1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,210
Previously on Californication...

2
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:05,212
Ladies and gentlemen, Todd Carr...

3
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who took my precious little novel,
wiped his ass,

4
00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:11,093
and transformed it
into this Crazy Little Thing Called Love.

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Ugh!

6
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- Holy fucknuts!
- Oh, shit!

7
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What, don't you fuckin' knock?

8
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You used to be all about the morning sex.
What's going on with you?

9
00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:26,442
- Anybody home?
- Hey, baby!

10
00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:28,068
Good afternoon, Mrs Runkle.

11
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What do you want me to do?

12
00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:33,907
Maybe you want me to make
you wear a ball gag in your mouth.

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- (Mia) You have to come get me.
- I'm a little busy right now.

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Asshole, my teacher...
he's coked out of his mind,

15
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and he's trying to get me into a threesome.

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You want to go to the movies
with us, Dad?

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It turns out that was
bald old Uncle Charlie,

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- and he's going through a rough patch.
- Uncle Charlie, huh?

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- You cried wolf.
- Maybe I just wanted to see you.

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You're not in love with me, Hank.
You're in love with the idea of love.

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You're running for the hills.

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Oh...

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(Hank) OK, this is exciting.

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I'm ready. I'm all ears.

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"Nothing gold can stay."

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"Nature's first green..."

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Stop. I just threw up in my mouth a little.

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You had 20 centuries of halfway
decent verse to choose from

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and you're going
with some minor Frosty?

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I like it. It's short.

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- And?
- Bleak.

32
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Hm. And?

33
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- I saw it in a movie once.
- (Chuckles) Oh.

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Well, then, it must be good. Continue.

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Well, basically it's about
how nothing good ever lasts,

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how, no matter what you do,
it all just turns to shit in the end...

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You know, like you and Mom.

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Ah. Trenchant, if profane, literary
criticism. It's an interesting take.

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I will put that one on
your tab, by the way.

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But don't ever think that, honey.

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Just because something is bleak
doesn't necessarily make it true.

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Hair.

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Happy endings may get a bad rap,
but they do happen.

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And when they do,
they're just as true as the unhappy ones.

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So you're saying it is possible maybe one
day you and Mom could get back together?

46
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Of course. Anything's possible.

47
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Yes, but is it realistic?

48
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Who says we have to be realistic?

49
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- Mom.
- Oh.

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(Clears throat)

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Well, not to contradict your dear old mom,

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who is both wicked smart
and wicked wonderful,

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but, no, we don't have to be...
realistic, that is.

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Not when it comes to love.

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- (Dog farts)
- Oh, jeez.

56
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- Is that Yusuf? Oh.
- (Knocking at door)

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- Guess that's her.
- Oh!

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Got to change
what I'm feeding that dog... or you.

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- Hello, sunshine.
- I'm double-parked, so I just got to grab her.

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Then, by all means, skip the pleasantries.
But can you do me a favour

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and stop telling our daughter
not to believe in happy endings?

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What's next... no Santa Claus?

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You gonna shit all over
the Easter Bunny, too?

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I think she figured out
the Santa Claus thing already,

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and I do believe in happy endings,

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just not when it comes
to the Ballad Of Hank And Karen.

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Bullshit. We practically made out last
week. That's nothing if not progress.

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I hope to get to second base this week.

69
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Oh, please. That was an accident.

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- It was an accident?
- Yeah.

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- Your tongue just slipped into my mouth?
- No, other way around.

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The fact that you're making
these lame excuses up

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can only mean one thing...
you're totally into me still.

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- Oh, really?
- Totally.

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(Yusuf barks)

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- Come on, honey.
- (Hank) Goodbye, sweetie.

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(Becca) Bye.

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Hey. Stay gold, Ponyboy.

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There is no fucking soy milk!

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(Sighs) Will you nut up
and learn to digest dairy?

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What the fuck is wrong with you?

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Nothing a brand-new
gastrointestinal tract wouldn't fix.

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Bullshit. Here.

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It's not vanilla, but you
can punish me for that later.

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I'll dust off the whips and chains.

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Ha ha ha. Very funny.

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Seriously. I've been
a very naughty hausfrau.

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You almost died from malnutrition.

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These jokes are never
gonna get old, are they?

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What is a marriage, if not an opportunity

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to mock someone through thick and thin

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while simultaneously exploring
your deepest, darkest sexual desires?

93
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Yeah, well, let's say one day soon

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we lay off mine and start discussing yours?

95
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Yeah, like you could handle that.

96
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Oh, oh, you want to try me?

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I want to do it with a girl.

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(Coughing)

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So, uh, what, this is something you,
um, feel you might enjoy?

100
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Yeah, sure. I hear it's nice, you know?

101
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Getting a little work done
by someone who owns her own set of tools.

102
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But I wouldn't want to leave you out.

103
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It seems more, I don't know,
honest that way.

104
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Honest... Right.

105
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Don't you see what this means?
This is a gift from on high.

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This is a cosmic Get Out Of Jail Free card.

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The whole thing was her idea.

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I'm trying to mentally masturbate about it,

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but an image of you keeps popping
into my head, and that's a problem.

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No, see, if I do this...
if we do this thing,

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then all this guilt I've been
carrying around for weeks...

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the massive, crushing guilt...
poof, that is gone.

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I am absolved.

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I know you Hebrews do things
a little differently,

115
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but last I checked, a ménage à trois
was not a pit stop

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on the road to redemption.

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This could save the marriage.

118
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So can buying a beach house.

119
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Or you could try adopting
an incredibly good-looking African baby.

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I hear good things about that.

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Speaking of...

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Oh, you got to be fucking kidding me.
That cocksucker?

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That cocksucker has the good taste

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to want to option your blog
for a nice chunk of change.

125
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- So play nice.
- How the fuck do you option a blog?

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What is there to option?
The title? The font?

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Todd! Good to see you, man.
Glad you could make it.

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- Moody.
- Carr.

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I would stand, but that would expose
my nether-regions to attack.

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I got no beef with you, Moody.
I'm here on business.

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So I'm told by the Fredo
Corleone of agents.

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Although I can't for the life of me
imagine what that business might be,

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unless it's to discuss custody
of our retarded love child.

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Let the man talk, will you?

135
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Todd here has a three-picture
deal at Paramount.

136
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He's looking to get his sack back
with some seriously edgy material.

137
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Well, I'm sorry, but my testicles
are not available for time-share.

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It told you this was
a waste of my fucking time.

139
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Do you know how much shit
a guy like me had to take

140
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for directing a frothy little romcom?

141
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You think Antoine Fuqua returns my calls?

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But I did it. I knocked that motherfucker
into the cheap seats.

143
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And I'm glad I did it. Do you know why?

144
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Because it keeps the baby mamas
in Juicy Couture?

145
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No, hey, I'm not hating. I'm not judging.

146
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- I got a little baby mama all my own. I do.
- It's true. He does.

147
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Hey, I'm sensing some common ground
here. Do you remember Karen?

148
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Yeah, she was way
too fucking hot for this mope.

149
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That's true. She is.

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She also happens to be
one fan-fucking-tastic architect.

151
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Is someone looking to pimp out
the McMansion in Baldwin Hills?

152
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- I own a Ray fucking Kappe house.
- Ray fucking Kappe, huh?

153
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:56,141
No shit. Guy has a hard-on for architecture
bigger than Brad Pitt's.

154
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Oh, colour me impressed.

155
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What, a brother can't love modernism?

156
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I like this. We're free-associating here.

157
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This is nice. Lines
of communication... wide open. Excellent.

158
00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:08,945
Do you know why I wanted
to work with you again, Moody?

159
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:11,823
When you're not wallowing
in narcissistic despair,

160
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you're the rarest thing
this town has to offer...

161
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Someone with some goddamn vision.

162
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I thought it was cos you liked
the feel of my balls on your knuckles.

163
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Later, Runkle.

164
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Well done, my friend.

165
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I don't know. I feel like we bonded.

166
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Who the fuck is answering
my fucking phones if there's... oh.

167
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- Oh.
- Baby, where have you been?

168
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:48,693
I had a burst of inspiration.

169
00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:51,321
- Come here, you.
- Hello.

170
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:54,866
So I was talking to Dani here
about our sexual problem.

171
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- Our what?
- She's totally in.

172
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- Excuse me?
- Her, me, you.

173
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We had a little girl-to-girl
chat on the subject,

174
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and she agrees with me
about the toolbox thing.

175
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Oh, shit. I said "tool".

176
00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:13,927
And "box".

177
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:16,805
OK, uh, Dani, could you
give us just a second, please?

178
00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:19,683
I believe my wife forgot to take
her Librium this morning.

179
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:24,396
No problem, sir. So, um,
hold all your calls?

180
00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:26,314
Yes, Dani, hold all my calls.

181
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:28,817
Very good, sir.

182
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:35,365
Wife, have you lost your fucking mind?

183
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:38,910
This is perfect.
It's exactly what we talked about.

184
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:41,871
Yeah, talked... as in
hypothetical conversation.

185
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:45,375
- That's my fucking secretary!
- So?

186
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,586
So, if it goes badly,
I'll have to fire her.

187
00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:49,838
Shit, if it goes well,
I'd have to fire her.

188
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:53,550
Either way, I'm out one fucking secretary
and up a giant lawsuit.

189
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,635
I thought you said she was God-awful?

190
00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:58,930
They're all God-awful
until you train them.

191
00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:02,225
- Then they improve.
- What, like dogs?

192
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:05,270
Come on. You're not gonna do this for me?

193
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:08,565
- I helped you out with your fantasy.
- Yeah, badly.

194
00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:10,442
Look, just... (Chuckles)

195
00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:12,569
Just pick someone else, that's all.

196
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:16,448
- Like who?
- I don't know... somebody, anybody.

197
00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:19,993
Someone from the salon or I...
what about Karen?

198
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,871
The prim reaper?

199
00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:26,333
She's so tall... and Presbyterian.

200
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:28,168
The woman's a goddess. She's gorgeous.

201
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,919
I don't want to go where Hank has been.

202
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:32,505
He probably left booby traps
up there like the Viet Cong.

203
00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:36,926
Come on, baby... Please?

204
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:38,970
I want the little one.

205
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:40,847
She looks like she knows things.

206
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:48,938
- Oh, my God.
- You like?

207
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:51,066
Well, yeah, of course I like.
It's a Ray Kappe house.

208
00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:52,942
Ray fucking Kappe.

209
00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:55,445
That's one of those guys
from architecture school

210
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,072
that used to get you all juiced up.

211
00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:59,866
I thought you'd like to see one
all up close and personal.

212
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,993
Hank, can you get back
in the car?

213
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:05,538
We're gonna get Tasered
by the Bel Air patrol.

214
00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:07,165
My lady.

215
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,876
W-what are you doing?

216
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:13,004
Just made a little deal
with the caramel-coated devil.

217
00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:15,882
Tasering... you like that?

218
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,884
Is that something you're into now?

219
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:21,429
(Karen) Oh, my God.
(Todd) It's fucking gorgeous, huh?

220
00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:23,807
Not a lot of closet space, though.

221
00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:26,142
Hank never really got
architecture as an art form.

222
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:29,729
Too much compromise involved,
too many practicalities.

223
00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:33,233
Dude would rather hang out all alone
in his ivory tower, right?

224
00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:35,694
Massaging those precious
little words of his.

225
00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:38,405
Like anyone gives a fuck
if it's an "and" instead of "or".

226
00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:41,991
You got me all wrong.
I try to live in an ivory tower,

227
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:44,786
but a tide of shit is
constantly beating at its walls.

228
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:46,996
Don't be impressed.
He stole that from Flaubert.

229
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:50,625
Hey, Carr, if you don't mind my asking,
how much a place like this set you back?

230
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:54,045
The feeling of real architecture...
you can't put a price tag on that.

231
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,171
So you do mind.

232
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:57,674
Makes your heart soar, lifts your soul.

233
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,843
You know what I mean.

234
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:02,011
It's just incredible.

235
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:04,723
I think it was Ruskin that once said...

236
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:07,600
- "Oh, it was Ruskin".
- Shut up.

237
00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:10,603
"Without architecture,
there would be no remembering".

238
00:12:10,646 --> 00:12:12,147
- I like that.
- Yeah.

239
00:12:12,189 --> 00:12:15,775
- That's nice.
- About four, five mill?

240
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,944
I'm so sorry.

241
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:21,823
Can I just say thank you so much?

242
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:24,659
It's always been a dream of mine
to see inside this house.

243
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:26,619
I really appreciate your time.

244
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:29,038
It's gonna be even more slick

245
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:31,458
when I have a pool out here,
a little guesthouse,

246
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:32,876
maybe a screening room.

247
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,545
Plus, I want the whole thing
to be all eco-friendly.

248
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,348
Hank says you're some kind
of genius at that.

249
00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:38,882
No, I...

250
00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:40,842
That's why I was really hoping
you would take the job.

251
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:41,926
What job?

252
00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:45,138
Did I forget to mention
that Carr here is looking for an architect?

253
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,974
(Hank) I think my work here is done.

254
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:49,058
Me?

255
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:51,227
What do you think?

256
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,229
Oh, my God!

257
00:12:53,272 --> 00:12:55,690
Oh. I like that.

258
00:12:57,902 --> 00:12:59,652
Want to jump my bones now

259
00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:02,947
or hold out for a situation
with a little more back support?

260
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:05,116
(Laughs) I did good, didn't I?

261
00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:07,619
You did. Thank you so much.

262
00:13:07,661 --> 00:13:09,662
I'm so excited.

263
00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:11,873
Will you take me home so I can celebrate?

264
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:16,294
- I'm up for that. Let's hit El Pollo Loco.
- No, no, no. I mean with Becca.

265
00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:18,588
Her too. The crazy chicken
does not discriminate.

266
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,590
- Oh, right, it's Wednesday night.
- Yeah.

267
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,009
OK, well, I can celebrate some other time.

268
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:26,763
You will not stay home alone
on the night of your big victory.

269
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,890
You'd swap nights with me?

270
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:31,267
Sadly, no, but I will repeat
my original offer

271
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,770
that all three of us
throw down the carbs together...

272
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,563
- man, woman, and child.
- Hank, that's...

273
00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:37,649
You wanted to celebrate. Come on.

274
00:13:37,691 --> 00:13:40,193
- Not with you.
- I want to celebrate with you.

275
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,946
- Invite me over.
- No.

276
00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:45,698
Invite me over. I will cook for you.

277
00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:49,160
- Cook? You?
- Yes.

278
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:51,329
I have my one dish.

279
00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:53,289
- Not the cheese sensation.
- Cheese sensation!

280
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:54,916
Yes, five different kinds of cheeses,

281
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,835
including cream cheese,
the people's cheese.

282
00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:59,170
(Laughs)

283
00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:01,881
Don't knock the haute cuisine
of Long Island.

284
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:04,467
- It'll be like old times.
- Yeah, but which ones?

285
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:08,429
The good ones, like when we lived
on Charles Street, amongst the gays.

286
00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:10,348
- You hated that place.
- Yeah, but you loved it.

287
00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,809
Just like you love
fucked-up architecture like this

288
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:15,854
and David Hockney
and gigantic fucking earrings

289
00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:19,065
and the complete and utter cliché
of driving west on Mulholland at sunset.

290
00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:23,862
You think I don't know
these things, but I do.

291
00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:28,324
I'm in, aren't I?

292
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:30,410
(Chuckles)

293
00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:31,870
Oh, I'm in.

294
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,005
(Footsteps approaching)

295
00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:44,549
(Marcy sighs)

296
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:47,802
(Clears throat) How do I look?

297
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,555
Good. You look good.

298
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:52,891
(Sighs)

299
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:55,018
You think she likes nuts?

300
00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:57,061
Maybe we should offer her
some mixed nuts?

301
00:14:57,104 --> 00:14:58,855
I don't know.

302
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,982
What? You think she's allergic?

303
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:04,736
How the fuck should I know
something like that? I don't know.

304
00:15:04,778 --> 00:15:08,448
You work with people, these things
come up in casual conversation.

305
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,867
"None for me, thanks.
I have a nut allergy".

306
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,494
I'm sorry. We don't have
that kind of relationship.

307
00:15:13,537 --> 00:15:16,331
Really, I don't know very much
about this girl.

308
00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:19,083
Other than you think
that she's fucking hot.

309
00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:21,085
How am I supposed
to respond to that?

310
00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:22,670
What do you want me to say?

311
00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:26,633
You want me to say, "I love you.
This is fucking crazy. Let's not do this"?

312
00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:29,344
Don't yell at me, asswipe!
I am nervous enough as it is!

313
00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:31,679
- Yeah, and isn't that a sign?
- A sign of what?

314
00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:33,890
That we shouldn't go through with this.

315
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,767
I mean, look what we have here.

316
00:15:35,809 --> 00:15:37,769
This... this is pretty great, right?

317
00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:40,146
How do we know we're gonna
be the same afterwards?

318
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:43,483
The same?
I thought the same was the problem.

319
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:47,070
What problem? There's no problem.

320
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:49,113
(Doorbell)

321
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:56,204
Do you want to get that, or should I?

322
00:15:56,246 --> 00:15:58,289
(Smoke alarm beeping)

323
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,628
Aah!

324
00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:11,344
(Phone)

325
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:24,607
Yeah? I'm gonna be there in like five...

326
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,568
Oh. Hello, Mia.

327
00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:30,363
Yes. Oh, wow.

328
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,240
Wow. No, I'm sure you're in trouble.

329
00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:33,866
That just... it sounds...

330
00:16:33,909 --> 00:16:35,952
It sounds pretty tragic, actually.

331
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,954
Quite a story. Very familiar, too.

332
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,873
Oh, that's right. I heard it last week.

333
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,500
Ciao.

334
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:45,294
Ahh.

335
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:08,234
Where did you get that bra?
That is so cute!

336
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,695
(Clears throat)

337
00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:13,906
Sorry. My bad. Mood killer.

338
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:40,767
You're not gonna fist me
or anything, are you?

339
00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:42,935
Because I'm not sure
if I'm ready for that.

340
00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:45,938
- Marce!
- What?

341
00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:48,524
Uh, a little less talk might be nice.

342
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,276
Everybody's a fucking critic.

343
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:54,072
Hey, hey. Put me in, coach.
I'll bring it home for you.

344
00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:00,995
Do you think we should... I don't know...

345
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:03,164
include him somehow?

346
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:05,625
It's your fantasy.

347
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:11,631
(Charlie) Uh, hello?

348
00:18:11,673 --> 00:18:13,216
I'm thinking.

349
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:16,636
I mean, shit, I can sleep
with you any night of the week.

350
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:19,180
This is not how this is supposed to be.

351
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:23,101
It's a fantasy.
It's not supposed to be at all.

352
00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:35,780
- Hey. Thank God you're here.
- Hey.

353
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:38,825
- OK, sweetie. I got to go.
- Where you going?

354
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:41,160
Mia's in some fucked-up
situation with her teacher.

355
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,204
She's kind of drunk or drugs...
I don't even know.

356
00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:44,997
Look, hey, I'm gonna come with you.

357
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:48,292
- It's not your problem. Stay with Becca.
- I know, but you...

358
00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:51,838
You don't know this guy.
He's like a sex crime waiting to happen.

359
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,257
25 minutes at 300, OK?
Throw that in the oven.

360
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:56,217
- Why are you going?
- Because I have to.

361
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:58,678
No, you don't. It's just Mia.

362
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,013
Last I checked,
you guys weren't blood-related.

363
00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:03,224
- Right.
- Your mother needs backup.

364
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:04,684
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.

365
00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:06,686
Can you stay with Becca?
She's been waiting for you.

366
00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:09,188
You can't handle this guy alone.

367
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,899
He doesn't look it, but he's dangerous.

368
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:14,026
I think he's dan... Just let me drive.

369
00:19:14,069 --> 00:19:16,904
I'll drive you there.
We'll go. We'll go together.

370
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:19,574
(Engine turns over)

371
00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:54,692
Here. Do with it what you will.

372
00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:59,906
Or maybe you can dish it out
but can't take it.

373
00:19:59,948 --> 00:20:03,868
Is this gonna hurt?
Cos this looks like it might hurt.

374
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:06,120
That's kind of the point, isn't it?

375
00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:09,207
I mean, he's done some
pretty bad things, this guy.

376
00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:11,417
He deserves to be punished for them.

377
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:13,920
(Gasps) Ahh!

378
00:20:13,962 --> 00:20:18,591
- Things like what?
- You know, the usual.

379
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:20,885
Haah!

380
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:22,428
(Laughing)

381
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:25,056
Oh, man. I got to get my camera.

382
00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:26,766
Aah! Motherfucker!

383
00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:29,185
- Cocksucker! Shit! Fuck!
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

384
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,687
- You're attached to the fucking chain!
- OK! OK!

385
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:34,357
- I know!
- Just don't move! Get it off your underwear!

386
00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:37,944
Aaaah!

387
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:41,614
Finally.

388
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:44,116
You guys got to get this fucking
jailbait out of my house.

389
00:20:44,159 --> 00:20:45,952
Mia, honey, it's me. It's Karen.

390
00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:47,745
Hey, hey, wake up.

391
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:50,957
You know what? This isn't just alcohol.
She's taken something.

392
00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:54,043
- Come on, baby.
- Mia. Mia. Hey. Mia, wake up.

393
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,545
- Mia.
- Hank, you came.

394
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,589
- Yes.
- What the fuck's she talking about?

395
00:20:58,632 --> 00:20:59,966
You came?

396
00:21:00,008 --> 00:21:02,051
I don't know. She's confused.
Keep your eyes open.

397
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,886
Shit, look at me. Keep your eyes open.

398
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:05,972
- Sit up.
- Animal, what'd you give her?

399
00:21:06,014 --> 00:21:08,432
Do I look like I need
some fucking date-rape drug?

400
00:21:08,475 --> 00:21:09,642
It's Valium, for Christ's sakes.

401
00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:12,395
The girl's got a goddamn
Rite Aid in her purse.

402
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:14,397
(Karen) What?
(Hank) How many did you take?

403
00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:16,816
What? Five, four?

404
00:21:16,858 --> 00:21:19,026
45? Four or five?

405
00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:21,404
See? Nobody's gonna
off themselves with four.

406
00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:22,822
- OK. All right.
- It's all an act.

407
00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:26,701
You know how fucking popular
this shit is with the young ladies?

408
00:21:26,743 --> 00:21:28,119
- We're gonna take you home.
- Do you think it's funny?

409
00:21:28,161 --> 00:21:31,289
This is someone's child here,
you asshole!

410
00:21:31,331 --> 00:21:35,209
They trusted you!
You are meant to be her teacher!

411
00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:37,253
You think I wanted Sylvia Plath
to come over here

412
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:38,921
and go all fucking Bell Jar on me?

413
00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:41,048
- I'm the one getting manipulated here.
- What?

414
00:21:41,091 --> 00:21:43,384
She comes up to me
after fucking debate practice...

415
00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:45,720
Do you want me to smack you? Do you?

416
00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:47,930
- Oh!
- Oh, shit.

417
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:50,933
- I bet she feels a lot better now.
- Oh, she did not just...

418
00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:52,727
- Come on, honey.
- Oh, I see two.

419
00:21:52,769 --> 00:21:56,188
- Two what?
- Two pills. Is that a third one there?

420
00:21:56,231 --> 00:21:58,107
- I see sushi. Is that a pill?
- What...

421
00:21:58,150 --> 00:21:59,317
- (Squelch)
- Aah!

422
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:01,360
Let's get the fuck out of here.

423
00:22:01,403 --> 00:22:03,487
Ah, shit, Moody!

424
00:22:03,530 --> 00:22:05,990
Now I'm gonna fucking hurl.

425
00:22:06,074 --> 00:22:07,992
(Groaning)

426
00:22:08,035 --> 00:22:09,327
Fuck!

427
00:22:09,369 --> 00:22:11,203
(Groans)

428
00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:14,665
Uh, who's your primary care guy again?

429
00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:16,417
How should I fucking know?

430
00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:18,294
Jesus Christ,
you think these people

431
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,463
are ever gonna get around
to sewing me up?

432
00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:22,882
I'm in considerable fucking pain here!

433
00:22:22,924 --> 00:22:25,343
I'm sorry, OK?
I said it a thousand times.

434
00:22:25,385 --> 00:22:27,553
You know I'm bad
with mechanical things.

435
00:22:27,596 --> 00:22:29,305
Tell that to my missing nipple.

436
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:31,724
You took off, like, 12 layers of skin.

437
00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:34,602
I'm sorry, nipple.

438
00:22:34,644 --> 00:22:38,522
Now that I've maimed you,
where am I gonna rest my head?

439
00:22:38,565 --> 00:22:41,650
That was, like, my favourite spot.

440
00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:43,778
(Exhales sharply)

441
00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:47,698
Some fantasy, huh?

442
00:22:47,741 --> 00:22:50,534
How the fuck did we end up here?

443
00:22:50,577 --> 00:22:53,120
On some level,
I think you wanted to punish me.

444
00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:56,916
- I think you both wanted to punish me.
- For what?

445
00:22:56,958 --> 00:22:59,251
Shit, you know... everything.
Husband stuff.

446
00:22:59,294 --> 00:23:02,797
Not me, dickwad. Her.
Why the fuck would she want to punish you?

447
00:23:02,839 --> 00:23:05,007
She barely knows you.
What the fuck does she care?

448
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:08,719
I'm her boss, OK?
I make her do humiliating things all day.

449
00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:10,054
You think she likes that?

450
00:23:10,097 --> 00:23:13,140
- Ow!
- What?

451
00:23:15,268 --> 00:23:17,561
You leaned wrong.

452
00:23:17,604 --> 00:23:19,063
I'm sorry.

453
00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:25,319
She's an interesting
girl, though, that one.

454
00:23:25,362 --> 00:23:28,447
Fantastic ass.

455
00:23:30,325 --> 00:23:31,992
How is she?

456
00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:39,041
Oh, she's fine, she's gonna feel like
seven different kinds of shit tomorrow.

457
00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:41,085
You gonna tell Bill?

458
00:23:41,128 --> 00:23:43,796
Well, yeah. I mean, I have to, right?

459
00:23:43,839 --> 00:23:46,340
Wouldn't you want to know
if your 16-year-old daughter

460
00:23:46,383 --> 00:23:49,760
was hanging out with some creepy perv
who's, like, twice her age?

461
00:23:49,803 --> 00:23:52,513
The situation may not be
exactly as it seems.

462
00:23:52,556 --> 00:23:54,265
Oh, you've got to be kidding.

463
00:23:54,307 --> 00:23:56,976
- You're on the side of the pervert, right?
- Always.

464
00:23:57,018 --> 00:23:59,562
Somebody's got to stand up
for the creepy common man.

465
00:23:59,604 --> 00:24:02,898
You know, that should be
a lesson to you, Hank Moody.

466
00:24:02,941 --> 00:24:06,777
To me? A lesson to me? Why?

467
00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:08,779
Why did you point your finger at me?

468
00:24:08,822 --> 00:24:10,990
I'm just kidding. It's OK.

469
00:24:11,032 --> 00:24:14,118
You're a great dad.
You have nothing to worry about.

470
00:24:14,161 --> 00:24:18,831
I mean, that's the sexiest thing about you.

471
00:24:18,915 --> 00:24:21,375
You want to say good night to Becca?

472
00:24:21,418 --> 00:24:23,627
Mm-hm. Please.

473
00:24:23,670 --> 00:24:25,588
Go, then.

474
00:24:25,630 --> 00:24:27,882
You know, you did need
my backup tonight.

475
00:24:27,924 --> 00:24:31,635
You might have killed that guy
if I wasn't there.

476
00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:49,153
- Dad?
- Hey.

477
00:24:49,237 --> 00:24:50,988
What are you listening to, there?

478
00:24:51,031 --> 00:24:53,908
A little falling-asleep music?

479
00:24:53,950 --> 00:24:55,910
Little Joni Mitchell, Blood On The Tracks?

480
00:24:58,038 --> 00:24:59,872
Death Cab For Cutie.

481
00:24:59,915 --> 00:25:03,959
Wow. You really know how to hurt a guy.

482
00:25:05,837 --> 00:25:08,547
Hey, um, I know tonight

483
00:25:08,590 --> 00:25:11,759
kind of got a little ruined.

484
00:25:11,801 --> 00:25:14,762
It's OK. I'm used to it.

485
00:25:14,804 --> 00:25:18,307
Yeah, well, I'll make
it up to you, I swear.

486
00:25:18,350 --> 00:25:22,269
- I know.
- Do you?

487
00:25:22,312 --> 00:25:24,188
Sure.

488
00:25:24,231 --> 00:25:27,233
You never mean to let me down.

489
00:25:27,275 --> 00:25:30,277
But you do.

490
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:34,031
Yeah, I guess I do.

491
00:25:34,074 --> 00:25:36,909
You know, it's all well and good

492
00:25:36,952 --> 00:25:38,869
to talk about happy endings...

493
00:25:38,912 --> 00:25:41,622
But if a person can't deliver,

494
00:25:41,665 --> 00:25:44,875
if he keeps screwing up,

495
00:25:44,918 --> 00:25:47,002
well, eventually,

496
00:25:47,045 --> 00:25:49,797
I guess you kind of
just have to say, "fuck you".

497
00:25:54,344 --> 00:25:57,096
Or words to that effect.

498
00:26:05,355 --> 00:26:08,274
♪ When you feel embarrassed ♪

499
00:26:08,316 --> 00:26:10,317
You can keep the change.

500
00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:14,697
♪ I'll be your pride

501
00:26:14,739 --> 00:26:18,909
♪ When you need directions

502
00:26:18,952 --> 00:26:23,831
♪ Then I'll be the guide

503
00:26:23,873 --> 00:26:29,420
♪ For all time

504
00:26:33,091 --> 00:26:39,013
♪ For all time ♪