1
00:00:02,874 --> 00:00:05,374
Thank you very much.
Thanks.
2
00:00:05,376 --> 00:00:06,476
That is unbelievable.
3
00:00:06,478 --> 00:00:07,710
Good for Bert.
4
00:00:07,712 --> 00:00:10,213
Damn, the MacArthur
Genius Grant.
5
00:00:10,215 --> 00:00:11,714
Couldn't have happened
to a nicer guy.
6
00:00:11,716 --> 00:00:14,484
Everything is stupid
and I want to go home.
7
00:00:15,487 --> 00:00:17,386
That's Sheldon's way of saying
8
00:00:17,388 --> 00:00:18,621
he's proud of Bert, too.
9
00:00:18,623 --> 00:00:19,889
Ah.
10
00:00:19,891 --> 00:00:21,824
Hey, it's not even called
the "Genius Grant,"
11
00:00:21,826 --> 00:00:23,626
it's the MacArthur Fellowship.
12
00:00:23,628 --> 00:00:25,761
Just like it's
not Frankenstein,
13
00:00:25,763 --> 00:00:26,963
it's "Frankenstein's Monster."
14
00:00:26,965 --> 00:00:27,930
Which brings us back
15
00:00:27,932 --> 00:00:29,932
to that hulking
simpleton over there.
16
00:00:31,803 --> 00:00:33,069
And if anyone's a genius,
17
00:00:33,071 --> 00:00:34,937
it's me for the way
I brought that full circle.
18
00:00:36,875 --> 00:00:38,107
How much money did he win?
19
00:00:38,109 --> 00:00:39,342
Over half a million dollars.
20
00:00:39,344 --> 00:00:40,843
- Wow.
- And he doesn't have to use it
21
00:00:40,845 --> 00:00:43,146
for research, he can do
whatever he wants with it.
22
00:00:43,148 --> 00:00:46,649
Oh, good, maybe he can build
a nicer bridge to live under.
23
00:00:47,585 --> 00:00:49,152
Here he comes.
Right.
24
00:00:49,154 --> 00:00:50,119
Be polite.
25
00:00:50,121 --> 00:00:51,320
I know how to behave.
26
00:00:51,322 --> 00:00:52,588
Do you?
27
00:00:52,590 --> 00:00:54,590
Hey,
congratulations Bert!
28
00:00:54,592 --> 00:00:55,791
Yeah, good for you.
That's amazing.
29
00:00:55,793 --> 00:00:56,759
Thanks.
30
00:00:56,761 --> 00:00:58,794
I was as surprised as anybody.
31
00:00:58,796 --> 00:00:59,795
When they called
and told me
32
00:00:59,797 --> 00:01:01,264
I won, I didn't believe them.
33
00:01:01,266 --> 00:01:03,399
And then they said,
"No, you really won."
34
00:01:03,401 --> 00:01:06,335
And then I said, "Cool."
35
00:01:06,337 --> 00:01:08,838
Someone call
George R. R. Martin,
36
00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:11,140
this guy knows how
to finish a story.
37
00:01:11,142 --> 00:01:14,377
I've gotten pretty good
at telling it.
38
00:01:15,580 --> 00:01:17,013
Well, see ya.
39
00:01:18,082 --> 00:01:19,448
Some genius.
40
00:01:19,450 --> 00:01:22,385
I zinged him with sarcasm,
he didn't even notice.
41
00:01:23,254 --> 00:01:24,487
I know, and it was
42
00:01:24,489 --> 00:01:26,656
the greatest sarcastic
quip I've ever heard.
43
00:01:26,658 --> 00:01:29,859
Well, aren't you a peach.
44
00:01:29,861 --> 00:01:33,496
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
45
00:01:33,498 --> 00:01:36,832
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
46
00:01:36,834 --> 00:01:38,467
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
47
00:01:38,469 --> 00:01:41,003
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
48
00:01:41,005 --> 00:01:43,673
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
49
00:01:43,675 --> 00:01:46,342
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
50
00:01:46,344 --> 00:01:48,244
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
51
00:01:48,246 --> 00:01:49,713
♪ Bang! ♪
52
00:01:49,737 --> 00:01:53,737
♪ The Big Bang Theory 10x09 ♪
The Geology Elevation
Original Air Date on November 17, 2016
53
00:01:53,761 --> 00:02:00,561
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
54
00:02:00,749 --> 00:02:02,649
Who leaves their bike
in the hallway?
