1
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Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...
2
00:00:01,810 --> 00:00:04,462
Please stop crying.
3
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I'm begging you.
I don't know what else to do.
4
00:00:07,556 --> 00:00:09,218
My boobs are empty.
5
00:00:09,220 --> 00:00:10,981
Do you want lasagna?
6
00:00:15,475 --> 00:00:17,636
It's okay, it's okay.
7
00:00:17,638 --> 00:00:19,068
Shh...
8
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:28,519
What have we done?
9
00:00:33,215 --> 00:00:35,275
What... what's all this?
10
00:00:35,277 --> 00:00:37,705
Well, it sounded like
you were having a rough day,
11
00:00:37,707 --> 00:00:40,068
so I wanted you to come home
to something nice.
12
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Oh, that is so thoughtful.
13
00:00:42,630 --> 00:00:44,196
Hey, do you remember when
we went wine tasting
14
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in Santa Barbara
and you said
15
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that was the best
rosé you'd ever had?
16
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Yeah, I remember
us driving up there,
17
00:00:49,456 --> 00:00:52,281
going to the winery and...
18
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that's it.
19
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And this wine is why.
20
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Oh.
21
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Hey, what smells so good?
22
00:00:59,471 --> 00:01:02,199
I made your favorite:
pizza bagels!
23
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Pink wine and pizza bagels?
24
00:01:05,994 --> 00:01:08,621
It's like eighth grade
all over again.
25
00:01:08,623 --> 00:01:11,816
I am so lucky to have you.
26
00:01:11,818 --> 00:01:13,014
Well, now be careful,
these are hot.
27
00:01:13,017 --> 00:01:14,613
I-I could explain
the thermodynamics
28
00:01:14,615 --> 00:01:16,874
of why the cheese seems
hotter than the crust,
29
00:01:16,876 --> 00:01:18,671
but instead, I'm gonna
keep it to myself.
30
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Oh.
31
00:01:19,706 --> 00:01:22,632
You always know what not to say.
32
00:01:22,634 --> 00:01:25,329
I just, I can't believe
you did all this.
33
00:01:25,331 --> 00:01:26,626
Well, you know,
34
00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:29,453
it's easy to take each
other for granted and
35
00:01:29,455 --> 00:01:32,118
I never want to do
that to you, because
36
00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,680
your love,
37
00:01:34,682 --> 00:01:36,808
it's like a river.
38
00:01:36,810 --> 00:01:39,572
It's peaceful and deep.
39
00:01:39,574 --> 00:01:42,000
Your soul is,
it's like a secret
40
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:45,063
that I never could keep.
41
00:01:45,065 --> 00:01:48,324
You did not just
quote an NSYNC song.
42
00:01:49,789 --> 00:01:52,052
I quoted your favorite
NSYNC song.
43
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Oh...
44
00:01:56,014 --> 00:01:57,076
Mm.
45
00:02:03,402 --> 00:02:05,265
Damn.
46
00:02:05,267 --> 00:02:07,560
I burped so hard,
I died in my game.
47
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♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
48
00:02:13,552 --> 00:02:16,877
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
49
00:02:16,879 --> 00:02:18,474
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
50
00:02:18,476 --> 00:02:21,039
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
51
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:23,700
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
52
00:02:23,702 --> 00:02:26,362
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
53
00:02:26,364 --> 00:02:28,260
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
54
00:02:28,262 --> 00:02:28,760
♪ Bang! ♪
55
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♪ The Big Bang Theory 10x13 ♪
The Romance Recalibration
Original
56
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
57
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Leonard, I've been
meaning to ask you:
58
00:02:38,441 --> 00:02:40,502
what size shoe
do you wear?
59
00:02:40,504 --> 00:02:41,634
Why?
60
00:02:41,636 --> 00:02:43,100
I'm trying to take
more of an interest
61
00:02:43,102 --> 00:02:45,029
in other
people's lives.
62
00:02:47,361 --> 00:02:48,191
That's nice.
63
00:02:48,193 --> 00:02:49,556
I wear a size
eight and a half.
64
00:02:49,557 --> 00:02:51,886
That's small.
65
00:02:52,918 --> 00:02:57,010
So, tell me, do you have
any plans for the weekend?
66
00:02:57,012 --> 00:02:58,640
Are you gonna laugh
at the answer?
67
00:02:58,642 --> 00:03:02,501
Only if the answer is
"shopping for baby shoes."
68
00:03:04,266 --> 00:03:05,395
If you must know,
69
00:03:05,397 --> 00:03:07,226
Penny won a spa weekend
from work
70
00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:08,623
and she's taking me.
71
00:03:08,625 --> 00:03:10,553
Oh, well you know,
that is interesting.
72
00:03:10,555 --> 00:03:13,450
I wonder what kind of infection
you'll come home with.
73
00:03:15,281 --> 00:03:17,510
My money's on fungal.
74
00:03:17,512 --> 00:03:22,036
They're still having girl''
night across the hall.
75
00:03:22,038 --> 00:03:24,566
Oh, so, hang out with me
and we'll have boys' night.
76
00:03:24,568 --> 00:03:26,564
At our age,
77
00:03:26,566 --> 00:03:28,591
why don't we call it
man's night?
78
00:03:28,593 --> 00:03:32,385
Because we just spent our
allowance on comic books.
79
00:03:35,083 --> 00:03:38,510
Penny, is it weird that
we're having girls' night here,
80
00:03:38,512 --> 00:03:39,807
but you don't
live here anymore,
81
00:03:39,809 --> 00:03:41,303
so it's basically
my girls' night?
82
00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:42,835
I hadn't really
thought about it.
83
00:03:42,837 --> 00:03:44,766
But now you're thinking about it
and it bothers you?
84
00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,529
I get that.
85
00:03:48,461 --> 00:03:51,456
Things going well with you
and Sheldon living together?
86
00:03:51,458 --> 00:03:52,720
Better than ever.
87
00:03:52,722 --> 00:03:55,548
He asks about my day,
takes an interest in my life.
88
00:03:55,550 --> 00:03:57,147
He's like my boyfriend
in college,
89
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except he's real,
so people can see him.
90
00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:03,502
I've been seeing him for years,
91
00:04:03,504 --> 00:04:05,766
I'm still not convinced
he's real.
92
00:04:07,132 --> 00:04:09,127
Hey, can I
ask you a question?
93
00:04:09,129 --> 00:04:10,590
You've been married
for a while.
94
00:04:10,592 --> 00:04:12,021
Is it normal
for the husband
95
00:04:12,023 --> 00:04:15,316
to kind of completely stop
giving a crap?
96
00:04:15,318 --> 00:04:17,846
Uh-oh, what's going on?
97
00:04:17,848 --> 00:04:19,809
Well, Leonard used to
do all these things,
98
00:04:19,811 --> 00:04:21,339
like bring me flowers
99
00:04:21,341 --> 00:04:23,937
and wear pants.
100
00:04:23,939 --> 00:04:26,997
It's okay,
Howie never has on pants.
101
00:04:26,999 --> 00:04:30,726
The Domino's guy brings
the pizza like this now.
102
00:04:30,728 --> 00:04:32,955
Well,
Sheldon always has his pants on.
103
00:04:32,957 --> 00:04:35,617
I don't think I could
pick his knees out of a lineup.
104
00:04:36,819 --> 00:04:37,947
Well, it's not
just the pants.
105
00:04:37,949 --> 00:04:39,311
Just, it's like since
we got married,
106
00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:41,009
he doesn't really
try anymore.
107
00:04:41,011 --> 00:04:42,472
Uh, Penny?
108
00:04:42,474 --> 00:04:43,738
I don't know how to say this,
109
00:04:43,740 --> 00:04:45,668
but this is
my first girls' night
110
00:04:45,670 --> 00:04:47,798
and you're kind of
bumming everybody out.
111
00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:54,055
All right, got Halley to sleep.
112
00:04:54,057 --> 00:04:55,751
Yeah, I heard you
on the baby monitor.
113
00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:58,015
Didn't think you could
turn the theme from Walking Dead
114
00:04:58,017 --> 00:04:59,945
into a lullaby.
115
00:05:01,045 --> 00:05:03,173
Yeah, got to get her
hooked on TV,
116
00:05:03,175 --> 00:05:05,868
or someday,
she'll want me to play outside.
117
00:05:06,670 --> 00:05:09,364
Boy, that floor is so squeaky.
118
00:05:09,366 --> 00:05:12,359
I'm surprised I didn't wake
her up walking out of the room.
119
00:05:12,361 --> 00:05:14,056
Have you tried anything
to fix it?
120
00:05:14,058 --> 00:05:15,886
Well, I put the rug down.
121
00:05:15,888 --> 00:05:16,984
It didn't help.
122
00:05:16,986 --> 00:05:19,680
I know. Blue shag.
What were you thinking?
123
00:05:21,346 --> 00:05:25,105
Did try nailing a couple
of the boards down.
124
00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:26,168
Did that do anything?
125
00:05:26,170 --> 00:05:27,799
Yeah, it left little
holes in the floor,
126
00:05:27,801 --> 00:05:29,199
that's why I
bought the rug.
127
00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:40,878
If you do that,
I'll win in eight moves.
128
00:05:48,235 --> 00:05:50,064
I'll win in five moves.
129
00:05:56,488 --> 00:05:58,549
I'll win in one move.
130
00:06:00,748 --> 00:06:02,944
Oh, no. Good game.
131
00:06:05,143 --> 00:06:06,471
Hey.
132
00:06:06,473 --> 00:06:07,636
Hey.
133
00:06:07,638 --> 00:06:08,999
Oh, Penny,
I'm trying
134
00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:10,830
to take an interest
in other people.
135
00:06:10,832 --> 00:06:12,562
Uh, how was
your girls' night?
136
00:06:12,564 --> 00:06:13,860
Oh, it was fine.
137
00:06:13,862 --> 00:06:16,122
Hmm. Did you have
anything to eat?
138
00:06:16,124 --> 00:06:17,654
Uh, chips.
139
00:06:17,656 --> 00:06:19,552
Anything to drink?
140
00:06:19,554 --> 00:06:20,948
Some wine.
141
00:06:20,950 --> 00:06:25,673
Well, I'm just playing tennis
against the drapes here.
142
00:06:25,675 --> 00:06:27,337
Just ignore him.
143
00:06:27,339 --> 00:06:29,133
Hmm. At least he took
an interest.
144
00:06:29,135 --> 00:06:31,365
What's that supposed to mean?
145
00:06:31,367 --> 00:06:32,462
Nothing.
146
00:06:32,464 --> 00:06:33,761
Hey, what's going on with you?
147
00:06:33,763 --> 00:06:35,358
I don't want to
talk about it.
148
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,089
Well, hey,
come on, just tell me.
149
00:06:37,091 --> 00:06:39,618
Fine.
150
00:06:39,620 --> 00:06:41,249
Lately, I kind
of feel like
151
00:06:41,251 --> 00:06:42,547
you've been taking
me for granted.
152
00:06:42,549 --> 00:06:44,877
Wh-what? Where is this
coming from?
153
00:06:44,879 --> 00:06:46,040
Leonard.
154
00:06:46,042 --> 00:06:47,038
She might be drunk.
155
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,768
All she had was chips.
156
00:06:49,770 --> 00:06:51,598
It's just, since we got married
you seem to think
157
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,396
you don't have to try anymore.
158
00:06:53,398 --> 00:06:55,626
That is ridiculous.
159
00:06:55,628 --> 00:06:57,223
This is exactly why I didn't
want to talk about it.
160
00:06:57,225 --> 00:06:58,653
No, No, no, no.
Let's talk about it.
161
00:06:58,655 --> 00:07:00,183
I'm the one who's made
all the effort
162
00:07:00,185 --> 00:07:02,015
in this relationship
since day one.
163
00:07:02,017 --> 00:07:03,978
Please tell me
what more I could do.
164
00:07:03,980 --> 00:07:06,342
Okay. You know what?
Maybe I'll take Amy with me
165
00:07:06,344 --> 00:07:08,138
to the spa this weekend instead.
166
00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:10,268
Fine, go ahead.
167
00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:17,158
Amy is free.
168
00:07:18,558 --> 00:07:20,552
She had a harp lesson
on Saturday,
169
00:07:20,554 --> 00:07:22,283
but it got canceled...
170
00:07:22,285 --> 00:07:24,844
Boy, when you take an interest
in people,
171
00:07:24,846 --> 00:07:27,974
you really uncork
a geyser of nonsense.
172
00:07:30,904 --> 00:07:33,265
Okay.
Thanks, Daddy.
173
00:07:33,267 --> 00:07:36,459
He said the only way to really
fix an old floor like that
174
00:07:36,461 --> 00:07:38,790
is to tear it up
and replace the whole thing.
175
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,721
That sounds expensive.
Hang on.
176
00:07:40,723 --> 00:07:42,284
No offense to her father,
177
00:07:42,286 --> 00:07:44,514
but he's not an
MIT-trained engineer.
178
00:07:44,516 --> 00:07:46,443
Thinking and building
is what you do.
179
00:07:46,445 --> 00:07:48,607
MIT's motto is
"Mind and hand,"
180
00:07:48,609 --> 00:07:52,333
which just so happens was also
my motto as a lonely teenager.
181
00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:56,660
Oh, come on. We just need
to be more creative.
182
00:07:56,662 --> 00:08:00,287
What if you didn't step
on the floor at all?
183
00:08:00,289 --> 00:08:01,552
Like, what if you...
184
00:08:01,554 --> 00:08:04,912
swung on a rope
from the ceiling?
185
00:08:12,037 --> 00:08:13,998
No.
186
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,529
Okay. Um...
187
00:08:15,531 --> 00:08:17,926
Okay. What if you rig up
a pulley system
188
00:08:17,928 --> 00:08:20,522
and move yourself across
the room in a harness?
189
00:08:33,037 --> 00:08:34,899
No.
190
00:08:35,731 --> 00:08:37,028
I have one.
191
00:08:37,030 --> 00:08:38,891
What if you got
a giant slingshot
192
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:41,055
and flung yourself
into the wall?
193
00:08:42,753 --> 00:08:44,349
Is that supposed
to be funny?
194
00:08:44,351 --> 00:08:45,882
Hold on.
195
00:08:52,606 --> 00:08:54,467
Yeah, that's funny.
196
00:08:56,667 --> 00:08:58,893
- All right, we're heading out.
- Mm-hmm.
197
00:08:58,895 --> 00:09:01,422
I'll call you when
we get to the hotel.
198
00:09:01,424 --> 00:09:04,018
And if they have any of those
tiny bottles of shampoo?
199
00:09:04,020 --> 00:09:05,749
I will bring them home
so you can show me
200
00:09:05,751 --> 00:09:07,080
how Godzilla takes a shower.
201
00:09:08,713 --> 00:09:10,009
Have fun.
Thanks.
202
00:09:10,011 --> 00:09:11,041
Are you ready?
203
00:09:11,043 --> 00:09:12,438
Uh-huh.
204
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:13,837
Bye, Sheldon.
205
00:09:13,839 --> 00:09:15,232
You know what?
206
00:09:15,234 --> 00:09:17,596
I feel uncomfortable engaging
in a public display of affection
207
00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:20,225
while their relationship
is strained.
208
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:22,988
Go ahead, it's fine.
209
00:09:22,990 --> 00:09:25,218
Bye.
Bye.
210
00:09:31,475 --> 00:09:33,271
Okay!
Let's go!
211
00:09:36,401 --> 00:09:37,397
Bye.
212
00:09:37,399 --> 00:09:38,662
Bye.
213
00:09:38,664 --> 00:09:39,962
I'll miss you.
214
00:09:39,964 --> 00:09:41,258
Yeah, I'll miss you, too.
215
00:09:41,260 --> 00:09:42,589
I'll miss you more.
216
00:09:42,591 --> 00:09:44,687
Well, if X equals the amount
that you'll miss me,
217
00:09:44,689 --> 00:09:46,318
then I'll miss you X plus one.
218
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:49,278
If you miss me X plus one,
I'll miss you
219
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,841
open paren X plus one,
close paren to the second...
220
00:09:54,704 --> 00:09:56,898
Thank you.
221
00:10:04,783 --> 00:10:06,745
You're sad, so I made you tea.
222
00:10:07,744 --> 00:10:09,341
Thanks.
223
00:10:09,882 --> 00:10:11,198
And it's just the way
you like it.
224
00:10:11,575 --> 00:10:13,037
Earl Grey?
Yes.
225
00:10:13,039 --> 00:10:14,036
Honey?
Yes.
226
00:10:14,038 --> 00:10:14,967
Unsweetened almond...
Good Lord!
227
00:10:14,969 --> 00:10:17,630
I made you tea.
Just drink it!
228
00:10:19,463 --> 00:10:21,324
Sorry, thank you.
229
00:10:21,326 --> 00:10:25,085
Well, what can we do
to cheer you up?
230
00:10:25,087 --> 00:10:27,046
I really don't know.
231
00:10:27,048 --> 00:10:29,110
You want to play Jenga?
232
00:10:29,112 --> 00:10:30,808
Or, uh, Ticket to Ride?
233
00:10:30,810 --> 00:10:31,908
Hearthstone?
234
00:10:31,910 --> 00:10:36,699
I... what would you be
the happiest losing at?
235
00:10:38,498 --> 00:10:40,326
I don't want to
play a game, Sheldon.
236
00:10:40,328 --> 00:10:45,251
Wow, and I remember when you
loved playing games with me.
237
00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:48,049
Maybe Penny isn't the only
relationship you're phoning in.
238
00:10:50,445 --> 00:10:52,273
It's not that I'd
stopped trying,
239
00:10:52,275 --> 00:10:55,269
it's just how
relationships progress.
240
00:10:55,271 --> 00:10:57,167
They start with infatuation,
241
00:10:57,169 --> 00:11:00,661
but over time mellow into
something more comfortable.
242
00:11:00,663 --> 00:11:02,758
Hmm. Yeah, you're right.
243
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,355
It's like when
I first encountered
244
00:11:04,357 --> 00:11:05,919
the Pythagorean Theorem.
245
00:11:05,921 --> 00:11:07,382
You know,
I was blown away
246
00:11:07,384 --> 00:11:09,380
that the square
of the hypotenuse
247
00:11:09,382 --> 00:11:12,208
was the sum of the squares
of the opposite sides.
248
00:11:12,210 --> 00:11:14,904
Yeah, but now
I'm just like "eh."
249
00:11:18,601 --> 00:11:21,893
Okay, this grid
represents the room.
250
00:11:21,895 --> 00:11:26,053
All we need to do is plot out
where each squeak is
251
00:11:26,055 --> 00:11:28,448
and we can find a quiet
path to the crib.
252
00:11:31,046 --> 00:11:33,374
It looks like a map
from Dungeons & Dragons.
253
00:11:33,376 --> 00:11:34,839
Mm.
254
00:11:34,841 --> 00:11:38,300
Except the creature in the crib
is a level-nine poop monster.
255
00:11:38,302 --> 00:11:41,194
Okay, uh, you check
for squeaks,
256
00:11:41,196 --> 00:11:42,660
and I will
mark them down.
257
00:11:42,662 --> 00:11:43,958
Okay.
258
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,019
Space A-3, here we go.
259
00:11:50,216 --> 00:11:52,577
It's squeaking. Mark it.
260
00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:55,405
It's nice to think that
you grew up in this room
261
00:11:55,407 --> 00:11:57,037
and now your daughter's
going to as well.
262
00:11:57,039 --> 00:12:00,862
Mm. I hope she has the same
amount of sex in it I did.
263
00:12:00,864 --> 00:12:02,395
None. Next square.
264
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:08,084
Why do you bounce with your
hands in the air like that?
265
00:12:08,086 --> 00:12:10,848
It's a tradition of my people.
266
00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:12,578
♪ If I were a rich man ♪
267
00:12:16,941 --> 00:12:18,569
"Material Girl"
needs to be retired.
268
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:21,098
That is your karaoke song.
269
00:12:24,029 --> 00:12:27,919
Would you like to play
a driving game I invented?
270
00:12:27,921 --> 00:12:31,150
Is it about the failing state
of my relationship with Penny?
271
00:12:31,982 --> 00:12:34,010
Never mind.
272
00:12:35,809 --> 00:12:38,537
You know, Penny went to this spa
to be away from you.
273
00:12:38,539 --> 00:12:40,300
Are you sure
you should be going there?
274
00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:43,063
I don't want to wait two days
for us to work this out.
275
00:12:43,065 --> 00:12:45,059
Very well.
276
00:12:45,061 --> 00:12:46,789
You got married
spur of the moment.
277
00:12:46,791 --> 00:12:49,617
I don't see why your
divorce should be any different.
278
00:12:50,819 --> 00:12:52,714
I would pull this car over
and kick you out,
279
00:12:52,716 --> 00:12:56,806
but... if Penny dumps me,
you're all I got.
280
00:12:59,937 --> 00:13:02,764
When was the last time
you got a massage?
281
00:13:02,766 --> 00:13:04,661
Sheldon walked on my back
two weeks ago,
282
00:13:04,663 --> 00:13:06,758
but that was just 'cause
there was a spider on his pillow
283
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,022
and he was trying to get away.
284
00:13:09,024 --> 00:13:11,216
Leonard stood on me once, too,
285
00:13:11,217 --> 00:13:14,810
but he was just trying
to see the Rose Parade.
286
00:13:16,178 --> 00:13:17,273
I don't know the protocol,
287
00:13:17,275 --> 00:13:19,470
are you gonna be naked
for your massage?
288
00:13:19,473 --> 00:13:20,635
Well. Yeah.
289
00:13:20,637 --> 00:13:24,228
Hmm. Then this is probably
too many clothes.
290
00:13:25,828 --> 00:13:27,092
Hey.
291
00:13:27,094 --> 00:13:28,555
What are you doing here?
292
00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:30,019
I came here to apologize.
293
00:13:30,021 --> 00:13:31,418
Okay. Leonard,
I really appreciate that,
294
00:13:31,420 --> 00:13:34,113
but I need a little time
to myself.
295
00:13:34,115 --> 00:13:35,610
Wha... Okay. I don't get it.
296
00:13:35,612 --> 00:13:37,042
You said make an effort.
297
00:13:37,044 --> 00:13:38,973
Here I am, making an effort.
298
00:13:38,975 --> 00:13:40,935
Hello, Amy. It's
nice to see you.
299
00:13:40,937 --> 00:13:44,697
Nice to see you, too.
300
00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:48,290
And that's how you make
effort look effortless.
301
00:13:48,292 --> 00:13:49,488
All right.
Can you please just go
302
00:13:49,490 --> 00:13:50,720
and we'll talk
about this tomorrow?
303
00:13:50,722 --> 00:13:51,718
I don't understand
what you want!
304
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,416
I'm trying to figure it out!
305
00:13:53,418 --> 00:13:54,545
You know what? If you'd like,
306
00:13:54,547 --> 00:13:57,377
I could whip up a quick
Relationship Agreement.
307
00:13:58,476 --> 00:13:59,506
Well, I'm at a spa,
308
00:13:59,508 --> 00:14:02,167
might as well do
something relaxing.
309
00:14:02,169 --> 00:14:04,298
Sheldon, why don't
we give them some privacy?
310
00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:06,595
Very well.
311
00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:08,025
Hey. Later, we'll check
out the minibar?
312
00:14:08,027 --> 00:14:11,252
I'll show you
how Godzilla gets drunk.
313
00:14:13,785 --> 00:14:17,244
So what we did was map
out the entire room
314
00:14:17,246 --> 00:14:20,272
to identify every squeak.
315
00:14:20,274 --> 00:14:22,603
Watch. It's easy,
once you get the hang of it.
316
00:14:24,834 --> 00:14:27,527
Step.
317
00:14:27,529 --> 00:14:30,490
Step.
318
00:14:30,492 --> 00:14:33,118
Hop onto ottoman.
319
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:37,045
Don't do that in socks,
I almost broke my neck.
320
00:14:37,047 --> 00:14:39,043
Then simply sit,
321
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,437
spin, stand,
322
00:14:41,439 --> 00:14:43,633
stretch...
323
00:14:47,297 --> 00:14:49,426
Maybe unloosen your pants.
324
00:14:50,758 --> 00:14:52,985
And... step,
325
00:14:52,987 --> 00:14:54,784
grab, tiny pivot,
326
00:14:54,786 --> 00:14:56,914
pull, and you're there.
327
00:14:57,979 --> 00:14:59,807
Easy, peasy, mac and...
328
00:14:59,809 --> 00:15:02,304
You get the idea.
329
00:15:02,306 --> 00:15:04,801
You actually expect me
to do this
330
00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:06,963
while holding a baby
in the dark?
331
00:15:06,965 --> 00:15:09,626
Hold on...
332
00:15:15,717 --> 00:15:17,181
I don't think she was impressed.
333
00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:18,712
Bigger problems.
334
00:15:18,714 --> 00:15:21,807
I felt something pop.
335
00:15:23,937 --> 00:15:27,164
There's a cucumber
in my water.
336
00:15:27,166 --> 00:15:28,461
Uh-huh.
337
00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:31,158
Do they know it's there?
338
00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,255
Um, sh-should I tell somebody?
339
00:15:33,257 --> 00:15:35,153
It's there on purpose.
340
00:15:35,155 --> 00:15:37,115
It's refreshing.
341
00:15:41,610 --> 00:15:43,138
Interesting.
342
00:15:43,140 --> 00:15:44,702
The world's most boring liquid
343
00:15:44,704 --> 00:15:46,466
and the world's
most boring vegetable.
344
00:15:46,468 --> 00:15:49,029
But you put 'em together,
and bleh.
345
00:15:50,961 --> 00:15:52,458
Hey.
Hi.
346
00:15:52,460 --> 00:15:54,686
Oh! Good, you're here.
Are you still fighting?
347
00:15:54,688 --> 00:15:57,248
If you get divorced,
do I get two Christmases?
348
00:15:57,250 --> 00:15:59,746
We're not getting divorced.
349
00:15:59,748 --> 00:16:02,176
Listen, we realized, that, uh...
350
00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:04,339
we're facing some new challenges
351
00:16:04,341 --> 00:16:05,536
as a married couple.
352
00:16:05,538 --> 00:16:06,634
Yeah. And there are a few things
353
00:16:06,636 --> 00:16:08,465
we need to stay on top of.
So we thought
354
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:10,493
it would useful...
355
00:16:10,495 --> 00:16:12,691
and I can't believe
I am about to say this...
356
00:16:12,693 --> 00:16:14,122
um...
357
00:16:14,124 --> 00:16:16,684
Would you please help us
make a Relationship Agreement?
358
00:16:19,081 --> 00:16:21,477
But one that's tailored to us.
359
00:16:21,478 --> 00:16:23,473
Okay? We don't need
a bathroom schedule.
360
00:16:23,475 --> 00:16:26,101
Although a rule about him
texting me from in there
361
00:16:26,103 --> 00:16:28,831
might help with the romance.
362
00:16:30,132 --> 00:16:31,163
What do you say?
363
00:16:31,165 --> 00:16:33,457
I get to write a contract?
364
00:16:33,459 --> 00:16:35,821
I say, let's get this party
of the first part started!
365
00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:44,706
Do you really think
that's funny?
366
00:16:44,708 --> 00:16:46,802
It's in our agreement.
I have to laugh.
367
00:16:52,442 --> 00:16:54,636
If you find this
draft acceptable,
368
00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:57,731
then I believe your new
Relationship Agreement
369
00:16:57,733 --> 00:16:59,495
is ready to be signed.
370
00:16:59,497 --> 00:17:01,259
Article 8, subsection B:
371
00:17:01,261 --> 00:17:03,656
Leonard will restrict
video-gaming in underpants
372
00:17:03,658 --> 00:17:05,552
to hours Penny is not home.
373
00:17:05,554 --> 00:17:07,948
This includes boxers,
briefs, thongs, G-strings
374
00:17:07,950 --> 00:17:09,677
or anything else
that calls attention
375
00:17:09,679 --> 00:17:11,475
to his pasty little thighs.
376
00:17:15,804 --> 00:17:17,232
Does it really need to say that?
377
00:17:17,234 --> 00:17:20,660
I did this for free,
let me get a little something.
378
00:17:21,928 --> 00:17:24,222
Article 10, subsection C:
379
00:17:24,224 --> 00:17:26,817
If questioned, Penny
may not say that everything
380
00:17:26,819 --> 00:17:28,614
is fine if it isn't.
381
00:17:28,616 --> 00:17:31,176
Other unacceptable responses
include: "It's nothing,"
382
00:17:31,178 --> 00:17:33,772
"Don't worry about it,"
and "I said it's nothing,
383
00:17:33,774 --> 00:17:36,601
don't worry about it."
384
00:17:36,603 --> 00:17:38,598
I think this all looks good.
385
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,061
Me, too.
386
00:17:40,063 --> 00:17:41,261
Oh, well. Great,
then. Here.
387
00:17:41,263 --> 00:17:44,289
You sign here, date here.
388
00:17:44,291 --> 00:17:46,585
And, Penny, if you could
initial here to indicate
389
00:17:46,587 --> 00:17:49,381
that you're accepting Leonard
in "as is" condition.
390
00:17:56,503 --> 00:18:00,162
Aw. I remember signing our first
Relationship Agreement.
391
00:18:00,164 --> 00:18:02,559
Mm. You seem to be forgetting
the "no nostalgia" clause.
392
00:18:02,561 --> 00:18:03,624
Right, right. Got it.