1 00:00:05,475 --> 00:00:08,795 I always tear up when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes. 2 00:00:09,335 --> 00:00:10,510 Tears seem appropriate. 3 00:00:10,895 --> 00:00:12,395 Enlargement of the heart muscle, 4 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:14,617 or hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, is a serious disease 5 00:00:14,742 --> 00:00:16,641 which could lead to congestive heart failure. 6 00:00:21,770 --> 00:00:23,189 You really didn't like it? 7 00:00:23,476 --> 00:00:24,582 No, on the contrary. 8 00:00:24,707 --> 00:00:27,269 I found the Grinch to be a relatable, 9 00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:28,831 engaging character. 10 00:00:29,719 --> 00:00:31,677 And I was really with him right up to the point 11 00:00:31,802 --> 00:00:33,421 that he succumbed to social convention 12 00:00:33,546 --> 00:00:35,918 and returned the presents and saved Christmas. 13 00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:38,878 What a buzz kill that was. 14 00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:43,543 When we watch Frosty the Snowman, he roots for the sun. 15 00:00:44,838 --> 00:00:45,644 Excuse me, 16 00:00:45,769 --> 00:00:47,964 but the sun is essential for all life on Earth. 17 00:00:48,132 --> 00:00:49,331 Frosty is merely 18 00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:52,552 a bit of frozen supernatural ephemera in a stolen hat. 19 00:00:53,895 --> 00:00:56,847 A crime, by the way, for which he is never brought to account. 20 00:01:00,992 --> 00:01:03,395 Episode 311: The Maternal Congruence 21 00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:06,429 Sync: Jess, Linwelin, Loky 22 00:01:20,956 --> 00:01:23,408 www.subbercafe.fr 23 00:01:30,363 --> 00:01:32,778 I just love decorating the Christmas tree. 24 00:01:32,903 --> 00:01:34,889 It makes me feel like a little girl again. 25 00:01:35,014 --> 00:01:36,846 We didn't have a tree when I was growing up. 26 00:01:37,309 --> 00:01:38,310 Really? Why not? 27 00:01:38,988 --> 00:01:40,125 In my family, 28 00:01:40,397 --> 00:01:42,500 holidays weren't so much celebrated as studied 29 00:01:42,625 --> 00:01:45,063 for their anthropological and psychological implications 30 00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:46,356 on human society. 31 00:01:47,001 --> 00:01:48,455 Oh, sounds festive. 32 00:01:48,580 --> 00:01:49,984 Did you at least give presents? 33 00:01:50,762 --> 00:01:51,813 In a way. 34 00:01:51,938 --> 00:01:53,285 We presented papers. 35 00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:58,493 And then broke off into focus groups and critiqued each other. 36 00:01:59,812 --> 00:02:02,185 Sheldon, what about you? Did you have a Christmas tree? 37 00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:06,999 We had a tree, we had a manger, 38 00:02:07,124 --> 00:02:08,562 we had an inflatable Santa Claus 39 00:02:08,687 --> 00:02:11,047 with plastic reindeer on the front lawn. 40 00:02:11,886 --> 00:02:13,286 And to make things more jolly, 41 00:02:13,411 --> 00:02:15,063 there were so many lights on the house 42 00:02:15,188 --> 00:02:17,679 they induced neighborhood-wide seizures. 43 00:02:18,508 --> 00:02:20,556 So I take it you don't want to help us trim the tree. 44 00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:21,747 I do not. 45 00:02:21,872 --> 00:02:23,125 But if you insist 46 00:02:23,250 --> 00:02:26,593 on decorating a spider-infested fire hazard in my home 47 00:02:27,275 --> 00:02:29,586 I would request that you add this. 48 00:02:29,711 --> 00:02:30,566 What is it? 49 00:02:31,747 --> 00:02:33,122 You're kidding, right? 50 00:02:33,664 --> 00:02:36,155 It's a bust of Sir Isaac Newton. 51 00:02:37,687 --> 00:02:39,700 Oh, sure, sure. Very Christmasy. 