1
00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:06,839
Problem?
2
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,241
This is the worst cobbler
I've ever eaten.
3
00:00:09,242 --> 00:00:13,412
It tastes like it's made of
actual ground-up shoemaker.
4
00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:16,983
Amusing. A play on the
two meanings of "cobbler."
5
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,221
Hey, guys. Guess who
I found at LAX?
6
00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:23,556
My baby sister Priya.
7
00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:25,725
Excuse me, I object.
8
00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:27,927
You propose a guessing game,
9
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:29,895
yet you don't give me
enough time to guess.
10
00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:32,531
For the record,
I was going to say:
11
00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:33,799
"Your sister Priya."
12
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:37,370
Oh, Sheldon. You haven't
changed a bit, have you?
13
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,472
Why would I change?
14
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:40,639
The hope has been that
15
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,708
you'd eventually bend
to public opinion.
16
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,845
So, Priya, what brings
you back to L.A.?
17
00:00:45,846 --> 00:00:47,980
I have a one-day layover
on my way to Toronto.
18
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,382
Corporate merger.
19
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:50,483
Can you believe it?
20
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:51,851
Little Priya's one
of the lead attorneys
21
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,285
for the biggest
car company in India.
22
00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:56,322
Given that when we met her,
she was finishing law school
23
00:00:56,323 --> 00:00:59,692
and planning an internship
at a large Indian car company,
24
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,594
it's actually
extremely plausible.
25
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:05,064
And your poll numbers
just keep dropping.
26
00:01:05,832 --> 00:01:07,366
I want to catch up
with all of you,
27
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:09,101
but first I really
must visit the loo.
28
00:01:09,102 --> 00:01:11,270
I'm going, too; I'll
show you where it is.
29
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,539
All right, this goes
without saying,
30
00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:15,241
but I'm just going
to say it anyway.
31
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,510
Hands off my sister.
32
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:21,347
Why would I touch her? She's
covered with airplane germs.
33
00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:24,984
I'm so not talking to you.
I'm talking to him.
34
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:28,671
Hey. I've got a girlfriend now.
Oh, please.
35
00:01:28,672 --> 00:01:29,789
My sister's much hotter
36
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:31,757
than your girlfriend,
and you know it.
37
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,492
Let's just agree
they're both hot.
38
00:01:33,493 --> 00:01:36,862
But dude, that's my sister
you're talking about!
39
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:38,631
Okay, forget who's hotter.
40
00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:41,667
The first time Priya came to
L.A., Leonard and I made a pact
41
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:44,370
out of respect to our
friendship and to you
42
00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:46,472
that neither of us
would hit on her.
43
00:01:46,473 --> 00:01:48,107
Did you pinky-swear?
44
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,578
Yes.
45
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:55,314
Okay, then.
46
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:58,451
Cobbler. I'm still laughing.
47
00:01:59,486 --> 00:02:01,821
It's really nice
to see you again, Leonard.
48
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,923
Yeah. It's good
to see you, too.
49
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:04,924
Here you go.
50
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:06,075
Thanks.
51
00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:10,963
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
52
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,134
Okay.
53
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:18,754
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
54
00:02:18,755 --> 00:02:22,091
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
55
00:02:22,092 --> 00:02:23,742
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
56
00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:26,262
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
57
00:02:26,263 --> 00:02:28,948
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
58
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:31,617
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
59
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:33,519
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
60
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:34,389
♪ Bang! ♪
61
00:02:34,589 --> 00:02:37,089
♪ The Big Bang Theory 4x06 ♪
The Irish Pub Formulation
Original Air Date on October 28, 2010
62
00:02:37,289 --> 00:02:39,389
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
63
00:02:41,823 --> 00:02:44,342
So you got any special plans
with your sister?
64
00:02:44,382 --> 00:02:46,783
Oh, not really. Just hang out.
65
00:02:46,784 --> 00:02:49,452
I always tell people,
"If you have only one day
66
00:02:49,453 --> 00:02:53,023
in Los Angeles,
make it a train day."
67
00:02:53,024 --> 00:02:54,824
Train day?
68
00:02:54,825 --> 00:02:58,195
The fun starts with brunch
at Carney's in Studio City,
69
00:02:58,196 --> 00:03:01,331
a hotdog stand in a
converted railroad dining car.
70
00:03:01,332 --> 00:03:02,465
Next stop, Travel Town,
71
00:03:02,466 --> 00:03:06,770
an outdoor museum featuring
43 railroad engines,
72
00:03:06,771 --> 00:03:10,373
cars, and other rolling stock
from the 1880s to the 1930s.
