1
00:00:03,693 --> 00:00:06,695
Well, I must say, Leonard,
when I first heard
2
00:00:06,697 --> 00:00:11,250
your idea for Giant Jenga,
I was skeptical.
3
00:00:12,669 --> 00:00:17,039
I can't blame you-- Tiny Twister
was a complete bust.
4
00:00:17,041 --> 00:00:18,257
No, I was wrong.
5
00:00:18,259 --> 00:00:20,960
The looming threat
of being crushed
6
00:00:20,962 --> 00:00:24,597
under a pile of lumber
does add a certain spice.
7
00:00:26,132 --> 00:00:28,217
I've never felt so alive.
8
00:00:29,469 --> 00:00:32,054
(knock on door)
9
00:00:32,056 --> 00:00:34,557
Oh, hello, Alex.
10
00:00:34,559 --> 00:00:36,642
Uh, let me go get you
last night's recordings.
11
00:00:36,644 --> 00:00:37,860
What recordings?
12
00:00:37,862 --> 00:00:40,396
Well, you remember when
you told me I talk in my sleep?
13
00:00:40,398 --> 00:00:43,065
Well, it occurred to me that,
like most things I say,
14
00:00:43,067 --> 00:00:45,601
it's probably pure gold.
15
00:00:45,603 --> 00:00:47,736
So I started recording it all,
16
00:00:47,738 --> 00:00:49,371
and now Alex gets
to comb through
17
00:00:49,373 --> 00:00:52,458
eight hours of what I like
to call "Sheldon After Dark."
18
00:00:52,460 --> 00:00:55,211
Hey, Leonard.
Hey.
19
00:00:55,213 --> 00:00:57,213
Just playing a little
Giant Jenga here.
20
00:00:57,215 --> 00:00:59,632
Oh, I know-- I'm the one
who had to buy him the helmet.
21
00:01:00,533 --> 00:01:02,918
So, do you have any plans
this weekend?
22
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,104
Well, most of Saturday's
gonna be figuring out
23
00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:06,755
where to put this game
when we're done.
24
00:01:06,757 --> 00:01:08,424
How about you?
25
00:01:08,426 --> 00:01:10,342
Oh, I'm gonna go see
Kip Thorne give a lecture
26
00:01:10,344 --> 00:01:12,978
on subatomic space-time.
Ooh.
27
00:01:12,980 --> 00:01:15,180
That's his take on John
Wheeler's quantum foam.
28
00:01:15,182 --> 00:01:16,315
That should be great.
29
00:01:16,317 --> 00:01:18,651
Well, if you want,
you can come with me.
30
00:01:18,653 --> 00:01:20,936
Ah, I'd love to, but I'm
supposed to hang out with Penny.
31
00:01:20,938 --> 00:01:21,904
Well, bring her.
32
00:01:21,906 --> 00:01:22,905
Well, she's not really
33
00:01:22,907 --> 00:01:24,406
into that kind of stuff.
34
00:01:24,408 --> 00:01:25,774
Yeah, okay.
35
00:01:25,776 --> 00:01:27,392
Well, if you want to hear
about the lecture,
36
00:01:27,394 --> 00:01:30,029
I can tell you all about it
at work, or, you know,
37
00:01:30,031 --> 00:01:31,447
over dinner sometime.
38
00:01:31,449 --> 00:01:32,915
What?
39
00:01:36,019 --> 00:01:38,787
Jenga, I win!
40
00:01:40,173 --> 00:01:43,575
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
41
00:01:43,577 --> 00:01:47,245
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
42
00:01:47,247 --> 00:01:48,764
♪ The Earth began to cool
43
00:01:48,766 --> 00:01:51,533
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
44
00:01:51,535 --> 00:01:53,569
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
45
00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:56,188
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
46
00:01:56,190 --> 00:01:58,590
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
47
00:01:58,592 --> 00:02:00,159
♪ Bang! ♪
48
00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:03,461
♪ The Big Bang Theory 6x12 ♪
The Egg Salad Equivalency
Original Air Date on January 3, 2013
49
00:02:03,462 --> 00:02:06,462
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
50
00:02:06,513 --> 00:02:08,864
Oh, come on, that
can't be true.
51
00:02:08,866 --> 00:02:11,567
I did the research--
Tony the Tiger,
52
00:02:11,569 --> 00:02:15,321
Dig'em the Frog, Cap'n Crunch,
Toucan Sam, Count Chocula,
53
00:02:15,323 --> 00:02:18,874
Trix the Rabbit,
Snap, Crackle and Pop.
54
00:02:18,876 --> 00:02:21,827
Not one cereal
mascot is a girl.
55
00:02:22,712 --> 00:02:27,032
It's a total breakfast
sausage fest.
56
00:02:27,034 --> 00:02:28,501
Are we done with this?
57
00:02:28,503 --> 00:02:31,053
Almost-- Franken Berry,
Boo Berry,
58
00:02:31,055 --> 00:02:33,205
Sugar Bear and the
Honey Nut Cheerio bee,
59
00:02:33,207 --> 00:02:35,707
I believe his name is Buzz.
