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SAM [IN VOICEOVER]:
A chance to rebuild your life
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00:00:04,585 --> 00:00:06,460
from the ground up is a pretty big job.
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00:00:06,460 --> 00:00:09,168
Especially when there are cracks
in your foundation.
4
00:00:09,168 --> 00:00:11,668
But an important tool is self-respect,
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being able to look yourself in the mirror
and like what you see.
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- Paper or plastic?
- Ah!
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Hey there.
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I was just
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bringing you guys some food.
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I mean, you're always feeding me,
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[CHUCKLES]
so...
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Now we are even.
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You know, if you got a job,
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you wouldn't have to steal food
from your parents.
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I'm looking.
But I just don't wanna have a job.
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I wanna have the job.
You know, I quit my last job because I--
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Because you made a lot of money
doing bad things.
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Can I finish?
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Because
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I made a lot of money
doing bad things
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but now I just wanna do something
that is meaningful.
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You're the one who said
that I was cut out for better things, right?
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That was when the leaves were green.
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Look at all the pretty fall colors.
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I'm very close.
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I sent out my résumé
to every single charitable organization
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and nonprofit in Chicago
and I posted it online.
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Online?
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You know, if you watched the local news
like a normal person,
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you'd realize
that's how the perverts get you.
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Well, I will take that risk.
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And the cream corn.
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Sam, you have six e-mails here
from a Mr. Footsiepants.
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Ugh. Just delete those.
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God, he is relentless.
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Plus it doesn't matter
because in about 30 minutes,
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I have an interview
with a certain BME Foundation.
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They help the poor
or the sad or feeble or something,
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I was just too excited
to read the whole thing.
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[SCREAMS]
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Hey, Sammy. You look great.
You're definitely gonna get that job.
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- Todd?
- Sammy, it's me.
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Look me in the eye.
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You have to remember
your own brother.
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Seth, I told you
she wouldn't think it was funny.
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Sam, this is Seth.
He's an old friend of ours.
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Hey.
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Okay, mine.
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Great. It's nice to meet you.
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Yeah, he's just moved back from Florida
and needs a place to crash.
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Oh, okay.
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[CHUCKLES]
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- Can I talk to you for a sec?
- Yeah.
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[CLICKS TONGUE]
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What are you doing?
He can't crash here.
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- Why not?
- Because you're already crashing here.
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I'm not crashing, I pay rent.
I'm your roommate.
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Well, then, you know, it's just--
It's too many men, all right?
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Just with you, the soap in the shower
looks like a hamster.
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This is my home.
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I can have friends stay over if I want.
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Really? How would you like it
if I just, like, all of a sudden,
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brought home my girlfriend
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- to spend the night?
- Is Heidi back in town?
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[KNOCK ON DOOR]
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Okay, I don't even wanna know.
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Hey, those are my tweezers.
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By which I mean,
they are your tweezers.
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[KNOCKING CONTINUES]
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Here are the shoes for the interview.
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SAM:
Thank you.
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How do I look?
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- Nothing works.
- What?
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Except those earrings.
Can I borrow those actually?
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- I have a meeting today.
- Yes.
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Now I'm gonna be late.
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- Ah.
SETH: Hello, Andrea.
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[CHUCKLES]
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Seth. Oh, God, it's back.
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That's right.
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And I'm carrying your baby.
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I hoped you were dead.
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I mean, I heard you were dead.
And then I hoped it was true.
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Well, I don't know
if you follow pro basketball
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but I just signed on with Chicago.
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Still a towel boy?
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- Still a lawyer?
- That was a good one.
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Okay, is this better?
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SETH:
Oh, no, no, no.
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Wide belts are out.
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Look, I'm not just a cliché, I keep up.
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SAM:
Ugh. Ooh.
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Darn it.
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Why am I listening
to a thong inspector?
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SAM:
Hello?
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[INSECT BUZZING]
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Hello?
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Is any--? Hello, is anybody here?
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I'm here for the interview.
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Please don't be perverts.
My mother will never shut up.
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WOMAN:
Five minutes early, impressive.
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Though on time
would seem less desperate.
