1
00:00:01,419 --> 00:00:02,734
Who wants the
last dumpling?
2
00:00:02,735 --> 00:00:04,085
Ooh, me!
3
00:00:04,087 --> 00:00:05,453
Penny, a moment.
4
00:00:05,455 --> 00:00:07,538
We just had Thai food.
5
00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:10,458
In that culture,
the last morsel is called
6
00:00:10,460 --> 00:00:13,628
the "greng jie" piece,
and it is reserved for
7
00:00:13,630 --> 00:00:16,764
the most important
and valued member of the group.
8
00:00:22,121 --> 00:00:25,773
Thank you all
for this high honor.
9
00:00:26,992 --> 00:00:30,645
I've seen pictures
of your mother; keep eating.
10
00:00:35,067 --> 00:00:38,569
All right, honey, if we're gonna
make the movie, we should go.
11
00:00:41,907 --> 00:00:44,158
This may be hard
for you to hear,
12
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:47,245
but when I say "honey,"
I mean my fiancée.
13
00:00:49,081 --> 00:00:52,083
Yeah, well, now it means her.
14
00:00:53,836 --> 00:00:55,803
It's okay if he
wants to come.
15
00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:58,422
Fine. But next time,
we get a sitter.
16
00:01:00,008 --> 00:01:01,976
All right, I got to go to work.
I'll walk down with you.
17
00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:03,227
Wait.
18
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:06,130
Which is closer to the new
train store in Monrovia,
19
00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:08,316
the movie theater
or The Cheesecake Factory?
20
00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,401
Neither of them are close.
21
00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:12,403
Oh, well, then I guess
it doesn't matter which one
22
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:13,321
of you drives me.
23
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,772
Let's play a fun guessing game
24
00:01:14,774 --> 00:01:16,490
to see who gets to take me.
25
00:01:16,492 --> 00:01:19,861
All right, this four-letter word
describes either
26
00:01:19,863 --> 00:01:23,781
a printer's type size
or a compulsion to eat dirt.
27
00:01:23,783 --> 00:01:25,533
Okay, I'm not driving him.
28
00:01:25,535 --> 00:01:27,952
Penny, don't give up,
you can get this.
29
00:01:31,039 --> 00:01:33,674
Aren't you going
with Sheldon?
30
00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:36,961
No, I have no interest
in model trains,
31
00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:40,715
stores that sell them, nor
their heartbreaking clientele.
32
00:01:40,717 --> 00:01:41,933
Oh.
33
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:45,136
Well, I have
some work to do, so...
34
00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:46,904
I can't imagine
that would disturb me.
35
00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:48,206
Carry on.
36
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:51,609
Okay.
37
00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:53,861
Wouldn't you be
more comfortable at home?
38
00:01:57,783 --> 00:01:59,951
Not really, no.
39
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,153
All righty then.
40
00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:04,372
Guess I'll just
get started.
41
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:06,791
Leonard, please. I don't need
the running commentary.
42
00:02:08,076 --> 00:02:11,712
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
43
00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:15,049
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
44
00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:16,700
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
45
00:02:16,702 --> 00:02:19,220
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
46
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,889
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
47
00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:24,575
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
48
00:02:24,577 --> 00:02:26,477
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
49
00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:28,429
♪ Bang! ♪
50
00:02:28,454 --> 00:02:31,954
The Big Bang Theory 5x03
The Pulled Groin Extrapolation
Original Air Date on September 29, 2011
51
00:02:31,955 --> 00:02:35,455
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
52
00:02:55,157 --> 00:02:56,840
- Amy?
- Yo.
53
00:02:58,415 --> 00:02:59,193
You okay?
54
00:02:59,194 --> 00:03:01,094
Oh, sure.
55
00:03:01,895 --> 00:03:04,030
I thought you were reading.
56
00:03:04,032 --> 00:03:05,948
I was.
57
00:03:05,950 --> 00:03:08,701
Now I'm thinking about
what I read.
58
00:03:20,831 --> 00:03:22,231
You all right, Leonard?