60
00:02:35,709 --> 00:02:37,209
Terrific.
61
00:02:37,211 --> 00:02:39,545
Something weird happened and I
don't know what to do about it.
62
00:02:39,547 --> 00:02:40,429
What's going on?
63
00:02:40,431 --> 00:02:41,647
Sheldon's assistant asked me
64
00:02:41,649 --> 00:02:42,765
on a date last night.
65
00:02:42,767 --> 00:02:44,600
How could you do that to me?
66
00:02:44,602 --> 00:02:47,186
You know I've been working it
with Alex for weeks.
67
00:02:47,188 --> 00:02:49,855
Working it?
You can't even talk to her.
68
00:02:49,857 --> 00:02:52,057
I talk with my eyes.
69
00:02:57,948 --> 00:02:59,915
You look like
my little cousin
70
00:02:59,917 --> 00:03:02,585
when he's dropping
one in his diaper.
71
00:03:02,587 --> 00:03:05,204
She knows I have a girlfriend.
72
00:03:05,206 --> 00:03:07,122
It's so weird.
73
00:03:07,124 --> 00:03:08,924
Oh, my God. You're
loving this.
74
00:03:08,926 --> 00:03:10,242
To my bones.
75
00:03:10,244 --> 00:03:11,577
(chuckling)
76
00:03:11,579 --> 00:03:13,912
I mean, I'm not gonna do
anything about it.
77
00:03:13,914 --> 00:03:17,016
I love Penny. It's just nice to
have a young, attractive woman
78
00:03:17,018 --> 00:03:18,884
sniffing around the goods.
79
00:03:18,886 --> 00:03:21,854
I both hate you
and want to be you.
80
00:03:21,856 --> 00:03:25,391
This is Ryan Gosling
all over again.
81
00:03:25,393 --> 00:03:26,809
Aw, gentlemen.
82
00:03:26,811 --> 00:03:29,695
What is on the conversational
menu this morning?
83
00:03:29,697 --> 00:03:31,480
Leonard stole my woman,
and he knew full well
84
00:03:31,482 --> 00:03:34,400
I was only six to eight months
away from making my move.
85
00:03:35,318 --> 00:03:37,319
I didn't steal anyone.
86
00:03:37,321 --> 00:03:39,204
Your assistant is totally
hitting on this jerk
87
00:03:39,206 --> 00:03:40,489
and he loves it.
88
00:03:40,491 --> 00:03:42,875
Well, that's not
acceptable.
89
00:03:42,877 --> 00:03:44,443
I'm her boss.
90
00:03:44,445 --> 00:03:46,745
She needs to be solely
focused on my needs,
91
00:03:46,747 --> 00:03:51,834
not distracted by your pasty,
androgynous brand of sexuality.
92
00:03:52,552 --> 00:03:54,953
I'm androgynous?
93
00:03:54,955 --> 00:03:56,455
Oh, please.
Look at you
94
00:03:56,457 --> 00:03:59,341
with your pouty
bee-stung lips.
95
00:03:59,343 --> 00:04:01,644
What do you guys
think I should do?
96
00:04:01,646 --> 00:04:04,513
I say you tell Alex
your heart belongs to Penny,
97
00:04:04,515 --> 00:04:06,398
I provide her a shoulder
to cry on,
98
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,635
and then roughly half a year
later I give it to her good.
99
00:04:12,322 --> 00:04:15,774
I want to thank you all for
coming on such short notice.
100
00:04:15,776 --> 00:04:17,776
Uh, in the past,
I've reached out
101
00:04:17,778 --> 00:04:20,145
to each of you
individually, but
102
00:04:20,147 --> 00:04:22,531
I believe my present situation
103
00:04:22,533 --> 00:04:25,534
requires the collective wisdom
of the group,
104
00:04:25,536 --> 00:04:28,820
which as you can see from
your commemorative T-shirts
105
00:04:28,822 --> 00:04:30,656
I have dubbed
106
00:04:30,658 --> 00:04:34,893
Sheldon Cooper's
Council of Ladies.
107
00:04:36,513 --> 00:04:38,681
What is happening?
108
00:04:38,683 --> 00:04:43,602
I need your advice about
a delicate workplace situation.
109
00:04:43,604 --> 00:04:45,337
Uh, to protect
those involved,
110
00:04:45,339 --> 00:04:47,439
I'll be changing their names.
111
00:04:47,441 --> 00:04:48,807
Who's involved?
112
00:04:48,809 --> 00:04:52,177
Well, a short, bespectacled
colleague of mine
113
00:04:52,179 --> 00:04:55,898
who lives in the shadow
of his brilliant roommate.
114
00:04:55,900 --> 00:04:57,099
Let's call
115
00:04:57,101 --> 00:05:00,903
this colleague
Ricardo Shilly-Shally.
116
00:05:01,705 --> 00:05:03,022
You're talking
about Leonard.
117
00:05:03,024 --> 00:05:06,792
No, no, Shilly-Shally
has red hair
118
00:05:06,794 --> 00:05:11,046
and, uh, he briefly served
in the Mexican Navy.
