1 00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:04,960 SAMANTHA: Sometimes, taking things you like and mixing them together 2 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:07,002 can make another thing you like even more. 3 00:00:07,002 --> 00:00:08,918 Todd? Todd. 4 00:00:08,918 --> 00:00:10,668 Todd. 5 00:00:10,668 --> 00:00:12,585 What are you doing home? 6 00:00:12,585 --> 00:00:14,793 What about you? Thought you were at granola boy's. 7 00:00:14,793 --> 00:00:17,877 SAMANTHA: Unless it's mixing your current boyfriend 8 00:00:17,877 --> 00:00:19,334 and your ex-boyfriend. 9 00:00:19,334 --> 00:00:23,002 Because granola boy called, and they've got some fresh granola in. 10 00:00:23,002 --> 00:00:24,460 Wow, this is awesome. 11 00:00:24,460 --> 00:00:25,668 I mean, it's awkward. 12 00:00:25,668 --> 00:00:28,126 I don't know why I said awesome. It's not, it's awkward. 13 00:00:28,126 --> 00:00:30,002 Mostly because he's wearing my shirt. 14 00:00:30,002 --> 00:00:31,251 - Yeah. - Yeah. 15 00:00:31,251 --> 00:00:33,835 I'll go change. 16 00:00:33,835 --> 00:00:35,293 Good plan. 17 00:00:36,793 --> 00:00:39,543 All right. Well. That went really well, huh? 18 00:00:39,543 --> 00:00:40,752 No. 19 00:00:40,752 --> 00:00:43,002 But I'm glad because now you owe me a favor. 20 00:00:43,002 --> 00:00:44,626 My mom's coming in from Canada. 21 00:00:44,626 --> 00:00:46,877 Wait a minute. She's in Canada? 22 00:00:46,877 --> 00:00:49,002 - You're Canadian? - Yeah, why? 23 00:00:49,002 --> 00:00:52,752 It's just not something that you ever talk "aboot." 24 00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:54,334 [LAUGHS] 25 00:00:54,334 --> 00:00:56,002 Anyway, look, she knows we broke up. 26 00:00:56,002 --> 00:00:58,126 What she doesn't know is that I live on your couch 27 00:00:58,126 --> 00:00:59,835 and that your boyfriend wears my shirts. 28 00:00:59,835 --> 00:01:03,501 Got it. You want me to move "oot." 29 00:01:03,501 --> 00:01:05,126 - Yes. - Okay. 30 00:01:05,126 --> 00:01:08,084 Well, what should I--? Should I come by and say hi to her? 31 00:01:08,084 --> 00:01:10,002 Let me guess. She hates me. 32 00:01:10,002 --> 00:01:11,668 Oh, she might. If she ever met you. 33 00:01:12,835 --> 00:01:15,334 You said you never mixed boyfriends and parents. 34 00:01:15,334 --> 00:01:16,543 That's not true. 35 00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:19,168 I mean, I obviously introduced you to my parents. 36 00:01:19,168 --> 00:01:21,209 Well, sort of. 37 00:01:22,626 --> 00:01:26,585 TODD: Oh, I can't do this. I can't do this. - What is wrong? 38 00:01:26,585 --> 00:01:28,376 It's just being in your parent's house. 39 00:01:28,376 --> 00:01:29,752 They're in Myrtle Beach. 40 00:01:29,752 --> 00:01:31,877 You know, it's your childhood room. 41 00:01:31,877 --> 00:01:34,960 I don't know if I can do it in front of this many unicorns. 42 00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,793 Unless you wanna do it in front of the guys 43 00:01:36,793 --> 00:01:39,376 reflooring my apartment, then this is gonna have to do. 44 00:01:39,376 --> 00:01:41,168 - Okay. - Okay. 45 00:01:42,084 --> 00:01:43,960 HOWARD: Hey, Sammy, I saw your car in the drive-- 46 00:01:44,585 --> 00:01:46,168 Oh, my God. 47 00:01:46,168 --> 00:01:49,668 Hey, Daddy. You guys bring me anything? 48 00:01:50,668 --> 00:01:52,293 It's okay. You can have the apartment. 49 00:01:52,293 --> 00:01:57,376 I'll go stay at my parents' "hoose." 50 00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:00,460 [UP-TEMPOED MUSIC PLAYING] 51 00:02:01,710 --> 00:02:04,626 Why would you invite your boyfriend to meet your parents? 52 00:02:04,626 --> 00:02:07,710 Seriously, you need a handler. You cannot be left alone. 53 00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,626 I don't want things in my life to be separate. 54 00:02:09,626 --> 00:02:11,002 I like everything individually, 55 00:02:11,002 --> 00:02:13,585 so why wouldn't I like them all mixed together? 56 00:02:13,585 --> 00:02:15,126 You like your red wine, right? 57 00:02:15,126 --> 00:02:16,793 - Yeah, I love it. - You like martinis? 58 00:02:16,793 --> 00:02:18,376 Sure. 59 00:02:18,376 --> 00:02:19,668 Enjoy. 