1 00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:17,151 PREVIOUSLY ON "CALIFORNICATION"... 2 00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:19,720 I'M HAVING WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL A CRISIS OF FAITH. 3 00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:21,489 TO PUT IT SIMPLY, I CAN'T WRITE. 4 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,224 YOU HAVE THIS INCREDIBLE TALENT, 5 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,226 AND YOU'RE JUST FLUSHING IT DOWN THE TOILET. 6 00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:27,128 MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M FUCKED UP RIGHT NOW. 7 00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:29,630 I NEED YOU. NO, I'M GETTING MARRIED. 8 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,433 IS DAD A BAD PERSON? 9 00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:33,701 NO. NOT AT ALL. 10 00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:36,670 I MEAN, HE DOES HAVE A HABIT OF GETTING INTO TROUBLE SOMETIMES. 11 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,272 FUCKIN' FUCKER! 12 00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:39,507 UGH! AAH! 13 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,375 OOH! Bill: GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. 14 00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:44,212 AND FORGET ABOUT THE WOMAN YOU DIDN'T WANT TO MARRY. 15 00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:45,446 AS YOUR FRIEND AND AGENT, 16 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,615 MAY I SUGGEST YOU START LOOKING FOR A NICE GIRL. 17 00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:49,650 WHAT IS YOUR NAME, BY THE WAY? 18 00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:51,652 WOULDN'T YOU RATHER JUST FUCK ME? 19 00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,221 I'M A SCIENTOLOGIST, HANK. 20 00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:55,356 UGH. OH! AAH! 21 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,558 SO, YOU'RE THE FAMOUS WRITER, HUH? 22 00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:00,394 THIS IS MIA, BILL'S DAUGHTER. 23 00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:02,296 SHE'S 16. 24 00:01:02,330 --> 00:01:05,133 WHAT HAPPENED THE OTHER NIGHT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. 25 00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,701 I KNOW YOU GUYS AREN'T GONNA LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. 26 00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,537 IT'S JUST NICE TO BE TOGETHER SOMETIMES. 27 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,740 Hank: I WANT TO GO BACK AND DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. 28 00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,275 I'M GONNA MARRY BILL. 29 00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:16,277 I WROTE SOMETHING. Charlie: YOU WHAT? 30 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:18,146 HANK WROTE A NEW BOOK? CAN I READ IT? 31 00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:19,580 I DON'T THINK THAT'S APPROPRIATE. 32 00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,149 Charlie: WHAT DID YOU WRITE? 33 00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:23,684 AN OLDER MAN UNWITTINGLY BEDS AN UNDERAGE GIRL. 34 00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:25,553 I WROTE THIS NOVEL. 35 00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:29,157 THIS YOUNG WOMAN'S WRITTEN THE BOOK OF THE YEAR. IS THAT RIGHT? 36 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,259 IF I SAY ANYTHING, THERE'S NO STOPPING HER FROM TELLING KAREN -- 37 00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:32,526 FUCK, THE POLICE. 38 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,229 IF ANYONE KNOWS OF A REASON WHY THIS COUPLE SHOULD NOT WED, 39 00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:37,165 SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE. 40 00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:38,899 WHAT? 41 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,534 WAIT! HANK! 42 00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:42,903 YOU SURE? QUICK, BEFORE I CHANGE MY FUCKIN' MIND. 43 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,273 KAREN, WAIT! COME BACK! [ TIRES SQUEAL ] 44 00:01:45,306 --> 00:01:47,275 [ LAUGHS ] 45 00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:59,353 [ THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS' "CALIFORNIA DREAMIN'" PLAYS ] 46 00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:00,921 [ ALARM SOUNDS ] 47 00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:03,524 * ALL THE LEAVES ARE BROWN * ALL THE LEAVES ARE BROWN 48 00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,660 * AND THE SKY IS GRAY 49 00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:09,497 * AND THE SKY IS GRAY 50 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:11,599 * I'VE BEEN FOR A WALK * I'VE BEEN FOR A WALK 51 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,369 [ PAPER TEARS ] * ON A WINTER'S DAY 52 00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:17,938 * ON A WINTER'S DAY 53 00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:20,374 * I'D BE SAFE AND WARM * I'D BE SAFE AND WARM 54 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,811 * IF I WAS IN L.A. 55 00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,547 * IF I WAS IN L.A. 56 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:28,682 * CALIFORNIA DREAMIN' * CALIFORNIA DREAMIN' 57 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,720 ARE YOU READY? 58 00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:37,325 FUCK, NO. 59 00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:40,228 YOU ARE GONNA BE SO GLAD YOU DID THIS. 60 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,730 I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW. 61 00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:46,334 I'VE GOT A GODLIKE ERECTION. SEEMS A SHAME TO WASTE IT. 62 00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:47,635 WE GOT TO GET GOING. 63 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:48,902 REALLY? MM-HMM. 64 00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:51,539 YOU'D DENY A DYING MAN HIS FINAL MEAL? 65 00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,274 [ CHUCKLES ] OH, MY GOD. 66 00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:56,377 YOU'RE GONNA MILK THIS FOR ALL IT'S WORTH, AREN'T YOU? 67 00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:57,511 ABSOLUTELY. 68 00:02:57,545 --> 00:03:00,581 DON'T MAKE ME BEG. IT'S UNSEEMLY. 69 00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:03,551 FINE. YOU BETTER MAKE IT SNAPPY. 70 00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:06,887 OH, YOU WON'T FEEL A THING. I PROMISE. 71 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,257 OH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 72 00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:11,325 JUST ASSUMING THE "POSISH." 73 00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:12,826 OH. OH, HOT DIGGETY. 74 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,428 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 75 00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:16,364 I'M ASSUMING MY POSISH. 76 00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:17,565 GET A RUBBER. 77 00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:20,434 ONE MORE TIME. COME ON, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? 78 00:03:20,468 --> 00:03:21,835 THAT'S MY POINT EXACTLY. 79 00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,638 I'LL PULL OUT AND HOSE YOU DOWN. 80 00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:27,541 OH, IS THAT SUPPOSED TO TURN ME ON? 81 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:28,542 UH, MAYBE. 82 00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:29,543 DID IT? 83 00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:30,944 NOT SO MUCH. 84 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,654 YOU BETTER START TALKING DIRTY. 85 00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:42,890 THIS COULD TAKE A WHILE. UGH! 86 00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:43,624 OKAY. 87 00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,393 WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? 88 00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:47,561 UH, RIGHT BEFORE YOU COME... 89 00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:48,529 MM-HMM? 90 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,664 ...CALL ME BILL. [ CHUCKLES ] 91 00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:52,433 WHO SAYS I'M GONNA COME? 92 00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:54,302 OOH, A CHALLENGE. 93 00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:56,437 GAME ON. 94 00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:57,905 [ LATEX SNAPS ] 95 00:03:57,938 --> 00:04:00,874 GET READY FOR THOR'S HAMMER. 96 00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:02,810 * CALIFORNIA DREAMIN' * CALIFORNIA DREAMIN' 97 00:04:04,512 --> 00:04:06,314 * ON SUCH A WINTER'S DAY 98 00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:09,317 YOU WANT TO SEE IT? 99 00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:10,551 SEE WHAT? 100 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:13,020 THE SECTION OF THE VAS DEF I JUST CUT OUT. 101 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:14,588 OH, VAS DEFINITELY NOT. 102 00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:16,690 IF IT FEELS LIKE I'M SEWING THE FLESH 103 00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:18,859 AT THE BASE OF YOUR PENIS BACK TOGETHER, 104 00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:19,960 THAT'S BECAUSE I AM. 105 00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,562 WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE A WELDER? 106 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,863 YOU'RE NOT WELDING ANYTHING, ARE YOU? 107 00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,565 SO, WHY THE VASECTOMY? 108 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,500 I HATE THE RUBBERS. 109 00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:27,868 YEAH, ME TOO. 110 00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:29,637 CAN'T FEEL A DAMN THING. 111 00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:30,571 OW. 112 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,640 TRY NOT TO GIVE THE GUY A HARD-ON, OKAY? 113 00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,742 THAT WOULD BE MESSY. 114 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:35,976 [ SIZZLE ] 115 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,044 [ WHISTLES ] 116 00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:39,580 LOOKS LIKE THERE'S A NEW POPE. 117 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,415 PAIN AND SWELLING -- TOTALLY NORMAL. 118 00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:43,384 A BAG OF FROZEN PEAS SHOULD DO THE TRICK. 119 00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,886 SOME PREFER EDAMAME. IT'S TOTALLY UP TO YOU. 120 00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,689 NO SEX FOR 48 HOURS, AND THAT INCLUDES MASTURBATION. 121 00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,524 AFTER THAT, THE MORE THE BETTER. 122 00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:53,761 SERIOUSLY. YOU STILL GOT A LOT OF VALUABLE SPERM UP IN THERE. 123 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,363 GOT TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW. 124 00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:57,965 IF YOU NEED ANY HELP, LET ME KNOW. 125 00:04:57,998 --> 00:05:00,067 GREAT-LOOKING COCK. 126 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,436 [ BELL JINGLES ] 127 00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:03,937 THANK YOU. 128 00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:57,425 DON'T THINK I DON'T SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE. 129 00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:58,225 OH, WHAT'S THAT? 130 00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,494 YOU'RE NOT ATTRACTED TO ME ANYMORE. 131 00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:02,029 THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT. 132 00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:04,432 I RAN AWAY WITH YOU ON MY WEDDING NIGHT 133 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,834 BECAUSE YOU JUST DON'T DO IT FOR ME ANYMORE. 134 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,936 YES. SEE, ON A PURELY CHEMICAL LEVEL, 135 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:11,672 YOU REALIZE THAT I CAN'T IMPREGNATE YOU ANYMORE. 136 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,107 THE BIOLOGICAL IMPERATIVE HAS BEEN COMPROMISED. 137 00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:16,143 YOU SHOULD CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY 138 00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:17,878 THAT WE'RE EVEN HAVING SEX. 139 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,913 OH, I DO. I DO. AND IT'S BEEN RAD. 140 00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:22,816 YOU KNOW, I FORGOT WHAT A LITTLE HELLCAT YOU CAN BE. 141 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:23,684 MEOW! 142 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,719 NO, NO, NO, NO. PLEASE, DON'T DO THAT. 143 00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:27,621 AW, NO, THAT WAS GROSS. SERIOUSLY. 144 00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:28,989 MAN SHOULD NOT MEOW... EVER. 145 00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:32,125 WE'RE DOING WHAT COUPLES DO, HANK. 146 00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:35,763 WE'RE MAKING RESPONSIBLE, GROWNUP DECISIONS... 147 00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:36,864 TOGETHER. 148 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,932 WHY ARE YOU SMILING LIKE THAT? 149 00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:40,100 HOW AM I SMILING? 150 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:42,035 LIKE A RETARD. [ CHUCKLES ] 151 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:45,773 IT WAS JUST NICE TO HEAR YOU REFER TO US AS A COUPLE AGAIN. 152 00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:47,475 SOUNDED GOOD. 153 00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:48,609 WOW. 154 00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:52,012 THEY REALLY DID NEUTER YOU, DIDN'T THEY? 155 00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:53,581 KISS THE EUNUCH. 156 00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:54,882 [ LAUGHS ] 157 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,116 OH, HONEY! GOD. DON'T GRIND. 158 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,150 I KNOW, BUT I FORGOT. 159 00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,552 NO GRINDING. I'M SO SORRY. 160 00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:01,188 [ HEAVY-METAL MUSIC PLAYS ] 161 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,927 [ CROWD CHEERING ] 162 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,833 [ MUSIC VOLUME DECREASES ] 163 00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:16,504 HOW'S THE PACKAGE? 164 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:17,738 THIS IS NOT A CONVERSATION 165 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,573 I EVER WANTED TO HAVE WITH MY DAUGHTER, 166 00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:20,974 BUT THANKS FOR ASKING, SWEETIE. 167 00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:23,511 SHE CALLED. SHE WHO? 168 00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:25,846 THAT REAL-ESTATE WHORE. 169 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,881 SHE'S BRINGING SOME PEOPLE BY. 170 00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:29,149 LANGUAGE, YOUNG LADY. 171 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,652 NEXT TIME SHE TELLS ME TO CLEAN MY ROOM, 172 00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:33,721 I'M GONNA SAY, "CLEAN THIS, LADY!" 173 00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,589 AND GIVE HER A TITTY TWISTER. 174 00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:36,690 [ LAUGHS ] 175 00:07:36,724 --> 00:07:38,892 AS MUCH AS I'D LIKE TO SEE THAT, 176 00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:41,762 THE IDEA IS TO SELL THIS PLACE AND GET OUT OF DODGE. 177 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,131 IF YOU TIDIED UP YOUR SHRINE TO NORWEGIAN DEATH METAL, 178 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,266 IT MIGHT FACILITATE THINGS A LITTLE BIT. 179 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,168 I DON'T WANT TO HELP SELL THE PLACE 180 00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:49,903 BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO MOVE. 181 00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,872 THIS IS OUR HOME. WE'RE HAPPY HERE. 182 00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,007 I LOVE L.A. 183 00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,743 SHE'S YOUR DAUGHTER. 184 00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:59,547 HEY, HONEY, NOT THAT I MIND HAVING THIS CONVERSATION 185 00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:00,814 FOR THE 73rd TIME THIS WEEK, 186 00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:01,982 BUT COULD WE DO IT MAYBE 187 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,817 WHEN DADDY'S BALLS DON'T ACHE SO MUCH? 188 00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:06,253 Becca: AND IT'S BLACK METAL, NOT NORWEGIAN! 189 00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:07,555 SHE NEEDS MORE TIME. 190 00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:09,590 NO -- KAREN, WE HAVE DISCUSSED THIS 191 00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:11,592 LIKE THE RESPONSIBLE PARENTS THAT WE ARE. 192 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:14,094 HANK, NEW YORK WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR US. 193 00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,963 YOU AGREED THAT SHE'D BE BETTER OFF IN NEW YORK. 194 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,631 BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE HAVE THE RIGHT 195 00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:19,232 TO YANK HER AWAY FROM THE ONLY LIFE SHE KNOWS. 196 00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:22,002 GODDAMN IT. I NEED A CIGARETTE. 197 00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,804 HOW ABOUT A VICODIN? 198 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,006 OH, I LIKE-O-DIN. 199 00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:27,140 WELL, THAT'LL DO. 200 00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,878 MY POOR LITTLE GELDING. 201 00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:33,080 THAT'S MEAN. 202 00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:36,750 OH, KAREN. 203 00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:37,985 [ INHALES SHARPLY ] KAREN! 204 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,587 PEAS! 205 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,589 OR EDAMAME! 206 00:08:41,589 --> 00:08:43,591 [ HEAVY-METAL MUSIC CONTINUES ] 207 00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:10,751 OOH, OOH, OOH. 208 00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,853 [ DOOR OPENS ] THAT IS NICE. 209 00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:21,228 MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. 210 00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:24,798 MI CASA ES SU CASA. 211 00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:28,636 MIGHT WANT TO START OUT AT THE PATIO, THOUGH. 212 00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:35,876 HEY, BIG FELLA, YOU THINK I MIGHT 213 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,945 GET MY HANDS ON SOME FROZEN VEGGIES THERE? 214 00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:40,280 I THINK YOU SHOULD WAIT YOUR FUCKIN' TURN. 215 00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:48,889 YOU. 216 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,023 ME. 217 00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:51,358 WE... SURE DID. 218 00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:53,026 COUPLE OF TIMES, ACTUALLY. 219 00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:54,962 LONG TIME AGO. 220 00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:57,665 IN A GALAXY NOT SO FAR AWAY. 221 00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:59,199 SO, WHAT'S GOING ON? 222 00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:00,300 OH, NOT MUCH. 223 00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:01,568 I'M JUST, UH, YOU KNOW, 224 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:05,072 IN THE MARKET FOR SOME FROZEN PEAS, MAYBE SOME EDAMAME. 225 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,641 TOTALLY UP TO ME. 226 00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:08,676 ARE YOU OKAY? YEAH. 227 00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:10,177 WHY? I'M -- I'M FINE. 228 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,780 I DON'T KNOW, YOU SEEM LIKE YOU'RE IN PAIN. 229 00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:15,716 NO MORE THAN USUAL. HOW YOU DOING? 230 00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:18,385 SAME OLD. LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA. 231 00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:19,386 TRUE DAT. 232 00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:21,054 IT'S HARD OUT THERE FOR A PIMP. 233 00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:22,322 [ CHUCKLES ] 234 00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:24,792 SO... 235 00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:27,094 DO YOU WANT TO GET HIGH 236 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:30,430 AND LISTEN TO SOME... RECORDS? 