119
00:05:13,516 --> 00:05:16,669
Anyway, despite the fact
that he has a girlfriend,
120
00:05:16,671 --> 00:05:19,204
Shilly-Shally has been
the recipient
121
00:05:19,206 --> 00:05:22,891
of inappropriate workplace
flirtations from a young lady.
122
00:05:22,893 --> 00:05:24,476
It's your assistant Alex,
isn't it?
123
00:05:24,478 --> 00:05:26,712
(stutters)
No.
124
00:05:26,714 --> 00:05:31,100
Not... No. This is
Tondelaya della Ventimiglia.
125
00:05:31,935 --> 00:05:33,252
Wait, what the hell's
going on
126
00:05:33,254 --> 00:05:34,770
with Leonard and Alex?
(stutters) No,
127
00:05:34,772 --> 00:05:36,905
I'm sorry. Who's talking
about Leonard and Alex?
128
00:05:36,907 --> 00:05:37,889
W...
129
00:05:37,891 --> 00:05:40,993
Fine. Ricardo and Tondelaya.
130
00:05:40,995 --> 00:05:43,779
Okay, look, it's not really
about Ricardo and Tondelaya.
131
00:05:43,781 --> 00:05:46,248
It is really about her boss,
132
00:05:46,250 --> 00:05:47,533
who doesn't quite know
133
00:05:47,535 --> 00:05:49,084
how to handle this situation
134
00:05:49,086 --> 00:05:50,586
and could use your advice,
135
00:05:50,588 --> 00:05:55,257
which is surprising because
Dr. Einstein Von Brainstorm...
136
00:05:56,526 --> 00:05:58,961
He's usually pretty smart
about these things.
137
00:05:58,963 --> 00:06:01,296
(groans)
I'm gonna kill her.
138
00:06:01,298 --> 00:06:02,881
I'm sure you've got nothing
to worry about.
139
00:06:02,883 --> 00:06:04,516
Leonard would never
cheat on you.
140
00:06:04,518 --> 00:06:05,517
She's right.
141
00:06:05,519 --> 00:06:07,352
But say the word--
I got a lab full
142
00:06:07,354 --> 00:06:10,589
of cocaine-addicted monkeys
with nothing to lose.
143
00:06:11,858 --> 00:06:14,943
One of them could end up
in the backseat of her car.
144
00:06:14,945 --> 00:06:17,146
Or her shower.
145
00:06:18,598 --> 00:06:19,782
Ladies, ladies, please.
146
00:06:19,784 --> 00:06:21,366
We're not here to talk
about Penny, okay?
147
00:06:21,368 --> 00:06:22,868
We're here to talk about me.
148
00:06:22,870 --> 00:06:25,704
Uh, I mean Einstein
Von Brainst... Oh, darn it!
149
00:06:25,706 --> 00:06:28,273
All right, I guess
the cat's out of the bag.
150
00:06:28,275 --> 00:06:29,742
Let me explain what's
151
00:06:29,744 --> 00:06:31,777
going on-- Ricardo is really
152
00:06:31,779 --> 00:06:34,329
Leonard...
We know what's going on, Sheldon!
153
00:06:35,215 --> 00:06:36,965
Well, what should I do?
154
00:06:36,967 --> 00:06:38,834
Well, Alex is
your employee.
155
00:06:38,836 --> 00:06:41,220
If she's doing something that's
making Leonard uncomfortable,
156
00:06:41,222 --> 00:06:42,788
you should talk to her.
157
00:06:42,790 --> 00:06:44,339
Oh, no, he's not
uncomfortable at all.
158
00:06:44,341 --> 00:06:45,340
No, he's loving it.
159
00:06:45,342 --> 00:06:46,391
Yeah, he's
strutting
160
00:06:46,393 --> 00:06:48,927
around like he's five-foot-six.
161
00:06:49,829 --> 00:06:51,129
What... He's loving it?
162
00:06:51,131 --> 00:06:52,097
BERNADETTE:
Sheldon,
163
00:06:52,099 --> 00:06:53,849
you need to talk
to Alex right away.
164
00:06:53,851 --> 00:06:55,768
Talk to her?
That's all you've got?
165
00:06:55,770 --> 00:06:58,687
With a cool name like Sheldon
Cooper's Council of Ladies,
166
00:06:58,689 --> 00:07:00,606
I really expected more.
167
00:07:00,608 --> 00:07:02,808
Give me back the T-shirts.
168
00:07:14,370 --> 00:07:15,671
Alex...
169
00:07:15,673 --> 00:07:17,372
check my schedule.
170
00:07:17,374 --> 00:07:19,625
What does my afternoon look like?
I think
171
00:07:19,627 --> 00:07:20,926
it's pretty wide open.
172
00:07:20,928 --> 00:07:23,645
Oh, wait.
Here's something at 4:00.
173
00:07:23,647 --> 00:07:26,465
"Give Alex a talking to"?
174
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,219
Well, that snuck up
on us, didn't it?
175
00:07:30,221 --> 00:07:33,138
Is there a problem?
