1
00:00:03,775 --> 00:00:05,636
It was a nice
retirement party.
2
00:00:05,638 --> 00:00:06,822
I guess.
3
00:00:06,823 --> 00:00:07,858
Still, it's a shame
4
00:00:07,859 --> 00:00:10,760
Professor Rothman was forced
to step down.
5
00:00:10,762 --> 00:00:12,795
What choice did
the university have?
6
00:00:12,797 --> 00:00:13,929
He snapped.
7
00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:16,682
It happens to theoretical
physicists all the time.
8
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,934
I wonder how long
Sheldon's got.
9
00:00:21,004 --> 00:00:22,888
These shrimp are
all the same size.
10
00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:25,524
There's no the logical order
to eat them in.
11
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:30,780
Can't be very long.
12
00:00:30,782 --> 00:00:33,149
Hey, look, there's Rothman's
empty office.
13
00:00:33,151 --> 00:00:34,900
- Sad.
- Mm, indeed.
14
00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:36,118
Yeah.
15
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,736
So sad.
16
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,905
Dibs.
17
00:00:41,692 --> 00:00:44,376
What's up, fellas?
18
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,378
What are you doing
here, Kripke?
19
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:49,215
Ah, measuring my new office
for drapes.
20
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:50,583
This is not your office.
21
00:00:50,585 --> 00:00:52,301
It hasn't been assigned yet.
22
00:00:52,303 --> 00:00:54,003
Well, I called dibs
at the Christmas party
23
00:00:54,005 --> 00:00:55,537
when Professor Rothman tried
to have intercourse
24
00:00:55,539 --> 00:00:57,223
with the Toys for Tots
collection box.
25
00:00:58,374 --> 00:00:59,508
Dibs?!
26
00:00:59,510 --> 00:01:01,510
This is a university,
not a playground.
27
00:01:01,512 --> 00:01:02,711
Offices are not assigned
28
00:01:02,713 --> 00:01:04,213
because someone called dibs.
29
00:01:04,215 --> 00:01:05,397
You just called dibs.
30
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:06,932
Shut it.
31
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,018
Offices are assigned
by seniority.
32
00:01:09,020 --> 00:01:11,320
I arrived
at the university first.
33
00:01:11,322 --> 00:01:14,156
I arrived at the office first.
34
00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:15,908
I'm the proverbial early bird.
35
00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:17,993
Gentlemen.
36
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:19,995
Professor Rothman.
37
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,449
Good evening.
38
00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:31,423
I'm glad
that men are wearing hats again.
39
00:01:32,292 --> 00:01:35,127
They're so distinguished.
40
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:40,299
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
41
00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:43,636
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
42
00:01:43,638 --> 00:01:45,237
♪ The Earth began to cool
43
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:47,806
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
44
00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:50,476
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
45
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:53,145
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
46
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:55,064
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
47
00:01:55,066 --> 00:01:57,032
♪ Bang! ♪
48
00:01:57,057 --> 00:02:00,657
The Big Bang Theory 5x17
The Rothman Disintegration
Original Air Date on February 16, 2012
49
00:02:00,658 --> 00:02:04,258
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
50
00:02:04,343 --> 00:02:06,010
I got you a little something.
51
00:02:06,012 --> 00:02:07,845
A little something?
52
00:02:07,847 --> 00:02:09,997
Oh, it...
53
00:02:12,017 --> 00:02:14,185
Oh, this is huge.
54
00:02:14,187 --> 00:02:16,253
What's huge is
what you've done for me.
55
00:02:16,255 --> 00:02:18,356
Oh, no, Amy,
I haven't done anything.
56
00:02:18,358 --> 00:02:21,091
No, no, before I met you,
I was a mousy wallflower.
57
00:02:21,093 --> 00:02:22,476
But look at me now.
58
00:02:22,478 --> 00:02:25,746
I'm like some kind of downtown
hipster party girl.
59
00:02:26,448 --> 00:02:27,815
With a posse, a boyfriend
60
00:02:27,817 --> 00:02:31,235
and a new lace bra that hooks
in the front, of all things.
61
00:02:31,237 --> 00:02:32,637
Open it.
62
00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:33,604
Open it.
63
00:02:33,606 --> 00:02:35,790
Okay.
64
00:02:44,466 --> 00:02:46,968
I wanted to get you something
you didn't have.
65
00:02:46,970 --> 00:02:50,187
Wow!
