1
00:00:03,283 --> 00:00:06,226
Hey, do me a favor
and take table seven.
2
00:00:06,244 --> 00:00:08,519
You mean the one
with my 118-pound
3
00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:10,123
rock-hard stud of a fiancé
4
00:00:10,124 --> 00:00:13,436
who's prone to canker
sores and pinkeye?
5
00:00:13,719 --> 00:00:16,625
Nah, I prefer to look at it as
the one with my ex-boyfriend
6
00:00:16,626 --> 00:00:19,301
and his gorgeous, successful
and sophisticated girlfriend,
7
00:00:19,302 --> 00:00:21,274
who makes me feel like
a toothless Okie.
8
00:00:23,581 --> 00:00:25,922
Do you want me to spill
hot soup on her?
9
00:00:26,892 --> 00:00:29,031
Oh, please-- you're not
that kind of person.
10
00:00:29,032 --> 00:00:30,167
I know.
11
00:00:30,168 --> 00:00:32,407
But if she orders
something low-fat
12
00:00:32,408 --> 00:00:35,282
I'll totally give her
the full-fat version.
13
00:00:37,156 --> 00:00:38,625
Uh, that's my water.
14
00:00:38,626 --> 00:00:39,728
What?
15
00:00:39,729 --> 00:00:40,999
My water.
You're drinking it.
16
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,506
D-Dear Lord!
17
00:00:43,507 --> 00:00:45,545
Have you been drinking it?
18
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,317
Yes. It's my water.
19
00:00:47,318 --> 00:00:48,822
Well, that's it then.
20
00:00:48,823 --> 00:00:51,661
I'm dead.
21
00:00:51,662 --> 00:00:53,400
Here we go...
22
00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:56,108
I'm sorry, do I really need
to connect the dots for you?
23
00:00:56,109 --> 00:00:57,744
The backwash into this glass
24
00:00:57,745 --> 00:01:00,318
is every pathogen that calls
your mouth home, sweet home.
25
00:01:00,319 --> 00:01:03,793
Not to mention the visitors who
arrive on the dancing tongue
26
00:01:03,794 --> 00:01:05,699
of your subtropical girlfriend.
27
00:01:06,736 --> 00:01:08,439
Hey! That's my sister
28
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,011
and my country
you're talking about.
29
00:01:10,012 --> 00:01:11,714
Leonard may have
defiled one,
30
00:01:11,715 --> 00:01:13,988
but I won't have you
talking smack about the other.
31
00:01:15,024 --> 00:01:16,727
You guys ready to order?
32
00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:18,967
Yes, I'd like a seven-day
course of penicillin,
33
00:01:18,968 --> 00:01:23,410
some, uh, syrup of ipecac--
to induce vomiting-- and a mint.
34
00:01:23,411 --> 00:01:25,482
I don't understand.
35
00:01:25,483 --> 00:01:26,953
He drank from
Leonard's glass.
36
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,356
"He drank from
Leonard's glass"--
37
00:01:28,357 --> 00:01:30,794
the words they'll be
carving into my tombstone.
38
00:01:31,597 --> 00:01:33,869
That's actually my napkin.
39
00:01:33,870 --> 00:01:34,872
Oh, this is a nightmare!
40
00:01:34,873 --> 00:01:37,744
- Where are you going?
- To the bar,
41
00:01:37,745 --> 00:01:40,150
to sterilize my mouth
with alcohol.
42
00:01:40,151 --> 00:01:42,789
Gang way! Dead man walking!
43
00:01:43,859 --> 00:01:47,133
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
44
00:01:47,134 --> 00:01:50,473
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
45
00:01:50,474 --> 00:01:52,108
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
46
00:01:52,109 --> 00:01:54,676
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
47
00:01:54,677 --> 00:01:57,313
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
48
00:01:57,314 --> 00:01:59,983
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
49
00:01:59,984 --> 00:02:01,986
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
50
00:02:01,987 --> 00:02:03,049
♪ Bang! ♪
51
00:02:03,074 --> 00:02:06,574
♪ The Big Bang Theory 4x23 ♪
The Engagement Reaction
Original Air Date on May 12, 2011
52
00:02:06,575 --> 00:02:09,057
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
53
00:02:09,731 --> 00:02:11,464
All right. Here you go.
