1
00:00:04,455 --> 00:00:05,474
What are you doing?
2
00:00:05,475 --> 00:00:08,009
Oh, uh, Priya's calling
in a few minutes on Skype,
3
00:00:08,010 --> 00:00:10,177
and we are gonna have
a dinner date.
4
00:00:12,013 --> 00:00:14,481
It's 8:00 in the morning
in Mumbai.
5
00:00:14,483 --> 00:00:16,633
How can she have dinner?
6
00:00:16,635 --> 00:00:17,684
Fine, whatever.
7
00:00:17,686 --> 00:00:19,069
Priya will be having breakfast.
8
00:00:19,071 --> 00:00:22,305
All right, so technically
it's not a dinner date.
9
00:00:22,307 --> 00:00:25,825
I suppose you could call it
a, uh, dinfast date.
10
00:00:25,827 --> 00:00:27,911
But if you did,
you'd open yourself
11
00:00:27,913 --> 00:00:29,646
to peer-based mocking, such as,
12
00:00:29,648 --> 00:00:33,200
"Hey, Leonard, how was your
dinfast with Priya last night?"
13
00:00:33,202 --> 00:00:35,118
That doesn't sound like mocking.
14
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:37,037
You didn't let me finish.
15
00:00:37,039 --> 00:00:39,089
Dinfast.
16
00:00:39,091 --> 00:00:41,157
Are those soy-based candles?
17
00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:42,709
I don't know. Why?
18
00:00:42,711 --> 00:00:45,629
Paraffin candles
may contain carcinogens.
19
00:00:45,631 --> 00:00:47,997
Unless lung cancer
is the ambiance
20
00:00:47,999 --> 00:00:50,467
you were going for
at your dinfast.
21
00:00:51,168 --> 00:00:52,802
Dinfast.
22
00:00:53,604 --> 00:00:55,388
Listen, I don't
want to be rude,
23
00:00:55,390 --> 00:00:57,274
but Priya's gonna be
calling any minute, so...
24
00:00:57,276 --> 00:00:59,142
Oh, yes, Priya.
25
00:00:59,144 --> 00:01:03,146
Leonard, you know
I make a point of
26
00:01:03,148 --> 00:01:06,032
never interfering
in your personal affairs.
27
00:01:08,352 --> 00:01:11,104
Yes, I've always
admired that about you.
28
00:01:11,106 --> 00:01:12,539
As well you should.
29
00:01:12,541 --> 00:01:14,824
But I'm going to make
an exception here.
30
00:01:14,826 --> 00:01:16,493
Oh, good.
31
00:01:16,495 --> 00:01:20,814
Priya has moved back to India
to pursue her law career.
32
00:01:20,816 --> 00:01:22,532
Instead of
desperately trying
33
00:01:22,534 --> 00:01:26,653
to keep this intercontinental
relationship alive,
34
00:01:26,655 --> 00:01:30,707
you could use that time
to take up a hobby.
35
00:01:30,709 --> 00:01:33,059
A hobby?
36
00:01:33,061 --> 00:01:34,394
Yes.
37
00:01:34,396 --> 00:01:37,647
I read recently
about a fellow in Kansas
38
00:01:37,649 --> 00:01:40,233
with an enormous
ball of twine.
39
00:01:42,036 --> 00:01:45,121
I bet you could give him
a run for his money.
40
00:01:45,123 --> 00:01:48,325
You know, some people
might say that it's great
41
00:01:48,327 --> 00:01:50,560
that we're trying to make
things work long distance.
42
00:01:50,562 --> 00:01:51,861
They'd say
things like,
43
00:01:51,863 --> 00:01:54,864
"Love is stronger than
the miles between you""
44
00:01:54,866 --> 00:01:59,619
When I rise to power,
those people will be sterilized.
45
00:01:59,621 --> 00:02:02,739
You video-chat with
Amy all the time.
46
00:02:02,741 --> 00:02:04,124
How is this different?
