1
00:00:03,122 --> 00:00:06,157
I recently read
that during World War Two,
2
00:00:06,159 --> 00:00:08,543
Joseph Stalin had
a research program
3
00:00:08,545 --> 00:00:10,161
to create
supersoldiers
4
00:00:10,163 --> 00:00:13,731
by having women
impregnated by gorillas.
5
00:00:14,650 --> 00:00:17,168
What a sick use
of science.
6
00:00:17,170 --> 00:00:19,420
Hey, as long as
the baby's healthy.
7
00:00:20,973 --> 00:00:23,141
I wonder if Stalin considered
any other animals.
8
00:00:23,143 --> 00:00:25,176
Hippos are
the deadliest creature.
9
00:00:25,178 --> 00:00:28,262
A half-human, half-hippo soldier
would be pretty badass.
10
00:00:29,481 --> 00:00:31,432
Yes, but when they're
hungry-hungry,
11
00:00:31,434 --> 00:00:33,351
you can stop them
with marbles.
12
00:00:34,687 --> 00:00:35,770
Yeah, the correct animal
13
00:00:35,772 --> 00:00:38,406
for interspecies supersolider
is koala.
14
00:00:38,408 --> 00:00:42,910
You would wind up with an army
so cute it couldn't be attacked.
15
00:00:44,279 --> 00:00:46,831
But half-man, half-owl
could fly...
16
00:00:46,833 --> 00:00:50,418
The answer is cuddly soldiers
with big flat noses. Moving on.
17
00:00:51,537 --> 00:00:53,087
So, Penny, when's
the new job start?
18
00:00:53,089 --> 00:00:54,288
Next Monday.
19
00:00:54,290 --> 00:00:55,757
Did you get a chance
to look over
20
00:00:55,759 --> 00:00:56,708
the materials I gave you?
21
00:00:56,710 --> 00:00:57,875
Uh, not yet,
but I will.
22
00:00:57,877 --> 00:01:00,094
Great. When?
23
00:01:00,096 --> 00:01:02,213
I said I'll get to it.
24
00:01:05,851 --> 00:01:09,003
I'm sensing awkwardness,
am I right?
25
00:01:09,005 --> 00:01:10,972
Yes.
26
00:01:10,974 --> 00:01:13,141
Swish.
27
00:01:14,059 --> 00:01:16,060
I don't want to be pushy,
28
00:01:16,062 --> 00:01:18,813
but you've never done
pharmaceutical sales before.
29
00:01:18,815 --> 00:01:21,232
It seems like you could use
this time to get a head start.
30
00:01:21,234 --> 00:01:22,734
PENNY: Well, the first few
weeks will be all training.
31
00:01:22,736 --> 00:01:25,403
They'll tell me everything
I need to know.
32
00:01:25,405 --> 00:01:26,954
But imagine how impressed
they'd be if you showed up
33
00:01:26,956 --> 00:01:28,373
already familiar
with the material.
34
00:01:28,375 --> 00:01:30,908
Okay, so what, you want me
to be like a teacher's pet?
35
00:01:30,910 --> 00:01:33,044
Couldn't hurt.
36
00:01:33,046 --> 00:01:33,911
LEONARD:
Mm, I don't know.
37
00:01:33,913 --> 00:01:35,663
Who here has ever been hurt
38
00:01:35,665 --> 00:01:37,415
because they were
the teacher's pet?
39
00:01:41,553 --> 00:01:43,921
It was like the rest of
the class wanted Ms. McDonald
40
00:01:43,923 --> 00:01:45,673
to forget the quiz.
41
00:01:45,675 --> 00:01:49,310
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
42
00:01:49,312 --> 00:01:52,647
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
43
00:01:52,649 --> 00:01:54,265
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
44
00:01:54,267 --> 00:01:56,818
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
45
00:01:56,820 --> 00:01:59,487
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
46
00:01:59,489 --> 00:02:02,156
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
47
00:02:02,158 --> 00:02:04,075
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
48
00:02:04,077 --> 00:02:04,577
♪ Bang! ♪
49
00:02:04,578 --> 00:02:08,578
♪ The Big Bang Theory 8x02 ♪
The Junior Professor Solution
Original Air Date on September 22, 2014
50
00:02:08,668 --> 00:02:14,668
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
51
00:02:16,382 --> 00:02:17,349
Mrs. Davis.
52
00:02:17,351 --> 00:02:19,451
(knocking)
Guess who?
53
00:02:19,453 --> 00:02:20,719
Dr. Cooper.
54
00:02:20,721 --> 00:02:22,887
That's right, good job.
55
00:02:23,739 --> 00:02:25,390
Hello.
56
00:02:25,392 --> 00:02:27,559
Uh, you wanted
to see me?