54
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:12,965
Two lemonades,
55
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,766
one iced tea
56
00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:17,134
and a root beer for Priya.
57
00:02:17,135 --> 00:02:21,270
- Is it diet?
- That's what you ordered.
58
00:02:21,271 --> 00:02:24,106
Thank you.
59
00:02:24,107 --> 00:02:25,174
Hey, have you and Howard
60
00:02:25,175 --> 00:02:26,575
started planning
your wedding yet?
61
00:02:26,576 --> 00:02:28,843
Yeah. We're thinking
of having it on a cliff
62
00:02:28,844 --> 00:02:30,244
overlooking the ocean.
63
00:02:30,245 --> 00:02:32,813
Nothing soothes
those pre-wedding jitters
64
00:02:32,814 --> 00:02:36,149
like the thought
of falling and drowning.
65
00:02:36,150 --> 00:02:37,651
What did your mother say
66
00:02:37,652 --> 00:02:39,052
when you told her you were
getting married?
67
00:02:39,053 --> 00:02:40,420
He hasn't told her yet.
68
00:02:40,421 --> 00:02:41,721
He's waiting for
the right time.
69
00:02:41,722 --> 00:02:45,491
I was thinking of weaving
it into her eulogy.
70
00:02:45,492 --> 00:02:48,494
Howard, you've got
to tell your mother.
71
00:02:48,495 --> 00:02:49,694
Hey, have you told your parents
you're dating
72
00:02:49,695 --> 00:02:51,696
this short glass
of skim milk here?
73
00:02:53,432 --> 00:02:55,699
Uh... that's different.
74
00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:57,732
First of all,
we're not engaged;
75
00:02:57,733 --> 00:02:59,500
and second,
Indian parents
76
00:02:59,501 --> 00:03:01,267
are very protective
of their children.
77
00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:03,300
Right, right,
whereas Jewish mothers
78
00:03:03,301 --> 00:03:06,869
take a casual, la-di-da
approach to their sons.
79
00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:12,542
I gargled with tequila and may
have swallowed a teeny bit.
80
00:03:12,543 --> 00:03:13,709
- You all right?
- Fine.
81
00:03:13,710 --> 00:03:15,210
Thank you for asking.
82
00:03:15,211 --> 00:03:17,244
I love you so much.
83
00:03:20,213 --> 00:03:22,347
Fire demon.
84
00:03:22,348 --> 00:03:24,982
Ooh, fire demon.
85
00:03:24,983 --> 00:03:27,817
Sheldon's turning up the heat...
86
00:03:29,653 --> 00:03:30,919
Troll master.
87
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:32,353
Check it! Howard pulls one out
88
00:03:32,354 --> 00:03:34,755
from under the bridge. Nice!
89
00:03:36,458 --> 00:03:37,660
Water nymph.
90
00:03:37,661 --> 00:03:39,061
Oh, yeah, she's got puddles
91
00:03:39,062 --> 00:03:41,063
in all the right places.
92
00:03:41,864 --> 00:03:43,064
Could you please
play the game
93
00:03:43,065 --> 00:03:44,599
without commenting
on every card?
94
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,835
Sorry.
95
00:03:46,836 --> 00:03:49,169
Walking tree.
96
00:03:52,772 --> 00:03:54,439
Last one.
97
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:57,175
I'm taking a stroll
and I'm sporting wood.
98
00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:04,781
Okay, the Eagle has landed.
99
00:04:04,782 --> 00:04:06,249
What's going on?
100
00:04:06,250 --> 00:04:07,449
Bernadette
and my mother are having
101
00:04:07,450 --> 00:04:09,651
a get-to-know-you lunch
at the Old Town Deli.
102
00:04:09,652 --> 00:04:10,986
Oh, that sounds lovely.
103
00:04:10,987 --> 00:04:12,020
Hope so.
104
00:04:12,021 --> 00:04:13,354
Of course, if history
is any indication,
105
00:04:13,355 --> 00:04:14,355
my mother will swallow her whole
106
00:04:14,356 --> 00:04:17,358
and spit out her bones
like an owl.
107
00:04:18,226 --> 00:04:20,326
Have you met
Bernadette's parents?
