1
00:00:02,044 --> 00:00:03,671
LEONARD: Previously
on The Big Bang Theory...

2
00:00:04,463 --> 00:00:05,798
Want to grab some lunch?

3
00:00:06,549 --> 00:00:08,384
You know what? I don't think so.

4
00:00:08,467 --> 00:00:10,136
Well, let me guess, you're not eating

5
00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:13,723
because the mean girls circled
your chubby bits in marker?

6
00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:16,184
No. That, that right there.

7
00:00:16,267 --> 00:00:18,728
That's the reason.
You're always making fun of me.

8
00:00:19,145 --> 00:00:20,605
Those are just jokes.

9
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,982
It's my way of saying
that we're friends,

10
00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:25,985
and it wouldn't hurt you to drop a few.

11
00:00:27,445 --> 00:00:29,864
Fifteen years of constant ridicule.

12
00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:33,159
I think our relationship
has become toxic.

13
00:00:33,451 --> 00:00:35,244
(STUTTERS) What are you saying?

14
00:00:36,746 --> 00:00:39,248
I think you and I need to spend
some time away from each other.

15
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:42,752
Look, I...

16
00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:45,046
I can see you're upset, but...

17
00:00:45,171 --> 00:00:48,549
I'm gonna need some ground rules.

18
00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:51,886
While we're apart,
can I see other needy Indian men?

19
00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:53,304
Get out!

20
00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:58,809
Hi Stuart, two questions.

21
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:00,978
Do you have the new Aquaman,

22
00:01:01,145 --> 00:01:04,732
and do you mind if I use your
back room to smoke some meat?

23
00:01:07,318 --> 00:01:08,361
Well, since it's you asking,

24
00:01:08,444 --> 00:01:11,697
I'm gonna guess that's not a euphemism.

25
00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:14,408
Why are you smoking meat?

26
00:01:14,492 --> 00:01:16,661
And why are you reading Aquaman?

27
00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:21,040
I am trying to make Amy
a historically accurate

28
00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:24,377
Little House on the Prairie
dinner for her birthday, and

29
00:01:24,460 --> 00:01:27,797
I want to be able to say I was
reading it before it was cool.

30
00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,299
Wow, well, that's actually really sweet.

31
00:01:30,383 --> 00:01:32,969
The dinner thing.
The Aquaman thing's dumb.

32
00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:37,265
Is-Isn't Hailey's birthday
the same as Amy's?

33
00:01:37,348 --> 00:01:39,558
Yeah, but we're not doing
anything big 'cause she's one,

34
00:01:39,642 --> 00:01:42,770
Bernadette's on bed rest, and I'm lazy.

35
00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:45,731
Hey, guys.

36
00:01:45,815 --> 00:01:47,233
- Hello.
- Hey.

37
00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:49,193
Howard.

38
00:01:49,318 --> 00:01:50,528
Raj.

39
00:01:51,404 --> 00:01:52,989
Excuse me.

40
00:01:53,656 --> 00:01:55,491
Really? Is this still happening?

41
00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:58,369
I'm willing to make up,
but someone's being a baby.

42
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,289
(EXCLAIMS)
I do love a riddle. Let me see.

43
00:02:01,998 --> 00:02:03,708
See, my first guess would be Halley,

44
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,668
but that'd be strange to
accuse her of being a baby

45
00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:07,253
'cause she is a baby.

46
00:02:07,336 --> 00:02:09,171
Erm, I suppose it could be Stuart,

47
00:02:09,255 --> 00:02:11,841
his head does have
a certain milky scent.

48
00:02:15,553 --> 00:02:16,762
Although...

49
00:02:16,846 --> 00:02:19,640
It's me, Sheldon.
He's calling me a baby.

50
00:02:19,724 --> 00:02:23,185
No, I don't know. I saw Leonard
put his keys in his mouth today.

51
00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:26,856
You're a grown man. Act like it.

52
00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:30,109
Big talk coming from a guy
holding an Archie comic book.

53
00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:33,321
Hey, werewolf Jughead
is not your dad's Jughead.

54
00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:37,074
Come on, you guys have been
friends forever. Quit fighting.

