1 00:00:00,668 --> 00:00:03,668 [Samantha] When they write the book of my life, what section will I be in? 2 00:00:03,668 --> 00:00:07,209 Mystery, horror, romance 3 00:00:07,209 --> 00:00:11,251 or just misfiled and jammed in the back under Military History? 4 00:00:12,460 --> 00:00:14,668 No, I can't do it like this, I can't. 5 00:00:14,668 --> 00:00:18,460 Sure you can. Hold onto The Civil War, put your foot on The Korean Conflict. 6 00:00:18,460 --> 00:00:20,752 What? No, no, you have to break up with Cloe. 7 00:00:20,752 --> 00:00:23,126 You said you were going to and now, here we are, 8 00:00:23,126 --> 00:00:26,626 sneaking around again... Thank you for helping me find this book on tanks. 9 00:00:26,626 --> 00:00:28,460 No, tank you! 10 00:00:28,460 --> 00:00:32,209 I'm serious, all right? No more fooling around until you tell her. 11 00:00:33,626 --> 00:00:36,168 I will. I'll do it today, I promise. 12 00:00:36,168 --> 00:00:37,460 OK. 13 00:00:37,460 --> 00:00:39,460 I wanna be with you on your birthday. 14 00:00:39,460 --> 00:00:42,501 I wanna start clean with you, wanna be part of your life again. 15 00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:45,918 It's my birthday? 16 00:00:56,793 --> 00:00:59,585 Anyway, my mom is going to throw me a birthday party. 17 00:00:59,585 --> 00:01:02,334 And I'm going to have a cake and ice cream. 18 00:01:02,334 --> 00:01:04,918 And hats. No kazoos. I don't like kazoos. 19 00:01:04,918 --> 00:01:06,334 They sound like bees. 20 00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:08,418 I want you in charge of the guest list. 21 00:01:08,418 --> 00:01:09,668 - Me? - Mm-hmm. 22 00:01:09,668 --> 00:01:13,084 Yey! OK, I'm gonna invite your mom and your dad, 23 00:01:13,084 --> 00:01:17,752 and Andrea, and me, and, uh... 24 00:01:17,752 --> 00:01:18,793 Um... 25 00:01:20,626 --> 00:01:23,126 OK, that's it. Wow. [chuckles] 26 00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:25,460 What do you want for a gift? 27 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:28,918 I don't know, I feel like I have everything I want, you know? 28 00:01:28,918 --> 00:01:33,877 I have this new chance at my life. I've got great friends and family. 29 00:01:33,877 --> 00:01:37,877 And when Todd breaks up with Chloe, a new boyfriend. 30 00:01:37,877 --> 00:01:40,710 Really? Is he going to break up with her to be with you? 31 00:01:40,710 --> 00:01:43,209 Uh-huh, yeah, and because she's a total loon. 32 00:01:43,209 --> 00:01:45,960 And emotional and a little unstable. 33 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:49,793 You know what? Switch with me, I don't want my back to the door. 34 00:01:49,793 --> 00:01:51,251 Thanks. 35 00:01:51,251 --> 00:01:57,043 Move. I want the sun behind me today. It'll look good in my hair. 36 00:01:57,043 --> 00:02:00,043 - What are you doing? - Mom's throwing me a birthday party. 37 00:02:00,043 --> 00:02:03,918 - We're figuring out who's coming. - No one. We don't do birthdays. 38 00:02:03,918 --> 00:02:05,877 We go to the spa, we fast all day, 39 00:02:05,877 --> 00:02:09,835 we wrap ourselves in seaweed and we sweat out our toxins. 40 00:02:09,835 --> 00:02:12,084 - I want a piñata. - Oh! 41 00:02:12,084 --> 00:02:13,376 Yeah. 42 00:02:13,376 --> 00:02:16,251 Oh, my God, it's Chloe and Todd. Duck, duck, duck! 43 00:02:16,251 --> 00:02:18,543 Get down! Get down! Get down! Get down! 44 00:02:18,543 --> 00:02:20,877 - Andrea! - What are you doing? 45 00:02:20,877 --> 00:02:24,376 [whispers] Todd is breaking up with Chloe today. 46 00:02:27,918 --> 00:02:31,126 And I'd say she's taking it very well. 47 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:40,002 - Hey, what are you doing here? - Nothing. 