1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,876 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:05,504 I was talking to Dani, here, about our sexual problem. 3 00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:06,922 She's totally in. 4 00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:08,507 Haah! 5 00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:12,052 - I've got to get my camera. This is... - Ow! Motherfucker! 6 00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:16,306 Most recently, I gave man-birth to a weighty tome called God Hates Us All... 7 00:00:16,349 --> 00:00:18,684 (Charlie) Which was turned into a movie called... 8 00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:20,686 (Charlie and Marcy) A Crazy Little Thing Called Love. 9 00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:22,354 (Meredith) You drink too much. Write too little. 10 00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:24,356 The only exercise you get is in the bedroom. 11 00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:28,444 Some folks have compared the wait for your new novel 12 00:00:28,486 --> 00:00:31,447 to the decade-plus wait for the new Guns N' Roses album. 13 00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:33,365 (Charlie) How's the new book coming? 14 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:35,159 Now, that's a hostile question. 15 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,702 Hank, I got you a ticket. 16 00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:39,329 I hope that's fully refundable because I ain't going. 17 00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:42,416 - You're not going to your dad's funeral? - He was a fucking asshole. 18 00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:45,002 Hank, you're not your father. 19 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:58,265 (Woman on PA) The white zone is for the immediate loading 20 00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:00,267 and unloading of passengers only. 21 00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:01,560 Holy shit! 22 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:05,064 Hey, I was just about to call the SuperShuttle. 23 00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:06,648 - Hey. - Hey. 24 00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:09,401 How are you? How was it? 25 00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:13,697 - Hank! - Oh. Too much, right? With the pelvis? 26 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:17,576 I thought maybe I could get a little half a grind there, but maybe not. 27 00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:19,244 I'm not here to pick you up. I'm meeting Bill. 28 00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:22,623 You don't think I saw Bilbo Baggins up there in first class? 29 00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:24,708 - You did? - He doesn't travel very light, does he? 30 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,086 Give the guy a break. Hey! 31 00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:30,380 - He's been away for a month. - A lot can happen in a month. A lot did. 32 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:34,301 You shut up. Don't say a word. 33 00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:43,560 Hey, uh, don't hold back on my account, guys. 34 00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:45,187 - I'm not. - Really? 35 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:48,148 Cos if it was me, I would grab that ass. 36 00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:50,400 I would grab it like I owned it. 37 00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,444 Especially after such a prolonged absence. 38 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:56,156 Would now be the appropriate time, Hank, to say how sorry I am for your loss? 39 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:59,284 It actually would have been more appropriate about three hours ago 40 00:01:59,327 --> 00:02:01,286 with a free drink and an ice-cream sundae. 41 00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:03,205 What were you doing with all those hot towels? 42 00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,624 You got a bad case of swamp ass? 43 00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:07,668 It must have been a very long flight. 44 00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:10,170 And I think this is where we should part company. 45 00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:12,881 - I see a cab with my name on it. - Don't be ridiculous. 46 00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:16,468 - Bill, it's just a figure of speech. - We'll give you a ride home, Hank. 47 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:19,638 - No. No. - Really? Wow, that's mighty white of you. 48 00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:22,724 No, he loves cabs. It reminds him of the Big Apple. 49 00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:26,937 There's no need to punish the environment unnecessarily. 50 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:30,607 - That, you will put out, of course. - This, yeah. Of course, yeah. 51 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,109 And... here. 52 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:36,196 Oh. I got shotgun. 53 00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:23,285 No way, man. 54 00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:27,372 What the fuck is so great about that $30 salad, anyway? 55 00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:31,793 Yeah, shit. OK, yeah. Fine, whatever. 56 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,213 - That's fine. Eight o'clock. - (Earpiece beeps) 57 00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:36,465 You weren't planning on cooking tonight, were you? 58 00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:39,635 I've got to go to Koi for the 400th fucking time. 59 00:03:39,677 --> 00:03:44,223 Sometimes, I'm surprised I don't shit crispy rice with spicy tuna. 60 00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:46,934 Do you want me to bring you something home? Hm? 61 00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:48,393 Maybe some baked crab roll? 62 00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:52,439 We could eat it in bed while we watch all those CSI: Miamis I saved up. 63 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,983 A little late-night snack with your snack daddy? 64 00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:57,361 - Hmm, hmm, hmm? - I'm good. 65 00:03:57,403 --> 00:04:00,822 I actually think I might have a thing tonight. 66 00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:04,284 Oh. A thing? 67 00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:06,703 Yeah, I'm thinking about going to book club. 68 00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:09,915 Well, you'll be home early, then. 69 00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:12,084 Earlyish, I guess. 70 00:04:12,126 --> 00:04:14,294 Why so curious all of a sudden? 71 00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:16,004 I thought you said you were going out tonight. 72 00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:18,048 I'm not. I'm not curious all of a sudden. 73 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,717 I happen to know you fucking hate book club. 74 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:24,096 Yeah, well, when you commit to something, you're supposed to stick with it. 75 00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:27,975 Sure. 76 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:31,853 I guess I'll leave you to it, then. 77 00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:34,231 Uh, see you later. 78 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,650 Later. 79 00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:41,613 (♪ Drums beating) 80 00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:49,621 ♪ What ever happened to all this season's losers of the year? 81 00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:55,794 ♪ Every time I got to thinking, "How'd they disappear?" 82 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,713 ♪ When I woke up 83 00:04:57,755 --> 00:05:03,385 ♪ Mom and Dad are rolling on the couch 84 00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:06,722 ♪ Rolling numbers, rock and rolling 85 00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:10,017 ♪ Got my KISS records out 86 00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:13,729 ♪ Mommy's all right, Daddy's all right 87 00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:16,773 ♪ They just seem a little weird 88 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:20,610 ♪ Surrender, surrender 89 00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:23,822 ♪ But don't give yourself away 90 00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,407 ♪ Hey, hey 91 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,869 ♪ Hey! 92 00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:32,205 ♪ Awa-a-a-a-y ♪ 93 00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:34,291 Dad! 94 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,918 That's my name. Don't wear it out. Oh! 95 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:41,465 You guys. Oh, my God. That was incredible. 96 00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:43,467 I want you to play that song at the wedding. 97 00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:47,095 - Let's not get carried away. - What? What do you mean? 98 00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:48,680 You're very, very good. 99 00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,183 Well, I think if you give them some time, Bill, 100 00:05:51,225 --> 00:05:53,477 they could bone up on some Supertramp. 101 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:57,856 I don't get it. You don't want them to play that song? 102 00:05:57,899 --> 00:06:01,401 No, I don't mean anything. I thought we decided on the string quartet. 103 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:04,112 - Bill, what? - Dan Fogelberg. 104 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:06,448 We haven't talked about this, and I think, perhaps... 105 00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:07,949 - Hey, Bec. - Yes, Posh? 106 00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:10,327 Our guests could use a beverage. What do you think? 107 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,970 - Agreed. - (Karen) You don't like music. 108 00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:15,207 Hey, hey, I don't want to get your hopes up, guys. 109 00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:17,334 But you keep rolling with the marital discord, 110 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:20,087 and I see you across from Oprah on a big yellow couch. 111 00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:21,630 Fingers crossed. 112 00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:29,054 OK, great. Thank you. Are you coming up? 113 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:30,806 No. Why? 114 00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:32,808 (Italian accent) For to make-a the sex. 115 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,476 Are you fucking insane, Hank? 116 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,104 (Normal voice) Do the seats on this recline? 117 00:06:37,146 --> 00:06:40,899 Hank, whatever sex we're gonna have, we've had, OK? 118 00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:43,235 It's little late to play hard to get. 119 00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:45,946 We need to start acting like we split up already, OK? 120 00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:47,489 Let's just forget about it. 121 00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:50,075 Who could forget such a knee-rattling orgasm? 122 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:53,370 You were grieving. I was co-grieving. It was a slip. 123 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,206 It was a good slip. I think you knocked something loose down there, tiger. 124 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,625 - Hank... - I wrote something. 125 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,170 That's great, Hank. 126 00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:04,673 I don't think you heard me. I wrote something. 127 00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:06,758 Not that blog shit, either. Something real. 128 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,677 That's why I was in New York for so long. 129 00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:11,096 I just sat down at my mother's old Smith Corona. 130 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,557 - I didn't get up for two weeks. - Wow. 131 00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:17,686 I got pages here, honey. Many pages. It's rough, but it's something. 132 00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:19,771 That's great. I wish you a lot of luck. 133 00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:23,024 You fucked it out of me, woman. Now you don't want to take responsibility? 134 00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:26,278 Hank, you know, fuck you. I'm not that person any more, OK. 135 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:30,073 I'm not your fucking sounding board cum security blanket. 136 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:33,076 - You're not in the least bit interested? - Yes, of course, 137 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,495 - I'm fucking curious, but no! - Fine, then it's settled. There it is. 138 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:38,248 I'm not taking no for an answer. 139 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,750 Hank, I'm sure it's very good. I'm sure it's excellent. 140 00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:43,879 Most likely, it's a piece of crap. But I won't know until you tell me. 141 00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:45,672 - Don't do that. - Cos that's the way it's always gone. 142 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:46,965 I give it to you, and you tell me. 143 00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:51,303 I can't tell the difference between the ridiculous and the sublime until you tell me. 144 00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:55,140 Now, be careful with that. You've got my life there in your hands. 145 00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:58,477 This is just words, you know. It's words, OK. Take it. 146 00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:01,438 Well, words is all I have left to play with. 147 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,356 So be gentle. 148 00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:06,568 Now, please tell Becca to expect a gentleman caller. 149 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:08,236 Hank, please, take this. 150 00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:11,281 Honestly, thank you. Smell you later. 151 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,533 Fuck. 152 00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:16,453 (Sighs) 153 00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:41,561 Oh! 154 00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:44,940 Say it! Say it! Say it! Say it! Say it! 155 00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:48,276 - OK, you're a good agent. - That's right, motherfucker! 156 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:51,821 If it hadn't been for me putting that little clause in your contract, 157 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:54,574 then you wouldn't be holding that big, fat wad of cash. 158 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:57,035 Yeah, fucking blood money is what it is. 159 00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:59,037 Who the fuck cares what it is? 160 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,916 Thanks to the aggressively mediocre taste of the American moviegoing public, 161 00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:04,543 you now get to reap the benefits. 162 00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:07,170 Bonus time, baby. Treat yourself. 163 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,214 Treat myself? 164 00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:11,800 - Get yourself a new car. - I don't want a new car. 165 00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:13,802 I like my old one. It's got character. 166 00:09:13,844 --> 00:09:15,929 If by character, you mean it's got lady juice 167 00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,931 in every nook and cranny of the upholstery, 168 00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:19,933 then, yes, you're absolutely right. 169 00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:22,519 - That explains a lot, actually. - Get it washed, then. 170 00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,688 Now you could probably even get yourself 171 00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:27,315 one of those little prepaid coupon booklets, right? 172 00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:30,068 You put it in the glove compartment. That's how I roll. 173 00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:32,612 - That's how you roll? - That's how I roll, baby. 174 00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:37,617 I did purchase what is commonly referred to by the kids as a big-ticket item. 175 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:40,495 Ooh, ooh, ooh. What am be dat? 176 00:09:41,038 --> 00:09:43,790 ♪ Ah, ah ♪ 177 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:47,752 - OK. I'm getting a bad feeling here. - Why is that? 178 00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:52,257 I'm thinking you intend to give that to someone who might already be engaged. 179 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:55,552 - That's the plan, motherfucker. - Don't do this to yourself, Hank. 180 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,305 Come on, Charlie. Don't do what to myself? 181 00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:00,557 Don't go after what I want? I've done the research. 182 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,559 Karen and I belong together. And I feel good. 183 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:06,479 Lately... I mean, just the past little while, things are looking up for me. 184 00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:08,648 I feel a change. I wrote something. 185 00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:13,570 Wait. You... you... you what? 186 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,947 You wrote something? OK. 187 00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:19,492 I have dreamed about this moment, all right, 188 00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:22,203 The one where you come to me, pages in hand. 189 00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:25,373 You say, "Please read this." I do, and it's fucking genius. 190 00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:27,500 I sell it. We both get ourselves back on track. 191 00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:30,128 And we all live happily ever fucking after. 192 00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,631 Fuck me. No pressure there. 193 00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:34,924 What is it? A screenplay? A short story? What? 194 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:37,385 No more screenplays for me. It's a novel. 195 00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:39,596 It's a short novel. 196 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,973 It's a modern-day answer to Lolita, really. 197 00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:46,227 You know, an older man unwittingly beds an underage girl. 198 00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:49,064 It unravels his life completely. High jinks ensue. 199 00:10:49,106 --> 00:10:52,108 - Broner. You gave me a broner. - (Both laugh) 200 00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:54,277 Where is it? Let me read it. 201 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,237 Hey, Dani, cancel my lunch! 202 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,907 I gave it to Karen. She reads all my stuff first. 203 00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:00,283 So? You know, slip me a copy. 204 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:03,036 Look, I promise I won't read it till after she's done. 205 00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,664 That's the only one. I went old-school this time. 206 00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:07,916 I hunted and pecked like a motherfucker. 207 00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:09,918 Whatever. This is great fucking news, pal. 208 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:13,755 I'm not so sure, Charlie. I mean, you know, most likely, it sucks. 209 00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:16,591 Well, yeah, see, that's where I come in, right? 210 00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:18,677 By the time I get through spinning, 211 00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:21,471 nobody will be able to tell whether it's a piece of shit 212 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,723 or a heartbreaking work of staggering genius. 213 00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:24,849 There's a difference? 214 00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,187 (Horn honks) 215 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,150 (Siren wails in distance) 216 00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:49,165 (Sniffs) 217 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,542 (Exhales sharply) 218 00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:54,337 (Woman over PA) Dan, your next appointment is waiting for you on the lot. 219 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:55,880 Hi. 220 00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:58,049 Oh, leave me alone. 221 00:11:58,134 --> 00:11:59,884 Ooh, a hostile. 222 00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:03,012 No, I'm browsing. If I have any questions, I'll ask you. 223 00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:05,265 Now, shoo, you little parasite, you. 224 00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:09,269 - Oh, she's still coming. - What do you do? 225 00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:12,772 - I'm a writer. - Oh, yeah? Movies? TV? 226 00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:16,609 Books. Novels. The occasional haiku. 227 00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:20,363 Oh. All right, well, let me know if you have any questions. 228 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:23,450 - What the fuck was that? - What? 229 00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:26,661 You think I can't afford this penile implant on wheels. 230 00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:27,871 So you're done with me. 231 00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:29,622 - I didn't say that. - You didn't have to. 232 00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,666 A guy's got feelings. 233 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:36,504 Oh. This one. I want to drive this one. 234 00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:43,428 - Let me get the keys. - Please. 235 00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:45,305 - (Car horns) - (Hank) I love LA. 236 00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:48,141 - So, what do you think? - It's really clean. 237 00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:52,604 That's it? This is one of the finest automobiles the world has to offer. 238 00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:55,732 I'm not a big car guy. I'm more point A to point B. 239 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:58,526 I think if I got to open it up past, like, seven miles an hour, 240 00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:00,111 I might really fall in love with it. 241 00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:03,114 Will you get off that fucking phone before I stuff it up your ass? 242 00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:05,533 Hey. Hey, buddy. 243 00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:09,537 - What, are you kidding me? - I kid you not, sir. Shame on you. 244 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:12,957 - Mind your own fucking business. - Come on. You don't want to be that guy. 245 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:17,295 Look at her. She's perfect. She's drop-dead. She's firecrackers on the Fourth. 246 00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,881 You'll never do better, but she can, you know what I'm saying? 247 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,299 (Engine revs, tyres screech) 248 00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:22,801 Ooh. 249 00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:25,929 - So, tell me something. - Ohhh! 250 00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:30,517 What do I have to do to get you into this car? 251 00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:34,354 Well, let's talk about the extras. 252 00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:41,653 (Moaning) 253 00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:51,496 - I like the BMW, too, though. - That's better. 254 00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:54,165 No, I like it. It's roomy. 255 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:56,292 Leather! Leather! 256 00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:04,217 - Oh. - Hey. 257 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,594 Hey, honey, your dad's here. 258 00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,515 - Hey. - Hey. What the fuck is that? 259 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,392 Oh, just ignore that. 260 00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:14,602 It's hard. It's very shiny. 261 00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:15,937 - What about that? Did you? - What? 262 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,438 - Any thoughts? Notes? - No, this is my... 263 00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:19,732 Criticisms? Did the Kool-Aid still taste as sweet? 264 00:14:19,775 --> 00:14:21,150 - No, Hank... - Shall I turn around 265 00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:23,528 so you can blow smoke up my ass more easily? 266 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:26,489 - Want to fuck me cos I'm a genius? - I have not had a second to breathe. 267 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:30,034 - I'm so sorry. I really am. - No, I... don't be sorry. I mean, I... 268 00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:34,247 Honey, I just would have thought you would be more intrigued. 269 00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:35,748 No, I am. I'm... I am intrigued. 270 00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:38,710 - I'm just... I'm also kind of... - Horny? 271 00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:45,675 No, what? Like you? Like 23 hours a day? Like some rutting moose? No. 272 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,636 The Billdo is back in black, and you're not warm for his form. 273 00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:50,805 That shit tells me something. 274 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:53,182 You've got to catch up on your reading. 275 00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:56,603 Whoa. It's even more phallic than the last one. 276 00:14:56,645 --> 00:14:57,729 You like? 277 00:14:57,771 --> 00:15:00,481 I liked the old one better. It had character. 278 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,067 - And a funky smell. - Yes. 279 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:06,654 - Where are we going? - It's a surprise. 280 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:09,198 I suggest that you brew one of your specialty teas, 281 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:12,577 settle into a backbreaking piece of modern furniture, 282 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:15,121 and curl up with your favourite author. 283 00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:18,124 Martin Amis or Virginia Woolf or Charles Bukowski? 284 00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:20,001 Imposters, all. 285 00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:32,889 Whatever I want? 286 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,141 Whatever you want. 287 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,560 The possibilities are endless. 288 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:40,730 Well, go with something classic and timeless, 289 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,650 something that looks like Keith Richards might have thrown up on it at some point, 290 00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:46,819 something that would make Jon Bon Jovi 291 00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:49,948 quake in his acid-washed jeans. 292 00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:51,658 Like that one? 293 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:54,327 - This blue one? Yeah? - Mm-hm. 294 00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:58,623 - Hey, man. Is Dave around, man? - No, he's on vacation. 295 00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:03,169 - You need some help? - No, he's an old friend. 296 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:06,589 I just figured he could help me with some cash. 297 00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:09,801 Bummer. 298 00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:13,763 Come on, pretty girl. 299 00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:19,102 - Father? - Offspring? 300 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:21,187 That was a nice guitar. 301 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:25,650 Yes, sometimes it's best not to get involved in the affairs of others. 302 00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:29,988 That's interesting, coming from the most intrusive man I know. 303 00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:34,617 Park or something now. - Hey, excuse me. 304 00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,452 - Look at the swings... - Excuse me. 305 00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:39,080 That's a beautiful fiddle you've got there. 306 00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:41,124 - Yeah? - Yeah, how much you want for it? 307 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,668 - It's worth a lot, man. - Yeah, I'll bet. 308 00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:46,671 I can put it on eBay and get over ten grand, easy. 309 00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:49,090 Yeah, how much you want for it? 310 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,844 - I'd take a grand. - But you said it's worth ten at least, right? 311 00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:56,222 Yeah, well... you've got to do what you've got do, man. 312 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:57,849 Yeah, I hear that. 313 00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,104 How about 13.5? 314 00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,856 Come on, man. Don't fuck with me. 315 00:17:04,898 --> 00:17:06,899 I'm not fucking with you. I'm a couple hundred short. 316 00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:09,694 If you give me your address, I can send you a check. 317 00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:18,619 Don't worry about it. Just play it in good health. 318 00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:20,121 - Thank you. - Thank you. 319 00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:24,542 My lady, your axe awaits. 320 00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:26,502 You're a good daughter. 321 00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:28,713 - My hair. - I'm sorry. Come on. 322 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,300 (Crackling) 323 00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:39,098 (Sighs) I have a confession to make. 324 00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:42,643 - Yes? - You know what you said earlier 325 00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:44,771 about not wanting Becca to play at the wedding? 326 00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:49,150 Bill, that really bothered me. 327 00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:51,569 I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. 328 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:54,530 I just don't want our wedding to be some big joke. 329 00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:57,450 I don't want it to be some kind of adults-only affair, 330 00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:58,701 you know, all stuffy. 331 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,369 I want it to be fun and whimsical 332 00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:04,332 and something we're gonna remember forever. 333 00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:05,458 All right, I hear you. 334 00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:10,797 Um, maybe Becca can learn some... Van Morrison. 335 00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:13,007 There's nothing that makes this man cry 336 00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:15,093 like a little Brown Eyed Girl. 337 00:18:15,135 --> 00:18:18,971 - That's definitely a compromise. - Mm-hm. 338 00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:22,100 Bill, there's something else that I want to tell you. 339 00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:24,644 One second. One second. 340 00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:29,565 - Hi, Bill. - Dad or Daddy, please. 341 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:31,692 - Hey. - Hey. 342 00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:35,571 - What's this? - Oh, it's Hank's new book. 343 00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:38,991 Hank wrote a new book? Well, fuck me running! 344 00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:42,161 - Sorry. Can I read it? - Uh, no. 345 00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:44,831 I don't think that's appropriate. 346 00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:46,958 Well, is it good? 347 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,128 - I haven't read it yet. - Why not? 348 00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:53,297 - Ta-da! - What is this? 349 00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:01,722 Oh, my God. How did you even... 350 00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:03,391 Well, I remembered you saying 351 00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:05,601 how much you liked the view from your dorm room. 352 00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:09,063 So I convinced these lovely little NYU co-eds 353 00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:11,232 to let me take a picture from their dorm room, 354 00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:14,152 which, once upon a time, was your dorm room. 355 00:19:14,194 --> 00:19:16,696 You... you're just adorable. 356 00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:18,156 Well, I try. 357 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:23,619 Now, what was it you wanted to tell me? 358 00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:28,708 Oh, nothing. No, no, no. No, nothing. Come here. Come here. 359 00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:34,088 Marce! Hey! Hey! 360 00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:36,090 Marce! Marce! 361 00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:38,968 Get that sweet, little hairless ass of yours downstairs! 362 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,387 We've got some celebrating to do! Whoo! 363 00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:43,764 Hey, I thought you had a dinner. 364 00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:46,184 I did. I bailed at the last second. 365 00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:49,020 I wanted to see you. 366 00:19:49,062 --> 00:19:51,063 Why? 367 00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:53,357 I need an excuse to see my wife all of a sudden? 368 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,569 No, it's just... what is there to celebrate? 369 00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:59,071 Hank wrote something. 370 00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:02,617 Well, kudos to Hank. He's a writer. 371 00:20:02,659 --> 00:20:03,910 This is a big deal, sweetie. 372 00:20:03,952 --> 00:20:06,245 This is like the return of old Hank. 373 00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:09,207 Or I don't know. Maybe it's the new Hank. 374 00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:12,668 But the guy, he came into my office today 375 00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:16,797 with a giant engagement ring he bought for Karen, 376 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,925 What? What are you talking about? 377 00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:21,469 The only thing I could think when I saw it was hope. 378 00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:22,803 Baby, hope, hope. 379 00:20:22,846 --> 00:20:25,431 Things have been just really fucked-up around here, right? 380 00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,058 I mean, you know it, too, right? 381 00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:29,769 Ever since, well, the nipple incident. 382 00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:31,562 Or, actually, before then. 383 00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:36,943 But the thing I realise now is that I was just really depressed, you know. 384 00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:39,612 And if Hank can get his shit together, then so can I. 385 00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:41,405 And that is exactly what I'm gonna do. 386 00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:43,616 Good for you, Charlie. 387 00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:47,203 And I want you to know, baby, that I'm sorry. 388 00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,956 For what? 389 00:20:49,998 --> 00:20:52,208 For letting us get to a place in our lives 390 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,752 where we actually thought we needed a threesome 391 00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:56,420 to get ourselves back on track. 392 00:20:56,463 --> 00:20:59,257 You don't have to apologise for that. 393 00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:01,133 Yes, I do, because it is just not right. 394 00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:04,804 I want you to know... That you are all I need, baby. 395 00:21:04,846 --> 00:21:07,014 You're right, Charlie. 396 00:21:07,057 --> 00:21:10,268 Things have changed since Nipplegate. 397 00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:13,646 Yes, yes, and I want to go right back where we were before. 398 00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:17,316 Yeah, I don't think that's possible. 399 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:19,110 Good. Me, too. 400 00:21:19,152 --> 00:21:21,654 Or... wait. What? You... what? You don't? 401 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:24,448 No, the thing with your teat 402 00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:27,326 made things very clear to me. 403 00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:31,038 The morning after our ill-fated threesome, I woke up, 404 00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:34,208 and the only thing I wanted to do was call Dani. 405 00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:37,211 Now, I don't know if that makes me a fucking rug-muncher. 406 00:21:37,254 --> 00:21:40,172 But that sweet, little goth nutjob 407 00:21:40,215 --> 00:21:44,260 makes this girl want to put her finger in the dyke. 408 00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:47,847 Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you saying? 409 00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:53,019 What the fuck? 410 00:21:53,061 --> 00:21:55,604 Oh, we were watching Bound just now. 411 00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:58,107 You're right. That shit is hot. 412 00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:00,276 (Dani) You do have quite a movie collection. 413 00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:01,694 And quite a wife. 414 00:22:04,906 --> 00:22:07,199 - You're fired, missy. - Too late, boss. 415 00:22:07,242 --> 00:22:10,703 I think it's time I moved on to a new desk. 416 00:22:10,746 --> 00:22:13,873 Hey, maybe I'll even be an agent someday. 417 00:22:13,915 --> 00:22:15,249 I know about everything. 418 00:22:15,292 --> 00:22:18,502 I know about the S and M and the light B and D. 419 00:22:18,545 --> 00:22:21,213 And I'm not mad. I'm just kind of sad. 420 00:22:21,298 --> 00:22:22,673 And sexually awakened. 421 00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:26,927 I think we should go out there and fuck all the people we never fucked. 422 00:22:26,970 --> 00:22:29,555 Let's just rock out with our cocks out! 423 00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:33,601 Carpe motherfucking diem, baby! 424 00:22:33,643 --> 00:22:37,938 Wha... what if I don't want to... 425 00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:41,567 Rock out with my cock out? 426 00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:44,111 (Gate opens, closes) 427 00:22:48,158 --> 00:22:49,992 Whoa. 428 00:22:51,745 --> 00:22:53,454 What is that? 429 00:22:53,497 --> 00:22:55,456 What about the guitar Bill got you? 430 00:22:55,499 --> 00:22:59,460 This one's special. Timeless. Classic. 431 00:22:59,503 --> 00:23:01,629 It looks like Keith Richards 432 00:23:01,671 --> 00:23:03,839 threw up on it back in the '70s. 433 00:23:03,882 --> 00:23:05,966 Back in the '70s. 434 00:23:06,009 --> 00:23:07,510 Thanks, Dad. 435 00:23:07,552 --> 00:23:09,136 You're welcome. Now go practise. 436 00:23:09,179 --> 00:23:11,889 Extra loud so you annoy the neighbours and Bill. 437 00:23:11,932 --> 00:23:14,558 I've got to talk to your mom about something. 438 00:23:14,601 --> 00:23:16,685 (Kisses) 439 00:23:17,979 --> 00:23:20,606 - Hello? Ooh? - Oh. 440 00:23:20,649 --> 00:23:23,150 A chill just ran up my sack. 441 00:23:23,193 --> 00:23:26,904 Hold on a second. I've got to prepare myself. 442 00:23:26,947 --> 00:23:28,531 Yeah, me, too. 443 00:23:31,326 --> 00:23:33,786 OK, just like old times. 444 00:23:33,829 --> 00:23:36,288 Give it to me straight. I want it all. 445 00:23:36,331 --> 00:23:38,874 Here we go. (Inhales deeply) 446 00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:40,876 Lay it on me. 447 00:23:40,919 --> 00:23:42,962 Brutal truth. 448 00:23:43,004 --> 00:23:46,424 - Um... I can't. - You love ripping me to shreds. 449 00:23:46,466 --> 00:23:48,592 It's not as much fun when I give you permission? 450 00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:53,514 Look at me. 451 00:23:55,976 --> 00:23:58,936 You didn't read it. 452 00:23:58,979 --> 00:24:01,272 You didn't fucking read it. 453 00:24:01,314 --> 00:24:04,400 I can't read it, Hank. 454 00:24:06,611 --> 00:24:09,238 Why not? 455 00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:12,158 Because, um... I can't go back. 456 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:16,287 I, um... that part of my life is over now. 457 00:24:18,081 --> 00:24:22,084 There are a number of things going through my mind to say to you right now, 458 00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:24,628 but only one is coming to the forefront. 459 00:24:24,671 --> 00:24:26,505 And that is... 460 00:24:26,590 --> 00:24:30,759 - Fuck, we had the sex, Karen. - Would you shut the fuck up? 461 00:24:30,802 --> 00:24:32,928 Shutting me up is not gonna make it any less true. 462 00:24:32,971 --> 00:24:35,723 You know what? That was a one-time thing, OK? 463 00:24:35,765 --> 00:24:38,809 It's done. I mean, I don't regret it. 464 00:24:38,852 --> 00:24:41,645 Why would you? You came, like, three times? 465 00:24:41,688 --> 00:24:44,315 - Shut up! Hank, now I regret it, OK? - Twice, one and a half... 466 00:24:44,357 --> 00:24:46,957 - Now I do regret it. - Slower on the second, it's understandable. 467 00:24:54,201 --> 00:24:57,161 Hank, the fact that you wrote this is fucking incredible. 468 00:24:57,204 --> 00:24:58,829 I'm so proud of you. 469 00:24:58,914 --> 00:25:03,292 And I'm so glad that you have finally opened a new chapter in your life. 470 00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:06,545 - And it's here, and it's great. - Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. 471 00:25:06,588 --> 00:25:10,090 You have to do it on your own, OK? 472 00:25:12,135 --> 00:25:14,512 What if I don't want to? 473 00:25:16,890 --> 00:25:21,727 What if I want to go back and do it all over again? 474 00:25:22,395 --> 00:25:24,605 Only this time... 475 00:25:24,648 --> 00:25:26,815 not make the same mistakes. 476 00:25:26,858 --> 00:25:30,152 This time, do it better, Karen. 477 00:25:31,404 --> 00:25:33,572 This time, do it right. 478 00:25:34,658 --> 00:25:37,409 With jewellery. 479 00:25:37,452 --> 00:25:42,831 Hank... I don't love you any more, OK? 480 00:25:42,874 --> 00:25:47,419 I love Bill. I'm gonna marry Bill. 481 00:25:47,462 --> 00:25:50,464 And I really, really need you to respect that. 482 00:25:52,634 --> 00:25:54,260 (Door opens) 483 00:25:54,302 --> 00:25:56,887 I'm a fucking asshole. 484 00:25:56,930 --> 00:25:58,973 (Door closes) 485 00:26:06,398 --> 00:26:09,400 I'm a motherfucking asshole. 486 00:26:12,696 --> 00:26:15,489 ♪ Keep you in the dark 487 00:26:15,532 --> 00:26:22,663 ♪ You know they all pretend ♪ 488 00:26:22,706 --> 00:26:24,999 Hey. Hi. 489 00:26:25,041 --> 00:26:28,002 Do you know how to get to the 405 from here? 490 00:26:28,044 --> 00:26:31,630 - On foot? - Yeah. 491 00:26:31,673 --> 00:26:33,215 You could walk over to Lincoln. 492 00:26:33,258 --> 00:26:37,094 - Get the fuck out of the car, motherfucker! - Get out of the car! 493 00:26:37,137 --> 00:26:40,306 - Hold it. - Get out of the car! 494 00:26:40,348 --> 00:26:43,309 Get the fuck out now! Get the fuck out! 495 00:26:43,351 --> 00:26:46,020 - Fuck! - Get in. Come on, let's go. 496 00:26:46,062 --> 00:26:47,896 - G... - (Man) Shut the fuck up! 497 00:26:47,939 --> 00:26:49,189 (Tyres screech) 498 00:26:50,108 --> 00:26:54,653 ♪ What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays? 499 00:26:54,696 --> 00:26:56,322 ♪ You're the pretender 500 00:26:56,364 --> 00:26:59,158 ♪ What if I say I will never surrender? 501 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:02,036 ♪ What if I say I'm not like the others? 502 00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:06,206 ♪ What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays? 503 00:27:06,291 --> 00:27:07,958 ♪ You're the pretender 504 00:27:08,001 --> 00:27:11,337 ♪ What if I say that I'll never surrender? 505 00:27:13,381 --> 00:27:16,550 ♪ In time, our soul untold 506 00:27:16,593 --> 00:27:20,888 ♪ I'm just another soul for sale 507 00:27:20,930 --> 00:27:24,183 ♪ Oh, well 508 00:27:24,225 --> 00:27:27,311 ♪ The page is out of print 509 00:27:27,354 --> 00:27:29,355 ♪ We are not permanent 510 00:27:29,397 --> 00:27:32,358 ♪ We're temporary 511 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,319 ♪ Temporary 512 00:27:35,362 --> 00:27:38,405 ♪ Same old story 513 00:27:38,448 --> 00:27:41,033 ♪ What if I say I'm not like the others? 514 00:27:41,076 --> 00:27:45,037 ♪ What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays? 515 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:46,497 ♪ You're the pretender 516 00:27:46,539 --> 00:27:49,333 ♪ What if I say that I'll never surrender? 517 00:27:49,376 --> 00:27:52,252 ♪ What if I say I'm not like the others? 518 00:27:52,295 --> 00:27:56,048 ♪ What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays? 519 00:27:56,091 --> 00:27:57,675 ♪ You're the pretender 520 00:27:57,717 --> 00:28:03,013 ♪ What if I say I will never surrender? 521 00:28:03,056 --> 00:28:08,435 ♪ So who are you? Yeah, who are you?