1
00:00:00,626 --> 00:00:03,501
[answering machine] Ms. Newly,
Jemma at Marapolla Spa.

2
00:00:03,501 --> 00:00:06,168
It's come to our attention
you accidentally took home

3
00:00:06,168 --> 00:00:08,168
a pair of our courtesy
flip-flops,

4
00:00:08,168 --> 00:00:11,126
and unless you return these
and the last three...

5
00:00:11,126 --> 00:00:14,877
[man] Hi, this is Brian. I met
you at that party, and you
tried on my hat.

6
00:00:14,877 --> 00:00:19,918
Remember? I said you looked
cute in it, but that didn't
mean you could keep it.

7
00:00:19,918 --> 00:00:22,002
[Samantha] Fun fact
about Samantha Newly:

8
00:00:22,002 --> 00:00:24,918
Before my amnesia
everyone hated me.

9
00:00:24,918 --> 00:00:27,585
Except a few people,
like these two.

10
00:00:27,585 --> 00:00:31,168
A childhood friend and, for
some reason, my ex-boyfriend.

11
00:00:31,168 --> 00:00:36,209
So... I haven't seen you
since we were at the hospital.

12
00:00:36,209 --> 00:00:40,835
Hanging out, waiting for Sam
to wake up out of her coma.

13
00:00:40,835 --> 00:00:42,043
Yeah.

14
00:00:43,668 --> 00:00:47,043
Good times, huh?

15
00:00:47,043 --> 00:00:50,002
[woman] I told you
I was pregnant in confidence.

16
00:00:50,002 --> 00:00:52,043
Who does that to another
person?

17
00:00:52,043 --> 00:00:54,501
[man] Rest assured
you'll hear from my law...

18
00:00:54,501 --> 00:00:56,501
[woman] They had to drain
the entire pool.

19
00:00:56,501 --> 00:00:58,710
[man] You knew
I was allergic to nuts.

20
00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:01,960
- OK! OK! I get it! I get it!
- [male voice] Record greeting.

21
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:05,668
[screaming] I'm sorry!

22
00:01:05,668 --> 00:01:09,043
[continues screaming]

23
00:01:12,710 --> 00:01:14,960
Leave a message
after the beep.

24
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:16,002
[beep]

25
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,543
I am not gonna check
the machine anymore.

26
00:01:26,543 --> 00:01:28,585
If people want to find me,
hunt me down.

27
00:01:28,585 --> 00:01:30,960
- Yeah.
- No. No, that's not good.

28
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:34,835
But those people don't know
the new you. I'm having
a great time with you.

29
00:01:34,835 --> 00:01:36,960
- You know, hanging out.
- Kicking it.

30
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:40,084
- BFFs.
- Step off biotch,
I'll cap yo ass.

31
00:01:40,084 --> 00:01:43,960
I have no idea where that
just came from. I meant
to say, "Yes, me too."

32
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:48,960
Ms. Newly, the tailor
dropped something off
for you. I'll get it.

33
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:52,376
So how did it happen anyway?
I mean, how did you and
I drift apart?

34
00:01:52,376 --> 00:01:54,710
Oh, you know
how it is with kids.

35
00:01:54,710 --> 00:01:57,877
One day you're climbing into
each other's bedroom windows

36
00:01:57,877 --> 00:02:01,626
late at night and sharing
secrets and drinking cocoa.

37
00:02:01,626 --> 00:02:03,209
Oh, yeah.

38
00:02:03,209 --> 00:02:06,960
You know, and the next day one
of you stands up the other one

39
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,918
at McCorkle's Beef Grindery

40
00:02:08,918 --> 00:02:12,960
to go ice skating with
the eighth-grade cheerleaders.

41
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,960
- Oh, Dena, I'm really...
- Don't say anything.

42
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:19,460
- I'll just call your machine.
- Yeah.

43
00:02:19,460 --> 00:02:21,752
- Here you are.
- Oh.

44
00:02:24,585 --> 00:02:26,418
Althea's Bridal.

45
00:02:27,293 --> 00:02:28,960
It's a bridesmaid's dress!