55
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:38,284
I have an extra ticket

56
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:39,827
to the opening of The Last Jedi tonight.

57
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:42,204
It was gonna be Howard's,
but you can have it.

58
00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:44,165
You two had a good run.

59
00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:47,793
(THEME SONG PLAYING)

60
00:03:12,485 --> 00:03:14,737
Who wants to go see
Last Jedi again tonight?

61
00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:16,364
- I'm in.
- Me, too.

62
00:03:16,447 --> 00:03:18,991
It'll be nice to see the parts
I missed while I was blinking.

63
00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:21,827
Hey, guys, there's a change of plans.

64
00:03:21,911 --> 00:03:24,455
We are having a party
for Hailey's birthday after all.

65
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:28,751
Turns out Bernadette and "anyone
who's not a heartless monster"

66
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:31,170
thinks that's the right thing to do.

67
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,881
I don't like kids,
but I do like birthday cake.

68
00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:36,967
No. Wait, will there be
sugary icing flowers on it?

69
00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:38,344
I don't know.

70
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,554
I'll risk it.

71
00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:43,516
But if I have a tantrum and have
to leave early, you'll know why.

72
00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:48,020
Here you go. Here you go.

73
00:03:49,772 --> 00:03:51,148
See you two there.

74
00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:52,358
Are you kidding me?

75
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:54,318
You're not gonna invite me
to Hailey's birthday?

76
00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:56,487
I'm her godfather, that means something.

77
00:03:56,654 --> 00:03:59,782
Or, hear me out on this. It doesn't.

78
00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:02,243
Okay, that's enough.

79
00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:05,830
This fight either has to end
or get way more entertaining.

80
00:04:06,622 --> 00:04:09,917
Don't worry about it 'cause
I'm done putting up with him!

81
00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:17,341
I know you have a lot on your mind,

82
00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:19,927
but when do you think we'll have
an answer on those cake flowers?

83
00:04:23,973 --> 00:04:26,100
- Hey.
- Hey. What you reading?

84
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:27,852
It's your brother's Christmas letter.

85
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:31,272
Ugh. If there's a picture
of his wife and his kids

86
00:04:31,355 --> 00:04:34,066
and his dogs and his horses
all in matching pajamas,

87
00:04:34,150 --> 00:04:36,110
I beg you to burn it.

88
00:04:36,652 --> 00:04:39,280
(EXCLAIMS) The people's pajamas
have little horses on them,

89
00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:41,782
and the horses have little people.

90
00:04:42,533 --> 00:04:45,161
It's just his chance to brag
about how great his life is.

91
00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:46,370
Oh, come on, it's nice.

92
00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:47,997
You know that nonprofit he works with?

93
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,082
They built a hospital in Rwanda.

94
00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:53,502
"Look at me.
I built a hospital in Rwanda."

95
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:57,381
That is a good point.
I hadn't thought of it that way.

96
00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,383
- Hello.
- Hey.

97
00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:02,678
So this is for Amy's birthday.
Can I leave it here?

98
00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:03,888
Sure. What is it?

99
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:05,264
A butter churn.

100
00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:07,224
Ooh. That's what I got her.

101
00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:12,229
It's for her surprise
frontier birthday dinner.

102
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:13,772
I am making

103
00:05:13,856 --> 00:05:16,400
hardtack, boiled salt pork,

104
00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:20,446
and because it's a special day,
a chewable gob of tree sap.

105
00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:23,491
Is that good?

106
00:05:23,574 --> 00:05:25,493
Compared to other foods, no.

107
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,495
Compared to other parts of a tree?
Meh.

108
00:05:30,456 --> 00:05:33,584
And then after dinner,
we will have birthday coitus.

109
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,671
Do you think that will also
be historically accurate?

110
00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:40,132
I assume like the rest of frontier life,

111
00:05:40,216 --> 00:05:42,426
it'll be exhausting and short.

112
00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:45,429
You're exhausting and short.

113
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:54,730
Hey, Stuart, you're coming
to Hailey's party, right?

114
00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:58,400
You bet.
Plus, I live there and I was invited,

115
00:05:58,484 --> 00:06:01,028
so it's already better
than my 10th birthday party.

