1
00:00:02,116 --> 00:00:04,284
Advantage left-side competitor.
2
00:00:06,871 --> 00:00:08,405
Wow, you're really
good at this.
3
00:00:08,407 --> 00:00:11,575
Well, I have an extremely
low center of gravity.
4
00:00:11,577 --> 00:00:14,795
I'm like a pyramid.
5
00:00:17,248 --> 00:00:18,498
How you doing over there?
6
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:22,002
Oh, I hope it's just a sprain.
7
00:00:22,670 --> 00:00:24,254
I cannot walk into that E.R.
8
00:00:24,256 --> 00:00:27,440
with another video game injury.
9
00:00:27,442 --> 00:00:29,759
Hey, Sheldon,
you want to play next?
10
00:00:29,761 --> 00:00:32,145
Oh, I would, but
I'm on my way out.
11
00:00:32,147 --> 00:00:35,381
Where?
Texas.
12
00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:37,350
Right now?
13
00:00:37,352 --> 00:00:38,435
Why?
14
00:00:38,437 --> 00:00:39,920
Is someone sick?
Yes.
15
00:00:39,922 --> 00:00:43,523
My sister's uterus came
down with a baby.
16
00:00:44,625 --> 00:00:46,359
Oh, she's pregnant?
That's great.
17
00:00:46,361 --> 00:00:48,328
You're gone an uncle--
Uncle Sheldon.
18
00:00:48,330 --> 00:00:51,064
No, I will be
Uncle Dr. Cooper.
19
00:00:51,949 --> 00:00:54,034
How come you never said
she was pregnant?
20
00:00:54,036 --> 00:00:56,036
Well, I never told you
about my brother's kidney stone.
21
00:00:56,038 --> 00:00:57,287
You want to hear
about everything
22
00:00:57,289 --> 00:00:59,372
that comes out
of my family's genitals?
23
00:01:00,341 --> 00:01:01,908
Well, congrats, and it's nice
24
00:01:01,910 --> 00:01:03,339
you're gonna be there
for your sister.
25
00:01:03,340 --> 00:01:04,069
Yes.
26
00:01:04,129 --> 00:01:06,079
I'm filling in for her husband
who's recovering
27
00:01:06,081 --> 00:01:08,381
from a horrible
motorcycle accident.
28
00:01:08,383 --> 00:01:10,600
Lucky duck.
29
00:01:10,602 --> 00:01:13,419
Wow, so, how long
will you be gone?
30
00:01:13,421 --> 00:01:15,222
Well, she's due tomorrow.
31
00:01:15,224 --> 00:01:17,307
Although it did take her six
years to finish high school,
32
00:01:17,309 --> 00:01:18,758
so who knows?
33
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,977
Can I give you a ride
to the airport?
34
00:01:20,979 --> 00:01:23,596
Oh, no, thank you, I don't want
to be an inconvenience.
35
00:01:23,598 --> 00:01:24,898
Chop-chop, Leonard.
36
00:01:24,900 --> 00:01:26,900
We leave in ten minutes.
37
00:01:28,602 --> 00:01:32,239
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
38
00:01:32,241 --> 00:01:35,575
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
39
00:01:35,577 --> 00:01:37,194
♪ The Earth began to cool
40
00:01:37,196 --> 00:01:39,746
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
41
00:01:39,748 --> 00:01:42,415
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
42
00:01:42,417 --> 00:01:45,068
♪ Math, Science, History,
unveiling the mystery ♪
43
00:01:45,070 --> 00:01:46,970
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
44
00:01:46,972 --> 00:01:48,553
♪ Bang! ♪
45
00:01:48,554 --> 00:01:52,554
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x11 ♪
The Cooper Extraction
Original Air Date on December 12, 2013
46
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:57,580
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
47
00:01:57,606 --> 00:01:59,657
All right, here's the deal.
48
00:01:59,759 --> 00:02:01,876
Sheldon is gone,
so the tree decorating rules
49
00:02:01,878 --> 00:02:02,910
are out the window.
50
00:02:02,912 --> 00:02:03,928
Yeah, which means
51
00:02:03,930 --> 00:02:05,430
we don't have to use
his ridiculous
52
00:02:05,432 --> 00:02:08,332
ornament-spacing template.
53
00:02:08,334 --> 00:02:10,518
And I'm happy to report
its kickstarter campaign
54
00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:13,387
is holding strong at zero dollars.
