1
00:00:02,239 --> 00:00:04,172
Why do I always have to
carry the heavy stuff?
2
00:00:04,909 --> 00:00:05,676
Well, it's very simple.
3
00:00:05,710 --> 00:00:08,765
In our ragtag band of scientists
with nothing to lose,
4
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,219
I'm the smart one,
5
00:00:10,254 --> 00:00:11,583
Wolowitz is the funny one,
6
00:00:11,618 --> 00:00:13,684
and Koothrappali
is the lovable foreigner
7
00:00:13,719 --> 00:00:16,183
who struggles to understand
our ways and fails.
8
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:20,884
That leaves you,
by default, as the muscle.
9
00:00:20,919 --> 00:00:22,153
Oh.
10
00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:25,265
One more floor,
and I'd be the pulled muscle.
11
00:00:26,300 --> 00:00:27,636
Oh, it's
about time.
12
00:00:27,670 --> 00:00:28,872
I'm starving.
13
00:00:28,906 --> 00:00:31,447
Um, well, we didn't
actually get Chinese food.
14
00:00:31,481 --> 00:00:32,948
Why not?
Don't panic.
15
00:00:32,982 --> 00:00:34,087
This is better.
16
00:00:34,122 --> 00:00:35,288
Oh, no.
17
00:00:35,323 --> 00:00:37,591
You didn't trade the food
for magic beans, did you?
18
00:00:37,626 --> 00:00:40,229
Of course not.
19
00:00:40,263 --> 00:00:42,099
And technically,
magic beans would be food.
20
00:00:42,134 --> 00:00:44,234
Although eating them
would be quite a waste,
21
00:00:44,269 --> 00:00:45,603
since you could plant them,
22
00:00:45,637 --> 00:00:47,171
and overnight,
have a giant beanstalk,
23
00:00:47,205 --> 00:00:50,073
which would provide enough
roughage for a small city.
24
00:00:50,108 --> 00:00:52,308
Yeah, sometimes I don't listen.
25
00:00:52,343 --> 00:00:54,978
Sometimes I just watch
your jaw go up and down.
26
00:00:56,246 --> 00:00:58,147
We were on our way to
the Chinese restaurant
27
00:00:58,181 --> 00:01:00,515
when we thought we saw Adam
West, so we followed him.
28
00:01:00,550 --> 00:01:01,649
Who's Adam West?
29
00:01:01,684 --> 00:01:03,852
Who's Adam West?!
30
00:01:03,886 --> 00:01:07,157
Leonard, what do the two of you
talk about after the coitus?
31
00:01:08,593 --> 00:01:10,761
My guess is,
"Hey, four minutes!
32
00:01:10,796 --> 00:01:12,364
New record!"
33
00:01:13,568 --> 00:01:17,505
That's why I'm
the funny one.
34
00:01:17,539 --> 00:01:19,976
Anyway, we followed the guy
to this garage sale,
35
00:01:20,011 --> 00:01:21,545
and they had the coolest stuff.
36
00:01:21,579 --> 00:01:22,646
They were closing up.
37
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:24,516
We got this whole
box for 60 bucks.
38
00:01:24,550 --> 00:01:25,917
We didn't even get
to go through it all.
39
00:01:25,952 --> 00:01:27,219
There could be
anything in here.
40
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:28,588
There a new girlfriend in there?
41
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:29,957
'Cause you might need one.
42
00:01:29,991 --> 00:01:31,792
No.
43
00:01:31,827 --> 00:01:35,163
But there is an
original final draft
Ghostbusters script
44
00:01:35,198 --> 00:01:36,899
with actual
slime stains!
45
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:39,401
Oh, you're right.
46
00:01:39,436 --> 00:01:40,637
It's Ghostbusters 2.
47
00:01:40,671 --> 00:01:41,905
Never mind.
48
00:01:41,940 --> 00:01:44,942
Oh, my God.
49
00:01:47,981 --> 00:01:50,483
An Alf doll.
50
00:01:51,385 --> 00:01:53,486
When I was 11,
my mother got me one
51
00:01:53,521 --> 00:01:54,621
to help me sleep
52
00:01:54,655 --> 00:01:56,123
after my dad left.
53
00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:57,458
I used to pretend
54
00:01:57,493 --> 00:02:00,361
that my dad had moved
to the planet Melmac,
55
00:02:00,396 --> 00:02:04,767
and Alf was going
to bring him back to me.