47
00:02:04,126 --> 00:02:05,625
Don't you like Amy?
48
00:02:05,627 --> 00:02:07,410
Of course I like Amy.
49
00:02:07,412 --> 00:02:08,712
Well, there's the difference.
50
00:02:11,916 --> 00:02:14,250
Excuse me,
that's Priya.
51
00:02:14,252 --> 00:02:15,435
Hi, Leonard.
52
00:02:15,437 --> 00:02:16,436
Hey, honey.
53
00:02:16,438 --> 00:02:17,637
I miss you.
54
00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:18,838
Oh, I miss you, too.
55
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,174
I miss the old days
when your romantic partners
56
00:02:21,176 --> 00:02:23,226
could be returned
to the video store.
57
00:02:26,263 --> 00:02:28,398
Thanks for
letting me stay here
58
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,433
while Leonard
Skypes with his girlfriend.
59
00:02:30,435 --> 00:02:32,068
Oh, it's no problem.
60
00:02:32,070 --> 00:02:33,787
It's actually kind of nice.
61
00:02:33,789 --> 00:02:35,438
You reading, me reading.
62
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:38,107
We're like an old
married couple.
63
00:02:38,109 --> 00:02:40,410
If we were
an old married couple,
64
00:02:40,412 --> 00:02:44,064
the wife would serve
iced tea and snickerdoodles.
65
00:02:44,066 --> 00:02:48,001
I don't have iced tea
and snickerdoodles.
66
00:02:48,803 --> 00:02:52,255
A good wife
would go to the store.
67
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:55,642
I want a divorce.
68
00:02:55,644 --> 00:02:57,644
Good. On the way
to see the lawyer,
69
00:02:57,646 --> 00:02:59,512
pick up some tea and cookies.
70
00:03:03,585 --> 00:03:07,270
I must say,
I am enjoying your new chair.
71
00:03:07,272 --> 00:03:08,638
It's great,
isn't it?
72
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:09,639
It is.
73
00:03:09,641 --> 00:03:10,940
Aligns the lumbar,
74
00:03:10,942 --> 00:03:14,361
cradles the coccyx,
balances the buttocks.
75
00:03:14,363 --> 00:03:16,780
This is a chair
worthy of the name.
76
00:03:16,782 --> 00:03:17,864
What name?
77
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,184
Chair.
78
00:03:22,986 --> 00:03:24,704
Oh, all right, well,
I'm glad you like it.
79
00:03:24,706 --> 00:03:26,506
I mean, I still can't
get over the fact
80
00:03:26,508 --> 00:03:27,874
someone just
threw it away.
81
00:03:29,727 --> 00:03:31,378
What?
82
00:03:31,380 --> 00:03:32,829
Yeah, it was just
sitting on the street.
83
00:03:32,831 --> 00:03:35,014
I paid a homeless guy ten bucks
to help me get it up here.
84
00:03:36,718 --> 00:03:40,687
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
85
00:03:40,689 --> 00:03:42,522
What is wrong?
86
00:03:42,524 --> 00:03:45,007
I've been sitting in garbage!
87
00:03:45,009 --> 00:03:47,544
Sheldon, take it easy.
88
00:03:47,546 --> 00:03:50,363
You take it easy! I need
to use your shower.
89
00:03:52,116 --> 00:03:55,452
I went into this marriage
with so much hope.
90
00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:59,506
There's a wet Band-Aid
on the shower floor!
91
00:04:03,461 --> 00:04:07,080
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
92
00:04:07,082 --> 00:04:10,433
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
93
00:04:10,435 --> 00:04:12,051
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
94
00:04:12,053 --> 00:04:14,587
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
95
00:04:14,589 --> 00:04:17,257
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
96
00:04:17,259 --> 00:04:19,926
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
97
00:04:19,928 --> 00:04:21,845
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
98
00:04:21,847 --> 00:04:23,813
♪ Bang! ♪
99
00:04:23,838 --> 00:04:27,338
The Big Bang Theory 5x02
The Infestation Hypothesis
Original Air Date on September 22, 2011
100
00:04:27,339 --> 00:04:30,839
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
101
00:04:32,583 --> 00:04:34,147
This is fun.
