1
00:00:01,136 --> 00:00:03,020
Previously
on The Big Bang Theory...
2
00:00:03,118 --> 00:00:06,119
My brother-- he's got
a big crush on Bernadette.
3
00:00:07,559 --> 00:00:10,593
You're moving
back to India?
4
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,184
What's going on?
5
00:00:19,637 --> 00:00:22,522
It's-It's not
what it looks like.
6
00:00:25,643 --> 00:00:28,161
What does it look like?
7
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:33,866
It's not what it looks like.
8
00:00:34,718 --> 00:00:38,705
It's not what it looks like.
9
00:00:38,707 --> 00:00:40,373
What are you grinding about?
10
00:00:40,375 --> 00:00:43,593
Penny's brain teaser
this morning.
11
00:00:43,595 --> 00:00:45,211
She and Koothrappali
12
00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:47,430
emerge from your bedroom.
13
00:00:47,432 --> 00:00:50,967
She is disheveled, and Raj
is dressed only in a sheet.
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The sole clue:
"It's not what it looks like."
15
00:00:56,191 --> 00:00:58,891
Just let it go, Sheldon.
16
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:02,695
If I could, I would,
but I can't, so I shan't.
17
00:01:02,697 --> 00:01:04,897
Now, knowing Penny,
18
00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:08,067
the obvious answer is,
they engaged in coitus.
19
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:09,619
But...
20
00:01:09,621 --> 00:01:11,354
since that's
what it looked like,
21
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we can rule that out.
22
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Let's put on
23
00:01:15,710 --> 00:01:18,711
our thinking cap, shall we?
24
00:01:22,866 --> 00:01:26,135
Raj is from India,
a tropical country.
25
00:01:26,137 --> 00:01:27,837
Third World hygiene.
26
00:01:27,839 --> 00:01:31,207
Parasitic infections are common,
such as pinworms.
27
00:01:31,209 --> 00:01:32,809
Mm-hmm.
The procedure
28
00:01:32,811 --> 00:01:34,560
for diagnosing pinworms
is to wait
29
00:01:34,562 --> 00:01:36,429
until the subject is asleep,
30
00:01:36,431 --> 00:01:39,032
and the worms crawl out
of the rectum for air.
31
00:01:45,055 --> 00:01:47,357
Yes, just like that.
32
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:50,326
Penny could have been
33
00:01:50,328 --> 00:01:52,829
inspecting Raj's anal region
for parasites.
34
00:01:52,831 --> 00:01:54,364
Oh, boy.
35
00:01:54,366 --> 00:01:56,416
That's a true blue friend.
36
00:01:56,418 --> 00:02:00,420
They slept together, Sherlock.
37
00:02:00,422 --> 00:02:02,455
No, you weren't listening.
38
00:02:02,457 --> 00:02:05,875
She said
it's not what it looks like.
39
00:02:05,877 --> 00:02:08,294
She lied.
40
00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:13,383
Oh.
41
00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:17,937
Don't I look silly
sitting here wearing this?
42
00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:22,975
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
43
00:02:22,977 --> 00:02:26,312
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
44
00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:28,014
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
45
00:02:28,016 --> 00:02:30,450
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
46
00:02:30,452 --> 00:02:33,152
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
47
00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:35,805
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
48
00:02:35,807 --> 00:02:37,740
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
49
00:02:37,742 --> 00:02:39,709
♪ Bang! ♪
50
00:02:39,734 --> 00:02:43,234
The Big Bang Theory 5x01
The Skank Reflex Analysis
Original Air Date on September 22, 2011
51
00:02:43,259 --> 00:02:46,759
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
52
00:02:53,088 --> 00:02:54,088
Hey.
53
00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:54,922
Hey.
54
00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:56,924
Hey.
55
00:02:58,389 --> 00:03:00,858
Hey.
56
00:03:07,503 --> 00:03:09,454
Leonard, is it awkward for you
57
00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:12,290
knowing that one of your dear
friends had sexual intercourse
58
00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:14,158
with a woman you used to love
59
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,794
in the very place
you lay your head?
60
00:03:18,881 --> 00:03:20,982
No, I'm fine with it.
