1
00:00:02,003 --> 00:00:03,254
AMY: Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...
2
00:00:03,754 --> 00:00:07,592
Cohabitation with my girlfriend?
That's a great deal to process.
3
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,510
Mmm. It's only for five weeks.
4
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:11,470
Let me appeal to the scientist in you.
5
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Given the five-week end date,
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isn't it the perfect opportunity
to consider this an experiment
7
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and collect data on our compatibility?
8
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Don't try luring me in with sexy talk.
9
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Okay, Star Trek, the original series.
10
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The Enterprise was on a five-year mission
to explore new worlds.
11
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Think of this as your personal
five-week mission to do the same.
12
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Well, if you want to lure me in
with sexy talk, that's how you do it.
13
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Okay, why don't you guys stay
across the hall and we will live here?
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(EXHALES)
15
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- Very well, I'm on board.
- Seriously?
16
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Yes. I accept this five-week mission to
share a living space with my girlfriend.
17
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(SIGHS) Oh, this is so exciting.
18
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Well, now don't be surprised if
like Star Trek, it's canceled in three.
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Okay, I'm confused,
which one is Mr. Robot?
20
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I'll give you a hint,
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we're watching Daredevil.
22
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Will you two please inform Amy
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how much you enjoy
adhering to a strict bathroom schedule?
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- Can't.
- Won't.
25
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- Didn't.
- Don't
26
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I told you, you can't regulate
every aspect of our lives.
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I can if you'd just
roll over and accept your fate!
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I'm sorry for bringing this over here.
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Believe me, we know
what you're going through.
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And I think the most helpful thing
we can tell you is, no backsies.
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Sheldon, I understand
that you like things a certain way
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and I'm willing to make some concessions,
33
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but you have to be open to compromise.
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- She's right, that's reasonable.
- Oh!
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Look who's in favor of compromise,
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the woman who married Leonard Hofstadter.
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Hey, she didn't compromise,
she settled, there's a difference.
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Yeah. You tell 'em, babe.
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(THEME SONG PLAYING)
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What time do you and Bernadette head out?
41
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Well, as soon as I get home.
We're hoping to make it before dark.
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I've never been to Palm Springs.
43
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You should go, it's terrific.
44
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I really thrive anywhere the women
and the temperature are over 90.
45
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I don't know.
46
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If I want to watch old people sweat
I can just FaceTime my family in India.
47
00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:41,120
It's nice you and Bernadette
are getting away.
48
00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:45,082
Well, she wants us to spend more time
together before the baby comes.
49
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So then, what are you doing
here buying comic books?
50
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Well, he wants us to
spend more time together
51
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before the baby comes.
52
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When you live with someone
there's gonna be conflict.
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You just have to keep communicating.
54
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Well, I'm open to that.
55
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Okay, well, for starters,
56
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there's nothing wrong with keeping
our toothbrushes in the same holder.
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Sheldon, what do you say to that?
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I think we should see other people.
59
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What?
60
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Well, as a male,
I have an evolutionary drive
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to perpetuate my DNA.
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And restricting myself
to a single partner,
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it's against my nature.
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We sleep together once a year!
65
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You want other partners?
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Don't blame me, blame your pal biology,
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he's the pervert pulling the strings here.
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You wanna see other people?
Go see other people!
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I hope one of those people is a monkey
because this is bananas.
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Hey, you can make jokes,
71
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but if this keeps up
he's gonna move back in here.
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Right, well, let's at least
get them apart for a while
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so they can cool down.
74
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Good. Then before we reintroduce them
75
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we'll give him one of her sweaters
76
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so he can get used to her scent again.
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Wait, so it's okay for you to joke around?
78
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:02,660
Well, no, that's actually
what we did with him
79
00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:04,453
when Howard came back from space.
80
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Honey, how you feeling?
81
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(BERNADETTE RETCHING)
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The book says at this
stage of the pregnancy
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morning sickness should be going away.
84
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(COUGHING AND RETCHING)
85
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So, that's good news, right?
86
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BERNADETTE: The only thing I hate more
than you right now is that book!
87
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(TOILET FLUSHING)
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HOWARD". There she is!
89
00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:41,031
Who's ready for a hot,
three-hour car ride to the desert?
90
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:45,369
Next vomit is going to be in your lap.
91
00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:50,040
I'm sorry. We don't have to go.
92
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But it's our last chance to take
a vacation that's just the two of us.
93
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How about we stay here?
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We don't even have to tell anyone,
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it'll be like a secret vacation at home.
96
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Keeping secrets from our friends,
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it does sound kind of fun.
98
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Does it sound
99
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sexy?
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You just heard me throwing up.
101
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You bet I did.
102
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You're so weird.
