1 00:00:01,626 --> 00:00:03,418 [♪ Romeo Void: Never Say Never] 2 00:00:03,418 --> 00:00:07,043 ♪ I might like you better if we slept together ♪ 3 00:00:07,043 --> 00:00:09,168 [Samantha] You know how when a waiter tells you 4 00:00:09,168 --> 00:00:12,752 not to touch your plate because it's hot you have to touch it? 5 00:00:12,752 --> 00:00:14,043 I guess there's a part of you 6 00:00:14,043 --> 00:00:16,334 that wants to see how hot the plate really is. 7 00:00:16,334 --> 00:00:17,918 But maybe you touch it because, 8 00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:20,793 inside, you just want to do something wrong. 9 00:00:20,793 --> 00:00:23,501 - [cracking sound] - Did you hear that? 10 00:00:23,501 --> 00:00:26,460 - What was it? The door? - No, my back cracked. 11 00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,918 Oh, God, I love that. 12 00:00:28,918 --> 00:00:31,043 Don't do that to me. If Chloe catches us... 13 00:00:31,043 --> 00:00:32,543 Oh, she's not gonna catch us. 14 00:00:32,543 --> 00:00:34,543 I saw her get into a cab five minutes ago. 15 00:00:34,543 --> 00:00:37,334 - She didn't see you? - I was hiding behind a newspaper, 16 00:00:37,334 --> 00:00:39,002 which was very informative. 17 00:00:39,002 --> 00:00:42,084 You know that we have never had a black president? Or a woman? 18 00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:43,626 This country's weird. 19 00:00:43,626 --> 00:00:46,460 - [keys jangling] - [door handle rattling] 20 00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:48,084 - Your back? - Not my back! 21 00:00:52,043 --> 00:00:55,251 [panting] Oh, Frank, it's you. 22 00:00:55,251 --> 00:00:58,793 Pardon me. I thought you said you weren't going to be home 23 00:00:58,793 --> 00:01:02,251 and that I should leave your "As Seen On TV" package inside. 24 00:01:02,251 --> 00:01:06,043 Changed my mind. A lot of work. All the photography, you know? 25 00:01:06,043 --> 00:01:08,334 I mean, enough with the weddings already. 26 00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:10,418 Take the money and buy a house, people! 27 00:01:16,585 --> 00:01:18,793 Where shall I put the package? 28 00:01:18,793 --> 00:01:20,043 OK, look, Frank. 29 00:01:20,043 --> 00:01:22,543 Lately things haven't been great with Chloe and me. 30 00:01:22,543 --> 00:01:24,084 Maybe she moved in too soon. 31 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,084 Maybe we're just different people. 32 00:01:26,084 --> 00:01:28,501 Relationships. Am I right? 33 00:01:28,501 --> 00:01:30,418 - By the table? - Perfect. 34 00:01:36,043 --> 00:01:37,918 Don't judge me, Frank. 35 00:01:37,918 --> 00:01:41,043 Oh, that ship sailed a long time ago. 36 00:01:42,501 --> 00:01:45,543 You ever thought about running for president? 37 00:01:47,418 --> 00:01:51,043 In the couch? What were you hiding as, spare change? 38 00:01:51,043 --> 00:01:54,585 Ha, ha. I panicked, all right? Have you ever seen Todd's back? 39 00:01:54,585 --> 00:01:55,835 That chick has nails. 40 00:01:55,835 --> 00:01:58,501 My heart is still beating like crazy. Feel this. 41 00:01:58,501 --> 00:01:59,793 I'm kind of creeped out 42 00:01:59,793 --> 00:02:02,668 that there's something in our chests pumping blood. 43 00:02:02,668 --> 00:02:05,043 - I do not like that. - I've never been so scared. 44 00:02:05,043 --> 00:02:07,251 And you love every second of it. 45 00:02:07,251 --> 00:02:10,168 - Where is everyone today? - What do I love? 46 00:02:10,168 --> 00:02:12,960 Sneaking around. Cheating on boyfriends, 47 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,084 being the other woman. You get off on it. 48 00:02:15,084 --> 00:02:18,126 I bet if I bought this place I could double the business. 49 00:02:18,126 --> 00:02:21,168 I've always wanted to own my own coffee shop. We could be partners. 50 00:02:21,168 --> 00:02:23,168 We could live above the store 51 00:02:23,168 --> 00:02:25,251 and have great adventures together. 