1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,168 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:05,921 You could have made me less moody if you'd made me into a Moody. 3 00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:07,244 I'll make you a Moody right now. 4 00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:08,549 (Bill) Get on with your life 5 00:00:08,591 --> 00:00:11,301 and forget about the woman you didn't want to marry. 6 00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:12,928 - Back to work. - Yes, sir. 7 00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:15,097 Anything you want to tell me about there, captain? 8 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:16,682 Please. I'm a married man. 9 00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:18,934 Hey, baby. 10 00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:22,021 - My name is Hank. - I know. 11 00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:24,273 Ow! 12 00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:28,235 This is Mia, Bill's daughter, and this is Hank. 13 00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,195 - Y-you two know each other? - No. 14 00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:32,740 - I am 16, you know. - So I've been told. 15 00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:35,826 - My daughter's an angel. - Oh, you poor bastard. 16 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:39,705 I have a creative-writing course, and I need to turn something in today. 17 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,665 You must have some piece-of-shit short story 18 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,709 you never published around here somewhere. 19 00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:45,335 - Remember me? - How could I forget? 20 00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:47,713 I think we took things to a whole other level. 21 00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:50,340 Can I talk to you for a second? 22 00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:54,136 - That's married guy. Come on. - I didn't know he was gonna be here. 23 00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:56,430 - Let her go. - What are you talking about? 24 00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:57,723 Fucker! 25 00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:59,516 Oh! Oh, my God! 26 00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,643 I'm glad you came. 27 00:01:08,943 --> 00:01:12,946 ♪ Doing the right thing ♪ 28 00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,878 I'm back, and you're black, which is cool. 29 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,838 I'm a big fan of black Jesus. 30 00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:32,633 High five. Don't leave me hanging. There you go. 31 00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:35,469 (♪ Organ plays Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor) 32 00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:38,222 - Can I help you, my son? - Oh, hey, padre. 33 00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:41,391 No, no, I was just trying to check in with JZ up there. 34 00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:44,311 Anything I can help you with? 35 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:47,356 Sure you don't have a grab-ass appointment with an altar boy? 36 00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:50,234 There's plenty of time for that. 37 00:01:50,318 --> 00:01:52,444 Whoa. 38 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:56,615 You, uh... You checking out my package? 39 00:01:57,867 --> 00:02:00,869 You don't want to suck my cock, do you? 40 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,330 Do you want me to suck your cock? 41 00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:08,252 Do you want me to want you to suck my cock? 42 00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:10,587 Do you want to tell me why you're here? 43 00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:13,382 It's about a girl. She's beautiful. 44 00:02:13,424 --> 00:02:17,136 She's smart and funny, up for all kinds of intercourse. 45 00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:20,139 - But she's not Karen. - I didn't say that. 46 00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,724 Karen doesn't love you, Hank. 47 00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:24,268 She loves me. 48 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:44,705 With a gay priest! 49 00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:47,249 Oh, fuck me. 50 00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:51,503 Has anyone ever told you you have a lot of bad dreams? 51 00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:53,380 Oh, what's wrong with black Jesus 52 00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:57,634 and a gay priest just looking for a little oral to get him through his night? 53 00:02:57,677 --> 00:03:00,304 (Giggles) LOL. 54 00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:02,014 - What was that? - Hm? 55 00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:04,099 What'd you just say just now? 56 00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:05,976 - What? - LOL. 57 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,770 - Laugh Out Loud? - Yep. 58 00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:11,648 That's a part of your lexicon? 59 00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:13,358 Really? LOL? 60 00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:15,569 Shouldn't it be part of yours, too? 61 00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:18,071 You are writing for cyberspace, you know. 62 00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:21,074 Oh, and there goes my boner. Wave bye-bye. 63 00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:23,368 What is your issue with LOL? 64 00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:25,078 I don't have an issue, 65 00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:26,997 Unless you count the fact that every time you say it, 66 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,458 you're contributing to the death of the English language. 67 00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:33,587 So, let me get this straight. 68 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,798 You're gonna let the fact that I just said LOL 69 00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:40,344 get in the way of me giving you the best BJ of your life? 70 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,223 Not when you put it that way. 71 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:53,857 Yeah, I'm not the biggest fan of the term BJ either. 72 00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:39,528 (Dog barking) 73 00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:41,405 (Marcy) Baby, don't make me beg. 74 00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:43,782 We haven't had sex since my last period. 75 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,784 You know how fucking horny I get. 76 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,291 You can have the ass if you want. 77 00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:54,710 You can keep it. 78 00:04:54,752 --> 00:04:57,421 Last time we tried anal during the light of day... 79 00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,381 not pretty, remember? 80 00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:01,717 You used to be all about the morning sex. 81 00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:03,176 What's going on with you? 82 00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:04,970 I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry. 83 00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:08,181 It's just... I'm really stressed out right now, OK? 84 00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:09,975 It's work stuff, really. 85 00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:13,145 I know. Pretend I'm paralysed. 86 00:05:13,187 --> 00:05:16,106 What? God! 87 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:19,359 Come on. This will be fun. You need to shoot some glue. 88 00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:22,070 I'll just lay here. Do what you got to do. 89 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:24,740 L-I'll be your vessel. 90 00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:33,373 Whoa! What the fuck are you doing back there? 91 00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,667 What? You don't like that? 92 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,045 No, I just... 93 00:05:38,087 --> 00:05:41,506 You can't just go send probes into unexplored territory 94 00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:43,133 without any advance warning. 95 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,052 You know what I'm saying? 96 00:05:45,094 --> 00:05:48,180 I was just trying to spice things up a little bit. 97 00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:49,931 Why? You don't think things have been hot enough? 98 00:05:49,974 --> 00:05:53,268 It was just a finger up the ass. 99 00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:55,812 I could use the littler one. 100 00:05:57,565 --> 00:06:01,068 I've got to get to work, OK? I'm gonna be late. 101 00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:05,072 Love you. 102 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:11,036 - (Knocking on door) - Fuck off! 103 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,039 (Knocking on door) 104 00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:18,668 B to the I to the double L. 105 00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:20,504 What's up, my nig nog? 106 00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:23,924 - I need to talk to you. - Well, you should have called. 107 00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:26,802 I wouldn't have answered, but you could've left a message, 108 00:06:26,844 --> 00:06:28,512 Which I would have quickly erased. 109 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:33,850 Uh, yeah, this isn't something I would choose to discuss over the phone. 110 00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:38,105 - This is about Mia. - Oh. 111 00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:40,982 You're aware she's in high school, correct? 112 00:06:41,025 --> 00:06:42,484 Really? Uh, no. 113 00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:45,362 I mean, I-I was thinking she was older than that... 114 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:48,824 uh, college, grad school maybe, uh, something like that. 115 00:06:48,866 --> 00:06:51,618 Quit fucking around, Hank. This is serious. 116 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:54,913 Oh, shit, Bill. I'm sorry, man. 117 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:59,835 I'm really sorry, and I... you know, this is just a fucked-up situation. 118 00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:03,380 And it should have never happened, but nobody's to blame, really. 119 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,382 I'm glad, in a way, that you're here, 120 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,760 you know, so we can get on the same page, all right, man? 121 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,804 Y-your turn. 122 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,516 What are you talking about? 123 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,601 I don't know. What are... what are you talking... 124 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:21,189 - It depends. What are you talking about? - Are you stoned or drunk? 125 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:24,151 What am I talking about? What am I talking about? 126 00:07:24,193 --> 00:07:26,987 I don't know, half the fuckin' time, what I'm talkin' about. 127 00:07:27,029 --> 00:07:31,825 - I got to ask you a favour, Hank. - Oh. Fuck. Well, a favour. Wow. 128 00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:34,119 OK, this should be entertaining. 129 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:38,540 L-I was supposed to be the guest speaker at Mia's school today, 130 00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:41,710 - but I have to go out of town. - Uh-huh. 131 00:07:41,752 --> 00:07:44,754 And this concerns me how exactly, Wilhelmina? 132 00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:48,967 Well, I was hoping that you might consider stepping in for me. 133 00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:53,972 It's a creative-writing class, and I was gonna talk about publishing. 134 00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:58,393 You can talk about writing or not writing or whatever works. 135 00:07:58,436 --> 00:08:00,604 Yeah. 136 00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:02,856 And what's in it for me? 137 00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:08,320 - What do you want? - Call off the wedding. 138 00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:12,991 - Anything else? - Hm. 139 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,035 Mm, that's a nice jacket. 140 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,583 (Bell) 141 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,675 You a smoker? There you go. 142 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:35,305 (Hank) All right, so, at the end of day, 143 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:39,184 if you can do anything else... telemarketing, 144 00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:44,439 pharmaceutical sales, or ditch digging, Major League umpire... 145 00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:47,275 I would suggest that you do that, because being a writer blows. 146 00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:50,695 It's like having homework every day for the rest of your life. 147 00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:54,074 - (Laughter) - Any more questions? 148 00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:56,159 Yikes. Yeah? 149 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:59,996 - Are you single? - Of course I am. Who would have me? 150 00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:01,331 - I would. - (Laughter) 151 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,500 - (Bell) - OK, girls, let's thank Hank 152 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:07,754 - for coming in on such short notice. - (Applause) 153 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:11,216 Cigarette break, everybody. All right, bye-bye. 154 00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:13,134 Bye. 155 00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:18,431 Dude, you're a fucking rock star. 156 00:09:18,474 --> 00:09:19,849 Please. It's an all-girls school. 157 00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:23,019 Anything with a half a cock and one ball is gonna get a rise out of these kids. 158 00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:26,231 Tell me about it. Best job I've ever had. 159 00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:27,941 They're very young. 160 00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:31,027 Oh, say that again... slower this time. 161 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,154 - God. - My... my fleshy TA didn't hear you. 162 00:09:33,197 --> 00:09:37,867 Stop. Laugh it up, funny man, but you could go to jail for that shit. 163 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:41,037 You're acting like it's a fucking Mommy And Me class. 164 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,999 These girls are right on the cusp of their womaninity. 165 00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:46,209 What else is out there for guys like us? 166 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:50,255 - Guys like us? - I wrote a novel. Three of them, actually. 167 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:51,798 Oh, yeah? 168 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:54,301 They never came out of the drawer, but I fucking wrote them. 169 00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:57,262 I wrote the shit out of them. So, what do I do? 170 00:09:57,305 --> 00:10:00,056 Write screenplays like the rest of the fucking herd? 171 00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:03,935 Or do I fight the good fight and promote an appreciation of great writing? 172 00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:08,523 And just fuck the ones who are bored and stupid enough to spread 'em for you? 173 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:12,485 Speaking of which, Mia is a seriously good writer. 174 00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:13,612 Yeah? 175 00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:16,281 She's written a couple good short stories, but nothing since. 176 00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:18,783 But they're good. 177 00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:23,038 Who knows? Maybe I'm grading on a curve cos she gives me wood. 178 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,832 Not so much with the character development. 179 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:28,752 And the prose was a little stiff. She was trying too hard, really. 180 00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,297 Van fuckin' Halen. 181 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:35,342 Mm. Is there another mode of egress? 182 00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:44,309 Aah! 183 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:47,479 (Coughs) 184 00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:53,026 - Busted. - Oh, God, you don't understand. 185 00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:55,820 - I could've been there for hours. - Huh. Poor Hank Moody. 186 00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:57,822 What's the deal with you and Mr Chipwich? 187 00:10:57,865 --> 00:11:00,617 - Meaning what exactly? - You know what I mean. 188 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,119 - Does he have carnal knowledge? - Yeah, that. 189 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:05,789 - Not yet. - Just be careful. 190 00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:08,083 Says the much older man who actually did sleep with me. 191 00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:09,376 That was an accident. 192 00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:11,586 Right, there you were, just minding your own business, 193 00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:14,005 walking down Abbot Kinney, when your dick fell in me. 194 00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:16,758 - Oopsie. - What is this? Open-mike night? 195 00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:19,219 Look, just be careful of him and those of his ilk. 196 00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:22,806 Hank Moody, as I live and breathe, are you looking out for me? 197 00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:27,477 Why wouldn't I? Aside from the fact that you're mad as a hatter, you're a good kid. 198 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:31,189 (Sighs) Well, seeing as I can't seem to get you back in the sack, 199 00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:33,358 I guess I'll just have to settle for him. 200 00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:35,777 I have a feeling he won't play as hard to get. 201 00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:38,113 - Out of the car. - Mm! 202 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:44,327 - Have a nice day at school, dear. - Bye, Hankarella. 203 00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:49,791 How do I look? 204 00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:52,043 Oh, sweetie, you look great. But you know what? 205 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:54,671 It's a guitar lesson. It's not a fashion show. 206 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:58,508 Mother, rock, fashion... it's all one world. 207 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,553 - OK, Avril. - He is cute. 208 00:12:01,595 --> 00:12:04,931 - He is? I hadn't noticed. - I look like a geek. 209 00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:06,599 - (Doorbell) - Oh! 210 00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:08,852 It's OK. I'll get it. 211 00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:13,982 - Well, hello, Dave. - Ladies. 212 00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:18,069 - Your shirt. - What? You're not a fan, are you? 213 00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:20,113 That would make me so sad. 214 00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,449 - I think it's cool. - Well, it's just, you know... 215 00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:24,534 - Becca. - Yeah. 216 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,411 Right. Sorry about that. 217 00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:27,996 - I wasn't thinking. - That's OK. 218 00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:31,166 She's my youngest student and my most promising. 219 00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:33,084 Oh, she is? Well, that's great. 220 00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:36,379 I probably have some smelly, old thing in my car somewhere. 221 00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,673 Or you could just turn it inside out. 222 00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:41,551 You know, you could use the bathroom on... 223 00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,386 or not. 224 00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:46,139 Um... 225 00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:52,020 - Hey... Dave. - Hey, sweetie. 226 00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:53,980 - Better? - Much. 227 00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:56,274 I liked it better off, but that's just me. 228 00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:58,485 (Laughs) How you doing? 229 00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:01,279 - Good. - You been practising? 230 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,124 (Henry) I'm here with Hank Moody, 231 00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:15,627 author of celebrated underground novels 232 00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:18,755 like South Of Heaven, Seasons In The Abyss, 233 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,841 and most famously, God Hates Us All. 234 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,134 How are you, Hank? 235 00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:25,553 I'm a little under the weather, but it's good to be here. 236 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:29,098 Some folks have compared the wait for your new novel 237 00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:32,644 to the decade-plus wait for the new Guns N' Roses album. 238 00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:35,355 Which one do you think will see the light of day first? 239 00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:38,441 Well, I certainly hope that I beat Guns N' Roses to the punch, 240 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,568 because I want to get on Oprah's book club. 241 00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:42,904 I want that sticker from the book club. 242 00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:45,615 I want to get on that show, and I want to ask her... 243 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,451 about that scene in Beloved where she squats and pees. 244 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,286 How many takes did she do? Was she method? 245 00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:52,455 In all seriousness, your blog for Hell-A magazine 246 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,791 is prompting a lot of underground water-cooler talk. 247 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:58,086 - It's great. - Thank you, but it's really... 248 00:13:58,128 --> 00:14:01,673 It's more like pissing out of my ass than anything else. 249 00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:04,968 You know, it's just... things bother me, and I vent. 250 00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:08,054 - I write it down. - What's your latest obsession? 251 00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:10,014 Just the fact that people seem to be getting dumber and dumber. 252 00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:12,267 I mean, we have all this amazing technology, 253 00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:13,852 and yet computers have turned 254 00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:15,937 into basically four-figure wank machines. 255 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:19,023 The internet was supposed to set us free, democratise us, 256 00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:22,652 but all it's really given us is Howard Dean's aborted candidacy 257 00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:25,113 and 24-hour-a-day access to kiddy porn. 258 00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:27,657 People... they don't write any more. They blog. 259 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,659 Instead of talking, they text... 260 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:33,121 no punctuation, no grammar, LOL this and LMFAO that. 261 00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:35,790 It just seems to me that it's just a bunch of stupid people 262 00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:39,711 pseudo-communicating with a bunch of other stupid people in a protolanguage 263 00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:42,589 that resembles more what cavemen used to speak than the King's English. 264 00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:44,173 Yet, you're part of the problem. 265 00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,509 You're out there blogging with the best of them. 266 00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:49,596 Hence my self-loathing, you know. 267 00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:51,431 (Dave) Bar chords are tough. I know. 268 00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:54,976 But once you master them, all the secrets of the rock-and-roll universe 269 00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:57,937 will be revealed... trust me, OK? 270 00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,939 OK. 271 00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:02,734 Uh, hold on a second. I have something for you. 272 00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:04,861 - Wait right here, OK? - You got it. 273 00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:08,489 Hey, how'd it go? 274 00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:10,992 I'm sure you already know this, 275 00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:14,037 but you have a really sweet kid there. 276 00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:17,290 Oh, you know, you're preaching to the choir. But thanks. It never gets old. 277 00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:20,335 She's really into it, too, which is really cool to see. 278 00:15:20,377 --> 00:15:22,253 - Mm-hm. - Makes my job a pleasure. 279 00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:25,006 Well, she comes by it honestly. 280 00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:29,510 Her dad is really into music, and, uh, I was in a band once. 281 00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:32,388 I'd love to hear the stories sometime. 282 00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:33,723 (Chuckles) 283 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,184 - (Phone) - Excuse me. 284 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:43,566 Hello? Hey, sweetie. How are you? 285 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:46,694 How was the flight? Uh-huh. 286 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:48,905 And the hotel... is it OK? 287 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,282 Hey, yeah, h-hold on one second. 288 00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:55,745 - Where'd he go? - Breathe, honey. It's OK. He's just outside. 289 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:59,624 I got to go. Um, Becca's just finishing her guitar lesson. 290 00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:01,876 (Mia)... music do you like? 291 00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:04,212 (Dave) I am a sucker for Radiohead. 292 00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:07,465 Got any exciting plans this weekend? 293 00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:10,593 - I've got to rehearse with the band. - What do you guys sound like? 294 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:14,013 It's like Radiohead. We got a killer bassist. 295 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:15,098 - Right. - Yeah. 296 00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,600 - All those things. - All those things. 297 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,978 What's this? 298 00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:22,313 I made it for you... some songs I like. 299 00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:24,691 I thought you might like them, too. 300 00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:29,487 Whoa. A mix tape... CD. 301 00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:32,323 No one's made me one of these in a long time. 302 00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:35,702 Thank you, sweetie. I will treasure it always. 303 00:16:35,744 --> 00:16:38,746 - Same time next week? - Yep. 304 00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:40,206 Adiós. 305 00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:50,133 (Hank) Look, I don't want to take sides here, 306 00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:52,468 but I want to say, for the record, categorically, 307 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:56,222 never, never stick a finger up a grown man's ass without warning. 308 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,683 - Don't do it. - Hi. 309 00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:01,811 - Thank you. - Write that down. 310 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,022 - You know what? I've been with other guys. - Sure... 311 00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:06,441 And sometimes a little ass play is not only welcome... 312 00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,192 - It's got its place. But it's appreciated. 313 00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:10,737 I understand, but you got to be gentle with the brown eye. 314 00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:12,447 Mr Brown Eye's a sensitive man. 315 00:17:12,489 --> 00:17:14,657 Hey, hey, hey, sorry I'm late. 316 00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:18,286 Found a redhead wandering the parking lot. 317 00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:22,165 - Brought her in for you. - Sorry I'm late. Stuck in traffic. 318 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,876 Listening to the radio... very entertaining. 319 00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:26,836 LOL. 320 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:31,007 So, have you been telling her what an airhead your new girlfriend is? 321 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:35,470 Uh, no, I was just about to. 322 00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:38,014 I heard the interview, Hank. 323 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:41,267 Nothing like being the object of scorn and derision on public radio. 324 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,895 Well, that's the point, right? 325 00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:47,648 Because it's public radio. Who's listening? So... 326 00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:51,110 So, is this why his relationships don't last? 327 00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:54,113 Because the girls can't live up to some ridiculous fucking gold standard? 328 00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:57,241 What did you do today? Did you get your hair done? 329 00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:59,285 If you spent less time focusing on other people's flaws, 330 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:01,329 you might notice that you've got a couple of your own. 331 00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:04,165 Speaking of flaws, Dodger game, Friday night? 332 00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:06,918 - I didn't say that I didn't. - Great. You want to hear some? 333 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:10,171 - It seems like you want to tell me. - Yeah, I do. 334 00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:12,048 You drink too much, write too little, 335 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,467 and the only exercise you get is in the bedroom. 336 00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,385 You love women, but you hate yourself, 337 00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:19,013 so that any woman who actually really does like you 338 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:20,848 is ultimately deemed a fool. 339 00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:26,020 And seeing as that woman could pretty much be anyone, 340 00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:28,564 this one is saying goodbye. 341 00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:30,149 H-hold on just one second. 342 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,527 I seem to have hurt you, and I apologise for that. 343 00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:35,696 But that's not what this is about. 344 00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:39,158 This is about something else. You want to tell me what it's about? 345 00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,578 BRB, Hank. 346 00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:48,126 I will go and make sure she doesn't kill herself this time. 347 00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:51,712 And by the way, getting all aggro about a little stinky pinky 348 00:18:51,755 --> 00:18:56,676 is definitely a symptom of a much bigger problem. 349 00:18:56,718 --> 00:18:58,136 (Hank) Oh, Jeez. 350 00:19:02,349 --> 00:19:05,059 I don't know what she's talking about. 351 00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,355 Bitches. 352 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,993 Intruder. 353 00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:26,122 - What are you doing here? - I just pooped myself! 354 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,832 That was very cool... 355 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:31,085 what you did today, talking at Mia's school. 356 00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:35,047 Oh, yeah, can we please agree right now to never send Becca there? 357 00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:37,133 - OK. - How's my girl? 358 00:19:37,217 --> 00:19:40,386 I'm good. I've got a lot of work on, but, yeah... 359 00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:43,306 I was talking about Becca, but I like where your head's at. 360 00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:47,518 That's embarrassing. I just slipped into a past life for a second. 361 00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:49,270 I still get my mail there. 362 00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:51,480 I love your feet. 363 00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:54,275 She's got a crush on her guitar teacher. 364 00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:55,902 Oh, well, that's great. 365 00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:59,113 At least it's not the captain of the fucking football team. 366 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:00,406 Is he crushworthy? 367 00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:03,075 Does he bring out your inner rocker slut? 368 00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:05,828 You know, he is pretty fuckin' hot, yeah. 369 00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,247 - Should I be worried? - Isn't that Bill's problem? 370 00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:11,125 Yeah, I don't know if Bill worries enough. 371 00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:12,919 Whatever. 372 00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:14,879 Hey, you think I might, uh... 373 00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:17,965 take Becca out for some ice cream or something? 374 00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:19,091 (Chuckles) 375 00:20:19,134 --> 00:20:21,886 You could, but, you know, you just missed her. 376 00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:24,180 - She's snoozing. Sorry. - Oh, shit. 377 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:29,810 Can I ask you something? 378 00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:31,729 If you must. 379 00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:39,487 In this, uh... past life of ours, was I mean to you? 380 00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:44,116 Did I ever... did I make you feel stupid? 381 00:20:44,159 --> 00:20:47,578 You weren't mean, no. 382 00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:52,083 But you can be pretty hard on people, Hank. 383 00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:56,254 I wish it was different. 384 00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:58,130 And so do I. 385 00:20:58,173 --> 00:21:00,174 But it's not. 386 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:05,513 How is that girl from the fund-raiser? 387 00:21:05,555 --> 00:21:08,099 She is pissed at me. 388 00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:10,685 - She's not. - Yeah. 389 00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:13,562 (Chuckles) She'll get over it. 390 00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:16,524 - Hank? - Yeah? 391 00:21:16,566 --> 00:21:19,735 Is that Bill's jacket? 392 00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:22,697 Oh, that's a long story. 393 00:21:22,739 --> 00:21:25,283 I got to go. Good night, foot. 394 00:21:30,163 --> 00:21:32,832 ♪ All alone 395 00:21:32,874 --> 00:21:35,209 ♪ On the floor 396 00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:40,756 ♪ Next to your twin-bed box spring and mattress 397 00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:43,217 ♪ The door 398 00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:46,137 ♪ Is ajar 399 00:21:46,179 --> 00:21:48,806 ♪ From afar you can hear bands practising ♪ 400 00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:51,767 (Horn honks) 401 00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:54,270 ♪ And when you dream 402 00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:58,107 ♪ You dream of a day 403 00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:02,153 ♪ When you find something you could love 404 00:22:02,195 --> 00:22:04,739 ♪ Half as much as you love ♪ 405 00:22:04,781 --> 00:22:09,118 ♪ All your little round mirrors 406 00:22:09,202 --> 00:22:12,663 ♪ See yourself reflected in one 407 00:22:12,706 --> 00:22:15,333 ♪ There's a hole in the middle 408 00:22:15,375 --> 00:22:19,378 ♪ You can't seem to fill ♪ 409 00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:22,048 Hey. 410 00:22:22,090 --> 00:22:26,469 You know, it's not fair to say BRB and then never actually BRB? 411 00:22:26,511 --> 00:22:29,138 But apology accepted. 412 00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:31,265 - Come here. - (Scoffs) 413 00:22:31,308 --> 00:22:33,893 - Good morning. - Good morning. 414 00:22:33,935 --> 00:22:38,105 - I, uh, needed my black skirt. - Oh, that's understandable. 415 00:22:38,148 --> 00:22:40,816 It's probably hard to be taken seriously in a courtroom 416 00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:42,068 when you're bottomless. 417 00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:46,197 Though I would take you seriously. 418 00:22:46,239 --> 00:22:50,326 I, uh, also wanted to give you this. 419 00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:52,495 Oh, shit. 420 00:22:52,537 --> 00:22:54,830 So, you're gonna blow this whole thing 421 00:22:54,873 --> 00:22:57,416 over my issues with the language of cyberspace? 422 00:22:57,459 --> 00:23:00,127 What's this whole thing you're talking about? 423 00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:03,339 We drink, we fuck, we watch old movies in your apartment, Hank. 424 00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:05,091 Sounds fuckin' awesome. 425 00:23:05,133 --> 00:23:08,219 You're just pissed cos I beat you to the punch. 426 00:23:08,261 --> 00:23:10,930 You were looking for any excuse to bail. 427 00:23:10,972 --> 00:23:14,809 So says you. But I guess we'll never find out. 428 00:23:14,851 --> 00:23:15,935 I guess not. 429 00:23:19,606 --> 00:23:21,565 He left his wife. 430 00:23:23,193 --> 00:23:24,735 Oh. 431 00:23:26,113 --> 00:23:28,114 OK. 432 00:23:28,156 --> 00:23:30,699 That's what this was about. Fuck. 433 00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:32,993 In a way, I have you to thank. 434 00:23:33,036 --> 00:23:35,996 - You really did rattle his cage. - Yeah. 435 00:23:36,039 --> 00:23:38,374 Glad to be of service, milady. 436 00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,209 (Inhales deeply) 437 00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:42,795 I just... (Chuckles) 438 00:23:42,879 --> 00:23:44,380 I just feel so used. 439 00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:47,758 Shut up. We were using each other, Hank. 440 00:23:47,801 --> 00:23:49,009 OK. 441 00:23:49,052 --> 00:23:51,679 I love how you're taking the moral high ground here. 442 00:23:51,721 --> 00:23:54,432 You know, I'm sure that if I canvassed the West Side, 443 00:23:54,474 --> 00:23:57,143 I would find more than a few girls who feel used and abused by you. 444 00:23:57,185 --> 00:24:01,021 Y-you seem to think that I have this narrow perception of you? 445 00:24:01,064 --> 00:24:04,066 But it's you with the narrow perception of me. 446 00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:06,402 I love women. I have all their albums. 447 00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:08,320 Shit! 448 00:24:08,363 --> 00:24:10,906 You know, I think I'd just feel better about this thing 449 00:24:10,991 --> 00:24:12,867 if I didn't think you were re-entering 450 00:24:12,909 --> 00:24:15,035 this hopelessly dysfunctional relationship 451 00:24:15,078 --> 00:24:17,121 with an aggressively mediocre white guy. 452 00:24:17,164 --> 00:24:20,541 I've spent time with the man. Time stood still. 453 00:24:20,584 --> 00:24:21,959 (Chuckling) Oh. 454 00:24:22,002 --> 00:24:24,295 This from someone who's still hopelessly in love 455 00:24:24,337 --> 00:24:25,546 with his ex... whatever. 456 00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:28,299 Well, at least she's cool. 457 00:24:28,341 --> 00:24:30,176 OK, what are you... four? 458 00:24:30,218 --> 00:24:32,094 (Chuckles) 459 00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:34,263 Perhaps. 460 00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:35,347 I don't know. 461 00:24:36,725 --> 00:24:38,350 We just missed it, Hank. 462 00:24:38,393 --> 00:24:41,353 In another lifetime, we would have been a scorching couple. 463 00:24:41,396 --> 00:24:44,565 - Yeah. - But in this one, we... 464 00:24:44,608 --> 00:24:47,943 Missed it. Missed it. 465 00:24:47,986 --> 00:24:50,613 All right. 466 00:24:50,655 --> 00:24:52,156 Well, congratulations. 467 00:24:52,199 --> 00:24:55,242 And best of luck in all your future endeavours. 468 00:24:55,285 --> 00:24:57,953 And try not to forget all the times I brought you to fruition... 469 00:24:57,996 --> 00:24:59,371 33, to be exact. 470 00:24:59,414 --> 00:25:03,959 And when married guy goes back to his wife, 471 00:25:04,002 --> 00:25:05,544 which he will, 472 00:25:05,587 --> 00:25:09,298 I hope that you come try to find me. 473 00:25:09,341 --> 00:25:12,051 I hope that you know where to look. 474 00:25:12,093 --> 00:25:15,346 Face down in a puddle of your own sick? 475 00:25:15,388 --> 00:25:17,890 - Still not writing? - LOL. 476 00:25:17,933 --> 00:25:21,519 - (Laughs) - LO fuckin' L. 477 00:25:21,561 --> 00:25:24,772 - Bye. - Bye. 478 00:26:02,936 --> 00:26:06,814 (Hank) You're quiet. (Becca) I like quiet. 479 00:26:06,856 --> 00:26:09,275 Yeah, me too... 480 00:26:09,317 --> 00:26:12,319 As long as you're OK. 481 00:26:12,362 --> 00:26:14,196 My heart hurts. 482 00:26:14,239 --> 00:26:17,366 Oh, God, baby. Mine, too. 483 00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:19,285 Is it boy trouble? 484 00:26:19,327 --> 00:26:23,789 Me too. Well, girl trouble. 485 00:26:23,832 --> 00:26:27,251 - You want to talk about it? - No. 486 00:26:27,335 --> 00:26:30,504 I just want to know when it stops hurting. 487 00:26:30,547 --> 00:26:34,049 Well, here's the deal, and you're not gonna want to hear this, 488 00:26:34,092 --> 00:26:35,926 so it's gonna sound like piss-poor parenting, 489 00:26:35,969 --> 00:26:38,387 But if you're lucky, never. 490 00:26:41,016 --> 00:26:43,183 Oh, what could ail thee, knight at arms 491 00:26:43,226 --> 00:26:44,810 Alone and palely loitering? 492 00:26:44,853 --> 00:26:47,021 The sedge has withered from the lake 493 00:26:47,063 --> 00:26:49,356 And no birds sing 494 00:26:49,399 --> 00:26:52,026 Keats, La Belle Dame Sans Merci? 495 00:26:52,068 --> 00:26:54,737 Is that the best you can do, Dad? 496 00:26:54,779 --> 00:26:57,615 How about something from this century? 497 00:26:57,657 --> 00:27:00,242 How about... you got Dylan's Blood On The Tracks? 498 00:27:00,285 --> 00:27:03,162 You ever listen to that? Classic heartbreak album. 499 00:27:03,204 --> 00:27:05,080 I can gift it to you on your iPod. 500 00:27:05,123 --> 00:27:08,667 - ♪ If you see her, say hello ♪ - Dad. 501 00:27:08,710 --> 00:27:11,629 - ♪ She might be in Tangier ♪ - Dad. 502 00:27:11,671 --> 00:27:14,673 ♪ She left here last early spring 503 00:27:14,716 --> 00:27:18,969 ♪ Is living there, I hear ♪ 504 00:27:19,012 --> 00:27:23,307 (Bob Dylan) ♪ Say for me that I'm all right 505 00:27:23,350 --> 00:27:27,394 ♪ Though things get kind of slow 506 00:27:27,437 --> 00:27:32,691 ♪ She might think that I've forgotten her 507 00:27:32,734 --> 00:27:37,071 ♪ Don't tell her it isn't so ♪