103
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You know what's weird?
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How turned on you are right now.
105
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You know, people are quick to accuse me
of being difficult to live with,
106
00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:47,097
but the truth is,
Amy is just as challenging.
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- Just as challenging.
- Yes.
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AS you?
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Yes.
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- Just as challenging as you?
- Yeah...
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When we're sleeping she breathes on me.
112
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Well, one night it got so bad
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I almost grabbed Toto
and headed for the storm cellar.
114
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Well, Leonard breathes on me, too.
It's not a big deal.
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She's always complaining
about people at work.
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Well, so does Leonard.
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It's kind of annoying,
but it's not the end of the world.
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Do you know that
when I get out of the shower,
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she eyes me up and down
like I'm a piece of meat?
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You know, so does Leonard!
121
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Can't ljust get ready in the morning
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without him giving me his goofy thumbs-up?
"Hey!" (MOCK LAUGHS)
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I know, sometimes I would just like
to be appreciated for my mind.
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Agreed! Thank you!
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That feels great.
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Well, pulling a quarter out of your ear
127
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isn't the only magic these hands can do.
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In fact, what, what's
this between your toes?
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Can you please stop making money
come out of me for two minutes?
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(DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS)
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- Was that the front door?
- It sounded like it.
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-(FOOTSTEPS)
- Oh, my God, someone's in the house.
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Lock the door, lock the door!
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We should call the police.
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I left my phone downstairs!
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Damn, so did I.
137
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Wait, I have my iPad!
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What are we gonna do, email 911?
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That's not helpful!
140
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You know I rely on humor
in times of stress!
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Let me know when you start,
because that wasn't funny!
142
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(WATER RUNNING)
143
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ls that the hot tub?
144
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Who would use our hot tub?
145
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Well, the answer is both
146
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more and less disturbing than you think.
147
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- Who is it?
- Stuart.
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He heard me talking about us going away.
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I guess he decided to invite himself over.
150
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Should we say something to him?
151
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Maybe. Wait, how about,
152
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"Hey, you look like
a boiled chicken breast!"
153
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I meant like, "What are you doing here?"
154
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No, that's not gonna hurt his feelings.
155
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Why is nothing easy with him?
156
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Look, here's the thing you need
to understand about Sheldon,
157
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he's the worst.
158
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I prefer to think of it
as high-maintenance.
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I prefer to think of myself as 5'10",
160
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but I still need to get
all my pants hemmed.
161
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Guess I should have known
what I was getting myself into.
162
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Don't beat yourself up,
you've never lived with anyone before.
163
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That's true.
164
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And you're starting out
with Sheldon Cooper.
165
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I mean, that's like getting your
first pet and having it be,
166
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I don't know. What...
167
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What's a kind of pet that ruins your life?
168
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You're not making me feel better.
169
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:54,410
Look, even when Penny
and I started living together
170
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there was a learning curve,
171
00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:58,580
but, I promise you it does get easier.
172
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He put a sign up
in the bathroom that says,
173
00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:03,961
"Number of days without
Amy's hair on the soap."
174
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:09,675
Yeah, my record was six.
175
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:16,807
Is it me, or is there something fun
about watching him just float there?
176
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:21,770
Maybe this is why people get fish tanks.
177
00:09:24,148 --> 00:09:25,983
Who just turned the porch lights on?
178
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,693
Is someone else here?
179
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,906
They must've left the tub on,
180
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:34,908
good thing I stopped by.
181
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Ah...
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(SCREAMING)
183
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:56,889
Oh, my God!
184
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,398
What are you doing here?
185
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,109
What are you doing here?
186
00:10:10,486 --> 00:10:12,488
Maybe Howard and Bernadette
said I could be here?
187
00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:13,947
Did they?
188
00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:17,034
Just answer the question,
what are you doing here?
189
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:20,954
I had nothing else to do tonight.
190
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:22,873
Well, the last couple of months,
191
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,792
I come here when I know they're not home.
192
00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:27,294
- What?
- They heard me in the bushes once,
193
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,463
but they thought it was a raccoon.
194
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,217
I told you raccoons don't say, "Uh-oh."
195
00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:39,014
You know, one night Leonard's
nose whistled so loud,
196
00:10:39,223 --> 00:10:41,558
I swear it was like
sleeping on a train track.
197
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,770
Have you noticed it's always an A-flat?
198
00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:46,772
- Is it?
-(WHISTLES)
199
00:10:46,939 --> 00:10:49,399
Ugh! It's like his sinuses
are right here in the car.
200
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,945
If we're just gonna
drive around aimlessly,
201
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:54,988
the least you could do
is take me for ice cream.
202
00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:56,532
Yeah, I'll take you for ice cream.