55
00:02:02,651 --> 00:02:03,984
You know,
if I knew how to ride one,
56
00:02:03,986 --> 00:02:05,218
I'd steal it.
57
00:02:06,088 --> 00:02:07,621
Ignore him,
58
00:02:07,623 --> 00:02:10,156
he's just cranky because Bert
from the geology lab
59
00:02:10,158 --> 00:02:11,157
won a big grant.
60
00:02:11,159 --> 00:02:13,293
Oh, I heard him
interviewed on the radio!
61
00:02:13,295 --> 00:02:14,694
You know, when they
told him he won,
62
00:02:14,696 --> 00:02:16,730
he didn't believe it,
but then he did believe it.
63
00:02:16,732 --> 00:02:18,331
It was so funny.
64
00:02:19,701 --> 00:02:22,002
Who listens
to the radio anymore?
65
00:02:23,805 --> 00:02:25,739
Bert is studying the way
microbes in rocks
66
00:02:25,741 --> 00:02:28,041
can survive in extreme
environmental conditions.
67
00:02:28,043 --> 00:02:29,709
They say it could be
a potential indicator
68
00:02:29,711 --> 00:02:31,011
of life on other planets.
69
00:02:31,013 --> 00:02:32,212
You know what, I've met Bert.
70
00:02:32,214 --> 00:02:35,649
Isn't he an indicator
of life on other planets?
71
00:02:37,119 --> 00:02:39,286
You used to
make those jokes about me.
72
00:02:40,455 --> 00:02:42,722
Now everything is
Bert, Bert, Bert!
73
00:02:44,126 --> 00:02:45,325
You know, Sheldon,
74
00:02:45,327 --> 00:02:46,393
maybe if you take the time
75
00:02:46,395 --> 00:02:47,727
to actually
read Bert's research,
76
00:02:47,729 --> 00:02:49,296
you'd be less bitter
about him winning.
77
00:02:49,298 --> 00:02:51,031
You want me to read
78
00:02:51,033 --> 00:02:52,732
a geology paper?
79
00:02:52,734 --> 00:02:54,200
Honestly, I just
want you to be quiet
80
00:02:54,202 --> 00:02:55,535
but I'm all out of taffy.
81
00:02:58,974 --> 00:03:00,707
You busy?
82
00:03:00,709 --> 00:03:02,876
There's somebody out here
who wants to meet you.
83
00:03:02,878 --> 00:03:04,110
Who is it?
84
00:03:04,112 --> 00:03:06,613
Say hello to everybody's
little friend--
85
00:03:06,615 --> 00:03:08,948
remote control
Stephen Hawking!
86
00:03:13,722 --> 00:03:15,488
Where did you get that?
87
00:03:15,490 --> 00:03:17,324
I found him in an old box.
88
00:03:17,326 --> 00:03:19,759
Why would you buy it?
89
00:03:19,761 --> 00:03:21,594
I didn't buy it.
90
00:03:21,596 --> 00:03:23,463
I made it.
91
00:03:24,333 --> 00:03:25,432
Last question.
92
00:03:25,434 --> 00:03:27,701
What is wrong with you?
93
00:03:28,603 --> 00:03:30,570
What's the big deal?
94
00:03:30,572 --> 00:03:32,372
Howie, it's in poor taste.
95
00:03:32,374 --> 00:03:33,773
No, it's not.
Check it out.
96
00:03:33,775 --> 00:03:35,041
He says fun stuff.
97
00:03:35,043 --> 00:03:37,010
Hey good lookin',
98
00:03:37,012 --> 00:03:39,012
want to go for a spin?
99
00:03:44,653 --> 00:03:48,088
His eyes also light up
in the dark.
100
00:03:53,995 --> 00:03:57,097
It's always fun watching him
read someone else's work.
101
00:04:11,313 --> 00:04:13,847
It's like scrolling
through the emojis
102
00:04:13,849 --> 00:04:16,182
on my phone.
103
00:04:17,018 --> 00:04:19,219
Ye-- why?
104
00:04:20,989 --> 00:04:22,989
Eh, why?!
105
00:04:24,893 --> 00:04:27,026
Oh, that's why.
