1
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Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...
2
00:00:03,254 --> 00:00:04,114
Hey, Stuart.
3
00:00:04,115 --> 00:00:04,877
What are you doing here?
4
00:00:04,901 --> 00:00:06,583
Oh, I'm living here again.
5
00:00:06,584 --> 00:00:09,885
Do, uh, Howard
and Bernadette know?
6
00:00:09,887 --> 00:00:13,422
Or is like a possum
in the walls kind of thing?
7
00:00:14,258 --> 00:00:17,059
No. I needed
a place to stay,
8
00:00:17,061 --> 00:00:18,293
and with the baby coming,
9
00:00:18,295 --> 00:00:20,262
I figured they could
use some extra help.
10
00:00:20,264 --> 00:00:22,598
Hey, tomorrow, who wants
to paint the nursery?
11
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:23,628
I'll do it.
12
00:00:23,629 --> 00:00:25,433
Why do you get to do it?
I'm the artist.
13
00:00:25,703 --> 00:00:28,704
Just because you're starving
doesn't make you an artist.
14
00:00:28,706 --> 00:00:32,040
Just because I look sickly
doesn't mean I'm starving.
15
00:00:32,042 --> 00:00:34,176
Howard?
16
00:00:34,178 --> 00:00:36,345
I think I'm in labor.
17
00:00:36,347 --> 00:00:38,313
Oh. Oh, okay. Okay.
18
00:00:38,315 --> 00:00:40,215
Uh, uh, uh,
I can do this.
19
00:00:40,217 --> 00:00:41,650
We have a plan.
20
00:00:41,652 --> 00:00:43,518
Somebody please
tell me the plan!
21
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:45,053
I'll get the
hospital bag.
22
00:00:45,055 --> 00:00:45,765
I'll pull the van up.
23
00:00:45,789 --> 00:00:46,890
Meet you outside
in two minutes.
24
00:00:46,891 --> 00:00:49,358
Team Baby, go!
25
00:00:52,263 --> 00:00:53,829
Oh, man.
26
00:00:53,831 --> 00:00:55,297
This is really
happening.
27
00:00:55,299 --> 00:00:56,999
You doin' okay?
28
00:00:57,001 --> 00:00:58,600
Here comes another contraction.
29
00:00:58,602 --> 00:00:59,968
Let's pick it up!
30
00:00:59,970 --> 00:01:01,436
All right, hold on.
31
00:01:01,438 --> 00:01:03,272
I'm gonna drive
like we do in India.
32
00:01:03,274 --> 00:01:07,943
Get out of my way,
you syphilitic dogs!
33
00:01:09,313 --> 00:01:11,040
Stop that!
This isn't India.
34
00:01:11,064 --> 00:01:11,981
Fine.
35
00:01:11,982 --> 00:01:16,885
What do one point three billion
people know about having babies?
36
00:01:16,887 --> 00:01:19,388
Sorry. I know you were just
trying to help.
37
00:01:20,090 --> 00:01:21,356
I love you.
38
00:01:21,358 --> 00:01:23,992
I love you, too.
We're good.
39
00:01:23,994 --> 00:01:27,629
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
40
00:01:27,631 --> 00:01:30,966
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
41
00:01:30,968 --> 00:01:32,601
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
42
00:01:32,603 --> 00:01:35,170
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
43
00:01:35,172 --> 00:01:37,806
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
44
00:01:37,808 --> 00:01:40,475
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
45
00:01:40,477 --> 00:01:42,377
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
46
00:01:42,379 --> 00:01:43,633
♪ Bang! ♪
47
00:01:43,634 --> 00:01:47,634
♪ The Big Bang Theory 10x11 ♪
The Birthday Synchronicity
Original Air Date on December 15, 2016
48
00:01:47,635 --> 00:01:54,435
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
49
00:01:54,936 --> 00:01:56,896
Amy?
50
00:01:56,897 --> 00:01:58,797
Wake up.
51
00:01:58,799 --> 00:02:01,499
Wh... What's wrong?
52
00:02:01,501 --> 00:02:03,268
It's midnight.
53
00:02:03,270 --> 00:02:04,769
Happy birthday.
54
00:02:04,771 --> 00:02:07,972
Sheldon.
55
00:02:12,279 --> 00:02:17,182
Okay, you can have
this back in the morning.
56
00:02:17,184 --> 00:02:20,151
This is for you.
57
00:02:20,153 --> 00:02:21,519
I was going to wrap it,
58
00:02:21,521 --> 00:02:24,389
but touching Scotch tape
gives me the heebie-jeebies.