60 00:02:19,668 --> 00:02:21,793 Thank you, I will. 61 00:02:25,002 --> 00:02:26,710 Mm, mm, mm. 62 00:02:27,293 --> 00:02:29,668 DENA: I'd be happy to just mix with my own boyfriend 63 00:02:29,668 --> 00:02:30,918 but Chase is always busy. 64 00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:34,501 I've been trying to get him to go see that movie Australia with me. 65 00:02:34,501 --> 00:02:38,418 I even told him it's a big romance starring Hugh Jackman. 66 00:02:38,418 --> 00:02:39,835 What more could a guy want? 67 00:02:39,835 --> 00:02:41,835 He used to want to spend every second with me. 68 00:02:41,835 --> 00:02:43,168 Now I never see him. 69 00:02:43,168 --> 00:02:44,376 I see him every day. 70 00:02:44,376 --> 00:02:46,376 Believe me, you're not missing anything. 71 00:02:46,376 --> 00:02:48,918 Hey, yes. That's an idea. 72 00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:51,835 If I wanna see him, go to his work. 73 00:02:51,835 --> 00:02:54,251 Which is also my work, so no. 74 00:02:54,251 --> 00:02:57,460 I'm telling you, do not mix parts of your life. 75 00:02:57,460 --> 00:02:59,585 I think you are wrong. 76 00:02:59,585 --> 00:03:01,002 And Owen is amazing. 77 00:03:01,002 --> 00:03:03,418 And I cannot wait for my parents to get to know him. 78 00:03:03,418 --> 00:03:05,418 Okay, well, have you considered this? 79 00:03:05,418 --> 00:03:10,168 When your parents get to know Owen, Owen will get to know your parents. 80 00:03:12,209 --> 00:03:13,918 No, I have not. 81 00:03:24,209 --> 00:03:27,209 Okay, so I'm gonna put these fluorescent bulbs in all of the lamps. 82 00:03:27,209 --> 00:03:30,043 Dad, you put out the recycled toilet paper. 83 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,960 Oh, and no jokes about how you can see stuff in it. 84 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,168 Oh, and mother, 85 00:03:34,168 --> 00:03:37,168 I made up these cards that I thought might come in handy. 86 00:03:37,334 --> 00:03:38,877 Is it a party game? I love games. 87 00:03:38,877 --> 00:03:40,084 What's it called? 88 00:03:40,084 --> 00:03:41,877 It's Things to Avoid During Dinner with Owen. 89 00:03:42,084 --> 00:03:44,126 HOWARD: How lucky were you to find that one? 90 00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:47,376 "Has he ever been married? 91 00:03:47,376 --> 00:03:48,626 Is he married now? 92 00:03:48,626 --> 00:03:49,960 Does he have children? 93 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,710 Can he have children? 94 00:03:52,126 --> 00:03:53,918 Your sex life. 95 00:03:53,918 --> 00:03:55,501 Our sex life." 96 00:03:55,501 --> 00:03:58,501 Howard, can you believe this? Our daughter is embarrassed by us. 97 00:03:58,501 --> 00:04:01,835 Us? She didn't give me any cards. 98 00:04:03,501 --> 00:04:05,835 What? I can't tell the constipated parrot joke? 99 00:04:05,835 --> 00:04:07,501 No, please. 100 00:04:07,501 --> 00:04:10,002 Because Smitty and Reno down at the chicken farm loved it. 101 00:04:10,002 --> 00:04:11,418 And they're a tough laugh. 102 00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,418 Daddy, for me? 103 00:04:13,418 --> 00:04:14,752 Okay. 104 00:04:14,752 --> 00:04:18,002 But you do realize that he hasn't gone for days. 105 00:04:18,002 --> 00:04:19,168 - No, I know. - All righ-- 106 00:04:19,168 --> 00:04:20,710 All right. You know what? 107 00:04:20,710 --> 00:04:24,376 I was once told I was a bewitching conversationalist. 108 00:04:24,376 --> 00:04:27,334 Why am I being singled out? I mean, I've already met Owen. 109 00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:29,376 Yes, and pretended to be my sister. 110 00:04:29,376 --> 00:04:32,293 So you can understand my concern. 111 00:04:32,460 --> 00:04:34,793 Fine, fine. I won't speak. 112 00:04:34,793 --> 00:04:37,251 I'll just cook and bus tables. 113 00:04:37,251 --> 00:04:39,585 - What, I'm the hired help now? - Yes. 114 00:04:39,585 --> 00:04:42,501 But we think of you as almost a member of the family. 115 00:04:45,084 --> 00:04:47,877 - Well done, sir. - I'm sorry? 116 00:04:47,877 --> 00:04:49,334 Your mother? 117 00:04:49,334 --> 00:04:53,293 Who is coming to stay so Miss Newly would clear out? 118 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,376 Excellent story. Well-played. 119 00:04:55,793 --> 00:04:58,418 No, no, no, my mom really was coming but she canceled. 120 00:04:58,418 --> 00:05:00,668 I was gonna call Sam and tell her to come home. 121 00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:02,960 If I may. 122 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:06,835 Rarely does the universe offer you a weekend to yourself. 