1
00:00:01,931 --> 00:00:03,198
Hey, you guys ready to order?
2
00:00:03,234 --> 00:00:05,002
Uh, sure.
Okay, Priya?
3
00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:06,100
Uh, I'll have
the shepherd's pie.
4
00:00:06,101 --> 00:00:07,335
You want to split
that with me?
5
00:00:07,336 --> 00:00:09,136
Oh, no, no, no,
he doesn't.
6
00:00:09,137 --> 00:00:10,171
Why not?
7
00:00:10,172 --> 00:00:12,340
Well, you have milk in
the taters,
8
00:00:12,341 --> 00:00:14,175
milk in the gravy,
parmesan crust.
9
00:00:14,176 --> 00:00:15,910
Your lactose-intolerant
boyfriend will turn
10
00:00:15,911 --> 00:00:18,313
into a gas-filled
Macy's Day balloon.
11
00:00:20,316 --> 00:00:23,450
Not quite accurate. The Macy's
balloons are filled with helium,
12
00:00:23,451 --> 00:00:26,353
whereas Leonard produces copious
amounts of methane.
13
00:00:31,927 --> 00:00:34,361
So, no, on the shepherd's pie.
Can we move on?
14
00:00:34,362 --> 00:00:36,363
Yeah, a little tip:
he says he can eat frozen yogurt.
15
00:00:36,364 --> 00:00:38,732
Do not believe it.
16
00:00:38,733 --> 00:00:41,535
Sea bass!
I'll have the sea bass!
17
00:00:41,536 --> 00:00:42,970
You gotta like this,
18
00:00:42,971 --> 00:00:45,139
the girlfriend and the
ex-girlfriend bonding
19
00:00:45,140 --> 00:00:47,308
over your rooty-tooty
stinky booty.
20
00:00:48,643 --> 00:00:50,177
Kill me.
21
00:00:50,178 --> 00:00:52,813
It wouldn't help.
The human body is capable
22
00:00:52,814 --> 00:00:55,982
of being flatulent for hours
after death.
23
00:01:00,687 --> 00:01:03,089
Guys, sorry I'm late.
I have amazing news.
24
00:01:03,090 --> 00:01:05,091
Bernadette, before you
change the subject,
25
00:01:05,092 --> 00:01:07,093
does anyone have any
final comments on
26
00:01:07,094 --> 00:01:09,028
Leonard's faulty
digestive system?
27
00:01:09,029 --> 00:01:11,130
So, what's your news,
Bernadette?
28
00:01:11,131 --> 00:01:15,301
The thesis committee accepted
my doctoral dissertation.
29
00:01:15,302 --> 00:01:17,070
I'm getting my PhD!
30
00:01:17,071 --> 00:01:18,738
Wow!
Oh, congratulations.
31
00:01:20,307 --> 00:01:23,542
Wow, so that means you're a
doctor, you're a doctor,
32
00:01:23,543 --> 00:01:26,045
you're a doctor,
you're a doctor,
33
00:01:26,046 --> 00:01:29,515
and Howard,
you know a lot of doctors.
34
00:01:32,386 --> 00:01:34,186
Congratulations, honey.
35
00:01:34,187 --> 00:01:35,788
Thank you.
36
00:01:35,789 --> 00:01:37,890
So, Howard, tell us,
how's it feel knowing
37
00:01:37,891 --> 00:01:39,492
that when you two get married,
38
00:01:39,493 --> 00:01:41,727
you'll be referred to
as Mr. and Dr. Wolowitz?
39
00:01:42,962 --> 00:01:44,864
Unless he takes Bernadette's
last name.
40
00:01:44,865 --> 00:01:46,465
And considering
her advanced status,
41
00:01:46,466 --> 00:01:48,801
that could open
some doors for him.
42
00:01:48,802 --> 00:01:51,724
Please, this isn't about me.
I'm proud of you.
43
00:01:51,725 --> 00:01:53,817
Well, you'll be
really be proud of this.
44
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:56,690
I was headhunted by a big
pharmaceutical company.
45
00:01:56,826 --> 00:01:58,757
They're gonna pay me
a buttload of money!
46
00:01:59,281 --> 00:02:00,382
What?
47
00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,381
Bernadette, that's great.
48
00:02:02,382 --> 00:02:04,182
Howard, do you make a buttload?
49
00:02:04,183 --> 00:02:07,352
Better than what you've
got a buttload of.