59
00:02:24,391 --> 00:02:27,859
I'll put in on the list
with peaches and felt.
60
00:02:29,529 --> 00:02:31,596
What is this?
61
00:02:31,598 --> 00:02:35,066
A functional MRI
of my brain.
62
00:02:35,068 --> 00:02:39,137
I did Sudoku before they
took it so I'd be ripped.
63
00:02:39,139 --> 00:02:42,173
I love it. Thank you.
64
00:02:42,175 --> 00:02:43,475
And it's not just an MRI.
65
00:02:43,477 --> 00:02:45,043
The orbitofrontal
cortex is lit up
66
00:02:45,045 --> 00:02:47,245
because I was
thinking of you.
67
00:02:47,247 --> 00:02:49,681
Sheldon!
68
00:02:53,253 --> 00:02:56,387
We seem to be moving on
to the annual coitus portion
69
00:02:56,389 --> 00:02:57,989
of your birthday
festivities.
70
00:02:57,991 --> 00:03:00,191
Is that okay?
71
00:03:00,193 --> 00:03:03,027
I didn't put on my come-hither
plaid PJ's for nothing.
72
00:03:05,031 --> 00:03:07,398
You hate Scotch tape,
but you love Scotch plaid.
73
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,767
You are a mystery.
74
00:03:17,210 --> 00:03:18,776
Guys, wake up!
75
00:03:18,778 --> 00:03:20,545
Bernadette's
having her baby!
76
00:03:20,547 --> 00:03:22,413
Come on, we're going
to the hospital!
77
00:03:22,415 --> 00:03:24,449
I guess... I guess
we should stop.
78
00:03:24,451 --> 00:03:26,384
Yeah. I'm afraid so.
79
00:03:28,155 --> 00:03:30,555
Childbirth,
looming coitus?
80
00:03:30,557 --> 00:03:33,224
This is a banner night
for female genitals.
81
00:03:35,896 --> 00:03:37,862
Now I see
three of you.
82
00:03:37,864 --> 00:03:41,599
Do we know the father, or is
this some Mamma Mia nonsense?
83
00:03:41,601 --> 00:03:44,102
I'm the father.
84
00:03:44,104 --> 00:03:46,905
Okay, Dad, how far apart
are the contractions?
85
00:03:46,907 --> 00:03:49,774
No idea.
Ask him.
86
00:03:49,776 --> 00:03:51,476
12 minutes.
87
00:03:51,478 --> 00:03:53,711
12 minutes?
Why are you here?
88
00:03:53,713 --> 00:03:56,114
Aren't we supposed to get here
an hour and a half early?
89
00:03:56,116 --> 00:03:59,250
This is a hospital,
not the airport.
90
00:04:00,187 --> 00:04:02,387
I'm sorry.
It's our first time.
91
00:04:02,389 --> 00:04:03,521
It's okay.
92
00:04:03,523 --> 00:04:05,723
This little one will be
here before you know it.
93
00:04:05,725 --> 00:04:07,592
Do we know what
we're having?
94
00:04:07,594 --> 00:04:09,160
No, we're keeping it
a surprise.
95
00:04:09,162 --> 00:04:11,262
Old school. Nice.
96
00:04:11,264 --> 00:04:14,265
Not that old school.
He knows.
97
00:04:14,267 --> 00:04:18,136
You see, I was
at the doctor's office,
98
00:04:18,138 --> 00:04:21,306
the folder was right there,
so I took a peek.
99
00:04:21,308 --> 00:04:23,541
And talking like this
100
00:04:23,543 --> 00:04:26,678
doesn't make it less creepy.
101
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:27,946
Sweetheart, go home.
102
00:04:27,948 --> 00:04:29,414
Come back when
the contractions
103
00:04:29,416 --> 00:04:31,115
are five minutes
apart for an hour.
104
00:04:31,117 --> 00:04:32,317
I'm sorry.
105
00:04:32,319 --> 00:04:33,551
That's ambiguous.
106
00:04:33,553 --> 00:04:35,987
Is it five minutes apart
starting at the top of the hour,
107
00:04:35,989 --> 00:04:37,288
or five minutes apart starting
108
00:04:37,290 --> 00:04:41,392
with the first contraction, so
essentially, like, 65 minutes?
109
00:04:41,394 --> 00:04:44,329
I'm just throwing
this out there,
110
00:04:44,331 --> 00:04:47,732
but home births are
very popular these days.