106
00:04:27,028 --> 00:04:29,562
Sounds like the night
we had coitus.
107
00:04:32,167 --> 00:04:34,300
I hope you're happy
making me read this.
108
00:04:34,302 --> 00:04:35,902
Bert's work is remarkable.
109
00:04:35,904 --> 00:04:37,270
And I'm more upset
than ever.
110
00:04:37,272 --> 00:04:38,838
This is worse than
when I had to admit that
111
00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:41,841
Cedric the Entertainer's
actually entertaining.
112
00:04:41,843 --> 00:04:43,977
Sheldon, it's foolish
113
00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:46,413
to be angry that
Bert's work has merit.
114
00:04:46,415 --> 00:04:48,381
Yeah, well I-I am angry!
115
00:04:48,383 --> 00:04:49,883
And you telling me
not to be angry
116
00:04:49,885 --> 00:04:50,850
makes me angry!
117
00:04:50,852 --> 00:04:52,152
And do you know how
hearing myself
118
00:04:52,154 --> 00:04:54,187
say the word angry
over and over makes me feel?
119
00:04:54,189 --> 00:04:56,189
Ooh, a-angry?
What are you doing?
120
00:04:57,826 --> 00:05:00,493
I-I-I knew the answer.
I got excited.
121
00:05:01,863 --> 00:05:03,396
Hey, buddy, why don't
we go for a walk,
122
00:05:03,398 --> 00:05:04,531
so you can calm down.
123
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:06,766
That's a good idea.
124
00:05:06,768 --> 00:05:08,868
I guess everyone's
having them now.
125
00:05:09,704 --> 00:05:11,638
Hey, I'm trying
to help you.
126
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:12,806
Fine.
127
00:05:12,808 --> 00:05:15,041
You can walk ahead of me
and scare off the pigeons.
128
00:05:18,413 --> 00:05:21,714
Just wave your arms a little
and they fly away, it's not...
129
00:05:24,319 --> 00:05:25,752
Okay, Raj,
130
00:05:25,754 --> 00:05:27,387
I'm gonna
show you something.
131
00:05:27,389 --> 00:05:28,421
Now,
132
00:05:28,423 --> 00:05:31,090
one of us thinks it's offensive.
133
00:05:31,092 --> 00:05:33,393
The other thinks it's hilarious
134
00:05:33,395 --> 00:05:35,628
and a great idea.
135
00:05:36,531 --> 00:05:38,465
But, I'm not
going to tell you
136
00:05:38,467 --> 00:05:39,899
who likes it.
137
00:05:47,542 --> 00:05:49,742
This is tough.
138
00:05:51,313 --> 00:05:52,846
But I'm going to say
139
00:05:52,848 --> 00:05:54,714
it's the guy who
shows me YouTube videos
140
00:05:54,716 --> 00:05:57,550
of people getting hit
in the nuts.
141
00:05:59,287 --> 00:06:00,787
You're crazy.
142
00:06:00,789 --> 00:06:01,921
I've worked with Hawking.
143
00:06:01,923 --> 00:06:03,256
He's got a great sense of humor.
144
00:06:03,258 --> 00:06:04,224
And I think he'd like it.
145
00:06:04,226 --> 00:06:06,226
Okay, call him and show him.
146
00:06:06,228 --> 00:06:07,694
I dare you.
147
00:06:07,696 --> 00:06:09,929
I have no problem calling him.
148
00:06:09,931 --> 00:06:11,197
Fine, then do it.
149
00:06:11,199 --> 00:06:12,732
Fine, I will.
150
00:06:14,369 --> 00:06:18,037
While you're bothering the
world's most famous scientist,
151
00:06:18,039 --> 00:06:19,639
be sure to show him
how funny he looks
152
00:06:19,641 --> 00:06:21,841
getting stuck
under our dishwasher.
153
00:06:23,578 --> 00:06:25,078
What's this button do?
154
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:28,481
Gentlemen,
start your wheelchairs.
155
00:06:31,620 --> 00:06:34,587
You laughed when that guy
got hit in the nuts.
156
00:06:37,259 --> 00:06:40,226
I laughed because
the guy was Leonard.
157
00:06:42,998 --> 00:06:45,765
I admire you, Leonard.
158
00:06:45,767 --> 00:06:48,067
Really, why?
159
00:06:48,069 --> 00:06:50,136
You're happy with who you are.