57
00:02:27,561 --> 00:02:29,177
Yes. Uh, welcome back.
58
00:02:29,179 --> 00:02:30,612
Thank you.
59
00:02:30,614 --> 00:02:33,231
I assume you'd like
to reopen our dialogue
60
00:02:33,233 --> 00:02:36,067
about the university forcing me
to continue with string theory?
61
00:02:36,069 --> 00:02:37,719
You mean the dialogue that went,
62
00:02:37,721 --> 00:02:41,206
"Please?" "No." "Please?" "No."
"Please?" "No."
63
00:02:42,108 --> 00:02:44,209
That's the one.
64
00:02:45,511 --> 00:02:48,830
I believe you went last,
so, uh, please?
65
00:02:48,832 --> 00:02:52,584
Dr. Cooper, while you were away,
we came up with a solution
66
00:02:52,586 --> 00:02:55,003
that would allow you to change
your field of study.
67
00:02:55,005 --> 00:02:56,755
Wow.
68
00:02:56,757 --> 00:02:59,891
Pouting and running away
actually worked.
69
00:03:00,793 --> 00:03:02,727
Yeah, I must say,
that may not be a lesson
70
00:03:02,729 --> 00:03:04,095
you want to reinforce with me.
71
00:03:05,731 --> 00:03:07,766
So, um, what is the solution?
72
00:03:07,768 --> 00:03:09,434
Currently, you're being paid
under a grant
73
00:03:09,436 --> 00:03:11,403
to specifically research
string theory.
74
00:03:11,405 --> 00:03:13,355
If we promote you
to junior professor,
75
00:03:13,357 --> 00:03:15,073
you'll be able to choose
76
00:03:15,075 --> 00:03:16,958
whatever field of research
you'd like.
77
00:03:18,310 --> 00:03:22,180
But if I'm a professor,
then I'll have to teach a class.
78
00:03:22,182 --> 00:03:23,648
That is correct.
79
00:03:24,950 --> 00:03:29,621
So your solution is to
promote me and pay me more money
80
00:03:29,623 --> 00:03:31,506
so that I can impart
my knowledge
81
00:03:31,508 --> 00:03:33,541
to the next generation
of scientists?
82
00:03:33,543 --> 00:03:34,909
Yes.
83
00:03:36,195 --> 00:03:38,296
You people are sick.
84
00:03:41,767 --> 00:03:43,351
(knocks)
PENNY: Hey.
85
00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:44,719
Ready to go to lunch?
86
00:03:44,721 --> 00:03:46,054
Just give me a minute.
87
00:03:46,056 --> 00:03:47,439
I'm stimulating the pleasure
cells of this starfish.
88
00:03:47,441 --> 00:03:48,640
I just need to turn it off.
89
00:03:48,642 --> 00:03:50,608
What happens
if you don't?
90
00:03:50,610 --> 00:03:51,960
Then I have to sit through lunch
91
00:03:51,962 --> 00:03:54,646
knowing this starfish is
having a better day than I am.
92
00:03:55,731 --> 00:03:58,116
Is Bernadette meeting us
at the restaurant?
93
00:03:58,118 --> 00:04:01,052
Uh, no. Actually,
I didn't invite her.
94
00:04:01,054 --> 00:04:02,153
How come?
95
00:04:02,155 --> 00:04:04,322
Well, ever since she helped me
get this job,
96
00:04:04,324 --> 00:04:05,790
she won't stop bugging me.
97
00:04:05,792 --> 00:04:08,460
Well, I think she just wants you
to do well,
98
00:04:08,462 --> 00:04:09,744
and she's worried that you won't
99
00:04:09,746 --> 00:04:14,082
'cause you were just
a stunningly poor waitress.
100
00:04:14,084 --> 00:04:15,383
That is not true.
101
00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:17,102
I'm still waiting
on my mini corndogs
102
00:04:17,104 --> 00:04:19,220
from two years ago.
103
00:04:19,222 --> 00:04:22,774
I told you,
they'll be right out.
104
00:04:23,542 --> 00:04:26,227
Okay, so no
Bernadette.
105
00:04:26,229 --> 00:04:28,813
Well, you saw her the
other night. Am I wrong?
106
00:04:28,815 --> 00:04:30,014
No, I just...
107
00:04:30,016 --> 00:04:32,901
I feel kind of uncomfortable
talking about her like this.
108
00:04:32,903 --> 00:04:35,904
Usually when someone's being
talked about behind their back,
109
00:04:35,906 --> 00:04:38,690
it's me and it's right
in front of my face.
110
00:04:38,692 --> 00:04:41,826
I-I'm sorry. I just need
a little break from her.
111
00:04:41,828 --> 00:04:43,862
I understand.
