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Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...
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Dad,
this is Sheldon's mother, Mary.
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How do you do?
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Nice to meet you.
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And, of course, Mom.
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Hello, my hateful shrew.
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00:00:09,386 --> 00:00:12,971
Hello to you,
you wrinkled old bastard.
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00:00:15,142 --> 00:00:16,307
Hey.
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00:00:16,309 --> 00:00:19,110
Just got an e-mail
from the U.S. Air Force.
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I'm just afraid if I respond,
then they'll know I got it.
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Dude, the minute you opened that
e-mail, they knew you got it.
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I mean, they're probably
looking at you
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through the camera
right now.
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Oh, God.
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I think someone's
following us.
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Uh, turn left here
and see if he turns with us.
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Why is he turning here?
The restaurant's the other way.
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I don't know.
He uses that traffic app.
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Maybe there's an accident.
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Oh, so follow him.
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Oh, no!
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Leonard, if you don't mind,
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I think I'm a little tired.
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I'm gonna call it a night.
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Sure, Dad.
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I'm a little
tuckered out myself.
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Well, I will see you
all in the morning.
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Would you like to share a cab?
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That would be fine.
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Where are you staying?
I'm at the Westin.
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Well, so am I.
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Could I interest
you in a nightcap?
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I think that you could.
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Leonard?
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Leonard?
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What?
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You realize you and I
could become brothers.
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We're not gonna be brothers.
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We're not gonna be stepbrothers.
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Go to sleep.
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I hope you're right.
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'Cause a grown man
living with his brother
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and his brother's wife is weird.
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Go to sleep.
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Okay.
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Do you think your father's
doing unspeakable things
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to my mother?
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No.
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Are you saying that
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because the things
are unspeakable?
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Your parents are old.
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Anything unspeakable
was finished by 9:30.
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Go to sleep.
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Very well.
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I'm sorry if this stuff is gonna
make the ceremony awkward.
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God, I thought my brother
fresh out of jail
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was gonna make everyone
uncomfortable, but now this...
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Hey, if you want me to sleep
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you're gonna
have to stop talking.
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♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
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00:02:14,094 --> 00:02:17,762
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
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00:02:17,764 --> 00:02:19,297
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
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♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
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♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
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♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
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♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
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♪ Bang! ♪
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♪ The Big Bang Theory 10x01 ♪
The Conjugal Conjecture
Original Air Date on September 19, 2016
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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Okay, I'm gonna go pick up
my family.
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Like an hour and half,
two hours, depending on traffic.
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Yeah, drive safe.
Oh, hey,
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and do yourself a favor,
all right?
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When Beverly gets here,
do not bring up last night.
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All right?
As far as you're concerned,
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you don't know anything,
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you didn't see anything.
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I want you just to play dumb.
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It was nice of her to show us
playing dumb with an example.
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What?
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Oh.
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Hi. Okay, hey there, I got--
I'm sorry, I got to go now.
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Penny, wait.
Why?
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I wanted to thank you for
going through all the trouble
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of planning a second wedding
ceremony for me,
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but unfortunately
I cannot attend.
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Well, why?
What's wrong?
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Wha-- are we still doing
the dumb thing?
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Okay, why, what's wrong?
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I just cannot stay here
while your father
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goes out of his way
to humiliate me.
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Oh, golly, however
did he humiliate you?
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Stop it, Sheldon.
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Do I say "Stop what?"
or just throw in the towel?
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I don't see why I should
have to watch your father
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parade around with some
Bible-thumping bumpkin.
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Oh, excuse me, that is my mother
you're talking about,
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however accurately.
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Okay, Beverly,
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aren't you overreacting
a little?
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All we know is they shared
a cab and had a nightcap.
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And turned their phones off.
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Not helping, buddy.
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Mother, Penny and I really want
you to be part of this.
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Please stay.
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Yeah, plus if you leave,
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Alfred will know
he got under your skin.
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Well, we can't have that.
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You know, also,
if they did have coitus,
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we'll all be needing
a skilled psychiatrist.
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It is funny
when you think about it.
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Maybe to you.
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You didn't get
a $500 traffic ticket.
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Because you were driving
like a lunatic.
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Hey, if thinking
secret government agents
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are chasing you makes you
a lunatic, then... yeah, okay.
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Oh, I'll get it.
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It didn't help that you couldn't
walk a straight line
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when the cop pulled you over.
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I have performance anxiety.
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You of all people
should know that.
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Hello.
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I'm looking for Howard Wolowitz.
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Howard Wolowitz?
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I have the right address,
don't I?
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Address?
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Is he here?
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Um... no.
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Do you know where
I can find him?
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May I ask what this is about?
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No, you may not.
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Very well.
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Have him call me.
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Okay.
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Raj, who's at the door?
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That's not him.
137
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Oh, I can't wait for
you to meet everyone.
138
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I told them all about you.
139
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Like what?
140
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Do they know about your brother?
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Uh, not everything, just,
like, the jail and drugs part.
142
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Why would you do that?
143
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What?
The world doesn't need
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to know our problems.
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Well, Mom, I'm sorry, but...
146
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Hey, look, they got
Walgreens here, too.
147
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You really think it's helpful
to change the subject, Wyatt?
148
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Just trying to make this
a happy trip, dear.
149
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Well, quit it!
150
00:06:10,369 --> 00:06:12,569
So, uh, Randall,
can't believe
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00:06:12,571 --> 00:06:14,037
after all these years
you finally get to visit me
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in California.
153
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Well, good thing I was
a nonviolent offender,
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otherwise I couldn't
have left the state.
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All right,
that's enough jail talk.
156
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Penny knows where I was;
she sent me cigarettes.
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You sent
your brother cigarettes?
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He was cooking and selling
crystal meth, Susan,
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00:06:30,756 --> 00:06:33,924
I think we can
let the cigarettes slide.
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Stop trying to be
the cool dad;
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you have a shirt
with our cat's picture on it.
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00:06:39,515 --> 00:06:41,982
Anyway, we're here, slugger.
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That's great, now they
know where I live.
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What are you talking about?
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They've always known
where you live.
166
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Yeah, if you want to go
off the grid,
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you have to move out
of your mother's house.
168
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Can we take a moment
to discuss
169
00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:59,499
that I just lied
to the government for you?
170
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Yeah.
171
00:07:00,619 --> 00:07:02,786
I would not have
done that for you.
172
00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:06,757
Howard, please just call
the man, see what he wants.
173
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All right, all right.
174
00:07:08,677 --> 00:07:10,127
Hey,
175
00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:12,179
make sure you tell him that
you weren't home when he came by
176
00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:14,181
and that your Indian friend
gave you the message
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00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:16,850
the moment
you stepped through the door.
178
00:07:16,852 --> 00:07:20,470
Yes, hello.
Uh,
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00:07:20,472 --> 00:07:23,557
this is Howard Wolowitz
for Colonel Richard Williams.
180
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Oh, I take it back,
don't mention me.
181
00:07:25,227 --> 00:07:28,312
Hi, Colonel Williams,
how can I help you?
182
00:07:28,314 --> 00:07:31,615
What? Oh, uh, yes,
he is from India.
183
00:07:33,535 --> 00:07:36,653
No, I don't know
his immigration status.
184
00:07:39,491 --> 00:07:42,659
Relax, I'm still on hold!
185
00:07:44,163 --> 00:07:46,246
Speaking.
186
00:07:46,248 --> 00:07:50,417
Okay, sure,
I can meet with you on Thursday.
187
00:07:50,419 --> 00:07:52,002
Caltech is fine.
188
00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:54,171
Yeah, and may I ask
what this is about?
189
00:07:55,557 --> 00:07:57,507
I may not?
190
00:07:57,509 --> 00:08:00,510
That's what he said to me.
191
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:02,763
Here you are, Mother.
192
00:08:02,765 --> 00:08:04,398
Thank you.
193
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,066
I'm glad you decided to stay.
194
00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:09,519
It's gonna be special for Penny
and me to share this with you.
195
00:08:09,521 --> 00:08:13,240
I can't wait
for this day to be over.
196
00:08:14,076 --> 00:08:16,443
Yeah, special, like that.
197
00:08:17,279 --> 00:08:19,863
That's them.
198
00:08:19,865 --> 00:08:20,864
Please don't make things
199
00:08:20,866 --> 00:08:22,833
any more awkward
than they already are.
200
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:26,920
All right, so less
or equally awkward, got it.
201
00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:29,506
Hey, guys, come on in.
202
00:08:29,508 --> 00:08:31,174
Oh, thank you.
Good morning.
203
00:08:31,176 --> 00:08:32,092
Morning.
Hello.
204
00:08:32,094 --> 00:08:34,094
How is everyone today?
205
00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:35,095
Good, and you?
206
00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:37,180
Good, good.
Good.
207
00:08:37,182 --> 00:08:38,548
I'm good, too.
208
00:08:38,550 --> 00:08:40,434
Good.
209
00:08:43,222 --> 00:08:45,439
So, did you defile
my mother or not?
210
00:08:46,392 --> 00:08:48,942
Sheldon!
211
00:08:48,944 --> 00:08:51,028
You're being rude.
212
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:52,446
If I may, I can assure you,
213
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:53,897
your mother and I
did nothing more
214
00:08:53,899 --> 00:08:56,116
than share a cab
and a conversation.
215
00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:58,285
Did that conversation
include the phrase
216
00:08:58,287 --> 00:09:00,454
"your genitals
are a joy to behold"?
217
00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:02,656
That's enough!
218
00:09:02,658 --> 00:09:07,627
Look, I promise you, neither I,
nor anyone, has ever said that.
219
00:09:07,629 --> 00:09:12,299
You don't know his girlfriend
very well.
220
00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:15,419
Or what a joy it is
to behold my genitals.
221
00:09:17,589 --> 00:09:20,090
All right, you guys, uh,
get settled in,
222
00:09:20,092 --> 00:09:22,342
then we'll go across the hall
and say hi to everyone.
223
00:09:22,344 --> 00:09:24,811
You know, It's hard to believe
I've never met Leonard.
224
00:09:24,813 --> 00:09:27,097
Well, he probably buys
his illegal drugs
225
00:09:27,099 --> 00:09:28,265
from a local vendor.
226
00:09:29,685 --> 00:09:31,234
Not funny, Wyatt.
227
00:09:31,236 --> 00:09:33,770
I thought it was really funny.
Thanks.
228
00:09:33,772 --> 00:09:37,157
Well, fine, if everyone wants to
make jokes about our problems,
229
00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:38,108
then I can, too.
230
00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:40,444
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
231
00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:43,163
Our family is an embarrassment.
232
00:09:43,165 --> 00:09:45,092
That's not much of a joke.
233
00:09:45,093 --> 00:09:45,747
Okay.
234
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:48,118
Listen, Mom, I know you're
nervous, but I promise you,
235
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,454
no one is gonna judge you
or this family.
236
00:09:50,456 --> 00:09:51,955
Oh, I'm sorry.
237
00:09:51,957 --> 00:09:53,290
It's just we're meeting
Leonard's parents
238
00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:54,624
for the first time,
239
00:09:54,626 --> 00:09:57,794
and-and they're academics
and-and intellectuals,
240
00:09:57,796 --> 00:10:00,180
and I don't want them thinking
we're white trash.
241
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:04,601
Well, what color trash
do you think they'll believe?
242
00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:08,972
How could you think
that I would spend the night
243
00:10:08,974 --> 00:10:10,390
with a man I just met?
244
00:10:10,392 --> 00:10:13,810
A man named Jesus convinced you
to build a church in Africa.
245
00:10:13,812 --> 00:10:16,146
You're kind of a sucker.
246
00:10:16,148 --> 00:10:19,483
Well, nothing happened, right?
247
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:20,367
I-It's over.
248
00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:21,651
Until we get married
a third time,
249
00:10:21,653 --> 00:10:24,571
you guys will never have
to see each other again.
250
00:10:24,573 --> 00:10:26,456
Well, you know, actually
that's not the case.
251
00:10:26,458 --> 00:10:28,742
- Mary may visit me in New York.
- Mm-hmm.
252
00:10:28,744 --> 00:10:30,911
And he's never been to Texas.
253
00:10:30,913 --> 00:10:32,212
Maybe we meet halfway.
254
00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:36,917
What? In the Chattahoochee
National Forest in Georgia?
255
00:10:36,919 --> 00:10:41,888
I can't be the only one
that knows that's halfway.
256
00:10:41,890 --> 00:10:44,098
You're not seriously going
to visit each other.
257
00:10:44,122 --> 00:10:45,143
And why wouldn't we?
258
00:10:45,167 --> 00:10:47,231
Oh please, you're just saying
this to antagonize me.
259
00:10:47,524 --> 00:10:50,347
Oh, not at all. Mary happens
to be a wonderful woman.
260
00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:52,649
And if it antagonizes you,
that's just a bonus.