123 00:05:06,835 --> 00:05:10,251 And the "Madden Football"game you ordered. 124 00:05:10,251 --> 00:05:14,126 Speaking as one whose in-laws are in the second week of their visit, 125 00:05:14,126 --> 00:05:18,251 ignoring such a convergence seems like a slap to God's face. 126 00:05:22,084 --> 00:05:23,752 Let's go. 127 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:28,334 Okay, so we're not leaving till we're done. 128 00:05:28,334 --> 00:05:30,543 First up is permits. Andrea. 129 00:05:30,543 --> 00:05:33,043 Really? Is she gonna be in the meetings now? 130 00:05:33,043 --> 00:05:36,710 Oh, just ignore me. I'm not even here. 131 00:05:36,710 --> 00:05:38,043 She's not even here. 132 00:05:38,043 --> 00:05:41,002 - What are we gonna do about those? - We're still waiting for the city-- 133 00:05:41,002 --> 00:05:42,209 I'm sorry, Jerri, waiting? 134 00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:44,543 So now waiting is doing? Is that it? 135 00:05:44,543 --> 00:05:45,918 Wait, I see the similarities. 136 00:05:45,918 --> 00:05:47,668 I see them. They're participles, right? 137 00:05:47,668 --> 00:05:51,418 They're both action words like groveling, packing, firing-- 138 00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:54,043 [DENA GIGGLING] 139 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,835 Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were kidding. 140 00:05:56,835 --> 00:05:59,501 I thought you're like, "Grr! I'm a bear." 141 00:05:59,501 --> 00:06:02,835 You cute little baby bear. That's it, yeah, you are. 142 00:06:02,835 --> 00:06:05,084 Okay, okay, Dena? 143 00:06:05,084 --> 00:06:07,043 - Dena. - Oh, yeah? 144 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,168 Oh. 145 00:06:10,418 --> 00:06:11,710 [GIGGLING] 146 00:06:11,710 --> 00:06:14,002 Kicked out of the bear cave. 147 00:06:14,002 --> 00:06:15,626 [DENA GIGGLING] 148 00:06:17,209 --> 00:06:18,251 Call me. 149 00:06:19,668 --> 00:06:20,960 [JERRI CHUCKLES] 150 00:06:21,835 --> 00:06:23,043 HOWARD: You know, Owen, 151 00:06:23,043 --> 00:06:25,460 I was an environmentalist before it became a fad. 152 00:06:26,126 --> 00:06:29,168 If I'd ever gotten these two to turn off a light when they left a room, 153 00:06:29,168 --> 00:06:30,334 I'd be a rich man myself. 154 00:06:31,251 --> 00:06:32,668 I never said that you were rich. 155 00:06:32,668 --> 00:06:34,126 Oh, it's okay. 156 00:06:34,126 --> 00:06:35,585 I am. 157 00:06:36,209 --> 00:06:39,418 Samantha, would you pass the potatoes to Owen? 158 00:06:39,877 --> 00:06:41,002 And, Howard, 159 00:06:41,209 --> 00:06:44,168 would you like to ask our guest if he wants to have children someday? 160 00:06:44,168 --> 00:06:48,543 Okay, Owen, you're gonna love Regina's chicken salad. 161 00:06:48,543 --> 00:06:52,501 Oh, thank you, it looks fantastic but I don't eat chicken. 162 00:06:53,501 --> 00:06:55,376 - Pardon me? - Oh, but it's okay. 163 00:06:55,376 --> 00:06:58,209 I mean, nothing to worry about. I have plenty of potatoes here. 164 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:01,126 - Do you have a problem with chicken? - Daddy. 165 00:07:02,752 --> 00:07:05,209 - No. - Oh, okay. 166 00:07:05,209 --> 00:07:06,585 Okay. 167 00:07:06,585 --> 00:07:08,002 Just the industry that farms it. 168 00:07:17,460 --> 00:07:20,877 Which I now understand means you. 169 00:07:21,793 --> 00:07:24,043 SAMANTHA: All right, what have we got? 170 00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:26,460 - Chicken stock. REGINA: Yams. 171 00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:28,043 We have yams. 172 00:07:28,043 --> 00:07:29,084 Really, I'm fine. 173 00:07:29,626 --> 00:07:33,710 Well, I guess you gave your little topic cards to the wrong parent. 174 00:07:33,710 --> 00:07:35,752 Mother, I told you he was a vegetarian. 175 00:07:35,752 --> 00:07:38,168 Which is why I made a salad. 176 00:07:38,168 --> 00:07:39,543 With chicken. 177 00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,334 A chicken salad. 178 00:07:41,334 --> 00:07:43,334 Chicken. 179 00:07:43,334 --> 00:07:44,501 Salad. 180 00:07:44,501 --> 00:07:45,793 You know, it's okay, I-- 181 00:07:45,793 --> 00:07:46,960 I can pick around it. 182 00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:51,002 So is this a humane thing? 183 00:07:51,002 --> 00:07:52,877 Because we have free-range chickens only. 184 00:07:52,877 --> 00:07:54,710 It's more of an environmental concern. 