102
00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:37,349
I've never used a hydraulic
thermoforming press before.
103
00:04:37,351 --> 00:04:38,684
Pretty sweet, huh?
104
00:04:38,686 --> 00:04:42,573
This little baby set
the university back 175 grand.
105
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:43,623
That's three minutes.
106
00:04:43,625 --> 00:04:45,008
Should we see what we got?
107
00:04:45,010 --> 00:04:46,026
Hang on.
108
00:04:46,834 --> 00:04:47,866
Oh, yeah.
109
00:04:47,868 --> 00:04:51,053
This is one good-looking panini.
110
00:04:52,508 --> 00:04:53,641
Hand me the tuna melt.
111
00:04:53,643 --> 00:04:54,659
Yep.
112
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:57,829
Thank you.
113
00:04:59,115 --> 00:05:02,450
How's it going with
the long-distance love affair?
114
00:05:02,452 --> 00:05:04,252
Not easy, but we're
making it work.
115
00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:09,507
When you say "making it work,"
does that include
116
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:12,093
doing the cyber nasty?
117
00:05:12,095 --> 00:05:13,211
What?
118
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:15,797
You know,
the virtual pickle tickle.
119
00:05:17,299 --> 00:05:20,051
The digital...
♪ Bow-chicka-bow-bow. ♪
120
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:21,970
Come on, dude.
121
00:05:21,972 --> 00:05:23,721
This is my sister
you're talking about.
122
00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:26,024
Hey, Leonard jiggling his junk
at her through a webcam
123
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,342
has got to be easier
for you to deal with
124
00:05:28,344 --> 00:05:30,395
than him actually
touching her with it.
125
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:33,197
There's no junk jiggling.
126
00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:34,515
We just talk.
127
00:05:34,517 --> 00:05:36,367
Are you sane?
128
00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:38,653
With high-speed Internet,
you have at your fingertips
129
00:05:38,655 --> 00:05:40,405
the greatest advancement
in the field of sex
130
00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:43,391
since the invention
of the washcloth.
131
00:05:45,244 --> 00:05:46,244
I can't do that.
132
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:48,079
Well, if you don't,
133
00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:51,582
you're gonna lose Priya
to some fancy guy in a turban
134
00:05:51,584 --> 00:05:54,502
who grew up with
Kama Sutra coloring books.
135
00:05:54,504 --> 00:05:56,871
How can you
be so racist?
136
00:05:56,873 --> 00:05:59,090
Oh, come on, tell me I'm wrong.
137
00:05:59,925 --> 00:06:01,092
Oh, Leonard, good.
138
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,226
There you are.
139
00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:05,229
I need you to check my head
for chair lice.
140
00:06:05,231 --> 00:06:09,050
I did it last night,
I'm not doing it again.
141
00:06:09,052 --> 00:06:11,769
Just his head, right?
142
00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:15,239
I don't want
to talk about it.
143
00:06:16,659 --> 00:06:18,943
You didn't catch bugs
from Penny's chair.
144
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:20,361
Yes, I did.
145
00:06:20,363 --> 00:06:22,697
And now they're cavorting
at the base of my hair follicles
146
00:06:22,699 --> 00:06:26,234
like dancing hippies
at the Redwood National Forest.
147
00:06:26,236 --> 00:06:29,570
Sheldon, you do this
all the time.
148
00:06:29,572 --> 00:06:31,706
You fixate on some crazy idea
149
00:06:31,708 --> 00:06:33,508
and then blow it
way out of proportion.
150
00:06:33,510 --> 00:06:35,710
Name one time
I've ever done that.