59
00:03:22,233 --> 00:03:24,550
You seem very uncomfortable.
60
00:03:24,552 --> 00:03:27,637
I-I'm fine.
61
00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:29,555
Should I go?
62
00:03:29,557 --> 00:03:31,974
I've been told sometimes
I overstay my welcome.
63
00:03:31,976 --> 00:03:35,161
Wha... who told you that?
64
00:03:35,163 --> 00:03:39,565
Well, most recently
my gynecologist.
65
00:03:44,488 --> 00:03:47,306
Well, you stay
as long as you'd like.
66
00:03:47,308 --> 00:03:48,858
I'm glad to hear you say that,
67
00:03:48,860 --> 00:03:51,911
because I'm having
a wonderful time.
68
00:03:52,997 --> 00:03:56,749
I said the same thing
to my gynecologist.
69
00:04:00,587 --> 00:04:03,506
What are you going to get
at the train store, Sheldon?
70
00:04:03,508 --> 00:04:05,458
Oh, I'm not
buying anything.
71
00:04:05,460 --> 00:04:07,493
They're having a lecture.
72
00:04:07,495 --> 00:04:09,595
"H-O gauge railroading.
73
00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:13,215
Half the size of O-gauge,
but twice the fun."
74
00:04:13,217 --> 00:04:16,602
Very controversial topic.
75
00:04:16,604 --> 00:04:18,504
Which side do you come down on?
76
00:04:18,506 --> 00:04:20,606
I'll let you know after tonight.
77
00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:23,309
Unlike some people,
I'm going in with an open mind.
78
00:04:23,311 --> 00:04:25,194
Who am I kidding?
79
00:04:25,196 --> 00:04:28,347
Of course we all know
it's O-gauge or no gauge.
80
00:04:28,349 --> 00:04:32,535
Can you believe grown men sit
around and play with toy trains?
81
00:04:32,537 --> 00:04:34,787
That's pretty big talk
for a man
82
00:04:34,789 --> 00:04:38,040
with a closet full of magic
tricks at his mother's house.
83
00:04:39,743 --> 00:04:42,078
First of all, they're not
tricks, they're illusions.
84
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,246
And...
85
00:04:44,248 --> 00:04:46,799
secondly, when we get
married, they're all going up
86
00:04:46,801 --> 00:04:49,635
in the attic so you can have
that closet for clothes.
87
00:04:49,637 --> 00:04:52,555
Why would I keep clothes
at your mother's house?
88
00:04:52,557 --> 00:04:54,223
Well, don't think
of it that way.
89
00:04:54,225 --> 00:04:56,375
Once we move in,
it'll be our house.
90
00:04:56,377 --> 00:04:57,843
Is she moving out?
91
00:04:57,845 --> 00:04:59,211
Why would
she move out?
92
00:04:59,213 --> 00:05:00,980
It's her house.
93
00:05:00,982 --> 00:05:03,382
Hang on.
94
00:05:03,384 --> 00:05:06,569
You seriously think I'm going
to live with your mother?
95
00:05:06,571 --> 00:05:08,187
Howard, I think
I can help here.
96
00:05:08,189 --> 00:05:10,823
Yes, Bernadette,
that's exactly what he thinks.
97
00:05:10,825 --> 00:05:11,941
Why not?
98
00:05:11,943 --> 00:05:14,026
It's a great house,
plenty of room,
99
00:05:14,028 --> 00:05:16,112
and if we have kids,
Mom's there to help.
100
00:05:16,114 --> 00:05:17,997
You know, en she tells "The
Three Little Pigs" story,
101
00:05:17,999 --> 00:05:21,784
she actually has hair
on her chinny-chin-chin.
102
00:05:21,786 --> 00:05:24,286
I'm not gonna live
with your mother.
103
00:05:24,288 --> 00:05:27,072
Not now, not ever.
104
00:05:27,074 --> 00:05:30,760
Wow, someone obviously
has some mommy issues.