66
00:02:50,189 --> 00:02:51,922
I... I don't know what to...
67
00:02:51,924 --> 00:02:54,008
Wow.
68
00:02:54,010 --> 00:02:55,459
Do you like it?
69
00:02:55,461 --> 00:02:57,812
Do I like it? Wow.
70
00:02:57,814 --> 00:03:00,631
So, uh, where are you
gonna hang it?
71
00:03:00,633 --> 00:03:02,733
Oh, my God.
Hang it. Wow.
72
00:03:02,735 --> 00:03:05,353
Um, you know,
I'd have to go get a hook
73
00:03:05,355 --> 00:03:07,137
and nails and a hammer and...
74
00:03:07,139 --> 00:03:08,656
No problem.
Oh, look.
75
00:03:08,658 --> 00:03:09,991
You got...
76
00:03:09,993 --> 00:03:13,477
You just... you got it all
right there. Wow.
77
00:03:18,617 --> 00:03:20,818
I found him.
He's in the bathroom.
78
00:03:20,820 --> 00:03:22,870
President Siebert?
79
00:03:22,872 --> 00:03:24,372
Can't this wait?
80
00:03:24,374 --> 00:03:26,173
I'm sorry.
We just need a word.
81
00:03:26,175 --> 00:03:30,344
Now? You realize I'm your boss,
and I am holding my penis?
82
00:03:30,346 --> 00:03:33,264
Sheldon, give the
man some privacy.
83
00:03:33,266 --> 00:03:36,434
I'm sorry. This guy's got
no respect for boundaries.
84
00:03:36,436 --> 00:03:38,636
What do you want?
85
00:03:38,638 --> 00:03:40,170
Will you tell
this lunatic
86
00:03:40,172 --> 00:03:41,856
that Professor Rothman's
office is rightfully mine?
87
00:03:41,858 --> 00:03:44,058
Can't you take this up
with your department chairman?
88
00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:46,861
We tried. His assistant said
he was on sabbatical.
89
00:03:46,863 --> 00:03:50,948
Although we distinctly heard
his office window open and shut.
90
00:03:50,950 --> 00:03:53,651
Gentlemen, there's a task I'm
trying to accomplish here,
91
00:03:53,653 --> 00:03:55,269
and I'm having
trouble doing it.
92
00:03:55,271 --> 00:03:59,189
Oh, my. President Siebert,
I don't mean to be an alarmist,
93
00:03:59,191 --> 00:04:02,259
but difficulty initiating a
urine stream could be a symptom
94
00:04:02,261 --> 00:04:04,261
of benign prostatic hyperplasia.
95
00:04:04,263 --> 00:04:05,830
If you're interested,
96
00:04:05,832 --> 00:04:08,399
I can send you a link
to a YouTube video
97
00:04:08,401 --> 00:04:10,735
that'll show you how
to perform your own rectal exam.
98
00:04:10,737 --> 00:04:15,206
Uh, helpful hint--
trim your nails first.
99
00:04:17,042 --> 00:04:19,143
Ignore him,
President Siebert.
100
00:04:19,145 --> 00:04:21,612
I'm sure a young man such as
yourself has a perfectly...
101
00:04:21,614 --> 00:04:23,347
healthy prostate.
102
00:04:23,349 --> 00:04:25,616
Oh, he's just trying
to butter you up.
103
00:04:25,618 --> 00:04:26,817
And for the record,
104
00:04:26,819 --> 00:04:30,087
butter is an excellent lubricant
for your rectal exam.
105
00:04:30,089 --> 00:04:33,090
Gentlemen, I'm going to allow
the two of you to work this out
106
00:04:33,092 --> 00:04:35,259
because A) you're both
brilliant scientists,
107
00:04:35,261 --> 00:04:36,827
and B) as far
as who gets
108
00:04:36,829 --> 00:04:39,196
Rothman's office,
I couldn't give the furry crack
109
00:04:39,198 --> 00:04:40,731
of a rat's behind.
110
00:04:44,669 --> 00:04:46,670
Well, as long
as we're here,
111
00:04:46,672 --> 00:04:48,906
I might as well
take a leak.
112
00:04:51,276 --> 00:04:53,244
Kripke?
113
00:04:53,246 --> 00:04:54,145
Yes?
114
00:04:54,147 --> 00:04:56,147
You're in my spot.