48 00:02:40,002 --> 00:02:42,626 Just came by to see how the breakup went. 49 00:02:42,626 --> 00:02:44,126 How'd Chloe take it? 50 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,293 Pretty well. 51 00:02:46,293 --> 00:02:49,585 Good, because I was afraid she had trouble understanding you 52 00:02:49,585 --> 00:02:53,334 - with your tongue in her mouth. - You were at the aquarium? 53 00:02:53,334 --> 00:02:57,293 What? Todd! You know what? I would not have been fooling around with you 54 00:02:57,293 --> 00:02:59,835 if you weren't going to be breaking up with her. 55 00:02:59,835 --> 00:03:02,334 This was supposed to be just a little overlap. 56 00:03:02,334 --> 00:03:06,543 The longer you keep your girlfriend, I'm just a boyfriend-stealing whore. 57 00:03:06,543 --> 00:03:08,293 You're making me into a whore. 58 00:03:08,293 --> 00:03:11,293 I was going to tell her, but her aunt is sick. 59 00:03:11,293 --> 00:03:12,960 Her aunt is sick? 60 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,918 She found out her Aunt Wendy, who practically raised her, 61 00:03:15,918 --> 00:03:17,960 was admitted to St. Sofia's Hospital. 62 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,334 But you know what? If you break up with her now, 63 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:24,293 she could meet somebody there. A hospital's kind of like a nightclub. 64 00:03:24,293 --> 00:03:29,043 You know, they got cute people, and skimpy outfits, and drugs. 65 00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:31,002 That's not what she's thinking about. 66 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:34,460 Because she doesn't know you promised to spend my birthday with me. 67 00:03:34,460 --> 00:03:38,209 You're putting Chloe's feelings before mine because she is vulnerable. 68 00:03:38,209 --> 00:03:40,585 You don't think that I'm feeling vulnerable? 69 00:03:40,585 --> 00:03:42,168 I am turning one! 70 00:03:50,084 --> 00:03:52,084 Oh, Andrea. 71 00:03:52,084 --> 00:03:55,418 Honey, do we need any drinking done? 72 00:03:55,418 --> 00:03:57,752 Sorry, dear, check back next week. 73 00:03:57,752 --> 00:03:59,835 [laughing] 74 00:03:59,835 --> 00:04:02,168 Always funny. 75 00:04:02,168 --> 00:04:03,668 Yeah. 76 00:04:03,668 --> 00:04:08,251 OK, I'm going to make this quick, then you can get back to your nap. 77 00:04:08,251 --> 00:04:11,126 Samantha is not having her birthday party here. 78 00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:14,334 No one is driving a half an hour to the sticks to play Twister 79 00:04:14,334 --> 00:04:17,002 and watch a slideshow of your trip to Akron. 80 00:04:17,002 --> 00:04:18,376 That was a great party. 81 00:04:18,376 --> 00:04:22,209 Samantha's birthday party will be at my place on Saturday. 82 00:04:22,209 --> 00:04:24,835 You can come or not. 83 00:04:24,835 --> 00:04:28,293 I'd love to, but I'm having Samantha's birthday party that night. 84 00:04:28,293 --> 00:04:30,293 It's too bad that you can't make it. 85 00:04:30,293 --> 00:04:33,168 OK, OK, that's enough, Regina. 86 00:04:33,168 --> 00:04:36,334 I hate taking sides against you, and I'll pay for this for years, 87 00:04:36,334 --> 00:04:39,543 but, you know, maybe Sam would prefer a party in the city. 88 00:04:39,543 --> 00:04:41,793 Something hip. You know, for the kids. 89 00:04:41,793 --> 00:04:44,793 Are you telling me you didn't like your last birthday party? 90 00:04:44,793 --> 00:04:46,918 People loved making their own place mats. 91 00:04:46,918 --> 00:04:50,293 It was great, but I'm talking about a real city party. 