Ah.
55
00:02:13,389 --> 00:02:16,307
Wait, so Star Wars
and Star Trek characters
56
00:02:16,309 --> 00:02:18,592
can go on the same branch?
57
00:02:18,594 --> 00:02:19,894
I know, it's crazy.
58
00:02:19,896 --> 00:02:21,929
Welcome to the Thunderdome,
people!
59
00:02:23,733 --> 00:02:25,099
I've never done this before.
60
00:02:25,101 --> 00:02:26,400
It's kind of fun.
61
00:02:26,402 --> 00:02:27,434
Yeah, if your mom could see
62
00:02:27,436 --> 00:02:28,753
her little Bar Mitzvah boy
right now,
63
00:02:28,755 --> 00:02:29,871
she'd have a heart attack.
64
00:02:29,873 --> 00:02:32,373
Good idea, I'll take a picture.
65
00:02:36,444 --> 00:02:38,329
Honey, I'm a little strapped
for cash this year,
66
00:02:38,331 --> 00:02:41,632
so for Christmas I was
thinking of giving you...
67
00:02:41,634 --> 00:02:44,502
this.
68
00:02:44,504 --> 00:02:45,837
I love it.
69
00:02:45,839 --> 00:02:47,171
Okay.
70
00:02:47,173 --> 00:02:49,140
But it is what you got me
last year.
71
00:02:49,142 --> 00:02:51,175
Yeah.
And last night.
72
00:02:53,263 --> 00:02:54,812
Hello.
73
00:02:54,814 --> 00:02:56,180
Hi, Stuart.
74
00:02:56,182 --> 00:02:57,231
Oh, good, I'm glad you guys
75
00:02:57,233 --> 00:02:58,566
didn't wait for me to start.
76
00:02:58,568 --> 00:02:59,800
Although you said 7:00
77
00:02:59,802 --> 00:03:02,687
and it's-it's 7:00,
but that's fine.
78
00:03:04,991 --> 00:03:08,442
Oh, it's probably Sheldon.
79
00:03:08,444 --> 00:03:09,560
Hi, Sheldon.
80
00:03:09,562 --> 00:03:11,829
Everybody's here, say hi.
81
00:03:11,831 --> 00:03:12,980
Hey. - Hey.
Hey, buddy.
82
00:03:12,982 --> 00:03:14,481
Howdy.
Hi.
83
00:03:14,483 --> 00:03:16,250
Hello.
84
00:03:18,170 --> 00:03:19,337
The second I go out of town
85
00:03:19,339 --> 00:03:21,655
you throw a Christmas party
without me?
86
00:03:21,657 --> 00:03:23,291
Yeah, kind of.
87
00:03:23,293 --> 00:03:24,959
That's so thoughtful.
88
00:03:24,961 --> 00:03:26,794
You guys are the best.
89
00:03:26,796 --> 00:03:29,514
Hey, how's your sister?
90
00:03:29,516 --> 00:03:32,049
She went into labor an hour ago.
91
00:03:32,051 --> 00:03:34,501
That's wonderful.
So you're at the hospital?
92
00:03:34,503 --> 00:03:37,271
No, she chose to have a home
birth... because she wants
93
00:03:37,273 --> 00:03:41,175
to live in the Stone Age
and a cave wasn't available.
94
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:44,362
You know, many
people believe
95
00:03:44,364 --> 00:03:46,364
that home births are
better because the mother
96
00:03:46,366 --> 00:03:47,865
is in a warm,
comfortable environment
97
00:03:47,867 --> 00:03:49,951
where she can be nurtured
by loved ones.
98
00:03:49,953 --> 00:03:51,702
And turn the bedroom floor
99
00:03:51,704 --> 00:03:54,688
into an amniotic Slip 'n Slide.
100
00:03:55,490 --> 00:03:57,408
Shelly, come on!
101
00:03:57,410 --> 00:03:59,710
Your sister's fully dilated
102
00:03:59,712 --> 00:04:01,996
and she wants
a nice family picture
103
00:04:01,998 --> 00:04:05,082
before there's blood everywhere!
104
00:04:05,084 --> 00:04:06,700
Oh, boy.
105
00:04:06,702 --> 00:04:10,371
I picked the wrong day
to wear my good robot T-shirt.