115
00:05:13,532 --> 00:05:15,699
That is big.
116
00:05:16,435 --> 00:05:18,269
So big.
117
00:05:18,271 --> 00:05:19,804
And ugly.
118
00:05:19,806 --> 00:05:21,372
So ugly.
119
00:05:21,374 --> 00:05:23,007
What am I gonna do?
120
00:05:23,009 --> 00:05:25,109
I don't know.
121
00:05:25,111 --> 00:05:27,044
You can't take it down.
You'll break her heart.
122
00:05:27,046 --> 00:05:29,313
Look at that face.
123
00:05:29,315 --> 00:05:31,949
That enormous, unsettling,
124
00:05:31,951 --> 00:05:34,485
crazy face.
125
00:05:36,455 --> 00:05:38,589
Is there any chance
I'll learn to love it?
126
00:05:38,591 --> 00:05:40,724
That depends.
Do you like pictures of yourself
127
00:05:40,726 --> 00:05:42,526
where you look like a man?
128
00:05:43,795 --> 00:05:46,664
All right, it's got to go.
129
00:05:46,666 --> 00:05:48,899
What will you tell Amy?
130
00:05:48,901 --> 00:05:50,134
How about I tell her
131
00:05:50,136 --> 00:05:51,702
the painting makes
you feel jealous
132
00:05:51,704 --> 00:05:53,103
because you're
not in it?
133
00:05:53,105 --> 00:05:56,540
Nuh-uh. What if she gets me one?
134
00:05:58,443 --> 00:06:00,678
I already have a picture
of me and Howard's mom
135
00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:02,379
getting our hair cornrowed
in Venice Beach.
136
00:06:02,381 --> 00:06:04,348
I've suffered enough.
137
00:06:04,350 --> 00:06:06,684
Well, I guess I could
take it down and put it up
138
00:06:06,686 --> 00:06:08,452
when she comes over,
but it's kind of heavy.
139
00:06:08,454 --> 00:06:11,722
Oh, too bad you're not as strong
as the dude in the painting.
140
00:06:15,927 --> 00:06:17,228
Would you look
at this?
141
00:06:17,230 --> 00:06:19,530
I paid $25
to some kid on eBay
142
00:06:19,532 --> 00:06:22,399
for a handcrafted
Harry Potter wand.
143
00:06:22,401 --> 00:06:24,535
He sent me a stick.
144
00:06:26,705 --> 00:06:30,074
He went into his backyard,
he picked up a stick.
145
00:06:30,076 --> 00:06:32,610
It's numbered.
146
00:06:32,612 --> 00:06:34,645
Ooh, limited edition.
147
00:06:34,647 --> 00:06:36,180
Nice.
148
00:06:38,017 --> 00:06:39,316
Oh, that'll be Kripke.
149
00:06:39,318 --> 00:06:40,818
What's he doing here?
150
00:06:40,820 --> 00:06:43,571
We're going to work this office
situation out like gentlemen.
151
00:06:43,573 --> 00:06:46,624
And if that doesn't work,
I'm going to poison his tea.
152
00:06:47,709 --> 00:06:50,211
Cooper.
Kripke. Come in.
153
00:06:50,213 --> 00:06:52,046
I'm making tea.
154
00:06:52,048 --> 00:06:54,531
Would you like a cup?
155
00:06:54,533 --> 00:06:56,033
Am I wearing a
summer frock?
156
00:06:56,035 --> 00:06:57,868
No, I don't want tea.
157
00:06:58,870 --> 00:07:01,171
Let's get down
to brass tacks.
158
00:07:01,173 --> 00:07:04,959
Fine. In the interest
of preserving our friendship...
159
00:07:04,961 --> 00:07:06,043
We're not friends.
160
00:07:06,045 --> 00:07:07,561
Well, that's a little hard
161
00:07:07,563 --> 00:07:09,263
to hear, but all right.
162
00:07:10,599 --> 00:07:14,685
As you know, the essence
of diplomacy is compromise.
163
00:07:14,687 --> 00:07:16,103
With that in mind,
164
00:07:16,105 --> 00:07:17,387
I propose the following.
165
00:07:17,389 --> 00:07:20,057
I will take Rothman's office,
166
00:07:20,059 --> 00:07:24,395
and you will find a way
to be okay with that.
167
00:07:25,914 --> 00:07:28,249
How about
I take Rothman's office,
168
00:07:28,251 --> 00:07:30,618
and you go suck a lemon?
