1
00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:03,710
SAMANTHA:
For the first time since I can remember,
2
00:00:03,710 --> 00:00:05,877
which, to be fair, is only, like,
two years now,
3
00:00:05,877 --> 00:00:08,002
I have a job I love:
4
00:00:08,002 --> 00:00:09,793
giving money to charities.
5
00:00:09,793 --> 00:00:11,710
But there's only so much money,
6
00:00:11,710 --> 00:00:14,126
so giving to one charity
means turning down another,
7
00:00:14,126 --> 00:00:16,043
meaning someone always gets hurt.
8
00:00:16,043 --> 00:00:17,251
Ow!
9
00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:18,877
- Damn it!
- You all right?
10
00:00:18,877 --> 00:00:20,585
Yeah, it's just
11
00:00:20,585 --> 00:00:23,084
it hurts so much to say no
to so many people.
12
00:00:23,084 --> 00:00:25,668
Especially when there's so much
to say yes to right here.
13
00:00:25,668 --> 00:00:27,334
Know what? I'm kind of busy right now.
14
00:00:27,334 --> 00:00:30,334
I'm trying to establish a relationship
with the Senate Finance Committee
15
00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:31,835
that oversees nonprofits.
16
00:00:31,835 --> 00:00:33,501
I think you deserve a glass of wine.
17
00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:37,002
I mean, I have the Senate switchboard
on my speed dial.
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00:00:37,002 --> 00:00:38,793
There are hookers
who don't even have that.
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00:00:39,209 --> 00:00:43,293
I got this at auction.
It's a 1986 Chateau LaToque Chamonelle.
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00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:45,668
You're wasting it.
One more call and then I have a date.
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00:00:45,668 --> 00:00:48,918
Come on. It's after 10:00 p.m.
It's technically not a date.
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00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:51,543
It's not 10:00. It's only--
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
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00:00:51,543 --> 00:00:52,793
Todd's gonna kill me.
24
00:00:52,793 --> 00:00:54,877
Why didn't he call?
25
00:00:54,877 --> 00:00:58,501
Fourteen missed calls. After the sixth,
he should've called the cops.
26
00:00:58,501 --> 00:01:00,168
You're back together with that Todd?
27
00:01:00,168 --> 00:01:04,002
No, no. It's just a first date.
Well, since we broke up.
28
00:01:04,002 --> 00:01:06,668
The second time.
So I guess it's a first first date
29
00:01:06,668 --> 00:01:09,334
after the second breakup. I gotta go.
30
00:01:09,334 --> 00:01:12,877
Um, you realize
this is a $4,000 bottle of wine?
31
00:01:12,877 --> 00:01:14,668
- Really? Thank you.
- I mean that is--
32
00:01:14,668 --> 00:01:17,334
That will smooth things over, huh?
33
00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:20,168
Todd!
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00:01:20,168 --> 00:01:21,668
[MAN ON TV
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
35
00:01:21,668 --> 00:01:22,960
Oh, Todd, I am so, so sorry.
36
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:26,251
I completely lost track of time.
I got caught up in work.
37
00:01:26,251 --> 00:01:29,168
- Why do you have wine on your breath?
- I don't have wine on my breath,
38
00:01:29,168 --> 00:01:30,626
I have wine on my coat.
39
00:01:30,626 --> 00:01:33,126
Yeah, the cab driver
kept stopping really fast.
40
00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:35,501
His back seat is now worth $4,000.
41
00:01:35,501 --> 00:01:38,460
Okay. Well, um,
I'm trying to watch this, so...
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00:01:38,460 --> 00:01:39,710
Oh, please don't be mad.
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00:01:39,710 --> 00:01:42,293
Look, I really wanna go out with you. I--
44
00:01:42,293 --> 00:01:44,501
Just give me another chance, all right?
45
00:01:44,501 --> 00:01:46,002
I'll let you suck my coat.
46
00:01:46,002 --> 00:01:48,251
No, really. Really, I'm not mad.
47
00:01:48,251 --> 00:01:51,126
You know, at the fourth call, I was mad.
By the tenth,
48
00:01:51,126 --> 00:01:53,334
I remembered how awful it was
being with you before.
49
00:01:54,793 --> 00:01:57,877
Okay, I'm not a student
of human emotions,
50
00:01:57,877 --> 00:01:59,877
but that kind of sounds
like someone who's mad.
51
00:01:59,877 --> 00:02:03,002
No, no. I'm glad it happened now,
before I got all involved again.
52
00:02:03,002 --> 00:02:06,752
It's like, you know, I love kiwis,
but they give me a rash.
53
00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:08,710
If I don't eat them, I forget I'm allergic.
54
00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:13,585
Then I take a bite and there it is again.
So thank you for the rash.
55
00:02:15,168 --> 00:02:17,043
Know what?
I think that you are overreacting
56
00:02:17,043 --> 00:02:19,960
to an isolated incident, and I--
57
00:02:20,877 --> 00:02:22,334
Hey.
58
00:02:23,002 --> 00:02:25,209
Wait, where were you?
I called you like 14 times.
59
00:02:25,209 --> 00:02:27,126
I had a crazy day at work.
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00:02:27,126 --> 00:02:29,043
I thought you were going to a concert.
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00:02:29,043 --> 00:02:33,251
No, we were supposed to go to a concert.
For your birthday, which is today.
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00:02:33,251 --> 00:02:36,376
I should've listened to
your whole message. Come on, let's go.
63
00:02:36,376 --> 00:02:38,418
Sam, it's after midnight.
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00:02:38,418 --> 00:02:40,293
Then it's no longer my birthday.
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00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:42,460
I should celebrate that.
66
00:02:42,460 --> 00:02:44,334
You can come if you want to.
67
00:02:44,334 --> 00:02:45,668
No? All right.
68
00:02:46,293 --> 00:02:48,668
Yes, I screwed up.
69
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:51,710
But now I have this job
that's really important to me,
70
00:02:51,710 --> 00:02:54,334
and I just need to learn
how to balance that
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00:02:54,334 --> 00:02:57,501
with equally important things to me
in my life.
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00:02:57,501 --> 00:02:59,626
If you were a charity, they'd dovetail.
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00:02:59,626 --> 00:03:03,752
But you're not. You're doing really well.
Thank you for making up the couch today.
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00:03:03,752 --> 00:03:07,084
- Fine, fine. One more chance.
- Thank you.
75
00:03:07,084 --> 00:03:09,918
- Tomorrow night?
- I can't. I can do Wednesday.
76
00:03:09,918 --> 00:03:12,668
I can't, I have a dinner
that I've already canceled three times.
77
00:03:12,668 --> 00:03:15,585
Otherwise I would be there
with bells on.
78
00:03:15,793 --> 00:03:19,002
Belzon. That sounds like an alien, heh.
79
00:03:19,002 --> 00:03:24,334
"Here, I'm here with Belzon.
Don't be afraid. Belzon only eats glass."
80
00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:25,752
TODD:
Hmm.
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00:03:25,752 --> 00:03:27,168
You can't say we didn't try.
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00:03:27,168 --> 00:03:28,835
All right.
83
00:03:28,835 --> 00:03:31,168
All right, I will cancel.
84
00:03:31,168 --> 00:03:33,251
That village hasn't had water for a year,
85
00:03:33,251 --> 00:03:36,168
what's one more day, right?
86
00:03:36,877 --> 00:03:38,752
All right.
87
00:03:39,418 --> 00:03:40,752
[MAN ON TV
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
88
00:03:41,376 --> 00:03:42,585
[SUCKING]
89
00:03:42,585 --> 00:03:45,251
You're dating Todd again.
I'm so excited for you!
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00:03:45,251 --> 00:03:48,126
Well, we're not dating yet.
We're just going on a date.
91
00:03:48,126 --> 00:03:50,460
But if it goes well, you know,
it will lead to another,
92
00:03:50,460 --> 00:03:54,668
and another, and another,
and I can see us riding horses.
93
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:58,209
No! Why are you going to go
down this path again?
94
00:03:58,209 --> 00:04:02,918
Especially when you have this handsome
rich man who wants you.
95
00:04:02,918 --> 00:04:07,168
You can marry him and we can be
in the Bajillionaire Wives Club together.
96
00:04:07,168 --> 00:04:09,418
I was the president
of the Astronomy Club.
97
00:04:09,418 --> 00:04:11,209
Yeah. Oh, word of advice,
98
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:14,543
get your dues early, or you will end up
with a very expensive telescope.
99
00:04:15,376 --> 00:04:19,585
Yeah. Anyway, I'm not going down
that path again, okay?
100
00:04:19,585 --> 00:04:23,209
Todd and I are at very different places--
Please get that camera out of my face.
101
00:04:23,209 --> 00:04:26,002
Oh, yeah, enough about you anyway.
102
00:04:26,002 --> 00:04:29,043
It's my episode of Superstar Weddings.
103
00:04:29,043 --> 00:04:31,960
I can't believe I'm on my favorite show.
104
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,334
I mean, these are the same people
that do Superstar Divorces.
105
00:04:34,877 --> 00:04:38,543
In fact, I even have my quote
ready for that show,
106
00:04:38,543 --> 00:04:41,002
if need be. God forbid.
107
00:04:41,793 --> 00:04:45,126
Yes, it's so funny. My funny friends.
108
00:04:45,126 --> 00:04:46,752
But you know what's not a joke?
109
00:04:46,752 --> 00:04:50,334
The great taste
of Bauman's Original Hard Lemonade.
110
00:04:50,752 --> 00:04:52,710
ANDREA:
Mm.
111
00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:54,710
- What is your mom doing here?
- What?
112
00:04:54,710 --> 00:04:56,002
ANDREA:
Your mom. Your mom--
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00:04:56,002 --> 00:04:59,251
She is not supposed to be on camera.
Your back-story is your mother is dead.
114
00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:03,168
SAMANTHA:
Hey.
115
00:05:03,168 --> 00:05:05,334
- What are you doing here?
- Well,
116
00:05:05,334 --> 00:05:07,585
this is the last place
your father will look for me.
117
00:05:08,084 --> 00:05:09,626
You know, when he suddenly retired,
118
00:05:09,626 --> 00:05:11,960
I thought that we would travel,
see the world, you know?
119
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,043
See things we've never seen before.
120
00:05:14,043 --> 00:05:15,752
All he wants to do is have sex.
121
00:05:15,752 --> 00:05:18,960
I mean, it's fun, but certainly nothing
I haven't seen before.
122
00:05:19,543 --> 00:05:22,543
The one night you want the music
to be loud and you hear every word.
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00:05:22,543 --> 00:05:25,293
Right now he thinks I'm at the refrigerator
getting whipped cream,
124
00:05:25,293 --> 00:05:28,835
but I saw my car keys on the table
and I just ran.
125
00:05:28,835 --> 00:05:31,501
Obviously, you two are not
on the same page about his retirement,
126
00:05:31,501 --> 00:05:35,752
so why don't you, like, make a list
of all the things that you wanna do now,
127
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:38,793
compare them, and then decide
what you wanna do first?
128
00:05:38,793 --> 00:05:41,793
Yeah, well, he's made a list all right.
129
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,752
I think he's been on the Internet.
130
00:05:44,752 --> 00:05:46,585
Could you turn that up, please?
131
00:05:46,585 --> 00:05:48,043
Yeah, just crank it.
132
00:05:48,668 --> 00:05:51,293
Sorry. I gotta finish up. Big date.
133
00:05:51,293 --> 00:05:52,668
Really? Lucky you.
134
00:05:52,668 --> 00:05:54,501
- Is she pretty?
- Gorgeous.
135
00:05:54,501 --> 00:05:57,334
I mean, she'd have to be,
since she's kind of a flake.
136
00:05:57,334 --> 00:06:00,209
Well, perhaps that makes her
elusive and intriguing.
137
00:06:00,209 --> 00:06:02,585
You'd think, but no.
138
00:06:02,835 --> 00:06:05,293
Well, I happen to have a date myself.
139
00:06:05,293 --> 00:06:08,126
You should probably sleep with him.
I heard guys like that.
140
00:06:08,126 --> 00:06:09,585
I don't know.
141
00:06:09,585 --> 00:06:11,168
I think this one might be gay.
142
00:06:11,168 --> 00:06:13,668
You should see what he does
with his hair.
143
00:06:14,793 --> 00:06:16,835
[PHONE RINGS]
144
00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:19,877
- Hello?
FUNK [OVER PHONE]: Samantha?
145
00:06:19,877 --> 00:06:23,251
- Did I catch you at a bad time?
- Uh, yes.
146
00:06:23,251 --> 00:06:25,835
- What's up?
- I'm supposed to meet with Senator Rudd
147
00:06:25,835 --> 00:06:27,251
at the Harrison Club tonight,
148
00:06:27,251 --> 00:06:30,043
but I was called away to New York
for a meeting,
149
00:06:30,043 --> 00:06:32,668
and I was hoping
you would entertain him.
150
00:06:32,668 --> 00:06:35,501
Um, no, I can't. I have plans.
151
00:06:35,501 --> 00:06:40,543
Sure, no, okay. It's just that Senator Rudd
co-chairs the Senate Finance Committee,
152
00:06:40,543 --> 00:06:43,710
and you mentioned wanting the foundation
to be taken seriously or something.
153
00:06:43,710 --> 00:06:45,293
Doesn't matter. Have a good time.
154
00:06:45,293 --> 00:06:48,084
No, no, no. Wait.
155
00:06:48,334 --> 00:06:49,585
Damn it.
156
00:06:49,585 --> 00:06:51,501
FUNK [OVER PHONE]:
Smart move, Sam. And, oh,
157
00:06:51,501 --> 00:06:54,835
uh, if he puts his hand on your knee,
he's just trying to stand up.
158
00:06:55,626 --> 00:06:59,543
- You ready to go?
- Hey, you know what I was thinking?
159
00:06:59,543 --> 00:07:03,293
Why don't I go out for a couple of hours
and bring us back some takeout?
160
00:07:03,293 --> 00:07:06,960
- What?
- No? Okay. Let's go.
161
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,626
You know, Todd, I was thinking,
162
00:07:17,626 --> 00:07:20,793
why don't we just
shake things up a little bit, you know?
163
00:07:20,793 --> 00:07:25,168
Maybe go someplace that we would
never ever go to in a million years.
164
00:07:25,168 --> 00:07:28,543
But we have reservations at Stingray.
They're, like, impossible to get.
165
00:07:28,543 --> 00:07:32,418
No, I was thinking about this place
that I've been really, really wanting to try.
166
00:07:32,418 --> 00:07:34,334
The, um, Harrison Club.
167
00:07:34,334 --> 00:07:36,835
Ha. That supper club?
Where the old people eat?
168
00:07:36,835 --> 00:07:39,585
And stop serving at, like, 8:30
when the Salisbury steak runs out?
169
00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:40,960
Yeah, how cool is that?
170
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,960
I mean, it's--
You know, it's, like, so un-hip that it's hip.
171
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:47,543
I mean, really, if it was any worse,
it would be impossible to get in.
172
00:07:47,543 --> 00:07:51,168
So come on,
let's go get us some supper. Ha, ha.
173
00:07:51,168 --> 00:07:52,668
Come on.
174
00:07:52,668 --> 00:07:54,126
Yeah.
175
00:07:54,501 --> 00:07:56,960
Okay. I finished my list.
176
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,501
- Oh, good, good. This is fun, huh?
- Yeah.
177
00:07:59,501 --> 00:08:02,793
Okay. The first thing I wanna do
is see Venice, Italy
178
00:08:02,793 --> 00:08:05,835
before it sinks into the ocean,
now that you've retired.
179
00:08:06,168 --> 00:08:08,002
- What do you wanna see?
- The X Files.
180
00:08:09,043 --> 00:08:12,084
- The TV show?
- Yeah, I ordered the whole thing on DVD.
181
00:08:14,501 --> 00:08:16,084
Okay.
182
00:08:16,084 --> 00:08:17,752
Um...
183
00:08:18,501 --> 00:08:20,043
Anything else you'd like to see?
184
00:08:20,043 --> 00:08:22,126
Africa? Russia?
185
00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:23,334
Lonesome Dove.
186
00:08:23,334 --> 00:08:25,043
Never finished it.
187
00:08:25,376 --> 00:08:27,418
Anything else that might possibly
not involve you
188
00:08:27,418 --> 00:08:29,002
sitting around all day on your ass?
189
00:08:29,752 --> 00:08:31,084
Uh...
190
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,251
Howard!
191
00:08:37,251 --> 00:08:39,126
We talked about this.
192
00:08:39,126 --> 00:08:41,126
I wanna see the world. I--
193
00:08:41,126 --> 00:08:42,960
Maybe get a second home,
194
00:08:43,376 --> 00:08:45,835
enjoy the freedom
to do whatever we want
195
00:08:45,835 --> 00:08:48,501
and go wherever we want
whenever we want.
196
00:08:49,168 --> 00:08:51,168
This is our time, honey.
197
00:08:51,168 --> 00:08:53,126
Let's make the most of it.
198
00:08:53,877 --> 00:08:55,835
I'm sorry, hon. I--
199
00:08:56,334 --> 00:08:58,918
I was only thinking about myself.
200
00:08:59,168 --> 00:09:02,168
Thank you. Appreciate that.
201
00:09:05,084 --> 00:09:06,209
Wanna take a shower?
202
00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:14,793
Lovely. If you wanna buy one,
you can pick it up on your way out.
203
00:09:14,793 --> 00:09:16,877
Thank you. Great.
204
00:09:16,877 --> 00:09:19,126
Wow, isn't this cool?
205
00:09:20,251 --> 00:09:23,293
Cool, yes. Like a morgue.
206
00:09:23,501 --> 00:09:25,168
Senator?
207
00:09:27,918 --> 00:09:30,334
- Senator?
- Where's my soup?
208
00:09:30,334 --> 00:09:31,752
I'm sorry. It's coming.
209
00:09:31,752 --> 00:09:33,960
Why are you calling everyone senator?
210
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,293
Oh, um...
You know, it's a term of respect.
211
00:09:36,293 --> 00:09:38,918
Sort of like, "Evening, captain."
"Hello, senator."
212
00:09:38,918 --> 00:09:40,501
It's very classy.
213
00:09:40,501 --> 00:09:42,002
- Senator?
- No.
214
00:09:42,002 --> 00:09:45,877
Okay. Okay, Sam, what's going on?
Tell me the truth, and I won't be upset.
215
00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,043
Well, no, I will be.
216
00:09:47,043 --> 00:09:49,501
But not as upset
as if I find out that you're lying.
217
00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:50,793
Or probably the same.
218
00:09:50,793 --> 00:09:53,334
Actually, I don't see this
going well for you either way.
219
00:09:53,334 --> 00:09:54,668
Okay.
220
00:09:54,668 --> 00:09:56,126
Funk called before we left
221
00:09:56,126 --> 00:09:58,460
and he said I had to come here
and meet this guy.
222
00:09:58,460 --> 00:10:00,126
Wait, so this is work?
223
00:10:00,126 --> 00:10:04,126
No. You and I, we're still on a date.
224
00:10:04,126 --> 00:10:06,251
But if a little work
gets done in the process,
225
00:10:06,251 --> 00:10:08,960
then guess who wins? Everybody!
226
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,334
- Except me.
- Yeah, well, maybe not you.
227
00:10:11,752 --> 00:10:14,501
Look, what was I supposed to do?
Funk couldn't make it.
228
00:10:14,501 --> 00:10:17,334
Oh, good, you're here. Hey.
229
00:10:17,334 --> 00:10:20,918
Funk. What are you doing here?
You're supposed to be in New York.
230
00:10:20,918 --> 00:10:24,084
Oh, they canceled that meeting,
which allows me to be here with you.
231
00:10:24,084 --> 00:10:25,668
Can you show us to our table, please?
232
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:28,460
Funk, meet Todd.
233
00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:30,752
Oh.
234
00:10:30,752 --> 00:10:32,501
Oh, hello.
235
00:10:32,752 --> 00:10:34,585
You're balder in person.
236
00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:37,710
You know, it's hard to balance
dating and work.
237
00:10:37,710 --> 00:10:43,043
So dating, you stay here.
Work, you come with me. Okay?
238
00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:47,293
May I just say
that you look fantastic tonight?
239
00:10:47,293 --> 00:10:49,668
Oh, I always look more beautiful
standing next to a liar.
240
00:10:49,668 --> 00:10:51,710
You never had any plans in New York.
241
00:10:51,710 --> 00:10:54,002
You just got me here
so you could be alone with me.
242
00:10:54,002 --> 00:10:56,002
Well, you know what?
I'm on a date with Todd,
243
00:10:56,418 --> 00:10:59,752
so you can go entertain the senator
by yourself.
244
00:10:59,752 --> 00:11:02,168
- If there even is a senator.
- Oh, there is a senator.
245
00:11:02,168 --> 00:11:04,209
But there's no Todd, though.
246
00:11:04,209 --> 00:11:05,376
What?
247
00:11:10,793 --> 00:11:14,002
Hey. Thank God.
I thought you left without me.
248
00:11:14,002 --> 00:11:15,835
- Oh, gosh.
- What, you two don't see
249
00:11:15,835 --> 00:11:17,084
enough of each other all day?
250
00:11:17,835 --> 00:11:19,585
I didn't know he was gonna show up.
251
00:11:19,585 --> 00:11:23,251
How can you work side by side
with a guy who wants to sleep with you?
252
00:11:23,251 --> 00:11:24,460
That's his problem.
253
00:11:24,460 --> 00:11:27,543
- What do you want me to do, quit?
- You admit he wants to sleep with you.
254
00:11:27,543 --> 00:11:30,960
Jeez, for a first date,
you are awfully possessive.
255
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:34,168
Not really a problem, since I'm pretty sure
there won't be a second date.
256
00:11:34,168 --> 00:11:36,334
I'm not attracted to my boss, Todd.
257
00:11:36,334 --> 00:11:37,668
What if he wasn't your boss?
258
00:11:37,668 --> 00:11:39,002
I don't know.
259
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:41,668
That's like asking me
if I would be attracted to my father
260
00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:43,710
if he wasn't my father.
It's impossible to know.
261
00:11:43,710 --> 00:11:47,084
It's impossible to know
if you'd be attracted to your father?
262
00:11:47,084 --> 00:11:49,251
Have you seen pictures of him
when he was younger?
263
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,251
He is a very dashing man.
264
00:11:51,251 --> 00:11:53,626
Okay. You know what?
Just forget it, your cab's here.
265
00:11:54,043 --> 00:11:56,543
- You take it.
- No, just take it! I'll get the next one.
266
00:11:56,543 --> 00:11:58,585
This is stupid,
we're going to the same place.
267
00:11:58,585 --> 00:12:01,334
- It's a waste of gas and money.
- Fine, get in.
268
00:12:01,334 --> 00:12:03,376
- But we're not talking.
- Oh, jeez, you think?
269
00:12:03,376 --> 00:12:07,209
- I'm sitting up front.
- Sit on the hood for all I care.
270
00:12:08,002 --> 00:12:09,501
CABBY:
Where to?
271
00:12:14,084 --> 00:12:15,793
[WHISPERS]
It smells weird up there.
272
00:12:15,793 --> 00:12:17,501
I can taste it in my mouth.
273
00:12:41,251 --> 00:12:43,251
[MAN ON TV
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
274
00:12:47,376 --> 00:12:48,710
[TV TURNS OFF]
275
00:12:48,710 --> 00:12:51,209
- What are you doing?
- When I come home from a crappy date,
276
00:12:51,209 --> 00:12:52,543
I drink a beer and go to bed.
277
00:12:52,543 --> 00:12:54,543
When I come home
from a really crappy date,
278
00:12:54,543 --> 00:12:56,835
I like to sit on the couch and watch TV.
279
00:12:56,835 --> 00:12:58,501
[TV TURNS ON THEN OFF]
280
00:12:58,501 --> 00:13:00,460
Too bad. Because the couch
you like to sit on
281
00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:03,084
happens to be the bed I like to sleep on.
282
00:13:03,084 --> 00:13:04,585
Fine.
283
00:13:08,084 --> 00:13:09,251
[SIGHS]
284
00:13:10,043 --> 00:13:12,002
Can I ask you a question?
285
00:13:12,002 --> 00:13:13,960
As my roommate?
286
00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:19,251
Was it really that bad that I took my date
to a work function?
287
00:13:19,251 --> 00:13:22,002
- Yes.
- You're not Todd. You're my roommate.
288
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:25,793
Oh. Oh, as your roommate, yeah.
289
00:13:25,793 --> 00:13:27,376
Yes.
290
00:13:27,376 --> 00:13:28,960
Find a different roommate.
291
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:30,793
Now let me ask you one.
292
00:13:30,793 --> 00:13:32,418
I went out with this crazy chick.
293
00:13:32,418 --> 00:13:34,752
- Hey!
- Hey, roommate.
294
00:13:34,752 --> 00:13:39,126
Now, I may have overreacted to her boss,
who's also her former lover,
295
00:13:39,126 --> 00:13:43,543
who showed up on our date
and made a jealous scene
296
00:13:43,543 --> 00:13:45,668
in front of an old-folk's home. Ahem.
297
00:13:45,668 --> 00:13:48,793
[IN DEEP VOICE]
Bro, you acted like a little bitch.
298
00:13:48,793 --> 00:13:50,002
Did you cry?
299
00:13:50,002 --> 00:13:51,460
Shut up.
300
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:58,251
You think if I call her,
she'll go out with me again?
301
00:13:58,251 --> 00:14:03,251
Bro, no. You don't call her.
You let her call you.
302
00:14:03,626 --> 00:14:05,626
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
It sounds like
303
00:14:05,626 --> 00:14:10,543
she may have had a little something
to do with what happened.
304
00:14:18,752 --> 00:14:20,793
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
305
00:14:27,877 --> 00:14:29,918
She's probably out with some other guy.
306
00:14:32,752 --> 00:14:35,251
Eh. You'll do.
307
00:14:41,501 --> 00:14:43,918
Whoa, hold it. Yeah!
308
00:14:43,918 --> 00:14:45,543
Thanks. Hey.
309
00:14:45,543 --> 00:14:47,126
- Winston Funk.
- Yeah.
310
00:14:47,126 --> 00:14:49,002
Entrepreneur, jetsetter,
311
00:14:49,002 --> 00:14:50,960
and part of my inner circle
of close friends.
312
00:14:51,418 --> 00:14:53,668
- Andrea.
- You know my name.
313
00:14:53,668 --> 00:14:55,752
Of course you do,
because you're my close friend.
314
00:14:55,752 --> 00:15:00,543
Okay, guys, do you think we can just
drop the cameras for--
315
00:15:00,543 --> 00:15:01,960
- Yes.
- Just for a few floors.
316
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,084
- Yeah. If you could turn them off...
- It would be great.
317
00:15:08,710 --> 00:15:10,585
You're a friend of Samantha's,
aren't you?
318
00:15:10,585 --> 00:15:14,501
Uh-huh. As well as some sports figures
and entertainers.
319
00:15:14,501 --> 00:15:17,960
Mm-hm? Great girl. Just...
320
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,126
Yeah, she mentioned something about,
321
00:15:21,126 --> 00:15:23,835
I don't know,
seeing her ex-boyfriend again.
322
00:15:24,043 --> 00:15:25,251
I mean, that's good, right?
323
00:15:25,251 --> 00:15:26,710
Ugh.
324
00:15:27,501 --> 00:15:29,084
You sound concerned.
325
00:15:29,084 --> 00:15:32,084
Well, who wouldn't be?
I mean, the boy sleeps where people sit.
326
00:15:32,543 --> 00:15:33,835
Interesting.
327
00:15:33,835 --> 00:15:36,209
He's, like, a starving artist
or something like that?
328
00:15:36,209 --> 00:15:38,918
Yeah. Photographer. Nothing special.
329
00:15:38,918 --> 00:15:41,918
Local stuff, you know,
like magazines and stuff.
330
00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:45,460
Well, maybe he'll get his big break.
331
00:15:48,752 --> 00:15:50,918
- See you. Bye-bye.
- Bye.
332
00:15:50,918 --> 00:15:53,626
Great moment. A delicious moment.
333
00:15:53,626 --> 00:15:56,918
Almost as delicious
as Hickory Jack's smoked bacon.
334
00:15:56,918 --> 00:15:59,543
Put some bacon in your bag.
335
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,668
Regina!
336
00:16:01,668 --> 00:16:03,668
- Guess what!
- Don't tell me.
337
00:16:03,668 --> 00:16:06,126
You finished watching
the second season of ALF.
338
00:16:06,126 --> 00:16:08,877
No. I listened to you, Regina,
and you were right.
339
00:16:08,877 --> 00:16:11,710
We need to travel.
And have a second home too.
340
00:16:11,710 --> 00:16:13,918
And go anywhere we wanna go,
341
00:16:13,918 --> 00:16:16,877
anytime we wanna go,
anywhere we wanna go,
342
00:16:16,877 --> 00:16:20,543
anytime-- Where-- Places.
343
00:16:20,543 --> 00:16:22,793
Really? You mean that?
344
00:16:22,793 --> 00:16:28,084
Yeah. The solution was so easy!
Here. Look. Look!
345
00:16:29,918 --> 00:16:31,251
Oh!
346
00:16:32,168 --> 00:16:34,002
I call her The Regina.
347
00:16:37,002 --> 00:16:39,209
I named her after you.
348
00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:42,752
[APARTMENT DOOR OPENS]
349
00:16:44,293 --> 00:16:48,084
TODD: Sam?
- Yeah. I'm in the dining room.
350
00:16:52,293 --> 00:16:54,418
Well, hello.
351
00:16:54,835 --> 00:16:57,668
What's, uh, going on here?
352
00:16:57,668 --> 00:17:01,002
Well, tonight was supposed to be
our second date,
353
00:17:01,002 --> 00:17:04,752
and I realized what went wrong
with the first one.
354
00:17:04,752 --> 00:17:06,293
- We were out!
- Ha.
355
00:17:06,293 --> 00:17:09,209
So I just thought we would stay home
356
00:17:09,209 --> 00:17:12,084
in a controlled environment,
where no work can interrupt us.
357
00:17:12,084 --> 00:17:13,918
I told Frank no visitors.
358
00:17:13,918 --> 00:17:15,793
I unplugged my computer,
359
00:17:15,793 --> 00:17:17,585
and I mailed myself my cell phone,
360
00:17:17,585 --> 00:17:19,793
so that should be gone
for a couple of days.
361
00:17:20,668 --> 00:17:22,960
So now it's just you and me.
362
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,626
A romantic dinner.
363
00:17:25,126 --> 00:17:27,585
I think you know what that means, heh.
364
00:17:27,585 --> 00:17:28,752
- Sam.
- Mm-hm?
365
00:17:28,752 --> 00:17:33,960
I got an unbelievable job offer
to be the photo editor of a magazine.
366
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,710
It's in London.
367
00:17:36,376 --> 00:17:37,543
They want me to leave tomorrow.
368
00:17:40,209 --> 00:17:42,418
No, silly.
369
00:17:42,418 --> 00:17:45,585
It means we're gonna have sex.
That's what.
370
00:17:46,918 --> 00:17:48,543
London?
371
00:17:48,543 --> 00:17:50,960
- I don't understand.
- You don't understand London?
372
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:54,251
- No, I understand London, Todd. I--
- Look, I don't know, with the amnesia.
373
00:17:54,251 --> 00:17:56,585
I mean, you thought Harry Potter
was the 33rd president.
374
00:17:56,585 --> 00:17:59,793
I'm just saying that I--
You know, as your roommate,
375
00:17:59,793 --> 00:18:02,835
I would have liked to have had
a little bit more notice.
376
00:18:02,835 --> 00:18:06,043
I haven't taken the job yet.
I thought I'd discuss it with you first.
377
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,668
With me?
378
00:18:07,668 --> 00:18:11,752
Oh. Okay. Um, well, I--
379
00:18:11,752 --> 00:18:14,126
It's a-- It's a great opportunity.
380
00:18:14,126 --> 00:18:15,752
So you think I should take it.
381
00:18:16,293 --> 00:18:19,877
I mean, I can't answer that.
382
00:18:19,877 --> 00:18:24,209
I mean, it's not like
I can ask you to stay, right?
383
00:18:24,209 --> 00:18:26,002
Yeah, and I can't ask you
to move, right?
384
00:18:26,002 --> 00:18:28,251
- It's not like you and I are--
- No, we had one date.
385
00:18:28,251 --> 00:18:30,960
I know. I know. Who moves with a guy
to London after one date?
386
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:34,376
- A crazy lady.
- It would have to be one hell of a date.
387
00:18:34,376 --> 00:18:37,334
Yeah. Yeah.
388
00:18:38,668 --> 00:18:41,334
It was just-- Yeah. This is--
389
00:18:41,752 --> 00:18:43,293
This is your big chance.
390
00:18:44,209 --> 00:18:45,835
Yeah.
391
00:18:45,835 --> 00:18:49,209
And you finally got the job
you always wanted.
392
00:18:49,209 --> 00:18:50,710
Yeah.
393
00:18:51,501 --> 00:18:53,084
We can still talk, we have phones.
394
00:18:53,084 --> 00:18:55,043
It's not like
I'm on the moon or something.
395
00:18:55,043 --> 00:18:57,376
No, yeah. And even if
you were on the moon,
396
00:18:57,376 --> 00:18:59,043
I'm sure we could still talk.
397
00:18:59,043 --> 00:19:01,043
Phones these days,
398
00:19:01,043 --> 00:19:02,209
- and the roaming.
- Ha, ha.
399
00:19:05,376 --> 00:19:06,376
So you're happy for me?
400
00:19:07,585 --> 00:19:08,626
I've never been happier.
401
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,293
Yay!
402
00:19:24,918 --> 00:19:26,251
[APARTMENT DOOR CLOSES]
403
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,877
Todd?
404
00:19:45,209 --> 00:19:46,543
[PHONE RINGS]
405
00:19:47,877 --> 00:19:49,043
Todd.
406
00:19:50,418 --> 00:19:52,668
Hey, Dad, what's going on?
407
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,209
What do you mean you're here?
408
00:19:54,209 --> 00:19:55,251
[RV HORN HONKS]
409
00:20:01,626 --> 00:20:04,084
What the hell is this?
410
00:20:04,084 --> 00:20:07,585
Funny, I said exactly the same thing.
Remember I said that, Howard?
411
00:20:07,585 --> 00:20:10,334
You and I said exactly the same thing.
412
00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:12,251
Yeah, we're gonna
follow the dream, Sammy.
413
00:20:12,251 --> 00:20:14,501
See the world,
just like your mother wanted.
414
00:20:14,501 --> 00:20:16,043
Just remember,
415
00:20:16,043 --> 00:20:19,126
if the RV's rocking,
don't come a-knocking.
416
00:20:19,710 --> 00:20:21,710
Knock, Samantha.
417
00:20:22,126 --> 00:20:24,209
Knock all you want!
418
00:20:27,668 --> 00:20:28,877
Late again?
419
00:20:28,877 --> 00:20:30,626
You are putting us all to shame.
420
00:20:30,626 --> 00:20:34,960
Hmm? Oh, no.
I finished a long time ago.
421
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:38,918
You know, once you start watching
videos of cats doing funny things,
422
00:20:38,918 --> 00:20:40,585
you really can't stop.
423
00:20:40,585 --> 00:20:45,084
Ha, look at that.
That cat's riding a dog. It's like...
424
00:20:45,084 --> 00:20:47,918
It's Friday night.
Why aren't you out with that Todd?
425
00:20:47,918 --> 00:20:49,877
He moved to London for a job.
426
00:20:49,877 --> 00:20:51,918
London? Real--? Wow.
427
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:53,710
I'm really sorry to hear about that.
428
00:20:55,251 --> 00:20:57,043
Sure you are.
429
00:20:57,376 --> 00:21:01,209
- Listen, I dusted off a 1970--
- I don't care. Just pour.
430
00:21:04,209 --> 00:21:05,543
SAMANTHA:
I read somewhere
431
00:21:05,543 --> 00:21:07,710
that when God closes a door,
he opens a window.
432
00:21:10,501 --> 00:21:13,460
Just not too wide I hope.
433
00:21:13,460 --> 00:21:15,251
All kinds of things could get in.