1 00:00:00,877 --> 00:00:02,209 [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 2 00:00:02,209 --> 00:00:04,418 SAM: They say you can't choose your family. 3 00:00:04,418 --> 00:00:05,960 Well, that's probably best. 4 00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:09,126 If you could, the return policy would have to be really strict. 5 00:00:09,126 --> 00:00:11,835 Okay, what do you think? 6 00:00:11,835 --> 00:00:15,334 Why don't you just get yourself a doll you can dress up? 7 00:00:15,334 --> 00:00:18,460 Fine, put it back if you don't like it. I'll get it for you for Christmas. 8 00:00:18,460 --> 00:00:20,585 - Thank you. - Yep. 9 00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,752 Oh, my God. 10 00:00:23,752 --> 00:00:26,084 Stop. What are you doing? I like it. 11 00:00:26,084 --> 00:00:29,126 It hides the flaws in your bone structure. 12 00:00:29,126 --> 00:00:30,835 Mother, I was looking for a foundation, 13 00:00:30,835 --> 00:00:34,002 not trying to join the witness relocation program. 14 00:00:34,002 --> 00:00:37,418 Can you just try not to control, like, every aspect of my being? 15 00:00:37,418 --> 00:00:39,835 All right, I'm sorry. Excuse me for caring. 16 00:00:39,835 --> 00:00:42,585 Let's go look for some of those cute plastic clogs. 17 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,293 - Regina? - Amy. 18 00:00:45,293 --> 00:00:47,084 I wasn't sure if it was you. 19 00:00:47,084 --> 00:00:48,668 Well, it is. 20 00:00:49,084 --> 00:00:50,334 You still in Cortland? 21 00:00:50,334 --> 00:00:51,668 - Still there. 22 00:00:50,334 --> 00:00:53,668 REGINA: Mm-hm. 23 00:00:51,668 --> 00:00:53,668 - You still in Walnut Valley? 24 00:00:54,668 --> 00:00:57,002 - Well, goodbye. AMY: Bye. 25 00:00:57,002 --> 00:00:58,293 Bye, Samantha. 26 00:00:58,293 --> 00:01:00,168 Bye. 27 00:01:00,168 --> 00:01:02,668 - Who was that? - That's my sister. 28 00:01:02,668 --> 00:01:04,877 Oh, that's cute. 29 00:01:05,793 --> 00:01:07,626 I have an aunt? 30 00:01:07,626 --> 00:01:09,043 SAM: What do you mean you forgot? 31 00:01:09,043 --> 00:01:11,543 It happens. You've forgotten way more than I have. 32 00:01:11,543 --> 00:01:12,752 Okay, you know what? 33 00:01:12,752 --> 00:01:15,960 I let it go when you forgot that I was allergic to walnuts. 34 00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:19,002 Because you know what? It was nice to see everybody at the hospital again. 35 00:01:19,002 --> 00:01:21,168 But you did not forget to tell me you had a sister. 36 00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:23,168 Because you're better off not knowing her. 37 00:01:23,168 --> 00:01:24,710 Mom, listen. 38 00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:28,376 For the last year and a half I've been trying to put together this puzzle of who I am. 39 00:01:28,376 --> 00:01:31,877 And, you know, an aunt is a pretty big piece. 40 00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:35,626 When you were 2 years old, you ate a piece of my puzzle. 41 00:01:35,626 --> 00:01:36,835 Victoria Falls. 42 00:01:36,835 --> 00:01:38,585 But I knew what Victoria Falls looked like 43 00:01:38,585 --> 00:01:41,209 because there was a picture of it on the box. I'm your box. 44 00:01:41,209 --> 00:01:42,877 Mom, this is my family. 45 00:01:42,877 --> 00:01:45,084 Why do you not want me to know my family? 46 00:01:45,084 --> 00:01:47,084 The same reason I don't want you to have a gun. 47 00:01:47,084 --> 00:01:48,293 You might hurt yourself. 48 00:01:48,877 --> 00:01:51,002 - Okay, but-- - You are not seeing her again. 49 00:01:51,501 --> 00:01:52,710 The subject is closed. 50 00:01:53,460 --> 00:01:55,626 This was a fun day, we should have started earlier. 51 00:01:55,626 --> 00:01:57,334 - Kisses. - Yeah, but, Mom-- 52 00:01:57,334 --> 00:02:00,168 - I said "kisses." - Okay. 53 00:02:00,168 --> 00:02:02,835 See you. I'm just gonna go back to the city. 54 00:02:07,376 --> 00:02:09,168 Aunt Amy. 55 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,460 Hi. 56 00:02:21,585 --> 00:02:24,960 [WOMEN SHOUTING, LAUGHING] 57 00:02:25,168 --> 00:02:27,043 Mm, mm. 58 00:02:27,209 --> 00:02:28,418 I'm winning. 59 00:02:28,418 --> 00:02:31,334 I'm catching up. 60 00:02:31,334 --> 00:02:33,668 Wow, who ordered the sea monster? 61 00:02:33,668 --> 00:02:36,418 This is a deep-sea delicacy I first had in Tokyo. 62 00:02:36,418 --> 00:02:38,793 It's never on the menu, but I always ask for it. 63 00:02:39,168 --> 00:02:42,585 It honors the chef's skills at removing the poison sac. 64 00:02:42,585 --> 00:02:44,626 [ALL GAGGING] 65 00:02:44,835 --> 00:02:46,918 I don't know if it's the best month, 66 00:02:46,918 --> 00:02:49,835 but I'm gonna find out if they have live starfish. Mm. 67 00:02:50,209 --> 00:02:52,710 - Oh-- - Oh, you don't have to do that. 68 00:02:52,710 --> 00:02:53,918 To our new mom. 69 00:02:53,918 --> 00:02:55,710 I know, I know. Isn't she fantastic? 70 00:02:55,710 --> 00:02:57,168 She lived in Tokyo. 71 00:02:57,168 --> 00:02:58,376 The one in Japan. 72 00:02:59,168 --> 00:03:01,793 It's like she's the mom that I'm supposed to have, you know? 73 00:03:01,793 --> 00:03:04,334 And then there was just some crazy mix-up at the hospital 74 00:03:04,334 --> 00:03:06,168 and I ended up with Regina. 75 00:03:06,168 --> 00:03:08,626 Who's very nice, by the way, and I hope we keep in touch. 76 00:03:08,626 --> 00:03:11,043 So how are you going to tell your first mom about this? 77 00:03:11,043 --> 00:03:14,835 Well, I am an adult, and I'm gonna do what adults do, 78 00:03:14,835 --> 00:03:17,752 and I am going to keep it a secret. 79 00:03:17,752 --> 00:03:21,002 So please join me in pushing down my fear. 80 00:03:21,002 --> 00:03:23,418 No, I'm going to see another one of Tony's games tomorrow 81 00:03:23,418 --> 00:03:25,251 and I don't wanna be puffy. 82 00:03:25,251 --> 00:03:28,126 He doesn't care what you look like, he's gay. 83 00:03:28,126 --> 00:03:32,209 - He's so gay. - Yes, but I may be on the JumboTron. 84 00:03:32,209 --> 00:03:35,126 Oh, the JumboTron. 85 00:03:35,126 --> 00:03:38,752 What is that, like, a robot, like, elephant or something? 86 00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:40,501 No, it's the big screen. 87 00:03:40,501 --> 00:03:43,877 And my seat is like three feet away from the court. 88 00:03:43,877 --> 00:03:45,585 I don't even have to bring my own wine. 89 00:03:45,585 --> 00:03:47,002 In fact, they told me to stop. 90 00:03:47,002 --> 00:03:48,168 Hey, we should watch. 91 00:03:48,168 --> 00:03:51,043 I've never seen somebody I know on national TV. 92 00:03:51,043 --> 00:03:53,293 Except for my high school boyfriend on the news, 93 00:03:53,293 --> 00:03:55,960 after the police dug up his yard. 94 00:03:58,168 --> 00:04:00,043 [SPEAKING IN JAPANESE] 95 00:04:00,043 --> 00:04:01,084 [LAUGHING] 96 00:04:03,752 --> 00:04:05,918 ANNOUNCER [OVER TV]: Chicago is down over 20 points 97 00:04:05,918 --> 00:04:07,376 and that foul was called on Dane. 98 00:04:07,376 --> 00:04:09,501 - Sorry Sam's late. - That's okay. 99 00:04:09,501 --> 00:04:11,918 Dane sits down with his fourth foul. 100 00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:14,960 That's two games in a row he just can't get it going. 101 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,752 Oh, God, there's Andrea. 102 00:04:16,752 --> 00:04:18,835 Oh, Sam's missing it. 103 00:04:18,835 --> 00:04:20,543 MAN: Go home! CROWD: Boo! 104 00:04:20,543 --> 00:04:23,251 And those boos you're hearing are for Tony Dane's girlfriend, 105 00:04:23,251 --> 00:04:24,710 Andrea Belladonna. 106 00:04:24,710 --> 00:04:28,002 Guess the crowd's decided she's a jinx on Dane.@n 107 00:04:28,002 --> 00:04:30,626 CROWD: We don't want Belladonna! - Why doesn't she leave? 108 00:04:30,626 --> 00:04:34,334 She's got her outfits planned out for the whole season. She's not going anywhere. 109 00:04:34,334 --> 00:04:36,793 So even if they keep losing, 110 00:04:36,793 --> 00:04:39,168 she'll keep going to the games just to get on TV? 111 00:04:39,168 --> 00:04:40,793 Yeah. 112 00:04:40,793 --> 00:04:43,543 - Oh, boy. Who are you calling? - A bookie. 113 00:04:44,002 --> 00:04:46,043 Oh! Oh. 114 00:04:48,918 --> 00:04:51,418 I love how you decorated. 115 00:04:51,418 --> 00:04:55,418 - Did you do this all by yourself? - I don't know, actually. 116 00:04:55,418 --> 00:04:59,334 For all I know, I killed the previous owner and just moved right in. 117 00:04:59,668 --> 00:05:02,835 See, this is nice. 118 00:05:02,835 --> 00:05:05,585 This is an early Kerbesteen. 119 00:05:05,585 --> 00:05:07,668 He was a Dutch potter who settled in Pennsylvania. 120 00:05:07,668 --> 00:05:08,918 I collect these myself. 121 00:05:08,918 --> 00:05:11,668 Really? Take it. Please. 122 00:05:11,668 --> 00:05:14,043 What? No, Sam, that's not why I was-- 123 00:05:14,043 --> 00:05:18,543 Amy, seriously, I have no connection to anything in this house, so... 124 00:05:18,543 --> 00:05:22,043 Well, except for this little African masky thing I named Dave. 125 00:05:22,043 --> 00:05:23,501 Can't have Dave. 126 00:05:23,501 --> 00:05:24,877 Thank you. 127 00:05:24,877 --> 00:05:27,376 I should have complimented you on your flat-screen TV. 128 00:05:27,376 --> 00:05:28,835 [LAUGHS] Right. 129 00:05:28,835 --> 00:05:30,501 [PHONE RINGING] 130 00:05:32,543 --> 00:05:33,752 Hello? 131 00:05:33,752 --> 00:05:37,752 Ms. Newly, you requested I alert you if your mother enters the building. 132 00:05:37,752 --> 00:05:40,002 Yeah, Frank, I was there when I told you. 133 00:05:40,002 --> 00:05:41,501 Oh, she's here. 134 00:05:42,168 --> 00:05:44,585 Can you just--? Can you stall her for just a second? 135 00:05:44,585 --> 00:05:46,126 Okay. Thank you. 136 00:05:46,126 --> 00:05:48,334 - My mom's here. Stairs. - Oh, God. 137 00:05:49,251 --> 00:05:51,543 Regina, to see The Great Escape on a dinner cruise 138 00:05:51,543 --> 00:05:53,501 is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. 139 00:05:53,501 --> 00:05:56,418 - If we're late, it-- - Samantha has not answered her phone. 140 00:05:56,418 --> 00:05:57,960 What if she's been taken hostage? 141 00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,710 What if Todd finally snapped? 142 00:06:01,501 --> 00:06:03,501 Sorry, folks, the elevator's been acting up. 143 00:06:03,501 --> 00:06:06,877 The only way to keep it from getting stuck is to stop at every floor. 144 00:06:12,501 --> 00:06:13,960 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 145 00:06:14,376 --> 00:06:15,585 [GASPS] 146 00:06:15,585 --> 00:06:16,960 Mom. And Dad. 147 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,376 What a delightful surprise. 148 00:06:19,376 --> 00:06:21,334 You haven't returned my calls all day. 149 00:06:21,334 --> 00:06:24,877 Oh, right. Yeah, I was at the park 150 00:06:24,877 --> 00:06:28,835 and this darn squirrel took off with my cell phone. 151 00:06:28,835 --> 00:06:30,168 Well, what kind of squirrel? 152 00:06:30,168 --> 00:06:31,334 [REGINA SNIFFING] 153 00:06:31,334 --> 00:06:33,626 - I smell perfume. - Oh, that? 154 00:06:33,626 --> 00:06:35,376 That's Todd's cologne. 155 00:06:35,376 --> 00:06:36,877 He bathes in that stuff. 156 00:06:36,877 --> 00:06:38,918 - It's just awful. - It's Amy's. 157 00:06:39,668 --> 00:06:41,168 Todd is seeing Amy? 158 00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:44,543 All right, that's not okay, because he knows how I feel about her. 159 00:06:45,334 --> 00:06:46,710 She's been here. 160 00:06:46,710 --> 00:06:48,793 You've been seeing her behind my back, I knew it. 161 00:06:48,793 --> 00:06:50,002 You did not. 162 00:06:50,002 --> 00:06:54,002 So, do you wear the clothes I bought you when you go out with her? 163 00:06:54,002 --> 00:06:57,002 Mom, please don't be ridiculous, okay? 164 00:06:57,002 --> 00:06:59,668 Amy is fun, she's cool. 165 00:06:59,668 --> 00:07:04,043 You know what? 166 00:06:59,668 --> 00:07:01,835 I'm sorry you're threatened by her. 167 00:07:01,835 --> 00:07:04,043 But I'm not gonna stop seeing her. 168 00:07:04,043 --> 00:07:05,460 She lets me be who I am. 169 00:07:06,209 --> 00:07:08,960 - Where's the bowl? - What bowl? 170 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,585 - The bowl? - The bowl. 171 00:07:11,002 --> 00:07:12,668 Oh, no. No, Regina, not the bowl again. 172 00:07:12,668 --> 00:07:14,293 Look, I'm gonna be in the car. 173 00:07:14,293 --> 00:07:16,793 The movie boat leaves in 15 minutes. 174 00:07:17,460 --> 00:07:20,877 The bowl that my mother passed down to me that I passed down to you. 175 00:07:20,877 --> 00:07:23,626 Well, Amy complimented it and I just-- 176 00:07:23,626 --> 00:07:25,793 - You gave it to her? - Yeah. 177 00:07:26,209 --> 00:07:27,585 She's always wanted that bowl. 178 00:07:27,585 --> 00:07:30,543 She only became friends with you so she could get the bowl. 179 00:07:30,543 --> 00:07:31,752 Yeah, right. 180 00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:35,543 And Dena's only friends with me because, oh, she wants this clock. 181 00:07:35,543 --> 00:07:39,752 I warned you, but you wouldn't listen, so now we've lost a family heirloom. 182 00:07:39,752 --> 00:07:42,168 Well, technically, it's still in the family. 183 00:07:42,877 --> 00:07:44,002 I thought I was your family. 184 00:07:44,501 --> 00:07:46,877 - Oh. - I guess not. 185 00:07:46,877 --> 00:07:48,251 [SIGHS] 186 00:07:48,251 --> 00:07:50,251 I will get the bowl back, okay? 187 00:07:50,251 --> 00:07:51,918 You know what? You're wrong about this. 188 00:07:51,918 --> 00:07:54,543 Amy didn't know about the bowl. 189 00:07:56,418 --> 00:08:00,293 Oh, Samantha. Would you bring the rolls to the table, please? 190 00:08:00,293 --> 00:08:01,710 SAM: Yep. 191 00:08:02,293 --> 00:08:05,752 Well, I hope everyone likes the stuffing, I tried a different recipe this year. 192 00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:07,334 I added a-- 193 00:08:11,585 --> 00:08:13,043 The bowl. 194 00:08:14,752 --> 00:08:16,126 You told me it was broken. 195 00:08:16,126 --> 00:08:19,334 I was tired of you rummaging through my house looking for it all the time. 196 00:08:19,334 --> 00:08:22,877 Well, I wouldn't have to rummage if your house wasn't such a wreck. 197 00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:25,668 Oh, well, maybe I like to expend my energy taking care of my family. 198 00:08:25,668 --> 00:08:27,002 Oh, there we go again. 199 00:08:27,002 --> 00:08:28,668 - You've got a family, I don't. - What? 200 00:08:28,668 --> 00:08:31,084 When are you gonna stop rubbing it in my face? 201 00:08:31,084 --> 00:08:33,418 Let go. You are so immature. 202 00:08:33,418 --> 00:08:35,418 I'm gonna rub your face in that turkey. 203 00:08:35,418 --> 00:08:36,960 Why would you do this? 204 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:38,418 I'm meeting someone after dinner. 205 00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,460 - You are gross. - You don't use it, anyway! 206 00:08:40,460 --> 00:08:43,126 - What? - And it looks like dinner's over, so... 207 00:08:43,126 --> 00:08:45,168 REGINA: Mother gave it to me in the first place! 208 00:08:45,168 --> 00:08:46,209 AMY: God! 209 00:08:47,376 --> 00:08:49,918 Oh, God. 210 00:08:50,334 --> 00:08:52,334 I don't wanna hear it, Dave. 211 00:08:55,543 --> 00:08:57,793 I had two moms, now I have none. 212 00:08:57,793 --> 00:09:01,168 I'm an orphan, which is not bad. 213 00:09:01,168 --> 00:09:02,626 Then you and I, we can go out, 214 00:09:02,626 --> 00:09:07,585 we can find other orphans and create a supportive, ragtag family. 215 00:09:07,585 --> 00:09:09,293 Just call your mother and make up. 216 00:09:09,293 --> 00:09:12,835 She'll make you suffer for a while and then it'll be over. 217 00:09:12,835 --> 00:09:14,585 Like a slumber party. 218 00:09:14,585 --> 00:09:16,002 You know what? You're right. 219 00:09:16,002 --> 00:09:18,043 I'm gonna call her and apologize. 220 00:09:18,043 --> 00:09:19,543 Yeah, just tell her she's right. 221 00:09:19,543 --> 00:09:21,251 No, that is not an option. 222 00:09:21,251 --> 00:09:22,918 If she knows that she was right 223 00:09:22,918 --> 00:09:26,251 then she is gonna be even more up in my business. 224 00:09:26,251 --> 00:09:28,585 Well, maybe if she got her bowl back that would fix it, 225 00:09:28,585 --> 00:09:30,918 but there's no way that Amy's gonna give it up. 226 00:09:31,710 --> 00:09:33,251 Mm-mm. 227 00:09:34,376 --> 00:09:37,126 God, it's tough. It's a tough one. 228 00:09:37,126 --> 00:09:38,668 What to do? What to do? 229 00:09:38,668 --> 00:09:40,293 Dena! 230 00:09:40,293 --> 00:09:42,668 - Oh! Popcorn? - The bowl! 231 00:09:42,668 --> 00:09:44,752 Well, okay, somebody's hungry. 232 00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:47,293 No. This is the bowl. 233 00:09:47,293 --> 00:09:49,418 - What? - Yeah, where did you get it? 234 00:09:49,418 --> 00:09:51,334 - Potteryville. Nine bucks. - I need it. 235 00:09:51,668 --> 00:09:54,418 My mom gets a bowl, Amy gets a bowl, 236 00:09:54,418 --> 00:09:57,918 everyone goes back to hating Amy, and order is restored. 237 00:09:58,501 --> 00:10:00,126 Plus, if I pull this off, 238 00:10:00,126 --> 00:10:02,084 my mother never has to know she was right. 239 00:10:03,209 --> 00:10:06,126 I have change, if all's you've got's a 10. 240 00:10:06,126 --> 00:10:08,126 - Really? - Yes. 241 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,418 Tony can't miss a shot tonight. 242 00:10:11,418 --> 00:10:13,334 Why did I bet 300 on a jinx? 243 00:10:13,334 --> 00:10:14,543 You? 244 00:10:14,543 --> 00:10:15,585 I bet a thousand. 245 00:10:16,585 --> 00:10:19,251 - What? - I have a history of gambling. 246 00:10:19,251 --> 00:10:22,209 I'm numb to the thrill of betting a few hundred. 247 00:10:22,209 --> 00:10:23,585 You've destroyed me. 248 00:10:24,501 --> 00:10:25,752 What's the score? 249 00:10:25,752 --> 00:10:28,376 Andrea? Oh, no, no, no. Why aren't you at the game? 250 00:10:28,376 --> 00:10:30,501 Because I wanna show everyone that I am not a jinx. 251 00:10:30,501 --> 00:10:33,293 - Tony's just having a little cold streak. - Not anymore, he's not. 252 00:10:33,293 --> 00:10:36,793 He scored 20 in the first quarter and just bounced one in off the referee's head. 253 00:10:36,793 --> 00:10:39,585 And I'm not there? Now they're gonna be sure I'm a jinx. 254 00:10:39,585 --> 00:10:41,002 [GRUNTS] 255 00:10:41,418 --> 00:10:43,126 Watch me save your thousand bucks. 256 00:10:43,126 --> 00:10:44,793 Actually, it's 2,000. 257 00:10:44,793 --> 00:10:46,626 Lying is also part of the addiction. 258 00:10:48,793 --> 00:10:52,168 Look, Andrea, Tony can't miss tonight. 259 00:10:52,168 --> 00:10:55,418 Go. Get there while he's hot and all the credit will go to you. 260 00:10:55,418 --> 00:10:57,543 Yes. Shoot. 261 00:10:57,543 --> 00:10:59,501 - I want to, but I can't. - Why not? 262 00:10:59,501 --> 00:11:01,752 I've already worn these shoes to a game. 263 00:11:01,752 --> 00:11:04,668 Go by the house, pick out another pair. 264 00:11:04,668 --> 00:11:06,710 It's so crazy it just might work. 265 00:11:06,710 --> 00:11:07,877 Yeah. Yeah. 266 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:11,626 You're gonna get your 2,000 back. 267 00:11:11,626 --> 00:11:13,543 It was actually 5,000. 268 00:11:13,543 --> 00:11:16,251 But making you believe it was 2,000 was exhilarating. 269 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,334 Oh. 270 00:11:25,710 --> 00:11:27,418 Mom. 271 00:11:27,418 --> 00:11:30,126 I brought you something. 272 00:11:33,918 --> 00:11:35,460 [WHISPERS] Voilà. 273 00:11:35,918 --> 00:11:37,918 [IN NORMAL VOICE] I got it back from Amy. 274 00:11:40,835 --> 00:11:42,752 She just gave it back? 275 00:11:42,752 --> 00:11:45,752 Yeah, I-- No, I mean, when she remembered 276 00:11:45,752 --> 00:11:49,126 that this was the bowl that you guys used to fight over, 277 00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:51,043 she was horrified 278 00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:55,002 that it came between me and my mother. 279 00:11:58,877 --> 00:12:00,251 Hmm. 280 00:12:00,251 --> 00:12:01,543 Guess I owe you an apology. 281 00:12:01,543 --> 00:12:03,126 No, no, please. 282 00:12:03,126 --> 00:12:05,334 Let's not dwell on how wrong you were. 283 00:12:05,918 --> 00:12:07,376 You have the bowl 284 00:12:07,376 --> 00:12:09,835 and the less we speak of it to anyone, the better. 285 00:12:10,585 --> 00:12:13,084 That's the bowl. That's the real one. 286 00:12:15,585 --> 00:12:18,918 - Howard, I got the bowl back! - Yeah. 287 00:12:18,918 --> 00:12:20,418 Oh! 288 00:12:20,418 --> 00:12:22,501 The bowl. Oh, Sammy, no. 289 00:12:22,501 --> 00:12:25,126 You didn't bring this bowl back into our house. 290 00:12:25,126 --> 00:12:26,835 - Daddy, it's okay, it's over. - No. 291 00:12:26,835 --> 00:12:28,543 We don't have to talk about it anym-- 292 00:12:28,543 --> 00:12:29,752 [PANTING] 293 00:12:29,752 --> 00:12:30,918 What are you doing? 294 00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:32,793 I'm going to my happy place. 295 00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:35,002 Where I go whenever your mother's family comes up. 296 00:12:35,002 --> 00:12:36,209 Your happy place? 297 00:12:36,209 --> 00:12:40,126 It's a lumber mill in Oregon. 298 00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:41,877 I run it. I got 20 employees. 299 00:12:42,668 --> 00:12:46,002 Occasionally we'll do a run of four-by-fours and two-by-sixes. 300 00:12:46,002 --> 00:12:48,376 But really, two-by-fours are our bread and butter, yeah. 301 00:12:48,543 --> 00:12:50,918 Oh. That sounds nice. 302 00:12:50,918 --> 00:12:52,334 Can I work for you sometime? 303 00:12:52,334 --> 00:12:53,543 Oh, sure. 304 00:12:53,543 --> 00:12:55,710 You know, I've thought about it. 305 00:12:55,710 --> 00:13:00,460 Amy really has been the bigger person in all this. 306 00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:03,585 If she thinks she can show me up by returning this bowl, 307 00:13:03,585 --> 00:13:06,002 just watch me return it right back in her face. 308 00:13:06,460 --> 00:13:07,668 [DOOR OPENS] 309 00:13:07,668 --> 00:13:09,710 Okay. 310 00:13:09,710 --> 00:13:11,543 See you later, Mom. 311 00:13:11,543 --> 00:13:12,752 What? No! 312 00:13:12,752 --> 00:13:14,002 No, no, no, wait, no. 313 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,043 Oh, Mom. 314 00:13:19,376 --> 00:13:20,376 Hey. 315 00:13:20,877 --> 00:13:22,084 What are you doing here? 316 00:13:22,084 --> 00:13:26,084 I completely forgot to tell you, Amy left for Canada. 317 00:13:26,752 --> 00:13:31,002 I was gonna call you about it, but that squirrel still has my phone. 318 00:13:31,002 --> 00:13:32,877 So let's-- 319 00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:35,334 AMY: Well, we meet again. 320 00:13:35,334 --> 00:13:37,501 Hey, I just wanted to welcome you back from Canada. 321 00:13:37,501 --> 00:13:38,710 So, see you. Let's go. 322 00:13:38,710 --> 00:13:39,835 Can I have a minute? 323 00:13:41,002 --> 00:13:42,376 Oh, God. 324 00:13:42,376 --> 00:13:45,877 Well, I just thought I'd drop by to tell you how kind it was of you 325 00:13:45,877 --> 00:13:48,376 to give back mother's bowl. 326 00:13:48,376 --> 00:13:52,126 But I believe I'm an even kinder person because I'm giving it back to you. 327 00:13:52,126 --> 00:13:55,251 Well, that was very kind, but I already have mother's bowl. 328 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:57,209 The one your daughter's sneaking out with. 329 00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:03,376 Mom, I'm pregnant. 330 00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:06,043 You were right. Boys are only after one thing. 331 00:14:06,043 --> 00:14:07,877 Samantha. 332 00:14:08,835 --> 00:14:10,334 Samantha, you gave me a fake? 333 00:14:10,835 --> 00:14:12,084 So? 334 00:14:12,084 --> 00:14:14,668 Look, they're completely identical. Look at this. Look. 335 00:14:14,668 --> 00:14:17,084 You know what? I switch them up, everybody gets a bowl. 336 00:14:17,084 --> 00:14:18,752 I dare you to tell them apart. 337 00:14:19,251 --> 00:14:21,002 - That one. - That one. No, that's mine. 338 00:14:21,002 --> 00:14:22,626 - I changed my mind! - Enough! 339 00:14:22,626 --> 00:14:25,334 Now, stop it! Stop it, give me that. 340 00:14:25,334 --> 00:14:28,835 You are fighting to the death for a nine-dollar bowl. 341 00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:32,043 God, how did the women in this family get so screwed up? 342 00:14:32,043 --> 00:14:33,752 WOMAN: What's all this noise? 343 00:14:33,752 --> 00:14:36,418 It sounds like you're trying to wake the dead. 344 00:14:36,418 --> 00:14:38,334 Mother, go back upstairs. I can handle it. 345 00:14:41,376 --> 00:14:42,877 I have a grandmother? 346 00:14:44,209 --> 00:14:45,626 TODD: Oh, yes! 347 00:14:45,626 --> 00:14:47,418 Tony totally tanked. 348 00:14:47,418 --> 00:14:50,334 That's 300 for me and 5,000 for you. 349 00:14:50,334 --> 00:14:52,334 Hey, you know what? Let's go to Vegas. 350 00:14:52,334 --> 00:14:54,418 - Right now. - Nope. 351 00:14:54,418 --> 00:14:58,168 I'm gonna buy my daughter a tree house and locate a good rehab facility. 352 00:14:58,168 --> 00:14:59,168 But you have fun. 353 00:15:00,501 --> 00:15:01,710 What? 354 00:15:01,710 --> 00:15:05,209 Tony, there is no such thing as a jinx. 355 00:15:05,209 --> 00:15:06,710 You wanna know what I think? 356 00:15:06,710 --> 00:15:07,918 I confuse you. 357 00:15:07,918 --> 00:15:09,918 You see me up in the stands and you say: 358 00:15:09,918 --> 00:15:13,209 "Oh, she's hot. I think I want her. 359 00:15:13,209 --> 00:15:16,918 Maybe I'm not as gay as I thought I was." 360 00:15:16,918 --> 00:15:18,168 Well, here's what I think. 361 00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:20,585 You're the only one who knows I'm gay. 362 00:15:20,585 --> 00:15:22,084 So when I look and see you, 363 00:15:22,084 --> 00:15:25,334 I see someone that could take everything away from me with one phone call. 364 00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:27,710 And that's why I can't play when you're around. 365 00:15:27,710 --> 00:15:31,043 Well, that's very different than what I thought. 366 00:15:32,501 --> 00:15:34,752 Wait, wait, wait. Tony, Tony, wait, wait. 367 00:15:36,251 --> 00:15:38,084 This is me. 368 00:15:38,084 --> 00:15:39,960 Sixth grade. 369 00:15:42,543 --> 00:15:44,209 [CHUCKLES] 370 00:15:44,209 --> 00:15:45,918 That is a lot of facial hair. 371 00:15:45,918 --> 00:15:47,752 Girls in gym threw chew toys at me. 372 00:15:48,877 --> 00:15:50,543 Took years of painful electrolysis 373 00:15:50,543 --> 00:15:52,710 to become the stone fox you see before you. 374 00:15:52,710 --> 00:15:56,251 - Why do you keep this? - Whenever I see someone less fortunate, 375 00:15:56,251 --> 00:16:01,960 I pull it out and I look at it and I realize that I used to be less fortunate. 376 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,835 And then I don't have to feel sorry for them. 377 00:16:05,084 --> 00:16:07,376 Look, no one knows about this. 378 00:16:07,376 --> 00:16:08,752 So you can keep it. 379 00:16:08,752 --> 00:16:10,668 I trust you. 380 00:16:10,668 --> 00:16:12,376 Just like you can trust me. 381 00:16:13,002 --> 00:16:16,418 I'm just asking, you think you can grow this back? 382 00:16:17,002 --> 00:16:19,168 Two to three days. 383 00:16:19,168 --> 00:16:20,918 I have a grandmother. 384 00:16:20,918 --> 00:16:22,418 How long have you known about her? 385 00:16:22,418 --> 00:16:25,877 Oh, I haven't seen you since you got yourself run over. 386 00:16:25,877 --> 00:16:27,960 I guess your mother's ashamed of me. 387 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:30,209 I invited you to see her when she was in the coma. 388 00:16:30,209 --> 00:16:32,543 Yeah, that sounded like a lot of laughs. 389 00:16:32,543 --> 00:16:34,251 Hi, Nana. 390 00:16:34,251 --> 00:16:37,043 I mean, I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm supposed to call you. 391 00:16:37,043 --> 00:16:39,043 Granny or Noo-noo? 392 00:16:39,043 --> 00:16:40,418 But, hi. Oh. 393 00:16:40,418 --> 00:16:42,626 Hey, hey, hey, back off, jumbo. 394 00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:43,793 I got brittle bones. 395 00:16:44,251 --> 00:16:46,668 Mom, Regina's trying to take my bowl. 396 00:16:46,668 --> 00:16:48,877 - Tell her she can't do it. - I just gave it to you. 397 00:16:48,877 --> 00:16:50,752 I brought it back! 398 00:16:50,752 --> 00:16:52,501 You tell her you gave it to me first. 399 00:16:52,501 --> 00:16:54,251 I don't know what you're talking about. 400 00:16:54,251 --> 00:16:56,126 I just came down here to get my cigarettes. 401 00:16:59,877 --> 00:17:02,209 LORETTA: Well, Regina, another flavorless meal. 402 00:17:02,209 --> 00:17:04,501 Thank God I brought my own food. 403 00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:07,376 Well, here, Mom, I'll wash out your bowl so you can take it home. 404 00:17:07,376 --> 00:17:08,960 Oh, no, you can have it. 405 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,835 Someone from church left it at my house. 406 00:17:11,209 --> 00:17:15,251 I don't need any more crap around, it's your problem now. 407 00:17:17,002 --> 00:17:19,251 Look what Mom gave me. 408 00:17:20,376 --> 00:17:21,668 What? 409 00:17:22,043 --> 00:17:24,251 Mother! 410 00:17:25,084 --> 00:17:26,877 Wait a minute. 411 00:17:26,877 --> 00:17:28,251 Wait a minute, I remembered. 412 00:17:28,251 --> 00:17:29,835 It's not about the bowl. 413 00:17:29,835 --> 00:17:32,543 This bowl doesn't mean anything. It's never meant anything. 414 00:17:32,543 --> 00:17:35,626 The only reason that Amy wants it is because she gave it to you. 415 00:17:35,626 --> 00:17:37,543 That's because she got everything. 416 00:17:37,543 --> 00:17:39,543 What are you talking about? You got everything. 417 00:17:39,543 --> 00:17:42,126 - You were the special little baby. - Are you kidding? 418 00:17:42,126 --> 00:17:43,960 Regina the queen-a. 419 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,918 REGINA: Where does that come from? AMY: Dad loved you-- 420 00:17:45,918 --> 00:17:47,376 - Stop. - Stop it. 421 00:17:48,710 --> 00:17:50,877 I loved you both the same. 422 00:17:50,877 --> 00:17:54,084 I may have only had enough love for one daughter, 423 00:17:54,084 --> 00:17:57,168 but you each got half, so what's the big deal? 424 00:17:57,168 --> 00:17:59,334 Well, it kind of is a big deal. 425 00:17:59,334 --> 00:18:01,376 Maybe if they had gotten more love from you, 426 00:18:01,376 --> 00:18:03,626 they wouldn't be fighting over this stupid bowl. 427 00:18:03,626 --> 00:18:05,877 Oh, look, they might have only had half a mother, 428 00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:08,918 but at least they had two daddies. 429 00:18:08,918 --> 00:18:10,334 - What? - What? 430 00:18:10,334 --> 00:18:12,918 Our daddy was my daddy, I know that. 431 00:18:12,918 --> 00:18:16,960 Maybe. I'm just saying, by then there was another rooster in the henhouse. 432 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:19,084 Oh, Lord, mother. Okay. 433 00:18:19,084 --> 00:18:21,418 - Maybe we should stop this conversation. - No, no, no. 434 00:18:21,418 --> 00:18:23,376 Do a DNA test if you want. 435 00:18:23,376 --> 00:18:25,668 You can dig up your daddy, heh-heh, 436 00:18:25,668 --> 00:18:28,168 but I scattered your uncle's ashes at the fairgrounds. 437 00:18:28,168 --> 00:18:29,543 - What? - Uncle Jack? 438 00:18:29,543 --> 00:18:32,168 No. Uncle Jack was a half-wit. 439 00:18:32,168 --> 00:18:33,710 Luther. 440 00:18:33,710 --> 00:18:35,501 Jack never got past third base. 441 00:18:35,501 --> 00:18:36,918 - Luther? - Oh, God, Luther. 442 00:18:36,918 --> 00:18:39,084 - Luther was in a wheelchair! AMY: Don't say Luther. 443 00:18:39,084 --> 00:18:41,293 Please stop with the yelling again. 444 00:18:41,293 --> 00:18:43,543 Why didn't you ever let me visit him in prison? 445 00:18:43,543 --> 00:18:46,043 Okay, I said stop! 446 00:18:50,334 --> 00:18:52,877 Oh, I'm not cleaning up that mess. 447 00:18:52,877 --> 00:18:54,877 - My bowl. - My bowl. 448 00:18:55,626 --> 00:18:57,043 You had no right to do that. 449 00:18:57,043 --> 00:18:59,501 Yes, I did. It was passed down to me. 450 00:18:59,501 --> 00:19:03,668 Oh, God, with all this poison and this hatred, I don't even want it. 451 00:19:03,668 --> 00:19:07,918 You know, I don't need a bowl to know that my mother loves me. 452 00:19:07,918 --> 00:19:09,793 I know my mother loves me. 453 00:19:09,793 --> 00:19:13,334 Because all she was ever trying to do is just protect me from the two of you. 454 00:19:13,334 --> 00:19:15,376 Oh, Samantha. 455 00:19:15,376 --> 00:19:17,376 WOMAN: What's all that noise down there? 456 00:19:17,376 --> 00:19:18,793 You stay out of this, mother, 457 00:19:18,793 --> 00:19:20,626 or I'll come up there and unplug you again. 458 00:19:21,835 --> 00:19:23,043 Let's go. 459 00:19:23,043 --> 00:19:24,877 You really don't wanna meet this one. 460 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:28,877 Jeez. 461 00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:30,251 [EXHALES] 462 00:19:30,543 --> 00:19:33,334 Okay, I don't like that family. Is there another family we can have? 463 00:19:33,334 --> 00:19:36,168 No, this is good. Now you can start from scratch. 464 00:19:37,168 --> 00:19:39,793 Hey, are you gonna be okay to drive? 465 00:19:39,793 --> 00:19:41,752 Yeah, I'm fine. 466 00:19:43,835 --> 00:19:46,835 - I left my purse in there. - Oh, no. 467 00:19:48,168 --> 00:19:50,835 I'm trying to decide if it's worth it going back in. 468 00:19:50,835 --> 00:19:53,752 God, those people. 469 00:19:53,752 --> 00:19:55,710 I just should have listened to you. 470 00:19:55,710 --> 00:19:57,626 I was like that pretty girl in a horror movie, 471 00:19:57,626 --> 00:20:00,626 who you keep yelling at the screen, "Don't go back in the house!" 472 00:20:00,626 --> 00:20:03,543 And she always goes back in the house. 473 00:20:04,543 --> 00:20:07,585 Well, I guess she has to find out for herself. 474 00:20:08,668 --> 00:20:12,084 And you would be pretty if you'd keep your hair out of your face. 475 00:20:15,168 --> 00:20:17,293 Thank you for my fresh start, Mom. 476 00:20:18,293 --> 00:20:20,126 You're welcome. 477 00:20:21,418 --> 00:20:22,835 Oh, here. 478 00:20:22,835 --> 00:20:24,168 [REGINA SNIFFLES] 479 00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:28,084 Where did you get this? 480 00:20:28,084 --> 00:20:31,209 You didn't really think I was gonna give my sister the real one, did you? 481 00:20:31,209 --> 00:20:33,293 I swung by a store. They're 9 bucks. 482 00:20:33,293 --> 00:20:35,835 Yeah, but it's not the real bowl. 483 00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:37,460 Well, it is now. 484 00:20:38,668 --> 00:20:44,501 So, from mother to daughter, you pass it down. 485 00:20:45,460 --> 00:20:48,376 And you can tell her the story of the bowl. 486 00:20:48,710 --> 00:20:50,752 And that her grandmother was right. 487 00:20:50,752 --> 00:20:52,418 Yes, of course. 488 00:20:53,251 --> 00:20:54,585 [SAM SNIFFLES] 489 00:20:54,877 --> 00:20:56,710 I love you, Mom. 490 00:20:57,877 --> 00:21:00,084 SAM: Okay, so no family is perfect. 491 00:21:00,084 --> 00:21:01,793 I thought I found a documentary on one, 492 00:21:01,793 --> 00:21:04,293 but it turned out to be a sitcom from the '70s. 493 00:21:04,293 --> 00:21:06,835 The point is, you can't choose your family. 494 00:21:06,835 --> 00:21:08,918 You're stuck with them, good and bad. 495 00:21:08,918 --> 00:21:10,168 But that's okay, 496 00:21:10,168 --> 00:21:11,960 because maybe the bad relatives are there 497 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,084 to help you appreciate the good ones. 498 00:21:14,084 --> 00:21:16,334 The ones who have been looking out for you all along. 499 00:21:16,334 --> 00:21:18,084 Oh, I've got a bowl just like that one. 500 00:21:18,084 --> 00:21:19,293 Nuh-uh, Frank. 501 00:21:19,293 --> 00:21:21,585 Not like this one.