Let's not
176
00:07:33,140 --> 00:07:34,506
call it a problem.
177
00:07:34,508 --> 00:07:36,692
Let's call it an opportunity.
178
00:07:36,694 --> 00:07:38,977
To solve a serious problem.
179
00:07:39,813 --> 00:07:40,913
What did I do?
180
00:07:40,915 --> 00:07:43,615
You don't know?
Oh, you poor dear.
181
00:07:43,617 --> 00:07:45,567
Your ovaries are squirting
so much goofy juice
182
00:07:45,569 --> 00:07:48,353
into your brains you don't
even know which way is up.
183
00:07:50,540 --> 00:07:55,894
You made an inappropriate sexual
advance towards Dr. Hofstadter.
184
00:07:55,896 --> 00:07:59,748
What? I didn't make
a sexual advance on anybody.
185
00:07:59,750 --> 00:08:02,050
Now, there's no need
to get defensive.
186
00:08:02,052 --> 00:08:03,385
I'm not
unsympathetic
187
00:08:03,387 --> 00:08:04,586
to your plight.
188
00:08:04,588 --> 00:08:07,556
My father used to say
that a woman
189
00:08:07,558 --> 00:08:12,878
is like an egg salad sandwich
on a warm Texas day.
190
00:08:13,713 --> 00:08:16,348
What?
191
00:08:16,350 --> 00:08:20,352
Full of eggs and only appealing
for a short time.
192
00:08:20,354 --> 00:08:23,188
This conversation is
making me uncomfortable.
193
00:08:23,190 --> 00:08:24,222
Yeah,
194
00:08:24,224 --> 00:08:25,240
you and me both, sister.
195
00:08:25,242 --> 00:08:27,726
Now,
196
00:08:27,728 --> 00:08:29,661
please understand...
197
00:08:29,663 --> 00:08:33,198
I don't hold you responsible
for your behavior
198
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,367
because, see, from an
evolutionary standpoint,
199
00:08:35,369 --> 00:08:38,287
you're a slave
to your desire to reproduce.
200
00:08:38,289 --> 00:08:40,071
But during
the work day,
201
00:08:40,073 --> 00:08:44,075
when you feel possessed by
amorous intent, may I suggest
202
00:08:44,077 --> 00:08:46,912
that you suppress it
by leafing through
203
00:08:46,914 --> 00:08:50,132
this illustrated book of
sexually transmitted diseases?
204
00:08:50,134 --> 00:08:52,768
Let's see here.
Oh, yes.
205
00:08:52,770 --> 00:08:54,970
Check out this oozy doozy.
206
00:08:57,957 --> 00:08:59,107
I have to go.
207
00:08:59,109 --> 00:09:00,442
So does this fellow,
208
00:09:00,444 --> 00:09:02,978
but he can't without it
burning like hot soup.
209
00:09:06,216 --> 00:09:08,417
(Leonard whistling)
210
00:09:09,535 --> 00:09:11,620
Hey, pretty lady.
211
00:09:11,622 --> 00:09:14,323
Oh, you seem extra happy.
212
00:09:14,325 --> 00:09:15,324
Uh, I guess I am.
213
00:09:15,326 --> 00:09:16,992
Any particular reason why?
214
00:09:16,994 --> 00:09:19,077
Mm, I don't know,
just having a good day.
215
00:09:19,079 --> 00:09:20,329
This morning Sheldon
fell asleep
216
00:09:20,331 --> 00:09:22,113
on the way to work, so I got
to listen to the radio--
217
00:09:22,115 --> 00:09:24,282
that was pretty crazy.
218
00:09:24,284 --> 00:09:26,468
Mm-hmm. Anything else?
219
00:09:26,470 --> 00:09:28,086
Mm. I found this quiz online
220
00:09:28,088 --> 00:09:29,922
called "Which Star Trek
Character Are You?"
221
00:09:29,924 --> 00:09:33,225
and it only took me four tries
to get Captain Kirk.
222
00:09:33,227 --> 00:09:34,726
That's great.
223
00:09:34,728 --> 00:09:38,296
(imitating William Shatner):
Oh. It. Was.
224
00:09:38,298 --> 00:09:40,848
Hmm. Well, I'm glad
you're having such a great day.
225
00:09:40,873 --> 00:09:41,267
Yeah.
226
00:09:41,268 --> 00:09:44,019
And the one thing that could
make it even better
227
00:09:44,021 --> 00:09:46,304
is an evening
with my special girl.
228
00:09:46,306 --> 00:09:47,472
Oh, and who's that?
229
00:09:47,474 --> 00:09:49,140
What do you mean?
230
00:09:49,142 --> 00:09:51,777
Oh, I just didn't know
if you meant me or Alex.
231
00:09:51,779 --> 00:09:53,829
Um, why would I mean Alex?
232
00:09:53,831 --> 00:09:56,748
Because I know she hit on you
and I know you liked it!
233
00:09:56,750 --> 00:09:58,917
What...?
234
00:10:00,620 --> 00:10:04,006
Don't play dumb with me,
Ricardo Shilly-Shally!