261
00:10:54,853 --> 00:10:57,070
Mary, I'm sorry you're
in the middle of this.
262
00:10:57,072 --> 00:10:59,105
No, no, nothing to be
sorry about.
263
00:10:59,107 --> 00:11:01,358
I genuinely like your father.
264
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,110
What? But he's a
mediocre academic.
265
00:11:04,112 --> 00:11:07,697
And according to Beverly,
his sexual prowess is subpar.
266
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:12,118
He's basically Leonard
with a bigger prostate.
267
00:11:14,506 --> 00:11:17,724
Are you saying that my dad's
not good enough for your mom?
268
00:11:17,726 --> 00:11:20,043
Yes, while also getting in
a solid dig at you.
269
00:11:20,045 --> 00:11:21,628
Pretty efficient, huh?
270
00:11:22,881 --> 00:11:25,715
This is ridiculous.
I-I'm going across the hall.
271
00:11:25,717 --> 00:11:27,634
But why should you get to go
and leave me here
272
00:11:27,636 --> 00:11:28,635
with your bickering parents?
273
00:11:28,637 --> 00:11:29,886
Fine, then you go!
274
00:11:29,888 --> 00:11:32,022
Well, I don't want to stay
here with her. I'll go.
275
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:32,939
I'll go with you.
276
00:11:32,941 --> 00:11:34,191
That still leaves me
here with him.
277
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,725
Hang on, hang on!
278
00:11:35,727 --> 00:11:37,227
We're smart, we can
figure this out.
279
00:11:37,229 --> 00:11:40,697
Okay, so: Mary and Beverly
can't be together.
280
00:11:40,699 --> 00:11:43,867
Uh, Alfred and Beverly
can't be together.
281
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:46,369
Leonard and I can't be together.
282
00:11:46,371 --> 00:11:49,122
Now, I could be with Alfred...
283
00:11:49,124 --> 00:11:50,740
but I don't like his face.
284
00:11:52,327 --> 00:11:53,743
Oh, here! I've got it!
285
00:11:53,745 --> 00:11:55,412
Who's ready for a wedding?
286
00:11:55,414 --> 00:11:57,747
Great, now I have
to start all over.
287
00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:08,125
So how's the world
of pharmaceuticals treating you?
288
00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:09,793
Pretty good. I actually
just got assigned
289
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:11,178
a much better territory.
290
00:12:11,180 --> 00:12:13,797
See what happens
when you work hard?
291
00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:17,184
Hey, she just sells drugs.
I had to make 'em.
292
00:12:18,103 --> 00:12:19,636
Okay, that's enough.
293
00:12:19,638 --> 00:12:22,389
No more drug talk
for the rest of this trip.
294
00:12:22,391 --> 00:12:24,808
I'll drink to that.
295
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:25,726
Haven't you had enough?
296
00:12:25,728 --> 00:12:27,394
Penny drinks
more than I do.
297
00:12:27,396 --> 00:12:29,863
Well, I learned
from the best.
298
00:12:29,865 --> 00:12:31,698
Aw!
Aw!
299
00:12:32,735 --> 00:12:34,067
Very nice, Wyatt.
300
00:12:34,069 --> 00:12:36,703
And you wonder why this one
turned out the way he did.
301
00:12:36,705 --> 00:12:39,039
You see what I've gotta
put up with!
302
00:12:39,041 --> 00:12:41,041
What you've gotta put up with?
303
00:12:41,043 --> 00:12:42,743
Why did you have
to go to jail?
304
00:12:42,745 --> 00:12:45,963
It's called getting
caught, Mother!
305
00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:47,664
Hello!
306
00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:48,832
Hey, there he is!
Hey!
307
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:51,752
Oh, Leonard! It's so
nice to see you again!
308
00:12:51,754 --> 00:12:52,836
Oh, you, too!
309
00:12:52,838 --> 00:12:55,305
Hey, everyone, this is
my mother, Beverly.
310
00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:56,423
- Hello.
- Hi.
311
00:12:56,425 --> 00:12:59,643
We are not white trash!
312
00:13:03,899 --> 00:13:06,316
Are you excited to see your son
walk down the aisle?
313
00:13:06,318 --> 00:13:07,434
Yes, I am.
314
00:13:07,436 --> 00:13:08,652
I'm just feeling
a little guilty
315
00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:10,437
about all the trouble
I've caused.