61
00:03:20,984 --> 00:03:23,134
That sounds like sarcasm,
62
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:25,169
but I'm going to disregard it,
63
00:03:25,171 --> 00:03:27,889
because I have an agenda--
paintball.
64
00:03:27,891 --> 00:03:29,340
Specifically,
the interdepartmental
65
00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:30,775
tournament this weekend.
66
00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:33,844
In order to function better
as a fighting unit,
67
00:03:33,846 --> 00:03:36,680
I thought we should establish
a chain of command.
68
00:03:36,682 --> 00:03:38,149
Now, it goes
without saying
69
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:40,101
that I would outrank
the three of you,
70
00:03:40,103 --> 00:03:43,071
but the question remains,
by how much?
71
00:03:43,073 --> 00:03:44,322
Now,
72
00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:46,958
I don't see me
as some four-star general,
73
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,876
back at HQ riding a desk
74
00:03:48,878 --> 00:03:50,995
and playing golf
with the Secretary of Defense.
75
00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:53,047
But I also can't be
Sergeant Cooper,
76
00:03:53,049 --> 00:03:54,465
because that might lead you
77
00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:56,834
to think of me
as just a regular Joe.
78
00:03:56,836 --> 00:03:59,370
This might take some thought.
As you were.
79
00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:01,139
What the hell is wrong with you?
80
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:02,807
Yeah, how could
you do that?
81
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:05,343
- What is it to you?
- I got his back.
82
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:07,211
Yeah, right. You're just jealous
because it turns out
83
00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:08,712
I'm Penny's
number two choice after Leonard.
84
00:04:08,714 --> 00:04:12,567
Hey, if I wasn't engaged
to Bernadette,
85
00:04:12,569 --> 00:04:14,185
that totally could have been me.
86
00:04:15,104 --> 00:04:17,188
Please. Sheldon would have been
before you,
87
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:20,241
and he might not even
have genitals!
88
00:04:20,243 --> 00:04:21,609
Why do you care so much?
89
00:04:21,611 --> 00:04:22,894
You're dating my sister,
90
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,662
and Penny and I are in love.
91
00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:25,997
What?!
92
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:29,250
Gentlemen,
if I may interject,
93
00:04:29,252 --> 00:04:31,569
I've decided my rank
will be captain.
94
00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:34,422
If it's good enough for
Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo,
95
00:04:34,424 --> 00:04:36,591
it's good enough for me.
96
00:04:36,593 --> 00:04:38,826
You're not in love with Penny.
97
00:04:38,828 --> 00:04:40,211
Yes, I am.
98
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:44,132
The god Kamadeva has shot us
with his flowery arrows of love.
99
00:04:44,134 --> 00:04:45,266
Who?
100
00:04:45,268 --> 00:04:46,651
He's the Hindu version of Cupid,
101
00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:50,104
but way better,
because he rides a giant parrot.
102
00:04:50,106 --> 00:04:54,192
Raj, come on. You fall in love
with any girl who smiles at you.
103
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:57,445
A month ago, you were writing
poems about his fiancée.
104
00:04:58,430 --> 00:05:00,531
I'm sorry. What?!
105
00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:03,568
Rubbish. He's talking rubbish.
106
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:06,770
"Oh, Bernadette,
please play my clarinet."
107
00:05:08,106 --> 00:05:11,459
That could have been
about anyone.
108
00:05:12,377 --> 00:05:13,777
Besides, you have nothing
to worry about,
109
00:05:13,779 --> 00:05:17,615
because now I'm the dusky half
of Koothrapenny.
110
00:05:18,417 --> 00:05:20,718
For the record,
I do have genitals.
111
00:05:21,953 --> 00:05:24,872
They're functional
and aesthetically pleasing.
112
00:05:35,851 --> 00:05:38,135
Well.
113
00:05:40,356 --> 00:05:42,723
Oh. Coming.
114
00:05:42,725 --> 00:05:44,225
Yup, that's good.
115
00:05:44,227 --> 00:05:46,577
Wine glasses
should have handles.
116
00:05:48,330 --> 00:05:51,365
Keeping accurate track
of your alcohol intake.
117
00:05:51,367 --> 00:05:53,618
Smart idea considering
how trampy you get
118
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,319
when you've had a few.