160
00:06:50,138 --> 00:06:52,672
You don't get jealous
of other people.
161
00:06:52,674 --> 00:06:55,608
Instead of being
weighed down by ambition,
162
00:06:55,610 --> 00:06:59,212
you just float along
like a dead body in a river.
163
00:07:02,083 --> 00:07:03,283
I couldn't just
take the compliment.
164
00:07:03,285 --> 00:07:04,617
I had to ask why.
165
00:07:07,822 --> 00:07:10,523
You know, I do understand
what you're feeling.
166
00:07:10,525 --> 00:07:12,458
My brother and sister's
accomplishments
167
00:07:12,460 --> 00:07:14,360
have always been
held over my head.
168
00:07:15,297 --> 00:07:16,729
How did you deal with it?
169
00:07:16,731 --> 00:07:19,332
I wet the bed until college,
but I don't think
170
00:07:19,334 --> 00:07:21,401
that's a quality fix.
171
00:07:23,438 --> 00:07:27,040
I can't believe I was
surpassed by a geologist.
172
00:07:27,042 --> 00:07:29,409
I mean...
173
00:07:29,411 --> 00:07:30,610
rocks!
174
00:07:30,612 --> 00:07:32,845
He studies rocks!
175
00:07:32,847 --> 00:07:35,848
If rock is so great,
how come paper beats it?
176
00:07:39,154 --> 00:07:40,553
Leonard, I'm having
a primal urge
177
00:07:40,555 --> 00:07:42,288
to throw this rock.
178
00:07:42,290 --> 00:07:43,323
Do it.
179
00:07:43,325 --> 00:07:45,191
Visualize it
as your anger
180
00:07:45,193 --> 00:07:47,393
a-and-and toss it
out of your life.
181
00:07:49,264 --> 00:07:51,464
Perhaps I will.
182
00:07:54,669 --> 00:07:56,436
This rock
183
00:07:56,438 --> 00:07:59,405
encapsulates
all my negative emotions.
184
00:08:00,208 --> 00:08:03,576
I will cast you far away.
185
00:08:03,578 --> 00:08:06,112
Feel free to take out a pigeon
while you're at it.
186
00:08:07,616 --> 00:08:09,749
Let it fly.
187
00:08:11,653 --> 00:08:13,853
Ow, ow, ow, ow,
188
00:08:13,855 --> 00:08:16,356
ow, ow, ow, ow...
189
00:08:17,525 --> 00:08:19,192
What happened?
190
00:08:19,194 --> 00:08:20,893
I tried to let go of anger
191
00:08:20,895 --> 00:08:23,429
and threw a rock
into my foot!
192
00:08:24,399 --> 00:08:26,532
Then he got more angry
and kicked the rock
193
00:08:26,534 --> 00:08:28,201
with his other foot.
Wha--?
194
00:08:28,203 --> 00:08:29,802
And what happened to you?
195
00:08:29,804 --> 00:08:31,104
Oh, I laughed so hard,
196
00:08:31,106 --> 00:08:32,872
I burst a blood vessel
in my nose. It's fine.
197
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,260
You know, it's one thing
to be envious,
198
00:08:45,262 --> 00:08:46,795
but now you're
injuring yourself.
199
00:08:46,797 --> 00:08:48,697
It has to stop.
200
00:08:48,699 --> 00:08:49,932
Although if you are
gonna do it again,
201
00:08:49,934 --> 00:08:53,001
please let me know,
so I can get it on video.
202
00:08:53,003 --> 00:08:54,536
You know, Sheldon,
203
00:08:54,538 --> 00:08:57,106
instead of fixating
on what Bert has,
204
00:08:57,108 --> 00:08:58,073
you should appreciate
205
00:08:58,075 --> 00:09:00,042
all of the good things
in your life.
206
00:09:00,044 --> 00:09:01,543
Y-You've got love,
207
00:09:01,545 --> 00:09:02,811
you're in good health,
208
00:09:02,813 --> 00:09:04,213
you've got a roof
over your head.
209
00:09:04,215 --> 00:09:05,381
Yeah,
210
00:09:05,383 --> 00:09:07,182
but you've got all those things,
211
00:09:07,184 --> 00:09:09,184
and no one's lining up
to be you.
212
00:09:11,589 --> 00:09:12,821
Anybody else want to try?