235
00:10:09,629 --> 00:10:12,798
I'm missing something.
236
00:10:13,666 --> 00:10:16,635
Did you say something
to Penny about Alex?
237
00:10:16,637 --> 00:10:20,472
Oh, yes. Yeah, and a fat lot
of good it did me.
238
00:10:20,474 --> 00:10:23,058
All she did was get mad at you.
239
00:10:23,943 --> 00:10:25,994
Why would you do that?
240
00:10:25,996 --> 00:10:28,113
I needed advice
about a woman.
241
00:10:28,115 --> 00:10:29,448
I would have asked you,
242
00:10:29,450 --> 00:10:31,733
but if the last few years
have proven anything,
243
00:10:31,735 --> 00:10:34,403
it's that you can't tell
a uterus from a unicycle.
244
00:10:34,405 --> 00:10:37,906
At least I know
not to blab to a girl
245
00:10:37,908 --> 00:10:40,625
about somebody flirting
with her boyfriend.
246
00:10:40,627 --> 00:10:42,027
(electronic tones sounding)
Good to know.
247
00:10:42,029 --> 00:10:43,628
Yeah, a few more
helpful hints like that,
248
00:10:43,630 --> 00:10:46,031
you may find yourself
on the Council of Ladies.
249
00:10:46,033 --> 00:10:48,216
Hello.
250
00:10:48,218 --> 00:10:49,801
I see.
251
00:10:49,803 --> 00:10:52,203
Uh, what time?
252
00:10:52,205 --> 00:10:54,306
Very well, then.
253
00:10:54,308 --> 00:10:55,640
Huh.
254
00:10:55,642 --> 00:10:59,144
That was the Human Resources
Department at the university.
255
00:10:59,146 --> 00:11:02,481
Apparently, my assistant Alex
has filed a complaint
256
00:11:02,483 --> 00:11:06,217
accusing me of inappropriate
behavior in the workplace.
257
00:11:06,219 --> 00:11:08,904
Oh, my God, what did you do?
258
00:11:08,906 --> 00:11:11,156
Hmm, let me think.
259
00:11:12,224 --> 00:11:14,359
Nothing. I'm a delight.
260
00:11:22,106 --> 00:11:24,591
Human Resources Department.
261
00:11:24,593 --> 00:11:26,560
Human Resources Department.
262
00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:28,745
Human Resources
Department.
263
00:11:29,262 --> 00:11:30,996
Come in.
264
00:11:30,998 --> 00:11:33,515
Hello.
265
00:11:33,517 --> 00:11:35,783
Ah, Dr. Cooper, have a seat.
266
00:11:35,785 --> 00:11:36,472
Thank you.
267
00:11:36,497 --> 00:11:38,609
I called you in today
because your assistant
268
00:11:38,709 --> 00:11:41,187
Alex Jensen has lodged
a complaint against you.
269
00:11:41,407 --> 00:11:43,574
So I've been told.
But I can't understand
270
00:11:43,576 --> 00:11:45,325
what she has to complain about.
271
00:11:45,327 --> 00:11:48,895
I mean, she has a front-row seat
as I make scientific history.
272
00:11:48,897 --> 00:11:50,247
There's string cheese
273
00:11:50,249 --> 00:11:52,833
in my mini-fridge,
and that's for anyone.
274
00:11:52,835 --> 00:11:54,284
Yeah, and
just yesterday
275
00:11:54,286 --> 00:11:58,338
I led her away from a life
of sexual promiscuity
276
00:11:58,340 --> 00:12:02,626
by making her look at pictures
of disease-ridden genitalia.
277
00:12:08,099 --> 00:12:10,217
Cancel my next appointment.
278
00:12:10,219 --> 00:12:12,252
This is gonna take a while.
279
00:12:12,254 --> 00:12:14,471
Dr. Cooper,
280
00:12:14,473 --> 00:12:15,973
you said things to your employee
281
00:12:15,975 --> 00:12:18,258
that you just cannot say
in the workplace.
282
00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:19,926
Like what?
283
00:12:19,928 --> 00:12:22,196
Well, according
to Ms. Jensen,
284
00:12:22,198 --> 00:12:25,782
you said that she was a slave
to her biological urges
285
00:12:25,784 --> 00:12:29,553
and called her
an "egg salad sandwich."
286
00:12:32,223 --> 00:12:34,107
I don't even know
what that means,
287
00:12:34,109 --> 00:12:37,327
but I'm gonna go ahead
and tell you you can't say it.
288
00:12:38,163 --> 00:12:41,331
Oh! I see the confusion here.
289
00:12:41,333 --> 00:12:44,501
No, no, Alex thought
I was singling her out. No.
290
00:12:44,503 --> 00:12:46,386
I meant that all women
291
00:12:46,388 --> 00:12:48,338
are slaves to their
biological urges,
292
00:12:48,340 --> 00:12:49,756
you know?
293
00:12:49,758 --> 00:12:51,458
Even you.
294
00:12:52,644 --> 00:12:55,295
You're a slave.
295
00:12:58,966 --> 00:13:01,068
I'm a what?