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Oh, my God. What are you doing here?
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- I'm your interview.
- You?
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You're BME?
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Best Mom Ever.
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Ugh. I changed belts three times for this?
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- And that's the one you picked?
- I'm out of here.
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Samantha, you're not going anywhere.
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- Why not?
- Because I have your keys.
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- No, give me those. Give me that back.
- Duh-duh-duh.
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I'll give them back to you
once you hear me out.
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I have four words to say:
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You, me, real estate.
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I have four more words:
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[SPEAKING SLOWLY]
I'll take the bus.
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Samantha.
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Samantha.
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You said you wanted to do good.
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What's better than putting families
in homes? You like families.
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In theory, yes.
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They sound a lot better on paper.
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Look, all we need is your license.
I'll do all the work. I got us that building.
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If we sell it, you'll be able
to pay your bills for three months
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with the 30 percent commission
you're gonna make.
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You mean 50 percent.
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Wow, I heard you were good.
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- Deal.
- No.
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No, I did not leave real estate
to go back into real estate.
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What kind of mother would I be
if I allowed you to starve to death?
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What are you trying to prove?
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You've finally lost those five pounds.
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Well, what about you?
I thought Dad didn't want you to work.
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Well, he also doesn't want his daughter
foraging for food in dumpsters like a bear.
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I am not a charity case, okay?
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I am a intelligent and capable woman.
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In fact, I happen to have
several promising offers
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[SIGHS]
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from Mr. Footsiepants.
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Okay, okay, I will do it. But just for now.
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I know. I understand.
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I know that you don't wanna do this forever
but, you know, until you do.
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Listen, we have a showing
tomorrow morning,
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I've made up fake listings so people
will think we've done this.
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No. No fake anything, all right?
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I have done that before
and this time I'm not gonna lie about it.
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And I'm not going to compromise myself,
understand?
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Absolutely.
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No lying of any kind.
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Okay. Thank you.
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Starting now.
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Oh, I love it. I love it.
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So much light.
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Isn't there? Owen, I shouldn't be
saying this but this is our favorite listing.
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- Isn't it, Samantha?
- Mm. Certainly up there.
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That sounds terrible to say though.
Like having a favorite child.
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- Do you have children?
- No, no, but one day.
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God forbid.
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Really, because the architecture
is fantastic.
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It has all the detail
of an early Hans LaQui.
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You have a very good eye.
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Yeah, but it's not.
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It's not.
Actually, the buildings on either side are
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but this one was built
about 30 years later by an imitator.
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Which makes it even more rare.
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Wow, your honesty is so refreshing.
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Isn't it? Isn't she just--?
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We'll knock off 30,000 if you buy it.
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Apparently,
we're in a very unstable market.
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[CHUCKLES, CLICKS TONGUE]
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- Funny, I like that.
- Ha-ha-ha.
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[CELL PHONE RINGS]
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Oh. Uh...
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Another realtor. Awkward.
I'll take it outside.
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Oh, take your time.
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Give us a chance
to call our other buyers.
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- He seems nice.
- Yeah.
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- What are you doing?
- Improving your curb appeal.
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It's obvious he likes you.
Let's close this deal.
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Oh, that is just too bad.
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I was really looking forward
to working with you. Tsk.
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I'm so sorry we couldn't close the deal.
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Oh, jeez,
could you get that for me, please?
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No. This is what I'm talking about.
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I'm not gonna compromise myself
for this job, okay?
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00:07:59,710 --> 00:08:01,376
Samantha, it's called sales.
187
00:08:01,376 --> 00:08:04,626
Real estate is not about selling a building,
it's about selling yourself.
188
00:08:04,626 --> 00:08:07,293
No, selling yourself
is actually called prostitution.
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Well, real estate
is the second oldest profession.
190
00:08:10,126 --> 00:08:11,918
- No, it's not. I have amnesia
- Is too.
191
00:08:11,918 --> 00:08:14,084
- but at least I know that. It is not.
- Is so.
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Man, those people
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- didn't make me laugh once.
- Oh.
