1 00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:03,710 SAMANTHA: For the first time since I can remember, 2 00:00:03,710 --> 00:00:05,877 which, to be fair, is only, like, two years now, 3 00:00:05,877 --> 00:00:08,002 I have a job I love: 4 00:00:08,002 --> 00:00:09,793 giving money to charities. 5 00:00:09,793 --> 00:00:11,710 But there's only so much money, 6 00:00:11,710 --> 00:00:14,126 so giving to one charity means turning down another, 7 00:00:14,126 --> 00:00:16,043 meaning someone always gets hurt. 8 00:00:16,043 --> 00:00:17,251 Ow! 9 00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:18,877 - Damn it! - You all right? 10 00:00:18,877 --> 00:00:20,585 Yeah, it's just 11 00:00:20,585 --> 00:00:23,084 it hurts so much to say no to so many people. 12 00:00:23,084 --> 00:00:25,668 Especially when there's so much to say yes to right here. 13 00:00:25,668 --> 00:00:27,334 Know what? I'm kind of busy right now. 14 00:00:27,334 --> 00:00:30,334 I'm trying to establish a relationship with the Senate Finance Committee 15 00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:31,835 that oversees nonprofits. 16 00:00:31,835 --> 00:00:33,501 I think you deserve a glass of wine. 17 00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:37,002 I mean, I have the Senate switchboard on my speed dial. 18 00:00:37,002 --> 00:00:38,793 There are hookers who don't even have that. 19 00:00:39,209 --> 00:00:43,293 I got this at auction. It's a 1986 Chateau LaToque Chamonelle. 20 00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:45,668 You're wasting it. One more call and then I have a date. 21 00:00:45,668 --> 00:00:48,918 Come on. It's after 10:00 p.m. It's technically not a date. 22 00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:51,543 It's not 10:00. It's only-- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 23 00:00:51,543 --> 00:00:52,793 Todd's gonna kill me. 24 00:00:52,793 --> 00:00:54,877 Why didn't he call? 25 00:00:54,877 --> 00:00:58,501 Fourteen missed calls. After the sixth, he should've called the cops. 26 00:00:58,501 --> 00:01:00,168 You're back together with that Todd? 27 00:01:00,168 --> 00:01:04,002 No, no. It's just a first date. Well, since we broke up. 28 00:01:04,002 --> 00:01:06,668 The second time. So I guess it's a first first date 29 00:01:06,668 --> 00:01:09,334 after the second breakup. I gotta go. 30 00:01:09,334 --> 00:01:12,877 Um, you realize this is a $4,000 bottle of wine? 31 00:01:12,877 --> 00:01:14,668 - Really? Thank you. - I mean that is-- 32 00:01:14,668 --> 00:01:17,334 That will smooth things over, huh? 33 00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:20,168 Todd! 34 00:01:20,168 --> 00:01:21,668 [MAN ON TV SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 35 00:01:21,668 --> 00:01:22,960 Oh, Todd, I am so, so sorry. 36 00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:26,251 I completely lost track of time. I got caught up in work. 37 00:01:26,251 --> 00:01:29,168 - Why do you have wine on your breath? - I don't have wine on my breath, 38 00:01:29,168 --> 00:01:30,626 I have wine on my coat. 39 00:01:30,626 --> 00:01:33,126 Yeah, the cab driver kept stopping really fast. 40 00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:35,501 His back seat is now worth $4,000. 41 00:01:35,501 --> 00:01:38,460 Okay. Well, um, I'm trying to watch this, so... 42 00:01:38,460 --> 00:01:39,710 Oh, please don't be mad. 43 00:01:39,710 --> 00:01:42,293 Look, I really wanna go out with you. I-- 44 00:01:42,293 --> 00:01:44,501 Just give me another chance, all right? 45 00:01:44,501 --> 00:01:46,002 I'll let you suck my coat. 46 00:01:46,002 --> 00:01:48,251 No, really. Really, I'm not mad. 47 00:01:48,251 --> 00:01:51,126 You know, at the fourth call, I was mad. By the tenth, 48 00:01:51,126 --> 00:01:53,334 I remembered how awful it was being with you before. 49 00:01:54,793 --> 00:01:57,877 Okay, I'm not a student of human emotions, 50 00:01:57,877 --> 00:01:59,877 but that kind of sounds like someone who's mad. 51 00:01:59,877 --> 00:02:03,002 No, no. I'm glad it happened now, before I got all involved again. 