1
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:11,179
PREVIOUSLY ON
"CALIFORNICATION"...

2
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,314
SONJA. HEY.

3
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,216
AWKWARD.

4
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:16,517
[ LAUGHS ]

5
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,018
OH!

6
00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:22,790
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

7
00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:24,825
I AM PREGNANT.
YOU DIDN'T NOTICE MY BUMP?

8
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,227
JULIAN'S A WRITER, TOO.

9
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:27,795
Hank:
REALLY? MY CONDOLENCES.

10
00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:30,631
I LIKE TO THINK OF MYSELF
AS MORE OF A CREATIVE MIDWIFE.

11
00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:32,700
WHAT, YOU'RE OFFICIALLY
BACK TOGETHER?

12
00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,668
UNTIL WE FUCK IT UP.
COULD BE ANY SECOND NOW.

13
00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:35,603
UGH!

14
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:37,171
HANK!

15
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:39,273
I GOT THIS, UH,
BOOK DEAL.

16
00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:40,674
THEY WANT TO WRITE ABOUT

17
00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:42,776
WHY EVERYTHING I TOUCH
TURNS TO GOLD.

18
00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:44,078
YOU WRITE IT.

19
00:00:44,112 --> 00:00:46,180
BEATRICE TRIXIE.
HANK MOODY.

20
00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:48,316
ONE GIRL, TWO COCKS --
ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN!

21
00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:49,583
I'VE HAD BOTH OF THEM,

22
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:53,187
BUT WHAT THEY SEEM TO FORGET IS
THAT THEY BOTH PAID FOR THE SEX.

23
00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:54,021
HAVE WE MET?

24
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,457
YOU ALWAYS HAVE
SOME FUCKING EXCUSE!

25
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:59,160
DUDE, THIS FUCKING PERV
JUST TRIED TO MOUTH-RAPE ME.

26
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:00,261
I ACCIDENTALLY
WENT DOWN ON HER.

27
00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:01,562
I FUCKING HATE YOU!

28
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,665
IF YOU SIT HERE, PEOPLE
ARE GONNA THINK YOU'RE WEIRD.

29
00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:07,301
AND HERE I WAS, PLANNING TO RUN
FOR PROM QUEEN.

30
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:11,672
Lew:
BACK TO WORK, ASSHOLES!

31
00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:13,641
WE'RE MAKING ROCK HISTORY HERE!

32
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:23,117
[ LYNYRD SKYNYRD'S
"FREEBIRD" PLAYS ]

33
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,355
OW!

34
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:34,262
OH, WOMAN!

35
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:36,597
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M ROCKING "MEDIUM" NOW.

36
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,133
86th PERCENTILE.
DON'T SHUT THE "FREEBIRD" DOWN.

37
00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:40,801
WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE CLEARING UP?

38
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,736
WELL, I KIND OF FOCUSED
ON THE PATIO.

39
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,872
AND THEN I WAS SUMMONED
BY THE GODS OF ROCK.

40
00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,640
ONE MUST TAKE HEED
OF THAT SHIT.

41
00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:47,641
RIGHT.

42
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,510
WE'RE HAVING
A DINNER PARTY.

43
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,679
SO WHY WOULD YOU FOCUS
ON THE PATIO?

44
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:54,315
GOD! WHEN YOU SAY IT OUT LOUD
LIKE THAT, IT SOUNDS AWFUL.

45
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:55,749
IS IT TOO LATE
TO CALL OFF?

46
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,918
STOP IT.
IT'S GONNA BE FUN, RIGHT?

47
00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,353
REALLY?
MM-HMM.

48
00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:00,921
'CAUSE I THINK
IT'S GONNA BE LIKE

49
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,723
HAVING A Q-TIP
JAMMED UP MY URETHRA.

50
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:04,325
FOR THREE HOURS.

51
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:05,426
WITHOUT LUBE.

52
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,196
WHICH COULD BE FUN
IF YOU DO IT...TO ME.

53
00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:09,330
WANNA?
HANK...

54
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:10,564
COME ON.
LET'S GET GOING.

55
00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:12,800
BUT I THINK YOU SHOULD
CHECK OUT THE PATIO.

56
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:14,268
NO, NO, NO.
I GOT --

57
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:15,703
I THINK
YOU'LL BE PLEASED.

58
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,808
JUDAS PRIEST, HANK.

59
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,810
WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

60
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:27,315
I WAS HOPING YOU'D FINALLY MAKE
AN HONEST WOMAN OF ME.

61
00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:28,516
WHAT IS THAT?

62
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:31,552
IS IT NOT
JAW-DROPPINGLY BEAUTIFUL?

63
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:34,622
DOES IT NOT TO MAKE
THE LOVE JUICES TO FLOW?

64
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:35,623
HANK...

65
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:39,927
I-I THOUGHT YOU GAVE THAT
TO A HOMELESS WOMAN.

66
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,795
WHO GIVES DIAMONDS
TO THE HOMELESS?

67
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:42,796
NOT I, RABBI.

68
00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,699
I...I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY...

69
00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:47,335
OKAY, WELL THEN,

70
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:49,470
LET ME RELIEVE YOU
OF YOUR ROOT VEGETABLES...

71
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,772
AND ALLOW ME.

72
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:58,246
I LOVE YOU, KAREN.

73
00:02:58,279 --> 00:02:59,947
AND I WANT TO SPEND
THE REST OF MY LIFE

74
00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:01,515
ANNOYING THE SHIT
OUT OF YOU.

75
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:02,583
[ CHUCKLES ]

76
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:05,353
AND I WANT THE REST OF MY LIFE
TO START RIGHT NOW.

77
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:11,959
I'M SICK AND TIRED
OF FIGHTING ABOUT THE PAST.

78
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:15,296
WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
I GET THAT NOW.

79
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:17,898
THIS IS OUR HOME.

80
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:21,502
BECAUSE HOME IS WHEREVER
YOU AND BECCA ARE.

81
00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:25,005
I LOVE L.A.

82
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:28,008
SERIOUSLY.
I...I LOVE IT.

83
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,577
I CAN'T
GET ENOUGH OF IT.

84
00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:30,811
YOU ARE SO FULL OF SHIT.

85
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:32,780
WILL YOU MARRY ME, KAREN?