73
00:03:10,374 --> 00:03:14,327
And, finally, we're off to the
glitz and glamour of Hollywood,
74
00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:18,248
for dinner at--that's right--
the Hollywood Carney's,
75
00:03:18,249 --> 00:03:23,119
a hotdog stand in a different
converted railroad dining car.
76
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:26,223
I don't think
we're going to do that.
77
00:03:26,224 --> 00:03:29,659
Well, then apparently
you hate fun.
78
00:03:33,998 --> 00:03:36,099
Priya's not back yet?
79
00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:37,550
Well, I guess
that's not unusual.
80
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,970
Women, men, the whole
sitting-standing deal.
81
00:03:39,971 --> 00:03:41,438
So what are we talking about?
82
00:03:41,439 --> 00:03:43,106
Uh, my plans
with Priya.
83
00:03:43,107 --> 00:03:45,075
He rejected Train Day.
84
00:03:45,076 --> 00:03:47,644
Did you make it clear that
it's two different train cars
85
00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:49,512
turned into hotdog stands?
86
00:03:49,513 --> 00:03:51,248
Abundantly.
87
00:03:51,249 --> 00:03:53,149
I guess he just hates fun.
88
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:56,586
That's what I said!
89
00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:01,391
Okay, so... what's
new with you guys?
90
00:04:01,392 --> 00:04:02,826
I have a girlfriend now.
91
00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:04,194
Hey, good for you!
92
00:04:04,195 --> 00:04:05,862
Yeah, I just want
to put it out there
93
00:04:05,863 --> 00:04:06,930
in case I inadvertently
94
00:04:06,931 --> 00:04:09,699
squirt any pheromones
in your direction.
95
00:04:10,468 --> 00:04:11,635
Happy?
96
00:04:13,804 --> 00:04:16,273
So, Priya, what are your
plans while you're here?
97
00:04:16,274 --> 00:04:18,275
I don't know. I just
have the one day.
98
00:04:18,276 --> 00:04:21,478
Do you like trains?
99
00:04:21,479 --> 00:04:22,946
Not particularly.
100
00:04:25,916 --> 00:04:30,103
You might as well just wait
at the airport for your flight.
101
00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:33,306
"You are in a forest.
102
00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:34,975
"There is quicksand to the west,
103
00:04:34,976 --> 00:04:39,629
a path leads to the east."
104
00:04:39,630 --> 00:04:42,332
Go east.
105
00:04:42,333 --> 00:04:46,269
"An iron gate blocks your way."
106
00:04:46,270 --> 00:04:49,005
Open gate.
107
00:04:49,006 --> 00:04:50,507
"It's locked."
108
00:04:50,508 --> 00:04:52,676
Hmm.
109
00:04:52,677 --> 00:04:54,844
Well, so much for that.
110
00:04:57,381 --> 00:04:59,249
It's getting pretty late.
How come you're still up?
111
00:04:59,250 --> 00:05:03,286
I found an emulator online that
lets you play classic text-based
112
00:05:03,287 --> 00:05:05,755
computer games from the 1980s.
113
00:05:05,756 --> 00:05:07,190
That's pretty cool.
114
00:05:07,191 --> 00:05:10,593
Oh, yes. It runs on the world's
most powerful graphics chip:
115
00:05:10,594 --> 00:05:12,862
imagination.
116
00:05:12,863 --> 00:05:15,665
You've really got
to get out more.
117
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:19,703
Go north.
118
00:05:19,704 --> 00:05:21,871
"You can't go that way."
119
00:05:21,872 --> 00:05:23,606
Go west.
120
00:05:23,607 --> 00:05:26,009
"A troll blocks your passage."
121
00:05:26,010 --> 00:05:28,311
Okay. Fasten your seatbelts.
122
00:05:29,714 --> 00:05:31,948
Kill troll.
123
00:05:31,949 --> 00:05:33,583
"With what?"
124
00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:35,685
With sword.
125
00:05:36,687 --> 00:05:38,254
"You don't have the sword."
126
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:41,324
Good golly, it's as if
it's actually happening to me.
127
00:05:43,293 --> 00:05:44,928
Raj finally went to bed.
128
00:05:47,898 --> 00:05:50,333
Sheldon's still up.
129
00:05:50,334 --> 00:05:52,102
You said he goes
to bed at 9:00.
130
00:05:52,103 --> 00:05:54,804
Yeah, he does, but he got caught
up in a computer game and...
131
00:05:54,805 --> 00:05:57,540
Hit troll with axe!
132
00:05:57,541 --> 00:06:00,910
Hit troll with axe!
133
00:06:00,911 --> 00:06:03,580
Hit troll with axe!
134
00:06:03,581 --> 00:06:05,982
My, this is one tough troll.
135
00:06:05,983 --> 00:06:07,650
Can't you get rid of him?