213
00:09:12,823 --> 00:09:13,889
I'm gonna go
make some more tea
214
00:09:13,891 --> 00:09:15,257
and question
my life choices.
215
00:09:17,027 --> 00:09:18,060
You're up.
216
00:09:19,497 --> 00:09:23,232
This is getting old fast,
Dolores, knock it off!
217
00:09:24,101 --> 00:09:25,601
Uh, do you really think
218
00:09:25,603 --> 00:09:26,702
calling me names is helpful?
219
00:09:26,704 --> 00:09:27,636
I do!
220
00:09:27,638 --> 00:09:29,872
Your life is fine,
you big baby!
221
00:09:29,874 --> 00:09:31,407
Maybe you're right.
222
00:09:31,409 --> 00:09:32,775
Really?!
223
00:09:34,011 --> 00:09:35,811
If it helps,
I'm questioning
224
00:09:35,813 --> 00:09:38,013
your life choices, too.
225
00:09:38,015 --> 00:09:39,314
Thank you, Penny.
226
00:09:39,316 --> 00:09:40,983
You know, I just need
to keep reminding myself
227
00:09:40,985 --> 00:09:43,619
that Bert's success
is not my failure.
228
00:09:43,621 --> 00:09:44,686
There you go.
229
00:09:44,688 --> 00:09:46,021
And that men
of his large stature
230
00:09:46,023 --> 00:09:47,689
are more susceptible
to a wide array
231
00:09:47,691 --> 00:09:50,392
of life-threatening diseases.
232
00:09:50,394 --> 00:09:52,461
There you go...
233
00:09:57,802 --> 00:09:59,334
What's up?
234
00:09:59,336 --> 00:10:01,069
I'm conducting
a quick survey.
235
00:10:01,071 --> 00:10:03,305
Do you think this
respectful
236
00:10:03,307 --> 00:10:06,642
and loving tribute
to a great man
237
00:10:06,644 --> 00:10:08,677
is in poor taste?
238
00:10:16,687 --> 00:10:18,620
Yep.
239
00:10:20,758 --> 00:10:23,292
Do you think this is
in poor taste?
240
00:10:23,294 --> 00:10:25,027
Does it spin around
and do tricks?
241
00:10:25,029 --> 00:10:25,928
Yeah!
242
00:10:25,930 --> 00:10:27,062
Then yeah.
243
00:10:28,098 --> 00:10:29,331
What do you think?
244
00:10:29,333 --> 00:10:32,701
That is hilarious!
245
00:10:34,038 --> 00:10:35,304
Give me the remote control.
246
00:10:35,306 --> 00:10:37,272
I want to drive him
into the girls' restroom.
247
00:10:38,642 --> 00:10:40,876
All right, we're done.
It's offensive.
248
00:10:51,388 --> 00:10:53,689
Top of the afternoon,
gentlemen.
249
00:10:53,691 --> 00:10:54,957
You're in a good mood.
250
00:10:54,959 --> 00:10:57,659
Well, it's a new day.
I have a new outlook.
251
00:10:57,661 --> 00:10:59,795
You know, I realized
I don't need to worry
252
00:10:59,797 --> 00:11:01,063
about other people.
253
00:11:01,065 --> 00:11:04,533
I just need to think
more about myself.
254
00:11:07,071 --> 00:11:11,006
Oh, how will we ever
get used to the new you?
255
00:11:11,942 --> 00:11:14,243
Well, I'm glad to
see you moving forward.
256
00:11:14,245 --> 00:11:15,911
Bert did quality
research.
257
00:11:15,913 --> 00:11:19,114
And he deserves whatever
accolades he receives.
258
00:11:19,116 --> 00:11:20,983
What is going on?
259
00:11:20,985 --> 00:11:23,385
Did you upgrade
his software last night?
260
00:11:24,421 --> 00:11:26,255
I think he might be
learning on his own.
261
00:11:26,257 --> 00:11:29,091
Then the robot uprising
has begun.
262
00:11:30,528 --> 00:11:32,461
Excuse me, I need to pay Bert
263
00:11:32,463 --> 00:11:35,297
a proper congratulations.
264
00:11:37,868 --> 00:11:39,935
He doesn't just look
like C-3PO,
265
00:11:39,937 --> 00:11:41,603
now he walks like him.