106
00:04:12,591 --> 00:04:14,342
If you were having
Sheldon's baby
107
00:04:14,344 --> 00:04:16,310
would you really want
him in the room?
108
00:04:16,312 --> 00:04:18,212
Yeah, if he's in the room
when they're making the baby,
109
00:04:18,214 --> 00:04:20,765
I'll give you ten dollars.
110
00:04:21,733 --> 00:04:23,100
Hey, I brought over
It's a Wonderful Life
111
00:04:23,102 --> 00:04:24,819
if you guys want
to watch it later.
112
00:04:24,821 --> 00:04:26,053
Oh, I love that movie.
113
00:04:26,055 --> 00:04:27,021
I've never seen it.
114
00:04:27,023 --> 00:04:28,923
- Me neither.
- It's great.
115
00:04:28,925 --> 00:04:31,776
It's Christmastime and
Jimmy Stewart's really depressed
116
00:04:31,778 --> 00:04:34,328
and he's gonna jump off a bridge
and kill himself...
117
00:04:34,330 --> 00:04:36,547
Don't need to see it.
Living it.
118
00:04:37,532 --> 00:04:38,666
But then he gets to see
what the world
119
00:04:38,668 --> 00:04:41,068
would be like
if he'd never been born.
120
00:04:41,070 --> 00:04:42,453
Hey, you ever imagine
what that would be like?
121
00:04:42,455 --> 00:04:43,838
Not being born?
122
00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:45,572
What do you think?
123
00:04:45,574 --> 00:04:47,008
What do you think?
124
00:04:47,010 --> 00:04:49,176
What do you think?
125
00:04:51,046 --> 00:04:53,014
You make jokes about Sheldon,
126
00:04:53,016 --> 00:04:54,348
but if it weren't
for him,
127
00:04:54,350 --> 00:04:55,700
I don't think
any of us
128
00:04:55,702 --> 00:04:57,635
would be sitting
in this room right now.
129
00:04:57,637 --> 00:04:59,220
Really? Sheldon not being here
130
00:04:59,222 --> 00:05:02,056
is the main reason
I'm in this room.
131
00:05:03,625 --> 00:05:04,925
It's true.
132
00:05:04,927 --> 00:05:06,644
None of you would know me.
133
00:05:06,646 --> 00:05:08,396
You wouldn't
know Bernadette.
134
00:05:08,398 --> 00:05:10,815
You wouldn't be dating Penny.
You don't know that.
135
00:05:10,817 --> 00:05:12,617
I've been going to the
Cheesecake Factory for years.
136
00:05:12,619 --> 00:05:13,734
I could have picked her up.
137
00:05:17,573 --> 00:05:20,441
Oh, you weren't joking.
138
00:05:20,443 --> 00:05:21,375
No.
139
00:05:21,377 --> 00:05:22,910
Okay, sweetie,
let me tell you
140
00:05:22,912 --> 00:05:24,996
exactly how that
would have gone down.
141
00:05:27,833 --> 00:05:29,667
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna ask her out.
142
00:05:29,669 --> 00:05:34,171
I'm gonna squirt chocolate milk
out of my nipples.
143
00:05:34,173 --> 00:05:36,290
Sorry, I thought
we're saying things
144
00:05:36,292 --> 00:05:38,009
that are never
gonna happen.
145
00:05:38,011 --> 00:05:40,394
Maybe this time
he's going to do it.
146
00:05:40,396 --> 00:05:42,346
Hope you're thirsty,
here it comes.
147
00:05:45,017 --> 00:05:46,400
Watch me.
148
00:05:46,402 --> 00:05:49,770
Hey, you guys ready to order
or you need a few minutes?
149
00:05:49,772 --> 00:05:51,055
I, uh, ah, um, I...
150
00:05:51,057 --> 00:05:52,606
A few minutes it is.
151
00:05:53,975 --> 00:05:56,911
You didn't ask her out,
but that was a lot of sounds.
152
00:05:58,613 --> 00:06:00,364
You guys are
making me nervous.
153
00:06:00,366 --> 00:06:02,083
Fine, then go talk
to her on your own.
154
00:06:02,085 --> 00:06:04,118
I will.
155
00:06:11,176 --> 00:06:12,376
Excuse me.
156
00:06:12,378 --> 00:06:13,627
Yeah?