136
00:06:07,651 --> 00:06:10,453
If the past is any
indication, no.
137
00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:12,622
Leonard, I'm trapped
in quicksand!
138
00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:15,458
The axe is dragging me down!
139
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:16,559
Drop axe!
140
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,095
Drop axe, brilliant!
141
00:06:20,030 --> 00:06:23,433
Give me a minute.
142
00:06:24,902 --> 00:06:25,885
Sheldon.
143
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:26,936
Hold on.
144
00:06:26,937 --> 00:06:27,937
Trying to figure out
145
00:06:27,938 --> 00:06:28,938
how to get the bucket,
146
00:06:28,939 --> 00:06:31,408
so I can carry the mud
past the dragon.
147
00:06:31,409 --> 00:06:33,743
Sheldon, you need to
work in the morning.
148
00:06:33,744 --> 00:06:34,744
I know!
149
00:06:34,745 --> 00:06:35,745
Well, then bed, mister!
150
00:06:35,746 --> 00:06:38,081
Five more minutes!
151
00:06:38,082 --> 00:06:39,482
Really?
152
00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,718
You're going to risk getting
sleepy in the middle of your
153
00:06:41,719 --> 00:06:42,986
thermodynamic
fluctuations seminar?
154
00:06:42,987 --> 00:06:45,371
You know what happens
when you yawn in public.
155
00:06:49,093 --> 00:06:52,796
Everyone will see
my oddly shaped uvula.
156
00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:55,832
You don't want that, do you?
157
00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:59,052
No.
158
00:06:59,053 --> 00:07:03,907
But it's a shame our society
mocks the differently uvulated.
159
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:06,443
Who was at the door?
160
00:07:06,444 --> 00:07:08,445
Uh, building manager.
161
00:07:08,446 --> 00:07:10,313
They have to fix a pipe,
162
00:07:10,314 --> 00:07:12,982
so the water'll be off
tomorrow from noon to 2:00.
163
00:07:12,983 --> 00:07:14,517
That's unacceptable.
164
00:07:14,518 --> 00:07:15,935
We're supposed to be
given written notice.
165
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,737
Well, no, it doesn't matter--
we'll be at work.
166
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:20,623
What if I spill tomato
soup on my shirt,
167
00:07:20,624 --> 00:07:21,991
and have to come home to change,
168
00:07:21,992 --> 00:07:24,360
only to find there's no water
for an enzyme soak?
169
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:26,463
Bifurcated uvula, Sheldon!
170
00:07:26,464 --> 00:07:29,365
I'll have the chicken noodle.
Good night!
171
00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:35,922
We're going
to have to be very quiet.
172
00:07:40,511 --> 00:07:42,612
I know how to
get the bucket!
173
00:07:42,613 --> 00:07:44,580
I can turn the axe around
174
00:07:44,581 --> 00:07:47,100
and use the handle to reach it.
175
00:07:47,101 --> 00:07:49,085
Let's see.
176
00:07:49,086 --> 00:07:51,521
Go north.
177
00:07:51,522 --> 00:07:53,106
"You are in a forest."
178
00:07:53,107 --> 00:07:54,824
Go north.
179
00:07:54,825 --> 00:07:56,259
"You are in a forest."
180
00:07:56,260 --> 00:07:57,694
Go north.
181
00:07:57,695 --> 00:08:00,363
"You are in a forest."
Oh dear, I believe I'm lost.
182
00:08:00,364 --> 00:08:02,431
Well, I'll just have to get
a fresh start tomorrow.
183
00:08:02,432 --> 00:08:04,317
No, no, no! You just
took a wrong turn.
184
00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:05,802
You just need to map it out.
185
00:08:05,803 --> 00:08:06,803
Come on, I'll help you.
186
00:08:06,804 --> 00:08:08,271
So you stopped at the stream,
187
00:08:08,272 --> 00:08:09,989
and you turned
north three times?
188
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,140
Yes.
189
00:08:11,141 --> 00:08:12,742
You're right.
You're lost. Good luck.
190
00:08:19,350 --> 00:08:20,333
Oh!
191
00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:21,384
Leonard. Wake up.
192
00:08:21,385 --> 00:08:22,385
Huh? Wh-- Sorry.
193
00:08:22,386 --> 00:08:23,920
For what?
194
00:08:23,921 --> 00:08:26,356
I don't know. When I'm in bed
with a girl, it's just--
195
00:08:26,357 --> 00:08:28,258
it's my go-to response.
196
00:08:28,259 --> 00:08:30,260
It's 6:00. I have
to get back to Raj's
197
00:08:30,261 --> 00:08:32,095
before he wakes up
and realizes I'm gone.
198
00:08:32,096 --> 00:08:34,447
Oh. Right. Sure.