296
00:13:01,070 --> 00:13:03,403
Well, y-you...
I-I'm just saying,
297
00:13:03,405 --> 00:13:06,023
you know, at a certain point
in a woman's menstrual cycle...
298
00:13:06,025 --> 00:13:07,908
Whuh-ah!
299
00:13:07,910 --> 00:13:09,993
You can't talk about that,
either, Dr. Cooper.
300
00:13:09,995 --> 00:13:11,762
Your language
is entirely
301
00:13:11,764 --> 00:13:13,313
inappropriate,
and I'm gonna advise
302
00:13:13,315 --> 00:13:15,165
that you shut your mouth
right now.
303
00:13:15,167 --> 00:13:18,285
I d... I don't see why I'm
the one being persecuted here.
304
00:13:18,287 --> 00:13:21,821
Dr. Hofstadter-- he was bragging
about his sexual desirability
305
00:13:21,823 --> 00:13:23,490
to anyone who would listen.
306
00:13:23,492 --> 00:13:24,791
You know, and
Howard Wolowitz--
307
00:13:24,793 --> 00:13:28,161
he spent two years
using university resources
308
00:13:28,163 --> 00:13:30,514
building a six-breasted
sex robot.
309
00:13:30,516 --> 00:13:31,831
Oh,
310
00:13:31,833 --> 00:13:33,267
and at the office
Christmas party,
311
00:13:33,269 --> 00:13:36,186
I heard Rajesh Koothrappali
refer to you several times
312
00:13:36,188 --> 00:13:38,388
as "Brown Sugar."
313
00:13:40,775 --> 00:13:42,276
Hofstadter...
314
00:13:42,278 --> 00:13:43,393
Wolowitz...
315
00:13:43,395 --> 00:13:46,179
and the last one was
Rajesh Koothrappali?
316
00:13:46,181 --> 00:13:47,497
Yes.
317
00:13:47,499 --> 00:13:50,117
No, yeah, but in his defense,
that wasn't racist.
318
00:13:50,119 --> 00:13:51,818
He's also brown.
319
00:13:55,856 --> 00:13:57,958
(knocking)
320
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:02,996
(to "Mary Had a Little Lamb"):
♪ I'm... sorry Alex hit on me ♪
321
00:14:02,998 --> 00:14:04,548
♪ Hit on me
322
00:14:04,550 --> 00:14:07,834
♪ Hit on me...
323
00:14:07,836 --> 00:14:09,219
♪ Sorry Alex
324
00:14:09,221 --> 00:14:12,472
♪ Hit on me,
I'd no idea I'm cute. ♪
325
00:14:12,474 --> 00:14:15,175
(plucks closing chord)
326
00:14:16,711 --> 00:14:18,929
Oh, damn it, you are.
327
00:14:18,931 --> 00:14:20,514
Please forgive me.
328
00:14:20,516 --> 00:14:23,282
I should have told
you about Alex.
329
00:14:23,382 --> 00:14:24,698
I don't care
about Alex.
330
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,153
Fine, I care.
331
00:14:26,155 --> 00:14:28,188
Okay, I hate that bitch.
332
00:14:28,190 --> 00:14:29,773
But what really
hurt is that
333
00:14:29,775 --> 00:14:31,024
you liked it so much.
334
00:14:31,026 --> 00:14:32,892
I mean, do I need
to be worried?
335
00:14:32,894 --> 00:14:35,696
Of course not. No. Why?
Because...
336
00:14:35,698 --> 00:14:37,948
she is pretty and smart,
and when you talk about work,
337
00:14:37,950 --> 00:14:40,667
she doesn't have to go home
and look up words in the dictionary
338
00:14:40,669 --> 00:14:41,785
to understand what you said.
339
00:14:41,787 --> 00:14:43,203
You do that?
340
00:14:43,205 --> 00:14:45,205
No.
341
00:14:46,758 --> 00:14:48,742
Hang on.
Are you feeling insecure?
342
00:14:48,744 --> 00:14:50,661
Because that's
my thing, and if
343
00:14:50,663 --> 00:14:54,581
you take it away, I don't know
what I'm bringing to this relationship.
344
00:14:54,583 --> 00:14:56,516
Yes, Leonard, I am insecure.
345
00:14:56,518 --> 00:14:57,968
Happy?
No,
346
00:14:57,970 --> 00:15:00,270
I'm not happy.
347
00:15:03,591 --> 00:15:06,593
Why are you smiling?
I'm sorry.
348
00:15:06,595 --> 00:15:09,929
I just never think of you
having feelings like that.
349
00:15:09,931 --> 00:15:11,448
Well, I do.
Why?
350
00:15:11,450 --> 00:15:14,284
Nothing is ever going to
happen between me and Alex.
351
00:15:14,286 --> 00:15:16,936
Good.
352
00:15:16,938 --> 00:15:19,189
(chuckles):
Come here.
353
00:15:20,875 --> 00:15:22,826
I'll tell you a secret?
354
00:15:22,828 --> 00:15:25,612
What's that?