50
00:02:10,689 --> 00:02:13,658
Hey, if I roll down the windows
in the car, everything's peachy.
51
00:02:13,659 --> 00:02:15,827
If you do it,
you're still not a doctor.
52
00:02:17,063 --> 00:02:19,031
Yeah, just a heads-up
on the car window deal.
53
00:02:19,032 --> 00:02:21,166
It helps, but everything is
not "peachy."
54
00:02:22,802 --> 00:02:26,171
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
55
00:02:26,172 --> 00:02:29,507
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
56
00:02:29,508 --> 00:02:31,209
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
57
00:02:31,210 --> 00:02:34,378
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
58
00:02:34,379 --> 00:02:37,348
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
59
00:02:37,349 --> 00:02:39,383
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
60
00:02:39,384 --> 00:02:41,452
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
61
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,120
♪ Bang! ♪
62
00:02:43,145 --> 00:02:46,145
♪ The Big Bang Theory 4x24 ♪
The Roommate Transmogrification
Original Air Date on May 19, 2011
63
00:02:46,170 --> 00:02:49,170
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
64
00:02:49,312 --> 00:02:52,047
♪ Oh, if there was a problem,
you can't solve it ♪
65
00:02:52,048 --> 00:02:54,283
♪ Check out the hook
while my DJ revolves it ♪
66
00:02:54,284 --> 00:02:56,651
♪ Ice, Ice, baby ♪
67
00:02:58,054 --> 00:02:59,554
♪ Ice, Ice, baby ♪
68
00:03:02,857 --> 00:03:05,126
Oh, God, I feel
ridiculous in this dress.
69
00:03:05,127 --> 00:03:09,063
You look beautiful,
Lieutenant Uhura.
70
00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:12,033
Now prepare for... inspection.
71
00:03:14,136 --> 00:03:16,270
Shh, my brother's
going to hear you.
72
00:03:16,271 --> 00:03:17,638
Relax, he's got
headphones on.
73
00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:21,275
And we're ten miles above
Earth in a starship.
74
00:03:21,276 --> 00:03:22,376
Really, ten miles?
75
00:03:22,377 --> 00:03:24,678
You're orbiting inside
the atmosphere?
76
00:03:24,679 --> 00:03:26,513
Moron.
77
00:03:26,514 --> 00:03:28,741
I can't believe
I'm wearing
78
00:03:28,766 --> 00:03:31,231
my brother's Halloween costume.
79
00:03:31,319 --> 00:03:34,487
I can't believe you think
he only wears it on Halloween.
80
00:03:35,856 --> 00:03:39,225
Open the landing bay doors,
shuttle craft approaching.
81
00:03:39,226 --> 00:03:40,893
Okay, gotta go.
82
00:03:47,168 --> 00:03:48,634
Hey, what's up?
83
00:03:48,635 --> 00:03:53,306
Is that my future
daughter-in-law, the doctor?!
84
00:03:55,209 --> 00:03:57,410
No, Ma! It's Raj!
85
00:03:57,411 --> 00:03:59,712
He's a doctor
too, right?!
86
00:03:59,713 --> 00:04:01,481
Yes!
87
00:04:01,482 --> 00:04:03,850
Like Leonard and
the skinny weirdo!
88
00:04:05,818 --> 00:04:07,886
Sheldon, yes!
89
00:04:07,887 --> 00:04:10,055
Everybody's a doctor but me!
90
00:04:10,056 --> 00:04:13,625
Well, whose fault
is that?!
91
00:04:14,727 --> 00:04:15,961
What's up?
92
00:04:15,962 --> 00:04:18,663
Leonard's putting disgusting
memories in
93
00:04:18,664 --> 00:04:21,233
my memory foam mattress.
94
00:04:21,234 --> 00:04:22,601
Can I stay here tonight?
95
00:04:22,602 --> 00:04:25,204
Sure, but I'm going out
with Bernadette.
96
00:04:25,205 --> 00:04:26,838
It'll just be you and my mother.
97
00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:28,407
I guess that's okay.
98
00:04:28,408 --> 00:04:32,044
Ma, can Rajesh sleep over?!
99
00:04:32,045 --> 00:04:34,813
Of course, he and I
can play doctor!
100
00:04:38,517 --> 00:04:40,684
She's kidding, right?
101
00:04:40,685 --> 00:04:43,254
I don't know, she's pretty
feisty since
102
00:04:43,255 --> 00:04:45,423
they put her on
hormone-replacement therapy.
103
00:04:46,725 --> 00:04:50,328
Paging Dr.
Cutie Pie!
104
00:04:52,631 --> 00:04:54,632
I must say, Amy,
I was very impressed
105
00:04:54,633 --> 00:04:57,635
to see that Bernadette got
her PhD.
106
00:04:57,636 --> 00:04:59,337
It's indeed admirable.
107
00:04:59,338 --> 00:05:02,173
Although, it is...
microbiology.
108
00:05:02,174 --> 00:05:05,643
Your doctorate is in
neurobiology.
109
00:05:05,644 --> 00:05:07,977
I fail to see the distinction.
110
00:05:07,978 --> 00:05:09,246
I'll make it simple for you.
111
00:05:09,247 --> 00:05:11,181
I study the brain,
112
00:05:11,182 --> 00:05:13,316
the organ responsible for
Beethoven's Fifth Symphony.
113
00:05:13,317 --> 00:05:14,851
Bernadette studies yeast,
114
00:05:14,852 --> 00:05:17,354
the organism responsible
for Michelob Lite.
115
00:05:18,989 --> 00:05:20,890
Is there something wrong
with your neck?
116
00:05:20,891 --> 00:05:22,959
It's a little stiff.
117
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,162
What a remarkably fragile
structure
118
00:05:25,163 --> 00:05:28,465
to support
such a valuable payload.
119
00:05:28,466 --> 00:05:33,537
Not unlike balancing a Faberge
egg on a Pixie Stick.
120
00:05:33,538 --> 00:05:35,372
Have you considered massage?
121
00:05:35,373 --> 00:05:37,973
I'd like to respond
to that sarcastically:
122
00:05:37,974 --> 00:05:41,577
Yes, I relish the thought
of a stranger covering my body
123
00:05:41,578 --> 00:05:43,612
with oil and rubbing it.
124
00:05:43,613 --> 00:05:47,483
I was proposing you massage your
muscles with your own hands.
125
00:05:47,484 --> 00:05:50,919
Still sounds like a lot
of unnecessary touching.
126
00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:54,290
Trust me. With your right hand,
locate the spot
127
00:05:54,291 --> 00:05:56,559
where the scapula meets
the acromion process.
128
00:05:58,895 --> 00:06:00,662
All right.
129
00:06:00,663 --> 00:06:02,998
Now push your third finger along
the ridge of the shoulder blade,
130
00:06:02,999 --> 00:06:04,500
making a small rotation
as you do so.
131
00:06:04,501 --> 00:06:08,070
Rotating.
132
00:06:08,071 --> 00:06:09,837
You should feel
a small node-like object
133
00:06:09,838 --> 00:06:11,672
rolling back and forth along
the bone.
134
00:06:11,673 --> 00:06:13,774
You mean the myofascial point?
135
00:06:13,775 --> 00:06:16,811
Obviously.
136
00:06:16,812 --> 00:06:19,514
Now bear down on it like
the seventh grade noogies
137
00:06:19,515 --> 00:06:21,516
we all know too well.
138
00:06:23,185 --> 00:06:27,155
Oh, dear Lord, yes, yes,
oh, yes!
139
00:06:28,890 --> 00:06:30,992
Amy, I've never been touched
like this before!
140
00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:36,998
Oh! My hands are magic!
141
00:06:36,999 --> 00:06:38,566
Don't flatter yourself.
142
00:06:38,567 --> 00:06:40,934
Your hands are blunt tools
guided by my knowledge
143
00:06:40,935 --> 00:06:42,169
of the nervous system.
144
00:06:42,170 --> 00:06:46,340
I could just as easily have
paralyzed you.
145
00:06:47,509 --> 00:06:49,776
There's someone at my door.
146
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:51,512
That doesn't interest me.
Good-bye.
147
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:59,585
- Can I sleep here tonight?
- Why?
148
00:06:59,688 --> 00:07:01,248
Leonard's having
astronomically inaccurate
149
00:07:01,377 --> 00:07:04,379
Star Trek sex with my sister.
150
00:07:04,459 --> 00:07:06,860
I can see how that would be
upsetting. Come in.
151
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:10,096
I'll get the sheets
and blankets for the couch.
152
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,465
Oh, don't bother.
I'll just sleep in Leonard's room.
153
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,033
No, I can't authorize that.
154
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,869
Well, he's in my bed.
Why can't I be in his?
155
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:19,405
The Hammurabic Code is
"an eye for an eye,"
156
00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:21,474
not "a bed for a bed."
157
00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:24,210
Come on, dude, I'm exhausted,
and Tyra Banks says
158
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:26,412
the most important item in your
makeup bag is
159
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:27,846
a good night's sleep.
160
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,152
All right.
161
00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:36,656
This is a form
indemnifying me
162
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:41,160
from your use of
"Leonard's bedroom."
163
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,127
Sign here, indicating
that I tried to stop you
164
00:07:43,128 --> 00:07:47,599
and did so using
a stern facial expression.
165
00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:52,370
Good night, Sheldon.
166
00:07:52,371 --> 00:07:53,771
Wait. Not yet.
167
00:07:53,772 --> 00:07:55,240
We still have to go over
safety procedures.
168
00:07:55,241 --> 00:07:58,276
Now, the apartment has three
emergency exits located
169
00:07:58,277 --> 00:07:59,977
here, here, and here.
170
00:07:59,978 --> 00:08:02,414
In the event of a power outage,
171
00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:05,850
luminous paint will guide you
to the nearest exit.
172
00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:07,562
You're kidding.
173
00:08:17,594 --> 00:08:20,428
I never kid about safety.
174
00:08:30,876 --> 00:08:33,811
What are you doing here?
175
00:08:33,812 --> 00:08:35,179
I was sleeping.
176
00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:36,380
In my bed?
177
00:08:36,381 --> 00:08:38,082
Well, I would've slept
in my own bed,
178
00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:40,151
but it was being used
to bring shame to my family.
179
00:08:41,286 --> 00:08:44,855
And the memory
of Gene Roddenberry.
180
00:08:44,856 --> 00:08:46,456
Oh, you heard?
181
00:08:46,457 --> 00:08:50,360
"Scotty, I need more power."
182
00:08:50,361 --> 00:08:53,663
Sorry. Does Sheldon know
you're sleeping in here?
183
00:08:53,664 --> 00:08:55,899
Are you kidding?
He made me sign a waiver,
184
00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:58,068
participate in
an emergency fire drill
185
00:08:58,069 --> 00:09:01,504
and take a refresher course
in CPR.
186
00:09:01,505 --> 00:09:03,539
Thank God he had a dummy.
187
00:09:03,540 --> 00:09:06,576
Oh, yeah.
Mouth-to-Mouth Mona.
188
00:09:06,577 --> 00:09:09,212
You know,
she used to date Howard?
189
00:09:09,213 --> 00:09:12,548
Oh, my God, she's that Mona?
190
00:09:12,549 --> 00:09:16,085
Why can't you and my sister
spend your nights here?
191
00:09:16,086 --> 00:09:18,187
We tried. She doesn't get along
with Sheldon.
192
00:09:18,188 --> 00:09:20,622
Sheldon doesn't get along
with Sheldon.
193
00:09:20,623 --> 00:09:23,358
It's still no reason
for me to have to listen to you
194
00:09:23,359 --> 00:09:26,162
arm your
photon torpedoes every night.
195
00:09:26,163 --> 00:09:29,464
Okay, well, how about this:
until Priya gets her own place,
196
00:09:29,465 --> 00:09:31,733
you stay here and I'll stay at
your apartment.
197
00:09:31,734 --> 00:09:35,671
Can I bring girls here?
198
00:09:35,672 --> 00:09:38,174
You?
199
00:09:38,175 --> 00:09:40,242
Sure. Bring as many as you want.
200
00:09:40,243 --> 00:09:43,012
Okay, deal.
201
00:09:45,282 --> 00:09:47,015
Just not against their will.
202
00:09:52,843 --> 00:09:55,011
You really think you should be
eating that cake?
203
00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:55,979
Why?
204
00:09:55,980 --> 00:09:57,281
If you're gonna be
205
00:09:57,282 --> 00:09:58,982
a trophy husband
for a rich wife,
206
00:09:58,983 --> 00:10:01,518
you might want
to watch your waistline.
207
00:10:01,519 --> 00:10:02,719
He's right.
208
00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:05,722
A minute on the lips,
a lifetime on the hips.
209
00:10:05,723 --> 00:10:07,591
Yeah, ha-ha.
210
00:10:07,592 --> 00:10:11,161
First of all, I'm not threatened
by my fiancée's success.
211
00:10:11,162 --> 00:10:12,262
I'm proud of her.
212
00:10:12,263 --> 00:10:13,930
And secondly,
I have my own career.
213
00:10:13,931 --> 00:10:18,067
Until you have kids.
214
00:10:18,068 --> 00:10:19,868
Good news, Raj.
215
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,770
I got the blood work
back from the lab.
216
00:10:21,771 --> 00:10:24,407
You're okay to stay for a while.
217
00:10:24,408 --> 00:10:25,975
When did you take my blood?
218
00:10:25,976 --> 00:10:28,211
Not important.
219
00:10:28,212 --> 00:10:31,046
Your sugar was a little high.
220
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,616
I'd follow up
with your regular physician.
221
00:10:33,617 --> 00:10:35,384
In the meantime, I have some
paperwork here
222
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:36,619
for you to go over.
223
00:10:36,620 --> 00:10:37,653
What the hell is this?
224
00:10:37,654 --> 00:10:39,422
Boilerplate stuff.
225
00:10:39,423 --> 00:10:42,691
A modified roommate agreement
for a temporary house guest.
226
00:10:42,692 --> 00:10:46,461
And a living will and durable
power of attorney.
227
00:10:46,462 --> 00:10:50,099
This says you can make
nd o of li" decisions for me.
228
00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:53,969
As your friend, let's hope it
doesn't come to that.
229
00:10:53,970 --> 00:10:55,170
Please sign.
230
00:10:55,171 --> 00:10:57,006
Did you sign this?
231
00:10:57,007 --> 00:10:58,540
There's a reciprocity
clause.
232
00:10:58,541 --> 00:11:00,408
You get to pull
the plug on him, too.
233
00:11:01,711 --> 00:11:04,747
Well, that seems fair.
234
00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:08,283
Congratulations and welcome
temporarily aboard.
235
00:11:08,284 --> 00:11:09,818
Here's your I.D. card,
236
00:11:09,819 --> 00:11:14,757
your key and your lapel pin.
237
00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:17,292
Which Leonard was
too cool to wear.
238
00:11:21,496 --> 00:11:23,164
FYI, part of your
responsibilities
239
00:11:23,165 --> 00:11:25,767
as roommate pro tem
will be to drive me
240
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:28,569
to and from work, the comic book
store, the barbershop
241
00:11:28,570 --> 00:11:33,041
and the park for one hour every
other Sunday for fresh air.
242
00:11:33,042 --> 00:11:35,677
Bring a ball or a Frisbee,
243
00:11:35,678 --> 00:11:37,979
you know, something
he can chase.
244
00:11:37,980 --> 00:11:41,215
Also, you're tasked
with bringing home
245
00:11:41,216 --> 00:11:42,383
all takeout dinners.
246
00:11:42,384 --> 00:11:43,751
Tonight is Thai food.
247
00:11:43,752 --> 00:11:46,387
You'll find the standard order
in appendix B
248
00:11:46,388 --> 00:11:48,823
or downloadable
from my FTP server.
249
00:11:48,824 --> 00:11:50,191
If you have
any questions,
250
00:11:50,192 --> 00:11:51,692
here's the FAQ sheet,
251
00:11:51,693 --> 00:11:54,260
or if you prefer
the human touch,
252
00:11:54,261 --> 00:11:56,096
I do a live web chat called
"Apartment Talk"
253
00:11:56,097 --> 00:11:58,364
on Tuesday nights.
254
00:12:00,034 --> 00:12:03,036
No backsies.
255
00:12:07,408 --> 00:12:09,776
Sheldon, dinner!
256
00:12:17,018 --> 00:12:18,384
What is this?
257
00:12:18,385 --> 00:12:21,188
This is the difference
between
258
00:12:21,189 --> 00:12:23,223
eating and dining.
259
00:12:26,126 --> 00:12:30,530
Remarkable.
I'm just realizing how much
260
00:12:30,531 --> 00:12:33,700
Leonard's been skating by
all these years.
261
00:12:34,835 --> 00:12:36,102
It's not a big thing.
262
00:12:36,103 --> 00:12:39,439
Just think of me as
a brown Martha Stewart.
263
00:12:41,775 --> 00:12:42,908
Hey, Sheldon,
264
00:12:42,909 --> 00:12:44,377
did you change
your Wi-Fi password again?