112
00:04:43,864 --> 00:04:47,866
You know, there is
some research that indicates
113
00:04:47,868 --> 00:04:51,035
that sharing negative attitudes
about a third party
114
00:04:51,037 --> 00:04:54,172
can be a powerful bonding force
between two friends.
115
00:04:55,591 --> 00:04:57,041
So, what are
you saying?
116
00:04:57,043 --> 00:04:59,761
I'm saying,
in the spirit of science,
117
00:04:59,763 --> 00:05:02,180
what is
that little skank's problem?
118
00:05:05,684 --> 00:05:07,802
So, I've been trying
to come up
119
00:05:07,804 --> 00:05:09,721
with a cute couple's nickname
for me and Emily.
120
00:05:09,723 --> 00:05:11,389
What do you
like better--
121
00:05:11,391 --> 00:05:14,692
Emippali...
122
00:05:14,694 --> 00:05:17,228
or Koothrapemily?
123
00:05:17,230 --> 00:05:20,932
Why is it your last name
and her first name?
124
00:05:20,934 --> 00:05:22,901
Oh, well,
her last name is Sweeney,
125
00:05:22,903 --> 00:05:27,238
and something just didn't seem
right about Koothrapeeney.
126
00:05:29,074 --> 00:05:31,826
Hey, how'd it go
with human resources?
127
00:05:31,828 --> 00:05:33,244
Awful.
128
00:05:33,246 --> 00:05:35,580
Yeah, they're allowing me
to move on from string theory,
129
00:05:35,582 --> 00:05:37,499
but they made me
a junior professor
130
00:05:37,501 --> 00:05:39,801
and are requiring me
to teach a class.
131
00:05:39,803 --> 00:05:42,587
I don't understand. Why is it
bad that you have to teach?
132
00:05:42,589 --> 00:05:45,056
What a stupid question.
133
00:05:45,891 --> 00:05:49,427
The kids are
gonna love him.
134
00:05:49,429 --> 00:05:51,396
I can't believe
I have to waste my time
135
00:05:51,398 --> 00:05:53,565
babysitting a bunch
of grad students
136
00:05:53,567 --> 00:05:57,569
who probably think dark matter
is what's in their diapers.
137
00:05:57,571 --> 00:05:59,103
This might not be that bad.
138
00:05:59,105 --> 00:06:01,272
Uh, you like telling people
they're wrong.
139
00:06:01,274 --> 00:06:02,607
Wrong!
140
00:06:04,026 --> 00:06:07,111
Just because I enjoyed that one
doesn't mean I always do.
141
00:06:07,863 --> 00:06:09,664
You enjoy giving
people grades.
142
00:06:09,666 --> 00:06:13,785
A valid point,
but unoriginal-- B-minus.
143
00:06:13,787 --> 00:06:15,954
And you love the sound
of your own voice.
144
00:06:15,956 --> 00:06:17,705
Yeah, well, of course I do.
145
00:06:17,707 --> 00:06:18,840
Listen to it.
146
00:06:18,842 --> 00:06:22,126
It's like an earful
of melted caramel.
147
00:06:22,128 --> 00:06:24,345
Look, most importantly,
148
00:06:24,347 --> 00:06:27,215
this will let you move on
and study dark matter.
149
00:06:28,334 --> 00:06:31,135
It is true that many of
my heroes have taken students
150
00:06:31,137 --> 00:06:32,437
under their wings:
151
00:06:32,439 --> 00:06:35,773
Feynman, Einstein, Professor X.
152
00:06:35,775 --> 00:06:38,226
Humorously,
153
00:06:38,228 --> 00:06:39,727
in the case of Professor X,
154
00:06:39,729 --> 00:06:42,146
some of his students
actually had wings.
155
00:06:42,148 --> 00:06:44,399
That's rich.
156
00:06:45,634 --> 00:06:47,552
I'll use that one
to lighten the mood
157
00:06:47,554 --> 00:06:50,655
after my entire class
fails the midterm.
158
00:06:54,159 --> 00:06:57,378
Measuring starfish
serotonin levels in response
159
00:06:57,380 --> 00:07:01,499
to one point two molar
stimulation of pleasure cells.
160
00:07:03,269 --> 00:07:06,204
You like that, don't you?
161
00:07:06,206 --> 00:07:07,972
That's right, say my name.
162
00:07:07,974 --> 00:07:11,693
(Skype ringtone playing)
163
00:07:11,695 --> 00:07:13,761
Hey.
164
00:07:13,763 --> 00:07:15,513
Hey, what's going on?
Not much.
165
00:07:15,515 --> 00:07:16,931
You want to get a drink later?
166
00:07:16,933 --> 00:07:18,149
Just the two of us?