56
00:02:04,801 --> 00:02:07,070
But he never did.
57
00:02:07,738 --> 00:02:10,307
Where's my daddy, puppet?
58
00:02:13,812 --> 00:02:15,946
Where is he?
59
00:02:16,814 --> 00:02:18,815
That is so sad.
60
00:02:18,850 --> 00:02:21,017
No, what's sad is
that you don't know
61
00:02:21,052 --> 00:02:23,987
Adam West was TV's Batman.
62
00:02:24,021 --> 00:02:27,626
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
63
00:02:27,660 --> 00:02:30,962
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
64
00:02:30,997 --> 00:02:32,565
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
65
00:02:32,599 --> 00:02:35,134
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
66
00:02:35,169 --> 00:02:37,805
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
67
00:02:37,839 --> 00:02:40,241
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
68
00:02:40,276 --> 00:02:42,577
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
♪ Bang! ♪
69
00:02:42,612 --> 00:02:45,580
The Big Bang Theory 3x17
The Precious Fragmentation
Original Air Date on March 8, 2010
70
00:02:45,614 --> 00:02:48,883
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
71
00:02:51,530 --> 00:02:54,866
Here's Spock's
head with no body.
72
00:02:56,034 --> 00:02:59,537
Here's Mr. T's body
with no head.
73
00:03:00,773 --> 00:03:03,541
Oh, yeah, here's Spock's body
with Mr. T's head.
74
00:03:03,575 --> 00:03:04,909
(laughs)
75
00:03:04,943 --> 00:03:06,277
(laughter)
76
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:08,813
I pity the fool
who's illogical.
77
00:03:09,548 --> 00:03:11,382
(laughter)
78
00:03:11,416 --> 00:03:14,451
Okay, I'm just
gonna go home
79
00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:16,553
and make a grilled
cheese and window-shop
80
00:03:16,588 --> 00:03:18,688
on eHarmony.
81
00:03:19,690 --> 00:03:21,224
Okay, bye.
82
00:03:21,258 --> 00:03:22,825
Okay.
83
00:03:22,860 --> 00:03:26,262
Ooh, look, an Indiana Jones
connect-the-dots.
84
00:03:26,296 --> 00:03:28,430
And an Aquaman
action figure.
85
00:03:28,465 --> 00:03:30,732
Looks like someone
drew a penis on him.
86
00:03:30,766 --> 00:03:32,934
Ooh, that'll come off.
87
00:03:41,811 --> 00:03:44,113
You see what you're doing?
88
00:03:44,147 --> 00:03:46,582
Stop that.
89
00:03:46,616 --> 00:03:47,850
Fascinating.
90
00:03:47,884 --> 00:03:49,218
What?
91
00:03:49,252 --> 00:03:51,654
It appears
to be a Lord of the Rings ring.
92
00:03:51,688 --> 00:03:53,156
Oh.
It's even got
93
00:03:53,190 --> 00:03:54,724
the Elvish engraving on it.
94
00:03:54,758 --> 00:03:56,058
It's not Elvish.
95
00:03:56,093 --> 00:03:59,296
It's the language of Mordor
written in Elvish script.
96
00:04:00,632 --> 00:04:03,467
"One Ring to
rule them all."
97
00:04:03,501 --> 00:04:06,070
"One Ring to find them."
98
00:04:06,104 --> 00:04:08,673
"One Ring to bring them all."
99
00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:12,210
"And in the darkness bind them."
100
00:04:13,579 --> 00:04:16,180
Holy crap,
are we nerdy.
101
00:04:18,350 --> 00:04:20,485
So, I was doing some checking
on the ring.
102
00:04:20,519 --> 00:04:22,720
Hold on. Sheldon, is there
ketchup on that table?
103
00:04:22,755 --> 00:04:24,989
Yes, there is.
104
00:04:25,023 --> 00:04:26,757
Oh, here's a fun fact.
105
00:04:26,792 --> 00:04:28,058
Ketchup started out
106
00:04:28,093 --> 00:04:29,560
as a general term for sauce,
107
00:04:29,595 --> 00:04:31,563
typically made of mushrooms
or fish brine
108
00:04:31,597 --> 00:04:32,864
with herbs and spices.
109
00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:35,600
Some popular early main
ingredients included blueberry,
110
00:04:35,634 --> 00:04:39,103
anchovy, oyster,
kidney bean and grape.
