1
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,007
Oh, this is amazing.

2
00:00:07,050 --> 00:00:09,096
I wish I had a playhouse
like this when I was a kid.

3
00:00:09,139 --> 00:00:10,749
Really? You never had
a playhouse?

4
00:00:10,793 --> 00:00:13,317
No. I mean, my dad did buy
the house next door

5
00:00:13,361 --> 00:00:16,146
for us to play in.

6
00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:18,496
I'm gonna hook up the garden
hose, so it has running water.

7
00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:19,758
Why does it need
running water?

8
00:00:19,802 --> 00:00:22,065
Same reason
it's got electricity:

9
00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:25,112
Bernadette and I both work,
and we're overcompensating.

10
00:00:26,504 --> 00:00:30,421
This reminds me of a traditional
Amish barn raising.

11
00:00:30,465 --> 00:00:32,467
With everyone pitching in.

12
00:00:32,510 --> 00:00:35,078
How exactly are you pitching in?

13
00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:37,298
I don't hear anyone else
giving facts

14
00:00:37,341 --> 00:00:39,169
about traditional
Amish barn raising.

15
00:00:40,475 --> 00:00:43,260
The rest of us are pitching in
with hammers and nails.

16
00:00:43,304 --> 00:00:46,350
Well, facts are my nails,
and my voice is the hammer

17
00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:49,223
which pounds them
through the wood of your skull.

18
00:00:50,311 --> 00:00:52,139
Well, that is how it feels.

19
00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:55,272
Hey, uh, can you
pass me that drill?

20
00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:57,100
Yeah, fun fact
about Amish barn raising--

21
00:00:57,144 --> 00:00:59,102
they don't use any power tools.

22
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:01,496
Amy, make him stop.No.

23
00:01:01,539 --> 00:01:04,238
If he tires himself out now,
he'll sleep better tonight.

24
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,849
BERNADETTE: Hey, Howie,
can you give me a hand?

25
00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:08,024
I need to get some work done,

26
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,460
and the kids are climbing
all over me.

27
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:11,462
You know what?
I'll watch them.

28
00:01:11,506 --> 00:01:13,508
You sure?But I was just
about to tell everyone

29
00:01:13,551 --> 00:01:14,944
why they're called
Pennsylvania Dutch

30
00:01:14,987 --> 00:01:16,728
when they really hail
from Germany.

31
00:01:17,773 --> 00:01:18,991
Yep.

32
00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:20,906
Thanks.

33
00:01:20,950 --> 00:01:24,388
So, what do you think?
Pretty cool, huh?

34
00:01:24,432 --> 00:01:25,955
And when our kids outgrow it,

35
00:01:25,998 --> 00:01:27,739
we can Airbnb it
to other people's babies.

36
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,221
Funny.

37
00:01:31,265 --> 00:01:32,483
You all right?

38
00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:34,311
Sorry, I haven't had
a second to myself.

39
00:01:34,355 --> 00:01:36,705
So let me just go back
inside, finish my report,

40
00:01:36,748 --> 00:01:39,142
brush my teeth, change
out of my pajamas,
make a sandwich,

41
00:01:39,186 --> 00:01:41,840
and then I'll come out here
and laugh at your joke.

42
00:01:41,884 --> 00:01:44,930
Ooh. As long as you're
making sandwiches...

43
00:01:46,541 --> 00:01:49,109
You can laugh
at that one later, too.

44
00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:53,287
All right, I've kept you
in suspense long enough.

45
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:55,637
"Dutch" is a bastardization
of the word "Deutsch,"

46
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:57,117
meaning German.

47
00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:00,642
What's German for "annoying"?

48
00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:02,731
Nervig.Why do you ask?

49
00:02:04,428 --> 00:02:07,910
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

50
00:02:07,953 --> 00:02:11,261
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

51
00:02:11,305 --> 00:02:13,002
♪ The Earth began to cool

52
00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:15,744
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

53
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:18,094
♪ We built the Wall ♪ We built the pyramids♪

54
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:21,010
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

55
00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:22,881
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

56
00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:24,448
♪ Bang!♪

57
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,806
[knocks]President Siebert,
you wanted to see me?

58
00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:36,895
Hey. There's my guy!

59
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:39,507
You sound like my wife

60
00:02:39,550 --> 00:02:42,336
just before she asked me
to go to Coachella.

61
00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:45,252
No, this is gonna be
way more fun than Coachella.

62
00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:48,429
More fun than heatstroke?
Good luck.

63
00:02:48,472 --> 00:02:51,562
So, there are some funds left

64
00:02:51,606 --> 00:02:53,173
in the general
administrative grant,

65
00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:55,958
and I need somebody to decide
how we should disburse them.

66
00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:57,351
Really?

67
00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:59,483
W-Wow, what an honor.
Thank you.

68
00:02:59,527 --> 00:03:02,007
So how do I decide
who gets the money?

69
00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:03,661
How do you decide anything?

70
00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:07,230
Think about it with your brain,
and then say it with your mouth.

71
00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:09,624
Yeah, right, sure.

72
00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:11,626
Uh, so, after I decide,

73
00:03:11,669 --> 00:03:14,194
do I then submit it to you
for approval, or...?

74
00:03:14,237 --> 00:03:15,586
No. You decide,
you approve,

75
00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:17,849
and then you pride yourself
on a job well done.

76
00:03:17,893 --> 00:03:19,242
That's a lot of responsibility.

77
00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:21,462
Well, if I didn't think
you were up to the task,

78
00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:23,246
you wouldn't have been fifth
on my list.

79
00:03:25,596 --> 00:03:28,251
Thank you.
I-I'll get started right away.

80
00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:30,253
And I look forward
to hearing nothing about it.

81
00:03:30,297 --> 00:03:32,821
I will keep you posted.

82
00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,173
Hey, thank you guys again

83
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,001
for helping out
yesterday.No problem.

84
00:03:39,044 --> 00:03:41,003
That was really fun.It wasfun.

85
00:03:41,046 --> 00:03:42,831
But I am sore.

86
00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:44,180
You didn't lift a finger.

87
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,226
No, but I narrated
the entire event,

88
00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:49,185
and I am paying for it today.

89
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,492
Gentlemen.Hey.
Hi.

90
00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:53,189
Leonard, do I detect

91
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,712
a little swagger in your step?

92
00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:56,192
Mm, possibly.

93
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,280
Well, stop.
It doesn't suit you.

94
00:03:58,325 --> 00:04:00,501
What's going on?Well,

95
00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:03,112
Siebert put me in charge
of handing out the last bit

96
00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:05,375
of the administrative funds,
and I have sole discretion.

97
00:04:05,419 --> 00:04:08,987
Ooh! Looks like
Christmas came early.

98
00:04:09,031 --> 00:04:10,859
First thing on my list
is a golden umbrella,

99
00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:13,165
'cause Leonard's
gonna make it rain!

100
00:04:13,209 --> 00:04:16,517
Uh, hold on, I'm not
just gonna hand out money.

101
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,606
There's a procedure
you need to follow.

102
00:04:18,649 --> 00:04:19,911
I believe he's referring

103
00:04:19,955 --> 00:04:22,000
to the traditional
"kissing of the buttocks."

104
00:04:22,044 --> 00:04:23,306
Should we form a line,

105
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:25,961
or just do it like
we're bobbing for apples?

106
00:04:26,004 --> 00:04:27,179
LEONARD:
Cute,

107
00:04:27,223 --> 00:04:29,225
but President Siebert
trusted me with this,

108
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,618
and I'm taking it seriously.

109
00:04:30,661 --> 00:04:32,054
If you have a
legitimate request,

110
00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:33,925
you can submit it
to me in writing,

111
00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:35,536
and I'll evaluate it
based on its merits.

112
00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:38,626
Sure, sure. Is "Jet Ski"
one word or two?

113
00:04:38,669 --> 00:04:41,368
Hofstadter!

114
00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:44,632
Heard Siebert put you in charge
of the administrative fund.

115
00:04:44,675 --> 00:04:47,025
Can't think
of a better guy for the job.

116
00:04:47,069 --> 00:04:48,897
I think he's done this before.

117
00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:51,769
Leonard,
I know you and I have a...

118
00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:55,295
oh, troubled history, but I hope
that when I make my request

119
00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:57,079
you'll give me a fair shot.

120
00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:58,385
Of course.

121
00:04:58,428 --> 00:05:01,039
See? That's why I like
about this guy: integrity.

122
00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:02,302
Bring it in!

123
00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:06,697
I just put something
in your pocket.

124
00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:09,961
It's good at all
El Pollo Locos.

125
00:05:13,922 --> 00:05:15,750
[Neil crying]

126
00:05:15,793 --> 00:05:19,754
WOLOWITZ: Halley, leave your
brother's dirty diaper alone.

127
00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:22,278
Put that down.
That is not a hat.

128
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,150
That is not
a hat! Oh!

129
00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:27,152
[crying continues]

130
00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:29,633
Okay. Everybody
in the sink.Oh.

131
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:32,854
Bad news, Howie.

132
00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:35,204
I'm gonna be stuck at work
for a while.

133
00:05:38,816 --> 00:05:41,210
Oh, that's terrible.
Hang in there.

134
00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:43,865
I'll be home as soon as I can.

135
00:05:45,954 --> 00:05:47,956
[sighs]:
Ah...

136
00:05:48,957 --> 00:05:51,786
He deserves better.

137
00:05:53,222 --> 00:05:55,267
No, I'm notgoing
to reconsider.

138
00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:57,661
Your request was denied.

139
00:05:57,705 --> 00:05:59,663
I don't care
if it helps you think;

140
00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:02,536
you don't need a koi pond
in your office.

141
00:06:03,798 --> 00:06:05,365
Well, you should
have thought about that

142
00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:07,628
beforeyou bought the koi!

143
00:06:07,671 --> 00:06:09,194
Wow. That was
a little rough.

144
00:06:09,238 --> 00:06:10,935
Well, I have to be.

145
00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:13,242
Everyone assumes I'm just gonna
give them whatever they want.

146
00:06:13,285 --> 00:06:17,377
Hmm. But you're not, are you?

147
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:18,421
No, I'm not.

148
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,554
I mean, look at this.

149
00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:23,687
An espresso machine?
I don't think so. Denied!

150
00:06:24,949 --> 00:06:27,517
Wow, I really like
this side of you.

151
00:06:27,561 --> 00:06:28,562
Really?

152
00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:31,434
Yeah, just so decisive.

153
00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:33,480
Well, check this out.

154
00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:35,569
A standing desk. Denied!

155
00:06:35,612 --> 00:06:37,266
Oh!

156
00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:43,925
If you want to stand,
do it on your own time,
'cause I'm the boss.

157
00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:45,579
Yeah, you are.

158
00:06:46,623 --> 00:06:48,277
Hello.
Hey.
Hey.

159
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:51,149
Leonard, I just wanted
to congratulate you on how well

160
00:06:51,193 --> 00:06:52,847
you are managing
this grant money.What do you want?

161
00:06:52,890 --> 00:06:55,806
Nothing. I just came by
to pay you a compliment.

162
00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:57,025
Nice try.
The answer's no.

163
00:06:57,068 --> 00:07:00,071
To what? I'm not
asking you for anything.

164
00:07:00,115 --> 00:07:02,509
All I need for my job
is right here. Hmm?

165
00:07:02,552 --> 00:07:05,120
This is my office.
Which makes for a great commute.

166
00:07:05,163 --> 00:07:07,035
Home, work, home.

167
00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:09,690
I'm still working--
I'm just working from home.

168
00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:12,606
You know, if it's that easy,
then why does Leonard

169
00:07:12,649 --> 00:07:14,172
have to drive you
to work every day?

170
00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:16,523
Because I like the frozen yogurt
machine in the cafeteria.

171
00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:19,090
Ooh, I suppose I could use
a frozen yogurt machine...

172
00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:21,223
Denied!

173
00:07:24,052 --> 00:07:27,011
Oh, you should have seen him--
denying things left and right.

174
00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:29,579
It was so sexy.

175
00:07:31,189 --> 00:07:34,236
'Course, I made a request
he did notdeny.

176
00:07:35,237 --> 00:07:36,499
Uh-huh.

177
00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:38,370
Are you listening to me?

178
00:07:38,414 --> 00:07:40,547
Yeah, sure.
You slept with your husband.

179
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,333
What is going
on with you?

180
00:07:44,376 --> 00:07:46,117
It's not a big thing.

181
00:07:46,161 --> 00:07:49,164
Have you ever told Leonard
a little white lie?

182
00:07:49,207 --> 00:07:51,906
Mm. Well, he
thinks I've seen

183
00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:53,516
every one of the
Star Warsmovies,

184
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:57,128
but I've really only seen
the one with the gold robot.

185
00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:03,178
That could be any of them.Exactly.

186
00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:07,225
I've been telling Howie
that I've had to work late

187
00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:08,662
the past couple nights,
but really,

188
00:08:08,705 --> 00:08:11,447
I've just been hiding out
in Howie's playhouse.

189
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,101
Does that make me awful?

190
00:08:13,144 --> 00:08:14,450
Awful? No.

191
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:17,279
Uh, strange? Yes.

192
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:19,847
Sad? A little, yes.

193
00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:22,980
It's just that work's
been crazy, and the minute
I get home, I have two kids

194
00:08:23,024 --> 00:08:24,416
hanging on me,
and sometimes I don't want

195
00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:26,723
babies pulling my hair
and pinching my belly fat.

196
00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:31,162
That'd be a good slogan
for a condom company.

197
00:08:32,207 --> 00:08:34,688
I love my kids,
but that hour to myself

198
00:08:34,731 --> 00:08:37,778
just makes me feel human again.

199
00:08:37,821 --> 00:08:41,085
So, you go home
and sit alone in a toy house

200
00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:42,522
in the backyard?

201
00:08:43,958 --> 00:08:46,221
Yeah!

202
00:08:48,484 --> 00:08:51,574
Oh, Dr. Hofstadter,
did you have a chance

203
00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:53,750
to look over my proposal?I did,

204
00:08:53,794 --> 00:08:55,491
and your research
is fascinating.

205
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,885
I had no idea that crows
were that smart.

206
00:08:57,928 --> 00:08:59,364
Do they really hold grudges?

207
00:08:59,408 --> 00:09:01,105
They do. One
of them escaped

208
00:09:01,149 --> 00:09:03,064
from my behavioral
study a year ago.

209
00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:07,198
I can't prove it's him,
but something craps
on my car every day.

210
00:09:07,242 --> 00:09:10,680
Well, l-look,
I only have enough money

211
00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:12,421
to fund one request,
but your project

212
00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:14,075
is definitely
in the running.

213
00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:17,208
Okay, but, uh, when do you think
you might make a decision?

214
00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:19,036
Because I have
to upgrade their cages

215
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,648
before they learn
how to open the locks.

216
00:09:21,691 --> 00:09:24,041
When I came in to my lab
this morning,

217
00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:26,087
they suddenly got silent.

218
00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:30,265
I think they're
planning something.

219
00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:34,225
Um, soon. I've narrowed it
down to three projects.

220
00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:35,879
Ooh, is mine one
of them?

221
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:37,054
Actually, yeah.

222
00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:38,665
The software in
the telescope room

223
00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:39,927
hasn't been
upgraded in years,

224
00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:41,842
and it seems like
it might be time.

225
00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:43,844
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
[chuckles]

226
00:09:43,887 --> 00:09:46,150
So you're just gonna give
the money to your friend?

227
00:09:46,194 --> 00:09:47,238
I smell a rat.

228
00:09:47,282 --> 00:09:48,239
I work with rats, too.

229
00:09:48,283 --> 00:09:50,154
That might be me.

230
00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:53,244
I'm not just giving it
to my friend, Barry.

231
00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:55,116
Your proposal is
also in the mix.

232
00:09:55,159 --> 00:09:57,161
Wait, so those
are the three?

233
00:09:57,205 --> 00:09:58,641
You're not
even considering mine?

234
00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:01,165
Why, because they're PhDs
and I'm just an engineer?

235
00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:03,428
No, because they wrote
detailed proposals,

236
00:10:03,472 --> 00:10:06,170
and you sent a YouTube clip
of the guy from Jerry Maguire

237
00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:08,303
saying, "Show me
the money!"

238
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:10,827
KRIPKE:
All right, Hofstadter,

239
00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:11,828
what's it gonna be?

240
00:10:11,872 --> 00:10:13,134
Which project
are you gonna pick?

241
00:10:13,177 --> 00:10:14,352
Yeah, come on, Leonard.

242
00:10:14,396 --> 00:10:16,093
Tell us now.LEE: But, remember,

243
00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:19,967
crows aren't the only ones
who can hold a grudge.

244
00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:23,971
Look, all three of your
proposals have a lot of merit.

245
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:26,190
I just want to make sure
I'm making the right decision.

246
00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:27,452
I can tell you're stressed.

247
00:10:27,496 --> 00:10:29,933
If it helps,
I withdraw my proposal.

248
00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:30,847
It doesn't help.

249
00:10:30,891 --> 00:10:31,543
Fine. Then I'm back in the mix.

250
00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:33,502
Show me the money!

251
00:10:35,243 --> 00:10:36,853
Okay, I-I just--

252
00:10:36,897 --> 00:10:39,639
I need everyone
to back off.

253
00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:42,511
I'm in charge here, and I'll
decide when I'm ready to decide.

254
00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:44,469
When will that be?[groans]

255
00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:45,862
A day, a week.
I don't know!

256
00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:48,256
Where are you going?I don't know that either!

257
00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:00,572
Ooh.

258
00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:03,619
Someone's
making decisions.

259
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:06,404
I'm reviewing these proposals.

260
00:11:06,448 --> 00:11:07,884
Yeah. 'Cause you're
the boss man,

261
00:11:07,928 --> 00:11:09,016
telling people what's what.

262
00:11:09,059 --> 00:11:11,409
I like it.

263
00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:12,889
[whining]:
It's just so hard!

264
00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:15,544
All-all three of these
proposals have merit.

265
00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:17,024
How do I choose?

266
00:11:17,067 --> 00:11:20,288
Well, not with that voice.

267
00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:23,291
There has got to be
a right decision

268
00:11:23,334 --> 00:11:24,727
based on empirical evidence.

269
00:11:24,771 --> 00:11:26,729
Look, I made pros
and cons lists,

270
00:11:26,773 --> 00:11:29,079
and then I came up with
three different scoring systems

271
00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:30,472
to determine
the best project.

272
00:11:30,515 --> 00:11:32,561
I just don't know
what scoring system to use.

273
00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:34,694
So I'm working on
a meta-scoring system

274
00:11:34,737 --> 00:11:35,825
to score the scoring systems,

275
00:11:35,869 --> 00:11:37,348
but the math is
really complicated.

276
00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:38,654
You want me
to walk you through it?

277
00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:44,529
Cheers.Cheers.

278
00:11:46,314 --> 00:11:49,012
[sighs]

279
00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:50,884
Turn that off.
Are you trying to get us caught?

280
00:11:50,927 --> 00:11:51,928
Oh.

281
00:11:54,539 --> 00:11:58,065
So, I've narrowed it down
to three worthwhile projects,

282
00:11:58,108 --> 00:11:59,980
but I only have the money
to fund one of them.

283
00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:02,417
Lucky for you,
I have a solution.

284
00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:05,115
I can't wait.

285
00:12:05,159 --> 00:12:07,988
You free up more money
and I fund all of them.

286
00:12:08,031 --> 00:12:09,990
Mm, no.

287
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:13,689
Or-- hear me out--

288
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,560
yes.

289
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:18,607
That way, e-everybody's happy.

290
00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:19,782
You can't make everybody happy.

291
00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:21,088
I think I can.You can't.

292
00:12:21,131 --> 00:12:23,394
Well, actually...You're making me unhappy.

293
00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:26,180
Okay, what would you do?

294
00:12:26,223 --> 00:12:28,791
I'd find some sap
and put him in charge

295
00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:31,446
so I wouldn't have
to be the bad guy.

296
00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:35,798
That's a really good id-- Oh.

297
00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:42,936
[gasps]

298
00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:46,113
Whatcha doin'?

299
00:12:46,156 --> 00:12:47,810
You scared me.
[chuckles]

300
00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,072
I'll ask again.

301
00:12:49,116 --> 00:12:51,118
What-cha doin'?

302
00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:53,468
Nothing.

303
00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:54,904
Really?

304
00:12:54,948 --> 00:12:57,124
You and Bernadette
aren't doing stuff without me?

305
00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:59,691
What? No!
Why would you even say that?

306
00:12:59,735 --> 00:13:01,606
You know how your talent

307
00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:03,913
is getting just drunk enough
to have a good time

308
00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:06,133
without being hungover
the next day?

309
00:13:06,176 --> 00:13:09,310
Thank you.
[chuckles]

310
00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:12,966
Well, mine is knowing
when I'm being excluded.

311
00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:14,881
So spill.

312
00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:16,883
I'm-I'm just running
some errands.

313
00:13:16,926 --> 00:13:19,102
Yeah?

314
00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:21,539
With a bag full of wine?I...

315
00:13:21,583 --> 00:13:24,281
Got to stay hydrated.

316
00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:26,370
Try again.

317
00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:27,458
Okay, look, I'm sorry.

318
00:13:27,502 --> 00:13:28,938
We did not mean
to leave you out.

319
00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:31,288
All right? Bernadette has
been feeling fried at home,

320
00:13:31,332 --> 00:13:34,335
so we ended up hanging out
in Halley's playhouse.

321
00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:36,990
Like a secret club?

322
00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:39,862
No! Just, like, a
place to spend time

323
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:42,082
that we don't tell
anyone else about.

324
00:13:44,998 --> 00:13:48,175
And what would be
a shorter way of saying that?

325
00:13:49,219 --> 00:13:52,527
[quietly]:
Secret club.

326
00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:54,746
Well, you really hurt
my feelings.[sighs]

327
00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:56,661
What can I do to
make it up to you?

328
00:13:56,705 --> 00:13:57,837
I'm in a secret club!

329
00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,013
Shh!

330
00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:02,798
Is there some sort
of humiliating initiation?

331
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,061
'Cause I would literally do
anything.

332
00:14:12,721 --> 00:14:14,244
Leonard, you've
been losing to me

333
00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:16,768
in three-dimensional chess
for many years.

334
00:14:16,812 --> 00:14:18,683
You know
what would be neat?

335
00:14:18,727 --> 00:14:20,990
If this was some sort
of long con

336
00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:23,253
and one day you say,
"Let's make this interesting,"

337
00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:24,994
put money on it, and reveal

338
00:14:25,038 --> 00:14:27,692
that you actually know
what you're doing.

339
00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:33,089
A very long con indeed.

340
00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:34,395
Checkmate.[groans]

341
00:14:36,136 --> 00:14:37,833
Sorry. I'm distracted.

342
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,053
Ooh, aren't you the hustler.

343
00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:42,664
No matter
who I give the funds to,

344
00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:44,666
someone is gonna be upset
with me.

345
00:14:44,709 --> 00:14:46,320
Do you really care
if people are angry at you?

346
00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:48,191
Of course.Interesting.

347
00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:51,194
Why don't you go to the store
and get me some tapioca pudding

348
00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:53,936
or I'm gonna be angry at you.

349
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,546
No.

350
00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:57,592
So it comes and goes?

351
00:14:57,635 --> 00:15:00,943
How do you not care what
people think of you?

352
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:02,075
It's easy.

353
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:03,424
I mean, not "beating you
at chess" easy,

354
00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:05,643
but what is?

355
00:15:06,688 --> 00:15:08,037
Wait,

356
00:15:08,081 --> 00:15:10,039
you can make this decision.

357
00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:12,085
You don't care if
you upset people.

358
00:15:12,128 --> 00:15:13,390
You can pick for me.

359
00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:14,522
I certainly could.

360
00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:16,089
Oh, great.But I won't.

361
00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:18,569
I think this is
a learning opportunity for you.

362
00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:20,093
Sheldon, come on.

363
00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:21,746
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I upset you?

364
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:24,227
Yes.Ask me how I feel about that.

365
00:15:27,317 --> 00:15:29,015
So where does Leonard
think you are?

366
00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:30,712
Oh, I told him
I was at yoga.

367
00:15:30,755 --> 00:15:33,715
[chuckles] Well,
you are stretching the truth.

368
00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:35,673
Yeah. Where does
Sheldon think youare?

369
00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:37,980
Oh, Sheldon's
kind of like a dog--

370
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:39,764
he doesn't really think about me
when I'm gone,

371
00:15:39,808 --> 00:15:42,071
but he's so happy
when I show up.

372
00:15:43,072 --> 00:15:44,421
[oven dings]Ooh.

373
00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:46,249
Who wants
an Easy-Bake quesadilla?

374
00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:47,990
Me!

375
00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:48,991
Ooh, hot.

376
00:15:49,035 --> 00:15:50,471
[door closes]Shh.

377
00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:52,168
KOOTHRAPPALI: Thanks for
letting me come over and hang.

378
00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:54,823
So Leonard still hasn't
made a decision yet?No.

379
00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:56,477
And I've really been
laying on the guilt.

380
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,348
Did you break out the sad eyes?

381
00:15:58,392 --> 00:16:00,481
You mean these bad boys?

382
00:16:03,092 --> 00:16:04,615
[whispering]:
What do we do?

383
00:16:04,659 --> 00:16:06,487
We're just gonna have to wait
till they go back inside.

384
00:16:06,530 --> 00:16:09,098
Okay, okay. Can
we very quietly

385
00:16:09,142 --> 00:16:10,882
open that second bottle of...

386
00:16:10,926 --> 00:16:12,449
[oven dings]

387
00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:14,669
[quietly]: Hey,
don't freak out,

388
00:16:14,712 --> 00:16:18,064
but I think there's
someone in your playhouse.

389
00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:20,588
Oh. Yeah,
that's just Bernadette.

390
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,201
She's been hiding out
in there all week. [chuckles]

391
00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:27,073
Really? Why?

392
00:16:27,116 --> 00:16:29,162
[exhales]
I don't know.

393
00:16:29,205 --> 00:16:31,033
She's been
a little overwhelmed at work.

394
00:16:31,077 --> 00:16:33,775
And, frankly,
me and the kids are a lot.

395
00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:36,343
She just... [chuckles]
needs some downtime.

396
00:16:36,386 --> 00:16:38,258
And you just pretend
like you don't know?

397
00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:41,826
Sure. That's
how marriage works.

398
00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:43,132
Three years ago...
[chuckles]

399
00:16:43,176 --> 00:16:45,482
I told her I got life insurance,

400
00:16:45,526 --> 00:16:47,223
and I totally didn't.

401
00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:48,529
[laughs]

402
00:16:48,572 --> 00:16:51,271
Someday, she's gonna find out.
I'm gonna say,

403
00:16:51,314 --> 00:16:54,970
"Ha-ha! I know you've been
hiding in the playhouse."

404
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,364
Why don't you just get
the life insurance?

405
00:16:58,234 --> 00:17:00,193
Whose side are you on?

406
00:17:01,498 --> 00:17:04,023
Can you hear
what they're saying?

407
00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:05,067
Shh, I'm trying.

408
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:06,068
[cork pops]

409
00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:07,722
Huh.

410
00:17:07,765 --> 00:17:10,855
Sounds like Penny's
in there, too.

411
00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:15,295
Seriously, Leonard,
you didn't pick my project?

412
00:17:15,338 --> 00:17:16,296
I'm sorry, Raj.

413
00:17:16,339 --> 00:17:18,298
Did you go
with Crow Lady?No.

414
00:17:18,341 --> 00:17:19,821
You gave the money to Kripke?

415
00:17:19,864 --> 00:17:20,691
I did not.

416
00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:22,258
Wait, I'm confused.

417
00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:24,173
I thought there were only
three projects in contention.

418
00:17:24,217 --> 00:17:26,175
There were.
But, at the last minute,

419
00:17:26,219 --> 00:17:27,872
someone submitted an application

420
00:17:27,916 --> 00:17:30,223
for a pretty cool
europium-doped laser,

421
00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:32,312
and they made
a very compelling case.

422
00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:34,270
What was the case?

423
00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:37,926
Oh, that it was me
and I wanted it.

424
00:17:37,969 --> 00:17:39,101
You-you can't do that.

425
00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:40,668
You can't just fund
your own project.

426
00:17:40,711 --> 00:17:43,279
Uh, it turns out I can,
and I did.

427
00:17:44,324 --> 00:17:45,716
Interesting.

428
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:47,544
What about not wanting
everybody to be mad at you?

429
00:17:47,588 --> 00:17:49,720
Well, I realized that,
no matter what decision I made,

430
00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:51,070
people were gonna be mad at me.

431
00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:53,637
And this way, I get a laser.

432
00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:56,640
That is the most selfish thing
you've ever done.

433
00:17:56,684 --> 00:17:57,946
I'm proud of you.

434
00:17:59,556 --> 00:18:00,905
And I don't care.Yes, you do.

435
00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:02,385
Yeah, I do.

436
00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:11,568
The europium laser
is so cool.

437
00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:13,570
It has a four-level
f-f transition

438
00:18:13,614 --> 00:18:15,485
which provides for
high power output,

439
00:18:15,529 --> 00:18:18,358
and its quantum efficiency
is off the charts.

440
00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:19,533
What are you going
to use it for?

441
00:18:19,576 --> 00:18:21,143
I have no idea.

442
00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:26,844
Leonard,

443
00:18:26,888 --> 00:18:29,499
there's a crow
on your roof.

444
00:18:29,543 --> 00:18:30,674
I see it.

445
00:18:30,718 --> 00:18:33,590
Is that one
of Dr. Lee's crows?

446
00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:36,593
[caws]It has a tag on its leg.

447
00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:38,639
[cawing]

448
00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:42,556
Don't make
any sudden moves.

449
00:18:42,599 --> 00:18:44,558
Smart. Let's stand
perfectly still and...

450
00:18:44,601 --> 00:18:46,603
He's the one
you want!

451
00:18:48,039 --> 00:18:49,389
[cawing]

452
00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:58,485
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

453
00:18:58,528 --> 00:19:01,531
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org