52 00:02:25,251 --> 00:02:28,084 You know, just because I used to like to sneak around 53 00:02:28,084 --> 00:02:30,002 does not mean I still do. 54 00:02:30,002 --> 00:02:32,877 Just because if I liked chocolate before the accident 55 00:02:32,877 --> 00:02:34,251 doesn't mean I still do. 56 00:02:34,251 --> 00:02:37,460 - You're eating a chocolate croissant. - I don't like sneaking! 57 00:02:37,460 --> 00:02:40,043 First thing, I'd fire everyone. That would be fun. 58 00:02:40,043 --> 00:02:42,543 Ooh! We could call it "Andena." 59 00:02:42,543 --> 00:02:44,835 That's a combination of both of our names. 60 00:02:44,835 --> 00:02:46,293 I just thought of that. 61 00:02:46,293 --> 00:02:49,585 I don't need some kind of buzz, just to be excited about Todd. 62 00:02:49,585 --> 00:02:53,084 That's why you only started liking him after he started dating Chloe. 63 00:02:53,084 --> 00:02:55,293 That is so not tru... 64 00:02:56,084 --> 00:02:57,501 [softly] Yeah. 65 00:02:57,501 --> 00:03:00,793 Oh, my God, it is. I do like the buzz. 66 00:03:01,835 --> 00:03:05,043 I love the buzz. I get off on the buzz. 67 00:03:05,043 --> 00:03:07,376 - OK. - Wait, do I hate that about me? 68 00:03:08,752 --> 00:03:10,251 No, I do not. 69 00:03:10,251 --> 00:03:13,043 You know what they say about the forbidden fruit. 70 00:03:13,043 --> 00:03:15,251 No, I do not. 71 00:03:15,251 --> 00:03:18,835 Hey, Todd, I got your message. And 12:00 is good, 72 00:03:18,835 --> 00:03:22,251 so I will meet you on the bridge by the park. 73 00:03:22,251 --> 00:03:25,126 Wait, no one checks these messages but you, right? 74 00:03:25,877 --> 00:03:27,835 Uh, yeah, so, OK, so, yeah, 75 00:03:27,835 --> 00:03:30,460 I'll see you on the thing by the thing. 76 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,209 This is your dry cleaner. 77 00:03:33,668 --> 00:03:35,877 - Sam? - Hey. 78 00:03:35,877 --> 00:03:38,002 Where are you going dressed all snazzy? 79 00:03:38,002 --> 00:03:39,334 - Me? - Uh-huh. 80 00:03:40,835 --> 00:03:42,084 Nowhere. 81 00:03:43,251 --> 00:03:45,626 Just off to play some bridge with the ladies. 82 00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:48,835 Like that? With the boobs and everything? 83 00:03:48,835 --> 00:03:52,334 [scoffs] These? Well, the gals are always showing off theirs, 84 00:03:52,334 --> 00:03:55,168 so I'm like, "Why not rub mine in their faces?" 85 00:03:56,835 --> 00:04:01,543 [sputters] Um, I'll tell all the gals you said hi. 86 00:04:01,543 --> 00:04:04,376 Yeah, well, I don't even know who the gals are. 87 00:04:05,168 --> 00:04:07,293 The gals. I can't name them. 88 00:04:07,293 --> 00:04:09,460 Do you know all your friends' names? 89 00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:12,877 I got to go. We tee off in 20 minutes. 90 00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:16,877 Wait, I thought you said you were playing bridge. 91 00:04:16,877 --> 00:04:19,835 We are. Between holes. 92 00:04:19,835 --> 00:04:23,002 The course plays very slow. A lot of old people. 93 00:04:23,002 --> 00:04:25,126 If I ever get like that, pull the plug. 94 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:32,002 [indistinct chattering] 95 00:04:34,835 --> 00:04:36,460 Where have you been? 96 00:04:36,460 --> 00:04:39,710 [panting] Sorry, I told Chloe I was going to play basketball. 97 00:04:39,710 --> 00:04:42,835 And I wanted it to look real, so I jumped into a pickup game. 98 00:04:42,835 --> 00:04:44,334 Then it went into overtime, 99 00:04:44,334 --> 00:04:46,002 and you had to win by two points. 100 00:04:46,002 --> 00:04:49,293 Oh, yeah. I could have helped you get sweaty, but, yeah. 101 00:04:49,293 --> 00:04:51,043 Look, I'm sorry, I'm bad at this. 102 00:04:51,043 --> 00:04:53,877 When she asked me who I was going out with, I blanked. 103 00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:56,501 I couldn't even think of my own friends' names. 