86
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,917
QUEEN OF MY DREAMS...

87
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:40,321
MOTHER OF MY CHILD...

88
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:42,556
LADY OF THE VALLEY...

89
00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:44,592
ANY MORE?

90
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,760
FUCK, NOW I'M OUT.

91
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:50,998
I'M SO WET RIGHT NOW.
ARE YOU?

92
00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:53,000
[ LAUGHS ]

93
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,503
IT MUST BE LIKE NIAGARA FALLS
DOWN THERE, HUH?

94
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:59,340
YOU COULD ALWAYS
CHECK IT OUT FOR YOURSELF.

95
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:47,555
WHY AM I HERE?

96
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:50,358
THE QUESTION
THAT PLAGUES US ALL, MIA.

97
00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:51,325
WHY A YOU HERE?

98
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:54,428
SHE'S HERE BECAUSE
THE POOR LITTLE WUNDERKIND

99
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:56,397
IS SPENDING
TOO MUCH TIME ALONE.

100
00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:57,498
OH, "WUNDERKIND"?

101
00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,967
ARE WE JUST TOSSING
THAT TERM AROUND NOW? REALLY?

102
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:03,437
I MAY BE ALONE,
BUT I AM FAR FROM LONELY.

103
00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:06,106
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE HOW
MANY FACEBOOK FUCKTARDS
WANT TO BE MY FRIENDS.

104
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,877
HEY, MIA, COULD YOU USE
YOUR BIG-GIRL WORDS RIGHT NOW?

105
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,479
OH, UM...

106
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,547
HISTORICALLY,
BILL WAS ALWAYS FINE

107
00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:15,616
WITH THE CREATIVE USE
OF PROFANITY.

108
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:16,717
SO I RECALL.

109
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,652
BUT I GUESS YOU WEREN'T.

110
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:21,622
MAYBE THAT'S WHY THINGS
DIDN'T WORK OUT BETWEEN YOU TWO.

111
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:24,458
[ BLENDER WHIRS ]

112
00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:26,660
YOU SEE, I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY WE INVITE HER.

113
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:29,029
WE ALREADY HAVE ONE SULLEN,
DISRESPECTFUL SHE-DEVIL

114
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,030
IN OUR MIDST.

115
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:32,099
HANK!

116
00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:34,001
HOW IS THAT ANY BETTER
THAN THE LAST?

117
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,936
YOU SAID TO CHANGE,
I CHANGED.

118
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:37,004
CHANGE AGAIN.

119
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:38,806
YOU'RE MAKING ME MAD,
MOTHER.

120
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,741
[ BLENDER WHIRS ]
BECCA...

121
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,075
HUH?
HANK, ENOUGH!

122
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:43,577
I AM MAKING YOU MAD?

123
00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:45,579
[ WHIRRING STOPS ]
ALLOW ME TO DEFUSE.

124
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:47,615
NO.
MRS. MOODY?

125
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:48,682
MS...

126
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:49,917
MOODY.

127
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,919
MR. MOODY.

128
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:53,987
NOT SO FAST.
WHAT?

129
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:56,056
DID YOU HEAR ME SAY "YES"
AT ANY POINT?

130
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:58,626
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.
YOUR EYES SAID IT FOR YOU.

131
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:00,894
AS DID THE ARCHING
OF YOUR BACK

132
00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:03,797
AND THE SOFT, GENTLE
SWELL OF YOUR FLOWER,

133
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,733
THE URGENT RELEASE OF...

134
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,102
MM...

135
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,472
YOU SMELL
LIKE CIGARETTES.

136
00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:12,706
WHAT?
YEAH.

137
00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:14,642
NO. IT'S, UM, MIA.
OH.

138
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:16,844
MIA'S BEEN SMOKING.
AS FOR BECCA...

139
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,846
I WOULDN'T WORRY --
SHE'LL BE BACK TO
HER SWEET, LITTLE,

140
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,548
UNICORN-LOVING SELF
IN NO TIME.

141
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:21,782
10 OR 12 YEARS, TOPS.

142
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,784
YOU PROMISE?
I PROMISE.

143
00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:26,019
IN THE MEANTIME,
LET'S FOCUS ON THE GOOD.

144
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,988
WE'S GETTIN' HITCHED,
WOMAN.

145
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:31,592
AND JUST A FEW SHORT HOURS AGO,
YOU HAD A BIG, FAT ORGASM.

146
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:32,826
THIS IS HEADY STUFF.

147
00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:34,728
Yours was pretty rockin',
as well.

148
00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,797
OH. YES, I WAS CONCERNED
FOR YOUR SAFETY.

149
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,098
You were?
YEAH.

150
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,934
How come?
I WAS AFRAID THAT
THE SHEER FORCE OF MY EJACULATE

151
00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:42,570
MIGHT DO SOME
INTERNAL DAMAGE.

152
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,538
YOU OKAY DOWN THERE?
DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF.

153
00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:45,706
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

154
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,040
THAT'S HIM.

155
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,542
HIM WHO?
THE BOY.

156
00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:51,445
WHAT BOY? YOU DIDN'T
SAY ANYTHING ABOUT A BOY.

157
00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:54,181
NO, BECAUSE I DIDN'T
WANT TO DO THIS FOR DAYS.

158
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:57,084
UM, GO GET THE DOOR.
AND BE NICE.

159
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:59,453
I'M NICE. I'M ALWAYS NICE.
I LOVE GENTLEMEN CALLERS.

160
00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:00,588
OKAY.

161
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,856
FUCKING KID
BETTER WATCH HIS ASS...

162
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,124
MIA? LOAD MY SHOTGUN.

163
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:06,560
COME ON!
LIPSTICK!

164
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,131
WHO ARE YOU?

165
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:12,633
DAMIEN.

166
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,536
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

167
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,871
UH, I'M HERE TO SEE
BECCA MOODY.

168
00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:18,872
HMM...

169
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:21,542
DO YOU LIKE THE RAP MUSIC?

170
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:23,644
UM...YEAH.
YEAH?

171
00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:26,179
G's UP.
G's UP, HUH?

172
00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:27,881
HMM.

173
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:30,117
WHAT ABOUT
ROE v. WADE?

174
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:33,854
UM, I-I MEAN, I THINK
IT'S THE WOMAN'S CHOICE.

175
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:36,256
WHY SHOULD
I LET YOU IN?

176
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:40,861
WELL, 'CAUSE I'D KIND OF REALLY
LIKE TO GET AWAY FROM...THEM.

177
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:44,632
YEAH, I DON'T BLAME YOU.
W-W-WHY ARE THEY DOING THAT?

178
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:45,866
I DON'T KNOW.

179
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,568
IT'S REALLY
CREEPING ME OUT.

180
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:50,237
ALL RIGHT. GET INSIDE, QUICK.
GO PLAY SOME GUITAR HERO.

181
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:53,240
I'M ON "MEDIUM" NOW --
86th PERCENTILE.

182
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,510
HEY, ASSHOLES...
[ GROANING ]

183
00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:58,546
HEY!
BREAK IT UP.

184
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:01,081
WE DROPPED SOME "E".

185
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,751
YOU GUYS
ARE FUCKIN' RETARDED!

186
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,853
EEEEEEEEEE!
YOU'RE WORSE
THAN SID AND NANCY.

187
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:07,988
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I NEVER DID IT BEFORE.

188
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:08,756
ME LIKEY!

189
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:10,558
OH! JUST WAIT
TILL WE GET NAKED.

190
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,693
THAT'S, UH, SOMETHING
I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO.

191
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:13,761
HEY, HERE'S A NOVEL IDEA --

192
00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:16,129
WHY DON'T YOU GET NAKED
AND FUCK YOURSELVES GOOFY

193
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,798
IN THE PRIVACY
OF YOUR OWN HOME?

194
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:20,300
NO WAY. WE'RE STARVING.
LET'S EAT.

195
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:23,070
OH, THAT'S A VERY NICE...

196
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,504
SHIRT.

197
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:27,240
WHERE ARE ALL
THE WHITE BITCHES AT?

198
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:28,241
WHOOOO!

199
00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:29,943
HA HA HA!
THERE SHE IS.

200
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:31,612
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

201
00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:32,613
YOU DO?

202
00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:33,614
MIA...

203
00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:35,749
HOW ARE YOU?
NICE TO SEE YOU.

204
00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:37,150
EW! GROSS!
IS THAT A HARD-ON?

205
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,151
MIA!

206
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,621
SOMETHING
POKED ME!

207
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:41,955
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHERE ARE THEY?

208
00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:43,023
OH, IN HER ROOM.

209
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,291
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU,
WOMAN?

210
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,660
SHE COULD BE
IN HER FIRST TRIMESTER BY NOW.

211
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:47,895
Karen: HANK!

212
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,663
BECCA.
DAD?

213
00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:51,031
DOOR OPEN
AT ALL TIMES.

214
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,833
GET IT? GOT IT?
GOOD.

215
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:53,934
DAMIEN...

216
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,570
IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME,
AND I'M NOT CONVINCED...

217
00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:58,972
...I'M WATCHING YOU.

218
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,173
I'M NOT JOKING.

219
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:02,643
Charlie: [ In distance ]
I'M SORRY. OKAY?

220
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,978
YOUR HAIR
IS SO GORGEOUS, MIA.

221
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:08,148
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
I WANT TO CHOP IT OFF
AND SLEEP IN IT, MAN.

222
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:09,750
MMM!
OH, BOY.

223
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,251
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

224
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:14,888
OH, MY GOD! I DIDN'T EVEN
HAVE TIME TO GET CHANGED.

225
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:15,889
WELL, HELLO, DALI!

226
00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:17,057
YOU LOOK GORGEOUS!
THANK YOU!

227
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:18,692
HEY!
YOU LOOK
GORGEOUS, TOO.

228
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:19,927
OH, MY GOD.
SORRY.

229
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:20,928
VERY FRIENDLY.

230
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:22,195
YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.

231
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,897
CAN I GET YOU...

232
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:25,933
HI, MAN, HOW ARE YA?
HI. MWAH!

233
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:26,867
UGH!

234
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,102
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
[ Laughing ] WHAT?

235
00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:30,871
YOU JUST KISSED ME
ON THE LIPS.

236
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,039
OH, SORRY, FRIEND.

237
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,007
I DIDN'T MEAN TO STIR UP ANY
FEELINGS YOU COULDN'T HANDLE.

238
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:35,208
OH, NO,
I CAN HANDLE IT.

239
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,044
I JUST THINK
IT'S WELL WITHIN MY RIGHTS

240
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,912
TO NOT WANT THE TASTE OF YOU
ON MY LIPS.

241
00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:40,648
OR MY LADY'S LIPS,
FOR THAT MATTER.

242
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,750
BUT THANKS FOR THE VINO.
MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

243
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:43,751
THANK YOU.

244
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:46,053
THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

245
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,622
MY FATHER GAVE HER
A RING ONCE, TOO.

246
00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:49,623
DIDN'T TAKE.

247
00:09:49,657 --> 00:09:51,291
UH, THANK YOU,
SWEETIE.

248
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:53,393
SO, KAREN,
WHEN'S THE WEDDING?

249
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,527
OH, MY GOD.

250
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:57,297
HE JUST, LIKE, PROPOSED TO ME
A COUPLE OF HOURS AGO.

251
00:09:57,330 --> 00:10:00,634
YOU KNOW WHAT? IF YOU WANT,
JULIAN CAN MARRY YOU.

252
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,169
HE'S AN ORDAINED MINISTER.

253
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,772
WHY DOESN'T THAT SURPRISE ME
AT ALL?

254
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:06,406
IT'S CALLED
CHURCH OF THE SILENTDAWN.

255
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,308
AND, UH, HE'S MARRIED
SO MANY COUPLES.

256
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,410
WHICH IS ODD
'CAUSE, OF COURSE,

257
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,780
HE SURE WON'T, YOU KNOW,
MARRY ME. [ CHUCKLES ]

258
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:15,182
MAYBE THE BABY
IS GONNA CHANGE HIS MIND.

259
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:18,018
OR MAYBE HE'S JUST NOT
THAT INTO YOU.

260
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:19,319
[ CHUCKLES ]

261
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,121
Karen: HEY!

262
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,890
MIA, THAT'S RUDE.

263
00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:25,258
DON'T SHOOT
THE MESSENGER.

264
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,127
[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]

265
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,196
WHOO!
YEEE-AAAAH!!