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[LAUGHS]
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00:08:18,501 --> 00:08:20,209
Owen, you must have
an awful lot of questions.
196
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,668
Why don't the three of us
discuss this over drinks?
197
00:08:23,418 --> 00:08:26,293
- I could do that.
- Shoot, it's just gonna be the two of you.
198
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I remembered I've another showing,
have fun.
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00:08:28,168 --> 00:08:30,543
- Regina.
- Not now, can't talk. Phone's ringing.
200
00:08:31,084 --> 00:08:32,835
- Oh, senator.
- Ha, ha.
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00:08:32,835 --> 00:08:34,168
[REGINA LAUGHS]
202
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,626
So if you do plan
on buying this building here,
203
00:08:37,626 --> 00:08:40,460
I just want you to know that I'm gonna be
completely honest with you
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about all of its faults.
205
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I know, that's so weird.
206
00:08:44,585 --> 00:08:46,460
- Are you new at this?
- No.
207
00:08:46,460 --> 00:08:48,710
No, actually, I've been doing it
for quite a while.
208
00:08:48,710 --> 00:08:52,043
I just haven't been working that long
with my momster.
209
00:08:53,376 --> 00:08:55,793
I call my sister "momster."
210
00:08:56,293 --> 00:08:59,043
Yeah, no, just because
she's kind of like a mother
211
00:08:59,043 --> 00:09:01,209
and a monster. Heh.
212
00:09:01,209 --> 00:09:02,626
- Arr.
- Heh.
213
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,585
You look hot.
214
00:09:05,293 --> 00:09:06,752
Thank you.
215
00:09:06,752 --> 00:09:09,793
Let's please just try to keep this
about business, okay?
216
00:09:09,793 --> 00:09:11,251
No, hot.
217
00:09:11,793 --> 00:09:14,918
Oh. Oh, yeah.
218
00:09:15,460 --> 00:09:17,376
Don't be nervous. It wastes energy.
219
00:09:17,376 --> 00:09:19,960
Plus, when I was in Africa,
they told me it attracts bees.
220
00:09:20,376 --> 00:09:23,710
You went to Africa?
Oh, that's so funny, I went to Africa.
221
00:09:23,710 --> 00:09:25,293
I mean,
222
00:09:25,293 --> 00:09:28,209
Miami Beach. But, yeah--
223
00:09:28,209 --> 00:09:29,585
Why did you go to Africa?
224
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,793
Uh-- Um, heh.
225
00:09:31,793 --> 00:09:33,752
I was making water with the sun.
226
00:09:34,126 --> 00:09:37,209
Wow, that's really beautiful.
227
00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:38,585
Sorry, what does that mean?
228
00:09:38,585 --> 00:09:39,793
[CHUCKLES]
I don't know.
229
00:09:39,793 --> 00:09:41,918
- I'm sorry.
- It means one of my companies
230
00:09:41,918 --> 00:09:43,752
builds solar stills,
231
00:09:43,752 --> 00:09:46,585
which makes potable water
for areas suffering drought.
232
00:09:47,084 --> 00:09:50,918
Oh, so you do good for people.
233
00:09:50,918 --> 00:09:51,960
That's what you do. Ha-ha.
234
00:09:52,418 --> 00:09:54,084
- Oh, I try.
- Hmm.
235
00:09:54,334 --> 00:09:56,293
So if someone ever asks you
what do you do,
236
00:09:56,293 --> 00:09:59,334
you just say "good." Ha-ha-ha.
237
00:09:59,334 --> 00:10:01,126
Yeah,
that's why I wanna get the building.
238
00:10:01,126 --> 00:10:04,960
Because I wanna convert it into
solar-powered green spaces,
239
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,835
so that low-income families
don't have to pay for energy.
240
00:10:09,793 --> 00:10:13,126
Can I get some potable water
over here, please? Ahem.
241
00:10:13,126 --> 00:10:16,334
Sorry, I kind of get a little geeky
when I talk about this stuff.
242
00:10:16,334 --> 00:10:17,960
No. No, it's not--
243
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,376
It's not geeky at all.
244
00:10:20,376 --> 00:10:21,960
I love it.