185 00:07:54,710 --> 00:07:57,543 Factory farming uses a disproportionate amount of resources. 186 00:07:57,543 --> 00:07:58,752 Oh, here we go. 187 00:07:58,752 --> 00:08:02,168 The part where I'm personally responsible for "global warming." 188 00:08:02,168 --> 00:08:05,418 Daddy, it's not "global warming, " okay? 189 00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:07,376 It's very real. 190 00:08:07,376 --> 00:08:10,418 Owen and I actually went to a lecture about it last week. 191 00:08:10,418 --> 00:08:12,043 An incredibly informative, 192 00:08:12,043 --> 00:08:14,626 maybe about an hour-and-a-half too long, lecture. 193 00:08:14,626 --> 00:08:16,668 And now I get one in the privacy of my own home. 194 00:08:16,668 --> 00:08:19,168 Daddy, this is what Owen does for a living. 195 00:08:19,168 --> 00:08:21,209 He's saving the planet. 196 00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,543 And I'm killing it, right? 197 00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:26,626 And my little hobby provides food, jobs, a roof over your head. 198 00:08:26,626 --> 00:08:30,002 And let me remind you, chickens built this house. 199 00:08:30,002 --> 00:08:32,334 Really? I'd love to see pictures of that. 200 00:08:32,334 --> 00:08:34,376 REGINA: Oh, look, beets. 201 00:08:34,376 --> 00:08:36,168 Nature's candy. 202 00:08:36,168 --> 00:08:38,585 You know, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause problems. 203 00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:39,918 I should probably go. 204 00:08:39,918 --> 00:08:41,126 - Yeah. SAMANTHA: No. 205 00:08:41,126 --> 00:08:43,293 Maybe we can do this some other time. 206 00:08:43,293 --> 00:08:44,960 Yeah, but you're going to miss dessert. 207 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:47,460 - I hope you like panda. - Daddy, stop it. 208 00:08:47,668 --> 00:08:49,543 - Sam, I'll call you. - No, no. 209 00:08:49,543 --> 00:08:51,501 - I'm coming with you. HOWARD: No, you're not. 210 00:08:51,501 --> 00:08:53,752 Walk out that door, missy, don't bother coming back. 211 00:08:53,752 --> 00:08:55,835 Then fine, I won't. 212 00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:57,043 Come on, Owen. 213 00:08:57,043 --> 00:08:58,501 Thank you for a lovely evening. 214 00:08:58,668 --> 00:09:00,293 Creamed corn? 215 00:09:01,543 --> 00:09:03,043 Panda? 216 00:09:05,251 --> 00:09:07,002 He rode his bike. 217 00:09:10,126 --> 00:09:14,043 Last night was a complete and utter disaster. 218 00:09:14,043 --> 00:09:16,334 I feel bad for you, Sam. I do. 219 00:09:16,334 --> 00:09:19,877 But the lesson we can all take from this is I was right. 220 00:09:20,418 --> 00:09:23,126 Yes, you were right. Never mix. 221 00:09:23,126 --> 00:09:25,168 My father still wouldn't talk to me this morning. 222 00:09:25,168 --> 00:09:29,376 You guys were talking about chicken and ended up with a beef. 223 00:09:29,710 --> 00:09:32,501 A beef. Right? 224 00:09:32,501 --> 00:09:34,460 I mean, I was just defending my boyfriend. 225 00:09:34,460 --> 00:09:37,002 It's not like I attacking my father and what he does. 226 00:09:37,168 --> 00:09:39,501 Well, a guy like your dad is what he does. 227 00:09:40,418 --> 00:09:41,668 You know what I have to do? 228 00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:44,209 I have to go down there, I have to apologize, 229 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,209 and then I have to see what it is that he does. 230 00:09:46,209 --> 00:09:50,043 No, don't, because I spent one day at Chase's office and it ruined him. 231 00:09:50,043 --> 00:09:52,501 - It was horrible. - Meaning? 232 00:09:52,501 --> 00:09:54,543 - You were right. - Yes, I was right. 233 00:09:54,543 --> 00:09:55,877 I'm having a great day. 234 00:09:55,877 --> 00:09:57,793 SAMANTHA: Look, Chapman will be fine. 235 00:09:57,793 --> 00:10:01,293 He just needs to humiliate somebody in public and he'll be back to normal. 236 00:10:01,293 --> 00:10:03,585 Yes. Andrea, please do it. 237 00:10:03,585 --> 00:10:05,835 Just pretend to let Chase take you down. 238 00:10:05,835 --> 00:10:07,209 And why would I do that? 239 00:10:07,209 --> 00:10:08,793 And why would she do that? 240 00:10:08,793 --> 00:10:10,668 So Dena will stop coming to your office. 241 00:10:10,668 --> 00:10:12,043 Deal. 242 00:10:12,043 --> 00:10:15,002 You know who I blame for all of this? Todd's mother. 