1 00:00:01,501 --> 00:00:04,126 SAMANTHA: Taking care of plants is supposed to be good for your health. 2 00:00:04,126 --> 00:00:05,501 It lowers your blood pressure, 3 00:00:05,501 --> 00:00:07,126 connects you with the universe, 4 00:00:07,126 --> 00:00:09,668 and it's something you just get to love. 5 00:00:09,668 --> 00:00:11,668 My plants reject my love. 6 00:00:11,668 --> 00:00:14,002 Maybe they're teenagers. 7 00:00:14,668 --> 00:00:17,626 I try, but it's just so hard being both father and mother to them. 8 00:00:17,626 --> 00:00:18,668 [SIGHS] 9 00:00:22,668 --> 00:00:25,668 - Hey. - Hey. What's wrong? 10 00:00:27,543 --> 00:00:29,543 There was a message. 11 00:00:29,543 --> 00:00:30,585 Uncle Walter died. 12 00:00:31,460 --> 00:00:35,668 Oh, no, Todd. Oh, God, I'm so sorry. 13 00:00:35,668 --> 00:00:38,209 - Are you okay? - No, I'm fine. 14 00:00:38,209 --> 00:00:39,501 He was your uncle. 15 00:00:39,501 --> 00:00:41,002 What? 16 00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:43,126 Oh, no. 17 00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:45,752 Oh, my God, this is my first family death. 18 00:00:45,752 --> 00:00:47,626 It's my first funeral. 19 00:00:47,626 --> 00:00:51,626 Oh, poor Warren. Poor Wally. What? 20 00:00:51,626 --> 00:00:52,835 - Walter. - Walter. 21 00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:55,585 He was your dad's step-brother. To be honest he kind of hated him. 22 00:00:55,585 --> 00:00:59,543 Yeah, but still, someone died. I mean, that's so sad. 23 00:00:59,543 --> 00:01:00,877 [GASPS] 24 00:01:00,877 --> 00:01:03,002 I have the cutest black dress. 25 00:01:03,002 --> 00:01:04,126 Oh, my God. 26 00:01:05,168 --> 00:01:06,501 I win. 27 00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:07,877 [LAUGHS] 28 00:01:07,877 --> 00:01:09,710 It's an open casket, Dad. 29 00:01:09,710 --> 00:01:11,835 I don't think I'm ready to see a dead body. 30 00:01:11,835 --> 00:01:13,918 Oh, they fix them up to look almost real. 31 00:01:13,918 --> 00:01:16,002 They inject this rubbery stuff into their veins, 32 00:01:16,002 --> 00:01:17,501 makes them more poseable. 33 00:01:17,501 --> 00:01:20,668 - It's how we get mannequins. - Dad. 34 00:01:21,251 --> 00:01:22,752 - Okay, okay, okay. - What? 35 00:01:22,752 --> 00:01:24,126 And you, young lady, 36 00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:26,585 the least you could do is muster a tear for your uncle. 37 00:01:26,585 --> 00:01:28,376 No, I can't. I didn't know him. 38 00:01:29,251 --> 00:01:32,293 Well, then pluck a nose hair. Do not embarrass me in front of the family. 39 00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,334 Look, I don't know anybody here. 40 00:01:34,334 --> 00:01:38,002 You know, which is kind of sad for me because I just don't have any connection-- 41 00:01:38,002 --> 00:01:39,334 No, I'm sorry. 42 00:01:39,334 --> 00:01:41,626 Yes, it is sad. The Newlys are dropping like flies. 43 00:01:41,626 --> 00:01:43,626 You're not exactly churning out the replacements. 44 00:01:44,002 --> 00:01:46,835 - Pow. Good one. - I'm sorry. 45 00:01:46,835 --> 00:01:49,460 It was not you. I'm sorry. 46 00:01:49,626 --> 00:01:52,002 Funerals just remind me of the shortness of life. 47 00:01:53,168 --> 00:01:55,209 - I mean, don't you even want kids? - Mom. 48 00:01:55,835 --> 00:01:58,126 Well, look at her. She's doing her part. 49 00:01:58,126 --> 00:02:00,626 Look, haven't thought about it, okay? 50 00:02:00,626 --> 00:02:03,877 There are still three keys on my keychain, I have no idea what they're for. 51 00:02:03,877 --> 00:02:05,710 Just one thing at a time. 52 00:02:07,877 --> 00:02:09,793 Remember, you've only so many eggs left in there. 53 00:02:10,168 --> 00:02:14,793 At your age, your ovaries are churning like a broken motel ice machine. 54 00:02:15,418 --> 00:02:17,376 - Hey, are you not going in? - I don't know. 55 00:02:17,376 --> 00:02:19,168 - Are you a relative? - Yeah. 56 00:02:19,168 --> 00:02:22,043 I'm sorry, but if you can hold her for a second, I'll be right back. 57 00:02:22,043 --> 00:02:25,043 I've just waited so long to see Walter dead. Thank you. 58 00:02:25,043 --> 00:02:27,626 Okay. Okay. 59 00:02:27,626 --> 00:02:29,960 All right. Holding a baby. 60 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:31,334 Okay. 61 00:02:31,334 --> 00:02:34,209 Oh, you're very squirmy. 62 00:02:34,209 --> 00:02:36,168 Top-heavy. 63 00:02:36,668 --> 00:02:40,793 Oh, my God your head smells so, so good. 64 00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:42,043 [BABY CRIES] 65 00:02:42,043 --> 00:02:43,835 Oh, no. 66 00:02:43,835 --> 00:02:46,918 I'm so sorry for your loss. Do you want a handkerchief? 67 00:02:46,918 --> 00:02:49,002 [CRYING] I want a baby. 68 00:02:57,334 --> 00:02:59,960 SAMANTHA: Oh, my God. Look at this. 69 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:02,168 Can you believe we were this small? 70 00:03:02,168 --> 00:03:03,835 Oh, I'd kill to fit into that. 71 00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:07,460 I don't know what it is. It's like I smelled that baby and something unleashed in me. 72 00:03:07,460 --> 00:03:10,251 It's like you know how birds feed their young by...in their mouths? 73 00:03:10,251 --> 00:03:12,835 I used to think that was gross, now I think it's beautiful. 74 00:03:12,835 --> 00:03:15,002 Now I want a baby and I wanna puke in its mouth. 75 00:03:15,002 --> 00:03:17,668 You used to puke in your own mouth. I miss those days. 76 00:03:18,084 --> 00:03:20,084 Argh! He did it again. 77 00:03:20,084 --> 00:03:22,168 That was Walter's lawyer. 78 00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:24,293 Son of a bitch left me an airplane. 79 00:03:24,293 --> 00:03:25,668 - We won an airplane? - Yeah. 80 00:03:25,668 --> 00:03:27,668 Four-seater, single engine, beauty. 81 00:03:27,668 --> 00:03:29,209 Howard, that's wonderful. 82 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,877 Let's go to South Beach for lunch. 83 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:34,835 Regina, can't you see that Walter is taunting me from the grave? 84 00:03:34,835 --> 00:03:36,293 Howard, please. 85 00:03:36,293 --> 00:03:39,376 No, he's saying that I could never get an airplane unless he gave me one. 86 00:03:39,376 --> 00:03:41,043 Well, screw him, I'm gonna sell it 87 00:03:41,043 --> 00:03:43,418 - and buy a pinball machine. - No, you're not. 88 00:03:43,418 --> 00:03:45,168 - Oh, yes I am. - Oh, no, you're not. 89 00:03:45,168 --> 00:03:48,418 I am not gonna buy into this ridiculous competition between you two. 90 00:03:48,418 --> 00:03:50,126 We have an airplane. 91 00:03:50,126 --> 00:03:52,334 I'm gonna sign up for flying lessons. 92 00:03:52,334 --> 00:03:57,877 So take that, Paula Drake, and your precious little koi pond! 93 00:04:00,126 --> 00:04:03,084 Mr. Cellophane, no. Get our new doggy out of your mouth. 94 00:04:05,251 --> 00:04:07,835 Do you know how long it takes to adopt a baby? It's so stupid. 95 00:04:07,835 --> 00:04:10,002 What if I don't want a baby in two years? 96 00:04:10,002 --> 00:04:11,877 Yeah, that may be the point. 97 00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:14,043 Hey, know what they used to make us do in high school? 98 00:04:14,460 --> 00:04:17,543 They used to give us an egg and we'd have to carry it around for the week. 99 00:04:17,543 --> 00:04:20,585 So we got to see how hard it is to take care of something. Here, try it. 100 00:04:22,501 --> 00:04:24,418 Oh, I wasn't ready. 101 00:04:24,418 --> 00:04:25,585 Indeed. 102 00:04:27,752 --> 00:04:30,043 Your dog's eating my baby. 103 00:04:30,043 --> 00:04:31,293 [ANDREA GASPS] 104 00:04:31,293 --> 00:04:34,877 No. No, no, no. Sam, Sam. Look. 105 00:04:36,668 --> 00:04:39,251 SAMANTHA: Oh, my God. They think you're pregnant.@n 106 00:04:39,251 --> 00:04:42,043 You're going to make a wonderful mother. 107 00:04:42,043 --> 00:04:43,251 She won't. 108 00:04:43,251 --> 00:04:45,918 That's not a baby. That's a bagel. 109 00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:47,376 I ate a bagel. 110 00:04:47,376 --> 00:04:50,668 That's what I get for eating breakfast one time in 20 years. 111 00:04:51,543 --> 00:04:53,710 Everybody gets to be a mommy but me. 112 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,543 Mr. Cellophane, no. 113 00:04:55,543 --> 00:04:57,752 Release your foster puppy. Come on. 114 00:04:57,752 --> 00:04:59,501 - Sam, will you hold him for a second? - Okay. 115 00:05:03,585 --> 00:05:05,293 [SNIFFING] 116 00:05:06,251 --> 00:05:07,752 Dena? 117 00:05:08,002 --> 00:05:09,043 Sam. 118 00:05:11,918 --> 00:05:14,168 [BARKING] 119 00:05:14,168 --> 00:05:16,835 Hey, you like him? His name's Baby. 120 00:05:21,043 --> 00:05:22,710 A dog? No, no. 121 00:05:22,710 --> 00:05:24,002 Isn't he cute? 122 00:05:24,002 --> 00:05:26,877 Hi. Just get off of there? You get off of there. 123 00:05:26,877 --> 00:05:28,084 - Sam? - What? 124 00:05:28,084 --> 00:05:30,334 - a dog is a lot of work. - I can handle it. 125 00:05:30,334 --> 00:05:32,585 I already dropped him and he totally didn't break. 126 00:05:32,585 --> 00:05:35,293 - Come on, let's take him for a walk. - Sam, no. I don't want a dog. 127 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,209 Fine, good, then more dog for me. 128 00:05:38,209 --> 00:05:40,543 No, I'm serious. It's your dog. I'm not helping. 129 00:05:40,543 --> 00:05:42,418 Yeah, well, you know what, I'm serious. 130 00:05:42,418 --> 00:05:45,835 I'm seriously insulted that you even think that I would need your help. 131 00:05:45,835 --> 00:05:49,835 I mean, it's not like it's 1862 or something. 132 00:05:49,835 --> 00:05:52,668 Women can have dog babies on their own. 133 00:05:52,668 --> 00:05:55,251 Look, I assure you, it's not gonna impact you in any way. 134 00:05:59,002 --> 00:06:01,209 And I would like to buy that shoe. 135 00:06:03,501 --> 00:06:07,793 Okay, bedtime. Mommy has to work in the morning, so night-night. 136 00:06:08,710 --> 00:06:12,626 [GROWLING & BARKING] 137 00:06:33,668 --> 00:06:35,543 [PHONE RINGING] 138 00:06:43,543 --> 00:06:45,501 Of course. 139 00:06:45,501 --> 00:06:47,209 - Hello? REGINA: Samantha? 140 00:06:47,209 --> 00:06:48,626 Mom. 141 00:06:48,626 --> 00:06:52,209 - Mom, why are you calling me so early? - It's 11:00. 142 00:06:52,209 --> 00:06:54,209 You were supposed to cover our showing today. 143 00:06:54,209 --> 00:06:56,710 What? What? Oh, no. I'm so sorry-- 144 00:06:56,710 --> 00:07:00,793 Samantha, if you're not gonna take this job seriously, then don't do it. 145 00:07:00,793 --> 00:07:03,710 Look at me, I'm an aviatrix. 146 00:07:03,710 --> 00:07:05,376 Okay, let's fly. Give me the keys. 147 00:07:05,376 --> 00:07:08,501 Soon, yes, but I-- First I need you to sign this release form. 148 00:07:08,501 --> 00:07:11,710 - Release form? What for? - Oh, in case something happens. 149 00:07:11,710 --> 00:07:13,043 Like what? 150 00:07:13,043 --> 00:07:16,710 Oh, you mean like I'm the first woman to fly around the world or like-- 151 00:07:16,710 --> 00:07:19,126 I'm not signing away my life story. 152 00:07:19,126 --> 00:07:22,043 No. That's not gonna happen. 153 00:07:22,043 --> 00:07:25,126 No, this just says we're not responsible if you have an incident. 154 00:07:25,376 --> 00:07:27,126 With? 155 00:07:27,126 --> 00:07:28,835 The ground. 156 00:07:35,418 --> 00:07:38,835 Well, could I just drive it around the parking lot instead? 157 00:07:39,835 --> 00:07:42,043 Hey, look. We're even. 158 00:07:42,043 --> 00:07:43,501 Jimmy Choos. 159 00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:46,126 Though it's not his fault, has the word "chew" right in it. 160 00:07:46,126 --> 00:07:49,585 All right, come here, you. Look, you have a good day. 161 00:07:49,585 --> 00:07:52,668 When I get back we're gonna have a nice long nap. All right? 162 00:07:52,668 --> 00:07:54,877 You two be good. 163 00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:05,043 Oh, my cell phone. Ugh! 164 00:08:09,293 --> 00:08:10,460 Hey, I-- 165 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,585 One of us was not good. 166 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,043 Yes. Yes, yes, yes. 167 00:08:24,043 --> 00:08:26,585 I'm gonna wear you like a little sweater. 168 00:08:26,585 --> 00:08:29,168 And then I'm gonna get some coffee right now. 169 00:08:29,168 --> 00:08:31,585 And then you and I are gonna go everywhere, okay? 170 00:08:32,251 --> 00:08:33,585 What? 171 00:08:34,002 --> 00:08:38,126 Oh, come on. That wasn't there before.@n 172 00:08:38,126 --> 00:08:39,835 One house drip, please. 173 00:08:40,376 --> 00:08:43,960 [BARKING] 174 00:08:49,168 --> 00:08:51,460 That's a bad dog owner, huh? 175 00:08:51,460 --> 00:08:54,668 I mean, who is it? I don't know. 176 00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,668 Frank. What are you doing here? 177 00:08:57,668 --> 00:09:01,334 You realize I'm not actually attached to your building, don't you? 178 00:09:01,334 --> 00:09:02,835 I'm on a break. 179 00:09:02,835 --> 00:09:04,668 Yeah, I'm just getting some coffee. 180 00:09:04,668 --> 00:09:07,376 My new little doggie and I were up all night. 181 00:09:07,376 --> 00:09:09,585 Just playing and frolicking. 182 00:09:09,585 --> 00:09:11,752 Yes. I heard from your neighbors. 183 00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:14,334 - What, they heard him barking? - No, they heard you crying. 184 00:09:14,334 --> 00:09:18,626 No. Laughing, Frank. I was laughing. 185 00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:20,168 Oh, God. I'm in hell, Frank. 186 00:09:20,168 --> 00:09:24,043 I mean, he's-- He chews furniture all day, he spins around all night. 187 00:09:24,043 --> 00:09:26,668 I mean, doesn't he know he's not gonna catch his tail? 188 00:09:26,668 --> 00:09:28,460 Like, does he not understand that? 189 00:09:28,460 --> 00:09:30,710 I remember those nights. 190 00:09:30,710 --> 00:09:32,209 Maddie's first night in the house, 191 00:09:32,209 --> 00:09:34,043 my wife and I were up every five minutes. 192 00:09:34,543 --> 00:09:36,501 Oh, yeah? What kind of breed is she? 193 00:09:38,168 --> 00:09:40,710 - Maddie's your daughter, isn't she? - Yes. 194 00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:43,460 God, you have a daughter, Frank. I mean, how do you do it? 195 00:09:43,460 --> 00:09:47,334 Twenty-four hours with a dog and I am absolutely losing my mind. 196 00:09:47,334 --> 00:09:49,002 What am I gonna do if I have a child? 197 00:09:49,002 --> 00:09:51,501 You know, I used to be a tour guide. 198 00:09:51,501 --> 00:09:54,501 Frank, my attention span is like "vroot." 199 00:09:54,501 --> 00:09:56,918 People were allowed to get off at Wrigley Field. 200 00:09:56,918 --> 00:09:59,334 When they got back on, I counted 201 00:09:59,334 --> 00:10:02,543 and I couldn't leave until the same number of people got back on. 202 00:10:02,543 --> 00:10:04,418 That's parenting. 203 00:10:06,501 --> 00:10:08,960 If at the end of the day you have the same number of kids 204 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,585 you started out with, that's a good tour. 205 00:10:11,710 --> 00:10:15,126 Right. Yeah. That's a-- That's a good goal. 206 00:10:15,126 --> 00:10:17,543 I can do that. Thank you. 207 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,418 What? 208 00:10:23,418 --> 00:10:26,543 Baby? He was just right here. Oh, no. 209 00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:28,002 Oh, no. Baby! 210 00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:31,293 Another tip. Tie your child up inside. 211 00:10:31,293 --> 00:10:33,501 Oh, bad mommy. 212 00:10:34,126 --> 00:10:37,251 Oh, good, you're here. I'm just curious. 213 00:10:37,251 --> 00:10:39,710 Did you happen to take any pictures of Baby this morning 214 00:10:39,710 --> 00:10:42,293 - that would make a good poster? - You lost the dog, didn't you? 215 00:10:43,585 --> 00:10:47,752 Well, look who's all full of questions suddenly about the dog. 216 00:10:47,752 --> 00:10:49,251 I thought you didn't care. 217 00:10:49,251 --> 00:10:52,960 Which is why you wouldn't watch him, which is why I had him to lose. 218 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,960 Dena is gonna be very disappointed in you. 219 00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,960 Okay, shouldn't we be out looking for the dog? 220 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,251 I've been looking. 221 00:10:58,251 --> 00:10:59,501 Okay, but don't you help. 222 00:10:59,501 --> 00:11:02,585 No, no, please. I'd rather you do the "I told you so" dance. 223 00:11:02,585 --> 00:11:05,334 Because as you said, I cannot take care of a dog, 224 00:11:05,334 --> 00:11:07,543 - much less a baby. - Okay, I get it. 225 00:11:07,543 --> 00:11:09,668 You're mad at me because I was right. 226 00:11:09,668 --> 00:11:11,209 And there it is. 227 00:11:11,209 --> 00:11:14,835 Wow, that did not take long at all. 228 00:11:19,002 --> 00:11:20,585 Hey, everyone. 229 00:11:20,585 --> 00:11:22,251 Todd is right. 230 00:11:22,251 --> 00:11:24,752 You hear that, Chicago? 231 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,960 Yeah, you know what? I think I'm gonna go out for a while. 232 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:30,501 Yeah, you know what, you should. 233 00:11:30,501 --> 00:11:32,835 I'm sure everybody wants to see the guy that was right. 234 00:11:33,334 --> 00:11:35,043 Here he comes, Chicago. 235 00:11:35,043 --> 00:11:37,626 Start the parade. 236 00:11:37,626 --> 00:11:39,376 Oh, crap. 237 00:11:39,376 --> 00:11:42,585 Another plant died. Ugh! 238 00:11:45,043 --> 00:11:47,752 - Where's Sam? - Oh, I guess she's running late. 239 00:11:47,752 --> 00:11:49,251 You know, new dog owners. 240 00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,543 It always takes them forever to get out of the house. 241 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,960 I guess we're gonna talk now, huh? 242 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,585 - Fun. - What's with all the stuff? 243 00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:59,168 I thought you were gonna tell the press you aren't pregnant? 244 00:11:59,168 --> 00:12:03,084 Well, I was going to, but then the stores just started sending me things. 245 00:12:03,084 --> 00:12:07,585 Look at this bag, $3,000. Gorgeous. 246 00:12:07,585 --> 00:12:09,126 Isn't that a diaper bag? 247 00:12:09,126 --> 00:12:11,793 Not unless it has a diaper in it. 248 00:12:11,793 --> 00:12:13,293 What the hell is this for? 249 00:12:13,293 --> 00:12:14,293 [RATTLING] 250 00:12:14,626 --> 00:12:16,626 Oh, I just figured it out. 251 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,668 Here we go. Martini. 252 00:12:19,668 --> 00:12:24,251 And for the famous pregnant lady, I brought you a club soda. 253 00:12:24,251 --> 00:12:26,918 - A club what? What's in there? - Club soda. 254 00:12:28,334 --> 00:12:31,209 I saw you in the tabloids. 255 00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:32,293 No drinking. 256 00:12:34,626 --> 00:12:37,752 All right, that's not gonna happen. All right, listen up, everyone. 257 00:12:38,334 --> 00:12:43,002 I am not pregnant. I am thin. I am-- I'm very thin. 258 00:12:43,002 --> 00:12:45,084 Take a picture, tell your friends. 259 00:12:45,376 --> 00:12:46,710 Ugh... 260 00:12:48,043 --> 00:12:50,251 Sure, have a sip. 261 00:12:50,251 --> 00:12:51,918 [RATTLING] 262 00:12:51,918 --> 00:12:53,251 [KNOCKING] 263 00:12:56,084 --> 00:12:57,626 - You rang? - Thanks for coming up. 264 00:12:57,626 --> 00:12:59,293 I'm on hold with one of the shelters. 265 00:12:59,293 --> 00:13:02,293 But I need you to take these flyers and pass them out, okay? 266 00:13:02,710 --> 00:13:06,418 - You lost your horse, too? - I had to draw from memory, all right? 267 00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:08,209 You remembered you had a horse. 268 00:13:08,209 --> 00:13:11,460 Hey. I came to see the doggy. 269 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,585 [WHISPERS] You think she saw me? 270 00:13:15,877 --> 00:13:17,126 [KNOCKING] 271 00:13:19,002 --> 00:13:20,376 Hey, I'm sorry about that. 272 00:13:20,376 --> 00:13:22,168 The stupid door keeps slamming. 273 00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:25,209 Seriously, Frank, someone's gonna lose a finger. 274 00:13:25,209 --> 00:13:27,793 Guess which one I'd miss most. 275 00:13:28,668 --> 00:13:31,835 Hey, you know what? Dena, I was just about to turn in. 276 00:13:31,835 --> 00:13:34,752 Oh, I'll just be a second. Where's Baby? 277 00:13:34,752 --> 00:13:37,668 He's out. Like a light. He's sleeping. 278 00:13:37,668 --> 00:13:40,668 Oh, well, he'll wanna see me. 279 00:13:40,668 --> 00:13:43,084 - Baby. - Yeah, he won't come. 280 00:13:43,084 --> 00:13:44,418 - He's really stupid. - Shy? 281 00:13:44,418 --> 00:13:46,002 He's shy. He is so shy. 282 00:13:46,918 --> 00:13:49,251 Well, I wanna give him his new toy. 283 00:13:49,251 --> 00:13:52,002 I'm gonna be honest with you, I have given him so many toys. 284 00:13:52,002 --> 00:13:53,960 But he'll want this one from his Aunt Dena. 285 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,376 Won't you? Won't you, Baby, huh? 286 00:13:56,376 --> 00:13:59,126 Won't you, Baby? Yes, you will. 287 00:14:01,376 --> 00:14:03,251 He just ran right into the closet. 288 00:14:03,251 --> 00:14:05,543 He's quick. Did you see him go in there? 289 00:14:05,877 --> 00:14:08,918 Aw, look at that, so cute. 290 00:14:08,918 --> 00:14:10,918 Oh, okay. I'll just take a peek. 291 00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:15,002 No. Just, here, I'll take it. I'll take the toy. I'll give it to him. 292 00:14:15,418 --> 00:14:19,168 Hey there, you. 293 00:14:19,168 --> 00:14:22,084 Oh! Whoa, was I wrong. 294 00:14:22,084 --> 00:14:25,376 He's-- Really loves-- He loves this toy. 295 00:14:25,376 --> 00:14:26,418 I'm gonna get it. 296 00:14:29,084 --> 00:14:30,710 Oh, boy he's a real fighter. 297 00:14:38,334 --> 00:14:40,168 I won. 298 00:14:40,918 --> 00:14:42,668 So where's the dog? 299 00:14:43,002 --> 00:14:45,668 Oh, he just scooted right on out of here. 300 00:14:45,668 --> 00:14:48,418 - Went underneath the bed or something. - Oh, okay. 301 00:14:48,418 --> 00:14:50,752 No. Don't look under the bed. Don't look under the bed. 302 00:14:50,752 --> 00:14:54,501 - Why not? - Well, because. Oh, boo. 303 00:14:54,501 --> 00:14:57,209 Your Christmas present's underneath there. 304 00:14:57,209 --> 00:14:59,626 - Really? This early? - Mm-hm. 305 00:14:59,626 --> 00:15:03,209 Yeah, I saw it in the store and I was like, "That is so Dena." So I got it. 306 00:15:03,543 --> 00:15:06,710 Hey, look who I found outside. 307 00:15:07,376 --> 00:15:08,585 [LAUGHS] 308 00:15:09,585 --> 00:15:11,084 SAMANTHA: Hm. 309 00:15:13,585 --> 00:15:15,501 Merry Christmas. 310 00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:20,960 Hey, Regina, can I come in? 311 00:15:22,043 --> 00:15:25,209 I just got a call from your instructor. 312 00:15:25,209 --> 00:15:27,877 And he wanted to lock up for the night. 313 00:15:29,877 --> 00:15:31,168 I can't do it, Howard. 314 00:15:31,793 --> 00:15:34,126 I can't go up in this thing. 315 00:15:34,126 --> 00:15:35,835 Well, let's sell it then. 316 00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:37,752 I mean, it gets lousy mileage on the highway. 317 00:15:37,752 --> 00:15:40,418 No. We can't sell it. 318 00:15:40,418 --> 00:15:43,460 This plane was gonna make us do things. 319 00:15:43,460 --> 00:15:46,710 You know, zip off to Atlantic City for the weekend. 320 00:15:46,710 --> 00:15:51,084 Fly to Bora-Bora, have a massage from bare-chested men 321 00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:53,793 who fed us mangos and rubbed our feet. 322 00:15:54,126 --> 00:15:56,418 Doesn't sound sanitary. 323 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:04,168 I wanted us to be the Newlys who have adventures. 324 00:16:06,501 --> 00:16:08,293 They're fascinating people, Howard. 325 00:16:09,752 --> 00:16:13,877 Well, you know, we can still do things. 326 00:16:13,877 --> 00:16:18,168 We can sell the plane and then take a trip to Bora-Bora. 327 00:16:18,585 --> 00:16:21,960 - Really? You'd go? - Well, yeah, why not? 328 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:25,501 You get to see one of those fire dances and get a massage. 329 00:16:25,501 --> 00:16:27,251 From a woman. 330 00:16:28,126 --> 00:16:30,585 Oh, we could, huh? 331 00:16:30,585 --> 00:16:33,877 And we'd have enough left over to buy a pinball machine. 332 00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,251 I win. 333 00:16:44,251 --> 00:16:45,543 I'm so sorry, Dena. 334 00:16:45,543 --> 00:16:47,752 I just took my eyes off of him for one second. 335 00:16:47,752 --> 00:16:50,585 Well, don't beat yourself up, Sam. I mean, dogs run away. 336 00:16:50,585 --> 00:16:53,418 That's why we inject microchips into their necks, right? 337 00:16:53,418 --> 00:16:56,501 I mean, yes we do. Don't we put things in your neck? 338 00:16:56,501 --> 00:16:59,376 I'm trying to get one into Chase, but he's a light sleeper, so... 339 00:16:59,376 --> 00:17:00,710 Well, thank you. 340 00:17:00,710 --> 00:17:02,752 - Bye. - Bye. 341 00:17:03,251 --> 00:17:05,752 Hey. Thanks for finding him. 342 00:17:05,752 --> 00:17:08,126 - Where was he? - Side street. 343 00:17:08,126 --> 00:17:11,002 Staring into the window of a shoe store. 344 00:17:11,293 --> 00:17:13,626 You know, the thing is before he got lost 345 00:17:13,626 --> 00:17:16,084 a small part of me was wishing I had never gotten him, 346 00:17:16,084 --> 00:17:20,960 but then when he was gone all I could think about was, "Please be okay." 347 00:17:21,418 --> 00:17:23,793 He does sort of grow on you. 348 00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:25,668 Maybe tomorrow we could take him to the park. 349 00:17:25,668 --> 00:17:27,293 No, I'm giving him away. 350 00:17:27,668 --> 00:17:29,626 What? But, Sam-- 351 00:17:29,626 --> 00:17:31,626 No, I'm not ready to feel like that. 352 00:17:31,626 --> 00:17:34,251 Thinking and worrying that much about something. 353 00:17:34,251 --> 00:17:36,752 I mean, I get lost myself, like, nine times a day. 354 00:17:36,752 --> 00:17:38,418 I'm already enough to handle. 355 00:17:38,418 --> 00:17:40,918 Well, sure. Yeah, whatever you want. 356 00:17:40,918 --> 00:17:45,251 I mean, it's up to you. Why start including me in any decisions around here? 357 00:17:48,293 --> 00:17:50,918 Hey, Todd, do you know where the corkscrew is? 358 00:17:50,918 --> 00:17:54,168 I know we had it when we snuck wine in the movies. 359 00:17:59,877 --> 00:18:02,002 - What's this? - Oh, it's nothing. Give it to me. 360 00:18:02,002 --> 00:18:03,543 Baby names? 361 00:18:03,543 --> 00:18:05,376 It was on sale. I collect names. Give it. 362 00:18:06,084 --> 00:18:08,793 You highlighted some. Let's see. 363 00:18:08,793 --> 00:18:10,585 "Cynthia," no. 364 00:18:11,877 --> 00:18:13,251 And "Holden." 365 00:18:13,251 --> 00:18:15,251 Holden Deepler? 366 00:18:15,251 --> 00:18:18,543 Oh, God, I would have no problem spanking that kid. 367 00:18:18,543 --> 00:18:21,293 I was goofing around. You said you might be pregnant. 368 00:18:21,293 --> 00:18:22,918 - When? - Three days ago. 369 00:18:22,918 --> 00:18:24,209 You were gonna take a test. 370 00:18:24,209 --> 00:18:26,668 I did. I passed. No baby. 371 00:18:26,668 --> 00:18:29,918 Wait, you took the test without me there? 372 00:18:29,918 --> 00:18:32,168 What, you wanted to watch me pee? 373 00:18:32,168 --> 00:18:36,501 Because you know I could direct you to some websites if that's what you're into. 374 00:18:36,501 --> 00:18:38,043 No, forget it. 375 00:18:38,043 --> 00:18:40,293 No baby, that's all I wanted to know. It's great. 376 00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:43,418 - Mm-hm. - I'll just open up the wine. 377 00:18:43,418 --> 00:18:46,334 How about "Gaylord"? Gaylord Deepler. 378 00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:47,877 [LAUGHING] 379 00:19:05,084 --> 00:19:07,418 Here, stay there. 380 00:19:09,084 --> 00:19:12,585 Hey, why are you acting this way? 381 00:19:17,585 --> 00:19:20,793 Because when a guy storms out of a room, he likes to slam a door. 382 00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:22,209 And I don't have a door. 383 00:19:22,209 --> 00:19:24,334 And you can't slam a couch. 384 00:19:26,710 --> 00:19:30,293 Look, I'm sorry I didn't involve you in this. 385 00:19:30,293 --> 00:19:31,626 Or anything. 386 00:19:32,084 --> 00:19:33,543 I just-- 387 00:19:34,293 --> 00:19:36,918 - I can't play house with you, okay? - Huh? 388 00:19:36,918 --> 00:19:39,710 It's hard enough living here remembering we're not together, 389 00:19:39,710 --> 00:19:43,002 then you bring in something to care about and expect us to act like a family. 390 00:19:43,002 --> 00:19:45,501 And I have to remember we're not that, either. 391 00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:47,710 See? This is what I mean. 392 00:19:47,710 --> 00:19:49,668 Someone so self-involved, 393 00:19:49,668 --> 00:19:52,334 that doesn't even realize that you're going through something, 394 00:19:52,334 --> 00:19:54,126 should not be raising a baby. 395 00:19:55,793 --> 00:19:57,418 Yet. 396 00:19:58,710 --> 00:20:00,460 Shh. Don't move, he's sleeping. 397 00:20:03,793 --> 00:20:05,543 [WHISPERING] Wait. I have to stand here all night? 398 00:20:05,543 --> 00:20:07,126 Yeah. I'll get you a blanket. 399 00:20:07,126 --> 00:20:08,293 No, no, Sam. Sam. 400 00:20:08,585 --> 00:20:10,460 Shh. Don't move. Don't you move. 401 00:20:16,126 --> 00:20:19,209 SAMANTHA: It is kind of remarkable we have this instinct to nurture, 402 00:20:19,209 --> 00:20:21,877 to raise another living creature. 403 00:20:24,251 --> 00:20:28,585 Do we do it to feel important? To be the center of someone's universe? 404 00:20:29,501 --> 00:20:32,251 That's more like it. Oh. 405 00:20:34,585 --> 00:20:37,585 SAMANTHA: Maybe we want it to turn us into someone we wanna be, 406 00:20:37,585 --> 00:20:42,209 but aren't ready to be. Someday, maybe. Just not yet. 407 00:20:44,918 --> 00:20:47,460 Being a parent is pretty much all sacrifice. 408 00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:50,251 So until I can give another person all that it takes, 409 00:20:50,251 --> 00:20:51,960 I'm gonna stick to my plants, 410 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,710 Holden and Cynthia. 411 00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:56,752 You can leave these things anywhere and they stay put. 412 00:20:59,835 --> 00:21:01,251 SAMANTHA: Sorry, Frank. 413 00:21:06,334 --> 00:21:08,752 SAMANTHA: And at least now I know that when I'm ready, 414 00:21:08,752 --> 00:21:11,084 I might not have to fly solo. 415 00:21:11,084 --> 00:21:12,668 Thank you.