111
00:04:50,637 --> 00:04:52,804
Sheldon, what took you so long?
112
00:04:52,806 --> 00:04:54,405
Wolowitz might
hand out cigars.
113
00:04:54,407 --> 00:04:56,074
I had to find my bubble gum
114
00:04:56,076 --> 00:04:59,544
cigar so I could join in
without looking foolish.
115
00:04:59,546 --> 00:05:01,713
Damn, I need my inhaler.
116
00:05:01,715 --> 00:05:02,880
Just don't smoke.
117
00:05:02,882 --> 00:05:04,782
No, I went down
the stairs too fast.
118
00:05:06,253 --> 00:05:07,685
Hey.
119
00:05:07,687 --> 00:05:09,754
Don't come to the hospital.
We're headed home.
120
00:05:09,756 --> 00:05:12,156
Oh, that was fast.
Did she sneeze the baby out?
121
00:05:12,158 --> 00:05:15,260
We showed up too early.
We'll keep you posted.
122
00:05:15,262 --> 00:05:16,861
Okay, well, we'll
123
00:05:16,863 --> 00:05:18,263
talk to you guys later. Bye.
124
00:05:18,265 --> 00:05:21,065
She said not to come.
It's gonna be a while.
125
00:05:21,067 --> 00:05:23,701
Well, first deliveries
can be slow.
126
00:05:23,703 --> 00:05:27,338
I am starting to rethink the
Flash onesie I bought this kid.
127
00:05:28,008 --> 00:05:30,275
I found it,
but it's empty.
128
00:05:30,277 --> 00:05:32,277
Well, it doesn't matter. We're
not going to the hospital now.
129
00:05:32,279 --> 00:05:34,879
Are you sure?
I'd really like to.
130
00:05:35,715 --> 00:05:39,183
Well, should we,
uh, head back up?
131
00:05:39,185 --> 00:05:41,352
Come on, guys.
132
00:05:41,354 --> 00:05:43,554
We're all awake. Why don't we go
to a diner or something?
133
00:05:43,556 --> 00:05:45,189
Oh, uh, I don't know.
134
00:05:45,191 --> 00:05:48,760
Sheldon, you don't want
to do that, do you?
135
00:05:48,762 --> 00:05:50,094
It doesn't matter what I want.
136
00:05:50,096 --> 00:05:52,463
- It's your birthday. You decide.
- Oh, my God!
137
00:05:52,465 --> 00:05:54,732
It's your birthday!
Let's do something fun.
138
00:05:54,734 --> 00:05:55,767
- Uh...
- Well,
139
00:05:55,769 --> 00:05:56,601
we could go to a bar.
140
00:05:56,603 --> 00:05:59,103
Well...
141
00:05:59,105 --> 00:06:01,873
Okay, I can breathe again.
Babe, they want to have sex.
142
00:06:01,875 --> 00:06:03,708
Oh, of course!
143
00:06:03,710 --> 00:06:07,745
The annual birthday
booty spectacular!
144
00:06:07,747 --> 00:06:09,580
That's a bit childish,
isn't it?
145
00:06:09,582 --> 00:06:12,684
I'm sorry, and what flavor is
your bubble gum cigar?
146
00:06:12,686 --> 00:06:17,722
Grape. I find it
the most mild.
147
00:06:17,724 --> 00:06:20,391
All right, well,
you two go have fun.
148
00:06:23,663 --> 00:06:27,231
If we find my backup inhaler,
maybe we can get frisky.
149
00:06:27,233 --> 00:06:30,968
Oh, you sexy,
wheezy little man.
150
00:06:33,573 --> 00:06:35,373
Do you really need
to record this?
151
00:06:35,375 --> 00:06:38,009
You'll be happy I did.
152
00:06:38,011 --> 00:06:41,713
Okay, little one,
here we are back at home
153
00:06:41,715 --> 00:06:43,848
because you weren't quite ready
to come out yet.
154
00:06:43,850 --> 00:06:47,085
You wanted to make an entrance.
I get it.
155
00:06:48,988 --> 00:06:52,190
And here's your daddy.
156
00:06:52,192 --> 00:06:54,892
When he tries to tell
you he used to be cool,
157
00:06:54,894 --> 00:06:57,462
you can see he wasn't.
158
00:06:59,833 --> 00:07:01,999
All right,
enough with the camera.
159
00:07:02,001 --> 00:07:04,135
Well, this is not for me.
This is for the baby.
160
00:07:04,137 --> 00:07:06,170
Some day she's gonna
want to see this.