151
00:06:38,681 --> 00:06:41,265
How about when you put
GPS trackers in your garbage
152
00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:43,184
because you were convinced
North Korean spies
153
00:06:43,186 --> 00:06:45,153
were stealing your doodles?
154
00:06:46,221 --> 00:06:49,457
The chicken nuggets you were
sure were human nuggets.
155
00:06:50,542 --> 00:06:51,642
The strangely-shaped cloud
156
00:06:51,644 --> 00:06:54,312
that was following you
around town.
157
00:06:55,764 --> 00:06:57,732
The time you put on
my shirt by mistake
158
00:06:57,734 --> 00:07:00,535
and were convinced
you'd started growing again.
159
00:07:00,537 --> 00:07:02,537
I said, "Name one."
160
00:07:02,539 --> 00:07:04,906
You really need to work on
your listening skills.
161
00:07:08,827 --> 00:07:10,611
Penny.
162
00:07:10,613 --> 00:07:12,463
Penny. Penny.
163
00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:14,966
Yello.
164
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:17,135
You need to remove that
chair from the building.
165
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,803
It's a health hazard.
166
00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:20,638
Okay, relax.
I took off the slipcovers,
167
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,640
had them dry-cleaned and then
fumigated the cushions.
168
00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:24,208
Really?
169
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:25,643
Yeah. It's cleaner
than my couch.
170
00:07:25,645 --> 00:07:28,312
Found half a Hot Pocket
in there.
171
00:07:34,469 --> 00:07:36,621
It certainly looks okay.
172
00:07:38,407 --> 00:07:40,608
Has a strong toxic
chemical smell.
173
00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:42,276
That's reassuring.
174
00:07:42,278 --> 00:07:45,196
Why don't you give
it a try, Sheldon?
175
00:07:47,482 --> 00:07:49,033
All right.
176
00:07:56,259 --> 00:07:58,476
It is a comfortable chair.
177
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:01,629
Why don't you just admit
you overreacted?
178
00:08:01,631 --> 00:08:03,548
No, thank you.
179
00:08:23,153 --> 00:08:26,838
It's like living with
a Chihuahua.
180
00:08:28,690 --> 00:08:30,357
Penny.
181
00:08:30,359 --> 00:08:32,877
Penny. Penny.
182
00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:35,129
What's up, buttercup?
183
00:08:35,131 --> 00:08:37,215
You have to get rid
of the chair.
184
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,733
Nope.
185
00:08:41,670 --> 00:08:42,887
Penny.
186
00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:44,422
Penny. Penny.
187
00:08:44,424 --> 00:08:47,141
What's the word, hummingbird?
188
00:08:47,143 --> 00:08:51,312
For your safety,
please wait in my apartment
189
00:08:51,314 --> 00:08:53,898
as I call the authorities
so they may remove
190
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:55,900
the chair of death.
191
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:58,569
No.
192
00:09:00,405 --> 00:09:01,606
Penny!
193
00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:03,390
Penny! Penny!
194
00:09:03,392 --> 00:09:06,944
What's the gist, physicist?
195
00:09:08,730 --> 00:09:12,733
Under my authority
as a self-appointed member
196
00:09:12,735 --> 00:09:15,086
of the Centers for
Disease Control street team...
197
00:09:16,404 --> 00:09:18,289
...these premises are condemned.
198
00:09:20,343 --> 00:09:25,412
As a man with a keen
sense of style,
199
00:09:25,414 --> 00:09:29,383
I must tell you, that chair
does not work with the room.
200
00:09:32,888 --> 00:09:33,971
Penny!
201
00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:35,223
Penny!
202
00:09:40,395 --> 00:09:41,929
Penny.
203
00:09:48,113 --> 00:09:49,925
So, here we are.
204
00:09:49,926 --> 00:09:51,292
Back in bed together.
205
00:09:51,294 --> 00:09:54,379
Yep, here we are.