104 00:04:56,501 --> 00:04:59,084 I said "Lancelot." It was a disaster. 105 00:04:59,084 --> 00:05:01,501 Anyway, I'm here now, so... 106 00:05:02,835 --> 00:05:06,501 Oh, my God. My mother wasn't going to play golf. 107 00:05:06,501 --> 00:05:09,501 That may be the unsexiest line I've ever heard. 108 00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:11,918 My mother's having an affair. 109 00:05:11,918 --> 00:05:14,043 And we have a new winner. 110 00:05:24,251 --> 00:05:26,376 Your mother's not having an affair. 111 00:05:26,376 --> 00:05:28,002 You didn't see her, all right? 112 00:05:28,002 --> 00:05:31,418 She was sneaking off somewhere to get some strange. 113 00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:32,668 Sam, you're projecting. 114 00:05:32,668 --> 00:05:35,251 You think she's having an affair because you are. 115 00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:37,084 - You think? - Come on. 116 00:05:37,084 --> 00:05:40,043 She's not the kind of woman who has an affair, is she? 117 00:05:40,043 --> 00:05:42,334 No, no, she's the kind who collects roosters. 118 00:05:42,334 --> 00:05:45,334 - What's the matter with me? - You know what? Nothing. 119 00:05:45,334 --> 00:05:48,251 You feel guilty. And you know what? So do I. 120 00:05:48,251 --> 00:05:50,501 That's why I've got to put an end to this. 121 00:05:50,501 --> 00:05:52,293 You want to stop seeing me? 122 00:05:52,293 --> 00:05:54,585 No. I'm breaking up with Chloe. 123 00:05:54,585 --> 00:05:59,043 Oh! Oh, good. Wait! No. Don't. 124 00:05:59,043 --> 00:06:00,835 Thought you wanted to be together. 125 00:06:00,835 --> 00:06:03,877 Of course I do. I'm just kind of worried. 126 00:06:03,877 --> 00:06:07,043 - About what? - About you. 127 00:06:07,043 --> 00:06:10,043 Because, you know, I'm just feeling like maybe 128 00:06:10,043 --> 00:06:12,293 you're with me because you kind of get off 129 00:06:12,293 --> 00:06:14,043 on all this sneaking around. 130 00:06:14,043 --> 00:06:16,752 - I really don't think... - Shh! We're out of time. 131 00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:19,460 - We should talk about this. - Tomorrow we will talk 132 00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:22,084 about you getting off on all the sneaking. 133 00:06:22,084 --> 00:06:25,043 - So where do you want to meet? - At a hotel. Check in as Monty. 134 00:06:25,043 --> 00:06:27,043 Monty, yeah. What? 135 00:06:29,043 --> 00:06:32,168 I don't know why everyone thinks sneaking around is so bad. 136 00:06:32,168 --> 00:06:35,043 Spies do it. And they're defending the country. 137 00:06:35,043 --> 00:06:37,168 So I'm like a patriot. 138 00:06:37,168 --> 00:06:39,084 Thanks, Sam. 139 00:06:39,084 --> 00:06:42,043 I started to feel so bad about what I was doing, 140 00:06:42,043 --> 00:06:46,043 that I thought my mother was screwing around. [laughing] 141 00:06:46,043 --> 00:06:48,251 How stupid is that? 142 00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:52,043 You know what? I think I'm going to go see 143 00:06:52,043 --> 00:06:54,043 how much they want for this place. 144 00:06:54,043 --> 00:06:58,084 - I'm going to go with her. - Hey. Hey, hey, hey. 145 00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,084 - What's going on? - Nothing. 146 00:07:00,084 --> 00:07:03,293 I wanted to watch her negotiate. Why, is something going on? 147 00:07:03,293 --> 00:07:06,043 Andrea, you know something, and I want to hear it. 148 00:07:06,043 --> 00:07:09,084 There was an incident, a few years ago. 149 00:07:09,084 --> 00:07:11,460 You and I were coming out of a club. 150 00:07:13,668 --> 00:07:16,043 - And? - Usually you're like, 151 00:07:16,043 --> 00:07:18,126 "Oh, my God," and you remember everything. 152 00:07:18,126 --> 00:07:20,585 Just tell me the story. Please. 