167
00:07:18,151 --> 00:07:19,151
No Penny?
168
00:07:19,152 --> 00:07:20,234
Not tonight.
169
00:07:20,236 --> 00:07:21,436
I'm a little frustrated
with her.
170
00:07:21,438 --> 00:07:23,321
Because you got her the job
and you think
171
00:07:23,323 --> 00:07:25,189
she should be working harder
to prepare for it?
172
00:07:25,191 --> 00:07:28,860
So it's not just me.
You see it, too!
173
00:07:30,362 --> 00:07:33,364
I do, I see it.
174
00:07:33,366 --> 00:07:34,983
It's driving me crazy.
175
00:07:34,985 --> 00:07:36,834
Just this afternoon,
I saw on Instagram
176
00:07:36,836 --> 00:07:39,253
that instead of studying,
she went out to lunch
177
00:07:39,255 --> 00:07:41,005
and got a manicure.
178
00:07:41,907 --> 00:07:44,542
That's outrageous!
179
00:07:44,544 --> 00:07:45,710
I know!
180
00:07:45,712 --> 00:07:47,045
If she doesn't do well,
181
00:07:47,047 --> 00:07:49,664
Th-this could reflect poorly
on you.
182
00:07:49,666 --> 00:07:53,067
Exactly. Does she not realize it
or does she not care?
183
00:07:53,069 --> 00:07:54,285
I don't know.
184
00:07:54,287 --> 00:07:56,688
The important thing is
I am here for you
185
00:07:56,690 --> 00:08:00,892
so we can mutually disparage
this unpleasing third party.
186
00:08:06,115 --> 00:08:08,750
Hey. We just wanted to see
187
00:08:08,752 --> 00:08:10,485
how your class was going.
Where is everybody?
188
00:08:10,487 --> 00:08:13,037
There is no class.
189
00:08:13,039 --> 00:08:16,290
Did you send everyone to
the principal's office already?
190
00:08:17,826 --> 00:08:19,577
No one signed up.
191
00:08:19,579 --> 00:08:21,295
Well, that's not your fault.
192
00:08:21,297 --> 00:08:24,632
I called the department
secretary to see what happened.
193
00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:28,636
Apparently, I have a reputation
for being obnoxious.
194
00:08:29,471 --> 00:08:32,023
What?
195
00:08:32,975 --> 00:08:35,043
Hey, Sheldon, I'm sorry.
196
00:08:35,045 --> 00:08:37,061
No, it's fine.
197
00:08:37,063 --> 00:08:41,399
Now I can devote all my time
to dark matter.
198
00:08:41,401 --> 00:08:44,402
Aw, you brought cookies
for everyone?
199
00:08:44,404 --> 00:08:45,770
Oh, yes. Fig Newtons.
200
00:08:45,772 --> 00:08:48,523
I was going to ask them:
which scientist both helped
201
00:08:48,525 --> 00:08:51,943
to develop calculus and had
a famous cookie named after him?
202
00:08:51,945 --> 00:08:53,411
And then after
someone said "Newton,"
203
00:08:53,413 --> 00:08:55,780
I was going to tell them
they're wrong.
204
00:08:57,266 --> 00:09:00,451
The cookies are named
after a town in Massachusetts.
205
00:09:00,453 --> 00:09:03,254
And then I'd throw
the cookies away.
206
00:09:04,873 --> 00:09:06,874
Hey, what if I took your class?
207
00:09:07,710 --> 00:09:09,794
Why would you do that?
208
00:09:09,796 --> 00:09:11,796
Yeah, why would you do that?
What's wrong with you?
209
00:09:12,347 --> 00:09:14,682
I'm thinking about
getting my doctorate,
210
00:09:14,684 --> 00:09:16,350
and he wants to teach-- why not?
211
00:09:16,352 --> 00:09:18,019
Oh, Howard.
212
00:09:18,021 --> 00:09:20,138
I appreciate
the gesture,
213
00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:22,807
but this is
a graduate-level physics class.
214
00:09:24,109 --> 00:09:25,810
I don't think you'd understand
215
00:09:25,812 --> 00:09:28,863
a single thing
I was talking about.
216
00:09:29,815 --> 00:09:32,700
Ask why not again;
I've got an answer.
217
00:09:32,702 --> 00:09:36,454
Sheldon, I'm more than smart
enough to take your class.
218
00:09:38,540 --> 00:09:40,575
(chuckles):
No.
219
00:09:42,077 --> 00:09:43,294
Yes.
220
00:09:44,797 --> 00:09:46,881
How would you determine
the ground state
221
00:09:46,883 --> 00:09:50,001
of a quantum system
with no exact solution?
