1 00:00:03,376 --> 00:00:04,585 SAM: Signposts. 2 00:00:04,585 --> 00:00:07,460 They say, very clearly, "You are here," 3 00:00:07,460 --> 00:00:09,543 even if "here" isn't where you wanna be, 4 00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:14,418 and especially when, inevitably, the billionaire you let get away shows up. 5 00:00:14,418 --> 00:00:15,501 Hello, Sam. 6 00:00:16,334 --> 00:00:19,168 Funk. Hi. 7 00:00:19,168 --> 00:00:23,209 It was so weird. I was just walking by, and I found this arrow. 8 00:00:23,209 --> 00:00:26,877 So things are going well for you since you left my company? 9 00:00:27,334 --> 00:00:29,460 Yeah, super-duper. Yeah. 10 00:00:29,460 --> 00:00:33,585 No, I mean, I get to work outdoors, you know? 11 00:00:33,585 --> 00:00:36,877 Not all cooped up in some limo. 12 00:00:37,501 --> 00:00:41,376 You know, it is so good to see you. I'm glad I didn't take the helicopter. 13 00:00:41,376 --> 00:00:43,918 Heh. Probably still could have seen me. 14 00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:46,084 You can probably see me from space. 15 00:00:46,084 --> 00:00:47,376 Well, I'll let you know. 16 00:00:47,376 --> 00:00:50,668 I'm actually gonna be hitching a ride on the shuttle in June. 17 00:00:50,668 --> 00:00:52,002 Really? 18 00:00:52,002 --> 00:00:54,877 Oh, eating meals through a tube. 19 00:00:54,877 --> 00:00:56,710 No, thank you. 20 00:00:56,710 --> 00:00:58,002 You take care, Sam. 21 00:00:58,002 --> 00:01:01,043 - And say hi to your mom for me, all right? - Yeah. 22 00:01:01,043 --> 00:01:02,376 [SOFTLY] Bye. 23 00:01:10,501 --> 00:01:11,960 - Hey. - Whew. 24 00:01:12,460 --> 00:01:13,793 Hey. 25 00:01:13,793 --> 00:01:16,877 You're making it look like you made food. Who are you apologizing to? 26 00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:20,460 Well, my mother is coming over here to discuss our business, 27 00:01:20,460 --> 00:01:23,334 and I am going to quit. 28 00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:25,877 [WHISPERS] Yeah. - Oh. 29 00:01:26,126 --> 00:01:27,710 Okay, so I'm just gonna go. 30 00:01:27,710 --> 00:01:29,084 She'll understand, right? 31 00:01:29,084 --> 00:01:30,293 I mean, she has to. 32 00:01:30,293 --> 00:01:32,209 I just can't do it anymore. 33 00:01:32,209 --> 00:01:33,793 How did I get here, you know? 34 00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:37,543 I mean, a year ago, I make this big old deal about leaving Chapman and Funk 35 00:01:37,543 --> 00:01:40,002 to go do great things with my life, 36 00:01:40,002 --> 00:01:44,002 and now, here I am, working with my mother in this dead-end job. 37 00:01:44,002 --> 00:01:46,835 And my ex-boyfriend's sleeping on my couch because I need the rent. 38 00:01:46,835 --> 00:01:49,460 I mean, is that not the lamest thing you've ever heard? 39 00:01:50,585 --> 00:01:52,501 Well, it's up there, but no. 40 00:01:52,501 --> 00:01:54,835 I just have to do something, I have to do anything. 41 00:01:54,835 --> 00:01:57,334 God, it was so obvious when I was talking to Funk today. 42 00:01:57,334 --> 00:02:01,251 - Funk? Where'd you see Funk? - Oh, on the street corner that I work. 43 00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,668 That didn't come out right. 44 00:02:02,668 --> 00:02:07,251 - Anyway, he's sitting there in his limo-- - A "limo." Ha-ha-ha. 45 00:02:07,251 --> 00:02:09,002 I bet he looked like a dork. 46 00:02:09,002 --> 00:02:13,585 Yeah, he was pretty jealous of my big arrow. 47 00:02:15,460 --> 00:02:16,835 [SIGHS] 48 00:02:20,793 --> 00:02:22,334 Andrea. 49 00:02:22,334 --> 00:02:24,334 - I hate to bother you. - Then don't. 50 00:02:24,334 --> 00:02:27,084 Oh. Heh-heh. That's funny. 51 00:02:27,084 --> 00:02:32,043 The school I'm substitute-teaching at is having a fundraiser auction. 