245
00:10:22,251 --> 00:10:23,626
[CHUCKLES]
246
00:10:24,293 --> 00:10:25,334
[EXHALES]
247
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:29,501
Well, we should talk
about the building, right?
248
00:10:29,835 --> 00:10:31,376
Yes.
249
00:10:31,752 --> 00:10:36,626
Yes, we should talk about the building.
250
00:10:37,585 --> 00:10:39,960
Please don't tell my momster.
251
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,126
Oh, we had such a magical night.
252
00:10:46,126 --> 00:10:49,877
We had drinks and then we had dinner
and then we had coffee and--
253
00:10:49,877 --> 00:10:52,168
And then you slept with him
to sell him a building.
254
00:10:52,168 --> 00:10:53,626
No.
255
00:10:53,626 --> 00:10:56,084
We spent the evening
just getting to know each other.
256
00:10:56,084 --> 00:10:58,293
Like his--
Let's see, his middle name is David.
257
00:10:58,626 --> 00:11:00,752
He's allergic to raisins
258
00:11:00,752 --> 00:11:02,710
and he lives
this completely green lifestyle.
259
00:11:02,710 --> 00:11:04,668
I mean, his whole house is green.
260
00:11:04,668 --> 00:11:06,626
Except for the ceiling, it's white.
261
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,334
I tried to have a one-night stand
on a plane once.
262
00:11:09,334 --> 00:11:11,334
But we crossed
the International Date Line
263
00:11:11,334 --> 00:11:13,334
so it ended up
being a two-night stand but--
264
00:11:13,334 --> 00:11:16,752
It was not a one-night stand, okay?
265
00:11:16,752 --> 00:11:18,543
Owen and I had a connection.
266
00:11:18,543 --> 00:11:20,002
Oh, us too.
267
00:11:20,002 --> 00:11:21,585
Yeah, we switched planes
in Hong Kong.
268
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,960
Anyhoo, oh, he is just such
an amazing person.
269
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,501
Did I tell you guys
that he makes water for thirsty people?
270
00:11:27,501 --> 00:11:29,293
I mean, how sexy is that?
271
00:11:29,293 --> 00:11:31,126
Guys, I really-- I think I like him.
272
00:11:31,376 --> 00:11:33,585
I like someone too. Seth.
273
00:11:33,585 --> 00:11:35,585
Oh, that's so funny
because you also hate Seth.
274
00:11:35,918 --> 00:11:37,793
But I like basketball players.
275
00:11:37,793 --> 00:11:40,960
And Seth can get me to Tony Dane,
my favorite player on the team.
276
00:11:41,251 --> 00:11:42,543
Andrea, no.
277
00:11:42,543 --> 00:11:45,418
You're not gonna pretend to like Seth
to go meet a guy, are you?
278
00:11:45,418 --> 00:11:47,668
Well, hey,
I'm not trying to sell him a building.
279
00:11:47,668 --> 00:11:48,918
We had a connection.
280
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,251
I slept with him
because we care about each other
281
00:11:52,251 --> 00:11:53,960
and we both wanna save the world.
282
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,543
Those are the only reasons
I have sex too.
283
00:11:56,543 --> 00:12:01,084
Except for the guy on the plane.
I have such a soft spot for copilots.
284
00:12:04,293 --> 00:12:05,918
Hey, Frank.
285
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:07,626
- Miss Newly?
- Mm-hm.
286
00:12:07,626 --> 00:12:11,877
A nice young man driving an electric car
puttered by and left you this.
287
00:12:11,877 --> 00:12:13,793
Don't say another word.
288
00:12:13,793 --> 00:12:15,626
Don't cheapen this for me, Frank.
289
00:12:15,626 --> 00:12:18,418
I had a magical
and unforgettable evening.
290
00:12:18,418 --> 00:12:20,376
And at what point
were you elected fire chief?
291
00:12:20,877 --> 00:12:22,293
Ha, ha.
292
00:12:22,293 --> 00:12:23,710
Samantha Newly.
293
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:25,626
- What did you do?
- Nothing.
294
00:12:26,002 --> 00:12:27,626
What happened with Owen yesterday?