153 00:07:20,585 --> 00:07:23,209 - [dance music playing] - [both laughing] 154 00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:26,251 - Is that your mom over there? - No, that's your mom. 155 00:07:26,251 --> 00:07:29,002 - No, really. Is that your mom? - That's your mom. 156 00:07:29,002 --> 00:07:31,334 - No! - Oh, that's my mom. 157 00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:34,209 Regina Newly! 158 00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:40,002 Sam! Andrea. 159 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:46,084 - What are you doing here? - Me? Nothing. 160 00:07:46,084 --> 00:07:48,543 Just cheese. Tasting it. 161 00:07:48,543 --> 00:07:52,585 Just tasting cheese with the gals. 162 00:07:52,585 --> 00:07:55,084 Someone's not wearing her wedding ring. 163 00:07:55,084 --> 00:07:57,043 Well, cheese makes me bloat. 164 00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:59,043 Especially Roquefort and some cheddars. 165 00:07:59,043 --> 00:08:00,626 And the occasional goat... 166 00:08:00,626 --> 00:08:02,585 Will you stop looking at my fingers? 167 00:08:04,334 --> 00:08:06,626 Excuse me! Thank you! 168 00:08:06,626 --> 00:08:09,376 Oh, sweetie, I hate to be the one to tell you this, 169 00:08:09,376 --> 00:08:11,877 but I think your mother's having an affair. 170 00:08:11,877 --> 00:08:13,043 Yeah. 171 00:08:14,043 --> 00:08:16,043 How cool is that? [laughing] 172 00:08:18,209 --> 00:08:21,835 Oh, my God. My mother's been having an affair for years? 173 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,585 Maybe not. I mean, maybe it's something else. 174 00:08:24,585 --> 00:08:26,084 Yeah. You're right. 175 00:08:26,084 --> 00:08:29,084 Maybe she's turning tricks to pay for her community college. 176 00:08:29,084 --> 00:08:32,543 Guys! This is going to kill my father! 177 00:08:32,543 --> 00:08:35,376 My aunt found out that my uncle was having an affair. 178 00:08:35,376 --> 00:08:38,752 And two weeks later, they found her dead from a broken heart. 179 00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,626 And a boating accident. 180 00:08:40,626 --> 00:08:43,960 You know, maybe she is telling the truth, though. 181 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:48,209 Maybe cheese does make her bloat. I need to know for sure. 182 00:08:48,209 --> 00:08:51,793 - You could sprinkle cheese... - About the affair, honey! 183 00:08:51,793 --> 00:08:55,168 I was watching Oprah last week, and she was talking about ways 184 00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,043 to tell if someone's having an affair. 185 00:08:57,043 --> 00:08:58,668 Oh, my God, we both watch Oprah. 186 00:08:58,668 --> 00:09:01,877 Oh, my God, we're twins! The first sign is dieting. 187 00:09:01,877 --> 00:09:04,084 No, I mean, she eats whatever she wants. 188 00:09:04,084 --> 00:09:06,877 - Bitch. - She doing anything different in bed? 189 00:09:06,877 --> 00:09:09,585 Actually, yeah, she's been doing this new thing with her... 190 00:09:09,585 --> 00:09:10,877 I don't know! 191 00:09:10,877 --> 00:09:15,251 Underwear! Underwear! Is she buying sexy lingerie? 192 00:09:15,251 --> 00:09:16,877 Andrea, what do you think I do? 193 00:09:16,877 --> 00:09:19,043 Go rifling through her underwear drawer? 194 00:09:19,043 --> 00:09:20,626 [♪ Shemekia Copeland: Suspicion] 195 00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:22,376 ♪ Here comes suspicion ♪ 196 00:09:22,376 --> 00:09:24,043 New. 197 00:09:24,043 --> 00:09:26,918 New. New! New! New! 198 00:09:26,918 --> 00:09:28,418 - New! - Samantha? 199 00:09:28,418 --> 00:09:31,501 Hey, Dad. What up? 200 00:09:31,501 --> 00:09:33,084 What the hell is going on in here? 201 00:09:33,084 --> 00:09:35,043 Um... 202 00:09:35,043 --> 00:09:38,251 You know, if I told you, I don't think you'd be very happy. 203 00:09:38,251 --> 00:09:40,251 I don't expect things to make me happy. 204 00:09:40,251 --> 00:09:42,043 I'm from a different generation. 205 00:09:44,293 --> 00:09:46,126 - I needed money. - What for? 206 00:09:47,626 --> 00:09:50,126 A concert. Rock concert. 