161
00:07:06,172 --> 00:07:08,106
I'm sorry.
162
00:07:08,108 --> 00:07:10,441
Who's gonna want to see this?
163
00:07:11,478 --> 00:07:16,381
I... I said “she,”
but lots of things are she--
164
00:07:16,383 --> 00:07:17,615
boats
165
00:07:17,617 --> 00:07:18,783
and cars,
166
00:07:18,785 --> 00:07:21,652
whales.
Like, “Thar she blows.”
167
00:07:23,590 --> 00:07:25,189
You're doing great.
168
00:07:26,059 --> 00:07:27,925
Raj!
169
00:07:27,927 --> 00:07:29,494
Well, okay,
I'm gonna sign off now.
170
00:07:29,496 --> 00:07:31,963
This next part may contain
some adult language.
171
00:07:31,965 --> 00:07:33,331
How could you?!
172
00:07:33,333 --> 00:07:35,366
We made it this
far without knowing,
173
00:07:35,368 --> 00:07:37,034
and you ruined it!
174
00:07:37,036 --> 00:07:38,636
Well, you guys have no idea
how hard it is
175
00:07:38,638 --> 00:07:40,938
to know something like this
and not say it!
176
00:07:40,940 --> 00:07:43,408
You told me it was a girl,
and I didn't say it.
177
00:07:43,410 --> 00:07:45,076
Raj!
You were supposed
178
00:07:45,078 --> 00:07:46,644
to keep that to yourself.
179
00:07:46,646 --> 00:07:51,015
Oh, yeah. I guess it is hard.
180
00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:56,254
So...
181
00:07:56,256 --> 00:07:57,955
...where were we?
182
00:07:57,957 --> 00:07:59,891
Well, I believe
183
00:07:59,893 --> 00:08:02,160
we were kissing like
randy teenagers,
184
00:08:02,162 --> 00:08:06,264
and your nose was
whistling ever so slightly.
185
00:08:06,266 --> 00:08:09,000
I'm sorry.
186
00:08:09,002 --> 00:08:10,234
Oh, don't be.
187
00:08:10,236 --> 00:08:12,437
You were like a
foxy tea kettle.
188
00:08:14,707 --> 00:08:17,175
Well, shall we start over?
189
00:08:17,177 --> 00:08:18,976
Very well.
190
00:08:25,518 --> 00:08:27,084
What's wrong?
191
00:08:27,086 --> 00:08:29,086
I'm not sure.
192
00:08:29,088 --> 00:08:31,389
Earlier tonight, things
began organically,
193
00:08:31,391 --> 00:08:33,057
and now it's
feeling forced,
194
00:08:33,059 --> 00:08:37,061
like all the Pirates
of the Caribbean sequels.
195
00:08:38,898 --> 00:08:40,832
Okay, that makes sense.
196
00:08:40,834 --> 00:08:43,534
I mean, the mood's
a little different now.
197
00:08:43,536 --> 00:08:44,936
We-we don't have to rush.
198
00:08:44,938 --> 00:08:47,905
Oh, I know, but Leonard and
Penny think we're doing it,
199
00:08:47,907 --> 00:08:50,274
and I don't want
to disappoint them.
200
00:08:52,479 --> 00:08:55,546
And the mood continues
to change.
201
00:08:55,548 --> 00:08:57,782
No, and also, I don't
want to disappoint you. I...
202
00:08:57,784 --> 00:09:00,017
You know, come on.
It's your birthday.
203
00:09:00,019 --> 00:09:02,186
I can soldier through this.
204
00:09:03,323 --> 00:09:04,989
H-Hold on.
205
00:09:04,991 --> 00:09:07,492
I think I might have
a little surprise
206
00:09:07,494 --> 00:09:12,296
that might help get things
back on track.
207
00:09:12,298 --> 00:09:14,398
Intriguing.
208
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,234
Is “back on track” a hint
209
00:09:16,236 --> 00:09:18,202
that it has something
to do with trains?
210
00:09:20,473 --> 00:09:22,907
No.
211
00:09:22,909 --> 00:09:25,610
Because if it did have to do
with trains, and you were
212
00:09:25,612 --> 00:09:27,545
gonna give...
It's not about trains!
213
00:09:27,547 --> 00:09:29,881
Oh. Not even a cozy sleeper
car on the Orient Express?
214
00:09:29,883 --> 00:09:32,083
Stop talking
about trains!
215
00:09:33,386 --> 00:09:36,387
Who's killing the mood now?
216
00:09:38,424 --> 00:09:40,725
Found the backup inhaler.