266
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,397
Becca: STAR POWER!

267
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:33,033
YOU SHOULD COME
TO, UH, ONE OF MY WORKSHOPS.

268
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:34,034
FREE OF CHARGE.

269
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,302
Hank:
YOU DO WORKSHOPS NOW?

270
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:36,737
I AM DOWN
WITH THAT SHIT.

271
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:38,005
SEE WHAT IT'S ABOUT.

272
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:40,674
MAYBE IT'LL HELP YOU
WITH YOUR WRITING.

273
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:42,075
WHEN YOU EXTRACT
THE ARTIST WITHIN,

274
00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:43,310
DOES HE CUT YOU
A CHECK, TOO?

275
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:46,213
WELL, I SUPPOSE YOU COULD
MOCK IT IF YOU WANT,

276
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:49,316
BUT IT DOES SEEM TO BE STRIKING
A MINOR CHORD OUT THERE.

277
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:50,317
[ CHARLIE LAUGHS ]

278
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,753
HE'S BEING VERY MODEST.

279
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:53,921
THE THING'S SELLING

280
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:56,189
LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON'S
"THRILLER" ALBUM.

281
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:58,859
IT'S A GREAT RECORD.
DEFINITELY ONE OF MY TOP 10.

282
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,060
[ SINGS INDISTINCTLY ]

283
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,428
WHOO!

284
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:04,932
YOU'RE JUST PRINTING MONEY
OVER THERE, AREN'T YOU?

285
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,871
THAT'S A VERY NICE MATERIAL.
WHAT IS THAT?

286
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:11,905
I DON'T KNOW.

287
00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:13,273
IS THAT A LINEN OR --

288
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:14,307
NO IDEA.

289
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,946
YOU DONE?

290
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,015
YOU KNOW,
I'M NOT SURPRISED

291
00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:24,151
THAT YOU ATTAINED
BEST-SELLER STATUS,

292
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,053
BECAUSE I THINK YOU
TAPPED INTO

293
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:28,155
ONE OF THE BIGGEST MARKETS
THERE IS.

294
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:30,090
EVERYBODY WANTS TO
FEEL SPECIAL.

295
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:31,124
THEY ARE.

296
00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:33,426
EVEN YOU --
HANK MOODY.

297
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,763
WOW! FIRST A KISS,
NOW THE SWEET-TALK.

298
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,798
WHAT'S NEXT,
A LITTLE HAND RELEASE?

299
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:41,735
[ KNOCKING ON DOOR,
DOORBELL RINGS ]

300
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:43,871
WILL YOU EXCUSE ME
A MOMENT?

301
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:50,077
HEY, GUYS, MOVE THAT OVER.
IT'S A LITTLE TIGHT.

302
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:52,445
[ KNOCKING CONTINUES ]

303
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:55,215
ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S GOOD.

304
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:56,884
[ LAUGHING ]

305
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:58,018
ASHBY!
MOODY!

306
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,953
WHAT TOOK YOU
SO LONG, MAN?

307
00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:02,255
UH, STOPPED TO PICK UP
SOME DESSERT.

308
00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:03,791
YOU'LL THANK ME LATER.

309
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,292
MUSIC PEOPLE TIME.

310
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:06,794
OH.

311
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,261
OH!

312
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,530
DESTINY, MOODY.
MOODY, DESTINY.

313
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,066
YES, WE HAVEN'T BEEN
FORMALLY INTRODUCED...

314
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,468
YOU BROUGHT ME
TO THE MOUTH-RAPIST'S HOUSE?

315
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,370
OH, SHIT,
FROM THE PARTY.

316
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,907
[ Laughing ]
I'M A FUCKING IDIOT.

317
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:23,310
SHOULD I LEAVE?
YEAH.

318
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:25,112
NO, REALLY.
COME ON, DON'T BE SILLY.

319
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:26,513
WHAT'S YOUR
OLD LADY'S NAME AGAIN?

320
00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:27,480
KAREN.
KAREN.

321
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:30,450
GOT IT. KAREN, KAREN,
KAREN, KAREN, KAREN.

322
00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:33,020
YOU READY?
COME ON, LET'S GO DEEP.

323
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:39,827
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

324
00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:46,433
Hank: WH-WHY DON'T, UH...
DOES SOMEBODY WANT TO SAY GRACE?

325
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:48,568
ANYBODY? DAMIEN?
NO GRACE FROM YOU?

326
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,470
I'LL SAY GRACE.

327
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:53,306
FANTASTIC.
TAKE IT AWAY, DAUGHTER.

328
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:57,077
UM, CAN YOU CHOOSE YOUR WORDS
REALLY CAREFULLY? OKAY?

329
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:01,514
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK
THE LORD BELOW

330
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:05,185
FOR GIVING ME THE STRENGTH
TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS DINNER.

331
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:06,920
PRAISE HAIL SATAN.

332
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,355
Damien:
OH, THAT WAS COOL.

333
00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:09,356
AND SCARY.

334
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:11,892
SERIOUSLY.
I HAVE CHILLS.

335
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,961
Charlie: CAN YOU
SCRATCH MY BACK, BABY?

336
00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:14,995
THAT'S INTERESTING.

337
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:17,330
OH! THAT FEELS AMAZING.
YOU'RE LIKE A WIZARD.

338
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:19,466
Karen: [ Laughing ]
BECCA'S GOING THROUGH

339
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,468
A BIT OF A PHASE
RIGHT NOW.

340
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,336
IT'S NOT A PHASE, MOTHER.
IT'S MY RELIGION.
I KNOW.

341
00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:25,138
ALSO SHE'S WILLING
TO SUFFER FOR IT.

342
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,274
SHE WAS SENT
TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE

343
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:30,010
THE OTHER DAY FOR POSSESSING
A SATANIC BIBLE.

344
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:31,478
Hank: NOTHING LIKE
SENDING YOUR KID

345
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:33,280
TO A "PROGRESSIVE"
PRIVATE SCHOOL

346
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,482
THAT WANTS TO BURN
YOUR KID'S BOOKS.

347
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,084
YEAH, BUT,
THEN AGAIN,

348
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,486
THEY MIGHT BE RIGHT
TO RAISE AN EYEBROW.

349
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:41,354
AFTER ALL,
WHERE DOES IT END?

