you're right.
376
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:49,334
I mean,
it's from you,
377
00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:51,586
I'm never
gonna sell it.
378
00:17:51,588 --> 00:17:53,071
- I'm opening it.
- Yes!
379
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:07,185
- It's broken.
- What?
380
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:09,304
Oh, nice job, man hands!
381
00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:11,723
I didn't break it.
382
00:18:11,725 --> 00:18:14,809
I guess Stuart
sold it to me like this.
383
00:18:14,811 --> 00:18:17,395
Yes. Yes, he did.
384
00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:20,865
That is a perfectly satisfying
and plausible explana...
385
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:22,584
Let's all be mad at Stuart!
386
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:25,453
You know, I paid
a lot for this.
387
00:18:25,455 --> 00:18:27,271
Let's take it
over there and show him.
388
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,757
Absolutely.
389
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:32,460
Wait!
390
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:37,132
It was me.
391
00:18:38,300 --> 00:18:40,468
I opened your toy...
392
00:18:40,470 --> 00:18:44,422
discovered it was broken
and didn't tell you.
393
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:47,008
Why would you
open mine?
394
00:18:47,010 --> 00:18:49,227
I didn't. That was a lie.
395
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,980
I opened my own toy...
396
00:18:51,982 --> 00:18:55,517
and it was already broken,
so I switched them.
397
00:18:55,519 --> 00:18:57,986
You should talk
to Stuart.
398
00:18:57,988 --> 00:19:00,088
I can't, because that was a lie.
399
00:19:01,323 --> 00:19:03,691
Yours was broken
in an earthquake--
400
00:19:03,693 --> 00:19:06,111
and that's a lie.
401
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,814
What is the truth?
402
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,584
My Mr. Spock doll
came to me in a dream
403
00:19:12,586 --> 00:19:14,335
and forced me to open it.
404
00:19:14,337 --> 00:19:18,423
And when the toy broke,
I switched it for yours.
405
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:20,491
Later, he encouraged me
to do the right thing,
406
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,826
and I defied him.
407
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:25,130
And then I was attacked
by a Gorn.
408
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,052
Okay, that I believe.
409
00:19:31,054 --> 00:19:33,504
Leonard, Penny, I just,
I want you both to know
410
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:35,840
that I regret my actions
towards the two of you.
411
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,842
That's a lie.
412
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:40,395
So, is that one mine?
413
00:19:40,397 --> 00:19:41,396
Yes.
414
00:19:41,398 --> 00:19:43,481
Well, hand it over
so I can open it.
415
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,116
Okay.
416
00:19:45,118 --> 00:19:47,852
And, Leonard, even though
I don't have one anymore,
417
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,188
I hope you have fun
playing with it.
418
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:53,041
And that's a lie, right?
It's a big, fat whopper.
419
00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:56,377
I hope it breaks.
420
00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:04,243
This is a treat.
421
00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:06,110
What brings
you guys by?
422
00:20:06,112 --> 00:20:09,463
Raj, Howie told me what's
going on with you and Lakshmi.
423
00:20:09,465 --> 00:20:10,998
You told her?
424
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,434
I told everybody.
425
00:20:14,786 --> 00:20:16,337
We believe there's
someone out there
426
00:20:16,339 --> 00:20:17,839
who will love
you for you.
427
00:20:17,841 --> 00:20:19,707
Actually, we kind of
agreed to disagree
428
00:20:19,709 --> 00:20:21,759
on that one,
but we both think
429
00:20:21,761 --> 00:20:23,994
you shouldn't
marry this woman.
430
00:20:23,996 --> 00:20:26,997
So, while I'm waiting for
this mysterious perfect match
431
00:20:26,999 --> 00:20:30,351
who may or may not exist,
I'm supposed to just be alone?
432
00:20:30,353 --> 00:20:32,687
Not necessarily.
I think
433
00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:36,607
we found someone
for you to cuddle with.
434
00:20:36,609 --> 00:20:39,610
Oh, my goodness.
435
00:20:39,612 --> 00:20:43,847
Aren't you the cutest
little Yorkie ever!
436
00:20:45,033 --> 00:20:46,850
You got him for me?
437
00:20:46,852 --> 00:20:50,238
Her. We thought you two
would hit it off.
438
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,689
I think we already have.
439
00:20:51,691 --> 00:20:53,524
Thank you guys so much.
440
00:20:53,778 --> 00:20:57,580
Let's go see
if you fit in my man purse.
441
00:20:59,352 --> 00:21:01,218
Heterosexual, my ass.
442
00:21:01,220 --> 00:21:05,220
== sync, corrected by elderman ==