105
00:05:32,796 --> 00:05:34,413
Raj, take me home.
106
00:05:34,415 --> 00:05:36,849
Don't listen to her.
Go to the movie theater.
107
00:05:36,851 --> 00:05:38,217
Take me home now.
108
00:05:38,219 --> 00:05:39,185
Movie theater!
109
00:05:40,188 --> 00:05:42,721
Okay, everybody
calm down.
110
00:05:42,723 --> 00:05:44,390
There is a simple
solution here.
111
00:05:44,392 --> 00:05:45,975
Raj, take me to the train store,
112
00:05:45,977 --> 00:05:48,277
and then I don't care
what you people do.
113
00:05:55,569 --> 00:05:57,236
How was your shower?
114
00:05:57,238 --> 00:06:00,606
It was good, good.
115
00:06:00,608 --> 00:06:03,876
Just out of curiosity, what time
do you usually go to bed?
116
00:06:03,878 --> 00:06:05,211
Oh, I'm up all night.
117
00:06:05,213 --> 00:06:06,962
I'm like a possum.
118
00:06:08,882 --> 00:06:11,684
Boy, you were not liked
in high school, were you?
119
00:06:11,686 --> 00:06:13,202
Not really.
120
00:06:13,204 --> 00:06:15,054
- Is that my yearbook?
- Mm-hmm.
121
00:06:15,056 --> 00:06:17,223
"Dear Leonard,
you're really good at science.
122
00:06:17,225 --> 00:06:20,926
Maybe one day you'll come up
with a cure for being a dork."
123
00:06:20,928 --> 00:06:23,429
Well, it wasn't spray-painting
a lightning bolt
124
00:06:23,431 --> 00:06:26,565
on my briefcase,
I can tell you that.
125
00:06:26,567 --> 00:06:27,983
If it makes you feel any better,
126
00:06:27,985 --> 00:06:30,236
the only person who signed
my yearbook was my mother.
127
00:06:30,238 --> 00:06:32,171
- Aw.
- "Dear Amy,
128
00:06:32,173 --> 00:06:34,773
"Self-respect and a hymen
are better than friends and fun.
129
00:06:34,775 --> 00:06:36,108
Love, Mom."
130
00:06:37,744 --> 00:06:40,479
Well, you can add
Jerry's Junction
131
00:06:40,481 --> 00:06:42,081
to the list of train stores
132
00:06:42,083 --> 00:06:45,484
Sheldon Cooper will never
set foot in again.
133
00:06:45,486 --> 00:06:48,103
Rough night, Casey Jones?
134
00:06:48,105 --> 00:06:49,872
You don't know
the half of it.
135
00:06:49,874 --> 00:06:51,257
It was billed
136
00:06:51,259 --> 00:06:54,210
as a lively give-and-take on
the merits of model train sizes.
137
00:06:54,212 --> 00:06:56,762
But it was actually a setup
to intimidate
138
00:06:56,764 --> 00:07:00,349
weak-minded spineless rubes
into buying H-O starter sets.
139
00:07:00,351 --> 00:07:01,467
What's in the bag?
140
00:07:01,469 --> 00:07:04,887
I don't want to talk about it.
141
00:07:04,889 --> 00:07:07,773
But it's not a spine,
I'll tell you that.
142
00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:10,442
Well, I had a delightful
evening, Leonard.
143
00:07:10,444 --> 00:07:11,777
We should do this
again sometime.
144
00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:13,812
Ah, sure.
That'd be nice.
145
00:07:13,814 --> 00:07:14,897
Glad to hear it.
146
00:07:14,899 --> 00:07:16,682
I need someone to accompany me
to the wedding
147
00:07:16,684 --> 00:07:18,901
of Dr. Moranelli
and Dr. Gustufson this Friday.
148
00:07:18,903 --> 00:07:20,536
They're kind of
the Brad and Angelina
149
00:07:20,538 --> 00:07:22,521
of the primatology department.
150
00:07:22,523 --> 00:07:23,956
Wouldn't you rather
bring Sheldon?