243 00:10:15,002 --> 00:10:16,752 I hope she's enjoying herself. 244 00:10:16,752 --> 00:10:18,209 MAN [ON GAME]: Interception. 245 00:10:18,209 --> 00:10:19,668 No, no, no, that's interference. 246 00:10:19,668 --> 00:10:21,334 No, that's 98-nothing. 247 00:10:21,334 --> 00:10:24,168 - Okay, switch controllers with me. - Back off, woman. 248 00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:30,543 SAMANTHA: Would the World's Greatest Dad like a mug for his coffee? 249 00:10:30,543 --> 00:10:33,251 If you're talking about me, I like Styrofoam cups. 250 00:10:33,251 --> 00:10:36,877 When they get dumped into the ocean, I get to clog up a dolphin's blowhole. 251 00:10:36,877 --> 00:10:39,543 Actually, the thing about Styrofoam is that the danger of it 252 00:10:39,543 --> 00:10:42,002 is that it has these chemicals that are released when it-- 253 00:10:42,002 --> 00:10:45,793 I'm sorry. It was a very informative lecture. 254 00:10:48,168 --> 00:10:49,835 Thanks. 255 00:10:49,835 --> 00:10:52,334 Daddy, I shouldn't have taken Owen's side 256 00:10:52,501 --> 00:10:57,209 without even knowing what you do, or even taking the time to find out. 257 00:10:57,209 --> 00:10:58,543 I'm sorry. 258 00:10:58,543 --> 00:11:00,209 Yeah, well, you've been busy. 259 00:11:00,418 --> 00:11:03,126 You know, you had that whole coma thing going on. 260 00:11:03,126 --> 00:11:05,084 You know, this and that. 261 00:11:06,668 --> 00:11:09,668 So this is where it happens, huh? 262 00:11:09,668 --> 00:11:11,043 Yeah, this is it. 263 00:11:11,043 --> 00:11:12,793 You loved coming here when you were a kid. 264 00:11:13,793 --> 00:11:18,043 You used to sit at this desk and play with the stapler. 265 00:11:18,043 --> 00:11:19,835 Be the boss like your old man. 266 00:11:20,293 --> 00:11:21,752 Will you show me? 267 00:11:21,752 --> 00:11:25,293 Yeah, you just take it and just kind of go like this. 268 00:11:25,293 --> 00:11:27,084 Hey, I'm the boss. 269 00:11:27,084 --> 00:11:30,293 No. Will you show me what you do? 270 00:11:30,585 --> 00:11:31,793 Oh. 271 00:11:31,793 --> 00:11:33,168 No. 272 00:11:33,168 --> 00:11:35,293 You're just being polite. It's okay. 273 00:11:37,418 --> 00:11:39,918 Please? Can I have a tour? 274 00:11:40,334 --> 00:11:43,626 - Okay. Sure, why not? - Yay. 275 00:11:44,626 --> 00:11:45,877 We might have to get booties 276 00:11:45,877 --> 00:11:47,918 so you don't get blood on those nice shoes, 277 00:11:47,918 --> 00:11:50,293 and maybe a shower cap. 278 00:11:52,376 --> 00:11:53,960 [MOUTHING] Shower cap. 279 00:11:54,418 --> 00:11:57,126 So we're projecting revenues escalating in that market, 280 00:11:57,126 --> 00:11:58,877 so I'm gonna need... 281 00:11:58,877 --> 00:12:00,585 [CHATTERING] 282 00:12:00,585 --> 00:12:02,376 People? 283 00:12:04,752 --> 00:12:06,002 [CHASE CLEARS THROAT] 284 00:12:06,002 --> 00:12:07,793 - Andrea. - Hm? 285 00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:09,585 [MOUTHING] I need you now. 286 00:12:09,585 --> 00:12:11,168 Oh. 287 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,293 Yes, Mr. Chapman? 288 00:12:14,293 --> 00:12:16,585 Andrea, it has come to my attention 289 00:12:16,585 --> 00:12:18,668 that you have made some sort of mistake. 290 00:12:18,668 --> 00:12:20,168 Apologize. 291 00:12:20,168 --> 00:12:21,543 Yes. 292 00:12:21,543 --> 00:12:23,418 - I've made-- - Stand up. 293 00:12:28,209 --> 00:12:30,877 I did make a mistake. 294 00:12:30,877 --> 00:12:32,376 I messed up bad. 295 00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:36,002 And I feel I need some sort of slap on the wrist 296 00:12:36,002 --> 00:12:38,835 to show me who's the boss. 297 00:12:38,835 --> 00:12:39,960 Oh, I didn't say to sit down. 298 00:12:41,668 --> 00:12:43,877 - What are--? - Call that some sort of an apology? 299 00:12:43,877 --> 00:12:45,877 - I said everything that we agreed-- - Get up. 300 00:12:51,126 --> 00:12:53,043 I'm sorry, Mr. Chapman. 301 00:12:53,251 --> 00:12:57,334 And I promise this is the very last apology that you will ever need. 302 00:12:57,334 --> 00:12:58,960 - You got it? - No. 303 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,168 - Get on your knees, woman. - I am never doing that. 304 00:13:01,168 --> 00:13:03,835 This is not my fault. I didn't mess things up with your girlfriend. 305 00:13:03,835 --> 00:13:05,043 Okay, apology's accepted. 306 00:13:05,043 --> 00:13:06,668 I'm not apologizing. You apologize. 307 00:13:06,668 --> 00:13:09,793 If you had gone to one stupid movie with her instead of ignoring her, 308 00:13:09,793 --> 00:13:12,251 then she wouldn't have dragged your life into my life. 309 00:13:12,251 --> 00:13:14,126 Just go and fix it. 310 00:13:16,585 --> 00:13:19,168 Okay, double bonuses if no one ever mentions baby bear again. 311 00:13:20,043 --> 00:13:21,918 Okay? Good meeting. 312 00:13:23,543 --> 00:13:25,460 HOWARD: We're home. 313 00:13:25,460 --> 00:13:29,251 Oh, you're back. I'm so glad you two made up. 314 00:13:29,251 --> 00:13:31,585 - So where'd you go? - Chickens. 315 00:13:31,585 --> 00:13:34,251 We went to the farm with the chickens. 316 00:13:34,251 --> 00:13:36,084 Oh, my God, the chickens. 317 00:13:36,084 --> 00:13:37,334 Howard, you did not. 318 00:13:37,334 --> 00:13:39,960 Well, she wanted to see what her old man does. 319 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:43,251 And now I know. And I'll never forget. 320 00:13:43,460 --> 00:13:45,668 HOWARD: She loved it, didn't you, Sammy? Tell her. 321 00:13:45,668 --> 00:13:46,918 Oh, I loved it. I loved it. 322 00:13:46,918 --> 00:13:50,043 I'd love to stop thinking about it but I just can't. 323 00:13:50,043 --> 00:13:52,960 HOWARD: I got a tape I wanted to show you. 324 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:54,376 [WHIMPERING] 325 00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:55,668 Samantha, are you okay? 326 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:56,877 Mom, they have hoses. 327 00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:58,084 They have hoses. 328 00:13:58,084 --> 00:14:00,168 And then the beaks. Oh, my God, the beaks. 329 00:14:00,168 --> 00:14:01,376 HOWARD: Found it. 330 00:14:01,376 --> 00:14:03,084 And that's where they get the cutlets. 331 00:14:03,084 --> 00:14:04,334 Isn't that fascinating? 332 00:14:04,334 --> 00:14:06,002 REGINA: I had forgotten that. 333 00:14:06,002 --> 00:14:07,418 - Yeah. HOWARD: Sammy? 334 00:14:07,418 --> 00:14:09,793 When you were little, I had a dream. 335 00:14:09,793 --> 00:14:12,293 And I was gonna wait until I was dead to tell you about it, 336 00:14:12,293 --> 00:14:15,460 but seeing how much you loved it there today, I-- 337 00:14:17,418 --> 00:14:19,293 Okay. 338 00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:21,460 REGINA [ON TV]: Do it again. Do it again. 339 00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:22,668 Do it for Mommy. 340 00:14:22,668 --> 00:14:26,334 Oh, Howard, look, she's taking her first-- 341 00:14:26,334 --> 00:14:27,793 HOWARD: Testing, testing. 342 00:14:27,793 --> 00:14:29,002 Okay. 343 00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:31,668 I just saw Terms of Endearment and... 344 00:14:31,668 --> 00:14:33,877 So I think that it's important for me to say 345 00:14:33,877 --> 00:14:36,710 what would happen to everything after I die. 346 00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,668 Regina, I love you. 347 00:14:39,251 --> 00:14:40,460 Everything's yours. 348 00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:41,835 REGINA: Howard, are you coming or not? 349 00:14:41,835 --> 00:14:43,209 Will you just--? One minute. 350 00:14:43,209 --> 00:14:44,418 REGINA: Don't yell at me. 351 00:14:44,418 --> 00:14:47,002 You're the one that wanted to watch Hardcastle and McCormick. 352 00:14:47,002 --> 00:14:49,293 Okay, anyway, everything except for the chicken farm. 353 00:14:49,293 --> 00:14:52,710 And that goes to my best little girl, Sammy, like she always wanted. 354 00:14:55,084 --> 00:14:57,585 Howard, you left nothing to your mother. 355 00:14:58,668 --> 00:15:00,293 Oh, please send her a copy of this. 356 00:15:00,293 --> 00:15:02,710 I'm not gonna wait until you're dead to see her reaction. 357 00:15:02,710 --> 00:15:04,334 So, Sammy, what do you think? 358 00:15:04,334 --> 00:15:06,002 I think-- 359 00:15:06,002 --> 00:15:09,043 I think I'm a chicken farmer. Yeah. 360 00:15:09,043 --> 00:15:11,002 [MOUTHING] Mom. 361 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,418 - Help me. - What is it? 362 00:15:17,418 --> 00:15:20,126 What is it? I'm a chicken farmer. 363 00:15:20,126 --> 00:15:22,043 Oh, that. Honey, relax. 364 00:15:22,043 --> 00:15:24,752 I have promised your father lots of things after he's dead. 365 00:15:24,752 --> 00:15:27,251 Just say thank you and then when he's gone, 366 00:15:27,251 --> 00:15:29,877 you sell the business and go on my trip with me to Hong Kong. 367 00:15:29,877 --> 00:15:31,251 You already have plans? 