92 00:04:50,293 --> 00:04:53,543 Like you see in the magazines, where celebrities show up, 93 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:59,334 like ESPN sideline reporter Suzy Kolber. Come on, we'll make a night of it. 94 00:04:59,334 --> 00:05:02,543 Well, OK. But I do the food. That part's always a hit. 95 00:05:03,835 --> 00:05:05,585 Who doesn't love ambrosia salad? 96 00:05:08,877 --> 00:05:11,960 No Todd on my birthday because of some sick aunt. 97 00:05:13,293 --> 00:05:16,918 We should get a Todd piñata. A Todd-yata. 98 00:05:16,918 --> 00:05:20,585 So I've called 21 people and they all have jury duty. 99 00:05:20,585 --> 00:05:22,418 On a Saturday night? 100 00:05:22,418 --> 00:05:25,918 - There must be some really big trial. - No, there is no trial. 101 00:05:25,918 --> 00:05:30,043 These people are making up lies to get out of something they don't want to do. 102 00:05:30,043 --> 00:05:31,251 Oh, my God. 103 00:05:31,251 --> 00:05:33,293 I do not want to go over to his place. 104 00:05:33,293 --> 00:05:36,334 He's gonna break up with me. I could tell it in his voice. 105 00:05:36,334 --> 00:05:39,334 Then don't let him. He has no right to break up with you. 106 00:05:39,334 --> 00:05:42,334 Not when your cousin is in the hospital on his deathbed. 107 00:05:42,334 --> 00:05:45,710 - I don't have a cousin in the hospital. - You bet your ass you do. 108 00:05:45,710 --> 00:05:47,334 Oh! 109 00:05:47,334 --> 00:05:50,543 - Yes. Cousin What's-His-Name? - Yeah. 110 00:05:50,543 --> 00:05:53,501 Go to the hospital, find the name of someone who's there 111 00:05:53,501 --> 00:05:55,126 in case he sends flowers. 112 00:05:55,126 --> 00:05:57,835 Then if he goes there, just put a picture of yourself 113 00:05:57,835 --> 00:06:00,168 next to the sick guy's bed. It's airtight. 114 00:06:00,168 --> 00:06:03,209 You bought yourself a boyfriend through Valentine's Day. 115 00:06:03,209 --> 00:06:06,460 God. Can I train with you, Master? 116 00:06:06,460 --> 00:06:09,418 The way of the samurai is a lonely path, darling. 117 00:06:09,418 --> 00:06:12,626 For you, ladies. From these gentlemen right over there. 118 00:06:14,293 --> 00:06:16,668 But maybe not so lonely tonight. 119 00:06:19,334 --> 00:06:20,626 [chuckles] 120 00:06:20,626 --> 00:06:23,668 "Sick aunt." Chloe is lying. 121 00:06:23,668 --> 00:06:27,293 Once I prove that, Todd will have no problem breaking up with her, 122 00:06:27,293 --> 00:06:30,710 and he will be mine. And in time for my birthday. 123 00:06:30,710 --> 00:06:32,418 - So Todd is coming? - Yeah. 124 00:06:32,418 --> 00:06:36,626 OK. Because this thing is really starting to fill up, so... 125 00:06:37,668 --> 00:06:40,376 [indistinct chatter over PA] 126 00:06:48,168 --> 00:06:50,543 Hey. Got to stretch it out, you know. 127 00:06:55,543 --> 00:06:58,334 - Help you? - Oh! Hey there, nurse. 128 00:06:58,334 --> 00:07:01,334 Hi. Yeah, I'm just looking for my Aunt Wendy. 129 00:07:01,334 --> 00:07:03,293 Last name? 130 00:07:04,460 --> 00:07:06,126 It's just Wendy. 131 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:10,209 Always been Wendy to me. Aunt Wendy. She's sick. 132 00:07:10,209 --> 00:07:13,585 Don't have a Wendy here. 133 00:07:13,585 --> 00:07:17,460 Thank you very much. She's lying. I win. 134 00:07:17,460 --> 00:07:19,293 Got a Gwendolyn. 135 00:07:28,293 --> 00:07:30,752 [Samantha snickers] 136 00:07:30,752 --> 00:07:33,960 You are a worthy adversary indeed. 137 00:07:43,334 --> 00:07:46,668 - Sorry. Did you need more time? - No. No. 138 00:07:50,752 --> 00:07:52,334 [gasps] 139 00:07:52,334 --> 00:07:55,877 [fake sobbing] 140 00:08:01,293 --> 00:08:02,960 Yes. OK. 141 00:08:03,376 --> 00:08:04,418 [Chloe] Sam? 142 00:08:06,293 --> 00:08:11,960 And please take this woman safely into the bosom and grace 143 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:15,293 of your all-knowing arms, amen. 144 00:08:15,293 --> 00:08:16,752 Hi, Chloe. 145 00:08:18,084 --> 00:08:22,460 I was just helping this poor woman off to her reward. 146 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:25,918 - What are you doing here? - Oh, Chloe. 147 00:08:25,918 --> 00:08:28,209 I know that we've had our differences, 148 00:08:28,209 --> 00:08:30,293 but when I found out about your aunt, 149 00:08:30,293 --> 00:08:34,501 I just wanted to put all those things aside and just be with you. 150 00:08:36,126 --> 00:08:38,126 - Hi, Auntie Wendy. - Hi. 151 00:08:39,293 --> 00:08:41,877 And there she is. Your aunt. 152 00:08:41,877 --> 00:08:44,752 Well, congratulations. 153 00:08:44,752 --> 00:08:48,543 No, not congratulations. I'm sorry, condolences. 154 00:08:48,543 --> 00:08:52,084 No, because that's not right because she's not dead. 155 00:08:52,084 --> 00:08:53,918 Congratulations. 156 00:08:53,918 --> 00:08:55,293 Well, I'm off. 157 00:08:55,293 --> 00:08:56,501 Yeah. 158 00:09:01,710 --> 00:09:02,877 Hey, Frank. 159 00:09:06,334 --> 00:09:12,126 I was thinking how it must be gratifying, doing your job. 160 00:09:12,126 --> 00:09:16,293 Being such an important part of all these people's lives, 161 00:09:16,293 --> 00:09:19,043 who are coming and going here. 162 00:09:19,043 --> 00:09:20,918 [chuckles] 163 00:09:20,918 --> 00:09:24,918 There's talk of replacing me with a motion-sensing mat. 164 00:09:27,293 --> 00:09:29,293 Do you like birthday cake? 165 00:09:31,501 --> 00:09:34,293 Hey, Todd, listen, I've done a 180 166 00:09:34,293 --> 00:09:36,960 on this whole you breaking up with Chloe dealio. 167 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,877 I don't think you should break up with her yet. 168 00:09:39,877 --> 00:09:43,334 I was thinking about her aunt and you're right, she's really sick. 169 00:09:43,334 --> 00:09:46,209 Just call me back after you do not break up with her. 170 00:09:46,209 --> 00:09:49,334 Do not! OK. Bye. Hi. 171 00:09:49,334 --> 00:09:52,626 I go to get my suit out of the cleaners, for your birthday party, 172 00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:54,626 the guys there can't stop laughing. 173 00:09:54,626 --> 00:09:57,126 They're waiting to see who picks up this suit, 174 00:09:57,126 --> 00:09:59,585 so they can see what his time machine looks like. 175 00:09:59,585 --> 00:10:02,084 Well, I'm sorry I don't dress like the Internet. 176 00:10:03,293 --> 00:10:05,293 [doorbell rings] 177 00:10:11,918 --> 00:10:15,002 I know, it's strange that I just showed up here, 178 00:10:15,002 --> 00:10:19,251 but I found your address when I was going through Todd's computer last week, 179 00:10:19,251 --> 00:10:21,293 - and I need to talk to you. - Yeah. 180 00:10:21,293 --> 00:10:23,460 Todd... [chuckles] 181 00:10:23,460 --> 00:10:25,293 - ...broke up with me. - Oh? 182 00:10:25,293 --> 00:10:26,793 - Yeah. - OK. 183 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,334 - I really... - What? 184 00:10:29,334 --> 00:10:32,460 ...need a friend right now. 185 00:10:32,460 --> 00:10:35,710 All right. There, there. OK, you know what? 186 00:10:35,710 --> 00:10:37,960 Your hands are little close to my neck. 187 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,877 I just don't... Yeah, all right. OK, that's better. 188 00:10:40,877 --> 00:10:42,293 There, there. 189 00:10:42,293 --> 00:10:44,126 There, there. [whispers] Dad. 190 00:10:46,043 --> 00:10:49,293 So, you really think that I'm the one that you want to talk to? 191 00:10:49,293 --> 00:10:52,293 Well, yeah. Why not? 192 00:10:52,293 --> 00:10:54,460 - I know you were with Todd. - You do? 193 00:10:54,460 --> 00:10:57,168 No, I wasn't. When? 194 00:10:57,168 --> 00:10:58,918 For three years? 195 00:10:58,918 --> 00:11:03,293 This amnesia thing is really tiring, I'm sorry. 196 00:11:03,293 --> 00:11:05,209 Yeah, no. I know. 197 00:11:05,209 --> 00:11:08,084 When you showed up to the hospital to support me, 198 00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:10,877 that was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. 199 00:11:10,877 --> 00:11:13,918 I think maybe I misjudged you. 200 00:11:13,918 --> 00:11:16,334 Yeah, well, it happens. 201 00:11:16,334 --> 00:11:18,877 But you know what? You seem OK. 202 00:11:18,877 --> 00:11:24,043 I mean, it's probably good to just get all this bad news out of the way. 203 00:11:24,043 --> 00:11:27,209 I'm sure that you're probably more upset about your aunt 204 00:11:27,209 --> 00:11:30,293 - than you are about Todd? - No, I'm more upset about Todd. 205 00:11:30,293 --> 00:11:35,293 Are you sure? Because I saw your aunt and she wasn't looking so great. 206 00:11:35,293 --> 00:11:37,002 Sammy? Hi. 207 00:11:37,002 --> 00:11:40,043 I can't go to this thing tonight looking like a hayseed. 208 00:11:40,043 --> 00:11:43,002 - I'm off to the Suit Barn. Bye. - OK. 209 00:11:43,002 --> 00:11:46,877 Yeah. He could come back at any second, so just so you know. 210 00:11:46,877 --> 00:11:48,460 Oh, my God, look at this. 211 00:11:48,460 --> 00:11:51,334 Don't have a fit, I'll clean it up. 212 00:11:51,334 --> 00:11:54,334 No, it's not that. I just have never been in here. 213 00:11:54,334 --> 00:11:58,293 I wasn't even sure if the appliances were real, um. 214 00:11:58,293 --> 00:12:01,793 Oh, come on. You must have cooked breakfast for hundreds of young men. 215 00:12:01,793 --> 00:12:04,918 I can cook, you know. I just usually go out. 216 00:12:04,918 --> 00:12:08,460 That must be nice. Clubs, restaurants... 217 00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:12,002 Yeah, sometimes it's nice to stay in. 218 00:12:12,002 --> 00:12:15,293 - I bet you travel a lot too, don't you? - Yeah, on business. 219 00:12:15,293 --> 00:12:17,293 Where's the... 220 00:12:17,293 --> 00:12:19,543 Where's the farthest you've ever been? 221 00:12:19,543 --> 00:12:21,293 I don't know. Marrakech? 222 00:12:21,293 --> 00:12:24,293 Marrakech. Oh, my God, how exotic. 223 00:12:24,293 --> 00:12:25,877 Mmm. 224 00:12:25,877 --> 00:12:29,209 Howard and I haven't been anywhere but Pensacola. He won't fly. 225 00:12:29,209 --> 00:12:32,126 He hates to take his shoes off in front of people. 226 00:12:33,334 --> 00:12:36,334 But I'm hopeful. I keep buying travel magazines. 227 00:12:37,334 --> 00:12:39,168 OK, do not tell anyone this. 228 00:12:39,168 --> 00:12:41,918 But once a year I buy Good Housekeeping. 229 00:12:41,918 --> 00:12:44,501 - The issue with... - One hundred holiday ideas. 230 00:12:44,501 --> 00:12:45,668 Me, too. 231 00:12:46,460 --> 00:12:48,918 [both chuckle] 232 00:12:48,918 --> 00:12:52,668 You know, Andrea, you could make this kitchen fun to use. 233 00:12:52,668 --> 00:12:56,334 You could have everything in the open, hang a pot rack over the stove. 234 00:12:56,334 --> 00:12:58,960 - Like I can hang a pot rack. - Well, yeah. 235 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,043 My husband does those things for me. 236 00:13:01,043 --> 00:13:05,168 See, I need that. A man with tools. It's very hot. 237 00:13:06,209 --> 00:13:07,793 I can use a man like that. 238 00:13:09,752 --> 00:13:11,168 Howard has shingles. 239 00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:18,501 Anyway, Todd and I were just about to record a new outgoing message: 240 00:13:18,501 --> 00:13:20,793 "Hi, it's the home of Todd and Chloe, 241 00:13:20,793 --> 00:13:23,251 leave a message, whether friend or foe-y!" 242 00:13:23,251 --> 00:13:26,460 Anyway, so he was supposed to do "friend or foe-y!" 243 00:13:26,460 --> 00:13:29,668 And all of a sudden he said, "This isn't working out". 244 00:13:29,668 --> 00:13:31,460 And I knew he meant us. 245 00:13:31,460 --> 00:13:34,626 Because I've had that message for years, people love it. 246 00:13:34,626 --> 00:13:37,334 Mmm. Mmm. 247 00:13:37,334 --> 00:13:40,293 [clears throat] And he gave no reason at all? 248 00:13:40,293 --> 00:13:43,293 Nope. But I know he's seeing someone. 249 00:13:43,293 --> 00:13:47,126 - You do? How can you? No, you can't. - Because he's Todd. 250 00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:49,376 - That's what he does. - What's what he does? 251 00:13:49,376 --> 00:13:52,460 Not leave someone until he has someone else. 252 00:13:52,460 --> 00:13:56,376 You know, like how he was with you before he left his previous girlfriend? 253 00:13:56,376 --> 00:13:59,626 And he and I were making out for a full two weeks 254 00:13:59,626 --> 00:14:01,877 before he finally broke it off with you. 255 00:14:03,293 --> 00:14:05,960 Hmm? 256 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:09,293 So, Howard, are you enjoying your city party? 257 00:14:09,293 --> 00:14:11,460 Even Samantha didn't bother to come. 258 00:14:11,460 --> 00:14:14,293 The place will fill up, they're fashionably late. 259 00:14:14,293 --> 00:14:17,043 You know some of these people, these glitterati, 260 00:14:17,043 --> 00:14:19,293 they don't roll in until at least 8:30. 261 00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:22,543 Look at you. Very nice. 262 00:14:22,543 --> 00:14:24,960 Yes, yes, he knows. Moving along. 263 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,293 [lounge music] 264 00:14:27,293 --> 00:14:29,251 Look at me, my shoes are all wrong. 265 00:14:29,251 --> 00:14:32,293 No one will see me since you didn't get anyone here. 266 00:14:32,293 --> 00:14:35,293 I did so! This is not everyone. Other people are coming. 267 00:14:35,293 --> 00:14:36,835 [doorbell rings] 268 00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:37,918 See? 269 00:14:39,752 --> 00:14:41,501 [grunts] 270 00:14:41,501 --> 00:14:45,293 Hello. I wasn't going to come, but my wife doesn't want me around 271 00:14:45,293 --> 00:14:49,084 during our daughter's homework time. She says I get impatient. 272 00:14:49,084 --> 00:14:51,084 It's just decimals, for God's sake. 273 00:14:51,084 --> 00:14:54,293 You move it one place for every tenth, how hard is that? 274 00:14:55,418 --> 00:14:57,460 I'm going to want some wine. 275 00:14:59,084 --> 00:15:02,668 OK, now everyone is here. 276 00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:04,293 Why didn't you tell me? 277 00:15:04,293 --> 00:15:08,293 I know 15 Eurotrash partiers who could be here in five minutes. 278 00:15:08,293 --> 00:15:11,002 Samantha's party, you can't fill it with strangers. 279 00:15:11,002 --> 00:15:12,918 - She has amnesia. - Start dialing. 280 00:15:15,168 --> 00:15:16,626 - Hey. Happy birthday. - Hi. 281 00:15:16,626 --> 00:15:19,835 Thank you. Before we go to the party, 282 00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:23,168 I need to ask you something quick. 283 00:15:23,168 --> 00:15:27,710 Were you fooling around with Chloe before you broke up with me? 284 00:15:30,418 --> 00:15:32,293 You look really pretty. 285 00:15:32,293 --> 00:15:34,752 Were you ever going to tell me about it? 286 00:15:34,752 --> 00:15:36,918 I did. Before the accident. 287 00:15:36,918 --> 00:15:40,168 Oh, God, don't. You can't pull it off. 288 00:15:40,168 --> 00:15:42,585 Well, I'm sorry I'm not as good a liar as you. 289 00:15:42,585 --> 00:15:45,293 You were able to sleep with the French guy. 290 00:15:45,293 --> 00:15:48,209 I can't believe you're gonna bring up René right now. 291 00:15:48,209 --> 00:15:50,877 I think it's the perfect time to bring him up. 292 00:15:50,877 --> 00:15:53,501 You didn't know about that until after we broke up. 293 00:15:53,501 --> 00:15:55,585 You didn't know about Chloe until after. 294 00:15:55,585 --> 00:15:57,668 - That is very different! - [laughs] How? 295 00:15:57,668 --> 00:16:00,084 Because I am not like that anymore. 296 00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:03,918 That was Bad Sam and you're just, you know, Same Todd. 297 00:16:03,918 --> 00:16:07,460 And I don't want to live like that. I have nothing to hide. 298 00:16:07,460 --> 00:16:08,918 Hide! 299 00:16:10,334 --> 00:16:13,418 Go in that one. Go into that one. 300 00:16:15,376 --> 00:16:18,043 Oh, my God. 301 00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:21,043 [whispers] To an outside observer, this might not seem 302 00:16:21,043 --> 00:16:23,293 like a very healthy relationship. 303 00:16:24,293 --> 00:16:27,209 [up-tempo music] 304 00:16:27,209 --> 00:16:28,877 You sure? OK. All right. 305 00:16:28,877 --> 00:16:30,293 - Anybody? - [doorbell rings] 306 00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:34,168 Oh, Frank, my hands are full, could you get that, please? 307 00:16:34,168 --> 00:16:36,251 Nope. I'm off the clock. 308 00:16:36,251 --> 00:16:38,877 I don't open doors, I won't call you a cab, 309 00:16:38,877 --> 00:16:42,835 and I won't find you an escort service. Good ambrosia, though. 310 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,376 Oh, thank you. 311 00:16:46,002 --> 00:16:49,043 Would you have broken up with Chloe if I hadn't pushed you? 312 00:16:49,043 --> 00:16:51,084 Wait, you want to talk about this now? 313 00:16:51,084 --> 00:16:54,626 - You got somewhere to be? - OK. Yes. 314 00:16:54,626 --> 00:16:57,251 - No, you would not. - Shh! 315 00:16:57,251 --> 00:16:59,752 - How do you know about Chloe and me? - She told me. 316 00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:03,209 Because this is what you do, right? Because you can't be alone. 317 00:17:03,209 --> 00:17:06,710 You just swing from girl to girl like monkey bars. 318 00:17:06,710 --> 00:17:09,293 - Why is Chloe talking to you? - Because... 319 00:17:09,293 --> 00:17:11,626 That is, you know, it's not important. 320 00:17:11,626 --> 00:17:14,293 Did you tell her you and I have been making out? 321 00:17:14,293 --> 00:17:18,293 No, Todd, I think that the girl has been through enough, don't you? 322 00:17:18,293 --> 00:17:20,084 - Bad Sam. - Stop that! 323 00:17:20,084 --> 00:17:22,002 [rattling] 324 00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:25,501 - She's coming. She's coming. - What? 325 00:17:25,501 --> 00:17:27,334 Move. Move out of my way! 326 00:17:28,626 --> 00:17:30,334 Get down! 327 00:17:32,460 --> 00:17:35,043 - Oh, God! - Oh, God, you scared me. 328 00:17:35,043 --> 00:17:36,543 Yeah, you scared me too. 329 00:17:36,543 --> 00:17:38,960 I thought you were Todd. 330 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:40,293 What are you doing? 331 00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:45,002 I was just getting some shoes to wear for my birthday party. 332 00:17:45,002 --> 00:17:48,002 Well, you didn't say you were having a party. 333 00:17:48,002 --> 00:17:51,084 Oh, yeah. Well, it's a surprise. 334 00:17:51,084 --> 00:17:55,293 - But you already know. - Oh, shoot, I ruined the surprise. 335 00:17:55,293 --> 00:17:58,293 - What? - I don't know. 336 00:17:58,293 --> 00:18:00,752 I can't do this. I can't do this. 337 00:18:00,752 --> 00:18:04,585 I'm sorry, Chloe, Todd and I are together. 338 00:18:04,585 --> 00:18:07,376 Oh, my God, you're so pathetic. 339 00:18:07,376 --> 00:18:12,334 I know you have amnesia and everything, but you tried this already, remember? 340 00:18:12,334 --> 00:18:15,002 Where's Todd supposed to be this time? 341 00:18:15,002 --> 00:18:19,126 Where is he? In the bathroom? No, you did that one. 342 00:18:19,126 --> 00:18:23,418 Oh! Maybe he's in the closet? Maybe he's in here. 343 00:18:23,418 --> 00:18:26,668 - That would be devastating. - [rattling] 344 00:18:32,293 --> 00:18:35,084 I thought you were my friend. 345 00:18:35,084 --> 00:18:37,293 You came to the hospital and everything. 346 00:18:38,835 --> 00:18:42,334 Oh, my God, you two deserve each other. Good luck. 347 00:18:49,835 --> 00:18:51,334 [door slams] 348 00:18:51,334 --> 00:18:53,460 - The hospital? - It doesn't matter, OK? 349 00:18:53,460 --> 00:18:55,626 She's right. I mean, look at us. 350 00:18:55,626 --> 00:18:58,084 Yeah, Chloe's gone, and I am sitting here, 351 00:18:58,084 --> 00:19:00,626 but maybe I'm sitting here because I'm not her. 352 00:19:00,626 --> 00:19:03,960 Or maybe I'm sitting here because you just can't be alone. 353 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:08,293 You know, now with you, I don't know if I'm me or if I'm just "not her". 354 00:19:10,793 --> 00:19:13,293 Are you saying you don't want us to be together? 355 00:19:13,293 --> 00:19:17,376 No, I'm just saying that I am so tired of being not someone. 356 00:19:17,376 --> 00:19:20,293 It's time for me to be someone. 357 00:19:21,835 --> 00:19:24,918 Maybe if we were different people or we had never met, 358 00:19:24,918 --> 00:19:27,209 we could have a fresh start, but we're not. 359 00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:31,752 You still have stuff here, you know. 360 00:19:32,752 --> 00:19:34,835 I'll always have stuff here, Todd. 361 00:19:45,626 --> 00:19:48,209 ♪ Happy Birthday dear Samantha... ♪ 362 00:19:48,209 --> 00:19:50,835 [Samantha] So the book of Sam is ready for volume two, 363 00:19:50,835 --> 00:19:53,293 a stack of blank pages, and no better way to begin 364 00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:57,293 than celebrating my first birthday with my parents, my friends 365 00:19:57,293 --> 00:20:01,002 and my remarkably attractive and diverse seventh-grade class. 366 00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:04,585 Make a wish and blow. 367 00:20:04,585 --> 00:20:06,293 - OK. OK, um... - Make a good one. 368 00:20:06,293 --> 00:20:08,293 - [Dena] Ooh. Ooh! - [sighs] 369 00:20:09,293 --> 00:20:11,960 - [cheering] - [knocks] 370 00:20:15,752 --> 00:20:18,877 - [man] That was great. - I want that candle when you're done. 371 00:20:23,710 --> 00:20:25,293 - Hey. - Hey. 372 00:20:25,293 --> 00:20:28,626 - What's going on? - I'm sorry, hi. 373 00:20:28,626 --> 00:20:30,209 My name's Todd. 374 00:20:31,126 --> 00:20:33,126 Um, Samantha. 375 00:20:33,126 --> 00:20:36,293 I think I've seen you at the coffee place. 376 00:20:36,293 --> 00:20:39,293 I usually don't do this, but here's my number. 377 00:20:40,793 --> 00:20:44,585 Call me sometime if you want to get together. 378 00:20:46,293 --> 00:20:47,376 - Thanks. - Balloons. 379 00:20:54,877 --> 00:20:59,334 You got 21 people, so you make 20 cuts. It's not rocket science. 380 00:20:59,334 --> 00:21:02,293 Just give me the knife. Give me the knife. 381 00:21:02,293 --> 00:21:03,793 Give it, give it. 382 00:21:03,793 --> 00:21:06,293 - Thank you. Hold this. - [gasps] 383 00:21:06,293 --> 00:21:08,293 I get to cut the first piece, right? 384 00:21:08,293 --> 00:21:10,918 - Square plates for a round cake. - Who wants cake? 385 00:21:12,835 --> 00:21:15,501 You're amazing, Mom. Thank you so much.