207 00:09:50,126 --> 00:09:54,543 Yeah, this great band. They're called... Lancelot. 208 00:09:54,543 --> 00:09:57,501 They dress up like knights and stuff. 209 00:09:58,877 --> 00:10:01,334 - You want to go? - No. 210 00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:06,960 Just clean up in here and come down to dinner. 211 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:10,043 Funny, the Lancelot, they have this song called Come to Dinner. 212 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:15,126 It's like: ♪ Come to dinner in the castle of our love ♪ 213 00:10:15,126 --> 00:10:16,334 Yuck! 214 00:10:16,334 --> 00:10:19,501 ♪ Here comes suspicion ♪♪ 215 00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:30,084 - More meatloaf, Regina? - No, just salad. 216 00:10:30,084 --> 00:10:33,084 Oh, really? You dieting, perhaps? 217 00:10:33,084 --> 00:10:35,918 - No, actually, I had a late lunch. - Really? 218 00:10:35,918 --> 00:10:38,334 - How was it? - Very tasty. I had orange roughy. 219 00:10:38,334 --> 00:10:41,251 - I bet you like it roughy. - What is the matter with you? 220 00:10:41,251 --> 00:10:44,043 OK, enough! There is something going on under this roof 221 00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:46,251 that's divided our family for a long time, 222 00:10:46,251 --> 00:10:48,460 and I am not going to stand for it anymore. 223 00:10:48,460 --> 00:10:50,960 Ha. That's right. You tell her, Pop! 224 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:54,918 Regina, our daughter is a junkie. 225 00:10:54,918 --> 00:10:57,501 What? No, I am not! 226 00:10:57,501 --> 00:10:59,043 The first response is denial. 227 00:10:59,043 --> 00:11:01,084 I caught her going through our drawers 228 00:11:01,084 --> 00:11:02,960 looking for money to get her fix. 229 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,043 That is so not true! 230 00:11:05,043 --> 00:11:07,418 Don't pretend you were going to see Lancelot, 231 00:11:07,418 --> 00:11:10,710 because according to the Internet the band does not exist. 232 00:11:10,710 --> 00:11:13,084 That's right. I used the Internet. 233 00:11:13,084 --> 00:11:17,209 I thought it might be drugs. That probably caused your memory problem. 234 00:11:17,209 --> 00:11:20,043 I was hit by a car! 235 00:11:20,043 --> 00:11:22,752 That's what happens when you don't pay your dealer. 236 00:11:22,752 --> 00:11:25,043 Oh, for heaven's sake. 237 00:11:26,209 --> 00:11:28,376 May I be excused? 238 00:11:29,752 --> 00:11:31,043 Thank you. 239 00:11:36,043 --> 00:11:40,043 It is not in my head, all right? I saw my mother's panties. 240 00:11:40,043 --> 00:11:42,960 I'm gonna put my shirt on. I'm starting to feel weird. 241 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:44,960 I cannot believe she is having an affair 242 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,960 with some man right here in this city. 243 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:49,793 I wonder if he's paying $300 for a hotel room, too. 244 00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:52,460 Huh? Oh, I know, I know. I'm sorry. 245 00:11:52,460 --> 00:11:55,460 We can just talk about this later. OK? 246 00:11:55,460 --> 00:11:56,877 All right. 247 00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:01,793 - I wonder what he looks like. - OK, then. 248 00:12:01,793 --> 00:12:04,002 I'm sure he's Latin and all swarthy. 249 00:12:04,002 --> 00:12:07,376 You know like, "Come on, Regina. Let me make sweet love to you." 250 00:12:07,376 --> 00:12:09,043 That's not Latin, that's French. 251 00:12:09,043 --> 00:12:11,043 I don't care. I'm not calling him Daddy! 252 00:12:13,668 --> 00:12:17,626 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Todd. I just can't do this right now. 253 00:12:17,626 --> 00:12:21,668 I need to find out who this guy is. All right? Rain check? 254 00:12:21,668 --> 00:12:23,334 - Yeah. - Ooh, chocolate. 