119
00:05:55,321 --> 00:05:57,104
You heard what I did?
120
00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:58,840
Well, I heard who you did.
121
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:02,793
Oh, my God,
122
00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:04,495
I screwed up everything.
123
00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:06,097
I hurt Leonard.
124
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,298
I hurt Raj.
125
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,100
I mean, what is wrong with me?
126
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,168
I feel like
two totally different people--
127
00:06:11,170 --> 00:06:14,388
Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Whore.
128
00:06:14,390 --> 00:06:16,724
Don't be so hard on yourself.
129
00:06:16,726 --> 00:06:19,560
Do you know the story
of Catherine the Great?
130
00:06:19,562 --> 00:06:20,528
No.
131
00:06:20,530 --> 00:06:21,845
She ruled Russia
132
00:06:21,847 --> 00:06:23,531
in the late 1700s,
and one night,
133
00:06:23,533 --> 00:06:25,349
when she was feeling
particularly randy,
134
00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:27,201
she used an intricate
system of pulleys
135
00:06:27,203 --> 00:06:30,171
to have intimate
relations with a horse.
136
00:06:30,173 --> 00:06:32,740
I'm... I'm sorry.
137
00:06:32,742 --> 00:06:34,458
What does this have
to do with me?
138
00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:37,495
She engaged in
interspecies hanky-panky,
139
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:40,047
and people still
call her "Great."
140
00:06:40,049 --> 00:06:41,532
I'm sure your
reputation can survive
141
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:44,051
you shagging a
little Indian boy.
142
00:06:53,262 --> 00:06:55,179
You jerk face!
143
00:06:56,515 --> 00:06:57,665
What did you tell Howard?!
144
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,934
Did you say there was something
going on between us?
145
00:06:59,936 --> 00:07:01,135
Because he thinks there is!
146
00:07:01,137 --> 00:07:03,604
He's completely freaking out!
147
00:07:03,606 --> 00:07:06,357
Please, come in.
148
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:08,726
- What the hell is wrong with you?!
- Well...
149
00:07:08,728 --> 00:07:11,829
You were always so nice to me,
I thought maybe you liked me.
150
00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:15,600
I'm nice to everyone!
151
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,501
I'm sorry.
152
00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:19,453
Damn right, you're sorry!
153
00:07:19,455 --> 00:07:23,040
And you tell Howard there's
never been anything between us!
154
00:07:23,042 --> 00:07:26,010
- I will. Hey, Bernadette?
- What?!
155
00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:28,095
Do you think
I have a shot with Penny?
156
00:07:28,097 --> 00:07:30,247
Of course you do.
You're a cutie pie!
157
00:07:30,249 --> 00:07:33,250
Any girl would be lucky
to have you!
158
00:07:36,421 --> 00:07:38,589
You know, I've
done this before.
159
00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:40,107
In kindergarten,
160
00:07:40,109 --> 00:07:42,059
I was supposed to marry
Jason Sorensen at recess,
161
00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:43,861
but by the time
my class got out there,
162
00:07:43,863 --> 00:07:46,147
he was already engaged
to Chelsea Himmelfarb.
163
00:07:47,282 --> 00:07:48,432
So what did I do?
164
00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:50,067
Hung upside down
from the monkey bars,
165
00:07:50,069 --> 00:07:53,537
let all the boys see
my underpants.
166
00:07:53,539 --> 00:07:54,822
You can't blame yourself.
167
00:07:54,824 --> 00:07:57,441
When your prefrontal cortex
fails to make you happy,
168
00:07:57,443 --> 00:08:00,110
promiscuity rewards you with
the needed flood of dopamine.
169
00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:04,615
We neurobiologists refer
to this as the "skank reflex."
170
00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:06,050
You know what?
171
00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:07,635
Let's get out of here.
172
00:08:07,637 --> 00:08:08,919
Where are we going?
173
00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:10,788
Somewhere where no
one's seen me naked.
174
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:12,640
We may have to
drive awhile.
175
00:08:20,349 --> 00:08:23,768
Subtlety isn't
her strong suit, is it?
176
00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:26,103
Can I stay at your
place for a few nights?
177
00:08:26,105 --> 00:08:27,238
Really?
178
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,427
A best friend sleepover? Yay.