111
00:04:40,406 --> 00:04:43,074
No, that's okay. I'll get it.
112
00:04:43,109 --> 00:04:46,478
Listen, I was looking
at the ring, and it
113
00:04:46,512 --> 00:04:47,678
seemed a little weird.
114
00:04:47,713 --> 00:04:49,247
No copyright notice on it.
115
00:04:49,281 --> 00:04:52,751
So, I took it down to this buddy
of mine who deals with--
116
00:04:52,785 --> 00:04:54,753
shall we say--
the seedy underbelly
117
00:04:54,787 --> 00:04:56,354
of the collectibles world.
118
00:04:56,388 --> 00:04:57,822
Seedy underbelly?
119
00:04:57,856 --> 00:05:00,191
You know,
your black market phasers,
120
00:05:00,226 --> 00:05:02,360
your screen-worn
Lieutenant Uhura panties,
121
00:05:02,394 --> 00:05:03,728
that kind of stuff.
122
00:05:04,831 --> 00:05:05,964
(clears throat)
123
00:05:05,998 --> 00:05:07,933
Who's this mysterious
buddy you suddenly have?
124
00:05:07,967 --> 00:05:10,002
Just a guy. I know a guy.
125
00:05:10,036 --> 00:05:12,705
Is it Eddie Crispo?
No, I can't
tell you who it is. Stop asking.
126
00:05:12,739 --> 00:05:14,340
Who else could it be?
It has to be Eddie Crispo.
127
00:05:14,374 --> 00:05:16,442
I know lots
of dangerous people, okay?
128
00:05:16,476 --> 00:05:19,511
Name one.
Eddie Crispo.
129
00:05:19,545 --> 00:05:21,012
Anyway,
130
00:05:21,047 --> 00:05:22,914
he said this isn't a replica.
131
00:05:22,949 --> 00:05:25,617
It's the real deal.
132
00:05:25,652 --> 00:05:28,587
If you're suggesting that
that is the actual ring of power
133
00:05:28,621 --> 00:05:30,856
forged by Sauron in Mount Doom,
134
00:05:30,890 --> 00:05:33,291
I look at you
with an expression of exhaustion
135
00:05:33,325 --> 00:05:35,326
and ever so slight amusement.
136
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:37,028
(small, airy laugh)
137
00:05:38,431 --> 00:05:41,299
He's not saying
it's a magic ring.
138
00:05:41,334 --> 00:05:43,235
You're not, are you?
139
00:05:43,269 --> 00:05:45,270
No, but it's close.
140
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:46,771
Look at the markings inside.
141
00:05:46,806 --> 00:05:49,073
Those are
production
markings.
142
00:05:49,108 --> 00:05:52,043
Nine rings were made for use
in the Lord of the Rings movies.
143
00:05:52,077 --> 00:05:53,878
Three were given
to members of the cast.
144
00:05:53,912 --> 00:05:55,346
The rest were destroyed.
145
00:05:55,381 --> 00:05:57,082
Except one.
146
00:05:57,116 --> 00:05:59,818
One was stolen.
147
00:05:59,852 --> 00:06:01,887
Gentlemen...
148
00:06:01,921 --> 00:06:05,457
this is the one ring.
149
00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:10,295
Mine!
150
00:06:11,664 --> 00:06:12,898
No, it is not yours.
151
00:06:12,932 --> 00:06:14,533
We all went in
on the box together.
152
00:06:14,567 --> 00:06:16,868
Well, yes, but I
found it in the box,
153
00:06:16,903 --> 00:06:18,971
and the laws of maritime
salvage clearly state
154
00:06:19,005 --> 00:06:20,873
that the finder of
a sunken treasure
155
00:06:20,907 --> 00:06:22,475
is the owner
of the treasure.
156
00:06:22,509 --> 00:06:24,377
How is this maritime salvage?
157
00:06:24,411 --> 00:06:26,812
Other than the lack of
water, how is it not?
158
00:06:26,846 --> 00:06:29,348
Wait, wait. Sheldon, stop
being crazy for a second.
159
00:06:29,382 --> 00:06:31,516
How much is something
like this worth?
160
00:06:31,551 --> 00:06:34,152
Well, it's tough to say
since it's hot,
161
00:06:34,186 --> 00:06:36,254
but on the underground market,
my guy figures...
162
00:06:36,288 --> 00:06:37,288
Your guy Eddie Crispo?