255 00:12:24,168 --> 00:12:26,376 And there's another eight bucks. 256 00:12:33,084 --> 00:12:35,251 [Dena] I've never followed anyone before. 257 00:12:35,251 --> 00:12:38,126 Well, once, but he wanted me to. 258 00:12:38,126 --> 00:12:42,043 I mean, he told me not to. But he wanted me to. 259 00:12:43,835 --> 00:12:46,002 [Andrea] Ooh. Wow, he's cute. 260 00:12:46,002 --> 00:12:50,043 Ooh. Yeah, if he came into my coffee shop, I would hire him. 261 00:12:50,043 --> 00:12:52,835 Ooh, he could be our barista, play Spanish guitar. 262 00:12:52,835 --> 00:12:54,376 He could emcee on open-mike night. 263 00:12:54,376 --> 00:12:56,043 We're not having an open-mike night! 264 00:12:56,043 --> 00:13:00,334 - [gasps] You said "we!" - I can't take this anymore. 265 00:13:03,376 --> 00:13:06,043 Mother! 266 00:13:06,043 --> 00:13:07,585 - Be right there. - Sure. 267 00:13:09,043 --> 00:13:11,793 - Well, hello there, darling. - What are you doing? 268 00:13:11,793 --> 00:13:15,460 Don't tell me that you're tasting cheese or playing bridge-golf 269 00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:17,752 because I know you are cheating on Dad! 270 00:13:17,752 --> 00:13:19,043 - Cheating? - Mm-hmm. 271 00:13:19,043 --> 00:13:21,209 Come on, Mom. The makeup, 272 00:13:21,209 --> 00:13:25,043 the new lingerie, the boobs in the afternoon? 273 00:13:27,126 --> 00:13:29,752 I never could fool you, Samantha. You're a smart girl. 274 00:13:29,752 --> 00:13:31,168 That's my fault. 275 00:13:31,168 --> 00:13:33,710 I breast-fed you the first four weeks of your life. 276 00:13:33,710 --> 00:13:35,626 So who is he? What's his name? 277 00:13:38,043 --> 00:13:39,793 - Rory. - Rory? 278 00:13:40,585 --> 00:13:42,376 Rory? 279 00:13:42,376 --> 00:13:45,002 Kind of sounds like a dog throwing up. 280 00:13:45,002 --> 00:13:47,043 I realize you're good now, Samantha, 281 00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:49,084 and you're no longer subject to the temptations 282 00:13:49,084 --> 00:13:50,877 the rest of us feel. 283 00:13:50,877 --> 00:13:52,585 But don't you judge me for something 284 00:13:52,585 --> 00:13:54,209 you've done a thousand times. 285 00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,877 I'll see you at home for dinner. 286 00:13:57,752 --> 00:14:00,084 I made scalloped potatoes. 287 00:14:08,043 --> 00:14:09,460 Hi. 288 00:14:09,460 --> 00:14:12,084 Don't get all excited. It's not a marijuana plant. 289 00:14:13,585 --> 00:14:17,793 So, um... where's Mom? 290 00:14:18,501 --> 00:14:21,043 I don't know. Upstairs? 291 00:14:21,043 --> 00:14:22,209 She's not upstairs, Dad. 292 00:14:22,209 --> 00:14:25,043 She's not even here. Her car's gone. 293 00:14:25,043 --> 00:14:27,376 Oh. Well, she's out then. 294 00:14:29,209 --> 00:14:31,043 See? This is the problem. 295 00:14:31,043 --> 00:14:34,209 You don't even know where she is or who she's with. 296 00:14:34,209 --> 00:14:37,293 Or if they're Latin? Or French? Or Rory? 297 00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:39,626 OK, I don't care how much it costs, 298 00:14:39,626 --> 00:14:41,084 we're getting you into a program. 299 00:14:41,084 --> 00:14:44,460 Dad, you two are living parallel lives. 300 00:14:44,460 --> 00:14:47,168 Sammy, your mother and I are just fine. 301 00:14:47,168 --> 00:14:48,960 When two people have been married 302 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:52,043 as long as we have, you learn to give each other space. 303 00:14:52,043 --> 00:14:54,543 You water a flower too much, it dies. 304 00:14:54,543 --> 00:14:57,043 If you don't water it enough it'll find someone 305 00:14:57,043 --> 00:14:58,460 to have sex with who will. 306 00:14:58,460 --> 00:15:02,168 Boy, Sammy, flowers don't have sex. 307 00:15:02,168 --> 00:15:05,752 It's called cross-pollination. I've got a book. I'll show you. 308 00:15:05,752 --> 00:15:08,043 That's it, that's it. You're coming with me. 309 00:15:08,043 --> 00:15:11,043 - Where we going? - There's something you need to see. 310 00:15:11,043 --> 00:15:13,043 - OK, but we're taking my car. - Fine. 311 00:15:13,043 --> 00:15:17,043 I'm not going to get jacked holding some ditch weed and a dub sack of kokomo. 