With all these women chasing me,
355
00:15:25,614 --> 00:15:28,615
I kind of do feel
like Captain Kirk. (laughs)
356
00:15:28,617 --> 00:15:30,917
Can I tell you a secret?
Sure.
357
00:15:30,919 --> 00:15:35,505
Keep talking about Captain Kirk,
and we're all gonna stop.
358
00:15:35,507 --> 00:15:37,924
(like William Shatner):
Message... received.
359
00:15:41,979 --> 00:15:44,231
(phone ringing)
Ah, excuse me.
360
00:15:45,850 --> 00:15:47,084
Hello.
361
00:15:47,086 --> 00:15:49,653
This is Dr. Hofstadter.
362
00:15:49,655 --> 00:15:51,521
Okay.
363
00:15:53,157 --> 00:15:55,692
All right, thank you.
364
00:15:55,694 --> 00:15:57,244
That's weird.
365
00:15:57,246 --> 00:16:01,064
I'm getting called in
to Human Resources.
366
00:16:01,066 --> 00:16:02,816
What did you do?
367
00:16:02,818 --> 00:16:05,285
I don't know.
368
00:16:05,287 --> 00:16:07,487
Huh. I just
got called in
369
00:16:07,489 --> 00:16:09,956
to Human Resources.
370
00:16:09,958 --> 00:16:11,291
Why?
371
00:16:11,293 --> 00:16:13,427
I don't know.
(nervous laugh)
372
00:16:13,429 --> 00:16:15,746
Huh. That is so strange.
373
00:16:15,748 --> 00:16:18,348
Human Resources wants
to talk to me tomorrow.
374
00:16:18,350 --> 00:16:20,067
Could you stop licking
your ass for two minutes?
375
00:16:20,092 --> 00:16:21,401
I have a problem here.
376
00:16:32,196 --> 00:16:34,865
Do you really think you
should be drinking right now?
377
00:16:34,867 --> 00:16:39,369
How else am I supposed to talk
to the Human Resources lady?
378
00:16:39,371 --> 00:16:41,855
I don't know.
Seek professional help?
379
00:16:41,857 --> 00:16:43,907
I did. The guy at
the liquor store said
380
00:16:43,909 --> 00:16:47,160
this stuff tastes
great in coffee.
381
00:16:47,162 --> 00:16:49,579
Wait, you got
called in, too?
382
00:16:49,581 --> 00:16:51,030
What is going on?
383
00:16:51,032 --> 00:16:53,049
Sheldon threw us
all under the bus.
384
00:16:53,051 --> 00:16:53,923
Oh.
385
00:16:53,948 --> 00:16:55,948
I feel like I've been called
down to the principal's office.
386
00:16:56,171 --> 00:16:59,089
Although I wouldn't mind
if Brown Sugar suspended me.
387
00:17:01,142 --> 00:17:03,427
From a sex swing!
388
00:17:04,262 --> 00:17:06,847
This may have been a mistake.
389
00:17:07,899 --> 00:17:10,216
Relax. Everything's
gonna be fine.
390
00:17:10,218 --> 00:17:11,818
You know, before
I met Bernadette
391
00:17:11,820 --> 00:17:13,820
I was in here
every other day.
392
00:17:13,822 --> 00:17:15,822
Uh, little tip:
393
00:17:15,824 --> 00:17:19,776
turn off your "I Like Big Butts"
ringtone before you go in.
394
00:17:20,862 --> 00:17:23,246
Well, this is
all your fault.
395
00:17:23,248 --> 00:17:24,531
How is this my fault?
If you weren't
396
00:17:24,533 --> 00:17:25,782
screwing around
with Sheldon's assistant,
397
00:17:25,784 --> 00:17:27,367
none of this would be happening.
I wasn't
398
00:17:27,369 --> 00:17:28,902
screwing around with anyone.
399
00:17:28,904 --> 00:17:29,953
Oh, of course not.
400
00:17:29,955 --> 00:17:31,788
She was just sniffing
around your goods
401
00:17:31,790 --> 00:17:34,374
because she was hunting
for truffles.
402
00:17:34,376 --> 00:17:38,128
Ah, Mr. Wolowitz,
it's been a while.
403
00:17:38,130 --> 00:17:39,262
Hey, Janine.
404
00:17:39,264 --> 00:17:41,631
(chuckles)
How are Tom and the kids?
405
00:17:41,633 --> 00:17:43,082
Fine.
406
00:17:43,084 --> 00:17:45,051
You must be
Dr. Hofstadter.
407
00:17:45,053 --> 00:17:47,754
Yes, but I think this is all
a big misunderstanding.
408
00:17:47,756 --> 00:17:48,939
Yeah, yeah, me, too.
409
00:17:48,941 --> 00:17:50,640
I didn't do anything.
410
00:17:50,642 --> 00:17:52,392
Is that alcohol on your breath?
411
00:17:52,394 --> 00:17:55,896
Howard built a sex robot.
412
00:17:58,733 --> 00:18:00,066
That is not true.
413
00:18:00,068 --> 00:18:02,152
All I did was
build a robot.