222
00:09:50,003 --> 00:09:52,470
I would guess a wave-function
and then vary its parameters
223
00:09:52,472 --> 00:09:54,305
until I found
the lowest energy solution.
224
00:09:54,307 --> 00:09:56,474
Hmm.
225
00:09:57,476 --> 00:10:00,061
Do you know how to integrate
X squared times E
226
00:10:00,063 --> 00:10:02,263
to the minus X,
without looking it up?
227
00:10:03,515 --> 00:10:04,565
I'd use Feynman's trick--
228
00:10:04,567 --> 00:10:06,000
differentiate
under the integral sign.
229
00:10:06,002 --> 00:10:08,352
Okay.
230
00:10:09,188 --> 00:10:10,688
Um...
231
00:10:10,690 --> 00:10:13,074
What is the correct
interpretation
232
00:10:13,076 --> 00:10:14,575
of quantum mechanics?
233
00:10:14,577 --> 00:10:16,577
Since every interpretation gives
exactly the same answer
234
00:10:16,579 --> 00:10:18,529
to every measurement,
they are all equally correct.
235
00:10:18,531 --> 00:10:20,865
However, I know you believe in
the Many Worlds Interpretation,
236
00:10:20,867 --> 00:10:23,501
so I'll say that. Now do you
think I'm smart enough?
237
00:10:26,672 --> 00:10:28,422
(chuckles):
No.
238
00:10:29,875 --> 00:10:31,626
Oh, come on.
You might've gone to school
239
00:10:31,628 --> 00:10:33,678
for a couple more years than me,
but guess what--
240
00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:35,713
engineers are just
as smart as physicists.
241
00:10:35,715 --> 00:10:38,216
(gasps)
You take that back!
242
00:10:41,136 --> 00:10:43,855
(mimicking Sheldon):
No.
243
00:10:52,082 --> 00:10:53,532
So, after drinks
with Bernadette,
244
00:10:53,534 --> 00:10:56,535
I get home, and Penny calls
to complain about her.
245
00:10:56,537 --> 00:10:58,170
And then while
I'm talking to Penny,
246
00:10:58,172 --> 00:10:59,588
I get a text from Bernadette.
247
00:10:59,590 --> 00:11:02,541
Wh... I'm trying to prepare
my lesson plan for Howard.
248
00:11:02,543 --> 00:11:05,594
Why are you
telling me this?
249
00:11:05,596 --> 00:11:09,715
Because it's taken 15 years, but
high school is finally awesome!
250
00:11:11,635 --> 00:11:13,386
I love them both,
251
00:11:13,388 --> 00:11:17,273
but I'm in the center now,
and I love that even more.
252
00:11:17,275 --> 00:11:20,059
Amy, please. I am trying
to figure out a way
253
00:11:20,061 --> 00:11:24,063
to intellectually emasculate
a dear friend of mine.
254
00:11:24,065 --> 00:11:26,365
But I'm just...
Not now.
255
00:11:26,367 --> 00:11:28,033
You better watch
that attitude, buddy.
256
00:11:28,035 --> 00:11:31,203
You're dating the
popular girl now.
257
00:11:34,241 --> 00:11:36,041
Hmm. You're up late.
258
00:11:36,043 --> 00:11:38,744
Oh, I'm working on
my lesson plan for Wolowitz.
259
00:11:38,746 --> 00:11:40,629
He is going to be so lost.
260
00:11:41,748 --> 00:11:43,666
Look at this section over here.
261
00:11:43,668 --> 00:11:47,002
Even I don't really
understand it.
262
00:11:47,004 --> 00:11:49,972
Sheldon, why are you doing this?
263
00:11:49,974 --> 00:11:51,724
I'm a teacher, Leonard.
264
00:11:51,726 --> 00:11:53,058
It's my job.
265
00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:54,927
No, I-I mean,
266
00:11:54,929 --> 00:11:56,762
why are you going
to so much trouble
267
00:11:56,764 --> 00:11:58,564
to prove that you're smarter
than Wolowitz?
268
00:11:58,566 --> 00:12:01,684
Oh, it's no trouble;
it's actually a pleasure.
269
00:12:02,519 --> 00:12:04,653
You want to know what I think?
270
00:12:04,655 --> 00:12:07,740
I think the idea that someone
could be as smart as you,
271
00:12:07,742 --> 00:12:10,326
or even smarter,
scares the pants off you,
272
00:12:10,328 --> 00:12:11,994
and you can't deal with it.
273
00:12:13,830 --> 00:12:15,664
Interesting point.