151
00:07:23,958 --> 00:07:27,443
I would, but the last wedding
we went to was a disaster.
152
00:07:27,445 --> 00:07:29,879
He behaved like a child
the entire time.
153
00:07:29,881 --> 00:07:31,213
Not my fault.
154
00:07:31,215 --> 00:07:34,466
You said there'd be
other scientists there my age.
155
00:07:38,221 --> 00:07:39,805
Doesn't matter.
You're out, he's in.
156
00:07:39,807 --> 00:07:42,258
No date to the prom,
two dates to a wedding.
157
00:07:42,260 --> 00:07:45,344
Hmm, how times change.
158
00:07:48,315 --> 00:07:51,350
Ha-ha, you have
to go to a wedding.
159
00:07:56,390 --> 00:07:57,389
I'll get it!
160
00:07:57,391 --> 00:07:58,557
Could you get it?!
161
00:07:58,559 --> 00:07:59,992
I just said
I'm getting it!
162
00:07:59,994 --> 00:08:01,393
Fine, I'll get it!
163
00:08:01,395 --> 00:08:04,029
I got it!
164
00:08:04,864 --> 00:08:06,615
Oh, hi.
165
00:08:06,617 --> 00:08:07,866
Hey.
166
00:08:07,868 --> 00:08:09,335
I don't want to fight.
167
00:08:09,337 --> 00:08:11,453
I was just surprised
when you sprung
168
00:08:11,455 --> 00:08:13,339
the whole living-with-your-mom
stuff on me.
169
00:08:13,341 --> 00:08:17,760
Yeah, well, I'm sorry I
didn't run it by you first.
170
00:08:17,762 --> 00:08:19,878
I don't know who
you're talking to,
171
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:20,913
but in or out!
172
00:08:20,915 --> 00:08:23,983
We don't need bugs!
173
00:08:23,985 --> 00:08:26,185
The bugs
only come here
174
00:08:26,187 --> 00:08:28,387
because you're
their queen!
175
00:08:31,141 --> 00:08:33,442
Listen, how about this.
176
00:08:33,444 --> 00:08:35,361
Before we make any
kind of decision
177
00:08:35,363 --> 00:08:37,696
about where we live,
we have a trial run.
178
00:08:37,698 --> 00:08:39,698
Stay here for a weekend,
see what it's like.
179
00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:41,700
And your mom would be
okay with that?
180
00:08:41,702 --> 00:08:42,985
Sure she would.
181
00:08:42,987 --> 00:08:45,604
Ma, do you mind if Bernadette
stays here this weekend?!
182
00:08:45,606 --> 00:08:48,324
Hey, if she's willing to
give the milk away for free,
183
00:08:48,326 --> 00:08:50,492
who am I to say no?!
184
00:08:52,746 --> 00:08:55,581
See? She's
good with it.
185
00:08:55,583 --> 00:08:58,116
Frankly, after all
your sleepovers
186
00:08:58,118 --> 00:09:02,004
with the little brown boy,
a girl is a big relief!
187
00:09:13,473 --> 00:09:16,676
All these years,
I've been so wrong.
188
00:09:16,678 --> 00:09:20,713
The tinier the train,
the more concentrated the fun.
189
00:09:24,718 --> 00:09:26,485
You're a brain scientist.
190
00:09:26,487 --> 00:09:28,554
Can you explain to me
why a brilliant man
191
00:09:28,556 --> 00:09:29,888
likes playing
with toy trains?
192
00:09:29,890 --> 00:09:32,575
Not without cutting
his head open, no.
193
00:09:34,077 --> 00:09:36,495
How about making my
eyes like Cleopatra?
194
00:09:36,497 --> 00:09:38,447
Really? For a wedding?
195
00:09:38,449 --> 00:09:39,782
Perhaps you're right.
196
00:09:39,784 --> 00:09:41,400
My cheekbones and
beckoning pelvis
197
00:09:41,402 --> 00:09:44,036
already have a certain "hello
sailor" quality to them.