350
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:42,489
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

351
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:45,325
WELL, IT'S ALL WELL AND GOOD
TO INDULGE YOUR CHILDREN,

352
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:46,994
BUT TO ENDORSE
A POINT OF VIEW

353
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:50,097
THAT PROFANES EVERY SACROSANCT
CONCEPT IN OUR CULTURE

354
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:51,098
IS WRONG, NO?

355
00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:52,365
OKAY,
I THINK IT'S TIME

356
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:55,068
TO PUT SIR WALTER RALEIGH
BACK IN THE CAN.

357
00:13:55,102 --> 00:13:56,136
[ LAUGHS ]
[ CLEARS THROAT ]

358
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,471
HONEY, IT'S NONE
OF OUR BUSINESS.

359
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:01,341
CHAPTER FOUR -- LOSE
YOUR FILTER, FIND YOUR WAY.

360
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,911
HOW COULD I FORGET?
GEFILTE?
DID SOMEBODY SAY "GEFILTE"?

361
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:05,312
HAVE YOU READ IT?

362
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:07,347
EXCUSE ME?

363
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:09,249
HAVE YOU READ
THE BOOK?

364
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:12,019
I DON'T THINK
I NEED TO, HONEY.

365
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:14,154
DON'T "HONEY" ME,
MISTER.

366
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:18,058
THE SATANIC BIBLE IS ACTUALLY
THE ULTIMATE SELF-HELP BOOK.

367
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:20,427
IT'S NOT ABOUT
WORSHIPPING THE DEVIL.

368
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:23,130
IT'S ABOUT BELIEVING IN YOURSELF
FIRST AND FOREMOST

369
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:25,465
AND NOT WASTING YOUR TIME
ON PSYCHIC VAMPIRES.

370
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:28,068
IF YOU READ IT,
YOU MIGHT LEARN A THING OR TWO

371
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,603
BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY MAKES
A HELL OF A LOT MORE SENSE

372
00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:32,940
THAN THE GOBBLEDYGOOK
YOU'RE PASSING OFF

373
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:35,608
ON THE AVERAGE, EVERYDAY
BARNES & NOBLE BOTTOM-FEEDER.

374
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:38,245
THAT'S RIGHT --
I'VE READ YOUR BOOK.

375
00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:40,347
I WANT MY MONEY BACK.

376
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,949
Marcy: O-TAY!

377
00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:43,683
Hank: I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT YOU GUYS,

378
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:47,220
BUT I THINK THAT DESERVES
A SLOW HANDCLAP.

379
00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:49,089
Karen: HANK.
[ SLOW CLAPPING ]

380
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:50,657
THAT'S RUDE.
BRAVO!

381
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:53,326
HANK, NO.
NO, NO. STOP.

382
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,929
Lew:
THAT GIRL'S MAGIC.

383
00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:56,997
W-WHAT'S HER NAME?

384
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,065
BECCA.
BECCA.

385
00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,934
SO WHEN ARE YOU DUE,
SWEETIE?

386
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:02,335
YOU ARE PREGNANT,
RIGHT?

387
00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:04,337
OH, NO. YEAH.
I AM, UH, I AM PREGNANT.

388
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:05,338
YES, I AM.

389
00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:06,273
CONGRATULATIONS!
THANK YOU.

390
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,441
AND MY DUE DATE
IS NOT FAR ENOUGH AWAY.

391
00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:11,111
Lew: DID YOU GUYS
HAVE A LOT OF FUN TRYING,

392
00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:14,481
OR DID YOU HAVE TO BEAT OFF
INTO A TEST TUBE OR SOMETHING?

393
00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:16,116
I'M JUST ASKING.

394
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:19,252
I MEAN, PEOPLE DO THAT SHIT --
STUFF -- A LOT NOWADAYS.

395
00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:22,622
NO, WELL, THIS HAPPENED
THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY.

396
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:23,890
OH, OKAY.

397
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:27,527
YOU GAVE HER A LITTLE BIT OF THE
OLD ARTIST WITHIN, DIDN'T YOU?

398
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:28,661
SALTY DOG.

399
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,597
ACTUALLY,
I'M NOT THE FATHER.

400
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,365
NOT THE FATHER?

401
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:34,001
Karen:
OH, MY GOD.

402
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,136
I-I-I HAD NO IDEA.
I'M SORRY.

403
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:37,670
NO, NO, NO.
I HAVE NO SECRETS.

404
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,739
THERE IS NO SHAME.

405
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:44,978
BUT, UH, WHEN WE MET,
SONJA WAS ALREADY PREGNANT.

406
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:47,080
I COULD SMELL IT
ON HER.

407
00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,081
Karen: SMELL IT?

408
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,249
[ LAUGHTER ]

409
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,084
Sonja:
YEAH, YEAH.

410
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:53,620
REALLY, HE IS, UH, SERIOUS.
I DIDN'T KNOW.

411
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,522
THAT'S...POSSIBLE.

412
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:58,525
YEAH, YEAH.
I KNOW, RIGHT?

413
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:01,261
IT WAS QUITE
A WEIRD FIRST DATE, IT WAS.

414
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:07,000
I'LL RAISE THE CHILD AS MY OWN.
AND I'LL LOVE IT AS MY OWN.

415
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:09,269
Marcy:
I THINK THAT IS AWESOME.

416
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,504
THIS IS A GROWN MAN
WILLING TO STAND UP

417
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:14,474
AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
FOR ANOTHER MAN'S SEED.

418
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,243
BIG UPS...
THANK YOU.

419
00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:18,445
MAD LOVE...
MUCH RESPECT.

420
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,547
Charlie:
WHAT IS SHE DOING?

421
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,250
SO YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHO THE FATHER IS?

422
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,552
[ LAUGHS ] I'M NOT
THAT BIG A SLUT, KAREN.

423
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:27,120
NO! I...

424
00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:28,355
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
NO ONE'S JUDGING.

425
00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:29,556
NO ONE'S JUDGING,
BABY GIRL.

426
00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:31,224
SOME OF MY FAVORITE HUMANS
ARE SLUTS.

427
00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:33,193
Charlie:
MY WIFE IS A SLUT.

428
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,028
Julian: I, PERSONALLY,
DON'T BELIEVE IN THAT WORD.

