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English (HI) Subtitles.
The Big Bang Theory S09E09 [KoTuWa]
The Platonic Permutation
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00:00:02,802 --> 00:00:05,303
Have you guys seen this feature
that lets you talk to Siri
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00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:07,038
without pressing
any buttons?
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00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:08,473
No. How does it work?
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00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:11,910
You just say, uh, “Hey,
Siri, what time is it?”
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00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:14,179
SIRI:
The time is 6:37 p.m.
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00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,380
Yeah.
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00:00:15,382 --> 00:00:17,615
So now anyone
can control your phone?
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00:00:17,617 --> 00:00:20,852
Hey, Siri, show me pictures
of naked grandma butts.
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00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,587
Nice try.
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00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:25,790
It only recognizes my voice.
Oh. Cool.
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00:00:25,792 --> 00:00:28,860
(imitates Koothrappali): Hey, Siri, show me
pictures of naked grandma butts.
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00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,863
I don't sound
like that.
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00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:35,733
SIRI: Here are some images
of naked grandma butts.
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00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:38,136
Hey. Good news,
everybody.
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00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:40,405
Now that I'm no longer
with Amy,
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00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:43,341
I have an extra ticket to the
annual Thanksgiving lunch buffet
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00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:46,010
at the aquarium cafeteria.
Who wants it?
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00:00:48,580 --> 00:00:50,548
Well, you realize
you won't be going alone--
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00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,216
I'll be there the whole time.
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Providing
fish and pilgrim facts.
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00:00:57,456 --> 00:01:00,024
Can you people hear me?
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00:01:00,026 --> 00:01:01,792
Well, we're having
everyone over.
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00:01:01,794 --> 00:01:03,561
Yeah, Leonard and I
are gonna be cooking
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00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,963
all day.
Otherwise we'd love to.
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00:01:05,965 --> 00:01:07,131
But we can't.
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Yeah, poor us.
Mm-hmm.
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And Raj and I
are volunteering
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at the soup kitchen,
feeding food to the homeless.
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Well, Howard,
what about you?
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Oh...
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00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:21,745
I can't. I'm going
to the soup kitchen, too.
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00:01:21,747 --> 00:01:25,482
You said that sounded like
the worst thing ever.
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00:01:26,985 --> 00:01:28,986
If you can't support me
when I'm lying,
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why are we married?
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♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
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♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
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♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
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♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
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00:01:42,935 --> 00:01:45,602
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
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00:01:45,604 --> 00:01:48,272
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
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♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
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♪ Bang! ♪
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00:01:51,660 --> 00:01:55,660
♪ The Big Bang Theory 9x09 ♪
The Platonic Permutation
Original Air Date on November 17, 2015
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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(phone line ringing)
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00:02:03,099 --> 00:02:05,532
Hi, Sheldon. What's?
Well, I'm calling
48
00:02:05,534 --> 00:02:07,734
because Thanksgiving
is coming up,
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00:02:07,736 --> 00:02:11,305
and I wanted to offer you
the aquarium tickets.
50
00:02:11,307 --> 00:02:12,739
No one can go with you?
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00:02:12,741 --> 00:02:15,142
No. They'd rather spend
the holiday with each other
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00:02:15,144 --> 00:02:18,779
than find out of this is the
year I finally touch a starfish.
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00:02:18,781 --> 00:02:20,480
Anyway,
I wouldn't want
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00:02:20,482 --> 00:02:24,451
the tickets to go to waste,
so take whomever you'd like.
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00:02:24,453 --> 00:02:26,019
Oh.
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00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:28,922
Okay. Thank you.
And feel free
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00:02:28,924 --> 00:02:31,558
to tell your guest
that the Myanmar catfish
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is also known
as the pilgrim fish.
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00:02:33,929 --> 00:02:38,798
In case the turkey's dry
and you need something juicy.
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00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,368
Sheldon...
I can tell you want to go,
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00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:43,870
so if you'd be comfortable
with it,
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00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:46,339
maybe we could go as friends.
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00:02:46,341 --> 00:02:48,608
You don't think
that will be awkward?
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00:02:48,610 --> 00:02:51,444
Well... it is Thanksgiving
in an aquarium cafeteria,
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00:02:51,446 --> 00:02:54,481
so I'm gonna go out
on a limb here and say yes.
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00:02:55,950 --> 00:02:57,984
But if you mean between us...