157
00:06:13,629 --> 00:06:16,830
Hi, uh, um, I'm Leonard?
158
00:06:16,832 --> 00:06:19,833
Really? You don't
sound so sure.
159
00:06:19,835 --> 00:06:22,803
No, I am he.
160
00:06:25,190 --> 00:06:27,174
Uh, any-anyway, um,
161
00:06:27,176 --> 00:06:29,310
there's been something
I've wanted to ask you
162
00:06:29,312 --> 00:06:31,445
for a long time. Um...
163
00:06:31,447 --> 00:06:33,280
What's that?
Eh, uh, well,
164
00:06:33,282 --> 00:06:35,682
I was wondering--
if you're not too busy--
165
00:06:35,684 --> 00:06:37,101
um, uh, if,
166
00:06:37,103 --> 00:06:39,787
if you'd be interested in...
167
00:06:40,572 --> 00:06:44,075
...telling me where
the restroom is?
168
00:06:47,629 --> 00:06:49,246
I think you're too late.
169
00:06:49,248 --> 00:06:53,968
Come on, I would not
have peed my pants.
170
00:06:53,970 --> 00:06:55,869
She nailed it.
Sounds about right.
171
00:06:56,888 --> 00:06:59,507
But, you forget, I did
ask you out in real life.
172
00:06:59,509 --> 00:07:01,976
Which couldn't have happened if
you didn't live across the hall
173
00:07:01,978 --> 00:07:04,311
from her, which couldn't have
happened without Sheldon.
174
00:07:04,313 --> 00:07:05,813
Same goes
with you guys.
175
00:07:05,815 --> 00:07:07,181
If Leonard wasn't with Penny,
176
00:07:07,183 --> 00:07:08,682
she never would
have set you up.
177
00:07:08,684 --> 00:07:10,551
Doesn't matter. Bernadette
still would've been working
178
00:07:10,553 --> 00:07:11,852
at The Cheesecake Factory,
179
00:07:11,854 --> 00:07:14,888
and I still would've been
working this beefcake factory.
180
00:07:16,525 --> 00:07:18,993
You would've been all over me.
181
00:07:18,995 --> 00:07:20,694
Well...
182
00:07:23,115 --> 00:07:24,999
Hey, Penny, can
I take that table?
183
00:07:25,001 --> 00:07:26,117
Sure, why?
184
00:07:26,119 --> 00:07:28,252
The one in the turtleneck
is cute.
185
00:07:28,254 --> 00:07:29,736
Open wide,
186
00:07:29,738 --> 00:07:32,289
here comes the happy train.
187
00:07:33,842 --> 00:07:37,578
Mm-hmm, chug-a
chug-a, yum, yum.
188
00:07:38,913 --> 00:07:40,965
Oh.
189
00:07:40,967 --> 00:07:42,749
Hang on.
190
00:07:43,685 --> 00:07:46,187
You got a... you got
a little something.
191
00:07:49,474 --> 00:07:51,091
Never mind.
192
00:07:52,778 --> 00:07:54,645
Oh, man,
193
00:07:54,647 --> 00:07:57,097
that is so us.
194
00:08:01,153 --> 00:08:03,120
You know, maybe you and
I wouldn't be together,
195
00:08:03,122 --> 00:08:04,938
but you wouldn't have
done so great yourself.
196
00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:06,440
Why?
Because I know exactly
197
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:08,609
the kind of guy you
would've ended up with.
198
00:08:11,379 --> 00:08:13,380
Hey, babe.
199
00:08:13,382 --> 00:08:15,049
Hey. Did you remember
to pay the rent?
200
00:08:15,051 --> 00:08:17,835
Better. I used the money
to buy these magic beans.
201
00:08:19,004 --> 00:08:21,088
Hey, he may be
an idiot, but at least
202
00:08:21,090 --> 00:08:22,840
he didn't pee himself.
203
00:08:24,626 --> 00:08:26,844
Oh, hold on.
204
00:08:27,813 --> 00:08:29,796
Aw, babe, I peed myself.
205
00:08:31,566 --> 00:08:33,818
Me, too.
206
00:08:40,075 --> 00:08:43,444
The end.
207
00:08:47,449 --> 00:08:48,866
Hi, Sheldon.
208
00:08:48,868 --> 00:08:50,150
Everything okay?