46
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,043
- I'm a bridesmaid?
- I think so!

47
00:02:31,043 --> 00:02:33,668
- In a wedding?
- I think so!

48
00:02:33,668 --> 00:02:36,668
Who is this? Did the tailor
know? Did they say anything?

49
00:02:36,668 --> 00:02:39,293
You should ignore
the warning on the plastic bag.

50
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:41,043
Feel free to use it
as a toy.

51
00:02:43,209 --> 00:02:46,209
[whistling]

52
00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:49,209
Where's all that mail that
I brought back from Todd's?

53
00:02:49,209 --> 00:02:53,002
- On your bed.
Don't run in the house!
- She's a bridesmaid.

54
00:02:53,002 --> 00:02:55,002
- In a wedding?
- Yeah.

55
00:02:55,002 --> 00:02:57,918
- Someone liked her?
- Yes, Mother, it is possible.

56
00:02:57,918 --> 00:03:00,251
Despite my upbringing.

57
00:03:00,251 --> 00:03:03,043
Dena. Look, there's
the bathroom that I want.

58
00:03:03,043 --> 00:03:05,918
Well, we don't need
a new bathroom. Ours is fine.

59
00:03:05,918 --> 00:03:09,293
But we can afford it.
And I want one.

60
00:03:09,293 --> 00:03:12,501
When we built this house, the
plumbing was state-of-the-art.

61
00:03:12,501 --> 00:03:14,460
Well, so was yours.
Things change.

62
00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:16,585
I found it!
I found the invitation.

63
00:03:16,585 --> 00:03:21,501
Valerie Bromquist and Trey
Wells. Who are they? Anyone?
Anyone?

64
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:24,126
Well, I knew
a Trevor Chadney once.

65
00:03:24,126 --> 00:03:27,668
"You are cordially invited to...
special lodging rates,

66
00:03:27,668 --> 00:03:28,960
salmon or beef..."

67
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,002
Here. OK, the date is...

68
00:03:32,002 --> 00:03:34,543
Of course. It's today.

69
00:03:34,543 --> 00:03:39,126
- You're never gonna make it.
- No? Watch me.
Somebody likes me.

70
00:03:39,126 --> 00:03:42,960
It is an honor to be asked.
I am not gonna let down
my friend Victoria.

71
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,960
- Valerie.
- Whatever.

72
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:48,543
It's at the Hyperion Hotel.
These people must be loaded.

73
00:03:48,543 --> 00:03:51,793
Look at the wedding party rates.
That is really reasonable.

74
00:03:51,793 --> 00:03:55,251
Holy cow! With my hotel points,
it's almost free.

75
00:03:55,251 --> 00:03:58,168
- I always wanted to stay there.
- We have to stay there.

76
00:03:58,168 --> 00:04:01,209
- We can't afford not to.
- OK, then we're all gonna go.

77
00:04:01,209 --> 00:04:04,752
But you've got to go. Get ready.
Get ready. Go, go. All right.

78
00:04:04,752 --> 00:04:07,002
- Dena, you're gonna be my date.
- Me?

79
00:04:08,585 --> 00:04:11,626
If I die tomorrow,
I'll die a happy girl.

80
00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:13,877
Unless it's from
something painful.

81
00:04:13,877 --> 00:04:16,002
Or slow like
being dragged by a train.

82
00:04:16,002 --> 00:04:19,334
[violins playing]

83
00:04:19,334 --> 00:04:21,251
Oh, good,
they haven't started yet.

84
00:04:21,251 --> 00:04:24,543
All right, I'm gonna go try
to find Veronica. No, wait...

85
00:04:24,543 --> 00:04:27,960
V, V... Vancouver, Valedictor...
Valerie! Valerie.

86
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,960
All right, you go find a seat.
Mom, Dad, you take the bags up,

87
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,501
and I'll see you later.
All right?

88
00:04:33,501 --> 00:04:37,376
OK. I don't know why
you won't let a bellman
help you with those.

89
00:04:37,376 --> 00:04:40,626
No way. That's how
these places get you.