199
00:08:34,448 --> 00:08:36,983
I wish you could stay
in L.A. a while longer.
200
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:38,001
Mmm, me, too.
201
00:08:38,002 --> 00:08:39,519
You know, I was thinking:
202
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,438
There are some great
research facilities in India.
203
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:45,241
Where are you going
with this, Leonard?
204
00:08:45,242 --> 00:08:48,995
Well, I'm just saying, you know,
I don't have any real ties here,
205
00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:52,215
so if I were to move to New
Delhi, we could, you know--
206
00:08:52,216 --> 00:08:55,084
go out.
207
00:08:55,085 --> 00:08:58,721
Leonard, didn't we have this
conversation five years ago?
208
00:08:58,722 --> 00:08:59,689
Well, yes, but...
209
00:08:59,690 --> 00:09:00,924
things have changed.
210
00:09:00,925 --> 00:09:02,525
You know, you're older,
I'm older--
211
00:09:02,526 --> 00:09:04,711
Look, no more
superhero bed sheets.
212
00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:06,179
Sweetheart,
213
00:09:06,180 --> 00:09:09,182
just because we have fun when
I come to town doesn't mean
214
00:09:09,183 --> 00:09:11,801
I want to have a
serious relationship.
215
00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:12,769
It doesn't?
216
00:09:12,770 --> 00:09:14,170
Mm-mm.
217
00:09:14,171 --> 00:09:17,440
And besides, I could never bring
a white boy home to my parents.
218
00:09:18,342 --> 00:09:19,509
They'd have a cow.
219
00:09:19,510 --> 00:09:22,145
Which is a much
bigger deal in India.
220
00:09:22,146 --> 00:09:24,581
I'm not that white.
221
00:09:24,582 --> 00:09:26,649
My great-great-grandmother
was half Cherokee.
222
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:29,719
I know that's not the right kind
of Indian, but it is something.
223
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:31,421
You're funny.
224
00:09:31,422 --> 00:09:32,755
Leonard?
225
00:09:32,756 --> 00:09:33,923
Leonard?
226
00:09:33,924 --> 00:09:35,408
Leonard?
227
00:09:36,293 --> 00:09:37,293
What?
228
00:09:37,294 --> 00:09:38,895
I heard a woman laughing.
229
00:09:38,896 --> 00:09:43,299
Oh, uh, yeah. I was trying to
see if I could laugh as a woman.
230
00:09:45,269 --> 00:09:47,937
Oh! Well, good job.
Quite convincing.
231
00:09:48,639 --> 00:09:50,406
I smell perfume.
232
00:09:50,407 --> 00:09:51,474
Air freshener.
233
00:09:51,475 --> 00:09:55,044
And is that lipstick
on your cheek and neck?
234
00:09:55,045 --> 00:09:56,379
Rash. That's a bad rash.
235
00:09:56,380 --> 00:09:57,981
My sympathies.
236
00:09:57,982 --> 00:10:01,484
I'm no stranger to the crimson
scourge that is dermatitis.
237
00:10:02,786 --> 00:10:05,488
Can I interest you
in a topical steroid
238
00:10:05,489 --> 00:10:07,457
from my lotion and
unguent collection?
239
00:10:07,458 --> 00:10:10,460
Uh, yeah, yeah,
that sounds great.
240
00:10:10,461 --> 00:10:12,629
Very well. I'm sure
I can find something
241
00:10:12,630 --> 00:10:14,364
that will help
you ditch that itch.
242
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:18,501
Okay, he's in the
bathroom. Let's go.
243
00:10:21,505 --> 00:10:24,173
Do you prefer
ointment or cream?
244
00:10:26,510 --> 00:10:27,577
Cream.
245
00:10:27,578 --> 00:10:28,911
With or without a numbing agent?
246
00:10:28,912 --> 00:10:29,912
Without.
247
00:10:29,913 --> 00:10:31,314
Really, Leonard?
248
00:10:31,315 --> 00:10:33,983
There are no heroes when
it comes to dermatitis.
249
00:10:33,984 --> 00:10:36,085
Fine. With.
250
00:10:36,086 --> 00:10:37,920
Prescription or
non-prescription strength?
251
00:10:37,921 --> 00:10:39,355
Use your best judgment.
252
00:10:39,356 --> 00:10:44,127
Well, I think I have a
nice 2009 AnaMantle HC.
253
00:10:44,128 --> 00:10:47,530
It's usually indicated for
acutely inflamed hemorrhoids,
254
00:10:47,531 --> 00:10:51,901
but it also goes nicely
with non-mucosal body parts.
255
00:10:52,770 --> 00:10:53,936
Sounds great.
256
00:10:53,937 --> 00:10:55,571
Excellent choice.