295
00:12:27,626 --> 00:12:28,793
Yesterday?
296
00:12:29,126 --> 00:12:30,668
Yesterday? Nothing.
297
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,293
Nothing. We had drinks. We talked.
298
00:12:33,293 --> 00:12:36,585
We-- Just-- It was a little bit of drinking.
It was a lot of talking. Why?
299
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,043
Because he's not buying the building,
that's why.
300
00:12:39,543 --> 00:12:41,960
- He's not?
- He found another building he likes better.
301
00:12:42,293 --> 00:12:44,418
What other building? Nuh-uh.
302
00:12:44,418 --> 00:12:46,251
I thought I told you to charm him.
303
00:12:46,251 --> 00:12:47,585
I did charm him.
304
00:12:47,585 --> 00:12:50,126
I was very charming.
305
00:12:50,126 --> 00:12:51,793
I bet she charmed the pants off him.
306
00:12:52,626 --> 00:12:54,668
I don't understand.
You've had so much experience.
307
00:12:54,918 --> 00:12:56,585
Something wrong with your technique.
308
00:12:56,585 --> 00:12:58,084
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, my.
309
00:12:58,084 --> 00:13:00,209
My technique is fine, Mother.
310
00:13:00,209 --> 00:13:02,877
Well, obviously not.
Maybe I could show you a thing or two.
311
00:13:02,877 --> 00:13:05,460
[LAUGHS THEN CLEARS THROAT]
312
00:13:05,460 --> 00:13:08,585
No, I'll tell you who knows how to handle
a businessman. Your father.
313
00:13:08,585 --> 00:13:12,084
Mm. Oh, I give up.
Frank, see what you can do with her.
314
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:14,960
Having a good day, Frank?
315
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,835
- Best of my career.
- Yeah.
316
00:13:17,126 --> 00:13:19,002
TODD:
We should be watching wrestling.
317
00:13:19,002 --> 00:13:20,209
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
318
00:13:20,209 --> 00:13:21,376
Come in.
319
00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:26,084
Hello, Andrea, you should have been here
five minutes ago.
320
00:13:26,084 --> 00:13:27,877
I was naked from the waist down.
321
00:13:27,877 --> 00:13:29,543
Because he sat on a pizza.
322
00:13:29,543 --> 00:13:32,626
Point is, naked, waist down.
323
00:13:32,626 --> 00:13:33,960
What's going on, Andrea?
324
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:39,460
Okay, this may sound stupid
but I was thinking last night--
325
00:13:39,460 --> 00:13:41,293
What were you wearing?
326
00:13:42,126 --> 00:13:47,793
And I realized that maybe the reason
you drive me crazy is that
327
00:13:48,835 --> 00:13:50,043
you drive me crazy.
328
00:13:50,251 --> 00:13:51,626
[SNORTS]
329
00:13:52,293 --> 00:13:54,960
Okay, what?
330
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,418
ANDREA:
Okay, what? I--
331
00:13:56,918 --> 00:13:58,126
Don't make me say it.
332
00:13:59,585 --> 00:14:01,626
I wanna take you to dinner
tomorrow night.
333
00:14:01,626 --> 00:14:04,293
Oh, come on, Seth,
you're not falling for this, are you?
334
00:14:04,293 --> 00:14:05,626
Your eyes are so brown.
335
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,293
She's up to something.
336
00:14:08,752 --> 00:14:10,793
Yeah, and we're gonna get up
to something too
337
00:14:10,793 --> 00:14:12,209
if you would just shut up.
338
00:14:12,209 --> 00:14:14,168
- You have great hair.
- Thank you.
339
00:14:14,168 --> 00:14:15,877
No, I'm serious, man. Think about it.
340
00:14:15,877 --> 00:14:19,626
I mean, she's her and you're you.
341
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:22,293
- Meaning what?
- Meaning she's hot
342
00:14:22,293 --> 00:14:24,002
and you're a guy who sits in pizza.
343
00:14:24,002 --> 00:14:26,460
What will people say
when they see you two down the street?