203
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:59,701
Well, see?
Now why can't Amy be that subservient?
204
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:02,788
She has coitus one time,
suddenly she's Gloria Steinem.
205
00:11:04,623 --> 00:11:06,416
Anyway, I suppose an ice cream parlor
206
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:08,126
will be a good place to meet other women.
207
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:11,713
Oh, please, you're barely interested in
a physical relationship with one person.
208
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:15,092
Why would you want to
confuse and disappoint others?
209
00:11:15,259 --> 00:11:17,135
Being with Amy has awoken
210
00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:19,263
the sexual creature within.
211
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:22,266
Well, when I see a pretty gal
walking down the street
212
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:25,561
I think, "Hubba, hubba"
like any other guy.
213
00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:28,605
You kiss your mother with that mouth?
214
00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:29,815
'Cause it's fine.
215
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:35,988
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
216
00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:39,950
Shall we toast?
217
00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:42,619
To Howard and Bernadette,
218
00:11:42,995 --> 00:11:45,330
and the house key
they never asked me to return.
219
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:49,042
You said you got it back!
220
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:52,296
Well, clearly I lied.
221
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:55,465
So, how's your apartment?
222
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,384
Not great, the electricity's out.
223
00:11:58,093 --> 00:11:59,136
So, why don't you get it fixed?
224
00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:02,639
I called and they're all like,
"Pay your bill!"
225
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,852
If you need somewhere to crash,
there's always my place.
226
00:12:07,102 --> 00:12:09,813
No. I don't wanna be an inconvenience,
227
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:11,899
you've got all your lady friends and...
228
00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:14,526
Actually I'm single now.
229
00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,445
What? When did that happen?
230
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,488
It's okay, it's by choice.
231
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:21,241
Well, their choice and it's not okay.
232
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,328
Sorry. I didn't know.
233
00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:26,079
Nobody does,
234
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,956
I was embarrassed,
so I didn't say anything.
235
00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:31,835
Why wouldn't he tell us?
Are we bad friends?
236
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,338
He's in our hot tub drinking our wine.
237
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,341
Yeah, he deserves to be alone.
238
00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:41,261
So, you're back out on
the dating scene now?
239
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:43,180
Yeah, yeah, a little.
240
00:12:43,347 --> 00:12:45,182
Well, that must be fun. How's that going?
241
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,601
I'm in a hot tub with you, so, pretty bad.
242
00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:53,690
Maybe I should just give in to
his stupid bathroom schedule.
243
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:55,108
No, don't do that.
244
00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:57,194
- But you did!
- Exactly!
245
00:12:57,361 --> 00:12:59,279
Learn from my mistakes.
246
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,741
No matter where I am, at 7:18 a.m.,
247
00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:05,202
there better be a toilet nearby.
248
00:13:08,872 --> 00:13:10,582
It's just so much easier
to give him what he wants.
249
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:12,042
Well, true.
250
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,503
But, think of how much
you've accomplished.
251
00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:16,922
Who got him to stop
purelling his pocket change?
252
00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:19,383
Me.
253
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:22,719
And who got him to put things other
than gloves in the glove compartment?
254
00:13:24,221 --> 00:13:26,348
Me, it was mittens.
255
00:13:28,058 --> 00:13:29,768
And who got him to try a turkey dog?
256
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:33,647
That was actually Koothrappali,
but I did let him spit it out in my hand.
257
00:13:34,815 --> 00:13:36,900
How can you stop now?
258
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:40,904
That's like walking out of Pinocchio
right before he becomes a real boy.
259
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,408
You know, you're right,
I'm in this relationship, too.
260
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:45,784
I need to stand up for myself.
261
00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:47,035
Of course you do.
262
00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:48,996
And if he doesn't like it
he can move back here.
263
00:13:49,705 --> 00:13:52,082
He can try,
he'd just need a good locksmith.
264
00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:58,338
Well, who are you gonna hit on?
265
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:01,925
Girl in front of us got strawberry,
that's your favorite.
266
00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:05,220
No, no, if we both like it,
267
00:14:05,429 --> 00:14:07,848
I'll spend the rest of my life
opening the freezer and going,
268
00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:09,933
"Oh. No strawberry."
269
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:12,811
What about the girl behind the counter?
270
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:15,897
Well, she spends her whole day scooping,
271
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:18,191
one arm's probably bigger than the other.
272
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:22,362
Is it possible you might not
actually want to meet someone?
273
00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:26,700
You are truly wise.
274
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:28,493
Thank you.
275
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,787
I'd say wise beyond your years
but you're getting up there.
276
00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:32,330
All right.
277
00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:35,625
Come on, what is really going on with you?
278
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:41,631
Penny, lam going to tell you a story
that I've never told anyone.
