1
00:00:01,501 --> 00:00:04,126
SAMANTHA: Taking care of plants is
supposed to be good for your health.
2
00:00:04,126 --> 00:00:05,501
It lowers your blood pressure,
3
00:00:05,501 --> 00:00:07,126
connects you with the universe,
4
00:00:07,126 --> 00:00:09,668
and it's something you just get to love.
5
00:00:09,668 --> 00:00:11,668
My plants reject my love.
6
00:00:11,668 --> 00:00:14,002
Maybe they're teenagers.
7
00:00:14,668 --> 00:00:17,626
I try, but it's just so hard being both
father and mother to them.
8
00:00:17,626 --> 00:00:18,668
[SIGHS]
9
00:00:22,668 --> 00:00:25,668
- Hey.
- Hey. What's wrong?
10
00:00:27,543 --> 00:00:29,543
There was a message.
11
00:00:29,543 --> 00:00:30,585
Uncle Walter died.
12
00:00:31,460 --> 00:00:35,668
Oh, no, Todd. Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
13
00:00:35,668 --> 00:00:38,209
- Are you okay?
- No, I'm fine.
14
00:00:38,209 --> 00:00:39,501
He was your uncle.
15
00:00:39,501 --> 00:00:41,002
What?
16
00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:43,126
Oh, no.
17
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:45,752
Oh, my God,
this is my first family death.
18
00:00:45,752 --> 00:00:47,626
It's my first funeral.
19
00:00:47,626 --> 00:00:51,626
Oh, poor Warren. Poor Wally. What?
20
00:00:51,626 --> 00:00:52,835
- Walter.
- Walter.
21
00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:55,585
He was your dad's step-brother.
To be honest he kind of hated him.
22
00:00:55,585 --> 00:00:59,543
Yeah, but still, someone died.
I mean, that's so sad.
23
00:00:59,543 --> 00:01:00,877
[GASPS]
24
00:01:00,877 --> 00:01:03,002
I have the cutest black dress.
25
00:01:03,002 --> 00:01:04,126
Oh, my God.
26
00:01:05,168 --> 00:01:06,501
I win.
27
00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:07,877
[LAUGHS]
28
00:01:07,877 --> 00:01:09,710
It's an open casket, Dad.
29
00:01:09,710 --> 00:01:11,835
I don't think I'm ready
to see a dead body.
30
00:01:11,835 --> 00:01:13,918
Oh, they fix them up to look almost real.
31
00:01:13,918 --> 00:01:16,002
They inject this rubbery stuff
into their veins,
32
00:01:16,002 --> 00:01:17,501
makes them more poseable.
33
00:01:17,501 --> 00:01:20,668
- It's how we get mannequins.
- Dad.
34
00:01:21,251 --> 00:01:22,752
- Okay, okay, okay.
- What?
35
00:01:22,752 --> 00:01:24,126
And you, young lady,
36
00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:26,585
the least you could do
is muster a tear for your uncle.
37
00:01:26,585 --> 00:01:28,376
No, I can't. I didn't know him.
38
00:01:29,251 --> 00:01:32,293
Well, then pluck a nose hair.
Do not embarrass me in front of the family.
39
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,334
Look, I don't know anybody here.
40
00:01:34,334 --> 00:01:38,002
You know, which is kind of sad for me
because I just don't have any connection--
41
00:01:38,002 --> 00:01:39,334
No, I'm sorry.
42
00:01:39,334 --> 00:01:41,626
Yes, it is sad.
The Newlys are dropping like flies.
43
00:01:41,626 --> 00:01:43,626
You're not exactly
churning out the replacements.
44
00:01:44,002 --> 00:01:46,835
- Pow. Good one.
- I'm sorry.
45
00:01:46,835 --> 00:01:49,460
It was not you. I'm sorry.
46
00:01:49,626 --> 00:01:52,002
Funerals just remind me
of the shortness of life.
47
00:01:53,168 --> 00:01:55,209
- I mean, don't you even want kids?
- Mom.
48
00:01:55,835 --> 00:01:58,126
Well, look at her. She's doing her part.
49
00:01:58,126 --> 00:02:00,626
Look, haven't thought about it, okay?
50
00:02:00,626 --> 00:02:03,877
There are still three keys on my keychain,
I have no idea what they're for.
51
00:02:03,877 --> 00:02:05,710
Just one thing at a time.
52
00:02:07,877 --> 00:02:09,793
Remember,
you've only so many eggs left in there.
53
00:02:10,168 --> 00:02:14,793
At your age, your ovaries are churning
like a broken motel ice machine.
54
00:02:15,418 --> 00:02:17,376
- Hey, are you not going in?
- I don't know.
55
00:02:17,376 --> 00:02:19,168
- Are you a relative?
- Yeah.
56
00:02:19,168 --> 00:02:22,043
I'm sorry, but if you can hold her
for a second, I'll be right back.
57
00:02:22,043 --> 00:02:25,043
I've just waited so long
to see Walter dead. Thank you.
58
00:02:25,043 --> 00:02:27,626
Okay. Okay.
59
00:02:27,626 --> 00:02:29,960
All right. Holding a baby.
60
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:31,334
Okay.
61
00:02:31,334 --> 00:02:34,209
Oh, you're very squirmy.
62
00:02:34,209 --> 00:02:36,168
Top-heavy.
63
00:02:36,668 --> 00:02:40,793
Oh, my God your head smells
so, so good.
64
00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:42,043
[BABY CRIES]
65
00:02:42,043 --> 00:02:43,835
Oh, no.
66
00:02:43,835 --> 00:02:46,918
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Do you want a handkerchief?
67
00:02:46,918 --> 00:02:49,002
[CRYING]
I want a baby.
68
00:02:57,334 --> 00:02:59,960
SAMANTHA:
Oh, my God. Look at this.
69
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:02,168
Can you believe we were this small?
70
00:03:02,168 --> 00:03:03,835
Oh, I'd kill to fit into that.
71
00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:07,460
I don't know what it is. It's like I smelled
that baby and something unleashed in me.
72
00:03:07,460 --> 00:03:10,251
It's like you know how birds
feed their young by...in their mouths?
73
00:03:10,251 --> 00:03:12,835
I used to think that was gross,
now I think it's beautiful.
74
00:03:12,835 --> 00:03:15,002
Now I want a baby
and I wanna puke in its mouth.
75
00:03:15,002 --> 00:03:17,668
You used to puke in your own mouth.
I miss those days.
76
00:03:18,084 --> 00:03:20,084
Argh! He did it again.
77
00:03:20,084 --> 00:03:22,168
That was Walter's lawyer.
78
00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:24,293
Son of a bitch left me an airplane.
79
00:03:24,293 --> 00:03:25,668
- We won an airplane?
- Yeah.
80
00:03:25,668 --> 00:03:27,668
Four-seater, single engine, beauty.
81
00:03:27,668 --> 00:03:29,209
Howard, that's wonderful.
82
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,877
Let's go to South Beach for lunch.
83
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:34,835
Regina, can't you see that Walter
is taunting me from the grave?
84
00:03:34,835 --> 00:03:36,293
Howard, please.
85
00:03:36,293 --> 00:03:39,376
No, he's saying that I could never
get an airplane unless he gave me one.
86
00:03:39,376 --> 00:03:41,043
Well, screw him, I'm gonna sell it
87
00:03:41,043 --> 00:03:43,418
- and buy a pinball machine.
- No, you're not.
88
00:03:43,418 --> 00:03:45,168
- Oh, yes I am.
- Oh, no, you're not.
89
00:03:45,168 --> 00:03:48,418
I am not gonna buy into this ridiculous
competition between you two.
90
00:03:48,418 --> 00:03:50,126
We have an airplane.
91
00:03:50,126 --> 00:03:52,334
I'm gonna sign up for flying lessons.
92
00:03:52,334 --> 00:03:57,877
So take that, Paula Drake,
and your precious little koi pond!
93
00:04:00,126 --> 00:04:03,084
Mr. Cellophane, no.
Get our new doggy out of your mouth.
94
00:04:05,251 --> 00:04:07,835
Do you know how long it takes
to adopt a baby? It's so stupid.
95
00:04:07,835 --> 00:04:10,002
What if I don't want a baby
in two years?
96
00:04:10,002 --> 00:04:11,877
Yeah, that may be the point.
97
00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:14,043
Hey, know what they used to make us do
in high school?
98
00:04:14,460 --> 00:04:17,543
They used to give us an egg and we'd
have to carry it around for the week.
99
00:04:17,543 --> 00:04:20,585
So we got to see how hard it is
to take care of something. Here, try it.
100
00:04:22,501 --> 00:04:24,418
Oh, I wasn't ready.
101
00:04:24,418 --> 00:04:25,585
Indeed.
102
00:04:27,752 --> 00:04:30,043
Your dog's eating my baby.
103
00:04:30,043 --> 00:04:31,293
[ANDREA GASPS]
104
00:04:31,293 --> 00:04:34,877
No. No, no, no. Sam, Sam. Look.
105
00:04:36,668 --> 00:04:39,251
SAMANTHA:
Oh, my God. They think you're pregnant.@n
106
00:04:39,251 --> 00:04:42,043
You're going to make
a wonderful mother.
107
00:04:42,043 --> 00:04:43,251
She won't.
108
00:04:43,251 --> 00:04:45,918
That's not a baby. That's a bagel.
109
00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:47,376
I ate a bagel.
110
00:04:47,376 --> 00:04:50,668
That's what I get for eating breakfast
one time in 20 years.
111
00:04:51,543 --> 00:04:53,710
Everybody gets to be a mommy but me.
112
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,543
Mr. Cellophane, no.
113
00:04:55,543 --> 00:04:57,752
Release your foster puppy. Come on.
114
00:04:57,752 --> 00:04:59,501
- Sam, will you hold him for a second?
- Okay.
115
00:05:03,585 --> 00:05:05,293
[SNIFFING]
116
00:05:06,251 --> 00:05:07,752
Dena?
117
00:05:08,002 --> 00:05:09,043
Sam.
118
00:05:11,918 --> 00:05:14,168
[BARKING]
119
00:05:14,168 --> 00:05:16,835
Hey, you like him? His name's Baby.
120
00:05:21,043 --> 00:05:22,710
A dog? No, no.
121
00:05:22,710 --> 00:05:24,002
Isn't he cute?
122
00:05:24,002 --> 00:05:26,877
Hi. Just get off of there?
You get off of there.
123
00:05:26,877 --> 00:05:28,084
- Sam?
- What?
124
00:05:28,084 --> 00:05:30,334
- a dog is a lot of work.
- I can handle it.
125
00:05:30,334 --> 00:05:32,585
I already dropped him
and he totally didn't break.
126
00:05:32,585 --> 00:05:35,293
- Come on, let's take him for a walk.
- Sam, no. I don't want a dog.
127
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,209
Fine, good, then more dog for me.
128
00:05:38,209 --> 00:05:40,543
No, I'm serious. It's your dog.
I'm not helping.
129
00:05:40,543 --> 00:05:42,418
Yeah, well, you know what, I'm serious.
130
00:05:42,418 --> 00:05:45,835
I'm seriously insulted that you even think
that I would need your help.
131
00:05:45,835 --> 00:05:49,835
I mean, it's not like it's 1862
or something.
132
00:05:49,835 --> 00:05:52,668
Women can have dog babies
on their own.
133
00:05:52,668 --> 00:05:55,251
Look, I assure you,
it's not gonna impact you in any way.
134
00:05:59,002 --> 00:06:01,209
And I would like to buy that shoe.
135
00:06:03,501 --> 00:06:07,793
Okay, bedtime. Mommy has to work
in the morning, so night-night.
136
00:06:08,710 --> 00:06:12,626
[GROWLING & BARKING]
137
00:06:33,668 --> 00:06:35,543
[PHONE RINGING]
138
00:06:43,543 --> 00:06:45,501
Of course.
139
00:06:45,501 --> 00:06:47,209
- Hello?
REGINA: Samantha?
140
00:06:47,209 --> 00:06:48,626
Mom.
141
00:06:48,626 --> 00:06:52,209
- Mom, why are you calling me so early?
- It's 11:00.
142
00:06:52,209 --> 00:06:54,209
You were supposed to cover
our showing today.
143
00:06:54,209 --> 00:06:56,710
What? What? Oh, no. I'm so sorry--
144
00:06:56,710 --> 00:07:00,793
Samantha, if you're not gonna
take this job seriously, then don't do it.
145
00:07:00,793 --> 00:07:03,710
Look at me, I'm an aviatrix.
146
00:07:03,710 --> 00:07:05,376
Okay, let's fly. Give me the keys.
147
00:07:05,376 --> 00:07:08,501
Soon, yes, but I--
First I need you to sign this release form.
148
00:07:08,501 --> 00:07:11,710
- Release form? What for?
- Oh, in case something happens.
149
00:07:11,710 --> 00:07:13,043
Like what?
150
00:07:13,043 --> 00:07:16,710
Oh, you mean like I'm the first woman
to fly around the world or like--
151
00:07:16,710 --> 00:07:19,126
I'm not signing away my life story.
152
00:07:19,126 --> 00:07:22,043
No. That's not gonna happen.
153
00:07:22,043 --> 00:07:25,126
No, this just says we're not responsible
if you have an incident.
154
00:07:25,376 --> 00:07:27,126
With?
155
00:07:27,126 --> 00:07:28,835
The ground.
156
00:07:35,418 --> 00:07:38,835
Well, could I just drive it around
the parking lot instead?
157
00:07:39,835 --> 00:07:42,043
Hey, look. We're even.
158
00:07:42,043 --> 00:07:43,501
Jimmy Choos.
159
00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:46,126
Though it's not his fault,
has the word "chew" right in it.
160
00:07:46,126 --> 00:07:49,585
All right, come here, you.
Look, you have a good day.
161
00:07:49,585 --> 00:07:52,668
When I get back we're gonna have
a nice long nap. All right?
162
00:07:52,668 --> 00:07:54,877
You two be good.
163
00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:05,043
Oh, my cell phone. Ugh!
164
00:08:09,293 --> 00:08:10,460
Hey, I--
165
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,585
One of us was not good.
166
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,043
Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
167
00:08:24,043 --> 00:08:26,585
I'm gonna wear you like a little sweater.
168
00:08:26,585 --> 00:08:29,168
And then I'm gonna get
some coffee right now.
169
00:08:29,168 --> 00:08:31,585
And then you and I are gonna go
everywhere, okay?
170
00:08:32,251 --> 00:08:33,585
What?
171
00:08:34,002 --> 00:08:38,126
Oh, come on.
That wasn't there before.@n
172
00:08:38,126 --> 00:08:39,835
One house drip, please.
173
00:08:40,376 --> 00:08:43,960
[BARKING]
174
00:08:49,168 --> 00:08:51,460
That's a bad dog owner, huh?
175
00:08:51,460 --> 00:08:54,668
I mean, who is it? I don't know.
176
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,668
Frank. What are you doing here?
177
00:08:57,668 --> 00:09:01,334
You realize I'm not actually attached
to your building, don't you?
178
00:09:01,334 --> 00:09:02,835
I'm on a break.
179
00:09:02,835 --> 00:09:04,668
Yeah, I'm just getting some coffee.
180
00:09:04,668 --> 00:09:07,376
My new little doggie and I
were up all night.
181
00:09:07,376 --> 00:09:09,585
Just playing and frolicking.
182
00:09:09,585 --> 00:09:11,752
Yes. I heard from your neighbors.
183
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:14,334
- What, they heard him barking?
- No, they heard you crying.
184
00:09:14,334 --> 00:09:18,626
No. Laughing, Frank.
I was laughing.
185
00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:20,168
Oh, God. I'm in hell, Frank.
186
00:09:20,168 --> 00:09:24,043
I mean, he's-- He chews furniture all day,
he spins around all night.
187
00:09:24,043 --> 00:09:26,668
I mean, doesn't he know
he's not gonna catch his tail?
188
00:09:26,668 --> 00:09:28,460
Like, does he not understand that?
189
00:09:28,460 --> 00:09:30,710
I remember those nights.
190
00:09:30,710 --> 00:09:32,209
Maddie's first night in the house,
191
00:09:32,209 --> 00:09:34,043
my wife and I were up
every five minutes.
192
00:09:34,543 --> 00:09:36,501
Oh, yeah? What kind of breed is she?
193
00:09:38,168 --> 00:09:40,710
- Maddie's your daughter, isn't she?
- Yes.
194
00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:43,460
God, you have a daughter, Frank.
I mean, how do you do it?
195
00:09:43,460 --> 00:09:47,334
Twenty-four hours with a dog
and I am absolutely losing my mind.
196
00:09:47,334 --> 00:09:49,002
What am I gonna do if I have a child?
197
00:09:49,002 --> 00:09:51,501
You know, I used to be a tour guide.
198
00:09:51,501 --> 00:09:54,501
Frank, my attention span is like "vroot."
199
00:09:54,501 --> 00:09:56,918
People were allowed to get off
at Wrigley Field.
200
00:09:56,918 --> 00:09:59,334
When they got back on, I counted
201
00:09:59,334 --> 00:10:02,543
and I couldn't leave until the same number
of people got back on.
202
00:10:02,543 --> 00:10:04,418
That's parenting.
203
00:10:06,501 --> 00:10:08,960
If at the end of the day you have
the same number of kids
204
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,585
you started out with,
that's a good tour.
205
00:10:11,710 --> 00:10:15,126
Right. Yeah.
That's a-- That's a good goal.
206
00:10:15,126 --> 00:10:17,543
I can do that. Thank you.
207
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,418
What?
208
00:10:23,418 --> 00:10:26,543
Baby? He was just right here. Oh, no.
209
00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:28,002
Oh, no. Baby!
210
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:31,293
Another tip. Tie your child up inside.
211
00:10:31,293 --> 00:10:33,501
Oh, bad mommy.
212
00:10:34,126 --> 00:10:37,251
Oh, good, you're here.
I'm just curious.
213
00:10:37,251 --> 00:10:39,710
Did you happen to take any pictures
of Baby this morning
214
00:10:39,710 --> 00:10:42,293
- that would make a good poster?
- You lost the dog, didn't you?
215
00:10:43,585 --> 00:10:47,752
Well, look who's all full of questions
suddenly about the dog.
216
00:10:47,752 --> 00:10:49,251
I thought you didn't care.
217
00:10:49,251 --> 00:10:52,960
Which is why you wouldn't watch him,
which is why I had him to lose.
218
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,960
Dena is gonna be
very disappointed in you.
219
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,960
Okay, shouldn't we be out
looking for the dog?
220
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,251
I've been looking.
221
00:10:58,251 --> 00:10:59,501
Okay, but don't you help.
222
00:10:59,501 --> 00:11:02,585
No, no, please.
I'd rather you do the "I told you so" dance.
223
00:11:02,585 --> 00:11:05,334
Because as you said,
I cannot take care of a dog,
224
00:11:05,334 --> 00:11:07,543
- much less a baby.
- Okay, I get it.
225
00:11:07,543 --> 00:11:09,668
You're mad at me because I was right.
226
00:11:09,668 --> 00:11:11,209
And there it is.
227
00:11:11,209 --> 00:11:14,835
Wow, that did not take long at all.
228
00:11:19,002 --> 00:11:20,585
Hey, everyone.
229
00:11:20,585 --> 00:11:22,251
Todd is right.
230
00:11:22,251 --> 00:11:24,752
You hear that, Chicago?
231
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,960
Yeah, you know what?
I think I'm gonna go out for a while.
232
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:30,501
Yeah, you know what, you should.
233
00:11:30,501 --> 00:11:32,835
I'm sure everybody wants to see
the guy that was right.
234
00:11:33,334 --> 00:11:35,043
Here he comes, Chicago.
235
00:11:35,043 --> 00:11:37,626
Start the parade.
236
00:11:37,626 --> 00:11:39,376
Oh, crap.
237
00:11:39,376 --> 00:11:42,585
Another plant died. Ugh!
238
00:11:45,043 --> 00:11:47,752
- Where's Sam?
- Oh, I guess she's running late.
239
00:11:47,752 --> 00:11:49,251
You know, new dog owners.
240
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,543
It always takes them forever
to get out of the house.
241
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,960
I guess we're gonna talk now, huh?
242
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,585
- Fun.
- What's with all the stuff?
243
00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:59,168
I thought you were gonna tell the press
you aren't pregnant?
244
00:11:59,168 --> 00:12:03,084
Well, I was going to, but then the stores
just started sending me things.
245
00:12:03,084 --> 00:12:07,585
Look at this bag, $3,000. Gorgeous.
246
00:12:07,585 --> 00:12:09,126
Isn't that a diaper bag?
247
00:12:09,126 --> 00:12:11,793
Not unless it has a diaper in it.
248
00:12:11,793 --> 00:12:13,293
What the hell is this for?
249
00:12:13,293 --> 00:12:14,293
[RATTLING]
250
00:12:14,626 --> 00:12:16,626
Oh, I just figured it out.
251
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,668
Here we go. Martini.
252
00:12:19,668 --> 00:12:24,251
And for the famous pregnant lady,
I brought you a club soda.
253
00:12:24,251 --> 00:12:26,918
- A club what? What's in there?
- Club soda.
254
00:12:28,334 --> 00:12:31,209
I saw you in the tabloids.
255
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:32,293
No drinking.
256
00:12:34,626 --> 00:12:37,752
All right, that's not gonna happen.
All right, listen up, everyone.
257
00:12:38,334 --> 00:12:43,002
I am not pregnant. I am thin. I am--
I'm very thin.
258
00:12:43,002 --> 00:12:45,084
Take a picture, tell your friends.
259
00:12:45,376 --> 00:12:46,710
Ugh...
260
00:12:48,043 --> 00:12:50,251
Sure, have a sip.
261
00:12:50,251 --> 00:12:51,918
[RATTLING]
262
00:12:51,918 --> 00:12:53,251
[KNOCKING]
263
00:12:56,084 --> 00:12:57,626
- You rang?
- Thanks for coming up.
264
00:12:57,626 --> 00:12:59,293
I'm on hold with one of the shelters.
265
00:12:59,293 --> 00:13:02,293
But I need you to take these flyers
and pass them out, okay?
266
00:13:02,710 --> 00:13:06,418
- You lost your horse, too?
- I had to draw from memory, all right?
267
00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:08,209
You remembered you had a horse.
268
00:13:08,209 --> 00:13:11,460
Hey. I came to see the doggy.
269
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,585
[WHISPERS]
You think she saw me?
270
00:13:15,877 --> 00:13:17,126
[KNOCKING]
271
00:13:19,002 --> 00:13:20,376
Hey, I'm sorry about that.
272
00:13:20,376 --> 00:13:22,168
The stupid door keeps slamming.
273
00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:25,209
Seriously, Frank,
someone's gonna lose a finger.
274
00:13:25,209 --> 00:13:27,793
Guess which one I'd miss most.
275
00:13:28,668 --> 00:13:31,835
Hey, you know what?
Dena, I was just about to turn in.
276
00:13:31,835 --> 00:13:34,752
Oh, I'll just be a second. Where's Baby?
277
00:13:34,752 --> 00:13:37,668
He's out. Like a light. He's sleeping.
278
00:13:37,668 --> 00:13:40,668
Oh, well, he'll wanna see me.
279
00:13:40,668 --> 00:13:43,084
- Baby.
- Yeah, he won't come.
280
00:13:43,084 --> 00:13:44,418
- He's really stupid.
- Shy?
281
00:13:44,418 --> 00:13:46,002
He's shy. He is so shy.
282
00:13:46,918 --> 00:13:49,251
Well, I wanna give him his new toy.
283
00:13:49,251 --> 00:13:52,002
I'm gonna be honest with you,
I have given him so many toys.
284
00:13:52,002 --> 00:13:53,960
But he'll want this one
from his Aunt Dena.
285
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,376
Won't you? Won't you, Baby, huh?
286
00:13:56,376 --> 00:13:59,126
Won't you, Baby? Yes, you will.
287
00:14:01,376 --> 00:14:03,251
He just ran right into the closet.
288
00:14:03,251 --> 00:14:05,543
He's quick.
Did you see him go in there?
289
00:14:05,877 --> 00:14:08,918
Aw, look at that, so cute.
290
00:14:08,918 --> 00:14:10,918
Oh, okay. I'll just take a peek.
291
00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:15,002
No. Just, here, I'll take it.
I'll take the toy. I'll give it to him.
292
00:14:15,418 --> 00:14:19,168
Hey there, you.
293
00:14:19,168 --> 00:14:22,084
Oh! Whoa, was I wrong.
294
00:14:22,084 --> 00:14:25,376
He's-- Really loves-- He loves this toy.
295
00:14:25,376 --> 00:14:26,418
I'm gonna get it.
296
00:14:29,084 --> 00:14:30,710
Oh, boy he's a real fighter.
297
00:14:38,334 --> 00:14:40,168
I won.
298
00:14:40,918 --> 00:14:42,668
So where's the dog?
299
00:14:43,002 --> 00:14:45,668
Oh, he just scooted right on out of here.
300
00:14:45,668 --> 00:14:48,418
- Went underneath the bed or something.
- Oh, okay.
301
00:14:48,418 --> 00:14:50,752
No. Don't look under the bed.
Don't look under the bed.
302
00:14:50,752 --> 00:14:54,501
- Why not?
- Well, because. Oh, boo.
303
00:14:54,501 --> 00:14:57,209
Your Christmas present's
underneath there.
304
00:14:57,209 --> 00:14:59,626
- Really? This early?
- Mm-hm.
305
00:14:59,626 --> 00:15:03,209
Yeah, I saw it in the store and I was like,
"That is so Dena." So I got it.
306
00:15:03,543 --> 00:15:06,710
Hey, look who I found outside.
307
00:15:07,376 --> 00:15:08,585
[LAUGHS]
308
00:15:09,585 --> 00:15:11,084
SAMANTHA:
Hm.
309
00:15:13,585 --> 00:15:15,501
Merry Christmas.
310
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:20,960
Hey, Regina, can I come in?
311
00:15:22,043 --> 00:15:25,209
I just got a call from your instructor.
312
00:15:25,209 --> 00:15:27,877
And he wanted to lock up for the night.
313
00:15:29,877 --> 00:15:31,168
I can't do it, Howard.
314
00:15:31,793 --> 00:15:34,126
I can't go up in this thing.
315
00:15:34,126 --> 00:15:35,835
Well, let's sell it then.
316
00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:37,752
I mean, it gets lousy mileage
on the highway.
317
00:15:37,752 --> 00:15:40,418
No. We can't sell it.
318
00:15:40,418 --> 00:15:43,460
This plane
was gonna make us do things.
319
00:15:43,460 --> 00:15:46,710
You know, zip off to Atlantic City
for the weekend.
320
00:15:46,710 --> 00:15:51,084
Fly to Bora-Bora, have a massage
from bare-chested men
321
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:53,793
who fed us mangos
and rubbed our feet.
322
00:15:54,126 --> 00:15:56,418
Doesn't sound sanitary.
323
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:04,168
I wanted us to be the Newlys
who have adventures.
324
00:16:06,501 --> 00:16:08,293
They're fascinating people, Howard.
325
00:16:09,752 --> 00:16:13,877
Well, you know, we can still do things.
326
00:16:13,877 --> 00:16:18,168
We can sell the plane
and then take a trip to Bora-Bora.
327
00:16:18,585 --> 00:16:21,960
- Really? You'd go?
- Well, yeah, why not?
328
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:25,501
You get to see one of those fire dances
and get a massage.
329
00:16:25,501 --> 00:16:27,251
From a woman.
330
00:16:28,126 --> 00:16:30,585
Oh, we could, huh?
331
00:16:30,585 --> 00:16:33,877
And we'd have enough left over
to buy a pinball machine.
332
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,251
I win.
333
00:16:44,251 --> 00:16:45,543
I'm so sorry, Dena.
334
00:16:45,543 --> 00:16:47,752
I just took my eyes off of him
for one second.
335
00:16:47,752 --> 00:16:50,585
Well, don't beat yourself up, Sam.
I mean, dogs run away.
336
00:16:50,585 --> 00:16:53,418
That's why we inject microchips
into their necks, right?
337
00:16:53,418 --> 00:16:56,501
I mean, yes we do.
Don't we put things in your neck?
338
00:16:56,501 --> 00:16:59,376
I'm trying to get one into Chase,
but he's a light sleeper, so...
339
00:16:59,376 --> 00:17:00,710
Well, thank you.
340
00:17:00,710 --> 00:17:02,752
- Bye.
- Bye.
341
00:17:03,251 --> 00:17:05,752
Hey. Thanks for finding him.
342
00:17:05,752 --> 00:17:08,126
- Where was he?
- Side street.
343
00:17:08,126 --> 00:17:11,002
Staring into the window of a shoe store.
344
00:17:11,293 --> 00:17:13,626
You know, the thing is
before he got lost
345
00:17:13,626 --> 00:17:16,084
a small part of me
was wishing I had never gotten him,
346
00:17:16,084 --> 00:17:20,960
but then when he was gone all
I could think about was, "Please be okay."
347
00:17:21,418 --> 00:17:23,793
He does sort of grow on you.
348
00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:25,668
Maybe tomorrow
we could take him to the park.
349
00:17:25,668 --> 00:17:27,293
No, I'm giving him away.
350
00:17:27,668 --> 00:17:29,626
What? But, Sam--
351
00:17:29,626 --> 00:17:31,626
No, I'm not ready to feel like that.
352
00:17:31,626 --> 00:17:34,251
Thinking and worrying that much
about something.
353
00:17:34,251 --> 00:17:36,752
I mean, I get lost myself,
like, nine times a day.
354
00:17:36,752 --> 00:17:38,418
I'm already enough to handle.
355
00:17:38,418 --> 00:17:40,918
Well, sure. Yeah, whatever you want.
356
00:17:40,918 --> 00:17:45,251
I mean, it's up to you. Why start including
me in any decisions around here?
357
00:17:48,293 --> 00:17:50,918
Hey, Todd,
do you know where the corkscrew is?
358
00:17:50,918 --> 00:17:54,168
I know we had it
when we snuck wine in the movies.
359
00:17:59,877 --> 00:18:02,002
- What's this?
- Oh, it's nothing. Give it to me.
360
00:18:02,002 --> 00:18:03,543
Baby names?
361
00:18:03,543 --> 00:18:05,376
It was on sale. I collect names. Give it.
362
00:18:06,084 --> 00:18:08,793
You highlighted some. Let's see.
363
00:18:08,793 --> 00:18:10,585
"Cynthia," no.
364
00:18:11,877 --> 00:18:13,251
And "Holden."
365
00:18:13,251 --> 00:18:15,251
Holden Deepler?
366
00:18:15,251 --> 00:18:18,543
Oh, God, I would have no problem
spanking that kid.
367
00:18:18,543 --> 00:18:21,293
I was goofing around.
You said you might be pregnant.
368
00:18:21,293 --> 00:18:22,918
- When?
- Three days ago.
369
00:18:22,918 --> 00:18:24,209
You were gonna take a test.
370
00:18:24,209 --> 00:18:26,668
I did. I passed. No baby.
371
00:18:26,668 --> 00:18:29,918
Wait, you took the test
without me there?
372
00:18:29,918 --> 00:18:32,168
What, you wanted to watch me pee?
373
00:18:32,168 --> 00:18:36,501
Because you know I could direct you
to some websites if that's what you're into.
374
00:18:36,501 --> 00:18:38,043
No, forget it.
375
00:18:38,043 --> 00:18:40,293
No baby, that's all I wanted to know.
It's great.
376
00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:43,418
- Mm-hm.
- I'll just open up the wine.
377
00:18:43,418 --> 00:18:46,334
How about "Gaylord"? Gaylord Deepler.
378
00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:47,877
[LAUGHING]
379
00:19:05,084 --> 00:19:07,418
Here, stay there.
380
00:19:09,084 --> 00:19:12,585
Hey, why are you acting this way?
381
00:19:17,585 --> 00:19:20,793
Because when a guy storms out
of a room, he likes to slam a door.
382
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:22,209
And I don't have a door.
383
00:19:22,209 --> 00:19:24,334
And you can't slam a couch.
384
00:19:26,710 --> 00:19:30,293
Look, I'm sorry
I didn't involve you in this.
385
00:19:30,293 --> 00:19:31,626
Or anything.
386
00:19:32,084 --> 00:19:33,543
I just--
387
00:19:34,293 --> 00:19:36,918
- I can't play house with you, okay?
- Huh?
388
00:19:36,918 --> 00:19:39,710
It's hard enough living here
remembering we're not together,
389
00:19:39,710 --> 00:19:43,002
then you bring in something to care about
and expect us to act like a family.
390
00:19:43,002 --> 00:19:45,501
And I have to remember
we're not that, either.
391
00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:47,710
See? This is what I mean.
392
00:19:47,710 --> 00:19:49,668
Someone so self-involved,
393
00:19:49,668 --> 00:19:52,334
that doesn't even realize
that you're going through something,
394
00:19:52,334 --> 00:19:54,126
should not be raising a baby.
395
00:19:55,793 --> 00:19:57,418
Yet.
396
00:19:58,710 --> 00:20:00,460
Shh. Don't move, he's sleeping.
397
00:20:03,793 --> 00:20:05,543
[WHISPERING]
Wait. I have to stand here all night?
398
00:20:05,543 --> 00:20:07,126
Yeah. I'll get you a blanket.
399
00:20:07,126 --> 00:20:08,293
No, no, Sam. Sam.
400
00:20:08,585 --> 00:20:10,460
Shh. Don't move. Don't you move.
401
00:20:16,126 --> 00:20:19,209
SAMANTHA: It is kind of remarkable
we have this instinct to nurture,
402
00:20:19,209 --> 00:20:21,877
to raise another living creature.
403
00:20:24,251 --> 00:20:28,585
Do we do it to feel important?
To be the center of someone's universe?
404
00:20:29,501 --> 00:20:32,251
That's more like it. Oh.
405
00:20:34,585 --> 00:20:37,585
SAMANTHA: Maybe we want it to turn us
into someone we wanna be,
406
00:20:37,585 --> 00:20:42,209
but aren't ready to be.
Someday, maybe. Just not yet.
407
00:20:44,918 --> 00:20:47,460
Being a parent
is pretty much all sacrifice.
408
00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:50,251
So until I can give another person
all that it takes,
409
00:20:50,251 --> 00:20:51,960
I'm gonna stick to my plants,
410
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,710
Holden and Cynthia.
411
00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:56,752
You can leave these things anywhere
and they stay put.
412
00:20:59,835 --> 00:21:01,251
SAMANTHA:
Sorry, Frank.
413
00:21:06,334 --> 00:21:08,752
SAMANTHA: And at least now I know
that when I'm ready,
414
00:21:08,752 --> 00:21:11,084
I might not have to fly solo.
415
00:21:11,084 --> 00:21:12,668
Thank you.