209
00:08:50,152 --> 00:08:52,870
No, it's not.
210
00:08:52,872 --> 00:08:54,707
I've seen things.
211
00:08:55,888 --> 00:09:00,160
Lady things.
212
00:09:00,161 --> 00:09:01,828
Listen to me.
213
00:09:01,830 --> 00:09:04,665
That is not the way
they usually look.
214
00:09:07,486 --> 00:09:09,103
Doesn't matter.
215
00:09:09,105 --> 00:09:11,772
This is no way
to make new humans.
216
00:09:11,774 --> 00:09:14,058
People coming out of people.
217
00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:17,895
It's some kind
of dirty magic show.
218
00:09:17,897 --> 00:09:20,564
Sheldon Lee Cooper.
219
00:09:20,566 --> 00:09:23,400
You get back
in this room right now.
220
00:09:23,402 --> 00:09:25,686
Bring a mop.
221
00:09:25,688 --> 00:09:27,020
Did you hear that?
222
00:09:27,022 --> 00:09:28,689
A mop.
223
00:09:28,691 --> 00:09:31,158
I have two PhDs yet somehow
I'm the janitor
224
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,127
of my sister's birth canal.
225
00:09:42,673 --> 00:09:44,758
Hey, Sheldon sent us all
226
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:45,958
an e-mail.
227
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,894
"Happy holidays from Texas."
Aw.
228
00:09:47,896 --> 00:09:49,095
And there's pictures.
229
00:09:49,097 --> 00:09:50,163
Aah!
230
00:09:50,165 --> 00:09:52,232
Don't open them.
Do not open them.
231
00:09:52,234 --> 00:09:54,184
Oh, come on.
232
00:09:54,186 --> 00:09:56,152
Childbirth is a
natural, beautiful...
233
00:09:56,154 --> 00:09:59,189
Oh, it's like someone
sawed a cow in half.
234
00:10:02,076 --> 00:10:05,862
My father's a gynecologist,
I think I can handle it.
235
00:10:06,497 --> 00:10:09,049
And, now, I'm gay.
236
00:10:11,369 --> 00:10:13,152
You know, I was thinking.
Without Sheldon,
237
00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:14,504
most of us would have never met,
238
00:10:14,506 --> 00:10:16,589
but Penny would still
live across from him.
239
00:10:16,591 --> 00:10:19,492
And with Leonard
out of the picture,
240
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,094
we all know what
that would mean.
241
00:10:21,096 --> 00:10:22,729
We do?
242
00:10:25,983 --> 00:10:27,600
Hey, Sheldon.
243
00:10:27,602 --> 00:10:29,769
Hello.
244
00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:32,806
Doing laundry?
245
00:10:36,811 --> 00:10:38,978
Of course
I'm doing laundry.
246
00:10:38,980 --> 00:10:40,697
Saturday night is laundry night,
247
00:10:40,699 --> 00:10:43,182
and I'm in a laundry room, so...
248
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,068
I believe your inference
is justified.
249
00:10:45,070 --> 00:10:47,620
Oh, my
inference is justified.
250
00:10:47,622 --> 00:10:50,156
Sheldon, you
are so funny.
251
00:10:52,910 --> 00:10:55,462
Anyway, I need to
do my laundry, too,
252
00:10:55,464 --> 00:10:58,865
because these
clothes are so dirty.
253
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:02,669
Almost as dirty as the dirty
girl who's wearing them.
254
00:11:05,205 --> 00:11:06,139
Okay, that's enough.
255
00:11:06,141 --> 00:11:08,692
Disagree.
Keep going. - More.
256
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:13,179
So, what do you think?
257
00:11:13,181 --> 00:11:18,318
A tad asymmetrical, but nothing
to be concerned about.
258
00:11:19,653 --> 00:11:21,688
Please, Sheldon. I need you.
259
00:11:21,690 --> 00:11:25,058
To... what?
260
00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:27,160
To take me.
261
00:11:27,162 --> 00:11:30,697
I'm not taking you anywhere
till you put on a shirt.
262
00:11:31,866 --> 00:11:35,234
Come on, Sheldon.
You and me right here.
263
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,921
Penny, for the thousandth time,
264
00:11:37,923 --> 00:11:41,073
I'm saving myself
for someone special.
265
00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:44,043
Perhaps a cute
bespectacled neuroscientist
266
00:11:44,045 --> 00:11:48,548
with hair
the color of mud.
267
00:11:48,550 --> 00:11:51,184
I think I know how
to change your mind.
268
00:11:52,753 --> 00:11:54,304
That's enough.
Ew...
269
00:11:55,189 --> 00:11:57,557
I was okay with it.
270
00:12:01,863 --> 00:12:04,063
How's it going, Sheldon?
271
00:12:04,065 --> 00:12:05,482
Actually, much better.
272
00:12:05,484 --> 00:12:06,983
Oh, good.
Is the baby born yet?
273
00:12:06,985 --> 00:12:09,135
I don't know. I just got back.
274
00:12:09,137 --> 00:12:10,203
Where'd you go?
275
00:12:10,205 --> 00:12:13,206
My mother asked me
to get some towels.
276
00:12:13,208 --> 00:12:15,441
I took advantage
of the vague request
277
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:18,011
and went to Bed,
Bath & Beyond.
278
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:23,950
Excuse me! I'm on the phone!
279
00:12:25,419 --> 00:12:28,354
So rude.
280
00:12:29,456 --> 00:12:31,708
Here's another one.
Penny,
281
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,092
if it weren't for Sheldon,
282
00:12:33,094 --> 00:12:37,680
you never would have met
comic book legend Stan Lee.
283
00:12:38,816 --> 00:12:41,067
Great.
284
00:12:42,019 --> 00:12:43,136
At least Leonard,
285
00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:46,172
Howard and I would have
always been friends.
286
00:12:46,174 --> 00:12:48,908
Hey, how come you three never
got an apartment together?
287
00:12:48,910 --> 00:12:51,143
We talked about it,
but Howard was in
288
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:54,330
a pretty serious
relationship with his mom.
289
00:12:54,332 --> 00:12:57,000
I lived with her to save money.
290
00:12:57,002 --> 00:12:58,384
Yeah, you didn't have
to buy groceries
291
00:12:58,386 --> 00:12:59,419
'cause you were breast-feeding.
292
00:13:00,455 --> 00:13:03,756
Aw, so I guess
if it weren't for me,
293
00:13:03,758 --> 00:13:05,508
you'd still be living
with her, huh?
294
00:13:05,510 --> 00:13:07,510
Not exactly.
295
00:13:07,512 --> 00:13:08,761
What do you mean, "not exactly"?
296
00:13:08,763 --> 00:13:11,998
Well, things would be
a little different.
297
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,001
Howard, where's my lunch?!
298
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:18,137
I'm starving!
299
00:13:18,139 --> 00:13:19,606
I know you're starving.
300
00:13:19,608 --> 00:13:21,391
The neighbors know
you're starving.
301
00:13:21,393 --> 00:13:24,677
There's starving people in
Africa who know you're starving!
302
00:13:26,564 --> 00:13:29,249
That's it?!
There's not enough food!
303
00:13:29,251 --> 00:13:33,553
Well, you cleaned out Earth!
I don't know what else to do!
304
00:13:34,138 --> 00:13:36,806
How is this
any different?
305
00:13:36,808 --> 00:13:39,292
You didn't let me finish.
306
00:13:39,294 --> 00:13:41,794
Here you go, Mother.
307
00:13:41,796 --> 00:13:44,297
You're a good boy, Howard!
308
00:13:44,299 --> 00:13:48,084
Such a good boy!
309
00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:55,241
Wait-- did she die
or did you kill her?
310
00:13:57,378 --> 00:14:01,014
Eh, tomato, tomahto. The
important thing is she's dead.
311
00:14:02,683 --> 00:14:05,768
Hey, so how come you two
didn't move in together?
312
00:14:05,770 --> 00:14:07,520
This guy wanted
a place of his own
313
00:14:07,522 --> 00:14:09,822
because he was sure he was
gonna be a ladies' man.
314
00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:13,443
Yeah, I was wrong.
315
00:14:14,528 --> 00:14:17,363
But I do think you and I
would have had a great time.
316
00:14:17,365 --> 00:14:20,250
Come on, Leonard, dinner.
317
00:14:20,252 --> 00:14:22,185
Coming.
318
00:14:30,961 --> 00:14:32,161
Hang on.
319
00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:33,846
Why would I be fat?