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00:02:57,986 --> 00:02:59,886
I think it'll be fine.
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00:03:00,939 --> 00:03:02,539
Very well, then.
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00:03:02,607 --> 00:03:04,875
I'll see you
on Thanksgiving morning.
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00:03:04,943 --> 00:03:06,677
See you then.
Oh,
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00:03:06,745 --> 00:03:09,146
and forget what I said
about the Myanmar catfish.
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00:03:09,214 --> 00:03:12,549
My list of marine-themed
pilgrim facts is pretty short.
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00:03:12,617 --> 00:03:14,752
Did you know they served
shellfish and eel
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00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:16,059
at the very first Thanksgiving?
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00:03:16,087 --> 00:03:18,489
And there goes my list.
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00:03:21,092 --> 00:03:23,160
So, how does this work?
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00:03:23,228 --> 00:03:25,629
The soup kitchen manager
assigns the jobs,
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00:03:25,697 --> 00:03:27,598
and the shifts
are six hours.
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00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:28,732
Six hours?
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00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:32,236
Oh, God, I don't want to
complain for that long.
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00:03:33,204 --> 00:03:35,606
Do you ever do anything
for anyone else?
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00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:41,211
I happen to be
a giving and generous lover.
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00:03:41,279 --> 00:03:44,448
Are you and I close enough
for me to say that's creepy?
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00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:48,552
We are, and I believe the word
you're looking for is... yech!
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00:03:49,754 --> 00:03:51,188
Uh, can I help you?
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00:03:51,256 --> 00:03:53,023
Hi. We'd like to volunteer.
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00:03:53,091 --> 00:03:54,792
Oh, I appreciate
you guys coming down,
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00:03:54,859 --> 00:03:56,193
but we already have
enough people.
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00:03:56,261 --> 00:03:57,961
Any other day,
please, come back.
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00:03:58,029 --> 00:03:59,963
Oh. Okay.
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00:04:04,436 --> 00:04:07,204
Wipe that smug smile
off your face.
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00:04:07,272 --> 00:04:10,140
Maybe I'm happy
that so many people turned up
93
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,409
to help the less fortunate.
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00:04:12,477 --> 00:04:13,744
(chuckles)
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00:04:13,812 --> 00:04:15,746
Are you and I close
enough for me to say...
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00:04:15,814 --> 00:04:17,681
That he's an ass?
He beat you to it.
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00:04:18,983 --> 00:04:20,984
I was wrong.
A large group had to cancel.
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00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:23,220
Oh, great.
We'd love to help.
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00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:27,257
Wipe that smug smile
off your face.
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00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:31,628
(laughing):
I can't!
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00:04:32,931 --> 00:04:33,964
Look at us!
102
00:04:34,032 --> 00:04:36,066
Our first Thanksgiving
as husband and wife.
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00:04:36,134 --> 00:04:37,234
I know.
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00:04:37,302 --> 00:04:38,402
I feel so grown up.
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00:04:38,470 --> 00:04:40,737
Sweetie, you are grown up.
Really?
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00:04:40,805 --> 00:04:44,808
How many grown-ups do you know
who have Mr. Spock oven mitts?
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00:04:44,876 --> 00:04:47,044
Hey, the recipes
are on my iPad.
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Will you pull 'em up?
Yep.
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00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,815
What's the code?
My birthday.
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00:04:51,883 --> 00:04:53,517
It's not working.
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00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:56,086
It's just the four digits--
month and day.
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00:04:57,789 --> 00:04:58,989
Nope.
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00:04:59,057 --> 00:05:01,258
Let me see.
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00:05:03,628 --> 00:05:05,262
Yeah, there.
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00:05:09,968 --> 00:05:12,536
What number were
you putting in?
116
00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:15,672
Uh...
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00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:18,976
You don't know my
birthday, do you?
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00:05:19,043 --> 00:05:21,745
Yes, I do.
Well, what is it?
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00:05:21,813 --> 00:05:23,881
May.
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00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:26,316
May what?
121
00:05:26,384 --> 00:05:28,919
I'm not gonna say
your password out loud.
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That is not secure.
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00:05:31,356 --> 00:05:33,058
You don't know your own
husband's birthday.
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00:05:33,082 --> 00:05:34,625
Well...
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00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:36,126
you don't know everything
about me.