279
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:43,175
All right.
280
00:14:44,426 --> 00:14:48,180
I was 13 years old
and on spring break from college.
281
00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:54,478
Not relating, go on.
282
00:14:55,729 --> 00:14:58,815
I came home early because
they ran out of math to teach me.
283
00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:00,901
Now I'm with you. Right.
284
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:03,153
My mother was at Bible study.
285
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,489
I walked in the house
expecting to find it empty
286
00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:08,992
and I heard a sound
coming from my parents' bedroom.
287
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,829
When I opened the door, I saw my father
288
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,664
having relations with another woman.
289
00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:17,834
- Oh, my... That's awful.
- I know.
290
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:21,421
It's also why I never open
a door without knocking three times.
291
00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:24,007
The first one's traditional
292
00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:26,802
but two and three are for
people to get their pants on.
293
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,055
Well, what happened with your dad?
294
00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:34,017
We locked eyes, I ran to my room
295
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:35,852
and we never, ever spoke of it.
296
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:37,771
You poor thing.
297
00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:40,357
Since Amy and I have been living together
298
00:15:40,524 --> 00:15:42,859
we've been bickering
like my parents used to.
299
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:46,196
And you're afraid you're gonna
do something like your dad did?
300
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:49,241
Yes. I need to prepare her now
301
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:51,910
to save her from pain down the road.
302
00:15:52,077 --> 00:15:54,996
Down the road? Sheldon, she wanted
to share a toothbrush holder with you
303
00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:58,208
and now you're at an ice cream parlor
trying to pick up women!
304
00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:03,880
Well, anything can sound silly
when you put it in that tone.
305
00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:06,383
Honey, instead of worrying about
pain you may cause in the future,
306
00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:09,386
how about trying to fix the pain
you're causing her right now?
307
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:10,804
(EXHALES)
308
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:13,473
I'm sure you're right.
309
00:16:14,558 --> 00:16:16,810
And I suppose I should
apologize to you, as well.
310
00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:20,021
- Okay.
- That must have hurt,
311
00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:24,109
watching me look for other women
without ever even considering you.
312
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,699
Please understand that
313
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:34,077
I think of you as more of a nanny.
314
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:40,000
Just finish your ice cream
so I can get you home to bed.
315
00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:48,633
I wonder if this is what it feels like
to be Bernadette's baby.
316
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:53,430
I don't know, Bernadette's baby
doesn't have a Jacuzzi jet
317
00:16:53,597 --> 00:16:55,765
hitting just the right spot.
318
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:01,855
Those jets are for
my secret spot, not his.
319
00:17:03,148 --> 00:17:04,941
What do you do in there?
320
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:08,486
It's called relaxing
and that's all you need to know.
321
00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:12,282
Well,
322
00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:15,118
it's getting late,
maybe we should head home.
323
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,787
Yeah, probably right.
324
00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:22,918
- You coming?
- Yeah, just give me a minute.
325
00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:24,628
Why'?
326
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:27,714
Well, you know how you're
wearing a bathing suit?
327
00:17:29,341 --> 00:17:30,467
Yeah?
328
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,636
I kind of went the other way.
329
00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:36,348
You jackasses just bought
yourselves a hot tub!
330
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:50,320
- What do you think?
- It's a nice enough spot.
331
00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:52,072
You know, if I'm going to start
standing up for myself,
332
00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:53,573
-this is exactly the kind--
- Hi.
333
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,492
Oh, hi. Hi.
334
00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:00,455
- Hello.
- How you guys doing?
335
00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:02,082
We're doing good.
I think Sheldon has something
336
00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:03,500
he would like to say to Amy.
337
00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:05,377
(SIGHS)
338
00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:12,175
I wanted to apologize
for my behavior today. It...
339
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,769
It was unnecessary.
340
00:18:23,186 --> 00:18:24,646
This is warm.
341
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:29,609
Oh, and also,
342
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,862
lam willing to forego
the bathroom schedule.
343
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,701
- Really?
- Why does she get that? We never got that!
344
00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:41,037
- Do you want him back?
-l'm very happy for you.
345
00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:44,708
Amy, you should know,
346
00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:47,127
I was never really interested
in seeing other women.
347
00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:51,298
And to prove how serious I am about us,
348
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:54,384
I'm willing to take our relationship
to the next level.
349
00:18:56,594 --> 00:18:57,929
Amy Farrah Fowler,
350
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,933
will you share this
toothbrush holder with me?
351
00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:05,937
I would love to.
352
00:19:12,027 --> 00:19:14,988
Did we really need to be here for this?
353
00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:18,950
(VOICE BREAKING)
Call me crazy but I found it moving.
354
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:50,857
English - SDH