257
00:10:57,291 --> 00:10:59,942
Okay, hurry, hurry, hurry.
258
00:11:00,811 --> 00:11:02,962
Come on, come on, come on.
259
00:11:03,881 --> 00:11:06,115
Priya?
260
00:11:06,884 --> 00:11:08,685
Good morning, Sheldon.
261
00:11:08,686 --> 00:11:13,189
For shame, Leonard, for shame.
262
00:11:13,190 --> 00:11:15,358
And to think,
263
00:11:15,359 --> 00:11:17,510
I was ready to waste
264
00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:21,531
the last of my good
hemorrhoid cream on you.
265
00:11:28,703 --> 00:11:31,422
Making pretty
good time, huh?
266
00:11:31,498 --> 00:11:34,934
Is that really what you want
to talk about, Leonard?
267
00:11:34,935 --> 00:11:36,386
No.
268
00:11:36,387 --> 00:11:37,804
What do you want to talk about?
269
00:11:37,805 --> 00:11:38,955
Please don't tell anyone
270
00:11:38,956 --> 00:11:40,423
I spent the night
with Raj's sister.
271
00:11:40,424 --> 00:11:42,425
There it is.
272
00:11:43,394 --> 00:11:45,294
What if someone asks?
273
00:11:45,295 --> 00:11:47,897
No one's going to ask if I spent
the night with Raj's sister.
274
00:11:47,898 --> 00:11:52,001
Perhaps, but they might ask me
something else.
275
00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:53,336
Like what?
Like
276
00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:57,857
"Has Leonard betrayed any
of his friends recently?"
277
00:11:57,858 --> 00:12:00,009
Priya and I are both adults.
278
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,711
I didn't betray Raj.
279
00:12:01,712 --> 00:12:05,281
In fact, you did,
but I was referring to Howard.
280
00:12:05,282 --> 00:12:06,349
What are you talking about?
281
00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:08,334
April 12, 2005.
282
00:12:08,335 --> 00:12:10,420
Bob's Big Boy,
Toluca Lake.
283
00:12:10,421 --> 00:12:14,023
Raj had just introduced us
to Priya for the first time.
284
00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:17,160
She was enjoying the sweet taste
of Hindu rebellion
285
00:12:17,161 --> 00:12:19,929
in the form of a Bob's
Super Big Boy hamburger.
286
00:12:19,930 --> 00:12:21,197
In order
to preserve
287
00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:24,400
your friendship, you and Howard
made a pinky swear
288
00:12:24,401 --> 00:12:26,236
that neither of you
would attempt to woo her.
289
00:12:27,221 --> 00:12:29,939
I had a patty melt.
290
00:12:29,940 --> 00:12:31,808
Okay, fine, I betrayed Howard.
291
00:12:31,809 --> 00:12:33,743
And Raj.
All right, and Raj.
292
00:12:33,744 --> 00:12:35,395
And me.
293
00:12:35,396 --> 00:12:37,146
You?
294
00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:38,731
Violation of the
Roommate Agreement's
295
00:12:38,732 --> 00:12:41,150
overnight guest
notification clause.
296
00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:44,020
Okay, fine,
I-I'm a horrible human being.
297
00:12:44,021 --> 00:12:46,122
I'm the Darth Vader of Pasadena.
298
00:12:46,123 --> 00:12:48,825
You're far too short
to be Darth Vader.
299
00:12:49,743 --> 00:12:52,662
At best you might be
a turncoat Ewok.
300
00:12:52,663 --> 00:12:56,065
My point is: Priya's gone
and it would be much better
301
00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:58,751
if no one else found out
about us.
302
00:12:59,586 --> 00:13:01,638
You mean you want me
to keep a secret?
303
00:13:01,639 --> 00:13:02,672
Yes.
304
00:13:02,673 --> 00:13:04,340
You know I can't
keep a secret.
305
00:13:04,341 --> 00:13:05,408
You can if you try.
306
00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:06,643
Think about
it this way:
307
00:13:06,644 --> 00:13:09,545
um, if I were Batman
and you were Alfred,
308
00:13:09,546 --> 00:13:11,481
you'd keep that
secret, right?
309
00:13:11,482 --> 00:13:14,267
Why do you get
to be Batman?
310
00:13:14,268 --> 00:13:16,402
Because Batman has the secret.
311
00:13:16,403 --> 00:13:18,237
Alfred has secrets, too.
312
00:13:18,238 --> 00:13:19,822
Like what?
Alfred knows
313
00:13:19,823 --> 00:13:22,125
that Barbara Gordon
is Batgirl.
314
00:13:22,126 --> 00:13:23,609
Which I've now just
told to Batman.
315
00:13:23,610 --> 00:13:25,945
See, I cannot
keep a secret.