90
00:04:40,626 --> 00:04:42,960
What do I look like,
some kind of rube?

91
00:04:46,668 --> 00:04:48,960
Todd?

92
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:52,543
- Sam?
- Oh, no,
we were invited together.

93
00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:56,126
God, that's so sweet of you
to still come, but you know,
I brought Dena.

94
00:04:56,126 --> 00:04:59,209
And, oh,
this is so awkward... for you.

95
00:04:59,209 --> 00:05:02,835
I'm the photographer.
You got me this job.
What are you doing here?

96
00:05:02,835 --> 00:05:04,543
- Sam?
- Andrea!

97
00:05:04,543 --> 00:05:07,501
- What are you doing here?
- Why does everyone ask me that?

98
00:05:07,501 --> 00:05:10,501
I am obviously
in the wedding.

99
00:05:10,501 --> 00:05:13,543
I don't want to embarrass
myself. I need to find the
bride.

100
00:05:13,543 --> 00:05:15,168
Valerie. [yelps]

101
00:05:16,334 --> 00:05:18,626
[Valerie] Get that bitch
out of here.

102
00:05:19,835 --> 00:05:21,084
I found her.

103
00:05:27,918 --> 00:05:31,585
Disinvited?
But she likes me.

104
00:05:31,585 --> 00:05:34,293
How could she disinvite somebody
she likes so much?

105
00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:38,293
Oh, I don't know.
It might be because
you started a wedding pool

106
00:05:38,293 --> 00:05:40,293
on how long
the marriage would last.

107
00:05:40,293 --> 00:05:42,585
Well,
that's not very likable.

108
00:05:42,585 --> 00:05:44,626
Ordinarily,
I'd find it hilarious.

109
00:05:44,626 --> 00:05:49,209
But I'd spent way too much time
getting in with Valerie to take
your side.

110
00:05:49,209 --> 00:05:51,334
- What do you mean?
- She's a friend of yours.

111
00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:55,209
I finally got you to introduce
me. Her family's loaded.

112
00:05:55,209 --> 00:05:58,418
They have a yacht. I want
friends that have a yacht.

113
00:05:58,418 --> 00:06:02,418
The fact that I was not
disinvited when you were
is a very positive sign.

114
00:06:02,418 --> 00:06:06,543
In fact, you know I probably
shouldn't even be seen
with you right now.

115
00:06:06,543 --> 00:06:08,251
OK, sorry, doll.

116
00:06:10,002 --> 00:06:12,209
[priest speaking]

117
00:06:15,168 --> 00:06:16,293
It's over.

118
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,209
What?

119
00:06:35,585 --> 00:06:37,460
Is the wedding over already?

120
00:06:37,460 --> 00:06:39,960
We just ordered up
an artisanal cheese plate.

121
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,501
No, we need to get our bags
because we are leaving.

122
00:06:42,501 --> 00:06:46,002
- You mean quitting.
- I'm not staying
where I'm not wanted.

123
00:06:46,002 --> 00:06:48,376
Well, it's not that hard.
You get used to it.

124
00:06:48,376 --> 00:06:50,251
[phone ringing]

125
00:06:50,251 --> 00:06:52,668
- Hello?
- [Howard] Guess where
I'm calling from?

126
00:06:52,668 --> 00:06:54,877
- The bathroom.
- The bathroom.

127
00:06:54,877 --> 00:06:59,877
Oh, it's like the Palace
of Versailles in there.
Heated floors.

128
00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:02,418
- We have to have heated floors.
- We'll see.

129
00:07:02,418 --> 00:07:05,501
Why don't you stay, enjoy
the room. We'll get a cab home.

130
00:07:05,501 --> 00:07:07,918
Are you leaving?
What did you do this time?

131
00:07:07,918 --> 00:07:11,960
Why is it that you immediately
assume that I've done something
wrong?

132
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,710
I mean,
I did do something wrong.

133
00:07:14,710 --> 00:07:17,793
But it was the old me.
And now the new me has to leave.