169
00:07:37,125 --> 00:07:39,894
You sure I can't get you
that cup of tea?
170
00:07:40,829 --> 00:07:42,012
How about
you decide this
171
00:07:42,014 --> 00:07:45,182
with Rock-Paper-Scissors
Lizard-Spock?
172
00:07:45,184 --> 00:07:47,801
What the frig is that?
173
00:07:47,803 --> 00:07:51,272
Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock
was created
174
00:07:51,274 --> 00:07:54,308
by Internet pioneer Sam Kass
as an improvement
175
00:07:54,310 --> 00:07:56,610
on the classic game
Rock-Paper-Scissors.
176
00:07:56,612 --> 00:07:57,778
All hail Sam Kass.
177
00:07:57,780 --> 00:07:59,780
Hail.
178
00:07:59,782 --> 00:08:02,232
How does it work?
179
00:08:02,234 --> 00:08:03,734
Oh, it's very simple.
180
00:08:03,736 --> 00:08:05,903
Scissors cuts paper,
paper covers rock,
181
00:08:05,905 --> 00:08:09,123
rock crushes lizard,
lizard poisons Spock,
182
00:08:09,125 --> 00:08:12,076
Spock smashes scissors,
scissors decapitates lizard,
183
00:08:12,078 --> 00:08:15,278
lizard eats paper,
paper disproves Spock,
184
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:17,214
Spock vaporizes rock,
185
00:08:17,216 --> 00:08:19,750
and as it always has,
rock crushes scissors.
186
00:08:24,556 --> 00:08:26,890
I'm sorry. Can you repeat that?
187
00:08:27,892 --> 00:08:29,059
Well, of course.
188
00:08:29,061 --> 00:08:30,460
Scissors cuts paper, paper
189
00:08:30,462 --> 00:08:31,645
covers rock, rock
190
00:08:31,647 --> 00:08:33,480
crushes lizard,
lizard poisons Spock,
191
00:08:33,482 --> 00:08:34,848
Spock smashes scissors,
192
00:08:34,850 --> 00:08:36,350
scissors
decapitates lizard,
193
00:08:36,352 --> 00:08:37,968
lizard eats paper, paper
194
00:08:37,970 --> 00:08:39,770
disproves Spock,
Spock vaporizes rock,
195
00:08:39,772 --> 00:08:43,641
and as it always has,
rock crushes scissors.
196
00:08:45,343 --> 00:08:47,361
Almost got it.
One more time.
197
00:08:47,363 --> 00:08:49,530
Surely. Scissors cuts paper,
paper covers rock, rock...
198
00:08:49,532 --> 00:08:51,115
Sheldon, stop.
199
00:08:51,117 --> 00:08:52,366
He's screwing with you.
200
00:08:52,368 --> 00:08:54,501
Is he?
201
00:08:54,503 --> 00:08:56,036
Well, then,
202
00:08:56,038 --> 00:08:58,255
it seems
we have reached an impasse.
203
00:08:58,257 --> 00:09:01,375
I see no other option than
to challenge you to a duel.
204
00:09:01,377 --> 00:09:03,994
I'd smack you with a glove,
but just last week,
205
00:09:03,996 --> 00:09:06,096
I packed away my winter things.
206
00:09:07,115 --> 00:09:08,882
It's the 21st century.
207
00:09:08,884 --> 00:09:10,184
You can't
have a duel.
208
00:09:10,186 --> 00:09:12,853
H-Hang on, Howard.
209
00:09:14,389 --> 00:09:17,674
Barry, how good
of a shot are you?
210
00:09:18,693 --> 00:09:20,527
Not pistols. Minds.
211
00:09:20,529 --> 00:09:22,146
A trivia contest,
212
00:09:22,148 --> 00:09:23,814
and you may choose
the field of battle.
213
00:09:23,816 --> 00:09:27,317
Star Trek trivia, Star Trek:
Next Generation trivia,
214
00:09:27,319 --> 00:09:28,669
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
trivia,
215
00:09:28,671 --> 00:09:30,954
Star Trek:
Voyager trivia,
216
00:09:30,956 --> 00:09:33,374
or model trains.
217
00:09:33,376 --> 00:09:36,293
You have a complete
advantage in trivia.
218
00:09:36,295 --> 00:09:37,694
You have an eidetic memory.