316
00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:31,167
Ta-dah!
317
00:13:31,168 --> 00:13:32,201
What?
318
00:13:32,202 --> 00:13:34,637
Ta-dah.
319
00:13:34,638 --> 00:13:35,571
It's short for...
320
00:13:35,572 --> 00:13:37,540
♪ Da-da-da-da! ♪
321
00:13:37,541 --> 00:13:40,176
Kind of busy here, Sheldon.
322
00:13:40,177 --> 00:13:41,511
I know,
that's why I shortened it.
323
00:13:43,314 --> 00:13:45,048
What do you want?
324
00:13:45,049 --> 00:13:48,751
I came to go over your alibi
for last night.
325
00:13:48,752 --> 00:13:50,186
What alibi?
326
00:13:50,187 --> 00:13:51,120
You've asked me
327
00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:53,456
to lie on your behalf,
and as you know,
328
00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:56,459
I am deeply uncomfortable
with impromptu dishonesty,
329
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:57,593
so I've provided you
330
00:13:57,594 --> 00:13:59,796
with an ironclad alibi.
331
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:02,465
You couldn't have spent
last night with Priya
332
00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:04,534
because you were
with another woman.
333
00:14:04,535 --> 00:14:06,769
Oh, I'm so sure
I'm gonna regret this,
334
00:14:06,770 --> 00:14:09,872
but who was I with?
335
00:14:09,873 --> 00:14:13,976
The fun-loving and morally loose
Miss Maggie McGarry.
336
00:14:13,977 --> 00:14:15,411
Oh, God.
337
00:14:15,412 --> 00:14:18,514
You met her at Pasadena's most
popular Irish watering hole,
338
00:14:18,515 --> 00:14:21,951
Lucky Baldwin's, where Maggie
spends her nights tending bar
339
00:14:21,952 --> 00:14:25,154
with a head full of curls
and a heart full of dreams.
340
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:29,258
"Leonard, call me if you
are interested in coitus.
341
00:14:30,394 --> 00:14:32,895
Sincerely,
Maggie McGarry."
342
00:14:32,896 --> 00:14:34,180
And if anyone were
343
00:14:34,181 --> 00:14:39,102
to actually call that number,
they will hear this.
344
00:14:39,103 --> 00:14:41,204
FEMALE TEXT-TO-SPEECH VOICE:
Top of the morning to you.
345
00:14:41,205 --> 00:14:43,373
You've reached Maggie McGarry.
346
00:14:44,575 --> 00:14:48,745
Leave a message
after the wee little beep.
347
00:14:49,813 --> 00:14:51,147
It's pretty convincing, huh?
348
00:14:51,148 --> 00:14:52,415
That wasn't even
a real person.
349
00:14:52,416 --> 00:14:55,668
And here is
the clincher:
350
00:14:55,669 --> 00:15:00,323
a lock of Maggie's
flaming auburn hair.
351
00:15:00,324 --> 00:15:01,591
Where'd you get that?
352
00:15:01,592 --> 00:15:04,394
From an orangutan
in the primate lab.
353
00:15:04,395 --> 00:15:05,494
An orangutan?
354
00:15:05,495 --> 00:15:06,379
Well, no one's going
355
00:15:06,380 --> 00:15:08,598
to run a DNA test
on it, Leonard.
356
00:15:08,599 --> 00:15:10,666
Honestly, you overthink
everything.
357
00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:13,970
Sheldon, I don't need an alibi.
358
00:15:13,971 --> 00:15:15,738
Nobody's going to ask
about last night
359
00:15:15,739 --> 00:15:18,174
as long as you just
zip your lip.
360
00:15:21,478 --> 00:15:22,779
Thank you.
361
00:15:22,780 --> 00:15:25,114
Now, don't worry,
everything is going to be fine.
362
00:15:39,029 --> 00:15:40,029
Hey.
363
00:15:40,030 --> 00:15:41,297
Hey, Leonard, will you
please tell Howard
364
00:15:41,298 --> 00:15:43,433
my sister has never
been attracted to him?
365
00:15:44,101 --> 00:15:45,268
Come on, Raj,
366
00:15:45,269 --> 00:15:46,769
how am I supposed to know
367
00:15:46,770 --> 00:15:50,006
who she is attracted to
or was attracted to
368
00:15:50,007 --> 00:15:54,644
or who she might be
attracted to in the future?
369
00:15:54,645 --> 00:15:57,280
And I have nothing
to contribute
370
00:15:57,281 --> 00:16:00,149
to this conversation.
371
00:16:01,118 --> 00:16:03,152
Because I, too,
know absolutely nothing
372
00:16:03,153 --> 00:16:06,222
about Priya's preferences
in male companionship.