266
00:11:42,873 --> 00:11:44,039
Bert?
267
00:11:44,041 --> 00:11:47,175
I wanted to let you know
that I read your research,
268
00:11:47,177 --> 00:11:50,178
and your award is
well-deserved.
269
00:11:50,180 --> 00:11:53,282
Thanks. I've been
hearing that a lot.
270
00:11:53,284 --> 00:11:56,418
Ever since I won,
people think I'm great.
271
00:11:56,420 --> 00:11:58,921
Well, just this once,
272
00:11:58,923 --> 00:12:01,723
you can count me as people, too.
273
00:12:03,961 --> 00:12:06,595
You know, as a
MacArthur Grant winner,
274
00:12:06,597 --> 00:12:08,931
I'm allowed to nominate
someone for next year.
275
00:12:08,933 --> 00:12:11,667
Really?
276
00:12:11,669 --> 00:12:13,569
I didn't know that.
277
00:12:13,571 --> 00:12:14,770
So I was thinking,
you know,
278
00:12:14,772 --> 00:12:16,305
engineers don't get
a lot of respect.
279
00:12:16,307 --> 00:12:19,975
Is your friend Howard
working on anything cool?
280
00:12:22,546 --> 00:12:24,179
You know, I-I'm not sure.
281
00:12:24,181 --> 00:12:26,348
You know, you'd have to ask him.
282
00:12:26,350 --> 00:12:27,549
Excuse me.
283
00:12:35,426 --> 00:12:36,892
Aah!
284
00:12:39,063 --> 00:12:42,731
Leonard!
I hurt myself again.
285
00:12:44,401 --> 00:12:47,970
Excuse me, I-I have to
go take some pictures.
286
00:12:50,140 --> 00:12:52,841
I can't believe you
head-butted a water fountain.
287
00:12:54,278 --> 00:12:58,246
No, I went to punch
the water fountain,
288
00:12:58,248 --> 00:13:00,449
slipped in water in front
of the water fountain,
289
00:13:00,451 --> 00:13:03,552
and hit my head
on the water fountain.
290
00:13:03,554 --> 00:13:06,388
I can't imagine you
being violent.
291
00:13:06,390 --> 00:13:08,590
It's not hard.
Just picture the Three Stooges,
292
00:13:08,592 --> 00:13:10,859
and then take away two stooges.
293
00:13:11,996 --> 00:13:14,396
I'm so disappointed
in myself.
294
00:13:14,398 --> 00:13:16,965
Jealousy is
completely illogical.
295
00:13:16,967 --> 00:13:18,533
It's a human
emotion, Sheldon.
296
00:13:18,535 --> 00:13:19,901
Everyone gets jealous.
297
00:13:19,903 --> 00:13:21,603
I'm jealous of
Leonard and Penny
298
00:13:21,605 --> 00:13:22,638
and Howard and Bernadette
299
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:24,406
for being in such
happy relationships.
300
00:13:24,408 --> 00:13:27,275
What about me and Sheldon?
301
00:13:29,246 --> 00:13:30,445
Sure.
302
00:13:33,951 --> 00:13:35,984
I've always been jealous
of how much money
303
00:13:35,986 --> 00:13:37,786
Raj's family has.
304
00:13:37,788 --> 00:13:39,521
Thank you for saying that.
Next to buying things,
305
00:13:39,523 --> 00:13:42,491
that is the best part
about having money.
306
00:13:42,493 --> 00:13:44,326
Ever since I met Penny,
307
00:13:44,328 --> 00:13:46,328
I've been envious
of her looks.
308
00:13:46,330 --> 00:13:48,530
Aw, thank you.
309
00:13:48,532 --> 00:13:50,365
That's why I was so happy
when you cut your hair off.
310
00:13:50,367 --> 00:13:51,433
What?!
311
00:13:51,435 --> 00:13:53,068
You know what I mean.
312
00:13:53,070 --> 00:13:54,636
You were still hot,
but more like a
313
00:13:54,638 --> 00:13:57,339
"why'd that hot girl
cut off all her hair?" hot.
314
00:13:58,542 --> 00:14:00,108
You liked my
short hair, right?
315
00:14:00,110 --> 00:14:02,911
Yeah... I loved it.
316
00:14:02,913 --> 00:14:06,248
Love you, love the hair, would
love to change the subject.