316
00:13:10,439 --> 00:13:12,105
Oh, so am I.
317
00:13:12,107 --> 00:13:15,609
You made God sad today, Mom.
318
00:13:22,585 --> 00:13:24,251
Sheldon, they haven't done
anything wrong.
319
00:13:24,253 --> 00:13:26,787
I think it's nice
they're hitting it off.
320
00:13:26,789 --> 00:13:28,455
Well, that's still no reason
to rush into anything.
321
00:13:28,457 --> 00:13:29,539
Look at us.
322
00:13:29,541 --> 00:13:31,258
We took things
remarkably slow.
323
00:13:31,260 --> 00:13:34,094
You and I, we didn't even
hold hands for two years.
324
00:13:35,264 --> 00:13:38,298
It was a lot hotter
than it sounds.
325
00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:39,600
You're a patient
young lady.
326
00:13:39,602 --> 00:13:40,634
Hey, hey!
327
00:13:40,636 --> 00:13:42,803
She's mine! Take a cold shower,
grandpa!
328
00:13:46,942 --> 00:13:49,192
Why wouldn't that colonel say
what the meeting's about?
329
00:13:49,194 --> 00:13:50,727
It has to be bad news.
330
00:13:50,729 --> 00:13:52,980
Calm down, okay?
Try not to think about it.
331
00:13:52,982 --> 00:13:55,532
That's really stupid advice.
332
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:57,367
You know that hurts
my feelings.
333
00:13:58,203 --> 00:14:00,537
Calm down, try not
to think about it.
334
00:14:01,573 --> 00:14:03,123
Okay.
335
00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:06,326
Why do I bother
talking to you?
336
00:14:06,328 --> 00:14:08,996
Oh, come on. What's the worst
that could come of this meeting?
337
00:14:08,998 --> 00:14:11,131
I don't know. They take
the invention away,
338
00:14:11,133 --> 00:14:12,299
and I get nothing?
339
00:14:12,301 --> 00:14:14,334
Okay, that's not so bad.
340
00:14:14,336 --> 00:14:15,585
You know what happened
to the scientists
341
00:14:15,587 --> 00:14:17,170
that worked
on the Manhattan Project?
342
00:14:17,172 --> 00:14:19,339
The government forced them
to move to the desert.
343
00:14:19,341 --> 00:14:22,509
They had to live in secret,
and when Oppenheimer objected
344
00:14:22,511 --> 00:14:23,677
to what they made him do,
345
00:14:23,679 --> 00:14:25,679
they destroyed his reputation.
346
00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:29,900
What's the point of that story?
347
00:14:31,186 --> 00:14:32,686
I just read a book
about Oppenheimer,
348
00:14:32,688 --> 00:14:35,989
seemed like a chance
to show off.
349
00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:40,243
There he is!
350
00:14:40,245 --> 00:14:42,412
There's my happy
Hebraic homeboy.
351
00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:43,914
Yeah, that's the smile
I'm gonna remember
352
00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:48,368
when you're living in the desert
and I'm living with your wife.
353
00:14:52,257 --> 00:14:54,257
So, what do you do for a living?
354
00:14:55,044 --> 00:14:57,210
Mommy, you want
to take this one?
355
00:14:58,130 --> 00:15:00,547
Um, Randall's
in between jobs.
356
00:15:00,549 --> 00:15:03,350
And court appearances.
357
00:15:04,219 --> 00:15:05,218
It's nice to meet the woman
358
00:15:05,220 --> 00:15:07,437
who raised this fine young man.
359
00:15:07,439 --> 00:15:09,189
I'm looking forward
to meeting his father.
360
00:15:09,191 --> 00:15:11,641
Prepare to be disappointed.
361
00:15:12,528 --> 00:15:13,694
And he can't wait
to meet you, too.
362
00:15:13,696 --> 00:15:15,062
Can I get anyone a drink?
363
00:15:15,064 --> 00:15:16,480
Well, I could use
another beer.
364
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:17,564
You're done.
365
00:15:19,868 --> 00:15:21,151
He's done.
366
00:15:22,654 --> 00:15:25,288
Hey! Is everyone getting
to know each other?
367
00:15:25,290 --> 00:15:26,823
Not at all!
368
00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:39,586
Nice to see you again,
Dr. Hofstadter.
369
00:15:39,588 --> 00:15:41,421
I'm, uh, Leonard's friend,
Stuart.