108
00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:22,361
You mean Adolf and Eva?
109
00:04:23,496 --> 00:04:25,030
Not yet.
110
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:27,966
One goose step at a time.
111
00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:29,968
Sheldon,
that's my water.
112
00:04:29,969 --> 00:04:31,336
Oh, dear Lord!
113
00:04:34,973 --> 00:04:36,707
That's not your water.
114
00:04:37,709 --> 00:04:39,542
I know.
115
00:04:41,245 --> 00:04:43,146
Where's the mouthwash?!
116
00:04:44,081 --> 00:04:46,482
"Where" indeed.
117
00:04:48,618 --> 00:04:51,753
Ma, I'm home!
118
00:04:51,754 --> 00:04:53,154
Where are you?
119
00:04:53,155 --> 00:04:56,590
I'm in the toilet!
120
00:04:56,591 --> 00:04:58,692
So, how'd it go?!
121
00:04:58,693 --> 00:05:00,026
Too soon to say!
122
00:05:00,027 --> 00:05:02,395
I'm not done yet!
123
00:05:04,331 --> 00:05:06,999
No, I mean lunch, today,
with Bernadette!
124
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,867
Oh!
125
00:05:08,868 --> 00:05:10,302
I had a pastrami
sandwich.
126
00:05:10,303 --> 00:05:12,503
She had eggplant lasagna.
127
00:05:12,504 --> 00:05:15,972
Like that's what a person
orders in a Jewish deli.
128
00:05:17,140 --> 00:05:20,541
Besides food, did you get along?
Did you talk?
129
00:05:20,542 --> 00:05:24,177
Oh, sure! Did you know
she's going to school
130
00:05:24,178 --> 00:05:26,646
to become a
microbiologist?!
131
00:05:27,648 --> 00:05:30,049
No, she never mentioned it.
132
00:05:31,352 --> 00:05:35,287
I bet she did and
you didn't listen!
133
00:05:36,355 --> 00:05:38,558
Yeah, that's probably it.
So, what do you think?
134
00:05:38,559 --> 00:05:40,826
Do you like her?
She's great, huh?
135
00:05:40,827 --> 00:05:42,228
She's a lovely girl!
136
00:05:42,229 --> 00:05:43,930
Cute as a button!
137
00:05:43,931 --> 00:05:48,234
That's good to hear,
'cause I've got some news.
138
00:05:48,235 --> 00:05:49,801
I hope it's
good news,
139
00:05:49,802 --> 00:05:53,103
because I've got nothing but
disappointment in here!
140
00:06:01,641 --> 00:06:04,475
Bernadette and I
are getting married.
141
00:06:09,481 --> 00:06:11,782
Ma?
142
00:06:11,783 --> 00:06:14,519
You too busy bearing down?
143
00:06:16,489 --> 00:06:18,656
Ma?
144
00:06:19,658 --> 00:06:22,559
Oh, my God, Ma? Ma? Ma?
145
00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:24,628
Stand back,
I'm gonna break the door down!
146
00:06:32,468 --> 00:06:34,803
Son of a bitch!
Ma, help!
147
00:06:38,307 --> 00:06:39,340
Hey.
148
00:06:39,341 --> 00:06:40,674
Hello.
149
00:06:40,675 --> 00:06:41,942
Haven't
seen you in a while.
150
00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:43,276
How's it going?
151
00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:46,745
Oh, other than waiting out
the exponential growth period
152
00:06:46,746 --> 00:06:48,614
of the virulent organisms
153
00:06:48,615 --> 00:06:50,282
trooping through
my microvilli
154
00:06:50,283 --> 00:06:54,552
into my circulatory system--
hunky-dory.
155
00:06:59,757 --> 00:07:01,090
Did I say something
amusing?
156
00:07:01,091 --> 00:07:04,793
I don't know, maybe,
I have no idea what you said.
157
00:07:04,794 --> 00:07:08,229
So your mirth is merely
a discharge of nervous energy
158
00:07:08,230 --> 00:07:10,664
with no semantic content at all?
159
00:07:10,665 --> 00:07:13,668
My mirth. Classic.