Want to have sex?
217
00:09:42,729 --> 00:09:45,329
Well, I didn't
until I heard that.
218
00:09:45,331 --> 00:09:47,598
Hang on. I'm counting.
219
00:09:48,568 --> 00:09:50,434
It's okay.
Mm.
220
00:09:53,907 --> 00:09:55,973
Hello!
221
00:09:55,975 --> 00:09:57,375
Howard and Bernadette
kicked me out
222
00:09:57,377 --> 00:09:59,443
because I told them
they're having a girl!
223
00:10:00,246 --> 00:10:02,747
Oopsy, I did it again.
224
00:10:04,784 --> 00:10:07,118
Maybe if we're quiet,
he'll go away.
225
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:11,355
You're gonna
have to be quieter than that.
226
00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:13,925
Can I look yet?
227
00:10:13,927 --> 00:10:15,860
One second.
228
00:10:15,862 --> 00:10:18,696
All right,
you can open your eyes.
229
00:10:24,637 --> 00:10:26,771
I thought I'd let Harry Potter
230
00:10:26,773 --> 00:10:30,174
make things hotter.
231
00:10:32,111 --> 00:10:33,811
Wowza.
232
00:10:35,848 --> 00:10:38,516
I got a Gryffindor robe
for you.
233
00:10:38,518 --> 00:10:39,617
Oh...
234
00:10:39,619 --> 00:10:42,653
A Gryffindor sleeping
with a Hufflepuff?
235
00:10:43,489 --> 00:10:45,456
How scandalous.
236
00:10:48,094 --> 00:10:51,362
You naughty girl.
237
00:10:51,364 --> 00:10:54,365
You went to the Wizarding World
theme park without me.
238
00:10:54,367 --> 00:10:56,701
I did.
239
00:10:56,703 --> 00:10:59,036
Am I in trouble?
240
00:11:00,106 --> 00:11:01,238
Yes, you're in trouble--
241
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,541
you went to Wizarding World
without me!
242
00:11:03,543 --> 00:11:05,543
Wait, what just happened?
243
00:11:05,545 --> 00:11:06,711
You know
244
00:11:06,713 --> 00:11:08,579
I've been wanting to go.
245
00:11:08,581 --> 00:11:10,815
Sheldon, do you
really want to argue with me
246
00:11:10,817 --> 00:11:12,450
on my birthday?
247
00:11:12,452 --> 00:11:14,885
Oh, you're right.
248
00:11:14,887 --> 00:11:16,821
I'm sorry.
249
00:11:18,891 --> 00:11:21,559
Ooh. Happy birthday to me.
250
00:11:26,065 --> 00:11:28,466
Hello...
251
00:11:30,436 --> 00:11:33,104
Is this about the baby?
252
00:11:33,106 --> 00:11:36,073
No. People just keep
kicking me out everywhere I go.
253
00:11:36,075 --> 00:11:38,175
Good. Then you're used to this.
254
00:11:39,445 --> 00:11:40,511
Hey, Bernadette's water broke!
255
00:11:40,513 --> 00:11:42,146
Come on! Everyone
to the hospital!
256
00:11:42,148 --> 00:11:44,715
You have got to be kidding me!
257
00:11:53,434 --> 00:11:55,834
Just try to relax.
We'll be there any minute.
258
00:11:56,243 --> 00:11:57,811
Stuart, stop driving
like an old man.
259
00:11:57,812 --> 00:11:59,311
Speed it up a little.
260
00:11:59,313 --> 00:12:01,047
I'm not an old man!
261
00:12:01,049 --> 00:12:03,215
I just can't see at night.
262
00:12:04,285 --> 00:12:05,951
Here comes another one.
263
00:12:05,953 --> 00:12:08,954
Hey, Squinty,
the gas pedal's on the right!
264
00:12:08,956 --> 00:12:10,856
All right, hang on.
265
00:12:10,858 --> 00:12:13,659
If you see any pedestrians,
just call 'em out.
266
00:12:17,365 --> 00:12:20,032
Howard and Bernadette's kid
might be born on your birthday.
267
00:12:20,034 --> 00:12:21,367
How cool is that?
268
00:12:21,369 --> 00:12:23,536
Yeah, but I thought this
baby was supposed to ruin
269
00:12:23,538 --> 00:12:25,538
their sex life, not mine.
270
00:12:25,540 --> 00:12:27,239
This is not how
271
00:12:27,241 --> 00:12:30,009
I imagined this day going--
I should be with them right now.