206
00:09:57,350 --> 00:10:00,585
Okay, so I-I guess
I'll just jump right in.
207
00:10:00,587 --> 00:10:01,886
All right.
208
00:10:03,722 --> 00:10:07,942
Uh, you're a naughty girl.
209
00:10:09,078 --> 00:10:14,249
And-And, uh, I-I want
to punish you with my love?
210
00:10:16,569 --> 00:10:18,403
What?
211
00:10:18,405 --> 00:10:20,054
Not good?
212
00:10:20,056 --> 00:10:21,956
That's terrible. Try again.
213
00:10:21,958 --> 00:10:22,957
Okay.
214
00:10:22,959 --> 00:10:26,744
Uh, uh, you're... not naughty.
215
00:10:26,746 --> 00:10:29,714
Uh, you're-you're-you're dirty.
216
00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:32,116
You're...
217
00:10:32,118 --> 00:10:35,286
You're a-a dirty girl?
218
00:10:35,288 --> 00:10:37,138
Oh, yes.
219
00:10:37,140 --> 00:10:38,640
Yes, I am.
220
00:10:38,642 --> 00:10:39,641
Yeah, yeah. Uh, okay.
221
00:10:39,643 --> 00:10:42,343
You're a, you're a...
222
00:10:42,345 --> 00:10:45,063
You're a-a dirty...
223
00:10:45,065 --> 00:10:47,632
disgusting...
224
00:10:47,634 --> 00:10:49,901
revolting girl.
225
00:10:49,903 --> 00:10:52,854
Ugh!
226
00:10:52,856 --> 00:10:55,556
God, Leonard, stop talking.
227
00:10:55,558 --> 00:10:57,692
Why don't you just give me
five minutes?
228
00:10:57,694 --> 00:11:00,778
I'll Google how to do this.
I'll call you right back.
229
00:11:00,780 --> 00:11:03,815
Shh-shh-shh. Just be quiet
and do what I tell you.
230
00:11:03,817 --> 00:11:06,367
Okay, like usual. Good.
231
00:11:06,369 --> 00:11:08,336
Take off your shirt.
232
00:11:08,338 --> 00:11:11,706
All rightie. Shirt coming off.
233
00:11:14,293 --> 00:11:17,762
Ta-da! Man nipples.
234
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:19,163
I said be quiet.
235
00:11:19,165 --> 00:11:21,215
Yes, ma'am.
236
00:11:21,217 --> 00:11:23,834
Now take off your shorts.
237
00:11:23,836 --> 00:11:27,221
Taking shorts off.
238
00:11:28,641 --> 00:11:30,341
There we go.
239
00:11:30,343 --> 00:11:33,227
Naked, naked, naked!
240
00:11:33,229 --> 00:11:34,729
Wonderful.
241
00:11:34,731 --> 00:11:36,648
Now I'll take off my clothes.
242
00:11:36,650 --> 00:11:39,334
Cool.
243
00:11:44,690 --> 00:11:46,574
Uh-oh!
244
00:11:48,377 --> 00:11:50,044
Here I am, baby.
245
00:11:50,046 --> 00:11:52,146
You miss these?
246
00:11:52,148 --> 00:11:53,981
Oh, damn it!
247
00:11:53,983 --> 00:11:55,650
Oh, Leonard! Already?
248
00:11:55,652 --> 00:11:57,885
No, no! No-no-no!
249
00:12:01,173 --> 00:12:03,307
The screen froze.
250
00:12:03,309 --> 00:12:05,393
It's probably just buffering
Just give it a second.
251
00:12:05,395 --> 00:12:06,828
Fine.
252
00:12:13,435 --> 00:12:17,405
So, how are your mom and dad?
253
00:12:17,407 --> 00:12:20,024
Yeah, I really don't want to
talk about my parents now.
254
00:12:20,026 --> 00:12:21,892
Yeah. Sure, sure.