52 00:02:39,874 --> 00:02:41,660 Wait, excuse me, but it's much 53 00:02:41,830 --> 00:02:44,204 more "Christmasy" than anything you've put on the tree. 54 00:02:44,544 --> 00:02:45,622 Here we go. 55 00:02:46,809 --> 00:02:48,749 December 25, 1642, 56 00:02:48,874 --> 00:02:51,294 Julian calendar, Sir Isaac Newton is born. 57 00:02:51,562 --> 00:02:53,381 Jesus, on the other hand, was actually born 58 00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,311 in the summer... His birthday was moved 59 00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:57,559 to coincide with a traditional pagan holiday 60 00:02:57,684 --> 00:03:00,930 that celebrated the winter solstice with lit fires and slaughtered goats. 61 00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:05,122 Which, frankly, sounds like more fun than 12 hours of church with my mother 62 00:03:05,247 --> 00:03:06,477 followed by a fruitcake. 63 00:03:07,882 --> 00:03:09,761 Merry Newton-mas, everyone. 64 00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:13,488 I sense that's not sincere, although I have no idea why. 65 00:03:14,484 --> 00:03:17,405 No, it's fine. Look, Sir Isaac can go right next to this little candy cane. 66 00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:19,974 No. Isaac goes at the top of the tree. 67 00:03:20,746 --> 00:03:21,993 No, he doesn't. 68 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,372 I understand. 69 00:03:23,497 --> 00:03:26,122 You dispute Newton's claim that he invented calculus 70 00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:28,905 and you want to put Gottfried Leibniz on the top. 71 00:03:29,694 --> 00:03:31,753 Yeah, you got me. I'm a Leibniz man. 72 00:03:32,550 --> 00:03:35,131 Perhaps when your mother gets here, she'll talk some sense into you. 73 00:03:36,111 --> 00:03:37,925 What? Your-your mother's coming? When? 74 00:03:38,244 --> 00:03:39,245 Tomorrow. 75 00:03:39,559 --> 00:03:41,117 When were you going to tell me? 76 00:03:41,906 --> 00:03:42,846 Tomorrow? 77 00:03:43,871 --> 00:03:45,474 Why were you keeping this a secret? 78 00:03:45,644 --> 00:03:48,395 - Well, I just... I thought... - If I can interject here, 79 00:03:48,747 --> 00:03:50,387 obviously Leonard is concerned 80 00:03:50,512 --> 00:03:52,732 that his mother won't approve of you as his mate. 81 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,236 Why wouldn't she approve of me? I'm adorable. 82 00:03:58,184 --> 00:04:00,725 - You are, it's just... - If I can interject again. 83 00:04:01,619 --> 00:04:05,142 Leonard comes from a remarkably high-achieving family, 84 00:04:05,267 --> 00:04:07,245 who have all chosen high-achieving partners. 85 00:04:07,463 --> 00:04:08,872 He probably feels 86 00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:11,683 that it's doubtful that his mother will be overly impressed 87 00:04:11,808 --> 00:04:14,494 with his dating a woman whose most significant achievement 88 00:04:14,619 --> 00:04:16,927 is memorizing the Cheesecake Factory menu. 89 00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:19,592 Hey, it's a big menu. 90 00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:23,261 There's two pages just for desserts. 91 00:04:23,462 --> 00:04:26,264 I know. And those specials... they change every day. 92 00:04:26,909 --> 00:04:28,620 You know what? It's lame when I say it. 93 00:04:28,745 --> 00:04:30,727 It's just ridiculous when you pile on. 94 00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:32,063 Sorry. 95 00:04:32,231 --> 00:04:34,645 What did she say when you told her we were going out? 96 00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:38,653 You didn't tell her we were going out? 97 00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,281 Why not? 98 00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:47,123 I'm no expert on meditation, but if y're trying 99 00:04:47,248 --> 00:04:49,580 to calm yourself down, I believe the word is "Om." 100 00:04:53,541 --> 00:04:56,337 It was so nice of you to come all the way down to the airport to pick me up. 101 00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:57,755 No trouble at all. 102 00:04:58,213 --> 00:04:59,507 I drove, Mother. 103 00:05:01,559 --> 00:05:02,859 I'm driving now. 104 00:05:03,245 --> 00:05:04,470 Yes, dear. Mommy's proud. 