274
00:12:15,666 --> 00:12:17,533
Wh... You're
suggesting
275
00:12:17,535 --> 00:12:20,202
that I have emotional issues
below my consciousness
276
00:12:20,204 --> 00:12:21,854
which drive my behavior,
277
00:12:21,856 --> 00:12:24,840
thus causing me to lash out
at anything or anyone
278
00:12:24,842 --> 00:12:27,409
that threatens
my intellectual superiority.
279
00:12:27,411 --> 00:12:30,045
Might be something
to think about.
280
00:12:30,931 --> 00:12:32,298
Leonard?
281
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:33,883
Yeah.
282
00:12:33,885 --> 00:12:35,551
Howard's allergic to peanuts.
283
00:12:35,553 --> 00:12:37,636
How can I use that against him?
284
00:12:41,608 --> 00:12:42,942
Hey.
285
00:12:42,944 --> 00:12:46,896
Okay, now that everyone's here,
we can begin.
286
00:12:48,648 --> 00:12:51,467
Before we do,
I just talked to Leonard.
287
00:12:51,469 --> 00:12:52,735
And if you're gonna
288
00:12:52,737 --> 00:12:55,321
spend all your time
trying to belittle me
289
00:12:55,323 --> 00:12:58,207
by making this class
unnecessarily hard,
290
00:12:58,209 --> 00:13:00,159
then I'm out.
291
00:13:00,161 --> 00:13:01,577
But if you're interested
in making
292
00:13:01,579 --> 00:13:04,330
a sincere effort
to be a good teacher,
293
00:13:04,332 --> 00:13:07,132
then I'm willing
to give this a shot.
294
00:13:09,669 --> 00:13:12,221
I suppose that's a fair request.
295
00:13:12,223 --> 00:13:15,674
There's no reason we both can't
benefit from this experience.
296
00:13:15,676 --> 00:13:17,243
Okay.
297
00:13:17,245 --> 00:13:19,311
Okay.
298
00:13:19,313 --> 00:13:21,013
Well, then, uh,
first things first.
299
00:13:21,015 --> 00:13:24,767
Um, are you familiar with
the Brachistochrone problem?
300
00:13:24,769 --> 00:13:26,235
I am.
Good.
301
00:13:26,237 --> 00:13:28,821
And how it relates
to the calculus of variations?
302
00:13:28,823 --> 00:13:30,189
It's an inverted cycloid.
303
00:13:30,191 --> 00:13:31,357
Wonderful.
304
00:13:31,359 --> 00:13:33,659
Now, what about
Euler-Lagrange theorems?
305
00:13:33,661 --> 00:13:34,994
That's where I'm a little fuzzy.
306
00:13:34,996 --> 00:13:37,029
Ha! I knew it! All right.
307
00:13:38,498 --> 00:13:41,534
We have a lot of information
to cover before your first test.
308
00:13:41,536 --> 00:13:44,370
Which, by the way,
is in eight minutes.
309
00:13:44,372 --> 00:13:47,006
The good news is I'm
grading on a curve,
310
00:13:47,008 --> 00:13:49,708
so you're pretty much
guaranteed a C.
311
00:13:49,710 --> 00:13:51,510
♪ All I do is win, win, win ♪
312
00:13:51,512 --> 00:13:53,429
♪ No matter what ♪
What are you doing?
313
00:13:53,431 --> 00:13:55,798
♪ Everybody hands go up, up... ♪
314
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,716
♪ And they stay there! ♪
315
00:13:57,718 --> 00:13:59,351
What are you doing?
316
00:13:59,353 --> 00:14:00,719
If you're gonna be
a crappy teacher,
317
00:14:00,721 --> 00:14:02,471
then I'm gonna be
a crappy student.
318
00:14:02,473 --> 00:14:04,189
(grunts) ♪ Ludacris going in
on the verse ♪
319
00:14:04,191 --> 00:14:06,358
♪ 'Cause I never been defeated
and I won't stop now... ♪
320
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:09,228
Will you stop it!
321
00:14:09,230 --> 00:14:10,563
This is a classroom.
322
00:14:10,565 --> 00:14:12,031
This is not American Bandstand.
323
00:14:12,033 --> 00:14:12,982
Okay.
324
00:14:12,984 --> 00:14:14,066
Now, where was I?
325
00:14:14,068 --> 00:14:15,017
Let's see.
326
00:14:15,019 --> 00:14:16,035
Oh, yes. Over here.
327
00:14:16,037 --> 00:14:17,236
You...
328
00:14:18,705 --> 00:14:20,155
What are you doing now?
329
00:14:20,157 --> 00:14:21,974
Making a straw.
330
00:14:21,976 --> 00:14:23,025
Why?
331
00:14:23,027 --> 00:14:26,378
So I can shoot you
with a spitball.
332
00:14:27,664 --> 00:14:30,416
You're not going to do that,
and I'll tell you why.