370
00:15:41,423 --> 00:15:43,757
Nice to see you, too.
371
00:15:43,759 --> 00:15:44,975
Hi, I'm Stuart.
372
00:15:44,977 --> 00:15:47,644
Ooh, I'm Alfred.
Leonard's father.
373
00:15:47,646 --> 00:15:51,264
Oh! Oh, hi. Uh, I'm sorry, did
you two want to sit together?
374
00:15:51,266 --> 00:15:53,233
No.
No.
375
00:15:54,436 --> 00:15:59,272
I was wondering why the
front row was available.
376
00:15:59,274 --> 00:16:01,441
Okay, I think
we're ready.
377
00:16:09,284 --> 00:16:11,501
Why do people
cry at weddings?
378
00:16:11,503 --> 00:16:14,671
They're practicing for
what's coming later.
379
00:16:19,294 --> 00:16:22,212
Thank you for cleaning yourself
up for your sister's wedding.
380
00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:25,549
Thank you for my new teeth.
381
00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:31,221
Welcome to the family,
Leonard.
382
00:16:31,223 --> 00:16:33,440
Don't lend your new
brother-in-law money.
383
00:16:38,981 --> 00:16:41,398
We're here today
to celebrate love.
384
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:46,820
Sigh louder,
no one heard you.
385
00:16:48,824 --> 00:16:50,657
Really, I can move.
386
00:16:51,994 --> 00:16:53,877
Not just Leonard and
Penny's love, but the love
387
00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:56,163
we have for them,
as well as each other.
388
00:16:56,165 --> 00:17:00,500
Speaking of love, STDs among
the elderly are skyrocketing.
389
00:17:03,338 --> 00:17:05,505
Love is patient,
but it's not gonna put up
390
00:17:05,507 --> 00:17:08,175
with all the side chatter,
so let's knock it off!
391
00:17:09,845 --> 00:17:12,095
At least she's yelling at
someone else for a change.
392
00:17:12,097 --> 00:17:14,314
Howard!
393
00:17:18,187 --> 00:17:19,903
Okay, I understand everyone's
a little tense today,
394
00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:22,405
so I am just gonna get
to the important stuff.
395
00:17:22,407 --> 00:17:25,742
Leonard, standing here
with you in front
396
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:29,663
of our family and friends is
bringing up a lot of feelings.
397
00:17:30,699 --> 00:17:33,750
Like what a good idea it was
to elope the first time.
398
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:39,122
But also how incredibly
happy you make me.
399
00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:42,209
Thank you for marrying me.
400
00:17:42,211 --> 00:17:44,044
Hopefully for the last time.
401
00:17:47,015 --> 00:17:48,765
Penny...
402
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:52,435
as a scientist, my job is to
figure out why things happen.
403
00:17:52,437 --> 00:17:55,639
But I don't think
I'll ever understand
404
00:17:55,641 --> 00:18:00,143
how someone like me could get
to be with someone like you.
405
00:18:01,230 --> 00:18:04,231
You know... maybe... I don't
need to understand it,
406
00:18:04,233 --> 00:18:05,315
I just need to be grateful.
407
00:18:05,317 --> 00:18:06,483
I love you, Penny.
408
00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:08,285
Oh...
409
00:18:09,905 --> 00:18:12,873
Anybody have anything snarky
to say about that?
410
00:18:14,910 --> 00:18:16,960
Didn't think so.
411
00:18:17,913 --> 00:18:19,546
I'd like to say something.
412
00:18:20,749 --> 00:18:23,383
Beverly, I know that
we don't bring out
413
00:18:23,385 --> 00:18:24,751
the best in each other.
414
00:18:24,753 --> 00:18:28,922
But something wonderful did
come from our relationship:
415
00:18:28,924 --> 00:18:30,223
that young man right there.
416
00:18:31,260 --> 00:18:33,093
I couldn't agree more.
417
00:18:35,397 --> 00:18:37,681
That's beautiful.
418
00:18:39,735 --> 00:18:42,852
Thank you.
All right, let's continue.
419
00:18:42,854 --> 00:18:45,772
Yeah, excuse me,
I need to say something
420
00:18:45,774 --> 00:18:48,775
to someone pretty special,
and...
421
00:18:48,777 --> 00:18:50,911
I just can't wait any longer.
422
00:18:50,913 --> 00:18:52,612
It's happening.