320
00:14:34,932 --> 00:14:37,300
You'd have no girlfriend
to see you naked,
321
00:14:37,302 --> 00:14:40,053
you'd try to fill the void
with food,
322
00:14:40,055 --> 00:14:43,255
and I'm an enabler who once
deep-fried a pancake.
323
00:14:43,857 --> 00:14:45,975
Why can't you be fat, too?
324
00:14:47,561 --> 00:14:50,280
What do you want
to do for dessert?
325
00:14:52,316 --> 00:14:55,418
I think there's still
half a cake from breakfast.
326
00:14:57,204 --> 00:14:59,372
No, there's not.
327
00:15:04,128 --> 00:15:07,080
Hey, guys.
328
00:15:07,082 --> 00:15:08,998
Stuart.
Stuart.
329
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,000
What are you doing?
330
00:15:11,002 --> 00:15:12,885
I...
331
00:15:12,887 --> 00:15:18,341
just wanted to be
in anyone's story.
332
00:15:18,343 --> 00:15:20,710
Yeah, but why are you fat?
333
00:15:22,763 --> 00:15:25,264
'Cause Leonard was fat.
334
00:15:27,101 --> 00:15:28,735
Amy, what about you?
335
00:15:28,737 --> 00:15:30,937
What do you think you'd be doing
if you never met Sheldon?
336
00:15:30,939 --> 00:15:33,072
It's hard to say,
337
00:15:33,074 --> 00:15:35,325
my life would be
so... different.
338
00:15:35,327 --> 00:15:38,978
You can say "better."
Sheldon can't hear you.
339
00:15:40,247 --> 00:15:41,648
I don't know.
340
00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:46,886
♪ Happy birthday to me
341
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:51,691
♪ Happy birthday
to me ♪
342
00:15:53,093 --> 00:15:57,296
♪ There's tears
in the frosting ♪
343
00:16:03,904 --> 00:16:08,041
♪ Happy birthday to me.
344
00:16:17,484 --> 00:16:19,152
I'll stop now.
345
00:16:22,656 --> 00:16:24,240
How's it going, Sheldon?
346
00:16:24,242 --> 00:16:25,691
That's it.
347
00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:27,460
The baby's here.
348
00:16:27,462 --> 00:16:28,527
It's a boy.
349
00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,329
Congrats.
Aw. - Yay.
350
00:16:30,331 --> 00:16:32,048
Oh, thank you.
351
00:16:32,050 --> 00:16:34,366
I wasn't sure I was
gonna to make it.
352
00:16:36,003 --> 00:16:39,055
But my mother
gave me some ice chips,
353
00:16:39,057 --> 00:16:41,090
my sister told me to breathe.
354
00:16:41,092 --> 00:16:43,042
And I just thought
to myself, "Sheldon,
355
00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:45,228
"if you can make it through
the Green Lantern movie,
356
00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:47,379
you can make it through this."
357
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:49,749
Well, good
for you, buddy.
358
00:16:49,751 --> 00:16:51,200
We'll let you
get back in there.
359
00:16:51,202 --> 00:16:53,152
Oh no, no, I'm not
going back in there.
360
00:16:53,154 --> 00:16:55,888
That baby is so irritating.
361
00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:59,158
He has literally been
crying his entire life.
362
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,296
Aw, he's already taking
after Uncle Shelly.
363
00:17:04,498 --> 00:17:06,416
Come on, Sheldon, you should go.
364
00:17:06,418 --> 00:17:07,583
Why?
365
00:17:07,585 --> 00:17:09,519
Well, you always
complain that you never
366
00:17:09,521 --> 00:17:11,587
had an intelligent
role model growing up,
367
00:17:11,589 --> 00:17:13,823
and now you can
be one for your nephew.
368
00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:18,044
Ugh, all right, I'll go.
369
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:21,013
But from what I've seen,
his attention span
370
00:17:21,015 --> 00:17:23,466
is as limited
as his bladder control.
371
00:17:24,802 --> 00:17:26,719
You actually
got him to do it.
372
00:17:26,721 --> 00:17:27,920
Yeah, you keep saying
373
00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:29,639
how much Sheldon has
affected all of us,
374
00:17:29,641 --> 00:17:32,024
but you've clearly
had an impact on him.
375
00:17:32,026 --> 00:17:33,643
If that were true,
376
00:17:33,645 --> 00:17:35,611
I wouldn't still
be living alone.
