1
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Previously on Californication...

2
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- So, Hank.
- Meredith.

3
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- You're a writer.
- A great writer.

4
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Do you know what the worst thing is?
You're not writing.

5
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- Are you familiar with Hell-A magazine?
- Hell, no.

6
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- They would like you to blog for them.
- Do you have a gun?

7
00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:19,810
You're out there sticking
your dick in anything that moves.

8
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My name is Hank.

9
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I know. Mia.

10
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- Who did she go with?
- Bill's daughter.

11
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I didn't know Bill had a daughter.

12
00:00:30,947 --> 00:00:32,239
- How old is she?
- 16.

13
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This is Mia, Bill's daughter.
And this is Hank.

14
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- Y-you two know each other?
- No.

15
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- I need you, baby.
- No.

16
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Hank, Hank, I'm getting married.

17
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Don't marry him. Marry me.

18
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:47,629
Hey.

19
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- Becca.
- I hate you.

20
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(Distant siren)

21
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What are you thinking about?

22
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I'm thinking about how much
I absolutely fucking loathe this city.

23
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Just as I was thinking about
how much I absolutely love it.

24
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Meanwhile, I haven't written
a goddamn word since we got here.

25
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You need to relax.

26
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I just miss New York, honey.

27
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You know, and I miss you,
because you're still there,

28
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in that big, thick head of yours.

29
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Come back to us, Hank.

30
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Your girls miss you.

31
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(Laughter)

32
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(Woman) So, who are you talking to?

33
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Oh. Nobody. Professional hazard.

34
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What do you do?

35
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I'm a writer. Nonpractising.

36
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- I've got something you could read.
- Yeah?

37
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Oh. I think you have potential.

38
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(Dog barks in distance)

39
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(Knocks on door)

40
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- Hank.
- Bob.

41
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- Bill.
- Really?

42
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Becca doesn't want to see you.

43
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You looking for a cock punch?
Let me talk to her.

44
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Trust me, as the father
of a teenage daughter,

45
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,548
just give her some space,
she'll come around.

46
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Shit. You know something... Bill, is it?

47
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:40,886
Yep. Still Bill.

48
00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:44,014
Well, I appreciate the parenting advice,
but maybe... just maybe...

49
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,141
giving them too much space
is not such a good idea.

50
00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:48,894
Maybe too much space is actually
the root of the problem.

51
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- Rebecca?
- Hank, please.

52
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My daughter is 16, and she's an angel.

53
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Clearly I'm doing something right.

54
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- Oh, you poor bastard.
- Excuse me?

55
00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:57,569
- Homo says what?
- What?

56
00:03:57,612 --> 00:04:00,530
- Gotcha. (Laughs)
- Huh.

57
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:03,533
- What the fuck is that?
- Oh, you like it?

58
00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:05,160
I could've bought a car instead.

59
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I think you should still buy the car

60
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and then run over
whoever created that turd.

61
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(Karen) Everything OK here, boys?

62
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(Bill) It's all good.

63
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It's all good? That's kind of a hip lingo.

64
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"It's all good. It's all good."

65
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Yeah, that's...
that's what they say, the kids.

66
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- I still hate you.
- Naturally.

67
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But I do want to see your movie.

68
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It's my book. It's not my movie.

69
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Not my problem. I like your movie.

70
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Oh, how is that even possible, honey?

71
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Because it proves you're not
the asshole they say you are.

72
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(Whistles) Cursing will cost you.

73
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(Sniffs)

74
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Now who says I'm an asshole?

75
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(Karen)
Can we swap nights this weekend?

76
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We're having some people over
on Saturday,

77
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and I'd love for Becca to be there.

78
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- Uncle Charlie and Aunt Marcy.
- Thank you, sweetie.

79
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Dad should come.
They're his friends, too.

80
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And Uncle Charlie's his agent.

81
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,677
Maybe he has an offer for him.

82
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You're welcome to come, Hank.

83
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Absolutely. Hey, bring a date.

84
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- Hmm?
- Bring a date.

85
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- Earbuds.
- (♪ Music plays)

86
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First of all, you could not handle me hitting
it off with somebody right in front of you.

87
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Oh, you're right.
It could be very painful.

88
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But I think I'll get through it.

89
00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:27,492
OK, so I take this to mean
the answer is no,

90
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that you're not going to marry me.

91
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:31,038
Hank, I'm standing right here.

92
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,400
Did you ever stop and think
that it might be nice for Becca

93
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to see us all get along for a change?

94
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Yes, and it might be nice if I could fellate
myself while farting The White Album,

95
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,214
but I haven't been able
to quite master that yet.

96
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Is he coming?

97
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:45,552
Absolutely. What can I bring, Bob?

98
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:49,014
Bill. Uh, Billy Bob. Whatever the fuck...

99
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That's not a "fuck," Becca.

100
00:05:57,815 --> 00:06:02,027
Your assistant makes me want
to touch myself in a bad place.

101
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,155
That's nice.

102
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,115
My assistant makes me
want to hang myself.

103
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- While masturbating?
- Are you retarded or something?

104
00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:12,704
Funky back tat on the small of the back.

105
00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:14,623
- You know what that means.
- No.

106
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:18,460
- She likes it in the pooper.
- Really?

107
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I have no idea.
I just wanted to say "pooper".

108
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I have found that the back tat

109
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is a watermark
of the promiscuous, though.

110
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Doesn't change the fact
she's the world's worst assistant.

111
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She drops calls, she loses manuscripts,

112
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she can't even get
my fucking macchiato right.

113
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But... but she does seem
to have a nipple ring. Quite possibly two.

114
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There is something very cool
going on in that area.

115
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OK, OK. Enough
about my assistant's nipples.

116
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:44,069
You want to talk some business?
How's the new book coming?

117
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:46,071
Now, that's a hostile question.

118
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:50,075
Hank, you have owed your publisher a book
since Becca was breast-feeding.

119
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I remember because I used
to like to watch Karen do that.

120
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Kiss my black ass.

121
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You need a fucking job.

122
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What? OK. What? What do you got?

123
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- Shh! Wait a minute. Listen. You hear that?
- What?

124
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That's the sound of my phone
not ringing for you.

125
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Hank, you have burned every bridge
I built for you with my bare hands.

126
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Except, of course...

127
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,182
- No, don't say it.
- Hell-A magazine.

128
00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:16,101
They want you to blog for them.

129
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Just take the fucking meeting already!

130
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No! No! Let's ask Dani California.

131
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:24,234
Hell-A magazine. Thoughts?

132
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,361
You'd be perfect for them.

133
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:28,405
Uh-uh-uh. Nipple ring?

134
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Two?

135
00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:31,950
Anywhere else?

136
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,996
She's got a nose ring, too.
You know what that means.

137
00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:38,957
- What? She likes it in the nose?
- That is sick.

138
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:44,129
(British accent) Look around. LA needs you.
Now more than ever.

139
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Your voice is a shotgun blast
to all the pretentious fucks

140
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who pollute this once-great city of yours.

141
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:54,556
Just so you know,
it's not and never will be my city.

142
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Use the blog, Hank.

143
00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:59,269
Channel your rage.

144
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You're a dying breed.
You're a real writer, a real man.

145
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:09,112
You've got heart, balls, and swagger.

146
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:11,823
Either way. (Chuckles)

147
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:14,367
Come over to the dark side, Hank.

148
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:17,787
Join us at Hell-A magazine.

149
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:20,081
I appreciate the enthusiasm. I do.

150
00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:23,460
- But I just... I don't have much to say.
- Think about it.

151
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,671
Oh, where you going?
I thought I was the real deal.

152
00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:29,216
It's a shame I'm in a relationship.

153
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:33,553
Write me something, Hank.

154
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:39,434
- Good night.
- Good night.

155
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:52,072
The airplane. Oh.

156
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:07,254
- So, what do you think?
- Very little of substance.

157
00:09:09,006 --> 00:09:10,590
No. (Laughs)

158
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:13,343
My tits. Seriously.

159
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:18,682
They seem pretty
fucking groovy to me.

160
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,184
- Think they're too small?
- Too small for what?

161
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,936
- I want to make them bigger.
- No.

162
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:27,190
They're absolutely almost perfect,
in every conceivable titty way.

163
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:29,526
What about my lips?

164
00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:33,321
Highly kissable.

165
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,284
Not those lips.

166
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:40,704
- These.
- Oh. Um...

167
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:45,584
Um... what...

168
00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:47,210
What about them?

169
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,921
Do you think they're too flappy?

170
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,132
- What's that? Flappy?
- Flappy?

171
00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:55,552
Mm-hm. I was thinking about
getting them fixed.

172
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,221
Vaginal rejuvenation.
You heard about it?

173
00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,931
Get them trimmed up a little.

174
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,851
That way they don't look like
day-old deli meat.

175
00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:07,230
Ooh. I think I just lost my manhood.

176
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,441
- And got hungry at the same time.
- (Laughs)

177
00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:11,401
I can help you find that.

178
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,070
You can try.

179
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:29,669
- Hey, this is you.
- Oh. I thought you recognized me.

180
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:31,713
I'm not a big porn guy, actually.

181
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:34,257
- (Baby crying)
- And who might that be?

182
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:38,428
- Oh, that's my daughter.
- Do you need to go... see to her?

183
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:43,308
It's OK. She'll quiet down.
Don't worry about it.

184
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:45,060
(Crying continues)

185
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:46,770
Go be with your daughter.

186
00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:52,901
I'm gonna have to confiscate
this for further study.

187
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:11,378
♪ LA woman ♪

188
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:14,297
- Piece of shit.
- ♪ LA woman

189
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,716
♪ LA woman ♪

190
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:19,844
(Hank) "Hell-A magazine blog number one."

191
00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:22,472
"Hank hates you all.

192
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,182
"A few things I've learned in my travels"

193
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:26,976
"through this crazy little
thing called life..."

194
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:29,270
"One... a morning of awkwardness"

195
00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:31,398
"is far better than a night of loneliness."

196
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:35,110
"Two... I probably won't
go down in history,"

197
00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:37,445
"but I will go down on your sister."

198
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:39,406
And three... while I'm down there,

199
00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:42,742
"it might be nice to see a hint of pubis."

200
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,453
"I'm not talking about a huge
'70s Playboy bush or anything,"

201
00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:47,372
"just something that reminds me"

202
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:50,834
that I'm performing
cunnilingus on an adult.

203
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:53,545
"But I guess
the larger question is,"

204
00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:56,047
"why is the City of Angels so hell-bent"

205
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,758
"on destroying its female population?"

206
00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,844
♪ LA woman

207
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:04,681
♪ Got to keep on rising

208
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:12,188
♪ LA woman

209
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:16,025
♪ Got to keep on rising ♪

210
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,657
Jesus H. Christ.

211
00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:29,038
Nope. Just little old me.

212
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:32,417
Are you OK? You look a little pale.

213
00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:34,753
You're not gonna have
a heart attack, are you?

214
00:12:34,795 --> 00:12:36,296
You are getting on in years.

215
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:39,966
Just because I'm older than you,
doesn't necessarily make me old.

216
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:43,344
- Well, I am 16, you know.
- So I've been told.

217
00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:45,930
What's the word for that again?

218
00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:48,558
Oh, yeah. It's statutory rape.

219
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,351
That's two words.

220
00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:52,145
Hi, Daddy.

221
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:55,815
Honey, put some clothes on, OK?
We have company.

222
00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:58,651
Well, I'm sure it's nothing
he hasn't seen before.

223
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:02,906
- Hank.
- Tim.

224
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:05,617
- Thanks for coming.
- Thanks for having me.

225
00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:08,536
- It's my pleasure.
- Oh, the pleasure is all mine.

226
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,539
I think this is, um...

227
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:13,750
an important first step
we're taking here.

228
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,377
Really? What step is that?

229
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:18,254
The one where I sit back and watch

230
00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,840
as you try to steal my family
out from under me?

231
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:23,176
It's not gonna happen.

232
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:24,969
Game on, brohim.

233
00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:27,305
Hey. You didn't have to do that.

234
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:30,892
I didn't. It's for me. Sorry about that.

235
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:34,437
Hank, Sonja.

236
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,897
Sonja, Hank.

237
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:38,191
Hi. I love your writing.

238
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,610
And I love you.

239
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,571
I read your adaptation way back
when Soderbergh was gonna do it.

240
00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:46,449
- I fucking loved it.
- Hey, my salad days.

241
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:49,077
You and I are gonna get along just fine.

242
00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:51,746
I'm sorry. Honey?
Can I borrow the missus for a moment?

243
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:54,457
- Yeah.
- Can I talk to you?

244
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:57,627
- What the fuck are you doing?
- What do you mean?

245
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,296
You're trying to set me up
with this woman.

246
00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:02,340
I thought it might be nice for you

247
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:04,592
to have a playdate
with someone your own age.

248
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:08,304
- And what if we get along swimmingly?
- Hankie.

249
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:11,099
I had to leave you, remember?

250
00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:13,017
I'm not holding a torch here.

251
00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:15,270
And you need to get on with your life.

252
00:14:15,312 --> 00:14:19,232
And you need to get in touch
with your emotions, woman.

253
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:20,358
(Laughs)

254
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:25,405
He says he's not used to dating.

255
00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:36,749
(Sighs) Nobody likes you.

256
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:39,502
You're ugly and your mother
dresses you funny.

257
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:42,463
Now smile, you fucking douche.

258
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:46,885
(Murmur of conversation)

259
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:14,412
- (Becca) Dad? Dad?
- Yes.

260
00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:16,456
- Can I get a dog?
- Absolutely. Yes.

261
00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:20,293
- As long as it poops here.
- We'll talk about it, honey.

262
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:24,422
I'm sorry, Hank. My apologies.

263
00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:26,466
That's fine, Bill. She's very sweet.

264
00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:29,302
Well, I'd like to propose a toast.

265
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,637
To friends...

266
00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:35,850
family, a new beginning...

267
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:38,102
- And a happy ending.
- Well said, honey.

268
00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:41,230
(Charlie) I'll drink to that.
(All) Cheers.

269
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:42,565
(Bill) Cheers, cheers.

270
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,569
So, how did you and Bill meet?

271
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:49,447
I don't think this is
the right setting for that...

272
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:53,326
I think this is the perfect
setting for that story.

273
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:57,038
Um, Bill hired Karen to redo
his place... this place.

274
00:15:57,081 --> 00:16:00,583
And along the way, they talked Zen
And The Art Of The Mid-Life Crisis

275
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:05,338
and eventually
fell head over heels in love.

276
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,840
In Karen's case, heels over head.

277
00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:10,468
And Bill got another trophy for his mantel,

278
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:13,513
and Karen got to move
into her own Barbie dream house.

279
00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:17,433
Talk about being the architect
of your very own...

280
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:19,143
happy ending.

281
00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:22,146
- Got it.
- That's a bit of an oversimplification, Hank.

282
00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:24,565
- But I'm not surprised.
- Floor is all yours, Bill.

283
00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:26,818
- I'll pass.
- That doesn't surprise me.

284
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,945
How did you and Karen meet?

285
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,322
- Mia, I don't think...
- (Karen) Some other time, sweetie.

286
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:33,783
- What? I'm curious.
- Me too.

287
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,618
Karen's not a big fan of memory lane.

288
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,245
- I'll tell it.
- Rebecca.

289
00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:38,997
Mom was going to art school

290
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,416
and playing bass
in this downtown noise band.

291
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:44,460
Dad had just published his first novel.

292
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,921
They met cute at...
what was it called again?

293
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,631
- CBGBs.
- Right.

294
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,717
He thought she was pretentious,

295
00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:53,720
and she thought he was
way too pleased with himself.

296
00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:54,887
But they had sex anyway.

297
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:58,266
In the morning, he made her breakfast,

298
00:16:58,308 --> 00:17:00,476
and she talked about her plan
to move to Seattle

299
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:03,646
- so she could stalk and marry...
- Chris Cornell.

300
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:07,400
Right. But then she read Dad's writing.

301
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:09,068
And that was it.

302
00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:12,905
Nine months later, I was born.

303
00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:15,199
They never got married, of course.

304
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:18,578
But they stayed together a long time.

305
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:21,706
A lot longer than most people do.

306
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:27,420
- (Man clears throat)
- (Car horn)

307
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:29,630
Oh, my boyfriend's here. I got to go.

308
00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:33,593
- Bye, Daddy.
- Oh! Bye.

309
00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:35,845
- Good night.
- Good night.

310
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,221
- Bye, honey.
- So long.

311
00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:40,558
I wish I could tell an interesting story
about my me and my ex,

312
00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:43,770
but it's really just LA cliché number 4b.

313
00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:45,563
He was sleeping with his assistant.

314
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:47,982
Oh, shit. That happens.

315
00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:50,068
- His name was Ted.
- Your husband?

316
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:51,819
- His assistant.
- Oh.

317
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:53,446
Ah.

318
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,364
- Could be worse.
- Really? How so?

319
00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:57,867
Well, instead of finding out
your husband was gay,

320
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:02,163
you could've found out
that he was a...

321
00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:05,666
Scientologist or something like that.

322
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:08,586
I'm a Scientologist, Hank.

323
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:10,254
(Light laughter)

324
00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:12,632
Or a Nazi.

325
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,260
Or al-Qaeda.

326
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:17,929
Keep trying.

327
00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:20,765
See, this is what I love
about LA, is the diversity.

328
00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:22,934
(Laughter)

329
00:18:22,976 --> 00:18:25,520
The Eagles!

330
00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:27,939
Oh. Eagles Of Death Metal.

331
00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:30,316
Cool. Right on.

332
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,527
I liked having you here tonight.

333
00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:36,697
- Well, I liked being here tonight.
- Bullshit.

334
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:39,534
Oh. It's a pleasure doing
business with you.

335
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,412
I hate to burst your bubble, sweetie,

336
00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:46,165
but that movie has nothing
to do with your old man.

337
00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:47,458
Of course it does.

338
00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:50,461
Your novel, while very much
an exercise in nihilism,

339
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:52,547
is firmly rooted in romanticism.

340
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:55,341
You read the novel?

341
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:57,260
Oh, Jesus fuck.

342
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,429
Ohh.

343
00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:02,265
Mm.

344
00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:05,601
You shouldn't take the Lord's
name in vain, you know.

345
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:08,980
- Where'd you get that old chestnut?
- Bill.

346
00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:11,065
I was wearing
my Cradle Of Filth t-shirt.

347
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:13,484
The one that says
"Jesus was a C-word" on the back.

348
00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:15,653
That's my girl.

349
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:20,616
But I do pray sometimes. Sort of.

350
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:22,285
What do you pray for?

351
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:24,537
That you and Mom work out your shit

352
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:27,290
and we move back to New York.

353
00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:30,042
Uh, no, honey.

354
00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:32,253
You don't owe me
anything for that one.

355
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,756
- Dad?
- Yeah?

356
00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:37,633
Are you OK?

357
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,848
No.

358
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:46,517
But I'm working on it.

359
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:50,605
Can I get a dog?

360
00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:53,482
Oh, you're good.

361
00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:55,067
You're good.

362
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:56,235
(Laughs)

363
00:19:57,070 --> 00:20:00,156
(Woman coughing)

364
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:03,451
Oh.

365
00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:05,036
Son-ja.

366
00:20:05,078 --> 00:20:07,371
Hey, look, I'm sorry
about before... what I said.

367
00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:10,291
I don't know what the fuck
I'm talking about half the time.

368
00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:13,127
- Ask anybody. They'll tell you.
- No worries. No worries.

369
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:14,962
(Sniffing)

370
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:17,298
You want... you want to...
you want to get fucked up?

371
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:18,674
Oh!

372
00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:27,099
Why are you so smiley?

373
00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:29,143
There's nothing quite like getting stoned

374
00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:32,104
on the very bed that
your ex-domestic partner shares

375
00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:34,649
with her fiancé.

376
00:20:34,691 --> 00:20:37,360
- It's the little things.
- (Both laugh)

377
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:40,196
Could you do me a favour?

378
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,822
Absolutely.

379
00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:49,163
Tell me what you think.

380
00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:54,293
(Coughs)

381
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:58,214
- Honestly?
- Yeah. Honestly.

382
00:20:58,298 --> 00:21:01,133
I'm, uh, 40-something years old.

383
00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:03,970
I don't have time to play games.
I need to know the truth.

384
00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:11,394
Well, your breasts are obviously real.

385
00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:17,483
And, um, you have an abundance
of pubic hair,

386
00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:20,403
which is really nice.

387
00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:24,532
And, um, there's no evidence
of vaginal rejuvenation.

388
00:21:25,742 --> 00:21:28,577
I'd say aside from the fact
that you worship a space alien,

389
00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:30,913
you just might be the most
beautiful woman I've seen

390
00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:33,582
in a long, long time.

391
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,086
Thank you.

392
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:39,714
It's my pleasure.

393
00:21:41,049 --> 00:21:44,427
- Would you do me another favour?
- Yeah.

394
00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:46,512
Would you fuck me?

395
00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:50,057
My husband recently left me
for a guy named Ted,

396
00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:52,393
and right now all I want to do
is get fucked stupid

397
00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:54,353
by a guy who actually likes women.

398
00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:56,564
If that's OK with you.

399
00:21:56,606 --> 00:21:59,317
Well, I'd be lying
if I said I never wondered

400
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:02,611
what it might be like
to violate a Scientologist.

401
00:22:03,697 --> 00:22:07,533
You must be looking like
Art Garfunkel down there lately.

402
00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:10,661
Oh, my God. You're obsessed.

403
00:22:10,704 --> 00:22:13,497
Well, you haven't been in
for a wax in months.

404
00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:16,584
So either you're taking
your lady business elsewhere

405
00:22:16,626 --> 00:22:19,462
or you're sporting
a ginormous hippie bush.

406
00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:22,548
I hate that shit.
I just came to keep you in business.

407
00:22:22,591 --> 00:22:24,633
Oh!

408
00:22:24,676 --> 00:22:28,137
And I just want you to be happy
and hair-free.

409
00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:30,639
Well, I am happy.

410
00:22:30,682 --> 00:22:32,892
Thank you very much.

411
00:22:34,728 --> 00:22:37,605
Are you sure you're not
making a deal with the devil

412
00:22:37,647 --> 00:22:39,774
that your ass can't cash?

413
00:22:39,816 --> 00:22:42,068
What does that even mean?

414
00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:49,158
What?

415
00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:51,952
Are you totally serious
about marrying this guy?

416
00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:54,455
- Yes.
- Why?

417
00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:58,125
I love him. He loves me.
He's great with Becca.

418
00:22:58,168 --> 00:23:01,754
- I mean, what else is there?
- What about Hank?

419
00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:05,132
- What about him?
- He loves you.

420
00:23:05,175 --> 00:23:07,468
He's trying to get his shit together.

421
00:23:07,511 --> 00:23:09,637
He has been trying
to get his shit together

422
00:23:09,679 --> 00:23:11,847
since the day we first met.

423
00:23:12,933 --> 00:23:17,144
And the sex with Bill? Is it good?

424
00:23:19,773 --> 00:23:22,024
Yeah. It's different, you know?

425
00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:26,654
Come on. (Sighs)

426
00:23:26,696 --> 00:23:29,907
- I want to show you my house.
- Oh, my God.

427
00:23:31,493 --> 00:23:33,661
My house is my art.

428
00:23:35,580 --> 00:23:39,625
I don't think Tom and Katie would approve
of what we're doing right now.

429
00:23:39,668 --> 00:23:42,753
- Oh, God. Shut up and fuck me already.
- Are you clear yet?

430
00:23:42,796 --> 00:23:45,131
Shut up and fuck me.

431
00:23:45,173 --> 00:23:47,758
You are one kinky Thetan.

432
00:23:52,806 --> 00:23:55,474
Oh! Aah!

433
00:23:57,602 --> 00:23:58,727
Are you OK?

434
00:24:01,106 --> 00:24:02,189
(Groans)

435
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:09,697
Oh. OK.

436
00:24:09,739 --> 00:24:11,240
Right.

437
00:24:21,376 --> 00:24:22,668
(Gasps)

438
00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:26,088
Oh, God.

439
00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:28,549
(Coughs)

440
00:24:28,592 --> 00:24:29,675
Oh...

441
00:24:35,098 --> 00:24:37,057
(Bill) My painting.

442
00:24:37,142 --> 00:24:40,019
It's all good. We got it under control.

443
00:24:40,061 --> 00:24:43,772
(Laughs)

444
00:24:43,815 --> 00:24:45,483
It's all good.

445
00:24:45,525 --> 00:24:47,693
(Both laugh)

446
00:24:47,736 --> 00:24:49,904
OK. We're so high!

447
00:24:49,946 --> 00:24:51,739
I don't know what happened.

448
00:25:05,462 --> 00:25:07,421
(Mia) You look like ass.

449
00:25:08,590 --> 00:25:10,591
Did we just have sex?

450
00:25:14,721 --> 00:25:16,639
What do you want from me?

451
00:25:16,681 --> 00:25:19,308
Isn't it obvious?

452
00:25:21,186 --> 00:25:25,397
What happened the other night
will never, ever happen again.

453
00:25:26,733 --> 00:25:28,776
And why is that?

454
00:25:28,818 --> 00:25:31,237
Because it's sick and wrong.

455
00:25:31,279 --> 00:25:33,739
Well, maybe I'm in the minority here,

456
00:25:33,782 --> 00:25:37,117
but I just don't think
there's anything sick and wrong

457
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,955
about a little fucking and punching
between consenting adults.

458
00:25:40,997 --> 00:25:44,041
You're not an adult, for one.

459
00:25:44,084 --> 00:25:46,710
You dirty old man.

460
00:25:46,753 --> 00:25:48,629
(Dog barks in distance)

461
00:25:48,672 --> 00:25:51,757
Well, I guess I'll just have
to get out my vibrator

462
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,509
and read your blog.

463
00:25:53,552 --> 00:25:56,011
That's cool. Then it won't be
a total waste of time.

464
00:25:57,347 --> 00:25:59,515
I thought it was cool.

465
00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:03,519
I was like, "Hey, I
totally fucked that guy."

466
00:26:07,524 --> 00:26:10,401
- Must be weird, though.
- What?

467
00:26:10,443 --> 00:26:13,696
Becoming the employee of a man
you so clearly hate.

468
00:26:13,738 --> 00:26:15,698
What are you talking about?

469
00:26:15,740 --> 00:26:20,828
(Laughs) My father.
He owns Hell-A magazine.

470
00:26:20,870 --> 00:26:23,789
Mia, is that you?

471
00:26:23,832 --> 00:26:26,125
Coming, Daddy.

472
00:26:26,167 --> 00:26:30,754
♪ And though he's naked through the day

473
00:26:30,797 --> 00:26:35,342
♪ There's always gonna be a better way

474
00:26:35,385 --> 00:26:40,347
♪ It'll always be someone else's way ♪

475
00:26:40,390 --> 00:26:42,224
Always a pleasure.

476
00:26:43,727 --> 00:26:46,604
♪ Closer to the edge

477
00:26:46,646 --> 00:26:52,776
♪ It's so much further
than we get without a car

478
00:26:52,819 --> 00:26:58,782
Line 480

479
00:26:58,825 --> 00:27:05,414
Line 481

480
00:27:05,457 --> 00:27:11,712
Line 482

481
00:27:11,755 --> 00:27:15,382
Line 483

482
00:27:18,011 --> 00:27:22,681
Line 484

483
00:27:22,724 --> 00:27:24,892
Line 485

484
00:27:27,020 --> 00:27:30,481
Line 486

485
00:27:30,565 --> 00:27:36,528
Line 487

486
00:27:36,571 --> 00:27:43,327
Line 488

487
00:27:43,370 --> 00:27:49,750
Line 489

488
00:27:49,793 --> 00:27:53,879
Line 490

489
00:27:53,922 --> 00:28:01,303
Line 491

490
00:28:01,346 --> 00:28:05,933
Line 492

491
00:28:05,975 --> 00:28:12,856
♪ With anyone,