1
00:00:03,376 --> 00:00:04,585
SAM:
Signposts.
2
00:00:04,585 --> 00:00:07,460
They say, very clearly, "You are here,"
3
00:00:07,460 --> 00:00:09,543
even if "here"
isn't where you wanna be,
4
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:14,418
and especially when, inevitably,
the billionaire you let get away shows up.
5
00:00:14,418 --> 00:00:15,501
Hello, Sam.
6
00:00:16,334 --> 00:00:19,168
Funk. Hi.
7
00:00:19,168 --> 00:00:23,209
It was so weird. I was just walking by,
and I found this arrow.
8
00:00:23,209 --> 00:00:26,877
So things are going well for you
since you left my company?
9
00:00:27,334 --> 00:00:29,460
Yeah, super-duper. Yeah.
10
00:00:29,460 --> 00:00:33,585
No, I mean, I get to work outdoors,
you know?
11
00:00:33,585 --> 00:00:36,877
Not all cooped up in some limo.
12
00:00:37,501 --> 00:00:41,376
You know, it is so good to see you.
I'm glad I didn't take the helicopter.
13
00:00:41,376 --> 00:00:43,918
Heh. Probably still could have seen me.
14
00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:46,084
You can probably see me from space.
15
00:00:46,084 --> 00:00:47,376
Well, I'll let you know.
16
00:00:47,376 --> 00:00:50,668
I'm actually gonna be hitching a ride
on the shuttle in June.
17
00:00:50,668 --> 00:00:52,002
Really?
18
00:00:52,002 --> 00:00:54,877
Oh, eating meals through a tube.
19
00:00:54,877 --> 00:00:56,710
No, thank you.
20
00:00:56,710 --> 00:00:58,002
You take care, Sam.
21
00:00:58,002 --> 00:01:01,043
- And say hi to your mom for me, all right?
- Yeah.
22
00:01:01,043 --> 00:01:02,376
[SOFTLY]
Bye.
23
00:01:10,501 --> 00:01:11,960
- Hey.
- Whew.
24
00:01:12,460 --> 00:01:13,793
Hey.
25
00:01:13,793 --> 00:01:16,877
You're making it look like you made food.
Who are you apologizing to?
26
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:20,460
Well, my mother is coming over here
to discuss our business,
27
00:01:20,460 --> 00:01:23,334
and I am going to quit.
28
00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:25,877
[WHISPERS] Yeah.
- Oh.
29
00:01:26,126 --> 00:01:27,710
Okay, so I'm just gonna go.
30
00:01:27,710 --> 00:01:29,084
She'll understand, right?
31
00:01:29,084 --> 00:01:30,293
I mean, she has to.
32
00:01:30,293 --> 00:01:32,209
I just can't do it anymore.
33
00:01:32,209 --> 00:01:33,793
How did I get here, you know?
34
00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:37,543
I mean, a year ago, I make this big old
deal about leaving Chapman and Funk
35
00:01:37,543 --> 00:01:40,002
to go do great things with my life,
36
00:01:40,002 --> 00:01:44,002
and now, here I am, working
with my mother in this dead-end job.
37
00:01:44,002 --> 00:01:46,835
And my ex-boyfriend's sleeping
on my couch because I need the rent.
38
00:01:46,835 --> 00:01:49,460
I mean, is that not the lamest thing
you've ever heard?
39
00:01:50,585 --> 00:01:52,501
Well, it's up there, but no.
40
00:01:52,501 --> 00:01:54,835
I just have to do something,
I have to do anything.
41
00:01:54,835 --> 00:01:57,334
God, it was so obvious
when I was talking to Funk today.
42
00:01:57,334 --> 00:02:01,251
- Funk? Where'd you see Funk?
- Oh, on the street corner that I work.
43
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,668
That didn't come out right.
44
00:02:02,668 --> 00:02:07,251
- Anyway, he's sitting there in his limo--
- A "limo." Ha-ha-ha.
45
00:02:07,251 --> 00:02:09,002
I bet he looked like a dork.
46
00:02:09,002 --> 00:02:13,585
Yeah, he was pretty jealous
of my big arrow.
47
00:02:15,460 --> 00:02:16,835
[SIGHS]
48
00:02:20,793 --> 00:02:22,334
Andrea.
49
00:02:22,334 --> 00:02:24,334
- I hate to bother you.
- Then don't.
50
00:02:24,334 --> 00:02:27,084
Oh. Heh-heh. That's funny.
51
00:02:27,084 --> 00:02:32,043
The school I'm substitute-teaching
at is having a fundraiser auction.
52
00:02:32,043 --> 00:02:34,293
- You're a teacher?
- You knew that.
53
00:02:34,752 --> 00:02:38,084
- What happened to that flower shop?
- I've never had a flower shop.
54
00:02:38,084 --> 00:02:41,002
Mm. I guess we'll have to agree
to disagree, then.
55
00:02:41,002 --> 00:02:43,293
Okay, yeah.
56
00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:46,293
Anyway, I was thinking,
57
00:02:46,293 --> 00:02:50,793
maybe if I donated a ball
autographed by Tony Dane,
58
00:02:50,793 --> 00:02:53,835
that maybe the school
would hire me full-time,
59
00:02:53,835 --> 00:02:56,501
and then I'd get that insurance. Yay.
60
00:02:57,793 --> 00:03:00,543
Since when am I someone
you can ask for a favor?
61
00:03:00,543 --> 00:03:03,168
Since I Heimliched that olive
out of your throat.
62
00:03:03,168 --> 00:03:04,668
Some favor. That was my dinner.
63
00:03:04,668 --> 00:03:06,752
Look, Andrea, I need that dental.
64
00:03:06,752 --> 00:03:11,168
I keep trying to chew every bite 20 times
like I promised my mom,
65
00:03:11,168 --> 00:03:14,376
but I get to, like,
14 and I just taste blood.
66
00:03:14,376 --> 00:03:15,877
Listen to what I'm dealing with.
67
00:03:15,877 --> 00:03:18,251
According to research
from Tony Dane's publicist,
68
00:03:18,251 --> 00:03:19,543
people think I'm heartless.
69
00:03:19,543 --> 00:03:22,835
Wow, I don't know
where they're getting that. I mean, that's--
70
00:03:22,835 --> 00:03:26,501
Six out of ten people surveyed
would rather see Tony gay than marry me.
71
00:03:26,501 --> 00:03:29,543
If I don't start testing better,
they're gonna call off my wedding.
72
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:35,209
Hey, huh?
What if you get this ball signed for me,
73
00:03:35,209 --> 00:03:38,209
and then people won't think
you're as horrible as you really are?
74
00:03:39,877 --> 00:03:41,793
Better idea.
75
00:03:41,793 --> 00:03:45,877
I'll get that ball signed for you, but first,
76
00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:47,501
how do you feel about choking to death?
77
00:03:48,126 --> 00:03:49,460
Oh.
78
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,334
I don't know.
I always thought I'd be stabbed.
79
00:03:52,793 --> 00:03:55,043
I have always envied this
about you, Samantha.
80
00:03:55,043 --> 00:03:58,126
I can never relax in my home
unless it's clean.
81
00:03:59,002 --> 00:04:00,293
Yeah.
82
00:04:00,293 --> 00:04:02,168
Sit down, Mom. Um...
83
00:04:03,918 --> 00:04:05,543
Pizza bagel?
84
00:04:05,543 --> 00:04:07,418
Oh, Lord, you pretended to make food.
85
00:04:07,418 --> 00:04:09,376
What have you done?
86
00:04:09,668 --> 00:04:11,877
Okay, Mom.
87
00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:13,043
Now, listen.
88
00:04:13,043 --> 00:04:15,084
I love working with you,
89
00:04:15,084 --> 00:04:19,501
- but this is just not my dream job, and I--
- Don't say another word.
90
00:04:19,501 --> 00:04:22,168
- I understand.
- I don't think you do.
91
00:04:22,168 --> 00:04:25,376
- I don't feel horrible yet.
- This is not the job for you, I get that.
92
00:04:25,585 --> 00:04:27,668
- Oh.
- It's like when I used to help
93
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,293
with your math homework,
and, finally,
94
00:04:29,293 --> 00:04:32,209
I just stopped
trying to push that rock up a hill.
95
00:04:32,209 --> 00:04:35,251
And I said "She's not gonna need
this math. She's pretty."
96
00:04:36,668 --> 00:04:38,668
That was a while ago,
but, you know, still.
97
00:04:40,293 --> 00:04:43,835
- You know what you need to do?
- Yes, something meaningful with my life.
98
00:04:43,835 --> 00:04:47,043
- Go to Vegas.
- What? Vegas? Why?
99
00:04:47,043 --> 00:04:49,251
I got an invitation
to a motivational seminar.
100
00:04:49,251 --> 00:04:52,877
They promise to focus you on your dream
and help you achieve it.
101
00:04:52,877 --> 00:04:54,501
Plus I got tickets to Bette Midler.
102
00:04:54,501 --> 00:04:57,501
Yes. Mom, that is exactly what I need.
103
00:04:57,501 --> 00:04:59,793
Well, except for betting
on the Midler thing,
104
00:04:59,793 --> 00:05:01,877
because I don't know anything
about gambling,
105
00:05:01,877 --> 00:05:03,501
but Vegas, yes. Let's do it!
106
00:05:15,418 --> 00:05:17,752
- Real estate. You tricked me.
- No, no, no.
107
00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:20,334
- Unbelievable!
- No, no. Not really, no.
108
00:05:20,334 --> 00:05:23,002
And I just am trying to light a fire
underneath you.
109
00:05:23,002 --> 00:05:25,585
Now, they have some great
motivational seminars here.
110
00:05:25,585 --> 00:05:28,002
I mean, one where they actually light a fire
underneath you.
111
00:05:28,418 --> 00:05:31,668
Okay, here's $20
for the poker machines.
112
00:05:31,668 --> 00:05:33,460
That's all you get. Okay?
113
00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:35,209
So have fun, see you in a while.
114
00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:37,334
- Where you going, Daddy?
- Well, I like keno.
115
00:05:37,334 --> 00:05:39,043
You know, you can watch sports, drink,
116
00:05:39,043 --> 00:05:41,960
and have an exotic woman
take your money $5 at a time.
117
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:45,168
- It's like the Navy again. Hmm.
- Mm.
118
00:05:45,501 --> 00:05:47,126
- Come on, we're gonna be late.
- No!
119
00:05:47,126 --> 00:05:49,460
I am already late
starting my life, Mother.
120
00:05:49,460 --> 00:05:50,835
I am leaving, okay?
121
00:05:50,835 --> 00:05:53,501
You're gonna miss out
on the free tote bag.
122
00:05:54,501 --> 00:05:56,501
[CROWD CHEERING LOUDLY]
123
00:06:33,084 --> 00:06:36,293
MAN: Ms. Newly?
- Hi.
124
00:06:36,293 --> 00:06:37,585
It's been a while, ma'am.
125
00:06:38,084 --> 00:06:41,126
Meaning I've been here before.
126
00:06:41,126 --> 00:06:44,543
Meaning you probably want me to leave.
I'm really sorry.
127
00:06:44,543 --> 00:06:48,168
- Would you like to play?
- Oh, no. I don't have any cash on me.
128
00:06:48,168 --> 00:06:50,501
I could get some quarters from my mom,
but she's in a--
129
00:06:50,501 --> 00:06:53,752
This is in your account
from last time, $50,000.
130
00:06:55,334 --> 00:06:57,043
[STAMMERING]
Fifty thousand?
131
00:06:57,043 --> 00:06:59,126
That's--? This is my--? I could--?
132
00:06:59,126 --> 00:07:01,752
That's--? That's money?
133
00:07:01,752 --> 00:07:04,084
That's like--?
134
00:07:04,084 --> 00:07:06,043
I could change that-- That's mine?
135
00:07:06,043 --> 00:07:07,793
That's my money?
136
00:07:08,501 --> 00:07:10,960
You mean I could just walk away
from here with all of that?
137
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,793
- Just free and clear?
- Yes.
138
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:17,668
- Huh.
- Or you could play some.
139
00:07:21,752 --> 00:07:24,126
BILL: New shooter, new shooter.
Place your bet.
140
00:07:27,002 --> 00:07:28,376
[CROWD CHEERING AND CLAPPING]
141
00:07:29,668 --> 00:07:31,334
[CHUCKLES]
142
00:07:32,293 --> 00:07:34,334
- You wanna blow on them for good luck?
- Sure.
143
00:07:34,334 --> 00:07:35,793
[GIGGLES]
144
00:07:37,585 --> 00:07:39,543
Maybe a little.
145
00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:42,793
- Welcome back, Ms. Newly.
- Thanks, Bill.
146
00:07:42,793 --> 00:07:45,002
- It's good to be back.
- New shooter!
147
00:07:45,002 --> 00:07:46,168
MAN: Evening.
- Hi.
148
00:07:55,126 --> 00:07:58,043
Point is six, odds on the six.
Cover the hard ways.
149
00:07:58,043 --> 00:07:59,543
Vodka martini, dry, two olives.
150
00:07:59,543 --> 00:08:02,334
All right, another 500 on the come,
place the ten and 50.
151
00:08:02,334 --> 00:08:05,126
Come on, baby. Who likes money?
152
00:08:05,126 --> 00:08:06,460
[CROWD CHEERING]
153
00:08:08,084 --> 00:08:12,376
How do you lose $100,000?
154
00:08:12,376 --> 00:08:17,168
Well, first you have 50,000
155
00:08:12,376 --> 00:08:21,293
and you lose that.
156
00:08:17,168 --> 00:08:21,293
Then they lend you another 50,000
157
00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:23,209
That's a hundred.
158
00:08:23,209 --> 00:08:25,710
See, Mom? That math paid off.
159
00:08:25,710 --> 00:08:27,168
You're just like your mother.
160
00:08:27,168 --> 00:08:29,877
She lost her whole $20
while I was in the bathroom.
161
00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:32,251
Oh, yeah, that's gotta hurt, Dad.
162
00:08:32,626 --> 00:08:35,918
- Why are you smiling?
- I'm not smiling.
163
00:08:35,918 --> 00:08:38,501
I'm sad for you that you have to
keep working with your mother
164
00:08:38,501 --> 00:08:40,918
- to pay off your debt.
- That's a smile.
165
00:08:41,376 --> 00:08:43,626
Hmm. It's the way my mouth is set.
166
00:08:43,626 --> 00:08:45,002
I'm like a dolphin.
167
00:08:45,002 --> 00:08:47,209
No! Forget it.
168
00:08:47,209 --> 00:08:48,501
No, I saw it.
169
00:08:48,501 --> 00:08:52,002
I saw freedom and autonomy.
I had it in my hands!
170
00:08:52,002 --> 00:08:53,668
I know what that feels like.
171
00:08:53,668 --> 00:08:56,752
Daddy, were you gonna leave me anything
when you died?
172
00:08:56,752 --> 00:08:59,668
- Because that day is sneaking up on us.
- Oh, can't help you, kiddo.
173
00:08:59,668 --> 00:09:02,376
The support group I went to
after your mom's last bingo bender,
174
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:04,960
it taught me the worst thing you can do
is be an enabler.
175
00:09:05,376 --> 00:09:06,668
Come on.
176
00:09:07,043 --> 00:09:09,960
- Regina! Regina. No, no.
- Just one quarter! Just one! I can feel it!
177
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,918
- This machine, I can feel it!
- Get out of here.
178
00:09:13,209 --> 00:09:14,334
Here you go.
179
00:09:14,835 --> 00:09:16,918
How am I supposed to choke on this?
It's soft.
180
00:09:16,918 --> 00:09:18,710
You don't have to really choke. Pretend.
181
00:09:18,710 --> 00:09:21,877
Hey, I did three summers of theatre camp.
Don't question my process.
182
00:09:21,877 --> 00:09:23,002
[GROANS]
183
00:09:23,501 --> 00:09:25,126
Whew!
184
00:09:25,126 --> 00:09:26,334
[EXHALES]
185
00:09:26,334 --> 00:09:29,084
Ho, ha.
186
00:09:29,084 --> 00:09:30,460
All right.
187
00:09:30,793 --> 00:09:32,710
It's showtime.
188
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:37,002
[GRUNTING]
189
00:09:37,002 --> 00:09:38,168
Dena!
190
00:09:38,168 --> 00:09:39,918
Dena, are you choking?
191
00:09:39,918 --> 00:09:41,752
Oh, my God, she's choking to death!
192
00:09:41,752 --> 00:09:44,877
It's me! Andrea Belladonna!
I'll save you!
193
00:09:44,877 --> 00:09:47,293
Come on. Come on, girl.
194
00:09:47,793 --> 00:09:50,376
Don't worry, I'm a Scout.
I know exactly what to do.
195
00:09:50,376 --> 00:09:53,376
- Kid, it's all right, I got it.
- No, I need my lifesaving badge.
196
00:09:53,376 --> 00:09:55,585
- Kid, get back!
- Ow!
197
00:09:55,585 --> 00:09:57,793
MAN: Oh.
- My arm!
198
00:09:57,793 --> 00:09:59,293
He's fine, he's fine.
199
00:09:59,293 --> 00:10:02,126
Andrea Belladonna broke my arm! Aah!
200
00:10:03,334 --> 00:10:05,668
- And scene.
- Oh.
201
00:10:06,168 --> 00:10:08,043
I'm just trying to help you, Bill.
202
00:10:08,043 --> 00:10:10,877
I mean, how can you stay in business
if people lose?
203
00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:13,334
You know,
that is just not a model for success.
204
00:10:13,334 --> 00:10:15,668
I really wish I could help you, Ms. Newly.
205
00:10:15,668 --> 00:10:17,251
Okay, here's the thing, Bill.
206
00:10:17,251 --> 00:10:19,501
I have amnesia. Yeah, yeah.
207
00:10:19,501 --> 00:10:22,209
You could get into a lot of trouble
for letting me play.
208
00:10:22,209 --> 00:10:23,668
So just give me back my money
209
00:10:23,668 --> 00:10:27,585
and I won't go to the
Department of Casino Rules,
210
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:28,793
which is very real.
211
00:10:28,793 --> 00:10:31,752
- It's good to see you again, Ms. Newly.
- No, Bill! Stop. Bill.
212
00:10:31,752 --> 00:10:34,126
- What if I can't pay?
- I'm not worried. You'll pay.
213
00:10:34,126 --> 00:10:35,668
Okay, but what if I can't?
214
00:10:36,752 --> 00:10:39,877
- You will.
- How? Bill.
215
00:10:39,877 --> 00:10:41,793
They're gonna break my kneecaps,
aren't they?
216
00:10:41,793 --> 00:10:43,334
I need my knees, Bill.
217
00:10:43,334 --> 00:10:45,626
I mean,
how can I beg without my knees?
218
00:10:45,626 --> 00:10:48,376
Right? Bill? Bill.
219
00:10:53,877 --> 00:10:55,418
FUNK:
Sam?
220
00:10:58,460 --> 00:11:00,835
Hey, Funk.
221
00:11:00,835 --> 00:11:02,877
Be with you in just one second, okay?
222
00:11:02,877 --> 00:11:06,793
Ahem. Who makes this carpet, again?
223
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,918
I'm gonna have to sell my apartment.
224
00:11:11,918 --> 00:11:13,084
I'm gonna be homeless.
225
00:11:13,084 --> 00:11:14,918
God, this is all my mother's fault.
226
00:11:14,918 --> 00:11:17,418
You know, I see homeless people
on the street and I wonder,
227
00:11:17,418 --> 00:11:19,960
how does something like that happen?
And you know why?
228
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,960
They know my mom.
229
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:25,626
- I know it hurts.
- Why didn't I just go to that conference?
230
00:11:26,084 --> 00:11:29,918
- I would have that money and a tote.
- You would have loved my seminar.
231
00:11:29,918 --> 00:11:32,168
I did this thing.
We lit a fire under someone's chair.
232
00:11:32,168 --> 00:11:34,668
Why didn't I just walk away
from that table?
233
00:11:35,877 --> 00:11:38,334
- Because you loved it.
- What?
234
00:11:38,334 --> 00:11:40,209
No, I didn't, I hated it.
235
00:11:40,209 --> 00:11:41,418
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
236
00:11:41,752 --> 00:11:43,418
Come on, the action, the buzz,
237
00:11:43,418 --> 00:11:46,251
money flowing in and out,
people hanging on your every move.
238
00:11:47,543 --> 00:11:49,501
Well, I loved that.
239
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:52,168
For a moment.
240
00:11:52,376 --> 00:11:57,877
One sweet, ecstatic moment
of pure joy.
241
00:11:58,585 --> 00:12:02,251
I just-- For one moment, I was just--
242
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,626
You were in the game.
243
00:12:04,835 --> 00:12:06,460
Yeah.
244
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:09,418
- Come on. Come back and work for me.
- What? No.
245
00:12:09,418 --> 00:12:11,626
No, I'm not going backwards.
246
00:12:11,626 --> 00:12:14,209
Come on, I'll advance you the money.
You can work it off
247
00:12:14,209 --> 00:12:15,918
and leave when you want.
248
00:12:15,918 --> 00:12:17,918
Where's the downside here?
249
00:12:20,126 --> 00:12:22,043
FUNK: So you like them?
- Yes.
250
00:12:22,043 --> 00:12:24,835
- They make you look very attractive.
- Thank you.
251
00:12:24,835 --> 00:12:26,960
You're very generous to accept.
252
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:30,460
Without recipients like you--
Well, just you.
253
00:12:30,460 --> 00:12:34,002
--the Winston Funk Foundation
would fail to keep its tax-exempt status.
254
00:12:34,002 --> 00:12:36,293
- Mm. They give so much.
- Mm.
255
00:12:36,293 --> 00:12:38,084
It makes me
wanna give something back.
256
00:12:38,084 --> 00:12:40,460
- Yeah? Well, I-- Mm.
- Mm.
257
00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:46,418
No, it's just another street corner.
258
00:12:46,418 --> 00:12:48,918
- No, thanks.
- All right, at least let me cover the debt.
259
00:12:48,918 --> 00:12:50,960
I wanna do something here to help.
260
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,543
Oh, God, will you please stop?
261
00:12:54,084 --> 00:12:56,334
- Where are you going?
- I don't know.
262
00:12:56,918 --> 00:12:59,209
But you know what?
I'm a smart and creative woman,
263
00:12:59,209 --> 00:13:03,209
and I am sure there are millions of ways
for me to raise that money on my own.
264
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:06,668
Sure you don't want any shoes?
I got some brand new Jimmy Choos.
265
00:13:06,668 --> 00:13:08,251
No, no, no.
266
00:13:08,251 --> 00:13:10,710
I don't come to your work
and sell my undergarments.
267
00:13:10,710 --> 00:13:13,251
I expect the same courtesy of you.
268
00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:15,918
I'll give you a free football phone.
269
00:13:17,752 --> 00:13:19,376
Half hour more, but that's it.
270
00:13:20,585 --> 00:13:24,293
Well, of course I wanted to do something
nice for young Jason here.
271
00:13:24,293 --> 00:13:28,752
I mean, I felt so bad after he tripped
and he broke his arm.
272
00:13:28,752 --> 00:13:31,376
- After you pushed me to the ground.
- Oh, you.
273
00:13:31,376 --> 00:13:36,043
Well, I mean, what really matters here,
as Tony Dane's fiancée, is that
274
00:13:36,043 --> 00:13:40,334
I was able to get a signed,
autographed basketball
275
00:13:40,334 --> 00:13:43,460
that I'd like to present to Jason now.
276
00:13:44,793 --> 00:13:48,334
Thank you. You know,
the basketball's great and everything,
277
00:13:48,334 --> 00:13:52,168
but what I really wanna know is,
will you go to my prom with me?
278
00:13:52,168 --> 00:13:53,752
Oh, y--
279
00:13:57,668 --> 00:13:59,752
I'd love to.
280
00:14:00,002 --> 00:14:01,626
Sam! Sam, come look!
281
00:14:01,626 --> 00:14:04,460
We have to get a new TV, because I'm
keeping that picture on this one.
282
00:14:04,752 --> 00:14:06,710
Ugh. That is so not fair.
283
00:14:06,710 --> 00:14:09,460
It's my blood,
who says I can only sell it twice a week?
284
00:14:09,460 --> 00:14:12,209
Well, if it helps, I could sell
some of my sports memorabilia.
285
00:14:12,209 --> 00:14:15,251
I have a football phone
worth a couple thousand dollars.
286
00:14:15,251 --> 00:14:16,460
That's okay.
287
00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:17,960
Don't even look for it.
288
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,543
- Please.
- What are you gonna do?
289
00:14:19,543 --> 00:14:21,543
Can't raise 50 grand
selling your underwear.
290
00:14:21,543 --> 00:14:23,668
Well, at least not without me in it.
291
00:14:23,668 --> 00:14:25,668
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
292
00:14:25,668 --> 00:14:28,501
But it cannot involve my mother,
293
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:31,752
or being taken care of by some rich guy
294
00:14:31,752 --> 00:14:35,251
who just wants to love me
and be with me
295
00:14:35,251 --> 00:14:39,084
and make everything so much easier.
296
00:14:39,084 --> 00:14:40,835
Wait a minute.
297
00:14:40,835 --> 00:14:42,835
Why don't I want that, again?
298
00:14:42,835 --> 00:14:45,251
- Because that won't make you happy.
- Really?
299
00:14:45,251 --> 00:14:46,793
Because it sounds like it would.
300
00:14:46,793 --> 00:14:49,293
- Sam, you're better than that.
- Maybe not.
301
00:14:49,293 --> 00:14:52,752
You know this. You go anywhere
near this guy, you might as well stamp
302
00:14:52,752 --> 00:14:55,002
"Property of Winston Funk"
all over your forehead.
303
00:14:55,002 --> 00:14:56,418
You'll be another acquisition.
304
00:14:56,418 --> 00:14:58,918
- Wait, come here, come here. Just--
- What?
305
00:14:58,918 --> 00:15:01,334
Look what this guy already owns.
306
00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:04,460
- Where on the list do you think you go?
- What are you doing on his website?
307
00:15:04,877 --> 00:15:07,460
I had some microwave popcorn
and the kernels didn't pop,
308
00:15:07,460 --> 00:15:11,585
and on the bag it said, "Division of Funk
Worldwide," so I e-mailed a complaint.
309
00:15:11,585 --> 00:15:13,877
Look, whatever, just look.
Dyotyne Electric?
310
00:15:13,877 --> 00:15:15,710
LaBasoche Champagne?
311
00:15:15,710 --> 00:15:17,084
- Mm-hm.
- Parkington Brand?
312
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,877
No, no, wait.
What was that? What was that?
313
00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:23,293
Oh. Son of a bitch.@n
314
00:15:23,293 --> 00:15:25,043
He owns that casino!
315
00:15:27,835 --> 00:15:29,251
Seven out. Shooter loses.
316
00:15:29,793 --> 00:15:31,501
Oh, come on, Bill.
317
00:15:31,501 --> 00:15:34,002
- Let me sign for another 30.
- Cut her off, Bill.
318
00:15:34,002 --> 00:15:35,668
Yeah? Then you'll get cut off.
319
00:15:36,418 --> 00:15:38,918
- That looks like a nine from here.
- Nine pays!
320
00:15:38,918 --> 00:15:40,752
It does, doesn't it? Thank you.
321
00:15:41,251 --> 00:15:43,084
Oh, my God.
322
00:15:43,418 --> 00:15:46,752
He's been playing me this entire time.
323
00:15:47,084 --> 00:15:49,209
He lured us to that conference,
324
00:15:51,543 --> 00:15:55,626
put $50,000 into my account,
which I couldn't possibly have won,
325
00:15:55,835 --> 00:15:58,460
so then, when I lose it all,
326
00:15:59,002 --> 00:16:02,168
he can just show up and save the day.
327
00:16:03,543 --> 00:16:06,293
Flattering. Gotta give him that.
328
00:16:06,293 --> 00:16:09,585
And now you know
you have to stay away from him.
329
00:16:09,585 --> 00:16:10,918
Why?
330
00:16:10,918 --> 00:16:14,626
I mean, if he wants me that badly, that
just gives me leverage to get what I want.
331
00:16:15,168 --> 00:16:17,084
Sam, you can't beat him.
332
00:16:17,084 --> 00:16:19,376
You should know this by now.
The house always wins.
333
00:16:20,376 --> 00:16:23,918
Well, then there's only one thing
left to do.
334
00:16:23,918 --> 00:16:28,002
- Be the house.
- Aah.
335
00:16:35,418 --> 00:16:37,126
Well.
336
00:16:37,418 --> 00:16:39,209
Look who's been sitting in my chair.
337
00:16:39,209 --> 00:16:42,376
Well, I wanted to see how it blew smoke
up your butt all day long,
338
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:45,043
but I can't seem to find the button.
339
00:16:45,043 --> 00:16:48,209
Wait a minute, I know that outfit.
If I remember, it has a tricky zipper.
340
00:16:48,668 --> 00:16:52,877
Well, I decided to dress up
for my job interview today.
341
00:16:52,877 --> 00:16:55,168
- How am I doing?
- I don't know.
342
00:16:55,168 --> 00:16:57,002
Where do you see yourself
in five years?
343
00:16:57,002 --> 00:17:00,334
Still beating you over the head
with this stapler if you don't hire me.
344
00:17:00,334 --> 00:17:02,002
So you want your old job back?
345
00:17:02,002 --> 00:17:05,168
I don't want my old job back.
I wanna run something.
346
00:17:05,168 --> 00:17:10,002
Something philanthropic to match
my new, more charitable reputation.
347
00:17:10,002 --> 00:17:12,710
- I believe we'll find a position you like.
- We always have.
348
00:17:20,293 --> 00:17:21,668
[GROWLS]
349
00:17:25,376 --> 00:17:27,209
Wow, you look beautiful.
350
00:17:27,209 --> 00:17:28,918
Just go.
351
00:17:28,918 --> 00:17:32,251
And I don't care how drunk I get,
you do not get to touch my boobs.
352
00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:34,501
Listen, in case we end up together,
353
00:17:34,501 --> 00:17:37,543
I just wanna let you know
that tricking you into this wasn't my idea.
354
00:17:37,543 --> 00:17:39,710
Oh, yeah, then whose idea was it?
355
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:45,501
Andrea, oh, you look great!
356
00:17:45,501 --> 00:17:46,960
Maybe they'll vote you queen.
357
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:49,710
- You.
- Me.
358
00:17:49,710 --> 00:17:50,918
Jason, you got my ball?
359
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:55,668
God, you guys look so grown up.
Makes me wanna cry.
360
00:17:55,668 --> 00:17:57,293
[PRETEND-SOBS THEN LAUGHS]
361
00:17:58,084 --> 00:18:00,043
[MIMICS DENA'S LAUGH]
362
00:18:00,043 --> 00:18:02,835
Some Scout.
See if I ever buy your cookies.
363
00:18:02,835 --> 00:18:05,084
Look, I'm sorry. She wanted the ball,
364
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:09,126
and I knew there was a chance you
wouldn't go with me if I asked straight up.
365
00:18:09,126 --> 00:18:13,209
You'd probably prefer the cool guys,
like in the marching band.
366
00:18:14,418 --> 00:18:17,334
There was a tuba player
in the tenth grade.
367
00:18:17,334 --> 00:18:18,501
He didn't know I was alive.
368
00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:25,168
Your poll numbers
came in low too, huh?
369
00:18:25,668 --> 00:18:27,002
Turns out being a Scout
370
00:18:27,002 --> 00:18:30,002
isn't exactly the chick magnet
my rabbi said it would be.
371
00:18:31,460 --> 00:18:34,209
What the hell? I look hot, let's go.
372
00:18:34,460 --> 00:18:35,668
[SIGHS]
373
00:18:35,668 --> 00:18:37,376
I'm not wearing that. No.
374
00:18:38,376 --> 00:18:39,710
[ENGINE STARTS]
375
00:18:40,002 --> 00:18:42,543
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
376
00:18:42,543 --> 00:18:45,626
Look, this shouldn't take too long,
so if you wanna get a bite afterwards,
377
00:18:45,626 --> 00:18:48,626
Bloody Mary's in Bora-Bora
has an amazing monkfish on Friday.
378
00:18:48,626 --> 00:18:52,418
Mm. That sounds good.
Let me just do this first, okay?
379
00:18:52,418 --> 00:18:53,918
- Right.
- Yeah.
380
00:19:02,501 --> 00:19:05,293
- Ladies and gentlemen of the press.
- Uh, uh-- No. Save it.
381
00:19:05,293 --> 00:19:07,543
- That's sensitive.
- I-- Oh, okay. I'm sorry.
382
00:19:07,543 --> 00:19:09,376
Sorry about that.
383
00:19:09,376 --> 00:19:12,585
- Do I--? Okay, okay.
- Just about-- From, like, yeah.
384
00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:15,002
Ladies and gentlemen
of the business press,
385
00:19:15,002 --> 00:19:16,626
I am Samantha Newly,
386
00:19:16,626 --> 00:19:19,543
Vice President
of the Winston Funk Foundation.
387
00:19:19,543 --> 00:19:21,877
Today is a great day,
388
00:19:21,877 --> 00:19:24,752
because although the foundation
has fallen short
389
00:19:24,752 --> 00:19:27,877
of its giving goals in recent years,
390
00:19:27,877 --> 00:19:32,043
today, Mr. Funk is pledging
391
00:19:32,418 --> 00:19:38,084
$30 million a year to various charities
at my sole discretion.
392
00:19:39,002 --> 00:19:41,334
I'm sure Mr. Funk and I
will make fine partners,
393
00:19:41,334 --> 00:19:45,918
because he told me personally,
all he wants to do is help.
394
00:19:46,668 --> 00:19:50,501
Now, Mr. Funk will answer
all of your questions.
395
00:19:51,376 --> 00:19:55,209
I'm gonna take a rain check on that lunch,
because I'm gonna be awfully busy.
396
00:19:55,209 --> 00:19:56,710
Okay.
397
00:19:57,209 --> 00:19:59,752
Mr. Funk, excuse me,
I was just curious--
398
00:19:59,752 --> 00:20:03,126
SAM: You know, just because your life
is already pretty far down one road,
399
00:20:03,126 --> 00:20:05,168
doesn't mean you can't take a detour.
400
00:20:05,168 --> 00:20:06,418
Hey, Mom!
401
00:20:06,418 --> 00:20:08,334
I'm returning your arrow!
402
00:20:08,334 --> 00:20:12,334
I can't have it at my place.
I keep making a wrong turn at the kitchen.
403
00:20:12,334 --> 00:20:14,460
- Guess what!
- What?
404
00:20:14,460 --> 00:20:16,668
I sold a house!
405
00:20:17,002 --> 00:20:21,168
Oh. Whoa. Sorry, I didn't hear you.
All I heard was "Chardonnay."
406
00:20:21,168 --> 00:20:23,168
- What happened?
- They told us at that seminar
407
00:20:23,168 --> 00:20:25,626
that we had to find our motivation,
408
00:20:25,626 --> 00:20:29,168
and my disappointment in you
was the only motivation I needed,
409
00:20:29,168 --> 00:20:33,585
so as long as you keep letting me down,
there's gonna be no stopping me.
410
00:20:35,543 --> 00:20:37,752
Don't worry if there's no sign
to point the way.
411
00:20:37,752 --> 00:20:40,960
Just trust your own compass
and follow the arrow.
412
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,960
[UKULELE PLAYING]
413
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,668
The point is to take the wheel
and drive.
414
00:20:45,668 --> 00:20:49,501
Sometimes the side roads
are where you find the best surprises.
415
00:20:50,168 --> 00:20:54,710
Hey. You know, it's hard to play
the ukulele without looking like a dork,
416
00:20:54,710 --> 00:20:56,668
but you keep at it.
417
00:20:58,668 --> 00:21:01,460
So you wanna go out
on Saturday night?
418
00:21:04,501 --> 00:21:05,543
Yes.
419
00:21:09,543 --> 00:21:10,752
It's a game, right?
420
00:21:10,752 --> 00:21:13,501
I mean, you can't win if you don't play.