52 00:02:03,002 --> 00:02:06,752 It's like, you know, I love kiwis, but they give me a rash. 53 00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:08,710 If I don't eat them, I forget I'm allergic. 54 00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:13,585 Then I take a bite and there it is again. So thank you for the rash. 55 00:02:15,168 --> 00:02:17,043 Know what? I think that you are overreacting 56 00:02:17,043 --> 00:02:19,960 to an isolated incident, and I-- 57 00:02:20,877 --> 00:02:22,334 Hey. 58 00:02:23,002 --> 00:02:25,209 Wait, where were you? I called you like 14 times. 59 00:02:25,209 --> 00:02:27,126 I had a crazy day at work. 60 00:02:27,126 --> 00:02:29,043 I thought you were going to a concert. 61 00:02:29,043 --> 00:02:33,251 No, we were supposed to go to a concert. For your birthday, which is today. 62 00:02:33,251 --> 00:02:36,376 I should've listened to your whole message. Come on, let's go. 63 00:02:36,376 --> 00:02:38,418 Sam, it's after midnight. 64 00:02:38,418 --> 00:02:40,293 Then it's no longer my birthday. 65 00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:42,460 I should celebrate that. 66 00:02:42,460 --> 00:02:44,334 You can come if you want to. 67 00:02:44,334 --> 00:02:45,668 No? All right. 68 00:02:46,293 --> 00:02:48,668 Yes, I screwed up. 69 00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:51,710 But now I have this job that's really important to me, 70 00:02:51,710 --> 00:02:54,334 and I just need to learn how to balance that 71 00:02:54,334 --> 00:02:57,501 with equally important things to me in my life. 72 00:02:57,501 --> 00:02:59,626 If you were a charity, they'd dovetail. 73 00:02:59,626 --> 00:03:03,752 But you're not. You're doing really well. Thank you for making up the couch today. 74 00:03:03,752 --> 00:03:07,084 - Fine, fine. One more chance. - Thank you. 75 00:03:07,084 --> 00:03:09,918 - Tomorrow night? - I can't. I can do Wednesday. 76 00:03:09,918 --> 00:03:12,668 I can't, I have a dinner that I've already canceled three times. 77 00:03:12,668 --> 00:03:15,585 Otherwise I would be there with bells on. 78 00:03:15,793 --> 00:03:19,002 Belzon. That sounds like an alien, heh. 79 00:03:19,002 --> 00:03:24,334 "Here, I'm here with Belzon. Don't be afraid. Belzon only eats glass." 80 00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:25,752 TODD: Hmm. 81 00:03:25,752 --> 00:03:27,168 You can't say we didn't try. 82 00:03:27,168 --> 00:03:28,835 All right. 83 00:03:28,835 --> 00:03:31,168 All right, I will cancel. 84 00:03:31,168 --> 00:03:33,251 That village hasn't had water for a year, 85 00:03:33,251 --> 00:03:36,168 what's one more day, right? 86 00:03:36,877 --> 00:03:38,752 All right. 87 00:03:39,418 --> 00:03:40,752 [MAN ON TV SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 88 00:03:41,376 --> 00:03:42,585 [SUCKING] 89 00:03:42,585 --> 00:03:45,251 You're dating Todd again. I'm so excited for you! 90 00:03:45,251 --> 00:03:48,126 Well, we're not dating yet. We're just going on a date. 91 00:03:48,126 --> 00:03:50,460 But if it goes well, you know, it will lead to another, 92 00:03:50,460 --> 00:03:54,668 and another, and another, and I can see us riding horses. 93 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:58,209 No! Why are you going to go down this path again? 94 00:03:58,209 --> 00:04:02,918 Especially when you have this handsome rich man who wants you. 95 00:04:02,918 --> 00:04:07,168 You can marry him and we can be in the Bajillionaire Wives Club together. 96 00:04:07,168 --> 00:04:09,418 I was the president of the Astronomy Club. 97 00:04:09,418 --> 00:04:11,209 Yeah. Oh, word of advice, 98 00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:14,543 get your dues early, or you will end up with a very expensive telescope. 99 00:04:15,376 --> 00:04:19,585 Yeah. Anyway, I'm not going down that path again, okay? 100 00:04:19,585 --> 00:04:23,209 Todd and I are at very different places-- Please get that camera out of my face. 101 00:04:23,209 --> 00:04:26,002 Oh, yeah, enough about you anyway. 102 00:04:26,002 --> 00:04:29,043 It's my episode of Superstar Weddings. 