105 00:05:06,241 --> 00:05:08,536 I've been meaning to thank you for your notes on my paper 106 00:05:08,661 --> 00:05:10,435 disproving quantum brain dynamic theory. 107 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:11,435 My pleasure. 108 00:05:11,731 --> 00:05:13,020 For a non-physicist, 109 00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:14,663 you have a remarkable grasp 110 00:05:14,788 --> 00:05:17,409 of how electric dipoles in the brain's water molecules 111 00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:20,153 could not possibly form a Bose condensate. 112 00:05:20,747 --> 00:05:21,612 Wait, wait. 113 00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:24,532 When did you send my mom notes on a paper? 114 00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:25,900 August 16. 115 00:05:26,397 --> 00:05:28,536 Right after her carpal tunnel surgery. 116 00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:32,018 - Did I thank you for the flowers? - You did. 117 00:05:32,143 --> 00:05:33,332 I don't like flowers. 118 00:05:33,477 --> 00:05:35,309 Neither do I, but it's the social convention. 119 00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:36,712 It is, isn't it? 120 00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:39,463 Wait, wait, wait. You had surgery? 121 00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:41,247 Yes, and Sheldon sent me flowers. 122 00:05:41,372 --> 00:05:42,624 No, I heard that. 123 00:05:42,749 --> 00:05:44,944 Then what was all that "wait, wait, wait" about? 124 00:05:45,991 --> 00:05:49,807 I just don't understand why he knows more about your life than I do. 125 00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:52,331 I would assume it's because Sheldon and I stay in touch 126 00:05:52,456 --> 00:05:54,230 due to mutual interest and respect, 127 00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:57,165 while you avoid me, due to unresolved childhood issues. 128 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:01,652 It's what we think caused your narcissistic personality disorder. 129 00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:05,898 We discussed it at length during our last video chat. 130 00:06:06,023 --> 00:06:09,203 Although how we got onto the subject of you is baffling. 131 00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:12,947 But we are on the subject, so I'm obliged to ask. 132 00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:14,622 Leonard, how are you? 133 00:06:16,503 --> 00:06:17,668 Fine, Mom. How are you? 134 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:19,045 Menopausal. 135 00:06:20,284 --> 00:06:21,715 Now I'm less fine. 136 00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:25,388 Have you heard your brother has gotten engaged? 137 00:06:26,426 --> 00:06:28,492 Sheldon, why didn't you tell me? 138 00:06:28,617 --> 00:06:29,617 My bad. 139 00:06:30,008 --> 00:06:32,200 I did send a gift from both of us. 140 00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:34,350 She's a remarkable girl. 141 00:06:34,475 --> 00:06:36,411 The youngest appeals court judge in New Jersey 142 00:06:36,536 --> 00:06:38,908 and a two-time Olympic bronze medalist. 143 00:06:39,904 --> 00:06:42,693 - You must be very happy. - Why? I'm not marrying her. 144 00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:47,281 So, how about you? Are you seeing anyone interesting? 145 00:06:47,577 --> 00:06:49,462 I'm not sure about interesting, but... 146 00:06:49,587 --> 00:06:51,200 Not the time, Sheldon. 147 00:06:51,610 --> 00:06:52,411 Very well. 148 00:06:53,007 --> 00:06:56,655 Shall we switch topics to Isaac Newton v. Gottfried Leibniz? 149 00:06:57,749 --> 00:06:58,996 It's all right, Sheldon. 150 00:06:59,121 --> 00:07:02,088 I will just pretend that Leonard's not withholding information. 151 00:07:02,867 --> 00:07:04,678 Although, I will point out, Leonard, 152 00:07:04,803 --> 00:07:06,672 that I am a trained psychiatrist 153 00:07:06,797 --> 00:07:09,606 and you are exhibiting the same secretive behavioral tics 154 00:07:09,731 --> 00:07:11,847 that accompanied your learning to masturbate. 155 00:07:15,222 --> 00:07:17,172 Isn't she brilliant, Leonard? 156 00:07:18,032 --> 00:07:19,502 How I envy you. 157 00:07:22,426 --> 00:07:23,359 So, Howard, 158 00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,310 have you and Rajesh summoned the courage 159 00:07:25,435 --> 00:07:27,238 to express your latent homosexual feelings 160 00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:28,752 toward one another? 161 00:07:33,380 --> 00:07:34,380 What? No. 162 00:07:35,441 --> 00:07:36,330 Why not? 163 00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:41,711 Because we don't have latent homosexual feelings toward one another. 164 00:07:42,615 --> 00:07:43,615 I see. 165 00:07:44,926 --> 00:07:47,383 No, really. I have a girlfriend now. 166 00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:49,251 Where is she this evening? 167 00:07:49,376 --> 00:07:52,013 She had to go out of town. Her grandmother died. 168 00:07:52,849 --> 00:07:53,849 I see. 169 00:07:55,152 --> 00:07:56,475 Her grandmother died. 170 00:07:58,312 --> 00:07:59,657 Honest to God. 171 00:08:00,085 --> 00:08:01,772 Leonard, tell her I have a girlfriend. 172 00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,816 I don't know what you're talking about. 173 00:08:04,874 --> 00:08:07,945 You don't know what I'm talking about? Tell her I have a girlfriend! 174 00:08:08,386 --> 00:08:09,386 All right. 175 00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:12,074 He "has" a "girlfriend." 176 00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,889 Her name is Bernadette. She's working as a waitress, 177 00:08:16,014 --> 00:08:18,039 but she's going to school to be a microbiologist. 178 00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:20,720 Keep in mind that the more passionately you stick to this construct, 179 00:08:20,845 --> 00:08:22,460 the more you're hurting your partner. 180 00:08:27,501 --> 00:08:30,401 Do you really think your lips in my ear is helping? 181 00:08:31,813 --> 00:08:33,137 Hi. Sorry I'm late. 182 00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:35,408 Glad you're here. Sit down. I'll get you a plate. 183 00:08:35,533 --> 00:08:36,842 Mom, you remember Penny. 184 00:08:36,967 --> 00:08:38,809 Oh, yes, the waitress slash actress 185 00:08:39,276 --> 00:08:41,476 with the unresolved father issues. 186 00:08:42,508 --> 00:08:45,917 Has he finally come to terms with his little slugger growing breasts? 187 00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:49,321 Well, he sent me a football and a catcher's mitt for Christmas, 188 00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:51,096 so I'm going to say no. 189 00:08:52,693 --> 00:08:55,210 If it helps, we're all good with your breasts. 190 00:08:58,146 --> 00:08:59,705 Classic overcompensation. 191 00:09:01,553 --> 00:09:04,794 Speaking of fathers, Leonard, that reminds me, I'm divorcing yours. 192 00:09:06,683 --> 00:09:08,381 - What?! - Yes. He was cheating on me. 193 00:09:09,389 --> 00:09:12,072 Yes, with some waitress from the university cafeteria. 194 00:09:12,197 --> 00:09:13,260 Can you believe it? 195 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:14,895 A waitress? 196 00:09:16,465 --> 00:09:17,774 No offense, dear. 197 00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:20,326 No, it sounded like a compliment. 198 00:09:22,271 --> 00:09:24,605 - When did this happen? - Well, let's see. 199 00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,273 When did I leave Leonard's father? 200 00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:28,651 September 22. 201 00:09:28,948 --> 00:09:31,153 Yes, that's right. The weekend after Leonard's dog died. 202 00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:32,664 Mitzy's dead?! 203 00:09:35,128 --> 00:09:37,178 She was old and blind, Leonard. 204 00:09:37,311 --> 00:09:39,011 What choice did we have? 205 00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:42,373 I don't believe this. Why am I the last to know?! 206 00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,547 Excuse me, I am the one who's getting a divorce. 207 00:09:44,672 --> 00:09:47,770 Mitzy is the one who is dead. Why are you the one making a fuss? 208 00:09:49,105 --> 00:09:50,464 You're right. I'm sorry. 209 00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,542 I'm way out of line! 210 00:09:56,354 --> 00:09:57,805 Penny, what's new in your life? 211 00:09:58,526 --> 00:10:00,169 Nothing. Not a damn thing. 212 00:10:07,548 --> 00:10:09,670 Thank you for driving me back to my hotel. 213 00:10:09,795 --> 00:10:11,231 Oh, it's not a problem. 214 00:10:11,356 --> 00:10:13,196 I was going to ask Leonard to do it, 215 00:10:13,364 --> 00:10:15,224 but he seemed a bit emotionally unstable 216 00:10:15,349 --> 00:10:18,426 and you don't want someone like that operating heavy machinery. 217 00:10:19,344 --> 00:10:20,594 No, you do not. 218 00:10:21,089 --> 00:10:22,806 Your "check engine" light is on. 219 00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:27,158 Yeah, I gotta put a sticker over that. 220 00:10:29,951 --> 00:10:33,046 So, you must be devastated about your divorce. 221 00:10:33,171 --> 00:10:34,133 Oh, not at all. 222 00:10:34,657 --> 00:10:36,877 But I am a bit distressed to be in a vehicle 223 00:10:37,002 --> 00:10:39,752 that's not subjected to regular maintenance. 224 00:10:40,684 --> 00:10:43,672 Come on, I mean, you're not upset that your marriage is over? 225 00:10:44,008 --> 00:10:48,224 Well, initially I felt something akin to grief and perhaps anger, 226 00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:51,401 but that's the natural reaction of the limbic system 227 00:10:51,569 --> 00:10:53,920 to being betrayed by a loathsome son of a bitch. 228 00:10:55,099 --> 00:10:56,170 Sure, sure. 229 00:10:56,532 --> 00:10:58,750 Thankfully, my shock was somewhat mitigated by the fact 230 00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:01,119 that I haven't had intercourse with him in eight years. 231 00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:02,912 Eight years? 232 00:11:03,147 --> 00:11:04,335 That's nothing. 233 00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:07,869 I've been responsible for my own orgasms since 1982. 234 00:11:10,142 --> 00:11:11,142 Yikes. 235 00:11:15,094 --> 00:11:16,426 What's so funny? 236 00:11:16,594 --> 00:11:20,119 That's exactly what I say during orgasms: "Yikes. " 237 00:11:21,584 --> 00:11:24,122 You know what? I could use a drink. Do you want to stop for a drink? 238 00:11:24,247 --> 00:11:26,407 - I don't drink. - I do, I'll teach you. 239 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:34,617 What is it? 240 00:11:37,020 --> 00:11:38,030 I made tea. 241 00:11:38,984 --> 00:11:40,334 I don't want tea. 242 00:11:41,337 --> 00:11:43,137 I didn't make tea for you. 243 00:11:45,667 --> 00:11:46,917 This is my tea. 244 00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:49,667 Then why are you telling me? 245 00:11:50,232 --> 00:11:52,132 It's a conversation starter. 246 00:11:53,231 --> 00:11:55,506 That's a lousy conversation starter. 247 00:11:55,675 --> 00:11:57,977 Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate. 248 00:12:00,071 --> 00:12:01,137 What do you want? 249 00:12:01,601 --> 00:12:04,226 What I want is to be departing the starship Enterprise 250 00:12:04,351 --> 00:12:07,043 in a one-man shuttle craft headed to the planetoid I rule 251 00:12:07,168 --> 00:12:09,068 known as Sheldon Alpha Five. 252 00:12:10,358 --> 00:12:11,658 I want that too. 253 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:14,317 Why are you here? 254 00:12:14,850 --> 00:12:16,235 To comfort you, of course. 255 00:12:18,913 --> 00:12:21,213 No, that's not going to work at all. 256 00:12:21,475 --> 00:12:23,534 I'll comfort you from over here. 257 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,243 Leonard, what you're experiencing 258 00:12:30,368 --> 00:12:32,665 is a classic Jungian crisis 259 00:12:32,790 --> 00:12:35,913 in which the aging individual mourns the loss 260 00:12:36,038 --> 00:12:38,888 of the never-to-be realized ideal family unit. 261 00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:40,676 That's very comforting. 262 00:12:41,319 --> 00:12:42,720 That's not the comforting part. 263 00:12:44,056 --> 00:12:45,603 - It's not? - No, no. 264 00:12:45,728 --> 00:12:48,289 The comforting part is that the Germans 265 00:12:48,414 --> 00:12:50,603 have a term for what you're feeling. 266 00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:51,729 Weltschmerz. 267 00:12:52,394 --> 00:12:53,397 It means 268 00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:56,915 the depression that arises from comparing the world as it is 269 00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,852 to a hypothetical, idealized world. 270 00:13:00,789 --> 00:13:02,839 You're right, I do feel better. 271 00:13:04,038 --> 00:13:06,563 Well, the Germans have always been a comforting people. 272 00:13:09,476 --> 00:13:10,992 Just remember, Leonard, 273 00:13:11,117 --> 00:13:13,946 where your biological family has failed you, 274 00:13:14,071 --> 00:13:15,674 you always have me, 275 00:13:15,799 --> 00:13:17,046 your surrogate family. 276 00:13:19,472 --> 00:13:21,175 You're my surrogate family? 277 00:13:22,159 --> 00:13:25,429 If it's any consolation, I'm not happy about it either. 278 00:13:28,908 --> 00:13:31,858 Okay, now this time, try drinking it all at once. 279 00:13:42,721 --> 00:13:43,721 Yikes. 280 00:13:46,943 --> 00:13:49,943 I've been responsible for my own buzz since 2003. 281 00:13:52,259 --> 00:13:54,659 Another round for me and my homegirl. 282 00:13:56,283 --> 00:13:59,283 I feel a spreading warmth through my extremities. 283 00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,842 As long as you don't feel it running down your pants, you're fine. 284 00:14:11,906 --> 00:14:13,606 Oh, that is fascinating. 285 00:14:15,394 --> 00:14:18,594 I'm noticing an immediate lowering of my inhibitions. 286 00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:20,847 For example, 287 00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:23,284 I'm seriously considering asking that busboy 288 00:14:23,409 --> 00:14:26,520 to ravish me in the alleyway while I eat cheesecake. 289 00:14:29,364 --> 00:14:30,571 What do you think? 290 00:14:30,696 --> 00:14:33,146 Well, we are known for our cheesecake. 291 00:14:36,282 --> 00:14:37,835 - Hit us again. - Yes. 292 00:14:38,157 --> 00:14:40,757 If a little is good, more must be better. 293 00:14:42,785 --> 00:14:44,342 - Hey, Bev, guess what? - What? 294 00:14:44,510 --> 00:14:46,344 I'm sleeping with your son. 295 00:14:46,654 --> 00:14:47,654 Really? 296 00:14:48,884 --> 00:14:49,884 Which one? 297 00:14:52,916 --> 00:14:56,274 The one from whom I live across the hall... from. 298 00:14:57,106 --> 00:15:00,256 Well, that's convenient. How did his penis turn out? 299 00:15:03,173 --> 00:15:06,061 Beverly, I can't talk to my boyfriend's mother about his penis. 300 00:15:06,186 --> 00:15:07,323 Fair enough. 301 00:15:07,492 --> 00:15:11,092 What can you tell me, if anything, about that busboy's penis? 302 00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:18,501 Actually, I've only had the cheesecake. 303 00:15:19,469 --> 00:15:20,669 One more time. 304 00:15:22,345 --> 00:15:24,924 You know, Leonard did not want to tell you we were dating. 305 00:15:25,359 --> 00:15:26,359 Really? 306 00:15:27,215 --> 00:15:29,591 That means he's either embarrassed about the relationship 307 00:15:29,716 --> 00:15:31,654 or he doesn't care enough about his mother 308 00:15:31,779 --> 00:15:33,015 to tell her he's in one. 309 00:15:33,983 --> 00:15:36,583 Either way, one of us should be insulted. 310 00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:39,871 Well, let's go find out who. 311 00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:41,565 Go get a taxi. 312 00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:45,703 I'm gonna slip my business card into that busboy's back pocket, 313 00:15:46,239 --> 00:15:49,352 cupping his firm, right buttock as I do so. 314 00:15:55,153 --> 00:15:56,588 Sonny boy! 315 00:15:57,667 --> 00:16:00,960 Get out here! Your mommy wants to talk to you! 316 00:16:02,939 --> 00:16:04,630 What the hell is going on? 317 00:16:05,091 --> 00:16:06,986 You're in trouble. 318 00:16:07,954 --> 00:16:11,762 Why didn't you tell me you were tapping my homegirl? 319 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:20,312 - Did I say that right? - Yeah, not bad, not bad. 320 00:16:21,004 --> 00:16:22,454 Are you guys drunk? 321 00:16:23,234 --> 00:16:24,235 I hope so. 322 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,763 Otherwise, why would we have stopped at Del Taco? 323 00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:32,116 Now, how could you not tell me you were in a relationship 324 00:16:32,284 --> 00:16:34,577 with this lovely, charming young woman? 325 00:16:34,745 --> 00:16:36,466 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 326 00:16:36,591 --> 00:16:38,573 Is it because she's uneducated, 327 00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:41,319 trapped in a menial service position? 328 00:16:42,462 --> 00:16:44,587 What the hell happened to "lovely and charming"? 329 00:16:45,589 --> 00:16:47,012 How come you didn't tell me 330 00:16:47,137 --> 00:16:49,091 that you and Father were getting a divorce? 331 00:16:49,513 --> 00:16:50,760 Or that you had surgery? 332 00:16:50,928 --> 00:16:53,179 How come you didn't tell me my dog died? 333 00:16:56,273 --> 00:16:57,873 What I hear you saying 334 00:16:59,382 --> 00:17:02,470 is that you want a more intimate mother-son relationship. 335 00:17:03,563 --> 00:17:04,563 I do. 336 00:17:15,455 --> 00:17:17,107 It's late. Now, go to bed. 337 00:17:29,898 --> 00:17:33,148 I'm getting a warm feeling spreading through my heart. 338 00:17:34,826 --> 00:17:36,326 That's the Del Taco. 339 00:17:42,785 --> 00:17:44,708 Why is Leonard softly banging his head 340 00:17:44,833 --> 00:17:46,565 against his bedroom door? 341 00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:49,819 Speaking of warm feelings... 342 00:17:50,229 --> 00:17:51,272 Come here. 343 00:18:01,026 --> 00:18:03,076 No, I'd rather have the busboy. 344 00:18:11,832 --> 00:18:14,332 Thank you for taking me to the airport. 345 00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:15,960 You're very welcome. 346 00:18:16,644 --> 00:18:18,344 Once again, I'm driving. 347 00:18:19,052 --> 00:18:20,275 I'm right here. 348 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,521 Please, I am very hungover 349 00:18:22,646 --> 00:18:25,353 and in no mood to satisfy your need for approval. 350 00:18:27,398 --> 00:18:29,080 Sheldon, I do hope you'll forgive me 351 00:18:29,205 --> 00:18:31,360 for my inappropriate behavior last night. 352 00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:34,071 I don't blame you. You were intoxicated. 353 00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:36,709 I blame Penny. 354 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:38,890 I blame Penny, too. 355 00:18:39,334 --> 00:18:40,334 Bad Penny. 356 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:43,892 Wait a minute, what are you talking about? 357 00:18:44,017 --> 00:18:45,457 What inappropriate behavior? 358 00:18:46,686 --> 00:18:48,333 I think it's best that you not know. 359 00:18:48,458 --> 00:18:49,765 - Agreed. - Agreed. 360 00:18:51,829 --> 00:18:53,529 What the hell... agreed. 361 00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:57,636 And I want you to take very good care of this young woman. 362 00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:00,097 Thank you, Beverly. 363 00:19:00,266 --> 00:19:01,516 You're welcome. 364 00:19:01,643 --> 00:19:04,309 She doesn't have much in the way of career prospects. 365 00:19:04,478 --> 00:19:07,354 Don't make her responsible for her own orgasms as well. 366 00:19:11,196 --> 00:19:14,236 Mother, remember when I was complaining that you don't communicate enough? 367 00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:16,304 - Yes, dear. - I'm over it.