265
00:12:44,378 --> 00:12:47,980
Yes, it's "Penny, get your
own Wi-Fi." No spaces.
266
00:12:47,981 --> 00:12:49,716
Thanks.
267
00:12:49,717 --> 00:12:51,951
Wow! What's with
the fancy spread?
268
00:12:51,952 --> 00:12:54,654
My new roommate
is bending over backwards
269
00:12:54,655 --> 00:12:56,256
to ingratiate himself to me.
270
00:12:56,257 --> 00:13:00,592
Uh, nice touch,
by the way.
271
00:13:00,593 --> 00:13:02,761
What do you mean "new roommate"?
What happened to Leonard?
272
00:13:02,762 --> 00:13:05,096
The same thing that happened
to Homo erectus.
273
00:13:05,097 --> 00:13:07,766
He was replaced
by a superior species.
274
00:13:08,801 --> 00:13:10,935
I'm the new Homo in town.
275
00:13:14,407 --> 00:13:16,107
That came out wrong.
276
00:13:16,108 --> 00:13:18,577
All right, let me try this
again. Where's Leonard?
277
00:13:18,578 --> 00:13:20,912
He's living at my place,
so I'm living here.
278
00:13:20,913 --> 00:13:22,947
You're living here
provisionally.
279
00:13:22,948 --> 00:13:25,417
But I must say
it's looking good.
280
00:13:25,418 --> 00:13:28,487
Oh Leonard and Priya
are living together?
281
00:13:28,488 --> 00:13:29,488
That's big.
282
00:13:29,489 --> 00:13:34,458
No. Origami napkin swans...
283
00:13:34,459 --> 00:13:37,295
that's the headline.
284
00:13:37,296 --> 00:13:40,231
It's a good thing.
285
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,535
So do you know what kind
of research you'll be doing
286
00:13:44,536 --> 00:13:46,137
at this pharmaceutical
company?
287
00:13:46,138 --> 00:13:48,873
Well, there are a couple of
opportunities available,
288
00:13:48,874 --> 00:13:52,911
but I volunteered for the
premature ejaculation project.
289
00:13:56,715 --> 00:14:00,818
I mean, it's not like either
one of us has heart disease.
290
00:14:04,522 --> 00:14:07,257
Oh, I almost forgot.
I got you a little present.
291
00:14:07,258 --> 00:14:10,027
Oh, Bernie, no.
You didn't have to.
292
00:14:10,028 --> 00:14:12,329
I wanted to.
Come on, open it.
293
00:14:14,866 --> 00:14:18,802
You bought me a Rolex?
294
00:14:18,803 --> 00:14:21,004
How much did this cost?
295
00:14:21,005 --> 00:14:23,106
Oh, you let me worry
about the money.
296
00:14:25,409 --> 00:14:28,245
I just want my baby
to have pretty things.
297
00:14:33,183 --> 00:14:34,717
More wine?
298
00:14:34,718 --> 00:14:37,053
Oh, no, no, no. I've had
way too much already.
299
00:14:37,054 --> 00:14:39,322
Here's an interesting
fact about alcohol...
300
00:14:39,323 --> 00:14:40,990
Hit me.
301
00:14:43,793 --> 00:14:47,163
Man is not the only species
302
00:14:47,164 --> 00:14:50,032
that ferments fruit
in order to become intoxicated.
303
00:14:50,033 --> 00:14:51,700
Can you guess what the other is?
304
00:14:51,701 --> 00:14:54,636
sometimes they pack
the alcohol
305
00:14:54,637 --> 00:14:56,772
in their trunks.
306
00:14:56,773 --> 00:14:58,875
Monkeys.
307
00:15:01,912 --> 00:15:05,180
When does a monkey
have a trunk?
308
00:15:05,181 --> 00:15:08,416
When a suitcase just won't do.
309
00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:13,288
Mmm, all right.
310
00:15:13,289 --> 00:15:15,357
It would appear as if alcohol
311
00:15:15,358 --> 00:15:17,392
is playing keep-away
with your intelligence.
312
00:15:17,393 --> 00:15:19,294
Good night.
313
00:15:19,295 --> 00:15:21,562
Please note,
it is now past 10:00 p.m.
314
00:15:21,563 --> 00:15:24,199
Per our roommate agreement,
kindly refrain
315
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:25,600
from raucous laughter,
316
00:15:25,601 --> 00:15:28,270
clinking of glasses,
and celebratory gunfire.
317
00:15:31,207 --> 00:15:32,340
Okay...
318
00:15:32,341 --> 00:15:34,241
explain something to me.
319
00:15:34,242 --> 00:15:37,712
You watch Leonard put up with
that guy for years and years.
320
00:15:37,713 --> 00:15:40,782
What has to break inside
your brain for you to think,
321
00:15:40,783 --> 00:15:43,584
"Oh, Krishna, I've got to
get me some of that"?
322
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,288
Well, it's a lot better than
323
00:15:47,289 --> 00:15:49,590
having to wear noise-cancelling
headphones in my own apartment.
324
00:15:49,591 --> 00:15:51,926
What? Oh, God, yeah. Yeah.
325
00:15:51,927 --> 00:15:54,495
Leonard's a noisy little dude
in the sack.
326
00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:56,831
Every night.
Really?
327
00:15:56,832 --> 00:15:58,833
Even during allergy season,
when he has to alternate
328
00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:00,802
between kissing and breathing?
329
00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:05,005
It's my sister. Can we not
talk about this anymore?
330
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:08,141
Yeah. Sorry, sorry.
331
00:16:08,142 --> 00:16:10,143
Can I tell you a secret?
332
00:16:10,144 --> 00:16:11,578
Yeah.
333
00:16:11,579 --> 00:16:13,780
I screwed up.
334
00:16:13,781 --> 00:16:15,114
Leonard's a great guy.
335
00:16:15,115 --> 00:16:18,084
Never should have
broken up with him.
336
00:16:18,085 --> 00:16:21,187
Well, uh, to paraphrase
337
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:23,557
"It's better to have
loved and lost
338
00:16:23,558 --> 00:16:25,325
"than to stay home every night
and download
339
00:16:25,326 --> 00:16:28,728
increasingly shameful
pornography."
340
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:34,200
Ohh... you poor baby.
341
00:16:34,201 --> 00:16:35,669
What's wrong with me, Penny?
342
00:16:35,670 --> 00:16:36,902
Nothing, nothing.
343
00:16:36,903 --> 00:16:38,370
You know, if we weren't friends,
344
00:16:38,371 --> 00:16:41,507
and you hadn't brought up
that creepy pornography story,
345
00:16:41,508 --> 00:16:42,908
I'd be on you like
346
00:16:42,909 --> 00:16:45,177
the speed of light squared
on matter to make energy.
347
00:16:45,178 --> 00:16:47,947
Hey, you totally got that right!
348
00:16:47,948 --> 00:16:49,482
"E=mc2."
349
00:16:49,483 --> 00:16:50,683
I listen.
350
00:16:50,684 --> 00:16:53,586
I have no idea what it means,
but I listen.
351
00:16:54,621 --> 00:16:56,289
To friendship.
To friendship.
352
00:16:57,655 --> 00:17:00,490
Would you booze hounds
please stop that infernal clinking?!
353
00:17:04,063 --> 00:17:07,265
And the answer
was elephant!
354
00:17:08,634 --> 00:17:11,135
Mmm.
355
00:17:11,136 --> 00:17:14,572
Mmm.
356
00:17:14,573 --> 00:17:18,242
Leonard, sweetheart, we're
kissing, not eating hot soup.
357
00:17:19,277 --> 00:17:20,879
Sorry.
358
00:17:24,850 --> 00:17:26,784
That's my parents
on video chat.
359
00:17:26,785 --> 00:17:28,252
Go hide
in the bedroom.
360
00:17:28,253 --> 00:17:29,621
Oh, come on!
361
00:17:29,622 --> 00:17:31,088
Why don't we just tell
them that we're dating?
362
00:17:31,089 --> 00:17:33,157
Oh, we've been through this.
It's not the time.
363
00:17:33,158 --> 00:17:34,191
When is the time?
364
00:17:34,192 --> 00:17:35,827
I've got five brothers
and sisters.
365
00:17:35,828 --> 00:17:37,194
One of them is bound
to screw up real big,
366
00:17:37,195 --> 00:17:39,730
and then I'll tell my parents
about you. Now, shoo.
367
00:17:39,731 --> 00:17:42,166
Fine.
368
00:17:42,167 --> 00:17:45,469
Hello, Mummy. Hello, Daddy.
369
00:17:45,470 --> 00:17:47,604
We heard there was a tornado
in Kansas City.
370
00:17:47,605 --> 00:17:49,240
Is that close to you?