179
00:08:31,661 --> 00:08:33,828
Yeah, sure. Yay!
180
00:08:33,830 --> 00:08:35,696
We'll make popcorn,
stay up all night
181
00:08:35,698 --> 00:08:38,666
and I'll teach you
my secret language, Op.
182
00:08:38,668 --> 00:08:40,751
- Sounds great.
- Nope.
183
00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:43,754
Sounds "Gop Rop E A Top."
184
00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:46,624
- Yeah, I'm gonna go pack a bag.
- No, you're not.
185
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:51,262
You're gonna
"Pop A Cop Kop A Bop A Gop."
186
00:08:56,852 --> 00:08:59,303
Do we really have
to wear this camouflage crap
187
00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:01,355
to play paintball?
188
00:09:01,357 --> 00:09:02,640
Who said that?
189
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:04,859
Leonard, I can
hear your voice,
190
00:09:04,861 --> 00:09:06,811
but I can't see you.
191
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:10,364
I'm not in the mood, Sheldon.
192
00:09:10,366 --> 00:09:12,233
Oh, there you are!
193
00:09:12,235 --> 00:09:14,184
Leonard,
194
00:09:14,186 --> 00:09:17,538
I know you're upset
about recent events, and
195
00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:19,040
I have someone
here to help.
196
00:09:19,042 --> 00:09:20,708
I don't want
to talk to Amy.
197
00:09:20,710 --> 00:09:23,694
No, it's not Amy.
198
00:09:23,696 --> 00:09:25,663
Hello, dear.
199
00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:27,665
You called my mother?
200
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:28,883
Oh, Leonard,
201
00:09:28,885 --> 00:09:31,836
is it really necessary
to caption the obvious?
202
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:35,156
He's been like that
since he was a toddler.
203
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,141
"Look, Mommy-- a butterfly."
204
00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:39,527
Maddening.
205
00:09:40,879 --> 00:09:42,646
What's going on?
What do you want?
206
00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:43,931
Sheldon informed me
207
00:09:43,933 --> 00:09:46,150
that you're experiencing
an emotional upheaval,
208
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:47,585
and I'm here to help.
209
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,087
That's so nice.
210
00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,540
And we're back to the obvious.
211
00:09:53,742 --> 00:09:55,276
Now, what's up?
212
00:09:55,278 --> 00:09:58,779
Well, uh... okay.
213
00:09:58,781 --> 00:10:00,831
Um...
214
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:03,084
I don't want to get
back together with Penny.
215
00:10:03,086 --> 00:10:06,370
We tried it, it was crazy,
it didn't work,
216
00:10:06,372 --> 00:10:07,872
but I can't deal with the fact
217
00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:09,957
that she slept
with my friend Raj.
218
00:10:09,959 --> 00:10:12,242
And then I find out
that Raj's sister Priya,
219
00:10:12,244 --> 00:10:14,712
who I've been going out with
for eight months,
220
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:16,180
is moving back to India.
221
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:19,583
So I'm just completely confused
and alone.
222
00:10:19,585 --> 00:10:21,102
I understand.
223
00:10:21,104 --> 00:10:22,753
Got any advice?
224
00:10:22,755 --> 00:10:24,939
Yes. Buck up.
225
00:10:26,358 --> 00:10:28,058
Excuse me.
226
00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:29,643
You're a world-renowned expert
227
00:10:29,645 --> 00:10:31,395
in parenting
and child development,
228
00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:33,430
and all you've got is "Buck up"?
229
00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:35,232
Sorry.
230
00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:36,951
Buck up, sissy pants.
231
00:10:38,620 --> 00:10:40,404
Thanks, Mother.
I feel much better.
232
00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:42,373
If you need any more help
from me,
233
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,792
my books are available
on Amazon.
234
00:10:44,794 --> 00:10:46,994
Logging off.
235
00:10:51,737 --> 00:10:56,390
...ninety-nine,
one hundred.
236
00:10:56,391 --> 00:11:00,610
It's like a waterfall
of liquid gold.
237
00:11:00,612 --> 00:11:02,045
My turn.
238
00:11:06,951 --> 00:11:09,269
You know,
I don't even know what the point
239
00:11:09,271 --> 00:11:10,704
of me staying in L.A. is.
240
00:11:10,706 --> 00:11:13,457
I haven't gotten a single acting
job since I moved out here.
241
00:11:13,459 --> 00:11:15,408
The closest I came
was last month,
242
00:11:15,410 --> 00:11:17,944
I got a callback
for a hemorrhoid commercial.
243
00:11:17,946 --> 00:11:22,199
Oh, I could so see you being
the face of hemorrhoids.
244
00:11:22,201 --> 00:11:24,918
I know, right?
245
00:11:25,954 --> 00:11:28,121
Maybe I should just
move back to Nebraska.
246
00:11:28,123 --> 00:11:30,223
No, I can't let
you do that.
247
00:11:30,225 --> 00:11:31,291
Why not?
248
00:11:32,294 --> 00:11:33,743
For the first
time ever,
249
00:11:33,745 --> 00:11:35,178
I have a thriving
social life.
250
00:11:35,180 --> 00:11:36,146
And no pressure,
251
00:11:36,148 --> 00:11:39,399
but it kind of
lives and dies with you.
252
00:11:41,302 --> 00:11:42,302
Hi, Amy.
253
00:11:42,304 --> 00:11:43,520
Can I talk to Penny?
254
00:11:43,522 --> 00:11:45,939
A guest in my trundle bed
and a boy at my door?
255
00:11:45,941 --> 00:11:50,443
I wish I could tell 13-year-old
me "it does get better."
256
00:11:50,445 --> 00:11:52,362
How did you know I was here?
257
00:11:52,364 --> 00:11:54,647
It's all over her
Facebook page.
258
00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:00,036
I'll take your stuff
to the bedroom
259
00:12:00,038 --> 00:12:01,671
and clear out a drawer.
Thanks.
260
00:12:01,673 --> 00:12:04,591
No problem. Try and keep it
in your pants, okay?
261
00:12:07,678 --> 00:12:09,495
So, hi.
262
00:12:09,497 --> 00:12:10,597
What's up?
263
00:12:10,599 --> 00:12:12,682
I was wondering if
you're free Friday.
264
00:12:12,684 --> 00:12:14,768
They're having a Totally
'80s Night at the Greek.
265
00:12:14,770 --> 00:12:16,603
Hall & Oates,
Katrina and the Waves
266
00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:18,772
and three-fifths of Kajagoogoo.
267
00:12:18,774 --> 00:12:20,640
Oh.
268
00:12:20,642 --> 00:12:22,692
Gee, that's really sweet,
but the thing is...
269
00:12:22,694 --> 00:12:24,678
Aw, there's a thing.
270
00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:26,813
Look, honey, I was really drunk
271
00:12:26,815 --> 00:12:28,532
and made a huge mistake
last night.
272
00:12:28,534 --> 00:12:30,200
We should've never
slept together.
273
00:12:30,202 --> 00:12:31,985
It's what ruins friendships.
274
00:12:31,987 --> 00:12:34,237
You can't ruin a friendship
with sex.
275
00:12:34,239 --> 00:12:38,258
That's like trying to ruin ice
cream with chocolate sprinkles.
276
00:12:39,794 --> 00:12:40,794
Come here.
277
00:12:40,796 --> 00:12:43,129
Just listen to me.
278
00:12:43,131 --> 00:12:45,749
I want to go back
to the way we were before.
279
00:12:45,751 --> 00:12:47,417
You know, friends.
280
00:12:47,419 --> 00:12:49,553
No sprinkles.
281
00:12:51,422 --> 00:12:54,124
Oh.
282
00:12:54,126 --> 00:12:55,225
All right.
283
00:12:55,227 --> 00:12:57,594
Thank you.
284
00:12:59,714 --> 00:13:01,681
Well, uh...
285
00:13:01,683 --> 00:13:06,570
as your friend, you might
like to know that, um...
286
00:13:10,324 --> 00:13:15,278
we didn't have sex in
the conventional sense.
287
00:13:18,716 --> 00:13:20,750
Oh, God.
288
00:13:20,752 --> 00:13:24,170
Did you pull some weird
Indian crap on me?
289
00:13:24,172 --> 00:13:26,673
No, no.
290
00:13:28,242 --> 00:13:30,910
After we got undressed
and jumped in bed,
291
00:13:30,912 --> 00:13:33,463
you-you asked if
I had protection.
292
00:13:33,465 --> 00:13:34,848
Oh, you did, didn't you?
293
00:13:34,850 --> 00:13:36,766
Of course. I'm
always packing.
294
00:13:36,768 --> 00:13:38,802
Anyway,
295
00:13:38,804 --> 00:13:41,754
um, I had trouble
putting it on
296
00:13:41,756 --> 00:13:45,025
and you tried
to help and...
297
00:13:48,479 --> 00:13:50,880
that was all
she wrote.
298
00:13:55,753 --> 00:13:57,570
So, we didn't actually...
299
00:13:57,572 --> 00:13:58,571
I did.
300
00:13:58,573 --> 00:14:00,590
It was beautiful.
301
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:05,829
Oh!
302
00:14:05,831 --> 00:14:07,280
Penny, please,
please promise me
303
00:14:07,282 --> 00:14:08,748
you won't tell
anybody about this.
304
00:14:08,750 --> 00:14:10,283
Of course I won't.
No, I won't.
305
00:14:10,285 --> 00:14:12,252
Oh, good.
306
00:14:12,254 --> 00:14:14,020
Um, can I tell
people that our love
307
00:14:14,022 --> 00:14:15,305
burned too bright
and too quickly?
308
00:14:15,307 --> 00:14:18,124
Kind of a "Candle
in the Wind" deal?
309
00:14:18,126 --> 00:14:19,175
Sure.
310
00:14:19,177 --> 00:14:20,894
Cool. Can I say
it fell apart
311
00:14:20,896 --> 00:14:22,962
because you were all, "I
want to have your babies""
312
00:14:22,964 --> 00:14:26,116
and I was like, "I'm too rock
and roll to be tied down"?
313
00:14:27,635 --> 00:14:28,685
No.
314
00:14:28,687 --> 00:14:32,656
Can I say I ruined
you for white men?
315
00:14:34,492 --> 00:14:37,277
Also no.
316
00:14:37,279 --> 00:14:38,495
Okay, just the
candle thing.
317
00:14:38,497 --> 00:14:40,646
Yeah.
318
00:14:40,648 --> 00:14:42,365
Cool.
319
00:14:42,367 --> 00:14:44,501
All right... friend.
320
00:14:44,503 --> 00:14:45,702
Hmm.
321
00:14:45,704 --> 00:14:47,987
I'll see you around.
322
00:14:47,989 --> 00:14:48,872
Okay.
323
00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:52,809
Raj, wait.
324
00:14:56,830 --> 00:14:59,966
Thank you for being my friend.
325
00:14:59,968 --> 00:15:01,834
Penny?
326
00:15:01,836 --> 00:15:03,019
Mm-hmm?
327
00:15:03,021 --> 00:15:04,471
It's getting
beautiful again.
328
00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:10,643
All right, this is
a Google Earth view
329
00:15:10,645 --> 00:15:12,529
of the field
of battle.
330
00:15:12,531 --> 00:15:13,780
I don't see anything.
331
00:15:13,782 --> 00:15:15,899
Give it a
second to load.
332
00:15:15,901 --> 00:15:17,683
Whenever you're
ready, AT&T!
333
00:15:17,685 --> 00:15:20,537
Okay, here we go.
334
00:15:20,539 --> 00:15:23,123
This is us here.
To the south is Professor Loomis
335
00:15:23,125 --> 00:15:24,491
and the Geology Department.
336
00:15:24,493 --> 00:15:27,327
According to their Twitter feed,
they're out of sunblock,
337
00:15:27,329 --> 00:15:31,748
which means they'll have to hug
the tree line or risk melanoma.
338
00:15:32,466 --> 00:15:33,717
That's our edge.
339
00:15:33,719 --> 00:15:36,369
All we have to do is move
quickly over this ridge,
340
00:15:36,371 --> 00:15:37,754
the rock-worshipping
pasty-faced bastards
341
00:15:37,756 --> 00:15:39,038
won't know what hit them!
342
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,224
All right, let's move out.
343
00:15:42,059 --> 00:15:44,144
Hang on, Sheldon.
344
00:15:44,146 --> 00:15:48,014
How could you not tell me your
sister was moving back to India?
345
00:15:48,016 --> 00:15:50,433
Maybe he was too busy
writing clumsy penis metaphors
346
00:15:50,435 --> 00:15:52,435
about my fiancée.
347
00:15:52,437 --> 00:15:53,570
Screw you.
348
00:15:53,572 --> 00:15:56,706
That was a beautifully written
penis metaphor.
349
00:15:59,744 --> 00:16:02,612
You know what, guys, I'm not
in the mood for paintball.
350
00:16:02,614 --> 00:16:04,414
What do you say
we just bag it?
351
00:16:04,416 --> 00:16:06,166
- Fine with me.
- Sure, whatever.
352
00:16:06,168 --> 00:16:07,567
You can't quit.
353
00:16:07,569 --> 00:16:09,319
That's a court-
martial offense.
354
00:16:09,321 --> 00:16:11,788
That's punishable by...
355
00:16:11,790 --> 00:16:13,706
You can't quit.
356
00:16:13,708 --> 00:16:17,427
Sorry, Sheldon, it's just not
a good time for playing games.
357
00:16:17,429 --> 00:16:19,745
This is a game to you?
358
00:16:19,747 --> 00:16:23,016
Uh, was the Battle of Antietam
a game?
359
00:16:23,018 --> 00:16:26,136
Huh? Was the sack
of Rome a game?
360
00:16:26,138 --> 00:16:29,755
Yes, no and no.
361
00:16:29,757 --> 00:16:31,057
Wait.
362
00:16:32,143 --> 00:16:35,862
I just want you all to know
that I forgive you.
363
00:16:35,864 --> 00:16:38,481
This mutiny
isn't your fault,
364
00:16:38,483 --> 00:16:40,433
it's mine.
365
00:16:40,435 --> 00:16:42,619
I haven't earned these bars.
366
00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:50,994
Although what I lack
in leadership,
367
00:16:50,996 --> 00:16:54,414
apparently I more than
make up for in sewing.
368
00:16:54,416 --> 00:16:56,449
Let it go, Sheldon.
369
00:16:56,451 --> 00:16:58,802
I'll get you a Jamba Juice
on the way home.
370
00:16:58,804 --> 00:16:59,803
No.
371
00:16:59,805 --> 00:17:03,139
Jamba Juice is for heroes.
372
00:17:05,176 --> 00:17:07,460
And that's what
we're going to be.
373
00:17:09,180 --> 00:17:10,513
What are you doing?
374
00:17:10,515 --> 00:17:15,801
Following in the footsteps
of Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo.
375
00:17:28,332 --> 00:17:32,368
Geology isn't a real science!
376
00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:52,472
Damn those sons
of bitches!
377
00:17:52,474 --> 00:17:54,023
Let's get 'em!
378
00:17:54,025 --> 00:17:55,841
Eat paint!
379
00:18:01,014 --> 00:18:03,032
If there's ever
a Church of Sheldon,
380
00:18:03,034 --> 00:18:05,685
this will be when it started.
381
00:18:06,655 --> 00:18:09,339
Ow!
382
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:12,191
I'd like to
propose a toast
383
00:18:12,193 --> 00:18:15,795
to the man whose noble
sacrifice inspired our victory,
384
00:18:15,797 --> 00:18:17,547
Captain Sheldon Cooper.
385
00:18:17,549 --> 00:18:19,082
Hear, hear.
Hear, hear.
386
00:18:19,084 --> 00:18:21,918
Excuse me.
It's Major Sheldon Cooper.
387
00:18:22,586 --> 00:18:24,036
With my last breath,
388
00:18:24,038 --> 00:18:27,340
I awarded myself
a battlefield promotion.
389
00:18:27,942 --> 00:18:29,475
It's kind of a big deal.
390
00:18:31,263 --> 00:18:34,230
Hi. You guys have a minute?
391
00:18:35,816 --> 00:18:38,050
Uh, yeah, sure.
392
00:18:38,052 --> 00:18:39,686
Okay.
393
00:18:39,688 --> 00:18:41,321
Um...
394
00:18:41,323 --> 00:18:43,823
Well, I already talked to Raj,
but I wanted to apologize
395
00:18:43,825 --> 00:18:45,108
to the rest of you for,
396
00:18:45,110 --> 00:18:47,994
you know, everything.
397
00:18:47,996 --> 00:18:49,662
Please, Penny, let me.
398
00:18:49,664 --> 00:18:54,450
We've decided to let our crazy,
wonderful night together
399
00:18:54,452 --> 00:18:57,170
be just one of those
memories you have
400
00:18:57,172 --> 00:18:59,289
and can call to mind
when you're feeling blue
401
00:18:59,291 --> 00:19:01,391
or you're in the shower.
402
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,428
Hey, what you doing,
Quick Draw?
403
00:19:11,268 --> 00:19:12,802
Sorry. Go on.
404
00:19:14,439 --> 00:19:17,223
Anyways, I wanted you guys all
to know that I've been taking
405
00:19:17,225 --> 00:19:20,193
a really hard look at things
and come to the conclusion
406
00:19:20,195 --> 00:19:22,111
I have to stop kidding myself.
407
00:19:22,113 --> 00:19:24,197
I suck at acting.
408
00:19:24,199 --> 00:19:26,866
It's time for me
to move back to Nebraska.
409
00:19:26,868 --> 00:19:28,768
You're leaving?
410
00:19:28,770 --> 00:19:30,069
Yeah.
411
00:19:30,071 --> 00:19:32,038
What are you
going to do in Nebraska?
412
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,907
I don't know,
maybe teach acting.
413
00:19:35,961 --> 00:19:37,877
Oh, sorry. Hold on.
414
00:19:37,879 --> 00:19:39,329
Hello?
415
00:19:39,331 --> 00:19:42,114
Penny, listen, I hope you're not
doing this 'cause of you and me,
416
00:19:42,116 --> 00:19:44,450
because I have a girlfriend,
and you're a single woman...
417
00:19:44,452 --> 00:19:45,618
Shh! It's my agent,
it's my agent.
418
00:19:45,620 --> 00:19:46,919
You're kidding.
419
00:19:46,921 --> 00:19:47,887
Oh, my gosh.
420
00:19:47,889 --> 00:19:49,722
I can't believe it!
Really?!
421
00:19:49,724 --> 00:19:50,790
Oh, I'm so excited!
422
00:19:50,792 --> 00:19:51,758
Thank you!
423
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:52,976
Thank you so much.
424
00:19:52,978 --> 00:19:54,260
Okay, bye.
425
00:19:54,262 --> 00:19:55,762
I got the hemorrhoid commercial!
426
00:19:55,764 --> 00:19:56,946
I start Monday!
427
00:19:58,983 --> 00:20:00,683
What about Nebraska?
428
00:20:00,685 --> 00:20:01,684
Oh, hell with Nebraska.
429
00:20:01,686 --> 00:20:03,820
I'm gonna be a star!
430
00:20:04,889 --> 00:20:07,323
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
431
00:20:11,997 --> 00:20:14,447
Have you ever thought
of teaching physics?
432
00:20:23,043 --> 00:20:24,827
Ready to ride?
433
00:20:24,828 --> 00:20:26,578
I don't think
so, Mom.
434
00:20:26,580 --> 00:20:28,296
Not today.
435
00:20:28,298 --> 00:20:29,548
Oh, sweetie.
436
00:20:29,550 --> 00:20:31,883
Hemorrhoids acting up again?
437
00:20:31,885 --> 00:20:34,035
You don't know the half of it.
438
00:20:34,037 --> 00:20:36,204
Oh, yes, I do.
439
00:20:36,206 --> 00:20:38,673
Try a dab of this.
440
00:20:40,209 --> 00:20:44,095
"Rose-scented
Preparation-H for women?"
441
00:20:44,097 --> 00:20:48,366
Now, the "H" is for "her."
442
00:20:52,155 --> 00:20:53,872
I'm proud of you.
443
00:20:53,874 --> 00:20:54,806
Shh!
444
00:20:54,808 --> 00:20:55,974
Here comes
my joke.
445
00:20:55,976 --> 00:20:57,943
How you doing?
446
00:20:57,945 --> 00:21:01,563
Sittin' pretty.