272
00:12:30,011 --> 00:12:32,111
Well, it is
their child.
273
00:12:32,113 --> 00:12:33,345
I know that.
274
00:12:33,347 --> 00:12:35,247
But to be fair,
I've spent nine months
275
00:12:35,249 --> 00:12:37,550
helping Bernadette
get ready for this baby.
276
00:12:37,552 --> 00:12:40,352
And Howard spent five minutes
conceiving it.
277
00:12:40,354 --> 00:12:42,588
And I'm being generous.
278
00:12:43,624 --> 00:12:45,357
Five minutes?
279
00:12:45,359 --> 00:12:48,394
We must be doing it wrong.
It took us hours.
280
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:53,899
And-and the worst part is
281
00:12:53,901 --> 00:12:57,536
that they kicked me out
and let Stuart stay.
282
00:12:57,538 --> 00:13:00,172
I understand, but this is
a special day for them.
283
00:13:00,174 --> 00:13:02,308
Can you just try and let it go?
284
00:13:02,310 --> 00:13:03,642
She's right.
285
00:13:03,644 --> 00:13:06,846
You know, I just learned Amy
went to a theme park without me,
286
00:13:06,848 --> 00:13:08,714
but I'm not going
to ruin her birthday.
287
00:13:08,716 --> 00:13:11,517
I'll wait, and ruin
24 individual hours
288
00:13:11,519 --> 00:13:13,819
sprinkled
throughout the year.
289
00:13:15,957 --> 00:13:17,723
Boop.
290
00:13:21,395 --> 00:13:24,530
Deep breaths,
slow breaths.
291
00:13:24,532 --> 00:13:27,700
I'm so thirsty.
Give me more ice chips.
292
00:13:32,807 --> 00:13:36,675
Sorry. I... thought
these were room ice chips.
293
00:13:37,912 --> 00:13:39,912
I'll go get some more.
294
00:13:39,914 --> 00:13:41,781
Uh, Stuart, while
you're out there,
295
00:13:41,783 --> 00:13:43,549
don't come back.
296
00:13:43,551 --> 00:13:45,384
Okay.
297
00:13:47,855 --> 00:13:51,724
So, what are we gonna
name this kid?
298
00:13:51,726 --> 00:13:53,592
Now that we know
she's a girl,
299
00:13:53,594 --> 00:13:57,096
it kind of ruins my plan
for Wally Wolowitz.
300
00:13:58,366 --> 00:14:00,499
Could name her
after your mom.
301
00:14:00,501 --> 00:14:01,634
Debbie?
302
00:14:01,636 --> 00:14:03,102
No.
303
00:14:03,104 --> 00:14:04,904
She hated that name.
304
00:14:04,906 --> 00:14:06,505
Did she have a middle name?
305
00:14:06,507 --> 00:14:08,174
Melvina.
306
00:14:09,477 --> 00:14:12,578
Let's keep thinking.
307
00:14:12,580 --> 00:14:15,281
Mm.
Ah.
308
00:14:15,283 --> 00:14:17,817
It sucks that
she's not here.
309
00:14:17,819 --> 00:14:19,418
I know.
310
00:14:19,420 --> 00:14:20,719
Hm.
311
00:14:20,721 --> 00:14:23,956
She would've been
the best grandma.
312
00:14:23,958 --> 00:14:26,091
She did always have candy
in her pocket.
313
00:14:26,093 --> 00:14:27,893
Yeah.
314
00:14:27,895 --> 00:14:30,563
I was 20 years old
before I figured out
315
00:14:30,565 --> 00:14:33,833
Tootsie Rolls weren't
naturally warm.
316
00:14:34,969 --> 00:14:37,536
I didn't know her
five minutes and she asked,
317
00:14:37,538 --> 00:14:41,674
“Are you a Milky Way
or a Snickers girl?”
318
00:14:41,676 --> 00:14:45,578
Thank God you answered right,
we wouldn't be here today.
319
00:14:48,015 --> 00:14:49,982
It's hard to believe
Howard's having a kid.
320
00:14:49,984 --> 00:14:51,317
Yeah.
321
00:14:51,319 --> 00:14:53,385
Penny, you're the one who
introduced him to Bernie.
322
00:14:53,387 --> 00:14:55,888
How many times do I have
to say I'm sorry?
323
00:14:57,091 --> 00:14:59,358
It's not just Howard
and Bernadette. I mean,
324
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,093
look how far
we've all come.
325
00:15:01,095 --> 00:15:02,027
Hmm.