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00:05:36,194 --> 00:05:37,261
Your birthday is December 2,
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00:05:37,328 --> 00:05:38,862
you grew up on
Perkins Street,
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00:05:38,930 --> 00:05:40,831
the last four digits
of your social are
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00:05:40,899 --> 00:05:42,166
7-6-2-1,
130
00:05:42,233 --> 00:05:46,036
and the odds of me letting
you forget this are zero.
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00:05:46,104 --> 00:05:48,372
Oh, look at us.
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Our last Thanksgiving
as husband and wife.
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00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:55,679
Hello.
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00:05:55,747 --> 00:05:57,047
Hi.
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00:05:57,115 --> 00:05:58,815
Ready for the
aquarium?
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00:05:58,883 --> 00:06:02,319
I am. You know, and in an effort
to reduce awkwardness
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00:06:02,387 --> 00:06:05,989
as we learn how to function as friends,
I printed out a list
138
00:06:06,057 --> 00:06:09,593
of safe topics
for polite conversation.
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00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:12,462
If that makes you
more comfortable.
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00:06:12,530 --> 00:06:15,599
If there were a list of things
that make me more comfortable,
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00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:18,068
lists would be
on the top of that list.
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00:06:18,136 --> 00:06:20,871
Okay, now... Oh.
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00:06:20,939 --> 00:06:24,408
"Since last we spoke,
have you acquired any pets?"
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00:06:24,475 --> 00:06:25,943
No. You?
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00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:28,045
No.
146
00:06:29,414 --> 00:06:32,216
Um, "Since last we spoke,
have you planned
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00:06:32,283 --> 00:06:34,284
or gone on any vacations?"
148
00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:36,687
I might go visit my aunt
next week.
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00:06:36,754 --> 00:06:38,288
Mm. Your aunt
in Modesto?
150
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:40,057
No, the one in
Bakersfield.
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00:06:40,124 --> 00:06:42,259
Bakersfield. I see.
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00:06:42,327 --> 00:06:45,128
Where has this list been
all my life?
153
00:06:47,498 --> 00:06:49,333
We're gonna have you
washing dishes.
154
00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:52,569
Uh, aprons and rubber gloves
are here-- just...
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00:06:52,637 --> 00:06:53,670
scrape, wash and stack.
156
00:06:53,738 --> 00:06:55,239
If you need me, I'll be around.
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00:06:55,306 --> 00:06:59,109
So we don't even get to be up front
where the action is?
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00:06:59,177 --> 00:07:00,577
What difference
does it make?
159
00:07:00,645 --> 00:07:02,846
I don't know.
I was hoping some poor kid
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00:07:02,914 --> 00:07:04,314
would come up to me and say,
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(high-pitched British accent):
Please, sir, I want some more.
162
00:07:09,187 --> 00:07:11,688
You're in a soup kitchen,
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00:07:11,756 --> 00:07:14,391
not a production
of Oliver!
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00:07:14,459 --> 00:07:17,961
It's not like
I'm expecting them to sing.
165
00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:23,000
...and then the next day
was 73 degrees,
166
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:25,002
and the day after that
was 72,
167
00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:26,803
and then it was
72 again...
168
00:07:26,871 --> 00:07:28,405
uh, then it was 74,
169
00:07:28,473 --> 00:07:30,507
and that brings us
to today, at--
170
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:34,244
I'd wear shorts
if I had a pair-- 78.
171
00:07:34,312 --> 00:07:36,980
Are we done discussing
the weather?
172
00:07:37,048 --> 00:07:38,982
I don't know if
I'd call it "discussing."
173
00:07:39,050 --> 00:07:41,852
You kind of sat back
and let me do all the work.
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00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:43,754
Let's see
175
00:07:43,821 --> 00:07:45,022
what's next on the list.
176
00:07:45,089 --> 00:07:46,823
Oh, here.
Uh, "Do you whittle,
177
00:07:46,891 --> 00:07:48,759
"and if so, what kind of knife
178
00:07:48,826 --> 00:07:50,327
do you..."
Sheldon.
179
00:07:50,395 --> 00:07:53,030
We've known each other
a long time.
180
00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:55,699
We are perfectly capable
of having a conversation
181
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:58,902
without relying on a list
off the Internet.
182
00:07:59,704 --> 00:08:00,871
All right.
183
00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:02,572
Well, what should
we talk about?
184
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,876
I don't know. Just ask me
whatever comes to mind.
185
00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:08,445
Very well.
186
00:08:08,513 --> 00:08:11,448
I know you've been
seeing other men.