368 00:15:31,251 --> 00:15:33,376 Well, your father won't go to China. 369 00:15:33,376 --> 00:15:36,752 Ironically, by the time I get there, he'll be six feet closer than me. 370 00:15:36,752 --> 00:15:38,460 [REGINA LAUGHS] 371 00:15:39,293 --> 00:15:40,877 - Hey, Sammy, come here. - Hey, Dad. 372 00:15:40,877 --> 00:15:42,084 - Look. - Yeah. 373 00:15:42,084 --> 00:15:44,752 I've been waiting a long time to give you this. 374 00:15:47,043 --> 00:15:50,418 Guys down at the farm gave it to me for my 20th year in the business. 375 00:15:50,418 --> 00:15:52,293 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. 376 00:15:53,251 --> 00:15:54,918 Look at that. 377 00:15:54,918 --> 00:15:57,418 "The cluck stops here." 378 00:15:57,418 --> 00:15:59,251 Smitty came up with that. 379 00:15:59,251 --> 00:16:00,918 And you'll get a chance to meet him 380 00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:02,752 when you hang that over your desk tomorrow. 381 00:16:02,752 --> 00:16:04,126 Tomorrow? 382 00:16:04,126 --> 00:16:05,251 No. 383 00:16:05,251 --> 00:16:07,209 Not until you die. 384 00:16:07,209 --> 00:16:09,376 You got to die first, silly. 385 00:16:09,376 --> 00:16:11,043 Well, you need to learn the business. 386 00:16:11,043 --> 00:16:12,376 You know, right after my death, 387 00:16:12,376 --> 00:16:14,460 you're not gonna be in a very good head space. 388 00:16:14,460 --> 00:16:19,585 You know, Viking funerals are very powerful, unsettling things. 389 00:16:24,585 --> 00:16:26,084 CHASE [WHISPERING]: Dena. 390 00:16:27,084 --> 00:16:28,585 Dena. 391 00:16:29,418 --> 00:16:32,084 Dena. De-- 392 00:16:32,418 --> 00:16:33,585 Excuse me. 393 00:16:33,585 --> 00:16:35,835 Move, move. Thank you. 394 00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:43,793 So you think I'm ignoring you? 395 00:16:43,793 --> 00:16:46,334 DENA: What are you doing here? Don't you have to work? 396 00:16:46,334 --> 00:16:49,043 CHASE: No, I forwarded all my calls. 397 00:16:49,043 --> 00:16:50,251 Well, yeah. 398 00:16:50,251 --> 00:16:53,168 I don't feel like I'm a priority anymore. 399 00:16:53,168 --> 00:16:56,084 I miss the honeymoon phase of our relationship. 400 00:16:56,084 --> 00:16:59,793 Really? I hated the honeymoon phase. 401 00:16:59,793 --> 00:17:02,126 I couldn't wait for the honeymoon phase to be over. 402 00:17:02,126 --> 00:17:03,460 Why, so you could neglect me? 403 00:17:03,460 --> 00:17:04,710 - No. WOMAN: Shh. 404 00:17:04,710 --> 00:17:06,418 CHASE: You "shh." 405 00:17:08,251 --> 00:17:12,084 Look, this part we're in now, Dena, it's... 406 00:17:13,251 --> 00:17:15,334 This part is real. 407 00:17:17,334 --> 00:17:19,418 I'm not a goopy guy. 408 00:17:20,251 --> 00:17:21,585 I'm a bottom-line guy. 409 00:17:21,585 --> 00:17:23,043 I'm a... 410 00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:26,626 Like that guy. What is he, like, a tycoon? 411 00:17:26,626 --> 00:17:28,543 DENA: He's a stockman. - He's a stockman. 412 00:17:28,543 --> 00:17:30,877 Look, I mean, I have no idea what-- It doesn't matter. 413 00:17:30,877 --> 00:17:32,084 DENA: Okay. - Doesn't matter. 414 00:17:32,084 --> 00:17:34,835 The point is I wasn't neglecting you. 415 00:17:35,710 --> 00:17:37,043 I was taking you for granted. 416 00:17:38,668 --> 00:17:40,918 And I haven't been comfortable enough 417 00:17:40,918 --> 00:17:43,835 to do that with anyone in years. 418 00:17:47,084 --> 00:17:48,918 Really? 419 00:17:58,460 --> 00:17:59,752 - Hey. - It's okay. 420 00:17:59,752 --> 00:18:01,418 - Sorry, I'm leaving. - No, wait, wait. 421 00:18:01,418 --> 00:18:03,126 What are you doing? No, come back. 422 00:18:03,126 --> 00:18:04,334 It's so romantic. 423 00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:06,126 You coming through my bedroom window. 424 00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:09,501 This is not romantic. This is me being scared of your dad. 425 00:18:10,376 --> 00:18:12,668 A lot of things that I could be afraid of in this house. 426 00:18:12,668 --> 00:18:14,418 Oh, right, I-- 427 00:18:14,418 --> 00:18:16,877 Yeah, I was just... 428 00:18:17,835 --> 00:18:19,209 Just doing my nails as well. 429 00:18:21,209 --> 00:18:23,043 Hey, careful. 430 00:18:23,043 --> 00:18:24,209 OWEN: Oh, yeah. 431 00:18:24,209 --> 00:18:25,460 SAMANTHA: Okay? 432 00:18:28,251 --> 00:18:30,543 - Hi. - Hey, sorry about last night. 