134
00:07:17,793 --> 00:07:19,501
Oh, honey,

135
00:07:19,501 --> 00:07:23,251
I wish I could just put my arms
around you and make this whole
thing go away.

136
00:07:23,251 --> 00:07:26,251
But it might be easier
if you assumed a new identity.

137
00:07:26,251 --> 00:07:29,460
Yeah, get yourself a wig.
Not a cheap one. Can you do
any accents?

138
00:07:29,460 --> 00:07:31,501
What about
the name "Rose LaFleur?"

139
00:07:31,501 --> 00:07:34,877
OK, stop it!
She's not going anywhere.

140
00:07:34,877 --> 00:07:38,543
What are you gonna do?
Run away every time
you meet somebody you hurt?

141
00:07:38,543 --> 00:07:43,668
Spend five minutes with Valerie,
and she'll see you're not the
old you.

142
00:07:43,668 --> 00:07:46,293
- Because I'm not, huh?
- No, you're not.

143
00:07:46,293 --> 00:07:49,002
No. I'm not her. [grunts]

144
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:52,168
Thank you, Dena. You know,
I'm going to go down there

145
00:07:52,168 --> 00:07:55,251
and make Valerie understand
that and make her forgive me

146
00:07:55,251 --> 00:07:58,376
and then you and I are
going to rock this wedding

147
00:07:58,376 --> 00:08:01,002
- and we are going to bring it.
- Bring it.

148
00:08:01,002 --> 00:08:03,543
- And we are going to rip it!
- We're going to rip it!

149
00:08:03,543 --> 00:08:07,251
And we're going to sock it...
That's all I got.

150
00:08:07,251 --> 00:08:08,626
That's all she's got.

151
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,251
Sex?

152
00:08:11,251 --> 00:08:14,418
Well, we got to hurry.
The cheese is coming.

153
00:08:14,418 --> 00:08:17,418
- [indistinct chattering]
- [camera clicking]

154
00:08:24,293 --> 00:08:27,209
- Is this a bad time?
- What are you still doing here?

155
00:08:27,209 --> 00:08:29,251
Just wait, wait. OK?

156
00:08:29,251 --> 00:08:31,710
I am so sorry
about that wedding pool,

157
00:08:31,710 --> 00:08:35,251
but you see I don't know
why I did it because...

158
00:08:35,251 --> 00:08:38,585
- ...I have amnesia.
- Are you kidding me?

159
00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:41,626
You used that four years ago
when you crashed my Maserati.

160
00:08:41,626 --> 00:08:43,376
- Amnesia?
- Yeah.

161
00:08:44,376 --> 00:08:47,168
- And you believed that?
- Security!

162
00:08:47,168 --> 00:08:50,251
- No, please. Just wait.
- Hey, it's OK.
I got it. Come on.

163
00:08:50,251 --> 00:08:52,793
God.

164
00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:55,251
- What are you doing?
- I am trying to apologize.

165
00:08:55,251 --> 00:08:57,585
- That's what I'm doing.
- What's your angle?

166
00:08:57,585 --> 00:09:00,251
My angle?
Oh, I don't know,

167
00:09:00,251 --> 00:09:03,626
I just want to stay for dinner
because the salmon looks so
tasty.

168
00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:07,293
Because I've changed,
that's why. And I feel bad
about what I did.

169
00:09:07,293 --> 00:09:11,251
Bad? Like remorse?
Like normal people bad?

170
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:14,209
Yes, Todd,
like normal people bad.

171
00:09:14,209 --> 00:09:18,460
I'm not giving up until she sees
how thoughtful and considerate
I can be.

172
00:09:27,084 --> 00:09:29,002
- Daddy!
- Wait, wait.

173
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:32,251
It is possible she is sorry.
You know how relentless she is,

174
00:09:32,251 --> 00:09:36,293
so if you don't want her at your
honeymoon, just hear her out.

175
00:09:37,918 --> 00:09:39,918
One minute. Go.

176
00:09:39,918 --> 00:09:42,168
OK, thank you. Listen...