Hmm.
326
00:15:02,029 --> 00:15:03,295
You two got married.
327
00:15:03,297 --> 00:15:05,831
Sheldon and I
are living together.
328
00:15:05,833 --> 00:15:08,400
But if my mom asks,
we have bunk beds.
329
00:15:10,171 --> 00:15:12,471
Penny was a struggling
actress when we met,
330
00:15:12,473 --> 00:15:14,707
and now she's a successful
pharmaceutical rep.
331
00:15:14,709 --> 00:15:17,309
Okay, you don't have to say
“struggling” every time.
332
00:15:17,311 --> 00:15:19,979
You can just say “actress.”
333
00:15:19,981 --> 00:15:21,881
Howard went to space.
334
00:15:21,883 --> 00:15:24,149
Bernadette got
her doctorate.
335
00:15:24,151 --> 00:15:26,352
Sheldon, Howard and I are
working with the government
336
00:15:26,354 --> 00:15:28,020
on our quantum gyroscope.
337
00:15:28,022 --> 00:15:30,289
We've all come a long way.
338
00:15:30,291 --> 00:15:31,824
There's a lot
to be proud of.
339
00:15:33,261 --> 00:15:36,929
For God's sake, just drive in
the knife, why don't you!
340
00:15:38,833 --> 00:15:40,900
What's your problem?
Well, you're all thinking
341
00:15:40,902 --> 00:15:44,270
that I'm the only one who
hasn't done anything worthwhile.
342
00:15:44,272 --> 00:15:45,738
I was not thinking it.
343
00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:49,975
Although, now that
you point it out, it is undeniable.
344
00:15:49,977 --> 00:15:51,710
Raj, if it's
any consolation,
345
00:15:51,712 --> 00:15:54,747
I'm no better off than
I was ten years ago.
346
00:15:54,749 --> 00:15:57,283
Oh, yay!
347
00:15:57,285 --> 00:15:59,585
I have a doctorate
in astrophysics
348
00:15:59,587 --> 00:16:01,153
and I'm every bit as awesome
349
00:16:01,155 --> 00:16:03,822
as the pasty-faced owner
of a comic book store!
350
00:16:03,824 --> 00:16:06,392
Raj! Show some compassion.
351
00:16:06,394 --> 00:16:09,428
Those are things that
we think but don't say.
352
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:14,733
Excuse me.
353
00:16:16,470 --> 00:16:17,770
Sorry, Stuart.
354
00:16:17,772 --> 00:16:20,205
Hey, I'm in a hospital
and I'm not the patient.
355
00:16:20,207 --> 00:16:22,041
I'm fine.
356
00:16:23,177 --> 00:16:24,643
Come on, Bernie, breathe.
357
00:16:24,645 --> 00:16:26,712
Remember what you learned
in birthing class.
358
00:16:26,714 --> 00:16:28,747
I remember thinking,
“This is stupid”"
359
00:16:28,749 --> 00:16:31,550
and I was right!
360
00:16:31,552 --> 00:16:33,218
Do you want me
to get the nurse?
361
00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:36,088
No! If one more person puts
their fingers near my uterus,
362
00:16:36,090 --> 00:16:39,325
I'm gonna cross my legs
and snap 'em off!
363
00:16:43,597 --> 00:16:46,165
I've come to peace with my
relationship with my parents.
364
00:16:46,167 --> 00:16:48,534
That was a big milestone for me.
365
00:16:48,536 --> 00:16:50,436
Oh, speaking of personal growth,
366
00:16:50,438 --> 00:16:53,939
I recently tried eating
Swiss chard.
367
00:16:55,242 --> 00:16:59,845
You know, I didn't swallow it,
but Amy said it counted.
368
00:17:00,815 --> 00:17:03,582
Hey.
Hey.
369
00:17:07,521 --> 00:17:09,288
Still a loser or
did you turn things around
370
00:17:09,290 --> 00:17:11,457
while you were gone?
371
00:17:13,027 --> 00:17:14,259
You know, Raj, honey,
372
00:17:14,261 --> 00:17:16,028
you're being
too hard on yourself.
373
00:17:16,030 --> 00:17:18,030
When I first met you,
you couldn't even talk to women.
374
00:17:18,032 --> 00:17:19,932
I mean, you couldn't even talk
if one was in the room.
375
00:17:19,934 --> 00:17:21,333
Oh, great, now I can say
376
00:17:21,335 --> 00:17:24,069
things like “I can't believe
you're breaking up with me.”