433 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,418 I should've just shut up and not made a big deal. 434 00:18:33,043 --> 00:18:34,710 But I got competitive and everything. 435 00:18:34,710 --> 00:18:36,668 Tried to act strong in front of my woman. 436 00:18:36,668 --> 00:18:38,251 I know you're strong. 437 00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:40,835 I see you riding that bicycle on your balcony every morning. 438 00:18:40,835 --> 00:18:43,501 Well, I kind of have to. It powers my electric toothbrush. 439 00:18:53,460 --> 00:18:55,501 Hey, Sammy, I was thinking-- Oh, my God. 440 00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:57,543 - Mr. Newly. - Don't you use my first name. 441 00:18:57,543 --> 00:18:59,043 It's Mr. Newly to you. 442 00:18:59,209 --> 00:19:00,710 Daddy, please. 443 00:19:00,710 --> 00:19:03,877 So, what were you thinking, huh? You gonna steal our little girl away? 444 00:19:03,877 --> 00:19:05,209 Well, think again. 445 00:19:05,209 --> 00:19:06,501 Did you tell him the news? 446 00:19:06,501 --> 00:19:08,835 Daddy, can we please talk about this downstairs? 447 00:19:08,835 --> 00:19:10,376 She's taking over my chicken farm. 448 00:19:10,376 --> 00:19:12,084 - You're what? - Starting immediately. 449 00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:13,376 - No, I'm-- - You are? 450 00:19:13,585 --> 00:19:15,585 - Yeah, tell him, Sammy. - What, a chicken farm? 451 00:19:15,585 --> 00:19:17,918 Stop it, please. 452 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,084 No, I'm not, Daddy. 453 00:19:20,752 --> 00:19:24,334 I'm sorry. I just can't. 454 00:19:24,334 --> 00:19:26,418 So you're... 455 00:19:27,418 --> 00:19:29,626 - You're choosing him. - No. 456 00:19:30,126 --> 00:19:31,293 I got it. 457 00:19:31,293 --> 00:19:32,418 Daddy, I'm-- 458 00:19:34,002 --> 00:19:35,585 Owen, I have to talk to my father. 459 00:19:35,585 --> 00:19:36,877 - Okay? - Okay, I'll go. 460 00:19:36,877 --> 00:19:38,460 - He has the hatchet. - Right, right. 461 00:19:38,460 --> 00:19:39,960 I'll call you. 462 00:19:42,043 --> 00:19:43,918 Daddy. 463 00:19:43,918 --> 00:19:48,293 I was not choosing Owen over you. Okay? 464 00:19:48,293 --> 00:19:50,209 You don't wanna run the family business, fine. 465 00:19:50,209 --> 00:19:51,710 It's no problem. 466 00:19:51,710 --> 00:19:53,002 I'm sorry. 467 00:19:53,002 --> 00:19:56,960 I love you, but I just could not do what you do. 468 00:19:57,418 --> 00:20:00,043 - Yeah, because you don't approve. - No. 469 00:20:00,043 --> 00:20:03,585 No, because I couldn't do it, which is why it's good that you do. 470 00:20:04,835 --> 00:20:07,209 Look, lots of us, we eat chicken and hamburgers 471 00:20:07,209 --> 00:20:09,126 and we don't have to think about how we get it 472 00:20:09,126 --> 00:20:12,918 because people like you protect us from having to. 473 00:20:12,918 --> 00:20:14,710 Like a dad. 474 00:20:16,585 --> 00:20:19,543 You know, I knew the farm wasn't right for you. 475 00:20:19,543 --> 00:20:21,251 But when you dropped by the office, 476 00:20:21,251 --> 00:20:25,168 it was like you were my little girl again and I was your hero. 477 00:20:25,793 --> 00:20:27,002 Dad, you still are. 478 00:20:27,418 --> 00:20:28,626 No. 479 00:20:28,626 --> 00:20:31,710 You got a great guy now. And he is, he's great. 480 00:20:32,043 --> 00:20:35,209 I just don't think I handled it well. 481 00:20:35,209 --> 00:20:38,293 Well, the reason I can pick a great guy 482 00:20:38,293 --> 00:20:42,043 is because I have a fantastic one for a dad. 483 00:20:46,752 --> 00:20:48,334 Now, hamburger production. 484 00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:50,418 Boy, oh, boy, you wanna talk about nightmares. 485 00:20:50,418 --> 00:20:52,960 - I mean, these-- - Shh. 486 00:20:56,251 --> 00:21:00,543 SAMANTHA: Ernest Hemingway once said that life is a moveable feast. 487 00:21:02,626 --> 00:21:05,752 I think what he meant is that there's an instinctive human desire 488 00:21:05,752 --> 00:21:08,668 to mix the ingredients of our lives. 489 00:21:10,835 --> 00:21:12,960 Preparing a far richer meal 490 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,460 than if those ingredients had never come together. 491 00:21:15,460 --> 00:21:17,918 So this parrot walks into a taco stand-- 492 00:21:17,918 --> 00:21:19,209 - Daddy, no. - Oh, no, Howard. 493 00:21:19,209 --> 00:21:21,168 No. You're not telling that.