52 00:02:32,043 --> 00:02:34,293 - You're a teacher? - You knew that. 53 00:02:34,752 --> 00:02:38,084 - What happened to that flower shop? - I've never had a flower shop. 54 00:02:38,084 --> 00:02:41,002 Mm. I guess we'll have to agree to disagree, then. 55 00:02:41,002 --> 00:02:43,293 Okay, yeah. 56 00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:46,293 Anyway, I was thinking, 57 00:02:46,293 --> 00:02:50,793 maybe if I donated a ball autographed by Tony Dane, 58 00:02:50,793 --> 00:02:53,835 that maybe the school would hire me full-time, 59 00:02:53,835 --> 00:02:56,501 and then I'd get that insurance. Yay. 60 00:02:57,793 --> 00:03:00,543 Since when am I someone you can ask for a favor? 61 00:03:00,543 --> 00:03:03,168 Since I Heimliched that olive out of your throat. 62 00:03:03,168 --> 00:03:04,668 Some favor. That was my dinner. 63 00:03:04,668 --> 00:03:06,752 Look, Andrea, I need that dental. 64 00:03:06,752 --> 00:03:11,168 I keep trying to chew every bite 20 times like I promised my mom, 65 00:03:11,168 --> 00:03:14,376 but I get to, like, 14 and I just taste blood. 66 00:03:14,376 --> 00:03:15,877 Listen to what I'm dealing with. 67 00:03:15,877 --> 00:03:18,251 According to research from Tony Dane's publicist, 68 00:03:18,251 --> 00:03:19,543 people think I'm heartless. 69 00:03:19,543 --> 00:03:22,835 Wow, I don't know where they're getting that. I mean, that's-- 70 00:03:22,835 --> 00:03:26,501 Six out of ten people surveyed would rather see Tony gay than marry me. 71 00:03:26,501 --> 00:03:29,543 If I don't start testing better, they're gonna call off my wedding. 72 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:35,209 Hey, huh? What if you get this ball signed for me, 73 00:03:35,209 --> 00:03:38,209 and then people won't think you're as horrible as you really are? 74 00:03:39,877 --> 00:03:41,793 Better idea. 75 00:03:41,793 --> 00:03:45,877 I'll get that ball signed for you, but first, 76 00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:47,501 how do you feel about choking to death? 77 00:03:48,126 --> 00:03:49,460 Oh. 78 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,334 I don't know. I always thought I'd be stabbed. 79 00:03:52,793 --> 00:03:55,043 I have always envied this about you, Samantha. 80 00:03:55,043 --> 00:03:58,126 I can never relax in my home unless it's clean. 81 00:03:59,002 --> 00:04:00,293 Yeah. 82 00:04:00,293 --> 00:04:02,168 Sit down, Mom. Um... 83 00:04:03,918 --> 00:04:05,543 Pizza bagel? 84 00:04:05,543 --> 00:04:07,418 Oh, Lord, you pretended to make food. 85 00:04:07,418 --> 00:04:09,376 What have you done? 86 00:04:09,668 --> 00:04:11,877 Okay, Mom. 87 00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:13,043 Now, listen. 88 00:04:13,043 --> 00:04:15,084 I love working with you, 89 00:04:15,084 --> 00:04:19,501 - but this is just not my dream job, and I-- - Don't say another word. 90 00:04:19,501 --> 00:04:22,168 - I understand. - I don't think you do. 91 00:04:22,168 --> 00:04:25,376 - I don't feel horrible yet. - This is not the job for you, I get that. 92 00:04:25,585 --> 00:04:27,668 - Oh. - It's like when I used to help 93 00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,293 with your math homework, and, finally, 94 00:04:29,293 --> 00:04:32,209 I just stopped trying to push that rock up a hill. 95 00:04:32,209 --> 00:04:35,251 And I said "She's not gonna need this math. She's pretty." 96 00:04:36,668 --> 00:04:38,668 That was a while ago, but, you know, still. 97 00:04:40,293 --> 00:04:43,835 - You know what you need to do? - Yes, something meaningful with my life. 98 00:04:43,835 --> 00:04:47,043 - Go to Vegas. - What? Vegas? Why? 99 00:04:47,043 --> 00:04:49,251 I got an invitation to a motivational seminar. 100 00:04:49,251 --> 00:04:52,877 They promise to focus you on your dream and help you achieve it. 101 00:04:52,877 --> 00:04:54,501 Plus I got tickets to Bette Midler. 102 00:04:54,501 --> 00:04:57,501 Yes. Mom, that is exactly what I need. 103 00:04:57,501 --> 00:04:59,793 Well, except for betting on the Midler thing, 104 00:04:59,793 --> 00:05:01,877 because I don't know anything about gambling, 105 00:05:01,877 --> 00:05:03,501 but Vegas, yes. Let's do it! 106 00:05:15,418 --> 00:05:17,752 - Real estate. You tricked me. - No, no, no. 107 00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:20,334 - Unbelievable! - No, no. Not really, no. 108 00:05:20,334 --> 00:05:23,002 And I just am trying to light a fire underneath you. 109 00:05:23,002 --> 00:05:25,585 Now, they have some great motivational seminars here. 110 00:05:25,585 --> 00:05:28,002 I mean, one where they actually light a fire underneath you. 111 00:05:28,418 --> 00:05:31,668 Okay, here's $20 for the poker machines. 112 00:05:31,668 --> 00:05:33,460 That's all you get. Okay? 113 00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:35,209 So have fun, see you in a while. 114 00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:37,334 - Where you going, Daddy? - Well, I like keno. 115 00:05:37,334 --> 00:05:39,043 You know, you can watch sports, drink, 116 00:05:39,043 --> 00:05:41,960 and have an exotic woman take your money $5 at a time. 117 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:45,168 - It's like the Navy again. Hmm. - Mm. 118 00:05:45,501 --> 00:05:47,126 - Come on, we're gonna be late. - No! 119 00:05:47,126 --> 00:05:49,460 I am already late starting my life, Mother. 120 00:05:49,460 --> 00:05:50,835 I am leaving, okay? 121 00:05:50,835 --> 00:05:53,501 You're gonna miss out on the free tote bag. 122 00:05:54,501 --> 00:05:56,501 [CROWD CHEERING LOUDLY] 123 00:06:33,084 --> 00:06:36,293 MAN: Ms. Newly? - Hi. 124 00:06:36,293 --> 00:06:37,585 It's been a while, ma'am. 125 00:06:38,084 --> 00:06:41,126 Meaning I've been here before. 126 00:06:41,126 --> 00:06:44,543 Meaning you probably want me to leave. I'm really sorry. 127 00:06:44,543 --> 00:06:48,168 - Would you like to play? - Oh, no. I don't have any cash on me. 128 00:06:48,168 --> 00:06:50,501 I could get some quarters from my mom, but she's in a-- 129 00:06:50,501 --> 00:06:53,752 This is in your account from last time, $50,000. 130 00:06:55,334 --> 00:06:57,043 [STAMMERING] Fifty thousand? 131 00:06:57,043 --> 00:06:59,126 That's--? This is my--? I could--? 132 00:06:59,126 --> 00:07:01,752 That's--? That's money? 133 00:07:01,752 --> 00:07:04,084 That's like--? 134 00:07:04,084 --> 00:07:06,043 I could change that-- That's mine? 135 00:07:06,043 --> 00:07:07,793 That's my money? 136 00:07:08,501 --> 00:07:10,960 You mean I could just walk away from here with all of that? 137 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,793 - Just free and clear? - Yes. 138 00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:17,668 - Huh. - Or you could play some. 139 00:07:21,752 --> 00:07:24,126 BILL: New shooter, new shooter. Place your bet. 140 00:07:27,002 --> 00:07:28,376 [CROWD CHEERING AND CLAPPING] 141 00:07:29,668 --> 00:07:31,334 [CHUCKLES] 142 00:07:32,293 --> 00:07:34,334 - You wanna blow on them for good luck? - Sure. 143 00:07:34,334 --> 00:07:35,793 [GIGGLES] 144 00:07:37,585 --> 00:07:39,543 Maybe a little. 145 00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:42,793 - Welcome back, Ms. Newly. - Thanks, Bill. 146 00:07:42,793 --> 00:07:45,002 - It's good to be back. - New shooter! 147 00:07:45,002 --> 00:07:46,168 MAN: Evening. - Hi. 148 00:07:55,126 --> 00:07:58,043 Point is six, odds on the six. Cover the hard ways. 149 00:07:58,043 --> 00:07:59,543 Vodka martini, dry, two olives. 150 00:07:59,543 --> 00:08:02,334 All right, another 500 on the come, place the ten and 50. 151 00:08:02,334 --> 00:08:05,126 Come on, baby. Who likes money? 152 00:08:05,126 --> 00:08:06,460 [CROWD CHEERING] 153 00:08:08,084 --> 00:08:12,376 How do you lose $100,000? 154 00:08:12,376 --> 00:08:17,168 Well, first you have 50,000 155 00:08:12,376 --> 00:08:21,293 and you lose that. 156 00:08:17,168 --> 00:08:21,293 Then they lend you another 50,000 157 00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:23,209 That's a hundred. 158 00:08:23,209 --> 00:08:25,710 See, Mom? That math paid off. 159 00:08:25,710 --> 00:08:27,168 You're just like your mother. 160 00:08:27,168 --> 00:08:29,877 She lost her whole $20 while I was in the bathroom. 161 00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:32,251 Oh, yeah, that's gotta hurt, Dad. 162 00:08:32,626 --> 00:08:35,918 - Why are you smiling? - I'm not smiling. 163 00:08:35,918 --> 00:08:38,501 I'm sad for you that you have to keep working with your mother 164 00:08:38,501 --> 00:08:40,918 - to pay off your debt. - That's a smile. 165 00:08:41,376 --> 00:08:43,626 Hmm. It's the way my mouth is set. 166 00:08:43,626 --> 00:08:45,002 I'm like a dolphin. 167 00:08:45,002 --> 00:08:47,209 No! Forget it. 168 00:08:47,209 --> 00:08:48,501 No, I saw it. 169 00:08:48,501 --> 00:08:52,002 I saw freedom and autonomy. I had it in my hands! 170 00:08:52,002 --> 00:08:53,668 I know what that feels like. 171 00:08:53,668 --> 00:08:56,752 Daddy, were you gonna leave me anything when you died? 172 00:08:56,752 --> 00:08:59,668 - Because that day is sneaking up on us. - Oh, can't help you, kiddo. 173 00:08:59,668 --> 00:09:02,376 The support group I went to after your mom's last bingo bender, 174 00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:04,960 it taught me the worst thing you can do is be an enabler. 175 00:09:05,376 --> 00:09:06,668 Come on. 176 00:09:07,043 --> 00:09:09,960 - Regina! Regina. No, no. - Just one quarter! Just one! I can feel it! 177 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,918 - This machine, I can feel it! - Get out of here. 178 00:09:13,209 --> 00:09:14,334 Here you go. 179 00:09:14,835 --> 00:09:16,918 How am I supposed to choke on this? It's soft. 180 00:09:16,918 --> 00:09:18,710 You don't have to really choke. Pretend. 181 00:09:18,710 --> 00:09:21,877 Hey, I did three summers of theatre camp. Don't question my process. 182 00:09:21,877 --> 00:09:23,002 [GROANS] 183 00:09:23,501 --> 00:09:25,126 Whew! 184 00:09:25,126 --> 00:09:26,334 [EXHALES] 185 00:09:26,334 --> 00:09:29,084 Ho, ha. 186 00:09:29,084 --> 00:09:30,460 All right. 187 00:09:30,793 --> 00:09:32,710 It's showtime. 188 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:37,002 [GRUNTING] 189 00:09:37,002 --> 00:09:38,168 Dena! 190 00:09:38,168 --> 00:09:39,918 Dena, are you choking? 191 00:09:39,918 --> 00:09:41,752 Oh, my God, she's choking to death! 192 00:09:41,752 --> 00:09:44,877 It's me! Andrea Belladonna! I'll save you! 193 00:09:44,877 --> 00:09:47,293 Come on. Come on, girl. 194 00:09:47,793 --> 00:09:50,376 Don't worry, I'm a Scout. I know exactly what to do. 195 00:09:50,376 --> 00:09:53,376 - Kid, it's all right, I got it. - No, I need my lifesaving badge. 196 00:09:53,376 --> 00:09:55,585 - Kid, get back! - Ow! 197 00:09:55,585 --> 00:09:57,793 MAN: Oh. - My arm! 198 00:09:57,793 --> 00:09:59,293 He's fine, he's fine. 199 00:09:59,293 --> 00:10:02,126 Andrea Belladonna broke my arm! Aah! 200 00:10:03,334 --> 00:10:05,668 - And scene. - Oh. 201 00:10:06,168 --> 00:10:08,043 I'm just trying to help you, Bill. 202 00:10:08,043 --> 00:10:10,877 I mean, how can you stay in business if people lose? 203 00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:13,334 You know, that is just not a model for success. 204 00:10:13,334 --> 00:10:15,668 I really wish I could help you, Ms. Newly. 205 00:10:15,668 --> 00:10:17,251 Okay, here's the thing, Bill. 206 00:10:17,251 --> 00:10:19,501 I have amnesia. Yeah, yeah. 207 00:10:19,501 --> 00:10:22,209 You could get into a lot of trouble for letting me play. 208 00:10:22,209 --> 00:10:23,668 So just give me back my money 209 00:10:23,668 --> 00:10:27,585 and I won't go to the Department of Casino Rules, 210 00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:28,793 which is very real. 211 00:10:28,793 --> 00:10:31,752 - It's good to see you again, Ms. Newly. - No, Bill! Stop. Bill. 212 00:10:31,752 --> 00:10:34,126 - What if I can't pay? - I'm not worried. You'll pay. 213 00:10:34,126 --> 00:10:35,668 Okay, but what if I can't? 214 00:10:36,752 --> 00:10:39,877 - You will. - How? Bill. 215 00:10:39,877 --> 00:10:41,793 They're gonna break my kneecaps, aren't they? 216 00:10:41,793 --> 00:10:43,334 I need my knees, Bill. 217 00:10:43,334 --> 00:10:45,626 I mean, how can I beg without my knees? 218 00:10:45,626 --> 00:10:48,376 Right? Bill? Bill. 219 00:10:53,877 --> 00:10:55,418 FUNK: Sam? 220 00:10:58,460 --> 00:11:00,835 Hey, Funk. 221 00:11:00,835 --> 00:11:02,877 Be with you in just one second, okay? 222 00:11:02,877 --> 00:11:06,793 Ahem. Who makes this carpet, again? 223 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,918 I'm gonna have to sell my apartment. 224 00:11:11,918 --> 00:11:13,084 I'm gonna be homeless. 225 00:11:13,084 --> 00:11:14,918 God, this is all my mother's fault. 226 00:11:14,918 --> 00:11:17,418 You know, I see homeless people on the street and I wonder, 227 00:11:17,418 --> 00:11:19,960 how does something like that happen? And you know why? 228 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,960 They know my mom. 229 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:25,626 - I know it hurts. - Why didn't I just go to that conference? 230 00:11:26,084 --> 00:11:29,918 - I would have that money and a tote. - You would have loved my seminar. 231 00:11:29,918 --> 00:11:32,168 I did this thing. We lit a fire under someone's chair. 232 00:11:32,168 --> 00:11:34,668 Why didn't I just walk away from that table? 233 00:11:35,877 --> 00:11:38,334 - Because you loved it. - What? 234 00:11:38,334 --> 00:11:40,209 No, I didn't, I hated it. 235 00:11:40,209 --> 00:11:41,418 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 236 00:11:41,752 --> 00:11:43,418 Come on, the action, the buzz, 237 00:11:43,418 --> 00:11:46,251 money flowing in and out, people hanging on your every move. 238 00:11:47,543 --> 00:11:49,501 Well, I loved that. 239 00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:52,168 For a moment. 240 00:11:52,376 --> 00:11:57,877 One sweet, ecstatic moment of pure joy. 241 00:11:58,585 --> 00:12:02,251 I just-- For one moment, I was just-- 242 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,626 You were in the game. 243 00:12:04,835 --> 00:12:06,460 Yeah. 244 00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:09,418 - Come on. Come back and work for me. - What? No. 245 00:12:09,418 --> 00:12:11,626 No, I'm not going backwards. 246 00:12:11,626 --> 00:12:14,209 Come on, I'll advance you the money. You can work it off 247 00:12:14,209 --> 00:12:15,918 and leave when you want. 248 00:12:15,918 --> 00:12:17,918 Where's the downside here? 249 00:12:20,126 --> 00:12:22,043 FUNK: So you like them? - Yes. 250 00:12:22,043 --> 00:12:24,835 - They make you look very attractive. - Thank you. 251 00:12:24,835 --> 00:12:26,960 You're very generous to accept. 252 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:30,460 Without recipients like you-- Well, just you. 253 00:12:30,460 --> 00:12:34,002 --the Winston Funk Foundation would fail to keep its tax-exempt status. 254 00:12:34,002 --> 00:12:36,293 - Mm. They give so much. - Mm. 255 00:12:36,293 --> 00:12:38,084 It makes me wanna give something back. 256 00:12:38,084 --> 00:12:40,460 - Yeah? Well, I-- Mm. - Mm. 257 00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:46,418 No, it's just another street corner. 258 00:12:46,418 --> 00:12:48,918 - No, thanks. - All right, at least let me cover the debt. 259 00:12:48,918 --> 00:12:50,960 I wanna do something here to help. 260 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,543 Oh, God, will you please stop? 261 00:12:54,084 --> 00:12:56,334 - Where are you going? - I don't know. 262 00:12:56,918 --> 00:12:59,209 But you know what? I'm a smart and creative woman, 263 00:12:59,209 --> 00:13:03,209 and I am sure there are millions of ways for me to raise that money on my own. 264 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:06,668 Sure you don't want any shoes? I got some brand new Jimmy Choos. 265 00:13:06,668 --> 00:13:08,251 No, no, no. 266 00:13:08,251 --> 00:13:10,710 I don't come to your work and sell my undergarments. 267 00:13:10,710 --> 00:13:13,251 I expect the same courtesy of you. 268 00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:15,918 I'll give you a free football phone. 269 00:13:17,752 --> 00:13:19,376 Half hour more, but that's it. 270 00:13:20,585 --> 00:13:24,293 Well, of course I wanted to do something nice for young Jason here. 271 00:13:24,293 --> 00:13:28,752 I mean, I felt so bad after he tripped and he broke his arm. 272 00:13:28,752 --> 00:13:31,376 - After you pushed me to the ground. - Oh, you. 273 00:13:31,376 --> 00:13:36,043 Well, I mean, what really matters here, as Tony Dane's fiancée, is that 274 00:13:36,043 --> 00:13:40,334 I was able to get a signed, autographed basketball 275 00:13:40,334 --> 00:13:43,460 that I'd like to present to Jason now. 276 00:13:44,793 --> 00:13:48,334 Thank you. You know, the basketball's great and everything, 277 00:13:48,334 --> 00:13:52,168 but what I really wanna know is, will you go to my prom with me? 278 00:13:52,168 --> 00:13:53,752 Oh, y-- 279 00:13:57,668 --> 00:13:59,752 I'd love to. 280 00:14:00,002 --> 00:14:01,626 Sam! Sam, come look! 281 00:14:01,626 --> 00:14:04,460 We have to get a new TV, because I'm keeping that picture on this one. 282 00:14:04,752 --> 00:14:06,710 Ugh. That is so not fair. 283 00:14:06,710 --> 00:14:09,460 It's my blood, who says I can only sell it twice a week? 284 00:14:09,460 --> 00:14:12,209 Well, if it helps, I could sell some of my sports memorabilia. 285 00:14:12,209 --> 00:14:15,251 I have a football phone worth a couple thousand dollars. 286 00:14:15,251 --> 00:14:16,460 That's okay. 287 00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:17,960 Don't even look for it. 288 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,543 - Please. - What are you gonna do? 289 00:14:19,543 --> 00:14:21,543 Can't raise 50 grand selling your underwear. 290 00:14:21,543 --> 00:14:23,668 Well, at least not without me in it. 291 00:14:23,668 --> 00:14:25,668 I don't know what I'm gonna do. 292 00:14:25,668 --> 00:14:28,501 But it cannot involve my mother, 293 00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:31,752 or being taken care of by some rich guy 294 00:14:31,752 --> 00:14:35,251 who just wants to love me and be with me 295 00:14:35,251 --> 00:14:39,084 and make everything so much easier. 296 00:14:39,084 --> 00:14:40,835 Wait a minute. 297 00:14:40,835 --> 00:14:42,835 Why don't I want that, again? 298 00:14:42,835 --> 00:14:45,251 - Because that won't make you happy. - Really? 299 00:14:45,251 --> 00:14:46,793 Because it sounds like it would. 300 00:14:46,793 --> 00:14:49,293 - Sam, you're better than that. - Maybe not. 301 00:14:49,293 --> 00:14:52,752 You know this. You go anywhere near this guy, you might as well stamp 302 00:14:52,752 --> 00:14:55,002 "Property of Winston Funk" all over your forehead. 303 00:14:55,002 --> 00:14:56,418 You'll be another acquisition. 304 00:14:56,418 --> 00:14:58,918 - Wait, come here, come here. Just-- - What? 305 00:14:58,918 --> 00:15:01,334 Look what this guy already owns. 306 00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:04,460 - Where on the list do you think you go? - What are you doing on his website? 307 00:15:04,877 --> 00:15:07,460 I had some microwave popcorn and the kernels didn't pop, 308 00:15:07,460 --> 00:15:11,585 and on the bag it said, "Division of Funk Worldwide," so I e-mailed a complaint. 309 00:15:11,585 --> 00:15:13,877 Look, whatever, just look. Dyotyne Electric? 310 00:15:13,877 --> 00:15:15,710 LaBasoche Champagne? 311 00:15:15,710 --> 00:15:17,084 - Mm-hm. - Parkington Brand? 312 00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,877 No, no, wait. What was that? What was that? 313 00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:23,293 Oh. Son of a bitch.@n 314 00:15:23,293 --> 00:15:25,043 He owns that casino! 315 00:15:27,835 --> 00:15:29,251 Seven out. Shooter loses. 316 00:15:29,793 --> 00:15:31,501 Oh, come on, Bill. 317 00:15:31,501 --> 00:15:34,002 - Let me sign for another 30. - Cut her off, Bill. 318 00:15:34,002 --> 00:15:35,668 Yeah? Then you'll get cut off. 319 00:15:36,418 --> 00:15:38,918 - That looks like a nine from here. - Nine pays! 320 00:15:38,918 --> 00:15:40,752 It does, doesn't it? Thank you. 321 00:15:41,251 --> 00:15:43,084 Oh, my God. 322 00:15:43,418 --> 00:15:46,752 He's been playing me this entire time. 323 00:15:47,084 --> 00:15:49,209 He lured us to that conference, 324 00:15:51,543 --> 00:15:55,626 put $50,000 into my account, which I couldn't possibly have won, 325 00:15:55,835 --> 00:15:58,460 so then, when I lose it all, 326 00:15:59,002 --> 00:16:02,168 he can just show up and save the day. 327 00:16:03,543 --> 00:16:06,293 Flattering. Gotta give him that. 328 00:16:06,293 --> 00:16:09,585 And now you know you have to stay away from him. 329 00:16:09,585 --> 00:16:10,918 Why? 330 00:16:10,918 --> 00:16:14,626 I mean, if he wants me that badly, that just gives me leverage to get what I want. 331 00:16:15,168 --> 00:16:17,084 Sam, you can't beat him. 332 00:16:17,084 --> 00:16:19,376 You should know this by now. The house always wins. 333 00:16:20,376 --> 00:16:23,918 Well, then there's only one thing left to do. 334 00:16:23,918 --> 00:16:28,002 - Be the house. - Aah. 335 00:16:35,418 --> 00:16:37,126 Well. 336 00:16:37,418 --> 00:16:39,209 Look who's been sitting in my chair. 337 00:16:39,209 --> 00:16:42,376 Well, I wanted to see how it blew smoke up your butt all day long, 338 00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:45,043 but I can't seem to find the button. 339 00:16:45,043 --> 00:16:48,209 Wait a minute, I know that outfit. If I remember, it has a tricky zipper. 340 00:16:48,668 --> 00:16:52,877 Well, I decided to dress up for my job interview today. 341 00:16:52,877 --> 00:16:55,168 - How am I doing? - I don't know. 342 00:16:55,168 --> 00:16:57,002 Where do you see yourself in five years? 343 00:16:57,002 --> 00:17:00,334 Still beating you over the head with this stapler if you don't hire me. 344 00:17:00,334 --> 00:17:02,002 So you want your old job back? 345 00:17:02,002 --> 00:17:05,168 I don't want my old job back. I wanna run something. 346 00:17:05,168 --> 00:17:10,002 Something philanthropic to match my new, more charitable reputation. 347 00:17:10,002 --> 00:17:12,710 - I believe we'll find a position you like. - We always have. 348 00:17:20,293 --> 00:17:21,668 [GROWLS] 349 00:17:25,376 --> 00:17:27,209 Wow, you look beautiful. 350 00:17:27,209 --> 00:17:28,918 Just go. 351 00:17:28,918 --> 00:17:32,251 And I don't care how drunk I get, you do not get to touch my boobs. 352 00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:34,501 Listen, in case we end up together, 353 00:17:34,501 --> 00:17:37,543 I just wanna let you know that tricking you into this wasn't my idea. 354 00:17:37,543 --> 00:17:39,710 Oh, yeah, then whose idea was it? 355 00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:45,501 Andrea, oh, you look great! 356 00:17:45,501 --> 00:17:46,960 Maybe they'll vote you queen. 357 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:49,710 - You. - Me. 358 00:17:49,710 --> 00:17:50,918 Jason, you got my ball? 359 00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:55,668 God, you guys look so grown up. Makes me wanna cry. 360 00:17:55,668 --> 00:17:57,293 [PRETEND-SOBS THEN LAUGHS] 361 00:17:58,084 --> 00:18:00,043 [MIMICS DENA'S LAUGH] 362 00:18:00,043 --> 00:18:02,835 Some Scout. See if I ever buy your cookies. 363 00:18:02,835 --> 00:18:05,084 Look, I'm sorry. She wanted the ball, 364 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:09,126 and I knew there was a chance you wouldn't go with me if I asked straight up. 365 00:18:09,126 --> 00:18:13,209 You'd probably prefer the cool guys, like in the marching band. 366 00:18:14,418 --> 00:18:17,334 There was a tuba player in the tenth grade. 367 00:18:17,334 --> 00:18:18,501 He didn't know I was alive. 368 00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:25,168 Your poll numbers came in low too, huh? 369 00:18:25,668 --> 00:18:27,002 Turns out being a Scout 370 00:18:27,002 --> 00:18:30,002 isn't exactly the chick magnet my rabbi said it would be. 371 00:18:31,460 --> 00:18:34,209 What the hell? I look hot, let's go. 372 00:18:34,460 --> 00:18:35,668 [SIGHS] 373 00:18:35,668 --> 00:18:37,376 I'm not wearing that. No. 374 00:18:38,376 --> 00:18:39,710 [ENGINE STARTS] 375 00:18:40,002 --> 00:18:42,543 [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] 376 00:18:42,543 --> 00:18:45,626 Look, this shouldn't take too long, so if you wanna get a bite afterwards, 377 00:18:45,626 --> 00:18:48,626 Bloody Mary's in Bora-Bora has an amazing monkfish on Friday. 378 00:18:48,626 --> 00:18:52,418 Mm. That sounds good. Let me just do this first, okay? 379 00:18:52,418 --> 00:18:53,918 - Right. - Yeah. 380 00:19:02,501 --> 00:19:05,293 - Ladies and gentlemen of the press. - Uh, uh-- No. Save it. 381 00:19:05,293 --> 00:19:07,543 - That's sensitive. - I-- Oh, okay. I'm sorry. 382 00:19:07,543 --> 00:19:09,376 Sorry about that. 383 00:19:09,376 --> 00:19:12,585 - Do I--? Okay, okay. - Just about-- From, like, yeah. 384 00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:15,002 Ladies and gentlemen of the business press, 385 00:19:15,002 --> 00:19:16,626 I am Samantha Newly, 386 00:19:16,626 --> 00:19:19,543 Vice President of the Winston Funk Foundation. 387 00:19:19,543 --> 00:19:21,877 Today is a great day, 388 00:19:21,877 --> 00:19:24,752 because although the foundation has fallen short 389 00:19:24,752 --> 00:19:27,877 of its giving goals in recent years, 390 00:19:27,877 --> 00:19:32,043 today, Mr. Funk is pledging 391 00:19:32,418 --> 00:19:38,084 $30 million a year to various charities at my sole discretion. 392 00:19:39,002 --> 00:19:41,334 I'm sure Mr. Funk and I will make fine partners, 393 00:19:41,334 --> 00:19:45,918 because he told me personally, all he wants to do is help. 394 00:19:46,668 --> 00:19:50,501 Now, Mr. Funk will answer all of your questions. 395 00:19:51,376 --> 00:19:55,209 I'm gonna take a rain check on that lunch, because I'm gonna be awfully busy. 396 00:19:55,209 --> 00:19:56,710 Okay. 397 00:19:57,209 --> 00:19:59,752 Mr. Funk, excuse me, I was just curious-- 398 00:19:59,752 --> 00:20:03,126 SAM: You know, just because your life is already pretty far down one road, 399 00:20:03,126 --> 00:20:05,168 doesn't mean you can't take a detour. 400 00:20:05,168 --> 00:20:06,418 Hey, Mom! 401 00:20:06,418 --> 00:20:08,334 I'm returning your arrow! 402 00:20:08,334 --> 00:20:12,334 I can't have it at my place. I keep making a wrong turn at the kitchen. 403 00:20:12,334 --> 00:20:14,460 - Guess what! - What? 404 00:20:14,460 --> 00:20:16,668 I sold a house! 405 00:20:17,002 --> 00:20:21,168 Oh. Whoa. Sorry, I didn't hear you. All I heard was "Chardonnay." 406 00:20:21,168 --> 00:20:23,168 - What happened? - They told us at that seminar 407 00:20:23,168 --> 00:20:25,626 that we had to find our motivation, 408 00:20:25,626 --> 00:20:29,168 and my disappointment in you was the only motivation I needed, 409 00:20:29,168 --> 00:20:33,585 so as long as you keep letting me down, there's gonna be no stopping me. 410 00:20:35,543 --> 00:20:37,752 Don't worry if there's no sign to point the way. 411 00:20:37,752 --> 00:20:40,960 Just trust your own compass and follow the arrow. 412 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,960 [UKULELE PLAYING] 413 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,668 The point is to take the wheel and drive. 414 00:20:45,668 --> 00:20:49,501 Sometimes the side roads are where you find the best surprises. 415 00:20:50,168 --> 00:20:54,710 Hey. You know, it's hard to play the ukulele without looking like a dork, 416 00:20:54,710 --> 00:20:56,668 but you keep at it. 417 00:20:58,668 --> 00:21:01,460 So you wanna go out on Saturday night? 418 00:21:04,501 --> 00:21:05,543 Yes. 419 00:21:09,543 --> 00:21:10,752 It's a game, right? 420 00:21:10,752 --> 00:21:13,501 I mean, you can't win if you don't play.