344
00:14:26,460 --> 00:14:29,626
Either A, I'm super talented
or B, I'm super loaded.
345
00:14:29,626 --> 00:14:31,793
Or that you're dying
and she's your last wish.
346
00:14:31,793 --> 00:14:34,585
Yeah, so dinner? Tomorrow night?
347
00:14:34,585 --> 00:14:36,752
Okay, wear something
348
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,501
else.
349
00:14:42,084 --> 00:14:43,126
[SIGHS]
350
00:14:43,626 --> 00:14:46,251
How could he not buy the building
after I slept with him?
351
00:14:46,251 --> 00:14:48,793
Well, you didn't sleep with him
to make him buy the building.
352
00:14:48,793 --> 00:14:50,002
Well, no, of course not.
353
00:14:50,002 --> 00:14:51,710
I slept with him because I like him.
354
00:14:51,710 --> 00:14:54,126
I just kind of thought
we were in a different place.
355
00:14:54,126 --> 00:14:57,585
I thought we were in the place where
we buy each other's buildings. Thank you.
356
00:14:57,585 --> 00:14:59,918
Maybe he just likes your building
more like a friend.
357
00:14:59,918 --> 00:15:02,668
Oh, God,
I can't believe how stupid I am.
358
00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:04,209
Of course-- I mean, why would he--?
359
00:15:04,209 --> 00:15:07,126
Why would he buy the building
when he can get the realtor for free?
360
00:15:07,126 --> 00:15:09,501
Hey, I think you're lucky he didn't buy it.
361
00:15:09,501 --> 00:15:10,918
How am I lucky?
362
00:15:10,918 --> 00:15:13,293
Because if he did,
you'd always be wondering if he did it
363
00:15:13,293 --> 00:15:15,126
because he owes you.
364
00:15:15,126 --> 00:15:16,501
Oh.
365
00:15:16,501 --> 00:15:17,710
Oh, I get that.
366
00:15:17,710 --> 00:15:19,084
You know, like a whore.
367
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:20,543
I said I get it.
368
00:15:20,543 --> 00:15:23,793
By his not buying your building,
it shows you how much he respects you.
369
00:15:23,793 --> 00:15:26,626
No, you're right. You're absolutely right.
370
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:29,543
Wow, I like him very much now.
371
00:15:29,543 --> 00:15:31,418
[BOTH LAUGH]
372
00:15:32,626 --> 00:15:34,334
Hey, I got your message.
373
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:35,793
What's up?
374
00:15:35,793 --> 00:15:36,960
- Good news.
- What?
375
00:15:37,752 --> 00:15:41,334
- Hey, Samantha.
- Hey, you. What are you doing here?
376
00:15:41,334 --> 00:15:44,084
- I'm buying your building.
- What?
377
00:15:44,460 --> 00:15:46,293
- Aren't you excited?
- Thrilled.
378
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,043
Why don't you just leave the money
on the nightstand?
379
00:15:52,793 --> 00:15:55,334
What is the matter with you?
You come back and behave yourself.
380
00:15:55,793 --> 00:15:57,793
Sorry, are you mad at me?
381
00:15:58,126 --> 00:16:02,334
Well, no, at first, I wasn't and then I was
and then I wasn't again,
382
00:16:02,334 --> 00:16:04,418
but you couldn't leave that alone,
now could you?
383
00:16:04,418 --> 00:16:06,710
Heh-heh. Excuse my sister.
She had a major head trauma.
384
00:16:06,710 --> 00:16:08,084
We don't let her use scissors.
385
00:16:08,084 --> 00:16:11,002
I didn't wanna cause a thing here.
I just wanted to buy the building.
386
00:16:11,002 --> 00:16:14,626
You should've thought of that before you
jumped in the sack. Yes, I slept with him.
387
00:16:14,626 --> 00:16:16,126
I hope you're happy, Mom.
388
00:16:16,710 --> 00:16:17,918
We hope you're happy, Mom.
389
00:16:17,918 --> 00:16:20,418
God rest her soul,
she died when we were really little.
390
00:16:20,418 --> 00:16:21,626
I don't know what you think
391
00:16:21,626 --> 00:16:23,752
but this has nothing to do
with what happened.