255
00:12:23,328 --> 00:12:24,729
If your video's frozen,
256
00:12:24,731 --> 00:12:28,916
try resetting
the TCP/IP stack.
257
00:12:28,918 --> 00:12:30,284
Oh...!
258
00:12:31,503 --> 00:12:33,538
I didn't even think of that.
Thanks.
259
00:12:33,540 --> 00:12:35,540
You're welcome.
Please let me know when
260
00:12:35,542 --> 00:12:37,091
you and your girlfriend
are done
261
00:12:37,093 --> 00:12:39,093
hogging the bandwidth
for your self-abuse.
262
00:12:39,095 --> 00:12:43,297
I'm trying to stream
a movie on Netflix in here.
263
00:12:44,516 --> 00:12:46,234
Five, six, seven, eight.
264
00:12:46,236 --> 00:12:49,420
♪ Tall and tan and young
and lovely ♪
265
00:12:49,422 --> 00:12:53,024
♪ The girl from Ipanema
goes walking ♪
266
00:12:53,026 --> 00:12:56,944
♪ And when she passes,
each one she passes goes... ♪
267
00:12:56,946 --> 00:12:59,831
Amy? Amy? Amy?
268
00:13:00,599 --> 00:13:02,283
♪ Oh... ♪
269
00:13:08,624 --> 00:13:11,375
You are aware that your
ritualistic knocking behavior is
270
00:13:11,377 --> 00:13:12,977
symptomatic of obsessive/
compulsive disorder?
271
00:13:12,979 --> 00:13:15,446
Is not.
272
00:13:15,448 --> 00:13:17,048
Is not, is not.
273
00:13:18,116 --> 00:13:20,501
Denial. Denial, denial.
Come in.
274
00:13:20,503 --> 00:13:22,386
Thank you.
275
00:13:22,388 --> 00:13:23,971
Would you like to hear me play
276
00:13:23,973 --> 00:13:25,807
a bossa nova standard
on the harp?
277
00:13:25,809 --> 00:13:27,675
No.
278
00:13:27,677 --> 00:13:29,010
How about the theme song
279
00:13:29,012 --> 00:13:31,128
to the classic television show
Diff'rent Strokes?
280
00:13:31,130 --> 00:13:33,231
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat... ♪
281
00:13:33,233 --> 00:13:34,565
No.
282
00:13:36,301 --> 00:13:39,320
Well, that's every song
I know. What's up?
283
00:13:39,322 --> 00:13:42,156
You're good friends with Penny,
right?
284
00:13:42,158 --> 00:13:45,142
Best friends, besties, BFFs,
peas in a pod,
285
00:13:45,144 --> 00:13:48,079
sisters who would share
traveling pants. Go on.
286
00:13:48,081 --> 00:13:49,980
I was hoping
287
00:13:49,982 --> 00:13:53,584
she might listen to you
about the dangers
288
00:13:53,586 --> 00:13:56,220
of owning unhygienic
furniture.
289
00:13:56,222 --> 00:13:59,423
For general educational
purposes, or has she acquired
290
00:13:59,425 --> 00:14:01,325
a bar stool dipped in cholera?
291
00:14:01,327 --> 00:14:05,179
Cholera is water-borne.
You're mocking me.
292
00:14:05,181 --> 00:14:07,515
Yes, I am.
293
00:14:07,517 --> 00:14:10,234
Penny has dragged a chair in
off the street
294
00:14:10,236 --> 00:14:12,670
whose unknown provenance
jeopardizes
295
00:14:12,672 --> 00:14:13,671
the health and welfare
296
00:14:13,673 --> 00:14:15,523
of every resident in
our building.
297
00:14:15,525 --> 00:14:18,676
Sheldon, just because you have
a focus on cleanliness
298
00:14:18,678 --> 00:14:19,694
bordering on the psychotic
299
00:14:19,696 --> 00:14:21,863
doesn't mean
I have to participate.
300
00:14:21,865 --> 00:14:25,433
All right, name your price.
301
00:14:27,286 --> 00:14:31,105
Kiss me where I've never
been kissed before.
302
00:14:31,107 --> 00:14:36,010
You mean like Salt Lake City?
303
00:14:36,979 --> 00:14:38,880
Never mind. I'll talk to Penny.
304
00:14:38,882 --> 00:14:40,281
Thank you.
305
00:14:40,283 --> 00:14:42,500
Will you listen to me
play my harp now?
306
00:14:42,502 --> 00:14:45,086
No. I dislike the sound
of the harp.
307
00:14:45,088 --> 00:14:48,105
Its overuse in classic
television sitcoms
308
00:14:48,107 --> 00:14:49,307
always makes me think
309
00:14:49,309 --> 00:14:52,310
I'm going to experience
an episode from my past.
310
00:14:53,513 --> 00:14:55,212
I'm sorry, Mommy.
Don't be mad at me.
311
00:14:55,214 --> 00:14:56,948
Don't do that!
312
00:15:00,652 --> 00:15:02,153
I don't know about this, Howard.
313
00:15:02,155 --> 00:15:03,871
What? You're having
trouble
314
00:15:03,873 --> 00:15:05,573
with the long-distance
lovemaking.
315
00:15:05,575 --> 00:15:07,608
This is your answer.
316
00:15:07,610 --> 00:15:08,860
There are two
interfaces
317
00:15:08,862 --> 00:15:10,194
that simulate
a human mouth.
318
00:15:10,196 --> 00:15:12,914
You have one,
Priya has one in India.
319
00:15:12,916 --> 00:15:14,582
When you move your lips
and tongue on yours,
320
00:15:14,584 --> 00:15:17,285
it transmits exactly
what you're doing to hers.
321
00:15:17,287 --> 00:15:19,570
See? Internet kissing.
322
00:15:27,078 --> 00:15:28,629
Give it a try.
323
00:15:28,631 --> 00:15:31,349
I don't think so.
324
00:15:31,967 --> 00:15:34,018
I'll try it.
325
00:15:38,757 --> 00:15:40,424
Like this?
326
00:15:40,426 --> 00:15:43,427
Almost. Really get
your tongue in there.
327
00:15:43,429 --> 00:15:45,262
to activate the motion sensor.
328
00:15:45,264 --> 00:15:48,316
Like this?
329
00:15:48,318 --> 00:15:50,735
Close. Really French it.
330
00:15:59,211 --> 00:16:00,294
Better?
331
00:16:00,296 --> 00:16:02,997
Yeah, you got it, you got it.
332
00:16:04,783 --> 00:16:08,118
I'm impressed.
This is very lifelike.
333
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:11,172
Whoa! You just bit my tongue!
334
00:16:11,174 --> 00:16:13,841
I-I nibbled.
I was being playful.
335
00:16:15,310 --> 00:16:18,429
Why do you have to make
everything weird?
336
00:16:18,431 --> 00:16:19,680
Sorry.
337
00:16:23,685 --> 00:16:25,636
Better?
338
00:16:25,638 --> 00:16:27,188
Oh, yeah.
339
00:16:33,645 --> 00:16:35,279
Pretty cool, huh?
340
00:16:35,281 --> 00:16:38,315
Probably would cost, like,
200 bucks in a store.
341
00:16:38,317 --> 00:16:39,784
I do appreciate
a bargain.
342
00:16:39,786 --> 00:16:43,421
This entire ensemble once
belonged to my dead grandmother.
343
00:16:43,423 --> 00:16:44,372
You're kidding.
344
00:16:44,374 --> 00:16:46,590
Everything except bra
and panties.
345
00:16:46,592 --> 00:16:50,878
And they're a leopard-spotted
secret I share with Victoria.
346
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,631
And now me.
347
00:16:53,633 --> 00:16:57,334
I just have one question
about the chair.
348
00:16:57,336 --> 00:16:58,719
And what's that?