177
00:09:42,168 --> 00:09:46,043
So are you buying this
new-and-improved Sam?
You think she's changed?

178
00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:48,793
- Yes, I do.
- That would be nice.

179
00:09:53,209 --> 00:09:56,752
Remember that mean clerk
at the hospital gift shop?

180
00:09:56,752 --> 00:09:58,626
What was her deal?

181
00:10:00,043 --> 00:10:02,126
And you are.
You're very loving.

182
00:10:02,126 --> 00:10:05,168
- What's she doing?
- [both] Apologizing.

183
00:10:05,168 --> 00:10:08,251
- What's her angle?
- [both] No angle.

184
00:10:08,251 --> 00:10:12,918
Apologizing. Crafty.
Just when you think
she's gonna zig, she zags.

185
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,251
That's nice.

186
00:10:24,251 --> 00:10:27,209
Sam, I want you back
in my wedding party.

187
00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:28,293
- You do?
- I do.

188
00:10:28,293 --> 00:10:30,960
- And you must sit at my table.
- I must?

189
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:34,209
Oh, come on, girls, we have
to fix our makeup for pictures.

190
00:10:34,209 --> 00:10:35,251
Yeah.

191
00:10:37,293 --> 00:10:41,543
See? What'd I say?
I told you not to quit.

192
00:10:41,543 --> 00:10:44,752
- We're at table seven.
- I'm gonna sit
at Valerie's table.

193
00:10:44,752 --> 00:10:46,793
So I'll just catch up
with you later, OK?

194
00:10:50,251 --> 00:10:52,251
Yay...

195
00:10:54,251 --> 00:10:57,251
So all I hear is, "Snake!"

196
00:10:57,251 --> 00:10:59,585
And I come out
of my tent to see Sam,

197
00:10:59,585 --> 00:11:03,251
halfway up the trail already,
not a stitch of clothes on.

198
00:11:03,251 --> 00:11:04,918
Never looked back.

199
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,293
I didn't have trouble
getting a ride home.

200
00:11:11,877 --> 00:11:14,752
Snake!

201
00:11:14,752 --> 00:11:18,293
- I'm funny.
Did you know I was funny?
- Yes!

202
00:11:18,293 --> 00:11:22,376
God, if we were on a yacht right
now I'd fall overboard from
laughing.

203
00:11:34,168 --> 00:11:37,126
Chew this time.
I'm not gonna save you twice.

204
00:11:37,126 --> 00:11:38,334
[grunts]

205
00:11:38,334 --> 00:11:41,460
I went through all that
bridesmaids crap so one time

206
00:11:41,460 --> 00:11:43,793
I wouldn't have to sit
at the losers' table.

207
00:11:43,793 --> 00:11:46,918
- Then that one has
to show up again.
- Yeah, that one.

208
00:11:46,918 --> 00:11:48,376
I can wait, though.

209
00:11:48,376 --> 00:11:52,501
It's happened before,
and she always lets me back
in eventually.

210
00:11:52,501 --> 00:11:54,293
How do you know
the bride?

211
00:11:54,293 --> 00:11:55,585
She's my sister.

212
00:12:17,251 --> 00:12:20,585
Hi. I was just hoping
I already sent them something.

213
00:12:20,585 --> 00:12:22,251
You want to dance?

214
00:12:22,251 --> 00:12:24,002
I don't know.
What's your angle?

215
00:12:24,002 --> 00:12:27,918
[♪ Ella Fitzgerald: How Long
Has This Been Going On]

216
00:12:27,918 --> 00:12:29,376
Come on.

217
00:12:30,293 --> 00:12:31,668
[snoring]

218
00:12:34,043 --> 00:12:37,209
Among other things, I seem
to have forgotten how to dance.

219
00:12:37,209 --> 00:12:39,668
No, you're a quick study.
Follow me.

220
00:12:39,668 --> 00:12:41,126
Oh.

221
00:12:42,668 --> 00:12:45,918
Hey, I'm funny.
Did you know I was funny?

222
00:12:45,918 --> 00:12:48,835
Yes. Yes,
and like all great comics,

223
00:12:48,835 --> 00:12:52,168
there's a dark evil clown
lurking behind the laughter.

224
00:12:57,251 --> 00:12:58,835
What?

225
00:12:58,835 --> 00:13:02,710
Nothing. I just kind
of like this new you.

226
00:13:02,710 --> 00:13:05,918
It's sort of the best
of old you without...

227
00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:08,710
The lying, cheating,
selfish, high-maintenance...

228
00:13:08,710 --> 00:13:10,585
Sam. Shh...

229
00:13:10,585 --> 00:13:13,418
- But pretty.
- [chuckles]

230
00:13:15,501 --> 00:13:17,543
Well, you better
be careful because

231
00:13:17,543 --> 00:13:20,209
you might just
fall for me all over again.

232
00:13:24,251 --> 00:13:26,043
Come on, time for toasts.

233
00:13:26,043 --> 00:13:28,251
Let the help get back
to work.

234
00:13:32,293 --> 00:13:35,251
- Wait, where's Valerie?
- She's outside or something.

235
00:13:35,251 --> 00:13:37,293
That hot groomsman
went to find her.

236
00:13:43,126 --> 00:13:46,960
To the single girl,
a vanishing breed.

237
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,334
Another one bites the dust.

238
00:13:49,334 --> 00:13:51,334
[all cheer]

239
00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:57,877
Oh, my God, it's Paul.

240
00:13:57,877 --> 00:14:00,043
Oh, look at you.

241
00:14:00,043 --> 00:14:03,084
Paul makes you all tingly,
doesn't he?

242
00:14:03,084 --> 00:14:06,293
- He's Trey's friend.
- That's not an answer.

243
00:14:06,293 --> 00:14:09,501
- I'm getting married.
- So it's your last chance.

244
00:14:09,501 --> 00:14:11,585
Not necessarily.

245
00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:14,251
You guys are so bad.

246
00:14:14,251 --> 00:14:16,626
Well, it's only bad
if you get caught.

247
00:14:17,835 --> 00:14:20,251
- You'll never tell?
- Tell?

248
00:14:20,251 --> 00:14:22,710
Honey, I'm probably
not even going to remember.

249
00:14:25,710 --> 00:14:28,877
Did Valerie do something with
him at the bachelorette party?

250
00:14:28,877 --> 00:14:32,043
No. Gross.
They went back to her place.

251
00:14:43,293 --> 00:14:45,793
I saw you two dancing.

252
00:14:45,793 --> 00:14:48,752
Doesn't she seem
like a totally different person?

253
00:14:48,752 --> 00:14:50,626
I was just thinking
the same thing.

254
00:14:50,626 --> 00:14:53,043
Yeah, well, she's not.

255
00:14:53,043 --> 00:14:56,168
- What are you talking about?
- Old Sam's still right there,

256
00:14:56,168 --> 00:15:00,585
ready to dump you if, you know,
something better comes along.

257
00:15:00,585 --> 00:15:05,251
Ready to ditch you again
for the cool kids.

258
00:15:05,251 --> 00:15:08,918
She did that?
Man, she's good.

259
00:15:08,918 --> 00:15:11,126
Well, I can't believe
I got sucked in.

260
00:15:11,126 --> 00:15:12,626
I got sucked in.

261
00:15:12,626 --> 00:15:16,251
But you, yeah, you should not.
You're a good guy.

262
00:15:16,251 --> 00:15:18,501
And decent...

263
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:22,126
...extremely attractive.

264
00:15:22,126 --> 00:15:24,376
You know, interesting...

265
00:15:25,501 --> 00:15:27,626
[glasses clattering]

266
00:15:34,835 --> 00:15:36,543
Good evening.

267
00:15:36,543 --> 00:15:38,793
[glass tinkling]

268
00:15:41,084 --> 00:15:43,793
Anyway,
when I first met this guy,

269
00:15:43,793 --> 00:15:46,084
he was thin and fit,

270
00:15:46,084 --> 00:15:47,877
with rock-hard abs.

271
00:15:47,877 --> 00:15:50,251
Now the only thing
that's thin is his hair,

272
00:15:50,251 --> 00:15:53,460
and the only thing
that's hard is his liver.

273
00:15:53,460 --> 00:15:55,334
He's all yours, Val.

274
00:15:55,334 --> 00:15:57,668
Yey!

275
00:15:57,668 --> 00:16:00,752
Now I want Sam
to toast us. Sam?

276
00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:04,543
- What? No.
- Yes. No, you have to.
It's my wedding.

277
00:16:04,543 --> 00:16:07,960
Sam is so funny, you guys!
Listen to her toast, everybody.

278
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,251
Go ahead, Sam.

279
00:16:09,251 --> 00:16:12,251
[indistinct murmuring]

280
00:16:15,251 --> 00:16:17,626
Um... [clears throat]

281
00:16:18,752 --> 00:16:21,084
OK. Marriage.

282
00:16:22,626 --> 00:16:24,251
What is marriage?

283
00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:27,002
- [woman] That's not funny!
- Shut up, Jeanine!

284
00:16:27,002 --> 00:16:30,251
Well, let's just
break it down.

285
00:16:30,251 --> 00:16:31,418
Right?

286
00:16:31,418 --> 00:16:35,126
"Mar" from the Latin,
meaning "sea."

287
00:16:36,293 --> 00:16:39,543
And "iage,"

288
00:16:39,543 --> 00:16:41,293
it's the edge of the sea.

289
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:44,501
It's like sailing.

290
00:16:44,501 --> 00:16:47,251
It's like sailing
over the edge of the sea.

291
00:16:47,251 --> 00:16:51,251
Into uncharted waters,
right?

292
00:16:51,251 --> 00:16:54,293
And you're
all sailing folk.

293
00:16:56,334 --> 00:16:59,043
It's a new beginning.

294
00:16:59,043 --> 00:17:04,126
And you know what? Who among us
doesn't need a new beginning?

295
00:17:04,126 --> 00:17:10,043
Or forgiveness. And if I'm
getting it, shouldn't everybody
else? Right?

296
00:17:10,043 --> 00:17:14,251
No matter what they've done?
Whatever mistakes or
indiscretions.

297
00:17:14,251 --> 00:17:18,126
Or acts of just
downright betrayal.

298
00:17:18,126 --> 00:17:22,251
As long as they just promise
to never do it again.

299
00:17:22,251 --> 00:17:25,043
Bitch! I knew you would
pull something like this!

300
00:17:25,043 --> 00:17:27,668
- It was Valerie's idea!
- She made me do it!

301
00:17:27,668 --> 00:17:29,334
- Val?
- Paul?

302
00:17:29,334 --> 00:17:31,168
- Daddy!
- I slept with Trey!

303
00:17:31,168 --> 00:17:33,126
- [Valerie] What?
- [Trey] We were drunk!

304
00:17:33,126 --> 00:17:35,251
[Valerie]
You're always drunk!

305
00:17:35,251 --> 00:17:37,835
On the plus side,
at least I won the pool.

306
00:17:42,334 --> 00:17:45,918
Hey. All right, first of all,
hide that knife.

307
00:17:45,918 --> 00:17:49,251
I'm gonna go find Dena and go
home. Those people are horrible.

308
00:17:49,251 --> 00:17:51,668
Well, maybe you should stay.
You fit right in.

309
00:17:51,668 --> 00:17:55,209
- What do you mean?
- Ask your friend, Dena.

310
00:17:55,209 --> 00:17:57,835
Oh, right.
She already left.

311
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,918
- Mom?
- [Regina] I'm in here, hon.

312
00:18:11,918 --> 00:18:14,460
Mom, where's Dena?

313
00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:16,877
Please tell me she's
taking a shower with you.

314
00:18:16,877 --> 00:18:19,960
[Regina] No, she got her things.
She said she was taking a cab
home.

315
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:23,585
But I brought her some cake
with little adulterers on it.

316
00:18:23,585 --> 00:18:27,084
Oh, God,
I ditched her all day.

317
00:18:27,084 --> 00:18:31,251
I was so obsessed with making
someone who doesn't like me
like me

318
00:18:31,251 --> 00:18:33,626
that I hurt
the one person who does.

319
00:18:33,626 --> 00:18:36,960
What is this little potty
that I'm sitting on?

320
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:40,918
Oh, that's a bidet. Isn't it
cute? I'm going to get one for
our new bathroom.

321
00:18:40,918 --> 00:18:44,084
All right, well, I have to find
her, so can we just leave?

322
00:18:44,084 --> 00:18:48,209
[Howard] No. Checkout isn't
until 12. Not giving them one
second back.

323
00:18:48,209 --> 00:18:49,752
That's weird.

324
00:18:49,752 --> 00:18:52,918
[up-tempo music plays]

325
00:18:54,668 --> 00:18:57,626
- [leaves rustling]
- [grunting]

326
00:19:00,002 --> 00:19:02,626
Psst! Psst!

327
00:19:02,626 --> 00:19:04,168
[groans]

328
00:19:05,793 --> 00:19:08,209
- Sam?
- Dena, can I come in?

329
00:19:08,209 --> 00:19:10,877
No. Mr. Cellophane, kill.

330
00:19:10,877 --> 00:19:13,251
- [grunting]
- Please, just open up.

331
00:19:13,251 --> 00:19:16,877
- Can't. The windowsill's
painted shut.
- Oh, now that's just bull...

332
00:19:16,877 --> 00:19:18,877
[grunting] Whoa!

333
00:19:22,334 --> 00:19:24,501
- Are you OK?
- Uh-huh.

334
00:19:27,043 --> 00:19:29,918
I'm assuming this was a lot
easier when I was 12, huh?

335
00:19:31,376 --> 00:19:36,043
Look, Dena, I am so sorry
about tonight.

336
00:19:36,043 --> 00:19:40,626
I mean it. Look, there is nobody
who is sorrier than I am.

337
00:19:40,626 --> 00:19:43,585
Well, of course not. You've
had so much more practice.

338
00:19:43,585 --> 00:19:47,501
Look, I realize that
knowing me is risky.

339
00:19:47,501 --> 00:19:51,960
You never know when Old Sam's
gonna come out and do really
horrible things.

340
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:55,501
You know, it's like I'm like
a werewolf. You know?

341
00:19:55,501 --> 00:19:59,126
All of a sudden a full moon
comes out from behind the
clouds,

342
00:19:59,126 --> 00:20:02,668
and next thing you know,
I'm all hairy and I'm biting
out your neck.

343
00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:04,877
OK, you're kind
of creeping me out.

344
00:20:04,877 --> 00:20:08,585
Look, I'm just trying to say
that, if you ever see the Old
Sam come out,

345
00:20:08,585 --> 00:20:10,918
just tell me.

346
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:14,002
Or shoot me with a silver
bullet. It's your call.

347
00:20:14,918 --> 00:20:17,710
I'll put a cap in your ass.

348
00:20:17,710 --> 00:20:19,877
[laughs] Bang, bang.

349
00:20:21,168 --> 00:20:23,334
- Want some cocoa?
- Yes.

350
00:20:24,877 --> 00:20:26,334
[grunting, gasping]

351
00:20:26,334 --> 00:20:30,626
You know what? It's actually
kind of fun coming in this way.

352
00:20:30,626 --> 00:20:32,835
Not that fun since
the tree rats moved in.

353
00:20:33,877 --> 00:20:35,752
[moaning]

354
00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:46,877
[Dena] Did Todd say anything
about anything tonight?

355
00:20:46,877 --> 00:20:49,126
Just that I'm a big old
disappointment.

356
00:20:49,126 --> 00:20:51,168
Mmm.

357
00:20:51,168 --> 00:20:53,543
So was he a good kisser?

358
00:20:54,585 --> 00:20:57,793
I don't know. Why?

359
00:20:57,793 --> 00:20:59,293
Oh, I don't know.

360
00:21:00,918 --> 00:21:02,168
[Samantha chuckles]