377
00:17:24,071 --> 00:17:27,039
“Why are you breaking up
with me?”
378
00:17:27,041 --> 00:17:30,142
“Yes, I'll still help you move”"
379
00:17:30,144 --> 00:17:32,411
Anyone else want to try?
380
00:17:32,413 --> 00:17:34,947
Uh, yeah, I got something.
381
00:17:34,949 --> 00:17:36,215
Raj,
382
00:17:36,217 --> 00:17:39,318
not everybody
could be a dog owner.
383
00:17:40,421 --> 00:17:44,723
Oh, what? Did your doggie
break up with you too?
384
00:17:45,793 --> 00:17:48,660
Hey, I bought M&Ms
at the vending machine
385
00:17:48,662 --> 00:17:49,828
and two bags came out.
386
00:17:49,830 --> 00:17:51,630
I bought the first one,
387
00:17:51,632 --> 00:17:54,099
it didn't fall.
388
00:17:54,101 --> 00:17:57,002
Here.
389
00:17:59,073 --> 00:18:01,440
She's here, the baby's here!
390
00:18:01,442 --> 00:18:03,742
- Oh! Oh.
- Congratulations!
391
00:18:03,744 --> 00:18:05,077
How's Bernadette?
392
00:18:05,079 --> 00:18:06,512
Tired, but great.
393
00:18:06,514 --> 00:18:07,679
They're both great.
394
00:18:07,681 --> 00:18:09,014
Does the baby have a name yet?
395
00:18:09,016 --> 00:18:11,483
We have named her Halley.
396
00:18:11,485 --> 00:18:13,085
- Oh!
- Oh, like Halley's comet.
397
00:18:13,087 --> 00:18:14,119
Exactly.
398
00:18:14,121 --> 00:18:15,754
Also like the comet,
Bernadette said
399
00:18:15,756 --> 00:18:19,625
she's not gonna have sex
with me for another 75 years.
400
00:18:19,627 --> 00:18:23,095
That's not a real thing,
he's just joking.
401
00:18:23,097 --> 00:18:24,530
I'm gonna get back.
402
00:18:24,532 --> 00:18:26,865
Thank you for staying up,
I can't wait for Halley to meet
403
00:18:26,867 --> 00:18:28,033
her new aunts and uncles
404
00:18:28,035 --> 00:18:30,335
and godfather.
405
00:18:30,337 --> 00:18:32,271
Really?
406
00:18:32,273 --> 00:18:34,406
Of course.
407
00:18:34,408 --> 00:18:35,707
You hear that, Stuart?!
408
00:18:35,709 --> 00:18:38,877
I've got a dog and a godchild,
you have nothing!
409
00:18:45,419 --> 00:18:48,487
Oh, look at all the babies!
410
00:18:48,489 --> 00:18:50,789
Some will be successful,
411
00:18:50,791 --> 00:18:54,960
some may be homeless.
412
00:18:54,962 --> 00:18:57,830
It's fun to think about.
413
00:18:59,567 --> 00:19:01,333
I wonder which one's Halley.
414
00:19:01,335 --> 00:19:03,135
Kind of hard to see the names.
415
00:19:03,137 --> 00:19:05,571
Mm, that one kind of
looks like Bernadette.
416
00:19:05,573 --> 00:19:07,172
They all look the same to me.
417
00:19:07,174 --> 00:19:08,340
Guys,
418
00:19:08,342 --> 00:19:09,675
she's my goddaughter,
419
00:19:09,677 --> 00:19:12,344
I think I'll know
when I see her.
420
00:19:22,679 --> 00:19:24,846
That one.
421
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:35,156
Well, that was quite a day.
422
00:19:35,157 --> 00:19:37,223
It was.
423
00:19:37,225 --> 00:19:38,925
Bernadette had her baby,
424
00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:40,860
I made it to Wizarding World,
425
00:19:40,862 --> 00:19:42,629
and now it is time to complete
426
00:19:42,631 --> 00:19:44,864
your birthday celebration.
427
00:19:44,866 --> 00:19:46,032
Hankius
428
00:19:46,034 --> 00:19:49,703
pankius.
429
00:19:49,705 --> 00:19:52,305
I was afraid you'd be too tired.
430
00:19:52,307 --> 00:19:55,141
Amy, I just saw a magic train
431
00:19:55,143 --> 00:19:58,878
and reported somebody
for cutting the line.
432
00:20:00,048 --> 00:20:02,615
If that's not foreplay,
I don't know what is.
433
00:20:07,445 --> 00:20:14,245
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man