333
00:14:30,418 --> 00:14:32,585
This is an institution
of higher learning,
334
00:14:32,587 --> 00:14:34,253
I am your professor,
335
00:14:34,255 --> 00:14:36,221
and you're going to treat me
with the prop...
336
00:14:36,223 --> 00:14:37,890
(gasps)
337
00:14:41,561 --> 00:14:44,847
You shot your spit in my mouth!
338
00:14:45,682 --> 00:14:47,433
Is that gonna be on the test?
339
00:14:47,435 --> 00:14:49,685
Because I don't think
I can do that again.
340
00:14:52,405 --> 00:14:54,356
Hey, girlfriend.
341
00:14:54,358 --> 00:14:57,610
Can I get a what what?
342
00:14:57,612 --> 00:14:59,578
What?
343
00:15:00,413 --> 00:15:01,747
Close enough.
344
00:15:01,749 --> 00:15:04,416
Um, I was just calling to see
what you were up tonight.
345
00:15:04,418 --> 00:15:06,535
Thought maybe we could hit up
Color Me Mine,
346
00:15:06,537 --> 00:15:09,872
maybe sneak in
some Pinot Greej. Whatevs.
347
00:15:09,874 --> 00:15:11,790
Uh, thanks, but I think
I'm gonna stay in
348
00:15:11,792 --> 00:15:13,626
and go over the stuff
Bernadette gave me.
349
00:15:13,628 --> 00:15:15,577
Oh. Oh, I hear you.
350
00:15:15,579 --> 00:15:18,163
Try and get that nag
off your back, right?
351
00:15:19,366 --> 00:15:20,733
I mean, you're not a bicycle;
352
00:15:20,735 --> 00:15:23,218
why's she riding you like that?
353
00:15:23,220 --> 00:15:25,337
No, I think she was
just trying to help.
354
00:15:25,339 --> 00:15:28,107
Plus, I really want to do well
at this job. So...
355
00:15:28,109 --> 00:15:29,742
Okay, good luck.
And call me later,
356
00:15:29,744 --> 00:15:32,611
you know, if you decide
she's a bitch or something.
357
00:15:37,734 --> 00:15:39,818
Hey, girlfriend.
358
00:15:39,820 --> 00:15:41,270
Hey, Amy.
359
00:15:41,272 --> 00:15:42,655
Tonight. You, me, Color Me Mine.
360
00:15:42,657 --> 00:15:46,825
Maybe we sneak in some Pinot--
make it Color Me Wine.
361
00:15:46,827 --> 00:15:49,128
That sounds fun,
but I promised Penny
362
00:15:49,130 --> 00:15:50,496
I'd come by and help her study.
363
00:15:50,498 --> 00:15:53,298
Oh. Well, good luck
getting her to do that.
364
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:55,968
She's probably off
getting another manicure.
365
00:15:55,970 --> 00:15:57,636
You remember when she did that?
366
00:15:57,638 --> 00:15:59,955
You remember?
367
00:15:59,957 --> 00:16:02,174
I was probably being
too hard on her.
368
00:16:02,176 --> 00:16:03,475
We talked, we're good.
369
00:16:03,477 --> 00:16:05,094
Oh. Great.
370
00:16:05,096 --> 00:16:06,612
I'm happy for you guys.
371
00:16:06,614 --> 00:16:08,397
You know, when the two of you
aren't getting along,
372
00:16:08,399 --> 00:16:11,483
it puts me in a really
weird position.
373
00:16:11,485 --> 00:16:13,669
Well, don't worry--
everything's back to normal.
374
00:16:13,671 --> 00:16:16,772
You mean, like, where she's nice
to your face? Okay got it. Bye.
375
00:16:20,744 --> 00:16:22,845
Hey, boyfriend.
376
00:16:22,847 --> 00:16:24,363
Can't talk. Spitball.
377
00:16:24,365 --> 00:16:26,165
Probably gonna die.
378
00:16:26,167 --> 00:16:27,366
(gargling)
379
00:16:33,006 --> 00:16:34,339
Well?
380
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,208
Sheldon, I-I promise.
381
00:16:36,210 --> 00:16:39,511
Your uvula does not have an STD.
382
00:16:41,264 --> 00:16:43,348
Are you sure?
383
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:47,386
It just doesn't feel as
innocent as it used to.
384
00:16:49,189 --> 00:16:51,607
You reported me
to human resources?
385
00:16:51,609 --> 00:16:55,561
You violated the sanctity
of my mouth.
386
00:16:55,563 --> 00:16:58,864
Well, I dropped your class,
so I hope you're happy.
387
00:16:58,866 --> 00:17:01,533
I told you you weren't
smart enough to take it.
388
00:17:01,535 --> 00:17:02,484
I'm smart enough, Sheldon.