219
00:09:37,696 --> 00:09:39,163
Plus, I haven't watched
Star Trek
220
00:09:39,165 --> 00:09:41,382
since I discovered
the strip club near my apartment
221
00:09:41,384 --> 00:09:44,168
has a free buffet.
222
00:09:44,170 --> 00:09:45,502
It's gonna be hard
223
00:09:45,504 --> 00:09:47,971
to find something
you're both equally good at.
224
00:09:47,973 --> 00:09:50,140
Is there anything
you're both equally bad at?
225
00:09:50,142 --> 00:09:52,342
Sports.
226
00:09:57,287 --> 00:09:58,787
All right,
this is one-on-one.
227
00:09:58,789 --> 00:10:01,624
First person to five
wins the office. Any questions?
228
00:10:01,626 --> 00:10:02,391
Yes, Sheldon.
229
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:04,377
Five what?
230
00:10:04,379 --> 00:10:07,563
Balls in the basket.
231
00:10:10,601 --> 00:10:11,851
Ew!
232
00:10:23,647 --> 00:10:26,833
It's out, right?
233
00:10:34,591 --> 00:10:36,342
Time.
234
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:38,261
Ran out of room.
235
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:43,049
You know all those
terrible things
236
00:10:43,051 --> 00:10:44,300
bullies used
to do to us?
237
00:10:44,302 --> 00:10:45,351
Yeah.
238
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,353
I get it.
239
00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:54,427
Ooh, aah!
240
00:10:57,064 --> 00:10:59,499
Hey!
241
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:01,968
He did that on purpose!
242
00:11:01,970 --> 00:11:03,369
No, he didn't.
243
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:06,873
Nothing that's happening here
is being done on purpose.
244
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:09,742
Okay, uh, forget one-on-one.
245
00:11:09,744 --> 00:11:11,310
Let's try
a free throw contest.
246
00:11:11,312 --> 00:11:14,380
First person who makes a basket
wins the office.
247
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:16,282
Making it too easy there,
Hofstadter.
248
00:11:16,284 --> 00:11:18,951
No. No, I'm not.
249
00:11:21,755 --> 00:11:23,523
Use the force, Sheldon.
250
00:11:23,525 --> 00:11:26,425
Use the force.
251
00:11:28,662 --> 00:11:31,264
I'm gonna need more force.
252
00:11:33,166 --> 00:11:36,936
All right, Cooper, prepare
to have your heart broken.
253
00:11:40,858 --> 00:11:43,058
Do I get points for that?
254
00:11:54,671 --> 00:11:55,788
Oh!
255
00:12:02,714 --> 00:12:05,881
All right,
we gave it 45 minutes.
256
00:12:05,883 --> 00:12:08,184
It's no longer funny.
Let's try something else.
257
00:12:09,586 --> 00:12:10,970
What do you propose?
258
00:12:10,972 --> 00:12:12,555
Uh, on the count of three,
259
00:12:12,557 --> 00:12:14,941
both of you bounce the balls
as hard as you can.
260
00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,359
The highest bounce
wins the office.
261
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:18,361
Oh, you are going down, Cooper.
262
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:19,729
I don't think so, Kripke.
263
00:12:19,731 --> 00:12:22,114
I've bounced many a rubber ball
in my day.
264
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:24,483
All right,
that's enough trash talk.
265
00:12:25,986 --> 00:12:27,370
One,
266
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,538
two, three.
267
00:12:31,274 --> 00:12:33,075
Sheldon
was higher.
268
00:12:33,077 --> 00:12:34,293
Congratulations,
269
00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:35,494
Sheldon. You win office.
270
00:12:35,496 --> 00:12:39,114
Who's unsatisfactory
in P.E. now?
271
00:12:42,252 --> 00:12:44,036
♪ We go together
272
00:12:44,038 --> 00:12:46,756
♪ Like rama lama lama
ka dinga da dinga dong ♪
273
00:12:46,758 --> 00:12:47,974
♪ Remembered forever...
274
00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:49,692
Oh, what a great movie.
275
00:12:49,694 --> 00:12:52,011
I cannot believe
you've never seen Grease.
276
00:12:52,013 --> 00:12:53,813
My mother didn't allow me
to watch it.
277
00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:56,315
She was afraid it might
encourage me to join a gang.
278
00:12:58,635 --> 00:12:59,986
I've got to go.