317
00:14:07,918 --> 00:14:10,752
Seriously, none of you liked it?
318
00:14:11,689 --> 00:14:13,255
I thought it was brave.
319
00:14:13,257 --> 00:14:15,857
Does that count as liking it?
320
00:14:17,227 --> 00:14:18,827
You know, how come
nobody's talking about
321
00:14:18,829 --> 00:14:20,996
Howard's dopey haircut?
322
00:14:24,001 --> 00:14:25,534
I think he looks cute.
323
00:14:25,536 --> 00:14:26,668
And I think
you're cute.
324
00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:27,803
I think you're both cute.
325
00:14:27,805 --> 00:14:30,238
I think I hate all of you nerds.
326
00:14:36,613 --> 00:14:38,246
Sorry I'm moving slowly.
327
00:14:38,248 --> 00:14:39,381
Oh, I don't mind.
328
00:14:39,383 --> 00:14:41,416
If you pull a butterscotch
out of your pocket,
329
00:14:41,418 --> 00:14:44,386
it would be like I'm
walking with my grandma.
330
00:14:46,623 --> 00:14:48,457
Oh, no.
331
00:14:52,563 --> 00:14:55,397
Did you...
A plaque?
332
00:14:55,399 --> 00:14:57,966
Nobody wants to see this.
333
00:14:57,968 --> 00:15:00,535
Well, change "plaque"
to "mixed-race couple"
334
00:15:00,537 --> 00:15:03,071
and you are my grandma.
335
00:15:03,073 --> 00:15:05,640
I can't take this anymore.
336
00:15:07,244 --> 00:15:10,312
Bert. Bert.
Bert!
337
00:15:10,314 --> 00:15:11,546
Come in.
338
00:15:11,548 --> 00:15:14,082
All right, let's do this...
339
00:15:18,422 --> 00:15:19,955
Bert?
340
00:15:19,957 --> 00:15:21,323
We need to talk.
341
00:15:21,325 --> 00:15:22,524
What happened to you?
342
00:15:22,526 --> 00:15:25,160
Rock, rock, water fountain.
343
00:15:27,798 --> 00:15:29,197
I am not proud of this.
344
00:15:29,199 --> 00:15:32,267
But I have been envious
of your recent success.
345
00:15:32,269 --> 00:15:35,804
Wow, I won the MacArthur Grant,
346
00:15:35,806 --> 00:15:37,239
everyone's jealous of me.
347
00:15:37,241 --> 00:15:40,776
Once I get Lasik, I'll be
out of things to wish for.
348
00:15:41,879 --> 00:15:44,079
I was hoping by admitting
my weakness to you,
349
00:15:44,081 --> 00:15:45,981
I'd somehow be unburdened.
350
00:15:45,983 --> 00:15:47,249
Is it working?
No.
351
00:15:47,251 --> 00:15:48,316
Now that you know my weakness,
352
00:15:48,318 --> 00:15:49,618
I hate you more than ever.
353
00:15:51,555 --> 00:15:54,322
Well, you know, we're
both pretty smart.
354
00:15:54,324 --> 00:15:55,857
I bet if we put
our heads together,
355
00:15:55,859 --> 00:15:57,492
we could come up
with a solution.
356
00:15:57,494 --> 00:15:59,394
We... Hang on.
357
00:15:59,396 --> 00:16:01,730
You're my enemy.
358
00:16:01,732 --> 00:16:04,332
Now, the enemy of the enemy
is my friend.
359
00:16:04,334 --> 00:16:06,701
And right now,
I'm my own worst enemy.
360
00:16:06,703 --> 00:16:08,804
That makes you my fr--
Okay, I'm good to go.
361
00:16:10,307 --> 00:16:11,540
Great.
362
00:16:11,542 --> 00:16:12,941
Now that we're friends,
want to see if we can
363
00:16:12,943 --> 00:16:15,477
get tickets
to a taping of Ellen?
364
00:16:18,148 --> 00:16:19,781
You know what?
This isn't gonna work.
365
00:16:19,783 --> 00:16:23,385
Sheldon... wait.
366
00:16:23,387 --> 00:16:26,588
You know, you've got
a lot to be happy about.
367
00:16:26,590 --> 00:16:28,590
You're at the top
of your field,
368
00:16:28,592 --> 00:16:30,492
you have a great girlfriend.