187
00:08:11,516 --> 00:08:15,585
Have you had coitus
with any of them?
188
00:08:15,653 --> 00:08:18,522
Man, I walked
right into that one.
189
00:08:21,059 --> 00:08:24,961
Next we need a
teaspoon of pepper,
190
00:08:25,029 --> 00:08:29,700
which, I believe, was also
the name of your childhood dog.
191
00:08:30,868 --> 00:08:33,904
Fine. You think
you know so much.
192
00:08:33,971 --> 00:08:36,039
Who's my favorite
Spice Girl?
193
00:08:36,107 --> 00:08:37,607
Baby.
Who's my favorite member of NSYNC?
194
00:08:37,675 --> 00:08:39,209
Justin.
Who's my favorite Backstreet Boy?
195
00:08:39,277 --> 00:08:41,812
(scoffs): Nice try. NSYNC forever.
Damn it!
196
00:08:41,879 --> 00:08:43,714
(grunts)
Face it,
197
00:08:43,781 --> 00:08:46,083
you can't stump me--
I am the king of husbands.
198
00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:47,851
I know that you
don't like the lingerie
199
00:08:47,919 --> 00:08:49,286
that I got you
on Valentine's Day.
200
00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:52,322
I know you hate the word "moist." I know...
Hang on.
201
00:08:52,390 --> 00:08:54,825
Wait, wait. Why don't I like
the lingerie you got me?
202
00:08:54,892 --> 00:08:55,887
Because it's orange
203
00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:58,190
and you think it makes you
look like a slutty carrot.
204
00:09:01,299 --> 00:09:02,632
Interesting.
205
00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:03,900
I never told you that.
206
00:09:03,968 --> 00:09:04,968
Sure you did.
No.
207
00:09:05,036 --> 00:09:07,104
I never told anyone that.
208
00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:10,107
But I did write it
in my journal.
209
00:09:11,242 --> 00:09:13,443
(high-pitched):
What?
210
00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:18,448
(high-pitched):
I didn't know you had a journal.
211
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:22,986
I also know your voice
gets higher when you're lying.
212
00:09:23,054 --> 00:09:25,622
(deeply):
No, it doesn't.
213
00:09:34,691 --> 00:09:37,164
You know, this reminds me
of high school.
214
00:09:37,165 --> 00:09:38,732
You worked in
a restaurant?
215
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:43,270
No, I was in India--
it was humid and smelled funny.
216
00:09:43,338 --> 00:09:45,973
All right, I think
I'm getting into a groove here.
217
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,407
This isn't so bad.
218
00:09:47,475 --> 00:09:49,643
Only five hours
and 40 minutes to go.
219
00:09:49,711 --> 00:09:52,279
We've only been
doing this 20 minutes?!
220
00:09:53,014 --> 00:09:54,815
You know, I read that
221
00:09:54,882 --> 00:09:57,517
washing dishes can be an
excellent form of meditation.
222
00:09:57,585 --> 00:09:59,686
The key is that while
washing the dishes
223
00:09:59,754 --> 00:10:04,124
one should only be...
washing the dishes.
224
00:10:05,159 --> 00:10:06,727
Just because you
have that accent
225
00:10:06,794 --> 00:10:09,696
doesn't mean what
you say isn't stupid.
226
00:10:09,764 --> 00:10:11,498
No, seriously.
227
00:10:11,566 --> 00:10:13,700
It's about being present
in the moment,
228
00:10:13,768 --> 00:10:16,837
focusing on the feeling
of the warm water,
229
00:10:16,904 --> 00:10:18,705
the smell of
the detergent,
230
00:10:18,773 --> 00:10:22,442
the sound of the dishes squeaking,
and following your own breath.
231
00:10:22,510 --> 00:10:25,912
It's about... it's
about simply being.
232
00:10:25,980 --> 00:10:27,814
Ah. (chuckles)
233
00:10:27,882 --> 00:10:30,183
Okay..I'll try t.
234
00:10:30,251 --> 00:10:32,652
(all inhale deeply)
235
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,722
(all exhale)
236
00:10:35,790 --> 00:10:37,124
I need three people
out front.
237
00:10:37,191 --> 00:10:39,793
I'll do it!
Me! Right here!
238
00:10:39,861 --> 00:10:43,330
No fair! I was meditating!
239
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:46,600
Come on,
don't be mad.