312 00:15:17,043 --> 00:15:18,668 And no more Internet! 313 00:15:21,084 --> 00:15:26,084 - [horns honking] - I'm so sorry, Dad. 314 00:15:26,084 --> 00:15:28,293 I thought she had everything she needed. 315 00:15:28,293 --> 00:15:30,460 I mean, what kind of a woman does this? 316 00:15:30,460 --> 00:15:33,418 There's no parking here, so why don't you just valet? 317 00:15:33,418 --> 00:15:36,835 I'm not gonna pay five dollars for parking. I'm mad enough! 318 00:15:36,835 --> 00:15:39,126 Go inside, get your mother, because if I see the man 319 00:15:39,126 --> 00:15:42,084 she's with I'm gonna put my fist through his eye! 320 00:15:42,084 --> 00:15:46,043 - I'm just going to circle. - All right. 321 00:15:55,043 --> 00:15:58,043 Sam? What the hell are you doing here? 322 00:15:58,043 --> 00:16:00,084 You need to come outside to the car. 323 00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:03,002 No, I'm not going to leave. We will talk when I go home. 324 00:16:03,002 --> 00:16:04,084 [man] Two, please. 325 00:16:04,084 --> 00:16:07,043 Do we look like we work here, mister? Scoot. 326 00:16:08,543 --> 00:16:09,793 Right this way. 327 00:16:11,543 --> 00:16:14,668 - You're a waitress? - Hostess, thank you. 328 00:16:14,668 --> 00:16:17,043 You have to be having an affair because 329 00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:19,043 you're not wearing your wedding ring. 330 00:16:19,043 --> 00:16:20,918 Single girls get bigger tips. 331 00:16:20,918 --> 00:16:23,668 What about all that fancy new lingerie? 332 00:16:23,668 --> 00:16:26,918 Because I'm your mother, I can't wear a garter belt and thong? 333 00:16:26,918 --> 00:16:29,877 - No. No, you cannot. - I'll see that you get some bread. 334 00:16:29,877 --> 00:16:33,043 Wait, a job? This is your big secret? 335 00:16:33,043 --> 00:16:35,043 Yes. Yes, it was. 336 00:16:35,043 --> 00:16:37,043 One thing in my life 337 00:16:37,043 --> 00:16:39,668 that I don't have to account for to anyone. 338 00:16:39,668 --> 00:16:42,084 It's just mine. 339 00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:44,251 Well, if you're gonna stay here, fold. 340 00:16:44,251 --> 00:16:47,668 I am part of a whole different world here. 341 00:16:47,668 --> 00:16:50,043 Last week I seated a guy from Malaysia. 342 00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:53,043 When would I ever meet people from Malaysia? 343 00:16:53,043 --> 00:16:55,043 I'd never set foot in that country. 344 00:16:55,043 --> 00:16:59,293 You told me you were having an affair. I mean, you lied. 345 00:16:59,293 --> 00:17:03,043 I knew, if I told you I had a job, you would tell your father. 346 00:17:04,251 --> 00:17:06,877 But you do not understand him. 347 00:17:06,877 --> 00:17:08,793 I know that man, and if he ever thought 348 00:17:08,793 --> 00:17:10,793 that I needed to or even wanted to work, 349 00:17:10,793 --> 00:17:14,043 he would feel he had failed me completely. 350 00:17:14,043 --> 00:17:16,043 So I let you think it was an affair. 351 00:17:16,043 --> 00:17:18,418 Because I knew you would never tell him that. 352 00:17:18,418 --> 00:17:20,668 I found a parking space! 353 00:17:22,877 --> 00:17:25,002 It seems I'm still getting to know you. 354 00:17:26,251 --> 00:17:28,334 Tell me where he is so I can rip off his head 355 00:17:28,334 --> 00:17:29,793 and feed it to the dog! 356 00:17:29,793 --> 00:17:33,043 - There isn't anybody here. - Sammy told me all about it. 357 00:17:33,043 --> 00:17:36,002 No, Dad. I was wrong. 358 00:17:36,002 --> 00:17:38,002 You're protecting him too, huh? 359 00:17:38,002 --> 00:17:40,460 All right, I want the truth. Right now. 360 00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:44,043 Mom. Mom, just tell him. He'll understand. 361 00:17:44,043 --> 00:17:47,793 OK. OK, Howard... 362 00:17:50,126 --> 00:17:55,043 I'm ashamed to say that I was going to have an affair, but I sent him away. 363 00:17:55,043 --> 00:17:58,418 - Oh! For Pete's sake. - [Regina] I couldn't do it. 364 00:17:58,418 --> 00:18:00,710 There he was, sitting across the table. 365 00:18:00,710 --> 00:18:06,084 Ten years my junior. Tall, athletic. Boot-cut jeans. 366 00:18:07,877 --> 00:18:11,752 And I said no. No, I love my husband. 367 00:18:11,752 --> 00:18:13,752 And if I have a problem, I'm going to go home, 368 00:18:13,752 --> 00:18:16,043 and I'm going to deal with it. 369 00:18:16,043 --> 00:18:20,501 No. I'm going to have to deal with it, Regina. 370 00:18:20,501 --> 00:18:24,043 Sammy's right. I've been neglecting you. 371 00:18:29,043 --> 00:18:32,043 Well, I didn't want to have to be the one to say it, 372 00:18:33,585 --> 00:18:36,918 - but maybe a gift now and then. - Anything. 373 00:18:39,043 --> 00:18:40,501 Howard. 374 00:18:41,793 --> 00:18:43,043 Hi. Two for lunch? 375 00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:50,960 Right this way. 376 00:18:58,043 --> 00:18:59,835 Sammy's got a job? 377 00:19:01,043 --> 00:19:03,043 I hope they don't give her a urine test. 378 00:19:09,002 --> 00:19:10,835 Psst! Todd! Todd! 379 00:19:12,793 --> 00:19:14,835 Sam? 380 00:19:14,835 --> 00:19:17,209 What are you doing here? Chloe's upstairs. 381 00:19:17,209 --> 00:19:20,835 I know. That's what I want to talk to you about. 382 00:19:20,835 --> 00:19:23,043 I want to be the one upstairs. 383 00:19:23,043 --> 00:19:25,793 You know? Not the one in the plant. 384 00:19:25,793 --> 00:19:29,084 I want something stable, Todd. I want something where 385 00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:30,710 the people love each other so much, 386 00:19:30,710 --> 00:19:33,501 they're willing to lie very bizarrely 387 00:19:33,501 --> 00:19:36,460 just to protect each other's feelings. 388 00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:39,043 I don't want to sneak around anymore. 389 00:19:39,043 --> 00:19:42,043 So you have to choose. It's either Chloe or me. 390 00:19:42,043 --> 00:19:46,168 - Wait, I was the one who said... - Shh! We talk too much. 391 00:19:47,043 --> 00:19:48,376 You. 392 00:19:54,043 --> 00:19:56,251 And you know, if I ever want to work, 393 00:19:56,251 --> 00:19:59,043 then I am gonna work, you got that, bucko? 394 00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:04,334 Wait. 395 00:20:06,084 --> 00:20:09,043 [♪ Fodderstompf: Rise] 396 00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:14,084 [Samantha] That thing about touching the plate 397 00:20:14,084 --> 00:20:16,084 after the waiter tells you it's hot? 398 00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:17,835 The most exciting time is that moment 399 00:20:17,835 --> 00:20:19,084 right before you touch it. 400 00:20:19,084 --> 00:20:20,918 After that, you're just an idiot 401 00:20:20,918 --> 00:20:23,043 sitting in a restaurant with a burnt finger. 402 00:20:23,043 --> 00:20:25,043 ♪ I could be wrong ♪ 403 00:20:27,043 --> 00:20:29,126 ♪ I could be right ♪ 404 00:20:31,543 --> 00:20:32,877 Hey, Frank. 405 00:20:33,835 --> 00:20:37,043 - Ms. Newly. - Big news. 406 00:20:37,043 --> 00:20:39,585 Todd is going to be my boyfriend. 407 00:20:41,251 --> 00:20:43,251 I guess the man's never heard the phrase, 408 00:20:43,251 --> 00:20:48,376 - "Fool me twice, shame on me." - Ooh... Funny, funny, Frank. 409 00:20:49,376 --> 00:20:51,043 ♪ I could be right ♪ 410 00:20:51,043 --> 00:20:54,126 [Samantha] The truth is, as one who's had my share of meals, 411 00:20:54,126 --> 00:20:57,084 it's a lot more fun when you're not in pain. 412 00:20:57,084 --> 00:21:02,168 ♪ May the road rise with you ♪ 413 00:21:02,168 --> 00:21:04,251 ♪ May the road rise with you ♪♪