429
00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:37,230
I THINK THAT A WOMAN
WHO INDULGES HERSELF SEXUALLY

430
00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:39,132
SHOULD BE CELEBRATED
AND NOT CONDEMNED.

431
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:41,401
Hank: HEY, CHAPTER SEVEN --
"LET A HO BE A HO," RIGHT?

432
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:42,402
THAT'S RIGHT!

433
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:43,436
AMEN TO THAT.

434
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:46,406
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT
THE SATANIC BIBLE WOULD SAY.

435
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:47,374
Lew: HAIL SATAN!

436
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:49,376
THERE WAS ONLY ONE GUY,
ACCORDING TO SONJA.

437
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:52,645
AND, UM, YOU KNOW,
SHE WAS, UM, LONELY.

438
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,714
HE WAS THERE.

439
00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:57,750
YOU NEEDED A LITTLE POSITIVE
REINFORCEMENT, DIDN'T YOU?

440
00:16:57,784 --> 00:16:59,119
AND HE GAVE YOU THAT.

441
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:01,788
SO, THERE IS NOTHING
TO BE ASHAMED OF.

442
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:02,922
WE ALL DO IT.

443
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:06,826
THE POINT IS TO RISE ABOVE IT
AND TO LOVE OURSELVES.

444
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,628
Marcy:
TOTALLY, TOTALLY.

445
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:10,497
YOU JUST COME UP
WITH THAT SHIT

446
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,765
OR DO YOU HAVE CUE CARDS
WRITTEN SOMEWHERE?

447
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:15,335
Mia: OKAY...

448
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:18,538
SO I'M JUST DOING
A LITTLE MENTAL MATH OVER HERE,

449
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:23,176
AND I THINK
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, SONJA --

450
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,645
AND CORRECT ME
IF I'M WRONG --

451
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:29,616
BUT THAT HANK COULD VERY WELL BE
THE FATHER OF THE CHILD.

452
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:32,085
BECAUSE YOU GUYS
DEFINITELY BUMPED UGLIES

453
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,654
THAT ONE NIGHT
AT MY FATHER'S, RIGHT?

454
00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:37,590
YOU WEAR A COCK BAG?

455
00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:41,261
NOPE.
HE HATES RUBBERS.

456
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:43,296
YEAH. ME TOO.
I CAN'T FEEL A DAMN THING.

457
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:44,431
Charlie:
I LOVE RUBBERS.

458
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:46,799
Marcy:
KEEPS HIM IN THE GAME.
KEEPS ME IN THE GAME.

459
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:52,639
Sonja: GOD, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T...

460
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,507
I DIDN'T WANT IT
TO COME OUT LIKE THIS.

461
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:56,843
UM...

462
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:58,378
[ SNIFFLES ]

463
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,647
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND
A WAY TO TELL YOU.

464
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,115
BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER.

465
00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:05,252
YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
I WANT THIS BABY NO MATTER WHAT.

466
00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:09,656
Lew: DUDE, THIS IS MY
FAVORITE DINNER PARTY EVER.

467
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:11,124
I'M SO GLAD I CAME.

468
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:12,259
[ MIA LAUGHS ]

469
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:14,427
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT YOU GUYS,

470
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,796
BUT I THINK A CHEERS
IS IN ORDER, HUH?

471
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:20,667
TO YET ANOTHER FINE MESS.
GOOD JOB!

472
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,569
Lew:
I'LL DRINK TO THAT.

473
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,272
WELL DONE.

474
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:28,575
LET'S GO.

475
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,815
TO FINE MESSES...
AND NEW DADDIES.

476
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,666
[ LEW LAUGHING ]

477
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,435
Lew: UH-OH.

478
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,437
WHAT THE FUCK?!

479
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,938
THIS IS
MY DAUGHTER'S BEDROOM!

480
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,707
I KNOW.
CHICK'S GOT GREAT TASTE.

481
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:03,743
HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF SHAME?
GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

482
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:04,911
YOU KNOW BETTER.

483
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:07,347
MARCY...
JESUS CHRIST, CHARLIE.

484
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,238
OH! UGH!

485
00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:33,540
MOTHERFUCKER
LEFT A FLOATER.

486
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:37,444
GAME ON, BROHEIM.
OH, I GET IT.

487
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:39,446
I READ YOU, BROTHER.

488
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:42,849
I HEAR YOU TALKING TO ME.

489
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:45,485
[ TOILET FLUSHES ]

490
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:47,687
NO.

491
00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:54,427
HI.

492
00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:56,463
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

493
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:59,899
THE FUCKING "ARTIST WITHIN" LEFT
US A TURD WITHIN OUR TOILET.

494
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:02,402
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT?
LITERALLY?

495
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:04,404
IT'S LIKE HE'S TAKING A DUMP
ON TOP OF MY HEAD.

496
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:05,805
I'M READING HIM
LOUD AND CLEAR.

497
00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:07,807
I MEAN, IT'S A THING
BETWEEN HIM AND ME.

498
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,842
AND I THINK IT INVOLVES YOU.
YOU'VE INFLAMED HIM IN SOME WAY.

499
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,878
NOW IT'S LIKE "JAWS 3."
IT'S PERSONAL.

500
00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:12,979
YOU WANT A BUMP?

501
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:16,349
ARE YOU READY
TO TALK ABOUT IT NOW?

502
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:17,450
[ CRASHING, SCREAMING ]

503
00:20:17,484 --> 00:20:19,419
WHAT WAS THAT?

504
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:21,621
[ GRUNTING, HEAVY BREATHING ]

505
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:25,625
WHAT'S HE ON?
THE COKE, I KNOW. WHAT ELSE?

506
00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:28,961
Destiny:
NOTHING. HE DID A FEW LINES,
HAD A FEW DRINKS, THAT'S IT.

507
00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:31,364
GET THE PEN.

508
00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:32,665
THE PEN.

509
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:34,767
Charlie:
I GOT IT.

510
00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:36,803
GET THE PEN!
THE PEN! THE PEN!

511
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:40,440
AHHH!
AAAAAH! FUCK!

512
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,976
UGH!
OH, MY GOD!
WH-WHAT --

513
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:49,282
[ GROANING ]

514
00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:52,519
[ BREATHING SLOWS ]

515
00:20:54,521 --> 00:20:57,357
OH, I HATE
WHEN THAT HAPPENS.

516
00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:58,858
[ SIGHS DEEPLY ]

517
00:20:58,891 --> 00:20:59,992
OH!

518
00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:03,696
WHAT THE FUCK
WAS THAT?

519
00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:05,598
FOOD ALLERGIES.

520
00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:07,567
BANE OF
MY FUCKING EXISTENCE.

521
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:11,404
DID YOU EAT
ANY OF THAT SASHIMI?

522
00:21:12,505 --> 00:21:14,741
AND THEN YOU SHOVED YOUR TONGUE
DOWN MY THROAT.

523
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:16,543
THERE YOU GO.

524
00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:19,812
THANKS, PAL.
YOU SAVED MY LIFE.

525
00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:23,282
HEY, WHAT'D YOU DO
WITH THAT COKE?

526
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,053
YOU KNOW YOU CAN ALWAYS CRASH
AT MY HOUSE, RIGHT?

527
00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:29,856
THANK YOU, BUT I DON'T THINK
THAT'LL BE NECESSARY.

528
00:21:29,889 --> 00:21:30,857
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

529
00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:33,593
I KNOW CHICKS --
THIS LOOKS LIKE SOME SERIOUS,

530
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,562
EXTREME DOGHOUSE SHIT
RIGHT HERE.

531
00:21:35,595 --> 00:21:37,697
READY, DARLIN'?

532
00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:38,798
UH, YEP.

533
00:21:38,831 --> 00:21:40,066
WHERE ARE
YOU GOING?

534
00:21:40,099 --> 00:21:42,101
THEY'RE GIVING ME
A RIDE.

535
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:43,703
UH, MAYBE STOP
FOR A DRINK.

536
00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:45,338
WORKS FOR ME.
THE OTHER ROOM?

537
00:21:45,372 --> 00:21:48,074
GREAT.
OKAY.

538
00:21:48,107 --> 00:21:49,809
GOOD NIGHT,
MIA.

539
00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:50,877
[ SMOOCHES ]

540
00:21:50,910 --> 00:21:51,944
GOOD NIGHT.

541
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:55,982
HEY, COME HERE.

542
00:21:56,015 --> 00:21:58,551
YOU BE COOL WITH HER
BECAUSE SHE'S, UM...

543
00:21:58,585 --> 00:22:01,821
SHE DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT, BUT
SHE'S KIND OF A FRAGILE FLOWER.

544
00:22:01,854 --> 00:22:03,490
ALL RIGHT?
SO PLAY NICE.

545
00:22:03,523 --> 00:22:05,725
LOOK, I HAVE MANY VICES,
MY FRIEND,

546
00:22:05,758 --> 00:22:07,794
BUT JAILBAIT
AIN'T ONE OF 'EM.

547
00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:11,097
WELL, I MEAN, THERE WAS THAT
ONE TIME IN SALT LAKE CITY.

548
00:22:11,130 --> 00:22:14,133
BUT THAT WAS LIKE
A MORMON MOTHER/DAUGHTER THING.

549
00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:16,903
PRETTY FUCKING HOT.
OW.

550
00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:20,072
I PULL THAT OUT OF THE SPANK
BANK EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

551
00:22:20,106 --> 00:22:21,608
MIND IF I BORROW IT?

552
00:22:21,641 --> 00:22:23,776
[ LAUGHS ]
YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE.

553
00:22:26,913 --> 00:22:29,749
MR. MOODY.
THAT SOUNDS WEIRD.

554
00:22:29,782 --> 00:22:32,585
CALL ME "HE WHO WILL KILL YOU
IF YOU TOUCH HIS DAUGHTER."

555
00:22:32,619 --> 00:22:33,853
RIGHT.

556
00:22:33,886 --> 00:22:35,688
I GET IT.

557
00:22:35,722 --> 00:22:37,424
SHE'S PRETTY AWESOME.

558
00:22:37,457 --> 00:22:39,892
SHE IS.
BUT THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT.

559
00:22:39,926 --> 00:22:42,595
DO YOU NEED A...DO YOU NEED
A RIDE HOME OR SOMETHING?

560
00:22:42,629 --> 00:22:43,963
UH, NO, I WALKED.

561
00:22:43,996 --> 00:22:45,398
I LIVE CLOSE-BY.

562
00:22:45,432 --> 00:22:47,133
[ Sarcastically ]
OH, FANTASTIC.

563
00:22:47,166 --> 00:22:49,902
YEAH, SO I GUESS WE'LL BE SEEING
A LOT OF EACH OTHER.

564
00:22:49,936 --> 00:22:51,538
DON'T PUSH IT.

565
00:22:51,571 --> 00:22:53,039
GOODBYE FOREVER.

566
00:22:56,676 --> 00:22:59,612
[ "FREEBIRD" PLAYS ]

567
00:23:02,749 --> 00:23:05,852
I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD HAVE
CALLED THE WHOLE THING OFF.

568
00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:08,588
THEN WE WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN
THE HAPPY NEWS --

569
00:23:08,621 --> 00:23:10,857
THE MAN WITH
THE FRESH VASECTOMY

570
00:23:10,890 --> 00:23:13,626
IS ABOUT TO BE A DADDY.

571
00:23:13,660 --> 00:23:15,462
OH...

572
00:23:15,495 --> 00:23:17,764
YOU CAUGHT ME.

573
00:23:17,797 --> 00:23:19,165
YEAH.

574
00:23:22,234 --> 00:23:25,004
AT LEAST YOU CAN SEE
THE COMEDY IN ALL OF THIS.

575
00:23:25,037 --> 00:23:27,674
OH, RIGHT. I EITHER LAUGH
OR I CRY, RIGHT?

576
00:23:27,707 --> 00:23:30,443
OR BOTH.

577
00:23:30,477 --> 00:23:33,880
MAYBE I'M PMS'ing, BUT I FEEL
LIKE I COULD USE A GOOD CRY.

578
00:23:35,615 --> 00:23:38,718
I'M NOT --
I'M NOT MAD AT YOU.

579
00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:43,690
HOW IS THAT
EVEN REMOTELY POSSIBLE?

580
00:23:45,725 --> 00:23:48,495
'CAUSE THIS ISN'T ABOUT
ANYTHING YOU DID

581
00:23:48,528 --> 00:23:49,996
WHILE WE WERE APART.

582
00:23:50,029 --> 00:23:52,999
THIS IS ABOUT WHAT I DID.

583
00:23:53,032 --> 00:23:55,735
I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE.

584
00:23:55,768 --> 00:23:57,870
NO. DON'T SAY THAT.
YOU DIDN'T.

585
00:23:57,904 --> 00:24:01,874
I DID. I JUMPED IN THE CAR
WITH YOU THAT NIGHT.

586
00:24:01,908 --> 00:24:04,744
THEN WE CAME BACK HERE
AND WE HAD SEX

587
00:24:04,777 --> 00:24:06,479
AND THEN WE JUST --

588
00:24:06,513 --> 00:24:09,749
WE JUST TRIED TO PICK UP
WHERE WE LEFT OFF.

589
00:24:09,782 --> 00:24:12,585
I MEAN, DO YOU HAVE
ANY IDEA HOW...

590
00:24:12,619 --> 00:24:15,021
FUCKING DYSFUNCTIONAL
THAT IS?

591
00:24:17,056 --> 00:24:19,926
YOU KNOW, SILLY ME,
'CAUSE I'M...

592
00:24:19,959 --> 00:24:21,661
I'M SITTING HERE THINKING

593
00:24:21,694 --> 00:24:23,763
THAT IT'S LIKE
A DREAM COME TRUE.

594
00:24:23,796 --> 00:24:25,965
IT WAS.
IT WAS A DREAM.

595
00:24:25,998 --> 00:24:27,967
BUT WE WERE CRAZY, HANK.

596
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:31,838
LIKE, THINKING WE
COULD JUST WAVE A MAGIC WAND

597
00:24:31,871 --> 00:24:34,541
AND -- AND EVERYTHING
WOULD BE AS IT WAS.

598
00:24:34,574 --> 00:24:38,277
I MEAN, IF IT WAS EVER
AS WE THINK IT WAS,

599
00:24:38,310 --> 00:24:40,279
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

600
00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:41,180
RIGHT.

601
00:24:41,213 --> 00:24:46,118
BECAUSE WE...
WE JUST IMAGINED EVERYTHING.

602
00:24:46,152 --> 00:24:49,121
WE CAN'T DO THIS TO HER
ANYMORE.

603
00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:51,658
YOU KNOW, WE'VE BEEN RECKLESS
WITH HER HEART.

604
00:24:51,691 --> 00:24:53,259
OR I HAVE.
NO, NO.

605
00:24:53,292 --> 00:24:55,027
I-I-I-I-I...
IT'S MY FAULT.

606
00:24:55,061 --> 00:24:57,697
I-I SHOULD'VE GONE AWAY.
I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN MY SH--

607
00:24:57,730 --> 00:24:59,265
YOU ARE
A WONDERFUL MOTHER.

608
00:24:59,298 --> 00:25:01,634
ALWAYS.

609
00:25:03,069 --> 00:25:06,973
I WILL NEVER,
EVER REGRET

610
00:25:07,006 --> 00:25:08,975
GETTING INTO THE CAR WITH YOU
THAT NIGHT.

611
00:25:09,008 --> 00:25:10,910
'CAUSE IT WAS
SO MUCH FUN.

612
00:25:10,943 --> 00:25:11,944
[ CHUCKLES ]

613
00:25:11,978 --> 00:25:16,182
AND MARRYING BILL
WAS DEFINITELY NOT THE ANSWER.

614
00:25:18,785 --> 00:25:22,689
[ Voice breaking ] I DON'T...
KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS, BUT...

615
00:25:22,722 --> 00:25:24,857
Don't.

616
00:25:28,327 --> 00:25:31,163
...NEITHER IS MARRYING YOU.

617
00:25:35,802 --> 00:25:39,939
THIS ISN'T THE ANSWER EITHER,
YOU KNOW?
NO.

618
00:25:44,677 --> 00:25:48,781
ANGEL, I LOVE YOU
SO, SO MUCH.

619
00:25:52,351 --> 00:25:54,687
I can't stay.

620
00:25:54,721 --> 00:25:57,724
I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO.

621
00:26:03,896 --> 00:26:05,031
I can't stay.

622
00:26:09,869 --> 00:26:12,271
[ CRYING ]

623
00:26:16,275 --> 00:26:18,878
[ "FREEBIRD" CONTINUES ]

624
00:26:18,911 --> 00:26:24,150
* ...IF I STAY HERE
WITH YOU, GIRL *

625
00:26:24,183 --> 00:26:26,018
I'M GONNA GO OUT
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

626
00:26:26,052 --> 00:26:29,088
IT'S OKAY, DAD.
YOU TRIED YOUR BEST.

627
00:26:31,357 --> 00:26:34,661
IT WAS NICE
WHILE IT LASTED.

628
00:26:34,694 --> 00:26:40,166
* ...'CAUSE I'M AS FREE
AS A BIRD NOW *

629
00:26:42,835 --> 00:26:47,740
* AND THIS BIRD
YOU CANNOT CHANGE *

630
00:26:47,774 --> 00:26:50,777
* OH, OH, OH, OH, OH

631
00:26:50,810 --> 00:26:55,214
* AND THIS BIRD
YOU CANNOT CHANGE *

632
00:26:58,150 --> 00:27:05,792
* AND THIS BIRD
YOU CANNOT CHANGE *

633
00:27:05,825 --> 00:27:13,032
* LORD KNOWS
I CAN'T CHANGE *

634
00:27:13,065 --> 00:27:20,807
* LORD, HELP ME,
I CAN'T CHA-A-A-A-A-NGE *

635
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:25,678
* LORD, I CAN'T CHANGE

636
00:27:25,712 --> 00:27:32,785
* WON'T YOU FLY HIGH,
FREEBIRD, YEAH *

637
00:27:32,819 --> 00:27:35,354
[ GUITAR SOLO ]

638
00:27:46,398 --> 00:27:49,368
-- Captions by VITAC --
www.vitac.com

639
00:27:49,401 --> 00:27:52,371
CLOSED CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY
SHOWTIME NETWORKS

640
00:27:52,404 --> 00:27:54,406
AND BLIND DECKER PRODUCTIONS