240
00:10:46,667 --> 00:10:48,507
It was a long time ago,
and it was an accident.
241
00:10:48,569 --> 00:10:51,171
How can reading my journal
be an accident?
242
00:10:51,239 --> 00:10:52,305
I didn't even
know what it was.
243
00:10:52,373 --> 00:10:54,508
I saw it on your nightstand.
I picked it up.
244
00:10:54,575 --> 00:10:56,443
Well, when you realized what
it was, why didn't you stop?
245
00:10:56,511 --> 00:10:58,845
You know me, I'm a
big ol' bookworm.
246
00:11:00,782 --> 00:11:02,222
All right.
Let's just finish cooking.
247
00:11:02,250 --> 00:11:05,185
Well... Hey. O-Okay.
Let me make this up to you.
248
00:11:05,253 --> 00:11:06,887
Sometimes I keep
an online journal.
249
00:11:06,954 --> 00:11:08,622
I want you to read
something that I write.
250
00:11:08,689 --> 00:11:10,524
Okay, really, I'm fine.
Okay.
251
00:11:10,591 --> 00:11:12,159
Well, then I'll read it to you.
252
00:11:12,226 --> 00:11:14,661
It's from the day we first met.
253
00:11:14,729 --> 00:11:16,463
(clears throat)
254
00:11:16,531 --> 00:11:19,800
"Beauty, thy name is Penny."
Oh, God.
255
00:11:19,867 --> 00:11:21,568
Stop.
256
00:11:21,636 --> 00:11:22,803
I don't want you
257
00:11:22,870 --> 00:11:24,271
to read something
you think'll just butter me up.
258
00:11:24,338 --> 00:11:26,606
I want to hear
the most recent thing you wrote.
259
00:11:26,674 --> 00:11:28,442
Fine.
260
00:11:28,509 --> 00:11:29,776
Mmm...
261
00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,515
"Penny's beauty,
like our love,
262
00:11:35,583 --> 00:11:38,852
grows more with
each passing day."
263
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:39,986
Does it really say that?
264
00:11:40,054 --> 00:11:44,124
(high-pitched):
Why would I lie?
265
00:11:44,192 --> 00:11:47,360
"OMG. OMG.
266
00:11:47,428 --> 00:11:49,296
"We're so close
to the new Star Wars.
267
00:11:49,363 --> 00:11:51,465
"I can't take it.
268
00:11:51,532 --> 00:11:53,500
Gah."
269
00:11:53,568 --> 00:11:54,568
"Gah"?
270
00:11:54,635 --> 00:11:57,270
Well, you didn't
read it right.
271
00:11:57,338 --> 00:12:00,807
The new Star Wars
is coming. Gah!
272
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:09,015
I'm sensing things
have gotten awkward.
273
00:12:09,083 --> 00:12:11,418
No. It's okay.
274
00:12:11,486 --> 00:12:14,754
If we're friends, we should be
able to talk about anything.
275
00:12:14,822 --> 00:12:16,656
All right.
276
00:12:16,724 --> 00:12:20,760
So, you had some questions
about me seeing other people.
277
00:12:20,828 --> 00:12:22,629
Just a few.
278
00:12:22,697 --> 00:12:24,431
Go ahead.
279
00:12:24,499 --> 00:12:26,433
How many dates have you been on?
280
00:12:26,501 --> 00:12:28,435
Who were they with?
Where'd you go?
281
00:12:28,503 --> 00:12:30,904
Where did you meet them?
Did you sleep with them?
282
00:12:30,972 --> 00:12:32,772
And how much longer
to the aquarium?
283
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,175
I'm getting kind of hungry.
284
00:12:35,243 --> 00:12:37,577
Let's see.
285
00:12:37,645 --> 00:12:41,448
I have been on six dates
with three different people.
286
00:12:41,516 --> 00:12:44,284
It was either for
coffee or dinner.
287
00:12:44,352 --> 00:12:47,787
One I met at a bookstore
and two I met online.
288
00:12:47,855 --> 00:12:49,589
I haven't slept with anyone.
289
00:12:49,657 --> 00:12:51,324
The aquarium is
40 minutes away.
290
00:12:51,392 --> 00:12:53,160
And there's a baggie of Cheerios
for you
291
00:12:53,227 --> 00:12:54,494
in the glove compartment.
292
00:12:54,562 --> 00:12:57,831
Uh, regular or honey nut?
293
00:12:57,899 --> 00:13:00,167
I mixed them.
294
00:13:00,234 --> 00:13:02,435
You mixed them.
No wonder gentleman callers
295
00:13:02,503 --> 00:13:04,604
are pounding down your door.
296
00:13:07,008 --> 00:13:09,276
Do you have any questions
for me?
297
00:13:10,845 --> 00:13:12,779
Just one.
298
00:13:12,847 --> 00:13:15,749
Are you doing okay?
299
00:13:16,784 --> 00:13:19,719
I am.
300
00:13:19,787 --> 00:13:21,354
Good.
301
00:13:21,422 --> 00:13:24,591
I-I want you to be happy.
302
00:13:24,659 --> 00:13:26,760
I believe you.
303
00:13:29,830 --> 00:13:33,633
I'd believe you more if you
threw a few Apple Jacks in here.
304
00:13:37,205 --> 00:13:40,240
Here you go.
Thanks.
305
00:13:40,308 --> 00:13:42,075
You got to be kidding me.
306
00:13:42,143 --> 00:13:43,710
Sorry?
307
00:13:43,778 --> 00:13:46,580
Y-You're Elon Musk.
308
00:13:46,647 --> 00:13:47,647
I am.
309
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:55,255
Wh-What are you doing here?
310
00:13:55,323 --> 00:13:57,490
I'm washing dishes.
311
00:13:57,558 --> 00:13:58,692
Well,
312
00:13:58,759 --> 00:14:00,393
I was on the turkey line,
but I got demoted
313
00:14:00,461 --> 00:14:02,829
for being too generous
with the gravy.
314
00:14:02,897 --> 00:14:05,031
(chuckles)
315
00:14:05,099 --> 00:14:07,033
Oh, man. I...
(chuckles)
316
00:14:07,101 --> 00:14:08,568
What an honor to meet you.
317
00:14:08,636 --> 00:14:13,306
I'm-I'm such a fan
of Tesla and SpaceX.
318
00:14:13,374 --> 00:14:15,008
All your companies.
319
00:14:15,076 --> 00:14:16,943
Howard Wolowitz, Caltech.
320
00:14:17,011 --> 00:14:19,412
Nice to meet you, Howard.
Feels great to come down here
321
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,114
and help the less fortunate,
huh?
322
00:14:21,182 --> 00:14:23,083
Oh, yeah.
323
00:14:24,118 --> 00:14:28,288
Nothing better
than helping people.
324
00:14:29,223 --> 00:14:32,626
Which is something I realized
325
00:14:32,693 --> 00:14:34,461
when I was viewing Earth
326
00:14:34,528 --> 00:14:37,697
from the deck of
the International Space Station,
327
00:14:37,765 --> 00:14:41,434
where I spent two months as
a payload specialist, a job
328
00:14:41,502 --> 00:14:47,140
I was qualified for because
I'm an MIT-trained engineer.
329
00:14:47,208 --> 00:14:50,176
And I thought
I ladled the gravy on thick.
330
00:14:50,244 --> 00:14:52,412
Sorry. It's just...
331
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:53,780
you're you, you know?
332
00:14:53,848 --> 00:14:57,951
And I really want you
to adopt me.
333
00:14:58,019 --> 00:14:59,386
Well, you're here
on Thanksgiving,
334
00:14:59,453 --> 00:15:00,487
so you're probably
a good person.
335
00:15:00,554 --> 00:15:04,190
Oh. I made my wife come down,
too.
336
00:15:04,258 --> 00:15:07,427
You think you might
ever get back out to space?
337
00:15:07,495 --> 00:15:11,331
Is that a job offer? 'Cause
I really want to go to Mars.
338
00:15:11,399 --> 00:15:12,365
Assuming I can
bring my wife.
339
00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:13,933
She hardly takes up any room.
340
00:15:14,001 --> 00:15:16,836
She's basically a carry-on.
341
00:15:16,904 --> 00:15:18,471
Well, we're not quite there yet,
342
00:15:18,539 --> 00:15:20,240
but we're always looking
for engineers.
343
00:15:20,308 --> 00:15:22,075
So let me give you my e-mail.
We can stay in touch.
344
00:15:22,143 --> 00:15:23,677
Thank you.
345
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,213
Oh, look.
346
00:15:27,281 --> 00:15:28,815
Someone hardly touched
their pumpkin pie.
347
00:15:28,883 --> 00:15:32,218
Want to share it with me?