369
00:16:30,494 --> 00:16:32,260
Yes! That's right!
370
00:16:32,262 --> 00:16:34,229
I have Amy!
371
00:16:37,367 --> 00:16:40,302
In the past, you've
professed feelings for her.
372
00:16:40,304 --> 00:16:41,770
Does it eat you up inside
373
00:16:41,772 --> 00:16:42,804
that I have her
and you don't?
374
00:16:42,806 --> 00:16:45,407
It used to.
375
00:16:45,409 --> 00:16:47,209
But now that I'm rich
and successful,
376
00:16:47,211 --> 00:16:49,311
I think I can do better.
377
00:16:51,515 --> 00:16:53,849
I can't believe
you punched Bert.
378
00:16:55,552 --> 00:16:57,252
I didn't punch him.
379
00:16:57,254 --> 00:16:58,987
He turned around,
and I gave him
380
00:16:58,989 --> 00:17:01,189
a Captain Kirk karate chop.
381
00:17:01,925 --> 00:17:02,891
I'm not even sure
382
00:17:02,893 --> 00:17:04,993
he knows I did it.
383
00:17:04,995 --> 00:17:06,695
Hey, Sheldon,
384
00:17:06,697 --> 00:17:09,030
I've got someone here who
might make you feel better.
385
00:17:09,032 --> 00:17:10,832
Hello, Sheldon.
386
00:17:10,834 --> 00:17:12,534
Professor Hawking!
387
00:17:12,536 --> 00:17:13,835
I understand
388
00:17:13,837 --> 00:17:16,538
you're struggling
with professional jealousy.
389
00:17:16,540 --> 00:17:19,708
Thanks, Leonard, now he's
not gonna think I'm cool.
390
00:17:20,777 --> 00:17:23,879
Don't worry,
I know how you feel.
391
00:17:23,881 --> 00:17:26,348
I have never won a Nobel Prize.
392
00:17:26,350 --> 00:17:29,284
Oh, wow, that
doesn't seem fair.
393
00:17:29,286 --> 00:17:30,252
It's fine.
394
00:17:30,254 --> 00:17:32,220
I've been on The Simpsons.
395
00:17:34,191 --> 00:17:36,958
How do you deal with
the success of your colleagues?
396
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:38,326
I remind myself
397
00:17:38,328 --> 00:17:41,529
every scientific advancement
is a victory.
398
00:17:41,531 --> 00:17:45,100
Also, I was on Star Trek.
399
00:17:46,536 --> 00:17:49,471
Oh, it was a good one. He played
poker with Sir Isaac...
400
00:17:49,473 --> 00:17:51,940
You don't care.
401
00:17:51,942 --> 00:17:53,942
Don't waste your time
on jealousy,
402
00:17:53,944 --> 00:17:56,511
Sheldon, you're too brilliant.
403
00:17:56,513 --> 00:17:58,613
How can you feel bad
404
00:17:58,615 --> 00:18:00,916
if Stephen Hawking says
you're brilliant?
405
00:18:00,918 --> 00:18:02,617
I can't.
406
00:18:02,619 --> 00:18:04,619
Thank you, Professor Hawking.
407
00:18:04,621 --> 00:18:06,221
You are a gift to mankind.
408
00:18:06,223 --> 00:18:09,157
There should be statues
of you everywhere.
409
00:18:09,159 --> 00:18:11,226
You know, the Lincoln Memorial
has a big chair.
410
00:18:11,228 --> 00:18:13,061
We could swap you right in.
411
00:18:15,332 --> 00:18:19,301
I always thought a motorized toy
of me would be cool.
412
00:18:22,606 --> 00:18:24,673
What a wonderful idea!
413
00:18:24,675 --> 00:18:27,142
How does this man
not have a Nobel?
414
00:18:27,144 --> 00:18:29,144
Do not tell Wolowitz.
Way ahead of you.
415
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,984
A new study came out,
and it said that laughing
416
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:42,420
makes your brain work better.
417
00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:44,221
And I know that's true
because laughing
418
00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:46,357
has made me the "smartiest."
419
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,093
Although, on the other hand,
420
00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:50,895
babies laugh a lot,
and they're dumb.
421
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,198
Do people know about her?
422
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,700
'Cause she's delightful.
423
00:18:58,128 --> 00:19:04,928
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man