1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,168 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:05,921 I don't think you heard me. I wrote something. 3 00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:07,297 Hank wrote a new book? 4 00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:09,258 - Can I read it? - I don't think that's appropriate. 5 00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:12,011 (Hank) I gave it to Karen. She reads all my stuff first. 6 00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:14,221 - Is there a copy? - That's the only one. 7 00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:16,140 - I can't read it, Hank. - Why not? 8 00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:17,224 I can't go back. 9 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,027 I want to go right back where we were before. 10 00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:20,769 I don't think that's possible. 11 00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:22,855 What the fuck? 12 00:00:22,897 --> 00:00:24,356 I'm getting a bad feeling here. 13 00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:26,692 I'm thinking you intend to give that to someone 14 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,819 who might already be engaged. 15 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,362 We had the sex, Karen. 16 00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:32,364 I don't love you any more. 17 00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:34,575 I love Bill. I'm gonna marry Bill. 18 00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:36,243 - Get the fuck out of the car, man! - Whoa, whoa... 19 00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:38,871 - Get the fuck out of the car! - Let me just grab this. 20 00:00:38,913 --> 00:00:42,166 (Woman) No! Get the fuck out! Get out! (Man) Get the fuck out! 21 00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:45,753 - Shut the fuck up! - (Tyres screech) 22 00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:01,518 Aaah! Kiss the tip! 23 00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:07,274 - Aaah. - (Rhythmic pounding in distance) 24 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,735 (Sniffs) 25 00:01:17,535 --> 00:01:19,828 What up, Butterbean? 26 00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:23,248 Hey-hey, roomie. Top of the mornin' to ya. 27 00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:25,811 How 'bout this beautiful fucking weather we're having here, huh? 28 00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:27,795 Yeah, it looks like another sunny day in hell. 29 00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:30,089 What the fuck are you doing? 30 00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:33,217 Now that I'm gonna be out there competing for all this high-end pussy, 31 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:35,886 I gotta try to get this body in to some kind of fightin' shape. 32 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:40,099 - That is a fool's errand, my friend. - Hey, hey, hey. Don't be hatin'. 33 00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:42,643 Take it from somebody who's been there on the front lines. 34 00:01:42,685 --> 00:01:45,020 That shit is emptier than a Michael Bay joint. 35 00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:47,523 - You're just over it now, all of a sudden? - No, I'm just sayin'... 36 00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:52,111 You know, new pussy may hold the promise of something better, 37 00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:54,947 but it sure as shit ain't love. 38 00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:59,326 Great. So I shuck off the old ball and chain, and you get thee to a nunnery. 39 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,203 - Perfect timing. - What about the Marce? 40 00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:03,664 You gotta miss the Marce. I know you miss the Marce, right? 41 00:02:03,706 --> 00:02:05,541 That sexy little Smurf was good to you. 42 00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:08,752 The sexy little Smurf cheated on me with my assistant. 43 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,963 Yes, but you cheated on her with your assistant. 44 00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:12,881 - First, I might add. - Point being? 45 00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:14,174 Your shit's fucked up. 46 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:16,802 My shit's fucked up? What about your shit? My shit. 47 00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,485 That goes without saying, but yours more. 48 00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:20,473 Good, this is what I like about having a roommate. 49 00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:22,432 You know, we got the banter going. 50 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:25,894 We got the... the petits bons mots. 51 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:27,980 (Exhales deeply) 52 00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:30,941 - What you got going on later? - Oh, I don't know... 53 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:34,778 I thought I'd start the day with some dry toast and half a grapefruit, 54 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:39,366 bust out the old computer, bang out ten pages, maybe go for a run. 55 00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:42,536 Maybe I'll just jerk off and go back to bed. 56 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:45,789 Wake me up when you come home. We'll grab a cocktail, all right? 57 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,917 - Have a good day at work, honey. - Hey... 58 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,754 I was thinking, later, me and you... we hit the gym. Tonight. 59 00:02:52,797 --> 00:02:56,091 Oh, Jesus, enough already. Just call your fucking wife. 60 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:59,803 Do whatever you have to do. Beg, plead, cry. Get down on bended knee. 61 00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:02,222 Cos I'm telling you, no amount of top-shelf pussy 62 00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:04,308 can compete with the love of a good woman. 63 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,768 Top shelf. Top shelf, baby. 64 00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:10,022 Jesus. All right. I'll go to the gym with you. 65 00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:12,274 But I'm not wearing any dolphin shorts or hanging any brain, 66 00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:14,067 so don't get your hopes up too high. 67 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:05,285 Don't forget that meeting with your friend's daughter. 68 00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:08,038 - She wants to be a writer or something. - Not in the mood. 69 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,582 - Reschedule. - OK, no problem. 70 00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:16,088 - You got a minute, boss? - Boss, huh? I thought you were moving on. 71 00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:17,965 When is your two weeks' notice up, anyway? 72 00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:21,218 That's what I wanted to talk to you about. 73 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,262 Things have gotten a little weird. 74 00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:25,806 Oh, really? 75 00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:28,392 They weren't always a little weird? 76 00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:30,394 You didn't do anything wrong. 77 00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:33,146 I went after something I wanted. I started it. 78 00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:36,358 That's right. That's r... You started it. 79 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:39,778 And that's where free will comes in. Choices were made, boss. 80 00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:42,364 I get your point. 81 00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:45,826 - So what's your choice? - I want to stay. 82 00:04:45,868 --> 00:04:48,620 I want to learn from you. I want to be an agent. 83 00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:53,375 I see. So, uh, first, you systematically destroy my marriage, 84 00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:56,044 and now you want me to help with your career. 85 00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:59,965 Well, fuck you and fuck off. 86 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:02,092 OK. Fair enough. 87 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,845 I guess I'll just have to look elsewhere for career guidance. 88 00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:07,973 Maybe I'll start with HR. I bet you they'd love to help. 89 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,642 Especially when I told them what I went through on your desk. 90 00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:13,979 The spanking, the crawling on the floor, 91 00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:16,940 - the sexual humiliation... - Wow. 92 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:19,151 Apparently you've got the makings of an excellent agent. 93 00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:21,069 So where do I start? 94 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:24,573 You start by going through that slush pile over there. 95 00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:28,452 Find me some great material... something I can sell. 96 00:05:37,378 --> 00:05:39,087 Hey, you can't smoke in here. 97 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,840 What are you gonna do, kick my ass? 98 00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:47,012 - Hank, right? - Yeah. Have we met? 99 00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:50,182 (Charlie) You've got to get in the ring, dude. This is fucking exhilarating. 100 00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:52,976 No. I think I'm good. 101 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:56,104 - Pussy. - Excuse me? 102 00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:58,982 You heard me. I called you a pussy. 103 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,443 You afraid to get your ass handed to you by a woman? 104 00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:04,237 No. Actually, I think I'm in touch with that emotion. 105 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,406 (Charlie) Hey, what are you doing later, huh? 106 00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,075 How would you like to get a drink with two guys 107 00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:10,827 who will work harder for your affection than you ever imagined possible? 108 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:13,663 - Hey, speak for yourself, there. - Well, that depends. 109 00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:16,458 - On what? - On whether or not your buddy over here 110 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,919 wants to get in the ring with me. 111 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,388 Hi. I've got a meeting with Charlie Runkle. 112 00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:31,765 Oh, uh, you must be Mia. 113 00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:35,018 I'm so sorry. I know it's last-minute, but he had to reschedule. 114 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:38,271 - I tried to call you. - But my phone died. 115 00:06:38,314 --> 00:06:39,856 Sorry, my bad. 116 00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:45,612 Well, um, I'm sure Charlie would love to reschedule 117 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,697 at your earliest convenience. 118 00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:51,952 Oh. Right. Fine. That's fine. Whatever. 119 00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:54,079 Is there anything I can help you with? 120 00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:56,206 - Are you an agent? - Not yet. 121 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,458 But I will be soon. 122 00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,336 Well, uh, I wrote this novel, and I was just wondering 123 00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:04,005 if Charlie would read it and give me some notes, 124 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,174 let me know if I'm on the right track. 125 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:08,969 - How old are you? - 16. 126 00:07:09,011 --> 00:07:12,722 And you've written a novel. That's impressive. What's it about? 127 00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:15,142 A 16-year-old girl fucks a much, much older man 128 00:07:15,184 --> 00:07:18,145 and finds herself both spiritually and sexually awakened. 129 00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:21,690 It's Nabokov meets Judy Blume with lots of fucking and punching. 130 00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:25,277 - And what's it called? - Fucking And Punching. 131 00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:27,696 Well, I'd be happy to read it. 132 00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:30,907 You would? Cool. 133 00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,367 I'll give you a call when I'm done. 134 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,744 And we could, uh, meet for coffee or something. 135 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:37,122 Um, well, you might want to read it now. 136 00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:39,541 Because you might not get another chance to. 137 00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:41,084 It's up to you. 138 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,086 I'll be in here checking my email. 139 00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,713 Enjoy. 140 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:50,552 (Bell) 141 00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:53,305 I'm sorry, I just can't place you. 142 00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:54,389 Oh! 143 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,392 - The Circle Bar... - Hey. 144 00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:59,478 About a year ago. 145 00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:05,150 You bought me a drink and I spent the night in your apartment, 146 00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:08,028 doing things I haven't done with anyone since. 147 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,531 You promised to call. 148 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,158 - You didn't. - Ohh! 149 00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:16,036 - OK. That was low. - Sorry. 150 00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:20,081 Ow! OK, now I'm gonna have to deduct a point. 151 00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:23,084 Oh! 152 00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:24,544 Now you're starting to... 153 00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:27,672 look familiar. 154 00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:29,674 Let me... Ow! Let me make it up to you. 155 00:08:29,717 --> 00:08:34,012 Let me take you out to dinner sometime, Or maybe get a drink. 156 00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:36,890 Sure. After I beat the living shit out of you. 157 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:39,935 OK, now I'm thinking I should wear a cup to dinner. 158 00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,982 - (Bell) - (Groans) 159 00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:53,615 You really should've called her. She seemed angry. 160 00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:56,910 - You think? - Uh, another vodka-cranberry. 161 00:08:56,953 --> 00:09:00,914 - Fag. - I can't drink like you, OK? 162 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:03,208 I need something a little sweet to help the medicine go down. 163 00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,377 Faggoty fag fag fag. 164 00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:09,214 (Chuckles) This is cool, us hanging out here, right? 165 00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:12,676 Just like, uh, like Raoul Duke and Dr Gonzo, right? 166 00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:14,219 We haven't done this since the salad days. 167 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,555 Yeah, like when you used to use me to get laid. 168 00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:18,640 Like when you used to use me to get published. 169 00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:21,101 - That worked, didn't it? - For you, maybe. Not so much for me. 170 00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:22,602 It worked for me. 171 00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:25,897 And I never really got to, uh, sow the wild oats the way I would've liked. 172 00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:27,941 You know, I was always too busy working. 173 00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:30,986 Hmm. And now you're haunted by it, huh? 174 00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:32,821 It's a pretty drink. 175 00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:34,614 You know, most people, they go their whole life, 176 00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,366 and they never really find someone they love. 177 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:40,579 They say they do because everybody's the star of their own little romantic comedy, 178 00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:41,871 but they're full of shit. 179 00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:44,749 You and me, we had women that loved us for who we were, 180 00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:47,502 really loved us for who we were, and we fucked it up. 181 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:48,962 For what? 182 00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:52,215 Some stupid piece of ass we forgot about ten minutes later? 183 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:55,427 Wow, you're fun tonight. Just don't worry so much, all right? 184 00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:57,345 Everything's gonna work itself out. 185 00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:59,681 It's a phase we're going through, that's all. 186 00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:02,517 (Mobile) 187 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,062 Hello? 188 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,315 H-e-ey. 189 00:10:08,357 --> 00:10:11,192 Y-yeah. That's fantastic. 190 00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:13,987 OK. See you there. 191 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:17,616 - That was Laura. From the gym. - Oh, shit. I just peed myself. 192 00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:21,119 Tap, tap, tap on the shoulder. She wants to meet us at your place. 193 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:23,246 Ding, ding, ding. Round two. 194 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,832 No, I quit. No más. No más. 195 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:28,752 - Are you finished yet? - Hold on. 196 00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:30,378 Ugh. It's just a novella. 197 00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:33,131 Are you one of those people who move their lips when they read? 198 00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:34,966 Cos that can really slow you down. 199 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,596 - So... - Are you really 16? 200 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:43,433 - I'm really 16. - Who are your influences? 201 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,186 I don't know... Uh... 202 00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:49,189 Chuck Palahniuk... Nick Cave... 203 00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:51,232 Anything Hank Moody... 204 00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:53,693 This is really good. 205 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:56,655 - Don't blow smoke up my snatch. - I'm not. 206 00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:58,782 You really think I've got something here? 207 00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:01,034 - I really do, yeah. - Cool. 208 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:04,162 Thanks for reading. 209 00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:06,373 Where are you going? 210 00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:08,541 You just confirmed for me what I already knew. 211 00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:12,045 Why waste it on a tired old warhorse who cancels meetings at the last second? 212 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,130 I can help you. 213 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,257 Give me a break. You're just an assistant. 214 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,176 For now, but not for long. 215 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:21,971 Would you rather be with someone who's on their way up or on their way out? 216 00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:29,813 Hey. 217 00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:34,526 Oh, no. Look at this. This is awkward. 218 00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:36,778 - For you, maybe. - Well. 219 00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:38,947 - What, no kiss? - I'm through with that. 220 00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:40,615 You want me, you know where to find me. 221 00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:43,952 You, on the other hand, little lady, 222 00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:46,538 have been a very naughty little Smurf. 223 00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:48,581 Bi-curious, are we? 224 00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:51,835 Hey, he started it. Spanking his assistant. 225 00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:53,628 So, what happened to your face? 226 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:56,965 Kicked in the ass by karma. 227 00:11:57,007 --> 00:12:00,760 - I'm not a lesbian, by the way. - Says the girl with her finger in the dyke. 228 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:04,431 - Ooh, nice. - (Both) Bbrroop! 229 00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:05,640 - Witty. Clever. - Thank you. 230 00:12:05,683 --> 00:12:07,434 We're on a serious break here, Charlie. 231 00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:09,602 You could do whatever the fuck you want. 232 00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:11,980 Get all the stank on your hang-low you could get. 233 00:12:12,022 --> 00:12:14,524 - Go for broke. - Don't think I won't do it, either. 234 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,443 With this guy as my wingman, I can't fail. 235 00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:18,027 (Scoffs) Sure you can. 236 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,947 No, no, no. Do not underestimate your inability to attract women. 237 00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:25,410 - Bbrroop! - Just keeping it real. 238 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:28,872 (Scoffs) I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of these vagina haters. 239 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:31,666 I enjoy the vagina. Almost as much as you. 240 00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:34,085 Once upon a time, we would've all gone in here together. 241 00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:36,048 - That's right. - All of us. To have a good time. 242 00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:39,174 - Step aside, asswipes. - What the fuck happened to us? 243 00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:41,426 Good times. 244 00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:42,969 OK, I have to ask. 245 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,680 Why does she punch him in the face just as he's about to come? 246 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,641 You tell me. 247 00:12:48,684 --> 00:12:51,561 I think maybe she wants to wake him up. 248 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,022 Or maybe she's trying to make sure he remembers her. 249 00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:56,107 Or maybe it's just really hot. 250 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:58,943 Whatever happened to just plain hot? Hmm? 251 00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:02,071 What do your parents make of this? 252 00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:06,159 Uh, well, my dad doesn't pay much attention. 253 00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:10,413 I mean, he means well, you know, he just works... a lot. 254 00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:13,708 And my mom... she's gone. 255 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:18,129 She got sick a few years back and... died. 256 00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:21,341 Let me help you with this. 257 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,636 - Why? - Because I believe in your writing. 258 00:13:24,678 --> 00:13:28,932 This thing is gonna be huge. Can you imagine the headlines? 259 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:33,186 "16-Year-Old Girl Writes Smartest, Sexiest Book Since Lolita". 260 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:35,688 It'll be made into a movie. 261 00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:38,399 Maybe Hank Moody could write the screenplay? 262 00:13:38,442 --> 00:13:40,193 Yeah. 263 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,570 I can't figure out what happened to the poor guy. 264 00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:45,073 I mean, he was such a great writer. 265 00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:55,333 Let me let you in on a little secret, young lady... 266 00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:58,294 You are much more talented than you think you are. 267 00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:01,422 You want to be an actress? I could have you working in no time. 268 00:14:01,465 --> 00:14:04,509 - Really? So you'd take me on? - In a heartbeat. 269 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,220 You're beautiful, you're smart, you're funny, 270 00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:09,180 and you can kick a man's ass no problem. 271 00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,391 - Got that right. - Oh, not in the face! 272 00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,059 Oh... shit. 273 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,895 OK, that's it for me. Good night and good luck. 274 00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:19,649 Wait. Not so fast. What about my goodnight kiss? 275 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:23,152 Good night. Oh. 276 00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:26,823 Be careful. Ah. 277 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,158 Ow. Ah. 278 00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:31,411 N... Ouch. Ow. 279 00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:33,955 Oh, oh, OK. 280 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,541 (Exhales deeply) 281 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,251 Ow. 282 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:41,754 - Remember me now? - I don't care what you think. 283 00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:44,173 I just don't think the punishment fits the crime. 284 00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:49,512 I'm sorry that I don't remember you, and I'm... I'm sorry that I didn't call you back. 285 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:52,265 L-I just think that I had a very good reason. 286 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:54,893 But you can't remember it? 287 00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:58,730 I'm gonna go to bed now. You have fun. You two have fun. 288 00:14:58,772 --> 00:14:59,939 There you go. (Groans) 289 00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:02,483 Now, I want you guys to be safe, 290 00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:06,571 be responsible, use redundant forms of birth control, 291 00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:08,364 but mainly, just keep it down, 292 00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:12,201 because I'm gonna be back there trying to piss blood in peace. 293 00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:14,871 Carry on, my wayward sons. 294 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,623 (Sighs deeply) 295 00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:19,375 Do you know how hard it is to get a girl off? 296 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,419 It is like disconnecting a bomb. 297 00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:24,422 I mean, there's all these wires and shit down there. 298 00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:27,258 Who knows which one you're supposed to cross or pull? 299 00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:29,844 Plus, the studies show 300 00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:33,222 that the female orgasm is, like, what, 99% mental? 301 00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:36,351 - Who has time for that? - OK, so that's good. 302 00:15:36,393 --> 00:15:38,937 So you want to go back to the four-minute grunt-fest? 303 00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:40,605 Things like in, out, done. 304 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:44,150 Yeah. Give me a mouthful of cock any day. 305 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:48,696 - Right. Mm-hm. - Suck, gargle, spit... works like a charm. 306 00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:51,407 I mean, call me old-fashioned, but... 307 00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:56,371 So, you're done with the, um, the lesbitarian experiment. 308 00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:58,456 The grass is always greener, you know? 309 00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:01,834 Isn't that how you ended up engaged to be buried? 310 00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:04,963 Hey, no Bill-bashing. You promised me. 311 00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:08,299 - Stay on the subject. - That is the subject. 312 00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:12,053 Married people, bored out of their minds, looking for some strange. 313 00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:14,347 It never solves what was wrong in the first place. 314 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:16,933 Oh, like you're such a fucking expert. 315 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:20,979 I'm gonna tell you one thing... that lying, cheating little cocksucker 316 00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:26,693 is not moving back into my house until I see some real fucking remorse-itude, OK? 317 00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:29,320 I want tears. I want jewellery. 318 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,656 Hank never bought me any jewellery. 319 00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:34,784 Not then, no. But he bought you that ring, didn't he? 320 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:38,329 - What ring? - Oh, fuck. 321 00:16:39,748 --> 00:16:42,083 I spoiled the fucking surprise, didn't I? 322 00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:43,751 - What fucking surprise? - Shit. 323 00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,795 I'm getting married. Why would Hank buy me a ring? 324 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,797 I don't know. 325 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,508 Charlie mentioned that he was on some kind of roll, 326 00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,510 and he got a bonus from the movie, 327 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:55,138 and then he went and blew it on some antique ring. 328 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:58,599 Don't tell me that. What, for me? No. 329 00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:02,103 Of course for you. That's the kind of bling you like, right? 330 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:04,397 - Dead people's jewellery? - (Chuckles) 331 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,108 Wait. What kind of ring did Bill get you, again? 332 00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,110 Oh, that's right... none. 333 00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,696 It's on order, OK? 334 00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:17,076 It's... it's very special. It's a Canadian diamond. Yes. 335 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:20,121 Are they good with the diamonds, the Canadians? 336 00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:22,457 I thought just the bacon. 337 00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:24,250 Psst. Hey. 338 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:27,211 - (Grunts) Hey. - I need a favour. 339 00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:30,381 - And I need some sleep. Go away. - I'm getting close out here. 340 00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:33,384 - Close to what? - Sealing the deal. 341 00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:35,470 With Lady Tyson? 342 00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:37,472 Good luck with that. Keep your hands up, though. 343 00:17:37,514 --> 00:17:39,057 Here's the thing, OK? 344 00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:41,309 She seems amenable to the naughty, right? 345 00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:43,936 But she seems even more amenable if you're part of it. 346 00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:46,230 I think she's got kind of a thing for you or something. 347 00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:47,732 No, I'm not going for that. 348 00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:51,235 I've already given that girl enough of my precious bodily fluids. 349 00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:54,280 Hey, Hank, I think you need to take one for the team here. 350 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:58,242 - What team would that be? - The team of you and me, buddy, all right? 351 00:17:58,285 --> 00:18:00,661 My wife is out there trolling for snatch, OK? 352 00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:03,331 Meanwhile, I've stumbled onto some high-class, 353 00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:05,208 once-in-a-lifetime fantasy shit here. 354 00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:08,878 I don't know if you're aware, but this kind of thing doesn't happen for me every day. 355 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:11,172 No, I am aware, and I feel your pain. 356 00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,174 But there's no way I'm gonna take a chance 357 00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:16,010 of crossing swords with you over some poor girl's vaganus. 358 00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:18,304 All right. That's cool. I get it. 359 00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:20,473 I'll go out there, I'll give it my best shot, right? 360 00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:23,351 If it doesn't happen, another time, right? 361 00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:27,563 If not then, there's always call girls, interactive porn, plastic vaginas. 362 00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:31,692 - Thanks, buddy. I feel much better now. - Fuck it, Charlie. OK. 363 00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:34,028 OK. I'll do it. 364 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:37,073 First, we got to set some guidelines. 365 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,826 Excellent idea! Excellent. What? What are you thinking? 366 00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:44,288 OK, first, I don't want to see your cock anywhere near me. 367 00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:48,000 Why would I want my cock anywhere near you? 368 00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:50,419 Why would you want to be involved in a threesome with me? 369 00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:53,506 - I don't. My client does. - This client doesn't. 370 00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:56,759 That client, the new client. Do you want to do this? 371 00:18:56,802 --> 00:19:01,055 No. But I will. For you. Anything for you, my love. 372 00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,184 Go agent the deal. I'm gonna freshen up here. 373 00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:09,397 - I need to... - Go make it so. Make it so. 374 00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:17,071 All right. I'm good. Bring it on. 375 00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:23,953 Well, I should get going. I have to get up for work in the morning. 376 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,747 Think about what I said... I'd love to work with you on this. 377 00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:31,419 - Well... - Yes? 378 00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:33,254 (Exhales deeply) 379 00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:34,922 Here you go. 380 00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:38,634 Make shit happen. 381 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:41,220 Oh, I will. 382 00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:48,227 - (Marcy) Let's do it. - (Glasses clink) 383 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:51,063 Mm! Mmm! 384 00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:54,567 - OK, where to, bitch? - Totally up to you, slunt. 385 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,611 (Chortles) 386 00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:59,780 - God, I miss you. - I fuckin' miss you! 387 00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:01,574 - I miss you. Aaah! - I love you. 388 00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:06,495 Oh-oh-oh! I miss... I miss all of us. 389 00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:09,832 Me and you and Hank and Charlie. 390 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:13,502 That first year you guys were out here... that was magic. 391 00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:16,756 - Mm-hmm. - The drinking, the dinners, 392 00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:19,383 the movies, the smoking, the X. 393 00:20:19,426 --> 00:20:24,013 That time we almost did swap but Charlie got hives. 394 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:28,059 - Oh, good times. - Yeah. 395 00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:32,396 You know, morsel, it can be like that again. 396 00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:36,525 No offence, sweetie, but I don't want to do that kind of stuff with Bill. 397 00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:38,986 - Why not? - I don't know. 398 00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:42,073 He just kind of makes my labia shrivel. 399 00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:44,325 Thank you for that nice image. 400 00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:49,372 I'm sorry. I just... I miss my fucking life. 401 00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:53,084 I know it's incredibly anti-feminist of me to admit it, 402 00:20:53,126 --> 00:20:54,585 but... (Sighs) 403 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:58,089 I miss that sexy little bulldog. 404 00:20:58,882 --> 00:21:00,925 Ugh. Ugh. 405 00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:03,886 I fucked up, he fucked up... 406 00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:07,139 I just... I want to go back to the way things were. 407 00:21:11,478 --> 00:21:13,187 (Sighs) 408 00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:15,022 Marsupial... 409 00:21:15,065 --> 00:21:17,233 Karenina... 410 00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,567 (Both chuckle) 411 00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:22,321 Did he really buy me a ring? 412 00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:24,156 Yeah. 413 00:21:24,199 --> 00:21:27,076 This comes as a shock to you? 414 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:31,289 Look, I know Hank can be a douchebag on wheels sometimes, 415 00:21:31,331 --> 00:21:33,874 but he loves the shit out of you. 416 00:21:33,917 --> 00:21:37,670 His sun rises and sets on you, baby. 417 00:21:39,506 --> 00:21:41,132 (Panting) 418 00:21:41,174 --> 00:21:43,342 (♪ Rock music) 419 00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:47,680 Dear? Dear? 420 00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:51,017 (Panting) Could I get a sip of that? 421 00:21:51,059 --> 00:21:53,185 Working hard, huh? 422 00:21:56,189 --> 00:22:00,401 Wouldn't want to get any germs on you, huh? 423 00:22:00,444 --> 00:22:02,486 You're hardly working. 424 00:22:02,529 --> 00:22:07,325 (Sips, gulps, resumes panting) 425 00:22:16,877 --> 00:22:19,128 OK. OK. 426 00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:22,423 You know what? Come on up. Come on up. 427 00:22:22,466 --> 00:22:24,050 Come here. 428 00:22:24,092 --> 00:22:26,969 Listen, I-I think if it hasn't happened yet, 429 00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:29,138 I don't think it's gonna happen. 430 00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:31,265 And, I apologise, but I-I just think I'd be 431 00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:34,769 shooting puffs of smoke right now, anyway, so... 432 00:22:34,811 --> 00:22:38,731 maybe... maybe that's it. 433 00:22:38,774 --> 00:22:40,107 No más. 434 00:22:40,150 --> 00:22:43,110 OK, Charlie, you've got work to do. 435 00:22:43,153 --> 00:22:46,280 What the client wants, the client gets. 436 00:22:46,323 --> 00:22:48,282 Not this client. 437 00:22:59,836 --> 00:23:01,379 (Both laugh) 438 00:23:01,421 --> 00:23:04,882 Shh! Maybe they're still out. 439 00:23:04,925 --> 00:23:07,802 The music's on, the cars are here. 440 00:23:07,844 --> 00:23:09,887 They just don't hear us. 441 00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:27,029 (Moaning) Ooh, yeah! 442 00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:30,199 Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 443 00:23:32,786 --> 00:23:35,704 Holy shit. Charlie... 444 00:23:35,789 --> 00:23:38,791 - Charlie! - Mm! Mm! 445 00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:40,459 - Charlie! - Oh! 446 00:23:40,502 --> 00:23:43,337 (♪ Music continues) 447 00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:45,256 It's all clear. 448 00:23:45,298 --> 00:23:47,258 OK. 449 00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:52,596 - Charlie. Charlie. - Ahh! 450 00:23:52,639 --> 00:23:55,891 - Charlie, shit! Heads up! - Oh, God. Yes! Yes! 451 00:23:55,934 --> 00:23:59,186 Charlie, I just remembered why I didn't call her back. 452 00:23:59,229 --> 00:24:01,313 (Panting, moaning intensifies) 453 00:24:01,356 --> 00:24:04,275 - Charlie. Charlie. - Keep going, keep going. 454 00:24:04,317 --> 00:24:05,693 Dude, she's gonna blow. 455 00:24:07,571 --> 00:24:11,365 Ah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! 456 00:24:11,408 --> 00:24:14,326 - (Trickling) - (Marcy) Oh, God. 457 00:24:17,706 --> 00:24:20,749 (Both laugh) 458 00:24:31,386 --> 00:24:34,763 Baby, come on. Hey, hey, hey. We were taking a break. 459 00:24:34,806 --> 00:24:37,683 I was just getting some stank on my hang-low, like you said. 460 00:24:37,726 --> 00:24:40,311 Hey. Hey, don't go away mad. 461 00:24:40,353 --> 00:24:44,064 I'm not mad. You're just absolutely fucking disgusting. 462 00:24:44,107 --> 00:24:46,307 I admit it wasn't the most pleasant scene to walk in on, 463 00:24:46,318 --> 00:24:49,236 - but nobody asked you to walk in on it. - You know what? You're right. 464 00:24:49,279 --> 00:24:51,489 And that's why I'm getting the fuck out of here. 465 00:24:51,531 --> 00:24:53,240 You don't owe me an apology. 466 00:24:53,283 --> 00:24:54,617 Karen, you can't have it both ways. 467 00:24:54,659 --> 00:24:56,702 You can't tell me to fuck off and forget about you 468 00:24:56,745 --> 00:24:59,288 and then wander back into my life whenever you feel like it. 469 00:24:59,331 --> 00:25:03,042 Believe me, I will not make the same mistake again. 470 00:25:03,126 --> 00:25:04,168 - OK. - OK. 471 00:25:04,211 --> 00:25:05,252 Well, why did you come? 472 00:25:05,295 --> 00:25:08,297 Because you bought me a ring, you fucking asshole. 473 00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:10,049 - I did. - Yes. 474 00:25:10,091 --> 00:25:13,636 I mean, you went into a store, and you looked around, 475 00:25:13,678 --> 00:25:16,013 and then you... you picked out a ring, and then... 476 00:25:16,056 --> 00:25:17,348 and then you bought it for me. 477 00:25:17,390 --> 00:25:19,141 I did. 478 00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:23,062 But you never bought me a ring. Ever. 479 00:25:23,104 --> 00:25:25,397 Where is it? Why didn't you give it to me? 480 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:28,526 You told me you were gonna marry Bill and I should respect that. 481 00:25:28,568 --> 00:25:30,277 - Right. Yes. - Yeah. 482 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,696 That never stopped you before. 483 00:25:32,739 --> 00:25:34,823 Would you have wanted me to give it to you? 484 00:25:34,866 --> 00:25:36,700 I mean, would that have made a difference? 485 00:25:36,743 --> 00:25:41,497 Are you questioning things? Are you having doubts? 486 00:25:41,581 --> 00:25:43,249 I question everything. 487 00:25:43,291 --> 00:25:44,708 - It's very healthy. - It is very healthy. 488 00:25:44,751 --> 00:25:46,835 But if you are questioning things and having doubts, 489 00:25:46,878 --> 00:25:49,213 maybe you shouldn't just, you know, rush into the wedding. 490 00:25:49,256 --> 00:25:51,090 Maybe you should postpone the fucking wedding. 491 00:25:51,132 --> 00:25:54,718 - What's the rush? - I can't do that. 492 00:25:54,761 --> 00:25:58,889 Look, I never said that you had to choose between me and William the Conqueror. 493 00:25:58,932 --> 00:26:01,475 I just think you can't run off and marry a guy 494 00:26:01,518 --> 00:26:04,478 after making sweet love to yours truly. 495 00:26:04,521 --> 00:26:07,356 It just wouldn't be chaste, young lady. 496 00:26:07,399 --> 00:26:09,441 Says the guy who's, like, hosting orgies 497 00:26:09,484 --> 00:26:11,986 and standing in the middle of the street in a skirt. 498 00:26:12,028 --> 00:26:14,321 It was hardly an orgy. I wasn't even that into it. 499 00:26:14,364 --> 00:26:16,031 I just did it to get Charlie laid. 500 00:26:16,074 --> 00:26:18,617 I forgot... you're such a humanitarian, right? 501 00:26:18,660 --> 00:26:20,995 Look, I did buy you a ring, and I would show it to you, 502 00:26:21,079 --> 00:26:23,539 but I gave it to this homeless woman after you blew me off. 503 00:26:23,582 --> 00:26:24,790 - It's a true story. - Please! 504 00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:26,458 It was a very nice ring. It was beautiful. 505 00:26:26,501 --> 00:26:28,586 It was elegant and understated, much like yourself. 506 00:26:28,628 --> 00:26:30,212 I would have liked nothing better 507 00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:32,590 than to get down on bended knee and slip it on your finger. 508 00:26:32,632 --> 00:26:35,926 - Stop it. - But buying it was a mistake. 509 00:26:35,969 --> 00:26:38,369 Because it's not about the ring. It was never about the ring. 510 00:26:38,388 --> 00:26:41,765 It's not about marriage. It's not about the wedding, it's not about me, 511 00:26:41,850 --> 00:26:43,610 it's not about Bill, it's not about Becca... 512 00:26:44,311 --> 00:26:46,270 It's about you, Karen. 513 00:26:52,611 --> 00:26:54,236 Bye, Hank. 514 00:26:56,531 --> 00:26:59,325 Good night, champ. Come again. 515 00:27:00,327 --> 00:27:02,870 So to speak. You know... 516 00:27:02,912 --> 00:27:07,291 - Good night. - Good night... Karen. 517 00:27:12,756 --> 00:27:16,258 (Hank) Yo. Runkulus Maximus. 518 00:27:20,096 --> 00:27:22,056 Look at you. 519 00:27:22,098 --> 00:27:26,393 Isn't it good to be free? Hm? 520 00:27:26,436 --> 00:27:30,314 No women weighing us down?