348
00:15:32,286 --> 00:15:36,222
A-a partially eaten piece
of pumpkin pie
349
00:15:36,290 --> 00:15:37,957
from a homeless shelter?
350
00:15:38,025 --> 00:15:40,093
With Elon Musk, you bet I do!
351
00:15:40,161 --> 00:15:42,762
(both chuckling)
352
00:15:45,032 --> 00:15:47,734
You know, for a
Thanksgiving buffet
353
00:15:47,802 --> 00:15:51,738
in an aquarium cafeteria,
that was really bad.
354
00:15:51,806 --> 00:15:54,474
You're just upset 'cause
they ran out of Pilgrim hats.
355
00:15:54,542 --> 00:15:57,877
They gave one to that baby.
He wasn't even awake.
356
00:15:57,945 --> 00:16:02,716
Well, it wouldn't be a holiday
without you being mad at a baby.
357
00:16:02,783 --> 00:16:04,250
Oh.
358
00:16:04,318 --> 00:16:07,954
Would you care to play
an ocean-themed game I invented?
359
00:16:08,022 --> 00:16:09,089
Sure. What is it?
360
00:16:09,156 --> 00:16:11,358
It's called Food, Friend, Fight.
361
00:16:11,425 --> 00:16:13,727
One of us chooses
three aquatic creatures,
362
00:16:13,794 --> 00:16:16,262
and the other one must decide
which he would eat,
363
00:16:16,330 --> 00:16:18,998
befriend, or battle.
364
00:16:19,066 --> 00:16:21,634
So it's like Kiss, Marry, Kill.
365
00:16:21,702 --> 00:16:22,769
What is that?
366
00:16:22,837 --> 00:16:24,671
It's a game
where you're given three people
367
00:16:24,739 --> 00:16:27,440
and you choose which one
you'd kiss, marry, or kill.
368
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:30,143
Well, my game is better, 'cause
instead of marrying someone,
369
00:16:30,211 --> 00:16:32,879
you get to eat them.
370
00:16:32,947 --> 00:16:34,147
Let's just play.
371
00:16:34,215 --> 00:16:35,749
I'll start
you off easy.
372
00:16:35,816 --> 00:16:40,487
Electric eel,
pufferfish, shrimp.
373
00:16:40,554 --> 00:16:43,156
Hmm. Well,
374
00:16:43,224 --> 00:16:44,691
I wouldn't fight the eel,
because I know
375
00:16:44,759 --> 00:16:47,193
it can generate enough current
to kill a horse.
376
00:16:47,261 --> 00:16:48,828
So I'd eat
the eel,
377
00:16:48,896 --> 00:16:52,031
fight the shrimp,
and befriend the pufferfish,
378
00:16:52,099 --> 00:16:53,433
because it would be nice
to have company
379
00:16:53,501 --> 00:16:55,568
on those days I feel bloated.
380
00:16:56,604 --> 00:16:58,071
Very well done.
381
00:16:58,139 --> 00:16:59,072
Thank you.
382
00:16:59,140 --> 00:17:00,774
Okay, your turn.
383
00:17:00,841 --> 00:17:03,042
Hmm. Seal,
384
00:17:03,110 --> 00:17:05,178
hagfish...
385
00:17:05,246 --> 00:17:08,348
SpongeBob SquarePants.
386
00:17:08,416 --> 00:17:11,184
Well, I'd befriend SpongeBob
but he's not real,
387
00:17:11,252 --> 00:17:12,585
so I can't do that, can I?
388
00:17:12,653 --> 00:17:15,221
But you can pal around
with a hagfish?
389
00:17:15,289 --> 00:17:18,224
Hey, let's not pull
at that thread.
390
00:17:18,292 --> 00:17:20,126
Okay. I'll
fight SpongeBob,
391
00:17:20,194 --> 00:17:23,930
because he's so friendly we'll
just end up tickling each other.
392
00:17:23,998 --> 00:17:25,732
Um, I'll befriend the seal,
393
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,534
because he's trainable,
which is the problem
394
00:17:27,601 --> 00:17:29,202
I'm having with my
current friends.
395
00:17:29,270 --> 00:17:33,206
Which means I'll have
to eat the hagfish.
396
00:17:33,274 --> 00:17:35,875
Isn't that gross?
I mean, a hagfish can produce
397
00:17:35,943 --> 00:17:38,445
enough mucus to fill a bucket
in a minute.
398
00:17:38,512 --> 00:17:42,148
I know. It makes its own gravy--
it'll slide right down.
399
00:17:46,754 --> 00:17:50,757
I miss this.
400
00:17:50,825 --> 00:17:54,461
How can you miss a game you've
never played before, silly?
401
00:17:56,851 --> 00:17:58,731
I guess sometimes I'm silly.
402
00:18:01,968 --> 00:18:05,237
Hey. Where'd you go? I can't
tell if the turkey's done!
403
00:18:05,304 --> 00:18:07,305
Be right there!
404
00:18:13,579 --> 00:18:15,313
Hi, lover.
405
00:18:17,984 --> 00:18:21,553
What are you doing?
406
00:18:21,621 --> 00:18:23,555
I'm sorry about the journal.
I want to make it up to you.
407
00:18:23,623 --> 00:18:29,027
So I'm gonna let you post
a shame photo of me on Facebook.
408
00:18:30,363 --> 00:18:33,031
I am not putting
that on the Internet!
409
00:18:33,099 --> 00:18:34,533
I don't want
people to see this.
410
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,235
I don't want to see it!
411
00:18:37,303 --> 00:18:39,704
Don't want people
to see what, huh?
412
00:18:39,772 --> 00:18:42,974
A little bit of this?
Oh...
413
00:18:43,976 --> 00:18:45,277
Huh?
414
00:18:46,612 --> 00:18:48,947
Some of this?
415
00:18:50,750 --> 00:18:52,584
And, since it's Thanksgiving,
416
00:18:52,652 --> 00:18:56,388
an extra helping of this?
417
00:18:56,455 --> 00:18:58,356
Happy Thanks... Yikes.
418
00:19:09,698 --> 00:19:11,532
I'm glad you had a
nice time with Amy.
419
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,668
Me, too. It's comforting to know
420
00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:16,270
that she and I are able
to function as friends.
421
00:19:16,338 --> 00:19:18,606
Well, I've never been
friends with any of my exes.
422
00:19:18,674 --> 00:19:21,509
Oh, I'm sure you and Leonard
will be able to pull it off.
423
00:19:21,576 --> 00:19:24,245
(phone rings)
424
00:19:24,313 --> 00:19:27,648
Oh. It's my friend Amy.
425
00:19:27,716 --> 00:19:29,216
Hello.
426
00:19:29,284 --> 00:19:30,351
Hi, Sheldon.
427
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:31,852
I'm just driving home
from my mother's.
428
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,788
Did you have a nice time?
429
00:19:33,855 --> 00:19:36,190
I did. Um...
430
00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:40,928
listen, I really enjoyed
spending this morning with you.
431
00:19:40,996 --> 00:19:42,930
Well, I can't take
all the credit.
432
00:19:42,998 --> 00:19:44,932
It was pretty funny
when that one anchovy
433
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,935
started going the wrong way.
(chuckles)
434
00:19:48,003 --> 00:19:50,404
(chuckles)
It was.
435
00:19:50,472 --> 00:19:52,940
Uh, listen,
436
00:19:53,008 --> 00:19:55,710
I-I was thinking that, um,
437
00:19:55,777 --> 00:20:00,181
maybe I'm ready
to be your girlfriend again.
438
00:20:00,248 --> 00:20:02,683
Oh.
439
00:20:02,751 --> 00:20:05,519
I thought we were just friends.
440
00:20:05,587 --> 00:20:06,654
We are.
441
00:20:06,722 --> 00:20:09,323
But I was hoping,
442
00:20:09,391 --> 00:20:11,292
maybe...
Amy,
443
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:13,094
I excel at many things,
444
00:20:13,161 --> 00:20:16,030
but getting over you
wasn't one of them.
445
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:20,935
I think I need
to just be your friend.
446
00:20:21,770 --> 00:20:24,271
Okay.
447
00:20:24,339 --> 00:20:26,273
I understand.
448
00:20:26,341 --> 00:20:28,275
(shuddering breath)
449
00:20:28,343 --> 00:20:29,810
Good.
450
00:20:29,878 --> 00:20:31,112
Oh, I watched a video
451
00:20:31,179 --> 00:20:33,114
of the hagfish producing mucus,
452
00:20:33,181 --> 00:20:36,751
so I'm gonna change my answer
and eat SpongeBob.
453
00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:39,020
Okay. Sure.
454
00:20:41,543 --> 00:20:48,043
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man