116
00:06:02,488 --> 00:06:04,990
- Great. Can you bring a few things?
- Sure. What do you need?

117
00:06:05,074 --> 00:06:06,283
Balloons, streamers,

118
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:08,410
ice, snacks, a bounce house,
face painter,

119
00:06:08,494 --> 00:06:10,079
and a couple kids whose parents
are willing to lie and say

120
00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:12,456
they know me from the Daddy
and Me class I've never been to.

121
00:06:13,958 --> 00:06:15,793
Where do you and Halley go every week?

122
00:06:15,918 --> 00:06:17,711
The important thing is we're together,

123
00:06:17,795 --> 00:06:20,714
and if the movie gets
too violent, I cover her eyes.

124
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,468
Don't stress about this party.

125
00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:26,178
She's one, she's not gonna remember.

126
00:06:26,262 --> 00:06:29,265
The other day I showed her
her toe, and she was shocked.

127
00:06:30,975 --> 00:06:32,935
It's not for the baby,
it's for Bernadette.

128
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,353
She's feeling guilty

129
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:36,939
about all the stuff
she's missing with Halley.

130
00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:38,232
All right.

131
00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,234
Uncle Stuart's got your back.

132
00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:42,570
Ain't no party like a Stuart party

133
00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:46,115
because Stuart's
never invited to parties.

134
00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:53,330
Did the electricity go out?

135
00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:55,749
I don't know what you mean
by "electricity," ma'am.

136
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:59,128
I am just a farmer boy living in
a little house on the prairie.

137
00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:03,799
(SQUEALS)

138
00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:06,802
I'm glad you're happy.

139
00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:09,305
I wanted to do something special
for your birthday.

140
00:07:09,388 --> 00:07:13,309
(LAUGHING) You did,
you did! It's perfect!

141
00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:15,394
You do know that my birthday's
tomorrow, right?

142
00:07:15,561 --> 00:07:18,647
This is just step one
of your birthday weekend.

143
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:22,776
Now, would you care to join me
for an authentic frontier dinner

144
00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:24,236
made entirely from scratch?

145
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:27,448
(LAUGHS) I can't believe you did this.
It's amazing!

146
00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:29,450
Oh, it's not a big deal.

147
00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:31,577
Just to be clear, it was a big deal.

148
00:07:33,579 --> 00:07:35,664
I was being modest. You got that, right?

149
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,875
- Loud and clear.
- Well, I hope you're hungry.

150
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,168
Oh, I'm starving.

151
00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:43,339
Oh, good. Starvation is authentic
to the time period.

152
00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:46,258
If you also have malaria

153
00:07:46,342 --> 00:07:48,135
and a deep distrust of Native Americans,

154
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:50,304
we're really cooking with a wood stove.

155
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:52,514
Is that butter?

156
00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:54,475
Yes. But don't blow it all
on one biscuit.

157
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,310
Took me nine hours to make that.

158
00:07:57,353 --> 00:07:59,855
I think I got churner's elbow.

159
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,816
I know we only have coitus
on my birthday,

160
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:05,694
but I don't know if I can wait
until midnight.

161
00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:08,447
Well, you'll be glad you did.

162
00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:10,240
Everyone knows the best foreplay

163
00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:12,534
is rigid adherence to a strict schedule.

164
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:18,666
Hey. What are you doing?

165
00:08:18,749 --> 00:08:21,585
Oh, I've decided to write
my own Christmas letter.

166
00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:22,670
So I'm gonna make a list

167
00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:24,296
of all the cool things we did this year.

168
00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:26,465
Oh! Fun. Can I help?

169
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:29,635
Yes. Can you think of a single
cool thing we did this year?

170
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:34,098
Well, both of our jobs are going great.

171
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:37,267
Sure. I mean, my Air Force
project got taken away,

172
00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:40,229
and you're not crazy about
selling pharmaceuticals.

173
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:44,566
I'll just write down "still employed."

174
00:08:45,943 --> 00:08:47,986
Oh!
We had our second anniversary.

175
00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:49,530
Yeah, but we did

176
00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:50,823
kind of forget about it,

177
00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:54,076
so... Maybe just write "still married."

178
00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:57,746
LEONARD: Great. Okay.

179
00:08:58,122 --> 00:08:59,998
Okay, that's a start.

180
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,001
What else?

181
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:09,341
You know, maybe this is enough.

182
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,971
Let's look at our pictures.
That'll jog our memories.

183
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:16,598
What is that a picture of?

184
00:09:16,682 --> 00:09:19,184
Oh, that's a mole on my back.

185
00:09:21,437 --> 00:09:23,272
I wanted to make sure
it wasn't growing, so...

186
00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:26,150
How'd you get a picture
of your own back?

187
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,277
Sheldon took it.
We're kind of mole buddies.

188
00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:32,573
Hey, that's a cute picture.

189
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,450
Isn't that the day
we almost went to the beach?

190
00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:35,534
Memorial Day?

191
00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:37,745
No, that was the day we almost
went to the mountains.

192
00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:39,163
Oh.

193
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:40,998
That's the great thing about California,

194
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,082
you can almost go to the mountains

195
00:09:42,166 --> 00:09:43,208
and almost go to the beach
in the same day.

196
00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:44,752
Yeah.

197
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:47,796
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

198
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:53,886
Look, I'm sorry about
not inviting you

199
00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:55,929
to Hailey's birthday.
That wasn't cool.

200
00:09:56,013 --> 00:09:58,515
And of course we would
love to have you. Here.

201
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,519
Thank you.
I'd really like to be there.

202
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:05,647
Great, 'cause it's tomorrow,
and I need you to plan it.

203
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:09,318
What?

204
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:10,402
Stuart was gonna help,

205
00:10:10,486 --> 00:10:12,863
but the free clinic had
an open spot for a colonoscopy,

206
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,490
and he jumped on it.

207
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:19,745
Wait, so you're just apologizing
because you need something?

208
00:10:20,162 --> 00:10:23,457
Yes, and I think it's pretty
mature of me to admit it.

209
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,667
Well, that's very insulting.

210
00:10:25,751 --> 00:10:28,504
Right again.
Are you gonna help me or not?

211
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,839
No, I will not help you.

212
00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:35,427
But I will help Halley.

213
00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:37,971
She's my goddaughter, and I love her.

214
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:39,681
And I have a lot of party favors

215
00:10:39,765 --> 00:10:41,809
left over from
Cinnamon's birthday, so...

216
00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:46,855
I hope she likes things that
squeak when you chew on them.

217
00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:50,442
She's a human being, not an animal.

218
00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:52,694
But that actually would be a hit.

219
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,616
Can I get you anything else?

220
00:10:58,075 --> 00:11:00,744
No, thanks. I think I'm good.

221
00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:03,789
You sure?
There's still plenty of pork fat.

222
00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:07,459
Although, if we don't eat it,
I suppose we could turn it into soap.

223
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:10,963
That might taste better.

224
00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:16,343
I think I'm just gonna go over here
and sit on the couch.

225
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:19,721
Great. Then we will move on
to stage two,

226
00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:21,932
the pitching of woo.

227
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:25,435
Ooh! (CHUCKLES)

228
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:31,191
Should I read you some bawdy
19th century limericks?

229
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:32,943
(CHUCKLES) Okay.

230
00:11:33,235 --> 00:11:34,278
Oh, here.

231
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:37,030
"There once was a priest
from Terre Haute

232
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,783
"who purchased a sheep and a goat..."

233
00:11:41,577 --> 00:11:42,870
Hold on a second.

234
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:44,621
Is it getting hot in here?

235
00:11:44,705 --> 00:11:46,874
Well, I didn't even get
to the dirty part yet.

236
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:50,294
No, I'm serious.

237
00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:53,046
Do you think there was
something wrong with that food?

238
00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:56,049
Frontier scallops? I shouldn't think so.

239
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,303
My stomach's feeling a little weird.

240
00:11:59,428 --> 00:12:01,763
Yeah. Mine, too.

241
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:05,392
I'm sure it's just the first
sharp cramps of arousal.

242
00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:14,693
No. This doesn't feel right.

243
00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:17,529
Hey, hey, save that sexy talk
for the bedroom.

244
00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:21,783
You know, if you'll excuse me,

245
00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:25,162
I am just going to go freshen up.

246
00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,458
(VOMITING)

247
00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:31,335
Sheldon?

248
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:32,794
SHELDON: I'll be out in a minute.

249
00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:35,297
I don't have a minute!

250
00:12:36,048 --> 00:12:37,049
(VOMITING)

251
00:12:42,346 --> 00:12:44,765
I can't believe you pulled
this all together overnight.

252
00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:47,643
If I had more time, I could
have gotten the Blue Man Group.

253
00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:50,729
One of them goes to my dry cleaner.

254
00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:52,940
Who, by the way, hates him.

255
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:55,442
You really saved the day.

256
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,861
Well, it's not for you. It's for Halley.

257
00:12:58,070 --> 00:12:59,112
And I'm sure

258
00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:02,824
she'd appreciate it, if she knew
what's going on or who you are.

259
00:13:11,208 --> 00:13:12,584
Morning.

260
00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:14,419
Happy birthday.

261
00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:16,922
Yeah, sure.

262
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,717
Did you sleep at all?

263
00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:22,886
No. You?

264
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:26,098
I passed out on the toilet once.

265
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,267
I don't know if that counts.

266
00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:31,353
Feel any better?

267
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,605
I feel terrible.

268
00:13:35,357 --> 00:13:37,067
Well, (SIGHS)

269
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,195
should we make love now?

270
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,282
How can you even think about sex?

271
00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:48,203
Hey, I'm a man,
I have annual needs just like anyone.

272
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:52,040
And besides,
it's our birthday tradition.

273
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,836
You think you can do it

274
00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:59,214
while I lie perfectly still
and you don't touch me?

275
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:03,510
I can try.

276
00:14:09,558 --> 00:14:11,685
Want to do it again?

277
00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:16,732
- Morning.
- Morning.

278
00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:20,027
"Kept Fern alive"? Who's Fern?

279
00:14:22,446 --> 00:14:24,656
No, the fern. The one in the bathroom.

280
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:27,951
We're really calling
that brown thing alive? Okay.

281
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:32,039
So, how long have you
been working on this?

282
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:33,540
(SIGHS) Couple of hours.

283
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:36,835
I took a break to try to beat
my high score on Mario Kart.

284
00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:38,503
Well, did you do it?

285
00:14:38,754 --> 00:14:40,464
Do you see it on the board?

286
00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:43,967
Okay, this is silly.
Our lives are great.

287
00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:45,093
I think so, too.

288
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,304
So then why is this bugging you so much?

289
00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:52,225
I guess it feels like everyone's
moving forward, and we're stuck.

290
00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:53,310
What do you mean?

291
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:57,564
Well, we've been married two years.
Should we think about what's next?

292
00:14:57,647 --> 00:15:00,233
Like buying a house or having a baby?

293
00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:02,152
Look, I want to do
all those things someday,

294
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,945
but there's a bunch of stuff
I want to do first.

295
00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:05,197
Okay, like what?

296
00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:08,784
I don't know, stay thin and have money.

297
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:11,161
No, no, I'm serious.

298
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,580
If there's things we want to do,
let's start doing them.

299
00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:16,875
Okay. Well, we've never been
on a big trip together.

300
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,210
I would love that.

301
00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:19,586
Okay, there's something for your letter.

302
00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:22,339
"Considered going on a trip."

303
00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:25,634
It's just a day trip,

304
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:28,261
but we could take the ferry
out to Catalina.

305
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:29,679
Great, let's do it.

306
00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:32,265
Amy's in the bathroom and I need to...

307
00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:35,852
(SHELDON VOMITING)

308
00:15:38,814 --> 00:15:41,149
It's like I can hear the ocean already.

309
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:46,655
Okay. Thanks for letting me know.

310
00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:48,156
Hey, what's going on?

311
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,326
Bernadette's sister's kids are sick
and they're not coming.

312
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:54,579
But they're the whole reason
the cupcakes are vegan!

313
00:15:55,831 --> 00:15:58,250
- BERNADETTE: How's the party coming?
- Good!

314
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:01,378
Great! Our friends
should be here any second!

315
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:04,464
Those are the only
other people you invited?

316
00:16:04,548 --> 00:16:06,842
What about the kids
from the Daddy and Me class?

317
00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:08,343
Grow up.

318
00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:14,349
- Uh-oh.
- What?

319
00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:16,351
I left the food out.

320
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:19,020
You afraid it's gonna go good?

321
00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:24,985
How are you feeling?

322
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:29,030
My stomach aches, I got the chills,

323
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,158
my mouth tastes weird,

324
00:16:31,575 --> 00:16:34,744
it hurts to swallow,
and I've got a little double vision.

325
00:16:34,870 --> 00:16:36,246
Yeah.

326
00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:38,081
I'm feeling better, too.

327
00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:49,759
- Well, this party's a disaster.
- Don't blame the party!

328
00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:51,511
You know how many favors
I had to call in

329
00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:54,556
with my bounce house guy
to get Wonder Woman?

330
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:57,767
Is that Wonder Woman?

331
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,104
Technically,
it's a Chinese knockoff called

332
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:03,315
Happy Strong Swimsuit Lady.

333
00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:06,776
Then I take it back, it's a great party.

334
00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:09,112
Well, you can sit here
and sulk if you want.

335
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:11,198
I'm gonna go celebrate
Hailey's first birthday.

336
00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:13,992
Which I planned with no help from you.

337
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:15,368
What are you doing?

338
00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:18,330
It's a bounce house!
I'm gonna go bounce in it!

339
00:17:19,831 --> 00:17:21,458
You're supposed to take your shoes off

340
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,084
before you go in there!

341
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:27,214
You know what?

342
00:17:27,339 --> 00:17:30,091
I'm stressed about
my daughter's birthday party.

343
00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:31,593
I don't need your attitude.

344
00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:32,928
Well, I worked really hard on this,

345
00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:35,055
and you haven't even said thank you.

346
00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:36,598
I'm sorry. Thank you.

347
00:17:36,765 --> 00:17:37,807
Thank you for blaming me

348
00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:39,684
for everything
that's wrong in your life!

349
00:17:39,768 --> 00:17:42,395
Thank you for walking out
on our friendship!

350
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:43,897
You are welcome!

351
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:46,399
And thank you for mocking me
for all of these years!

352
00:17:46,483 --> 00:17:48,777
Thank you for making it so easy!

353
00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:52,489
Why are you being such a jerk?

354
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:56,534
Because you're my best friend
and you hurt my feelings!

355
00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:59,454
Well, you're my best friend
and you hurt my feelings!

356
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:04,209
I can't believe you shoved me!

357
00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:08,046
Well, I can't believe you shoved me!

358
00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:09,714
But it was kind of fun, wasn't it?

359
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:12,259
- It was! Do it again!
- Gladly!

360
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,596
Okay, now at the same time!

361
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:19,599
(BOTH LAUGHING) That was awesome!

362
00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:22,143
Yeah, okay, this time, knees, then feet.

363
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:23,728
One, two, three.

364
00:18:26,648 --> 00:18:28,692
Again! Again!

365
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:34,072
Hello.

366
00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:35,282
- Hi.
- You made it.

367
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:36,449
How you two feeling?

368
00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:37,784
Oh, a little better.

369
00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:38,910
Those books should have been called

370
00:18:38,994 --> 00:18:41,329
Little Outhouse on the Prairie.

371
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:44,708
BERNADETTE: Hailey's awake
and ready for her party!

372
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:45,875
Be right up!

373
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,169
- I want to see the birthday girl.
- I'd love to see her.

374
00:18:48,295 --> 00:18:51,715
BERNADETTE: Walk slow, it takes a while
to put this bra back on!

375
00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:56,344
You know,

376
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,555
it's still your birthday.

377
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:00,348
It is.

378
00:19:00,432 --> 00:19:04,352
And we are both feeling better.

379
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:07,647
We are.

380
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:09,899
And there's no one in that bounce house.

381
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:11,443
No.

382
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,361
Great.

383
00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:15,613
Let's go jump for a bit,

384
00:19:15,697 --> 00:19:17,949
and then find a bedroom
to have coitus in.

385
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,500
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)