389
00:17:02,486 --> 00:17:03,569
Asking me a bunch of questions
390
00:17:03,571 --> 00:17:04,787
about a topic
I'm not familiar with
391
00:17:04,789 --> 00:17:05,738
doesn't prove anything.
392
00:17:05,740 --> 00:17:06,905
I could do the same to you.
393
00:17:06,907 --> 00:17:08,373
Yeah... Try me.
394
00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:10,959
Okay.
(scoffs)
395
00:17:10,961 --> 00:17:14,580
You enjoy making fun
of engineering so much;
396
00:17:14,582 --> 00:17:17,666
how do you quantify
the strength of materials?
397
00:17:17,668 --> 00:17:19,284
Young's modulus.
398
00:17:19,286 --> 00:17:20,853
Is that right?
399
00:17:20,855 --> 00:17:23,122
Yeah.
400
00:17:24,457 --> 00:17:28,060
Okay, how do you prevent
eddy currents in a transformer?
401
00:17:28,062 --> 00:17:30,312
Laminate the core material.
402
00:17:30,314 --> 00:17:31,396
Come on, give
him a hard one.
403
00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:33,265
That was a hard one.
404
00:17:34,434 --> 00:17:36,101
All right.
405
00:17:36,103 --> 00:17:39,688
How does the flow rate in a pipe
depend on its diameter?
406
00:17:40,940 --> 00:17:43,909
You don't know, do you?
407
00:17:44,944 --> 00:17:45,994
(panting)
408
00:17:45,996 --> 00:17:47,412
What's the matter, smart guy?
409
00:17:47,414 --> 00:17:49,748
Don't know Poiseuille's law?
410
00:17:49,750 --> 00:17:51,934
(coughing)
411
00:17:55,421 --> 00:17:58,791
(gasps)
Thank goodness I got it!
412
00:18:01,244 --> 00:18:03,929
Now I can quit
checking my stool.
413
00:18:07,801 --> 00:18:10,552
Okay, what are the
potential side effects
414
00:18:10,554 --> 00:18:12,654
for our erectile
dysfunction drug?
415
00:18:12,656 --> 00:18:15,140
Headaches, dizziness and nausea.
416
00:18:15,142 --> 00:18:16,275
Yes.
417
00:18:16,277 --> 00:18:17,609
Those are also the side effects
418
00:18:17,611 --> 00:18:19,778
of having a 75-year-old man
with an erection
419
00:18:19,780 --> 00:18:21,480
climb on top of you.
420
00:18:21,482 --> 00:18:23,482
Want to stop here?
421
00:18:23,484 --> 00:18:24,817
Uh, no.
I can keep going.
422
00:18:24,819 --> 00:18:26,018
Nah, you got this.
423
00:18:26,020 --> 00:18:27,486
Let's go for a drink.
I'll call Amy.
424
00:18:27,488 --> 00:18:30,522
Okay, good. She seemed like she
really wanted to go out tonight.
425
00:18:34,294 --> 00:18:36,495
(ringtone playing)
426
00:18:39,299 --> 00:18:41,416
Hey, girl.
427
00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:53,903
Okay, next question,
for the Butterfinger:
428
00:18:53,905 --> 00:18:56,589
how long is a galactic yea
429
00:18:56,591 --> 00:18:57,907
250 million years!
430
00:18:57,909 --> 00:18:58,491
Yes!
431
00:18:58,493 --> 00:19:01,411
(all cheering)
432
00:19:01,413 --> 00:19:05,748
Okay, this one is
for a Cadbury Creme Egg.
433
00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:07,584
(gasps)
It's not even Easter time.
434
00:19:07,586 --> 00:19:09,752
This is crazy!
435
00:19:10,921 --> 00:19:15,225
Which Archimedean solid
has 20 regular triangular faces,
436
00:19:15,227 --> 00:19:17,827
30 square faces,
12 pentagonal faces,
437
00:19:17,829 --> 00:19:21,548
60 vertices and 120 edges?
438
00:19:21,550 --> 00:19:23,933
ALL:
The Rhombicosidodecahedron!
439
00:19:23,935 --> 00:19:24,517
Yes!
440
00:19:24,519 --> 00:19:27,237
(all cheering)
441
00:19:27,239 --> 00:19:28,938
We are so smart!
442
00:19:28,940 --> 00:19:30,657
Why didn't girls like us
in high school?
443
00:19:30,659 --> 00:19:32,786
Because we were awkward and
weird and couldn't play sports!
444
00:19:32,810 --> 00:19:33,941
Right again!
445
00:19:33,942 --> 00:19:35,375
(all cheering)
446
00:19:35,376 --> 00:19:41,376
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man