103 00:04:29,043 --> 00:04:31,960 I can't believe I'm on my favorite show. 104 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,334 I mean, these are the same people that do Superstar Divorces. 105 00:04:34,877 --> 00:04:38,543 In fact, I even have my quote ready for that show, 106 00:04:38,543 --> 00:04:41,002 if need be. God forbid. 107 00:04:41,793 --> 00:04:45,126 Yes, it's so funny. My funny friends. 108 00:04:45,126 --> 00:04:46,752 But you know what's not a joke? 109 00:04:46,752 --> 00:04:50,334 The great taste of Bauman's Original Hard Lemonade. 110 00:04:50,752 --> 00:04:52,710 ANDREA: Mm. 111 00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:54,710 - What is your mom doing here? - What? 112 00:04:54,710 --> 00:04:56,002 ANDREA: Your mom. Your mom-- 113 00:04:56,002 --> 00:04:59,251 She is not supposed to be on camera. Your back-story is your mother is dead. 114 00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:03,168 SAMANTHA: Hey. 115 00:05:03,168 --> 00:05:05,334 - What are you doing here? - Well, 116 00:05:05,334 --> 00:05:07,585 this is the last place your father will look for me. 117 00:05:08,084 --> 00:05:09,626 You know, when he suddenly retired, 118 00:05:09,626 --> 00:05:11,960 I thought that we would travel, see the world, you know? 119 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,043 See things we've never seen before. 120 00:05:14,043 --> 00:05:15,752 All he wants to do is have sex. 121 00:05:15,752 --> 00:05:18,960 I mean, it's fun, but certainly nothing I haven't seen before. 122 00:05:19,543 --> 00:05:22,543 The one night you want the music to be loud and you hear every word. 123 00:05:22,543 --> 00:05:25,293 Right now he thinks I'm at the refrigerator getting whipped cream, 124 00:05:25,293 --> 00:05:28,835 but I saw my car keys on the table and I just ran. 125 00:05:28,835 --> 00:05:31,501 Obviously, you two are not on the same page about his retirement, 126 00:05:31,501 --> 00:05:35,752 so why don't you, like, make a list of all the things that you wanna do now, 127 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:38,793 compare them, and then decide what you wanna do first? 128 00:05:38,793 --> 00:05:41,793 Yeah, well, he's made a list all right. 129 00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,752 I think he's been on the Internet. 130 00:05:44,752 --> 00:05:46,585 Could you turn that up, please? 131 00:05:46,585 --> 00:05:48,043 Yeah, just crank it. 132 00:05:48,668 --> 00:05:51,293 Sorry. I gotta finish up. Big date. 133 00:05:51,293 --> 00:05:52,668 Really? Lucky you. 134 00:05:52,668 --> 00:05:54,501 - Is she pretty? - Gorgeous. 135 00:05:54,501 --> 00:05:57,334 I mean, she'd have to be, since she's kind of a flake. 136 00:05:57,334 --> 00:06:00,209 Well, perhaps that makes her elusive and intriguing. 137 00:06:00,209 --> 00:06:02,585 You'd think, but no. 138 00:06:02,835 --> 00:06:05,293 Well, I happen to have a date myself. 139 00:06:05,293 --> 00:06:08,126 You should probably sleep with him. I heard guys like that. 140 00:06:08,126 --> 00:06:09,585 I don't know. 141 00:06:09,585 --> 00:06:11,168 I think this one might be gay. 142 00:06:11,168 --> 00:06:13,668 You should see what he does with his hair. 143 00:06:14,793 --> 00:06:16,835 [PHONE RINGS] 144 00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:19,877 - Hello? FUNK [OVER PHONE]: Samantha? 145 00:06:19,877 --> 00:06:23,251 - Did I catch you at a bad time? - Uh, yes. 146 00:06:23,251 --> 00:06:25,835 - What's up? - I'm supposed to meet with Senator Rudd 147 00:06:25,835 --> 00:06:27,251 at the Harrison Club tonight, 148 00:06:27,251 --> 00:06:30,043 but I was called away to New York for a meeting, 149 00:06:30,043 --> 00:06:32,668 and I was hoping you would entertain him. 150 00:06:32,668 --> 00:06:35,501 Um, no, I can't. I have plans. 151 00:06:35,501 --> 00:06:40,543 Sure, no, okay. It's just that Senator Rudd co-chairs the Senate Finance Committee, 152 00:06:40,543 --> 00:06:43,710 and you mentioned wanting the foundation to be taken seriously or something. 153 00:06:43,710 --> 00:06:45,293 Doesn't matter. Have a good time. 154 00:06:45,293 --> 00:06:48,084 No, no, no. Wait. 155 00:06:48,334 --> 00:06:49,585 Damn it. 156 00:06:49,585 --> 00:06:51,501 FUNK [OVER PHONE]: Smart move, Sam. And, oh, 157 00:06:51,501 --> 00:06:54,835 uh, if he puts his hand on your knee, he's just trying to stand up. 158 00:06:55,626 --> 00:06:59,543 - You ready to go? - Hey, you know what I was thinking? 159 00:06:59,543 --> 00:07:03,293 Why don't I go out for a couple of hours and bring us back some takeout? 160 00:07:03,293 --> 00:07:06,960 - What? - No? Okay. Let's go. 161 00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,626 You know, Todd, I was thinking, 162 00:07:17,626 --> 00:07:20,793 why don't we just shake things up a little bit, you know? 163 00:07:20,793 --> 00:07:25,168 Maybe go someplace that we would never ever go to in a million years. 164 00:07:25,168 --> 00:07:28,543 But we have reservations at Stingray. They're, like, impossible to get. 165 00:07:28,543 --> 00:07:32,418 No, I was thinking about this place that I've been really, really wanting to try. 166 00:07:32,418 --> 00:07:34,334 The, um, Harrison Club. 167 00:07:34,334 --> 00:07:36,835 Ha. That supper club? Where the old people eat? 168 00:07:36,835 --> 00:07:39,585 And stop serving at, like, 8:30 when the Salisbury steak runs out? 169 00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:40,960 Yeah, how cool is that? 170 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,960 I mean, it's-- You know, it's, like, so un-hip that it's hip. 171 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:47,543 I mean, really, if it was any worse, it would be impossible to get in. 172 00:07:47,543 --> 00:07:51,168 So come on, let's go get us some supper. Ha, ha. 173 00:07:51,168 --> 00:07:52,668 Come on. 174 00:07:52,668 --> 00:07:54,126 Yeah. 175 00:07:54,501 --> 00:07:56,960 Okay. I finished my list. 176 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,501 - Oh, good, good. This is fun, huh? - Yeah. 177 00:07:59,501 --> 00:08:02,793 Okay. The first thing I wanna do is see Venice, Italy 178 00:08:02,793 --> 00:08:05,835 before it sinks into the ocean, now that you've retired. 179 00:08:06,168 --> 00:08:08,002 - What do you wanna see? - The X Files. 180 00:08:09,043 --> 00:08:12,084 - The TV show? - Yeah, I ordered the whole thing on DVD. 181 00:08:14,501 --> 00:08:16,084 Okay. 182 00:08:16,084 --> 00:08:17,752 Um... 183 00:08:18,501 --> 00:08:20,043 Anything else you'd like to see? 184 00:08:20,043 --> 00:08:22,126 Africa? Russia? 185 00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:23,334 Lonesome Dove. 186 00:08:23,334 --> 00:08:25,043 Never finished it. 187 00:08:25,376 --> 00:08:27,418 Anything else that might possibly not involve you 188 00:08:27,418 --> 00:08:29,002 sitting around all day on your ass? 189 00:08:29,752 --> 00:08:31,084 Uh... 190 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,251 Howard! 191 00:08:37,251 --> 00:08:39,126 We talked about this. 192 00:08:39,126 --> 00:08:41,126 I wanna see the world. I-- 193 00:08:41,126 --> 00:08:42,960 Maybe get a second home, 194 00:08:43,376 --> 00:08:45,835 enjoy the freedom to do whatever we want 195 00:08:45,835 --> 00:08:48,501 and go wherever we want whenever we want. 196 00:08:49,168 --> 00:08:51,168 This is our time, honey. 197 00:08:51,168 --> 00:08:53,126 Let's make the most of it. 198 00:08:53,877 --> 00:08:55,835 I'm sorry, hon. I-- 199 00:08:56,334 --> 00:08:58,918 I was only thinking about myself. 200 00:08:59,168 --> 00:09:02,168 Thank you. Appreciate that. 201 00:09:05,084 --> 00:09:06,209 Wanna take a shower? 202 00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:14,793 Lovely. If you wanna buy one, you can pick it up on your way out. 203 00:09:14,793 --> 00:09:16,877 Thank you. Great. 204 00:09:16,877 --> 00:09:19,126 Wow, isn't this cool? 205 00:09:20,251 --> 00:09:23,293 Cool, yes. Like a morgue. 206 00:09:23,501 --> 00:09:25,168 Senator? 207 00:09:27,918 --> 00:09:30,334 - Senator? - Where's my soup? 208 00:09:30,334 --> 00:09:31,752 I'm sorry. It's coming. 209 00:09:31,752 --> 00:09:33,960 Why are you calling everyone senator? 210 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,293 Oh, um... You know, it's a term of respect. 211 00:09:36,293 --> 00:09:38,918 Sort of like, "Evening, captain." "Hello, senator." 212 00:09:38,918 --> 00:09:40,501 It's very classy. 213 00:09:40,501 --> 00:09:42,002 - Senator? - No. 214 00:09:42,002 --> 00:09:45,877 Okay. Okay, Sam, what's going on? Tell me the truth, and I won't be upset. 215 00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,043 Well, no, I will be. 216 00:09:47,043 --> 00:09:49,501 But not as upset as if I find out that you're lying. 217 00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:50,793 Or probably the same. 218 00:09:50,793 --> 00:09:53,334 Actually, I don't see this going well for you either way. 219 00:09:53,334 --> 00:09:54,668 Okay. 220 00:09:54,668 --> 00:09:56,126 Funk called before we left 221 00:09:56,126 --> 00:09:58,460 and he said I had to come here and meet this guy. 222 00:09:58,460 --> 00:10:00,126 Wait, so this is work? 223 00:10:00,126 --> 00:10:04,126 No. You and I, we're still on a date. 224 00:10:04,126 --> 00:10:06,251 But if a little work gets done in the process, 225 00:10:06,251 --> 00:10:08,960 then guess who wins? Everybody! 226 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,334 - Except me. - Yeah, well, maybe not you. 227 00:10:11,752 --> 00:10:14,501 Look, what was I supposed to do? Funk couldn't make it. 228 00:10:14,501 --> 00:10:17,334 Oh, good, you're here. Hey. 229 00:10:17,334 --> 00:10:20,918 Funk. What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in New York. 230 00:10:20,918 --> 00:10:24,084 Oh, they canceled that meeting, which allows me to be here with you. 231 00:10:24,084 --> 00:10:25,668 Can you show us to our table, please? 232 00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:28,460 Funk, meet Todd. 233 00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:30,752 Oh. 234 00:10:30,752 --> 00:10:32,501 Oh, hello. 235 00:10:32,752 --> 00:10:34,585 You're balder in person. 236 00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:37,710 You know, it's hard to balance dating and work. 237 00:10:37,710 --> 00:10:43,043 So dating, you stay here. Work, you come with me. Okay? 238 00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:47,293 May I just say that you look fantastic tonight? 239 00:10:47,293 --> 00:10:49,668 Oh, I always look more beautiful standing next to a liar. 240 00:10:49,668 --> 00:10:51,710 You never had any plans in New York. 241 00:10:51,710 --> 00:10:54,002 You just got me here so you could be alone with me. 242 00:10:54,002 --> 00:10:56,002 Well, you know what? I'm on a date with Todd, 243 00:10:56,418 --> 00:10:59,752 so you can go entertain the senator by yourself. 244 00:10:59,752 --> 00:11:02,168 - If there even is a senator. - Oh, there is a senator. 245 00:11:02,168 --> 00:11:04,209 But there's no Todd, though. 246 00:11:04,209 --> 00:11:05,376 What? 247 00:11:10,793 --> 00:11:14,002 Hey. Thank God. I thought you left without me. 248 00:11:14,002 --> 00:11:15,835 - Oh, gosh. - What, you two don't see 249 00:11:15,835 --> 00:11:17,084 enough of each other all day? 250 00:11:17,835 --> 00:11:19,585 I didn't know he was gonna show up. 251 00:11:19,585 --> 00:11:23,251 How can you work side by side with a guy who wants to sleep with you? 252 00:11:23,251 --> 00:11:24,460 That's his problem. 253 00:11:24,460 --> 00:11:27,543 - What do you want me to do, quit? - You admit he wants to sleep with you. 254 00:11:27,543 --> 00:11:30,960 Jeez, for a first date, you are awfully possessive. 255 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:34,168 Not really a problem, since I'm pretty sure there won't be a second date. 256 00:11:34,168 --> 00:11:36,334 I'm not attracted to my boss, Todd. 257 00:11:36,334 --> 00:11:37,668 What if he wasn't your boss? 258 00:11:37,668 --> 00:11:39,002 I don't know. 259 00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:41,668 That's like asking me if I would be attracted to my father 260 00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:43,710 if he wasn't my father. It's impossible to know. 261 00:11:43,710 --> 00:11:47,084 It's impossible to know if you'd be attracted to your father? 262 00:11:47,084 --> 00:11:49,251 Have you seen pictures of him when he was younger? 263 00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,251 He is a very dashing man. 264 00:11:51,251 --> 00:11:53,626 Okay. You know what? Just forget it, your cab's here. 265 00:11:54,043 --> 00:11:56,543 - You take it. - No, just take it! I'll get the next one. 266 00:11:56,543 --> 00:11:58,585 This is stupid, we're going to the same place. 267 00:11:58,585 --> 00:12:01,334 - It's a waste of gas and money. - Fine, get in. 268 00:12:01,334 --> 00:12:03,376 - But we're not talking. - Oh, jeez, you think? 269 00:12:03,376 --> 00:12:07,209 - I'm sitting up front. - Sit on the hood for all I care. 270 00:12:08,002 --> 00:12:09,501 CABBY: Where to? 271 00:12:14,084 --> 00:12:15,793 [WHISPERS] It smells weird up there. 272 00:12:15,793 --> 00:12:17,501 I can taste it in my mouth. 273 00:12:41,251 --> 00:12:43,251 [MAN ON TV SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 274 00:12:47,376 --> 00:12:48,710 [TV TURNS OFF] 275 00:12:48,710 --> 00:12:51,209 - What are you doing? - When I come home from a crappy date, 276 00:12:51,209 --> 00:12:52,543 I drink a beer and go to bed. 277 00:12:52,543 --> 00:12:54,543 When I come home from a really crappy date, 278 00:12:54,543 --> 00:12:56,835 I like to sit on the couch and watch TV. 279 00:12:56,835 --> 00:12:58,501 [TV TURNS ON THEN OFF] 280 00:12:58,501 --> 00:13:00,460 Too bad. Because the couch you like to sit on 281 00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:03,084 happens to be the bed I like to sleep on. 282 00:13:03,084 --> 00:13:04,585 Fine. 283 00:13:08,084 --> 00:13:09,251 [SIGHS] 284 00:13:10,043 --> 00:13:12,002 Can I ask you a question? 285 00:13:12,002 --> 00:13:13,960 As my roommate? 286 00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:19,251 Was it really that bad that I took my date to a work function? 287 00:13:19,251 --> 00:13:22,002 - Yes. - You're not Todd. You're my roommate. 288 00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:25,793 Oh. Oh, as your roommate, yeah. 289 00:13:25,793 --> 00:13:27,376 Yes. 290 00:13:27,376 --> 00:13:28,960 Find a different roommate. 291 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:30,793 Now let me ask you one. 292 00:13:30,793 --> 00:13:32,418 I went out with this crazy chick. 293 00:13:32,418 --> 00:13:34,752 - Hey! - Hey, roommate. 294 00:13:34,752 --> 00:13:39,126 Now, I may have overreacted to her boss, who's also her former lover, 295 00:13:39,126 --> 00:13:43,543 who showed up on our date and made a jealous scene 296 00:13:43,543 --> 00:13:45,668 in front of an old-folk's home. Ahem. 297 00:13:45,668 --> 00:13:48,793 [IN DEEP VOICE] Bro, you acted like a little bitch. 298 00:13:48,793 --> 00:13:50,002 Did you cry? 299 00:13:50,002 --> 00:13:51,460 Shut up. 300 00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:58,251 You think if I call her, she'll go out with me again? 301 00:13:58,251 --> 00:14:03,251 Bro, no. You don't call her. You let her call you. 302 00:14:03,626 --> 00:14:05,626 [IN NORMAL VOICE] It sounds like 303 00:14:05,626 --> 00:14:10,543 she may have had a little something to do with what happened. 304 00:14:18,752 --> 00:14:20,793 [CELL PHONE RINGING] 305 00:14:27,877 --> 00:14:29,918 She's probably out with some other guy. 306 00:14:32,752 --> 00:14:35,251 Eh. You'll do. 307 00:14:41,501 --> 00:14:43,918 Whoa, hold it. Yeah! 308 00:14:43,918 --> 00:14:45,543 Thanks. Hey. 309 00:14:45,543 --> 00:14:47,126 - Winston Funk. - Yeah. 310 00:14:47,126 --> 00:14:49,002 Entrepreneur, jetsetter, 311 00:14:49,002 --> 00:14:50,960 and part of my inner circle of close friends. 312 00:14:51,418 --> 00:14:53,668 - Andrea. - You know my name. 313 00:14:53,668 --> 00:14:55,752 Of course you do, because you're my close friend. 314 00:14:55,752 --> 00:15:00,543 Okay, guys, do you think we can just drop the cameras for-- 315 00:15:00,543 --> 00:15:01,960 - Yes. - Just for a few floors. 316 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,084 - Yeah. If you could turn them off... - It would be great. 317 00:15:08,710 --> 00:15:10,585 You're a friend of Samantha's, aren't you? 318 00:15:10,585 --> 00:15:14,501 Uh-huh. As well as some sports figures and entertainers. 319 00:15:14,501 --> 00:15:17,960 Mm-hm? Great girl. Just... 320 00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,126 Yeah, she mentioned something about, 321 00:15:21,126 --> 00:15:23,835 I don't know, seeing her ex-boyfriend again. 322 00:15:24,043 --> 00:15:25,251 I mean, that's good, right? 323 00:15:25,251 --> 00:15:26,710 Ugh. 324 00:15:27,501 --> 00:15:29,084 You sound concerned. 325 00:15:29,084 --> 00:15:32,084 Well, who wouldn't be? I mean, the boy sleeps where people sit. 326 00:15:32,543 --> 00:15:33,835 Interesting. 327 00:15:33,835 --> 00:15:36,209 He's, like, a starving artist or something like that? 328 00:15:36,209 --> 00:15:38,918 Yeah. Photographer. Nothing special. 329 00:15:38,918 --> 00:15:41,918 Local stuff, you know, like magazines and stuff. 330 00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:45,460 Well, maybe he'll get his big break. 331 00:15:48,752 --> 00:15:50,918 - See you. Bye-bye. - Bye. 332 00:15:50,918 --> 00:15:53,626 Great moment. A delicious moment. 333 00:15:53,626 --> 00:15:56,918 Almost as delicious as Hickory Jack's smoked bacon. 334 00:15:56,918 --> 00:15:59,543 Put some bacon in your bag. 335 00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,668 Regina! 336 00:16:01,668 --> 00:16:03,668 - Guess what! - Don't tell me. 337 00:16:03,668 --> 00:16:06,126 You finished watching the second season of ALF. 338 00:16:06,126 --> 00:16:08,877 No. I listened to you, Regina, and you were right. 339 00:16:08,877 --> 00:16:11,710 We need to travel. And have a second home too. 340 00:16:11,710 --> 00:16:13,918 And go anywhere we wanna go, 341 00:16:13,918 --> 00:16:16,877 anytime we wanna go, anywhere we wanna go, 342 00:16:16,877 --> 00:16:20,543 anytime-- Where-- Places. 343 00:16:20,543 --> 00:16:22,793 Really? You mean that? 344 00:16:22,793 --> 00:16:28,084 Yeah. The solution was so easy! Here. Look. Look! 345 00:16:29,918 --> 00:16:31,251 Oh! 346 00:16:32,168 --> 00:16:34,002 I call her The Regina. 347 00:16:37,002 --> 00:16:39,209 I named her after you. 348 00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:42,752 [APARTMENT DOOR OPENS] 349 00:16:44,293 --> 00:16:48,084 TODD: Sam? - Yeah. I'm in the dining room. 350 00:16:52,293 --> 00:16:54,418 Well, hello. 351 00:16:54,835 --> 00:16:57,668 What's, uh, going on here? 352 00:16:57,668 --> 00:17:01,002 Well, tonight was supposed to be our second date, 353 00:17:01,002 --> 00:17:04,752 and I realized what went wrong with the first one. 354 00:17:04,752 --> 00:17:06,293 - We were out! - Ha. 355 00:17:06,293 --> 00:17:09,209 So I just thought we would stay home 356 00:17:09,209 --> 00:17:12,084 in a controlled environment, where no work can interrupt us. 357 00:17:12,084 --> 00:17:13,918 I told Frank no visitors. 358 00:17:13,918 --> 00:17:15,793 I unplugged my computer, 359 00:17:15,793 --> 00:17:17,585 and I mailed myself my cell phone, 360 00:17:17,585 --> 00:17:19,793 so that should be gone for a couple of days. 361 00:17:20,668 --> 00:17:22,960 So now it's just you and me. 362 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,626 A romantic dinner. 363 00:17:25,126 --> 00:17:27,585 I think you know what that means, heh. 364 00:17:27,585 --> 00:17:28,752 - Sam. - Mm-hm? 365 00:17:28,752 --> 00:17:33,960 I got an unbelievable job offer to be the photo editor of a magazine. 366 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,710 It's in London. 367 00:17:36,376 --> 00:17:37,543 They want me to leave tomorrow. 368 00:17:40,209 --> 00:17:42,418 No, silly. 369 00:17:42,418 --> 00:17:45,585 It means we're gonna have sex. That's what. 370 00:17:46,918 --> 00:17:48,543 London? 371 00:17:48,543 --> 00:17:50,960 - I don't understand. - You don't understand London? 372 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:54,251 - No, I understand London, Todd. I-- - Look, I don't know, with the amnesia. 373 00:17:54,251 --> 00:17:56,585 I mean, you thought Harry Potter was the 33rd president. 374 00:17:56,585 --> 00:17:59,793 I'm just saying that I-- You know, as your roommate, 375 00:17:59,793 --> 00:18:02,835 I would have liked to have had a little bit more notice. 376 00:18:02,835 --> 00:18:06,043 I haven't taken the job yet. I thought I'd discuss it with you first. 377 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,668 With me? 378 00:18:07,668 --> 00:18:11,752 Oh. Okay. Um, well, I-- 379 00:18:11,752 --> 00:18:14,126 It's a-- It's a great opportunity. 380 00:18:14,126 --> 00:18:15,752 So you think I should take it. 381 00:18:16,293 --> 00:18:19,877 I mean, I can't answer that. 382 00:18:19,877 --> 00:18:24,209 I mean, it's not like I can ask you to stay, right? 383 00:18:24,209 --> 00:18:26,002 Yeah, and I can't ask you to move, right? 384 00:18:26,002 --> 00:18:28,251 - It's not like you and I are-- - No, we had one date. 385 00:18:28,251 --> 00:18:30,960 I know. I know. Who moves with a guy to London after one date? 386 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:34,376 - A crazy lady. - It would have to be one hell of a date. 387 00:18:34,376 --> 00:18:37,334 Yeah. Yeah. 388 00:18:38,668 --> 00:18:41,334 It was just-- Yeah. This is-- 389 00:18:41,752 --> 00:18:43,293 This is your big chance. 390 00:18:44,209 --> 00:18:45,835 Yeah. 391 00:18:45,835 --> 00:18:49,209 And you finally got the job you always wanted. 392 00:18:49,209 --> 00:18:50,710 Yeah. 393 00:18:51,501 --> 00:18:53,084 We can still talk, we have phones. 394 00:18:53,084 --> 00:18:55,043 It's not like I'm on the moon or something. 395 00:18:55,043 --> 00:18:57,376 No, yeah. And even if you were on the moon, 396 00:18:57,376 --> 00:18:59,043 I'm sure we could still talk. 397 00:18:59,043 --> 00:19:01,043 Phones these days, 398 00:19:01,043 --> 00:19:02,209 - and the roaming. - Ha, ha. 399 00:19:05,376 --> 00:19:06,376 So you're happy for me? 400 00:19:07,585 --> 00:19:08,626 I've never been happier. 401 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,293 Yay! 402 00:19:24,918 --> 00:19:26,251 [APARTMENT DOOR CLOSES] 403 00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,877 Todd? 404 00:19:45,209 --> 00:19:46,543 [PHONE RINGS] 405 00:19:47,877 --> 00:19:49,043 Todd. 406 00:19:50,418 --> 00:19:52,668 Hey, Dad, what's going on? 407 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,209 What do you mean you're here? 408 00:19:54,209 --> 00:19:55,251 [RV HORN HONKS] 409 00:20:01,626 --> 00:20:04,084 What the hell is this? 410 00:20:04,084 --> 00:20:07,585 Funny, I said exactly the same thing. Remember I said that, Howard? 411 00:20:07,585 --> 00:20:10,334 You and I said exactly the same thing. 412 00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:12,251 Yeah, we're gonna follow the dream, Sammy. 413 00:20:12,251 --> 00:20:14,501 See the world, just like your mother wanted. 414 00:20:14,501 --> 00:20:16,043 Just remember, 415 00:20:16,043 --> 00:20:19,126 if the RV's rocking, don't come a-knocking. 416 00:20:19,710 --> 00:20:21,710 Knock, Samantha. 417 00:20:22,126 --> 00:20:24,209 Knock all you want! 418 00:20:27,668 --> 00:20:28,877 Late again? 419 00:20:28,877 --> 00:20:30,626 You are putting us all to shame. 420 00:20:30,626 --> 00:20:34,960 Hmm? Oh, no. I finished a long time ago. 421 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:38,918 You know, once you start watching videos of cats doing funny things, 422 00:20:38,918 --> 00:20:40,585 you really can't stop. 423 00:20:40,585 --> 00:20:45,084 Ha, look at that. That cat's riding a dog. It's like... 424 00:20:45,084 --> 00:20:47,918 It's Friday night. Why aren't you out with that Todd? 425 00:20:47,918 --> 00:20:49,877 He moved to London for a job. 426 00:20:49,877 --> 00:20:51,918 London? Real--? Wow. 427 00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:53,710 I'm really sorry to hear about that. 428 00:20:55,251 --> 00:20:57,043 Sure you are. 429 00:20:57,376 --> 00:21:01,209 - Listen, I dusted off a 1970-- - I don't care. Just pour. 430 00:21:04,209 --> 00:21:05,543 SAMANTHA: I read somewhere 431 00:21:05,543 --> 00:21:07,710 that when God closes a door, he opens a window. 432 00:21:10,501 --> 00:21:13,460 Just not too wide I hope. 433 00:21:13,460 --> 00:21:15,251 All kinds of things could get in.