163
00:06:37,322 --> 00:06:39,489
s.
164
00:06:40,725 --> 00:06:45,361
He figures ten,
maybe 15 thousand.
165
00:06:45,396 --> 00:06:46,863
Okay, that's a lot of money.
166
00:06:46,897 --> 00:06:49,998
The wise thing to do is invest
it in something practical.
167
00:06:50,033 --> 00:06:51,733
Like a jet ski.
168
00:06:51,767 --> 00:06:54,702
Why do you want a jet ski?
169
00:06:54,737 --> 00:06:58,039
All the wealthy and beautiful
people in movies ride Jet Skis.
170
00:06:58,073 --> 00:06:59,841
That can't just
be a coincidence.
171
00:07:00,776 --> 00:07:01,943
We can't sell it.
172
00:07:01,978 --> 00:07:03,545
We have to keep it
173
00:07:03,579 --> 00:07:04,846
and love it and polish it,
174
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:06,314
and only take it out
occasionally
175
00:07:06,348 --> 00:07:07,648
when we go to the park
176
00:07:07,683 --> 00:07:10,652
and reenact our favorite scenes
from the movies.
177
00:07:10,686 --> 00:07:14,723
It's sad how great that sounds.
178
00:07:14,757 --> 00:07:15,891
Guys, it's stolen.
179
00:07:15,925 --> 00:07:17,526
It should go back
to Peter Jackson.
180
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,361
He made the movies;
it belongs to him.
181
00:07:19,395 --> 00:07:20,562
WOLOWITZ:
Fine.
182
00:07:20,596 --> 00:07:22,931
He can have it back
as long as he promises
183
00:07:22,965 --> 00:07:25,200
to make me a hobbit
in his next movie.
184
00:07:25,235 --> 00:07:27,302
There are no
Jewish hobbits.
185
00:07:27,336 --> 00:07:29,171
Clearly, you've never
been to my house
186
00:07:29,205 --> 00:07:31,440
for dinner
on Rosh Hashanah.
187
00:07:31,474 --> 00:07:33,842
We are not blackmailing
Peter J...
188
00:07:33,876 --> 00:07:35,343
All right,
where's the ring?
189
00:07:35,377 --> 00:07:37,612
You mean my ring?
190
00:07:37,646 --> 00:07:38,713
What are you doing?
191
00:07:38,748 --> 00:07:39,881
The ring was
unguarded.
192
00:07:39,916 --> 00:07:41,650
It was just sitting
on the table.
193
00:07:41,684 --> 00:07:43,118
Anyone could
have taken it.
194
00:07:43,152 --> 00:07:45,053
Proof? I did.
195
00:07:45,087 --> 00:07:47,622
Give me that.
KOOTHRAPPALI:
Look, let's be reasonable.
196
00:07:47,656 --> 00:07:49,990
We all want to do
different things with the ring,
197
00:07:50,025 --> 00:07:52,927
but your ideas are stupid,
and I want a jet ski.
198
00:07:52,961 --> 00:07:54,662
I found it. The
ring is mine.
199
00:07:54,696 --> 00:07:57,999
I don't understand
why in this group I
never get my way.
200
00:08:01,402 --> 00:08:04,572
You always get your way.
201
00:08:04,606 --> 00:08:08,876
I'll stipulate to that
if you give me the ring.
202
00:08:08,911 --> 00:08:10,011
Hey, guys.
203
00:08:10,045 --> 00:08:11,379
Enjoying your food
that I actually
204
00:08:11,413 --> 00:08:13,047
brought you
instead of promising food,
205
00:08:13,081 --> 00:08:16,183
but bringing you a box
of random crap?
206
00:08:16,218 --> 00:08:17,318
Yeah, it's delicious.
207
00:08:17,352 --> 00:08:19,153
The sarcasm's
a little stale, though.
208
00:08:20,321 --> 00:08:21,454
Hey, how about this?
209
00:08:21,489 --> 00:08:23,323
Until we figure out
what to do with the ring,
210
00:08:23,357 --> 00:08:24,490
Penny holds on to it.
211
00:08:24,525 --> 00:08:25,391
What ring?
212
00:08:25,425 --> 00:08:27,560
This ring.
213
00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:29,728
Looking for something?
214
00:08:31,964 --> 00:08:34,265
Will you hold on to this
for a couple of days?
215
00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:35,901
Why?
It's a prop
216
00:08:35,935 --> 00:08:37,869
from a movie, and we're kind of
fighting over it.
217
00:08:37,903 --> 00:08:39,571
Okay, just to be clear,
the first piece of jewelry
218
00:08:39,605 --> 00:08:41,305
my boyfriend gives me
is a prop from a movie,
219
00:08:41,340 --> 00:08:42,807
and I don't even get to keep it?
220
00:08:43,808 --> 00:08:46,478
If you had gone out with me
three years ago,
221
00:08:46,512 --> 00:08:48,913
by now, you'd have
my great Aunt Ida's brooch
222
00:08:48,947 --> 00:08:52,483
that she smuggled out
of occupied Belgium in a cat.
223
00:08:53,618 --> 00:08:55,787
How am I looking now?
224
00:08:58,557 --> 00:09:00,624
(door opening)
225
00:09:10,568 --> 00:09:12,702
(sighs)
226
00:09:19,845 --> 00:09:22,914
(buzzing like a mosquito)
227
00:09:22,948 --> 00:09:25,083
(soft groan)
228
00:09:52,078 --> 00:09:53,645
(screams)
229
00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:54,946
Ow!
230
00:09:54,981 --> 00:09:57,216
Oh!
231
00:09:58,519 --> 00:10:00,754
You hit me!
232
00:10:00,788 --> 00:10:03,958
I'm bleeding!
233
00:10:04,893 --> 00:10:06,661
What was that?
234
00:10:06,695 --> 00:10:09,632
Sheldon tried to take the ring
and I punched him.
235
00:10:09,666 --> 00:10:12,835
That's my girl.
236
00:10:18,352 --> 00:10:20,254
So, Sheldon,
237
00:10:20,288 --> 00:10:23,456
how's it feel to get
beaten up by a girl?
238
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,261
It's not the first time.
239
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:31,697
I have a twin sister
whose assaults began in utero.
240
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:35,834
If only I'd had the presence
of mind to reabsorb her,
241
00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:37,869
then I'd have a mole
with hair in it
242
00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:41,306
instead of a tedious
yearly Christmas letter.
243
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:43,675
Gentlemen, have you come
to the realization
244
00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:45,511
that the only reasonable
course of action
245
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:47,312
is to sell the ring
and divide the money?
246
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,480
No.
247
00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:49,548
I was afraid of that.
248
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,550
(clears throat)
249
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:53,519
Go ahead.
250
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:55,154
Greetings from Mumbai.
251
00:10:55,189 --> 00:10:57,657
I am Raj's attorney,
Venkatesh Koothrappali.
252
00:10:57,692 --> 00:10:59,693
Also my cousin.
253
00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:01,162
You brought a lawyer?
254
00:11:01,196 --> 00:11:02,396
Don't answer that.
255
00:11:02,430 --> 00:11:04,364
I'll get straight
to the point.
256
00:11:04,398 --> 00:11:06,400
My client's prepared
to surrender
257
00:11:06,434 --> 00:11:07,868
any interest
he has in the ring
258
00:11:07,902 --> 00:11:10,604
in exchange for two
Kawasaki Jet Skis.
259
00:11:10,638 --> 00:11:13,640
We're not giving him
two Jet Skis.
260
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,642
Look, we're big boys,
261
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,844
why don't we just cut to the
chase and meet in the middle?
262
00:11:17,879 --> 00:11:19,146
One Kawasaki Jet Ski.
263
00:11:19,180 --> 00:11:20,313
Done and done.
264
00:11:22,316 --> 00:11:24,952
No Jet Skis.
265
00:11:24,986 --> 00:11:27,054
All right, forget
the Jet Skis.
266
00:11:27,088 --> 00:11:28,322
Forget the Jet Skis?
267
00:11:28,356 --> 00:11:29,823
That was our line
in the sand!
268
00:11:29,858 --> 00:11:31,725
What happened to
"tear them a new one?"
269
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:32,926
What can I say?
270
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,294
They played hardball.
271
00:11:34,328 --> 00:11:35,562
We lost.
272
00:11:35,596 --> 00:11:36,897
You're useless.
273
00:11:36,931 --> 00:11:38,732
I told you that
when you hired me.
274
00:11:38,767 --> 00:11:40,200
KOOTHRAPPALI:
I'm signing off now.
275
00:11:40,235 --> 00:11:41,568
Call your mother.
276
00:11:41,603 --> 00:11:43,203
She worries.
277
00:11:44,439 --> 00:11:45,606
Okay, just so
you know,
278
00:11:45,641 --> 00:11:48,009
if we're bringing in cousins
who are lawyers,
279
00:11:48,043 --> 00:11:51,079
prepare for shock and awe.
280
00:11:51,113 --> 00:11:52,914
You know what?
I am ending this.
281
00:11:52,948 --> 00:11:54,382
Penny didn't want to
hold the ring anymore.
282
00:11:54,416 --> 00:11:55,716
She gave it to me.
I have it.
283
00:11:55,751 --> 00:11:57,285
I'm sending it back.
284
00:11:57,319 --> 00:11:58,987
Where's the ring?
285
00:11:59,021 --> 00:12:01,456
You mean this ring?
286
00:12:02,558 --> 00:12:04,259
Next time be aware
of your surroundings
287
00:12:04,294 --> 00:12:06,462
while urinating
in a public men's room.
288
00:12:06,496 --> 00:12:07,663
Give me that.
289
00:12:07,697 --> 00:12:08,697
No, it's mine.
290
00:12:08,731 --> 00:12:09,631
It's all of ours.
291
00:12:09,666 --> 00:12:11,800
(grunting and groaning)
292
00:12:11,835 --> 00:12:13,636
Okay, now, this is ridiculous!
Then let go!
293
00:12:13,670 --> 00:12:15,004
I'm not letting go.
You let go.
294
00:12:15,038 --> 00:12:16,472
I say this ring belongs
295
00:12:16,506 --> 00:12:18,541
to the last person
who can hold on.
296
00:12:18,575 --> 00:12:20,743
Fine. But can't we go home
and start this?
297
00:12:20,777 --> 00:12:21,944
Sure.
298
00:12:21,978 --> 00:12:23,278
Let go of the ring.
299
00:12:23,313 --> 00:12:25,814
All right, it starts now.
300
00:12:29,820 --> 00:12:32,687
You do realize there's
a giant bug movie marathon
301
00:12:32,722 --> 00:12:34,956
tonight on the Syfy Channel.
302
00:12:49,672 --> 00:12:51,774
Wait, my laptop.
303
00:13:02,453 --> 00:13:05,354
You know, there's a point
when this becomes idiotic.
304
00:13:05,389 --> 00:13:08,624
And it wasn't when we were
driving like this?
305
00:13:09,893 --> 00:13:11,861
I would advise
the three of you
306
00:13:11,895 --> 00:13:13,495
that resistance
is futile.
307
00:13:13,530 --> 00:13:15,164
I have endless
patience.
308
00:13:15,198 --> 00:13:17,399
I once spent two-and-a-half
hours on hold
309
00:13:17,433 --> 00:13:19,400
with Hewlett-Packard
customer service
310
00:13:19,435 --> 00:13:22,571
just to complain about
their customer service.
311
00:13:24,073 --> 00:13:26,074
You want to talk about
endless patience?
312
00:13:26,108 --> 00:13:28,110
Penny made me watch
all five seasons
313
00:13:28,144 --> 00:13:30,278
of Sex and the City.
314
00:13:32,415 --> 00:13:34,382
There are six
seasons, dude.
315
00:13:34,417 --> 00:13:36,552
Oh, crap!
316
00:13:38,054 --> 00:13:40,022
No, no, no, the sixth
season is great.
317
00:13:40,056 --> 00:13:44,092
We go to Paris with Carrie
and get our heart broken,
318
00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:45,327
and then Mr. Big shows up,
319
00:13:45,361 --> 00:13:48,330
we don't know if we
can trust him again.
320
00:13:48,364 --> 00:13:50,532
It's a wild ride.
321
00:13:52,435 --> 00:13:54,569
Door.
322
00:13:56,973 --> 00:13:58,073
(keys jingling)
323
00:13:58,107 --> 00:14:00,409
(sighs)
324
00:14:00,443 --> 00:14:03,812
Okay, everybody,
and plié.
325
00:14:10,853 --> 00:14:12,988
And relevé.
326
00:14:15,892 --> 00:14:18,961
Whatcha doin'?
327
00:14:18,995 --> 00:14:21,731
Last one holding the ring
decides its fate.
328
00:14:21,765 --> 00:14:22,965
I know, it sounds silly.
329
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,901
No, no, no, no, no,
you are my boyfriend.
330
00:14:24,935 --> 00:14:26,936
Nothing you do is silly to me.
331
00:14:26,970 --> 00:14:28,871
Thank you.
332
00:14:28,906 --> 00:14:33,676
FYI-- this is a bag
from Victoria's Secret.
333
00:14:39,850 --> 00:14:42,785
I'm out.
334
00:14:52,362 --> 00:14:54,330
I'm sorry, Ma,
335
00:14:54,364 --> 00:14:56,332
I have to stay late
at the office.
336
00:14:56,366 --> 00:14:58,668
No, he's doesn't!
He's lying to you!
337
00:14:59,836 --> 00:15:01,470
Will you be quiet?
338
00:15:01,504 --> 00:15:03,339
Well, if you want privacy
let go of the ring.
339
00:15:03,373 --> 00:15:05,173
I'm so glad
340
00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:08,009
we came to
this gentile
strip club!
341
00:15:08,043 --> 00:15:09,244
Howard,
342
00:15:09,278 --> 00:15:10,912
here's more bacon to tuck
343
00:15:10,946 --> 00:15:12,780
into the shiksa's G-string!
344
00:15:14,583 --> 00:15:16,449
I'll call you back.
345
00:15:16,484 --> 00:15:18,485
I think it's lovely
you call your mommy
346
00:15:18,519 --> 00:15:20,320
and let her know you're
going to be late for dinner.
347
00:15:20,354 --> 00:15:21,587
From what I know
about these things,
348
00:15:21,622 --> 00:15:23,455
if a woman doesn't
breast-feed on time,
349
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:26,325
it's very uncomfortable
for her boobies.
350
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,394
Don't you talk about
my mother's boobies!
351
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,029
If you're offended,
let go of the ring
352
00:15:31,063 --> 00:15:33,565
and go on home to your
mother's boobies.
353
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,133
Excellent,
excellent.
354
00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:36,934
Tire each other out,
the ring will be mine.
355
00:15:36,968 --> 00:15:39,703
Howard, why don't you
go after Raj's mother?
356
00:15:39,737 --> 00:15:43,207
Why don't we go
after your mother?
357
00:15:43,241 --> 00:15:45,175
Go ahead.
358
00:15:45,209 --> 00:15:47,311
I have no illusions
about my mother.
359
00:15:47,345 --> 00:15:49,279
She is a kind, loving,
360
00:15:49,313 --> 00:15:51,281
religiously fanatical
right-wing Texan
361
00:15:51,315 --> 00:15:53,350
with a slightly
out-of-scale head
362
00:15:53,384 --> 00:15:55,686
and a mild Dr. Pepper addiction.
363
00:15:56,654 --> 00:15:59,122
Anything you'd like to add?
364
00:15:59,156 --> 00:16:01,157
That's not gonna
get you anywhere.
365
00:16:01,191 --> 00:16:02,658
Better pull out
the big gun.
366
00:16:02,693 --> 00:16:03,659
You're right.
367
00:16:03,694 --> 00:16:05,895
Let's talk about
your grandmother.
368
00:16:05,929 --> 00:16:07,663
SHELDON: No!
369
00:16:07,698 --> 00:16:10,233
I call no Meemaws.
370
00:16:10,267 --> 00:16:11,701
Think about this.
371
00:16:11,735 --> 00:16:16,205
The only way your mother was
born was your Meemaw had sex.
372
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,140
(chuckling)
373
00:16:18,175 --> 00:16:19,575
I don't want to hear this.
374
00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:23,013
Then let go of the ring
and walk away.
375
00:16:23,047 --> 00:16:24,448
Never.
376
00:16:24,482 --> 00:16:25,615
All right.
377
00:16:25,650 --> 00:16:26,816
I'll bet your Meemaw
378
00:16:26,851 --> 00:16:29,286
didn't just have sex
to have your mother.
379
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,923
I bet she had sex
because she liked it.
380
00:16:32,957 --> 00:16:34,224
(chuckling)
381
00:16:34,259 --> 00:16:35,659
Stop it!
382
00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:37,394
Yeah, Meemaw
did the nasty.
383
00:16:37,429 --> 00:16:39,197
I said stop it!
384
00:16:39,231 --> 00:16:41,032
We're getting to him.
385
00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:42,033
Waterfalls!
386
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:42,800
What?
387
00:16:42,834 --> 00:16:44,001
Waterfalls.
388
00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:45,002
Crashing waves.
389
00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:46,437
Babbling brooks.
390
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:49,240
What are you doing?
391
00:16:49,274 --> 00:16:50,474
Subliminal messaging.
392
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,744
I'm going to make you
want to pee.
393
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,547
Dripping faucets.
394
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:57,582
Leaky gutter.
395
00:16:57,617 --> 00:17:00,419
Peeing.
396
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,154
It's, it's not
working, dude.
397
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:05,224
Oh-ho-ho,
it's working all right.
398
00:17:05,259 --> 00:17:07,526
I have to pee.
399
00:17:07,561 --> 00:17:09,362
Then let go of
the ring and go.
400
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:11,831
No, actually,
I wouldn't mind going, too.
401
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:13,366
(sighing):
Fine.
402
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,734
Um, on the count
of three.
403
00:17:14,769 --> 00:17:16,169
One, two...
404
00:17:16,204 --> 00:17:17,404
Wait, just to clarify.
405
00:17:17,438 --> 00:17:21,474
When you get to three,
do we stand up or do we pee?
406
00:17:24,645 --> 00:17:26,779
We stand up.
407
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:29,415
Excellent choice.
408
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:31,583
Three.
409
00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:38,389
Something tells me
410
00:17:38,423 --> 00:17:42,060
this was a bad day
to wear suede shoes.
411
00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:52,438
(sighs)
412
00:17:58,012 --> 00:17:59,980
I've done it!
413
00:18:00,015 --> 00:18:01,882
I've won!
414
00:18:01,916 --> 00:18:04,251
The ring is mine!
415
00:18:04,285 --> 00:18:06,453
It's mine!
416
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:16,161
We're going to clean it up
and make it pretty.
417
00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:18,663
My own.
418
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,631
My love.
419
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:22,800
My precious.
420
00:18:25,304 --> 00:18:28,440
(high-pitched scream)
421
00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:33,279
Where's the ring?
422
00:18:33,314 --> 00:18:37,184
It's in a FedEx box on its way
back to where it came from.
423
00:18:37,219 --> 00:18:40,255
The fires of Mount Doom?
424
00:18:40,289 --> 00:18:42,957
Peter Jackson's office
in New Zealand.
425
00:18:42,991 --> 00:18:44,192
It wasn't ours.
426
00:18:44,226 --> 00:18:45,660
You quit the game!
427
00:18:45,694 --> 00:18:47,061
You had no right
to take it.
428
00:18:47,095 --> 00:18:48,663
I came in here, you guys
were all sleeping.
429
00:18:48,697 --> 00:18:50,598
The ring was on the floor.
No one was touching it.
430
00:18:50,633 --> 00:18:53,168
Well, so then we start the game
over until there's a winner.
431
00:18:53,203 --> 00:18:55,537
There wasn't ever going
to be a winner.
432
00:18:55,571 --> 00:18:58,006
There was going to be a selfish,
petty person with a ring
433
00:18:58,041 --> 00:18:59,842
and three people
who used to be his friend.
434
00:18:59,876 --> 00:19:01,143
Is that really
what you guys want?
435
00:19:01,177 --> 00:19:02,410
'Cause if it is, fine.
436
00:19:02,445 --> 00:19:04,813
I don't want anything
to do with you.
437
00:19:04,848 --> 00:19:06,949
And I don't know what happened
in that bathroom,
438
00:19:06,984 --> 00:19:08,584
but I am not cleaning it up!
439
00:19:25,403 --> 00:19:28,706
My precious.
440
00:19:46,458 --> 00:19:48,593
I knew it.
441
00:19:51,631 --> 00:19:52,998
Give us
the precious!
442
00:19:53,033 --> 00:19:54,900
(screams)
443
00:19:54,935 --> 00:19:56,669
Give me! Give me!
Get off of me!
444
00:19:56,704 --> 00:19:58,739
Give me the ring!
It's mine!
445
00:19:58,773 --> 00:20:01,408
Ugh, gotta go back to dating
dumb guys from the gym.
446
00:20:01,443 --> 00:20:02,877
Just give me
the ring!
447
00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:04,011
Give it to me!
448
00:20:04,046 --> 00:20:05,346
Give me the ring!
449
00:20:05,381 --> 00:20:06,481
I said give it to me!
450
00:20:06,515 --> 00:20:08,583
It's mine!
451
00:20:08,584 --> 00:20:14,584
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --