1
00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:04,960
SAMANTHA: Sometimes, taking things
you like and mixing them together
2
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:07,002
can make another thing you like
even more.
3
00:00:07,002 --> 00:00:08,918
Todd? Todd.
4
00:00:08,918 --> 00:00:10,668
Todd.
5
00:00:10,668 --> 00:00:12,585
What are you doing home?
6
00:00:12,585 --> 00:00:14,793
What about you?
Thought you were at granola boy's.
7
00:00:14,793 --> 00:00:17,877
SAMANTHA: Unless it's mixing
your current boyfriend
8
00:00:17,877 --> 00:00:19,334
and your ex-boyfriend.
9
00:00:19,334 --> 00:00:23,002
Because granola boy called,
and they've got some fresh granola in.
10
00:00:23,002 --> 00:00:24,460
Wow, this is awesome.
11
00:00:24,460 --> 00:00:25,668
I mean, it's awkward.
12
00:00:25,668 --> 00:00:28,126
I don't know why I said awesome.
It's not, it's awkward.
13
00:00:28,126 --> 00:00:30,002
Mostly because
he's wearing my shirt.
14
00:00:30,002 --> 00:00:31,251
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
15
00:00:31,251 --> 00:00:33,835
I'll go change.
16
00:00:33,835 --> 00:00:35,293
Good plan.
17
00:00:36,793 --> 00:00:39,543
All right. Well.
That went really well, huh?
18
00:00:39,543 --> 00:00:40,752
No.
19
00:00:40,752 --> 00:00:43,002
But I'm glad because now
you owe me a favor.
20
00:00:43,002 --> 00:00:44,626
My mom's coming in from Canada.
21
00:00:44,626 --> 00:00:46,877
Wait a minute. She's in Canada?
22
00:00:46,877 --> 00:00:49,002
- You're Canadian?
- Yeah, why?
23
00:00:49,002 --> 00:00:52,752
It's just not something
that you ever talk "aboot."
24
00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:54,334
[LAUGHS]
25
00:00:54,334 --> 00:00:56,002
Anyway, look,
she knows we broke up.
26
00:00:56,002 --> 00:00:58,126
What she doesn't know
is that I live on your couch
27
00:00:58,126 --> 00:00:59,835
and that your boyfriend
wears my shirts.
28
00:00:59,835 --> 00:01:03,501
Got it. You want me to move "oot."
29
00:01:03,501 --> 00:01:05,126
- Yes.
- Okay.
30
00:01:05,126 --> 00:01:08,084
Well, what should I--?
Should I come by and say hi to her?
31
00:01:08,084 --> 00:01:10,002
Let me guess. She hates me.
32
00:01:10,002 --> 00:01:11,668
Oh, she might. If she ever met you.
33
00:01:12,835 --> 00:01:15,334
You said you never mixed boyfriends
and parents.
34
00:01:15,334 --> 00:01:16,543
That's not true.
35
00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:19,168
I mean, I obviously introduced you
to my parents.
36
00:01:19,168 --> 00:01:21,209
Well, sort of.
37
00:01:22,626 --> 00:01:26,585
TODD: Oh, I can't do this. I can't do this.
- What is wrong?
38
00:01:26,585 --> 00:01:28,376
It's just being in your parent's house.
39
00:01:28,376 --> 00:01:29,752
They're in Myrtle Beach.
40
00:01:29,752 --> 00:01:31,877
You know, it's your childhood room.
41
00:01:31,877 --> 00:01:34,960
I don't know if I can do it
in front of this many unicorns.
42
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,793
Unless you wanna do it
in front of the guys
43
00:01:36,793 --> 00:01:39,376
reflooring my apartment,
then this is gonna have to do.
44
00:01:39,376 --> 00:01:41,168
- Okay.
- Okay.
45
00:01:42,084 --> 00:01:43,960
HOWARD: Hey, Sammy, I saw your car
in the drive--
46
00:01:44,585 --> 00:01:46,168
Oh, my God.
47
00:01:46,168 --> 00:01:49,668
Hey, Daddy.
You guys bring me anything?
48
00:01:50,668 --> 00:01:52,293
It's okay.
You can have the apartment.
49
00:01:52,293 --> 00:01:57,376
I'll go stay at my parents' "hoose."
50
00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:00,460
[UP-TEMPOED MUSIC PLAYING]
51
00:02:01,710 --> 00:02:04,626
Why would you invite your boyfriend
to meet your parents?
52
00:02:04,626 --> 00:02:07,710
Seriously, you need a handler.
You cannot be left alone.
53
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,626
I don't want things in my life
to be separate.
54
00:02:09,626 --> 00:02:11,002
I like everything individually,
55
00:02:11,002 --> 00:02:13,585
so why wouldn't I like them all
mixed together?
56
00:02:13,585 --> 00:02:15,126
You like your red wine, right?
57
00:02:15,126 --> 00:02:16,793
- Yeah, I love it.
- You like martinis?
58
00:02:16,793 --> 00:02:18,376
Sure.
59
00:02:18,376 --> 00:02:19,668
Enjoy.
60
00:02:19,668 --> 00:02:21,793
Thank you, I will.
61
00:02:25,002 --> 00:02:26,710
Mm, mm, mm.
62
00:02:27,293 --> 00:02:29,668
DENA: I'd be happy to just mix
with my own boyfriend
63
00:02:29,668 --> 00:02:30,918
but Chase is always busy.
64
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:34,501
I've been trying to get him to go see
that movie Australia with me.
65
00:02:34,501 --> 00:02:38,418
I even told him it's a big romance
starring Hugh Jackman.
66
00:02:38,418 --> 00:02:39,835
What more could a guy want?
67
00:02:39,835 --> 00:02:41,835
He used to want to spend
every second with me.
68
00:02:41,835 --> 00:02:43,168
Now I never see him.
69
00:02:43,168 --> 00:02:44,376
I see him every day.
70
00:02:44,376 --> 00:02:46,376
Believe me,
you're not missing anything.
71
00:02:46,376 --> 00:02:48,918
Hey, yes. That's an idea.
72
00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:51,835
If I wanna see him, go to his work.
73
00:02:51,835 --> 00:02:54,251
Which is also my work, so no.
74
00:02:54,251 --> 00:02:57,460
I'm telling you,
do not mix parts of your life.
75
00:02:57,460 --> 00:02:59,585
I think you are wrong.
76
00:02:59,585 --> 00:03:01,002
And Owen is amazing.
77
00:03:01,002 --> 00:03:03,418
And I cannot wait for my parents
to get to know him.
78
00:03:03,418 --> 00:03:05,418
Okay, well,
have you considered this?
79
00:03:05,418 --> 00:03:10,168
When your parents get to know Owen,
Owen will get to know your parents.
80
00:03:12,209 --> 00:03:13,918
No, I have not.
81
00:03:24,209 --> 00:03:27,209
Okay, so I'm gonna put these
fluorescent bulbs in all of the lamps.
82
00:03:27,209 --> 00:03:30,043
Dad, you put out
the recycled toilet paper.
83
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,960
Oh, and no jokes about
how you can see stuff in it.
84
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,168
Oh, and mother,
85
00:03:34,168 --> 00:03:37,168
I made up these cards
that I thought might come in handy.
86
00:03:37,334 --> 00:03:38,877
Is it a party game? I love games.
87
00:03:38,877 --> 00:03:40,084
What's it called?
88
00:03:40,084 --> 00:03:41,877
It's Things to Avoid
During Dinner with Owen.
89
00:03:42,084 --> 00:03:44,126
HOWARD: How lucky were you
to find that one?
90
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:47,376
"Has he ever been married?
91
00:03:47,376 --> 00:03:48,626
Is he married now?
92
00:03:48,626 --> 00:03:49,960
Does he have children?
93
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,710
Can he have children?
94
00:03:52,126 --> 00:03:53,918
Your sex life.
95
00:03:53,918 --> 00:03:55,501
Our sex life."
96
00:03:55,501 --> 00:03:58,501
Howard, can you believe this?
Our daughter is embarrassed by us.
97
00:03:58,501 --> 00:04:01,835
Us? She didn't give me any cards.
98
00:04:03,501 --> 00:04:05,835
What? I can't tell
the constipated parrot joke?
99
00:04:05,835 --> 00:04:07,501
No, please.
100
00:04:07,501 --> 00:04:10,002
Because Smitty and Reno
down at the chicken farm loved it.
101
00:04:10,002 --> 00:04:11,418
And they're a tough laugh.
102
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,418
Daddy, for me?
103
00:04:13,418 --> 00:04:14,752
Okay.
104
00:04:14,752 --> 00:04:18,002
But you do realize
that he hasn't gone for days.
105
00:04:18,002 --> 00:04:19,168
- No, I know.
- All righ--
106
00:04:19,168 --> 00:04:20,710
All right. You know what?
107
00:04:20,710 --> 00:04:24,376
I was once told
I was a bewitching conversationalist.
108
00:04:24,376 --> 00:04:27,334
Why am I being singled out?
I mean, I've already met Owen.
109
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:29,376
Yes, and pretended to be my sister.
110
00:04:29,376 --> 00:04:32,293
So you can understand my concern.
111
00:04:32,460 --> 00:04:34,793
Fine, fine. I won't speak.
112
00:04:34,793 --> 00:04:37,251
I'll just cook and bus tables.
113
00:04:37,251 --> 00:04:39,585
- What, I'm the hired help now?
- Yes.
114
00:04:39,585 --> 00:04:42,501
But we think of you
as almost a member of the family.
115
00:04:45,084 --> 00:04:47,877
- Well done, sir.
- I'm sorry?
116
00:04:47,877 --> 00:04:49,334
Your mother?
117
00:04:49,334 --> 00:04:53,293
Who is coming to stay
so Miss Newly would clear out?
118
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,376
Excellent story. Well-played.
119
00:04:55,793 --> 00:04:58,418
No, no, no, my mom really
was coming but she canceled.
120
00:04:58,418 --> 00:05:00,668
I was gonna call Sam
and tell her to come home.
121
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:02,960
If I may.
122
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:06,835
Rarely does the universe
offer you a weekend to yourself.
123
00:05:06,835 --> 00:05:10,251
And the "Madden Football"game
you ordered.
124
00:05:10,251 --> 00:05:14,126
Speaking as one whose in-laws
are in the second week of their visit,
125
00:05:14,126 --> 00:05:18,251
ignoring such a convergence
seems like a slap to God's face.
126
00:05:22,084 --> 00:05:23,752
Let's go.
127
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:28,334
Okay, so we're not leaving
till we're done.
128
00:05:28,334 --> 00:05:30,543
First up is permits. Andrea.
129
00:05:30,543 --> 00:05:33,043
Really?
Is she gonna be in the meetings now?
130
00:05:33,043 --> 00:05:36,710
Oh, just ignore me.
I'm not even here.
131
00:05:36,710 --> 00:05:38,043
She's not even here.
132
00:05:38,043 --> 00:05:41,002
- What are we gonna do about those?
- We're still waiting for the city--
133
00:05:41,002 --> 00:05:42,209
I'm sorry, Jerri, waiting?
134
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:44,543
So now waiting is doing? Is that it?
135
00:05:44,543 --> 00:05:45,918
Wait, I see the similarities.
136
00:05:45,918 --> 00:05:47,668
I see them.
They're participles, right?
137
00:05:47,668 --> 00:05:51,418
They're both action words
like groveling, packing, firing--
138
00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:54,043
[DENA GIGGLING]
139
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,835
Oh, I'm sorry,
I thought you were kidding.
140
00:05:56,835 --> 00:05:59,501
I thought you're like, "Grr! I'm a bear."
141
00:05:59,501 --> 00:06:02,835
You cute little baby bear.
That's it, yeah, you are.
142
00:06:02,835 --> 00:06:05,084
Okay, okay, Dena?
143
00:06:05,084 --> 00:06:07,043
- Dena.
- Oh, yeah?
144
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,168
Oh.
145
00:06:10,418 --> 00:06:11,710
[GIGGLING]
146
00:06:11,710 --> 00:06:14,002
Kicked out of the bear cave.
147
00:06:14,002 --> 00:06:15,626
[DENA GIGGLING]
148
00:06:17,209 --> 00:06:18,251
Call me.
149
00:06:19,668 --> 00:06:20,960
[JERRI CHUCKLES]
150
00:06:21,835 --> 00:06:23,043
HOWARD:
You know, Owen,
151
00:06:23,043 --> 00:06:25,460
I was an environmentalist
before it became a fad.
152
00:06:26,126 --> 00:06:29,168
If I'd ever gotten these two to turn off
a light when they left a room,
153
00:06:29,168 --> 00:06:30,334
I'd be a rich man myself.
154
00:06:31,251 --> 00:06:32,668
I never said that you were rich.
155
00:06:32,668 --> 00:06:34,126
Oh, it's okay.
156
00:06:34,126 --> 00:06:35,585
I am.
157
00:06:36,209 --> 00:06:39,418
Samantha, would you pass
the potatoes to Owen?
158
00:06:39,877 --> 00:06:41,002
And, Howard,
159
00:06:41,209 --> 00:06:44,168
would you like to ask our guest
if he wants to have children someday?
160
00:06:44,168 --> 00:06:48,543
Okay, Owen, you're gonna love
Regina's chicken salad.
161
00:06:48,543 --> 00:06:52,501
Oh, thank you, it looks fantastic
but I don't eat chicken.
162
00:06:53,501 --> 00:06:55,376
- Pardon me?
- Oh, but it's okay.
163
00:06:55,376 --> 00:06:58,209
I mean, nothing to worry about.
I have plenty of potatoes here.
164
00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:01,126
- Do you have a problem with chicken?
- Daddy.
165
00:07:02,752 --> 00:07:05,209
- No.
- Oh, okay.
166
00:07:05,209 --> 00:07:06,585
Okay.
167
00:07:06,585 --> 00:07:08,002
Just the industry that farms it.
168
00:07:17,460 --> 00:07:20,877
Which I now understand
means you.
169
00:07:21,793 --> 00:07:24,043
SAMANTHA:
All right, what have we got?
170
00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:26,460
- Chicken stock.
REGINA: Yams.
171
00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:28,043
We have yams.
172
00:07:28,043 --> 00:07:29,084
Really, I'm fine.
173
00:07:29,626 --> 00:07:33,710
Well, I guess you gave your little
topic cards to the wrong parent.
174
00:07:33,710 --> 00:07:35,752
Mother, I told you
he was a vegetarian.
175
00:07:35,752 --> 00:07:38,168
Which is why I made a salad.
176
00:07:38,168 --> 00:07:39,543
With chicken.
177
00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,334
A chicken salad.
178
00:07:41,334 --> 00:07:43,334
Chicken.
179
00:07:43,334 --> 00:07:44,501
Salad.
180
00:07:44,501 --> 00:07:45,793
You know, it's okay, I--
181
00:07:45,793 --> 00:07:46,960
I can pick around it.
182
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:51,002
So is this a humane thing?
183
00:07:51,002 --> 00:07:52,877
Because we have
free-range chickens only.
184
00:07:52,877 --> 00:07:54,710
It's more
of an environmental concern.
185
00:07:54,710 --> 00:07:57,543
Factory farming uses a disproportionate
amount of resources.
186
00:07:57,543 --> 00:07:58,752
Oh, here we go.
187
00:07:58,752 --> 00:08:02,168
The part where I'm personally
responsible for "global warming."
188
00:08:02,168 --> 00:08:05,418
Daddy, it's not "global warming, "
okay?
189
00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:07,376
It's very real.
190
00:08:07,376 --> 00:08:10,418
Owen and I actually went to a lecture
about it last week.
191
00:08:10,418 --> 00:08:12,043
An incredibly informative,
192
00:08:12,043 --> 00:08:14,626
maybe about an hour-and-a-half
too long, lecture.
193
00:08:14,626 --> 00:08:16,668
And now I get one in the privacy
of my own home.
194
00:08:16,668 --> 00:08:19,168
Daddy, this is what
Owen does for a living.
195
00:08:19,168 --> 00:08:21,209
He's saving the planet.
196
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,543
And I'm killing it, right?
197
00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:26,626
And my little hobby provides food,
jobs, a roof over your head.
198
00:08:26,626 --> 00:08:30,002
And let me remind you,
chickens built this house.
199
00:08:30,002 --> 00:08:32,334
Really? I'd love to see
pictures of that.
200
00:08:32,334 --> 00:08:34,376
REGINA:
Oh, look, beets.
201
00:08:34,376 --> 00:08:36,168
Nature's candy.
202
00:08:36,168 --> 00:08:38,585
You know, I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to cause problems.
203
00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:39,918
I should probably go.
204
00:08:39,918 --> 00:08:41,126
- Yeah.
SAMANTHA: No.
205
00:08:41,126 --> 00:08:43,293
Maybe we can do this
some other time.
206
00:08:43,293 --> 00:08:44,960
Yeah,
but you're going to miss dessert.
207
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:47,460
- I hope you like panda.
- Daddy, stop it.
208
00:08:47,668 --> 00:08:49,543
- Sam, I'll call you.
- No, no.
209
00:08:49,543 --> 00:08:51,501
- I'm coming with you.
HOWARD: No, you're not.
210
00:08:51,501 --> 00:08:53,752
Walk out that door, missy,
don't bother coming back.
211
00:08:53,752 --> 00:08:55,835
Then fine, I won't.
212
00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:57,043
Come on, Owen.
213
00:08:57,043 --> 00:08:58,501
Thank you for a lovely evening.
214
00:08:58,668 --> 00:09:00,293
Creamed corn?
215
00:09:01,543 --> 00:09:03,043
Panda?
216
00:09:05,251 --> 00:09:07,002
He rode his bike.
217
00:09:10,126 --> 00:09:14,043
Last night was a complete
and utter disaster.
218
00:09:14,043 --> 00:09:16,334
I feel bad for you, Sam. I do.
219
00:09:16,334 --> 00:09:19,877
But the lesson we can all take
from this is I was right.
220
00:09:20,418 --> 00:09:23,126
Yes, you were right. Never mix.
221
00:09:23,126 --> 00:09:25,168
My father
still wouldn't talk to me this morning.
222
00:09:25,168 --> 00:09:29,376
You guys were talking about chicken
and ended up with a beef.
223
00:09:29,710 --> 00:09:32,501
A beef. Right?
224
00:09:32,501 --> 00:09:34,460
I mean,
I was just defending my boyfriend.
225
00:09:34,460 --> 00:09:37,002
It's not like I attacking my father
and what he does.
226
00:09:37,168 --> 00:09:39,501
Well, a guy like your dad
is what he does.
227
00:09:40,418 --> 00:09:41,668
You know what I have to do?
228
00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:44,209
I have to go down there,
I have to apologize,
229
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,209
and then I have to see
what it is that he does.
230
00:09:46,209 --> 00:09:50,043
No, don't, because I spent one day
at Chase's office and it ruined him.
231
00:09:50,043 --> 00:09:52,501
- It was horrible.
- Meaning?
232
00:09:52,501 --> 00:09:54,543
- You were right.
- Yes, I was right.
233
00:09:54,543 --> 00:09:55,877
I'm having a great day.
234
00:09:55,877 --> 00:09:57,793
SAMANTHA:
Look, Chapman will be fine.
235
00:09:57,793 --> 00:10:01,293
He just needs to humiliate somebody
in public and he'll be back to normal.
236
00:10:01,293 --> 00:10:03,585
Yes. Andrea, please do it.
237
00:10:03,585 --> 00:10:05,835
Just pretend
to let Chase take you down.
238
00:10:05,835 --> 00:10:07,209
And why would I do that?
239
00:10:07,209 --> 00:10:08,793
And why would she do that?
240
00:10:08,793 --> 00:10:10,668
So Dena will stop
coming to your office.
241
00:10:10,668 --> 00:10:12,043
Deal.
242
00:10:12,043 --> 00:10:15,002
You know who I blame for all of this?
Todd's mother.
243
00:10:15,002 --> 00:10:16,752
I hope she's enjoying herself.
244
00:10:16,752 --> 00:10:18,209
MAN [ON GAME]:
Interception.
245
00:10:18,209 --> 00:10:19,668
No, no, no, that's interference.
246
00:10:19,668 --> 00:10:21,334
No, that's 98-nothing.
247
00:10:21,334 --> 00:10:24,168
- Okay, switch controllers with me.
- Back off, woman.
248
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:30,543
SAMANTHA: Would the World's
Greatest Dad like a mug for his coffee?
249
00:10:30,543 --> 00:10:33,251
If you're talking about me,
I like Styrofoam cups.
250
00:10:33,251 --> 00:10:36,877
When they get dumped into the ocean,
I get to clog up a dolphin's blowhole.
251
00:10:36,877 --> 00:10:39,543
Actually, the thing about Styrofoam
is that the danger of it
252
00:10:39,543 --> 00:10:42,002
is that it has these chemicals
that are released when it--
253
00:10:42,002 --> 00:10:45,793
I'm sorry.
It was a very informative lecture.
254
00:10:48,168 --> 00:10:49,835
Thanks.
255
00:10:49,835 --> 00:10:52,334
Daddy,
I shouldn't have taken Owen's side
256
00:10:52,501 --> 00:10:57,209
without even knowing what you do,
or even taking the time to find out.
257
00:10:57,209 --> 00:10:58,543
I'm sorry.
258
00:10:58,543 --> 00:11:00,209
Yeah, well, you've been busy.
259
00:11:00,418 --> 00:11:03,126
You know, you had
that whole coma thing going on.
260
00:11:03,126 --> 00:11:05,084
You know, this and that.
261
00:11:06,668 --> 00:11:09,668
So this is where it happens, huh?
262
00:11:09,668 --> 00:11:11,043
Yeah, this is it.
263
00:11:11,043 --> 00:11:12,793
You loved coming here
when you were a kid.
264
00:11:13,793 --> 00:11:18,043
You used to sit at this desk
and play with the stapler.
265
00:11:18,043 --> 00:11:19,835
Be the boss like your old man.
266
00:11:20,293 --> 00:11:21,752
Will you show me?
267
00:11:21,752 --> 00:11:25,293
Yeah, you just take it
and just kind of go like this.
268
00:11:25,293 --> 00:11:27,084
Hey, I'm the boss.
269
00:11:27,084 --> 00:11:30,293
No. Will you show me what you do?
270
00:11:30,585 --> 00:11:31,793
Oh.
271
00:11:31,793 --> 00:11:33,168
No.
272
00:11:33,168 --> 00:11:35,293
You're just being polite. It's okay.
273
00:11:37,418 --> 00:11:39,918
Please? Can I have a tour?
274
00:11:40,334 --> 00:11:43,626
- Okay. Sure, why not?
- Yay.
275
00:11:44,626 --> 00:11:45,877
We might have to get booties
276
00:11:45,877 --> 00:11:47,918
so you don't get blood
on those nice shoes,
277
00:11:47,918 --> 00:11:50,293
and maybe a shower cap.
278
00:11:52,376 --> 00:11:53,960
[MOUTHING]
Shower cap.
279
00:11:54,418 --> 00:11:57,126
So we're projecting revenues
escalating in that market,
280
00:11:57,126 --> 00:11:58,877
so I'm gonna need...
281
00:11:58,877 --> 00:12:00,585
[CHATTERING]
282
00:12:00,585 --> 00:12:02,376
People?
283
00:12:04,752 --> 00:12:06,002
[CHASE CLEARS THROAT]
284
00:12:06,002 --> 00:12:07,793
- Andrea.
- Hm?
285
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:09,585
[MOUTHING]
I need you now.
286
00:12:09,585 --> 00:12:11,168
Oh.
287
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,293
Yes, Mr. Chapman?
288
00:12:14,293 --> 00:12:16,585
Andrea, it has come to my attention
289
00:12:16,585 --> 00:12:18,668
that you have made
some sort of mistake.
290
00:12:18,668 --> 00:12:20,168
Apologize.
291
00:12:20,168 --> 00:12:21,543
Yes.
292
00:12:21,543 --> 00:12:23,418
- I've made--
- Stand up.
293
00:12:28,209 --> 00:12:30,877
I did make a mistake.
294
00:12:30,877 --> 00:12:32,376
I messed up bad.
295
00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:36,002
And I feel I need
some sort of slap on the wrist
296
00:12:36,002 --> 00:12:38,835
to show me who's the boss.
297
00:12:38,835 --> 00:12:39,960
Oh, I didn't say to sit down.
298
00:12:41,668 --> 00:12:43,877
- What are--?
- Call that some sort of an apology?
299
00:12:43,877 --> 00:12:45,877
- I said everything that we agreed--
- Get up.
300
00:12:51,126 --> 00:12:53,043
I'm sorry, Mr. Chapman.
301
00:12:53,251 --> 00:12:57,334
And I promise this is the very
last apology that you will ever need.
302
00:12:57,334 --> 00:12:58,960
- You got it?
- No.
303
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,168
- Get on your knees, woman.
- I am never doing that.
304
00:13:01,168 --> 00:13:03,835
This is not my fault. I didn't
mess things up with your girlfriend.
305
00:13:03,835 --> 00:13:05,043
Okay, apology's accepted.
306
00:13:05,043 --> 00:13:06,668
I'm not apologizing. You apologize.
307
00:13:06,668 --> 00:13:09,793
If you had gone to one stupid movie
with her instead of ignoring her,
308
00:13:09,793 --> 00:13:12,251
then she wouldn't have dragged
your life into my life.
309
00:13:12,251 --> 00:13:14,126
Just go and fix it.
310
00:13:16,585 --> 00:13:19,168
Okay, double bonuses if no one
ever mentions baby bear again.
311
00:13:20,043 --> 00:13:21,918
Okay? Good meeting.
312
00:13:23,543 --> 00:13:25,460
HOWARD:
We're home.
313
00:13:25,460 --> 00:13:29,251
Oh, you're back.
I'm so glad you two made up.
314
00:13:29,251 --> 00:13:31,585
- So where'd you go?
- Chickens.
315
00:13:31,585 --> 00:13:34,251
We went to the farm
with the chickens.
316
00:13:34,251 --> 00:13:36,084
Oh, my God, the chickens.
317
00:13:36,084 --> 00:13:37,334
Howard, you did not.
318
00:13:37,334 --> 00:13:39,960
Well, she wanted to see
what her old man does.
319
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:43,251
And now I know.
And I'll never forget.
320
00:13:43,460 --> 00:13:45,668
HOWARD: She loved it,
didn't you, Sammy? Tell her.
321
00:13:45,668 --> 00:13:46,918
Oh, I loved it. I loved it.
322
00:13:46,918 --> 00:13:50,043
I'd love to stop thinking about it
but I just can't.
323
00:13:50,043 --> 00:13:52,960
HOWARD:
I got a tape I wanted to show you.
324
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:54,376
[WHIMPERING]
325
00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:55,668
Samantha, are you okay?
326
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:56,877
Mom, they have hoses.
327
00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:58,084
They have hoses.
328
00:13:58,084 --> 00:14:00,168
And then the beaks.
Oh, my God, the beaks.
329
00:14:00,168 --> 00:14:01,376
HOWARD:
Found it.
330
00:14:01,376 --> 00:14:03,084
And that's
where they get the cutlets.
331
00:14:03,084 --> 00:14:04,334
Isn't that fascinating?
332
00:14:04,334 --> 00:14:06,002
REGINA:
I had forgotten that.
333
00:14:06,002 --> 00:14:07,418
- Yeah.
HOWARD: Sammy?
334
00:14:07,418 --> 00:14:09,793
When you were little, I had a dream.
335
00:14:09,793 --> 00:14:12,293
And I was gonna wait
until I was dead to tell you about it,
336
00:14:12,293 --> 00:14:15,460
but seeing how much
you loved it there today, I--
337
00:14:17,418 --> 00:14:19,293
Okay.
338
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:21,460
REGINA [ON TV]:
Do it again. Do it again.
339
00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:22,668
Do it for Mommy.
340
00:14:22,668 --> 00:14:26,334
Oh, Howard, look,
she's taking her first--
341
00:14:26,334 --> 00:14:27,793
HOWARD:
Testing, testing.
342
00:14:27,793 --> 00:14:29,002
Okay.
343
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:31,668
I just saw Terms of Endearment and...
344
00:14:31,668 --> 00:14:33,877
So I think that it's important
for me to say
345
00:14:33,877 --> 00:14:36,710
what would happen to everything
after I die.
346
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,668
Regina, I love you.
347
00:14:39,251 --> 00:14:40,460
Everything's yours.
348
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:41,835
REGINA:
Howard, are you coming or not?
349
00:14:41,835 --> 00:14:43,209
Will you just--? One minute.
350
00:14:43,209 --> 00:14:44,418
REGINA:
Don't yell at me.
351
00:14:44,418 --> 00:14:47,002
You're the one that wanted to watch
Hardcastle and McCormick.
352
00:14:47,002 --> 00:14:49,293
Okay, anyway, everything
except for the chicken farm.
353
00:14:49,293 --> 00:14:52,710
And that goes to my best little girl,
Sammy, like she always wanted.
354
00:14:55,084 --> 00:14:57,585
Howard,
you left nothing to your mother.
355
00:14:58,668 --> 00:15:00,293
Oh, please send her a copy of this.
356
00:15:00,293 --> 00:15:02,710
I'm not gonna wait until you're dead
to see her reaction.
357
00:15:02,710 --> 00:15:04,334
So, Sammy, what do you think?
358
00:15:04,334 --> 00:15:06,002
I think--
359
00:15:06,002 --> 00:15:09,043
I think I'm a chicken farmer. Yeah.
360
00:15:09,043 --> 00:15:11,002
[MOUTHING]
Mom.
361
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,418
- Help me.
- What is it?
362
00:15:17,418 --> 00:15:20,126
What is it? I'm a chicken farmer.
363
00:15:20,126 --> 00:15:22,043
Oh, that. Honey, relax.
364
00:15:22,043 --> 00:15:24,752
I have promised your father
lots of things after he's dead.
365
00:15:24,752 --> 00:15:27,251
Just say thank you
and then when he's gone,
366
00:15:27,251 --> 00:15:29,877
you sell the business and go on my trip
with me to Hong Kong.
367
00:15:29,877 --> 00:15:31,251
You already have plans?
368
00:15:31,251 --> 00:15:33,376
Well, your father won't go to China.
369
00:15:33,376 --> 00:15:36,752
Ironically, by the time I get there,
he'll be six feet closer than me.
370
00:15:36,752 --> 00:15:38,460
[REGINA LAUGHS]
371
00:15:39,293 --> 00:15:40,877
- Hey, Sammy, come here.
- Hey, Dad.
372
00:15:40,877 --> 00:15:42,084
- Look.
- Yeah.
373
00:15:42,084 --> 00:15:44,752
I've been waiting a long time
to give you this.
374
00:15:47,043 --> 00:15:50,418
Guys down at the farm gave it to me
for my 20th year in the business.
375
00:15:50,418 --> 00:15:52,293
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
376
00:15:53,251 --> 00:15:54,918
Look at that.
377
00:15:54,918 --> 00:15:57,418
"The cluck stops here."
378
00:15:57,418 --> 00:15:59,251
Smitty came up with that.
379
00:15:59,251 --> 00:16:00,918
And you'll get a chance to meet him
380
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:02,752
when you hang that
over your desk tomorrow.
381
00:16:02,752 --> 00:16:04,126
Tomorrow?
382
00:16:04,126 --> 00:16:05,251
No.
383
00:16:05,251 --> 00:16:07,209
Not until you die.
384
00:16:07,209 --> 00:16:09,376
You got to die first, silly.
385
00:16:09,376 --> 00:16:11,043
Well, you need
to learn the business.
386
00:16:11,043 --> 00:16:12,376
You know, right after my death,
387
00:16:12,376 --> 00:16:14,460
you're not gonna be
in a very good head space.
388
00:16:14,460 --> 00:16:19,585
You know, Viking funerals
are very powerful, unsettling things.
389
00:16:24,585 --> 00:16:26,084
CHASE [WHISPERING]:
Dena.
390
00:16:27,084 --> 00:16:28,585
Dena.
391
00:16:29,418 --> 00:16:32,084
Dena. De--
392
00:16:32,418 --> 00:16:33,585
Excuse me.
393
00:16:33,585 --> 00:16:35,835
Move, move. Thank you.
394
00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:43,793
So you think I'm ignoring you?
395
00:16:43,793 --> 00:16:46,334
DENA: What are you doing here?
Don't you have to work?
396
00:16:46,334 --> 00:16:49,043
CHASE:
No, I forwarded all my calls.
397
00:16:49,043 --> 00:16:50,251
Well, yeah.
398
00:16:50,251 --> 00:16:53,168
I don't feel
like I'm a priority anymore.
399
00:16:53,168 --> 00:16:56,084
I miss the honeymoon phase
of our relationship.
400
00:16:56,084 --> 00:16:59,793
Really?
I hated the honeymoon phase.
401
00:16:59,793 --> 00:17:02,126
I couldn't wait
for the honeymoon phase to be over.
402
00:17:02,126 --> 00:17:03,460
Why, so you could neglect me?
403
00:17:03,460 --> 00:17:04,710
- No.
WOMAN: Shh.
404
00:17:04,710 --> 00:17:06,418
CHASE:
You "shh."
405
00:17:08,251 --> 00:17:12,084
Look, this part we're in now,
Dena, it's...
406
00:17:13,251 --> 00:17:15,334
This part is real.
407
00:17:17,334 --> 00:17:19,418
I'm not a goopy guy.
408
00:17:20,251 --> 00:17:21,585
I'm a bottom-line guy.
409
00:17:21,585 --> 00:17:23,043
I'm a...
410
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:26,626
Like that guy.
What is he, like, a tycoon?
411
00:17:26,626 --> 00:17:28,543
DENA: He's a stockman.
- He's a stockman.
412
00:17:28,543 --> 00:17:30,877
Look, I mean, I have no idea what--
It doesn't matter.
413
00:17:30,877 --> 00:17:32,084
DENA: Okay.
- Doesn't matter.
414
00:17:32,084 --> 00:17:34,835
The point is I wasn't neglecting you.
415
00:17:35,710 --> 00:17:37,043
I was taking you for granted.
416
00:17:38,668 --> 00:17:40,918
And I haven't been
comfortable enough
417
00:17:40,918 --> 00:17:43,835
to do that with anyone in years.
418
00:17:47,084 --> 00:17:48,918
Really?
419
00:17:58,460 --> 00:17:59,752
- Hey.
- It's okay.
420
00:17:59,752 --> 00:18:01,418
- Sorry, I'm leaving.
- No, wait, wait.
421
00:18:01,418 --> 00:18:03,126
What are you doing?
No, come back.
422
00:18:03,126 --> 00:18:04,334
It's so romantic.
423
00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:06,126
You coming through
my bedroom window.
424
00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:09,501
This is not romantic.
This is me being scared of your dad.
425
00:18:10,376 --> 00:18:12,668
A lot of things that I could be
afraid of in this house.
426
00:18:12,668 --> 00:18:14,418
Oh, right, I--
427
00:18:14,418 --> 00:18:16,877
Yeah, I was just...
428
00:18:17,835 --> 00:18:19,209
Just doing my nails as well.
429
00:18:21,209 --> 00:18:23,043
Hey, careful.
430
00:18:23,043 --> 00:18:24,209
OWEN:
Oh, yeah.
431
00:18:24,209 --> 00:18:25,460
SAMANTHA:
Okay?
432
00:18:28,251 --> 00:18:30,543
- Hi.
- Hey, sorry about last night.
433
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,418
I should've just shut up
and not made a big deal.
434
00:18:33,043 --> 00:18:34,710
But I got competitive and everything.
435
00:18:34,710 --> 00:18:36,668
Tried to act strong
in front of my woman.
436
00:18:36,668 --> 00:18:38,251
I know you're strong.
437
00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:40,835
I see you riding that bicycle
on your balcony every morning.
438
00:18:40,835 --> 00:18:43,501
Well, I kind of have to.
It powers my electric toothbrush.
439
00:18:53,460 --> 00:18:55,501
Hey, Sammy, I was thinking--
Oh, my God.
440
00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:57,543
- Mr. Newly.
- Don't you use my first name.
441
00:18:57,543 --> 00:18:59,043
It's Mr. Newly to you.
442
00:18:59,209 --> 00:19:00,710
Daddy, please.
443
00:19:00,710 --> 00:19:03,877
So, what were you thinking, huh?
You gonna steal our little girl away?
444
00:19:03,877 --> 00:19:05,209
Well, think again.
445
00:19:05,209 --> 00:19:06,501
Did you tell him the news?
446
00:19:06,501 --> 00:19:08,835
Daddy, can we please
talk about this downstairs?
447
00:19:08,835 --> 00:19:10,376
She's taking over my chicken farm.
448
00:19:10,376 --> 00:19:12,084
- You're what?
- Starting immediately.
449
00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:13,376
- No, I'm--
- You are?
450
00:19:13,585 --> 00:19:15,585
- Yeah, tell him, Sammy.
- What, a chicken farm?
451
00:19:15,585 --> 00:19:17,918
Stop it, please.
452
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,084
No, I'm not, Daddy.
453
00:19:20,752 --> 00:19:24,334
I'm sorry. I just can't.
454
00:19:24,334 --> 00:19:26,418
So you're...
455
00:19:27,418 --> 00:19:29,626
- You're choosing him.
- No.
456
00:19:30,126 --> 00:19:31,293
I got it.
457
00:19:31,293 --> 00:19:32,418
Daddy, I'm--
458
00:19:34,002 --> 00:19:35,585
Owen, I have to talk to my father.
459
00:19:35,585 --> 00:19:36,877
- Okay?
- Okay, I'll go.
460
00:19:36,877 --> 00:19:38,460
- He has the hatchet.
- Right, right.
461
00:19:38,460 --> 00:19:39,960
I'll call you.
462
00:19:42,043 --> 00:19:43,918
Daddy.
463
00:19:43,918 --> 00:19:48,293
I was not choosing Owen over you.
Okay?
464
00:19:48,293 --> 00:19:50,209
You don't wanna run
the family business, fine.
465
00:19:50,209 --> 00:19:51,710
It's no problem.
466
00:19:51,710 --> 00:19:53,002
I'm sorry.
467
00:19:53,002 --> 00:19:56,960
I love you,
but I just could not do what you do.
468
00:19:57,418 --> 00:20:00,043
- Yeah, because you don't approve.
- No.
469
00:20:00,043 --> 00:20:03,585
No, because I couldn't do it,
which is why it's good that you do.
470
00:20:04,835 --> 00:20:07,209
Look, lots of us,
we eat chicken and hamburgers
471
00:20:07,209 --> 00:20:09,126
and we don't have to think
about how we get it
472
00:20:09,126 --> 00:20:12,918
because people like you
protect us from having to.
473
00:20:12,918 --> 00:20:14,710
Like a dad.
474
00:20:16,585 --> 00:20:19,543
You know, I knew the farm
wasn't right for you.
475
00:20:19,543 --> 00:20:21,251
But when you dropped by the office,
476
00:20:21,251 --> 00:20:25,168
it was like you were my little girl again
and I was your hero.
477
00:20:25,793 --> 00:20:27,002
Dad, you still are.
478
00:20:27,418 --> 00:20:28,626
No.
479
00:20:28,626 --> 00:20:31,710
You got a great guy now.
And he is, he's great.
480
00:20:32,043 --> 00:20:35,209
I just don't think I handled it well.
481
00:20:35,209 --> 00:20:38,293
Well, the reason
I can pick a great guy
482
00:20:38,293 --> 00:20:42,043
is because I have a fantastic one
for a dad.
483
00:20:46,752 --> 00:20:48,334
Now, hamburger production.
484
00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:50,418
Boy, oh, boy,
you wanna talk about nightmares.
485
00:20:50,418 --> 00:20:52,960
- I mean, these--
- Shh.
486
00:20:56,251 --> 00:21:00,543
SAMANTHA: Ernest Hemingway once
said that life is a moveable feast.
487
00:21:02,626 --> 00:21:05,752
I think what he meant is that
there's an instinctive human desire
488
00:21:05,752 --> 00:21:08,668
to mix the ingredients of our lives.
489
00:21:10,835 --> 00:21:12,960
Preparing a far richer meal
490
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,460
than if those ingredients
had never come together.
491
00:21:15,460 --> 00:21:17,918
So this parrot
walks into a taco stand--
492
00:21:17,918 --> 00:21:19,209
- Daddy, no.
- Oh, no, Howard.
493
00:21:19,209 --> 00:21:21,168
No. You're not telling that.