349
00:16:58,721 --> 00:17:01,973
Aren't you worried about it
being unhygienic?
350
00:17:03,525 --> 00:17:06,176
No, it's completely fine...
351
00:17:06,178 --> 00:17:09,930
Hmm. I get it.
352
00:17:09,932 --> 00:17:10,982
Sheldon sent you.
353
00:17:10,984 --> 00:17:12,199
He put you up to this.
354
00:17:12,201 --> 00:17:13,484
- No, he didn't.
- Really?
355
00:17:13,486 --> 00:17:16,454
Yes, he did.
He absolutely did.
356
00:17:16,456 --> 00:17:20,007
My God, Amy, that's really
crappy of you.
357
00:17:20,009 --> 00:17:21,358
It is?
358
00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:23,961
Yeah! Letting Sheldon use you
to manipulate me?
359
00:17:23,963 --> 00:17:25,362
I thought you were my friend.
360
00:17:25,364 --> 00:17:28,049
No, I am your friend.
Please don't be mad at me.
361
00:17:28,051 --> 00:17:29,050
I can't even believe this.
362
00:17:29,052 --> 00:17:30,701
You know, maybe you
should just go.
363
00:17:30,703 --> 00:17:33,525
No! No, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I take it all back! Look!
364
00:17:33,526 --> 00:17:35,235
I'm, uh, I'm sitting in your
chair.
365
00:17:35,236 --> 00:17:36,641
There's nothing wrong
with it. It's a great chair.
366
00:17:36,642 --> 00:17:39,710
Please let me continue
to be part of your world.
367
00:17:39,712 --> 00:17:41,378
Ow!
368
00:17:41,380 --> 00:17:42,747
What's wrong?
369
00:17:42,749 --> 00:17:45,099
Something in the chair's
biting my tushy.
370
00:17:45,101 --> 00:17:46,383
It's not important. Ow!
371
00:17:46,385 --> 00:17:48,235
Wait. Get up, get up!
372
00:17:58,731 --> 00:18:01,065
Swear you won't tell
Sheldon what happened!
373
00:18:01,067 --> 00:18:02,500
I swear!
374
00:18:06,238 --> 00:18:08,572
Can I tell my doctor?
I'm probably gonna need shots!
375
00:18:08,574 --> 00:18:10,424
Yeah, sure!
376
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:23,057
Oh, hey, babe, I think I figured
this thing out.
377
00:18:23,058 --> 00:18:24,424
Oh, Leonard, listen...
378
00:18:24,426 --> 00:18:26,276
No, you listen!
You're my woman,
379
00:18:26,278 --> 00:18:27,811
and I'm gonna
make you feel things
380
00:18:27,813 --> 00:18:29,947
you have never felt before.
381
00:18:29,949 --> 00:18:31,732
Leonard...
382
00:18:31,734 --> 00:18:33,066
That's right, say my name...
383
00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:34,785
and beg me for more, 'cause...
384
00:18:34,787 --> 00:18:38,171
I'm gonna give it to you.
385
00:18:39,824 --> 00:18:41,625
My parents are here.
386
00:18:45,663 --> 00:18:47,130
Hello, Leonard...
387
00:18:47,132 --> 00:18:50,834
if I may also
say your name.
388
00:18:55,623 --> 00:18:57,808
Check it out.
Free chair.
389
00:18:57,810 --> 00:18:59,259
Yeah.
390
00:18:59,261 --> 00:19:01,728
Hey, you know, if this was in
Sheldon and Leonard's apartment,
391
00:19:01,730 --> 00:19:04,464
I wouldn't wind up sitting on
the floor all the time.
392
00:19:04,466 --> 00:19:06,984
On three?
393
00:19:09,271 --> 00:19:11,438
Three!
Three!
394
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:15,325
What kind of idiot throws away
a terrific chair like this?
395
00:19:15,327 --> 00:19:19,327
== sync, corrected by elderman ==