373
00:16:07,057 --> 00:16:09,725
And with that,
I will re-zip my lip.
374
00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:12,929
Hey, so what did
you guys think
375
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:14,947
of the new episode
of Caprica last night?
376
00:16:14,948 --> 00:16:15,932
I didn't see it.
377
00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:16,866
Didn't see it?
378
00:16:16,867 --> 00:16:18,468
What were you doing?
379
00:16:22,306 --> 00:16:23,406
Uh, I was out.
380
00:16:23,407 --> 00:16:25,208
What, on Caprica night?
381
00:16:25,209 --> 00:16:27,510
Yeah, I, uh, went
for a drink.
382
00:16:27,511 --> 00:16:28,744
Really, you?
383
00:16:28,745 --> 00:16:31,514
Where, w-where'd
you go?
384
00:16:31,515 --> 00:16:33,749
To, uh...
385
00:16:39,223 --> 00:16:41,691
Lucky Baldwin's.
386
00:16:41,692 --> 00:16:45,595
Oh, I've heard
of that place.
387
00:16:45,596 --> 00:16:49,332
Isn't that Pasadena's
favorite Irish watering hole?
388
00:16:49,333 --> 00:16:51,100
Yes.
389
00:16:51,101 --> 00:16:52,401
Did you meet
390
00:16:52,402 --> 00:16:53,669
anyone interesting there,
391
00:16:53,670 --> 00:16:57,907
perhaps a promiscuous,
redheaded barmaid?
392
00:16:57,908 --> 00:16:59,909
As a matter of fact...
I-I-I-I-I can't, I can't,
393
00:16:59,910 --> 00:17:01,344
I can't do it.
394
00:17:01,345 --> 00:17:03,913
Sure you can, you're doing
fine, it's very believable.
395
00:17:04,831 --> 00:17:07,383
I'm sorry, Raj,
but the truth is,
396
00:17:07,384 --> 00:17:09,252
I was with Priya
last night.
397
00:17:09,253 --> 00:17:10,453
Don't listen to him.
398
00:17:10,454 --> 00:17:12,221
He's still light-headed
from all the Irish whiskey
399
00:17:12,222 --> 00:17:14,090
and pickled eggs
in his system.
400
00:17:14,091 --> 00:17:16,025
What were you doing
with Priya?
401
00:17:16,026 --> 00:17:17,059
I believe they engaged
in coitus,
402
00:17:17,060 --> 00:17:18,861
but more
importantly,
403
00:17:18,862 --> 00:17:20,630
if Leonard had not abandoned
his story,
404
00:17:20,631 --> 00:17:23,065
would you have found it
plausible?
405
00:17:23,066 --> 00:17:24,600
You slept with my sister?!
406
00:17:24,601 --> 00:17:25,535
Yeah.
407
00:17:25,536 --> 00:17:27,770
How could you?
We had a pact.
408
00:17:27,771 --> 00:17:29,572
Excuse me, I think
"How could you? She's my sister"
409
00:17:29,573 --> 00:17:32,775
takes precedence over
a five-year-old pinky swear.
410
00:17:32,776 --> 00:17:34,193
May I point out,
411
00:17:34,194 --> 00:17:36,445
in a parallel universe,
your friends are saying
412
00:17:36,446 --> 00:17:39,081
"Maggie McGarry--
she sounds lovely."
413
00:17:39,082 --> 00:17:42,552
Look, I-I admit it, I may
have crossed a line here,
414
00:17:42,553 --> 00:17:46,122
but come on, Raj, your
sister is a grown woman,
415
00:17:46,123 --> 00:17:49,025
and to her, I'm a forbidden
piece of white chocolate.
416
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:51,127
I don't believe it.
417
00:17:51,128 --> 00:17:52,511
This is a terrible
betrayal of my trust.
418
00:17:52,512 --> 00:17:55,181
No, w-w-would it
help if I told you
419
00:17:55,182 --> 00:17:59,135
that I offered her my heart,
and she kind of stomped on it?
420
00:17:59,136 --> 00:18:01,904
How hard did she stomp?
421
00:18:01,905 --> 00:18:03,906
Very hard.
422
00:18:03,907 --> 00:18:06,225
Okay, I'm good.
423
00:18:08,078 --> 00:18:10,279
Well, Raj,
424
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,683
I just want to say that I'd
never betray your trust.
425
00:18:13,684 --> 00:18:16,235
Unlike Leonard,
I respect you.
426
00:18:16,236 --> 00:18:17,253
Really?
427
00:18:17,254 --> 00:18:19,905
Mm-hmm.
428
00:18:19,906 --> 00:18:22,058
Was it out of respect
that you didn't tell Raj
429
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,694
about the time you dropped
his iPhone in a urinal?