423
00:18:52,614 --> 00:18:54,581
Leonard...
424
00:18:58,287 --> 00:19:00,787
You and I have
our ups and downs.
425
00:19:00,789 --> 00:19:04,174
But I have always considered
you my family.
426
00:19:04,176 --> 00:19:08,094
Even before the recent threat
of our parents fornicating
427
00:19:08,096 --> 00:19:09,930
like wrinkly old rabbits.
428
00:19:14,603 --> 00:19:18,888
I don't always show it, but you
are of great importance to me.
429
00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:21,891
Both of you.
430
00:19:21,893 --> 00:19:23,476
Oh...
431
00:19:23,478 --> 00:19:25,028
Thank you.
432
00:19:25,030 --> 00:19:26,529
Okay.
433
00:19:26,531 --> 00:19:30,951
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
434
00:19:30,953 --> 00:19:33,453
And weird other husband who came
with the apartment.
435
00:19:45,232 --> 00:19:47,482
Thank you for taking us
to the airport.
436
00:19:47,484 --> 00:19:50,419
Hey, I'm just thrilled we're all
getting along for a minute.
437
00:19:50,421 --> 00:19:51,553
Yeah, me, too.
438
00:19:51,555 --> 00:19:54,206
Beverly, I'm sorry
if I upset you.
439
00:19:54,208 --> 00:19:55,857
Water under the bridge, Alfred.
440
00:19:57,194 --> 00:19:59,361
Leonard, why don't you get
into the carpool lane?
441
00:19:59,363 --> 00:20:01,279
Well, that's a solid line.
He can't cross it.
442
00:20:01,281 --> 00:20:02,614
That's okay.
I can make it over.
443
00:20:02,616 --> 00:20:03,999
No, no, let's plod along.
444
00:20:04,001 --> 00:20:06,284
It'll make your father feel
more comfortable.
445
00:20:07,838 --> 00:20:09,788
What makes me comfortable
is knowing I don't have to
446
00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:12,403
wake up tomorrow morning
and see your sour face.
447
00:20:14,436 --> 00:20:16,676
Do the world a favor, and
don't wake up tomorrow morning.
448
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:21,992
That was almost a minute.
449
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:27,166
There's a lot of traffic.
Are we gonna be okay?
450
00:20:27,335 --> 00:20:29,189
You'll be at the airport
an hour before your flight.
451
00:20:29,213 --> 00:20:30,051
Good.
Thank you.
452
00:20:30,075 --> 00:20:33,333
Plenty of time for you to meet
another geriatric boy toy.
453
00:20:35,679 --> 00:20:36,665
Hey.
454
00:20:36,689 --> 00:20:38,811
I will not have you
be disrespectful to me.
455
00:20:38,835 --> 00:20:39,903
Yes ma'am.
456
00:20:40,331 --> 00:20:42,091
Sheldon, you're mother's
an attractive woman.
457
00:20:42,294 --> 00:20:43,591
You need to get use to the fact
458
00:20:43,666 --> 00:20:45,318
that men are going
to be interest in her.
459
00:20:45,342 --> 00:20:47,970
Well.. and you need to drive
the car and mind your business.
460
00:20:49,453 --> 00:20:51,591
I will not have you
be disrespectful to me.
461
00:20:51,615 --> 00:20:52,645
What-- you're not
my mother.
462
00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:54,247
Don't you be disrespectful
to her.
463
00:20:54,271 --> 00:20:55,271
Yes ma'am.
464
00:20:56,904 --> 00:20:57,787
You'll get there.
465
00:20:57,811 --> 00:20:59,954
You've just gotta put
some zing on it.
466
00:21:04,073 --> 00:21:06,389
Penny, I don't know what
I was worried about.
467
00:21:06,615 --> 00:21:08,061
You're friends are
just lovely.
468
00:21:08,085 --> 00:21:09,632
Oh, thanks, Mom.
469
00:21:09,803 --> 00:21:12,391
Although that Sheldon
is a bit peculiar.
470
00:21:14,145 --> 00:21:16,276
Is he?
I never noticed.
471
00:21:17,431 --> 00:21:19,505
He reminds me
of that turkey we had
472
00:21:19,507 --> 00:21:21,566
who drowned looking up
at the rain.
473
00:21:24,677 --> 00:21:26,821
Cops, cops, be cool!
474
00:21:28,609 --> 00:21:35,109
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man