160
00:07:13,669 --> 00:07:16,203
Is there a station
coming up
161
00:07:16,204 --> 00:07:19,673
where I can board your
giggling train of thought?
162
00:07:19,674 --> 00:07:21,841
It's not a big deal, Sheldon.
163
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,609
It's just,
ever since Leonard's been
164
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:26,078
dating Raj's sister,
I've had to keep my distance.
165
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:28,980
I don't get to hear
all your jibber-jabber.
166
00:07:28,981 --> 00:07:30,348
Jibber-jabber?!
167
00:07:30,349 --> 00:07:31,983
I don't jibber-jabber.
168
00:07:31,984 --> 00:07:33,951
What are you doing
at work these days?
169
00:07:33,952 --> 00:07:37,154
Oh, I'm working on
time-dependent backgrounds
170
00:07:37,155 --> 00:07:38,555
in string theory,
171
00:07:38,556 --> 00:07:40,089
specifically quantum
field theory
172
00:07:40,090 --> 00:07:42,391
in "d-dimensional"
de Sitter space.
173
00:07:43,793 --> 00:07:46,728
Okay, come on, even you have
to admit that's jibber-jabber.
174
00:07:48,565 --> 00:07:50,165
Interesting, do you know
175
00:07:50,166 --> 00:07:52,334
where the phrase
"jibber-jabber" comes from?
176
00:07:52,335 --> 00:07:54,803
Oh, my God,
you're about to jibber-jabber
177
00:07:54,804 --> 00:07:56,771
about jibber-jabber.
178
00:08:00,208 --> 00:08:02,076
Howard and his mother
are at the hospital.
179
00:08:02,077 --> 00:08:03,878
- Come on, we gotta go.
- Oh, my God! What happened?
180
00:08:03,879 --> 00:08:05,079
I don't know, I just got a text.
Come on, hurry.
181
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:06,914
Okay.
182
00:08:09,918 --> 00:08:11,786
Sheldon, let's go!
183
00:08:11,787 --> 00:08:13,854
To a hospital?!
184
00:08:13,855 --> 00:08:15,389
Full of sick people?!
185
00:08:16,658 --> 00:08:18,660
Oh, I don't think so.
186
00:08:18,661 --> 00:08:21,663
Okay, well, your friend and his
mother are there, we're going.
187
00:08:21,664 --> 00:08:23,498
I can't.
188
00:08:23,499 --> 00:08:25,833
Oh, don't tell me you're
afraid of germs.
189
00:08:25,834 --> 00:08:29,136
Not all germs.
190
00:08:29,137 --> 00:08:31,538
Just the ones that will kill me.
191
00:08:31,539 --> 00:08:34,141
It's the same way I'm not
afraid of all steak knives--
192
00:08:34,142 --> 00:08:37,043
just the ones that might be
plunged in my thorax.
193
00:08:37,044 --> 00:08:39,679
Fine, I'll tell Howard
you didn't come
194
00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:40,713
because you're more concerned
195
00:08:40,714 --> 00:08:42,081
about your own well-being
than his.
196
00:08:42,082 --> 00:08:44,917
I would think
he would know that.
197
00:08:46,587 --> 00:08:48,387
Okay, you know what?
You are unbelievable.
198
00:08:48,388 --> 00:08:50,056
You buy all these
superhero T-shirts,
199
00:08:50,057 --> 00:08:51,390
but when it's time for you
200
00:08:51,391 --> 00:08:52,858
to step up
and do the right thing,
201
00:08:52,859 --> 00:08:54,760
you just hide
in the laundry room.
202
00:08:56,196 --> 00:08:57,597
Fine, I'll go.
203
00:08:58,766 --> 00:09:01,867
Just for the record,
my Aunt Ruth died in a hospital.
204
00:09:01,868 --> 00:09:04,136
She went in to
visit my Uncle Roger,
205
00:09:04,137 --> 00:09:06,639
caught something and bit
the dust a week later.
206
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:08,941
The two of them
now share a coffee can
207
00:09:08,942 --> 00:09:10,441
on my mother's mantel.
208
00:09:17,326 --> 00:09:19,126
So I knocked down
the bathroom door,
209
00:09:19,180 --> 00:09:20,614
picked up my poor
unconscious mother,
210
00:09:20,615 --> 00:09:21,748
carried her to the car,
211
00:09:21,749 --> 00:09:24,751
and drove like a madman
to the emergency room.
212
00:09:24,752 --> 00:09:26,352
You're a real
hero, Howard.
213
00:09:26,353 --> 00:09:28,621
No, I did what
any son would do.
214
00:09:28,622 --> 00:09:32,258
Hang on a second--
you picked up your mother?
215
00:09:34,158 --> 00:09:37,792
Her own legs
are barely able to do that.
216
00:09:38,473 --> 00:09:40,473
I was filled
with adrenaline.
217
00:09:40,474 --> 00:09:43,243
It happens to be how women
lift cars off babies.
218
00:09:43,244 --> 00:09:46,178
Yeah, I'm saying,
it'd be easier to lift a car.
219
00:09:47,681 --> 00:09:50,382
What can I tell you?
After I found the courage
220
00:09:50,383 --> 00:09:53,118
to put her pants back on,
I was unstoppable.
221
00:09:54,654 --> 00:09:56,088
So, how is she?
222
00:09:56,089 --> 00:09:58,056
They're running tests--
I don't know.
223
00:09:58,057 --> 00:10:01,759
It may have been a heart attack
or heart-attack-like event.
224
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:02,827
What's the difference?
225
00:10:02,828 --> 00:10:04,561
A heart-attack-like event
226
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:07,497
is an event
that's like a heart attack.
227
00:10:07,498 --> 00:10:10,500
Thanks for clearing that up.
228
00:10:10,501 --> 00:10:13,369
Regardless, coronary problems
are eminently treatable.
229
00:10:13,370 --> 00:10:15,638
What's more likely going
to kill Howard's mother
230
00:10:15,639 --> 00:10:16,906
are the
antibiotic-resistant
231
00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:18,907
super-bugs festering
in every nook and cranny
232
00:10:18,908 --> 00:10:20,442
of this hospital.
233
00:10:21,677 --> 00:10:23,111
Okay, you're not helping.
234
00:10:23,112 --> 00:10:25,612
Disagree.
235
00:10:26,547 --> 00:10:28,982
Go sit over there.
236
00:10:28,983 --> 00:10:31,184
I'll sit over there--
it looks cleaner.
237
00:10:34,488 --> 00:10:36,789
Is there a history of
heart disease in your family?
238
00:10:36,790 --> 00:10:40,888
My family is the history
of heart disease.
239
00:10:40,889 --> 00:10:42,187
There's a cave painting
in France
240
00:10:42,188 --> 00:10:44,389
of one of my ancestors
doing this:
241
00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:50,361
So it's probably genetic.
242
00:10:50,362 --> 00:10:52,029
Well, maybe.
243
00:10:52,030 --> 00:10:55,064
Mom also had just gotten some
news that might have upset her.
244
00:10:55,065 --> 00:10:56,432
What?
245
00:10:56,433 --> 00:10:57,867
It's not important.
246
00:10:57,868 --> 00:10:59,802
Come on, Howard,
I'm going to be your wife.
247
00:10:59,803 --> 00:11:01,536
You can share
anything with me.
248
00:11:01,537 --> 00:11:04,572
You'd think that.
But no.
249
00:11:08,443 --> 00:11:10,744
You told her we were
going to get married
250
00:11:10,745 --> 00:11:12,345
and she had
a heart attack?
251
00:11:12,346 --> 00:11:16,048
You can't take
that personally.
252
00:11:16,049 --> 00:11:18,016
How else is she supposed
to take it?
253
00:11:18,017 --> 00:11:19,251
What you've got to
254
00:11:19,252 --> 00:11:22,887
keep in mind is that
ever since my dad left,
255
00:11:22,888 --> 00:11:25,689
I've been the whole world
to my mother.
256
00:11:25,690 --> 00:11:27,891
I mean, she'd be
threatened by any woman
257
00:11:27,892 --> 00:11:30,827
who can give me
what she can't.
258
00:11:30,828 --> 00:11:33,663
You mean sexual
intercourse?
259
00:11:36,556 --> 00:11:40,525
Well, when you say it like
that you make it sound creepy.
260
00:11:40,526 --> 00:11:41,726
What happened?
261
00:11:41,727 --> 00:11:42,961
Howard's mother had
a heart attack
262
00:11:43,048 --> 00:11:44,582
because I have
sex with him
263
00:11:44,617 --> 00:11:46,317
and she can't.
264
00:11:50,134 --> 00:11:52,835
Bernie, wait!
265
00:11:52,836 --> 00:11:57,438
I'll give you $1,000
if you'll drive me home.
266
00:11:58,607 --> 00:12:00,741
Nice of you to
come for Howard.
267
00:12:00,742 --> 00:12:03,610
Well, he's my friend.
It's what you do.
268
00:12:05,945 --> 00:12:08,580
I'm sorry, did
I miss something?
269
00:12:08,581 --> 00:12:10,514
It's just so weird.
270
00:12:10,515 --> 00:12:12,482
Howard Wolowitz
is my friend.
271
00:12:12,483 --> 00:12:15,084
You know, once he tried to
stick his tongue down my throat
272
00:12:15,085 --> 00:12:16,385
and I broke his nose.
273
00:12:16,386 --> 00:12:18,954
That's a little easier
to believe
274
00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:20,121
than he's your friend.
275
00:12:20,122 --> 00:12:22,123
Yeah, tell me about it.
276
00:12:22,124 --> 00:12:25,159
You know, my brother had a group
of friends like this in India.
277
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,627
They dressed up in leotards and
goggles and called themselves
278
00:12:27,628 --> 00:12:29,562
the New Delhi
Power Rangers.
279
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:32,665
You mean when
he was little.
280
00:12:32,666 --> 00:12:35,433
Not as little as
you'd want him to be.
281
00:12:37,803 --> 00:12:39,336
You know,
this stuff is horrible.
282
00:12:39,337 --> 00:12:41,237
You want to see if we
can find the cafeteria
283
00:12:41,238 --> 00:12:42,638
and get real coffee?
Sure.
284
00:12:42,639 --> 00:12:44,073
We're going to the cafeteria
to get some coffee.
285
00:12:44,074 --> 00:12:45,273
You want anything?
286
00:12:45,274 --> 00:12:47,141
I'm fine.
287
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:49,610
That's nice that
they're getting along.
288
00:12:49,611 --> 00:12:52,111
Your girlfriend and your
ex-girlfriend are hanging out together?
289
00:12:52,112 --> 00:12:55,481
Oh, yeah, that can
only be good for you.
290
00:12:58,554 --> 00:12:59,886
What are you talking about?
291
00:12:59,887 --> 00:13:01,321
One of them
broke up with you.
292
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:03,824
Do you really want her
telling the other one why?
293
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:05,826
I don't care.
294
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,828
I don't have
anything to hide.
295
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:08,962
Good, good.
296
00:13:08,963 --> 00:13:11,931
Then you have nothing
to worry about.
297
00:13:11,932 --> 00:13:14,733
No, I do not.
298
00:13:17,603 --> 00:13:19,705
You are a mean little man.
299
00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:23,107
You'd think it'd be because
my parents didn't love me,
300
00:13:23,108 --> 00:13:25,276
but actually they
loved me a great deal.
301
00:13:26,811 --> 00:13:28,844
Bernie, it's not you.
302
00:13:28,845 --> 00:13:31,212
She's just set
in her ways.
303
00:13:31,213 --> 00:13:33,514
How can we be together
if the thought of us
304
00:13:33,515 --> 00:13:35,316
getting married
might kill your mother?
305
00:13:35,317 --> 00:13:39,321
It's the circle
of life, sweetie.
306
00:13:40,489 --> 00:13:45,125
One day our son will marry
someone and it will kill you.
307
00:13:47,095 --> 00:13:49,062
Howard, I have to go
to the bathroom
308
00:13:49,063 --> 00:13:50,496
and no one
will take me home.
309
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,330
What's wrong with
the bathroom here?
310
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:55,732
Pneumococcus, streptococcus,
staphylococcus
311
00:13:55,733 --> 00:13:58,034
and other assorted
coccuses.
312
00:13:58,035 --> 00:14:00,936
Sheldon, my mother is
on her deathbed
313
00:14:00,937 --> 00:14:03,005
and my fiancée is grief-stricken
over putting her there.
314
00:14:03,006 --> 00:14:04,640
I'm not taking you home.
315
00:14:04,641 --> 00:14:06,341
Will you at least
316
00:14:06,342 --> 00:14:07,708
go with me to the restroom here,
317
00:14:07,709 --> 00:14:09,844
so you can open the door
and flush the urinal?
318
00:14:09,845 --> 00:14:11,745
No!
319
00:14:11,746 --> 00:14:13,947
This might be a good time
to point out, Howard,
320
00:14:13,948 --> 00:14:16,416
that friendship requires
a certain give and take.
321
00:14:17,984 --> 00:14:19,251
Hold the door.
322
00:14:25,191 --> 00:14:27,158
Mr. Wolowitz?
323
00:14:27,159 --> 00:14:29,994
- Is she okay?
- It wasn't a heart attack.
324
00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:32,229
She's awake, she's
resting comfortably--
325
00:14:32,230 --> 00:14:33,429
we're still
running tests.
326
00:14:33,430 --> 00:14:34,430
Can I see her?
327
00:14:34,431 --> 00:14:36,800
Actually, she said,
and I quote,
328
00:14:36,801 --> 00:14:39,104
she'd "like to see the
little Catholic girl first."
329
00:14:41,277 --> 00:14:43,845
Me? Why me?
330
00:14:43,846 --> 00:14:45,313
Jews have been asking
that for centuries.
331
00:14:45,329 --> 00:14:47,597
There's no real good answer.
332
00:14:49,717 --> 00:14:52,519
Okay, well,
wish me luck.
333
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:54,020
Don't worry,
you'll be fine.
334
00:14:54,021 --> 00:14:55,721
Let's just hide Mr. Cross.
335
00:14:55,722 --> 00:14:58,657
If it touches her, it burns.
336
00:15:01,961 --> 00:15:03,928
You brought a Catholic girl
home to your mother?
337
00:15:03,953 --> 00:15:05,153
Yeah.
338
00:15:05,421 --> 00:15:09,490
Why don't I write you a
prescription for Xanax.
339
00:15:13,404 --> 00:15:14,704
Finally.
340
00:15:28,550 --> 00:15:31,484
Oh, what fresh hell is this?
341
00:15:31,485 --> 00:15:34,220
Wait, you can't leave here,
you've been exposed.
342
00:15:36,256 --> 00:15:38,791
No, I haven't.
343
00:15:38,792 --> 00:15:41,660
It's all good.
344
00:15:43,262 --> 00:15:46,230
You want to talk
about crazy mothers,
345
00:15:46,231 --> 00:15:48,933
Leonard's mom wouldn't give him
any sort of approval growing up.
346
00:15:48,934 --> 00:15:50,367
Oh, the poor thing.
347
00:15:50,368 --> 00:15:52,636
It makes him desperate
to please women.
348
00:15:52,637 --> 00:15:54,839
That's why the foreplay
goes on and on.
349
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,141
It does, doesn't it?
350
00:15:57,142 --> 00:15:59,677
It's like he's
trying to win a prize.
351
00:15:59,678 --> 00:16:01,278
A word of advice--
don't doze off.
352
00:16:01,279 --> 00:16:03,715
You will never hear
the end of it.
353
00:16:03,716 --> 00:16:05,550
Help me!
354
00:16:05,551 --> 00:16:07,284
Come back!
355
00:16:07,285 --> 00:16:08,650
Penny!
356
00:16:09,781 --> 00:16:12,915
There are a couple of
things I did with Penny
357
00:16:12,916 --> 00:16:14,282
that might be a
little silly, but...
358
00:16:14,283 --> 00:16:15,550
Like what?
359
00:16:15,551 --> 00:16:19,186
Every once in a while,
before we'd go to bed,
360
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:22,122
I'd put on a little show
for her.
361
00:16:23,791 --> 00:16:25,892
What do you mean
"a show"?
362
00:16:25,893 --> 00:16:30,930
Well, you know,
the way I took my clothes off.
363
00:16:30,931 --> 00:16:33,231
Like, to music?
364
00:16:33,232 --> 00:16:38,102
I'd look pretty stupid
if there was no music.
365
00:16:38,103 --> 00:16:40,471
So you'd do
a striptease?
366
00:16:40,472 --> 00:16:44,274
I wasn't swinging
around a pole.
367
00:16:44,275 --> 00:16:46,576
Good, good.
368
00:16:48,045 --> 00:16:52,048
There was one time
I put body glitter on.
369
00:16:52,049 --> 00:16:54,717
Well, I don't think
you have to worry
370
00:16:54,718 --> 00:16:56,284
about Penny telling
my sister that.
371
00:16:56,285 --> 00:16:57,452
No, she wouldn't.
372
00:16:57,453 --> 00:17:00,821
Your big problem
is me telling her.
373
00:17:02,390 --> 00:17:04,958
You really are
a mean little man.
374
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:08,794
Oh, God, that's so true.
375
00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,129
I know, right?
376
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,531
Hey, what took
you guys so long?
377
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:13,999
Oh, we were
just chatting.
378
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,600
That's nice.
What about?
379
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:17,001
We were just
comparing notes
380
00:17:17,002 --> 00:17:19,170
about how you are
in the sack.
381
00:17:21,473 --> 00:17:24,407
That's funny.
Yeah.
382
00:17:25,576 --> 00:17:27,477
What if she
wasn't kidding?
383
00:17:27,478 --> 00:17:29,278
It doesn't matter.
384
00:17:29,279 --> 00:17:31,114
I'm the king of foreplay.
385
00:17:34,718 --> 00:17:36,418
Hey, how'd it go?
386
00:17:36,419 --> 00:17:37,719
You're a putz.
387
00:17:38,588 --> 00:17:39,688
You know what that means?
388
00:17:39,689 --> 00:17:43,191
Yeah. Do you?
389
00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:45,359
Your mother just
taught it to me.
390
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:47,627
She thinks she got food
poisoning from that deli
391
00:17:47,628 --> 00:17:50,097
and she just wanted
to make sure I was okay.
392
00:17:50,098 --> 00:17:51,731
And are you?
393
00:17:51,732 --> 00:17:55,168
No, because I'm
engaged to a putz.
394
00:17:57,104 --> 00:18:00,305
You let me believe I was the
reason she had a heart attack.
395
00:18:00,306 --> 00:18:01,640
Well, based on the
available evid--
396
00:18:01,641 --> 00:18:03,675
Shut up!
397
00:18:03,676 --> 00:18:05,042
She said I'm
a wonderful girl
398
00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:06,611
and that you're
lucky to have me.
399
00:18:06,612 --> 00:18:08,012
Where are you going?
400
00:18:08,013 --> 00:18:09,446
To the toilet!
401
00:18:09,447 --> 00:18:10,847
Is that okay with you?!
402
00:18:16,276 --> 00:18:21,880
Is it just me, or does she
sound sexy when she's angry?
403
00:18:30,361 --> 00:18:32,695
Mountain Elf.
404
00:18:36,273 --> 00:18:39,008
He takes the elf
from off the shelf.
405
00:18:40,043 --> 00:18:42,611
Hell Hounds.
406
00:18:42,612 --> 00:18:45,681
Hell Hounds-- who let
the Satanic dogs out?
407
00:18:45,682 --> 00:18:48,182
Who? Who-who?
408
00:18:49,685 --> 00:18:51,285
Colossal Serpent.
409
00:18:51,286 --> 00:18:54,621
I got a colossal
serpent right here.
410
00:18:56,791 --> 00:18:58,058
Must you?
411
00:18:58,059 --> 00:19:00,527
Sorry, I'm just trying
to cheer my buddy up.
412
00:19:01,795 --> 00:19:03,596
Rotting Zombie.
413
00:19:03,597 --> 00:19:06,598
Sheldon's new
Facebook photo.
414
00:19:10,602 --> 00:19:13,439
Zandor, Wizard of the North.
415
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,174
Ha! I win.
416
00:19:15,175 --> 00:19:16,375
If you skip the part about being
417
00:19:16,376 --> 00:19:17,443
under a two-week quarantine
because you were exposed
418
00:19:17,444 --> 00:19:19,645
to a deadly disease--
absolutely.
419
00:19:19,646 --> 00:19:23,646
== sync, corrected by elderman ==