377
00:17:35,613 --> 00:17:36,929
Well, not exactly alone.
378
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:39,198
I do have a 50 pound
sack of rice
379
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,068
with one of Sheldon's
T-shirts on it.
380
00:17:44,671 --> 00:17:47,874
I'm telling you, Sheldon cares
for you more than you think.
381
00:17:47,876 --> 00:17:50,442
I wish I could believe you.
382
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:53,146
I also wish there wasn't a mouse
living in Rice Sheldon.
383
00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:58,000
Hang on, I'm gonna
give you a little
384
00:17:58,002 --> 00:18:00,286
early Christmas
present.
385
00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:02,839
I'm gonna show you something,
but if you ever told Sheldon
386
00:18:02,841 --> 00:18:04,757
he'd probably never
speak to me again.
387
00:18:04,759 --> 00:18:07,343
So, if you want to
tell him, that's fine.
388
00:18:07,345 --> 00:18:09,428
Look.
389
00:18:12,182 --> 00:18:14,567
I don't understand.
390
00:18:14,569 --> 00:18:16,986
He made you
his screensaver.
391
00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:19,939
Oh.
392
00:18:19,941 --> 00:18:21,073
Wow.
393
00:18:21,075 --> 00:18:24,277
I had no idea.
394
00:18:24,279 --> 00:18:26,913
He is so into me.
395
00:18:28,782 --> 00:18:30,266
Wait, wait,
396
00:18:30,268 --> 00:18:31,317
where'd I go?
397
00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:33,669
Oh, well, it's
you, Swamp Thing,
398
00:18:33,671 --> 00:18:34,704
Stephen Hawking,
Spider-Man...
399
00:18:34,706 --> 00:18:37,173
but, look, you're
in the mix.
400
00:18:37,175 --> 00:18:39,491
I am in the mix.
401
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,460
And I'm the hottest one.
402
00:18:41,462 --> 00:18:42,712
Who's that?
403
00:18:42,714 --> 00:18:44,463
Oh, Madame C.
404
00:18:44,465 --> 00:18:46,632
That's fine, she's dead.
405
00:18:59,112 --> 00:19:00,813
You okay?
406
00:19:01,732 --> 00:19:04,016
Just really glad
you're back.
407
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:05,651
Me, too.
408
00:19:06,738 --> 00:19:09,355
I got a lot of TV
to catch up on.
409
00:19:15,212 --> 00:19:17,296
I missed you.
410
00:19:17,298 --> 00:19:20,833
To quote Han Solo,
"I know""
411
00:19:24,537 --> 00:19:26,472
Did you miss me?
412
00:19:26,474 --> 00:19:29,058
I would've preferred
to have you there with me.
413
00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:30,760
Oh.
414
00:19:30,762 --> 00:19:32,595
Or instead of me.
415
00:19:35,882 --> 00:19:37,266
Did you hold the baby?
416
00:19:37,268 --> 00:19:38,851
I did.
417
00:19:38,853 --> 00:19:40,353
And?
418
00:19:40,355 --> 00:19:42,738
How did it make you feel?
419
00:19:42,740 --> 00:19:45,024
Looking into the
blank, innocent eyes
420
00:19:45,026 --> 00:19:47,193
of a creature that
couldn't begin to comprehend
421
00:19:47,195 --> 00:19:48,894
anything I was saying?
422
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:51,747
Basically just
another day at the office.
423
00:20:00,425 --> 00:20:02,126
I'm gonna do it.
424
00:20:02,128 --> 00:20:03,761
I'm gonna ask her out.
425
00:20:06,014 --> 00:20:09,500
Yeah, and chocolate milk is
gonna squirt out of my nipples.
426
00:20:10,469 --> 00:20:13,170
Put up or shut up.
You make it, I'll drink it.
427
00:20:18,310 --> 00:20:19,694
You guys need anything else?
Uh,
428
00:20:19,696 --> 00:20:22,146
your phone number
and one more cheesecake.
429
00:20:24,816 --> 00:20:26,450
I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend.
430
00:20:26,452 --> 00:20:29,287
In fact, there
he is now.
431
00:20:38,221 --> 00:20:39,608
Ready to go, sweetheart?
432
00:20:39,609 --> 00:20:41,859
Not until I get
my kiss.
433
00:20:57,544 --> 00:21:02,544
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man