237 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,765 OH, DEAR. 238 00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:34,034 WOULD THAT I COULD, BUT... 239 00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:37,671 BIG LIFE CHANGES SINCE LAST WE MADE THE LOVE. 240 00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:40,340 GOT BACK TOGETHER WITH THE EX. OH. 241 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,309 BABY MAMA. 242 00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:44,077 IT'S ON. 243 00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,780 THAT'S TOO BAD. 244 00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:49,449 YOU WERE A GREAT LAY. 245 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:50,784 WOW. 246 00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:52,786 THAT IS... 247 00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,755 SO SWEET OF YOU TO SAY. 248 00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:57,925 I WILL TELL THE OLD LADY YOU SAID SO. 249 00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,893 BE WELL, HANK. 250 00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:03,030 OH. 251 00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:07,367 YOU -- YOU TOO... 252 00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:13,841 [ SIGHS ] ...SURFER GIRL. 253 00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:16,043 WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF PUSSY? 254 00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:18,045 SHE WOULD HAVE TOTALLY FUCKED YOU. 255 00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,079 I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE. 256 00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,414 YOU SHOULD DO THAT WHILE YOU STILL CAN. 257 00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,984 YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU'RE GONNA WIND UP IN ONE OF THESE. 258 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,219 AW, COME ON, YOU DON'T REALLY NEED THAT THING. 259 00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,288 I BET YOU JUST LIKE TO ZIP AROUND IN IT. 260 00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:29,757 MAKES YOU FEEL SPECIAL. 261 00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:32,125 OH, YEAH? YOU EVER HEAR OF A PROLAPSED RECTUM? 262 00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:33,293 ASSHOLE. 263 00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:35,195 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] RECTUM? 264 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,798 DAMN NEAR KILLED HIM. 265 00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:38,799 [ BEEP ] 266 00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,500 HELLO? 267 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:41,468 YEAH? NO. 268 00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:44,204 OH, SHE WAS THERE WHEN I LEFT. 269 00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:46,439 [ ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYS ] 270 00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:08,061 YOU, BECCA. 271 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,798 IN THE CAR -- NOW. DAD. 272 00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:12,332 I'M NOT FUCKIN' AROUND! NOW! 273 00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:20,440 SO, WHO IS THIS, LIKE, YOUR DAD? 274 00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:21,441 GO AWAY. 275 00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,510 I'M SERIOUS. I'LL KILL YOU. 276 00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,814 YOUR DAD'S KIND OF A DICK. 277 00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:36,456 Mia: KIND OF? 278 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,826 I DON'T WANT HER HANGING OUT HERE. 279 00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:41,328 WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, KICK HER TO THE CURB? 280 00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:42,930 SHE'S MY LITTLE PSEUDO-SISTER. 281 00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:44,197 WHAT IS THIS? 282 00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:46,967 IT'S NOT A MEMOIR. 283 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,469 IT'S A WRITTEN ACCOUNT OF MY SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. 284 00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:51,504 WRITTEN BY ME AS A FUCKIN' NOVEL. 285 00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:52,705 [ SCOFFS ] 286 00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,942 EVEN I'M CONFUSED, AND I STOLE THE DAMN THING. 287 00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:56,910 WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING IT. 288 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,847 I HOPE ALL MY HARD WORK IS PAYING OFF FOR YOU. IS IT? 289 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,348 IT IS, VERY MUCH SO. 290 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:04,451 JUST AS I HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING MY FATHER'S WIFE. 291 00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:06,053 HE SAYS HI, BY THE WAY. 292 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:07,420 HE DOESN'T. 293 00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,862 [ GRUNTS ] 294 00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:17,597 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT... HERE? 295 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,366 YOU'RE ALL ALONE, AND I... 296 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:24,204 MUCH AS IT WARMS THE COCKLES TO HEAR YOU SAY IT, I'M FINE. 297 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:27,040 DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. WORRY ABOUT THE BECCA. 298 00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:28,976 SHE'S PISSED OFF, AND SHE'S SCARED. 299 00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,344 SCARED? 300 00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:32,145 THINK ABOUT IT. 301 00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:34,347 SHE GOT WHAT SHE ALWAYS WANTED -- 302 00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,917 THE HAPPY ENDING TO BEAT ALL HAPPY ENDINGS. 303 00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:39,486 SHE'S JUST WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP -- 304 00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:40,921 FOR YOU TO FUCK IT UP, 305 00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:43,523 OR FOR KAREN TO REALIZE SHE MADE A BIG MISTAKE. 306 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:46,159 BOTH HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO HAPPEN. 307 00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:49,129 GODDAMN IT, I NEED A CIGARETTE. 308 00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:54,567 GOODBYE. 309 00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:04,344 I KNOW YOU'RE PISSED AT ME. 310 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:05,412 I KNOW YOUR MOTHER AND I 311 00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,647 HAVE DONE SOME PRETTY UNFORGIVABLE SHIT TO YOU, 312 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,950 AND I KNOW YOU'RE RAPIDLY APPROACHING THAT AGE 313 00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:12,552 WHERE THE VERY THOUGHT OF HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR FATHER 314 00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:13,786 MAKES YOU NAUSEOUS. 315 00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:16,356 BUT I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M NOT GONNA QUIT TRYING. 316 00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:18,091 OKAY? 317 00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:22,062 'CAUSE YOU'RE THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. 318 00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:24,297 AND I LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. 319 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,269 HOW'S THE BALLS? 320 00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:34,975 THE BOYS HAVE SEEN BETTER DAYS. THANK YOU. 321 00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:37,544 WAS THAT A LAUGH? 322 00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,346 MY PAIN IS FUNNY TO YOU? 323 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,581 JESUS, YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER. 324 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:43,650 YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT THAT WOMAN PUT ME THROUGH. 325 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:45,452 IT IS A HIDEOUS, BARBARIC... 326 00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:46,519 ...ALMOST MEDIEVAL PROCEDURE. 327 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:49,222 HEY, BUDDY, YOU'RE PREACHING TO THE CHOIR, OKAY? 328 00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:50,023 I'VE BEEN THERE. 329 00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,959 REALLY? YOU'VE BEEN VASECTOMIZED? 330 00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:54,361 WHY DO YOU THINK WE DON'T HAVE ANY LITTLE RUG RATS? 331 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,496 I GUESS I JUST ALWAYS ASSUMED YOU WERE BARREN... 332 00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:57,297 ASSHOLE. 333 00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:59,566 HEY, BE NICE TO MY WOUNDED SOLDIER. 334 00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:00,433 HE STARTED IT. 335 00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:02,369 ...OR THE BALD EAGLE WAS SHOOTING BLANKS. 336 00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:03,536 THAT I AM, MY GOOD MAN, 337 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,172 EVER SINCE THE SNIP, SNIP, SNIP. 338 00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:06,539 WELL, THE SECOND ONE. 339 00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,541 SHH! YOU'RE GONNA FREAK HIM OUT. 340 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,044 WHAT DO YOU MEAN "THE SECOND ONE"? THE SECOND WHAT? 341 00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:13,013 YOU KNOW, T-THEY -- SOMETIMES, UH... 342 00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:15,115 IT DOESN'T TAKE. DOESN'T TAKE? 343 00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:16,984 THAT'S NOT COOL. THAT'S NOT COOL AT ALL. 344 00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:18,385 SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO DO IT AGAIN. 345 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,988 I DID NOT HAVE A PERFECTLY GOOD CHUNK OF MY VAS DEF CUT OFF 346 00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:22,622 JUST SO I COULD GO BACK TO WEARING CONDOMS 347 00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,357 JUST LIKE SOME PIMPLY-FACED TEENAGER. 348 00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:26,293 I LOVE THE RUBBERS. WHY? 349 00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:28,261 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHY DO YOU LOVE RUBBERS? 350 00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:30,263 THEY SLOW ME DOWN, MAN. KEEP ME IN THE GAME. 351 00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:31,531 OH. RETARD SENSATION. 352 00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:34,501 HE'S AN EXCITABLE BOY. THAT'S RIGHT. 353 00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:39,006 ARE YOU INTIMATING THAT HE EJACULATES PREMA-CHARLIE? [prematurely] 354 00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:41,108 NICE. THANK YOU. GREAT, RIGHT? 355 00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,643 [ BEEPS ] PRRRRRR! 356 00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:46,113 UH, WHY -- WHY WOULD YOU GUYS WANT TO GO BACK 357 00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:47,447 TO THAT DISGUSTING CITY OF YOURS? 358 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:48,548 OH, DON'T BRING THAT UP. 359 00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:49,682 IT'S BECAUSE IT'S A CITY. 360 00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:51,484 Marcy: OH, COME ON. 361 00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:53,553 Julian: ...HAVE A WHITE WINE. 362 00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:00,160 YEAH...SONJA. HEY. HANK. 363 00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:01,094 OH. 364 00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:02,729 AWKWARD. 365 00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:04,064 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 366 00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:05,632 Hank: KAREN. 367 00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:06,366 HEY, KAREN! 368 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,301 HEY, LOOK. Karen: HEY, SONJA. 369 00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:09,669 NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 370 00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:14,641 Hank: YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT YOU FOUND SOMETHING BETTER 371 00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:16,276 THAN A PSEUDO-RELIGIOUS CULT 372 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,311 FOUNDED BY A LUNATIC SCI-FI HACK? 373 00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:19,512 DO TELL. 374 00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:21,281 WELL, IT'S A LITTLE COMPLICATED OVER DRINKS. 375 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,449 BUT MAYBE LUNCH TOMORROW? 376 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,351 YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN TOO LONG. SURE. 377 00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:25,752 WAIT. WHOA, WHOA, HOLD ON A SECOND. 378 00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:26,719 I'M NOT SURE HOW I FEEL 379 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,788 ABOUT TWO LADIES WITH WHOM I'VE MADE THE LOVE 380 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:29,889 LUNCHING TOGETHER. HANK. 381 00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:33,060 OKAY, I'M PRETTY SURE I FEEL PRETTY GOOD ABOUT IT. 382 00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:35,628 YOU KNOW, IT'S CUTE. YOU GUYS ARE... 383 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,530 WHAT -- YOU'RE OFFICIALLY BACK TOGETHER? 384 00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:40,167 FOR NOW. UNTIL WE FUCK IT UP, RIGHT? 385 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,501 COULD BE ANY SECOND NOW. 386 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:42,802 NO. 387 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,072 DUDE, JULIAN'S A WRITER, TOO. REALLY? 388 00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:46,073 MY CONDOLENCES. 389 00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:47,674 HE WROTE "THE ARTIST WITHIN." 390 00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,309 FUCKING GENIUS. 391 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,210 NO WAY. 392 00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:51,478 CHECK, PLEASE. 393 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,113 HANK, THAT'S RUDE. 394 00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:54,614 I'LL SEND YOU GUYS A COPY IF YOU WANT. 395 00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:57,217 NO NEED. I HAVE IT ON MY NIGHTSTAND RIGHT NOW. 396 00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,319 I LOVE IT. 397 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,787 LET ME TRY TO UNDERSTAND THIS. 398 00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:02,222 HOLD ON A SECOND. 399 00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:03,790 YOU WRITE ABOUT WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE AN ARTIST? 400 00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:05,258 DON'T BE A DOUCHE, HANK. 401 00:17:05,292 --> 00:17:07,260 OH, YOU ASK THE IMPOSSIBLE, SWEETHEART. 402 00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:09,096 Julian: NO, IT'S FINE. IT'S FINE. 403 00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:10,697 THE NEGATIVITY IS -- IT'S NORMAL. 404 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:14,767 WHAT I WRITE ABOUT IS, UH, ACCESSING THE ARTIST 405 00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:17,270 THAT EXISTS INSIDE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US. 406 00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:18,671 YEAH, THAT REALLY WORKS. 407 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,573 I MEAN, I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER. 408 00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:22,575 MY BUSINESS HAS NEVER BEEN BETTER. 409 00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:24,511 IN FACT, I'M THINKING OF EXPANDING, 410 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,179 BRINGING ON AN ARCHITECT. WE SHOULD TALK. 411 00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:28,515 SO, YOU -- YOU REALLY BELIEVE 412 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:32,652 THAT EVERYBODY ON THIS PLANET HAS, UH, AN ARTIST INSIDE THEM, 413 00:17:32,685 --> 00:17:35,588 LIKE, AN INNER SCHNABEL, IF YOU WILL? 414 00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:36,823 I DO. 415 00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:39,526 WHICH MEANS YOU MUST CONSIDER YOURSELF AN ARTIST. 416 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,862 UH, I LIKE TO THINK OF MYSELF AS MORE OF A... 417 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,364 CREATIVE MIDWIFE. 418 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:45,865 AH, WELL, I LIKE TO THINK OF MYSELF 419 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:48,301 AS HAVING A 12-INCH COCK, BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE IT SO. 420 00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:50,370 OH, MY GOD. 2 INCHES SHY. 421 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,538 HEY-O! 422 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:52,439 Charlie: PRRRRRR! 423 00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:54,541 AH, WELL, WE HAVE TO GET GOING, BABY. 424 00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,276 FASHIONABLY LATE IS ONE THING... 425 00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:57,344 OH, RIGHT. 426 00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:58,378 YOU KNOW WHAT? 427 00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,580 WE'RE GOING TO THIS PARTY UP IN LAUREL CANYON. 428 00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:01,848 YOU GUYS WANT TO COME? 429 00:18:01,881 --> 00:18:03,583 YOU WOULD FUCKING LOVE THIS HOUSE. 430 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:06,253 A PARTY? EVEN US?YEAH. YES, EVEN YOU. 431 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:07,354 FUCKIN' "A," LET'S GO. 432 00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:08,588 Karen: YOU IN? NO, BUT HAVE FUN. 433 00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:11,758 [ ROCK 'N' ROLL PLAYS ] 434 00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:24,404 I QUIT SMOKING. 435 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,173 OH, WOW. LOOK AT YOU. 436 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,207 NO, I'M GOOD, THANKS. 437 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:28,608 WHAT, DID YOU GIVE IT UP FOR LENT? 438 00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:29,909 [ CHUCKLES ] OH, NO, I'M, UH... 439 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,411 I'M PREGNANT. 440 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,680 YOU DIDN'T -- YOU DIDN'T NOTICE MY BUMP? 441 00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:34,847 YEAH, I DID. 442 00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:36,783 I JUST THOUGHT YOU PUT ON WEIGHT. NO. 443 00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:38,485 NO, I'M KIDDING. CONGRATULATIONS. 444 00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:41,421 THANKS. THANK YOU. YEAH, WE'RE VERY HAPPY. 445 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:42,722 WELL DONE, LADY. 446 00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:45,792 LAST TIME I SAW YOU, YOU WERE BONING A DEGENERATE DOGGY-STYLE 447 00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:48,361 AND PROJECTILE-VOMITING ALL OVER BILL'S BEDROOM -- 448 00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:50,663 TWO THINGS WHICH I TOTALLY DUG ABOUT YOU. 449 00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:52,299 WAS -- WAS THAT ME? WOW. 450 00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:53,800 YEAH, DON'T EVER CHANGE. 451 00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,535 [ LAUGHS ] WHAT THE HELL? 452 00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:56,636 OH! WHAT? 453 00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:59,206 SHOOTING COCK PAIN. I GOT TO GO. 454 00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:00,940 GOOD TO SEE YOU. OH. OKAY. YEAH. 455 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,675 OW. 456 00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:03,943 OW. OW. OW. 457 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:07,214 [ INHALES SHARPLY ] OH! MY MAMA! 458 00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:08,648 WHAT THE FUCK?! 459 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,883 I'VE ONLY BEEN GONE FOR TWO SECONDS. 460 00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:13,220 YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT. 461 00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:14,454 WHY NOT, DADDY? 462 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:15,822 YOU KNOW WHY NOT. 463 00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,690 I KNOW, BUT...[SNIFFS] 464 00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,293 JUST LOOK HOW NICE THEY LOOK. 465 00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:22,429 PRETTY LITTLE MAIDS ALL IN A ROW. JUST -- 466 00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:23,796 YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO PROMISES? 467 00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:28,735 COME ON. 468 00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:31,638 DON'T YOU REMEMBER... 469 00:19:34,807 --> 00:19:37,410 ...HOW GOOD THE SEX USED TO BE... 470 00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:41,281 [ English accent ] WHEN I USED TO SPRINKLE IT ON YOUR NAUGHTY BITS? 471 00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:42,282 [ SNIFFS ] 472 00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:43,416 I SEEM TO RECALL 473 00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:45,685 SOMETHING VAGUELY PLEASANT ABOUT THE SENSATION, YES. 474 00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:46,786 MM? 475 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:56,629 AH! 476 00:19:58,598 --> 00:19:59,566 WOW. 477 00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:00,667 WHAT DO YOU KNOW -- 478 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,702 YOU'RE WITHOUT "THE ARTIST WITHIN." 479 00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:03,836 MUST BE LONELY. 480 00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:06,839 YOU MUST BE JEALOUS. THAT'S KIND OF CUTE. 481 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:09,509 MM. COME ON. WE GOT TO GO. 482 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:10,943 HANK? HMM? 483 00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:14,881 I AM SO TOUCHED BY WHAT YOU DID FOR ME TODAY. 484 00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:17,584 I AM. 485 00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:18,618 YES, BUT... 486 00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:19,652 MMM.MMM. 487 00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:22,689 WHAT I DID FOR YOU TODAY MEANS THAT I CAN'T DO THIS 488 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,991 OR ANYTHING LIKE IT FOR THE NEXT 48 HOURS. 489 00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:25,992 OH, YEAH. 490 00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:32,031 WELL, THERE'S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO SKIN A CAT. 491 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,901 GEEZ, I LIKE YOU STONED. 492 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:37,504 HMM. I LIKE YOU LIKING ME STONED. 493 00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:39,372 [ BOTH CHUCKLE ] 494 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:41,541 MMM. 495 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:42,675 HOLY SHIT. 496 00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:43,676 WHAT? 497 00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,445 I THINK YOU'RE GIVING ME A BONER. 498 00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:46,879 OH, WELL, THAT'S GREAT NEWS. 499 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,648 IT IS GREAT NEWS. NO, NO, IT IS. 500 00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:50,717 I JUST -- I'M AFRAID I MIGHT POP A STITCH. 501 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:51,818 COME HERE. 502 00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,019 NO, NO. I WANT TO CHECK IT. 503 00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:53,886 I-I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 504 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,922 I DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE HIM LIKE THIS. 505 00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:57,390 IT COULD BE BLOODY. 506 00:20:57,424 --> 00:20:59,526 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? HMM. 507 00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:02,895 ASSUMING THE POSISH. 508 00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:03,930 OH! 509 00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:07,734 FEEL FREE TO START WITHOUT ME. 510 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:13,806 HEY, YOU GOT A RUBBER? 511 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,909 UH, I THINK I GOT THE RAMSES IN MY WALLET FROM HIGH SCHOOL, 512 00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,845 BUT I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S EXPIRED. 513 00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:19,912 HAND IT OVER. 514 00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:21,614 I WAS KIDDING. OH. 515 00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:23,850 FUCKIN' CHICK IS INSISTING I, UH, WEAR A RUBBER. 516 00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,485 WHAT -- WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT? 517 00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:27,654 THAT'S NOT VERY ROCK-'N'-ROLL. NOT AT ALL. 518 00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:30,457 IF IT'S DARK ENOUGH, YOU COULD RIP OPEN AN ALKA-SELTZER. 519 00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:32,091 AND BANG HER WITH IT? [ Chuckling ] NO. 520 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,660 JUST -- IT'LL CREATE THE ILLUSION 521 00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:35,728 THAT YOU'RE WEARING A JIMMY HAT. [ CHUCKLES ] 522 00:21:35,762 --> 00:21:37,464 DAVID COPPERFIELD DOES IT. 523 00:21:37,497 --> 00:21:38,898 NOT ONSTAGE. [ CHUCKLES ] 524 00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:40,600 THANKS, MAN. 525 00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:41,634 YOU KNOW, I WAS KIDDING. 526 00:21:41,668 --> 00:21:43,603 [ ROCK 'N' ROLL PLAYS ] 527 00:22:16,803 --> 00:22:19,472 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 528 00:22:19,506 --> 00:22:23,075 [ MOANING ] 529 00:22:23,109 --> 00:22:24,076 MMM. 530 00:22:25,645 --> 00:22:27,747 [ MOANING ] 531 00:22:41,794 --> 00:22:44,096 [ MOANING INTENSIFIES ] 532 00:22:48,535 --> 00:22:49,669 [ GASPS ] 533 00:22:53,573 --> 00:22:56,075 Woman: HEY, ASSHOLE! 534 00:22:56,108 --> 00:22:58,044 HEY! 535 00:22:58,077 --> 00:22:59,111 HELLO?! 536 00:22:59,145 --> 00:23:01,147 KAREN! 537 00:23:03,783 --> 00:23:06,519 KAREN! KAREN! 538 00:23:06,553 --> 00:23:08,588 HEY, ANYBODY GOT AN ALKA-SELTZER? 539 00:23:08,621 --> 00:23:10,623 Woman: LEW! 540 00:23:10,657 --> 00:23:13,125 THIS FUCKING PERV JUST TRIED TO MOUTH-RAPE ME! 541 00:23:13,159 --> 00:23:14,461 REALLY? 542 00:23:14,494 --> 00:23:16,128 WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE?! 543 00:23:16,162 --> 00:23:18,865 YOU'RE A GUEST IN MY HOME, AND YOU GO MOUTH-RAPE... 544 00:23:18,898 --> 00:23:20,700 WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SWEETHEART? 545 00:23:20,733 --> 00:23:21,868 DESTINY. 546 00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:23,703 FELICITY. 547 00:23:23,736 --> 00:23:25,572 COME ON, THERE WAS NO RAPING. 548 00:23:25,605 --> 00:23:28,475 I WASN'T RAPING. I'M NOT A RAPEY KIND OF GUY. 549 00:23:30,042 --> 00:23:32,479 KAREN. KAREN! I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU. 550 00:23:32,479 --> 00:23:35,515 THERE YOU ARE. GOD! TELL HIM I'M NOT RAPEY. 551 00:23:35,548 --> 00:23:37,750 I ACCIDENTALLY WENT DOWN ON HER. 552 00:23:37,784 --> 00:23:38,751 WHAT? 553 00:23:38,785 --> 00:23:40,887 HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY GO DOWN ON SOMEONE? 554 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,589 BIG HOUSE, A LOT OF ROOMS, IT WAS DARK. 555 00:23:42,622 --> 00:23:44,757 I WENT TO THE BATHROOM, GOT TURNED AROUND, 556 00:23:44,791 --> 00:23:46,659 AND ACCIDENTALLY WENT DOWN ON HER. 557 00:23:48,695 --> 00:23:51,130 I BUY IT. 558 00:23:51,163 --> 00:23:53,099 SELL IT TO HER. 559 00:23:54,701 --> 00:23:58,070 AH, SO I SEEM TO HAVE PROCURED A LITTLE PROPHYLACTIC. 560 00:24:00,673 --> 00:24:02,809 I'LL GET THE CAR. 561 00:24:07,179 --> 00:24:09,582 I KNOW -- I SMELL LIKE PUSSY. 562 00:24:09,616 --> 00:24:12,151 I'M SORRY, KAREN. I'M VERY SORRY. 563 00:24:12,184 --> 00:24:14,587 THAT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE. 564 00:24:14,621 --> 00:24:17,089 OH, YOU JUST HAD YOUR MOUTH ON ANOTHER WOMAN'S VAGINA? 565 00:24:17,123 --> 00:24:19,559 YES, I DID, BUT THE MOMENT MY TONGUE HIT CLIT, 566 00:24:19,592 --> 00:24:20,693 I KNEW IT WASN'T YOURS. 567 00:24:20,727 --> 00:24:22,094 SHUT UP. IT WASN'T PERFECT. 568 00:24:22,128 --> 00:24:24,196 I COULD PICK YOUR PUSSY OUT OF A POLICE LINEUP OF PUSSY. 569 00:24:24,230 --> 00:24:25,532 HANK. I COULD. 570 00:24:25,532 --> 00:24:28,968 YOU KNOW, IF YOUR PUSSY WAS EVER ARRESTED, GOD FORBID... HANK. 571 00:24:29,001 --> 00:24:31,871 ...AND IT HAD TO BE IDENTIFIED IN SOME KIND OF A LINEUP, 572 00:24:31,904 --> 00:24:33,205 I WOULD GET IT RIGHT AWAY. 573 00:24:33,239 --> 00:24:35,742 "PUSSY NUMBER 2, STEP FORWARD, TURN PROFILE. 574 00:24:35,775 --> 00:24:37,276 THAT'S KAREN." 575 00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:38,110 OH, MY GOD. 576 00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:40,547 I MUST HAVE BEEN FUCKING CRAZY 577 00:24:40,580 --> 00:24:42,815 THINKING THINGS COULD BE DIFFERENT. 578 00:24:42,849 --> 00:24:44,951 [ SIREN WAILING ] FUCK ME! 579 00:24:52,825 --> 00:24:56,195 DON'T START SAYING THINGS YOU CAN'T TAKE BACK. 580 00:24:56,228 --> 00:24:57,930 I DON'T WANT TO TAKE IT BACK. 581 00:24:57,964 --> 00:24:59,566 YES, YOU DO. NO, I DON'T. 582 00:24:59,566 --> 00:25:01,067 YOU DO. DON'T TELL ME WHAT I MEAN. 583 00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:03,035 GOOD EVENING, SIR, MA'AM. GOOD EVENING. 584 00:25:03,069 --> 00:25:04,971 YOU KNOW WHY I STOPPED YOU? 585 00:25:05,004 --> 00:25:06,138 UH, NO, I DON'T, SIR. 586 00:25:06,172 --> 00:25:08,775 EDUCATE ME, OFFICER... 587 00:25:08,808 --> 00:25:09,976 DICK? SHUT UP. 588 00:25:10,009 --> 00:25:11,310 [ Chuckling ] REALLY? 589 00:25:11,343 --> 00:25:13,613 Hank, shut up. OW. OFFICER DICK. 590 00:25:13,646 --> 00:25:15,882 AND THAT WAS MEAN, BY THE WAY. THAT WAS REALLY A LOW BLOW. 591 00:25:15,915 --> 00:25:18,718 Coming from the mouth rapist?! 592 00:25:18,751 --> 00:25:20,019 YOU HAVE A HEADLIGHT OUT. 593 00:25:20,052 --> 00:25:21,788 YES, IT'S BEEN THAT WAY FOR MONTHS, 594 00:25:21,821 --> 00:25:23,756 BUT TONIGHT I GET STOPPED, OF ALL NIGHTS. 595 00:25:23,790 --> 00:25:24,824 JUST MY FUCKIN' LUCK! 596 00:25:24,857 --> 00:25:26,959 OH, 'CAUSE IT'S ALL ABOUT LUCK. IT HAS NOTHING -- 597 00:25:26,993 --> 00:25:29,128 CAN WE JUST SLEEP ON IT? CAN WE SLEEP ON THIS? 598 00:25:29,161 --> 00:25:31,097 IS THERE A REASON YOU'RE NOT WEARING A SHIRT, SIR? 599 00:25:31,130 --> 00:25:33,299 [ SIGHS ] YES, THERE IS, OFFICER. 600 00:25:33,332 --> 00:25:34,901 THERE'S A VERY GOOD ONE, 601 00:25:34,934 --> 00:25:37,303 AND I COULDN'T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN. 602 00:25:37,336 --> 00:25:38,204 OH, NO. TRY, TRY. 603 00:25:38,237 --> 00:25:41,007 SEE IF HE THINKS IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE. 604 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:42,942 OKAY, ONE MORE TIME, FOR THE CHEAP SEATS. 605 00:25:42,975 --> 00:25:45,612 WHAT HAPPENED BACK THERE COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ANYBODY! 606 00:25:45,612 --> 00:25:47,714 WRONG PLACE, WRONG TIME... 607 00:25:47,747 --> 00:25:48,881 WRONG VAGINA! 608 00:25:48,915 --> 00:25:49,716 Shh! 609 00:25:49,749 --> 00:25:51,718 I-I'M SORRY. H-HE'S BEEN DRINKING. 610 00:25:51,751 --> 00:25:53,653 WHAT THE FUCK, KAREN?! 611 00:25:53,686 --> 00:25:55,855 HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING, SIR? 612 00:25:55,888 --> 00:25:56,789 HOURS AGO. 613 00:25:56,823 --> 00:26:00,226 BUT NOT TO EXCESS. I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE. 614 00:26:00,259 --> 00:26:04,330 I MEAN, I DO, BUT NOT NEARLY AS OFTEN AS I USED TO. 615 00:26:04,363 --> 00:26:06,165 AND HE'S BEEN TAKING VICODIN. 616 00:26:06,198 --> 00:26:08,935 [ Chuckling ] OH, COME ON, NOW. 617 00:26:08,968 --> 00:26:10,002 THAT'S -- KAREN. 618 00:26:10,036 --> 00:26:10,903 [ LAUGHING ] 619 00:26:10,937 --> 00:26:12,739 [ Chuckling ] I KNOW YOU'RE PISSED AT ME 620 00:26:12,772 --> 00:26:14,040 FOR GOING DOWN ON THAT WOMAN, 621 00:26:14,073 --> 00:26:16,175 BUT ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME THROWN IN JAIL? 622 00:26:16,208 --> 00:26:17,243 Shut the fuck up. 623 00:26:17,276 --> 00:26:19,245 Officer: COULD YOU STEP OUT OF THE CAR, PLEASE? 624 00:26:19,278 --> 00:26:20,647 WHOA, WHOA, HOLD ON, SIR -- 625 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:21,714 OUT OF THE CAR NOW. 626 00:26:21,748 --> 00:26:23,916 YOU JUST CAUGHT US AT A REALLY, REALLY BAD TIME. 627 00:26:23,950 --> 00:26:25,051 IT'S A BAD TIME FOR US. 628 00:26:25,084 --> 00:26:27,053 EXCUSE ME FOR SAYING SO, MA'AM. 629 00:26:27,086 --> 00:26:29,055 YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR. 630 00:26:29,088 --> 00:26:30,122 HEY! I KNOW. 631 00:26:30,156 --> 00:26:32,324 WHY DON'T YOU JUST MIND YOUR OWN FUCKIN' BUSINESS! 632 00:26:32,358 --> 00:26:33,860 HANK! EXCUSE ME, SIR? 633 00:26:33,893 --> 00:26:35,662 ALL DUE RESPECT, OFFICER, BUT AREN'T YOU 634 00:26:35,662 --> 00:26:37,296 STEPPING OUTSIDE THE JOB DESCRIPTION A LITTLE BIT? 635 00:26:37,329 --> 00:26:39,699 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU GUYS HAD THE RIGHT TO EDITORIALIZE. 636 00:26:39,732 --> 00:26:42,234 [ SNIFFS ] 637 00:26:42,268 --> 00:26:45,071 HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING MARIJUANA, SIR? 638 00:26:46,072 --> 00:26:48,174 ONE HIT. ONE! 639 00:26:48,207 --> 00:26:49,375 OKAY, LET'S GO. TURN AROUND. 640 00:26:49,408 --> 00:26:51,778 COME ON, YOU CAN'T ARREST SOMEBODY FOR BEING A WISEASS. 641 00:26:51,811 --> 00:26:52,712 NO, BUT I CERTAINLY CAN 642 00:26:52,745 --> 00:26:54,947 FOR DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE, CAN'T I? 643 00:26:54,981 --> 00:26:55,915 OFFICER, EXCUSE ME. 644 00:26:55,948 --> 00:26:58,350 THIS IS JUST, LIKE, A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING. 645 00:26:58,384 --> 00:26:59,952 OF COURSE IT IS. OKAY? 646 00:26:59,986 --> 00:27:02,689 YOU KNOW, THE THING THAT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND 647 00:27:02,689 --> 00:27:06,859 IS WHAT A WOMAN LIKE THAT IS DOING WITH A PRICK LIKE YOU. 648 00:27:06,893 --> 00:27:08,761 SHE'S GOT TO HAVE A SCREW LOOSE, RIGHT? 649 00:27:08,795 --> 00:27:11,097 MAYBE THAT'S HOW YOU LIKE 'EM, RIGHT, A LITTLE CRAZY? 650 00:27:11,130 --> 00:27:13,700 MAYBE IF YOU GO DOWN ON HER A LITTLE MORE OFTEN... 651 00:27:13,700 --> 00:27:15,134 UGH! 652 00:27:15,167 --> 00:27:16,135 HANK! 653 00:27:16,168 --> 00:27:18,738 WHAT THE... * WELL, I WENT TO THE DOCTOR 654 00:27:18,771 --> 00:27:19,972 HANK! NO! 655 00:27:20,006 --> 00:27:22,008 * I SAID, "I'M FEELIN' KIND OF ROUGH" * 656 00:27:22,041 --> 00:27:23,743 [ GASPS ] NO! 657 00:27:23,776 --> 00:27:25,311 * "LET ME BREAK IT TO YOU, SON" * 658 00:27:25,344 --> 00:27:26,713 [ KAREN GASPS ] 659 00:27:26,713 --> 00:27:29,048 * "YOUR SHIT'S FUCKED UP" 660 00:27:29,081 --> 00:27:30,382 OOH! 661 00:27:30,416 --> 00:27:32,318 NOT THE BALLS! 662 00:27:32,351 --> 00:27:33,352 AH! 663 00:27:33,385 --> 00:27:35,722 * "WELL, I DON'T SEE HOW" 664 00:27:36,422 --> 00:27:40,727 * HE SAID, "THE SHIT THAT USED TO WORK * 665 00:27:40,727 --> 00:27:43,129 * IT WON'T WORK NOW" 666 00:27:43,162 --> 00:27:45,832 * YEAH, MY SHIT'S FUCKED UP 667 00:27:50,036 --> 00:27:53,740 * THAT AMAZING GRACE 668 00:27:53,740 --> 00:27:57,043 * SORT OF PASSED YOU BY 669 00:27:57,076 --> 00:28:00,012 * YOU WAKE UP EVERY DAY 670 00:28:00,046 --> 00:28:03,883 * AND YOU START TO CRY 671 00:28:03,916 --> 00:28:07,053 * YOU WANT TO DIE 672 00:28:07,086 --> 00:28:10,322 * BUT YOU JUST CAN'T QUIT 673 00:28:10,356 --> 00:28:13,492 * LET ME BREAK IT ON DOWN 674 00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:17,363 * IT'S THE FUCKED-UP SHIT 675 00:28:17,396 --> 00:28:20,833 -- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com 676 00:28:20,867 --> 00:28:23,335 CLOSED CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY SHOWTIME NETWORKS 677 00:28:23,369 --> 00:28:25,137 AND BLIND DECKER PRODUCTIONS