279
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:01,320
I've got to get up early.
280
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:02,972
My company's testing
a new steroid
281
00:13:02,974 --> 00:13:04,807
that supposedly
doesn't shrink testicles,
282
00:13:04,809 --> 00:13:08,444
and the last one there
has to do e measuring.
283
00:13:08,446 --> 00:13:10,613
I guess I should get going, too.
284
00:13:12,148 --> 00:13:14,700
Good night, painting Penny.
285
00:13:14,702 --> 00:13:16,752
Good night, real Penny.
286
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:19,121
Good night, real Amy.
287
00:13:19,123 --> 00:13:22,425
You don't have to say
good night to painting Amy,
288
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:24,410
'cause she's never leaving.
289
00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:28,881
Good night, real Penny.
290
00:13:28,883 --> 00:13:30,683
Bye.
291
00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:32,601
Good night, transvestite Penny.
292
00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:38,891
Okay. Let us take you
off the wall.
293
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:43,896
Out of sight, out of mind.
294
00:13:45,348 --> 00:13:47,516
I wish.
295
00:13:49,169 --> 00:13:51,904
You know, can I
borrow that movie?
296
00:13:51,906 --> 00:13:54,206
Those singing hooligans
really got my motor running.
297
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:56,409
Sure, sure. Enjoy.
298
00:13:56,411 --> 00:13:58,744
I mean, get it back
to me when you can, or...
299
00:13:58,746 --> 00:14:00,129
you know what, actually,
you keep it.
300
00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:01,547
It's just going to be
my gift to you.
301
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:03,249
- Bye.
- Thank you.
302
00:14:03,251 --> 00:14:05,200
Wait...
Where'd the painting go?
303
00:14:05,202 --> 00:14:06,752
It's right over there.
304
00:14:07,954 --> 00:14:10,139
Why?
305
00:14:10,807 --> 00:14:13,008
I have no idea.
That is weird.
306
00:14:15,712 --> 00:14:17,146
- You hate it.
- No.
307
00:14:17,148 --> 00:14:20,266
No, no.
It's just, it's a little big.
308
00:14:20,268 --> 00:14:22,485
- I feel like an idiot.
- No, come on, you're not an idiot.
309
00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:23,836
Look, just help me
put it back up.
310
00:14:23,838 --> 00:14:25,888
Why? So you can just
take it down when I leave?
311
00:14:25,890 --> 00:14:28,240
I don't need your pity.
Oh, Amy, come on...
312
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:31,777
I'm just glad I didn't
go for the sculpture.
313
00:14:34,614 --> 00:14:38,150
Ah, the spoils.
314
00:14:38,152 --> 00:14:39,952
I see why victors love them.
315
00:14:41,855 --> 00:14:43,289
I'm happy for you, Sheldon.
316
00:14:43,291 --> 00:14:45,991
But I have to admit I'm going to
miss sharing an office with you.
317
00:14:45,993 --> 00:14:47,460
Oh, of course you are.
318
00:14:47,462 --> 00:14:49,695
Feel free to drop
by any time.
319
00:14:49,697 --> 00:14:51,764
Thank you.
Yeah. Call first.
320
00:14:57,604 --> 00:14:59,672
Oh. Hello.
321
00:15:01,975 --> 00:15:02,942
Professor Rothman.
322
00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:04,744
This isn't your
office anymore.
323
00:15:04,746 --> 00:15:06,145
You're retired.
324
00:15:06,147 --> 00:15:11,917
I think the word you're
looking for is... "invisible."
325
00:15:15,489 --> 00:15:18,023
I came to say I'm sorry.
326
00:15:18,025 --> 00:15:19,825
Don't bother.
327
00:15:19,827 --> 00:15:21,794
Oh, Amy, please.
I'm so humiliated.
328
00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:24,029
I sat there the whole time
that we were watching "Grease,"
329
00:15:24,031 --> 00:15:26,499
thinking you liked the painting.
I know.
330
00:15:26,501 --> 00:15:28,534
I was a fool from "Summer
Lovin'" to the very last
331
00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:30,503
"rama lama lama ke ding
a de dinga a dong."
332
00:15:32,372 --> 00:15:33,873
You're right.
You're absolutely right.
333
00:15:33,875 --> 00:15:35,407
I should have
been honest with you
334
00:15:35,409 --> 00:15:37,276
and told you
the gift was too much.