371
00:17:49,241 --> 00:17:51,042
No.
372
00:17:51,043 --> 00:17:52,043
Where is your brother?
373
00:17:52,044 --> 00:17:53,844
Out with friends.
374
00:17:53,845 --> 00:17:56,414
I don't like it, a young girl
alone in an apartment.
375
00:17:56,415 --> 00:17:59,283
I'll sleep so much better when
you move back here next month.
376
00:17:59,284 --> 00:18:00,784
You're moving
back to India?!
377
00:18:00,785 --> 00:18:02,286
Who's that?
378
00:18:02,287 --> 00:18:04,188
Oh, my God! There's someone
in your apartment.
379
00:18:04,189 --> 00:18:05,689
Call the police in America!
380
00:18:05,690 --> 00:18:08,292
When were you going
to tell me about this?
381
00:18:08,293 --> 00:18:10,493
Oh, hello, Leonard.
382
00:18:10,494 --> 00:18:11,994
What a pleasant surprise!
383
00:18:11,995 --> 00:18:15,298
Mummy, Daddy, you remember
Rajesh's friend Leonard.
384
00:18:15,299 --> 00:18:17,633
I thought you said Rajesh
was out with his friends.
385
00:18:17,634 --> 00:18:19,869
He has many friends.
386
00:18:19,870 --> 00:18:21,471
Rajesh has many friends?
387
00:18:23,107 --> 00:18:25,408
Why are you lying to us?
388
00:18:25,409 --> 00:18:27,710
She's lying because she doesn't
want you to know we're dating.
389
00:18:27,711 --> 00:18:29,212
Leonard!
390
00:18:29,213 --> 00:18:30,780
Well, what difference
does it make? If you're
391
00:18:30,781 --> 00:18:33,083
moving back to India,
we're obviously breaking up.
392
00:18:33,084 --> 00:18:34,183
You know what?
393
00:18:34,185 --> 00:18:35,806
I don't want to deal
with this right now.
394
00:18:43,126 --> 00:18:45,794
So...
395
00:18:45,795 --> 00:18:48,663
Hot in India?
396
00:18:48,664 --> 00:18:52,033
Of course it is.
It always is. It's India.
397
00:18:53,636 --> 00:18:55,704
Now, what do you have
to say for yourself?
398
00:18:55,705 --> 00:18:57,706
Uh...
399
00:18:57,707 --> 00:18:59,975
That is a beautiful tapestry.
400
00:19:34,567 --> 00:19:37,268
Oh, God.
401
00:19:41,807 --> 00:19:43,408
Oh, God!
402
00:19:44,677 --> 00:19:45,843
Oh.
403
00:19:46,945 --> 00:19:48,446
Okay, look.
404
00:19:48,447 --> 00:19:49,947
This never happened.
405
00:19:49,948 --> 00:19:51,682
Do you understand me?
406
00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:56,653
Really?! Still
can't talk to me?
407
00:20:00,425 --> 00:20:02,359
What are you
doing here?
408
00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:03,493
What?
409
00:20:03,494 --> 00:20:05,395
I said, what are you doing here?
410
00:20:05,396 --> 00:20:06,663
I live here.
411
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,999
I have paperwork
that says differently.
412
00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:14,037
Priya's going back to India.
413
00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:15,606
Irrelevant.
414
00:20:16,941 --> 00:20:18,942
Rajesh and I have
a good thing going
415
00:20:18,943 --> 00:20:20,477
and you're not going to ruin it.
416
00:20:23,913 --> 00:20:25,314
What are you doing here?
417
00:20:25,315 --> 00:20:27,316
I've been up all night.
418
00:20:27,317 --> 00:20:29,518
- I had a fight with Bernadette.
- Why?
419
00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:32,488
She gave me
a beautiful watch.
420
00:20:35,125 --> 00:20:37,360
Leonard, do you
understand this?
421
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:38,794
Yes.
422
00:20:38,795 --> 00:20:40,329
Talk to him.
423
00:20:48,672 --> 00:20:50,673
Damn.
424
00:20:52,342 --> 00:20:53,842
What's going on?
425
00:20:53,843 --> 00:20:56,178
Oh...
426
00:20:56,179 --> 00:20:58,446
It's-it's not what
it looks like.
427
00:21:01,751 --> 00:21:03,485
What does it look like?
428
00:21:03,486 --> 00:21:05,754
== sync, corrected by elderman ==