392
00:16:23,752 --> 00:16:25,835
Yeah, well,
then why did you change your mind?
393
00:16:26,293 --> 00:16:27,793
The other realtor was lousy in bed.
394
00:16:30,084 --> 00:16:31,960
Too soon? Sorry.
395
00:16:32,209 --> 00:16:35,793
I just got a bad vibe from the other guy.
I thought he was hiding things.
396
00:16:35,793 --> 00:16:38,084
Oh, well,
Lord knows we don't hide much.
397
00:16:38,084 --> 00:16:40,251
Don't start with me, this was your idea.
398
00:16:40,251 --> 00:16:42,002
I did not tell you to go all the way.
399
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,835
It's not like we're trying to sell a mall.
400
00:16:44,668 --> 00:16:49,752
Samantha, I don't know what I did wrong
but I know I did something and I'm sorry.
401
00:16:50,002 --> 00:16:53,168
And I'd like to make it up to you
by not buying the building.
402
00:16:55,293 --> 00:16:56,960
You would do that for me?
403
00:16:56,960 --> 00:17:00,835
Well, for you, Samantha,
I would not buy every building in the world.
404
00:17:01,126 --> 00:17:02,835
Aw.
405
00:17:03,585 --> 00:17:05,168
Oh...
406
00:17:07,710 --> 00:17:09,835
I'll take off 40,000, that's it.
407
00:17:12,501 --> 00:17:14,043
Thank you.
408
00:17:14,793 --> 00:17:17,002
- Wow.
- Ahh.
409
00:17:17,002 --> 00:17:19,002
Chili's. Uh-huh.
410
00:17:19,543 --> 00:17:22,918
I've passed this place a hundred times,
never thought to come in though.
411
00:17:22,918 --> 00:17:24,168
No, you're missing out.
412
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:26,460
I mean, look at this right here.
413
00:17:26,460 --> 00:17:29,251
Crispy Honey-chipotle
Chicken Crispers.
414
00:17:29,251 --> 00:17:32,043
I mean, you could stop at any one
of those words and be very happy.
415
00:17:32,043 --> 00:17:33,334
[CHUCKLES]
416
00:17:33,626 --> 00:17:35,626
You know what makes me
really happy?
417
00:17:35,626 --> 00:17:37,293
How handsome you are.
418
00:17:37,293 --> 00:17:38,918
Are you doing something different?
419
00:17:39,251 --> 00:17:40,877
I do a lot of things different.
420
00:17:40,877 --> 00:17:43,126
Some of them go over well,
some of them don't.
421
00:17:43,752 --> 00:17:45,960
And you smell
422
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:47,209
amazing.
423
00:17:47,209 --> 00:17:48,668
- You wearing cologne?
- No.
424
00:17:49,293 --> 00:17:51,376
I'm eating a ton of corn.
425
00:17:51,376 --> 00:17:52,626
It makes me smell sweet.
426
00:17:52,626 --> 00:17:54,626
Like you, you little minx. Ha-ha-ha.
427
00:17:54,626 --> 00:17:57,960
Oh, my God, you touched my nose.
428
00:17:57,960 --> 00:17:59,710
How hot.
429
00:18:00,585 --> 00:18:04,543
We should do that dog thing
where we eat something until we kiss.
430
00:18:04,543 --> 00:18:06,960
You know what I'm talking about?
Like this. Come here.
431
00:18:07,918 --> 00:18:10,668
Woof. Woof-woof-woof-woof.
432
00:18:10,668 --> 00:18:12,626
Woof-woof. Woof. Oh.
433
00:18:12,626 --> 00:18:14,543
[GROWLING]
434
00:18:14,543 --> 00:18:16,501
- Oh...
- Get it. There, go.
435
00:18:16,501 --> 00:18:18,793
No! No! I cannot do this.
436
00:18:18,793 --> 00:18:21,543
- I am an attorney and you're disgusting.
- Ha-ha.
437
00:18:21,543 --> 00:18:23,084
- I'm going.
- Now?
438
00:18:23,084 --> 00:18:25,418
Before you get a basketball player's
phone number?
439
00:18:25,418 --> 00:18:27,209
What?
440
00:18:27,209 --> 00:18:30,626
Excuse me? Basketball?
I don't know what you're talking about.
441
00:18:31,209 --> 00:18:33,376
All right, I had you going though
with the whole:
442
00:18:33,376 --> 00:18:35,752
Woof-woof-woof-woof-woof.
Ha-ha-ha.
443
00:18:35,752 --> 00:18:37,460
All right, whose number do you want?
444
00:18:37,752 --> 00:18:40,460
I got Michael Dently's.
445
00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:43,752
- Tony Dane's. Dante Roy's.
- Tony Dane. That one.
446
00:18:44,043 --> 00:18:46,960
Oh, yeah. No. He's a good guy.
He has a boat.
447
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,126
I love boats.
448
00:18:50,585 --> 00:18:52,043
Why are you doing this?
449
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,918
Well, I know how this thing ends.
450
00:18:53,918 --> 00:18:55,460
- What thing?
- Look.
451
00:18:55,793 --> 00:18:59,334
You're gonna go out with Tony
and you're going to have fun and sex,
452
00:18:59,334 --> 00:19:01,793
and he's gonna buy you
a lot of blah, blah, blah.
453
00:19:01,793 --> 00:19:04,460
But after a while,
you're gonna want something different.
454
00:19:04,460 --> 00:19:05,793
Something real.
455
00:19:05,793 --> 00:19:07,960
Someone who cares less
about what's out there,
456
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:10,168
- more about what's inside.
- Don't touch me.
457
00:19:10,168 --> 00:19:11,418
And I'm gonna be there.
458
00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:13,793
Because I know it's right and so do you.
459
00:19:14,668 --> 00:19:16,877
- You're crazy.
- No, I'm right.
460
00:19:16,877 --> 00:19:19,126
No, you're gross.
461
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:23,043
But this is really good and I'm taking it.
462
00:19:28,043 --> 00:19:29,376
Hey, that's mine.
463
00:19:29,918 --> 00:19:31,334
- Oh.
- Jeez, if I'd known
464
00:19:31,334 --> 00:19:33,002
you were gonna carry me for ten blocks,
465
00:19:33,002 --> 00:19:34,460
I wouldn't have had dessert.
466
00:19:34,793 --> 00:19:37,002
- Aah. Aah.
- Aah.
467
00:19:37,002 --> 00:19:38,043
No,
468
00:19:38,334 --> 00:19:40,043
it's my fault.
469
00:19:40,043 --> 00:19:43,960
I walk everywhere and I forget
that pretty girls like to wear pretty shoes.
470
00:19:55,002 --> 00:19:56,960
I'll call you tomorrow.
471
00:19:59,293 --> 00:20:01,293
SAM:
One way to build self-respect
472
00:20:01,293 --> 00:20:04,293
is to surround yourself
with people you admire
473
00:20:04,293 --> 00:20:06,877
who also admire you.
474
00:20:06,877 --> 00:20:08,793
I'm not carrying you to the elevator.
475
00:20:08,793 --> 00:20:10,501
Shh.
476
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,334
But at the end of the day,
477
00:20:17,334 --> 00:20:19,960
no matter how much
someone else cares about you,
478
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,668
you have to respect yourself.
479
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,960
To be able to look yourself
in the mirror.
480
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,043
TODD:
Sam, you're home late.
481
00:20:26,418 --> 00:20:28,043
Long day?
482
00:20:28,043 --> 00:20:29,460
Uh-- Yeah.
483
00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:32,710
Yeah, I was like, "Mom, I wanna go home"
and she was like:
484
00:20:33,376 --> 00:20:34,752
"No." Heh.
485
00:20:35,460 --> 00:20:37,460
Yeah, I'm exhausted.
486
00:20:37,460 --> 00:20:39,835
- Night.
- Night.
487
00:20:45,209 --> 00:20:46,752
[SETH GROANS]
488
00:20:54,209 --> 00:20:57,960
I think your roommate
has a roommate on the side.