335
00:15:37,278 --> 00:15:39,378
Yes, too much.
336
00:15:39,380 --> 00:15:41,380
Because our friendship
is fundamentally asymmetrical.
337
00:15:41,382 --> 00:15:44,550
I clearly like you
more than you like me.
338
00:15:44,552 --> 00:15:46,318
I don't think you can
put a number on
339
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:47,920
how much one person
likes another.
340
00:15:47,922 --> 00:15:50,856
I bought you a painting
that's 12 square feet in area.
341
00:15:50,858 --> 00:15:51,924
There's a number.
342
00:15:51,926 --> 00:15:53,993
Amy, come on...
343
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:55,628
If you don't like feet,
you can try dollars.
344
00:15:55,630 --> 00:15:57,196
The painting set me back
three grand.
345
00:15:57,198 --> 00:16:00,466
Three gr... Oh, my God!
346
00:16:01,268 --> 00:16:02,802
Look, look, Amy,
347
00:16:02,804 --> 00:16:05,504
all you need to know is,
you are my friend
348
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:07,907
and I don't want to
lose you out of my life.
349
00:16:07,909 --> 00:16:11,544
I'm sorry, I'm just having
trouble believing you right now.
350
00:16:14,147 --> 00:16:15,614
Grab your hammer.
351
00:16:15,616 --> 00:16:18,083
No. Damage is done.
352
00:16:18,085 --> 00:16:22,955
Okay, look, I didn't want to say
this, but the real reason
353
00:16:22,957 --> 00:16:25,391
I took the painting down was...
354
00:16:25,393 --> 00:16:29,195
because it made
Bernadette very jealous.
355
00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:31,397
Oh, my goodness,
356
00:16:31,399 --> 00:16:33,566
how could I have not seen that?
357
00:16:33,568 --> 00:16:34,700
The painting is
358
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,902
a constant reminder
that of the three of us,
359
00:16:36,904 --> 00:16:39,438
she is the least cool.
360
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:43,609
Yeah, that's...
that's what it is, so...
361
00:16:43,611 --> 00:16:45,044
You have such a good heart.
362
00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:47,746
Yeah... I try.
363
00:16:47,748 --> 00:16:49,582
Come on.
364
00:16:49,584 --> 00:16:51,083
Whoa, whoa, where are we going?
365
00:16:51,085 --> 00:16:52,718
We're going to go put
this painting back up
366
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,220
in your apartment.
Well, what about Bernadette?
367
00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:56,956
Oh, screw her. She's just lucky
we let her hang out with us.
368
00:17:20,180 --> 00:17:21,380
What are you doing?
369
00:17:21,382 --> 00:17:23,849
I'm trying to raise
the temperature in here
370
00:17:23,851 --> 00:17:26,118
before my nipples tear
through my shirt.
371
00:17:27,287 --> 00:17:30,155
Why don't you just
turn up the thermostat?
372
00:17:30,157 --> 00:17:31,690
Aha! Good question.
373
00:17:31,692 --> 00:17:34,226
It turns out the thermostat
for my new office
374
00:17:34,228 --> 00:17:36,896
isn't in my new office.
No. It's next door,
375
00:17:36,898 --> 00:17:38,764
in Professor Davenport's office,
376
00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,499
who is currently
enjoying the hot flashes
377
00:17:40,501 --> 00:17:42,334
associated with menopause.
378
00:17:43,203 --> 00:17:45,371
Why is there a hole here?
379
00:17:45,373 --> 00:17:47,373
Why is there a hole
in my new office?
380
00:17:47,375 --> 00:17:49,675
I've narrowed it down
to two possibilities:
381
00:17:49,677 --> 00:17:51,443
"There was something in the wall
382
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:53,913
that someone outside
the wall wanted,"
383
00:17:53,915 --> 00:17:55,147
or the more disturbing,
384
00:17:55,149 --> 00:17:58,417
"there was something
in the wall that wanted out."
385
00:17:59,819 --> 00:18:02,221
Well, at least you
finally got a window that opens.
386
00:18:02,223 --> 00:18:03,155
That's nice.
387
00:18:03,157 --> 00:18:05,524
Is it? Listen.
388
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:07,793
What, you don't like
wind chimes?
389
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:10,029
No, I hate them,
but it gets worse.
390
00:18:13,267 --> 00:18:15,901
- There it is.
- The bird?
