1 00:00:00,501 --> 00:00:02,668 [MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO] 2 00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:06,002 SAMANTHA: I guess a lot of girls have this princess fantasy. 3 00:00:06,002 --> 00:00:08,668 Living in luxury, totally pampered. 4 00:00:08,668 --> 00:00:10,376 I'm trying to understand it. 5 00:00:10,376 --> 00:00:14,168 In fact, I'm trying really hard. 6 00:00:15,418 --> 00:00:17,668 There's no plastic wrap on the glasses 7 00:00:17,668 --> 00:00:20,209 and no paper on the toilet seat. 8 00:00:20,209 --> 00:00:22,376 Rich people don't care what they catch. 9 00:00:22,376 --> 00:00:24,501 I know, I'd better get used to this. 10 00:00:24,501 --> 00:00:25,793 After I'm married tomorrow, 11 00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:29,084 I'll have to learn to become self-indulgent and demanding. 12 00:00:29,084 --> 00:00:31,126 I'm tired of this song now, change the CD. 13 00:00:31,877 --> 00:00:33,084 [MUSIC STOPS] 14 00:00:33,084 --> 00:00:35,585 Andrea, stop. I can change the CD myself. 15 00:00:35,877 --> 00:00:38,877 If someone can carry me over there. Could you? 16 00:00:38,877 --> 00:00:40,877 You have to learn not to do things for yourself 17 00:00:40,877 --> 00:00:43,585 once you and Winston Funk are a power couple. 18 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:46,418 A power couple? We just started seeing each other. 19 00:00:46,418 --> 00:00:48,918 I was actually thinking of not bringing him to the wedding. 20 00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:51,084 You have to bring him. I need famous people there. 21 00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:52,877 Matthew McConaughey? He just dropped out 22 00:00:52,877 --> 00:00:54,668 because I told him he had to wear a shirt. 23 00:00:54,668 --> 00:00:55,877 But that's the thing. 24 00:00:55,877 --> 00:00:57,918 The wedding's gonna be on the news and TV, 25 00:00:57,918 --> 00:01:00,418 and if I bring Funk, people will see. 26 00:01:00,418 --> 00:01:02,002 People far away. 27 00:01:02,002 --> 00:01:04,293 - People in London. - Like Todd? 28 00:01:04,626 --> 00:01:07,668 No, I was actually thinking Prince Harry might be upset. 29 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:08,710 Yes, Todd. 30 00:01:09,043 --> 00:01:12,168 Todd is not gonna be happy about this at all. 31 00:01:12,168 --> 00:01:13,376 Oh, you had no choice. 32 00:01:13,376 --> 00:01:16,002 Todd is in London, Funk is here. 33 00:01:16,002 --> 00:01:18,126 Here versus there, here is always better. 34 00:01:18,418 --> 00:01:20,543 Not if you're talking about a bear. 35 00:01:20,543 --> 00:01:22,209 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 36 00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:27,209 - Oh! Hi. - I thought you'd want Mr. Snowball. 37 00:01:27,209 --> 00:01:29,668 Chase, I was gonna try to go one night without-- Thank you. 38 00:01:30,668 --> 00:01:33,293 You have to go, we're about to start the bachelorette games. 39 00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:36,168 Really? Like pillow fights? A little bath play? 40 00:01:36,168 --> 00:01:38,626 Yeah. Yeah, you just missed the tickle party. 41 00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:41,209 Really? No, you're joking, right? 42 00:01:41,209 --> 00:01:42,960 - Are you? - Yes. 43 00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:45,126 I wanna play How Well Do You Know the Bride. 44 00:01:45,126 --> 00:01:46,835 You know, I figure between Sam's amnesia 45 00:01:46,835 --> 00:01:48,793 and Andrea's blackouts, I'm a lock. 46 00:01:48,793 --> 00:01:52,168 Wait, what? Amnesia? What do you mean "amnesia"? 47 00:01:52,168 --> 00:01:53,877 I told you that, right? 48 00:01:53,877 --> 00:01:55,501 When Sam said she was in rehab, 49 00:01:55,835 --> 00:01:58,376 but she'd really been in a car accident and lost her memory? 50 00:01:58,376 --> 00:02:00,126 No? Did I not tell you that? 51 00:02:00,460 --> 00:02:03,668 She worked for me for an entire year, she was our best performer, 52 00:02:03,668 --> 00:02:06,126 and she had no idea what she was doing? 53 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,043 - Amnesia? - Oh-- 54 00:02:08,043 --> 00:02:11,710 Oh, n-- Tickle party! Whoo! 55 00:02:15,543 --> 00:02:18,002 Lord, Howard. 56 00:02:18,293 --> 00:02:20,043 You were only on the road for nine days. 57 00:02:20,043 --> 00:02:23,418 - How'd you make such a mess? - I was exploring America. 58 00:02:23,418 --> 00:02:25,126 You think Lewis and Clark tidied up? 59 00:02:26,126 --> 00:02:27,793 What are these? 60 00:02:28,793 --> 00:02:30,418 Almonds. 61 00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,043 Those are my almonds. 62 00:02:32,043 --> 00:02:34,002 "Lightly salted"? 63 00:02:34,002 --> 00:02:36,251 Since when do you lightly salt anything? 64 00:02:37,334 --> 00:02:39,543 Okay. I picked up a hitchhiker. 65 00:02:41,334 --> 00:02:43,710 Oh, my God, a hitchhiker? Howard. 66 00:02:43,710 --> 00:02:45,710 I knew you were gonna react like this. 67 00:02:45,710 --> 00:02:48,084 Relax, it was just a young woman. 68 00:02:49,543 --> 00:02:51,293 You picked up a woman? 69 00:02:51,293 --> 00:02:53,710 I was never in any danger. 70 00:02:53,710 --> 00:02:56,418 I mean, she was just a little thing. She was half your size. 71 00:02:59,668 --> 00:03:02,793 Okay. Time for party games. 72 00:03:02,793 --> 00:03:06,626 I know. Let's play Hide the Bridesmaid. Go. 73 00:03:06,626 --> 00:03:07,626 No. 74 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:10,293 This one's hysterical. 75 00:03:10,293 --> 00:03:11,793 Whatever she says when she opens it 76 00:03:11,793 --> 00:03:13,918 is what she's gonna say on her wedding night. 77 00:03:14,710 --> 00:03:15,918 Here. 78 00:03:15,918 --> 00:03:18,002 I don't think that works if the groom is gay. 79 00:03:19,251 --> 00:03:21,126 I'm pulling it, nothing's happening. 80 00:03:21,126 --> 00:03:22,793 Although I could be wrong. 81 00:03:23,334 --> 00:03:26,334 Just think. This could be our lives if you were dating Funk. 82 00:03:26,626 --> 00:03:28,960 We wouldn't have to think or feel. Just absorb. 83 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:30,209 Like amoebas. 84 00:03:30,209 --> 00:03:31,376 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 85 00:03:31,376 --> 00:03:32,877 - I don't know if it's me. - I'll get it. 86 00:03:32,877 --> 00:03:34,585 Do you know he doesn't have any keys? 87 00:03:34,585 --> 00:03:37,501 I mean, he has a driver and a valet and a butler. 88 00:03:37,501 --> 00:03:39,168 The man does not own a key. 89 00:03:39,168 --> 00:03:40,626 He owns a Florida Key. 90 00:03:40,626 --> 00:03:43,543 MAN: All right, we got the chocolate mousse for two, lemon water for one, 91 00:03:43,543 --> 00:03:47,501 and a little something special for the bride-to-be, care of me. 92 00:03:47,501 --> 00:03:49,126 It's Funk. 93 00:03:49,376 --> 00:03:50,960 "Enjoy your honeymoon on exclusive 94 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:53,376 private San Madre Island in the Grenadines." 95 00:03:54,626 --> 00:03:56,168 We tried that, it was booked. 96 00:03:56,168 --> 00:03:59,126 I know, that's why I bought it and declared myself king. 97 00:03:59,126 --> 00:04:03,168 Feel free to bring a guest of choice, who's free to bring a guest of choice. 98 00:04:03,501 --> 00:04:05,376 I'm supposed to be impressed you have an island? 99 00:04:06,209 --> 00:04:08,752 Because you know what? There's probably, like, at least 100 00:04:08,752 --> 00:04:12,460 ten people who have islands, so... 101 00:04:14,002 --> 00:04:16,418 After the wedding, you'll be whisked to the airport 102 00:04:16,418 --> 00:04:19,668 on my private helicopter, where you will board my private jet 103 00:04:19,668 --> 00:04:21,002 to San Madre Island. 104 00:04:21,002 --> 00:04:22,668 Phone ahead if you want the kosher meals. 105 00:04:23,084 --> 00:04:25,002 - You want kosher. - Till then, good night. 106 00:04:25,918 --> 00:04:27,501 - Do it! - What? I don't-- 107 00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:29,126 - Mmph! - Oh. 108 00:04:29,126 --> 00:04:31,626 - Excuse me, sir. - Yeah? 109 00:04:31,626 --> 00:04:37,043 If your boss will let you off work tomorrow, you maybe wanna go to a wedding? 110 00:04:46,668 --> 00:04:49,626 Why, yes, prime minister, it was a lovely ceremony. 111 00:04:49,626 --> 00:04:51,668 It was so good of you to come. 112 00:04:51,668 --> 00:04:54,043 Oh, drummer from U2. 113 00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:55,251 [PHONE RINGS] 114 00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:58,209 Yes, I agree, and it's a shame that Bono didn't show-- Hello? 115 00:04:58,209 --> 00:04:59,835 Todd. 116 00:04:59,835 --> 00:05:02,334 Hi. Uh, nothing. 117 00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:05,334 Listen, I was gonna call you. 118 00:05:05,334 --> 00:05:07,418 There's something that I need to say. 119 00:05:07,418 --> 00:05:09,251 TODD: Hey, me too. - Oh! 120 00:05:09,251 --> 00:05:10,918 I'm back to take you to the wedding. 121 00:05:12,293 --> 00:05:13,501 What wedding? 122 00:05:23,376 --> 00:05:25,002 Oh, orange juice, shoot. 123 00:05:25,002 --> 00:05:27,668 Darn it, see, this is why you don't sneak up on people! 124 00:05:27,668 --> 00:05:30,710 Oh, and, hey, it's really good to see you, by the way. 125 00:05:31,168 --> 00:05:32,710 - Are you sure? - Yes. 126 00:05:33,002 --> 00:05:35,209 Just having a crazy couple of days here, and-- 127 00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:38,251 You know when would be good? Two weeks from now. 128 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,543 What's going on, Sam? 129 00:05:40,543 --> 00:05:43,334 Nothing. I just wish you would've told me you were coming 130 00:05:43,334 --> 00:05:45,835 so I could have saved you a spot. 131 00:05:45,835 --> 00:05:47,293 Is that goat cheese? 132 00:05:47,293 --> 00:05:48,752 It's the same color. 133 00:05:48,752 --> 00:05:50,501 It's gonna be like Spackle. 134 00:05:50,501 --> 00:05:52,626 And what do you mean, my spot? 135 00:05:52,626 --> 00:05:55,251 - Are you going with someone else? - Someone else? No. 136 00:05:55,251 --> 00:05:57,376 No, there's-- There are tons of people coming. 137 00:05:57,376 --> 00:05:58,960 Just like Andrea. Well, obviously. 138 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,418 And Tony and his boyfriend. 139 00:06:01,418 --> 00:06:03,084 Dena. Maybe Andrea's mom. 140 00:06:03,084 --> 00:06:05,793 - And some guy from work. - Funk? 141 00:06:06,752 --> 00:06:09,334 Um, I think that's his name. 142 00:06:09,626 --> 00:06:12,168 - I knew it. - Look, I was gonna call you 143 00:06:12,168 --> 00:06:14,877 when I got off the phone with the drummer from U2. 144 00:06:14,877 --> 00:06:16,334 Fine, whatever. 145 00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:18,043 You know, I'm glad I came back. 146 00:06:18,043 --> 00:06:19,668 I needed to get all my stuff anyway. 147 00:06:19,668 --> 00:06:21,835 And off to London you go. 148 00:06:21,835 --> 00:06:23,251 And of course, why not? 149 00:06:23,251 --> 00:06:24,543 It's what you do. 150 00:06:24,543 --> 00:06:27,293 You don't want me here, now you don't want me to leave? 151 00:06:27,293 --> 00:06:29,293 You wouldn't have to leave if you'd never left. 152 00:06:29,293 --> 00:06:31,668 I got a job. You said I should go. 153 00:06:31,668 --> 00:06:33,460 And then you went. 154 00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:35,918 Look, you know what, forget it. We're just out of sync. 155 00:06:35,918 --> 00:06:38,626 You know, we are relentlessly out of sync. 156 00:06:38,626 --> 00:06:40,710 You are in my bed, you should be on the couch. 157 00:06:40,710 --> 00:06:42,668 You're on the couch, you should be in my bed. 158 00:06:42,668 --> 00:06:44,835 And when you should be in Africa, you're in Chicago. 159 00:06:44,835 --> 00:06:47,002 And when you should be in Chicago, you're in London. 160 00:06:47,002 --> 00:06:48,501 Yeah? Yeah, well, I can beat that. 161 00:06:48,501 --> 00:06:50,626 You were mean as a snake, then you were in a coma, 162 00:06:50,626 --> 00:06:53,501 then you didn't remember me, then you wanted me, then you didn't. 163 00:06:53,501 --> 00:06:56,501 The best time we ever had together was when you were in a coma! 164 00:06:56,501 --> 00:06:57,543 Maybe you should go. 165 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,918 Here, let me help you take some stuff down. 166 00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:08,168 Never anything I can use. 167 00:07:09,126 --> 00:07:10,877 You need any more help? No? 168 00:07:10,877 --> 00:07:12,168 Okay, bye. 169 00:07:12,168 --> 00:07:14,209 Yeah. Well, it's been a nice trip. 170 00:07:14,209 --> 00:07:18,585 Fourteen hours in coach, but totally worth it for this paperback! 171 00:07:23,084 --> 00:07:24,501 [DOOR SLAMS] 172 00:07:25,710 --> 00:07:28,168 HOST [ON TV]: Bells are ringing for one happy couple today 173 00:07:28,168 --> 00:07:32,293 as basketball superstar Tony Dane marries Andrea Belladonna 174 00:07:32,293 --> 00:07:35,710 in a celebrity-filled ceremony in the Windy City. 175 00:07:35,710 --> 00:07:38,334 With the president in town and traffic gridlocked, 176 00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:40,460 will they get to the church on time? 177 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,585 Superstar Weddings is there. 178 00:07:43,585 --> 00:07:46,002 I found these in the RV. What are they? 179 00:07:46,002 --> 00:07:47,877 - I don't know. - They're pictures of you. 180 00:07:47,877 --> 00:07:50,293 At Civil War battlefields. 181 00:07:50,501 --> 00:07:52,668 On four different days. 182 00:07:53,209 --> 00:07:55,126 Taken by your little hitchhiker, I assume. 183 00:07:55,126 --> 00:07:57,960 Because no way do you know how to use the self-timer on your camera. 184 00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:00,960 Well, Jenny was interested. I mean, she majored in history. 185 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,585 Oh, you know her name? 186 00:08:02,585 --> 00:08:04,752 What, are you writing her centerfold bio? 187 00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:08,293 She has a name, she goes to college, she likes almonds, 188 00:08:08,293 --> 00:08:10,668 and her turn-ons are old men in RVs. 189 00:08:10,668 --> 00:08:13,918 I swear, Regina, nothing happened. 190 00:08:13,918 --> 00:08:16,002 Something did happen, Howard. 191 00:08:16,002 --> 00:08:18,084 You shared your life with someone. 192 00:08:18,084 --> 00:08:20,293 - Well, you didn't wanna go! - I don't care! 193 00:08:20,293 --> 00:08:22,710 That's not your life to share, that belongs to me. 194 00:08:23,376 --> 00:08:24,960 Okay. 195 00:08:25,668 --> 00:08:27,626 I get it. I get it. 196 00:08:28,084 --> 00:08:30,293 This is still your life. 197 00:08:30,293 --> 00:08:32,168 Our life. 198 00:08:32,501 --> 00:08:34,002 Come here. 199 00:08:39,918 --> 00:08:41,251 Is that a tattoo? 200 00:08:42,918 --> 00:08:44,668 REGINA: I don't know. 201 00:08:45,585 --> 00:08:47,209 DENA: Chase? 202 00:08:47,626 --> 00:08:49,460 Chase, I-- 203 00:08:49,668 --> 00:08:54,084 Uh, I have to be at the church. Why aren't you ready for the wedding? 204 00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,002 I was up all night. 205 00:08:57,710 --> 00:08:59,668 Saw the sunrise. 206 00:09:00,168 --> 00:09:02,835 Has it always had all those colors? I-- 207 00:09:02,835 --> 00:09:04,877 What else have I missed right underneath my nose? 208 00:09:05,710 --> 00:09:08,002 I know you're upset about Sam's amnesia. 209 00:09:08,002 --> 00:09:11,543 I mean, she did the job with no information at all. 210 00:09:11,543 --> 00:09:14,334 What does that say about the job? Or about my job? 211 00:09:14,835 --> 00:09:16,710 Does anything really matter? 212 00:09:16,710 --> 00:09:18,668 - Do we exist? MAN: Two lattes. 213 00:09:18,668 --> 00:09:20,126 I mean, is anything really real? 214 00:09:20,877 --> 00:09:22,960 Come on, it is time for us to get away together. 215 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,334 It is time for us to go away. 216 00:09:24,752 --> 00:09:27,668 You need to come with me so we can find out what is really real. 217 00:09:28,293 --> 00:09:29,752 - No, I-- No-- - Yes. 218 00:09:29,752 --> 00:09:32,251 I can't just go. You know, I can't just leave. 219 00:09:32,501 --> 00:09:35,460 I still have half a season of Lost recorded. 220 00:09:35,460 --> 00:09:37,626 I don't know how to stop my newspaper. 221 00:09:37,626 --> 00:09:40,334 - I have dogs. - Oh, do you have dogs? 222 00:09:40,334 --> 00:09:41,918 Or do they have you? 223 00:09:41,918 --> 00:09:45,002 Okay. This is why sleep is so important. 224 00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:47,293 Chase, my life is very real. 225 00:09:47,293 --> 00:09:51,002 Now get dressed, because I have to help my friend that hates me marry a gay man. 226 00:09:51,002 --> 00:09:52,668 What? He's gay? 227 00:09:53,168 --> 00:09:55,835 As we count down to the Belladonna-Dane ceremony-- 228 00:09:55,835 --> 00:09:57,960 Mom! Wha--? Mom, what are you talking about? 229 00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,209 You have to be here. 230 00:09:59,209 --> 00:10:01,251 I know traffic is jammed up, but we'll wait. 231 00:10:01,251 --> 00:10:04,460 No. We cannot hold the start, we have time booked on the satellite. 232 00:10:04,460 --> 00:10:06,251 - Who are you? - I'm with the network. 233 00:10:06,251 --> 00:10:08,793 We prepared for this, we have alternate parents on hold. 234 00:10:09,126 --> 00:10:12,585 You choose. We like this guy. He was on Veronica Mars. 235 00:10:12,585 --> 00:10:15,168 We share a lot of that same audience, so they'll dig it. 236 00:10:15,168 --> 00:10:18,126 Okay, let's break down here and set up at the church. 237 00:10:18,126 --> 00:10:20,543 This is the guy who set us up right here.@^ 238 00:10:20,543 --> 00:10:23,585 I don't know why I did that. I really wanted her for myself.@^ 239 00:10:24,585 --> 00:10:25,918 TONY: Yeah, this guy here is crazy. 240 00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:27,543 I'm serious. 241 00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:29,877 Don't marry her. I really wanted her. 242 00:10:29,877 --> 00:10:31,168 [DOOR OPENS] 243 00:10:31,168 --> 00:10:33,960 SAMANTHA: Hey. Honey, I'm so sorry I'm late. 244 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:36,084 Todd showed up. Surprise. 245 00:10:36,543 --> 00:10:40,376 Okay. Besides your toast to me, let that be the most you say today. 246 00:10:40,376 --> 00:10:43,043 Okay, look, take this engagement ring 247 00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:45,835 and don't give it back to me until my wedding ring is on my finger. 248 00:10:45,835 --> 00:10:47,043 Okay, how's my dress? 249 00:10:47,043 --> 00:10:48,501 Um, it's fine. It's fine. 250 00:10:48,501 --> 00:10:50,835 Little baby goats might follow you, but that'll be cute. 251 00:10:51,835 --> 00:10:54,126 - Go get dressed. Here. Go, go, go. ANDREA: Okay, yeah. 252 00:10:54,877 --> 00:10:58,585 HOST: Our cameras also caught the bride in conversation with her friend, 253 00:10:58,585 --> 00:11:01,084 the unattached billionaire Winston Funk. 254 00:11:01,084 --> 00:11:03,168 FUNK : You're a friend of Samantha's, aren't you? 255 00:11:03,168 --> 00:11:05,460 ANDREA: Huh? - She mentioned something about 256 00:11:05,460 --> 00:11:08,334 maybe seeing her ex-boyfriend again or... 257 00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,293 I don't know, I guess that's a good thing? 258 00:11:10,293 --> 00:11:11,543 Ooh. 259 00:11:11,543 --> 00:11:14,877 - Funk, who has himself been linked-- - What was that? Excuse me, excuse me. 260 00:11:14,877 --> 00:11:16,918 Where's the rest of the tape? I need to see it. 261 00:11:16,918 --> 00:11:18,752 Is it in here? Is it in here? Come on, move. 262 00:11:19,835 --> 00:11:23,793 FUNK [ON TV]: What, is he like a struggling artist or something like that? 263 00:11:23,793 --> 00:11:26,334 He's a photographer. Local stuff, nothing special. 264 00:11:26,334 --> 00:11:28,126 You know, not like magazines or anything. 265 00:11:30,460 --> 00:11:33,626 Well, maybe he'll get his big break one day. 266 00:11:34,418 --> 00:11:35,626 SAMANTHA: He sent him away. 267 00:11:36,460 --> 00:11:38,960 He sent Todd away so he could be with me. 268 00:11:39,752 --> 00:11:41,668 Well? Huh? 269 00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:43,043 It's all fake. 270 00:11:43,376 --> 00:11:44,918 It's a setup. 271 00:11:44,918 --> 00:11:48,043 God, how could I be so stupid to think that it was real? 272 00:11:48,043 --> 00:11:49,877 If that's supposed to be your toast to me, 273 00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,585 then you should keep working on it. 274 00:11:56,626 --> 00:11:59,002 Sam? Our car is here, we should go. 275 00:11:59,002 --> 00:12:00,501 No, why don't you go? 276 00:12:00,501 --> 00:12:03,418 I just found a really good episode of Top Cook here. 277 00:12:03,418 --> 00:12:05,585 You want a french fry? 278 00:12:05,585 --> 00:12:07,585 Here, you want some more? 279 00:12:07,585 --> 00:12:09,376 Something has transpired. 280 00:12:09,376 --> 00:12:10,752 You sent Todd away! 281 00:12:11,501 --> 00:12:13,251 - Yes, I did. - Yes! 282 00:12:13,251 --> 00:12:14,793 You did! 283 00:12:14,793 --> 00:12:17,334 And you're busted. 284 00:12:19,168 --> 00:12:20,501 Why don't you seem busted? 285 00:12:20,501 --> 00:12:22,251 For what, loving you? 286 00:12:22,251 --> 00:12:23,752 Loving? 287 00:12:23,752 --> 00:12:25,501 Love? Are you--? 288 00:12:25,501 --> 00:12:27,126 What? No. 289 00:12:27,126 --> 00:12:29,835 All right, what did I do? What did I do, really? 290 00:12:29,835 --> 00:12:31,793 I offered Todd a job. 291 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,793 Okay? That's it. What am I, the devil? 292 00:12:33,793 --> 00:12:36,418 I can't compel people to do things they don't wanna do. 293 00:12:37,918 --> 00:12:40,668 I didn't get to where I am without being able to spot a winner. 294 00:12:40,668 --> 00:12:44,126 And you are like that tire factory I bought in India. 295 00:12:44,376 --> 00:12:46,084 When the fir-- Look, I-- 296 00:12:46,543 --> 00:12:49,752 That is not a romantic statement, and I see that right now. 297 00:12:51,585 --> 00:12:54,376 Look, come on, now, Todd wanted a job. 298 00:12:54,376 --> 00:12:55,418 I want you. 299 00:12:57,251 --> 00:12:59,334 And I wanna spend every day of my life 300 00:12:59,334 --> 00:13:02,835 just giving you everything you ever wanted. 301 00:13:02,835 --> 00:13:05,084 If you like that sort of thing. 302 00:13:07,835 --> 00:13:08,960 You know what I want? 303 00:13:09,334 --> 00:13:10,460 What? 304 00:13:11,501 --> 00:13:14,752 I wanna blow off this wedding and get the hell out of here. 305 00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:17,084 And if I don't do it now, I'm never gonna do it. 306 00:13:17,084 --> 00:13:19,626 - So let's go. Come on. - Let's go. 307 00:13:21,126 --> 00:13:22,543 HOST [ON TV]: The couple's star-filled-- 308 00:13:22,543 --> 00:13:25,668 All right, next time you come back to convince a girl that you want her, 309 00:13:25,668 --> 00:13:28,460 don't bring a round-trip ticket. It's not sexy. 310 00:13:28,918 --> 00:13:32,209 This coming from the guy who set up the love of his life with her husband. 311 00:13:32,209 --> 00:13:34,209 In retrospect, it was a flawed strategy. 312 00:13:34,209 --> 00:13:36,418 The wedding will take place at the local church 313 00:13:36,418 --> 00:13:39,168 where Tony was baptized as a child 314 00:13:39,168 --> 00:13:42,668 and where the Aunt Ethel who raised him is still the organist. 315 00:13:42,668 --> 00:13:44,793 - Man, we suck. - Yeah. 316 00:13:45,209 --> 00:13:47,585 I thought it was gonna be like An Officer and a Gentleman. 317 00:13:48,626 --> 00:13:50,376 Come on, you know. The end? 318 00:13:50,376 --> 00:13:52,418 When Richard Gere comes into the factory, 319 00:13:52,418 --> 00:13:55,293 scoops up Debra Winger, and then just carries her right out. 320 00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:56,835 Doesn't even let her punch out, 321 00:13:56,835 --> 00:13:59,002 he's not even sure if she has personal time coming, 322 00:13:59,002 --> 00:14:00,251 he doesn't care. 323 00:14:03,126 --> 00:14:04,918 Well, then what? 324 00:14:04,918 --> 00:14:07,084 Well, then the movie's over. 325 00:14:07,543 --> 00:14:09,002 [TODD SIGHS] 326 00:14:10,334 --> 00:14:11,877 Seth? 327 00:14:12,334 --> 00:14:13,668 The movie's not over. 328 00:14:13,668 --> 00:14:17,793 --Andrea Belladonna in a celebrity-filled ceremony... 329 00:14:20,918 --> 00:14:23,293 You may see me on the news. 330 00:14:25,793 --> 00:14:27,126 A tattoo. 331 00:14:27,126 --> 00:14:29,293 It's a butterfly. And I like it. 332 00:14:29,293 --> 00:14:31,334 Oh, me too. You know, I always wanted hepatitis, 333 00:14:31,334 --> 00:14:33,126 but now I can just get it from you. 334 00:14:33,126 --> 00:14:36,501 Look, I was sitting next to this woman at a bar, 335 00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:39,835 and she had these beautiful, beautiful portraits 336 00:14:39,835 --> 00:14:41,960 of all of her dead boyfriends up and down both arms. 337 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,543 - They're called sleeves. - You were at a bar? 338 00:14:44,543 --> 00:14:46,877 Yes. One night I was staying at Samantha's-- 339 00:14:46,877 --> 00:14:50,293 - You went into the city alone? - Yes, Howard. Yes. 340 00:14:50,293 --> 00:14:52,084 While you and Miss Hitchhiker of the Month 341 00:14:52,084 --> 00:14:55,418 were traipsing through battlefields, I went into the city! 342 00:14:55,418 --> 00:14:56,585 And you know what else? 343 00:14:56,585 --> 00:14:58,334 I had sushi! 344 00:14:58,710 --> 00:15:00,168 You did not. 345 00:15:00,168 --> 00:15:02,293 As raw as can be! 346 00:15:02,293 --> 00:15:05,002 Hepatitis and parasitic worms. 347 00:15:05,002 --> 00:15:07,126 That's what you get in the city. 348 00:15:07,126 --> 00:15:11,293 Howard, I don't want to live in an RV. 349 00:15:12,460 --> 00:15:13,877 I'm sorry. 350 00:15:13,877 --> 00:15:16,752 I should have told you that from the start. 351 00:15:17,418 --> 00:15:19,626 We're young. 352 00:15:19,626 --> 00:15:23,960 I don't want battlefields and cemeteries and final resting places. 353 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:25,626 I'm not ready to rest. 354 00:15:25,626 --> 00:15:28,084 I'm too excited about our future. 355 00:15:28,084 --> 00:15:30,710 But that's what I wanna do in the future. 356 00:15:30,710 --> 00:15:32,668 I wanna look at the past. 357 00:15:33,002 --> 00:15:34,293 Not me. 358 00:15:34,293 --> 00:15:36,418 I'm just starting. 359 00:15:36,418 --> 00:15:38,585 I'm a butterfly. 360 00:15:41,126 --> 00:15:44,668 They have a life span of six days. 361 00:15:44,668 --> 00:15:46,293 DENA: Andrea, it's Sam. 362 00:15:46,626 --> 00:15:48,501 Where are you? Why aren't you here? 363 00:15:48,793 --> 00:15:51,626 Hey, Andrea, I'm in a helicopter! 364 00:15:51,626 --> 00:15:53,168 So listen. 365 00:15:53,168 --> 00:15:54,793 Honey, I can't come to your wedding. 366 00:15:54,793 --> 00:15:56,626 I'm really sorry. It's-- 367 00:15:56,626 --> 00:15:58,960 I finally figured out what it is that I want. 368 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,251 I just can't miss this chance. 369 00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:03,710 I hope you understand. 370 00:16:03,710 --> 00:16:05,168 Listen, I can't hear you, 371 00:16:05,168 --> 00:16:08,793 so I'm just gonna pause for your response! 372 00:16:08,793 --> 00:16:11,334 No. I cannot do this without you. 373 00:16:11,334 --> 00:16:13,376 Now get back here before I kill you. 374 00:16:14,251 --> 00:16:16,460 Thank you so much for understanding. 375 00:16:16,460 --> 00:16:18,084 Bye! 376 00:16:20,168 --> 00:16:23,918 Andrea Belladonna, I'd like you to meet your mom and dad. 377 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:27,418 The network wanted diversity. 378 00:16:27,418 --> 00:16:28,460 [ORGAN PLAYING] 379 00:16:28,626 --> 00:16:31,376 Okay. This is happening. Let's get the bride in the chute. You, go. 380 00:16:31,376 --> 00:16:33,251 - Mom, move it. - Wait. Wait, wait, wait. 381 00:16:33,251 --> 00:16:36,043 Those aren't my parents and my maid of honor isn't even here. 382 00:16:36,043 --> 00:16:38,126 - What is this? - Now, you'll be fine. 383 00:16:38,126 --> 00:16:41,460 You know, when I worked on Veronica Mars, I was scared to death. 384 00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:42,918 But I'm here for you, Andrea. 385 00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:45,126 It's "Andrea." Dad. 386 00:16:45,126 --> 00:16:46,960 [TIRES SCREECHING] 387 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:48,877 [CROWD CHATTERING] 388 00:16:48,877 --> 00:16:50,209 PHOTOGRAPHER: Wait. 389 00:17:00,293 --> 00:17:04,626 MAN [OVER PA]: Ladies and gentlemen, Flight 46 has been canceled.@n 390 00:17:04,626 --> 00:17:07,835 Flight 46 has been canceled. 391 00:17:08,126 --> 00:17:09,793 GUARD: Can I help you, sir? 392 00:17:18,710 --> 00:17:20,460 You're gonna love my island. 393 00:17:20,460 --> 00:17:22,960 Guess who's on the five-dollar bill. 394 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,752 Honey? What are you--? My plane is that way. 395 00:17:25,752 --> 00:17:28,418 Oh, yeah, I know. But I just remembered that you suck. 396 00:17:29,293 --> 00:17:30,668 But thank you for the ride. 397 00:17:30,668 --> 00:17:32,835 I never would've been able to catch Todd without it. 398 00:17:32,835 --> 00:17:35,043 Sam? What are you doing? 399 00:17:35,043 --> 00:17:37,209 What, do you feel manipulated? Used? 400 00:17:37,626 --> 00:17:39,209 It's gotta be rough, huh? 401 00:17:39,209 --> 00:17:44,126 Because I am not your puppet in your little puppet theater show, okay? 402 00:17:44,126 --> 00:17:46,168 You don't get to control my fate. 403 00:17:46,418 --> 00:17:47,877 Your fate. Okay, fate-- 404 00:17:47,877 --> 00:17:50,626 There's no such thing as fate, sweetheart. 405 00:17:50,626 --> 00:17:53,209 All right? Fate is what happens to people who have no power. 406 00:17:53,209 --> 00:17:55,084 Well, I do have the power. 407 00:17:55,084 --> 00:17:56,710 I have the power to walk away. 408 00:17:56,710 --> 00:17:58,209 Check it out. 409 00:17:58,209 --> 00:17:59,668 See you at work on Monday. 410 00:18:02,793 --> 00:18:06,209 Hi. Hi, I need to get my bag. They said I have to ask you. 411 00:18:06,209 --> 00:18:08,002 This bag has been checked to London. 412 00:18:08,002 --> 00:18:10,376 - But I'm not going to London. - Why'd you check it to London? 413 00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:14,334 Well, because my girlfriend-- Ex-girlfriend-- Doesn't matter, forget it. 414 00:18:14,334 --> 00:18:17,418 You know what? I'll let the bag go alone. I'll just get it later. 415 00:18:17,418 --> 00:18:19,710 You checked a bag you have no intention of accompanying? 416 00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:21,251 That's right. 417 00:18:21,543 --> 00:18:23,752 - Security to baggage services. MAN: Security, copy. 418 00:18:24,043 --> 00:18:27,960 Excuse me. Hi. Yeah. I guess I need to buy a ticket. 419 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,126 - Okay, where to? - It doesn't matter. 420 00:18:30,501 --> 00:18:33,543 Well, there's a flight to Hong Kong that departs in 20 minutes. 421 00:18:33,543 --> 00:18:34,960 Perfect, perfect. One, please. 422 00:18:35,251 --> 00:18:37,585 I'm afraid that flight's sold out. 423 00:18:37,585 --> 00:18:39,835 Me, I think you'd enjoy Shanghai. 424 00:18:40,126 --> 00:18:43,418 - My college friends and I went there and-- - I don't care, all right? 425 00:18:43,418 --> 00:18:45,918 I just need a one-way ticket, I have no bags to check, 426 00:18:45,918 --> 00:18:48,793 it doesn't matter to where, because I'm not gonna end up there anyway. 427 00:18:49,251 --> 00:18:50,960 One sec. 428 00:18:51,793 --> 00:18:53,626 Security to ticketing, please. 429 00:18:53,626 --> 00:18:54,835 No, no, no. What--? Come on. 430 00:18:56,543 --> 00:18:58,793 It'll be a minute until a room opens up. 431 00:18:58,793 --> 00:19:00,626 You might wanna take this time to relax. 432 00:19:00,626 --> 00:19:03,209 Oh, please, please. Please, let me stop him. 433 00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:06,293 Look, I know how this is gonna go down. I do. 434 00:19:06,293 --> 00:19:07,710 He's gonna get on that plane 435 00:19:07,710 --> 00:19:11,002 and he's gonna meet some flight attendant whose husband just died or something, 436 00:19:11,002 --> 00:19:13,626 and then they're gonna talk, and she's gonna open up, 437 00:19:13,626 --> 00:19:16,460 and by the time they land, they're sharing a flat together. 438 00:19:16,460 --> 00:19:18,168 We cannot keep doing this. 439 00:19:19,168 --> 00:19:20,835 I know, it's confusing. 440 00:19:21,084 --> 00:19:23,043 But, you know, people are confusing. 441 00:19:23,043 --> 00:19:25,043 That's what makes them real. 442 00:19:25,043 --> 00:19:27,460 And I don't care if we're in sync. 443 00:19:27,460 --> 00:19:30,460 As long as we're out of sync together. 444 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,543 TODD: Then shut up and tell him that. 445 00:19:32,543 --> 00:19:34,293 Todd. 446 00:19:35,043 --> 00:19:36,460 - Hey, no contact. - Hm? 447 00:19:36,877 --> 00:19:38,376 Wait, I have something for you. 448 00:19:38,376 --> 00:19:39,960 Me too. 449 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,877 - Sir. - What? Dude, come on. 450 00:19:42,877 --> 00:19:45,543 - No. - All right, fine, fine. Open it for me. 451 00:19:46,376 --> 00:19:48,334 Go on. There, there. Can I have that? 452 00:19:48,585 --> 00:19:50,126 Oh, man. 453 00:19:50,710 --> 00:19:52,710 - Will you marry me? - Will you marry me? 454 00:19:55,918 --> 00:19:57,877 SAMANTHA: There's another kind of fairy tale. 455 00:19:57,877 --> 00:20:02,877 One built on star-crossed lovers who fight against the evil empire, 456 00:20:03,293 --> 00:20:05,543 who find each other against all odds. 457 00:20:05,543 --> 00:20:08,084 No one can ever know about this. 458 00:20:09,126 --> 00:20:10,918 Got it? 459 00:20:12,543 --> 00:20:13,960 Got it. 460 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:17,251 - Now shut up and spoon me. - Oh. 461 00:20:17,251 --> 00:20:18,960 - So nasty. - Ahh. 462 00:20:19,543 --> 00:20:21,209 So where to? 463 00:20:21,209 --> 00:20:24,209 I've got 5 million frequent-flier miles and two years of French. 464 00:20:24,209 --> 00:20:25,460 We're free. 465 00:20:25,460 --> 00:20:27,168 Nothing to tie us down. 466 00:20:27,168 --> 00:20:28,877 You hear that? We're free. 467 00:20:28,877 --> 00:20:31,877 You boys like your freedom. Yes, you do. 468 00:20:31,877 --> 00:20:33,877 Time for somebody's pill, huh? 469 00:20:33,877 --> 00:20:36,251 Hey, Frank. Guess what. 470 00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:37,752 We're getting married. 471 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,710 Well, I wish you luck. 472 00:20:39,710 --> 00:20:41,251 Aw, thanks, Frank. 473 00:20:41,251 --> 00:20:43,710 What--? What are you doing? Oh. 474 00:20:44,376 --> 00:20:47,084 Wait, hold on, hold on. I have to get my keys. 475 00:20:47,084 --> 00:20:48,334 He has keys. 476 00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:55,752 Lots and lots and lots of luck. 477 00:20:56,126 --> 00:20:58,877 That last one? Now that's my kind of fairy tale. 478 00:20:58,877 --> 00:21:00,752 Where true love trumps all 479 00:21:00,752 --> 00:21:03,376 and they live happily ever after. 480 00:21:03,376 --> 00:21:05,793 - Mom. - I've left your father. 481 00:21:05,793 --> 00:21:07,543 Now, it's nothing you did. 482 00:21:07,877 --> 00:21:11,877 We both love you just the same, we're just gonna live in different places. 483 00:21:11,877 --> 00:21:13,126 I'm gonna live here. 484 00:21:14,293 --> 00:21:17,084 But does everything have to be so brown? 485 00:21:17,084 --> 00:21:18,501 Let's get some color in here.