414
00:18:02,154 --> 00:18:03,770
Did it have six breasts?
415
00:18:03,772 --> 00:18:05,872
I'm sorry,
I'm a feminist--
416
00:18:05,874 --> 00:18:07,874
(chuckles) I don't
notice things like
417
00:18:07,876 --> 00:18:11,495
how many breasts
a robot has.
418
00:18:11,497 --> 00:18:13,330
Well, hello.
419
00:18:13,332 --> 00:18:15,782
What are you doing here?
Actually, I came
420
00:18:15,784 --> 00:18:18,552
to speak to Mrs. Davis.
And I'm a little busy right now.
421
00:18:18,554 --> 00:18:20,253
But I came to file a complaint.
422
00:18:20,255 --> 00:18:23,723
Yeah, somebody has made me feel
uncomfortable in the workplace
423
00:18:23,725 --> 00:18:26,810
by using language of an
inappropriate and sexual nature.
424
00:18:26,812 --> 00:18:28,028
And who was that?
425
00:18:28,030 --> 00:18:29,479
You, you dirty birdie.
426
00:18:31,315 --> 00:18:32,649
I-I thought
427
00:18:32,651 --> 00:18:34,317
about the things
you said to me yesterday,
428
00:18:34,319 --> 00:18:35,685
and I realized
I'm deeply offended.
429
00:18:35,687 --> 00:18:39,072
Now, be a dear and get me
one of those complaint forms.
430
00:18:39,074 --> 00:18:40,106
That's it.
431
00:18:40,108 --> 00:18:42,742
All of you,
in my office now!
432
00:18:45,913 --> 00:18:48,396
And thanks to you, I
know better than to ask
433
00:18:48,421 --> 00:18:50,024
if you're menstruating.
434
00:18:53,170 --> 00:18:55,338
And based on your behavior,
I don't have to.
435
00:18:58,042 --> 00:18:59,843
It has been
436
00:18:59,845 --> 00:19:02,045
pointed out to me that...
437
00:19:02,047 --> 00:19:04,431
some of the things I said to you
438
00:19:04,433 --> 00:19:07,384
could be construed as...
offensive,
439
00:19:07,386 --> 00:19:09,052
and I would like
440
00:19:09,054 --> 00:19:12,556
to offer you
my sincerest apology.
441
00:19:12,558 --> 00:19:14,608
Thank you, Dr. Cooper.
Yeah,
442
00:19:14,610 --> 00:19:17,060
additionally, you should know
that the university
443
00:19:17,062 --> 00:19:18,979
has mandated that I take
444
00:19:18,981 --> 00:19:21,848
an online
sexual harassment seminar
445
00:19:21,850 --> 00:19:24,951
so this sort of thing
doesn't happen in the future.
446
00:19:24,953 --> 00:19:26,987
Okay.
Yeah. Now,
447
00:19:26,989 --> 00:19:30,790
unfortunately, uh,
my time is much too valuable
448
00:19:30,792 --> 00:19:33,460
to waste on nonsense like this,
449
00:19:33,462 --> 00:19:37,664
so... um, I'm gonna need you
to take it for me.
450
00:19:40,318 --> 00:19:42,168
Oh, and, uh,
you'd better ace it--
451
00:19:42,170 --> 00:19:43,386
they're pretty mad.
452
00:19:50,635 --> 00:19:52,675
So, hey, I was thinking
about that stuff with Alex.
453
00:19:52,676 --> 00:19:54,559
Oh, would you stop
worrying about that?
454
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:56,394
I can't help it.
But, look, I figured
455
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:57,996
I could sit around
and feel insecure,
456
00:19:57,998 --> 00:19:59,748
or I could do
something about it.
457
00:19:59,750 --> 00:20:01,049
So I got a course catalog
458
00:20:01,051 --> 00:20:04,086
at school and looked
at some of the science classes.
459
00:20:04,088 --> 00:20:04,855
That's great.
460
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,839
No, it isn't--
they are extremely boring.
461
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,591
I mean, how do you not
kill yourself, like, every day?
462
00:20:09,593 --> 00:20:12,077
Anyway, I decided
463
00:20:12,079 --> 00:20:15,380
I don't need to be a scientist,
I could just look like one.
464
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,248
So I bought these.
465
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:18,500
Glasses?
466
00:20:18,502 --> 00:20:19,918
Mm-hmm.
I really don't think
467
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:21,853
that's gonna change--
oh, my God,
468
00:20:21,855 --> 00:20:24,255
you look so
smart and hot!
469
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:26,692
I know, right?
Watch this.
470
00:20:32,011 --> 00:20:34,212
Molecules.
471
00:20:36,043 --> 00:20:37,509
Okay, come with me.
472
00:20:37,511 --> 00:20:38,510
Where are we going?
473
00:20:38,512 --> 00:20:40,263
To my bedroom,
so I can take everything off
474
00:20:40,265 --> 00:20:41,564
but those glasses...
475
00:20:42,193 --> 00:20:43,415
and maybe the boots.
476
00:20:43,515 --> 00:20:48,515
== sync, corrected by elderman ==