198
00:09:45,038 --> 00:09:46,922
Ready.
199
00:09:46,924 --> 00:09:49,425
Aw.
200
00:09:49,427 --> 00:09:51,210
So handsome.
201
00:09:51,212 --> 00:09:53,345
Like James Bond.
202
00:09:53,347 --> 00:09:57,349
He's better than James Bond,
because he's tinier.
203
00:09:58,135 --> 00:10:00,703
I got you this
to give to me.
204
00:10:00,705 --> 00:10:03,939
Oh, sweetie,
guests don't normally
205
00:10:03,941 --> 00:10:05,441
wear corsages to a wedding.
206
00:10:05,443 --> 00:10:06,976
That's more of a prom thing.
207
00:10:06,978 --> 00:10:08,194
I never went to my prom.
208
00:10:08,196 --> 00:10:09,945
My mom paid my cousin
to take me,
209
00:10:09,947 --> 00:10:13,032
but he just used the money
to buy drugs.
210
00:10:13,034 --> 00:10:15,651
Put the corsage on her.
211
00:10:21,274 --> 00:10:24,794
When you're done copping a
feel, that goes on my wrist.
212
00:10:27,947 --> 00:10:29,482
All aboard!
213
00:10:29,484 --> 00:10:32,134
Woo-woo!
214
00:10:32,136 --> 00:10:33,836
It's official.
215
00:10:33,838 --> 00:10:36,222
I'm an H-O trainiac.
216
00:10:39,292 --> 00:10:42,294
So, dinner
went nice.
217
00:10:42,296 --> 00:10:44,146
Yeah. Yeah, I guess.
218
00:10:44,148 --> 00:10:48,934
Does your mother always
cut your meat for you?
219
00:10:48,936 --> 00:10:52,271
Only when it's fatty.
220
00:10:53,607 --> 00:10:55,191
Well, don't be jealous, babe.
221
00:10:55,193 --> 00:10:57,576
Someday you'll get to cut it
for me.
222
00:10:57,578 --> 00:10:59,578
Bernadette!
223
00:10:59,580 --> 00:11:03,415
I found the extra head for the
Waterpik if you want to use it!
224
00:11:03,417 --> 00:11:05,751
I'm okay, Mrs. Wolowitz.
225
00:11:05,753 --> 00:11:06,985
You sure?!
226
00:11:06,987 --> 00:11:10,589
I just squirted half a
brisket outta my teeth!
227
00:11:10,591 --> 00:11:13,425
Hey, Ma, how about
a little privacy?!
228
00:11:13,427 --> 00:11:15,661
Oh, I know what that means!
229
00:11:15,663 --> 00:11:17,463
Hubba-hubba!
230
00:11:17,465 --> 00:11:19,665
Oh, God.
231
00:11:19,667 --> 00:11:21,801
Relax, it'll be fine.
232
00:11:21,803 --> 00:11:23,435
Okay.
233
00:11:23,437 --> 00:11:26,138
Let me know when
you're done canoodling!
234
00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:28,440
Mommy needs a foot rub!
235
00:11:32,062 --> 00:11:34,330
♪ ♪
236
00:11:45,075 --> 00:11:46,876
Would you like to dance?
237
00:11:46,878 --> 00:11:48,294
No, thank you.
238
00:11:48,296 --> 00:11:50,462
I'm really not
much of a dancer.
239
00:11:51,331 --> 00:11:53,332
You're not exactly
winning any trophies
240
00:11:53,334 --> 00:11:55,384
as a conversationalist, either.
241
00:11:57,554 --> 00:12:00,005
I'm sorry.
242
00:12:00,007 --> 00:12:01,540
The bride and groom
seem happy.
243
00:12:01,542 --> 00:12:03,375
Why shouldn't they be?
244
00:12:03,377 --> 00:12:04,977
They have a feverish night of
245
00:12:04,979 --> 00:12:07,096
socially-approved
copulation ahead of them.
246
00:12:09,182 --> 00:12:11,433
In some cultures, we'd stand
outside of their bedroom
247
00:12:11,435 --> 00:12:13,402
cheering as they
achieved orgasm.
248
00:12:13,404 --> 00:12:15,721
That sounds like
a late night,
249
00:12:15,723 --> 00:12:18,607
and I have work in
the morning, so...
250
00:12:18,609 --> 00:12:20,893
Leonard, you may
not have noticed,
251
00:12:20,895 --> 00:12:23,362
but I am being
a delight here.
252
00:12:24,548 --> 00:12:26,899
And you're not holding up
your end of the evening.
253
00:12:26,901 --> 00:12:29,501
Oh, sorry. This wedding
just reminds me
254
00:12:29,503 --> 00:12:33,122
of my kinda-sorta girlfriend
9,000 miles away.
255
00:12:33,124 --> 00:12:35,908
I have a kinda-sorta boyfriend
who's playing with a model train
256
00:12:35,910 --> 00:12:38,844
right now, you don't hear me
bitching about it.
257
00:12:42,182 --> 00:12:44,249
Leonard, a word of advice--
moody self-obsession
258
00:12:44,251 --> 00:12:46,635
is only attractive in men
who can play guitar
259
00:12:46,637 --> 00:12:48,971
and are considerably
taller than you.
260
00:12:48,973 --> 00:12:50,673
I'm not moody.
261
00:12:50,675 --> 00:12:51,941
I'm fun.
262
00:12:51,943 --> 00:12:54,860
You have any evidence
to support that statement?
263
00:12:54,862 --> 00:12:57,696
Well, hey, I'm just as
much fun as you are.
264
00:12:57,698 --> 00:13:00,616
Really? Are you willing to draw
a mustache on your finger
265
00:13:00,618 --> 00:13:03,285
as a conversational icebreaker?
266
00:13:03,287 --> 00:13:06,238
I am.
267
00:13:08,041 --> 00:13:10,459
Okay, fine, what
do you suggest?
268
00:13:10,461 --> 00:13:12,444
♪ ♪
269
00:13:12,446 --> 00:13:14,279
We just had a lovely meal,
270
00:13:14,281 --> 00:13:18,050
the band... is on fire...
271
00:13:18,052 --> 00:13:20,118
and you're sitting
next to a beautiful woman
272
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:21,837
wearing whorish makeup.
273
00:13:23,139 --> 00:13:25,123
Why don't we head out
on the dance floor
274
00:13:25,125 --> 00:13:27,559
and see if I can sweat
through these dress shields.
275
00:13:27,561 --> 00:13:31,046
Once again, I-I'm really
not much of a dancer.
276
00:13:31,048 --> 00:13:32,564
Don't worry...
277
00:13:32,566 --> 00:13:35,184
I'll lead.
278
00:14:05,966 --> 00:14:07,132
Howard?
279
00:14:09,887 --> 00:14:11,520
Ready for bed?
280
00:14:11,522 --> 00:14:13,939
No. I need to brush my teeth,
but your moth's
281
00:14:13,941 --> 00:14:16,174
been in the bathroom
for, like, an hour.
282
00:14:16,176 --> 00:14:20,729
Oh. Yeah, she sometimes has problems
doing her business. Hang on.
283
00:14:20,731 --> 00:14:22,147
Ma, give up!
284
00:14:22,149 --> 00:14:25,117
Tonight's
not your night!
285
00:14:25,119 --> 00:14:28,287
You don't know that!
I just sat down!
286
00:14:28,289 --> 00:14:30,122
Come on, take a break!
287
00:14:30,124 --> 00:14:32,274
Bernadette needs
to brush her teeth!
288
00:14:32,276 --> 00:14:34,309
She can come in
and brush her teeth!
289
00:14:34,311 --> 00:14:37,246
I'm not embarrassed!
290
00:14:37,248 --> 00:14:39,548
Problem solved.
291
00:14:41,034 --> 00:14:43,719
No, it's not.
I'm not going in there.
292
00:14:43,721 --> 00:14:44,970
Oh, come on, honey.
293
00:14:44,972 --> 00:14:47,056
She's just sitting in there
reading a magazine.
294
00:14:47,058 --> 00:14:48,257
You can't see anything.
295
00:14:48,259 --> 00:14:50,092
I go in all the time.
296
00:14:51,645 --> 00:14:54,663
Ha! The eagle has landed!
297
00:14:58,018 --> 00:15:00,736
And we have splashdown.
298
00:15:02,523 --> 00:15:05,774
Wait here, I'm gonna
go light a candle.
299
00:15:05,776 --> 00:15:09,411
And then we make
passionate love.
300
00:15:15,401 --> 00:15:17,002
There we go, last floor.
301
00:15:17,004 --> 00:15:18,754
I just can't figure
out what happened.
302
00:15:18,756 --> 00:15:21,757
I put my left leg in,
I took my left leg out,
303
00:15:21,759 --> 00:15:26,128
I put my left leg in, and
something just snapped.
304
00:15:26,130 --> 00:15:28,964
The hokey pokey
is a young man's game.
305
00:15:28,966 --> 00:15:31,433
I did have a great time.
306
00:15:31,435 --> 00:15:32,768
Thank you for reminding me
307
00:15:32,770 --> 00:15:35,270
it's okay to have fun
once in a while.
308
00:15:35,272 --> 00:15:36,755
You're welcome.
309
00:15:36,757 --> 00:15:38,857
And also for breaking
the head off the ice swan
310
00:15:38,859 --> 00:15:40,776
so I could hold it against
my pulled groin.
311
00:15:40,778 --> 00:15:42,478
I excel
312
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:45,430
at spatial reasoning, and I had
a hunch that the graceful slope
313
00:15:45,432 --> 00:15:48,150
of its neck would cradle
your genitals nicely.
314
00:15:49,285 --> 00:15:52,571
Well, okay.
Again, thank you.
315
00:15:52,573 --> 00:15:55,240
And again, you're welcome.
316
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,494
Want to come in?
317
00:15:58,496 --> 00:16:00,162
No, thanks.
I'm gonna head home.
318
00:16:00,164 --> 00:16:02,331
'Kay. Well, good night.
319
00:16:02,333 --> 00:16:04,967
Good night.
320
00:16:10,857 --> 00:16:13,291
Ames, hi.
How was the wedding?
321
00:16:13,293 --> 00:16:18,313
Great. Until I accidentally made
Leonard fall in love with me.
322
00:16:20,567 --> 00:16:22,484
Come in, let's talk.
323
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,938
Do you want a
glass of wine?
324
00:16:25,940 --> 00:16:28,407
Wine is one of the reasons
I'm in this fix.
325
00:16:28,409 --> 00:16:29,858
That and this dang pelvis.
326
00:16:32,028 --> 00:16:34,680
Okay, I'm sorry,
what exactly happened?
327
00:16:34,682 --> 00:16:36,932
The inevitable--
he was lonely and vulnerable
328
00:16:36,934 --> 00:16:38,433
from missing his girlfriend,
329
00:16:38,435 --> 00:16:39,651
while I was charming,
330
00:16:39,653 --> 00:16:41,720
supportive and,
let's face it, in this dress,
331
00:16:41,722 --> 00:16:45,357
the perfect combination
of Madonna and whore.
332
00:16:45,359 --> 00:16:48,110
Oh, God,
did he make a move on you?
333
00:16:48,112 --> 00:16:49,895
No, but it's only
a matter of time.
334
00:16:49,897 --> 00:16:52,581
How could I have not
seen this coming?
335
00:16:52,583 --> 00:16:56,702
Now I'm gonna have to break
the little sad sack's heart.
336
00:16:56,704 --> 00:16:59,454
- Yeah, I'm sure he'll be okay.
- Oh, Penny,
337
00:16:59,456 --> 00:17:02,341
much as I would treasure
knowing that the two of us had
338
00:17:02,343 --> 00:17:04,009
been defiled by the same man,
339
00:17:04,011 --> 00:17:06,011
Leonard just doesn't get
my motor running.
340
00:17:09,716 --> 00:17:11,350
So, um, what are
you gonna do?
341
00:17:11,352 --> 00:17:14,269
Do you want me to talk
to Leonard, let him down easy?
342
00:17:14,271 --> 00:17:16,638
No. I'll let him have tonight.
343
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:17,723
Then in the morning,
344
00:17:17,725 --> 00:17:19,525
I'll send him an e-mail
letting him know
345
00:17:19,527 --> 00:17:22,110
this body is never
gonna be his wonderland.
346
00:17:23,613 --> 00:17:26,765
I mean, frankly, you've got
a better shot than he does.
347
00:17:36,626 --> 00:17:37,943
Leonard.
348
00:17:37,945 --> 00:17:39,411
Check it out.
349
00:17:39,413 --> 00:17:41,613
I bought an N-gauge locomotive.
350
00:17:41,615 --> 00:17:43,715
Half the size of H-O.
351
00:17:43,717 --> 00:17:47,219
Look, it fits in my mouth.
352
00:17:47,221 --> 00:17:49,555
Sounds like you
had a great night.
353
00:17:49,557 --> 00:17:51,623
I did.
354
00:17:51,625 --> 00:17:54,560
- How was yours?
- Not bad. I had a lot more fun
355
00:17:54,562 --> 00:17:56,294
with Amy than I
thought I would.
356
00:17:56,296 --> 00:17:58,680
What exact
do you mean by that?
357
00:17:58,682 --> 00:18:00,265
Well, it turns out
she really knows
358
00:18:00,267 --> 00:18:03,018
how to help a guy loosen up
and have a good time.
359
00:18:03,020 --> 00:18:07,022
Although, truth be told, my
groin's a little worse for wear.
360
00:18:07,857 --> 00:18:10,158
Ow!
361
00:18:11,828 --> 00:18:13,745
Why did you do that?
362
00:18:13,747 --> 00:18:17,249
To send a message:
she is not for you.
363
00:18:17,251 --> 00:18:18,650
What?
364
00:18:18,652 --> 00:18:20,002
Not for you!
365
00:18:34,915 --> 00:18:37,600
Good morning, handsome.
366
00:18:37,602 --> 00:18:40,419
Morning, Mom.
367
00:18:41,722 --> 00:18:43,606
It's me.
368
00:18:45,726 --> 00:18:49,428
Yes, it is, and you're
so pretty in the morning.
369
00:18:51,031 --> 00:18:53,099
Your mom and I
made you breakfast.
370
00:18:53,101 --> 00:18:54,484
Oh, wow.
371
00:18:54,486 --> 00:18:56,703
So you guys are getting along?
372
00:18:56,705 --> 00:18:58,321
Yeah, I guess.
373
00:18:58,323 --> 00:19:00,106
We're very different
people, Howard,
374
00:19:00,108 --> 00:19:02,942
so communication's
a little tricky.
375
00:19:02,944 --> 00:19:04,828
Does he like the pancakes?!
376
00:19:04,830 --> 00:19:07,130
He didn't try them yet!
377
00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:11,284
Is there any butter?
378
00:19:11,286 --> 00:19:13,303
- It's butter-flavored syrup.
- Oh.
379
00:19:13,305 --> 00:19:14,971
So, what's the word?!
380
00:19:14,973 --> 00:19:17,223
He wants butter!
381
00:19:18,526 --> 00:19:20,760
It's butter-flavored syrup!
382
00:19:20,762 --> 00:19:23,429
I just told him that!
383
00:19:28,802 --> 00:19:30,770
I don't need any butter.
384
00:19:30,772 --> 00:19:34,190
If you want butter,
I'll get you butter.
385
00:19:37,695 --> 00:19:39,612
Well, I guess
I'll cut these by myself.
386
00:19:39,614 --> 00:19:43,614
== sync, corrected by elderman ==