391
00:18:15,903 --> 00:18:18,637
It's completely out of tune
with the wind chimes.
392
00:18:19,539 --> 00:18:20,506
So?
393
00:18:20,508 --> 00:18:21,740
You don't get it, do you?
394
00:18:21,742 --> 00:18:23,208
That's a mockingbird.
395
00:18:23,210 --> 00:18:25,277
Mockingbirds can
change their song,
396
00:18:25,279 --> 00:18:27,179
which means he's
out of tune on purpose.
397
00:18:28,616 --> 00:18:30,215
He's mocking me.
398
00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:33,619
Oh dear. There it is again.
Do you feel it?
399
00:18:33,621 --> 00:18:37,690
The growing realization that
you are one wacky bastard? Yep.
400
00:18:37,692 --> 00:18:40,025
No. The vibration.
401
00:18:40,027 --> 00:18:42,027
We are directly underneath
the geology lab,
402
00:18:42,029 --> 00:18:44,630
and they're running their
confounded sieve shakers again.
403
00:18:44,632 --> 00:18:45,931
Hey, gravel monkeys,
404
00:18:45,933 --> 00:18:49,234
if you need to shake rocks,
try jiggling your heads around!
405
00:18:49,236 --> 00:18:51,537
Sheldon, relax.
406
00:18:51,539 --> 00:18:52,604
How can I relax?
407
00:18:52,606 --> 00:18:54,473
My nervous system is
being stretched out
408
00:18:54,475 --> 00:18:57,743
like the strings of a harp
and plucked by holes and birds
409
00:18:57,745 --> 00:19:00,312
and wind and the
low-hanging scrotum
410
00:19:00,314 --> 00:19:02,081
of the difficult-to-evict
Professor Rothman.
411
00:19:04,651 --> 00:19:05,818
If you're not happy,
412
00:19:05,820 --> 00:19:07,453
why don't you just let
Kripke have the office?
413
00:19:07,455 --> 00:19:08,821
Wait, and let him win?
414
00:19:08,823 --> 00:19:10,823
Do I look crazy to you?
415
00:19:10,825 --> 00:19:12,191
We're trying to think down here,
416
00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:14,843
you geode-loving
feldspar jockeys!
417
00:19:14,845 --> 00:19:16,478
And you...
418
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:19,031
the notes are
C, D, E, G and A.
419
00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:21,800
You pick one or I am
chopping down that tree!
420
00:19:29,039 --> 00:19:30,550
How's that?
421
00:19:30,551 --> 00:19:33,335
Little higher on the right.
422
00:19:33,337 --> 00:19:35,254
- Now?
- Little more.
423
00:19:35,256 --> 00:19:37,339
No. That's got it.
424
00:19:39,259 --> 00:19:41,844
Yeah, okay.
That's, uh, that's good.
425
00:19:42,762 --> 00:19:44,202
I'll let you in
on a little secret.
426
00:19:44,227 --> 00:19:45,348
Mm.
427
00:19:45,349 --> 00:19:48,234
Originally
we were painted nude.
428
00:19:54,174 --> 00:19:57,142
But I had him add clothes,
'cause I thought
429
00:19:57,144 --> 00:20:00,329
it was an unnecessary challenge
to our heterosexuality.
430
00:20:02,616 --> 00:20:05,084
Yeah, good call.
431
00:20:05,086 --> 00:20:07,369
But if you ever change
your mind, all it would take
432
00:20:07,371 --> 00:20:10,422
is some warm, soapy water
and a couple of sponges.
433
00:20:11,441 --> 00:20:12,744
You're talking about
the painting, right?
434
00:20:12,769 --> 00:20:13,969
Sure.
435
00:20:19,599 --> 00:20:22,301
Help! Somebody help!
436
00:20:25,772 --> 00:20:27,122
What happened?
437
00:20:27,124 --> 00:20:30,876
I was trying to see what was
in here and my head got stuck.
438
00:20:30,878 --> 00:20:33,011
Why would you do that?
439
00:20:33,013 --> 00:20:35,814
It's called
scientific curiosity!
440
00:20:37,067 --> 00:20:39,101
Now go get butter.
441
00:20:39,103 --> 00:20:40,519
Hang in there.
442
00:20:40,521 --> 00:20:42,321
I'll be right back.
443
00:20:43,623 --> 00:20:47,623
== sync, corrected by elderman ==