430
00:18:25,545 --> 00:18:28,831
Dude, I put that thing
on my face!
431
00:18:28,832 --> 00:18:31,701
I think a more amusing
violation of Raj's trust
432
00:18:31,702 --> 00:18:34,337
is when Howard convinced him
that foreigners give presents
433
00:18:34,338 --> 00:18:37,256
to Americans
on Thanksgiving.
434
00:18:38,141 --> 00:18:39,675
Hey, I didn't see
you giving back
435
00:18:39,676 --> 00:18:42,511
your Snoopy
snow cone maker.
436
00:18:42,512 --> 00:18:43,646
That was all a lie?
437
00:18:43,647 --> 00:18:45,781
This year's gifts
are already wrapped.
438
00:18:45,782 --> 00:18:48,517
And as long as we're talking
about betraying our friends,
439
00:18:48,518 --> 00:18:50,987
how about the month Sheldon
spent grinding up insects
440
00:18:50,988 --> 00:18:52,722
and mixing them
into Leonard's food?
441
00:18:52,723 --> 00:18:54,090
Well, excuse me.
442
00:18:54,091 --> 00:18:55,691
That was not a betrayal.
443
00:18:55,692 --> 00:18:57,827
That was an experiment
to determine
444
00:18:57,828 --> 00:19:02,031
at what concentration
food starts tasting "mothy."
445
00:19:02,032 --> 00:19:05,201
You put moths in my food?!
446
00:19:06,036 --> 00:19:09,071
For science.
447
00:19:09,072 --> 00:19:11,540
I can't believe you kissed
my sister with moth mouth.
448
00:19:11,541 --> 00:19:15,711
Well, I can't believe you
used Sheldon's toothbrush.
449
00:19:15,712 --> 00:19:18,014
You used my toothbrush?
450
00:19:18,015 --> 00:19:20,916
Not the brush part,
just the little rubber thing
451
00:19:20,917 --> 00:19:24,754
to pick food from my teeth
and massage my gums.
452
00:19:30,394 --> 00:19:33,429
Okay, I-I think
it's safe to say
453
00:19:33,430 --> 00:19:34,930
that we've all done
some things
454
00:19:34,931 --> 00:19:36,699
we're not
particularly proud of.
455
00:19:37,668 --> 00:19:38,868
But come on,
we're friends.
456
00:19:38,869 --> 00:19:42,838
Friends overlook
each other's minor lapses.
457
00:19:44,041 --> 00:19:46,842
For the record, Howard, I'm
sorry that I broke our pact.
458
00:19:46,843 --> 00:19:49,161
Thank you.
459
00:19:49,162 --> 00:19:51,997
And I'm sorry
about your phone
460
00:19:51,998 --> 00:19:53,816
and Thanksgiving.
461
00:19:53,817 --> 00:19:55,184
And while we're at it,
462
00:19:55,185 --> 00:19:57,620
you don't have to wash our
clothes on the Fourth of July.
463
00:19:59,089 --> 00:20:01,173
As long as we're apologizing,
464
00:20:01,174 --> 00:20:04,427
Sheldon, I'm, I'm sorry
I used your toothbrush.
465
00:20:04,428 --> 00:20:06,662
And I'm sorry...
466
00:20:06,663 --> 00:20:08,164
but that behavior
is beyond the pale
467
00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:09,832
and cannot be tolerated.
468
00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:11,967
We are no longer friends.
469
00:20:11,968 --> 00:20:16,005
I got you a talking Thomas the
Tank Engine for Thanksgiving.
470
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:18,974
With real puffing smoke?
471
00:20:18,975 --> 00:20:20,209
Yes.
472
00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:22,528
All right.
473
00:20:24,831 --> 00:20:26,549
But I'm watching you.
474
00:20:39,820 --> 00:20:41,270
Hey, you've got Snoopy out.
475
00:20:41,271 --> 00:20:42,488
Can I have a snow cone?
476
00:20:42,489 --> 00:20:45,358
Well, sure.
477
00:20:47,294 --> 00:20:48,277
This is pretty good.
478
00:20:48,278 --> 00:20:49,562
What flavor is this?
479
00:20:49,563 --> 00:20:52,465
Guess.
480
00:20:52,466 --> 00:20:54,066
Papaya?
No.
481
00:20:54,067 --> 00:20:56,702
Guava?
You're so close.
482
00:20:56,703 --> 00:20:57,703
I give up.
483
00:20:57,704 --> 00:21:00,106
Mango caterpillar.
484
00:21:02,098 --> 00:21:03,365
What are
you doing?!
485
00:21:06,091 --> 00:21:07,474
You said you
liked it.
486
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:11,027
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --